Doug Loves Movies - Greg Proops, Brad Williams, Matt Weinhold, and Candace Bailey Guest

Episode Date: May 30, 2012

After a brief chat with Chris Gethard, Doug welcomes actress Candace Bailey and comedians Greg Proops, Brad Williams, and Matt Weinhold to the show....See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug Hanks, candy wrapper, sweetie baby, sticky seats with 50-yes and five more turtles in his feet. There's still not one that he won't see, but Doug loves movies. Hey everybody My name is Doug And you know This is D to the L to the M Coming to you from the U to the C to the B Theater in Los Angeles, California On on Tuesday, May 29th, to Oceans 12.

L.A. friends, please come to see a taping of my other, one of my other podcasts, Events and Interruption, at Nerd Melt Theater in the back of Meltdown Comics on Sunset on Monday, June 14th. Since last I spoke and you listened, I had a delightful boozy weekend in Nashville, Tennessee as at John

Well... Wellis... At John W. Ellis. You know, John Wellis. As he tweeted about Nashville, it's a drinking town with a music problem. That killed there, but here it's just okay. But there, people were like, yes.

Whilst there, we taped Doug Lowe's movies episode at Zany's that you will enjoy if you like hearing Sean Cullen get away with naming Zardoz as a movie that begins with the letter X I totally didn't notice I was just like sounds good

Zardoz and I totally know how Zardoz is spelled did it right here on this piece of paper without looking Z-A-R-D-O-Z um okay and also you of paper without looking Z-A-R-D-O-Z okay and also you will like

the episode if you like episodes where the first 20 minutes of the show is missing there was a there was a

computer crash and backup is not a thing in the world of live comedy podcasting.

So, yeah, so we lost 20 minutes the first part of the show. So tune in if you want to hear me do a Marc Maron-style monologue explaining everything that happened during that 20 minutes. Some of you that are listening to this right now will have already heard that because it's going to come out earlier. It's going to come out tomorrow, probably, and this is going to come out on Friday.

Great story. Now it's time for... Now it's time for Watch This, Not That, the number one movie in the country is Men in Black 3, which is out-of-this-world fun. If your idea of fun is watching the villain repeat it's just Boris and let's agree to disagree

over and over and then another time. The number two movie is The Avengers, and I can give you three reasons to see it. Hulk, Smash, Loki. So watch The Avengers, not MIB3. No D. No D! This has been Watch This, Not That, D. so watch the Avengers not MIB3 no D no D this has been

watch this not that D tickets are still available for Douglas Movies taping in Baltimore at the Comedy Factory on June 8th at 420 my stand up shows with Leonard Maltengame

at the end in Pleasanton, California Tommy T's on June 16th to 17th at 420. These are all at 420. I don't need to say it every time. And people get to play Leonard Maltin game against Graham Elwood at the Funny Bone in Virginia Beach, June 23rd and 24th.

Did I mention all the shows are at 420? Yes, you did. From the corrections department, Leonard Maltin does not acknowledge the existence of a film called Neverland. I searched elsewhere, and it's a TV miniseries. And again, these are things that you guys haven't heard yet. But people listening to this episode of this podcast, some of them will have heard it.

The half of them that listen to those kinds of episodes. And the closest title to Switchblade, somebody tried to say Switchblade, the closest title to Switchblade is Switchblade Sisters from 1975. Mm-hmm. Says knowing guy in audience. Now, before I get to the prize bag, I want to do something really quick.

I've already taken longer than I meant to take With all of this There's a gentleman that's about to embark On an amazing endeavor I'm going to Bonnaroo But I'm going to take a plane there A week or so from today This gentleman I'm going to bring out right now

That you know and love He has He has decided to walk there Starting tonight Please welcome Chris Gethard everybody in love. He has decided to walk there starting tonight. Please welcome Chris Gethard, everybody! Thank you. Dude.

Yes. You are so... Stupid. Stupid. You're pumped up right now. You're so excited for this. No, I tell you, I've been excited, and then I got out to L.A.,

and I was like, yeah, we're going to do it. We're going to get from L.A. to Tennessee with no car, no money, and no phone. And now I have to leave in like two hours, and I'm not excited at all. I'm really nervous and scared. I have a ride to Vegas and a place to stay in Vegas, and then I don't know anything else that's going to happen for my entire trip.

Well, that's why I wanted to have you out here, because you're not a scheduled guest, but when I heard about this, I was just like, well, I'll do my part, because you'll still be needing rides as of Friday when this episode comes out. Maybe we'll even plop it early just to help out. Wow. But we'll just tell people. What's your Twitter name? It's Chris Gethard

and you can email, if you want to help, you can email helpgethard at gmail.com which phonetically is spelled helpgethard at gmail.com Always gets a laugh. helpgethard at gmail.com That's gotten a laugh since fourth grade on. That is my real

name. That's how it's spelled, get hard. But yeah, if anyone's listening to this, I would imagine on Friday I'll be limping around somewhere between Flagstaff and Albuquerque. If all goes well. I'll be lingering on the side of a highway somewhere in that area. I'll take help from anybody, too.

When you had to speak your name in front of other kids, you probably really laid into the eth-eth part of it to just try to avoid the whole idea of them catching on to that. And my elementary school principal always said get hard. So every year, if I ever was up for the perfect attendance, I'd always fake a day sick at the end of the year so I wouldn't get it. So I didn't have to hear Principal Leonard Milstein say get hard. Oh, but it was probably roars of approval

from the crowd. Felt really good and nice as a young man. So go to that email address and hopefully if you're one or two letters off, you don't end up somewhere incredibly filthy. Helpgether.gmail.com. I'm on Twitter. We're posting videos on YouTube.

You can find it all. Yeah, and you're going to Bonnaroo, and I will meet you there. I'm going to take a plane in a week or so. Yeah, I hope that everything goes okay with your plane ride. I'm going to hang out here in L.A. for nine days, and then I'll see you there. Sounds good.

Yeah, I'll try to meet up with you and see how it went. Awesome. I love it. Thank you for helping out. It might legitimately help save my life. I hope so. Let's hear it for him. Thank you, everybody.

Chris Gethard.com. Thanks, dude. That is the craziest thing. I'm like, there's no way I would do that. Now, I got a bag here that says Holy Cow on it, but when I walked out, somebody yelled, Holy Cow! And I thought it was because these bags are so big. And then I remembered that I have a bag

that says Holy Cow on the side of it. Some people from Holy Cow Productions gave it to me. I don't know why or what they do, but there's a little squeezy cow in there. You go like, I hate cows! It's popular with Indian dudes. Just quietly hating cows under a desk. I hate them!

And then a little cow keychain. And yeah, that's from Holy Cow Productions. Somebody else backstage brought a chocolate gator, a choco-gator. Solid chocolate, according to this. I don't know how much gator. And then I brought a Douglas Movies t-shirt. The prize bag's just going to be a clump of crap on the ground

because I don't have so much to do tonight. I don't have time for this. Here's some sort of doll. Here's another bag. Everybody brought their stuff in a bag, so you'll have lots of bags if you're into recycling. Here's a cool shirt from a comic book store. We'll give them a plug.

They're called Comic Outpost. We have issues. They're called Comic Outpost. We have issues. That's good, right? Oh my god, what is all this stuff? There's makeup in here. There's a hat that says G4 on it.

There's a shirt that says G4 on it. There's no porn stars here, but this is a hoodie that says Wicked Pictures. I don't know why there's a big nut in here. I don't know what that's about. Does it have a ring in it? Am I about to be proposed to? And then we've got a couple of cool DVDs.

The movie Trekkies, Remember the documentary Trekkies? And another thing called Stan Lee's Mutants, Monsters, and Marvels with filmmaker Kevin Smith. So, all of that. Oh, wait, and a, what is this? Oh, there's a comedian that's going to be on the show. It's his CD. We'll tell you more about that in a second.

Please welcome to the stage Candice Bailey, Brad Williams, Greg Proops, and Matt Weinhold. First of all, you guys look great. Everybody dressed up for the occasion. Three dapper gentlemen. And a beautiful lady. It's a huge space, it's easy to get lost back there.

We literally had a spinal tap moment back there. Just walking around going, Cleveland! I couldn't figure it out. We were walking around going, which way do the stage couldn't figure it out. We were walking back there like, which way do the stage might? You know, we were just walking around.

Hey, that was weird back there. I thought we'd never make it on. It's like giving birth. You've done, Greg, you've done this show before.

You're the smartest man in the world. What did you do? You let them lead? What was happening back there? I leaded. Exactly.

Oh, okay. That's exactly what was going on. Does that answer your question? I done it. That's why I don't trust my GPS to have a female voice, because it's just not going to go anywhere where I'm at. It's already gone in that direction. You're damn right.

Oh, shit, Brad. Let's start with Brad Williams is here, everybody. He brought some swaggy sunglasses, some aviator glasses he got that have a little tiny sticker on there that I think you'd remove because you don't want to be looking at it all the time that says, The Dictator.

So, yeah. So that's a nice thing to have. They're very smudged, though. Well, I think I just did that. I really manhandled them trying to get them my eye. You gotta keep the sticker on if you want it to be mint. I'm sorry. I really

had no idea who said that. Do people, when they just hear your speaking voice, Matt, do they mistake you for a little person? I'm serious. Both of you guys talk back and forth. This is Brad talking right here. This is Matt. Vocally, I'm smaller. Both of you guys talk back and forth. This is Brad talking right here. This is me. This is Matt.

I think vocally I'm smaller than you. Which one's the little person? Guess, listeners. You have 50 seconds. Is there a prize? This is my regular speech voice. You could pass for little person as well. I'm the least little person.

That giant's a menace. This whole town's in danger because of him. I want to be a dentist. You can't be a dentist. You're an elf. You're supposed to

wiggle your ears. I want to be a dentist. How am I the least midgety person on stage? I feel like I have to do something to re-michetize myself. I have to pull out a pot of gold and look at this, everybody!

Reestablish my character. How long, whenever you hit the stage, how many minutes, what's the longest you've gone without saying pot of gold? I went 45 seconds once. The crowd was begging for it.

Yeah, how could you not give it to him? I have to. I walk out on stage and people are like, why do you tell midget jokes? Because if I don't, I walk out on stage and people go, does he know? I'm aware. I'm not going to tell him because his ignorance is hilarious. Exactly.

Seriously, though, where is the puddle goal? Rainbow. Yes! All right, well, let's properly introduce all the individual voices that are going on here. I am Greg. Candice Bailey is here, and she's the co-host of Attack of the Show over on G4, hence all the G4 swag. You brought a ton of stuff, and there's also makeup of some kind in here?

Well, I don't know. You told me last... No, it's nail polish. Oh, yeah. That's not makeup? It's actually stuff that was all given to me, and I'm just re-gifting it. Yeah. No, that's very sweet of you, and they'll get a free plug as soon as I see what the

hell kind it is. They're all kind of ugly colors, though. What colors are they? Oh, okay. I went through the bag. I wouldn't wear any of you. And they'll get a free plug as soon as I see what the hell kind it is. They're all kind of ugly colors, though. What colors are they? Oh, okay. I went through the bag. I wouldn't wear any of them. No, good luck. It's not good enough

for my nails, but you white trash people out there. It's perfect for you. So you took plum and coral. I can't believe you don't think China Glaze is the most beautiful color.

Do you want to look like I have sewer water under my fingernails. I only usually wear pinks and reds. It might look great on this guy right here, but not so much on me. It's not my color. Any glaze works for me. Any glaze?

Any glaze. Uh-oh. See you backstage in ten seconds. Somebody needs a stepladder. But which one? They're always after his lucky charms. China Glaze is nice.

This one has 99 problems. They're all called China Glaze, though. And they've all been pulled off the market for safety reasons. China Glaze is the brand. Oh, I see. What color is that, then? I don't know colors, but I know this shit tastes funny. Battleship Grey? Really?

Greg Proops is here, of course. I've already said that. He's brought his CD called Proops Digs In. But more than that. Your CD's in here too somewhere, Matt Weinhold. What's it called? Dead Funny. Okay.

And I've known you for quite a while. But yeah, and you do, it's weird that you haven't been on the show sooner than this because it's perfect for you. Because you're a comic book guy first, and then movies are kind of equal. Well, I would say equal, but giant movie buff, and especially horror, sci-fi stuff. Anything, you know, it's really dorky. And you write reviews on the Comedy Film Nerds site.

That's right, yes. And what was the last one you were assigned to review? Avengers. And? It is a love letter to my soul. It is fucking... About halfway through, I had to go to the bathroom for not bathroom reasons.

It was so fucking awesome. So you loved it. I loved it. It's so great. It's like a penthouse form letter than anything, really. It is. It is, right. It's like, yeah. It is so great. It's like a penthouse form letter than anything, really. It is. It is, right. It's like, yeah.

It is so great. It's everything you want. All those movies that were leading up to it, you're like, well, how can they actually bring it all together? And they did. And it's hilarious. It also has my favorite. I think I was listening to a last podcast of yours, and you were talking about the Hulk.

I finally revealed it tonight. I thought that moment would be funnier if you didn't know it was coming. But now, fuck those people. Who hasn't seen the Avengers yet? What are they doing that they can't see the Avengers? I didn't see the Avengers yet. Oh, shit. I don't know. The Vow just came out on DVD. They could be busy.

But what do you imagine happens to the villain in Avengers? Do you think he says, I'll see you guys later? No. I would think some sort of Baroque demise with him cackling maniacally. But that's just me because all my movie references are from 1938. So I think a bolt of lightning hits and a bat flies by.

Am I off the mark on this? You're surprisingly close. But it's really funny what happens. I keep talking about how funny it is, and people write to me on Twitter, what's the funny thing? I've seen it, tell me. And I answer with three words, and it's Hulk smash Loki. It is goddamn hilarious,

and if you, Greg, call me after you see it, if you say it wasn't funny because I heard those three words, I won't believe you, but Hulk smash Loki okay Hulk smash Loki like now actually it probably might make even funnier because it will now it's hard to oversell it it's really good I'm just glad Loki's back it's been too long since the Norse gods had a fucking chance with Thor last year and

Loki when does Frigg the movie come out? Where's Freya is my question. I need Woden the miniseries. Frigg sounds like a Norse surf movie. Yeah, it does. Frigg. The surf is very dangerous today. There's monsters everywhere.

Also, Loki's the god of mischief, isn't he? I believe so. Oh, and he gets up to some mischief. Oh, does he fuck? Yeah, but he's... He should be more mischievous if that's true. For being the god of mischief,

he had a really not mischievous hat. Like that. I would expect god of mischief, he might have one of those propeller hats or something. Like one of those things, maybe one of those propeller hats or something. One of those things. Maybe one of those beer guzzling helmets or some shit like that. But no, he had the horns.

That one. The hands clapping and stuff. But no, he had horns. And during the fight scenes, you almost expect Captain America to go, Toro! And do one of those moves. It was very weird for the God of Mischief.

I wanted to swing on them like monkey bars. They're so playful. You, I could fit. It was very weird for the God of Mischief. I wanted to swing on them like monkey bars. Like, they're so playful. You, I could fit. It would work. Muskock's the movie. Brad, you do the, you walk the showbiz beat

on Kevin and Bean's morning show on K-Rock here in L.A. when Ralph Garman can't do it. Yeah. You filled in a couple of times. Let me ask you this.

Are those big shoes to fill? You must be this hot to tell that joke. I laughed so hard when I wrote that down today. Wow. Did you follow the yellow brick road to your office? It was about 426. Yeah. And I just had the cutest idea.

I was watching The Borrowers. That's a reference I have not heard to midgets yet. Kudos, man. Kudos. Borrowers. I haven't heard it pronounced kudos. I'm very white. I'm learning your language word by word.

I will get there. But seriously, the question really was real, though. He does that job so well and then you fill in and you do a good job, I think. Yeah, well, thank you very much. I do appreciate that. Now, Ralph is great.

I think he's been on the podcast before, right? And yeah, he got really drunk one night, saw me perform, and thought, there's a midget that talks? Whoa. And he got me to fill in. So it's been a great time. That's awesome. And you have a podcast coming out soon?

I do. It's out. It's on the great time. That's awesome. And you have a podcast coming out soon? I do. It's out. It's on the Toad Hop Network. It's called About Last Night, where I talk about all the tall women who have midget fetishes. Oh, that's ridiculous. They do. It's awesome. Don't wait for the podcast.

I was going to say. Are there a lot of those? My God, there are. But sometimes the weirdest ones are the ones that hide it and then spring it on me at the last second like things are going well and like kissing her and something and she'll push me off and be like I want to paint you blue

it's like should I be insulted that she just called me a smurf I don't know but then if she's hot enough it's like fuck it I don't know. But then if she's hot enough, it's like, fuck it. La, la, la, la, la, la. I don't even understand. He did a little dance. There's a live audience.

I'm committed. He also guards a tree that has delicious fudge. That's my day job. Yeah. One day the ring will be thrown into Mount Doom and we'll all be safe again as well and the one dwarf

that's actually a badass the Lord of the Rings dwarf is not actually a dwarf they had fuck face the tall dude and they shrunk him down really?

yeah that's right he wasn't a dwarf? he's not a dwarf not only that he's one of the tallest human beings on earth they paid thousands of dollars

not to use a dwarf in that movie. Crazy. Like, you could use a dwarf, an actual dwarf actor. They could use Dinklage or something like that

who would have been great and then they go, no, we'd rather spend half a million on CGI effects to make sure it's not an actual dwarf.

Fuck you, Peter Jackson. I don't mean to be a stiff... No, that's taking jobs away. You'd think Elijah would be an embarrassing name to grow a stick No that's taking jobs away I was thinking Elijah would be an embarrassing name to grow up with

but he's probably pretty happy he changed it from fuck face No it's not Elijah Wood it's Sala Some other fuck face Oh yeah Jonathan Rise Davies or whatever his name is

Sure one of those three Yeah yeah yeah But yeah they spend extra money It's like Jonathan Reese Darby I don't mean to be a stickler The Babies or whatever his name is. Sure, one of those three. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, they spend extra money. It's like... Jonathan Reese Darby. I don't mean to be a stickler about this, but the guy who played the elf wasn't actually an elf either.

What? How down were you guys when that happened? Seriously. When Will Ferrell got that gig? And they did the same thing there. They used CGI to make a bunch of tall people small. The only dwarf in the movie was Peter Dinklage when he ran across the table and drop-kicked Will Ferrell,

which is one of the funniest scenes in all the fucking movies. Well, that turned it around for you guys. Absolutely. I think that scene was like, that got him Game of Thrones. Because he's such a good stage-trained actor that he played that part so well. It was like the first time you went,

oh, okay, they don't just come in and wave their arms around and look cute and ruin everything. Yeah. Wait, ruin everything? When has a midget showed up and you were depressed? I want to know that. I'm sorry, is it like you guys,

when a midget shows up, isn't things about to get awesome? Don't you know? is it like you guys, when a midget shows up, isn't things about to get awesome? Don't you know? You've never looked down, seen a midget walk into a room and go well, now my day's gone to hell. That hasn't happened. You see us, you're fucking happy at that point. It's true.

Thank you, Greg Yeah, nobody on the panel disagrees. It's like Louis XVI meets Santa Claus and shit. It's either Christmas or the greatest porn film ever. Or both. Boom.

Didn't you see Little Red Knight? Good fucking movie, though. Joking, of course, but please maintain your respectful silence, people of the Upright Citizens Brigade. Airless black box that we...

Sitting in front of the Viking plank that we call... I don't know what happened. I knocked it over recently, but it seems pretty stable tonight. I'm just excited that Jordan's back because he was gone for one week. And it really threw off my game. If there wasn't a child in the audience that I could drag into the show, it would have been a disaster.

Have we talked to everybody? Candice, do you get to the movies very often? Yeah. Woo! I mean, sometimes. I do a segment on our show called DVDs Day, so I watch a lot of movies. I don't necessarily go to the movies all the time.

Do you agree with Chris when he reviews the movies? No. Like, no, half the time. Sometimes I think he's dead on and then sometimes I'm complete opposite of him. That's fair. More. Faster. Now slower.

Now alternate. Alternate. Wait, what? Arms or hands or... Really fast. You said alternate, so... Okay. You top half, you lower half.

Mix it up. Someone's going to win the lotto. Or is that if you cross in front of our pads? Which is it? Do you have to be rubbed by you or... No. I want to be rubbed by you? I want to be rubbed by you That's if you're a female

And you fuck a midget You actually win the lottery the very next week Science Not a joke You should make a movie of that That's how you score A small tail She came to the city with no expectations a small tail.

She came to the city with no expectations. He lived in a box. But after they knocked boots until the break of dawn, boop, boop, boop, boop! Emily couldn't win until she bumped into something shorter than she'd expected.

Don't give away too much. Trailers give away too much. I agree, they do. Yeah. I don't. Oh, shit. Sometimes it is nice to get the movie over with

in one quick, like, oh, I saw the trailer for What to Expect when you're expecting and I know what to expect even though I'm not expecting.

No, I completely agree because, like, the trailer for the movie Prometheus, I think that pretty much says the entire fucking

movie, doesn't it? I shielded my eyes during a lot of it. I didn't want to watch it. And every time they show a Dark Knight Rises trailer

when I'm at the cinema, I get up and I run out of the room. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I run out of the room. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't take it anymore. Do you yell and stop quietly in a corner,

or do you just go to the snack bar and stand there manfully gazing at the juju beans? I don't want to seem like a weirdo, so I yell something like, My dick's on fire! I want some Junior Mints! Gotta get them now during the Dark Knight.

Do you think it'll be ruined for you if you see the trailer to the Dark Knight? Surely it's going to be a lot like the other Batman movies. All right, stop right there. Wait a second.

Are you saying the trailer shows that Batman is in it? It is called The Dark Knight. Yeah, I saw the first one, but I'm just saying when they put out a second trailer, I'm like, guys, how deep are we going to go on this? A Bane. It's Bane.

Bane. Bane Capital. I saw the first ten minutes that they showed before or something, and he's got a pen over his head, and he's like, What is he? He's just mumbling. He can't breathe?

He's like, imagine like a giant, pumped up Mexican wrestler that's a hitman. Ah, perfect. Or if every time Darth Vader spoke, everyone else in the cast went, what? It's Spaceballs. Yeah. But supposedly the reaction to that first ten minutes was so severe

like some people are saying that they thought the sound was fucked up I thought it was a clever thing to do like a villain that you can't

understand what he's saying that is fucking scary but anyway they supposedly Christopher Nolan supposedly fixing it

and making it so you can understand what he says but whatever I like but that thing on his face makes him scary, but we'll see. Can anybody ever

be better at a comic book villain than Heath Ledger? Yeah, I think it's pink there. It can't be topped, right? Also, because it was such a surprise. You're like, Heath Ledger? Really? What about Arnold Schwarzenegger in that one? You are going to be so cold that you will be shivering when I am done with you because of the temperature that will drop.

You scream, I'll scream, we'll all scream for ice cream. The Iceman coming. He was scary. Ooh, it's cold, I'm going to punch you in the face. Candace, try once. I'm going to put the bird in the cooler. Good one, Candace. We sound so much alike.

I know. That was very weird. Oh, it's an all dwarf panel. All dwarf panel. Some of us are only mental midgets. Wow. Some of us are only mental midgets Well we gotta You know

I gotta ask you guys If anyone here hungers for games And that's the reaction So we gotta I'm having fun just talking this week But let's play Let's just leap to the granddaddy I actually haven't seen that yet.

What's that? The Hunger Games. Oh, you don't have to know anything about the Hunger Games. You're fine, believe me. All right, everybody, it's time for a Hunger Games quiz. Oh, boy. Which character sounds the most like a bread that you would get at Subway?

Anyone? Just buzz in if you know it. Jalapeno? I don't know. At what minute did you realize it was a piece of shit? It's PETA. There's a character named PETA? So they're against animals being hurt, but they hunt each other and whatnot?

Yeah, it's a mess. All right. I'll see it when I see The Avengers. It's not for adults. Oh, it's a yeah it's a mess alright I'll see it when I see the Avengers it's not for adults oh it's not it's for like 12 year olds but maybe I'll have you come down and interrupt it

with me yeah buddy we watched when we saw Twilight Breaking Bad that was awesome I never thought I'd see a Twilight movie

I thought I'd be arrested yeah you're kind of a what are you doing here old man? I just like the movie. It's all the young people and their energy. Their energy. Yeah, the vampires.

The vampires and the girl that has no... I'm excited. I'm excited to see Snow White and Governor Huntsman because because Christian Stewart has a fucking pair all of a sudden

like she's out there actually fighting like I'm so sick of her just being the girl that's just like go ahead and we've talked about this before fuck murder me

right I don't the next day after he's bruised her in the wedding bed, she's apologizing to him. Yeah, yeah. It's like the worst role model in the history of vampires.

Oh, it's codependent. So crazy. You fuck murdered me last night because you're a vampire and I have no blood left in me. Let's see your name tags, everybody. There they are. Jordan has his ball as he always does. A lot of artwork. A lot of

people drawing on things. A guy that wrote, fuck it, dude. My name's Jacob. Saw that one on Twitter today. This looks like a little fancy popcorn of some kind. That's a smart play. A little snack action. So yeah, so each of you just get up and go into the audience and pick whoever you'd like to play for.

Who would you like to represent in this game that we call Leonard Maltin? Grab one. Just go out and pick whichever one speaks to you or whichever one you can reach. I have fun. Oh, you got a good one. I had to get this. It says Wonka on it.

I had to. I didn't know you were going to be here. I know. That's why I was so perfect, though. Yeah, what about that fucking Deep Roy guy playing all the... Yeah, fuck him! God damn it. This says to Candace. What? Oh.

Fuck you. It's Sweet Tarts and it's Wonka. I get seniority over that. Shut up. No, but I went and got it because I thought it's a candy box of sweet tarts, but I thought it was full of candy, and it wasn't, so you're a cocktease, asshole.

No, thank you, though. Good. Wow, apologies are confusing. They never clarify. If you were offended by what I said, I'm sorry that you were offended. That's my favorite explanation. Yeah.

If I offended anybody, I didn't mean to, except that I did when I was saying it. I stand by my statement, but I didn't mean to offend anyone. And you picked it. She, uh... I did. Candace picked the guy that said,

fuck it, dude, my name's Jacob. Yeah, and then on the back it says... No, don't say what it says on the back. What? I don't know this game. Yeah, because I say, I say... Isn't that supposed to look? I say you should listen to an episode before coming on,

which is a reasonable... I did listen to an episode. A reasonable thing to say. I listened to the New York episode. But then they don't listen to the whole episode. I did! Because they missed the part where everyone always accidentally reads the shithead out loud to say. I listened to the New York episode. But then they don't listen to the whole episode. I did! But like the last minute and a half. Because they missed the part where everyone always accidentally reads

the shithead out loud because they didn't listen to the episode after I said I was listening to it while I was showering this morning and getting ready for work. Who showers for 90 minutes? Right? Everybody kind of looks sheepishly at the floor just now. Whoa.

And who still has a shower rating? I apologize. Withdrawn. So you're playing Jacob. That's great. And anybody can win. Don't feel like you're any pressure here. It's a game of strategy as much as knowledge.

Wow. A little bit like Stratego used to be. Or other games that the audience knows. Is there a scene in Battleship where two people are sitting and playing actual Battleship and then an alien thing comes in and kills both of them? Because that would be good.

I'd go if I know that's going to happen. Absolutely. They don't even have a Battlestrip moment? No, they do. With the game? No. No, they don't have the game. Oh, no.

There's no Christmas. They tie the game into the movie. Yeah, because it's all about, they have to know which spots in the sea to hit, to hit the invisible aliens. I'm out. I'm on a plane. It sounds enthralling. Yeah, I was going to say. Or interrupting it. I'm on a plane. It sounds enthralling,

yeah, I was going to say. Or interrupting it at CineFamily in a couple of months. We're doing Catch it on Vmask. We're doing John Carter

tomorrow night. I'm very excited about that. Yeah. So, let's play a Leonard Mullen game. You're playing for Joe. Matt's playing for Joe

who brought a copy of the VHS copy of the movie Joe that starred Everybody Loves Grandpa. Peter Boyle. Peter Boyle as Joe. That's a nice one. Does Matt get to keep that,

Joe? Oh, you. Sweet. You're a lovely man. I'm going to play hard for you. And Greg picked out a mortarboard, a graduation hat, that says Jennifer loves movies. And where did you just graduate from, Jennifer? Chapman.

Chapman, that's down south a little bit. And you just graduated? Yep. All right. Congratulations. Just trying to recreate it. Did you throw it up in the air like that she didn't graduate from West Point did you have all that shit on it

when you graduated at the ceremony that would have been awesome if you were walking around the ceremony with that on give me the kind of instantaneous publicity that makes people spontaneous if you're the jerk so walk around the ceremony with that on. Give me the kind of instantaneous publicity that makes people. Thank you.

Spontaneous, if you're the jerk. We'll start with Brad. He's played the game before. We'll come around to Greg, and then we'll go to Matt, and then we'll go to Candice. That way, everyone will have a little chance to play catch-up and figure out how this game works.

What are you talking about? The Hunger Games quiz. By the way, I think I only listened to half of it. Now that you mention it. Yeah, yeah. You're not guilty of anything other than being like everybody else.

Everybody's busy. It's nice of them to say yes to doing my podcast. I asked them to listen to an episode thinking they might listen to a whole one. I thought I listened to the whole one, but it was only 40 minutes. Yeah, yeah. So that's half. Yeah, approximately. Give or take

a few minutes. But yeah, I'm just saying that there's no amount of instructions I can give. You guys all remembered to bring prizes tonight, and that never happens. Somebody always forgets. And I have to put up some of my valuable shit

that I don't want anymore. But all you guys remember tonight, so round of applause for that. Yeah. That was. Alright, Brad, you get to pick a category. Okay. We're just going to play one round.

That's how pressed we are for time. It's all coming down to this. You might not even have to do anything, Candace. Jacob will be pissed, but I say fuck it, dude. You don't want this bag of crap? Got to carry it around all night? Aren't you going to try to get laid tonight? Women love a dude with a huge bag of shopping bags

full of crap and nail polish. He's going to do better with the nail polish than with the sign that says fuck it dude on it. I mean, I'm not a girl, but... All right, you get to pick from these categories, Brad. Which you like? At the other S-Jarif G, I don't know how to pronounce it,

S-J-A-R-I-F-G, he suggested, I'm assuming it's, yeah, it's a he, suggested, holidays Gary Marshall hasn't ruined yet. So these are movies about holidays that Gary Marshall is not involved in. Okay.

So that, of course, that leaves out Pretty Woman. At Ring of Chap suggested Full Metal Whack It. And that's movies where someone masturbates. All right. In the film. Is that the sequel to Splattin'?

I like it. You kept it military. Google it. And your third option is it's Ted Levine's birthday today and he's the gentleman that says it puts the lotion in the basket.

He's done a lot of great work but that, he'll always be remembered for tucking his dick between his legs. Ted Levine. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's also great on Monk but anyway it's his birthday so the movies of Ted Levine. Which one of those do you like?

Let's go with the spank it category. Full metal whack it. Okay. Yeah, exactly. Does that need justification or just I really like masturbating? Is that it? That's all I need to say? That's all I need to say.

Cool. You don't have to give a reason. Alex Trebek doesn't need to know a reason. I'm going with potent potables because I'm fucking drunk, Alex. I'm going with potent potables because I'm fucking drunk, Alex. The year is 1982. Someone jerks off. Three stars from Leonard for this movie

that he calls brashly entertaining. And he also says that it... It's high energy. that it is high energy. He calls it high energy. 82? Huh? 82, you say? Yeah, yeah.

I thought you were guessing the name of a movie already. We've got to start with Brad. He's got a bid on how many names he thinks he can get it in, and there are 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 names listed. Okay. 12 names. How many names do you think you can get it in, Brad? Can I say... Yes? Maybe. You can go zero names

if you want. You can go negative names. I'm going to go zero names. That's the spirit. Let me fill them in about negative names just to be clear. Negative names, you have to name the movie, and then if you say negative one, you have to name the top-billed person, according to Leonard Maltin.

If you say negative two, you've got to get them in the right order and the right names. So if you think you can go into negative names, that'd be an even stronger bid if you think you could pull it off. I can name the cast. I just don't know what would be top bills, so I'm just going to go zero. So go zero. He's going zero.

Then we come around to Greg. Oh, I can't go negative. I'm going to have to. You're going to have to just ask him to name it? Yes, I am. I will be so happy that Candice didn't have to even try to participate. She can walk away going, that fucking game was stupid. I didn't even get a chance. I could have kicked ass in that game.

I don't have enough clues someone masturbates 1982 high energy wow i'm impressed by brad is like laser focus on this well because i've been on the podcast twice before lost the lyndon malton game and this is like my revenge this is it yeah i'll take it but also you're getting in zero or less names and you're winning so you will go into the hopper. You'll be in the next. Hey, everybody. Producer Ryan here.

We had some technical problems during this episode, so unfortunately we missed the tail end of the Slender-Malton game. But Brad Williams guessed Fast Times at Ridgemont High correctly with zero names for the win. Apologies for that, and apologies for the poor audio in the rest of the show. Stop with the pucker. That's his number, Rich. If I ever see him in person. Apologies for that and apologies for the poor audio in the rest of the show. What team was that? James Russo. Yeah, he was Washington. He's the guy who's car was there. He's the one that raced the game because he's so mad about the people riding racist shit on his car. Yeah, yeah. Anyway.

That was before the eyes started getting lazier. It was very wonky in that movie. That was part of why he played the part because he looked like crazy. You compare that movie to his eye in Ghost Dog. That eye has fallen at least like 10 degrees since then. I bet he's going to say, Oh yeah. Alright, I'm writing down. Brad Williams is...

That's enough. No. Tournament of Champs. I won't remember if I don't write it down on this piece of paper I'm gonna throw away in a few minutes. And congratulations! Once again, who are you playing for? Let's get that person up here. I'm playing for Jake! Jake, come get all this crap! I hope you can handle all this fat. Good luck, man. I enjoyed the nail polish. One of those nail polishes is the color of your beard, if you ever want one.

You take the Choco Gator. Choco Gator's in there, yeah. Congratulations, dude. Thanks for coming. The power's in there, yeah. Yeah, congratulations, dude. Thanks for coming. The college is welcome. Thank you. I'll just take this off your head, because that's what I'm going to say at the end.

See, everybody that you played for, everybody that you picked, their consolation prize is I will call someone a shithead on their behalf at the end of the show. So that's what that, that's why it says that. This person's absolutely accurate. Joe, did you write anything on it?

Okay, so Joe, come up here and write down a shithead for me on this piece of paper over here. And then Jennifer, how about you? What's your deal? She's going to come up here and sign it too. Oak Hall Green Weaver. Made in USA from 100% post-consumer plastic bottles. He's a shithead. He's right.

It also says one size fits all. Wow. It does fit you. Smartest man in the world podcast and it fits on you. Is this just a trick to give her something? It fits her too. It does fit a bitter to one size does fit off that won't fit on my hand I don't my head's too big you have a giant basketball head let's see yours oh it didn't even get

near your head this is like the OJ trial This is like the OJ trial. If this thing fits, I quit. Does it fit? Oh my god, it fits! Oh my god. Yeah! I wonder who has the bigger head, me or you, Doug, because mine's pretty massive.

Do you want to try it? Yeah. I don't have dreams. I have movies. It's big. All right, let's do this thing. Hey, while you're putting that on, Candice, you were in an episode of The Sopranos?

Yes, first season. Awesome. Yeah, my dad was a child molester I think. It's very true to life. That's funny if you were applauding for a little person while you're talking about your dad being a child molester.

It really gave me some nice material for when I'm alone later. It does fit. Right? It's perfect. It does fit. It's perfect. It does fit everybody. That is the least lying I've ever seen on a product. That is the most forehead ever been exposed by this thing.

Good lord. You know, when you're wearing that, I want to make a silent movie short all of a sudden. It was the mortar board that's so funny. It is a funny hat. It's probably second only to the fez. So, Brad, do you have anything we need to plug before we go here? Follow me on Twitter, at FunnyBrad.

Oh, okay. You can find out all your shit there. You don't have to sit through all your goddamn dates. Exactly. You're all over the place out on the road, right? Yeah. And you always give one special lady in the audience a special show? I do. That's so

hilarious. Candice, Attack of the Show, weeknights at 7? Yes, that's right. Yeah. And Candice Bailey, 5. Candice with an A. Yeah, C-A-N. What do you think we are? No, 2 A's

you should say. Asshole. Come on! Weinhold, what do you got going on? Get funny. Get the CD at cdbaby.com and check me out at comedyfilmnerds.com Nice. I have a podcast called

The Smartest Man in the World and it's on iTunes. Thank you. And it's free iTunes. Thank you. And it's free. I have a podcast called Douglas Movies and you can go to DouglasMovies.com and I wrote down

some dates. Tulsa, Oklahoma, June 26th. Denver, Colorado, June 27th. Oklahoma City, June 28th. Find those shows. And thanks to my guests. Let's hear it one more time for all my guests. And as always, as always,

Rob Frunay is a shithead. Deep Roy is a shithead. And Uma Thurman's toes are a shithead Woo Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies