Doug Loves Movies - Greg Proops, Sean Jordan, and DC Pierson Guest

Episode Date: December 7, 2014

Live from the Helium Comedy Club in Portland, OR, Doug welcomes comedians Greg Proops, Sean Jordan, and DC Pierson to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming, Baby, see, he seats with 50 abs and popcorn kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, Cause Doug loves booze. Thank you. That was a super helpful move you did right there. Let's try another one. Let's give another one a try and see what happens. Here. That was a super helpful move you did right there. Just reached in, tapped it, and went further from my reach. No, thank you, though, for your help there.

We might have to do this with just three microphones. These guys are polite guests. I'm sure they're going to be willing to share. But let me just check this other one. Hold up, test. Okay. Okay, so that one's officially dead. Bye-bye.

Wait a second. That would be a great magic trick if I dropped the wrong one. Wait, what? Test, test. Oh, they're both online, you guys. Oh. Whew. That was crazy.

I don't like the way this is formatted, though. I'm going to have to... Formatted? What's he talking about? Oh! That guy's... He's Chewbacca Jr. in the next movie. Yeah.

You think Chewbacca ever gets fucked? He's got to have kids in some sort of spin-off universe or something, right? In the holiday special, he has a family, according to this creep over here. Hey, hey, hey, everybody.

My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you once again from the Helium Comedy Club. It's a gas! On Sunday, December 7th. Settle down, it's a serious day. Sunday, December 7th. Settle down. It's a serious day.

2014 Wolf of Wall Street fight. Terminator 2. Judgment Day of the Dead. Been walking tall to President's bed in Blackfisher King Ralph a Dog Day afternoon delight. Sleep perfect. Murder by Death Wish. Three amigos. Worlds. End of

Watchmen. Don't Leaving Las Vegas, Food, La Jingle, all the Wayans, world's fastest Indiana Jones, and the Temple of Doomsday of Thunderbolt and Light Foot Fist Way

of the Gun Crazy Heartbreak Kids Are All Righteous Kill Bill Volume 1. We're almost there, you guys. At 420-ish. Can I see your name tags? PDX? I don't know what happened

How did the two front row seats End up being empty What happened there Let's get somebody in there There's got to be some miscreants Out on the sidewalk Who want to come in It would be awesome to see some people

Get into those seats But also awesome to see so many name tags Some nice blinking ones back there. One's red and blinking and the other one's solid and white. It's a little dark for me to see. Is that a Grinch head over there or something like that? What is that? It's got a Santa head?

It's Jaws? I don't get it. It's got a Santa head. It's Jaws? I don't get it. It's a shark. It's Darth Vader. Why can't it be both? Oh, there's a lightsaber. Thank you guys for bringing those things. What's that lit up thing over there?

What's that supposed to be? It's what? It says Brian? What? Dallas, Texas. I'm doing a stand-up at Hyenas at Mockingbird Station this Thursday, 10.30pm.

Kickstart the weekend! Seattle, Washington. Douglas Movies returns to the Neptune Theater on Friday, December 19th. And I've got some Portland news! And some dry mouth! I'm doing four stand-up shows right here at Helium Comedy Club. It's a gas!

On March 27th and 28th of next year. Yeah, I'll be back that soon. Can't wait. All of my dates and deets and links are at douglosmovies.com. Now it's time for Watch This, Not That, a poorly researched one. Do you guys know what the number one

and two movies are in the country? I just guessed. Hunger Games is number one. And what's number two? It's not Horrible Bosses 2? Who said Interstellar? You're not allowed to talk ever. Interstellar.

You're not allowed to talk ever. Penguins! I wasn't like everybody take a stab at it. I just thought somebody out there would be like official about it. Just saying. Doug, I have the answer. It is Horrible Bosses 2. I don't know what it is.

But here's what I wrote anyway. The number one movie in the country is Hunger Games Mocking Jay Leno Part 1 and the number two movie is Horrible Bosses 2 More Horrible with a colon.

I'm not a fan of sequels, so why not go with the completely original Whiplash? The movie Whiplash. This has been, watch this, not that. Doug hates sequels edition. I'm mad in Portland. I'm bringing anger to your happy

place. Everybody loves it here. I do too. What else did I want to do? There's some other piece of business. Oh yeah, this is... And I'm going to see both of those movies, by the way. I think I will enjoy both of them.

But a piece of bad news, the recording of the Tampa, Florida episode of Douglas' movies is unreleasable. Chunks of it are missing, and you can barely hear the audience. It's just absolutely awful to listen to. So I also got, there was a, we indoctrinated

some Hitler youth at the event. Nothing bad was said, really. It's just terrible to listen to. And like I said, big chunks of it are missing, so you can't even tell what's happening half the time. So I'm bagging it, but I'll be back, Tampa. If you're listening

to Tampa, I will be back, because it was a really fun show, and a great crowd that you can't hear. Like, I'd say something, Tampa. If you're listening, Tampa, I will be back, because it was a really fun show, and a great crowd that you can't hear. Like, I'd say something, and we, on stage, we'd just be waiting for the crowd to settle down, but on the recording, I'd say something and it'd be like, sounded more like wind than people.

And it was, it's just really weird. I was going to put it out as part of a mini episode thingy, but I just couldn't pull it together. Okay, so the prize bag tonight is two bags full of stuff. So I hope you aren't going out like disco dancing or something after this show. A lot of stuff big haul for whoever wins the prize bags tonight and

I'll mention one thing that's in there because I'm going to be on there again as I often am tomorrow morning I'll be on AM Northwest yes very popular morning program. And I always have a blast

on there. I've already been told that I think I'm going to meet a chipmunk and a... No, that's not it. No, what is... A chinchilla. I'm going to meet a chinchilla. And a couple of mice are going to be there. And I can't wait.

So that's AM Northwest tomorrow morning. This episode is going to come out after it's been on, but if you go to their website, they always have clips from the show, no matter how fucking high I am. So they were kind enough to their website, they always have clips from the show, no matter how fucking high I am. So they were kind enough to drop off an apron, an AM Northwest apron,

and an AM Northwest mug that are in the bags. Yes. But please welcome two, three, two very funny and one... Please welcome three veterans of this program.

Greg Proop, Sean Jordan, and D.C. Pearson. Hello, Portland. Hello, Portland. Greg Proops, winner of the Pete Holmes game. I love that game. Because I always go, who should I speak to first? And Greg is the winner tonight. How you doing, buddy? Groovy, Doug.

I found that wearing glasses in Portland is a wild experiment in vision. It's often misty here. The weather is just dark clouds hanging down. It's always like the day Christ died in Portland every day. People go, isn't Portland beautiful? And it's like, I've never, it's just a swirling vortex of psychedelic mist in front of me at all times. So, yes, it is beautiful. Oh, look, there's a bike oh

shit it hit me when the sun is out though i've hit it a few times boy is it nice it's real nice not to you know say no to your premise Say no to your premise. Very quiet there, the other two. I don't know which one to speak to first. I was just waiting. I was just chilling, hanging out. All right, there he is, local phenom, Sean Jordan, everybody.

Yay. Well, hey, thanks, guys. By way of Sioux Falls. Goddamn right. Weighing in at 48 minutes of solid material. Thanks, buddy. Can perform in virtually any arena. Why virtually?

I don't know. I don't know how good you'd be at close-up. I don't know how good you'd be at close-up comedy when you have just you and two people at a table. I couldn't understand what you said right there. Which part? Just most of it. Anyway, yeah, from South Dakota. I really couldn't.

I don't know. Nothing funny about that. There's always an interesting thing about these shows. For some reason, the people on the ends can't hear each other. And we're very close together. We don't even need microphones to hear each other right now. And yet somehow we can't hear each other. We'll get there.

It's something to do with where the monitors are placed and which direction they're facing and what not and wherewithal. What? Uncordantly. And DC Pearson is also here. Flew in. Flew in.

Hyenas at Mockingbird Station. When the people of Dallas need a stand-up club that sounds like a Tom Waits song, they choose hyenas at Mockingbird Station. Right? It sounds like a Tom Waits song. I thought Portland would go for that. You seem like Tom Waits people. I guess I'll go fuck myself.

Jesus. You love Tom Waits. That was why you didn't that. You seem like Tom Waits people. I guess I'll go fuck myself. Jesus. You love Tom Waits. That was why you didn't laugh. You were like, Tom Waits is not laughing material. When they legalized weed in D.C. recently, I was so happy for you. Because I was just like, weed is legal in D.C. Nowhere else. Just in that one dude.

You can grow weed in me. Oh, all right. Can I? Yeah. I have crevices. It's exciting to have you on the program because, of course, you're the star of Captain America Winter Soldier. You really carry the comedy part of that movie on your shoulders.

Yeah, I strapped Chris Evans and Scarlett Johansson to my back and I said, don't worry guys, I got this. We take this multi-million dollar franchise chapter across the finish line. And through the goalposts and other sports metaphors as well. And you brought for the

prize bag a copy of your book Crap Kingdom. That's correct. Crap Kingdom. That's correct. Crap Kingdom is a, thank you, got a woo. Polite clap for literacy. I appreciate it. Yeah, Crap Kingdom is a book that I wrote about a kid

who discovers that he is the chosen one in a fantasy kingdom and then it turns out that the fantasy kingdom he is the chosen one in is really, really crappy, hence the name Crap Kingdom. And I brought several copies, so meet me in the lobby and then get your Christmas shopping done. Oh!

Grandma, I got you a book called Crap Kingdom. What are they going for? Fifty bucks? Why no, Doug. Come on, I'm trying to help you sell them. Tell them what the real price is. The price is clearly marked on the back, Doug.

Oh, okay, what is it? It's $1,000.99 in Canada and $999 in America. But Greg Proops, for today only, I'll give you and all your friends in Portland an awesome deal. Just $10. Bam!

$2 more than it costs on Amazon. Look at that. A gentleman's $10. Would you mind? $2 more than it costs on Amazon. Look at that. A gentleman's $10 for that book. I love this. You know, the two bucks is for the delivery system. Handed to you by the author. God damn, you're really good.

How often does that happen? $2 for a memory. I remember when Stephen King handed me The Shining. I was like, all right, $10, why not? Is that Stanley Kubrick talking? Yeah. I'll fuck up this book. I love them both, you guys.

I got this T-shirt from the Jackie Cation program. What's the name of her podcast? Dork Forest. Yeah, Dork Forest. It's a very colorful, fun T-shirt from the Jackie Cation program. What's the name of her podcast? Dork Forest. Yeah, Dork Forest. It's a very colorful fun t-shirt, so I put that in the old bag. Give her a plug. Yeah, and what did... She just said the old bag and give her a plug. Jackie Cation, the best.

I brought a sippy cup from where I saw Matilda on Broadway a few days ago. You stole that from a toddler that was at the show? No, that's what they give you the booze in now so you can sit there and have a cocktail and not

risk spilling it at all in their swanky thing. You actually use a sippy cup? Yeah, yeah. Does it have two handles? Well, what if you get cranky and throw it across the room? I get it. Oh, that's cute. Oh, yeah. Yes, that's exactly how you should.

Time for my nap. Drinking from the sippy cup made him orgasm sadly. It's just the ballads. In a quiet scene in a play or a ballad in a musical, it's hard for me to stay awake sometimes. So this is really bad for me.

I shouldn't also be drinking. I like that you keep going all the time, though. That's good. It's dedication. I love it. Yeah. It's really super fun to be fucked up and watch a Broadway show. Speaking of which, the off-Broadway show, The Marijuana Logs, has a recording.

And I dropped that CD into the bag. As well as a smoke swipe. These are just taking the nation by storm. What is it? It's this thing. It's from Tommy Chong. He's pushing it. Where you can swipe away. Tommy Chong it, where you can swipe away.

Tommy Chong's here. You can swipe away the odor of smoke from your clothes and from your... And your forehead? My forehead smells like smoke. I need to get that fucking smoke off my forehead. Tommy Chong's like, they can't know I smoke weed. Hi, sharks. fucking smoke off my forehead. Tommy Chong's like, they can't know I smoke weed. Hi, sharks.

It was that telltale aroma that set me off. He's thinking of the consumers in most of the states have that fear. Don't you think that product's kind of superfluous in Portland? Since you're in a scented mister all the time here? I've been saying it for a while that I don't you think that product's kind of superfluous in Portland? Since you're in a scented mister all the time here? I've been saying it for a while,

that I don't know why the elections had to get involved with marijuana. It's always seemed legal to me here. It's a formality. It's a common law marriage. Greg, what'd you bring for the bag? Oh, you want me to get through? Oh, sure. Yeah.

Uh, I got, I went to, uh, a very expensive place today, and this one I'm really, uh, first of all, because it's Christmas, uh, maybe you model this, DC. Sure. And then, uh, uh, a candy cane full of, uh, Hershey's Kisses, which are, is an awesome holiday gift. The Scooby-Doo Pez dispenser set with Velma, Scooby, Shaggy. And then this one I think is...

You're really too kind. This one's the best. This is what's called the... Oh, this thing is crazy. It's an Elsa hat from Frozen, and I wish you would model this, Sean. This is what's called the Divorced Father December 28th

Walgreens shopping spree. Oh, my God. Sorry I missed your birthday, bud, but here's this bitchin' hat you can have. This is what I'd look like if I killed people and never cut my ponytail like Khal Drogo because I would dye my shit blonde.

I hate that this is going to sell some of those because some people are going to have to have that. I was beguiled the moment I laid eyes on that hat. Normally, I would never wear a baseball cap because I think guys that do should just wear a t-shirt that says I have roofies or whatever, but...

I wear a hat all the time. That Viking ponytail just makes everything right. Originally marketed as the ABBA hat. Nothing bad could happen to you in that hat. And you're impervious to the cold. This makes it so I don't get chilly? No. It never bothered you anyway. It didn't.

I'm a hard ass and I don't give a shit about cold weather. Well now you see how good those are with the guys wearing them. It gives you a good idea of the kind of festivities that can happen at your house around Christmas now. Don't you want us hanging out for Christmas?

Wouldn't that be fun? I've been here in December for the last few years of Hittown around that time, and I love it. I like it here. It's very Christmassy in Portland. That's a good story. Speaking of here,

Sean Jordan is here. Do you got any local dates coming up that people should know about? I don't really have anything. I'm doing a show tonight at the Alberta Street Pub for free. Well, tell these people.

It's free. It's up north. If you guys don't know where it is, it'll be fine. And I'll be there. No, I mean, I don't have really

too much coming up. W. Kamau Bell in January funding over everything at the Hollywood Theater. That'll be good. Oh, there you go. Speaking of the Hollywood Theater party, you contributed

many things. Many things. The Scooby-Doo? That's like your Scooby-Doo voice. To the prize bag and one of those things is four free passes to the Hollywood Theater. Yeah, so that's pretty sweet. I just put my email

address on there, so email me your name, whoever gets that, and then I'll tell you to fuck off and I was lying and you don't get any tickets. So your prize is your email address? Yeah. It's got 187 in it. Yeah, if you get four dick pics.

That's actually just one big picture That's how big it is It's four separate pictures of the same giant dick With this ponytail You picked up a DVD of the Goonies That's awesome And then lots of treats in there Do you remember what the treats are?

I don't want to drag them all out There's two two pound bags of Sour Patch Kids in there And some grape red vines And some popcorn I love grape red vines But not for you Unless you win Grape red vines

Idiot But not for you, unless you win. Grape red vines. Idiot. Let's talk movies really quick before we get into the game portion. Because I think we've gone through all the prize bag stuff. Tremendous prize bag. This is a Santa-worthy bounty. Nice work. Thank you. Oh, yeah.

This is regifting heaven right here. Your fucking, your shopping is done Hey, I got you this Something for every weird relative you have Greg, have you been to the cinema lately? I know you were here Thank you for staying an extra day in Portland to participate in this. We appreciate it. Thank you, Portland, for opening up like a donut to me.

Round, crunchy, sugary, naughty. With bacon on it. Beloved by police. Portland, Oregon. I was surrounded several times on the weekend by the cops, but it ended pretty well.

I don't get it. Turned out they weren't cops. They were just drug dealers. I haven't I was on I've been on a planes I saw the one with Keira Knightley and

Mark Buffalo where he's Begin again Begin again Begin again Alright I saw this one

with Keira Knightley I like that movie a lot. And Mark Buffalo. Mark Buffalo? I don't remember the name of it. It's Begin Again. What was the name of that movie? Begin Again?

I saw this movie. Please do not begin again. With Keira Knightley. The name of the film is Begin Again. Start at Mark Buffalo. Begin Again. I saw this movie. Is the name of the film. Begin Again. What was the nameufalo. Begin Again. I saw this movie. It's the name of the film.

Begin Again. What was the name of that director's first movie? Start Over. All right, all right. So I didn't go to the theater, but I was on a plane, and I saw this movie with Keira Knightley and Mark Bufalo. He adds a little more detail every time. From the director of Start Over.

But I can't remember the name of the movie, but he was a down-and-out producer of records, and he's drinking. And then he sees Keira Knightley's a folk singer on open mic night. This is the premise of the movie. Thank you. Someone in the back going,

meow, meow. That's exactly the right laugh. She's very beguiling, but it is hilarious. It is hilarious. It's a little bit like Audrey Hepburn. She's got a good voice, though, I think. No, she's quite good, but it reminded me a little bit of Audrey Hepburn

in My Fair Lady, where Audrey Hepburn's supposed to be scruffy, and you're like, no, you're not scruffy. You're an elegant princess. There's no transformation at all. I don't go in for it when George Clooney tries to play dumb guys. Yeah. That never works.

Was George Clooney in that? In what? Begin Again. No. It's Mark Buffalo and Keira Knightley. Right. Mark Buffalo is very good, though. That's just really hitting me as the funniest sounding name I've ever heard. Ruffalo. Mark Buffalo is very good, though. That's just really hitting me as the funniest sounding name I've ever heard.

Ruffalo. Mark Buffalo. If he was Buffalo, then he would go with almost anything. Tomatoes, balsamic vinegar. But he's Ruffalo, so you'd have to use him with endive and pine nuts, I think, more. A little less tannic. Anyway, I thought it was okay. You know. Anyway. anyway I thought it was okay you know

anyway it was an old fashioned movie it was a movie about like let's make a fucking record and then there's scenes of them fucking making the record and fucking going we're making a record like there's just scene after scene of that so if you didn't ever watch TV

in the 70s then this will be new to you. You know, the most amazing thing about it, Greg, to me is I got the soundtrack to that movie about how they made all those songs out on the street. And all of the songs are produced in the studio.

You don't hear any street stuff at all. That's not on the album. It's supposed to represent the movie. Why not do what they were going for in the movie? And how many speeches about integrity do you have to hear in the movie where I stand behind my product

and then, oh, but except when it came out. I like it, though. I like hating Adam Levine. It's fun to hate him. What? The cat who's going to be the host of Ferguson's show, the British cat, James... What's his name?

James McAvoy? No. James McAvoy. Yes, James McAvoy. Future host of the late show. He's going to curve the bullet at the audience. It's going to be great. Benedict Cumberbatch is going to guest host

for a couple of weeks, followed by Alan Rickman. Cumberbatch! That's like four guys after the Oscars. The Cumberbatch? In February. Cumberbatch? In February. Cumberbatch! There must be so many other British dudes

with ridiculous names that are furious at him. Yeah. I didn't think that was a real name for a long time. Like Benedict Cumberbatch. You thought it was a meme? I thought it was something. I'm pretty stupid, so I don't know what I thought it was. Or like a captcha that you had to type in to get your password again?

Something like that. Then I found out it was a real actor, and I love him now. He's great? Yeah, he's fantastic. He's got a long face, and I love every inch of it. Sure. We're talking over here. We can understand each other down on this end.

We get it. Who's next on the movie thing? What have you seen? I'll go, Doug. Okay. I have seen and loved recently The Babadook. Has anyone seen and loved The Babadook? That's scary. It's about a haunted, it's about a Australian lady

and she's a single mom and she's having trouble like controlling her like seven year old kid. Where'd that book come from? She tries to read him a story, bedtime story and the book is evil. He's really a squeamish kid to begin with. He's already a wreck and then that book holy shit.

Let's get rid of this fucking book and guess what happens. Do you drink a bunch of cough medicine down there? What's going on? You can guess what happens. I don't want to be this spoiler. It's so scary. But people love it. I feel like it was being fired

directly into the part of my brain that's like eight years old that sees like a scary movie and then during the daytime it's like, I'm not scared. And then it starts to get a little dark and then during the daytime it's like i'm not scared and then it starts to get a little dark and you're like i'm scared uh it's really great i love that i'm not a gigantic horror movie guy but i thought it was excellently excellently done it's like kind

of a small movie it's australian and it is so fucking scary and i immediately considered getting a vasectomy but then i didn't't. All right, I'm in. That's a good thing. So I give it one aborted vasectomy up. It's a good thing you didn't get a vasectomy, because with that hat on, you're going to need it to beat off the chicks when they rush you after the show,

you little prancer. I'm going to need my virility to fight people off. Beck, I could impregnate you. All right, thank you for warning us. DC stands for Dancer Cock tonight. That is, you're one of the eight tiny reindeer, but you're delivering a big package. Dancer Cock.

That was the original name of the movie Fame. What? I can't think of a guy crossing a picket line outside of a clinic saying, I'm just going in for a vasectomy abortion. I couldn't get the idea of that out of my head, and I'm sorry that I shared it with everybody. There are no take-backs on this show, of course. Sean, have you been to the cinema?

I saw Interstellar like a week ago. It was good. How'd that people love it? When'd you finish? Huh? You started a week ago. Yeah. And then when did you get done with it?

What's it like two and a half hours or something? I don't know. Three? I was enjoying it. So I was like, yeah, this is dope. It's a good movie. I paid 18 bucks. I'm not gonna complain about how long it was going in. It's not like I got surprised when I got there

like, fuck, it's three hours? I'm out. I knew. I knew what I was doing. What if it went from four? Don't you have some sort of other plans? I watched the credits, dude. With your life? I watched the credits for fun. Well, now you get a little treat

A lot of the times at the end You get a little extra scene there I didn't really watch the credits So I don't know if you get a treat At the end of Interstellar I've always been a Watch all the credits watcher When there was absolutely

No reason to do it I saw yesterday on a plane I saw Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf They're having a Really? Yeah they're having a Mike Nichols. He showed his first three movies back to back to back in honor of his recent passing. And it's pretty awesome.

Three first movies for a director to have. The Graduate and Virginia Woolf. Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. And then Car Wash, right? Was the other one? The reason I thought of it.

Yes. Virginia Woolf yeah yeah amazing and then Car Wash right was the other one but the reason I thought of it yes the reason I thought of it was that at the end of Virginia Hard Target was his third movie total classic

total classic at the end of Virginia Woolf and they show all of this on Turner Classic Movies at the end of Virginia Woolf

it just says the end pretty fast and there's no end credits at all and it goes to black and it comes right back up on the same image in the same font that said the end

it says walkout music and then the same kind of score from the movie and this one weird image just continues to play for a little while isn't that great? that was for the theaters right? yeah but they're you know supposed to just play the audio

and not show that it says, this is what you're supposed to play. Well, people are leaving. And then Nick Fury gets in a two-hour, mind-game-filled, drunken argument with his wife, right? You had to know a lot about a lot of things to like that one. Thanks to two dudes. I heard somebody over in a coffee shop earlier today here in portland uh in a very very like kind of cool coffee shop where the girl

behind the counter looked like she was from mad max in a good way um and and she was like asking the guy uh at the counter like she's like what did you what did you do he's like oh i just saw interstellar and and she was like, oh, I don't have time to see movies. And I don't want to stereotype Portland baristas. Go for it.

Go ahead. Go do it. You do have time to see movies. Maybe you should take the time you did braiding your seventh ponytail. Watch what you say, dog. Watch what you say.

For those of you at home, the Frozen hat has a Nordic blonde ponytail that Hitler would have fucking loved. And hairs from it are slowly detaching and attaching themselves to Sean fucking loved. And hairs from it are slowly detaching and attaching themselves to Sean's face. Don't mess it up. That's a precious Christmas gift

from the Doug Loves Movies people. From all your friends at Doug Loves Movies? The people who brought you Doug Loves Movies bring you this right now. Guests of Doug Loves Movies are sitting in front of you. The prize bags are going to be so full of stuff with guest sweat on it. Why do you think I'm sweating?

I'm just sitting here. How would I be sweating? You know, the warm never really bothered him anyway either. I'm very temperate all the time. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. Holy shit.

Where are we at on time here? Is the show over yet? Way over. Seems like it was. We're way behind schedule. I don't know who to blame for that. Let's play the Doug Loves Movie Quiz Show game. I'm going to blame it on the alley outside the club.

That's what I'm going to blame. I'm going to blame this. Oscar the Grouch was like, stretch the show out. No, we are well past the point where I need to say, let the games begin. Oh, how I love the games. Cumberbatch! You might be yelling that.

You never know. If you get the wrong dude, if you throw in a fast bender, when you meant Cumberbatch you will scream at the heavens let's get some name tags people brought

absolutely amazing name tags some might be in the back oh there the house lights came up thank you very much for that And while they get their name tags We're going to go to a commercial message We'll be right back And we're back

Who are you guys playing for? God is there no Thanks Adam Thank you for the cocktail reloads That we asked for during the break. A lot of stuff happened during the break. We'll play the break for you at the end of this episode. All right. We'll get there.

We'll play it at the end of this episode. Who are we playing for? Yes. You can start, Greg. And don't read that shithead on the back. Don't read this? Don't read the thing on the back. No, I won't read the thing on the back. Is your name Ben Parker?

Yes. He made a awesome double poster here of the movie Ben with the story of the rat who is the sequel to the movie Willard. Ben survives and it's pretty exciting. Michael Jackson's same theme song.

And then the other movie's Parker with Jason Stratum and Jennifer Lopez and he's made a very very gaudy showing of it I should say this is everything cinema's about

it's thrills chills it's two colors and the rat has glowing eyes much like everyone you'll meet working at a studio

in Hollywood I think if a young person watches those movies back to back they become a man. I bet you Jason Statham has shouted Cumberbatch at the sky before. Cumberbatch! Cumberbatch!

Cumberbatch hopping! That's my Jason Statham, by the way. Sorry, guys. No, it's worse. I thought Jason Statham was up here for a second. So yeah, that was crazy. Here's Jeremy Irons doing it. Okay.

Come a botch. But you gotta imagine he's wearing like a cutoff like he is in what, Die Hard 3? Yeah, right. Where he dresses identical to Sinead O'Connor from that same year. It's awesome. What a good movie.

Doug, I'm playing for Becca. Her poster is Becca Rubanzai across the DLM dimension and it is a awesome anime reinterpretation of the Buckaroo Banzai poster with a lot of Doug Loves Movies favorites and it's great and I love it so much.

It's really nice. Well done. Beautifully rendered. Colorful, punchy. This is the fifth Telemat. What's your name, dog? Chantel. Telly?

Oh, okay, so Telly. So I'm playing for Telly, I guess. And I didn't mean to call you dog. I apologize. I didn't realize you were a woman. I wouldn't be like, what's up, dog? Dog's not gendered. Dog's not gendered.

They're male and female dogs. That's how we have dogs. All right. Well, there we go. Word up, dog. Thanks for the donuts, player. There's just a grip of donuts in Telly's thing, so I figured we could all enjoy it.

Oh, and it's got a Fifth Element thing, because there's a little... Oh, shit. It really does. It says Corbin Dallas Multipass, and then one of the donuts is wearing like the Leeloo outfit. That is awesome.

The front row can see it. Oh, okay. Yeah, just show it to the front row. You should take a picture of that, Doug. Don't forget to give the listeners a peek. All right. They can look at that amazing picture that you took earlier.

It's really cute. It's a bunch of donuts in different shapes. Yes. I like it. There's frosting on them and whatnot. We should make some coffee, you know. You know, some fair trade. You know, it's Portland.

Let's not. Maybe light a soy candle. Single origin. Yeah. Single origin. Nothing like a surprise. You know, it's Portland. Let's not... Maybe light a soy candle. Single origin? Yeah, single origin. Nothing like a surprise... I know the farmer. Let's have a surprise AA meeting. Bush to table.

My name's... We got all you guys down here trying to get you to sober up and... live right and... I didn't. I don't agree with that. We wanted to wait... We wanted to wait for these two to get here

because they're two of the bigger local offenders of all the drug laws, of which there are none, really. What happened to you guys? You got here a little late? What happened? Oh, you were on the wait list and you just popped right into the front row.

That worked out very nicely if you like being that close. That's the American dream. I fucking slept in because I'm super high. Barely thought I would get into the show and then instead they were like, no, you're the president. I came off as more political

as I meant it. Political and conservative. Now this fucking I don't know. I apologize. I love writing the don't know. I apologize. I love writing the front row too. Yeah, that's really nice. Good for you guys. Way to go, buds.

Proud of you guys. I was the only one that didn't say I was proud, so I'm super proud of you guys. You're an inspiration to everyone that doesn't try that hard. You lazy shit. One time in 50, it works out. And then the other 49 people go, all right,

I'm good. Everybody else in here hates you. It's that ability to sprint at the end that really, really makes it happen. Like, like they got on it super late, but then were super committed

once they got on it too late. And just, you know, how long did you have to wait out there. Before they gave you the good news. Two minutes. They put two whole minutes in you guys. Like that.

Was this your second choice. Did you look at your phones at all. During those two minutes. That makes it more like one minute. And standing around with your phone time. A new series on Hulu. The underachievers. Sporadically,

through the fall, when they can get around to fucking making an episode. But I tell people when they say it's sold out, you know, should I come down anyway? I say yes,

because what's happened with the U2 gentlemen right here up front is you're sitting in the seats of people. You guys can sit at home if these guys are in the band U2. The people whose seats you're in

are going to look at the tickets tomorrow and go, oh shit, it was last night. Or whatever. Or a month from now. Or a year from now.

It's really crazy how sometimes people just get one little part of the date wrong and it's over. They smoked a little bit too much of the devil's salad I think is what happened.

Now they're stuck at home. Not here enjoying the day like you guys are. Smoking some of the devil's salad is preferable to tossing some of the devil's salad. I just don't want to taste the devil's dressing.

Hey, happy December 7th, everybody. Remember Pearl Harbor The first game we're going to play is... Just remember Pearl Harbor As it's off to where we go How much did this shit make? That's a game where you guess the number in millions without going over

made at the domestic box office by, because today is what it is, the motion picture Pearl Harbor. Pearl Harbor. I did not care for that movie, but I do respect

everyone who fights on our behalf. Kate Beckinsale changed my life for that movie, but I do respect everyone who fights on our behalf. Kate Beckinsale changed my life with that movie. But these guys down front kind of remind me of Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character in Pearl Harbor. They were just lowly cooks on this giant ship. They were like the lowest of the low, and then in two seconds, they were fucking shooting down kamikazes with a big gun,

inspiring everyone, starring in Snow Dogs. That movie Pearl Harbor is based on a true life incident. They found all that footage. Oh yeah. Yeah, it's like Blair Witch. I heard that it really happened. Listen bro, that's just what the government wants you to think, bro. Guys, reopenpearlharbor.org.

Look, tanker fuel doesn't burn at that temperature, okay? Dude. There's not even a moon, bro. There's not even a Japan. I'm glad you guys are here because I was having trouble finding my pen. Because I have so many different kinds of pens in my pocket, it's hard to know which one. Don't use the vape one to write with. It's like the gift of the magi.

I sold my ink pen to get you this vape pen. And I sold my vape pen to get you this ink pen. Let's just have sex and fuck it. There's episode one of The Underachievers right there. Let's just have sex. Fuck it. There's episode one of The Underachievers right there. You guys just wrote it. Hey, what happened

to your vape pen? Dude, what happened to your ink pen, though? I sold it to buy tickets to the Doug Loves Movie show. That was yesterday, though, dude. Oh, fuck. Hey, this ticket says

Leonard Skinner. When did I miss the show? There's still a thing. I know. DC, how much? Too soon. Wow. That's reopenlynyrdskynyrd.org.

That's money. Not for the Skynyrd joke. I'm trying to keep the game going. Dude, free birds don't fly at that height, man. Do the math. I'm Denzel, and you guys are the Rift Train, and you may think you're

unstoppable, but some titles are a lie. Denzel who? How much money do you think it made? I will say that Pearl Harbor crossed the domestic box office finish line at $228 million. Okay.

Somebody's cackling at that. Somebody got the giggles over that one. That's just an insanely rich person. It's like, that's pocket money from father. person, it's like, that's pocket money from father. Why is he saying the amount I think it might cost to get a soda if I drank such a thing?

They sound like they're almost German. That's what I'm getting out of that. They're so rich they want to be German, but they can't quite nail it down, so they're just kind of almost German, from what I'm getting out of that. That's the name of my new album, by the way. Almost German? Almost German, yeah. It's about a young journalist following Hitler around.

Right before Pearl Harbor, which didn't happen. So the war never really gets off the ground. Dude, did you read that magazine about how it didn't happen that I have sitting on the coffee table? Bro, right next to your vape pen? Pearl Harbor? Can I take a crack at how much this movie made in the box office,

Doug? Hmm. No, actually, it's Greg's turn next. Okay. What do you think, Greg? I thought it bombed. Oh, my God.

You can't see it at home, but Greg is praying towards Mecca for forgiveness for that joke. I'm going to say domestically, 58. I'm going way low ball. How much? 58 million. 58, okay. All right, now you, Sean, but thanks for keeping it moving.

You're welcome. $159 million. Okay. Come on down. Okay. Does everybody with a ponytail just fuck with it all the time? Just sitting here. It's like a part of me.

The best part of me. Sean. Sean. You and your a part of me. The best part of me. Sean, Sean, you and your good luck golden ponytail are the winner of this round because DC went over and Greg was on very low.

It's $198.5 million. I knew that. I just wanted to play the game and make it fun. Boxofficemojo.com. Yes, according to them. This guy loves Box Office Mojo. That is not where I found out

Horrible Bosses 2 was second over the weekend, because you might be right. It might have been, Penguins! A lady yelled out earlier this evening, just in agony, Penguins! It's gotta be the penguins! For what? That movie looks pretty funny to me.

Penguins of Madagascar? Yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah, Penguins of Madagascar. Comedy is contrast, my friend. Penguins of Madagascar? Come on. It's like a... That's getting in some internet quote of the week thing, what you just said.

Come on. I hope that's in the commercials next weekend. An idiot from a podcast says, Penguins in Madagascar? Dot, dot, dot. Come on. Is that the one that Morgan Freeman narrated? No, it's actually

Werner Herzog. A lot of people mix them up, though. Werner Herzog. What is mankind but a penguin in Madagascar flapping about on the hot beaches? Keep going.

I got to finish this drink real quick. And what is Doug Benson but a penguin in Madagascar? Sean gets to go first in this next game. How enchanting for Sean. It's called Build a Title. It's back, you guys. I finally have three panelists

who I think can understand, comprehend and put it together and make it happen. And we're going to start with you, Sean Jordan. You know how this game works, right? I do. Okay. Takes place in the region. I think it takes place in the region.

I just had quick second thoughts about blurting this out, but Drugstore Cowboy took place around here, right? Yeah, okay. There you go. So, Drugstore Cowboy is what we're going to start with, so you need something that ends in drugstore or begins with cowboy. Something that ends in drug.

Anyway, Drugstore Cowboy is in the hood. What the fuck did somebody owe for? I'm pretty sure. Somebody owed like that didn't work. That's fine. Cowboys in the hood is a movie? No, but cowboy, boys, you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah. Cowboys in the hood could be a movie. We could write that after we finish The Underachievers. It'd be a quick movie because they'd all get fucking shot quick. More of a short, really. My pre-guess was going to be drugstore cowboys in the band of The Hand

that rocks the cradle and so on. Ladies and gentlemen, Goofy is here tonight. Gorsh. We have boys in the hood. So then we go to DC and he has to come up with something. I will say love and other drugstore cowboys in the hood.

Fantastic. Well done. That was fantastic because the S was even in there. That was fucking great. Just serious. Sometimes we're serious. Sometimes we're really. Just serious. Sometimes we're serious. Sometimes we're really nice to each other and we're serious. Greg needs something that begins with hood.

What? You sounded like such a nerd. Begins with hood or ends with love. Everything ends with love. Oh, love. Everything ends with love. That should be the title of something, but that's just something you said. I'm having trouble understanding

which words I have to segue into. Because love... We've got love and other drugstore cowboys in the hood, so you either have to add something that begins with hood or ends with love. Oh, right. So I could say all you need is love.

If that was a movie. It is. If that was the title of a movie. What was that about? About two hours. It had this... You've been waiting to say that all day. All day.

All right, fuck you. Endless love. Can I have another one? Yeah, endless love, endless you. Endless Love. Can I have another one? Yeah, Endless Love. Endless Love. I'll take it. Endless Love. I mean, that other one did sound like it's a movie.

It is a movie. It is. It's one of those coming-of-age teen comedies. I know. I don't know that. I was high when I was... What can I tell you? I remember where I was.

It was Ukiah, I think, or something. Okay, so... Her name was Nell. I was young. She had a wood chipper. It was Ukiah, I think, or something. Her name was Nell. I was young. She had a wood chipper. There were squirrels all around. The air was heavy with pine. I don't know what the fucking movie was about.

Okay, so... We're back to Sean. Was there a weird moan from the back? I wouldn't say a weird moan. I would say just a normal moan for a comedy club. Who's fucking moaning out there? Somebody's getting a 1950s-style movie theater handjob back there. Right through the popcorn. Hey, Susie, I put my dick in a popcorn bucket.

Yeah, exactly. It was a simpler time where popcorn was contraception. I hope this butter doesn't get in my pee hole because that's sure going to sting, but handjobs really swell, I tell you. I'm going to die in Korea anyway. All right, I got one.

Legend. Legend. It's still, you know, it's afternoon or early evening and it feels like it's some sort of late show or something. Can I say legend? I fucking love it. Legendless love? I'm really trying to bring it back in here.

What? Legendless love. Legend. Legend. Legend. Yes, I like it. Thanks, Doug. Thanks, man.

No moans on that, right? What's up? I will go with Legendless Love and Other Drugstore Cowboys in The Hoodwinked. Oh, you son of a bitch. I want it. I want a high five right there.

That was really good. Thanks, Elsa. Greg, what movie begins with winked or ends with... Legend. Legend. Ends with legend? Yeah, ends with legend.

Well, can I use the movie Legend? I just did. Yeah, that's what he did. Oh, is that what you used? The game would never end if you could do that. I'll say what he just said. How about Legends of the Fall? No, that doesn't work.

It would have to be the legend. It has to end with legend. I'm trying to think of one, and I just got it. You could do it. I am legend? That's it. Oh! Shit.

All right. So I don't want to mess it up, but can I just say GoldenEye? Yeah, you can. Okay. All right. I don't have to say the whole, I don't know the first James Bond GoldenEye.

City Slickers 2, Legend of Curly's GoldenEye, Am legend. Where does it go? Legendless love and other drugstore cowboys in the hoodwink. Knock it off, hot shot. Wow.

Doug's on the mat. I hate to do this to you after such rapturous reaction, but is it just me or is it not Legend of, but Secret of? I think it's Legend of. I really do.

I would be most... Legend of, what was the first one? Or is it Secret of Curly's Gold? Secret of? Oh, is it? I don't know's not The Secret of? Oh, is it? I don't know. Is it Secret of? We can't use your cell phone.

Oh, great. This is a good club. That's awesome. Why can't you use a cell phone in here? It's such a good club, you can't fact check. Just because of etiquette? Legend!

Yeah. It is Legend? That's Billy Crystal. All right, I'll take it. It's a guy wearing a Mets cap. We're good. I need Daniel Stern to weigh in. Is Daniel Stern here?

Oh, he said it. Yes, he is here, and it's legend. The legend of Curly's Gold. Of course that's what it is. Of course that's what it is. I'm being silly. Daniel Stern and I are going to Sassy's after this, I think. I'm kidding.

I'm not. Anyway. No, that's where the after party is I mean there's two after parties the first one is on the sidewalk and the second one is at a strip club that's in walking distance that's what I call heaven do you like looking at a woman's body

but having things to read on it as well? In my younger and more vulnerable years, that's her tattoo. Yeah, so... Where the hell are we on this thing? City Slickers, right? You got it, yeah. Yeah, so where the hell are we on this thing? City Slickers, right? You got it, yeah.

So we need a movie that ends in city. Or starts in winked. Winked is, boy, I think that's a stopper there, winked. But if anybody in the audience thinks they know, please don't yell it out. You guys have been awesome so far. Amazing restraint. A little bit too much noise when Greg said 58 million. You guys have been awesome so far. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing restraint. A little bit too much noise.

When Greg said 58 million, like, well, that was off. I was like, oh. Is that what they sounded like? They did a little bit, yeah. I remember that. There's still a stray sounds like that. One guy, oh, Ray Romano. Babe, pig in the city.

Shit. Yes. Yes, you don't even have to say the whole thing. That's a good one. Can I just say The Babe? Wasn't that a John Goodman movie? Wasn't it called The Babe? You can't just do that.

I mean, well, I did it. What are you, a cheater? Why not? It's Babe. It's Babe. Get to work. Yeah, I don't know what else you would say. I mean, don't make me lose because I got an answer right.

Hey, listen. I know that the rules are different when you're out there skateboarding. There aren't any fucking rules, dude. That's what I'm saying. No rules skateboarding. You also know this game doesn't matter, right? Everything matters, Doug. That's what I look like when I'm bummed, you guys.

I just lost a game. I can't think of any other ones, and I can't think of... Is there a movie called Danger Bay? Doesn't that sound like a movie? It does, but I don't think that's one. I don't know. Yeah, I got nothing. Tyrone Power. There's got to be something, Bay.

There will be a movie called Bay, like B-A-E. There definitely will be. I know there was a movie called The Bae, but that's the same. Right, right, right. That's another cheater answer. Danger Bae. Someone make that into a movie. It's a bae.

Right now. There's danger. It writes itself. Have that be a movie on IMDb in the next 30 seconds while I kill Tim. What about that dinosaur movie, Bay Bay? Baby. It's called Baby. Okay, I can't think.

If it were called Kids, Bay Bay, we could do this, but it's not. I can't think of one. I thought of two, but I can't think of one. So Greg won that one, then. Greg Krips is the winner. Yeah, Greg won that one. Good job, Greg. Thank you.

Greg Krups is the winner. Yeah, Greg won that one. Good job, Greg. Thank you. I'd like to donate everything I brought to the winner of tonight's show. Yeah, it's really a great couple of prize bags for somebody tonight. I'm very excited.

It really is, Doug. I'm excited for them. Me too. Especially if they're thinking about going to Sassy's. Because nothing makes you stand out more at a strip club than two shopping bags full of garbage. Right this way, sir. And then you're just outside again.

It's cold out there tonight, so you got your heavy coat on. You look like a fucking completely... I don't know what that bouncer at the front with the bear mace would think about you bringing grocery bags in there. But I know the girls love to get paid in sour cream. Wait, the bouncer with the what? Dog. Bear maze, dude. He's so buck looking. Yeah, he's got the face tats and everything. He's a gnarly

looking dude. Bear maze? Bear maze. Like mace, you know, like super gnarly. Oh, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. He's got a bear maze. I thought he was like, he has a maze that he makes bears go through. He keeps a bear. They keep a bear in case anybody falls down. Or like the bouncer with the bear nays. Like he just has a big thing of bear nays sauce that he sips on.

He's gonna be dead by 40, but fuck if he isn't fat. He sure does look tough. Are you trying to smoke your pen? So Greg gets to go first in the Leonard Maltin game, and then we will go to Sean and then to DC and we'll switch the order each round. First person to two wins.

Ty will be settled with a round of asparagus pea. Asparagus pea for everyone. I'll explain it if it happens because I need to refresh my memory every time. But, Greg, you get to pick between three categories. Rick, after Dark, suggested Inherent Lice, and that's summer camp movies.

Inherent Lice. Yeah, I am. Okay. Spoiler alert. That's films where someone is run over by a car. Nice. That's nice. Funnier than the lice thing, I guess.

And then Cage the Elephant. And that is Nicolas Cage movies where he has a good memory. And that is Nicolas Cage movies where he has a good memory. Oh, wow. That's a superb category. That's what I...

Did you notice I didn't credit to anyone? I thought of that one myself. You discredited to somebody. I don't know the name of my favorite movie that he did, but I'm going to pick that category anyway. Are we getting more drinks? We can. No more for me, please.

No, I didn't care. You can. Take some of mine away. All right. Which one of those are you going to play, Greg? I really want spoiler alert, but Nicolas Cage

sounds more fun, so I'm going to go with Nicolas Cage. Okay. This Nicolas Cage movie where he has a good memory is from 2009.

Leonard gave it two stars. He says there's kind of a time jump in there. It starts in 1959, then 50 years later the story continues. Of course, with Nicolas Cage. Also, it was shot mostly in Australia. And Leonard lists eight names.

How many names can you get it in? Eight. Greg says he takes all eight. Who did I say was going to go next? DC? Sure, I'll go. Negative one names, Doug. Oh, there you have it.

That's the spirit. There you have it. I will say... I'm not... Sorry, go ahead. You were saying? You don't have to say anymore. Okay, cool.

Nicholas Cage is the name. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sean has to get to bid. Yeah. That was pretty arrogant. I just want to say negative two to be an asshole, but I won't because I don't know what it is. I just wanted to give you the chance to say negative two.

I know you're in a corner. It's tough to know what the hell's going on right now. That hat looks really tight. I know exactly what's going on and I don't know the movie. I'm sorry about that. That's what I mean. You just don't know what it is

and nobody should know what this movie is. I want to write it down though because I think I might have it. But all you got to do is say DC Pearson named that movie and if he happens to be thinking of the wrong movie,

you're going to get a point. I know how to play this game. Yeah, no, I know. I'm the one who didn't know how to play this thing, Doug. Don't take it out on Sean that I just left him naming the movie. Some people listen to this one

for the first time. And so the law giver read the rules once more. And everyone was surmised of how the premise of the game was to be observed. Hey, DC, what movie is that? And that was the true meaning of Arbor Day. DC, what's the name of that movie, bud? Nicolas Cage is the name, and I think the movie

is called Knowing? That's correct! Yes. How'd you know that? Knowing, dude. How'd you know that? Knowing. What was that movie with QAnon? Thank you, Adam.

Love Actually. It was great. Sorry? What? So Greg gets to pick the category again then we'll go to Sean and you get to choose Greg between

at Dean underscore Goff, G-O-F-F suggested a reptile dysfunction and that's a movie where someone's attacked by an alligator or a crocodile. I don't believe there are any with both Werner Herzog Unloaded his top five movies of all time

Unloaded? Where'd he dump those at? And then I looked in the toilet I put them upon you I'm giving you the burden of my opinions Those movies and my divorce? I can't handle all this. I've got to unload some of it.

Thank you. So, yeah, Werner Herzog's top five. It's never going to get picked. I'm going to force it on somebody in the next 12 guests of Christmas. Do you mean his personal movies that he made? No, no, no. His top five favorite movies. His top five.

Yeah, just picking his brain. Like, what do you like? And he's like, you know, playing his trades in automotive. Is that a category? It's a category, yeah. Which, you know, what do you think his top five are? It's a ballsy pick if you pick it. And then Jordan Cole sucks suggested LOL Cool J.

And that's comedies with LOL Cool J in them. I figured out there was Cool J in them. I figured out there was about two of them. And we played one last week in the last show and it didn't go well for the players. I'm going to take Werner Herzog's top five films. Here we go. Let's get that

off the board. I think you'll find it's top films. Get it off the books. How did that chihuahua get to Beverly Hills? Number two. The year, Greg, is 1922. No, it, is 1922. No, it isn't, Doug.

It's 2014, man. Three and a half stars. Leonard Maltin gives this podcast that we're doing right now three and a half stars. The film, he gives three and a half stars. And he says that this movie was remade in 1979 and he also says there was also a movie made

dramatizing the making of this movie and he only lists four names. 1922, Greg Proops. I can name it in

one name. He just wants the one name, Sean Jordan. Telly, you're not going to win this round of Doug Loves Movies, just so we're clear on that. I have zero

so go ahead and name it. Alright, so just I'll give you the one name and that is Greta. Greta? Greta? Greta.ta Gerwig

Schroeder or Schrader I've known it to be pronounced both ways but probably Schroeder she changed it to Schroeder Greta Schroeder

it's Nosferatu that is correct I love this movie because he is an insatiable beast, but has manners. Much like the star of my other favorite film, Kangaroo Jack. Being on this show or listening to it is a Werner Herzog impression school.

Like we're all just doing somebody else doing him. What were the other five, will you tell us? Oh, God damn it. I have no idea. I just want to erase this one right now. I just want to get it out of the phone because that category has just been lingering for a long time.

The ego of him to pick Murnau's 1922 Masferato because he's the one who remade it in 1979. It's Herzog's remake and they infested an entire town with rats. There's a scene on the ship where all these millions of rats come off and he

fucking, his crew let them loose in the town, man. There was no rat wrangling. Unlike the movie Ben. all these millions of rots come off and he fucking, his crew let them loose in the town, man. And they like, there was no rot wrangling. Unlike the movie, Oops. Unlike the movie, Ben. My bad, guys.

Oh, fuck. Oh, dude. Your fucking town. Alright, so DC gets to go first. Points. DC gets to go first. And pick a category and then we'll go to Sean, and then to Greg.

And this one, we could end up with a three-way tie right here. Very excited about that. Apologies to no one. Is there anything as exciting as a holiday three-way? Go in detail as to what a holiday three-way is. It's you and Santa. Sean, are you his therapist? Go with that.

Go with that. Did you walk in on a holiday three-way one time? I just keep seeing him. What's he doing? Someone else's face on my mother's body. Yeah? Where on your mother's body? Buried in your mother's body or what's going on?

I didn't hear what you just said, but the answer is yes and no. That's good. I feel like we got a long way today, Greg. That'll be the end of the session. Sean, we've only been meeting for 15 minutes. I thought these were an hour. It was more like 10 seconds, but you have a distorted view of reality. Whoa.

Oh, we've lost Detroit. Mic down. Everybody lost their minds. That was crazy. Whoa. Oh, we lost Detroit. Mic down. Everybody lost their minds. That was crazy. Everybody? Well, I don't know, like six people. Just me? I think Adam's on it.

Did I? I almost said the Urkel thing. Did I do that? I totally can't remember what I was going to say. Sorry. Crack soundproof. Greg just gave it the old, he tried to fix it Fonzie style. Hey. Greg just gave it the old, he tried to fix it Fonzie style. Hey!

It's all good. Pizza. Triplets. I'm going with the banana triplets. I think another one of the microphones might be. Yeah, I don't know. We had issues with it at the top of the show, and then it got magically fixed.

And now... Oh, yeah, drop it. Yeah, it was very funny, because I said, this isn't working. I dropped it, and it made a huge banging sound. Go ahead and drop it, Greg. You know how to do it. You've done that before. Greg is saying some funny stuff, you guys. It's funny.

It's really funny. Get out of here. This anecdote never gets old. She did what? You guys were there? Why did you go there? Tell the part about the badger. Yeah. I've never seen anyone get mauled that bad before.

Oh my gosh. What are you going to do? It's a democracy. We got hot action coming in. Pass one down. Pass the mics down. Brigade system. Thanks. Pass the mics down. Fucking brigade of microphones. Brigade system. Yes.

Thanks to all the brave firefighters. Sorry, I think my chair is in the way of most of the water. Fifty shades of gray up here. Now you're going to break them all. Oh, my God. He is winding it tighter and tighter. It's as if it'll never let you go. Thank you, DC.

I've always looked like a roadie. It's only now that I truly feel like a roadie. And I was right when I was going to say that archaeologists are going to find this episode and say that no one ever speaks of these movies that are referenced in the title of the show. Because every riff has just been off in a different crazy

direction and I love it, but... Great recap. Let's keep going. Exactly. If I had another... Hi, it's Doug here for Onion AV Club reviewing my own podcast. Every riff went off in a crazy direction.

Bee? You know, it's like finding penguins in Madagascar. Come on. That was a lost verse from Alanis Morissette's Ironic. It's like penguins. That's the Canadian

pronunciation of penguins. In Madagascar. It's like penguins. That's the Canadian pronunciation of penguins. In Madagascar. It's like grape red vines. When you already bought Skittles. But you still got Skittles. See, I'm just saying that. It has nothing to do with movies. Oh, you don't eat Skittles at the movies, dude?

Oh, right. Did you bring Sk the movies, dude? Oh, right. Did you bring Skittles, too? No, man. I didn't. Can we keep playing the Leonard Maltin game or no? Yes. Yes, let's do that. I'm going to go get Skittles.

I will take potent potables. Rhymes with shunt. What would that category be, Greg? What would the... If that was the title of the category, what would the category be about? Rhymes with shunt? Yes. People who go to parties and get snubbed?

No, I don't get it. I've had kinds of movies, but that's alright. The first movie in the category would be All You Need Is Love, because you guys didn't see it, and that was the plot of it. Was it Can't Buy Me Love? That's what it is. Yeah. Do you know the one I'm talking about? Yeah. She's a

girl and he's a guy and he couldn't possibly attain her but then through a series of cute incidents She releases rats in his town Yes If you know what I mean High school prostitution I believe some extortions thrown in there

at some point Now you've seen it, now you know the one I'm talking about It's a movie from at a time when they couldn't just go on Maury and settle it. Right. Or whatever show would have them on. Does that show even exist anymore? No, I don't think so. It's like rats in your town when you already had an exterminatable.

DC gets to pick between... Leonard Maltin's five favorite Werner Herzog movies. Paper, category called Paper. People love it. Why do you like that so much? No one's going to say it? Just wait until you hear what it is. It sounds great on paper.

You're going to love it. Paper is movies where Dwayne Johnson dies. Paper beats rock. I get it. Rock. I get jokes. He's rock. Getting jokes is half the battle.

Deaf ears over here. I did not get that. Explain that to me. That's super good. Didn't get it. Derek Seibel suggests do you want to do some snowman? And

that's movies where cocaine is done. Where cocaine happens. And where it happens. Celebrating a birthday today. Where cocaine happens. Portland. There's a lot of bridges going to the same goddamn place.

It's not necessarily movies in Portland. It's just movies that have cocaine in them. We just happen to be in Portland. Where cocaine happens. Is this a big Coke town? No. Is that why I heard Is that why I heard Gimme Shelter just playing everywhere?

They legalize cocaine here, actually. Nobody knows that, but Coke's legal here, too. I was like, is this a big Coke town? Everyone was like, no! And one guy was like, no? Portland is its own democratic city-state, and we decided to legalize cocaine, and we're all thrilled about it. You have to live here to be able to do legal coke, though.

Otherwise, you can do illegal coke like the dirtbags. The problem with coke here is it gets damp. As soon as you take it out, a gust of wind blows it away from you. That's why everybody smokes big, fat joints here, because they stay lit in the rain. I don't do my cocaine in outdoor bathrooms. Everything's outdoors here. That's why everybody dresses like they're going to the brawny convention or whatever.

They're all modeling. My friend Shiloh's actually growing some really great coca leaves on the roof of his Garrett. How'd that work out? Hey, Doug, can we play the Leonard Maltin game? Yeah, hit me with some more categories, bro. One more category? I know, I was getting tired of being the bad guy trying to bring it back to the game or at least movies. Hey, can we play the Leonard Maltin game, bud?

Ba-ba-ba-ba-bam. Hey, got any gummies? We're not doing that-ba-bam. Hey, got any gum? We're not doing that bad on time. You guys got somewhere to go? Everybody good? All right. No! Where cocaine happens.

It's the Sabbath. It is a day of rest. I appreciate you guys being here because you don't care about football. That's pretty sweet. Woo! Can't pull this off in too many towns, you know. People got to watch their games, which I understand.

They love it. You like football, Greg? You'd be watching right now, wouldn't you? Oh, why do I ever? I don't know if it's the concussions. You're more of a baseball guy, which is so much faster than football. Yeah, it is. I'm a middle-aged white guy, which means I'm going to live to be 175 years old.

No, yeah, I'm a middle-aged white guy. I like baseball. I can't defend it to everybody. This finally became the AA meeting we were already waiting for. People admitting they like baseball. Hi. I'm also a Giants fan,

so everyone can osculate my salty man bag for their dose of sodium. Because my team's better than your team and my city's cooler than a two. Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha. I ride the Google bus. I'm a douchebag too. I'm a big fan of the Sioux Falls Canaries.

That's who I like. Nice. See that? There we go. Go Canaries. Into that mine. Come out back. the Sioux Falls Canaries. That's who I like. Nice. See that? There we go. Go Canaries. Into that mine. Come out back. The Sioux Falls Sky Force. Maybe they're a really good sports team.

You guys like the Sioux Falls Sky Force? Dude, yeah. Sioux Falls Sky Force? The Farm League for the Heat? Is that like the lowest grade anime ever? Someone's attacking the one store. Oh! Everyone into their tractor.

All the tractors form into one guy who has like a lazy eye. That guy's my dad and my uncle. I'm related to that guy like eight ways. What's the third category, Doug? The third category, Doug? The third category Celebrating a birthday today On December 7 Is none other than C. Thomas Howell

The great C. Thomas Howell Howell, Thomas Howell So the films of C. Thomas Howell is your third option. Gotcha. You got that, Cocaine. I'll go with the Cokey one. Or Dwayne Johnson Dimes. Oh, yeah, that one's dope.

Yeah, I'll go with the Cokey one. Okay. Do you want to do some snowman? What tune is that? It's supposed to be from Frozen. Oh, okay, gotcha. Two stars. You know, the blow never bothered me anyway.

She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie. Oh, Kanye. Kanye. She don't lie. Oh, Kanye. Kanye. Two stars from Leonard for this movie that has cocaine in it. The year is 1998.

He says this movie is extreme to say the least. Yeah. Holy smokes. It's the feature writing and directing debut of a particular person. The person who wrote and directed it?

That's the one. It's their first and they did both. Leonard lists a mere seven names. How many names can you get it in? DCP. I guess seven. And you know what I say when people ask me if I'm down

with DCP. Yeah, you know me. Yeah, exactly. Damp Coke Pearson. How many names? I can't do Coke. It makes me too charming. Seven names, Doug.

When I do Coke, I'm a prince. You're taking all of them? Why, hello, ladies. Anyone want to talk too much about my ideas? Did you say all seven names that we said? I did, yes. Okay, good opening bit. Good opening bit. Playing to win.

I like it. Who did I say we were going to next? I don't know, man. I think maybe Sean. Who challenged the last time Sean and Greg got the point it was a while ago

that was about a half hour ago yeah yeah that was back in 2014 so yeah it's on you Sean this is your chance

to make it a three way tie if you make the right play here I know that I'm not then why were you asking me I wasn't asking him oh you weren't no not at all fine we'll save it I'm not then why were you asking me I wasn't asking him oh you weren't no

not at all fine we'll say that girl on your hat just keeps winking at me I can't take it riffs from one end of the stage

to the other I got a hat on you need your alright five we'll say five names five goes west

sure fast five you can do your handjob joke Five-o goes west. Sure. Fast five. You can do your handjob joke. Four. Isn't the next one just furious seven? That's like, all right, I know you're mad at me tonight, but before we go to bed, just give me a furious seven. Like you just got a handjob.

You got a fast five a half hour ago, and she has to give you a furious seven because you want to go again job you got a fast five a half hour ago and she has to give you a furious seven because i want to go again it's not gonna go unless it's furious just be mad about it seven at the most let's say uh greg what do you think of that uh he will how many five yeah okay that's yeah i's good. I'll do it in four. Smart bidding, smart bidding all the way down the line. Four. All doing what I would do. Greg, name that movie. Oh, boy.

Oh, shit. Here we go. We'll give you four names, and you're going to tell me the name of this movie. Two stars from 1998, and feature writing and directing debut for somebody. And what was the other thing I said about it? Oh, extreme, to say the least. Yeah. And your four names are Leland Orser, Jeremy Piven, the PIVs,

Jon Favreau and Gene Triplehorn are in this movie called... No. Let me guess if he doesn't get it. Everybody knows it and I don't know it. A lot of people do not.

A lot of people don't know it. I'd say 50-50 maybe. I mean, I respect the audience that listens, but I also appreciate that... Exactly. I've just cut myself off. Where are you going? Just stop and see what happens.

Nobody knew. There's no reason. It'll be much more fun if you just wrap it up. 1998 and it's intense. Yes. And it's got Gene bloody Triplehorn in it. Mm-hmm. And Jon Favreau.

Shit, shit, shit. And the Pivs. I'm not going to be able to. And that other person, Leland Orser. I'm not going to make it happen. Are Leland and Gene Triplehorn an actual real-life couple? Maybe. I think.

Maybe. Possibly. It's a Coke movie, huh? Or there's Coke. Oh? Maybe. I think. Maybe. Possibly. It's a Coke movie, huh? Oh, shit. I don't know. Gross point blank. I don't know what it is.

Can I make it happen so I can prove that I know something about Can we make it happen simultaneously? What happened? Can I say it? Can I say it so I can

prove that I know something about movies? So you can prove that you watched Comedy Central in the early 2000s? What if I get it wrong? Can I say it's a Very Bad Things?

It is Very bad things. That's right. Very bad things. Very bad things, yeah. Who challenged, Greg? I did. DC did? DC did, yeah.

Okay, so that means DC's our winner, you guys. DC won. So where's the person DC was playing for? Beckeroo Banzai. Beckeroo, where is she at? Can you come grab these bags full of stuff? Can you email Sean Jordan and come back to a future show of some kind? My hair looks fucking dope right now.

You gotta have the hat, are you kidding me? Oh yeah, and the thing that DC had on. Yeah. And also, yeah, take a microphone too while you're at it. Yeah, please. No, we'd love you to have the microphone. It doesn't work. Well done. Back up, ladies and gentlemen. This is the microphone

that doesn't work. Okay, it didn't work. I dropped it and it didn't work. That was harsh. All right. I think it would have worked if it wanted to. It's a Christmas miracle.

Oh, yeah, tell me. Yeah, what do you got there, Sean? You got a name tag on the back of your thing? Just pass it down to me. But, oh, it's the whole thing of donuts? Where is it? Oh, my God.

Right there? What is it? Oh, over there? Oh, Jesus. Could you tear that piece off and just pass it down to me? But then the box won't close properly and there'll be a donut accident. We now know Doug's Achilles heel.

He can't read at a 45 degree angle. It's just a lot. That will be how we shall defeat him. That really just solved the problem instantly. I just looked right at it and go, that's what it says right there. I didn't mean to ruin everything. Donut box, the movie.

That was great. You'll actually believe a man can count to 13. Thank you, Sean. Thank you, Sean. Thank you, Sean. Sean, you know what? Sean, you're tied with DC now. I give you a point for that. No. I thought it'd be fun to

try to wrap that up quickly so we could play one more game. Let's do a round of Last Man Stanton. Do either of you guys, Greg or DC, have a flight to catch? Yeah. You do? Well, it's tomorrow, but I do have to catch.

I'm going to have to urinate at some point in my life. Fucking beer flight. Portland. I could murder. And I've exhausted my bag of regional humor. I live here, Doug, so I can stick around all night. No big deal. Let's just keep going.

Let's play some games. Yeah, let's do it. I mean, I'm not going to go crazy. Like, ten more minutes. All right, let's go. Let's play Last Man Stanton. Last Man Stanton. You're cutting into my drinking time, but all right.

I'm cutting into your what? I'm joking. Oh, time, but all right. I'm cutting into your what? I'm joking. Oh, okay. Comedy show. I know. I just wanted to know the joke. When cocaine... When it happened.

All right. Cocaine happened to me for the first time when I moved out here. I'd never done cocaine until I got to Portland. Wow. Now you all know that Sweet Fucking skate punks This skate video should be seven hours long Hi mister I know you're older than me

What's that weird white powder? Try some of this Sean Can I snort it off your rock-hard boner, please? Of course. Climb in the back of my Lexus. Turn down the steely down. We have guests. The

Cuervo Gold. The fine Colombian. Oh, boy. Sean, you're doing a very good job. Does it feel good when I snort it on the top or the bottom? Front row. Front row, guys.

We talked to earlier. How's it going? It's going good. These guys are like Statler and Waldorf The early years Like the thing Hasn't happened yet That makes them hate Entertainment

Yeah they're just Warming up There's like two guys That look a little bit alike That are dressed Kind of similar They're like We just like entertainment

We're sitting in the very front We like to sit in front We get abused every show Let's move upstairs And start up some We won't take it anymore Instead of taking it, we will fucking start it for no reason.

Statler and Waldorf origins. That would be so fucking sweet. Statler and Waldorf in their early 30s. Because that's where people can really turn a nasty corner. Welcome back to the Statler and Waldorf cast. Did you see Leftovers this week? No, dude. It sucks.

I don't know. I haven't seen Leftovers. You guys got weirdly political about it in a weird way. I was just trying to shit on podcasts that are bad. I don't know. Anyway. Stop being so mean to my friend DC. Yeah, guys.

What game are we in the middle of? Portland hates a winner. That's what I'm learning. We're almost finished with a game, Carl. Portland hates a winner. What game are we in the middle of? You hates a winner. That's what I'm learning. We're almost finished with a game, Carl. Portland hates a winner. What game are we in the middle of? You got that right. I've been playing the game in my head.

It's Last Man Stanton. We're going to get the name of an actor. You guys get to... Randy Quaid! I did not ask you, sir. That's Wyatt, Randy. And therefore, I will never allow Randy Quaid to be played on this program. Whenever someone

yells it out, they will be dismissed handily. And with fanfare. That's Randy Quaid over there. I thought he was trying to whip up some publicity. If Randy Quaid wanted to be on the show, I'd fucking have him in a heartbeat. He's pretty fun on Twitter. He's on Twitter now.

He's pretty fun. Yeah, fucking have him in a heartbeat. He's pretty fun on Twitter. He's on Twitter now. He's pretty fun. Yeah, no, he's a personality. And he played Reagan on SNL, which is a really weird thing about him. Amongst a lot of weird things. So you guys are going to name it for us. Not just anybody. It's the gentlemen who got in at the very last second and

are in the front row. I think they really deserve to determine how the rest of the show is going to go with what they've decided. Have you thought about it? Have you worked it out? You look like you want to say Tyrese Gibson. I'll start with Baby Boy.

I wish that you thought that that was them that actually said that. Tyrese Gibson, please. He used to be an R&B singer. Now he's a successful actor. Angel of Mine. He was in a Monica video. He could be an actor. Anybody that has a lot of movies credited to them.

Actor, director. He was in Baby Boy. Can we do Dave DeVito? Sure you can. You can do whatever you want, big guy. It's your day. It's your world, man. I'm just living in it.

Danny DeVito? Fucking, I dig that. Who do they want? Did they pick anybody? Danny DeVito. Oh, really? Okay, I'm in. Are you playing too?

Oh yeah, I'm gonna play. Are you kidding? You're gonna lose, dog. You think so? You Oh yeah, I'm going to play. Are you kidding? You're going to lose, dog. You think so? You ready to lose? Look at my face. I'm ready to win. I'm the opposite of what you're suggesting.

Well, let's go. I guess I never get hit because why would you hit a fucking idiot when I have an argument like that, that's just stops the fight from happening, but I will, I will fucking fight you. You will do nothing.

You will do nothing. Last man standing about Danny DeVito. So since you're so cocky, cocky full, why don't you go first? I'll go second and we'll go to Greg and then to DC and it's the films of, so that means I don't care go first i'll go second and we'll go to greg and then to dc and it's the films of so that means i don't care what he produced don't even try pulp fiction i will slap you down just movies he directed or appears in home alone what'd you say home alone you really didn't understand what

i said i really said home alone i couldn't believe that you're suggesting just out of the gate a movie that he is very, very much not in. He's super not in Home Alone. I would be surprised if Danny DeVito's never even seen Home Alone. They all look alike. Because when you're that small, that movie's a little bit of a nightmare. Batman Returns look alike to Sean Jordan. I mixed him up for a second with Joe Pesci. Batman Returns, please don't let me be out of the game. Please look alike to Sean Jordan. I mixed him up for a second with Joe Pesci. Batman Returns.

Please don't let me be out of the game. Please don't make me be. Pride goeth before a fall, my fine feathered friend. Please don't make me be out of the game. Pride goeth before a fall. I don't think so, bro. Don't worry, Sean. Portland loves a loser.

Please, please let me be in the game still. Winning, they say. Why, that's Seattle behavior. I don't really think that. I don't care. It doesn't matter to me. Help me out. I like both of those cities.

I can just say shit. You have to react. I don't care. I like them both. I can just say stuff because it's funny. You have to feel a way about it. I understand. I apologize. I apologize for what I just did. I love it here. I can just say stuff because it's funny. You have to feel a way about it. I understand.

I apologize. I apologize for what I just did. I love it here. I didn't mean to do that. You got to really stir it up to get a crowd here to make that noise at you. Can I please still be in the game or no? Seattle. Cities always hate other cities nearby.

It's amazing. Yeah. Who does Sioux Falls hate? Sioux Falls doesn't... It hates Sioux City, I guess, right? Yeah, it totally does. It totally does. Sioux City sucks.

You know what Minneapolis hates? It's my favorite one. Coon Rapids. Oh. Fucking Coon Rapids is still a thing. So, can I still be in the game please or no did I get did I really lose for that I just fucked up a little bit

you didn't fuck up a little bit I fucked up a lot as our friend Corey Feldman would say you bit the bag and stepped out the door I didn't mean to do that stand by me 19 something 19 something I'm not confident on the decade.

Gotta give him credit. Yeah, I could have narrowed it down a little bit. I know the century. I know for sure it was in the 1900s. He wasn't hanging out with Napoleon. 87. Jesus wasn't there. 84?

84-ish? Was it 84-ish? Yeah, it was. Okay. The decade was the 80s when cocaine ruled I should do that for one show I've never done cocaine maybe do it one time

maybe especially if I'm going to do dabs I should do cocaine and dabs that'd be so weird you'd just be like do dabs. I should do cocaine and dabs. That'd be so weird. You'd just be like... It would just put you at normal. There was a guy out there that just went, Do it! He's like a weird drug swamp creature. I'm on it now!

Fight me! I'm a bitch! find me a bone match okay so for a joke I've been thinking of what movies does this seem like Danny DeVito should have been but wasn't and I'm not gonna say the Princess Bride what I'm gonna say

instead is I'm gonna say a movie that he was very much in called, I haven't seen it since it came out, but I was delighted by it at the time,

called Ruthless People. Ruthless People. War of the Roses. Thanks for Batman Returns. I'll do Batman Returns. Oh, it's back already? Yeah, somebody messed up and they got out on their first turn and

their friends are being real mean to them so they wouldn't let them back in the game. It's just like elementary school when they kick me out of the four square tournament. Kick you out? Or simply ostracize you for emulating the older boys?

Nobody's ever liked me. I thought I had some friends up here and now I realize I don't. I'll just drink my third glass of Jameson. How about that?

Cloak yourself in loss. It's what people respect up here. Let it be your Pendleton. Get shorty. Twins. Oh, man. Was he in Be Cool as well?

Does anybody know? That was the other Elmore Leonard one. He was? Okay, Be Cool. He was for sure in Be Cool? Be Cool. You sure? Seems like he was in Home Alone and Be Cool.

His character switched from movies to music in Be Cool also? He wasn't in it. You're liars. The one where Vince Vaughn is in it? I did? Okay You really got me with that I said it on the last episode Okay, so who said be cool?

I did Okay, so it's back on me That was an awesome style tactic I just used Check this shit out Hoffa Hoffa. Hoffa. Hoffa. Whoa, whoa, with the yelling.

Greg. Hoffa. Yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it. One flew over the cuckoo's nest. LA Confidential. Rocky. That was Burt Young. That was David Vito. He's in Rocky, dude. It was Burt Young. Anyway, Doug was Danny DeVito. He's in Rocky, dude.

It was Burt Young. Anyway, Doug, it's your turn. I said Rocky. It's my turn now. Danny DeVito is Apollo Creed. I got one, I got one, I got one, I got one. It's the Ro Mama from the Train. Oh!

Oh! Is he romancing the stone? Throw Mama from the Train. Oh! Oh! Is he romancing a stone? Yeah. Yes. I didn't know you had one. Huh? Yes.

I'm not quite sure. Yes. Was he in Stop or My Mom Will Shoot? No. No. Or is that, am I thinking of Throw Mama from the Train? I'm out. I'm out.

I'm out. Good fellas. Am I thinking of Throw Mama from the Train? I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. Good fellas. Parting shot at Sean as I joined him on the fucking scrap heap of history.

Casino. Remember when he killed that guy with the pen? The vape pen? Y'all see what I'm doing? Thought it was his ink pen. I'm playing my own game. It's called Joe Pesci movies. Except that he wasn't in the last movie I said.

Check this one out. It's just you and me, Greg. Yeah. Tin Man. Ooh. Nice. Tin Man? Oh, God.

I've just forgotten the name of the movie. Oh, here we go. Got Death to Smoochie? Oh. Oh. Oh. Where was I've just forgotten the name of the movie. Oh, here we go. Got Death to Smoochie. Oh. Oh. Oh. Where was I on that one? Rocky's high now. Gonna fly now.

I got one. This is like church. Matilda. Oh. Oh. Take a drink from that sippy cup. I think you might have me. I think you might fucking have me on this one.

Whoa. Unless the cocaine of victory happens. Don't. Don't. Isn't he also in... Come on, you can do it. I know. Oh, I got one, I got one, I got one.

No, what's the one... What's the name of the... Something of the... Doug, stop jacking off. We're trying to play this game. Jewel of the Nile? Is that what it's called? Jewel of the Nile. I that what it's called? Jewel of the Nile.

I couldn't think of the fucking sequel. I'm romancing the stars. I have to say, Other People's Money. Wow, that was awesome. You're going to tell your children where you were for this one, and they're going to go, what? Who's Danny DeVito Don't leave your children home alone though When you tell them that

He wasn't in home alone I think you might help me now Doug No help no help Don't help us This is sublime torture right now It really is I'm at the end of my fucking Danny DeVito rope. I am too.

Oh, wait a second. Was he in? Wait a minute. Did he direct? Oh, he directs me. He was the director of... Oh, shit. Oh, I helped you.

I helped you. Maybe yours will help me. Yours might help me. He directed... He directed War of the Roses If they walk away now They'll split the winnings of nothing He didn't analyze this?

No, that's Harold Ramis Fuck, I'm Alright You're out Yep Yeah, yeah So I'm the winner And

By the skin of my teeth Because I really can't think of another But People in the audience Know plenty of Junior, somebody said in the audience know plenty of them. Junior, somebody said. That's a good one. Deck the Halls, somebody said. Deck the Halls.

Oh, shit. Man in the Moon, somebody said. Who said Hercules? Somebody said Real Big Fish. That's a ska band. Big Fish is a big one. Big fish. Drowning Mona! Drowning Mona! Or are you just confessing to a crime?

That's what I've been doing all afternoon. Drowning Mona. Uh, what? Jack the Bear. Oh, that was the one? God damn it. I knew he was in Jack the Bear. Where were you was the one? God damn it. I knew he was in Jack the Bear. Where were you before when we could have cheated?

If you get to the end of the bear maze, you get to Jack the Bear. Uh-oh. That bear's got a human-sized dick. That's why I go like this. Fits perfectly in my left hand. Little ditty about Jack the Bear. Just a grizzly growing up anyway. Perfectly in my left hand. Little ditty about Jack the Bear.

Just a grizzly growing up anyway. Is that all the ones? Is that all the movies? Curly Sue? Curly Sue. Is it Curly Sue? He's terrific in Curly Sue. What the fuck? The Lorax.

The Lorax. Good one. The entire city of Portland is Danny DeVito's agent. Always sunny in Philadelphia in a movie. That'll be amazing. Why not just throw three episodes on a screen and let everybody have a laughing fit for an hour and a half? Man in the Moon, that's right.

The Dirty Dozen? Eight Heads and a Duffel Bag? I watched that with my dad back in the day. Someone see that gentleman out. He's with the Johnny Mona lady. How dare you? You're only allowed to shout out if you're sure. I did think of another one.

Speed 2. I've got of another one. Speed two. I've got another one, gentlemen. What is? Just to rub it in. He was in Going South. Oh, yeah. With Jack Nicholson and John Belushi. Yes, he was.

All right, you guys. Good job, everybody. What a fun crowd. It's still, it's only a little bit after 6pm people are fucked up my thanks to all three of my guests always great guests on the show Sean, Jordan, DC, Pearson and Greg Proust right on

oh any quick plugs you guys want to throw in? I'm sorry I didn't... I acted like it was time for you to leave. This Wednesday, I'll be at the Up Comedy in Chicago doing my podcast, The Smartest Man in the World, which you can download for free at gregproops.com or iTunes.

Thank you. My Twitter is DC Pearson. It's my name. And also, I have written two books, Crap Kingdom and The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep and Never Had To. And they're available everywhere fine books are sold. They're on Amazon. They're your local independent bookstore.

They're at fucking Powell's. And get them for Christmas for your friends and family or yourself. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. And I run a show in town called Funny Over Everything. We do it at the Hollywood Theater. And I would love it if all of you liked the show and came out and watched it. W. Kamau Bell in January 21st is what it is.

Baron Vaughn will be February 28th. I know that's far away, but I don't have shit going on until then. So there it is. And also, anybody that wanted to go see stand-up, go watch some stand-up. Just hear this and go watch stand-up somewhere. All right. North Dakota's funniest comic.

I'm only going to let it slide 13 or 14 more times, dude. You never know who's going to hear this between now and then. You know, some people might not hear it until closer to the day, you know. People listen to podcasts when evs. Thanks, man. For instance, the year was 1998. Doug Lowe's Movies is coming to San Diego on Saturday, December 27th at 420-ish. And thanks again to Helium Comedy Club.

It's a gas! And all that come here, you guys are always great crowds here, and I'll be back to do stand-up in March, and then more Douglas movies here in the future. This was great. Thank you so much. And, yeah, I'm going to do the shitheads. She thought I wasn't going to do the shitheads.

Who is more the shithead? The shitheads, or the person who says, what about the shitheads? She's from Sioux Falls. We grew up with each other. That's Nicole is her name. I just figured I should bring that up. Oh.

This is like the worst John Mellencamp song ever. So we're switching it. From now on, you don't have to write your shitheads down because we're just going to say Nicole is the biggest shithead. I was looking for a way to change this up because I got tired of telling the guests

not to read the back of the name tag. So now Nicole is a shithead is what we'll say from now on at the end of this show. You're welcome. It's my gift to you

for 2015. People don't love it. But I do. People write to me on Twitter and say so-and-so's a shithead. Do you have any idea how it works? No. No, they don't, Doug. But there was a good one today. Somebody wanted me to call.

I'm kidding. Alright, so here comes for Nicole. You're welcome. You're welcome. Everyone open yourselves like a donut. As always, thanks again to everybody. And as always, the Disneyfication of Star Wars is a shithead.

See, I thought that... I didn't know what kind of reaction... I'm a conscientious objector. I think that trailer looks fucking awesome. Conscientious objector to that shithead. Disney, call me. Hi, I have long hair. I look like a Jedi. Okay, bye. I was in Captain America 2,

so I'm already on the payroll. You don't even have to do the paperwork again. Okay, bye. There is only one person in this room. I bet you, I bet a lot of money on this. I could be wrong, though. There's only one person in this room that has been you, I bet a lot of money on this. I could be wrong, though. There's only one person in this room that has been in

one of these Star Wars films. Let's not hold which one it was against him. But Greg proves, what'd you say? It was you? Yep. What were you in Star Wars? It was Boba Fett. No way. Holy shit.

Boba Fett is No way. Holy shit. Boba Fett is here. That's amazing. But you see him without a mask. Why does Boba Fett have like a morning radio zoo crew voice? Hey, it's your bounty at nine. If you see our van frozen in carbonite around town, call in. Midichlorians running through my blood.

It's time for some fucking Skinner. If they call in, can they win some money, maybe? Are they going to win anything? They can win some credits, sure. Yeah, some credits? Two tickets through the Kessel Run. Cool. I'll tell my friends to call. See, Disney, I already have the reference base. Okay, cool, call me.

And gluten-free people are a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie Isaac told his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you Does Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug, Doug Can I have another Jameson on the Rock, please?

May I have another Peppermint Schnapps, please? I'll take another... Fuck you, it's the holidays. I'd like Every one of you guys Is at home with like Cold cream on your face Eating chocolates

Out of a box Watching fucking Clueless and crying So You guys can climb Right off my dick Peppermint schnapps Is like the Beyonce

Of schnapps It is the Beyonce of schnapps. It is outlasted. All the others that it came up with is the Justin Timberlake of schnapps.