Doug Loves Movies - Guy Branum, Zach Galifianakis, Chad Opitz and Beth Stelling guest

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

Live from Dynasty Typewriter in LA, Doug welcomes Guy Branum, Zach Galifianakis, Chad Opitz and Beth Stelling to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privac...y Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I hate candy wrappers screening baby sticky seeds with 50 as a pop or curdles in his teeth They're still not one that we won't see But Doug loves movies Were you like sitting there like is he real? Is this some Disney shit happening? Is that some sort of animatronic? I know I'm real and I will prove it by needing my glasses to read my tiny handwriting, because I write an entire show
Starting point is 00:00:41 is on two sides of one sheet of paper, because I'm a tree chugger. Hey, hey, hey, every ch of paper because I'm a tree-trugger. Hey, hey, hey, every- Trugger, I'm a tree-trugger. Hey, hey, hey, everybody, my name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Yay, live streaming for the first time, maybe possibly, we've live streamed a couple times.
Starting point is 00:01:04 But for the most part over 18 years not a lot of live streaming but we are coming to you once again from one of the greatest places to play anywhere on earth and here in Los Angeles Dynasty Tidewriter at the Hayworth Theater. Those of you joining us on the live stream, if you haven't been to a Douglas movies taping lately or ever, I would come out sometimes before the show and walk everybody through things they need to know. And then we hit record and then make a podcast from there. So today is going to be a little different, because the streaming audience will get to see the part we do during the commercial break, which
Starting point is 00:02:02 is selecting name tags. which in a lot of cities there's lots of name tags in the audience, but here in Los Angeles people have shit to do. I'm grateful that they come here at all, and so I can't complain, but it was funny that it was the LA crowds at UCB Theater that started bringing name tags, like made it into a thing that became a much bigger thing than I ever planned for it to be. But now it's funny that they're leading the resistance in this country.
Starting point is 00:02:36 And we'll see about some of the other big cities later on this year. I got lots of shows coming up. But right now, it's Saturday, January 25th, 2025. We almost did it. We almost got through January. So that's exciting. And I'm not going to keep you waiting. I know your most important part of the show to you is Doug Plugs. Doug Plugs, Doug Plugs, Doug Plugs, Doug Plugs, Doug Plugs, Doug Plugs. See, the people, they go crazy for it. If I tried to move on, they wouldn't let me.
Starting point is 00:03:10 The chanting is so intense that it stops politely, uh, you know, rather quickly. Like the next time I speak. Uh, but I do have some plugs that I want to throw out there. Uh, next weekend, February 1st and 2nd, speak. But I do have some plugs that I want to throw out there. Next weekend, February 1 and 2, I'll be in five shows in San Francisco that are part of SF SketchFest, including a Douglas Movies
Starting point is 00:03:34 taping at 420 on Sunday, February 2 at the Gateway Theater. Go to SF SketchFest for tickies. And then the Benson movie interruption is back here at the wonderful Dynasty Typewriter on Saturday afternoon, January. January, you son of a. I'm so mad at the person who wrote that, because he's me.
Starting point is 00:03:57 February 15 is the next show. It's just wishful thinking that we could be back in the halcyon days of January 15th. For all of my dates and deeds and links, you know, the correct ones hopefully, go to douglovesmovies.com! That's douglovesmovies.com! Yeah! Kakam! Wallet! Ted Danson?
Starting point is 00:04:22 That was beautiful. I'm glad that's, I'm glad that's surviving. I'm glad people know that. Let's take a look at the prize bag, and in today's case like a sack, like a duffel sack, like a person on the road would have, because it's, yes, it's a Santa sack from, it was a movement, I don't know what to call it, but it was called On the Road Again, and they gave lots of stuff
Starting point is 00:05:07 to musicians and traveling performers, including these bags. So they gave me a ton of them to share, and I've been getting rid of them at the rate of one every three or four months. And this is exciting. This is really exciting. It's prize bags, like I said. There's like three bags. But the most exciting one is from the premiere of the Paramount Plus TV show, Land Man.
Starting point is 00:05:32 I have this lovely Land Man bag. And inside the Land Man bag are a Land Man mug and a land man candle that does not say land man on it. I'm thinking now it was just on the table and I put it in the bag. And then I've also got some pins from rocking pins of me, my face, Doug Benson, and then a Douglas movies pin. And those are also, I'll be giving those out till I run out of them. And who knows how long
Starting point is 00:06:12 that's gonna be. Oh my goodness. This feels like a magic trick, but I forgot to mention land manned coasters. Yes, two coasters so you could put your mug on one and the candle on the other. And then from our friends at Peacemaker who are always giving me fun things to give away, this is a black rubber ducky that you smoke out of its ass. So somebody's going to win all of that stuff tonight and to help us decide who the audience winner is, I have to get my four guests out here. Are you ready to get the guests out? I didn't hear you listening at home. I want to hear the home viewers and listeners. Please
Starting point is 00:07:04 everybody, I'm going to try to do them in alphabetical order so I'm already panicking a little bit. Give it up, everybody, for Guy Branum, Zach Galifianakis, Chad Opitz, and Beth Stelly. Hello, good morning and good afternoon. I asked all of them to sing a little something when they first came out, but that's the only one that was willing to take me up on it. So what points do I get for that?
Starting point is 00:07:45 Well, you get a thank you for coming point. And you get a I'll speak to you first point, because I like to introduce my guests individually for people that are listening to the program. And I like to do it alphabetically by first name. So here we are, and here we go. This worked perfect. Right? Yeah, my first name. So here we are, and here we go. This worked perfect. Right?
Starting point is 00:08:07 Yeah, that's right. Everybody, it's Beth Stelling. Yay! Woo! That's right. That's right. Let's see what I wrote down here for you, Beth. Oh, so when I texted you if you could do the show,
Starting point is 00:08:23 do you remember what your reply text was? Sure. Sure you remember? No, it was. It was sure. She remembered that. Do you say that to everything when somebody asks you yes or no question?
Starting point is 00:08:37 No. I don't say that to everyone. How do you remember that that's what you said? I have a photographic memory. All right, then, if you're so smart. How many exclamation points? One. Ha ha ha.
Starting point is 00:08:50 Is it two? It was two. Fuck. Yeah, you were really sure. God damn it. You were super sure. I can't believe I gave you two. That's so embarrassing.
Starting point is 00:08:58 Yeah, but then yesterday I got the dreaded text. Yeah. I hate it when this happens, when a text starts out, Doug, comma. Well, okay, so I woke up, I came on fast. After my set at the store, I felt like my throat started to hurt and I got scared. Yeah, so you want to warn me, I appreciate that.
Starting point is 00:09:19 So I wanted to warn you, I didn't want you to wake up the next day and be like, I can't do it. Because like I was saying to these guys earlier, I'm a rare cancel. I'm a rarely to never cancel. So I wanted to prep you in case my health took a turn for the worst.
Starting point is 00:09:36 But as you can, everybody sort of started smoking with the air. So I think something happened there. But I'm feeling fine. I'm here, aren't I? Yeah. No. You're out there, you're working hard, you have to speak a lot for a living.
Starting point is 00:09:52 Yeah, that's true. I was coming off of a weekend in Denver, different climate. Oh my God, the altitude. The altitude alone. Oh, it'll get you, it will absolutely get you. Honestly, I had a little blood. It's like they're higher there. I had a little blood, what if I. Honestly, I had a little blood. It's like they're higher there. I had a little blood.
Starting point is 00:10:06 What if I was like, I had a little blood in my stool? No, I did blow my nose after I got home. Should we get you another stool? Yes, it's all over this stool. Anyway, sir, everybody, my boyfriend's here. Thank you for being such a conscientious textor in all regards. You really hit it out of the park. But also joining us tonight, I'm not going to go after somebody.
Starting point is 00:10:34 My credits are about my texting. Well, that's why I was just going to discuss texting with everybody. Please. Okay. He is a returning champion from the last episode and when I texted him to come back, he replied, what'd you say, Chad Opitz? Oh, first of all, Chad Opitz, everybody.
Starting point is 00:10:55 Hey, hello. Hello. Man, let's see. I'm pretty sure I have that day free. I'd love to. That was so close, but you went with yep. That's really all I said? I'm a monster.
Starting point is 00:11:14 Oh no. It was fun. I was getting a sure and a yep. You want that kind of just immediate positive response, but then you did go on to say more words. Just like me. Yeah, you did say all those other things I think. I think you really remembered it well. You forgot the immediate the yep. Really put a pep in my step that yep.
Starting point is 00:11:40 Alright, so how's your throat? How are you feeling? You doing all right? Me? Yeah. It's fine, it's good. Okay, I just. What do you know that I don't know? I just checked, well, you know, Beth almost went into something, I've been hearing there's a lot of stuff
Starting point is 00:11:54 going around. We didn't triple kiss back there. I had a little lemon ginger in the back. You did? Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Thank you, dynasty type writer. They got it all here, man.
Starting point is 00:12:03 I have a classic Coke. Whoa. [? Laughter. There's a little table there. Did you find it for your Coke? I'm using the shit out of it. I got an office set up back here.
Starting point is 00:12:14 [? Laughter. That's good. That's good. OK. Also joining us as we move through the names alphabetically by the first one. I texted him yesterday. That's part of the whole game of booking these things
Starting point is 00:12:29 as it comes down to the last minute sometimes. Texted him yesterday. And what was your reply? It's Guy Branum, everybody. Yeah. Woo! What was your response? My response was, of course.
Starting point is 00:12:44 He's right. Wow! Yeah. I knew that I was being asked the day beforehand. I knew that I was being put in a situation to replace somebody bigger and more famous who had canceled. And I understand that's my role in this town. I am dependable.
Starting point is 00:12:58 Will I be there? Of course. Woo! I don't let people cancel on me by booking them last minute. Like, it still can happen. It still can happen. But I do kind of put it off a little more than I should. And also, I identify myself as a friend of the pod, somebody who loves the pod, who feels like even when I'm not here, I am to some extent here. So, will you invite me to be here again? Of course. I identify myself as a friend of the pod, somebody who loves the pod, who feels like even when I'm not here,
Starting point is 00:13:25 I am to some extent here. So will you invite me to be here again, of course. Thank you so much for that. The ghost of Guy Radham haunts my podcast. He's here whether he's here or not. I like that. And how are you feeling good, health-wise? About nine days ago,
Starting point is 00:13:44 I came down with the standard respiratory illness that everybody is going through. I feel better now, but I have still not switched back to the nose-only CPAP attachment. Oh. Oh. Oh. Ha ha ha.
Starting point is 00:13:55 Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Wait. There's one that goes in your mouth? Yeah. There's one. There's a double?
Starting point is 00:14:03 I was like, it covers everything. And it's like, you know, I've just been a little stuffed up. And I'll be, but look, when we can go back to nose only and mouth taping, those are the good nights of sleep. It's like, the options are like full bane and partial bane? Yes. I love it. This is cool.
Starting point is 00:14:21 I want one. I wonder if it would just help me in general if I was breathing better. Yeah, all of it scares me, but I think it probably works pretty good for people. Yeah. Yeah. What about, the ears don't get involved? No, not at all.
Starting point is 00:14:35 Though, since it was only recently that I went to the CPAP and I have started dreaming more, and now every dead person is visiting me in my dreams. It is metaphysical. Wow. Like dead people you know or like? Yeah, dad, ex-boyfriend, all the hits. Wow. I can't think of anybody dead right now,
Starting point is 00:14:59 but if I could I would have asked if they came. And last but not first, it's Zach Galifianakis. Woohoo! Also a late ask, did you think that was strategically a good thing for me to do, Zach? To ask me late? Yeah, because if I asked you a few weeks ago, you'd be like, oh yeah, maybe I could do that.
Starting point is 00:15:26 But asking you yesterday, you're like, I'm available tomorrow. I've got the perfect hairstyle, I'm good to go. Yep. I went to my stylist and everything was working out. And you were also a nice, polite, fast responder. Do you remember what you said? Unsubscribe? I don't know what I would have said.
Starting point is 00:15:56 You said, I'll be there. Oh. Very Michael Jackson of you. And then, but then that turn right away, who else is coming? Gotta make sure there's no enemies on board. That's a good question, that's a good question. I don't hate it, but I also was like worried.
Starting point is 00:16:19 I was like, oh has Chad Opitz ever started any shit with that? He doesn't know, He's been blocked. That's right. That's right. But yeah, thank you, Zack, for filling in last minute for somebody bigger. Who bailed? No, I was joking.
Starting point is 00:16:42 You're it. You're the tops. You're the big deal. Yeah. But thank you to all of you for being here. And you and the audience. We're really good friends, honestly. All those texts are heartening.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Yeah, those texts are beautiful. Right? Yeah, it's really beautiful. But it doesn't usually go like that. I know. That's why I'm acknowledging how you've got a panel of sweeties. This is a fantastic group. Don't get me started on what Moshe Kasher said.
Starting point is 00:17:09 I gotta say what he said. Could you move it to 430? Like he was like, if you move it a half hour, if you get everything changed. No, he was nice about it. But all right, before we play some games today, though, we'd like to do something that we do on every episode. And that's discuss movies a little bit.
Starting point is 00:17:34 Specifically, I have each of you give a recommendation. But in this case, it's January. So I always like to ask everybody what their favorite movie was in the previous year. Beth, can you, is that a gotcha question? Or do you have a? No, I got one locked and loaded. What is it?
Starting point is 00:17:56 I loved My Old Ass. I still love the same ass personally, but the movie My Old Ass. Yeah, you watched it on streaming? Yeah, I just clicked on it. I think I was on Amazon or something terrible. And watched it and loved it. Starring Aubrey Plaza and another young lady.
Starting point is 00:18:16 He was blonde. Yeah, I don't know her name, but she's very good. Because she kind of holds the whole thing together. She did hold it together. She was a wonderful young actor. Yeah, I mean right there with the title My Old Ass, like you think a lot of things about what it could be, but it's just sort of just somebody just being like colloquial. Sort of an inner child personified in reverse. Yeah. All right. Thank you for coming. Anytime. You are dismissed. Sure. We do not want you on this jury. Oh, I gotta write these down. All right, so up next is Chad. What's your, what was your favorite movie last year?
Starting point is 00:18:59 I loved The Substance. That was one. I was shocked it got Oscar nominated. Which I think it deserves it, but it's not the kind of movie that gets Oscar nominations. I was really surprised by that. No, that's what people have been saying about that Oscar nominated movie, is that it's not the kind that gets them. Like it really, like there was so much of that talk,
Starting point is 00:19:17 it was almost like they were like, oh, we'll show you what's an Oscar. You know, Sons of the Lambs did win Best Picture and so and they're you know their inability to understand when trans representation is really awful in a movie that they just reward it anyway just because they think it's representation is all that matters but it's wild. But so much has changed in Hollywood. That's a hilarious joke about Amelia Perez and the fact that all trans people hate it.
Starting point is 00:19:50 Yeah. It's been all those years. Like, Science of the Lambs is like, what was that, like 80-something? 91. What? 91. 91.
Starting point is 00:20:01 OK. Somebody came to play. See, Beth, now both you and Chad have a point. I know that, but I actually wasn't born yet. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I forgot that the one thing I forgot today was a pen. So please don't start chucking pens at me. Do you really have one?
Starting point is 00:20:26 Oh my god. Oh my god, you have a marker? It sounds like my friend. You could trust her. Oh, thanks, buddy. That's like a. Oh, shit. I found it.
Starting point is 00:20:36 It's good. What were you saying, Beth? I think that was my friend's voice. My best friend. The lady from Milwaukee? Yeah. Oh, no, no. That was regular audience member Chelsea that said that.
Starting point is 00:20:52 Really? Yeah. Kind of sounded like my friend's voice. I've got a marker. I appreciate that, though. But it reminds me of in the great muppet caper when they're all like trying to figure out how to get through the gate at the art museum. I did not expect you to say the muppet caper after that serious wind-up. It reminds me of the muppet caper. Hey, one guy, Lou, that throws the boomerang fish, he...
Starting point is 00:21:27 They try to figure out how to get through this gate, and he says, I brought some paper towels. Okay, all right, so... We got Beth's old ass and Chad's substance. But like, yeah, it's pretty disgusting. Like I've really been putting off seeing the substance because first of all, I don't have Mubi. And-
Starting point is 00:22:00 Is that where it is? Where is it available? It's on Mubi and it's in theaters. But it's, I feel like I would be embarrassed watching it in a theater, because I would look away so much. Oh, OK. It's pretty gross. It's pretty gnarly.
Starting point is 00:22:13 I bet you could probably buy it for something on one of the other streamers, right? Probably off. Yeah, MUBI. MUBI or Zubi, or whatever the fuck. You've got to sign up for MUBI. Oh, maybe I will. Is that different than Tubi? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:27 What the fuck? It is different. That's crazy. Why would they call them so close? All the names are so dumb. Mubi and Tubi. It's just going to be one name eventually anyway. They're all just going to gang up on us.
Starting point is 00:22:41 OK, Guy, what was your favorite movie of last year? A Real Pain. I usually fall in love with so many things during Oscar season and everything. I was like, I get why we are watching that, but I didn't love it. And I just, I really, Kieran Culkin's character is so weird and sad, and it really stuck with me. Okay, I'm going to have to watch these. He's winning every award, and now he's even nominated against the guy who played his brother on Secession.
Starting point is 00:23:12 Oh, yeah. Yeah, Jeremy Strong. That's a whole weird circumstance. How would you describe, what's it called again? A real pain. I almost called it a royal pain. That's the sequel. I would describe it as Jewie. It is a Jewie movie. It is Jews go to Poland to be sad about
Starting point is 00:23:32 their grandma and then think about different ways of being sad. But it's fun. And do you think Kieran Culkin is the titular character? Is he a real pain or is it a reference to something else I missed? He's quite a character. No, it is. It is both he is a real pain and also there is a real endemic pain in his soul.
Starting point is 00:23:59 And what do we do with that? Yeah, the movie left me with some questions. But not questions I had to ask, because one of them is, why did it end like that? And you can't really have that discussion when people haven't seen the film in question. I liked that it didn't sort everything away. I liked that it didn't feel like it had answers.
Starting point is 00:24:21 I felt like it presented questions that felt honest. Yeah, gave me stuff to think about. Hey, Chad, can I keep this pen? Like forever? No, I thought everyone would laugh when I said that. But OK, so apparently that one was just for Guy. What, do we have to see a real pain to get that one? I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:24:48 I don't think I was making a reference. But Zach, do you have a favorite film from last year? While you guys were listing, I don't know if I've seen one. And I wish, I mean, I have children, so I've seen like Trimmer's Five. There's seven of them. The kids love those earthworms.
Starting point is 00:25:14 They're just playing in the background while I'm washing dishes. But I have kids, so they watch movies. But I don't really, I haven't seen one. I don't think I've seen one. Oh, no, I watched one last week. OK. What a turn. So that was your favorite've seen one. Oh, no, I watched one last week. OK. What a turn.
Starting point is 00:25:26 So that was your favorite of the year. Yeah, it was my favorite. It was a Scientology movie. Meaning it was a report on Scientology with his name as Louis Thoreau. He's a BBC person. Do you know who that is? Yeah, he was on The Daily Show briefly.
Starting point is 00:25:43 Oh, he was? Yes. Oh, OK. Anyway, he was on The Daily Show briefly. Oh, he was? Yes. Oh, OK. Anyway, he did a doc about Scientology. And he's kind of a funny BBC reporter. So yeah, it was good. How did you see it? Where did you watch it?
Starting point is 00:25:55 This woman in a cafe was watching it. Over her shoulder. I just kind of like doing this. She kept looking back. Put your headphones on documentary I stumbled upon and I thought I'll just watch this at some time to kill and I watched it so it was good but I haven't watched like the ones you guys I don't even know what is the one you said, Chad? Substance? What is that one?
Starting point is 00:26:26 Demi Moore plays like an older actress who's been kind of cast out. Okay, yeah, I know. I've seen that. I've seen that billboard. Yeah. It's a good billboard. Yeah. It's, I guess, probably the first body horror film to be nominated for any Oscar, probably.
Starting point is 00:26:44 You know, I wanted to fly to I thought Jeff Goldblum should have been nominated for the fly but because that was some serious body body horror there right Beth? Yeah. All right who's uh okay so I'm just gonna write down NA for Zach. You can't spell Scientology without NA. That's all right. Yeah, okay. You can. But thank you for your honest answers,
Starting point is 00:27:22 and we are going to figure out who everybody's playing for today and who might win the prizes, the prize bags. So we're going to do that during this first break. We'll be right back. Oh, commercial break. Boop-ba-da-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. Woo! Today's episode is brought to you in part by Shopify.
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Starting point is 00:29:18 We're back from the commercial break. We're back from the commercial break. We're back from the commercial break. We're back from the commercial break. We're back from the commercial break. We're back from the commercial break. We're back from the commercial break. We're back from the commercial break. We're back from the commercial break. We're back from the commercial break. We're back. We're back from the commercial break.
Starting point is 00:29:31 What a fun break we had. We met some audience members. Do you need to use the restroom or something, Zach? No, but I had plenty of time to go get my soda. Oh, yeah. For the whole time. I thought we were back like four minutes ago. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:51 That's why I was doing my razzle dazzle so much. Now I got to turn it back on? You can go get it now if you want. I'm going to talk for a second. OK. You guys need anything? Soda is a good time. So for our first game, it's called Zach's Up First. So Zach, what you have to.
Starting point is 00:30:12 No, go get your soda. Go get your soda. I'm choking around. This game is called Zach's Turn. I'm just going to recap who everybody's playing for. Chad is playing for American Presidenten. And Beth is playing for Monica Martin. And Guy is playing for Pink Flamanda.
Starting point is 00:30:41 And Zack is, well, I'll just say he's disqualified. He's playing for Fight Caleb. Fight Caleb. And I probably have, I don't know, five minutes left on my meter. Is that real? No, but I have a friend who's looking out for me that I also sleep with, who's my boyfriend. And he's keeping track of the meter situation? Yeah, I just kind of wanted to also reiterate that that should be on his mind.
Starting point is 00:31:09 That's a smart way to get your message out without interrupting the proceedings. Hey, look, Zach's back. Yay! That's not a soda. Yes, it's a Boilins. Oh, okay. It's a Boilins. Like, that's a saying. Yes, it's a Boilins. Oh, OK. It's a Boilins.
Starting point is 00:31:25 Like, that's a saying. Yes, it's a Boilins. Oh, yeah, I had the Shirley Temple. It was very good. Or royalty. From that same company. All right. They treat us too good.
Starting point is 00:31:41 Time to play a game. I know all the snacks and stuff here at Dynasty Typewriter are too good. Time to play a game. I know all the snacks and stuff here at Dian C Typewriter are so good. The first game we're going to be playing today is called Who Texted? Remember all that talk earlier about texts? Yeah. Mostly it just set up that I want
Starting point is 00:31:58 to play a game involving a text that I received. Diabolical. I'm going to read the text that I received to you in its entirety. And then I'm going to give a series of clues as to the identity of the texter. But all four of my guests on stage can guess as often as you like who you think the texter is and the first person to get it right will be the winner.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Wait a minute, are we supposed to guess out of all your phone contacts? Out of everybody who might have texted me? Or is it just through? Based on first the text, I'll tell you the text. Okay. That might be a clue. Hi, this is John.
Starting point is 00:32:44 Yeah. Oh, that would really give it. Hi, this is John. Yeah. Oh, that would really give it away. This is tall John. Yeah. No. It won't be that easy. OK. But it won't give it away, I don't think, the text.
Starting point is 00:32:53 But then I'll say a series of clues as to the identity of the person. And you just guess who you think it is. OK. I'm ready. If anybody comes in, it's your mind. I got a question. Does this have anything to do with movies?
Starting point is 00:33:08 Have you heard the text? Not yet. Yeah. But that was a really good point, and I'm going to bring it up at the next meeting. The next staff meeting. Okay, here's the text I got. This is just a dumb warm-up game, Chad. Don't worry with how much it has to do with movies. I mean, you can't be an emperor walking around in your underwear in front of this guy, that's for sure. All right. Somebody texted me around the holidays. Me. This is like, you know, for me a question that does have to do with the movie, Chad. What beloved
Starting point is 00:33:58 movie opens with talking about 9-11 and has a climactic finish involving a child breaking through security at Heathrow while being chased. I know it, but actually. That is Love Actually. Yeah, everybody knows that. Oh. Right, Zach? I forgot about the 9-11 stuff, and that's
Starting point is 00:34:21 what I was not supposed to do. But that is a text I received. Somebody just, I got a text or something that's very baffled by love actually but also presented it to me like I had the same reaction I was like it's love actually like I knew what it was right away. But also a person should be baffled by love actually. Right? It doesn't make any sense many of the plot lines don't finish up and what's-her-name doesn't get to have sex with the hot Italian guy because she has to go to her sad brother.
Starting point is 00:34:46 But when's the statute of limitations if somebody say to me, hey Doug, are you familiar with this movie Love Actually? The crazy ass shit that happens in it? So now I'm gonna give you clues as to who this person was that texted me that the four of you all know it was none of you. Right. But somebody else that I know. Here we go. You've probably met this person. This person has been on this show. Comedian.
Starting point is 00:35:27 Was on last comic standing. Todd Glass. No. Amy Miller? No. A woman. Fuck. Was on an episode of Girl Boss. Oh.
Starting point is 00:35:55 Well nobody saw that. Yes what she said. Was in a movie called Spencer confidential. What? And we know them and they're a comedian. Yeah. This is fun. Often carrying a dog. Oh, Natasha Leggero. Eliza Schlesinger. That is correct, Beth Goddard. It was Eliza. Wow. It was Eliza.
Starting point is 00:36:18 And also, in the text, she was like, this would be a great question on your show. And I was like, I'll show her. I will put it on my show. And great job, Beth. Thank you. You figured it out. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:36:33 It was the dog. Yeah, that was a pretty good clue. Then we had winner of last comic standing, as it turns out. And then initials, I-S, if you still weren't there yet. And then the last clue was gonna be first name, Eliza. So I'm glad Beth jumped in there and made that happen. And you know what you win, Beth? Tell me.
Starting point is 00:36:59 You win the opportunity to go first in our next game. Thank you. You're so welcome. It's a game called The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Woo! I raised my hands because we don't have an applause sign. OK, so The Lion, the Witch, and in the wardrobe is, you know, it's right there in the title.
Starting point is 00:37:26 Classic. You know that movie, Beth? I know the book. Oh, really? Yeah. You read the book but did not see the movie? Beth is more of a reader. I am.
Starting point is 00:37:37 You know, an intellectual. It's true. Yeah. I don't think I saw the movie, but read the book, yeah. I always say this when this movie comes up. I was on a plane once, and I had to listen to two people read it to each other. What?
Starting point is 00:37:52 Like a mom and a kid would take turns on the chapter. Good thing it wasn't a couple. Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely the silver lining. Okay, so here's how this game works. I name a movie, you tell me if it's got a lion, a witch, or a wardrobe in it. Okay. All right, we're gonna start with Beth Beth, and then we're going to go across with Zach and Chad, and then Guy.
Starting point is 00:38:29 So if the first person misses, there's only three things you could guess. So if somebody misses, the next person gets a chance, and then the third person, and then whoever gets it right, then next person in line is first. Next round, here we go. Beth, lion, witch, or wardrobe? Napoleon and Samantha. That's a movie? Yes.
Starting point is 00:39:03 So now you're going to have to use some deductive reasoning. Does that sound like you would have a lion, a witch, or a wardrobe? I want to say lion, but I'm going to say wardrobe because of his little outfit. Oh, Napoleon's looking at me. I had thought about that, that someone might think it's a movie about that Napoleon, but I don't remember any Samantha that was high enough ranked in the stories about Napoleon that she would get into the movie title with him. But I'm sorry, Beth, that is incorrect. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:39:45 Zach, with the two remaining options, what do you think is in Napoleon and Samantha, a lion or a wardrobe? A witch. Lion or a witch? Wait, you said lion? She said wardrobe. I said I want to say lion.
Starting point is 00:40:01 OK, that's what I thought. All right, what? But I said wardrobe, like in an a-hole. Yeah, that was confusing. Um. So lion or a witch? I mean, in general, there are more wardrobes in movies than lions or witches.
Starting point is 00:40:17 Thank you. That's a great point. Like, that's just, so now I have to, are there more witches or lions in movies? Which is a tougher... If you just give me a minute, I just want to think of the lion movies first. That's gonna take me about 15 minutes. You might want to take another break.
Starting point is 00:40:38 Sort out the lion movies. I'm just gonna say lion. That's correct. Oh my god. I got so confused because I thought you said Witch. I did say Lion but then I went with wardrobe. Okay you switched it to wardrobe. Where do they go into again? You never said Witch. Wardrobe. Narnia thank you that's it. Yeah yeah. I just couldn't think of Narnia. Chronicles of Narnia. What? Yeah, the full title or whatever. But we're just talking about a lion, a witch, or a wardrobe. I'm not asking for movies that have a chronicle in them.
Starting point is 00:41:17 OK, so Zach is on the board. Congratulations, Zach. There we go to Chad. Chad starts us off on this next one. A lion, witch, or wardrobe? The ghost and the darkness. Oh yeah. The lion in that character. That is right. It is a lion. Good job, Chad. That was a tricky one. I can't believe you figured it out.
Starting point is 00:41:43 That's why he's good at this. I was joking backstage about, I don't book the show that way. Two good people and two bad people. I mean, a lot of times it's just three people. All right, so the next one goes to Guy, right? It's Guy's turn. All right, Guy, into the woods. Into the woods is a witch.
Starting point is 00:42:16 Into the woods is a witch, it's true. That's correct. Is there not a lion in that too? A lion in the, I mean, I guess there could be a lion. No. In a wooded area. There's a giant. Okay.
Starting point is 00:42:27 There are big, tall, timable giants in the sky. Okay. I couldn't go see the mycologist production of it. There's a wolf. There's a wolf. The big, bad wolf. Cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:39 All right. Back to one. Yes. Beth, are you ready? No. You get this right. We got a four-way tie we're working with here. You get this wrong. Shame spiral. The film is called Spirited Away. The horse cartoon? No. Oh. No. No. That's like spirit life on the cinema on or something like that.
Starting point is 00:43:11 Spirited Away? Simenon. Huh? Spirited Away? But Spirited Away is, in fact, animated. Spirited Away is? Mm-hmm. Shit.
Starting point is 00:43:21 Yeah, probably. A lion, a witch, or a closet? A wardrobe. Don't be tacky. Well, I'm tempted to go with my original answer because you like to spread them out. Yeah. I've never seen this movie. Spirited Away. Oh, no, no. Your people are sad in the audience.
Starting point is 00:43:43 Shock and disbelief. I don't know. I'm actually... And you can get mad at me and I'll... Oh, no, no, your people are sad in the audience. Shock and disbelief. I don't know. I'm actually, and you can get mad at me, and I'll kick some of these shells off, but I'm actually going wardrobe again. You're... It might work someday, but in this case, no, it's not.
Starting point is 00:44:03 It's not wardrobe. Zach, what do you think it is? Lion. You're really letting these people down in a big way. That's no, it's not the lion. Chad, do you know what it is? It's a witch. Yeah, that was the only one left.
Starting point is 00:44:26 It's a spirit away witch. All right, brace yourselves, everybody, because that could happen again on this very next movie. Guy, lion, witch, or wardrobe in Kiki's Delivery Service. Kiki's Delivery Service, also a witch movie. Also a witch movie. Yes, yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:44:52 Yes. Yes. Yes. Hi, Beth. Hello. You can do this. OK. Are you ready?
Starting point is 00:45:05 Lion witcher wardrobe. Beautiful creatures. You know what? I'm saying lion. You know what? That's incorrect. He loves to trick and I should know that by now. Yeah. You said creature.
Starting point is 00:45:27 If it's a wardrobe I'll kill myself. Zach, what do you think it is? Can I ask him a question about the movie? About Beautiful Creatures? Yeah. Okay, we'll see if I'll answer it. Is there a wardrobe in it? I don't, a lot of these, none of these I've heard of. Did you ever consider being a lawyer? Me? Yeah. Did I ever?
Starting point is 00:45:57 You really know how to trap somebody. Oh yeah, with my question. I don't know this one, Beautiful Creatures. Beautiful Creatures. You said lion? I said lion. She said lion will kill herself Oh yeah, with my question. With your clever wordage. I don't know this one, beautiful creatures. Beautiful creatures. Have you said lion? I said lion. She said lion will kill herself if it's wardrobe. What's your answer, Zach? I can't stay.
Starting point is 00:46:16 I'm gonna say witch. It is witch. Oh my God. I'm bleeding out over here. Ah! OK. All right. Who got that one, Zach?
Starting point is 00:46:38 No, no. No, I got it. You did? OK, yeah, Zach got it. OK. So Chad's up next. If Chad gets this one right, he's the winner. And the motion picture that I'm sure Beth
Starting point is 00:46:50 is very familiar with, Howl's Moving Castle. Oh! These aren't even real movies. Yes! Ha ha ha! Any ideas, Chad? I want to say wardrobe. I know.
Starting point is 00:47:07 I know everybody's been dying for a wardrobe up in the son of a bitch. Chad won't be fooled. If you get this one right, you're going to end it before, you know, potentially before that happens. But what do you think of Howl's Moving Castle? I'm going to say witch. I'm going to say that is correct. I knew he'd do it. Yay. Yeah those Miyazaki's have a lot of witches, a lot of witch behavior in those
Starting point is 00:47:37 movies. Beautiful creatures like 90s lesbian New Zealand movie right? No. Oh, Heavenly Creatures, sorry. Sorry. Yeah, Beautiful Creatures was what's her name from that show? OK. She was Emma Rossum. She was in Heavenly Creatures. No, Beautiful Creatures. There's a lot of kinds of creatures out there. And who knows if I wrote down the right one.
Starting point is 00:48:05 So congratulations, Chad. You won that game. Good job. Let me just for fun, let's go to the next. I want to do the next one with Beth. I'm going to ask you this next answer just for you know what? We'll keep going like we were just for fun. We'll have Guy answer this one. If he doesn like we were just for fun we'll have guy
Starting point is 00:48:25 answer this one if he doesn't get it beth you'll have a crack at it lion witcher wardrobe in a movie called the dresser you're sick okay so he says wardrobe and he's right and then then we come back to you, Beth. Lion witch or wardrobe? Nanny McPhee. I feel like she is a witchy nanny and she could have put a spell on a wardrobe that makes it move and talk. Which do you think is more in the movie, a witch or a wardrobe? A witch.
Starting point is 00:49:08 Which one do you think is the title character? I guess a witch. Yeah, that is correct. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But also, but no, no. I'm saying Britain doesn't love a built-in closet.
Starting point is 00:49:21 I'm saying most older British homes have to bring in furniture to act as closets. Thank you very much. Yeah, it's true. I got it. We have to get the corrections department on that to try and make sure we're accurate. But Chad nonetheless was the winner earlier in the game before that mess happened. But why does stuff count, right?
Starting point is 00:49:45 Congratulations, nothing counts. Okay. Nothing matters. It's 2025. Oh. That's a solid joke in any January. All right, so. All right, so.
Starting point is 00:49:59 All right, so. All right, so. All right, so. All right, so. All right, so. All right, so. All right, so. All right, so. All right, so. All right, so. All right, so. All right, we're going to take one more break. We're going to come back with an exciting conclusion.
Starting point is 00:50:09 We'll be right back. We're back. Zach had to take off, and Beth had a back spasm. An orgasm. Zach is out in the field. He's going to give us an update on those winds. Winds are coming in from the northeast, Doug. Hopefully they'll stay calm tonight.
Starting point is 00:50:44 That's all we can hope for, Zach. With a slight chance of rain coming in from the northeast, Doug. Hopefully they'll stay calm tonight. That's all we can hope for, Zach. With a slight chance of rain coming in from the south. Yes. Right here in the Southland. Very slight chance of rain, but please don't get too excited because we don't want a lot of rain. We just want a little rain. How much do you need?
Starting point is 00:50:59 Uh, not like even, I dare say even an inch might be too much because of all the mudslides that could occur. Oh, I've heard that before. But we've been preparing for them. Don't put it in. An inch will cause the mudslides. Ha ha ha ha. Cut that part out, please.
Starting point is 00:51:23 Woo. Cut that part out, please. Everybody forget that. All right. We're doing great on time. And I just want my guests to be comfortable. I'm stretching and I'm going to come back up. That's the main thing. Yeah, get a good stretch in.
Starting point is 00:51:44 Okay. I'm stretching and I'm going to come back up. That's the main thing. You get a good stretch in. OK. I'm back. We're all back. And we've got a very exciting finish here, because we've got one more game to play that's going to determine it all. And Chad gets to go first.
Starting point is 00:52:01 That doesn't seem fair. to go first. It doesn't seem fair. I'd like to support the winners. Reward excellence. But it's a game show thing. You make a choice. Either the loser of the last game goes first or the winner. But how can we say who lost the most in the last game?
Starting point is 00:52:24 I think it's pretty clear. What if I win I'll get you a Cabin Creek chair. Thank you. I appreciate that Chad. I need them to be a sponsor of the show but I also don't think that's what they're called. Can I ask is Cabin Creek the brand or that's the type of chair that's called? I think it's the brand. OK.
Starting point is 00:52:48 That makes sense. Because like, Adirondack chair, you know an Adirondack chair? I can solve this. That's the name of the chair. And also the brand. Or no. I don't know. What are we looking up?
Starting point is 00:53:03 I would just look at her password. It's 25611. Hey! My goal weight. Now that they have her password, all they gotta do is get their hands on that phone. What are you trying to find again? Nothing. Cross creek chair? It's called...
Starting point is 00:53:30 I've got a little game for you actually. Oh no! I don't have time for your games! I'm just kidding. It's called Crazy Creek. Oh. It makes even more sense. The Cabin Creek. Crazy Creek. You motherfucker. Oh, it makes even more sense than Cabin Creek. You motherfucker. Crazy Creek, what's their slogan?
Starting point is 00:53:51 The crazy Creek will inherit the earth? Yes it is. Okay. See? Their slogan? You ever feel like sitting in a triangle? I know I do. All right. What I say we're playing hadn't said that yet. All right. So we're flipping the order around, but Chad gets to go first in this game I wrote down I typed a word into the search engine on IMDB the Internet Movie Database and then I wrote down the top 11 movie titles that came up that have that word in them. The three of you are going to take turns naming movies with this word in them. If you get the movie that's number one on the list, you get 11 points.
Starting point is 00:54:58 If you get the movie that's number 11 on the list, you get one point, and then there's all those points in between. You're each gonna get three guesses, and you can each go to the person who you chose to play on behalf of once during the course of the game to ask them if they can give you a good answer. Do we go by turns, or do we just interject with the first? You go by turns.
Starting point is 00:55:22 Okay. Great question. Thank you. So Chad's up first, and then you're in the triangle. You're in the standing by triangle. All right, so I have to pick a word each time that frequently appears in movie titles and sometimes it ends up the list is weirder than others.
Starting point is 00:55:50 But I decided to pick a word that's in one of the films that's nominated for best picture. The nomination just happened the other day. So the word is conclave. I'm kidding. It's not conclave. No, the word is boys. So think of movie titles that have the word. Boys in them, when it comes to you,
Starting point is 00:56:13 give me one that hasn't been said already. And like I said, you go to your lifeline at any point. Chad, you want to say your own or you want to go to your lifeline out of the gate? Man, I might do that because there's so many options. I'm going to do it. Right? Just see what they have to say. Let them help out.
Starting point is 00:56:35 Denton? Oh, that's... What did he say? Lost Boys. You agree with that, Chad? Yeah. I wouldn't have let you not agree with it. You asked him, he told you. So that's, you have to live with it. Yeah, you have to live with
Starting point is 00:56:49 something that is number three on the list. Huge start, but now your lifeline is lost forever. You cannot go back to that boy. But you got nine points for that, Chad. Now we go to Zach. What? Why? I told you we were gonna go the other way. Oh, okay. Boys in the Hood.
Starting point is 00:57:20 Wow. That's good. That's good. That really is great, but that's B-O-Y-Z. That's good. That really is great. But that's B-O-Y-Z. Oh my god. And I didn't type it like that. Doug and his rules.
Starting point is 00:57:34 It's not a rule. I'm just saying, I type boys with no Zs. I think we as a culture need to ask IMDB to get woke. It should still come up in the search, right? Absolutely. This is a condemnation of IMDB, not this DB. Zach has not moved yet. I wrote down what they had to say.
Starting point is 00:57:59 It looks like he just pounded on a piano. Yeah. All right, can I change my answer? Wild piano hair. What? To what? No, you can't change it. Bring the boys, bring the funk.
Starting point is 00:58:10 I have a question. That's not a thing. Oh, no, we have a question. Like the IMDB thing that we're talking about, is there more credit given to newer movies? The idea is it's the search engine, so it's what people are currently searching. It ranks them according to that.
Starting point is 00:58:30 The Nickel Boys is my answer. Well, that was a smart question and a smart answer. It's number one on the list. God damn. I might be making a comeback. Woo-hoo! And I said that I picked the word boys because it's in one of the titles of the movies
Starting point is 00:58:50 that got nominated for Best Picture. Why was it listening? Yeah, you didn't laugh at my conclave joke. All right, so congratulations to Beth. She's running away with this thing. No, you could still be bested, Beth. She's running away with this thing. No, you could still be bested, Beth. But you have astonishing 11 points. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:59:14 Yeah. You're in pretty good shape. Nickel Boys. Zach is curious about Nickel Boys. I think you'd like it. It's a movie that just got nominated for a couple of awards. No thanks. It's not Tremors Five.
Starting point is 00:59:38 Have you seen Tremors Five? Of course. Yeah. I love it. Nickel Boys has a very unusual cinematography perspective, camera-wise. Save it for the red carpet, Doug. Ha ha ha!
Starting point is 00:59:52 Ha ha ha ha! Drinking? Yeah. People know. People either know or they don't know about the cinematography in Nickel Boys. It's all like first person, like whoever's looking around the room.
Starting point is 01:00:14 It's from their perspective. Yeah, it's crazy. But also very, very serious subject matter. So let's move on to Guy is next. This is first guess. Boys Don't Cry. Yes. Should be higher on the list but number eight. Number eight on the list, so that's four points to guy for that who's getting her call. That will be silenced. Oh, you silenced it?
Starting point is 01:00:54 For you, anything. Chad, you've had some time to think about how maybe you shouldn't have used your lifeline already. I don't know. What do you got? I'm going to say Wonder Boys. Never heard of it. I think that's with a Z, right?
Starting point is 01:01:22 No. Michael Douglas, Tobey Maguire, Nobels. None. Yeah. He's an author. We can't finish a second book. Yeah. Midlife crises character that is way out
Starting point is 01:01:37 of Michael Douglas's wheelhouse. I love a movie that's stuck in a house for a weekend. But anyway, yeah, it's a fairly highly regarded movie, but more in an occult way, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. It was one of those movies that people were upset that it didn't do better
Starting point is 01:01:56 at the time when it came out. But now I'm looking for it, and it's not on the list. Yeah, didn't make the top 11, but that's a good answer. Beth's learning a lot here today. Oh yeah, I do. What happened, who was that? That was Guy. Guy went, so that means.
Starting point is 01:02:18 So is it my turn now? No, it's back to, back to Zach? Oh no, yes, it's Beth's turn again. I forgot it was going this way. Yeah. I forgot Beth was here, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. OK. I mean, look, as we've discussed, I am more of a reader.
Starting point is 01:02:36 So is the Hardy Boys a movie? That's not my answer yet. Oh, OK. You're just doing some early investigating into potential answers. I feel like it was a movie. The Hardy Boys? But I don't know if it's going to be on that list.
Starting point is 01:02:54 I don't think it is. I've seen it. OK, can I use my lifeline? I glanced at it. Yes! I can't believe we didn't think of that. Let's use my lifeline, Monica Martin on Spotify. Monica Martin, what do you got?
Starting point is 01:03:05 Do you have a movie that has boys in the title? Bad Boys 2. Oh, yeah. Bad Boys 2. That's not so bad. Let me take a look. Is it spelled with a Z? Well, you have to settle on one, Monica Martin.
Starting point is 01:03:22 You're saying Bad Boys 2? She hates Teal Leone. She too she hates Tia Leone she can't stand Tia Leone and so she's like not bad boys one bad boys two all right you're going with two all right you have the same unerring instincts as Beth it's It's number 10 on the list. What? Monica, you might just get that yucky mug. All right. Zach. Okay.
Starting point is 01:03:58 You can ask Monica too if you want. You can ask your lifeline. You can ask. Before I do, I just want to work you want. Well, you can ask your lifeline. You can ask. Before I do, I just want to work something in my, is it Sophie's Choice or Sophie's Boys? All right, do you have one? OK, give it to us. What is it?
Starting point is 01:04:17 Bad Boys. Rated R? What did you say? Ride or Die. Ride or Die? Who's the other part of the title? Do you have a ride or die, Zach? That's the title, ride or die. Not ride or die, ride or die. Yeah. No, I know what's that. Yeah, ride or die. The guy from Paw Patrol? They got sick of writers trying to take credits. The guy from Paw Patrol is dying in the movie. They just riff those bad boys movies.
Starting point is 01:04:48 They're just like, ride or die. I don't like your answer. Uh... Because, okay, tell me the first part of it again. Bad boys. With an S. Okay, is there, how many bad boys movies? Is that the fourth one?
Starting point is 01:05:04 The one you... Why would, but we'll. Yeah, but why would two be high? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Should we go with one? Should we go with Bad Boys? Can we go with the first one? If you want to. Do you mind, I'm gonna just say the first one.
Starting point is 01:05:18 You may be right, you may be right. Your lifeline gave you Bad Boys ride or die. You don't wanna ride or die with your... Do you have another one that has nothing to do with Martin Lawrence? No. No. No.
Starting point is 01:05:31 No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
Starting point is 01:05:35 No. No. No. No. No. So that's your final decision? No. I think I'm going to go with the original bad boys.
Starting point is 01:05:41 You're going to go with the original bad boys. OK. But just for a future reference, you're not asking them for a suggestion that you don't use. I'm gonna go with the original bad boys. You're gonna go with the original bad boys, okay. But just for a future reference, you're not asking them for a suggestion that you don't use. Sometimes that's helpful. They're like, DSA. Ha ha ha!
Starting point is 01:05:57 But I'm probably, he's probably gonna be right. Original bad boys is number four on the list. That's good! Eight points for Zack. This is really becoming quite a tight race now. This is out of control. And Chad has to give his third answer. I'm going with what he said.
Starting point is 01:06:23 I don't know if he can like cheat off my lifeline. But we all heard it. How can we ignore that we heard that? I don't know if he cheated off my lifeline. Yeah, but then if Guy uses Sophie's boys, then I. How did I quit? Then it's over. Then I quit.
Starting point is 01:06:46 Okay. Wait, what's happening? Sorry, it's not a one. Then I quit. Ha ha ha. Okay. Wait, what's happening? Sorry, it's part of one. Okay, good. Um, but in the meantime, Chad, you want Bad Boys Ride or Die? I do. Number two on the list.
Starting point is 01:06:59 Oh! How is that possible? Wow. Wow. I don't know if I respect it. Yeah. All right. Oh, shit. Okay, so Chad has a total of 19 points, so now it's all about trying to get more. I have more. All right. Oh, shit. OK, so Chad has a total of 19 points. So now it's all about trying to get more than Chad.
Starting point is 01:07:31 I think I have more than that, though. You have 13. Also, how did Chad answer three times that I think I've only gone once? Yeah, what the hell? Well, this is your next turn. It should have gone you. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:43 It all went floof. OK. What's your next answer? The Boys in the Boat. Oh that's a good one. Number five. Okay. That was actually pretty good. I like that movie. You did? Yeah. Which boys are in the boat? Oh the American rowing team. Yeah the American boys that didn't go to the Ivy League school. Was it supposed to be like an award winner and it just didn't go that way? Yes. I believe Clooney produced based on a successful book.
Starting point is 01:08:15 It was a book that ladies read over the summer. And it was supposed to be a movie that we cared about, but it didn't happen. I cared about it. Watched it on TV? I watched it on my TV. Yeah. And I cared about it. Watched it on TV? I watched it on my TV. And I cared. Boys in the boat.
Starting point is 01:08:32 It was sort of a fuck you to the Ivy Leagues and people with money. Oh, okay. That'd be a better title. Fuck you, Ivy League. And also a fuck you to Hitler in a little bit of a way. Yeah. Seems cruel. I recommend it.
Starting point is 01:08:46 In a little bit of a way. Fuck you in a little bit of a way. All right. So anybody can go, I guess, at this point. I think I was going to say, is The Lost Boys a movie? Yeah, we already discussed that. Where was I? That was going to say, is The Lost Boys a movie? Yeah, we already discussed that. Where was I? That was the first answer.
Starting point is 01:09:07 And you stood up and even did, you pretended to play a saxophone like the guy in the movie. I don't remember that. For my third and final, can I do The Boys from Brazil? Oh, yes, you can. And didn't make the list, no. But that was fun. Yeah, I like this.
Starting point is 01:09:28 Let's just keep going until somebody beats Chad. We got boys in the band? No boys in the band. What about the cute boys? Well, sometimes people call it the cutie boys. This is what your movies sound like to me, okay? I have no clue what you guys are always talking about. Right, all the bad boys movies.
Starting point is 01:09:57 Have you seen a bad boys movie? In theaters with my boyfriend. More than one? I think just one. You just first one and done? I think I saw another one probably decades ago in the theater. Okay. But then I went and saw this last one in the theater. You did? Yeah. Beloved Claire Forlani vehicle Boys and Girls? No it's not on there. No one remembers that movie. No it didn't
Starting point is 01:10:24 make it. It's close though. It's like lumped in with Jersey Boys. Oh, it's Jersey Boys in there? No, Boys on the Side. Yeah, Riding in Cars with Boys. What's another Boys movie? But those are all also rants. I'm gonna tell you the top 10, but first, let's take a moment to celebrate that Chad Opitz is our winner today! Wow! Way to go, Chad. Good job. You did it, Chad.
Starting point is 01:10:55 What were your, so your, the audience person you're playing for said the first one lost boys, so you got nine for that and then you you stole that boys ride or die I thought I thought yeah you see you did what was your third one what was I gonna say Oh Wonder Boys I know oh you did say what I'm just trying to keep track as a bad boys writer I fucked up the order and then you know now now I don't know what what we're gonna do except say this Chad Opitz promote yourself this is it Doug this is it for Chad Opitz everybody At least give us your website. I got a website. The last Opitz. I got a Chad Opitz dot com you know I'll be up in
Starting point is 01:11:41 Sacramento doing some shows next week and that's's with a Z, not an S. Oh, OK. He's going to be in San Francisco next weekend. So this isn't an O-Bit for O-Bits. He's still out there doing his thing. I'll be with you in Bakersfield. And we'll have you back. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 01:11:56 We're doing Douglas Movies in Bakersfield on March 23rd. And Chad's going to be one of the guests. And that should be a super fun. How do you get on that gig? Seems rigged. I can hook you up with that. I don't know if you'll be around by that point. Bakersfield.
Starting point is 01:12:13 Yeah, you're in the building? It's not far. What do you mean we're here? People from Bakersfield? Yeah, so that proves it's not very far. This isn't the Bakersfield show right now. No, that's on March 23rd, but I'll hit you up about it the day before. Yeah, hit me up on Twitter. Okay, here now the exciting results of the boys movies that nobody got. In 11th place, a fun movie with talking dogs called Good Boys.
Starting point is 01:12:59 Oh my god, I wrote on that movie Good Boys. Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha!
Starting point is 01:13:12 Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Well, it's only worth one point, so it's not too big of a deal. I need a full pizza. Come up with that one. Number 10 was Bad Boys 2, and then number 9 motion pictures are called
Starting point is 01:13:27 to all the boys I've loved before. Yeah I'm like before what and then before I fell in love with a real man. She wrote letters to every one of her crushes and then her sister I think mailed them. Oh! What a bitch! Oh! Now I'm interested. That sounds horrible. It's the same plot as Bad Boys writer down there. Yeah. Yeah, then number eight was Boys Don't Cry.
Starting point is 01:13:58 Number seven, maybe this is another one that Guy can tell me all about. Manju Mel Boys? No. You don't know that one? Yeah, something called Manju Mel Boys. Just unfamiliar with it, unfortunately. No offense to anybody who might be a fan. Number six, no one's settled on this
Starting point is 01:14:21 because the sequel titles can be so confusing. Bad Boys for Life was, I guess, Bad Boys 3. Okay. Oh, duh. No, it was 3. Oh, it was 3 and that's why they should have saved it for 4 because then it would have made sense. Bad Boys 3 Life made no fucking sense.
Starting point is 01:14:41 Holy shit. Okay. sense? Holy shit, okay. And then I think everybody got the top five. Boys in the Boat, Bad Boys, Lost Boys, Bad Boys Ride or Die, and Nickel Boys. So congratulations, you're all pretty good at. That was a tough one too. That was a, boys is a tough one too. Boys is a tough one. And everybody here did all right. I'm going to give you an A minus. All right. What? And everybody else do your plug, starting with Guy Branum.
Starting point is 01:15:17 What would you like to promote? February 24th and 27th, I will be doing my show Be Fruitful at the Lyric Hyperion. Please go to their website and buy tickets. Oh yeah, Lyric Hyperion, that's nice. I haven't done anything there yet. So if anybody from that facility's got my number. If you've never experienced live theater,
Starting point is 01:15:42 go to somebody working out a maybe Edinburgh slideshow that they haven't figured out yet. That, ladies and gentlemen, entertainment. I believe in you. What are the chairs like there, though? They're very comfortable. All right. Beth Stelling, what do you want to promote?
Starting point is 01:16:03 When's this coming out? Now? Well? I mean, it's live streaming promote? Once it's coming out. Now? Well, I mean it's live streaming, but then it's going to be available for the listeners on Monday. Okay, I'm on tour. So I'll be in Portland at Helium Comedy Club February 6th through 8th. I'll be in Sacramento at Punchline.
Starting point is 01:16:18 Which club? Punchline, I love it. Valentine's Day weekend. I'm also doing a little stopover in Nevada City, California before that. Whatover in Nevada City, California before that. What happens in Nevada City? The best Christmas ever. It's adorable. You're up in the foothills, gold country.
Starting point is 01:16:33 Yep, February 13th I'll be there. Do they get mad at you if you say Nevada City? They're actually a very kind and un-war like people. Well, by mad I just meant, you know, offended. No, I don't think so. They actually have one of the oldest theaters there I performed at once and I think that, I don't want to get it wrong,
Starting point is 01:16:55 but I think Mark Twain was there. It's real fucking adorable. California doesn't always do adorable like that, but it's real fucking adorable. Anyway, I'll be at J-Unit February 13th. And then at other places BethStelling.com. Two L's and two E's. No? Okay total. BethStelling? Yes you're right. Alright. I got you again. And also I'm sure he's got tons of dates to promote.
Starting point is 01:17:27 Zach Gaffanakis. February 4th I'll be finishing up wisdom tooth extraction. Because I had a wisdom tooth extraction three days ago. Do you want to open for me on the road or are you OK? Uh, at the helium place I can do that in Portland. What's the date on that? February 6th through 8th. This year?
Starting point is 01:17:49 Yeah. I'll text you the day before. Yeah, I'll be there. I'll be there. He's in. He's in. Wait, who else is going to be there? Let's see what I wrote down that I wanted to say before we go.
Starting point is 01:18:07 February 2nd, San Francisco, sfsketchfest.com for that. And then March 23rd in Bakersfield at the Well Comedy Club. And in May I'll be back at Zany's in Rosemont with my annual Cinco de Mayo edition of this show. Yeah, it is wild. It really goes off. I hope everybody that's here in the audience and also watching on whatever device you're watching on enjoyed this show and I hope to do another one again sometime soon. So thank you to Dynasty Typewriters, support them and all the artists that perform here whenever you can. And thank you again to my guests, Guy Branum,
Starting point is 01:19:07 Chad Opitz, Zach Galifianakis, and Beth Staley. Now I'm just going to sit here awkwardly as they all leave. I only had one more thing to say, but they all have appointments and things to do. No, I'm just kidding, you can go. You're dismissed.
Starting point is 01:19:34 I'll see you backstage if you can hang out for a minute. That's all it takes. I just have one thing I wanna say to them about you. Could you go? It's just something I want to say about you that's just between me and them. OK. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:52 More drope. Ha ha ha. What are the fucking chances, man? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.
Starting point is 01:19:59 Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. All right. I end every episode with a line from the last line of a different movie every episode after I say, as always.
Starting point is 01:20:14 This one, it's worked out good because we talk so much about bad boys. This is from Boys Town from 1938. Classic. Thanks again everybody. As always, there's no room in his heart for you, Cause Doug loves movies!

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