Doug Loves Movies - Jason "Wee Man" Acuna, Myq Kaplan, and Brad Williams Guest

Episode Date: October 13, 2010

Doug welcomes "Jackass" star Jason "Wee Man" Acuna and comedians Myq Kaplan and Brad Williams.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Because Doug loves Louise Let's see. There's weird tape on my beer. Oh, that's good. That tape comes in handy. I can cover up the label in case any of you take pictures of me.

You won't know what beer I'm drinking. Holy crap, that's perfect. That's perfect. I love it. Shh, don't yell out guesses. It's not a contest. Hey, everybody. It's Columbus Day, October 12,

2010. My name's Doug and I love movies. We're at the UCB Theater in Hollywood. There's a lot going on, you guys. There's a lot going on. There's a lot on my crazy piece of paper. Let me try to get through this. Thanks to everyone who came to last night's

Benson Interruption taping at the Music Box in Hollywood. And to come to future tapings for the Comedy Central series, go to DougBensonTickets.com. Did it work out alright for you guys that came last night? Alright, good.

And then, um, I watched Clue again. And sorry dude who gave it to me in Bloomington, Indiana. It still sucked. Next, as promised in the Chicago episode that hasn't dropped yet, because

I guess iTunes has some weird sometimes Bermuda Triangle of podcasts where we tried to put it on there and it just vanished completely, and we're hoping that it'll be found and that it'll plop soon, but in that episode, due to the reasons you'll plop soon. But in that episode,

due to the reasons you'll find out if you listen to it, I promise that the next movie I'll watch is Freddy Got Fingered. Yeah, I'll get back to you on that next week. So I'll probably pop that in on a plane when I'm flying. I'm going up to Portland this weekend. And then Douglas Movies is live. We're going to do a show in Irvine next Tuesday, October 19th. So if you want to buy tickets to come to that,

you can go to improv.com in Irvine, Orange County, California. And there won't be one here. There will be some other show in front of Comedy Death Ray. And then I'll also, as always, I'll also produce somehow a free episode to put out next week as well. And then the Tuesday, October 26th episode of this show will be,

it will be here at UCB, but it'll be at 10.30 p.m. And it will be free to attendees of the Halloween Comedy Death Ray show, which is always amazing. It starts with a haunted house and then a show. And then after that's over, we'll do a Douglas movies

when everybody's drunk and tired. And I've got Pot to Vote shows coming up on October 30th in San Francisco and October 31 in Sacramento. Those are both at Punchlines at 420. Yes, we cannabis. Just say now.

All right. Please welcome comedians Mike Kaplan and Brad Williams and from Jackass 3D, Wee Man. I love it. They totally backdoored me by coming in the front way. Let's turn around and look at you guys. Were you supposed to come in that door? Yeah, yeah, but it's cool. The naked host lady told us to come this way.

What naked host lady? The one that's back there. All right. Wee Man is also known as Jason, a.k.a. Jason. Do you have a preference of which you're called? I guess Jason's better

just because it's weird to always just be like, Wee Man, I'd like to ask you a question. Wee Man, I have terrible news. They'd call you Jason in that situation, I would hope. Like doctors and stuff? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Or they go by Mr.

Hakuna. Wee Man is malignant. That's Brad Williams speaking, who is a what's the right phrase for it? I don't want to screw up. I'll just say Wee Man look-alike. I know, because when I walked out here,

he had said Wee Man, and a lot of you guys were like, that's him! It's like, no, fucker, he's coming. Yeah, it was like a weird kind of shadow act. I invited him. Yeah, it was your idea. Yeah, you said bring a comedian.

I'm like, well, why would I bring somebody bigger than me? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so. I know you like Daniel? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so. I know you like Daniel Tosh but he's, that guy is ridiculous. That guy works.

You don't need that. He wanted money out of my pocket. What? No, I just showed up because I heard there was beer. I'm glad that word got out. So Brad,

sometimes they call you funny Brad though because that's what I was told like Wee Man likes Funny Brad And I was like, what kind of caveman talk is this? Wee Man likes Funny Brad Well, because My name's Brad Williams

And there's already some guy on Twitter That has Brad Williams He's got like one damn follower So Twitter named you? Yeah, Twitter named me Funny Brad So Twitter, you had Yeah. Just because of Twitter, you had to change your old name. Yeah. Bastards. Yeah, they really will fuck with you. Because funny

doesn't really go with you. Oh, dude. Really? No, I'm just kidding. Get it back. Tell them weed. Oh, that doesn't work. Weed man goes with me. Yeah. You were really with me. Yeah. You were really appropriately named. Yeah, I've seen Jackass 2. I was like, oh shit, he's bigger than I thought.

I've seen Jackass 2, Wee Man, very appropriate. The naked scene where you walked across the table. Yeah, I was drinking and swimming. I had two things against me. Brett Favre has hung compared to you, bro. Have you seen the little Lee dude in Hangover? What's that?

In Hangover? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Asian? Oh, yeah, Ken. I couldn't even see it. That was nuts. I didn't even see it. And I was looking.

That made, yeah. That made all midgets proud. That made all midgets proud. That made them pause. Because it's like, yeah, you make fun of, like, someone might make fun of midgets for having a small dick, but now because of Hangover, we're like, ha-ha,

we still beat Asians. Racist. That's awesome. Oh, hey, everybody, Mike's here, too. Yeah, Mike's here. Yeah, let's hear it for Mike. Thank you. I prefer Wee Man.

As a nickname. How does it feel to be a minority on the show? Yeah, what's up, big guy? How does it feel to be tall? Ass. I'm 5'6". Oh, you're average. So I put together the perfect little person show.

I like to do theme shows, and I think I really nailed it this week. I prefer Jew, but... Oh, now we go there. See, I can't do an all Jews episode. No. Because, first of all, all the banks would close. Yeah! Bakeries would shut down

everywhere and you know you couldn't get three Jews here for free that is true no one gets paid you're short wow I'm sorry everybody that got so ugly but he said he implied that Jews were cheap

which they are and then I don't know anything about little people you implied the short were not very tall everyone else has cool stereotypes ours is messed up you guys make chocolate like in a tree with other stereotypes. Ours is messed up. We have, like, you guys make chocolate. Like in a tree with other... Yeah, exactly. That's our

stereotype. Stuff from commercials. Do you guys know Peter Dinklage? Yeah. I know Peter. That guy's awesome. I'm not kidding around. He's my favorite little person actor of all time. Fuck you guys. You're real. You're not an actor.

That's really you in those movies. No, I You're real. You're not an actor. That's really you in those movies. No, I don't act. You're not playing a part. I never said I was an actor. Holy shit, when you go high five to Bam

and that fucking giant hand smashes into the ground, that's one of the best things that ever happened in cinematic history. That's how I get back to average people. We appreciate it.

Yeah, that was so goddamn funny. I worried in the previous one when they had the boxing glove that would punch people in the face when they looked too close at that thing. When you did it, I thought, holy fuck, I seriously was worried for your safety.

You can't be, let me explain something, you can't be worried for my safety. You can't be, let me explain something. You can't be worried for my safety. Because if you died the movie would not happen, right? They would keep going. You think Knox would stop because I died? He'd be like, oh hell

shit. No, they'd keep going. I think you should all retire though while you're not nobody's died. Because if somebody dies that's going to really take some of the fun out of it. Right? I mean, you guys are like, you're like, you're like a platoon. You'll miss the dude, but you'll like, you'll be stronger than ever. As a viewer, I'll be like, fuck, a guy died doing this shit.

But like, knowing the jackass guys, they'd probably do something at the funeral, like have the coffin, like shoot him out and and land back in a couple of times. No, just put his corpse in a porta potty and shoot it up in his face. With a monkey. Why not? How do you guys think of that shit? Like, literally. We pretty much sit around drinking beers like this and just talk.

Oh, and we watch cartoons, too. I mean, think of... Oh, Itchy and Scratchy, you've given me another good idea. We have. But then, here's the funny...

Well, I wish you guys had seen the movie because then I can tell where Preston came up with the idea. I saw it. Who cares about that? Okay.

So, you know the bestiality part that Preston's in? Spoiler alert. Apple of my eye. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So we were out. It's not bestiality. It's not bestiality if both sides enjoy it, right?

If both parties are cool with it. No, man. Both parties were totally enjoying it. I swear, that goat wanted it. So we were out on summer vacation. I just want to tell them. We can tell them. It's not a big spoiler.

They put an apple in this fat dude's ass, and then a giant pig comes and eats the apple. But wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Out of his butt. Wait a minute. Yeah, and that's nowhere near the grossest part of the movie. The pig pretty much sticks his tongue four inches into Preston's

ass. Wow. Because that's the best part of the apple, the ass. And then right after the pig takes it one time and we don't get the shot, Steve-O goes, hold on. Takes a bite out of the apple and puts it back into Preston's

ass. I love how you guys are just such self-starters. Like, no one had to dare him to do that. He's just like, oh, there's an apple in my friend's ass. I'm going to take a bite out of it. Let's make something happen. An apple in the ass and the pig, that's not enough. As a Jew, does it offend you that it's a pig?

What day of the week did you do this shit on? Did you do this on a Sabbath? We did it on a Sunday. We're not allowed to eat pigs. They're allowed to eat shit out of our ass. There's nothing like that in the Bible. I mean, one way street, right? Preston's Jewish.

It's cool. Preston okayed it? Holy cool. Preston, okay. Holy crap. Wait, I was going to get to explain. The way he wrote that, we were like on summer vacation out on a lake, riding jet skis, you know, in inner tubes, having a fun time. Then anal sex popped into your head.

Not mine. It popped into his. I'm exit only, buck. It's not gay if I'm putting it into you. That's a whole new type of finish. We really need to define the terms of our lives. That's an important boundary to know about. Mike Kaplan, let's talk to you for a second about... Hey, I've been talking

okay no you have you've been you've been contributing in awesome ways um but I want to ask you this yes

uh or just tell you this I'm just gonna tell you something I'll answer it okay um fifth place on last comic standing

yes not as bad as sixth place that's all I'm gonna say I am one comedian more qualified I am one comedian more qualified I am one comedian more qualified I am one comedian Fifth place in Last Comic Standing. Yes. Not as bad as sixth place. That's all I'm going to say. I am one comedian more qualified. Fourth loser. I don't throw stones at Jews' glasses.

What? Yeah, I came in sixth on there, and you came in fifth. Congratulations. Congratulations, and well done. Yeah, I'm going to be in the Last Comic Standing movie. That's why I'm here on this podcast about movies. I just wanted to give people a little bit more of an idea who it was they were listening to. I didn't get to spell your first name

because that helps out a lot because you're one of the few MYQs in the world. Others have contacted me. Have they? Is there a club? I didn't start it, and I'm not in it. But you've heard of it. Oh yeah, a guy invited me.

I made my YQ too! My YQ? That's a weird way of spelling it. Because my's not a letter. That's why it's weird. When you start spelling with non-letters, that's fucking weird. I did a crossword puzzle the other day

where there were some clues where there were two letters in a box. So don't goo. Yeah. Is that how you pronounce it? Sudoku. I can never say it right. It's like Vesuvula, the horn at the... Vesuvula.

There you go. Dude, you can't speak at all. I know, man. Look at this. Half a beer and I'm like... I'm the smallest man here. What the hell? You have midgets drinking you under the table.

You said you never get drunk, though. I drink so much it's like part of my blood now. I'm just winked at all the time. You're a fireplug man. You're just like, put it in me and I'll expel it later and we're good. He's exit only. I am exit only.

I just said what he said. I don't know why that's gross. People, you get some weird groans every once in a while from people wearing name tags on their heads. But, um... We have Megan in the audience tonight, folks. Hi, Megan. We have Adam.

Mike, M-I-K-E. Weird. Patrick. Greek. Another Mike, M-I-K-E. Weird. Patrick. Freak. Another Mike, M-I-K-E. That one's okay. Danielle. Can you come every week and just do this part? Just name all the audience members?

Just point to the people and name them? Yeah, I like the way you're doing it. It's like you should have your own kids show where you look into the camera. Me in the audience? What's that guy say right there? Renato? No, next to him. That's Circle Ray.

Okay, Ray. Circle Ray. That's a guy, he's been here before. I called him Rav because that looks like R-A-V to me for some reason. He's going for the Van Halen V,

actually. Yeah, he is. Yeah, it's a weird V. It looks like R-A and then an upside down gimel. That's a Jew V, actually. Yeah, he is. Yeah, it's a weird V. It looks like R-A and then an upside down gimel. That's a Jew letter, everybody. Damn it! I didn't get that reference.

We got Ruzi in the back who makes sure you want to see. Are you a he or a her? Ruzi's the dude. He's been here before. He's won prizes. Is that like an ugly cousin of Snooki? I like him with Ruzi. I don't know.

That's interesting. That's interesting you went with ugly when you're looking into the darkness like that. Ruzi's not that good to look at, dude. Brad called you ugly, Ruzi. I think you're a hot dude. You're a hot guy, Brad. Ruzi.

But he's exit only, so don't get your hopes up. No, he should get his hopes up. I might get them. Do you feel obligated to do jackass type stunts on a daily basis, or do you chill most of the time? I chill most of the time. Yeah, because that stuff is mostly, it's very unpleasant, you just do it because it's like a job and it's funny when the other guys do it. No, we once in a while do it when the camera's not rolling and we're all together. It's kind of fun.

It's adorable. We're just friends and we're drunk. Who needs the cameras? Mayor Prick. Snuggle. As comics, people come up to us all the time and say, you're a comedian, tell me a joke. Do people just come up to you and be like,

oh my god, you're in Jackass. Can I kick in the nuts? Yeah, eat my booger. I've never had to eat my booger. Good, good. But there's a lot of violent suggestions. Oh, yeah, kick me in the nuts. Let me kick you in the nuts.

Punch me in the face. All that. Wait, people ask you to kick them in the nuts? Yeah. I'm not kidding. Lift me up and kick me in my nuts. No, no, no, I'm not kidding. No, let me lift you up, and then you to kick them in the nuts. Oh, I'm not kidding. Lift me up and kick me in my nuts. No, no, no, I'm not kidding. No, let me lift you up and then you'll kick me in my nuts.

I don't want you to lift me up and kick me in my nuts. I can kick you in the nuts standing up. Can you really? Yeah. Have you seen the new... Demonstrate on... Let's demonstrate on... Let's demonstrate on...

No, we could probably ask who wants to get kicked in the nuts. Yeah, who wants to have Jason Wee Man kick him in the nuts? Where is he? Where's the moron? Get up here. Yeah, I knew somebody would say that. No, I'm serious. There's always somebody that wants to. What's sad is this is probably going to go on his resume.

Supervisor at Kinko's been kicked in the nuts by Wee Man. You wanna do this? Do it! Yeah, stay right there. Just prove that you can do it. Don't really connect on it. Cover his eyes.

Cover his eyes so he doesn't see it coming. Wait, Brad. Who covers his eyes? No, but I'm trying to put a microphone right here so we get a nice little thunk with the sound.

Well, I didn't know we were going to bring six four dudes. But I will make this happen. I could go with the smaller dude. We could get Ruzi up here. I got the mic. I got the mic.

All right, so... Are you going to put it in his pants? Spread them. All right. Cover your eyes, dude. Are you really gonna kick him in the balls? Are you okay with that? I just wanted proof.

I just wanted proof that you could reach. Do you want me to just prove I can reach? Yeah, yeah. But if you accidentally kick him... Oh! That totally would have connected. Oh, shit! Oh, goddammit! The old two-time-in-midge routine. He pulled the switcheroo. Oh my god. Yeah, crawl

under the table. While you're down there, Brad. We both drank one under the table. They don't even know what happened. If people ask you, like, listening to the podcast, they don't know what just went down. They just heard a bunch of people go, oh. Yeah, but that's part of the fun of it,

is now people are like, I gotta see that in person because shit like that, you'd be surprised how often that happens. Not that specific scenario. When you had John Lithgow on the show, did he kick someone in the balls? No, but he, you know,

he was a lot of fun. He was a lot of fun. He called Leonard Maltin the cocksucker. It was good, dude. It was good. It's like, this show's getting, it's gonna be one of those crazy things where I can't top myself. This might be it. That might have been the thing

that can't be topped. Yeah, dual midget nutshots. Where do you go after that? Yeah, so just, yeah, for the listeners, let's just quickly recap. Some, the dumbest man alive, who's also very tall came down and Jason proved that he could connect with his balls and while we were all marveling at that Brad connected with his balls I thought you were gonna headbutt him that would have been even better

but are you alright dude I'm good okay Brad. Okay. Brad, what's your name? Well, you know, it's a size four foot. You kind of half-tapped. Yeah, you know, I didn't want to get sued. You know, you could take half of nothing. That dude's not going to sue you. I'll call my attorney and protect the rest of us.

I like how midgets represent for each other. That's good. So anyone who wants to can go kick that guy in the nuts. Because we've got some lawyers on our side. Yeah, you guys are the union, right? Some sort of guild? I'm helping you out, too. Because you're Jewish.

You went with the guild joke? You went with the lollipop joke? I just laid in quietly and tried to move on. Right. I tried to walk away from it. Sit closer to me, Brad. Sit on his lap, Brad. Why are you even holding back?

Why are you even wearing your pants still, Brad? Dude, I tell jokes. You're the one that gets naked and stuff, man. But now it's time to step it up. Don't you want to bring your game to a higher level? I do want to bring my game to a higher level. What about when Knoxville was Santa Claus and he got on the top of that tree? Were you in the tree too? No, that was...

They didn't pull some elf costume bullshit on you? No, they didn't pull elf costume bullshit. We were doing a full Santa Claus seasonal thing, and I was Rudolph during that. And Preston was Frosty the Snowman. And then we had the Dudesons come join us, and they

were the elves. And it was one of the Dudesons come join us and they were the elves. And it was one of the Dudeson dudes that was up in the tree with them. You know my favorite part of all the Christmas mythology is when Frosty the Snowman has a pig eat an apple out of his ass. That was awesome. I miss that verse of that song. It's, you know, you gotta get the

G-rated version. Wait, that'd be the opposite. Okay. So let's talk about movies really fast. I think we got off the subject-rated version. Wait, that'd be the opposite. So let's talk about movies really fast. I think we got off the subject for a while. But reenacting scenes from Jackass is cool. That's a movie. Three of them now, and I say

three for three. Maybe the greatest trilogy ever made in terms of quality and consistency. Best 3D movie ever. James Cameron. I don't need a lot of dicks in my face. What about Flying Dildos? Yeah, those two.

Flying Dildos. What about? Poo-canos. Yeah, there's a lot of... Oh, boy. I'm just glad they didn't have those things they have at Disneyland where they spray some sort of dirty water on you. The 4D version?

So, like, when they pull the apple out of the ass, you get some kind of... Yeah, no, the 3D is pretty fun. Certainly, most 3D movies, I want to take the glasses the fuck off before it's over, but that one, I was able to keep them on because it was pretty funny. And not that long, a reasonable, responsible length. About the average amount of time I can wait between peeing.

Hour and a half? That's about how long the high lasts for really good joints. Yeah, we have it timed right. So let's go down the panel here and discuss any movie going experiences you may have had lately. Like what, you know,

what have you seen lately, Brad? Like besides the back of the seat in front of you. First of all, that's funny. That's funny.

That's very funny. You show some respect and then you throw some shit on top. Yeah, exactly. That's very funny. You show some respect and then you throw some shit on top. Yeah, exactly. That's how you do it. There's nothing wrong with it. I love you guys.

I recently saw The Town and the Facebook movie but I'm really looking forward to seeing Jackass 3D because when I go to the theater everyone gets tripped out because they all think

I'm him in the fucking theater so then like You should go up to the front of the screen before it starts to go i'm wee man watch this jackass stunt and then just like fall over like do something really not amazing well like because i've seen the last two jackass movies for free because i just walk up to the ticket booth and say i'm in the damn movie let me in and then they always let me in so thanks buddy appreciate that yeah i still want the x's on your belt that you've been collecting because of me is that when i've told that is totally true don't lie brandy that's true

it is absolutely hey when some guy uh calls me we man on the street i will deny it deny it but then all you need is like fake tits and i'm like yeah i'm man. I'll kick myself in the head. I don't give a shit. So if any guy here wants to go get some figs, it's... I followed the conversation logically. This is absolutely true. I was playing in some golf tournament and

Mini golf? Yeah, mini golf. It's too easy, kid. And like sometimes at these golf tournaments, the holes are sponsored by people. And on this particular hole, they were sponsored by Hooters. And this chick just runs up and goes,

you never called me back. Thinking I was this guy over here. I'm like, what do you mean? He's like, no, we had sex one night. You never called me back. So I think there's a Hooters girl in Santa Monica that's really pissed at you, dude. But why don't you show them the photo

that made them think that you were me? Because your little golf cart had my name on it that's right the love letter in your bedroom that they left for you with the candy that had my name on it well because i uh i was a comedian at yeah i was a comedian after this podcast not anymore uh but i was performing at a comedy club that had this celebrity golf tournament going on and they said like hey we got why don't we have the comedian that had this celebrity golf tournament going on and they said like hey, why don't we have the comedian play in the celebrity golf tournament? The runners of the golf tournament just saw my picture

and thought I was Wee Man. Actually had on my cart Wee Man. Like at the golf tournament. Is there any way you can make this story longer? Absolutely. My first shot on the first hole. What's that got to do with movies?

Was it you and Tin Cup? Yeah, right. Have you been in any movies, Brad Williams? Nothing major. I just played a stripper in a movie called Balls to the Wall. Yeah, it'll be out on DVD real soon. That's in the Walmart 299 rack. You can find it there.

Doesn't Walmart have balls to the wall? I don't think Walmart's carrying X-rated movies. Balls to the wall W-A-L. Balls to the W-A-L. Have you been to the movies lately, Mike? I know you're traveling a lot, doing stand-up

in the wake of your fifth place. You keep referencing to his fifth place. Because I'm impressed. He did better than me. He beat you. It's like the way you keep pointing at him saying you wish you were me. This is a better side.

That's right. Funnier guy. Oh, shit. I'm funnier than Brad is tall. That tall. I don't want to... I can measure that, but all right, cool. Because he's short and I'm funny

is what I wanted to imply. Did that not work? You know, math is hard. Jews? Okay. Have you been to the movies, Mike? I was in... There's a movie on my IMDb page called

JK LOL. That's not a joke. It's there for real. He just said, have you been to the movies? And he's like, well, let me tell you what I've done. I've been asking both questions, so he can answer both. I'm sorry. I've been to... So is there really a movie called J.K.L.O.L.? Yeah, somebody made it in Boston, where I was.

That's how I was in it. If it played in theaters, I'd go up to the box office and say, I'd like one for Jekyll, please. I'm in it. Do you think that Brad Pitt and people do that when the movies come out? They can just go to any theater? And mispronounce the name? Yeah. Oh, no. Do you think that Brad Pitt and people do that when the movies come out? They can just go to any theater? He can probably. And mispronounce the name?

Yeah. The Brad Pitt character that's in front of the Man's Chinese Theater. That's what he does when he goes to the movies. Yeah, this comedy thing isn't so easy, is it, fucker? I wasn't trying to do comedy. I was just stating the facts. For the listeners at home, Wee Man is...

He has gotten naked, so... He's doing his job. I saw The Town. That was the most recent movie I saw. Right, that's good, right? Oh, yeah, I liked it a lot. I saw it in Boston, which is near The Town.

Oh, that's neat. They should have... You know what they should do is theaters that have it playing there. They should just have cars drive around with the sirens on outside the theater. It would be exciting. Agreed. Wee Man, you been to the movies?

Nah, it's too busy. Too busy promoting your movie? And making one. Yeah. Another one? Yeah, we just did Jackass 3D. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're talking late.

Well, how long does it... How long ago did it wrap? Between... Like, how... When did you finish making it? We just finished in August. Oh, okay. Wow.

Yeah. So it's a quick turnaround, that. Because they're editing the different gags as you do them over a period of time. And then they... And we had to re... We did the ender, and we didn't like it, so we redid it. Oh, the end was some spectacular thing that just didn't... It's very spectacular.

The new one, the new ending I love. Yeah. But the old one was... The old one was shitty, so we said, no, let's not put that out and we redid it. Because those are neat. They do these really highly stylized violin sequences at the beginning and end usually. Yeah, we show what we use our Phantom 3D camera for. That's... And let me tell you, we're the first ones to use that camera.

Nice. You're really taking its total new frontier shit. Fuck yeah. Hitting people in the face with a fish has never been so technologically advanced. But you get to see someone's nose go way over here and then come back. Man, when you get hit in the face with a fish, what your face does is a lot uglier than a fish. See, now you're telling about it. At first you were just joking.

I'm serious about the whole goddamn movie. It's one of the best things that ever happened to me. But I was in a D-box seat at the Chinese and they thought it was funny when when someone was like moving like they were going to throw up your whole chair would do the same thing. So you're watching people, you know, what do you guys do? Eat human shit and then like start to throw up and then they're doing this to me in my chair.

And I drank and smoked before the movie because that's what you do, right? Well, duh. So I was very nauseous. But not, it didn't make me as sick as Cloverfield. But that's another story. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. Brad has listened to the podcast several episodes. So he really knows what he's doing in this game.

There's nothing to read on here that's going to give anything away. But still don't. And Mike has also heard some podcasts. Correct. But Jason... I'm a virgin here today. You got shit to do. Alright, tell me what I gotta do. You got animals to climb into.

So... He's never done that. Right? On camera. You never climbed into an animal. You've been inside. No, no, no. You should do something where like you tear up an animal like a tauntaun in empire strikes back and like and then you sleep in it wouldn't have to be that big of an animal at that point get like a little jack terry jack russo terrier and cut him open and get in him wow that is like the creepiest most adorable thing I've ever heard.

You're upset at the same time. It's awesome. What would you guys think about, could I try to get a remake of Under the Rainbow going and get you guys in it? Because that movie was the most botched attempt. Couldn't that movie have been hilarious? Like what you guys are really like?

That's what I'm talking about. They should redo it to nowadays reality. Make it a little more tougher. Right, like somebody's remaking. No, they should redo it to nowadays reality. Make it a little more tougher. Right. Like somebody's remaking Wizard of Oz, but they

accidentally hire you guys to play Dorothy and the Tin Man. Hi, Dorothy. There was a mix-up with the contracts. Oil can.

So let's... What's this little game? Now I notice The crowd's getting a little Antsy They got their names up Yeah they all got their names up

Because Each one of you now Is going to pick someone In the audience Who you'd like to play for And then they're going to win Some You know

Prizes Two of them will lose right Mike first of all Please don't belch like that again On my show Yeah Mike Wait a minute And secondly I was talking when it happened Who would you like to have Play for you lose, right? Mike, first of all, please don't belch like that again on my show. Wait a minute. Who would you like to have play for you?

Who are you going to play for, Brad? You know what? She's been rocking the sign the whole show, so I'm going to play for Megan right over here. Where's Megan? She's got it on her head. She's got a UCB tattoo that says, not coincidentally, but ironically says, don't think. It's a funny tattoo, right?

Don't think. Who would you like to play for, Jason? I'm going to pick Mel. She's kind of sexy, and I like her bubble letters. For those at home, she is. Don't trust a big bubble letter in a smile. Really bubbly letters. And Mike, who would you like to play for

pick a dude pick a dude oh I don't know mandate there's a guy named Joe that I will play for

you guys have he used a manila folder and you're so nerdy like he made that for his job right before he's like

two days ahead of Mike, though. His beard's a little more in than Mike's. Yeah, future Mike over there. He's going to fucking give you signals. Quit rubbing your beard, future Mike. He knows shit. Holy crap. When do I get that hat?

When you win right now. That's part of the trophy. So that hat just keeps going forward and backward in time. It's like the hoverboard. You leave here, with the five bucks you win, you go outside, down the street, and you're like, oh, there's a nice hat. You grab it and put it on.

Okay, we're going to start with Mike. And then it'll go to Brad. Jason still doesn't know how to play it. And then down to Jason. Oh, he's going to find out in progress. Yeah, don't tell me, because I want to win without knowing. Oh, people will shit themselves. And then Steve-O will do something with it.

All right. Yes. He's not here. Don't worry, anybody. Thank you. Okay. Mike, would you like, as a category, you get to pick the category. Yes, I would.

Would you like movies directed by actors? Movies featuring past guest John Lithgow? Or, this is an awesome category just for today, movies that feature jackasses. In other words, cast members from Jackass and their other cinematic versions. awesome category just for today. Movies that feature jackasses. Huh. In other words, cast members from Jackass and their other cinematic... So basically it's just Johnny Knoxville. Basically

it's just Johnny Knoxville. I could have called it Johnny Knoxville movies. But I was trying to pay tribute to Jackass. I want to go with the first category. Which was? The actor one. I don't want to give anybody an unfair advantage. Movies directed by actors.

Wow. He's already better at this game than anyone. He didn't know how to play. He's the best little player. Okay. Little dudes here tonight, guys. Don't forget. That's right.

I'm outnumbered. Did anyone forget? No. What was I looking at again? What? Oh, little dudes. They're bitches? No.

Where'd that guy's head go? Oh, down. No, no. I completely... Their personalities made me forget. Okay, so would you like an actor's directed movie Mike gets to pick from

89, 2000, or 2008? Oh, 2000... 2000. Okay. 2000-0. Alright, this is going to be a tough one. 2008. Okay, a little easier.

Same rating, though. Leonard gives it two and a half stars This is a film reviewer, Leonard Malden I have his app And I will give you some clues from his review And then tell you how many names are listed in the cast And then Yeah Don't IMDB this shit

Good idea, though. Okay, this is from 2008. And let's see what I can pull from the review that won't give it away. It says the lead actor is good. There you go. I saw that one. But also that the movie has too many

misfired ideas. Misfired ideas. And there are... You don't want too many of those. You want the right amount Yeah you want You want to have a certain number Of misfires

This one goes over And there are Eleven names Michael Sorry MyQL Hey is this gonna take a while Cause I already finished one

By the time you finish this question Oh you can run and get another one Yes He just wants to see you run because I already finished one. Maybe by the time you finish this question... Oh, you can run and get another one. He just wants to see you run. You can get another one. You have five minutes. I like this show. I'm going to go through the main door. But run, for sure.

I didn't even know. let's try to finish before he gets back okay 11 names how many names do you think you can get it in Mike 7 alright

that's good that's a good bid Brad he says he can get it in 7 names I can get it in 5 names good okay

and then and then I can get it in yeah that's a good midget voice i'm the one i come down on four numbers that wasn't me you guys are freaking me out oh we need your bottle opener thing. Yeah, thanks, Britt. There, I got you. Brad's a badass. He walks around with a bottle opener.

He's also my ass-istant. Yeah, I got a bottle opener. I'm like a Swiss Army midget. Okay, so the bidding is to you. Their name, he's four. No, he was six. No, you were seven. Seven, five. You can say either to him, name that movie,

and he'll only get five names from the bottom of the cast list. Or you can guess in less names, try to bring the bidding down a little bit more. Three. Yes. I like the way he plays. Three. Confidence.

Name that movie. Give me three names. I don't know what voice that was. Yeah, yeah, because it goes to him now. But no, I'm from New York. No, he was second. We went that way? Seven, five. Oh, yeah, you're right. You're right. Okay. So no, one for me. No, he was second. We went that way? Seven, five.

Oh, yeah, you're right. So he says name that movie. You get three names. I'll give you the clues again. All right. Two and a half stars from Leonard Maltin. Some people would say it was better than that. Too many misfired ideas.

An elite actor is good. Slam dunk. And there's three names you got? Yep. Okay, I think you have a good shot at this. The names are Peter Billingsley, someone who's already got it, or just shot a load.

I'm going with the latter on that one. Peter Billingsley. Oh yeah, you're a big fan of the Christmas story. That's a really good clue, though, Peter Billingsley, if you think about it. And then Jon Favreau and Bill Smitrovich. Now, these are the three names at the bottom of 11 names. I know. So do you have any idea?

It's from 2008. Oh, 2008, last year. Yes. Yes, it was from last year. Obviously you've taken one too many fish to the head. Hey, hey, let me ask Time Machine Man. Two years ago, two years ago. His name is Future Mike.

I'm sorry, Future Mug. Future Mug. You got any idea? I'm bad. But that was good, though. It was a ballsy play. Peter Billingsley also directed Couples Retreat,

because he's friends with Jon Favreau, who directed Iron Man. Oh. Yeah. So that's why I thought those were good clues, and that's why that one guy went, ooh. All right, so that means Mike gets a point

and we will start with Brad this time. You get to pick Iron Man. Iron Man. Oh yes. When Doug said Iron Man, I was like, okay he's in it, but what's the movie called?

Doug, that... Answer! Iron Man was in Incredible Hulk at the end, right? Doug, don't be... Two years later, he made Iron Man 2. Okay, here we go.

We gotta... We gotta have a big finish. Okay. Would you like movies with jackasses? Spike Jonze movies, because he's a great filmmaker who is involved with the whole jackass thing. Okay.

Right? Yeah, he's involved. He's involved. He's always around, which I like. Sometimes he puts on an old man costume. And then from a place called Vortex Records in Toronto, suggested Glenengarry Glen Ross actors, like other movies that actors from Glengarry Glen Ross have appeared in. I'll just go with the jackass category.

All right, so these are Johnny Knoxville movies. Would you like a Johnny Knoxville movie from 2002, 2005, or 2005, a different part of that year? Can you clarify what part of the year? You know, one was out of one part, the other was out of another part. It was like spring and one was fall. I'll just pick one. Let's do 2005.

I'll pick this one because it's fun that Leonard Maltin calls it a bomb. A scale of bomb to four. Hang on. Play fair. A scale of one to four, he calls it bomb. it's from 2005 and he says about it he says that it's nearly plotless okay so it has some yeah okay yeah like the jackass movies has probably more plot than this and then um he also says unrated version is two minutes naughtier.

Whatever that means, Len. Two minutes naughtier. So there are... I can name it right now. There's ten names. Hang on a second. Where are we supposed to start? With you? Yeah, with me. I can name that movie in two names.

Okay, that's a bold bid. I can name it right now. No more names. That's the way we were going before. Okay, I keep changing the order so it's good to you guys. Last week I gave the prizes to the wrong person. And nobody said anything. They just both tweeted to me later.

You were supposed to give it to me and you gave it to Joshua and I'm Alex or whatever. But a single person went, you're handing all the prizes to the wrong guy. So Megan, you still have a chance at this one. You could win, Megan. All right, so where are we? I said two names and then it goes to Jason. You could say zero names.

Yeah, I can name it right now. All right, so then. Do I have to go? You have to take names out of my head? You could go negative names if you want. You could give names back. Yeah. Oh, that's real?

I could name it? Yeah, yeah. What do you mean that's real? Oh. You've obviously heard it on the podcast. Or did you really think it was just a myth out there? I've never heard one get to negative names. Oh, okay.

But it's paid off in the past. I don't think I can do that. Okay, so you're asking him to name it? I don't want him to, but I think he's going to. I have two, and I know which two he did in that time frame, and I don't want to say... Well, this one was the bomb. We were both bombed.

Bad way. Name that movie, 50-50 shot, I win again. Yeah, yeah. Which one do you want to go with? Fuck. That was not the name of the movie. That's the next one. Pick one. There was a naughty part in it. It was not the name of the movie. Pick one.

There was a naughty part in it. It was an unrated. He said there's two more minutes. Two more minutes because it was unrated. Dukes of Hazzard. That's correct. The other movie he did in 2005 that also bombed for an extra bonus point. The Ringer.

That bonus point makes you our winner with two points. Yeah. Now, there you go. bonus point the ringer that bonus point makes you a winner with two points wow what do you have to say to your girl now hey you can still get to her on accident who are you playing for all right let's tell her what she's won. She won a copy of the movie Clue. I don't need to see that shit again. I'm paying it forward,

Guy in Bloomington. I'm not trying to be insulting. Why would I just have a movie I don't want to watch again sitting in my home? I brought copies of my CDs like I always do. A professional humoridian and a hypocritical oaf. Hey, Mike, comedian, do you have your own CDs out? This is special.

Mike brought some of his CDs too. You guys should do some plugs at the end. Do you want to give one of your CDs to the winner? Yeah, it's outside of the place but I'll get it and bring it. He'll make it happen. See, I'm supporting our other comedians here too. Get their stuff out there. Well, look how I support you. I've had this for a long time, and I finally had somebody to re-gift it to.

An apple? Jackass the movie toilet paper. Whoa! Wow. Yeah, yeah. It's completely unused. It's in plastic at home, people. Yeah, yeah, it's in plastic.

And you get it. It all comes in one of those bags that people are carrying around, the cloth bags, with Benson Interruption logo on the front of it. Congratulations, Bubble Letter. Yeah. That's a satchel. And really quick, what do you guys have coming up? The movie comes out Friday.

Friday the 15th. Yeah, yeah. So this podcast will come out that same day. So listen right away, everybody who's already. Or don't, oh. So this podcast will come out that same day. So... Listen right away, everybody. Or don't... Oh, it's too late to say don't listen. If you're listening this far into it. If you listen backwards. Yeah.

And Mike, you're going to be in some clubs in the next couple of weeks? I'm still on the Last Comic Standing Tour. Oh, okay. If that comes through town, you're one of the guys on it? I'm the fifth guy on it. Yeah. Does that mean you MC the whole night?

No, because that's what it means sometimes. He actually takes the tickets in the front of the theater. Oh, Jesus. You're short! I'm going to whoop his ass for you.

I'm standing up for my comedian Mike number five, number six. I didn't mean for this to be a battle, but this guy won, so also I did now.

I'm going to give my CD to future Mike. But yeah, so I will be on the last, you can Google Last Comic Standing. What part of the country is he going to be in?

Most of them. Most of the parts? Most of the countries? Yeah, most of the parts. So there's still several weeks left of it. Oh, we've done like 20 shows, and there's like 40 to 50 left. Oh my god, I'm glad you got a break. Holy shit, ride around in a bus together?

We have been, but now it'll be cars. Oh, that's nice. Do you get along? We do. You got cars for like the San Diego, Phoenix, Vegas, LA run? All different cities, but yes. And Brad,

where are you going to be? When this podcast comes out, I'll be at Crackers in Indianapolis. The following week, I'll be at the Pipeline Cafe in Honolulu. And the weekend after that, I'll be at the Comedy Club at Pechanga. Nice.

Honolulu. Mike. Mike. Honolulu and you were just in Alaska Yeah This last weekend I was in Alaska And in a city called Fairbanks

Which is right next to The North Pole Like there's an actual city there Called the North Pole Did you show there I performed there Yeah So yeah

It was a midget at the North Pole And nobody stared at me Because they're like Yeah That's natural Well yeah Because I was there Last winter

Oh yeah That's right You were I was there last winter oh yeah that's right you were I was there last winter that's right you were yeah

yeah okay hey Doug that was cleared up yeah sure I was somewhere and you were there also at another time

y'all midgets can I say two two quick things very quick very quick take your time

one you can you can find my schedule and things at mikecaplin.com M-Y-Q Kaplin. Sorry.

Kaplin with a K. Yeah, Kaplin, normal. Mike, weird. And I was not the one belching during any of this. Oh, Mike. Come on. That's a good disclaimer.

Oh, I forgot to ask. I always get people to say who they want me to call a shithead, so you get to pick somebody. It's very exciting here. Hey, you have a sweet ass host. Bend over again.

Doug's microphone was just near his behind like an apple to a pig. Wait, no. I gotta write that down before I forget. Holy shit. Apologies for the show some ideas. I gotta write that down before I forget. Holy shit. Apologies for the show going long. I gotta write down a weird name. What are you apologizing for for making awesome

work? Yeah! I like that. You don't apologize for making awesome work. Jason, he made too much awesome work. Okay, I got it. Alright, so yeah, I always name shitheads for people that they want to call a shithead. What does your tattoo say again?

Uh, UCB. No, I mean... She's got a... The tattoo is about... Oh, don't think. That's their slogan, but it doesn't say that on her leg. Okay. Yeah, but all right, so we got all our plugs in.

Everybody's happy. One more time, ladies and gentlemen, for my guests. Brad Williams, Funny Brad, Mike Kaplan, Mike with a Q, Jason Weeman, Akuna! The winner. And as always,

little bro Andy, little brother Andy is a shithead. Andrew? Okay, little brother Andrew is a shithead. And Hans Zigger. Hans Zicker. Hans Zicker! He's a shithead. And Hans Zigger. Hans Zicker. Hans Zicker. Hans Zicker. He's a shithead. Now it's time to talk to another hockey.

Isaac Gold is viewing from his big zip. There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies.