Doug Loves Movies - Jay Mohr, Jeff Garlin, and Evan Glodell Guest

Episode Date: September 1, 2011

Doug welcomes actor/comedians Jay Mohr and Jeff Garlin to the show, along with writer/director/star of "Bellflower" Evan Glodell. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug Hanks, candy wrapper, squeaky baby, sticky seats With 50-azer popcorn kernels in his teeth They're still not warm, that he won't see Of the Cubs movies Hey everybody My name is Doug and I love movies This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you Before Comedy Bang Bang At the UCB Theater in Los Angeles

In front of a live name tag bearing audience Let's see your name tags There's Jordan with the baseball, of course. Justin. Jonathan. What does that say? Hot Tam? You took a Hot Tamales box and got rid of the Alis

because your name is Tam or Hot? Tam. Hot Tam. All right. This is what the ladies call you. Hot Tam's in the house. Abram? Abraham?

You squeezed in that A and the M. It just looks like Abram. Justin brought a baggie with a sandwich in it. You know, if it was me that was picking the name tags, that would probably work. But I don't know how anxious the other guests are to have a sandwich. I don't think anyone else is going to be

high out here tonight, but thank you for bringing all the name tags, and we will, of course, be, you guys will be whipping those out again later. It's so fun when I go out on the road, people do the same thing you guys do. They don't wear the name tag, they just kind of hide it somewhere, and then when I say, let's play the letter mall

game, then all the name tags come out. It's pretty sweet. Did I mention that it's Tuesday, August 30th, 2 Oceans 11, and my new CD, DVD, Potty Mouth hit stores and the internet today. Yeah.

Thank you. Buy it if you like pot or mouths. I hope you enjoyed the extra free episode this week with Garfunkel and Oates, but I need to mention that lots of people pointed out to me, and they are absolutely correct, that Day of the Condor is not a movie.

It's three days of the Condor, and also that Kate should have won the letter-mong game. But, you know, with that also that Kate should have won the letter-mong game. But, you know, with three people that are not high and me sitting there, we should have gotten through it, but mistakes still get made. This Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, September 3, 4, and 5, I'll be doing the Doug Loves Movies

tapings each night at Bumbershoot, the music festival in Seattle, Washington, and that's at the Bagley-Wight theater at 7 45 p.m so if you have tickets to bumbershoot go get like a pass for that show uh at like 11 a.m and uh you know you can go to bumbershoot.com it explains everything to you all of my tour dates now with links are listed at doug loves movies yeah we're really stepping it up a notch you don't have to look anything,

Google anything yourself. You can just click on the link DougLovesMovies.com I had a great time in Hyenas in Dallas and Hyenas in Fort Worth. Both of those shows were really fun. And thanks to the people from Woot for giving Woot Monkeys to every single audience

member at those shows. Because they're based in Texas. The number one movie in the country is The Help. My guests tonight are no strangers to filmmaking. They've all been very much involved in filmmaking, so that's a fun thing for a show about movies. One of whom wrote, directed, and starred in the indie film Bellflower. Please welcome Evan Glodell, Jay Moore, and Jeff Garlin. They'll be coming out shortly.

They're on their way. Oh, there we go. Sometimes the guests, you know, they miss the shuttle bus from the green room to the stage, and so they come out a second or two late. Let's start with Evan, because first of all, I want to apologize to you, Evan, for being...

You don't have to switch seats with him. That's awkward. No, I'm starting with Evan because I want to apologize to you because... See, it's starting already. Without even speaking, they're upstaging. You're barely going to get a word in tonight

is what I'm trying to say. But he doesn't care. Can you believe you're sitting between these two guys? These two titans of industry. Oh my God. One of them's unmarried and the other one's got enthusiasm. You want to put some cones down and work that one out?

Formerly unmarried, right? Gary Unmarried? Yeah, yeah. See, that's good. Get the sympathy going first, right out of the gate. You are. I started it. No, you are.

So yeah, Evan. Evan, thank you so much for participating. And I saw your movie. Bellflower is a movie that you wrote, directed, co-wrote? Or wrote all by yourself? I wrote it by myself. And directed and starred in? Yes.

And I saw it. It's like a, maybe getting high beforehand might be a mistake. What do you think? I don't think so at all. Okay, good, good. It was acquired attendance. For me, it was like a David Lynch fever dream. Is that what you were going for? Something if you're high, yes.

I enjoyed it a great deal. I like watching someone with a flamethrower when I'm high. And also, you had me at that the characters love the Road Warrior movies. That's a pretty awesome thing for characters to like. So how can people, what's going on with the movie now? Is it still in this matter?

Is it still showing up across the country? I think it's at the beginning of its platform release rollout. So every weekend is going to a bunch of new cities. Where do you think it is going to be this weekend? Like, Labor Day weekend, where should people go? Uh... I don't know. I didn't mean to quiz you. There's a website online somewhere that says...

Oh, bellflower.com, I bet. No, we don't have Bellflower. It's Bellflower. One thing about Evan, he knows how to sell, sell, sell. I bet it's selling things. It's on some website somewhere. I don't know. Why are you hassling me, man? Is it like bellflowermovie.com? Is that where you had to go?

Bellflower-movie.com. Bellflower-movie.com. To find out where it's playing. And go see it. Because it's supposed to be fun, right? I had fun watching it. Yes. Okay, good.

Yeah, because it's pretty... How much blood did you use in making that? Only a couple gallons. Oh, that's not bad. It's not a horror movie, so maybe that's a lot. Yeah, but there's still some blood in there. How much blood did you use in I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With, Jeff?

You know, there's a lot of... I get asked that so often. And there's a lot of, I get asked that so often, and there's a lot of controversy because, you know, one of the things is people really had orgasms in the movie and we used real blood. That's what people are saying

about I want someone to eat cheese with. Real jizz. You're talking about, you're talking about Twilight. Real, oh right right I'm sorry Do you know how many times I myself get You know mistake

My movie for Twilight Fuck It's rough Jay That's my interview portion It's really not You know You did it before

And then missed another one It's not It's like a fantasy draft It's not really an interview. It's not so much an interview as it's just we chat a bit before getting to what really matters, which is the Leonard Maltin game. Bellflower. What is it?

For real? Bellflower-movie.com. No, Bellflower-the-movie. Oh, Jesus. It's got a graphic on it. Bellflower-the-movie.com. Dot com. Yeah, I mean,

200,000 people are going to listen to this in the next, like, three days. Like, let's, I want to make sure he really gets his thing. And thank you for saying 200,000 people.

That's probably a little much, but, you know. No. No, Doug. It's in the 100 ballpark, for sure. Doug. Jay.

Yeah. So, I didn't listen to it, but apparently you did a whole episode sort of talking about working with Jennifer Aniston on Picture Perfect. And it sounds to me... The Rachel papers, yeah. The scuttlebutt, the

impression I get is that the two of you had a lot of problems with one another. No, she just had a problem with me. You were fine with her. Yeah, I was like, you know, this might be great. I'm going to be a big movie star. It was her first, you want like just a quick truncated.

Yeah, sure. I just, you know, it's interesting to me because she's, you know, she's one of America's sweethearts. And also it's a bit ironic because every interview she talks about her love of Gary Unmarried. There's not one interview that you read with her where she's not like going, I want to have children and I fucking love Gary Unmarried. And actually put, she raises her voice. It is amazing. Like she makes the news. Everybody says she's pregnant now, you know, and like the the tabloids but there's no doctor that says it it's because she's been at parties not drinking like you know you drink a lot that when you

go to a party and don't drink someone is like go like to the press yeah I know I did an old time like I had a little typewriter out. I was like, scoop more. So I, she... Jay, I heard that Tracy Morgan got her pregnant. I gotta regulate Rachel. Me and Jeff Garlin are getting everybody pregnant. Regulating all shades. No, a lot of guys that were like actual movie stars

screen tested for picture perfect. And then I got it. Glenn Gordon Caron, the director who created Moonlighting, stuck his neck out and went to Fox and basically said, I won't make the movie unless this is the guy. And then she was like, her boyfriend was Tate Donovan. He screen tested for it. Oh, he would have been good.

Like Billy Baldwin, Jon Stewart. There's like real guys like Jon Corbett. Jon Stewart probably wouldn't have been too good. Jon Stewart's good as an actor, for real.

I was in a movie with him. No, he's a good actor. Who knows the movie I was in? Oh, it was called like, it was episodic, right? It had a bunch of vignettes. That's right, Go. You're right. Oh, Go. Jon like, it was a bunch of, it was episodic, right? It had a bunch of vignettes. That's right, Go. You're right.

Oh, Go. Jon Stewart's in Go? No, they're crazy. Playing by Heart was the movie. Yes. Yeah, Playing by Heart. But there's like Angelina Jolie was in that or somebody, right? Ellen Burstyn, Jenna Rollins, Sean Connery.

Yeah, all right. Miramax. Really? It was a Miramax. Really? When you get picked to play Harvey Weinstein every time he's depicted in something, you have to know. Long time. It just happened once, but that was enough.

You nailed it. You're the Harvey Weinstein guy. I thought he was Larry King every Halloween. You must be so busy. It's crazy. I thought he sounded more like Larry King Miramax go yes so yeah

so I got the part and then she the first day of rehearsal it was me and Ileana Douglas on a soundstage waiting for her to show up

she walked in and she walks up to Ileana Douglas like you're Ileana Douglas and you're me and she goes six guys they screen tested

the one fucking guy I hate that's who they hire that was our first day of life together so it was lives from there isn't that nice delightful at what point did you because

you really had a broken wrist that they had to ride into it or how did that work yeah no I was doing skateboard camp and then I I did I was trying like always. And then I did... I was always trying to make better myself, basically.

And then I just took it too far. That's funny you should mention it because Bellflower is about guys at skateboard camp. I'd like to hear about it, potheads. With a lot of blood and it's like a fever dream. Are you skateboarding in Bellflower?

Yeah, there's lots of skateboarding bellflower tell us about it tony hawk has a cameo he comes in with a flame easton has a cameo sugar walls or maybe i was like on acid or something i thought i saw sheena easton and bellflower the movie dot com with a dash or a bellflower dash the movie dot com is that right it's hyper. Bellflower-the-movie.com? Is that right? It's really weak, though, isn't it? No, no, no. All right, you know what?

I know how to sell shit. For example, my next movie, okay? My next movie is called Dealing with Idiots, but am I going to call it dealingwithidiots.com? No, it's grandmascock.com. Everybody and their next-door neighbor will know the website. Who doesn't Google Grandma's Cock every once in a while? Dealing with Idiots, but it's going to be Grandma'sCock.com. Everybody in their next door neighbor will know the website. Who doesn't Google Grandma's Cock every once in a while?

Dealing with idiots, but it's going to be Grandma's Cock. Good luck getting that name. You're not going to clear Grandma's Cock. Got it. Own it. No way. Someone in this audience probably owns it already. No, I own Grandma's Cock. Grandma's Cock is all mine.

I'd like to see it. I would like to see it i would like to see it bellflower the movie grandma's cock.com that wouldn't work because of the bellflower the movie part maybe it would work to you don't speak for us holy fuckers everywhere i'll be on that website. Because people by accident type in Grandma's Cock to Google all the time. They'll be sitting at home going, let me just see. Grandma's Cock, there it is. That's a salient point that Jeff just said

because I went to type in Grand Rapids, Michigan on Google search and it just Grandma's Cock, it just did its... Yeah, that's how popular it is. It thunk for me. Yeah. When is GC, the movie, going to come out? Oh, no, no. Dealing with idiots? I don't know.

I'm filming it in January. I don't know when it's coming out. You're filming it in January? Yeah, yeah. But I'm prepping, man. I think ahead. Not like Belfower Johnson over here. Isn't there... Don't you have some sort of movie in the can? Or is it all curb at this point? What do I have in the can? Oh, I have a movie, an animated movie called Paranorman by the people who did Coraline.

Oh, sounds good. Yeah, it's about a little boy who sees dead people. And they were furious that I had gotten Grandma's cock ahead of time because that was their rollout plan. So tough, tough, tough, tough. Some of us are, you know. Who's going to play your lead idiot? Lead idiot in what?

Grandma's cock. I just wanted to hear you say it. In dealing with idiots. I am playing the lead idiot. No, actually, I am the lead idiot. Oh, yeah? You don't discover I'm an idiot until the end. I've blown the whole movie. Spoiler alert. The movie's about Little League baseball parents, and it's rated R. And, yeah. I've blown the whole movie. Spoiler alert. The movie's about Little League baseball parents and it's rated R and yeah.

I haven't made it yet but it's rated R. It's intended to be rated R. The kids might as well be extras. It's just about the parents who are douchebags. I'm in. I know. I'm going to totally see that. I know. When it's filmed in January. It's like a David Lynch fever dream. Come by the center. Look for that in late 2012.

Nothing for that callback? Nothing at all? If I'm filming in January, it'll probably be out either in the summer or the fall of next year. All right. We're going to see that shit, man. You will,

because it'll have the website that'll pull you in. I might start in January, summer, fall. Is this like the fucking ambiguous panel? Some fucking website someplace. What are you, Cockshire Johnson?

Yes. Ask me something. I'll tell you right now. Ask me something. I'll tell you ambiguously. Did Wally Schirra ever get to the moon? Go ahead, Doug. How did you... How about Tom Cruise? How did you get along

with him, Jay? There's other people up here. Share, spread it out. No, hold on a second. He doesn't want to talk. He's got nothing to say. That's number one. Number two, I've said plenty. I've said grandma's cock 20 times.

It's a dream of mine. To be on something that goes out to America and I can say grandma's cock all I want, fucking A. Let's go, motherfucker. So all I'm saying to you is, Jay, how did you get along with Tom Cruise?

I, uh... He was one of the coolest people I ever met in my life. And everyone, I'll tell you... He's so pumped for life. Right? Am I right? When I worked with him,

it was pre-couch jump. Yeah, but he was still pretty amped wasn't he he was fucking fired up man but he's one of those guys

like when you hear people talk about a coach that got their shit together and set them on the right path like he was like

that to me he was so cool and so nice and kind and I remember thinking to myself okay if I'm ever like the lead in a movie,

that's how you act. But luckily, I've never gotten above six on the call sheet so I can act like an asshole. Farts. Farts. He was great. I would love to dish dirt on TC. What about, well, you know, across're across the street from the Scientology.

What happened there? At Scientology? No, at dinner with Tom Cruise. I had dinner with Tom Cruise and what the fuck is that? Kanye West. Grandma's cock. What the fuck is that? Kanye West?

It's so hard to pull his name out. No, Kanye West. Jeff does not like the blacks. Once I did. What the fuck is that? People love him now. Oh, it's Kanye Wilde. I did a cameo on his sitcom.

What is that fucking brown thing moving towards me? Oh. You said, what the fuck is that? It's a human being. Or as they say in Philly, a human being. Yeah, but I never said brown thing. What the fuck's your ass? Up your ass, Whitey Johnson.

You did inject extra racism. They didn't need to. What the fuck? I'm just saying I don't fucking pay attention. I get a lot of nicknames tonight already.

Jeff Garland does not like black people. He does not. Where the fuck is that coming from? Don't you dare. As a matter of fact, by the way,

today for my new television show, I pitched the idea of having a black wife. Wow. And the network was not against it. Yeah, that'll bring in the viewers. So who do you think you're going to get? Like maybe Wendell Pierce? You went for the same joke.

Yours is actually a little more current. Because I'm a big Wire fan. So I would have gone with Wendell Pierce. Two men trampled running for the same joke. Yours is actually a little more current. Because I'm a big Wire fan. So I would have gone with Wire. Two men trampled running for the same punchline. That was nice. It was beautiful. You should go real black for your wife. Like Lil' Kim or somebody.

That would be so awesome. I don't even know what to say. That would be amazing. Just me constantly trying to calm her down. Don't shoot them! It is absurd when networks are like... Oh, there you go. Yeah.

So what was the thing? Oh yeah, so I had dinner with Kanye West and Tom Cruise and it was because of J.J. Abrams. It was at the Mission Impossible. I didn't say what kind of weird dreams have you had lately. By the way, holy shit!

You just reminded me of something. I'll just say, I'm going to tell this within 20, 30 seconds. All right, go. Had dinner with Kanye West, Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is very nice.

Kanye West, nice guy, whatever. But I had dinner with him. Afterwards, 15 seconds. I know, J.J. Abrams and I end up in a hotel room with Jeff Goldblum watching himself on Conan O'Brien with one of the Olsen

twins and Lake Bell and I forgot the other one. You know, this is a story you could slow down a little. What's the Hellboy movies? Selma Blair. Selma Blair, who sat in my lap. Neve Campbell. That's all I'm saying. Neve Campbell wasn't there.

But that night is truly what it was. Does anyone here know what it was? What what it was I mean you really that's a 45 second story though thanks for thanks for coming on million-dollar name drop because I remember you know I never put those two together but that's a weird night but who that's fucking crazy all because of JJ the JJ insisted we go to the room. I wish it was JJ Evans. He died, didn't he? On the show? Didn't JJ Evans die? No, James died.

Oh, James died. Roger Hamm, Florida. JJ did not. Say something, Evan. Just anything. Hello, you're good. Jay, what would it have been like if Tracy Morgan was on Good Times? been like if more if if Tracy Morgan was on good times I'm glad down with my sister but damn she's fine by the way you know you say that as a hypothetical

if any actor today belonged on good times whoa whoa dude what do you mean by that he's a brown thing what the fuck are you talking about I'm uncomfortable what do I mean by that he actually his acting style would have fit in perfect there was an episode where James Evans said

if my son was gay I'd stab him I remember that episode wasn't Janet Jackson in that one getting burned when Doug opened his mouth

to say that I was already fucking in the tractor beam of... It's a race. Yeah. Tracy would have been good on Good Times.

I think he would have been better on... Sam for the Sun? Different Strokes as the Gooch. As the Gooch? I didn't even know that character.

Yeah, who's the Gooch? It's the bully. Oh. Oh, yeah? I'm glad you remember that. Is this fucking Douglas TV? When you guys get your

heads out of your asses and play some ball out there. Well, when he said if he was the Gooch, in Doug Love's TV? Why don't you guys get your heads out of your asses and play some ball out there? What would he say if he was the Gooch? You set it up. If he was the Gooch, what would he say? He would say,

I want to go see the movie Cloverfield that's playing in selected cities right now. You mean Bellflower? Bellflower. What did I say? You said Cloverfield. No, I don't mean Bellflower.

See, that's the problem with the fucking title. The title should be Grandma's Cock. That alone. Yes, that would be Bellflower. Why do you think Bellflower? That's that's the problem with the fucking title. The title should be Grandma's Cock. That alone. Why do you assume... That's because I have it sitting next to me. Why do you assume that it's his movie?

I'm a man of my word. Cloverfield. I didn't get to see it. We're releasing it this week. One week only. The big Cloverfield re-release. That's why I tour. It's because when I'm in hotel rooms, I get to see old movies. My friend, future guest, TJ Miller, he's in Cloverfield.

I picked that up for you. Thank you. Is he in the hotel room watching Jeff Goldblum on Conan O'Brien? Isn't that weird? I don't even watch myself on Conan O'Brien.

It's weirder because you felt the need to jam it into an 8 second clip. No, I wanted to get it quick because I know it could be long. Yeah, but you made it so quick we're like, I'm picturing like

the Pine Knot Motel. No, it was a hotel it quick because I knew it could be long. Yeah, but you made it so quick. We're like, I'm picturing like the Pine Knot Motel. No, it was a hotel in Soho in New York. I don't remember. Move on. You do remember. I remember every detail. And truly, I could totally take over this podcast. Do it!

No, I have too much respect for Doug. He's not doing anything. He's got a Leonard Maltin shit coming up. Come on, man. One time in new york i watched nicole kidman eat a napkin that was on fire what were you wearing that's the important thing i had on can i tell somebody the funniest thing one of my favorite things about you is that does that mean you don't want to hear doug's answer to your own question? What were you wearing? Hey! All right, listen.

Doug and I, years ago, and I say years ago. Evan, sit this one out. We, we... Doug and I were on the road a million times together. We'd always be opening for some hack, for the most part.

Yeah, sure. For the most part. Every once in a while. But anyhow, what a guy! This is awesome! This is so awesome! He was staying at a different hotel than me.

I said, what did you do today? He said, they had a video camera channel of the lobby. They had a video of the lobby that was piped into the hotel rooms And he put in a VCR And he put a videotape in

And recorded himself doing stuff in the lobby And going to the front desk And doing all sorts of shit I thought that was awesome Oh fuck, alright Doug, do you remember specific things you did? Oh, fuck. All right. Doug, do you remember specific things you did? Is that the Cloverfield poster?

That's a Mad Max poster. Yeah. He brought, Evan brought this awesome Cloverfield poster. Yes. Oh, is this a new Mad Max? Is that you on the poster? That's me on the poster. Yeah, you're like hiding your face behind the lady.

Oh, Bellflower. It looks like Mad Max. Bellflower, yeah. Oh, that's nice. Can I see it? It's really cool. Has anybody seen Bell me on the poster. Yeah, you're like hiding your face behind the lady. Oh, Bellflower. It looks like Mad Men. Bellflower, yeah. Oh, that's nice. Can I see? It's really cool. Has anybody seen Bellflower? Yeah, it's good, right?

Yes! This girl's just saying, can I have that? No, it's going to be a prize. You're a fantastic scene. It's a prize. It's going to be a prize for whoever wins today. Give it to her. Give it to her.

Just give it to her? It's not mine anymore. I don't think everyone else would agree with that. No, just let the show go. Let them play the fucking Leonard Maltin game. Listen to me. He's not out here.

Just let them do their show. Why do you have to mess with their show, Jay? Why are you messing with it from within? Let them do the thing and then we'll have the house to ourselves when they leave. What character is that? The old Jew you've become in front of my eyes. Here's my old Jew.

Listen to me. Listen to me, Jeff. When you go out and you do the stand-up comedy, people love it. They gobble it up. They love it. Are you going out to do one of your skits? It's amazing how like your fans... It's amazing how you're such a... You're a Nazi practically. You are this close to being a Nazi. You said Broadway, not me.

People at home can't see what I'm wearing, so you're on your own on this. Okay, well, he's dressed... He's wearing a T-shirt with a giant swastika. I was going to set you up for the full... I know, but I like the T-shirt with the swastika because it seems more like you're fucked up. You were doing your character, so then I joined along.

I know, I appreciate it. And you were doing Bernie Brillstein. Don't think you hid that from me. By the way, it actually... I found out accidentally that that was Bernie's voice and I've been doing it for you.

Listen to me, they're gonna fuck ya. No matter what you do in this town, you little Bellflower cocksucker, they're gonna fuck ya. So I guess it is

sort of a Bernie Brillstein. How much did Bellflower... I'm trying to help him promote his movie. You don't need to call me Bellflower cocksucker. Bellflower lighter. Yeah, Bellflower lighter. Did. You don't need to call me Bellflower. Oh, wait, you got a Bellflower lighter. Bellflower lighter. Yeah, Bellflower lighter.

Did you get that in the gift shop on bellflower-movie.com? I went to the gift room there, and I ordered 16 of those to hand out to younger people. That reminds me. They'd like you to leave the gift room at bellflower-movie.com. It's a pocket-sized flamethrower. It's a lighter, a regular-sized lighter. I still would like to see the poster. In conjunction with the movie.

I already put it away. You're slowing things down, Jay. Stop it. I am. We also have books. Jay Moore wrote, this is your second book, right? Yeah. And it's called No Wonder My Parents Drank. Tales of a Dildo Child.

Dildo Child. Dildo Children. Tales from a Stand-Up Dad. So you're going to get a copy of that. Did you write your name in it or anything? No, I mean, but if somebody tosses me a pen... I signed mine. And Jeff Garland's My Footprint, Carrying the Weight of the World.

And on the cover, Jeff is on a... Treadmill in the middle of the forest. ...land speeder, and they're chasing you through the forest the middle of the forest. Landspeeder, and they're chasing you through the forest in Return of the Jedi. That's correct, Doug. So look for it at your local bookstore.

How do you spell Benson? Why is your treadmill out in the middle of what looks like a forest? I thought this was about movies! There's already a movie being made of this. Will you just relax? I don't know.

He's unplugged. He does his slamming good. We got to play the letter bomb. Let me just tell you quickly, the new book is called Curbing It. They want me to change the title, and we're shooting a new cover for the paperback, because people thought this was a diet book. I'm being totally serious. You're on a treadmill, and it says my footprint.

It's about me trying to lose weight while filming Curb Your Enthusiasm and also trying to go green. That's why I treadmill in the forest, but nobody got that. It's more of a memoir than it is. Diet books are the ones that sell. Not men's diet books, number one.

I learned that. Because people mistook it for a diet book and didn't buy it. to the ones that sell. Diet books and cookbooks. Not men's diet books, number one. I learned that. And because people mistook it for a diet book and didn't buy it. And, you know. So this is going to be like a valuable copy because you're changing it.

Yes, it will no longer be available. Look at your sweet face. Jeff's one of those guys, it's just always, I'm being completely serious, he's just, he's like human pot.

He's just good. You see Jeff, you smile. You're just one of those guys. Well, He's just good. You see Jeff, you smile. You're just one of those guys. Well, you're a good man to say that, Jane Moore. I still think you're Nazi-like, but... What the hell's going on? That's my... Oh, that's you.

Was I... Oh, now the party got started. Just saw the woot muggy in the crowd. Do you guys want to pick some name tags? Pick a name tag Pick who you want to play for Doug finds Jeff so dull He's throwing toys into the audience Somebody in the audience

Oh, I get to choose who I want? You will play from them They will win a woot monkey They will win a Bellflower poster They'll win both of your cards I want Justin He's holding up bread Oh, see?

Jeff went for the sandwich Good call, Justin Can I eat it? Oh, fucking A. Great. I made dinner. Great. All right, so you're going to eat your name tag. What did you want me to do?

And I picked him. Wow, she brought her iPad? Yeah, you can keep that iPad if you pick that, Jay. What's that say? That's El... That's El... El Toro. El Toro?

Definitely not you. No, I'm really not that mean of a guy What do you think, Evan? Which one do you want to play for? Does someone have a beer tag? I just want the beer Oh yeah, it says Joe Can he drink it? I'll take this

Oh, that's perfect Olivia, what's his freaking name? I don't have a bottle opener You have a lighter Oh yeah, there's a lighter Do you know how to use a lighter to open a bottle? Just Oh, yeah, there's a lighter. Do you know how to use a lighter to open a bottle? Just the right amount of peanut butter and jelly. What's that one say?

Was this the idea? No, the one that I can't read. This is fascinating radio, Doug. When do all the hot chicks come out? Hey, the Hooters girls are here. Wow. If you didn't bring your wife, there's not going to be any hot chicks come out? Hey, the Hooters girls are here. Wow. If you didn't bring your wife, there's not going to be any hot chicks coming out.

I had fun talking to you guys on your podcast, more stories, but pick a name tag so we can do this. This guy's got like an Asian fan. I like Chris. I'll dig that shit, man. Chris, you were my number two. Can you bring that down, Chris? I like you guys, but I took your panel.

It's an Asian fan. Jay loves his Asian fans. Yeah, I do. I love my Asian fans. His heart goes out to everyone in Japan, all they went through. Do you know where that's my stage name? Come on up on stage, man. What's your name?

Where are you from? Do you know that's my stage name? Asian fan. James, where are you from? New York. All right. That's just the guy that passed the name tag up here. I don't know why you're interviewing the guy.

Mr. Look at me over there, James. What do you name that thing? Did you're interviewing the guy. Mr. Look at me over there. Did you have one? This might be the first episode ever where we just don't even finish the Leonard Maltin game. Because we're in a tight time crunch. Chris, this is a great peanut butter and jelly. Did someone tell you I'd be here tonight? Oh, because that's a good planning. Jeff, you have a peanut allergy.

What are you doing? I want to make the show interesting. Too late. You either don't make it at all or you get an ambulance comes to get you during the show. I've got a copy of it. It just came out today, Jeff.

My new CD, DVD, Potty Mouth. Potty Mouth! Comedy Central Records. That's right. What are you, one of them readers? There's literal Larry. I have nothing to say to add. Get on with the game.

We've noticed. All right, let's do it. We'll start with you, Jeff. Yes. You get to pick a category. Okay. Would you like... It's Cameron Diaz's birthday today.

Mm-hmm. So the films of Cameron Diaz. Her body's becoming Willem Dafoe's. She's like... Can I tell you something? William Dafoe has a great's. She's like... Can I tell you something? William Dafoe has a great ass. That's all I'm saying.

William Dafoe is fucking A-Rod. They work out together. They broke up. I don't know if you read the internet today. Evan, just talk to Jay for a second.

Chris, you better be good, man. Okay, so summer blockbusters is another category. That's movies that came out during the summer and they were blockbusters. And then for your third choice, James Dreveny on Twitter suggested Birdwatching, which is movies that have the word bird in the title. How hard can that be?

Yeah, there's a few. Some movies that have a bird in the title. Summer Blockb that be? There's a few. Some movies are bird in the title. Summer Blockbusters or Cammy Diaz. I'm going to go with... My gut tells me bird, but I'm going with Summer Blockbusters. Grandma's cock. Go against your gut and go with Grandma's cock.

2009 is the year of this movie. Three and a half stars. I want to switch to birds. It's too late, sir. I'm fucking with you. Go ahead. You can drink this?

Cameron Diaz. Three and a half stars from Leonard. 2009. He calls this movie energetic. And he calls it inventive. And he says the movie has a soaring score. And there are... 17 names.esus yeah how many names do you think you get in jeff garland

then we'll go to jay moore and then we'll go to evan is it glodell is that how you pronounce it yes okay glodell how many names you can get in jeff that's your last name cl think you can get in, Jeff? What's your last name? Clodo? I can get it in three. Whoa. Name that movie. That's a strong opening pitch. Jay goes right to name that movie. Here's your three names. Tyler Perry, Clifton Collins Jr., and Faran Tahir.

Hold on. I'm sorry, but which one of those three names is going to play your wife on your new show? Definitely not Clifton Collins Jr. Too bad. And Tyra Perry. Those are your three names. It's a summer blockbuster

from 2009. So I have to pick one of them that was in it? You have to name the movie. Oh. No, just pick one of those three names. Oh.

They were all in it? What year is it? They were in it? They were all in it. What year is it? You've played it? They were all in it. What year is it? You've played this before, Jeff. I know, but I forgot.

2009. No, now. What year is it? 2011. Oh, you want to know from me? All right. I'm going to get 2011 pregnant. All right, he gets the thing. What?

Because you don't know it? I have no fucking clue. Guess the summer blockbuster from around 2009. I don't know summer blockbusters. Really? You were in one called Wall-E. That's not a summer blockbuster from around 2009 I don't know I can't like busters yeah you were in one called Wally that's not a summer blockbuster made a lot of money but it's not summer block but yeah I disagree fucking money that would be a million worldwide I'm gonna say I agree with Jeff that it wasn't a block but I think was a cultural blockbuster if you know what I

mean I think oh you mean. I don't know what you mean either. Oh, you mean like Pauly? Yeah. That's not even funny because that's how few people even know of Pauly. Why? Pauly's great. I stand by Pauly.

That's a fun movie, right? The one about the kangaroo? Yeah. No, it's a parrot, you asshole. It's the other Jenna Rollins movie I did, but whatever. All right. Anyway, this particular summer blockbuster movie I did, but whatever. All right.

Anyway, this particular summer blockbuster is... I hope you guys... Star Trek. They all know it. Wait. Tyler Perry was... What? He's never been in anything lowly built like that other than Star Trek.

And he was one of the people on the board. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that. Tyler Perry was in Star Trek? So you do know summer blockbusters. Yeah, yeah. He's like a...

You know, plays an intergalactic judge or something played oh what the fuck is that this is I hope this isn't the week black people choose to try my podcast Jeff Garlin's ruining it stop with the Jeff Garlin why'd you boys get so high because it does that you got that. You got the point, Jay. Jay has one point. How many points do you get? First person to two.

Or five minutes from now, whichever comes first. First person to two? Yeah, so Jay is halfway there. Alright. What did you do? I'm trying to go wireless here. We're gonna start with Evan. Just keep playing.

Okay. We'll start with Evan, then go to Jeff. And Evan gets to pick a category. Evan, would you like In Theaters Now? That's movies that are playing in theaters now. Okay. Would you like someone named Lost underscore Barley suggested Rated R. Whoa.

And that's movies with pirates in them. Oh. I should have picked that one. Well, it wasn't one of your options. I know, but I'm saying I should have picked it even though it wasn't one of my options. And then at Pink Fixed Gear suggested Hold Me which is movies with a hostage situation.

So you like hostages, pirates, or in theaters now? I guess we'll do pirates. Evan Glodow, director and writer of Bellflower. Bellflower.

I almost said it. I didn't want to make it wrong. I wanted to give it its props. All right, Evan. This pirate movie is from 1982. Leonard calls this movie Australian. I didn't know it was Australian. Because it has American actors in it.

He also says it's a bomb, and he calls it appalling. And he says it should have been called the rip-off movie. And there are six names. So how many names do you think you can get it in, Evan? I suggested a big opening bit. I'm going to need all of them. Six names. Okay.

Then we go to Jeff. How many do you think you can do it in? I think I can do it in five names. Five names. Okay. Then we go to Jeff. How many do you think you can do it in? I think I can do it in five names. Five names. What year? Jay. 1982. Name that movie.

I'm winning right here. How many names do you get, Jeff? Five. Five names. Give him fucking two of the words of the title, he won't get it. You get everybody but the last name. I don't know why I said that like Pesci. Give him fucking two of the words, he won't get it. You get everybody but the last name. I don't know why I said that like Pesci. Give him fucking two of the words.

He won't get it. People in the audience are going to know this one, so don't yell out if you know it. Don't do that, Jeff. You'll be overwhelmed. What are you doing? He's throwing it. What kind of games are you running?

Jeff's throwing it. He wants me to win so he can go home. Here's your name, Jeff. And he eats cheese with somebody. I would love for you to win because we've got to end this thing. Your names are Gary McDonald, Maggie Kirkpatrick, Bill Kerr, Ted Hamilton, and Christopher Atkins. What the fuck? The Pirates of Penzance?

There's one movie left over. No, that is incorrect. It's called The Pirate Movie. That's what I was going to guess. Because he said it should be called The Ripoff is the winner everybody chris right how did i i didn't play that's how you win sometimes i want to by being a big pussy about it that's a great way to win one person win all this shit yeah all right but i got one more thing but that's right yes that right. You're not going to believe this, you guys. So Jeff, he just...

Don't tell the backstory. Okay, we'll just sit here quietly while you leave. For fun. I think... Doug, give me a movie just for fun. I think the guy that plays Lord of the Monkeys. We got to wrap it up. Not now.

No, no, no. You have to know. I mean, all night with this one. I want a movie. All right. So you're going to do the backstory? Can I want a movie. Alright. So you're going to do the backstory? Can I get a movie to guess? I really want to play this game.

You have to come back another time. Let's just put it this way. Here's the entire backstory. I stole this today. But you did not know that you would be on with writer-director of Bellflower and Jay Moore. I had no idea who I was on with. And yet this is what you stole from somewhere.

I swear to God I stole this today. Look at this, Jay. Nice. Look at my man boots. It's a promotional picture for Gary and Mary. I have a deal at ABC Studios and I'm in the hallway, and I took this off the wall and walked into the meeting with it,

and I said, I want all Gary Unmarried collectibles. Having no idea that you, that's why I freaked out when you walked backstage. I'm like, holy shit. When I showed up tonight, Jeff goes, oh my God. And I thought, you've got to sign this thing. I'll sign it yeah here I was uh people that are listening don't know what it is it's a poster of me and Jamie King from you can tell I lost a bit of weight cuz I've got no mastia

here flexing the tricep at all times Alright where's Justin at? Justin come get your stuff Justin? My fucking my guy Oh no I'm sorry Chris come down here But Justin you have to come name a Shithead Justin

I was giving this away tonight no matter what by the way The idea that you're here is just crazy That's such weird timing But you matter what, by the way. The idea that you're here is just crazy. That's such weird timing. But you know what? Like in the hallway, they have all their shows. And what did they say? This is the only canceled one.

When you said Gary, I'm back. You ain't lying, brother. Yes! Here's your fan. Thanks, brother. How about Pocket Science Flamethrower?

Where's Joe that Evan was playing for? My book? You're welcome. I don't get to guess a movie? Yeah, here, you get all this stuff. You get those books. I'm sorry to have you back this week, but everything was too big. Oh, sorry.

You know what, my friend? With that tonight, you're going to get laid. I wanted to look this up quick. You can't help it, my friend. The guy who plays Lord Humongous, one of the only other movies he's in, is the pirate movie. Oh, really? Yeah. He's in your room this side of the rooms glad if you see my movie would understand the significance but there's like obsession with Lord humongous in it the pirate that's pretty awesome the pirate all

permanently stamped in our memories movies with pirates in them you all let me know the star of it who Olivia no No, Christy McNichol. Who is my neighbor? I swear to God. Jeff, you're the worst person alive. You really are like the most showbiz guy I've ever known. She lives three houses down from me. If you want to know what she's doing, she's watering her lawn. A big round of applause for my guests, Jay Moore, Jeff Garland.

Seriously, check out Bellflower, written, directed, and starring Bellflower. Evans Lodell. And go to grandma's cock.com. It's under construction, but you'll enjoy it. Go to Grandma's Cock, and you can play the Leonard Mullen game against Graham Elwood

with me at the Orpheum Theater in Sioux Falls on February, I mean September February, September 9th, and at the Rialto Theater Theater in Sioux Falls on February, I mean September February, September 9th and at the Rialto Theater in Tucson on September 10th. And as always, Gaddafi is a shithead and Punky Brewster is a shithead.

Why? Now it's time for Doug to watch another Pocky. There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies