Doug Loves Movies - Jay Mohr, "Mark Wahlberg," and Josh Wolf Guest

Episode Date: November 16, 2014

Live from the Tempe Improv, Doug welcomes Jay Mohr, "Mark Wahlberg," and Josh Wolf to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny babies, sticky seats With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not more that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, everybody! My name's Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies! That was pretty solid Nice work

Coming to you once again For I believe the third time From the Improv Comedy Club In Tempe, Arizona It's Saturday You know what day it is November 15th 2014 Wolf of Wall Street

Fight Terminator 2 Judgment Day of the Dead Men Walking Tall the Presidents Men in Black Fisher King Ralph a Dog Day Afternoon Delight Sleep Perfect Murder By Death Wish 3 Ami Ghost World's End of Watch Men Don't Leaving Las Vegas Food Law Jingle All

The Wayne's World's Fastest Indiana Jones of the Temple of Dooms Days of Thunderbolt and Lightfoot Fistway of the Gun Crazy Heartbreak Kids are all right. At 420-ish. I was outside at 420, you guys, and I was very disappointed

that all of you were just inside, patiently waiting. So after the show, there's an awesome new bar and restaurant next door called Copper Blues. And yeah, and after the show, there's an awesome new bar and restaurant next door called Copper Blues. And yeah, and after the show, a few minutes after the show, I'm not going to run right over there. I don't want to play anxious. I play hard to get.

But a little while after the show, I'll be over there for pictures and whatnot. And by whatnot, I mean let's go outside and smoke some weed. I mean, I know that my comedy show gets a more weed crowd than like... Like, applaud if you don't smoke weed at all. Fucking nerds. I should be grateful that you're here and I'm calling you nerds.

I am grateful, and I do appreciate this. Some people aren't into it, and that means more for me. Tempe, let's see your name tags. I know you got good ones. You always impress. This is ridiculous. Tempe, where name tags come big

Dude that's just cheating When you obscure the view Of every other Oh and the flaps close That's nice It's a huge Jay and Bob Strikes Back But it's changed to Doug Strikes Back And who?

Your name's Jason? Jason and Silent Doug Oh that's a sweet gig What's, what, your name's Jason? Jason and Silent Doug. Oh, that's a sweet gig. I wish I could play Silent Somebody and something. And then there's another one, Jamie and Silent Bob, right up front. That's crazy. It's like yours, like yours, he just took yours and rubbed it and it grew bigger. There's a giant, what is it?

I can't see because of the lighting in here, but there are some huge name tags. It's crazy. Thank you guys for... Zach and Zach make a porno. I don't know why that caught my eye. There's a cool Harry Potter that's been turned

into Harry David. Are you a hairy person? Yeah. Showed me his armpit. Like, yeah, here's proof I've got hair on my body. The old armpit.

What's Pulp Fiction changed to? Pulp Niction. All right, Nick. Well, good job, everybody. Thank you so much for bringing those. And, oh, there's a scary one All right, Nick. Well, good job, everybody. Thank you so much for bringing those. Oh, there's a scary one over there, too. I can't wait to see which ones get picked.

A lot of them had lights on them, and you know how hard that is to set up. Good job, everybody. The prize bag's got a lot of fun stuff in it that we'll talk about most of it when the guests get out here, but I brought a shirt that somebody gave me. There was a cool band playing the other night over here at Copper Blues, and they gave me a shirt that says, Cush is dope.

And their band is called Cush County Music. And it's kind of a sublime style band and I enjoyed it a great deal. Also we got a copy of Gateway Dog 2, Forced Fun. And here's another shirt that somebody gave me. This is like a memory

test. Where did somebody give me this? Oh, in Nashville. Because it says on it, I visited Nashville and got some pot. Property of Tennessee. So that's

not something I'm going to wear. So passing that along to you guys. And also, I was eating the other night and I met a fan that was working at a bar restaurant down the street called Gringo Star. And she gave me a hat. She's like, here you go, you can have a hat.

And I said, I'm going to put that in the prize bag. Because I don't want to spend my life explaining to people what Gringo Star is. If you live here, at least you can go. It's over there. All right. Three great guests. A couple of fellas that happen to be in town.

And then another fella who just does not get sick of traveling to come do the show. And I really appreciate it. Let's give a big, warm welcome, Tempe, to Josh Wolfe, Jay Moore, and Mark Wahlberg. That would be a first if, like, the first time ever, all the guests didn't make it on time. Oh, that was a... That was fresh out of the show action. Is everyone's wheelchair back on? Whose wheelchair is that?

Did you see this? What happened? Oh, there's a way to get on stage? Yeah, there's a back... Me and Mark Wahlberg are shoulder rolling on stage like action stars. Oh, look at that. Yo, there's a little wheelchair

that Josh is pushing around for the enjoyment of the podcast. Yeah, dog, your wheelchair. There's a wheelchair that Josh is pushing around for the enjoyment of the podcast. Yeah, dog, your wheelchair pad stinks. Definitely not my crowd. That's Jay Moore, you guys. Back on the show after way too long. Good to see you, dude. Do you remember how the show works, Jay?

Please. I don't know what that answer means. Yes, sir. Sorry. Yes, sir. Could go either way. Please. Of course I remember. Please. I've got other shit to do. I think in all full disclosure, we should let the audience know that about four hours ago, you and I did a private Getting High with Doug, so I might not be myself tonight.

Why do you have to go and say something like that? Hi. What'd you bring for the prize bag from your lovely hotel? I needed to shave and I didn't, so they brought up a shave kit. Is that used? I just shaved hours ago and that is what I use.

So I don't know if you want to... Lucky, lucky. You might not want to use the razor because I'm HIV negative. Well, we're all against HIV. You're playing across town at a lovely club called Stand Up Live. Yeah, are you here tomorrow night? Mm-mm.

You're here tomorrow night. No. No. Because I'm not. No, no, no. What kind of plans are you making in your head? I was going to say, you know, come see Josh Wolfe at the Tempe Improv tomorrow night.

I'm also going to fucking grease out your shit if we're in the same town. Yeah. Are you there tomorrow night too? We're in the room that you're playing and in deference to my friend Josh Wolfe, I hope everybody here comes back Sunday. Because Sundays when comics get a little bonus,ference to my friend Josh Wolfe, I hope everybody here comes back Sunday. Sunday's when comics get a little bonus.

If I can hook my man Josh Wolfe up. Josh Wolfe is here, you guys. Headlining all weekend. And he goes shopping. He doesn't just stick his CD in the bag. He does some shopping. He brought a poster of the band Queen. That's actually way better than

my gift. And then what was that other thing that you bought? Oh, Cheech and Chong sticker. Cheech and Chong sticker. Kind of looks like they're running for president or something. And then you also brought because you have a

band that you're in. A little comedy band. A band called the... We're in a comedy band! Wild Wolf Band. That's you, Josh Wolf, with your friend Jiffy Wild. Yep. And so when you guys, he's with you here this weekend. Yeah. So at your

shows, you do some music at the shows? He does like 20 minutes of stand-up, then we do three songs, and then I do like 50 minutes, and then we close with like six songs. It's a good show. It's a good show. I can tell by your excitement. I'll be here in a while. They're going to stay and watch it twice tonight. Oh yeah, I can tell. They'll definitely all be here for sure.

Yeah, and you know him, you love him. Mark Wahlberg came to Tempe. How you guys doing? You doing good or what? You ready to watch me win? How's Jimbo doing? Who's this now?

Your brother, Jimmy. Oh, we don't count him. Jimmy's a good kid. You don't count him? No. If you're one level above Donnie, you're still in the I don't count you pool. You're doing another movie with Will Ferrell.

Yeah, we're going to do another fucking movie. That's pretty awesome, man. It's not a sequel to the other guys. It's a whole new thing. Right. Well, he kept fucking begging me, and I was like, dude, we'll do it. Whatever you want. I never heard Mark Wahlberg swear this much.

I've known you a long time, Mark. I don you i don't give a shit today no we're on stage this is a safe place have you guys been have you guys worked together have you been in something together no i but i've spent a lot of time up in uh dorchester and his brother uh jimmy a lot of huh it's a good fucking town yeah me me and j Josh are tap dancing our balls off. Mark Wahlberg speaks and gets all the leafs left.

He's just talking and he's killing. Just talking and squinting the whole time. I just think they're completely starstruck that Doug fucking landed Mark Wahlberg

for his podcast. It's amazing. Will this be on iTunes or something, Doug? Yeah. Viewmaster? It kind of works like your podcast.

More stories. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's been a way works like your podcast, More Stories. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's been a long time. I don't do that no more. We put them on iTunes. You don't do it? Nah, maybe.

No. Of course I do. It's your show. I don't want to shoehorn in. You're still doing great in the rankings without doing shows anymore. But Mark brought a copy of Goodfellas. First edition. First edition? What does that mean?

It's VHS? That's back in the days when people were like, hey, can I buy a DVD? And you didn't even fucking care what kind it was. You just wanted one. So like half the people ended up with a fucking bodyguard. I got Goodfellas. And also, another side story, that's what I wanted fucking Wahlburgers to be. Was got Goodfellas. And also, another side story, that's what

I wanted fucking Wahlburgers to be. Was fucking Goodfellas. And they were like, no, we'll just make it about burgers and selling fries. And I'm like, whatever pays Donnie. We'll fucking... It's fine with me. And then you also brought, because ever since we did that show together in Vegas...

What the fuck? Wahlburg how? What Wahlberg? That's what I fucking wanted. No, I don't know. Would you watch a show about where Joe Pesci's the host of a restaurant? Yes, I would.

Yeah, he's like... How many people in your fucking party? How long are we to stand in the fucking hostess stand? You fucking prick. What the fuck? Do you want smoking or not smoking? You'd get to see him

stand on his tippy toes to hand people those little vibrating things. What can you do? What impersonation can you do? I can do Borat, my wife. What else you got? You got anything else?

Hold on, Josh, can I tell you something? Those two syllables let me know I'm working way too hard. I'm tapping out. I only got one. Babe. Babe? No, I do a Bane impression. I'll do Bane saying what it says

on this shirt that Mark brought. Who needs a woman when you have a good hand? That's right Me and my Me and my hand Will be in the shadows If you need us

That's where me and my hand Stay a lot too by the way Doug I just want to say I'm glad it fucking worked out Because you know why I'm in town right No I don't I thought you came

Just for this Nope Is it for Iron Man I'm doing the fucking Iron Man Oh shit I'm going to do the Iron Man In a tank top and jean Man? I'm doing the fucking Iron Man. Oh, shit! I'm gonna do the Iron Man in a tank top and jean shorts. And I'm gonna fucking win it. The whole

goddamn thing. Have you seen those Iron Man people walking around? Have you guys seen those Iron Man people walking around? I will tell you what I've seen and what I know now is not everybody should be wearing spandex biker shorts. Some people should put those on and go, I don't fucking think so. There's some people

in the hotel lobby that... Has anybody else noticed that Doug's Bane sounds exactly like Sean Connery? Well, that's the... That's what Bane is, is just Sean Connery through a, you know, mask. Through a mask. Yeah. You pull a knife, I pull a gun. That's fucking good,

dude. That's the Gotham way. But yeah, I mean, Jay, with the impressions, man, you're so good at them that, like, of course, you see through, like, the tricks, you know? I didn't mean to take the air out of your bane balloon. I'm sorry. No, that's all right. I guess it was filmed before his accident,

but there's that Chris Rock movie has Tracy Morgan in it. Yeah. I enjoy working with Chris. Me and Chris met at the Pro Vision Center. All right, I don't know what I was going to say about it. But that impression has always cracked me up, and I'm so happy that Tracy Morgan's okay, because...

He's doing very well. Yeah, yeah. Do you actually hang out with him ever, or see him ever? No, I see him once in a while. But does he like that you do such an amazing impression of him? I think he's walking-esque, that he's not really aware that you're doing the impression in his presence. Because I'll say to Tracy, like,

yeah, what's up, let's get... But man, let's go out tonight and get everybody pregnant. And he'll just say, now that's a plan, J. Moores. And Walken, I did Walk in all through the movie Suicide Kings and then one day he was learning his lines and I was doing it and he thought I was mocking him. And he goes, I have so many pages to dialogue to remember

and you're walking around, it's good for you. And then he did an impression of me doing an impression of him. Because in the script he has to go, it's lucky for you I I know who I know, and I can call who I can call. And he goes, I'm trying to memorize all this dialogue, and you're walking around, it's lucky for you, you know, who I know, and calling.

Let me do my work. Him doing an impression of you, doing an impression of him, sounds like Lou Ferrigno. Billy! Billy! That was weird. Sometimes I do an impression of Donnie. Just to fuck with him, I'll walk up and I go, hey, can I borrow the car?

And then he fucking looks at me with his big wide eyes and he goes, Mark, I don't have a car. I'm like, forget it, Donnie. You're a good man, Mark. Him and his wife that doesn't even do shots. I didn't hear whatever it is you're groaning at,

but... They need to know groaning. Comics would rather you shit in your hand, run on stage and wipe it on her face than groan. Then groan? And if you did... Oh, no, go ahead and groan if those are the options. But think about the very next show,

the first 15 minutes. You'd have a brand new 15 minutes if the crowd actually wiped shit on your face. That would be quite a story, but if it happened on a regular basis... You would also have another person's shit on your face. Some people pay for that. Would your own shit be much better on your face? Really?

Just because it came out of you? Yes. I don't agree. I think other people's shit is more exotic. That's like stepping... Have you, that's like when somebody, have you ever stepped by accident in human shit instead of dog shit? That's somehow way worse. Wait, you've done that?

Where do you walk? I thought the hotel we were staying at wasn't that nice, but. I'm staying with all those Iron Man freaks. I haven't stepped in any human shit yet. Hey, Doug, here's the thing. If it's your own shit, you're making a conscious choice of like,

wow, you know what? I'm going to shit in my hand and wipe it on my face. Yeah. If it's someone else's shit, you can plead ignorance and be like, there's nothing I can do.

The guy ran up and fucking wiped shit on my face. Like, there's no thought on your end involved. So that's why I chose other people's shit. Fair enough.

Mark, would you rather have your own shit on your face? We're still on this thing? Is it like, what have they eaten? Because if it's protein bars, we'll fucking repurpose that shit. I never knew Mark Wahlberg

was this funny. Mark Wahlberg's great. Just set him up and he'll knock it down. Talented family. But Jay, you're in a movie that I've never seen because I think it looks depressing. It's called... It's a great plug.

It's called Hereafter. Yeah, the big tsunami movie with Clint Eastwood. And Matt Damon's the star. Yeah. And you played Billy. Billy, his brother, yeah. Yeah. I mean, just the name Billy, though, when you're looking at that movie and the whole synopsis and everything,

it seems odd that there's a character that's like, hey, I'm Billy. You guys all right after the tsunami? How long did you guys have to wait for a tsunami to come through because in Lone Survivor I single-handedly killed three dozen people I was like

you guys didn't bring your own guns I'm in love I'm in love I'm in love with Mark Wahlberg get in line because I'm in love. I'm in love with Mark Wahlberg. Get in line, because I'm going to fuck her after this show.

How about when he said, I'm going to fuck her, he waved his hand over the entire crowd? The whole crowd. This side of the crowd. No side. Was there a question about her after? Clint Eastwood made that movie. And all the best tsunami movies are made by people in their 70s. So what was it like?

I mean, obviously the tsunami, once it did come, Clint Eastwood's the perfect director because he only does one or two takes of everything. So they just shot the tsunami and then he moved on to the next thing. I think it was like a digital tsunami. That's the name of my band. Clint Eastwood asked me...

If somebody doesn't snap that up for a band name, they're stupid. We were filming in a bar and we were done. This is true. Clint Eastwood said, J.J., would you like to join me for a checklist oflovakian beer? Which is like the weirdest way

to say like... Yeah, so specific. Yeah, right? But yet not. He picks out what beer you're going to drink like later. He's going to be wiping your shit on his face.

Well, fast forward. I told him I don't drink and then he actually said to me, you know, my problem was never booze or drugs my problem was always P-U-S-S-Y I wonder why he felt like he needed to spell that out to you

Matt Damon's a toddler apparently he's sitting right next to me and he can't spell either then we had to act and you have to act knowing what he just told you that's rattling around in your head, and it's hard enough. The last time Josh was on, we established that he is cousins with Scott Wolfe. You know what's terrible is that you were like,

hey, so Jay Moore, you've been in a movie with Clint Eastwood. So Josh, you're cousins with somebody more famous than you are. I only brought up Scott just to go back to Jay again. Because they co-starred in a movie together. They were in Go together. I love the movie Go. It's one of my favorite movies ever, ever, ever. I love this podcast because I forget I actually had great success.

Because now I've parlayed 40 movies into AM radio. I'm going about this wrong. Dude, you were recurring on Suburgatory. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's an awesome show. But you had a nice... I heard you guys talking backstage a little bit. A little hellos were passed.

Scott asked you to say hi to Jay or whatever. Scott's a good guy. You guys are still gay for each other? You talking about me and Scott? No, that's illegal. I'm talking about in the film they played a couple of gay fellows. Real life gay men. Yeah, yeah.

Or as they say in the 40s, two real life gay men. Coming out to the film. How Asians say it in the 40s. Watch a real live Asian man kiss a real live gay man. Don't let the ladies vote. 40s announcer. Mark Warburg.

Not born yet. Good job, son. Babe Ruth. In our family, we just, if there's gay people, we're like, oh yeah,

they're a couple of Paul Lins or Dorothy's friends. That's pretty much it. Doug, when I was doing Go, people think I kissed Scott Wolf, Josh's cousin. You guys don't even make out in it. You just talk about being gay.

The guy I had to make out with was actually the hairdresser. They didn't want to pay somebody because it's such a shoestring budget. So the hairdresser, they just go, all you have to do is stand here and Jay Moore and Scott Wolf

are going to walk in and tap you on the shoulder and Jay's going to jam his tongue down your throat and I was like, well I'm acting, who cares, and you know what in the back of your mind you're like, what's it like maybe something you know, it's not cheating

it's a good test too, just to see where you stand on it you know what, I tried it, it didn't stick it's not for me but then the next day you show up at 6am and you go into the hair and makeup. And that guy's like sitting there with like this weird fucking look in his eye, like, ha, ha. And then they fired him.

I don't know why he got fired. Not because of me. I didn't give a shit. But it was very strange the next morning after kissing a man to see him like 6 a.m. and he's doing your hair. And he's like, so, how was your night last night? It was just very uncomfortable. But I played a lot of gay men.

A lot? A lot. Probably about six. Was the parakeet gay? Was Pauly gay? Hooray! Pauly the gay parakeet. I like cock. So Pauly was just, was basically your Buddy Hackett impression?

No, you don't know this? I had a Buddy Hackett impression to go audition to be the voice of the bird, and I was like, oh, I have this, so I have it. I got it, I got it, I got it. And they go, you need some, you want to read the script? I'm like, nope, got it.

And I'm like, I wish I could fly. I'm doing a Buddy Hackett impression for a bird, and I know I'm like nope got it and i'm like i wish i could fly i'm doing a buddy hackett impression for a bird and i know i'm gonna get it yay and then uh they go okay jay are you ready it's all true and i go yeah and i stand up fucking buddy hackett walks out of the audition room no swear to god on my son's eyes he was the guy that auditioned exactly before me. And he goes, knock him dead, pal. And then I got the part. It's a good thing they were looking for a younger Buddy Hackett. That's exactly what happened.

In the movie, he goes, I'll never understand. And in between takes, he goes, I'll never understand how you got a job playing fucking me. And I said, I think they wanted a younger sounding you. And he went, fair enough. Ought to be in Nagasaki where the women chew the back of the men's say, woo, wacky, woo.

I like that, too. Have you been to Have you been to the movies lately, Mark Wahlberg? You go see anything? Yeah. I fucking have gone to the movies. What'd you see? I saw Nightcrawler. Pretty good, right?

It's fucking good, dude. I like it. Yeah, it's really good. Why didn't you play the role that Jake Gyllenhaal played? Oh, because I turned it down. Was he too much of a creep or something? Who? The character? The guy in the movie?

Yeah. No, I don't know. I just like... I don't want to be the dude, I don't want to be the dude taking pictures. I want to be the dude getting pictures taken off. So like,

what sort of example would I be setting for myself in the mirror if I had to look at myself and know that I did that? So I was like, no, I don't want to do it. Originally,

I just thought it was a movie about worms. Oh, you went in, you paid your money for a worm movie. Yeah. Like ants or something? Like animated talking worms?

Yeah, like little fucking night crawlers. You just fucking pick them up, do some smallmouth bass fishing. All right. Yeah. So I turned it down. All right. Well, let me just tell you right now, John Wick isn't about a candle. You loved that movie, didn't you?

I fucking loved it. You did love that movie! I don't even know what that is. I could watch it on a loop. Jay Moore just asked for John Wick. John Wick's like a movie where Neil beats people up, but isn't that special. Thank you, Mark. Yeah, no problem, buddy. What have you seen lately,

Jay? Have you been to the movies? Are you too busy with your everything? My child. Your child? My baby child. My wife. Was that Buddy Hackett as Borat? Yes. It was the Barefoot Contessa.

Don't tell Jeffrey. How bad could that be? As Borat. What movies have you seen in your home or on Netflix? I only watch movies in the hotel rooms alone. Oh, there you go. Not dirty ones. I don't go that way.

I don't like that stuff, personally. But I don't want to ever share a movie in a theater with anybody. I don't want people to laugh. He's in his underwear, we're laughing. Just crying babies. So being comics on the road, all those movies, you get through. You don't go to the movie theater?

Never. Absolutely refuse to. You don't like the experience of... You should just do what I did and build one. Build a movie theater? Yeah. Would you help me with that? Fuck yeah, dude. Do you want to do

the More Stories podcast? Do you know how good I am at carrying shit? Would you do the More... I do. Would you do the More Stories podcast too? I'd do it in a fucking heartbeat, dude.

I didn't even know you knew it existed, so that's great. We can sit down, we talk about the fighter and how I learned what boxing was. You learned what boxing was?

I just wasn't fucking into it. It was like when you kissed that dude, I was like, I'm not really into boxing, but let's just fucking see. Last movie I saw was Palo... Doug. Hey, Doug. Yeah, what's up, Jay? Last movie I saw was Palo Alto, directed by James Franco,

and I thought it was exceptional. Exceptional, really? Yeah, I thought it was really good. He cast himself as the teacher and I thought it was exceptional. Exceptional, really? Yeah. I thought it was really good. One person agrees with you. He cast himself as the... Kinda. He cast himself as the teacher who makes out with one of his students

or he probably goes all the way with her. He's the soccer coach, yeah. Spoiler. But you know what? Everybody shits on the guy but he goes out and he bloody well does it. Every goddamn thing in the world. I was walking down Hollywood Boulevard the other day.

I don't believe... First of all, that's a lie. That's absolutely true. It's my neighborhood. And I was looking for a Chili's. There you go, dude. Yeah. I should have just called Mark because he knows where all the Chili's are.

Me too. Where's the closest Chili's to where we are right now? There's one in Phoenix. I bet you Tempe has a Chili's. I know they do. It's on Mill and University. It closed? What the fuck?

You know what? Tonight they're going to be fucking open. We're going to do fucking Southwest Egg Rolls, triple dippers. I don't fucking care. We're going to carbo-load the shit out of ourselves. Presidente Margarito. Dude, you can have it.

Share it. Yeah, go ahead, dude. Let's go back to when you guys were talking about things I couldn't identify with, like lulls in your career. I take that back. There was two weeks, November 97. Josh, have you been to the movies?

I went and saw Gone Girl. Oh my gosh, did you read the book? No. I actually did read the book. And I can't wait to see Easy Mark. I can't wait to see the movie just because of how much I enjoyed the book. Here's the problem. Everybody was like, oh, you've got to see Easy Mark I can't wait to see the movie just because of how much I enjoyed the book

here's the problem is that everybody was like oh you gotta see Gone Girl it's the best fucking movie you've ever seen in your life and then when people build up movies like that you go and you're like

no fuck it's not as good nearly as good as you thought it was gonna be and plus you know how good could it be if it had Ben Affleck in it well hold on.

Time out, time out, time out. Argo, argo, argo. Doug, if I may. It can be good, but it can't be fucking good. Time out. Wait, acting, the line of delineation for you is Ben Affleck and not fucking Tyler Perry? I liked him in Gone Girl. How good could it be?

I got to go. Can we wrap this up? I've got to watch the haves and have-nots on OWN. I will say this. Who's seen Gone Girl? Who's seen Gone Girl in here? Yeah, everybody, mostly. And I hate to admit this. Tyler Perry was pretty fucking good, wasn't he?

Yeah, he's good. He was. Out of the dress, he's not bad. Oh, okay. He was good in Star Trek. He can act. I didn't see Alex Cross, but, you know. What are you going to do? I'm fine. Oh, okay. He was good in Star Trek. He can act. I didn't see Alex Cross,

but, you know, what are you going to do? This is great. I just can't believe he hasn't made a movie called Social Madea yet, though. Seems like it's a slam dunk. Seems like he is missing out. There's just Tyler Perry.

Perfect opportunity. Like where Madea gets her own reality show and becomes really popular and has a lot of fights in supermarkets. This is, in all fairness, Tyler Perry's Doug Loves Movies. The United States of...

That would be so fun to change. In February, Black History Month, I'm going to change the name of the show for one month to Tyler Perry's Doug Loves Movies. You should do it. You should. That's amazing. But I got... I love that.

My wheels are turning, Doug. I want you to do it just to see if you would have a cease and desist letter ever from Tyler. Like, I would just keep it, Tyler Perry's Doug Loves Movies, just until that letter came, and then that would be the most valuable item any of us had ever owned, ever. Oh, yeah. I would put that letter in the prize bag. No, you wouldn't. No, you would not.

That'd be framed. First thing you see when you walk into Doug's Adobe, since we're in Phoenix. It's the first thing you'd see when I'm about to get some P-U-S-S-Y. The fuck are you guys spelling? I was going to let it go one fucking time and then you fucking bring it back oh fuck yeah bro

I'm gonna start filming these too much visual great things happening. But if you're at home taking some mushrooms or one toke over the line, maybe you have seen everything Mark Wahlberg has done tonight. Now it's the part of the show where Bane says, let the games begin. Doug, I have to tell you,

I've done live podcasts before. You, this amazing crowd you've assembled, lets me know firsthand visually how much more goddamn successful your podcast is to mine. It's fucking 4.30 in the afternoon in a different state, and me and Josh Wolfe are sweating out second show for you. This prick's filling a room in a fucking afternoon You fucking stuttering prick I have fun because I'm off duty At six o'clock And that's awesome

Off duty how? What? But everybody brought Name tags Part of it Jay is your show doesn't have Name tags So that makes it a More enthusiastic audience right there tags. Part of it, Jay, is your show doesn't have name tags. That makes it a more enthusiastic audience right there.

Because they put in the work. This guy figured out that Josh Wolfe would be here and he put his face on his sign that says Tyler's afraid of Josh Wolfe. Yeah, but it's Edward Albee. I love that giant Brian Dennehy head over there. Fucking Edward Albee.

Who doesn't like getting a little Brian Dennehy head? There's a dude that made a prop from True Detective. Yeah, I like that. Sarkosa is literally at table 202. All right, guys, so put down your name, your microphones. Doug, how is this not... Seriously, how is this not on, like, IFC? How is this not on the Sundance channel? How is this not, seriously, how is this not on like IFC? How is this not on the

Sundance channel? How is this podcast, Doug Lo's Movies, not on television? This is... Because those guys are stupid that run those places. I know shit. If any executive is listening... Like Reels TV called me up and said, we'd like to do your show. And I said, here's what I want to do. This is how it goes. And they go, well, here's some changes we'd like to make.

And then that was the end of it. Doug said, step off. Why wouldn't you just do the show that I'm already doing? But go ahead and pick a name tag you want to play for, you guys. Go physically grab it and bring it back to your seat. I feel like people in the back don't get any love. And while you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. We're back.

Who are you playing for there, Mark Wahlberg? Where's the person's name? I'm playing for Fantastic Four. Oh, Maelstrom. Nobody here is named Maelstrom. Somebody brought a comic book. What's that? Frantastic Four.

Oh, I see it now. Yeah, I'm playing for Frantastic Four. So her name's Tastic? Her name is... I do that joke every week, and then I laugh at you when you do it. Who are you playing for, Jay? Melissa. How can you tell?

She made a Melissa loves sleeping sign. It's a woman after my own heart. My favorite... I'd rather... This is the number one podcast amongst narcoleptics. It's a good podcast to fall asleep to. And Josh Wolfe picked the Tyler's Afraid of Josh Wolfe poster.

Yeah. And it's... I got a good picture of it for the Vine because it is creepy as hell. Yeah. I'm just so impressed that there's an Edward Albee reference in your audience.

I'm very impressed. Very erudite crowd. Mm-hmm. I had no idea my forehead was that fucking big. Jesus Christ. Look at that thing. My God. That explains the hats.

Yeah. Fuck. Gotta hide that thing. My God. That explains the hats. Yeah. Fuck. Gotta hide that gigantic Tyra Banks forehead. You could show a movie on that fucking forehead. Look at that thing. My God. All right, so... Hey, Doug.

Yes, sir. Hey, Doug. Oh, did Norm Macdonald just walk in? Oh, my God. I don't know if you noticed this or not. The wait staff here at the beautiful Tempe Improv, you know? Yeah, yeah. All the waiters and the servers.

I think they like to be called servers now, you know? They all wear suspenders. See. The men and the women. There goes one right there, you know. They all wear suspenders. I told them I had kind of a Larry King fetish before I showed up. I'll tell you what I thought.

So they all dressed up for me. Maybe call me crazy But I thought They wore suspenders To hold their pants up That's why I thought They wore suspenders Because their pants would get loose And they would hold their pants up.

It's pretty funny. They only hire people here that have pants falling down problems. And they're like, we've got a job and some suspenders for you. You're going to be set. Oh, my God. You know what else you can use for that is belts. Oh, a belt is good as well. Yeah, yeah.

I remember I was talking to Michael Hutchings about belts, you know? That's a good, that's like a nice... Was David Carradine there? Yeah, David Carradine, they're all there. No, no, I don't know David Carradine. I'm not one to put on airs, you know, about who I know in this business called show.

But I said to Michael Hutchings, here's a new belt. No matter what you do, don't hang yourself while masturbating. It was a good belt. No matter... Put my foot down.

Don't hang yourself. That's what I said to the guy there, you know? Those are really specific instructions when you're giving someone a belt. You know, you get confused sometimes. Let's play some games. Yeah! But thanks for coming by, Norm. you know, you get confused sometimes. Let's play some games. Yeah!

But thanks for coming by, Norm. Always good to see you. It's good to see you. Get the fuck out of here. So long. Even when he says goodbye, he says it like he sounds like he's going to keep talking. Everything's in ellipses with Norm, you know you know yeah i told you once and for all uh get out

i didn't know that till today tonight's show's gonna to rock. All right. Let's play Cluster Flicks. It's a new game with a new name. And I'm going to name three movies. And then the first one of you to say into your microphone the name of an actor or an actress who is in all three of these films will be the winner.

And if no one gets it, I'll keep naming movies that that person was in until somebody has the correct answer. If we get to the end of this list I'll be incredibly shocked.

Wait, us or them? You guys. So don't encourage them to yell out. Yeah, don't yell out. This crowd's pretty cool. I would have picked somebody closer

so we could have cheated. Mark? What's up dude you ready to go brother I was born fucking ready let's do this you gotta win for Fran no Tastic 4

you ready to do this Tastic I'm gonna kill this shit alright what what actor or actress was in these three films Peggy Sue got married what was the first one what did you say huh what was that Peggy Sue got married. What was the first one you said?

Huh? Huh? What was that? Peggy Sue got married. Yeah. Stealing Home and Kiss of Death. Nicolas Cage.

Was in Kiss of Death and Peggy Sue got married, but not Stealing Home. What did I say? To the best of my knowledge. What did I say? You said Nicolas Cage. Oh, yeah.

No, that's incorrect. Kathleen Turner. What'd you say, Mark? Kathleen Turner. No, she was in Peggy's Who Got Married and not the other two. But now we'll add more names since you guys didn't get it on three.

At least we tried. Josh just didn't do anything. You could sit back. You could sit back till you know it. I've never seen any of those. I was just going to guess Michael Caine. Yeah, he's in everything. It's a safe guess.

Well done. I don't think he's in any of these, but he's in a lot of things. Don't be such a negative Nelly, Doug. I just kept waiting for Michael Caine in Interstellar to just go, go to space, Batman. This person was also in Roller Coaster. Do you remember

the movie Roller Coaster? No. Did you see my face when you said Roller Coaster? It's a crazy ass movie. Peggy Sue got married. Do the list again. Stealing Home.

Stealing Home. Kiss of Death. Two other movies I haven't seen. Kiss of Death. And Rollercoaster. Yeah, I don't know these movies. Rollercoaster, is that like in the same vein as Towering Inferno? Like that?

Kind of, yeah. It was incense around. You know why I don't know these movies? Because Mark Wahlberg was not in them. That's fucking A, dude. What do you think my problem is? Gary Busey? Gary Busey?

Yeah. No. All right. The next movie is called Bobby. What? Remember it was about the assassination of Robert Kennedy? That's Billy. Oh, Billy.

My bad. That was about Eric. Don't yell it out, though. But does anybody in the audience think they got it at this point? That guy knows it over there the next movie is Next of Kin fucking solid movie

Swayze? starring the great Patrick Swayze was in Peggy Sue Got Married and Roller Coaster he could do anything the next movie is Dr. T and the Women. Richard Gere.

Was in just that one. Will you give us a clue if it's a man or a woman? Nope. Okay. So that narrows it down then. The next film is called Project X.

Oh. You're fucking moaners. Which Project X you might ask yourself? Then the next movie's called Mr. Saturday Night. Billy Crystal. No. David Pamer.

Danny DeVito. David Pamer? No. That's a good guess, though. He's in a lot of stuff. That's good. I'm done. Doug, are you starting to feel like you might literally be shocked?

This is really a suspenseful one. I like it because as I write these down I try to you know pick movies from their Helen Hunt you just motherfucking got it you said Helen Hunt sweet Melissa this was my

this was my thought process I was like when I finally get to Mr. Saturday Night that's when Jay Moore is gonna have the right answer because that seems like a movie you would know and then I walked it backwards and I'm like okay Mr. Saturday Night, that's when Jay Moore is going to have the right answer because that seems like a movie you would know. And then I walked it backwards and I'm like, okay, Mr. Teen, the women, yeah, all right, yeah. And I don't even know the other movies. Rollercoaster?

Yes, that was her first movie ever. She played George Segal's daughter in Rollercoaster, yeah. Which is, I have to see it again, but it's an interesting movie. Well, I love roller coasters and amusement parks, and it's a guy that's going around trying to thwart a guy that's setting off bombs on roller coasters. So just the fact that it takes place,

like that same amusement park, King's Island, that they spend a lot of time in, in that Brady Bunch episode where they lose the tube with the architecture in it, because some asshole in the family bought a Yogi Bear poster. Can't wait to get this Yogi Bear poster on my wall and masturbate. So, but then the next movie,

because I was just going to go ahead and tip it if you didn't get it there, the next movie is Pay It Forward. Yeah, starring Helen Hunt and Jay Moore. All right. And then as good as... I used to work All right. And then as good as... I used to work a lot. And then as good...

This is bumming me out. This has been a tough podcast for you, hasn't it? Jesus Christ. This was your life, Jay Moore. It's kind of like an intervention for you. Jay Moore Sports, Fox Sports Radio, AM 570, you're home for Dodger baseball. Like, wait a minute.

I used to do all that instead. As good as it gets, Twister, Transers, Transers 2, Transers 3. All right. So. Wait, can I say real quick? Mm-hmm. Jay Moore. Mark Wahlberg.

I'm going to put this out right fucking here. I will do any fucking project with you if you want to do it really i would love it dude i'll we could just fucking put a gopro on a camera and drive around and make fun of people if you want if i mean entourage is basically like action was ahead of its time and then entourage slipped in right on time basically jeremy pippen came in with his new hair yeah that guy's got a better head of hair every year. It's unbelievable. And he's got the same forehead as, like,

Teresa Giudice from Real Housewives of New Jersey. It starts, like, right above his eyebrows now. Wow, that was an esoteric reference. I was with you. I can't stand her or Joe. Who's... Joe Giudice? Joe who? I don't like Joe Giudice.

Joe Giudice. Now they're trying to call him Giudice. Go back to your rollercoaster movie, nerds. Me and Mark Wahlberg are talking about Real Housewives. Holler. Jay gets to go first in this next game. It's called ABCD's Nuts. That's right.

It's a spelling game, so apologies to Mark Wahlberg. You're out. Wait till you fucking see. We're going to spell a couple of words today. And when it's your turn, you have to, the next letter that comes up in that word, you have to name any movie that begins with that letter. Okay, but I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Heather Graham at Boogie Nights. Go slow.

other grandma boogie nights. Go slow. Actually, the full quote was, leave the skates on and go slow. Oh, I'll leave the skates on. Did anybody know Mark Wahlberg was this goddamn funny? No. What are you talking about? Ted, the other guys, the happening. No What are you talking about? Ted, the other guys The happening He does have some awesome comedies on his resume

Shit Alright, so we're going to start with you, Jay Me? And yeah, you're going to be able to name any movie That begins with the letter that I tell you And if you match the movie that I wrote down ahead of time If we have like a sync up somehow, then you win the game automatically.

If you can't think of a movie that begins with this letter, not only are you really dumb, but you're also out. And we're going to spell, since we're in Arizona, the classic Raising Arizona. Do you know how raising is spelled? Yes Mark

Oh fuck yeah dude Okay So we're gonna start with you With the letter R Jay name any movie That begins with the letter R Then we'll come to Mark And then to John

Rent There was a movie About the About the play Rent Would have been more That is not where I would have went with that Would have been more... That is not where I would have went with that. Would have been more... Just popped up like a lottery ball.

What am I going to do? What am I supposed to put it back down and come up with a new one? I went with Revenge. Did you watch Rent in your hotel room by yourself? No, I hated to... It's the only play I left at intermission and walked home and said,

I don't need to see the second part of this. You didn't even take a cab home? You walked home? I walked. I was incensed that people were singing about their fucking rent with AIDS. It was terrible. I hated

that fucking movie. Awful. Who cares how many fucking minutes? Their problems would have been solved if you could pay the rent with AIDS. That would have been such a short... Prequel, excuse me. That was called Dallas Buyers Club. I went with, for our title, I went with Revenge of the Nerds.

That's what you went with. I know what you went with, but I wanted to put myself on my own island. Oh, that's fine. Now Colin Quinn stopped by. It's partially shot in Arizona, Revenge of the Nerds I had no idea and also

on November 5th they're screening it at the Polak Tempe Cinemas Pollock probably not Pollock Tempe Cinemas it's that building

with all the paint splattered on the side of the wall the Pollock Tempe Cinemas and they're doing a double bill of Revenge of the Nerds and Pee Wee's Big Adventure on November 15th.

I'm here to tell you both of those movies hold up especially with an audience. Maybe not so much in your hotel room. I love both those movies. I thought I was an honorary tri-lambda. Your letter is A, Mark. Yeah, you already had probably a good three, four minutes

Actually, to be honest I thought we were going the other way I thought we were going the other way I said we were going to come to you next Oh, you're going in order of the I just figured it out, too About a boy About a boy, all right

Never seen it No, on NBC I went with Alice Doesn't Live Anymore Because it was shot Alice Doesn't Live Anymore because it was shot... Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore. It was shot partially here in Arizona. Josh? I know what you did last summer.

I know what you did last summer. That's a good one. I went with Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom because this is really weird. Hold on a minute. I'm going to wind up with I in the order we're going so I can just say, shit, you just blurted out.

Did you count ahead? Okay, first of all, you're going to end up with S. Oh, never mind. And secondly, you're going to end up with S. R- Wait. No, we don't go to him. R-A-I.

No, no, not to him. Oh, Doug doesn't play? I, I. Let's play the speak when spoken to game, you guys. I need that every day. I need somebody every day of my life to tell me speak when spoken to because I can't fucking stop talking. I'm not kidding. It's a problem.

I went with Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom because it was actually shot partially in Arizona. Yeah, go figure. S. S. J. Serpent in the Rainbow. That might be The Serpent in the Rainbow. Yeah, but that doesn't count.

If you're filing books, Dewey Decimal System, you don't count the buzz. Dewey Decimal System! Yeah. It's true. I do have another game where we drop the thes, but in this game, the the counts. So give me another one, though. You get one. Yeah.

It begins with S. First letter of the title. People in the audience are making S sounds. Saturday Night Fever. Saturday Night Fever? Yeah. No. Yes.

I said Saturday Night... I go Saturday Night Fever, and Doug goes, Saturday Night Fever? No, I guess I can't. Wait, what? I think it's The Saturday Night Fever. No. Yes. I said Saturday Night Fever. Don't go, Saturday Night Fever? No, I guess I can't. Wait, what? I think it's The Saturday Night Fever. Oh, Josh Wolf. You're incorrigible. I went with Starman because that was filmed out at Meteor Crater, Arizona.

Have you guys been there? That's cool. No, says somebody. No. It's not as big as the Grand Canyon. What's the point? Alright,

so you get I, uh, Mark. And her shoes. Weird choice for Mark Wahlberg. I love these fucking rom-coms. I went with Into the Wild, also partially filmed in Arizona. What am I on?

N. I did not count ahead. You know, you don't really have to. There's a lot of movies that begin with the letter N. Yeah, but I'm drawing a blank. Just start to make the noise. Just go, mmm, and then just walk right into it. I just thought of one that we were talking about earlier.

Earlier tonight. Why are you saying it out loud? Why is someone saying it out loud? Nightcrawler. Why? Why? Why? Stop it. Nightcrawler. Stop it.

Did you hear her say it? No. Okay. Some lady's sitting over there going, Nightcrawler! Don't do that! You're not playing! And you're not listening in the privacy of your own home. Where I'm sure you can yell out.

I'm gonna go with... Nightcrawler! Honey, come back to bed! Do you think people sit at home and they scream at the... Oh, they go crazy. That's why they get it out of their system when they come to the live show.

Do you? Yeah, yeah. All right, N. Whose is it? Oh, we did Nightcrawler. I went with National Lampoon's Vacation. Because it was partially shot in Arizona, yeah. And also because Mark Wahlberg hates that I call it National Lampoon's Vacation.

It's National Lampoon's Animal House. No, they made other ones, Mark. Yeah, yeah. Don't give me fucking sense. All right, Jay. Have you thought ahead, Jay? Are you ready? Well, I know what comes after Ant and Raising Arizona,

and I know what you wrote down go but I'm going to say Gleaming the Cube what an idiot I wrote down go you're so stupid well I said I already said which one did I say first

you loose you said Gleaming the Cube no I said I know you wrote down go so that's what came out of my mouth first I'll bend

manipulate twist I'm not going to give you the win for that but but it was fun. I just wanted to show off. I knew a second G movie that you're not in.

Are you in Gleaming the Cube? I was. You were using that shaving kit to gleam the cube earlier. Yes, I was. A is your letter, Mark. Mark! All right, you ready?

Mark, it's your turn, Mark. A walk to remember. A walk to remember, that's correct. Mark has really interesting taste in films. A lot of lady movies in your canon. Yeah. I mean, these people, you're just trying to fucking think of any movie. I'm triple Lutzen up here, motherfuckers.

I'm like Tonya Harding at warm-ups. Just killing it. Are you related to Mandy Moore, Jay? Yes. Still different. She's my brother. I went with Are We There Yet, starring Jay Moore. Wow.

Yeah. This is really bumming me out. Josh can't even look at Jay anymore. Why do you have a bigger crowd than me in a comedy club in the afternoon if I have all these movies under my belt? Why did I have to come in a day early to do radio? Wow. Yeah, and I don't do radio to promote the show

because they heard about the show on the podcast that they came to see right here, now. You know what I just realized, Doug? The radio show is over. I'm getting right back into that film business. Yeah, go for it. J. Moore, I'm telling you right now. GoPro.

I will fire the rock this moment if you want to be in Pain and Gain 2. Which movie? Pain and Gain 2. We do all our own fucking workouts and we get to kill people. Can we work out together beforehand? Oh, dude, we get in shape. There's no beforehand. There's just life.

You're going to call Dwayne the Rock Johnson. I'm working out all the time, dude. I've been doing Kegel exercises the last 20 fucking minutes. If I want to, I'm not going to say it. All right, I can come in drops. If I want to? I'm not going to say it. Alright, I can come in drops. If I want to.

So you want to be in Painting Game 2? We'll tell Rock to take his Samoan ass back to the Girl Scouts. I do. I do. Alright, you're in, dude. Your letter, Josh, is R. A movie that begins with R. I mean, Jay, it's almost like you're awake. You know?

And do you remember Jay was in... And do you remember Jay was in... I hope they turn his wake into a game show. You know what? Doug, I want you to be the guy at my wake. You want me to run the game show of your wake? Please, that'd be great. Everybody has signs. What letter am I?

R. I'm fucking super high. R. Raw. Raw. What'd you just say? Raw? Starring Eddie Murphy? Yeah, Raw.

It's a great concert film. I went with Rockstar starring Mark Wahlberg. Hey, buddy. Back to you for the letter I, Jay. I'll be seeing you. What's that? A song. I got one.

I think it was a movie also, though, wasn't it? If not, I'll go with It. That was for television? But was it a TV movie? Yeah. So then what are we talking about? No TV movies. Really?

Yeah, this isn't HBO. This is... Into the Wild. Into the Wild. It does start with the letter I so I will allow it but I went with

Invincible starring Mark Wahlberg fuck yeah dude do you know what none of these movies have in common all of them have in common actually

I'm not in actually any of them yeah I intentionally picked only movies that you're not in you could have picked every movie ever made Yeah, I intentionally picked only movies that you're not in. You could have picked every movie ever made. Z, Mark.

Look at him think. It's really pondering. You know what? What? You think I'm going to go left? Fucking head body, head body? Zathura. Wow.

I ain't going to fucking Zoolander. Fuck your Zoolander. Fuck all your fucking Zoolanders. But with Zathura, I'm going to need the full title. Oh. You know, that was the gamble. I was like, does he know that it's longer than Zathura? I think you're out, buddy. I probably would be.

Unless it's... I mean, I don't even know off the top of my head what it is. But I have an idea. Yeah, I feel like it's like Zathura, an epic space tale. No. I think it's just a space adventure. Is it? I think so. I went with Zorro the Gay Blade for no reason. Just to say Zorro the

Gay Blade. Actually, Doug, I had a walk on part in Zorro the Gay Blade as well. Oh. Now, I'm hoping that this is the name of the movie. Okay. Out of all the movies to begin with, oh, you're picking one you're not sure. Yeah. You know why? Because I just saw like 37 seconds of it on TV. Okay.

I think it's called Over the Top. Yeah. Yeah. Sylvester Stallone. Yeah. That's the arm wrestling movie, right? Arm wrestling, yeah. When is Childe back? You should reboot that one, Mark. The Over the Top movie. Yeah, that's a great idea. Sylvester Stallone Yeah That's the arm wrestling movie Arm wrestling To win his child back

You should reboot that one Mark The over the top Yeah Yeah That's a great idea Fuck yeah bro You want in? Yeah I want in

I'll be the guy I'll be your promoter Well maybe just like The bartender in the first scene Whatever it takes Either way you're in Yeah I'm in Who comes back later

And helps me win the title Of course I give you the lowdown I spike the guy's drink I roofie the guy. And then you arm wrestle him and pin him and then you rape his ass. Okay.

I think that was the original ending, actually. Cradle to balls. Stroke to shaft. I went with Oklahoma because it was filmed partially in Arizona. N. J. N. J.

N. Never Say Die. Never Say Die. I don't think that's a movie. It's not? I don't think so. There's Never Say Never. Never say never.

That's a song, Doug. New Jack City. At the buzzer I went with What'd you change it to? New Jack City Oh, okay I went with No Retreat, No Surrender

Because It starred It starred Jean-Claude Van Damme And it takes place in Seattle He saves Seattle in that movie And I'll be in Seattle on December 19th at the Neptune Theater. Yeah, buddy.

Where is that, Doug? Doing Doug Loves Movies. Where are you going to be? The Neptune Theater. In Seattle. And what is the date of that? That's where my special that's on Netflix now, Doug Dynasty, was filmed.

Thank you. When are you going to be in Seattle? What's the date and place? December 19th. December 19th, you're at the Neptune Theater in Seattle? Yeah. Okay. December 19th, Neptune Theater.

God, I wish all plugs were this extensive. I know. No other talk show hosts or guests bandy about the plugs for so long. Hey, Doug, real quick. Is it cool to tell one of these little Amish kids to bring me a drink or what? Yeah, the waitstaff in their suspenders. They look like the nicest gang from the Warriors. Can I have a Jack and Coke extra protein?

Maybe throw some fucking creatine in there. I want it like dense. A Jack and Coke with some protein. What are you drinking, Mark? Jack and Coke with some protein. You can throw some whey and some creatine in there if you want. I fucking care. I'm just looking out there and they all seem to not be paying attention to you.

But maybe the guy... Oh, shit, Doug. This is the check spot. Maybe Brad, who's doing the sound, could run over to somebody and tell them. I'm good, I'm good. They got checks to drop, furniture to make. It's okay. Portable heaters.

Retreat, baby, no. Surrender. I don't know if you did all that to stall for time, but the letter is A, Mark Wahlberg. Does that mean I'm back in? Huh? All right, the letter is A, Mark Wahlberg. Does that mean I'm back in? Huh? All right, the letter is A. Let's go with

Almost Famous. Whoa! Nice. I went with Anchorman because it's set in San Diego where I'll be on November 26th. Where's that? At the American Comedy Company.

That's a great club, man. Right? It's fun. It's a basement club. There you go. You gave this to me. I'm going to give something to you. It's just a hug.

It's just a hug. Doug, when are you going to be at American Comedy Company in San Diego? This is great. November 26th. Wednesday, November 26th. Just one. Pre-Thanksgiving. Just the one show. See, here's 26th. Wednesday, November 26th. Just one. Pre-Thanksgiving. Just the one show.

See, here's the thing. First of all, make your mic work. That's not my department. There you go. And then secondly, the reason my shows are full, Jay,

is I just do the one show. You have to come in. They make you do six or seven shows. Are you doing it in the afternoon in San Diego? It's a business plan.

No, San Diego will be at night, but it's just the one show. Doug, I do some theaters, and those are one nights, and those are full. I will stick up for myself. That's what I'm saying. It's a good system. What's your system? Some full shows and some not so full shows. Can we talk later,

and you can walk me through the ins and outs of stand-up comedy in the club business? I'd be happy to. First of all, you've got to get on a show called Last Comic Standing. I'll walk you through Tsunami movies. Because that's a real career launcher right there. It is if you fucking created it. Oh, you did create it.

You bet. That's my elbow. That was my joke. That's how people have forgotten that you created that thing. Nobody knows that I created it because I don't walk around. All right, that guy knows. That guy knew. The guy with the Bill Murray shirt on.

I wanted to help others and get paid at the same time. I loved it. You can hang out with Donnie if you want. Mark Wahlberg? You can hang out with Donnie if that's your goal in life. You won't make any money, but you'll really fucking help somebody. This is the longest game ever. This isn't...

Did we spell it yet? The game's over. Oh, I lied. The game's over. You all lost. The game's over. I could have just said go and wrapped it up an hour ago.

You all fucked it up. I could have said go and just wrapped it up. What was the game? Yeah, that would have ended if you said go. We were supposed to guess the movie you...

Ah. I thought you said go. We were supposed to guess the movie you... Ah. I thought you said, I'm all right, Spider. Yeah, I mean, you didn't have to guess. I mean, it's fun because a lot of movies get mentioned. Doug, I see a Dork Forest podcast shirt here, and I just love that this is an entire podcast community. We are the revolution. You guys are doing it.

Downloading. Don't let the suits tell you what TV shows, what radio shows. You guys go and download the apps and do your own. I'm being completely serious. This is exciting. This is great. It's fucking true. And then when you're done with that, you see Transformers.

Four. Four. Four. Don't get any LeBouf on your shoe. Go four. Transformers. Fucking wicked smart movie. People think it's a fucking barn burner, but it's smart.

We shot none of that in Arizona. I wanted to. All right. Do you guys think that you can settle down long enough to play the Leonard Moulton game? You got it. The crowd loves it. They enough to play the Leonard Maltin game? You got it. The crowd loves it. They want to play it. They don't want me to throw in another shorter game just because

we're running out of time. I'm going to call my shot. I'm winning this early from Melissa in the back. Alright. Well, you get to go first since nobody won that last thing. And we have to play to two points and we have to do it in 20 minutes.

Let's do this shit. I'll do it in eight minutes. Put your hands together and go fuck themselves. Actually, Josh Wolf has a show after this one here tonight. Alright, let's go. We're going to turn the room over. Yeah. You get to pick the first category.

Who? Jay Moore. Oh, okay. You won that game earlier. Would you like pie? That is films... Would you like pie? That is films that Leonard Maltin

gave three stars and listed 14 names. I'm not sure I know what's happening right now. That's why it's called pie. It's the Leonard Maltin game. You played it the other time you were on the show. The letter ball game? Yes, it's the Leonard Maltin game.

The Leonard ball game. We take a nerd named Leonard and we keep a ball away from him. Just ask me questions and I'll answer. And if I win, I win. That's a good system. Pick a category. Would you like...

I'll take that one, yes. Pie? Go ahead. Oh, wow, that moves it along really fast. Holy shit. All right. So Leonard... My name is Jay.

My name is Jay, but go ahead. Film critic Leonard Moulton gave this movie three stars. Okay. And he lists 14 names in the cast. How many... And the idea is you're going to say how many names it's going to take you... Okay. All right, let me give you the clues.

I mean, with fucking confidence, too. Yeah, he hasn't even heard my clues yet. You don't even know what the game is. Now that I'm making movies with Mark Wahlberg and I have to do You give somebody a role in Panning Game 2 and they own the fucking

world all of a sudden. I'm ready to party. I got a nail appointment at 6. Let's go. All right, Josh is going to be next by the way. Josh ain't going next.

Shit is over. Well, you don't understand how this game works at all. It doesn't matter you know what now that I know that Dwayne

the Rock Johnson got fired from me I have a new found swagger we have 19 minutes three stars from Leonard for this movie

of course he says it's from 2007 it's 90 minutes long and he says that the... It's more successful around the edges than down the middle. What a dick.

And of course he lists 15 names. Sounds like my sex life. Yeah. He lists 15 names. Jay says he can get it in five. Wait, that's the whole synopsis I get? It's better around the edges? That's all you get, especially since

you bid five names before I even said anything. Alright, watch this, kid. I might have given you some better clues if you play like a regular person. Mark Wahlberg, help me here. Alright, hold tight. Alright, so... See what he's gonna fucking do. Listen up, Jay. He might tell you the name. This is the part where I'm gonna say things that are gonna help

you to understand what's happening. Josh can bid less names, or he can ask you to name it. Which would you like to do, Josh? I would like to hear him name it. All right. Jay Moore, name that movie. I'm going to give you five names. The movie's better around the edges than it is down the middle. Yeah, it's a pretty vague, horrible clue.

Three stars, 2007. How long is it? 90 minutes, kid. And your five names are Rip Torn, Megan Mullally, Larry Miller, Oprah Winfrey, and Sting. That sounds like the single most annoying movie of all time. Pretension, the movie. No, Rip Torn's a great actor. Yeah, yeah.

All right, and I like Megan Mullally. Larry Miller's a great comic. Oprah Winfrey, she's whatever. And Sting has a show on Broadway where it rains on stage. Do you think you write Sting on his checks? Takes place in a strip club, I guess. Do you think you write Sting on his checks?

No, Gordon... Or like Bono scratches out Bono. What movie do you think it is, Jay? I don't know, I have no idea. No idea? None whatsoever. It's 90 minutes long. Oh, it's 90 minutes long? Mm-hmm. It's John Q. John Q?

That's a great clue that it's 90 minutes long. No, it's actually B movie. Jerry Seinfeld's B movie. Because nothing's 90 minutes long unless it's a cartoon. Nerds. Yeah. Wait, did I get a cartoon. Nerds. Yeah. Wait, did I get a point for that? You did.

Let's get out of here and do some fucking incline. Josh Wolfe is on the board. I'd love to. Josh Wolfe won. Good. Josh Wolfe's a nice young man. You sound like Mitzi. He just got to.

He's a nice young man. You want to get out of here and do some incline? I just want to know why you guys are talking so much shit about Sting. He's one of the greatest professional wrestlers of all time.

It's fucking great. All right, Josh has one point. We're playing to two. Mark gets to pick the next category. Let's do it. And then we'll go to Josh. Mark, you did a good job getting rid of your boss. And from there, we'll go to the man who doesn't pay attention.

Oh, really? Mark. Let's do it. Would you like, at Dean underscore Goff, G-O-F-F, suggested a reptile dysfunction. A reptile dysfunction. And that's movies where someone is attacked by an alligator or a crocodile. Okay. Hold on.

How does the B movie have anything to do with pie? Because it was... Leonard gave it three stars, and he listed 14 names. Three point... Okay, okay. Wow. Whatever, Mr. College.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, College. All right, Mark. Your second option is the Blueberry Johnson. I hate this podcast. More stories. Get the app. It's free. Fuck this place. I'm out of here. I'm going to go do push-ups. I'm going to go do push-ups and have sex with a female vagina wife. I feel dumb now.

Don't feel dumb, dude. Huh? Don't feel dumb. Just dumb. Don't feel dumb. Just be dumb. Why do you call it pie? Because I didn't want

to spell out P-U-S-S-Y. There's the... Hey, fellas. I'm with you. What's happening now? What's Jay doing now? What are you guys consulting about? There's the... Hey, fellas. I'm with you. What's happening now? What's Jay doing now? What are you guys consulting about?

What's going on? I was asking Josh what time his first show was. I think seven. It's at seven, yeah. Turn this room over, people. Let's go. You say that like you're sure that none of them are fucking staying. No, I don't know. They're not.

I used to manage a J.B. Winberry's in Montclair, New Jersey. I knew the lunch crowd. Put the check down with the entree. Turn the room not. I used to manage a J.B. Winberry's in Montclair, New Jersey. I knew the lunch crowd. Put the check down with the entree. Turn the room over. Come on, let's go. It never doesn't happen where the guests that are the worst at the game moving forward keep talking about how the game needs to move forward. The Blueberry Johnson category is called You're In This. This is movies

that somebody on the panel is in. Jay. And then Werner Herzog's top five. Werner Herzog's top five films. Werner. Yeah. Which one of those would you like to play, Mark?

Mac. Let's do the reptile one. The reptile one. You like lizards, Mac? This is a movie where a crocodile or an alligator attacks people. Would you like one of those movies from 1980 or 1999? Let's go 99. Good job, kid.

Good job. Two stars from Leonard for this movie. Snob. He says... He points out that it takes place in Maine, not New York. Interesting thing to note. He also calls it Brief but tiresome And says

And says that Adam Arkin Appears unbilled And when Adam Arkin Won't put his name on something That's trouble Cause he was in Choo Choo and the Philly Flash

And He lists eight names How many names Can you get it in, Mark Wahlberg? Let's go zero. Zero names! Didn't want it to come to this because it's another thing I have to explain, but since...

Since Mark said zero names, Josh can... He can bid negative one names, which means he needs to name the movie and the top-billed person in the movie. Or he can say Mark Wahlberg, name it, and hope that Mark doesn't have the right movie. And then you will win another point.

This is my second time on this podcast, and this will be the second time the person that won did nothing. They played the game according to the rules. No, he sat in a chair and you went, hey, look who the winner is.

The guy sitting next to you that didn't play. I let you guys talk and say all the stupid shit. It's true. All right. We'll have a talk as soon as this shows up, Josh.

Brief and annoying with Leonard Moulton describing me. Anyway. What do you want to do, what do you want to do, Josh? I'm going to have him name it. Alright, Mark.

What's the name of the movie? Lake Placid. That's correct. Would negative one be Bill Pullman? All right, Jay, you can still get on the board. These guys each have a point. I thought we were done.

You get to go first. Me and Fran are fucking doing this. You get to pick the category. And now you might have noticed that getting to pick the category helps you to narrow it down to something you might know a thing or two about. You're correct. Instead of just picking the first one. I'll go with the one that people on this panel love that movie.

That's not an option. It was a minute ago. Yep, now we got new categories that you get to pick between. Would you like, and then we'll go to Josh from you, we'll go with Music Shitty, and that is, I was just in Nashville recently and somebody suggested this,

and that's musicals that Leonard gave two stars or less. The Skeleton Twins is the films of Ashley and Mary Kate Olsen. They make great t-shirts. The Row? And celebrating a birthday today is Nickelback lead singer

Chad Kroger. Mixed reaction on that name. Shut the fuck up. There was a bunch of boos and then one yay that was probably Avril Lavigne. And so these are films that Chad Kroger got one of his songs

into. That would have been so neat if I just caught that bug. What was that? What was the first category, Dougie? I'll go with Robert. Shitty musicals. Shitty musicals. It's either Olsen twins.

Shitty musicals. Or Nickelback Man. Or movies that have a Nickelback song in them. I'm wearing a cabaret t-shirt, so let's fucking bang it out. Let's go musicals. song in there. I'm wearing a cabaret t-shirt, so let's fucking bang it out. Let's go musicals? Would you like a musical from

1982 or 2012? 2012. I got this, kid. Two Oceans 12. Two stars for this movie that he calls Deriri. It's 123 minutes

long. That's part of why I didn't like it. And he also says that the movie plays like an endless string of music videos. And he lists Well, it's not Les Mis. 7, 10, 15 names.

Yeah, go ahead and narrow it down out loud. Eight. He lists fifteen. Jay says he could do it in eight, Josh. I think we're about ready to wrap this thing up. Zero. Whoa! Whoa!

Holy crap. What do you think of that, Mark Wahlberg? Do it! 2012? What? 2012? Holy crap. What do you think of that, Mark Wahlberg? Do it. 2012? What? 2012? Yeah.

I know what it is. Drat. Negative three. Oh, no. You got to name them in order, right? Yeah, yeah. You have a good chance. The way he lists them in order, right? Yeah, yeah And the way he You have a good The way he lists him in order, right? Yeah, yeah

All of a sudden Shit got real important to Josh Wolfe Well, because we We could have a three-way tie on our hands I woke up I'm like, wait a second It's something I know All right, so we're back to

Mac No, now it's Jay Yeah And Jay, you can either ask him to name it Mark Wahlberg, name that movie with negative three. Name them in order. And 2012 musical, dreary, 122, three minutes, go. All right.

Holy shit, that was... And if Mark gets this right, he's our winner. Didactic, you know, memory. If Mark gets this right, he's our winner. If he doesn't, it's going to be a three-way tie. Sounds hot. Fran, no matter what fucking happens here, we went out swinging.

All right? All right, what is it? All right. Let's go. Les Miserables. No, wrong. I mean, he just said out loud that it's not Les Miserables.

Well, I figured to fuck with him, you were like, yeah, it's definitely not that. I'll go negative two and I'll solve it right now. What are the top three? You know what? That's the tricky fucking part because I, yeah, it's definitely not that. I'll go negative two and I'll solve it right now. What are the top three? You know what? That's the tricky fucking part. Because I was going to go negative three on that.

I was probably going to go Hugh Jackman, Anne Hathaway, Russell Crowe. That sounds about right, but this movie's called Rock of Ages and it's Julianne Hough, Diego Bonita, and Tom Cruise. We have a three-way tie! What was the first name? Julianne Hough. No,. What was the first name? Juliana Hough.

No, she wasn't the first name. Yeah, Juliana Hough. The story's about a girl that comes to town. I thought Tom Cruise was in it. Russell Brown was in it and made a beautiful white ribbon of a fever across Juliana Hough's breasts. For the record, Les Miserables is super fucking dreary.

I dug it, man. I like Les Mis. All right. Okay, what's up? It's time. We'll do diamond push-ups? It's time, you guys, to play the tiebreaker.

This category's called Asparagus P. Because the gentleman with that name suggested it on Twitter. There's lights under the stage here. Oh, this is a perfect time

to deal with it, too. See that purple light right there? See it? Doug loves ADHD. Who was left out in that last skirmish? Oh, Josh was. So Josh gets to go first,

and then we will go... I have no idea what the game is. Then we will go to Jay. This is Asparagus P. I Josh gets to go first, and then we will go. I have no idea what the game is. Then we will go to Jay. This is Asparagus P. I'm going to read the entire review. Everyone's going to know what it is. Most people are going to know what it is.

Most people in this room are going to know the name of the movie, and then it just becomes a negative names game, just how many names you think you can name and in the correct order. So, Josh, you'll get to bid first. You could say zero names, but negative one or two is probably the way you're going to want to go. Three and a half stars from Leonard

for this movie from 1982. That's 114 minutes long. He says, A young family finds its home invaded by unfriendly spirits who kidnap their five-year-old girl. Sensationally scary ghost story co-written and co-produced by Steven Spielberg.

Paced like a rollercoaster ride starring Helen Hunt and George Segal. That part I made up. With dazzling special effects and a refreshing sense of humor followed by two sequels and then let me add one more thing

at the end. The cast members die off in shocking fashion since this film was made. And he lists nine names. Josh, so do you know what the movie is? Yeah.

Yeah. So do you know who played the lead part in that is? Yeah. Yeah. So do you know who played the lead part in that movie? No. Okay. So you're probably going to want to go zero names. But I'll go ahead and say negative one. Why? What would that prove?

Because I know somebody who was in the movie. Oh, okay. But you have to do it in order. You'll take a swing at it. All right. If you go negative one, you have to name the number one name listed, right? So what about you, Jay? Can you go negative two or three or four? No, I cannot.

You can't go negative two? I cannot. So you just have to hope Josh isn't going to be able to pull it off. All he has to do is name the movie and name one star. The lead star. I will match him minus one. Can I do that? No.

Do you think you know who the lead is? Well, he's not just coach. Yeah, but is he the lead? Jay Wins is the worst player ever. That's why I'm on every four years. So, okay. So, what's the name of the movie and the top billed performer? Craig T. Nelson.

Yeah. You were going to get it anyway, right? Who also played Coach. Please say yes. I'm sorry that he gave it away like that, Mark. I can't believe that happened right in front of you. But Josh is our winner, everybody. Yeah!

Yeah! Where's everybody going? Mark Wahlberg's making out with Fantastic Four. Melissa, there's no shithead on the back of your thing, right? That's what I'm working on. No, Melissa's, though, needs a shithead, too. Where's Melissa at? She's in the back.

Do you want to ruin this by writing a shithead in the back? Melissa, put your hand in here, waving like you don't care. Just yell out a shithead for me, Melissa's, though, needs a shithead, too. Where's Melissa at? She's in the back. Melissa, put your hand in the air. Wave them like you don't care. She's coming. Look at this motherfucker. Here, can you... Write it down. Write it down. Jesus.

Wait, you had it written down? Doug, you have a very tattooed audience. They're all in the Navy. I phonetic that shit because I don't know how to spell it. Oh yeah, you got it right. You got close enough, Mark. Any plugs, Mark? Plugs?

Yeah, January 6th. Come on, we got one minute. Plugs, plugs, plugs. Thank you very much. Yeah, January 6th. Come on, we got one minute. Plugs, plugs, plugs. Thank you very much. Yeah, we're doing another Wahlberg solution at UCB on January 6th.

We've podcasted. Check it out, motherfuckers. Other than that, if you want to work out or have sex, I'll be hanging around after the show. Jay Moore, what do you got going on, man? Doug Benson, Seattle. More stories. December 12th.

19. 19. Don't say wrong dates. Let me finish. Don't say incorrect dates. Let me finish. If you go December 12th to the Neptune Theater, you will not see Doug Benson in Seattle.

December 19th, Neptune Theater, Seattle, Washington. Go see my friend Doug Madsen. Fill it up. Get it pregnant. Thank you. Josh, do you have any plugs? House of Comedy, November 20th through the 22nd. And I got a podcast called Off the Rails that you can get on iTunes.

Where is House of Comedy? It's in the Mall of America in Minneapolis. Sounds spooky. Mall of America. Yeah, it's in the Mall of America. Welcome to the House of Comedy. Minneapolis. Sounds spooky. Mall of America. Yeah, it's in the Mall of America. Welcome to the House of Comedy. Sit down, please. Do you like to laugh?

Oh, Doug, one quick other thing. December 1st, the Monday after Thanksgiving at North Bar in Chicago, Illinois. I'm going to be doing a show there with a whole bunch of other fucking characters. You should come check it out. I'm in town. I told them I'd fucking do it, so I'm going to stop by. I got a plug. This is great.

December 25th, the birth of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. That's all I want to plug. The word capital W. Look it up, bitches. W is capitalized. When we're talking about him, capital H.

Right, Mac? Thank you, Mark Wahlberg, about him, capital H. Right, Mac? Thank you, Mark Wahlberg, Jay Moore, and Josh Wolf. Amazing show. Take it outside. Take it outside. There's an exit mark. You could just go out safely over there. He takes the roughest way, like in Lone Survivor. He just jumps off the cliff every time.

I just want to enjoy a moment of quiet up here. Be sure to write me on Twitter and let me know if we need to wait another four years for having Jay back. I'm going to be in Tampa next Thursday and Saturday at the improv there, douglasmovies.com for all my dates and deets and links. Thank you to everyone that came out today.

Awesome crowd. Go Sun Devils and thank you to the Tempe Improv we'll do it again here for sure or over at their sister club stand up live I love you too and actually I don't

I take that back we really should try to get to know each other a little better first and as always suspenders are a shithead. That's why she waited to make her shithead. She likes it to be topical. And Joe Arpaio is a shithead.

Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-