Doug Loves Movies - Jeff Garlin, Anthony Jeselnik, and Michael Rooker? Guest

Episode Date: December 1, 2011

Doug welcomes comedians Jeff Garlin and Anthony Jeselnik to the show, along with actor Michael Rooker??See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screwing kiddies in G-seats With 50-ounce and pop-work kernels in his teeth There's still not one that people see Cause Doug loves to be Hey everybody My name is Doug and I love movies This is Doug Loves Movies Coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles

On Tuesday, November 29th Two Oceans 11 Sunday night in Austin, Texas I got to sit in with Master Pancake At the Alamo Drafthouse for Choose Your Own Pancake where the audience brings in DVDs of movies that they would like to

see and watch made fun of and then they voted on which one that we should riff on, me and some of the dudes from Master Pancake in Austin and the winner slash loser was Demolition Man. Perhaps the best Taco Bell commercial disguises a movie of all time.

So that was a lot of fun. Thanks to Master Pancake and Alamo Drafthouse and if you're in any area where there's a Drafthouse Alamo movie theater, go check it out because it's fun. There's no talking on your phones, there's no texting, but they will bring you a full meal right at your seat. So there does have to be a conversation from time to time. Do you need ketchup?

Shut up! I'm trying to watch Melancholia! Okay, so last night's movie interruption at CineFamily in Los Angeles with Ed Helms, Kyle Dunnigan from Professor Blastoff and Sarah Silverman from, you know, her. That one was B-A-N-A-N-A-S because we interrupted

Rising Son of the Apes and whatever it's called. And I'll admit it, it's a good movie. Yeah, yeah. I was very much against it because everything looks so fake in the trailer. And I also love the old Planet of the Apes movies. But it was fun to watch,

especially because I got to talk into a microphone the entire time and make fun of the things that were funny because there's definitely some funny stuff in there. Congrats to Independent Spirit Award nominees, future guest Robbie Pickering for Best First Feature for his movie Natural Selection, past guest Evan Glodel for his nomination

for the John Cassavetes Award for Bellflower. And future guest Rachel Harris for Best Female Lead nomination for Natural Selection. And just congratulations for all the much deserved nominations for the movie 50-50, which I think is being

unfairly overlooked in this award season. We've got about a dozen entries in the Sanicize Me contest. If you go to YouTube and type in Sanicize Me, you can check them out. Then you can let me know which ones you like on Twitter or specialthing.com. And I will make a decision on or around December 15th. All decisions by me are final unless I change my mind. And keep in mind, most of the entries are NSFE.

Not safe for emetophobes. Something about Santa eating a lot of cookies leads to a lot of disgusting vomit action in all of the Santa Size Me trailers. Now it's time for Watch This, Not That. the Santa Size Me trailers. Now it's time for Watch This, Not That. The number one movie in the country over the weekend was Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1. There you go.

That's why it's number one, because it's got so many fans. With that movie, I was asleep by the time the big ending, I was asleep by the time the big ending where Bella turns into a vampire came up. And the number two movie at the box office domestically is The Muppets. And I have to say I was wide awake at the big ending when a Muppet whistles. I was wide awake at the big ending when a Muppet whistles.

Sorry about the spoilers, but a lot of you read the books, so... So watch the Muppets, not Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1. This has been Watch This, Not That. And now we come to a very suspenseful part of the show for me because I booked three guests, and one of them is here for sure. And one of them is probably on the way.

Probably. It's about a 50-50, speaking of that, chance that he'll be here. And then the third guest, I'm positive, is not going to show up at all. And we'll get into the where's and why's and what for's once I bring them out here. But let me just show you what we have in the bag. We only have the stuff I brought, and the one guest is definitely here. Weezer t-shirt, you know, because I want to be on theweezercruise.com and

Hurley signed by all the members of Weezer and a Weezer poster and my first CD Doug Betts a professional humor idiot

still available on iTunes or wherever you buy your comedy CDs and we also have a copy of this it's called

Shakespeare please welcome to the stage the man who made Shakespeare, Anthony Jeselnik, and and Jeff Garlin and Michael Rooker. Honestly, in your introduction,

I thought about just leaving. That would have been hilarious. That would have been absolutely perfect. But I think Jeff is going to show up eventually because he texted me today, I'll be there. Yeah! Did you do that to get like your own round of applause? No, I was at Amoeba and the clerk told me the wrong time. So I was like, fuck.

You were at a mini bun? I was at a mini bun. No, Amoeba. Amoeba. I was at a mini bun. I used to love C. Amoeba. I was at a mini bun. I used to love Cinnabon. It's part of what made me fat. But I don't know

what mini bun... Well, there's probably a place... There has to be a place called Mini Bun somewhere. I thought Mini Bun was Cinnabon when I said the joke. Oh, when you said the joke?

Yeah. All right. You're a funny guy. That's a lame joke. All right. You're a funny guy. Fair enough. That's a lame joke. Mini Bun. I dare you to call your next album or anything Mini Bun. Oh, my God. Now I have to do it.

Now you have to do it. That's right. That's a perfect follow-up to Shakespeare. Who else is here? Mini Bun. Man, what a great name for like a midget dancer of some sort. Mini Bun. He just dances around. That'll be the cover of my album That's right, Minibun, alright, come on, go

I didn't mean to What did you bring me to give away? What is this? That's a band from Chicago that I got turned on to while I was in Chicago And I just bought it at Amoeba. Used. Well, they had a used and a new. I know I'm giving it away. But the press they'll get out of this. It was called J.C. Brooks and the Uptown Sound.

Someone knows. They're great. Twilight fans and... No, no. It'd be funny if I said they're great, yet I'm a huge Kenny G fan, so it's perspective, but I'm not a huge Kenny G fan. But they're great.

Man, they surprise me. Because you hear the name. It sounds like a lame name. J.C. Brooks and the Uptown Sound featuring Mini Bun. Who's a rapper? Now that was a great joke. The third guest was supposed to be a terrific actor who's been on the show before named Michael Rooker. Michael Rooker.

Yeah, he's great. He's very good. He's on The Dead Zombie Show. Yes. No, it's called The Dead Zombie Show now. And he was actually on just recently, the last episode of the one before, where his brother was hallucinating and thinking he was seeing him. That's right. I love that show. I think it's great. I like it too.

Last year I liked it a lot. This year I'm loving it. And people are criticizing it because it's too slow. I guess that's why I'm digging it. That last episode was not too slow. No. That last episode was a big follow. Fantastic payoff. I won't say anything because some people may have still not watched it. No, no, no. We won't say anything. But that was have still not watched it. Yeah. No, no, no.

We won't say anything. But holy shit, man. But that was a payoff Johnson if there ever was one. Oh, my God. I know. How could they kill off Rick? Well, you know, his hat bothered people. His hat didn't test well. His hat didn't test well, yeah.

So Michael Ricker didn't show? He was supposed to be. Well, he's hard to pin down. He's just kind of a loose cannon. Yeah, okay. Might be the expression for him. Okay. Lovable loose cannon,

and a delight when I had him on the show. When we played the Leonard Maltin game, one of the categories was movies that Michael Rooker was in, and he still could not come up with the answer. He didn't remember that he was in Sea of Love with Al Pacino. So I like having somebody like that around because it makes me look really smart.

Was he the killer in Sea of Love? No, he wasn't the killer. No, why are you spoiling everything tonight? I'm not spoiling anything. He wasn't a zombie. Yeah, I don't think, who ended up being the killer in Sea of Love? Sheena Easton. Yes, it was Sheena Easton. She would take the Sheena Easton. Really? She would take the morning train and murder people on it.

Don't worry, it was Express, I believe it was. But yeah, so anyway, I booked him through Twitter, which is probably a mistake. I should probably have... Big mistake. I should probably have

a phone number or an email. And by the way... But he was very, I said, November 29th... I imagine for a minute it was scary because I wasn't here and you're two empty seats before? Have you been in a situation?

I don't think two guests have failed to show up before. One guest has been late twice. Well, actually, are you counting the one that I was late for? I'm always late to it, but I'm generally not late. Only your show. One, you missed it completely. Yeah, but that was late for. I'm always late to it, but I'm generally not late. Only your show. One, you missed it completely. Yeah, but that was an accident.

And I made it here on the ending of the show. I was in traffic the whole time. Yeah, you did come by and say, hey, I made it, but it's too late. Doesn't count. I don't blame you on that one, because the traffic was terrible that night, but Jordan from the front row with the baseball, he sat in

and played the Leonard Maltin game on your behalf and you sucked that night. Was he playing as me? You did not win, yeah. You did the voice and everything. I asked him questions like what did the characters in the spaceship in WALL-E do

when they needed to shit? And he was like, I can't talk about that. What did they need to do? Because they were all rolling around in those things. Did they have like astronauts or something? Did they just shit into space?

No. At that point, they invented a way of not shitting. It's Disney. That's why everyone was... They have no assholes in the future. And everything they eat comes out in their sweat. This is what I was going to say to Michael Rooker.

This was going to be my first question to him. Welcome back to the show. Do you know where you are or what this is? That's awesome. And he would have had a funny answer answer he probably might have been like I'm not exactly sure what this is or how I got here but I'll I'll try to get a hold of his publicist or something even though I try to do this personally and not through publicist he's probably listening to this right now on iTunes and like trying call in. That's awesome. You're funny.

No, you are funny. You're a funny dude. Every time I see a clip of you, you're always saying funny shit. I've never seen you do stand-up long, but I've seen only bits, and all the bits, you make me laugh. That's really nice. I wish I could say the same. About yourself? Well, that's your own problem see some of us are

no you're hilarious no but you wouldn't be saying by the way but you wouldn't be seeing clips of me they don't show me anywhere like on the places where they show you they don't show me i have hbo go hbo go yeah well you can see me on curb but my stand-up i'm saying you can't Like on the places where they show you, they don't show me. I have HBO Go. HBO Go? Yeah. Well, you can see me on Curb, but my stand-up, I'm saying, you can't. It's impossible to see. Netflix, you can see if you want to take time. I've seen you on TV before.

I've seen you do stand-up. I can give you one of your jokes right now. An old joke. An old joke? Yeah, I can tell you. I'm horrified, but I'm excited. The one I can remember, you say, why do they call them fun-sized Snickers? That's not fun-sized.

That's frustrating size. Line four or five of those babies in a row, then I'm having fun. I do remember that joke. That is an old joke. Yeah. Thank you. Very good.

Thank you. Oh, I'm a fan. I'm just a dick for comedic purposes. And by the way, that works sometimes. Young people love that. Thank you. I'm doing very well. You are.

As everyone can imagine, Rooker sitting right there right now with you guys would have been hilarious. It would have been good eating, I will say that. It was it was good but I would have been afraid at any moment he might punch me no no that's a thing though you should wait wait till you hang out with him is he very gentle he's really sits he has a rep for being a gentleman he's not really in a position to come at you without like a little bit of warning no no he'd have to have a strong core and do Pilates. Because you can lay like that and leap at somebody if you've got a strong core.

And he was, for those of you listening, Doug imitating was laying back on an angle. Because that's shitty stuff for a podcast. You showing someone's posture. Doug Benson's new podcast, Postures of People I Know. And then people listening are like, I'm guessing he's crouching I don't know Maybe he's planking Maybe Rooker's a planker

Yeah But whatever he is, he's not here So let's not dwell on that What happened? What is that? That's not Buttercup. I can't see. Is that me? Will you come closer, please?

Oh my God, what is happening? You're right. This is good stuff for a podcast. Oh, that is Buttercup. Holy shit. But it's like a Japanese version of Buttercup. This is my character from Toy Story 3. It's Mickey Mouse with different characters and stuff. There's a whole bunch of them. That's Mickey Mouse with different characters and stuff.

There's a whole bunch of them. That's Mickey Mouse with Buttercup on it. I'm going to look for it now, though. I have other Buttercup toys. I have all my toys. Look for it on the display where there's thousands of Mickey Mouses. There's a Darth Vader one.

I was in Cars 2. I was the one toy thing in Cars 2. I'm the lemon. What kid? And I forgot the character's name. But what kid is going, Mom, I want the shittiest car from the Cars movie? I get towed in the movie.

Kids are completists. Kids are... No, like 60-year-old guys who are fans. They're the completists. Kids are... Well, no. No, like 60-year-old guys who are fans, they're the completists. They're the one looking for it on eBay right now after listening to your podcast. All right. I'm saying you have a lot of 60-year-old goofs listening.

The only reason I said 60 is because I'm about to turn 50, and I don't want to belittle my own age. I'll do 10 years from now. And then 10 years from now, as I'm doing your turn 50, and I don't want to belittle my own age. I'll do 10 years from now. And then 10 years from now, as I'm doing your network show, Doug, we'll have memories of this. Yeah, we'll see about that. When's your birthday? I want to call you Jasper Parnovic.

I'm just saying that's what I want to call you. I don't know what that means. I just want to call you that. Can we stick with Jesselnik? It took me forever to learn how to pronounce that right. I always wanted to say Jesselnik every time I had to say it. No, but Jasper Parnevik is, you know, he's the golfer. Do you know who he is?

Oh, no. Oh, that's a person? That's a person. Does anyone else know that besides me? You should have said that. You should have said that. Yeah, he's a stylish golfer. He introduced Tiger Woods to his wife.

Jasper Parnevik's nanny was, that's how Tiger Woods met his wife. She was a nanny. Okay. And I was a professor. A joke for older people. So I, like, remind you of a golf pimp. No.

It's your name. It's your name. Okay. Golf pimp. That's a really, that's not a bad idea. That's not a bad title either. So anyone listening,

it's Jasper Parnovic's idea. That's got legs. It does. Okay, so what are we doing now, Doug? That's one of the charms of Jeff Garland is he makes something have legs. For the entire 17 years I've known him, he will occasionally call me Tabitha

to the amusement of just him because it's usually the two of us are alone when it happens. Why would I do that for anyone else's humor when only you understand it? It's so stupid. I think the funniest part about that whole bit is that you think it's charm. I was using some of that sarcasm that you're better at when I said it was charming.

I feel none of this. It's so unimportant. You know, if my children came up here and called me a dick, I'd be pretty upset. But Jasper Parnovic and the stone guy, I could give a shit. Why did either of us call you a dick? I can see you getting upset. Jasper Parnovic and the Stone Guy, I could give a shit. Why did either of us call you a dick? I can see you getting upset now. Other than when you weren't here, you know, before you ran in,

we were like, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. You know, one of the only things I don't find funny is sarcasm. Just keep going. I was being sarcastic. By the way, truly about sarcasm, though. Sarcasm is great in the hands of professionals. Comedians do great sarcastic. By the way, truly about sarcasm, no. Sarcasm is great in the hands of professionals.

Comedians do great sarcasm. But the most unfunny person in the world, they will substitute sarcasm for having a sense of humor. Say anything. Just say anything. Go ahead. What I was going to say is that I bet your kids say

some pretty awful shit about you. Yeah, awful shit. So I can see if they can... Is that too far to go back in the conversation? Was that too far to go back right? Do you know what I mean? Like, people do that shit, and they think they're funny. Like regular douches at the water cooler.

Oh, I wish Rooker was here. The water cooler. But, you know, it's like, truly, comedians know how to do sarcasm. Regular people don't. Yeah, I agree. We're carny folk. Oh, let's go. This conversation wouldn't be so derailed if Rooker were here.

That guy knows about being focused. I wanted to ask you, if you have any, before we play a game, let's ask about any movie roles coming up, Jeff, in your near future? Can I talk about a couple things? A couple things? Quickly, sure. No, no. See, don't put the clock on

me. My pace has to be easygoing and conversational. No. I'm in a movie. Well, really quick then. Do you have any movies coming out, Anthony? No. Okay. Then you can talk about two. You can talk about two.

You're a handsome kid. It's going to happen for you. Thanks, bud. Look at me. I'm not a handsome guy. It's fucking happened for me. Yeah, but it took you forever. Long.

Right. The handsome will make it a shortcut. Trust me. I started when I was 20 years old. I didn't really start getting, you know, huge until I ate a lot. All right. Also, good looking guys have a hard time in comedy because nobody thinks they're funny. I mean, in general, right? That's sort of a thing.

No, it's not true. How many of the biggest comics are just straight-up handsome men? The first one was, and I'm not talking about straight-up out handsome, but the first comedian that I ever saw that women wanted to fuck was Dennis Miller. I'm sorry. I don't know if anyone right now wants to fuck right-wing Johnson, but all I'm saying is that back, you know that, you were in show business with me. I know. I once saw

a woman, fuck Larry Miller. Oh, wait a minute. Was it at the show? Yes. I'm in a movie, I'm in a voice in a movie called Paranorman, which is coming out, which is

tremendous. I'm Paranorman's father. What's the animation studio that did that? Oh, it's like Carol. It looks like Coraline. It's the same people who did Coraline. Yeah, yeah.

It looks pretty cool. I think it's owned by Phil Knight, the guy who owns Nike and they're up in Portland. I can't remember the name. I should know. Like Pixar is easy to remember but these people are really good

and I've turned, what is it? It's called Laika. Laika? L-A-I-K-A. L-A-I-K-A. L-A-I-K-A. No wonder you don't remember it. Yeah.

But you know, I get offered and have been offered a lot of animated projects. And I've said no to all of them outside of Pixar except for this one. It's great. Looks really cool. And what's your other thing? The other thing is. It does. I like the trailer.

I like it. You know, it's great. With the Season of the Witch by, yes, it's awesome, by Donovan. Here's the other does. I like the trailer. I like it. You know, it's great. With the Season of the Witch by... Yes, it's awesome. By Donovan. Here's the other thing. I'm going under. I'm not going to be here. I'm not...

After this show, you won't see me anywhere unless you walk into the comedy store by accident because I'm playing there unannounced. I'm working on my stand-up. And I'm going to be back in April. So I'm going under. Except for my podcast, which has not come out yet. I do a podcast at Largo. I've done Larry David, Judd Apatow, and Matt Weiner. And I got Michael Moore, December 6th. And then I have, in January, I have Henry Rollins and Jeff Tweedy. And

I'm going to start putting them up in January. And except for that, you will not be able to see me unless you actually personally know me or you bump into me I'm going under, I'm reinventing my stand up there you go, all new material all new material the funny thing is I say I'm going under as if I've been above and everyone's like

oh I can't fucking wait to see Jeff's stand up tomorrow at where, you know the comedy store is the only place you're going to practice? Yes, but maybe the Laugh Factory too, but totally unannounced. I've already talked to them.

But you know you're saying that into a microphone. Yes, but imagine, as much as I'm saying that into a microphone, imagine you go to the Comedy Store to see me and I don't show up. Who's the idiot? Who's the idiot? He didn't say what night. He didn't say the dates. Now, if I said what nights of the week, usually Sunday through Thursday, and I said what date starting after the new year, that's one thing, using the word usually.

I'll be in, you know, all right. And I got my paperback of my book with a new title comes out in January. It's called Curbing It. They wanted to curb in the title because my footprint didn't sell. So, Curbing It. That sounds unprecedented to change a book title from hardcover to paperback.

No, no, it's happened many times. It'll say formally known as Prince. No, it'll say formerly known as my footprint and I wrote a couple new chapters so it's not like you know no one's getting ripped off if they buy it you know if they haven't bought the hardcover no if they're a huge fan no if they don't know me and they don't like me huge ripoff if someone doesn't know me and doesn't like me and they buy that they're just gonna fucking hate it yeah they're really weird if somebody doesn't know me and doesn't like me and they buy that they're just gonna fucking hate it

yeah they're really weird if somebody doesn't know you or like you buys it twice anything who's showing me I bought it I bought it on my Kindle and then I and I threw my Kindle away you say that but I gave my Kindle away at my show oh you did yeah did? Yeah. Fully loaded with books and everything? With your account? The guy you gave it to is in the audience. What's that? The guy you gave it to is in the audience. That's great. Oh, great! So I was not making that up. I gave away

my Kindle. I will start doing my show here again in April. Awesome. Yeah, but I'm under. Fucking under, man. I'm going to do a little Bring the Pain festival. I'm gonna fucking do a special in June. That better be fucking great or I'm a douche. I'm turning 50 in June

and I'll have done this for 30 years in June and I'm filming a special at Largo and it better be fucking great or fuck me. Or it's over. The curb's probably not coming back. But you're not really going to call it... Are you calling it Bring the Pain? Because that would be hilarious.

No, I'm calling it I'm Chris Rock. Or Chris Rock's vagina. Formerly known as Bring the Pain. Formerly known as Bring the Pain or Grandma's cock. Alright, go ahead, Doug. I'm sorry. Let's move to the next portion of the show.

Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game! Everybody's got their name tags out, and there's quite a few colorful and fun ones, and there's some big ones back there. I always have to ask you how to pronounce this. It's Kala? Yeah.

Okay, good, good. She brought her Frisbee again. The guy over there brought his boarding pass, or I believe that's a United flight. And Teddy Graham's over there. There's some sort of pumpkin back there. Yeah, so if you guys could just stand up and pick out the name tag that you like the best

and then bring it back to your seat. I kind of want to eat some Teddy Grahams. Let's go for that. Go get the Teddy Grahams. I'm going for the girl with the doll of mine. Leave it up here for good luck. All right. Here's my little buttercup doll.

Yeah, and she made a nice. For those of you who didn't see Toy Story 3, imagine a character this cute with my voice. I said, do you want some sort of voice? No, just do your voice. Let me see that name tag for a second there, Jeff. Her name's Leslie yeah yeah that's cool

can he have that that's kind of cool no I'm just checking you don't want it I think that's cool I'm glad you picked that one that was my second choice because she put effort

into that what was your what was your first choice oh I got a spoon oh Graham I don't see I don't eat sugar man if you read

you're kidding me if you read don't I know you'd think by the way I got this wait when you say you're not eating sugar I know what you think. By the way, I got this. Wait, when you say you're not eating sugar, do you mean you're not eating sugar at this moment? Now, understand.

Where can we get some of them sugar-free waffles? I was a much fatter man, and I'm going down because I don't fucking do that. Is that why you're going down? Yeah, but it's not why I'm going down. Yeah, he's lost some weight cutting down on the sugar. No, no, no sugar, no corn syrup, none of that shit. Do you have some?

I have fruit. It's been three years since I wrote. The book is about me achieving that. It's one of the things in the book I achieve. While on a set, a curb with craft service. You're achieving cutting out sugar? Uh-huh. Okay.

Yeah, that's part of the book. How much of the book is that? It's a run through the book. The rest of it is about me testing in a laboratory your jism. That's the book. That's some real

underground comedy. Can I tell you something? Only way to go. Testing Jasper Parnevik's jism. I am looking forward to running into you more than I ever have in years during your underground period. Watch, my friend. This is my last

little guesting podcast festival. I feel like the weirdest part about that whole testing my jism thing was the laboratory part. I have a laboratory in my home that only tests jism. Do you know what my favorite thing is? There are people who don't know what jizz is.

No, I've met them. That's your number one favorite thing? Wait, I'll tell you a story. I'll tell you a story. We don't have time for a story, Jeff. We have to play the letter malting game. When you say people don't know what jizz means, do you mean like babies?

No, I'm talking... like for example um i was on curb your enthusiasm and i said uh so we're gonna hear this story anyway chips and i was singing a song called chips and dip and jism that i was making up as we were filming a scene and she started singing with me chips and dip and jippin' Jism. And then she said to me out of nowhere, she goes, What's Jism? And I said, You really don't know? And she said, Do me a favor, yell across the room to Larry. Hey, Larry, what's Jism?

And then she did, and then I told her. But she was on The Sopranos, and she didn't know what Jism was. Go figure. They were famous for that over there. I've got a new favorite thing. Go ahead. That is a new favorite thing Go ahead That is my favorite thing Alright

Go ahead These might trigger a story from you So I'm going to let Anthony start Okay I've got so many stories So many of them just take place in my jizz lab Go ahead Okay so Anthony gets to pick a category He's playing for Graham Take place in my jizz lab. Go ahead.

Okay, so Anthony gets to pick a category. He's playing for Graham. It took me a second, too, but I like it. Jeff is playing for Leslie. And your category options are, in honor of one of my guests tonight, Michael Rooker, we have Walking Dead, which is movies with either walking or dead in the title.

We have Hey Friends, which is movies with either walking or dead in the title. We have Hey Friends, which is movies that star someone from the cast of Friends. Tis the season holiday movies or Christmas movies. Which one of those did you like, Anthony Jesselnik? I'm going to go

Hey Friends. Wow, that's the one category that I wouldn't have gone for. Really? Yes, because I have not seen any of their movies. All right, well, again, I like to point this out to the players. That's fantastic strategy to let the other player know how terrible you're going to be in this particular category. Because that's the category we're playing, Jeff.

Wait a minute, you mean that's the category I have to play too? Yeah, yeah. You're playing against each other. Oh, that's stupid shit. You'll see how it works just like it always has every time you've been on the show. I'm horrible and I've lost every time. Jordan, get ready. I will bring you up here. I will bench him and bring you

into the game. Alright, go ahead, Maria. Okay. That's the other one tabitha or maria or doris doesn't matter all right so i'm going to give all the clues to anthony and he'll start the bidding then you bid on how many names you think you can guess it in reading from the bottom of the cast list up based on how many names i'm a huge friends fan and i've seen all their movies. Okay. This one is from... Especially Matt Perry. I know every Matt Perry work that he's ever done. It's like you have boring Tourette's.

Now, to be honest with you, I do have boring Tourette's. And I did not take my medication today. And there are many millions of people out there with boring Tourette's that you have just sort of played with you live with yourself my friend go and do you know what do you know what day the best medicine is for boring Tourette's? What? Lozenges. Lozenges. If you have lozenges, you get rid of them.

Go ahead. You said that like you had a punchline. By the way, to me, lozenges is a punchline. That, to me, is a great word. Like gazebo, lozenge. These are words that need to be used more. Lozenges. Lozenges.

You love jizz. Plurin. Lozenges, yeah. Is that the name of your podcast, Lozen-jizz. Lozen-jizz. You love jizz. The plural. Lozen-jizz, yeah. Is that the name of your podcast, Jeff Loves Jizz? No. I don't have a name for it yet, but that might be a good name. The year is 2010. Mm-hmm. Leonard Maltin calls this movie a bomb.

He calls it relentlessly charmless, and he says, even fans of the two leads will be disappointed if not dismayed. I think I've played this one on the show before There are Nine names How many names do you think you can get it in Anthony Jeselnik Somebody from Friends is in it He's going to bid

How many names he thinks he can get it in So let's wait and see what he bids Nine names I'm going to bid I can do it in. Okay. So let's wait and see what he bids. Out of how many names? Nine. Nine names. I'm going to say, I'm going to bid I can do it in five names. Five, he says. One. Okay. So Jeff went all the way down to one. So now

Anthony can go to zero or say, name that movie. Please name that movie. Name that movie, he says. So I'm going to give you the one name and then you're going to guess what you think the movie's called. The one name is Christine Baranski. The breakup. And then the next name is Carol Kane,

and the next name is Siobhan Fallon, and the next name is Peter Green, and the next name is Kathy Moriarty, and the next name is Jeff Garlin. I know. The Bounty Hunter starring Jeff Garlin. Did you and Jennifer Aniston,

did she ever mention she was on Friends when you were doing that together? First off, I forgot she was in that because, no, reason being, all my scenes were with him.

I had no scenes with her so I forgot that she was in that. Yeah, she was in there. It could have been Katherine Heigl, for all you knew. By the way, at the time I knew it was her, but in retrospect it could have been Katherine Heigl. By the way, Katherine Heigl, same movie. In other words, they replaced her. It makes no difference.

Ben Vereen, much better movie. It makes a difference to me because... Thank you. So I'll no longer have Tourette's. Is there sugar in this? Luden's. Alright, so Anthony got a point. We're just playing to two points and Anthony's got one. So you gotta defend this shit.

Because you know what? I didn't realize that there were two insulting Friends movies that year. My mistake. I only had one in my head. The breakup movie. I liked the breakup. You did? Mm-hmm.

I enjoy it. Go ahead. Favreau's really funny in it. I think the breakup was 2009. Oh. Thank you for the size from the audience. All right. It was a big day in birthdays, you guys.

So these next three categories that you get to choose from, Jeff, are the films of Anna Faris, the films of Don Cheadle, or the films of Gary Shandling? I will go with the films of Gary Shandling. All Born Today on the 29th of November.

Two and a half stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie, also from 2010, keeping it recent. He says about this movie that there's no shortage of incident, but he also says it's missing

freshness and a sense of discovery. No shortage of incident, but it's missing freshness and a sense of discovery. No shortage of incident, but it's missing freshness, sense of discovery. And he lists 14 names. How many names do you think you can get it in?

Do I go first? Jeff G. One. It's on you this time. One. It's not the breakup. One. Okay, he says one name. What do you think of that, Anthony? I've got to send in that movie. He's got to say a name. Give me no choice.

Iron Man 2. Don't you want the one name? No. Unless Iron Man 2 came out in 2011, but I think it came out in 2011. You are correct. It's Iron Man 2. Nice.

All right. Hey, why not do it in zero names? Oh, I can do it? Is there zero? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know the rules. I thought one was the minimum.

Okay, cool. This guy's fucking just toying with all of us. Zero names, okay. Christine Baranski. If he didn't know it, he could have bid zero. Then you'd have to go

into negative names. That's crazy. Now, you've qualified for the next tournament of championships. I'm not going to be able to get you out of your hole for that? I could just cross you off the list? What happened? I have no idea what that means. Somehow, without knowing how to play,

on one episode that you did, you qualified for the next tournament of championships. When is that? I've got it written down. It's going to start in January and play out over the first few months of the year. Great. I'm in.

Okay. But may I say something? I will be wearing a mask. I love it. Okay. As long as we... What's the last week? Anything to get you to do your Adam West.

I'm going to wear a mask and do Adam West. Thank you. You got it. You're welcome, Commissioner. It appears to me that we've got another Leonard Maltin question. Do you know how rare it is for me to do that? All right, go ahead. All right, so, Anthony,

we're back to you getting to pick a category. Would you like the number one movie from five years ago today, this very day, or a movie that has a Weezer song on the soundtrack, Weezercruise.com, or that time of the movie,

a category that no one ever wants to pick because it's period films. If no one picks it tonight, I'm going to just get rid of it. So five years ago today, the number one movie, Weezer on the soundtrack or period films? Let's go five years ago today, number one movie. Okay. Let's go five years ago today, number one movie. Okay. This movie came out five years ago.

It was number one on this very day in 2006. Three stars from Leonard Maltin. He says about this movie that it is a bit overextended and that it was filmed before. Yeah, so... It was filmed before, period? I don't want to tell you the rest of it because it'll give it away, but it was... That's not a good piece of information.

That's bullshit information. Isn't it fun? Yeah. Can't wait for the tournament of champions. It's whoever can handle the bullshit the best. And there are eight names. How many names do you think you can get it in, Anthony? For the win.

I'm going to say five names. Okay. Anthony, name that tune. five names. Okay. Anthony, name that tune. All right. Okay. So, Graham, you're going to win the prizes. Sorry, Leslie. We'll see you again some other time, I'm sure.

She's got a very nice sign. Your five names. You want the clues again? Sure. 2006, three stars. A bit overextended. It was filmed before. Filmed before.

Who could forget that clue? How many movies have been filmed before? It's probably pretty rare. What are you talking about? 900 movies have been remade. Did I say it was a remake? No. I said it was filmed before.

And your five names are? It was filmed before the 20s. Go ahead before. And your five names are? It was filmed before the 20s. Go ahead, Anthony. Your five names are Simon Abkarian, Calerino Marino, Giancarlo Giannini, Jeffrey Wright, and Judy Dench.

I've just won. So you say. I know I have. Jeffrey Wright, Judy Dench. I've just won. So you say. I know I have. Jeffrey Wright, Judi Dench. Five years ago. It's got to be. I know the answer.

I'm trying to remember. I'm thinking. I'm going to think out loud. This is not right. I'm thinking it's a Bond movie Is it a James Bond movie? Nobody make a noise This is I mean I'm committed to this I think it's

I think the It's not Pirates of the Caribbean Goldfinger That's it right? Pirates of the Caribbean He was right Not me

What do you think it is I was going to guess The last James Bond movie Which was Quantum of Solace But that's I will say Casino Royale

You would be right And so Jeff is I mean Not for getting it right But for you getting it wrong Jeff is our winner It was Casino Royale It's Casino Royale

Oh fuck Yeah yeah Cause Judy Dench Is you know In charge And Jeffrey Wright It's Casino Royale? It's Casino Royale. Oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah, because Judi Dench is, you know, in charge and Jeffrey Wright plays Felix Leiter. He's in both of them too,

right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And they're making another one with it. The weirdest title yet. I can't remember what it's called.

Skyfall. But it's, I bet you that one's... What's going to happen in that one, I wonder? The new James Bond movie, Skyfall. It'd be great if he to happen in that one, I wonder? The new James Bond movie, Skyfall. It'd be great if he was never in a plane.

Never parachuted. Not what you think. It's not? Nope, it involves Barnabas Collins. But Leslie, you won! Come get your prizes! There you go, congratulations. Can I keep the sign?

Yeah, you should. That's a cool sign. I like it. Can Jeff keep this or do you want it back? No, give it back to her. Oh, she wants you to sign it. I don't want to decrease the value. I don't say that. Actually, no, it probably would increase. It would go from $3 to $7.

Where's Teddy Grant's at? Come here. Oh, there you are. Here, write down who you want me to call. Is that a humblebrag? It is a humblebrag. Why do you pull me up? Is this for McDonald's or something?

There's a card, too? While you're doing that, I want to mention that I'm going to be in Fort Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, and Irvine, California. Those are all improvs, and they're all in December. Go to douglasmovies.com for more info. Do you guys got anything you want to plug? Jeff's going underground. You'll probably run into him somewhere. Use your microphone, Jeff.

Like a professional. He's got it draped over his shoulder. Who put fucking... By the way, that's how underground I am, Doug. I'm so underground, I won't magnify my voice. Now you can go to JeffGarland.com to hear when I'm back.

JeffGarland.com will announce when I'm back. When does this thing come out? But by the way, if you want to come to Largo and see me every month, I'll be there as myself. Once or twice a month. I'll be at the Denver Comedy Works this weekend and Philadelphia at Helium for New month. I'll be at the Denver Comedy Works this weekend and Philadelphia at Helium

for New Year's. I don't play comedy clubs anymore. I'm far too successful. That's so not true. I'll be at the comedy store and I will also be playing some on the road probably to work out the kinks

but in places like Des Moines. Am I supposed to be able to read that? What does that even say? Is that two names? Because you just get the one. Okay. Doug, can I just say something here? I'll try them both.

Oh, I see, I see. That's cute. I'll say it. Now, this moment of lots of air where there's no one talking. Oh, there's none of that during this it. Now, this moment of lots of air where there's no one talking. Oh, there's none of that during this show. Will that be cut? You're always saying something.

What are you talking about? Was that not quiet just for a few seconds? Mike Tourette's. Apparently holding a lozenge has helped me. He handed me a lozenge. I like that that's how intolerant you are to silence. Is that there was even a few seconds. Oh, God.

We could have wrapped it up while his mic was down. Let me say this. Do you know where I was this afternoon? I saw the artist. I saw the artist. The artist is great. He's great.

Fantastic. You know what you should do? What should I do? You should go on a podcast where you can talk about movies. You were on this podcast that was about talking about JISM for 30 minutes and never bringing up the great movie that you saw today. Did you see it?

You saw it today. No, right before I went to Amoeba. Right before you went to Amoeba. And I had popcorn. And all those stories about Amoeba. And I had popcorn. You should go on Doug Loeb's music stores. Dot com.

No, the artist is... I hear it's fantastic. It won the New York Critics Award. It's one of those movies where you go, well, thank you for not fucking me. Because generally movies fuck you and hard and it hurts and you leave and you're emotionally

hurt and you're physically hurt. I love the artist like a young girl who's... Don't see anything in 3D and you're physically hurt i love the artist just like a young girl yeah don't see anything in 3d and you're good yeah i feel like i feel like you and i watch different movies in life or i never feel that way are you happy when you see movies pretty happy i said i love movies but come on the movies that are made today fucking blow. All of them. Except for the artist. They all blow. Oh, they're overblown.

And what the fuck is 3D? I don't like seeing movies... I know that Paranorman's coming in 3D, and I'm including that in the bunch. 3D movies are always so dark. They're so much darker than the one-dimensional ones. I prefer a movie that's brighter as opposed to it's in my face're so much darker than the one-dimensional ones. I prefer a movie that's brighter as opposed to, it's in my

face, but much darker than I'm used to. Fuck 3D. Who the fuck are the studios to rip us off with their 3D pieces? What is it, Jasper Parnovic? I feel like right now you're just burning material. If I am, I'm in trouble.

Jeff Garland came back angry, but nothing funny. And I'm going to sign a buttercup. Jeff, the backstage sugar-free buffet closes in a couple of minutes. Let's hear it for Jeff Garland and Anthony Jeselnik. And as always,

Julian, Sally, and Michael Rooker are shitheads. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies.