Doug Loves Movies - Jeff Garlin, Geoff Tate and Jesse Pasternack guest

Episode Date: July 30, 2015

Live from the Traverse City Film Festival, Doug welcomes Jeff Garlin, Geoff Tate and Jesse Pasternack to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds With 50 acid popper kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is the most movie! Ha, ha, ha.

Coming to you for, I believe, the fourth time from the Old Town Playhouse, OTP, yeah, you know me, in Traverse City, Michigan, as part of the Traverse City Film Festival. It's Wednesday, July 29th, 2015, the second day of the festival, and I know a lot of you are here just attending the festival and heard about this thing. And you have a badge or whatever, and you decided to come check it out. But then there's also folks that came from long distances and prepared name tags. And may I see your name tags now?

Those of you that, oh, wow. I love the lady in the balcony that doesn't have one, but she's just raising the roof. It's good that nobody in the balcony has one because guests might not be able to get up there. Uh, that crazy snake. I don't know what's going on with that. What did you write on it? Danaconda-conda. Dan-a-conda? Because your name is Dan? I'm pretty good at figuring these out. I've been doing this for a while.

Aaron Budd. That's pretty fun. Sesame Street. You know Sesame Street's a TV program, right? It was a movie. You're right. That's true. We all went and saw it all the president's ben

because his name's ben some of these are getting too far away for me to see whatever happened to baby allison whatever happened i'm worried about baby Allison. What's the Narnia one? Chronicles of Narnia? Your name's Nicole? Chronicles. I love it. Well, thank you to everybody who brought a name tag. You can go ahead and put them down for now. We'll lower the lights and we'll pop those back out when the appropriate time comes. I've got a couple more events coming up here. Who's coming to the Benson movie interruption of Top Gun tomorrow night? That's going to be super fun. I've never interrupted Top Gun.

That's going to be super fun. I've never interrupted Top Gun. I worry that some of the dogfighting scenes, or whatever you want to call them, might be a little long and repetitive for interrupting, but then we'll just sit back and enjoy an exciting movie right here in this very theater. And then on Friday night, we're interrupting Speed, I mean Saturday night, excuse me, Speed, Then on Friday night, we're interrupting Speed, I mean Saturday night, excuse me, Speed over, yeah, at midnight over at the State Theater where if you're watching a movie and it's boring, you could just look up at the stars on the ceiling and it's quite breathtaking. Not that watching Speed with us is going to be boring. I think tickets are still available for both if you're listening to the podcast and you want to come by and get in there. New York City, there's 20 seats left for next Monday's, the August 3rd Doug Loves Movies at the Gramercy Theater. And folks that come to that show will have, after it's over, they'll have an opportunity to buy tickets to the show the next Monday on August 10th.

They won't have to pay the Ticketmaster fees if you buy them right there on the spot. And everybody comes to the August 10th show in New York City will be first in line, first chance to buy tickets for the second annual 12 Guests of Christmas episode on November 30th. And those are always a lot of fun because I get 12 guests on stage. I can barely control three people on a regular basis. So getting 12 of them up there is crazy. Save big money at Menards. Kansas City, I just like singing it

because when I'm in the area, I hear the commercials. We don't have Menards out in California. Kansas City, Missouri. I'll be doing the Benson movie interruption of Kansas City Bomber, starring Raquel Welch as a roller derby lady. Yeah, give it up for that. On Friday, August 14th at the Alamo Drafthouse there, downtown. And then the next day, Doug Lowe's Movies tapes

at the Kansas City Improv at 420. Is Daniel... That's you, Danaconda. Did you have the Danaconda last time? You had a different name tag. Okay, that's what threw me off. But your name on Twitter, I don't know why,

is Dirty Vicar. It's what threw me off. But your name on Twitter, I don't know why, is Dirty Vicar. It's a Monty Python reference. I saw Monty Python meaning of live last night on a boat. Yeah, that was neat. So you're the Dirty Vicar, okay. And I don't know if you guys recall, but a gentleman had to be thrown off mid-show at the last film festival. And Dan was the person I pulled out of the audience to step up on stage and fill in for him.

And it's good to see that you're in the front row with a snake around your neck. Because I want you to be ready. It might happen again. Like I said, that pasterneck kid, I don't trust him. That Pasternak kid could be trouble. How do you know he's going to be on? He might not be here. I saw him walk in. You saw him walk in, but he might just be here to check it out. His whole family's here. Let's check out the prize bag, you guys. They give you a bag full of stuff when you're a filmmaker or a presenter or any kind of thing here at the festival, and I appreciate it,

but it's got some stuff in there that I will not consume, so I like to pay it forward. One looks like a bottle of Blanc de Blanc, whatever that means. But it's got the Traverse City Film Festival logo on it, and I guess it's a kind of champagne, I guess, right? They wouldn't have one of those types of tops on a wine thing, would they? I don't know. This thing, big slice, pure kettle-cooked apples,

but it's in a packet. It feels like... Here, Dan, just feel this thing. What does that feel like to you? I feel like it should be somebody's organ transplant or something. It's real... It's like a blood pack. It's mushy and weird.

Yeah, it's got blood in there, probably. So Twilight fans can enjoy that. And then also some chocolate-covered cherries because, of course, this is the chocolate capital of the world. And this is pretty neat. There's a place here called Eleven. I think it's a restaurant. I assume it is.

And this is 11% off your entire purchase. There's a place here called Eleven. I think it's a restaurant. I assume it is. And this is 11% off your entire purchase with this card. So, yeah, it doesn't say anywhere on it what Eleven is. So maybe it's a haberdashery. I don't know. And then I got a CD by a gentleman who's not here tonight, but he's on the same record label as me. I believe his name is Zach Sherwin.

He's good, right? And then a copy of my CD, Promotional Tool. And then one of my old posters for one of my albums, because I'm so handsome on this one. I gotta share that with people.

That's the best picture ever taken of me. Hypocritical Oaf was the name of that record. And then last night at the opening night party, they always give you a nice Traverse City Film Festival glass that I'm putting in the bag. I'm still not done, you guys. This is a deep-ass bag. A T-shirt from my friends at Chameleon Glass.

Do we have anybody that's under 21 here tonight? A few people? Okay, we don't need to get into what they do. This thing is really cool, but, you know, if you know what it is, good for you. If you don't know what it is, don't worry about it. It's on the floor, doesn't matter anymore. Oh, here's another one. They gave me a thing of chocolate that completely melted inside the package. It's been pretty hot here. And then, oh, also some fudge. So all of that, plus what my guests bring for the bag,

is going to be won by somebody tonight. So please give a big one. These are all returning guests to the program. Please give a big warm welcome to Jeff Tate, Jesse. Can I say all the names?

Please. I've never been interrupted so strongly while trying to... Jesse Pasternak and Jeff Garland! That first one sounded like it was just all for me. Well, that's the thing. These people flipped out because you didn't know that Jeff was hanging out at the festival. You figured it out. Right when I said it? That's when you figured it out? Well, great job, maimed detectives.

I know exactly who the criminal is as soon as you tell me. That's a good detective right there. You tell me who did it, and then I know who did it. Jeff Tate, how are you enjoying the film festival so far? It's day two.

It's great. I'm having a great time. I'm four for four on movies I've seen. Right? Yeah. They only show great movies at this festival. Yeah, they keep saying it, and then I keep hoping one of them sucks, and they don't. They just keep, like halfway through, I'm like, fuck, another good one.

What was the last one you saw? Good Kill. And what did you say about that movie to me? I said it was good. Great, Great Kill. Shit. Wait, hold on. Hold on, do it again.

No, it's too late. We shouldn't try to recreate jokes from the car, I guess. Well, you're the one that said great kill. Yeah, you said I saw a good kill and it was great. And I said, why didn't they call it great kill? Oh. Yeah, and then we totally fucked it up when bringing it to an audience. But our driver got a good laugh out of it.

Shout out to Lori. And what do you have for the prize bag, dude? Oh. That's a lot. Yeah. Takes some effort. No, I know. We'll come back to you.

Jesse Pasternak is back, everybody. How are you doing, my college attending friend? Oh, I'm doing great. I'm always happy when I'm back at TC. Yeah. And you're going to school in Bloomington, Indiana. My mom calls it Bloomies. And we had you on the show. We haven't had you on the show in Bloomington, have we?

No, not yet. I left a week after, like a week before you were going to be there for the comedy festival because I had to start an internship. That's weak indeed. I'll do it whenever the schedules match up. I'll do it as soon as you need me. Like half a heartbeat.

We always need you. You're probably one of the most polite guests we've ever had. Thank you very much. I really wish his name was Ernest. He's so incredibly earnest. And, uh, alright, so let's go ahead and meet him.

It's absolutely stunning. We haven't heard from him at all yet. Let's give it up for Jeff Garlin, everybody. Thank you. it up for Jeff Garland, everybody. One time, Zach Galifianakis was on the show, and he thought it'd be funny to not speak the entire time. And that lasted for about half the show. Eventually, he broke down and said

something. No, I'll talk. Oh, okay. You just need to ask me shit. Oh, okay. How are you enjoying? Are you on the board or something here? Probably. Yeah. Not to my knowledge, but I might be for all I know. You helped start

the comedy festival that they do here in the winter time. Yes. Thank you. In the dead of winter, of course. Yeah, no, it's as wintery as it gets.

Yeah. I haven't been for two years. Yeah. But you've got a great excuse because you're making Meet the Bloombergs at that time. Yeah, I'm meeting

Meet the Bloombergs. I hear Mike's great on it. Which is a huge hit, Meet the Bloombergs. I hear Mike's great on it. Which is a huge hit, Meet the Bloombergs. Mike's so charismatic on that. What's that? Mike Bloomberg,

you know, that's, you know, he's the cast. It's a show where people come over, people go over to the Bloombergs' house and they gripe about

how they can't have large soda drinks. I feel like I should, you say what you want. My mom calls it Bloomington. Thank you. You're welcome. It takes place in Bloomington, Indiana.

Does it really? And ironically, the whole family's Purdue fans. It creates a lot of animosity in the state of Indiana. Now I remember why I hate the entire family. What? IU. IU. Thank you. Thank you hate the entire family. What? IU. IU. Thank you. You know what? Seriously,

if I'm going to stay here, he's got to stop. You can't, listen, I'm a man. You can't chant your school and I don't think he would have done it again

I don't think it's going to come up again oh you'd be surprised these fucking college kids they love yelling out their school yeah but he doesn't seem like a sports fan like if he was really going to change no he's a sports fan just basketball of course because you're a Jew

and Jews and Jews love going to basketball. Is that true? It is a big ball of true. There's so many Jews at IU, and they all go to basketball. Yeah, I know what they do. Same with Illinois. Same with the whole Midwest.

Is that why my dad went to Butler? Your dad's not Jewish, right? No. Yeah, that's why he went to Butler? Your dad's not Jewish, right? No. Yeah, that's why he went to Butler. Is he a minister of some sort? He's a minister, a Christian minister. As opposed to? Whatever Jews have.

A Christian rabbi. Yeah, we have both parts of the Bible, guys. The second half with all the cool stuff. No, I don't know. It's been a while. So, Jeff Tate, what did Jeff Garland bring for the prize bag? He brought two books. You're holding it for him.

I'm holding it for him, yeah. He brought two books, Consider the Lobster and The Last Interview, both by David Foster Wallace. And the last interview, both by David Foster Wallace. Who was the opening night movie, The End of the Tour, is about David Foster Wallace. I bought those at the local bookstore here in Traverse City. So I'm working with the economy and giving it back to the people. I could keep those and read them. No. I bought other books, too,

and I think that would be a good selection for somebody. I'm glad you didn't bring Infinite Jest because it would break the prize bag. No, Infinite Jest is a big book. Yeah, it's over a thousand pages. I know another big book, you guys. What's that? It's a really good book.

Yes. There's two testaments. Yeah. You want to... Jeff, have you seen the film End of the Tour? Yeah, we saw it yesterday. I was talking to the other Jeff. Oh. I saw you at the theater last night.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You forgot? You know what's amazing? Pot, it's like it never leaves your system. You at all times have pot running through your system. Don't say that. Don't say that, because that's what all the cops are using now. What do you mean? As their defense.

What do you mean? Well, yeah, like, you know, they say it's in your system, but it could be... Lord knows there's a lot of cops in the crowd tonight. And we know the number one downloaders of the podcast are America's police force. Don't say that, the cops. This is all they need.

We heard Jeff Garlin on Doug Loves Movies. You guys are fucked with your marijuana. That's it. We're bringing it down. And, you know, you're safe, man. And you don't have it as bad as Doug does. You've been a lot more aware in our conversations.

Oh, yeah, totally. Do you remember? And do you remember? You never forget something that happened a day away? Like, that happens to everybody, especially old people. Okay, Doug, let's take it another step back. How many people do I know at this festival that are my friends from Los Angeles? I have no idea.

Yeah, you forgot that, too. You! You're it! That's it? You're it! I'm the only one? That's why. You had a're it! That's it? You're it! I'm the only one? That's why! When I saw you, I rubbed your head and I walked up the aisle.

It's true. And then I thought you just walked right out of the theater and didn't see the movie. So, did you see the end of the tour? I just realized I introduced it. That's why I was okay. I forgot. See, I forgot that. So, it is possible. It is possible that I did introduce it and might've walked out and actually, ironically, I almost did walk out

because I was sitting in the last row. Oh, you don't like the last row? No, I love the last row. No, I'm saying one more step past the last row and I've left. So I took it as far as I could go and yet stay at the movie. And it's the last row thing because you just don't want anybody behind you that might do something or is it paranoia? Not from paranoia. I love the last row because people are stupid. First one out of the theater, you like that aspect of it? Don't need that.

I can't consider. I don't think I have no paranoia about any of that shit. That's new shit. No, but here's the thing. People love to talk and share their living room experiences while in a public movie theater. As if they're watching a Blu-ray or Apple TV or however the fuck they get it. DVD.

In a theater. What's that? DVD. DVD is a popular format. Are we just guessing how people watch movies? Betamax? No, that's before your time, Jesse. Sometimes I just think about movies I've seen,

and then they run in my head. Meet the Bloombergs. But I was going to make the point, Jeff, that, not you, Jeff, the other Jeff, that End of the Tour is worth staying through some of the credits at least because they have a bonus scene. It's like a Marvel movie.

But by the way, it's actually a really sweet bonus scene because you know it really happened. Yeah, it's sowing really sweet bonus scene. It is. Because you know it really happened. Yeah. It's sowing another side of an event that happens in the movie. We don't want to say too much. But that's a movie that people could go either way on. You have to be patient for that movie because there's not much action.

Yeah, it's what they call a two-hander. It's mostly two characters just speaking to one another in various settings. But there's some dogs come in at various points. The dogs? And by the way, think of the audience's reaction when the dogs come out. Oh my god, audiences love dogs. They really do. More than people. No, I have dogs

at home. I love my dogs, don't get me wrong, but I don't get all giddy when they show up on the screen. I'm okay with it. I'm happy. Not that happy. And so in this movie, I noticed that the audience, the energy went way up

when the dogs would just come in and their only purpose was to lick a character. The lady who sat behind us thought it was hilarious for some reason. She loved it. There was a lady sitting behind us

who, I hate when this happens, who decided that it was a flat-out comedy and had to laugh at things that weren't funny at all. And 600 other people were wrong. Yeah, yeah. Everyone else in the theater is silent, and she's, like, giggling because he takes some batteries out of his toothbrush to put them into his tape recorder. Like, she laughed at shit like that. Like, why is that funny? That's a perfectly normal thing

for a person to do. Go find some batteries in one thing and move them That's why I enjoy the last row because she's stupid. It cuts down on the number of people you're near. Yes.

You only have people in front of you, nobody behind you. By the way, the ones in front, you don't really notice as much. Because their voice goes from. Right.

Would you say that you like the back row because there's nobody behind you who could do something? You're saying do something. All I'm saying is they'll say shit and talk. They're not going to do anything. They're not going to stand up and put their wiener on the back of my neck. There's nothing they're going to do. So I want you to be more specific by saying the people enjoy

talking and laughing. You're ready, Dan. It's going to happen any second now. Hey, by the way, how do you feel about popcorn eaters? Loud popcorn eaters. I had a movie today with the people behind me. It was like they were eating a popcorn apple they're not eating hold on let's take a couple steps back to where behind you let's slow down behind me and do something so by the way that happened to me at the movie zodiac someone behind me this is a memory from eight seven eight ten years ago yeah wait that's the only time it's ever happened, though, the laughing for... I went with Odenkirk to Zodiac, and the person

right behind us thought it was the funniest movie ever. And Bob kept going, what is he doing? Why is he doing this? And I go, I don't know.

You talk to him. And then Bob was finally, it's not funny. There's nothing funny. David Fincher is the top comedy filmmaker of our generation. Gone Girl had some laughs. Now, in terms of popcorn eating, what those people are doing. I remember that's where, by the way, Jeff, that's where it started.

That's what I'm going back to. Oh, so when you said a couple of steps back, you were just like, I haven't finished talking about the other stuff you talked about. Yeah, he's trying to conquer it all in order. Yes. So as far as the popcorn eating, for example, those people don't know how to eat popcorn. They don't know how to put it in their mouth, chew it and swallow it. Therefore, they are also stupid and they're sitting behind me. So them, yes, you're right. It's someone sitting behind

me maybe doing something because I have added I have added popcorn to my list. It's not just the talking. There's popcorn. There's popcorn. And maybe laughing inappropriately. So it's doing things behind.

Jeff has an interesting debate style. I'm doing well, thank you. I disagree, but you're right. No, he's right. I disagree. Eventually, you're right. Jeff, you're totally right, man. You're right, Jeff, and I'm sorry.

I just quoted Doug from about ten minutes ago. You were the last one to say it Doug said it back right before you and Odenkirk saw Zodiac and we have worked our way back around Zodiac is the only movie I've ever seen by saying I would like one ticket to whatever's longest

because I had to kill a lot of time one afternoon did you really say that? yeah and they were like Zodiac and then you know what it was fucking hilarious right these two old dicks in front of me one afternoon. Did you really say that? Yeah, and they were like, Zodiac, and then you know what? It was fucking hilarious. Right? These two old dicks in front of me kept stink eyeing me.

Why are you laughing? Why is this so funny? They don't want me laughing. Why'd they put Drew Carey's brother in here as the Zodiac killer? Why is that hilarious Robert Downey

in this movie? He wasn't Iron Man yet. No, he wasn't. I wish Jake Gyllenhaal would have been as funny in that movie as he was in Nightcrawler. Oh, yeah. That's a good point. I have to give you credit for trying.

Thank you. You're making an effort, you know. You're a sophomore at college? Yes, a rising sophomore. Not bad. Thank you. He's 19, and what'd you bring for the prize bag? Same age.

My son's the same age. Keep going. Oh, you should match them up. So for, you're here once a year, Doug, and you might come back for the comedy festival, but you never know your schedule. So to satisfy the demand for Doug Benson, I brought the complete Nickelodeon series of Doug and seasons one and two of Benson. Oh. Oh.

Yeah. That's some thoughtful prize baggery right there. By the way, that is clever. And here's what's amazing to me. What's amazing about this is he found Doug and Benson. And I know that's your name, but these two things, you'd think if you went into your local video store, they're not going to have these.

You worked at it. Look at you, you young fucker. You little pasternak bastard. I also wonder what the diagram of who's going to like both. Hey, do you want to watch a cartoon, and is your grandma around? Do you know how often I say that sentence?

Do you remember that soap spinoff? I got the first two seasons on DVD. I thought you were really asking, not setting up a joke. I knew a young girl for a little while. There was a friend of a friend who had this kid who, when I would come around, she would call me Doug Funny.

And I thought it was because I was funny, and I didn't know that Doug in the TV show's last name is Funny. Doug was a great show. I watched it it because my kids that was like their age to watch it you probably love Doug

oh I love Doug it's great Doug yeah Billy West is phenomenal my friend I don't want to whatever

what the fuck are they talking about Dan Castellanato I tried to tell you what he's like when he's on the show robot devil from Futurama

it's just crazy to see it in real life. You know what I mean? Like, usually it's in my car and I can hit that 15 second button. Oh, me? When you're me? Oh, no, no.

We were talking about... Oh, me? Well, Doug and I were talking about there's a definite amongst his fans. Be weird if it was amongst my... Well, I don't have fans. But the point being is there's a big love-hate.

A lot of people love me on the show. A lot of people don't. Would you say it's 50-50, 60-40, what is it? I don't know. 80-20? Please be in favor. It sounds a lot like it's just one of those take it or leave it things.

Like there's not a lot of action. So you're the end of the tour of guests? Oh, sorry, Doug. I'm sorry to interrupt you. You haven't had a chance to speak, and then I'm jumping all over you. What were you saying? Oh, I'm just saying that he's like the end of the tour of the guests. Depends on your taste, and you either love him or hate him.

Interesting. But you're like when a dog comes on the screen and i'm like i'm like what made that lady behind us laugh where like everyone else is like what the fuck but one person's like this guy's the best. And you're Doug. What did you bring for the prize bag, Jeff? I brought my albums. They don't have... They're just my two.

I got Potential and Just Another Clown.com. Boom and boom. And I brought Man on Fire. The classic Denzel Washington. I just got all my DVDs back, and I realized that I had three copies of Man on Fire. So I'm going to keep two, but one goes out there. And if you've already seen it, yeah.

You got your DVDs back from where? I lived a sort of life where I have abandoned everything I've owned more than once. So I recently was able to track down all my DVDs, two of which were Man on Fire, and I already had one at the new place I live. So now I have three. You never did that before? If you ever buy Man on Fire again,

I want to be there. Okay. Just hanging out. I'm not going to comment. I'm going to let you do it. I could easily stop you, but I will keep it going. I might have to do this just to see what it's like for you not to comment.

You should. Let's go out looking for man on fire next time you're in L.A. Listen, Jeff, I'm only 36. I'm going to fuck my life up again and have to buy man on fire again. And I will take advantage of this. I will be like, I need you to come with me to buy man on fire.

Also, I'm very hungry. And is there a Baja Fresh nearby? Or can I sleep on your couch? You know, there's a lot of things that's going to come up in that phone call. And Jeff, if there's ever a scene on Meet the Goldbergs where the... Now it's Meet the Goldbergs?

It was Meet the Bloombergs. Yeah, that was for fun. Now I'm saying it properly. There's no meet. What? Oh, it's just the Goldbergs? The Goldbergs. We don't want you to meet us. Oh. We want you to know us. Spend some time. It's the Goldbergs? The Goldbergs. We don't want you to meet us. Oh. We want you to know us.

Spend some time. It's the Goldbergs. All right. Wednesdays, ABC. Go. So anyway. So anyway. On your show, Goldbergs.

HBO Now. On your iPad. Go. Did I tell you to do that? In all my movies are on Netflix. Tell me go when it's my turn to talk, and then when I start to talk, then he keeps going. You know, last time I was on Conan,

I actually, after it was over, I said, why do you have me on? You know I'm not going to shut up. Holy crap. All right, go. Did Conan answer you,, did you let him, did you wait? Did you just shout that at him as you were leaving? I let him answer. It was after the show. See, I'm very good with give and take, uh, when I'm acting or when the cameras are off, when the cameras are on and it's me, Jeff Garland, third person, I never stop talking. So you're saying next time you're on, I should prepare a script for you.

No, that was a joke to interrupt you. Go ahead. What are you saying now? No, I stop talking. This is like an improv scene. No, it's not. Just don't, Jeff, please just This is like an improv scene. No, it's not. No, it isn't. Jeff, please just don't even speak to him.

That cuts it in half. Because he's not going to not answer when you speak to him, except for at the very top of the show when I was speaking to him. Hey, Doug, if you don't want me talking, don't have me on your goddamn show. You have me on your show? This is Dan. Get ready. This is the festival of me. Go ahead.

Jeff, I've got a question for you. Which one? You'll know the question when you hear it. Okay. Which question it is. Okay. After the end of the tour last night, did you see anything else here at the festival?

Did you see anything today? No, no, I slept. You had other things to do at the film festival. I slept and swam. Really? Yeah, and then I showed, I saw two Chaplin shorts at the thing, and I was with Geraldine Chaplin, his daughter, which was amazing. And then I showed The Old Dark House.

Has anyone seen that before? So you watched that. It's amazing. No, I didn't. I left after I introduced it. I've seen it 400 times. That's why I selected it. I didn't select a movie I've never seen.

And I went and took a nap and meditated. And then I came here all fresh. All right. What about you, Jesse? Jesse, you were a moderator for the Q&A after a movie today in this very theater. And that was probably the last movie you've seen, right?

It was called Raiders! The story of the greatest fan film ever made. Thank you. Really, really good. Did you just say thank you? You had something to do with it? I don't know the proper... But he did have something to do with it.

If it wasn't for kids like him, who'd ever see that movie? It's true. It's about some young boys who spend seven summers basically just recreating Raiders of the Lost Ark, like shot for shot.

They're like little Gus Van Zants. But they keep getting older, like in boyhood? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you only see clips from the movie they made. You don't see the entire movie they made.

But yes, that's the premise. And they shoot the airplane scene, the fight scene at the airplane. They shoot that last. They're full-grown adults in that scene that's hysterical it's it's the whole thing is it's got so many layers and so much going on what was your favorite thing about it jesse uh where to begin i just really uh loved uh the scenes where they were talking about all the crazy stuff that happened to them like uh when they accidentally set the house on fire at one point and just they talked about how they did it and they just the real passion and drive

they had for it was just amazing and it was really funny yeah these kids were doing a lot of pyro and crazy stuff to try to achieve all the effects and stunts in in the movie did the kid who has to disrupt the show quietly He said I love the scene with the grandma Is what he wants me to say Now who says is what he wants me to say You've taken the fun out of it Ah fuck you I was going to make you say funny things

He took the fun out of it He did I was having fun Trying to talk about this movie I'm passionate about At a film festival And then you whisper something about a grandma On a little boy's ear It was only going to grow from there

That was a start Whatever I'm glad he nipped that bit in the bud Alright good I'm glad too I also really wanted to see them do the next two Indiana Jones movies. I really hope that they make a sequel where they just shoot Temple of Doom and every single shot. And Raiders. I mean, Last Crusade, too.

That'd be wonderful to just see people reenact. And you think they should stop before Crystal Skull, right? Oh, of course. Yeah. Maybe they could fix it. Maybe they could just it. Maybe they could just do it again, because it was kind of cool. Just replace the refrigerator

stain in your car. Yeah. Make that like a bigger refrigerator. That's what I had a problem with. It just didn't seem big enough. It's funny. It seemed like it'd be real scary to be in such a tiny refrigerator. Yeah, you'd go nuts, wouldn't you? Yeah. Who cares about an explosion and you fly up?

I'd rather die than be in a real tiny fridge like that. Come on, man. The 50s were terrible. What if Indiana Jones couldn't get out of the fridge like what happens to children every once in a while in a junkyard where they crawl in there and then they can't it's the thing your parents warn you about that was also when you're in the fridge with the door shut it's scary because the light goes off let me tell you something it would have been a valuable lesson to the world's children if they had indiana jones died if an adult from being stuck in the refrigerator oh man what if so many children would have learned. What if there was a snake in the fridge and he had to

decide which one was worse? The nuclear bomb or a snake? It's already better in our world. Yeah. You want to make this? No. I've got to go to sleep. I'm busy with

Meet the Press. I am the new host of Meet the Press, you are correct. And I'll be wearing 1980s clothes just to freak out the politicians. George Segal will pop in every once in a while to say a good lesson and it'll be a great time.

George Segal! He's Pops. He's actually on the show. He wasn't that clever. No, I thought, I pictured Ellie and Gord. That would be funny for them just to bring in a random actor just on Meet the Press. Hello, everybody, this is George Siegel. And everyone's like, why is George Siegel here?

I don't know. I had a black son. I think the George Siegel reference is probably a little too old for this crowd. Poor George Segal. I'm looking forward to, just wanted to mention for anybody that's seeing movies here at the festival, because I've already seen a couple of the films, and one of them that I really like and recommend is called A Brave Heart, The Lizzie Velasquez Story, and that's playing later in the week.

I don't need to tell you anything more about it, because that's part of the fun of a festival like this, is just pick a movie and go, and then just fucking experience it. Today I saw Charlotte's Web. Why didn't you say that earlier? That is really weird in a couple different ways.

The version they have does not include the spider. Yeah, I know, that's the version they have here. It the spider. Yeah, I know. That's the version they have here. It's weird. Go see it at your own. Yeah, a couple 11-year-old boys did a shot-by-shot remake of Charlotte's Web, and they couldn't figure out how to train a spider,

so they just left that part out. The movie Jeff saw was about a lady named Charlotte who lied to a bunch of people and couldn't keep it all straight. Yeah, of lies is in parentheses at the end of the title. All right, Jeff, are you ready to move on to the next game portion of the show?

If you're talking to me, you bet, little lady. No, I was talking to the other Jeff. I'm not. I really want to see Kill the Messenger because I'm really bad at delivering bad news. And I hope this movie can really help me out with it.

You saw a movie here last year called Cold in July that I did not get to see. And then I finally caught up with it on Showtime after like a year of you telling me it's a really great movie. And I concur. It's really great. Which movie is this? Cold in July. That'd be weird. Sam Shepard and Michael C. Hall.

Oh, and Shane Easton. Yes. That's the one. That's it, yeah. Yeah, it's for your eyes only. So, more super old references. Here's the part of the show

where I say, let the games begin! Lots of people brought clever and fun name tags, Jeff. And while you guys pick who you want to play for, we're going to go to a brief commercial message. We'll be right back. Hey, let me ask you a question. Are you getting enough?

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That's D-O-U-G at AdamandEve.com. Back to the show. All right, we're back. Who are you playing for, Jeff? Matt Night Run. Matt. And he's got our faces over De Niro and Charles Grodin. Yeah, yeah, I'm De Niro.

Yeah, I'm Grodin. You're Grodin. I got you. Let's do a shot-for-shot remake of Midnight Run. Yeah. With the two of us in those roles. That would be super awesome. I love it.

That lady over there made a human centipede poster, but she put her face first and mine last and yours in the middle. That's just wildly disrespectful. Yeah. Why'd you make me and Jeff butt to nut? Yeah. And why am I last?

I gotta eat both your shit? Fuck you. Weird Japanese movie-liking face-making poster. Who are you playing for, Jesse? I'm playing for Mark of the Penguins. Mark, I'm playing for Mark. Open it up. Oh, sure.

I'm playing for Mark. His poster is Mark of the Penguins, Mark with a C, and it's the March of the Penguins poster with his name photoshopped in. It's very good. What's his name? Oh. That's a great description of the Penguins poster with his name photoshopped in. It's very good. What's his name? Oh.

That's a great description of the name tag. I've had people, somebody on Twitter recently asked me, how do these name tags work? What do they look like? I'm like, every episode we describe them, but that's finally a great description of one of the name tags. He knows exactly what to do now if his name is Mark with a C. You're just a sweet boy.

Thank you. Who are you playing for, Jeff? I'm playing for Hay League of their own. I imagine her name's Haley? Yeah, Haley. It's Hay League of their own. But this is someone who actually put something and put a lot more work into it

than your fuckers. This is good, Haley. I like it. That's why I picked you. I think you all did a great job of picking name tags and thank you to everybody for bringing the name tags.

Yeah, thank you to everybody. Yes, yes, thank you. I didn't know we were all doing it this time. Can I ask a question of the person who was thinking this? Why does it say that on the back? How many times have you been on the show, dummy? Is that a game? Yeah, that's the end.

Yeah, how many times have you done the show now, you think? I don't remember. At the end of the show, if you lose tonight, which you never lose, but if you do, their consolation prize, Haley, is I'm going to call whoever she asked me to a shithead at the end of the show. Oh, Gwyneth Paltrow. All right.

Why don't you pick somebody popular? All right, we're good. Okay. There's none on the back of mine. So yeah, we'll have to... Yeah, you're going to win, man. Explore that later. You know everything about every fucking movie ever.

He's never won the game, though, strangely enough. Did Dan win last time? Dan won, yeah. Oh, yeah. Literally, you stepped in and successfully won. Yeah, it was exciting. Is that you? Oh, look at you and your history.

Something. Successfully won is a fun way to say win. Right? Did you unsuccessfully or successfully win? You unsuccessfully won last year. Well, you could unsuccessfully win. Let's say you come up here and your zipper's open. People laugh at your wiener, but you won the game.

I wouldn't call that a successful win. I'd call that an unsuccessful win. Because you're embarrassed, but yet you're a winner. Jeff, we're comics, man. That sounds like a great set. Just they're laughing and you win. Who cares why they're laughing? No one ever knows why anyway.

Okay, we're 12 minutes behind. The first game we're going to play tonight is Build a Title. Long time listeners to the show miss it when we don't play it for a long time, but it's a tough one for me to explain to new guests, and I think these three can handle it. We're going to start with Jeff Tate, and the title that we're going to build upon this evening, because I'll be interrupting it tomorrow night here in Traverse City,

in this very theater, is Top Gun. So, Jeff, do you need a movie that ends with top or begins with gun? View from the Top Gun. So, Jeff, you need a movie that ends with top or begins with gun. View from the Top Gun. View from the Top. Starring, oddly enough, Gwyneth Paltrow. All right, Jesse, you need something that ends in view or begins with gun. Oh.

We got view from the top gun. Starts with view, ends with gun. Ends with view or begins with gun. You can't say the view because it's a TV program. I'm sorry, I can't. I appreciate you apologizing. Does that mean he's eliminated? He might be, Jeff.

Give him a second. All right. Gun blank. Sorry. Oh, gun, and then. And then like a movie. Other words. Oh, so gun and then other words. Yeah, yeah a movie. Other words. Oh, so gun, and then other words.

Yeah, yeah. You know a movie that starts with the word gun? Gun Crazy. There you go. There you go. Yeah. You did it. Look at you, Jeff.

And by the way, that's where I was going to Gun Crazy, so good for you. All right, so we've got View from the top gun crazy, Jeff, so you need something that starts with crazy or ends with view. Crazy from the heat? What's that? A movie? Who was in that? I have no idea.

What's her name, I think? Pippi Longstocking? What the hell's her name? The one who's in the movie where she goes hiking, I think. Reese Witherspoon? I think Reese Witherspoon. Yeah, Reese Witherspoon. What the hell is her name? The one who's in the movie where she goes hiking. I think. Reese Witherspoon? I think Reese Witherspoon. Yeah, Reese Witherspoon.

I think. I'm not sure. It's one of those movies I've never seen. Well, we're going to see if that's one of those movies that doesn't exist. No, it exists. Crazy from the what? Heat. No, I'm sorry.

Seriously? Let's see here. It's not listed in Leonard Maltin's guide, so... Alright, then I'm out. I'm suspect. I thought Crazy was Meat. I could have... Oh, fuck it. I'm done. Okay, Jeff Tate.

Crazy Heart. Yep. Oh, that's a movie I was thinking of. Crazy from the heart. Crazy from the heat, really? Fuck, I'm going to look at my phone. All right, so... Does anyone know that movie?

We've got View from the Top Gun, Crazy Heart. So you need... Jesse, you need something that begins with heart or ends with view. I can think of one for each because I'm not in the game and it's easier. Crazy from

the view is what Jeff just whispered into his ear. Or how about heart crazy? I was going to say heart crazy? I was going to say heart crazy. Really? Is that a deal? Is it? No.

Wait, crazy heart? I don't know. You can tell them what I told you. I love, what is it? I love jizz and something? What is it? Jizz and heat? You did it.

You're good. You're good. All right. I'm glad you brought this game i realize crazy from the heat is um david lee roth's autobiography i swear to god which i'd go see if that was a movie oh my god i'd be so in my mistake sorry i knew it was a title, oh my god, I'd be so in. My mistake. Sorry. I knew it was a title. It just fucked me up.

All right. So Jeff Tate is our winner on that one. Yay. Yay. Hooray, Jeff Tate. Heart of Darkness. Sure, I guess so. I was going to say uh heart beeps is one and then uh a room with a view would be one that yeah all right uh let's play whose tagline is it anyway you guys

a newish game uh we'll start with uh jeff tate again and then it's going to come to you jeff garland so if jeff can't get this right, then you get a chance to steal it. So hold your tongue until it's your turn. I mean, you could say stuff, but just don't guess. Jeff, which movie from all the movies ever made had the tagline, Exploring the Blackness of Subconscious Man!

Exclamation point. Oh, I know. I just gotta remember it, but I know what movie that is. You gotta feel for it, but this is Jeff Tate gets to guess. Oh, fuck. Exploring the Blackness of subconscious man? Yeah. Since nobody's guessed anything yet, I'll give all three of you a clue. It's been sort of mentioned this evening already, this movie.

Sort of. I know. Okay, Jeff thinks he knows it. Jeff Tate, do you have a guess? Exploring the blackness of subconscious man. Apocalypse Now. No. Yeah,

because you mentioned Heart of Darkness. Jeff Garlin, what do you think? If I say who wrote it, does that count? If you say who wrote it and you're right

and I think you're right, then yes, I will. Paddy Chayefsky. No. Really? This was not written by Paddy Chayefsky.

You think he's the only person that can explore the blackness of subconscious man? No, I thought it was that movie with William Altered States Altered States is what I thought it was Okay, my mistake That's an interesting guess Jesse, do you have a guess? I'm going to say Spellbound

That is a great guess Because the exclamation point was kind of a clue Because back then The taglines had exclamation points was kind of a clue because back then the tag lines had exclamation points because they were really trying to talk people into this is the craziest thing you're ever going to see in the ads but it was for the motion picture Psycho. Oh.

But Spellbound was a really great guess. This kid is good, Jeff. That he is. Thank you. He's a sweet boy, a good boy. Some girl's mother is going to be fucking thrilled. I'm like your son on the Goldbergs. The girl's not going to be all that thrilled, but her mother is going to be over the moon.

She's going to be like, you found one. You found a nice boy. Oh, for Clebs, thank you one. You found a nice boy. Oh, I'm perplexed. Thank you. This is why... Never mind. Moving on. We're going to do another one since nobody got that one.

Jeff, what movie has the tagline... Jeff Tate, I should say. Which movie has the tagline... Uh-oh. No exclamation point point Just uh-oh Was SpaghettiOs ever a movie? From the makers of the Lego movie It's SpaghettiOs the movie

Do you want to do a real guess? No The Poseidon Adventure. Yeah. That'd be a great one for that. Oh, that's awesome. The boat flipped over. Uh-oh.

Jack Garland, what do you think? Dumb and Dumber. Oh. That's a fun guess. Incorrect. I know it's incorrect, but, you know, it would work. It would. It would work for a lot of movies.

Jesse, do you think you know which one? I probably don't, but I'm going to say Honey, I Blew Up the Baby. What? Wow. The third one. Uh-oh. Yeah. San Andreas?

San Andreas? Just list off every disaster movie How about just a drama with Gwyneth Paltrow Uh oh Sliding doors Uh oh, should have took that door I never saw that movie It was the very recent

And very popular Minions had the tagline. Oh, dear God. Make it go away. Fucking Minions. All right. We get to do another one. Fucking Minions. Jeff Tate gets to start us off.

Can I just say something about Minions? If you want to release your movie, go ahead. Just don't put them everywhere. Have you seen Minions yet? No, but they're everywhere. They're on buses. They're in windows. I was showering and they were on my

soap. It's just make the minions go away. I bought the new Neil Young album. The CD was shaped like a minion. I don't like it. Did it have denim on the CD? Did it have the denim overalls?

You're taking it too far. You move quick and you get out before they think. You're taking it too far, the Jeff Garlin story. Minion on the beach? Isn't that the name of a new animal on the beach? I don't know, we were talking at the same time. The Monsanto one? The songs from Monsanto.

Here we go, Jeff. Tate. What movie has the tagline The Extraordinary True Story of Solomon Northup? Twelve Years a Slave? That's correct. All right, Jeff Garland, you get a new one. All heroes start somewhere. All heroes start somewhere.

Hmm. Well, Caddyshack? I thought you'd guess a movie that has sandwich making in it, but no, not Caddyshack. Jesse, do you have a guess for all heroes start somewhere? If I was going for sandwiching movies, I'd say Chef,

but since I'm thinking it's like a superhero, I'm going to say Iron Man 2. Again, with the amazing guess that is wrong, but still so in the wheelhouse, Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeah, it was a different Marvel movie. Can I just say something here, and I'm going to no matter what? What this does is it gives credit to the marketing department,

which is really the enemy of all filmmaking. I don't want to play this game anymore. So, because there's no way I'll fucking get this. These are all stupid. So you two go ahead. I'll do the next thing. Okay. Someone's calling me. That seems fair. I agree. You'll probably

never get it, so why not just give these other guys a chance. What's that? I got crazy from the heat that's my diagnosis for your behavior that you're crazy from the heat oh no we dropped that expensive thing why do i have to hold it anyhow i didn't want to hold it no didn't want to hold the water but i had to drink it so i had to hold it anyhow? I didn't want to hold it. I didn't want to hold the water, but I had to drink it, so I had to keep it near me because I'm not going to bend over and grab water. I only want to do one more because you don't want to play this anymore. Okay.

I was ready to stop, but as soon as you announced that you don't want to play. So you're doing one more to spite me. Yes, yes. Jeff Tate gets to start us off, and then we'll go to Jesse, and Jeff Garland does not get to play. Jeff, what movie has the tagline, some people just don't belong?

Some people just don't belong. The Duff. Oh, that's an awesome guess. That's a very good guess. That's a great guess. Holy shit, that's my favorite guess. That's a very good guess. That's a great guess. Holy shit, that's my favorite guess of the night. In both games. Please keep ranking guesses.

Well, you did it. The show goes on. You did it with his guess. I didn't rank it. All right, fine. That's my favorite. What the hell do you want? All right, it's number three.

There's a rank. Jesse, what do you think it is? Some people just don't belong. The Silence of the Lambs? By the way, again, a fantastic... That'd be a fun way to spin that, but... Station agent. Why are you still guessing?

Station agent. That's the best one yet. Oh, that's awesome. I didn't know if be long was one word or two. You know what's so funny? There's no way station agent even had a tagline. It might have. It might have, but you know, come on.

Okay, Jeff, you don't have a guess for some people don't belong, just don't belong? Well, you know, Animal House? No, it's Caddyshack. All right. That's why I want to keep playing. I was along the thing, you know. That's why I want to keep playing,

because the very next one after Guardians of the Galaxy was Caddyshack. Oh, it was actually Caddyshack. Which you fucking guessed, yeah. All right, well, I was early. It was actually Caddyshack, yes. All right, but my mind felt Caddyshack. My body said Animal House.

And I have a taste for Jell-O. Go figure. All right, Jeff gets to go first. Yes. And then we'll go to Jesse, Jeff Tate. And we're going to play Reverse Malton. Reverse Malton. It's the old Leonard Malton game with a new twist.

And that is, I'm going to give Jeff Tate three movies to choose from. He's going to pick the one he thinks he knows the most actors and actresses from. The one he thinks he can name the most. And then he's going to bid. I'm going to tell him how many people Leonard lists. He's going to bid on how many he can name in no particular order. And then Jesse's going to have a chance to bid more or

ask him to name them. Oh, this is going to be good. I think so. I'm excited. I'm feeling tension in the room because there's actual skill involved in this. There's skill in the other games. Skill you don't possess,

but... So it's obviously a skill I don't respect. Wait, you don't respect people that play tennis? I can play tennis. You're good at it? Didn't say that, but I can play it. I just don't play marketing

games. Keep your games going. Let's go. It's definitely up to 30% at least. Jeff, which one of these do you think you can name the most people in it? Up in Smoke, Up in the Air, or Up? Oh, wow. Which one of those do you think you know more of the cast? or Up. Oh, wow. Which one of those do you think you know more of the cast? I'm going to say... Wait.

I just almost said three. But I should say a movie first, right? Yeah, pick which film. Up in the Air. Don't leave us hanging. Okay, Up in the Air is a movie that has, Leonard has listed 11 names. I think so, yeah, 11 names.

How many out of those 11 names do you think you could pull out of the air from the movie Up in the Air? I'm going to say three. You're going to stick with that bid. He says he can name three people in the film Up in the Air. Jesse, do you think you could name more

or do you want to? I'm going to say six. Six names! The kid came to play. Now, Jeff, you could bid more names or you could challenge... I wish you picked up and smoke because I could have picked a lot of good ones

and up and smoke and beaten everybody, but instead I'm going to challenge you. All right, so... George Clooney... Hold on. Slow down, slow down. You know, you young young kids in your speed. You think because you're hard all the time and you're fast.

You can just do what you want. Take your time. That's what the old man says. Take your goddamn time. Thank you, every police commissioner in every single movie ever. Police commissioner? Yeah. I can do Adam West.

I don't do police commissioners. Maybe I'll play one one day. You know, he's like the captain. He's like, you guys are the worst. Get out of here. Get your stuff together. Go. Solve this case.

It's going to be the main movie. Do you want me to do that guy? I will. No, do Adam West talking to Commissioner Gordon. All right. So help me, Commissioner. If they've harmed the Aunt Harriet, I will get the Riddler and show him what I'm made of. Quick, boy, run to wonder.

Tell Chief O'Hara we're leaving. Did I say do a whole episode of Batman? Go ahead, I'm sorry. Did you guys... It is my only impression. And Doug knows that flat out. Did you guys notice that when he was doing Adam West, Doug took a drink from his water?

That's good impressionism. Are you making a ventriloquist joke? Ventriloquism. Yeah. Right? All right, go ahead, kid. All right, and we're not going to say, I'm not going to say if you're right or wrong on any of these

until we've heard six names. Go for it. George Clooney, Anna Kendrick, Vera Farmiga, Zach Galifianakis, J.K. Simmons, Danny McBride. Who? Oh, Danny McBride? Yeah. Who?

That's correct. That's correct. Who told you you're going to win tonight? Tonight's your night, my friend. Even though your family's here, you're going to get laid. Thank you. Watch. Watch.

All right. All right. Jeff gets to pick the next one. And Jesse has one point. We're playing to two points. And Jeff Garland, you're going to go second on this round. So you'll be up after Jeff makes his opening bid. Okay, sounds good.

And I don't know anybody that's more excited than Jeff Tate about the latest Mission Impossible movie opening tomorrow? Oh, holy shit, yeah, man. I've been camped out for that for a month. I'm not even here right now. Would you like Mission Impossible, Mission Impossible 2, or Mission Impossible

Ghost Protocol? Which one of those can you name the most actors from? I figure you've got at least one name on lock. Mission Impossible. The first one. The first one. Mission, colon, impossible.

Yes. Leonard lists eight names. Eight names. Yeah, how many out of eight names do you think you can pull from the very first Mission Impossible film? Seven. What? That's sick. I guess Jeff Garland's just going to have to yell

I challenge you again. Because do you think you could say eight of them, Jeff? Well, here's the thing. If I could, I would have not read a book before. No, I'm not saying Jeff hasn't read. I'm saying, to know Mission Impossible that well, now we're talking about the TV,

I'm just going to shut up and challenge, go. Say I'm an improviser, I just start rambling. See, that's the thing about me talking so much, I ramble because I'm finding. I find the comedy. Oh, let us know when you get to something. When you hear the audience laugh. No laughter, I've not

reached my destination. Oh, shit. I should have packed my stuff. All right, so I'm challenging him on the seven. And we're giving him the extra time. Look, he's working. He's working. Right. He's working his brain while you're talking. Go ahead. So we should go ahead. J-A-F.

Seven names. Ving Rhames. Yep. John Voight. Yep. Jane Reno. Did I say that right? Jean Reno. No, but... From Les Professionnels. What. From Les Professionnels?

What? From Les Professionnels? Yes. No, from Mission Impossible. Oh. No, it's the same actor, though. Oh. All right, go ahead.

You got three. Yeah. You need seven. No, I know. I know. Kristen Scott Thomas. Emilio Estevez. Henry Jernick.

I can't pronounce that guy's last name. There's like a C and a Z and a Y. He was in Cleaner Press of Danger. And Tom Cruise. Wait, you hadn't said Tom Cruise yet? No, I saved him for last because I was scared I didn't know seven. So I went that way. Did I do it?

You did it. But I can't pronounce it. Hold on. Yeah, I'll give you that one. Henry Scherzny or something like that. Yeah, I'll give you that one. I knew that you knew who you were talking about. Yeah.

Not black or white, right or wrong. That's from his scene in Clear and Present Danger. But here is what you didn't take account, and it makes me a little sad because you killed it, except for this, and now we're going to have to give a point to Jeff. Oh, no. Garland.

This is always how I win, by the way. Was it Kristen Thomas? She's in there, Kristen Scott Thomas. Emilio Estevez, not Bill? Emilio Estevez appeared in that film, Unbilled. Oh. Yeah, and the seventh name is Vanessa Redgrave. Now, as far as I'm concerned.

Or eighth name. No, no, no. Let's really examine this. Who else did I leave out? We need to examine this. You didn't leave anybody else out. You listed Emilio. I don't feel right getting that point.

Because that is fucked up that he got Emilio Essence. I know it's the rules. But, you know, I'll take the point. I'll take it. But nonetheless, I don't feel right. I feel like I got that in the wrong way. That's all. It was like a bad call at third base.

All right, go ahead. So just for fun, Jeff. Yeah. Up in smoke, six names. How many? Up in smoke. Yeah. You said I wish they picked up in smoke because I could really kill it.

Hold on. Okay, I can do four. I don't think anybody else on the panel can do more, right? I can do five. Really? Really? Are you fucking kidding me? No, I'm just taking this from you. Change Marin.

Wait, stop. Do you want to say you could do six, Jeff? No, I'm at four, man. That's it. I could do two. And is there an ampersand in between those names? No, that's like Garland. No, you did it.

You're going to lose tonight based on technicality. No, you have to name five. You do. You did it. You can't fuck around with this game. All right, Tom. Especially when we're just in between rounds, just fucking around. Tommy Chong, Cheech Marin, Paul Rubens, Timothy Leary, and Stacy Keach.

Stacy Keach is correct, but Paul Rubens wasn't in the first one. He was in one of their later. He was in Nice Dreams. And what was the other one you said? Timothy Leary? Maybe he was in it, but he's not one of the six listed. So Jeff, who do you think is another person that was in that?

Molly Ringwald, Chita Rivera, Ben Vereen, Titty Fuckerma. Molly Ringwald is in that movie? That's the only one you're questioning? You're like, cool with Titty Fuck Irma?

I mean, Jeff's been a comedian a long time. I figured that was like an old Catskills lady who did a cameo or something. Here's why you should have challenged me and not done it. Because I was going to say Paul Rubens, too. Look at that, you arrogant piece of shit. I've had it with you and your games, Jeff.

All you do is play games. I'm super cocky. Doing the game part of the show. Wait, so have I won now? Is it over if I've won? No, you haven't done shit. No, I... Wait a minute.

That's two. I have two. Didn't you say we're playing to two? I guess you missed the point where I said, just for fun, let's see how many you know, because you were so cocky about up and swimming. I wasn't cocky. You said, I wish I'd picked that, because I know a lot of names in that. I wish I did, but sometimes wishes don't come true the way you want them, and that's what have happened to me.

Tom Skerritt, Edie Adams and Strother Martin. I would have gotten none of those. Do your Strother Martin impression for us. I got his shoes. I got his shoes. That's what I did. I got his shoes. You can't have those shoes. Yeah, I got his shoes.

Anyone know what movie that is? Oh, brother, where are they? No. That's The Wild Bunch. Oh, okay. Yeah, a scene from The Wild Bunch with Strother Martin. Okay, now do Adam West quoting Strother Martin in Cool Hand Luke. It appears that we have a failure to communicate.

So help me if you put another egg in your mouth. I'm going to go have sex with that car wash girl. I forgot about that egg line. Yeah, okay. And the car wash reference. All right, so, here, let me give you the official recap, Jeff. Okay. You have one point, Jesse has one point, and Jeff... No, no, no, I have two. Shut up.

No, I've won. Yes. Stop it. You have to have me back on a Tournament of champions episode. And you don't want to do that. That's what happens every time. I'm so unwelcome on those fucking tournament of champions. You're like, Jeff did it. God damn him. But I've won, my friend.

I have won here in Traverse City. I didn't like how I won one of them, but I did. I told the kid he'd win, but here's the thing. Can I do this? I'm going to give my championship to the boy. You know why? You haven't won yet. Jesse gets to go first.

Thank you. This is his chance to take this thing down. We said you were playing to two. Yeah, and you don't have two points. How would I not have two points? Because, first of all, you think you got a point for up in smoke, and you completely fucked that up. Well, hold on. He, he, I challenged

him. And he did it. Yeah, and we were doing Up in Smoke just for fun because you said, I wished we could have done Up in Smoke. Oh, alright, so I have one. I don't argue. I'm all good. Just one. Alright. So many of Jeff's wishes have come true

That he denies some of them sometimes If Jeff was sitting in the middle I'd say well the middle seat In Terra For City is cursed But he's not even in the right seat for that joke So Jesse gets to pick Between three films And then

It is going to come at you, Jeff Garlin. Okay. You're going to be next. So, get ready to yell, I challenge. By the way, I'm rooting for the kid.

Just know that. So. Okay. So then, I don't know what your strategy is going to be then. No, no. So,

just say like, I know one, and you're safe. Oh, thank you. That's interesting. Sorry about that, Jeff Tate. No, Jesse's not going to do that.

Jesse loves showing us how much he knows about stuff. That's true. Yeah, but he also likes a nice leisurely evening. He is wearing walking shoes, so yeah, he likes to fucking take it easy. Yeah, I left my boots for the soles are spikes at home What? Oh, that was a reference to how many times I fell down At the winter festival Whoa, nice callback that nobody got

I was just saying that like When I don't like it Easy and leisurely But yeah, that was great I take credit for that Jesse, wait No, that was great. Yeah, I take credit for that. Jesse, wait.

No, don't try and understand. Just embrace and enjoy the youth of America. The Indiana Hoosiers are proud to present a family Pasternak Christmas. Yes, the entire Pasternak family is joining us

this year in their walking shoes with spikes. They're going to sing carols all over the IU campus. Everyone will be enjoying themselves as the Jewish Pasternaks celebrate Christmas in a way they've never

done before. At the end of the episode, the littlest Pasternak will get laid. Coming soon to ABC on Wednesdays. That'll be a perennial Christmas special, the littlest Pasternak. Little Pasternak Jugman Christmas. Yeah. All right, little Pasternak. You get to choose between three films

that I have clumped together, and they are Life of Brian, Monty Python's The Meaning of Life, and A Fish Called Wanda. I'm going to pick A Fish Called Wanda. Okay, and Leonard... Lists... Right? He knows stuff from before he was born

that you don't know when you were living. Right? And Leonard lists eight names, Jesse. How many of those can you name for this R-rated feature film that you probably shouldn't have even seen?

Five. He says five names, Jeff Garlin. Oh, littlest pasternak. Little, little, little, little, little, little pasternak. I say, now is your time to grab the crown

Oh, grab it, littlest Pasternak On this Christmas Eve Little, little Pasternak I'm a character named Jeeves Now go ahead. Go. All right, so... That's the second Christmas song you've sang,

and for an hour you're just like, I'm Jewish, and now you're singing Christmas songs. Have you ever heard that Christmas song before? That would be one I just made up. You know, Jeff, before you judge. I've heard that song before. I've heard that song before. I've heard that song before.

Okay. The Night Before Christmas was written by a Jew. Ish person. A Jewish person. You can't just say... Thank you for correcting me. You're 18. You're not everyone's grandpa yet.

That was the worst mic drop in the history of mic drops. I might as well have thrown it into a pillow. That second one was a little better. All right, five names, Jesse. Kevin Kline,

Jamie Lee Curtis, Michael Palin, John Cleese, Stephen Fry. Mmm. Somebody likes delicious apples early on Christmas morning.

What? I didn't get it? I'm sorry. Is it because he's a cameo? It's because, yeah, he did not get listed. Stephen Fry, but you got those other four right. You got us. So, I have won again.

Because I have never lost And two times these gentlemen Proved their intellect And yet who profits from it? Me You'd think I was a Republican But no But no

I'm an innocent liberal Who's just getting swept away With excitement And I'd like to sing Oh, little is Pastor Neck But no, I'm an innocent liberal who's just getting swept away with excitement. And I'd like to sing. Oh, littlest pasternak, you got the answer wrong. Oh, littlest pasternak, you're my favorite one. Littlest pasternak, someday you'll be the tall one. Fasterneck, someday you'll be the tall one.

Fasterneck, said Jesus to Santa on Christmas Eve. Haley, come get your prize bag. Haley. Does she get her picture back? Yeah, she does. Here you are, Haley. Haley, look how life works, right? It does say Gwyneth Paltrow on it. Yeah.

I just thought that's the sort of gag answer you would say. No, she's too young and lovely. All right. And there's no name on the sort of gag answer you would say. No, she's too young and lovely. All right. And there's no name on the back of the name. I would say Margaret Dumont. Mark of the Penguins. If I was saying a name, Margaret Dumont or whoever played a part on Bewitched. Where's Mark of the Penguins?

Where are you at? Where? Who should I call a shithead? It could be anybody you want. Okay. Who? Okay. Do? Okay. Do you know who Ben Roethlisberger is?

Well, thanks, Jeff, for repeating it into a microphone. How do you pronounce it? Roethlisberger? Okay. Jeff, do you have any plugs? Should we watch you on ABC on Meet the Roethlisbergers? Jeff, do you have any plugs? Should we watch you on ABC on Meet the Roethlisbergers?

Truth is, my success has run away with itself, and I don't need any help. There's nothing your podcast or this audience can do to change it one way or the other. It ain't going to bring me down, and I certainly ain't going to be brought up. So you know what, Doug? I'm napping if people want to find me. I'm taking a nice good nap

and I'm going to spend my Christmas. Jeff, how much do you want to bet that by the time Jesse and Jeff and I say our plugs, you'll think of something you want to plug and then you will say it? That's what usually happens. There's only one thing I want to plug tonight.

That is the night of December 24th. All the networks will be airing one show and one show only. They've all come together in agreement that nothing should be in competition with

Christmas with the Pasternak. Can I have... Hold on a second. Can I have the Pasternak. Can I have, hold on a second. Can I have the Pasternak family please come up here? For the Pasternak family. Where are the Pasternak? Come on up here. Step up here.

The Pasternak family. You know what would be great, Jeff, right now? What? If you serenaded the Pasternaks with a special Batman Christmas song. With their special guest on the episode of Adam West. The Pasternak family is here.

And here I go. For you listeners at home, this is Adam West. You've already rehearsed it with him so you know how it goes. But this is Adam West on a've already rehearsed it with him so you know how it goes. But this is Adam West on a Pasternak Christmas. Oh

bless ye merry Pasternak family it's time for Christmas. Hanukkah has passed.

Dream! Dream! So the... Dream! Hanukkah has passed. What are you doing? Hanukkah has passed. I was singing like Adam West, but I can't sing like Adam West, so I'll sing like me.

Doug, as Jeff is giving his things, I'm going to be serenading the Pasternak family. No, those are not going to happen at the same time. Yes, it is. You have to respect the plug. Oh, bless ye merry Pasternak. You're the ones I love. Christmas morning under the tree, the littlest

Pasternak has to be. We wait to open presents. We wait to open presents. We wait to open presents. Because the littlest Pastor Knack takes so goddamn long to pee. He goes in the bathroom. Remember, Mom said lift the seat. So he does.

He's a good little Pastor Knack. He pees and washes his hands on Christmas morning. They're proud of him. Now dad dances. And he's back. Thank you. As you know,

can I give credit where credit's due? I wrote the book to the Pasternak family Christmas. Lady Gaga wrote the music. The words. Lady Gaga wrote the music. The words are mine, but the music's all hers. Lyrics by Andrew Lloyd Webber. What's that? No, you stay here.

Thanks, you guys. The Pasternak's must stay. The Pasternak's are just going to hang out for the rest of the show. By the way, that's Wayne Pasternak, the father. And the son, the brother is Sam Pasternak. And here's And the son, the brother, is Sam Pasternak. And here's a little surprise.

Tell them your name. Corinne LaPook. Corinne LaPook. She didn't want to get involved with the Pasternak excitement. But she is the mother. Yeah, she... Is LaPook your middle name, boys? Okay, all right.

You're not freaks then. That's okay all right sorry doug for hijacking your show but it is a pasternak family christmas and i defy anyone sitting in my seat to control themselves go i beg you to sit in your seat all right i will you're staying jesse what do you got to plug? You got any exciting classes coming up in the fall? I'm going to be back at Indiana University.

You can find me at the Indiana University Cinema. I'm a writer for the Indiana Daily Student. You can follow me on Twitter, at Jesse Pasternak. The paper's called The Daily Student? Yeah. I would like people to follow me on Instagram. I just thought of that. I'm not on Twitter. That's a choice.

At Jeff Garland. You know, the photo one. Instagram. Yeah, at Jeff Garland. There's a lot of excitement. If you were going to follow Jeff on Twitter. As a matter of fact, I'm going to get a picture of the Pasternak family and post it to Instagram right now. Keep going. And I'm going to go black and white.

I'm using the Lenka app. Yeah, here we go. Pasternak's. Come out of the shadows, Mom. There you go. A little bit more forward. A little bit more forward. A little bit more. They're stuck with us now.

All right, good. Now we're good. Jeff Tate is dead. My next... Jeff's lying on the floor for the people at home. All it's going to be, if you go to my Instagram, hashtag Pastor Nick. Nothing more. Get up, Jeff.

Get up. It's not that bad. It's the Pasternak's. By the way, he's playing Santa. The Pasternak family Christmas. It's like a hip new twist on Santa. Bro, you got anything to plug? What?

Now the fucking Pasternak's are plugging shit. Are all the Pasternak's going to plug? It is fucking Pasternak's are plugging shit? Are all the Pasternak's gonna plug? It is the Pasternak family, Jeff. You're just gonna

have to deal with it. They have like their own jobs and shit where they don't need this. No, they got a family Christmas they gotta promote.

Hey, can I come on Meet the fucking Goldbergs and plug my tour? Why? Can I just tell you something? If I was actually

the producer of the Goldbergs, we would end every episode with just cutting to you saying where you're playing. Yeah. You think I'm kidding? I'm not. I love weird shit like that. That's the problem with being on a really popular show. You can't do the weird shit.

I have no idea. The Curb Your Enthusiasm will come back. You're in every episode just constantly plugging where you're at. You just run up. I'm your manager, and you run up to me on the street is this your way of saying that show's never coming back no Doug were you on Curb Your Enthusiasm

I was thank you very much so dreams do come true that's like the only time so all I'm saying is Jeff I like you I respect you your ass will be there shut down the shut up no I haven't done my plugs yet. I can see it now.

It's a scene where Larry gets in an altercation with a bouncer at a club. Yes, and I play the bouncer. I was talking about your scene. No, no, my scene. We got into an altercation. I work in things like why don't you get out of here and go to Bloomington November 19th through the 21st.

To the comedy act. Push him out of the club. You think that i wouldn't do that but what else you got jeff oh big tour i'm going everywhere portland austin chicago nashville boston new york just another clown.com has all the dates big tour starts the fucking beginning of september bend oregon eugene oregon and salem no ben salem and portland that's when it starts philadelphia Big tour starts at the fucking beginning of September. Bend, Oregon, Eugene, Oregon, and Salem. No, Bend, Salem, and Portland. That's when it starts. Philadelphia, fucking the whole country. I'm going to the whole country.

One more, please come to the shows. Please come to the shows. Can I say one more? You are not just another clown. You're a special clown. And I want to hear your website changing. One more. One more time for my guests.

Jeff Garland, Jesse Pasternak, and Jeff Tate. Thank you. I'll be doing stand-up at Zany's in Rosemont, Illinois on Sunday, August 16th at 420. Bring your name tags. And as always, thank you guys for coming out tonight. I appreciate it. And as always, Ben Roethlisberger is a shithead.

And fucking lion-murdering dentists are a shithead and fucking lion murdering dentists are a shithead applause applause applause applause applause applause applause

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