Doug Loves Movies - Jen Kirkman, Nick Thune, and Megan Neuringer Guest

Episode Date: May 14, 2013

Doug welcomes Jen Kirkman, Nick Thune, and Leonard Maltin Game winner Megan Neuringer to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seats with 50 azopop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody. Hey Doug. I guess the tech team got together and decided he's going to come out in darkness again. That time when it was kind of a little lighter and he could see what he was doing,

he said he liked that, but we're going to go back to what we were doing. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday, May 14th, 2 Oceans 13. Thanks again to everyone in Denver who came out to the stand-up show on Mother's Day at 420. Just thanks to everyone in Colorado in general for just being so cool about, oh, there's 30 people standing over there smoking weed with Doug Benson in an alley in downtown Denver.

We're all right with that. That doesn't seem to be bothering anyone. Oh, and if you want to say hi to Six Finger Tim, his Twitter name is at real six fingers, and six is spelled out S-I-X, and it was the best handshake I've ever had in the worst possible way since last I spoke and you listened

I got a little heat on Twitter for calling Spokane a shithead at the end of the Boise mini ep I like Spokane just fine I've done two shows there and both were ruined by some shitheads. And in one case, some cops.

So yeah, so that's why I'm not dying to go back there. But now that you're putting the pressure on, who knows what'll happen. And maybe I will try again sometime. Providence, Rhode Island is not just a movie featuring Alec Baldwin. It is also a city where I'll be on Saturday night at the FET or feet ballroom, depending on who you're talking to. Let's tango, you guys.

From the corrections department, it was a cello case that was used as a sled in the living daylights. Right? There's another one even worse than that. Check this out. There was a guy who said I'd get a lot of hate mail, lose a lot of fans, because I called the ship in Under Siege a boat.

Now I'm really gonna get shit for making you guys laugh at that. Oh, and I also neglected to mention that last Thursday, by getting Ferris Bueller's Day Off in negative one names and then winning the game for the night, that means that Megan Nuringer is qualified for the ongoing tournament of championships. So,

look for her to show up very soon. There's no Douglas Movies here next week at UCB because I will be enjoying a Broadway show, but of course, while I'm in New York, I'm going to do a Douglas

Movies at the Gramercy Theater on a Monday night at 8 o'clock. And you know how it goes in New York. There's just a lot more people that are like, Monday, you got me. I'm in. Here in Los Angeles, it's like, Tuesday at 7? Oh, traffic.

Now it's time for Tweet Relief. Tweets about movies at all access. Andy tweeted. I don't know what all access Andy means exactly, but I'll come right this way. He says, he tweeted, it was a bold move to set Pursuit of Happiness 2 in space. This has been Tweet Relief, tweets about movies starring people named Smith.

The entire cast is named Smith. One more Doug plug. stand-up plus Leonard Maltin game with the audience members at Sidesplitters in Knoxville, Tennessee, Saturday, May 26th at 420. The prize bag has something to eat. Some Ma and Pa kettle corn. The Cajun cheese variety.

I eat a lot of crap, but that has no appeal to me whatsoever. And I haven't even tried this stuff yet but I got another bottle of hint drink water not sugar it's really demanding I can take a hint a couple of DVDs I don't want one is called under belly and the other one is called they're Out of the Business. Yeah. One looks like horror and the other one looks like

pretty scary as well in a different sort of way because everyone on the box is smirking. We're out of the business! And Smug Life and a very nice, if one of the guests do, I clued a copy of The Great Gatsby. By F. Scott Old Sport. And Smug Life, my CD, and there's another CD in here.

Oh, this is kind of fun. Smug Life, my CD, and there's another CD in here. Oh, this is kind of fun. 3D glasses from my friends at an event that happens in Seattle called Hemp Fest. For some reason, they made their own 3D glasses. I don't know what that has to do with anything, but now they're somebody else's. I don't even think they made these. I think this is for a band.

Anyway, you figure it out when it's yours to have. Please help me in welcoming returning Leonard Maltin game winner Megan Neuringer, Jen Kirkman, and Nick Theun, everybody. I love you guys, because the longer it takes them to come out and get in their seats, the longer you clap and it just seems insanely enthusiastic. But it's mostly just plain. Now the podcast listeners know

that it wasn't that rousing of a thing. It was still pretty rousing. That's the thing. We were talking about this backstage. I don't like it at a comedy club when they're like, all right, everybody ready for the show tonight? People go, woo.

No, he's in the room. He can hear you. Give it up. Let him know. He doesn't care. That's not good enough. And I'm like, they're going, it's good enough. Why are you begging them to make noise?

I always tell them eight times. Tell them it's not good enough eight times. That's Nick's unit, everybody. Bearding it out. Is the beard for a role in something? In life. Yeah,

it's your life beard? The cereal. It's your mask. It's a commercial. What are you waiting, like you're going to shave when? Like what's the goal here?

There is no, there is no goal. You know, I try not to have any goals, facial hair wise. Me neither. I mean, when it comes to have any goals, facial hair-wise. Me neither. When it comes to facial hair looks, I just kind of let it be.

I told Mike backstage, I'm letting my hair showcase my beard right now. And then you mentioned that I have this empty area between my beard and hair, which is not, I can't grow hair in that one spot. Start a trend. It's from my mother's side. I think you could grow it from the top and just bring it down and cover up there. The women's version of this is they say

never do a heavy smoky eye and a red lipstick. Pick one or the other. Or a piece of the lip or the eyes. And that's what you're doing there. That's Jen Kirkman, everybody. Your audience never laughs at me. I don't know why I come. I come for you. Wait, we were supposed to laugh at that last thing you said? That's Jen Kirkman, everybody. Your audience never laughs at me. I don't know why I come.

I come for you. Wait, wait. We were supposed to laugh at that last thing you said? I thought it was more informative. It was informative, but it was like, you know, they're so like underwhelmingly silent that it's almost like negative silence. Just have some coffee. Maybe we could get some more laughter in the monitors.

We're coming here. We should get monitors and then get more laughter in them. Maybe they're not ready. We are sort of our own warm-up in this situation. Let's ask them. Are you guys ready yet? Let me... I mean, we can hear you guys.

Are you ready to give us what we need? Did everybody get that tweet? Like, did you eventually get it? Is that what happened? Are there still some that were like, what was that about? Anyone? Like, were you? What was that about?

I'll tell you what it was about, only person. But I felt that. I felt this in the room. I just felt it, that somebody was like, what? I think Doug thinks we were listening to him remember no no no i know you guys didn't hear that uh that happens all the time uh pursuit of happiness too you know you know what that would be that would be a sequel to the movie where will smith and his kids slept in the bus station bathroom oh yeah right and now they're in a movie together called After Earth, and it's in space.

So this guy made a clever mistake. Isn't he trying to get emancipated from his parents right now? Who, what? It's a rumor. I hate to squelch it, but it's my favorite story that isn't true. Shit. I'm sure he is, though.

God, I was hoping to God. Yeah, Jaden Smith said he wanted to get emancipated from his parents, but then Will Smith came out and said that's not true. What? But Will Smith... Well, that's because the emancipation hasn't happened. But Will Smith also said that they raised their kids in this way where he goes, if Jaden was ever acting up when I was little,

I would say, is that the right choice to make with your life? I'm like, oh, no wonder he's such an asshole. I heard that he gives the kids one Independence Day a week. Where they can do their own thing. Shouldn't they just call it Black Oblivion? Wouldn't that be a...

It was bound to happen that Tom Cruise and Will Smith would have a summer blockbuster about the same thing. Oh, yeah, because they're both Scientologists now, so they can only make movies

about, like, destruction, heroes, and space. That's what that religion loves. I wish they'd try something else. Except for, let's say hi to Megan Neuringer quickly, because I always like

to remember to do that. To compliment her on her win from last week, but then to also say it'll be great to hear from you tonight. Because there were some fellas on the panel that wouldn't shut up. Nick and I have a feud, and we were going to play it out here. They didn't even know they had a feud. It just happened. It was very organic.

Yeah. Real seething. It was crunchy. Can you hear? It was Whole Foods on special. I don't know what we're saying. What were we talking about? Oh, I got it.

Jaden. Current movies. Current movies. Yeah, Jaden. He's a good little actor, though. I mean, he got... Current movies. Current movies. Yeah, Jaden, he's a good little actor, though. I mean, he got the acting gene. Yeah, yeah, I liked him in Karate Kid. You know that movie with no karate in it? Barely a kid.

I saw that movie alone in Dayton about two in the afternoon with a martial arts class. Were they all in their pajamas? They were all in their PJs. Yellow belts. And I actually said a joke to the sensei. I sat next to him.

And I said, hey, I've got a black belt and I'm holding my pants up. That's funny. And he said, I think he asked if I got it at Nordstrom. I was thinking he might have said, there forgot, I think he asked if I got it at Nordstrom. I was thinking he might have said, there's plenty of room to sit over there. I know,

I'm picturing there's a martial arts class and then Nick just sits next to him. I told him I was sitting in on the class. Well, that movie is a master class.

Is every day a movie day? This is great. Sorry, guys. What if you were jerking off in the theater but not to the class but they didn't believe you? But to Jada. And you just kept saying

it's not for you guys. Get over yourselves. How was it, though? The movie? Yeah. Okay, let's get into it. I really don't remember. I was so stoned.

He was coming too hard. Yeah. Was it just, it just felt like, did it feel like a trailer that just wouldn't end? Yeah, I mean, it was that thing

where the whole time you're like, I wish it was Ralph Macchio, you know, at his age now. That's how I feel during sex with most people. I was on the wrong.

I thought we were talking about a totally different movie. You're still talking about Karate Kid? I like the way you said that. Karate Kid. Karate Kid. Oh, look out for that boy. Why didn't they have a neighbor on the porch saying that?

Well, he didn't just randomly hit people. Was that their tagline? He trained for a sport. But speaking of recent current movies, based on recent books, Nick Thielen was kind enough

to bring a copy of The Great Gatsby. And that's a tremendous thing to have right now because I saw The Great Gatsby, the motion picture, and now I'm really interested to read the book to see what was supposed to be happening. Like, why would anyone call that gentleman great is my first question to the panel.

Pathetic weirdo Gatsby is what I would have called it. I don't remember the book and I didn't see the movie, but it's... So please, weigh in. Yeah, okay. But I have a lot of thoughts about it. Everyone else, sit this out.

I brought the book. Shut up. No, I have a lot... No, it just seems like in the same vein of the other shit you're supposed to like, that you realize later, like, oh, that person might not be, like Holden Caulfield and people from on the road.

You're like, when you're reading it, you're like, yeah. And then later in life, you're like, oh, it would be so exhausting to be around these people. Well, I think that's why wisely Salinger didn't allow that to ever happen, to become a movie. Because this movie, and I've heard every other version of Great Gatsby. I barely remember the Robert Redford one, other than me being a kid and thinking it was boring. But this Great Gatsby, this new movie, it's just insane what little happens in this book.

Is Kirsten Dunst in it? It's got to be the writing. It's got to be all about, this book has to be popular. No, it's the writing, yeah. I think that it's a wonderfully written book from what I don't remember. Yeah, with a fucking stupid-ass story.

Like, a shit-ton more happens in one week of scandal on ABC than in this whole goddamn stupid movie. All I remember is a porch and some tea and people coming over. Is it just like people, it's like people come over to a big house. A lot of people visiting each other

and often with plenty of confetti to throw in the air. Oh, Nick knows. Oh, no. To Jay-Z rapping. Are you just mad that the movie

wasn't enough like Scandal, your favorite show on ABC? You know what it wasn't enough like? And this is gonna sound insane. It wasn't enough like Moulin Rouge.

That movie, love it or hate it, fucking shit's happening all the time. And it's super spazzy. In Great Gatsby, they had an occasional spazzy scene. You go, what the fuck is going on? Yeah, I feel the same way about... Leonardo DiCaprio walking around in the rain in his suit was just ridiculous.

Ridiculously amazing. Yeah, I saw the previous. The trailer really... I was Yeah, I saw the previous. The trailer really, I was really fired up by the trailer. Yeah. And then watching it, I was just like,

oh, this is just, this just feels weird. Like, kudos to everyone involved for trying. I don't like Baz. I'm not a fan of Baz. Baz Luhrmann. I don't like his, I don't like that like, It's an acquired taste. I'm not a fan of Spaz Lerman

I don't like yeah I don't like that it's an acquired taste I like his Romeo and Juliet for some reason I don't know why

I like Claire Dane's little torso in that movie oh yeah her tiny torso oh yeah the most relatable scene in that movie

to me was when they catch each other's eyes for the first time through a fish tank. That actually happened to me at my parents' dentist when I was younger. Turns out she was 40.

It's the bend in the... Is this one of those movies where people have British accents just because it's supposed to be the 1800s, but it's American? I don't think so. No, everyone just speaks quite properly. You know, Toby doesn't act much different than Peter Parker. Especially in part three when he was doing the dancing around and stuff.

Because it's like a lot of the movie you wonder why he's so infatuated with Gatsby. Gatsby? What Gatsby? Oh, Gatsby. But how was Toby? I was just talking about him.

How was he though? He's a good actor. They all acquit themselves admirably. Is Kirsten Dunst in it? I picture her face. And it's a big hit,

so fuck me. What? Who's the girls in it? Who's the girls in it? Who the girls at? Which is another problem with the movie. Like, let's get

a little, let's see a little, they're always wearing like fucking tons of clothes. Oh, there's no side boob. Tons of clothes.

Something. Did they have side corset? There's a scene where they go to the beach and like it's shot in a way where it's like, They're always wearing like fucking... Oh, there's no side... Tons of clothes. Tons of side boob. Something. Did they have side... They had side corset. There's a scene where they go to the beach and like it's shot in a way where it's like, I can't make out any of who those people are. They're just like,

apparently they're having fun at the beach. Umbrellas. There's outdoor umbrellas in this movie, I bet. Parasols, right? Are there parasols? Over a fucking parade of flowers that he brings over.

It's crazy. I'm probably never going to see it. I'm going to interrupt it at CineFamily and I'll ask you guys to join me. Oh, I'll do that. That'll be super fun.

Hey, can I tell a quick Leonardo DiCaprio story? I actually slur when I'm not drunk. Is this drunk Leonardo history? No. As you can see, I'm drinking Diet Coke,

but I sometimes slur my words, which is embarrassing. He, I saw him in New York City right after Titanic came out, and he was all disheveled and had a beard and looked all dirty. I thought it was this guy that I went to high school with who worked in the AV club. Not the onion, but the real AV club that you have in high school.

And I was like, hey, Michael! And then Michael rolled his eyes at me and went, oh, nice try. And I go, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I thought you were someone I went to high school with. That's why you look familiar. I guess Leo's heard that before. And he was like, no, whatever. I'm like, I didn't know.

I really didn't think it was you. So I just walked away from him and that was it. But I hate that somewhere he thinks some girl came up to him like trying to pretend she thought he was someone else and talk to him. I'd love to hear his side of that situation. It was around the 12th time that day

that somebody came up to me. Have you seen any movies lately, Megan? Megan, while you're out here visiting in California? Jen and I were just talking about it in the green room that I haven't seen a new movie since the last new movie I saw and the last podcast I did with you, which was The Place Beyond the Pines.

And if I talk about it again, it's so boring. But isn't it really long? Isn't there another aspect of it you can discuss? Talk about the really good half. Oh, yeah. They take their clothes off in that Oh, yeah. They take their clothes off in that movie, right? They take their clothes off?

No. As I mentioned, you only see Eva Mendes' sweet little boobies through the shirt. No, you don't see nudity. That's still pretty good.

It's hotter than nudity. I'm just saying I'd take that in Great Gatsby. There's not even that. There's barely even a slip in Great Gatsby the thing that like is hot about this movie if there's anything sexual

it's how like dark and depressing and awful you feel and you're like having your own like tiny personal death and you like I guess you kind of want to be held in like a destructive way it's like very upsetting movie but there is like a teen boy in it who is doing, I swear to God,

the worst, best Brando you've ever seen a child do. I guess he's in Smash. Did I? Is he? He's this built-up teen actor and he's just doing Brando. But like a thuggy, druggy Brando. Like Island of's just like doing Brando. But like,

like a thuggy, druggy Brando. Like Island of Dr. Moreau Brando? Come on. Apocalypse Now Brando? He's like, I just ate a burger. No, he's doing like,

he's doing like, like Last Tango in Paris Brando. But with like, no sexual object. No, no butter knife. There's heat. I like watched it and I was like, this kid's gonna be a star. And then I was like, ashamed of myself. I butter knife. There's heat. I like watched it and I was like, this kid's going to be a star. And then I was ashamed of myself.

I was like, he's terrible. I just related the most with his buddy that he lived with, that guy. His dad? No, Gosling. The cool dude he lived with. That guy was such a good actor. When I say related to him, I meant he was the best.

Yeah, that guy was the best. He was. The guy who introduced him to his downfall. Megan, what's that weird thing that you do? That's you in the movie Bachelorette, right? Yes. Doing a weird chanty. Is it like a cheerleader?

What is that? What is that you do in there? Is it like a cheerleader? What is that? What is that you do in there? The director had seen me in a UCB sketch show being weird and fun. And so she needed a rehearsal dinner scene where these obnoxious cousins embarrass the bride.

So she was like, that spaz. And I had to invent the worst rehearsal dinner song and dance. Yeah, you worked for it. Yes, I did. Because, yeah, I seemed like a nice girl. But, yeah, I was a grosso. Yeah, it's like, it is. It's really like, it's almost like, it predated it,

but it was almost like a girl's scenes on that show where it's just like, what is this person doing and do they have any self-awareness? It's crazy, right? Thank you. It's really good how weird it is. I mean, I don't know. Yeah,

she wanted it to be a not. I mean, we went for it. I saw the movie in San Jose, so that could have had a lot to do with my reaction to it. It is out of nowhere. I'm going to have to see it. I saw the movie in San Jose, so that could have had a lot to do with my reaction to it. It is out of nowhere. I'm going to have to see it. I feel like you got fucked in the ass in a restaurant. I'm trying to put it together. I'm like, that's Megan.

And then she's like, like she's doing this really weird thing with another girl who's being just as weird. And then it's over and you're like, what the fuck just happened? Why did it happen? But it's good. I guess up until this moment, I was proud of it. No, I'm telling you.

It's the same level of commitment that they gave to... You've never felt pride? Gatsby, what Gatsby? I guess I'll take it off my resume. Bachelorette. You can get it on VOD and Netflix. It is a weird scene.

Just watch it for me. I totally am now. It is a weird scene. Just watch it for me. No, I'm kidding. I totally am now. No. It's great. Don't feel bad for me. It's early in the movie. Bachelorette is kind of like if somebody went,

bridesmaids didn't have enough cocaine in it. That sounds great. If these girls were all on cocaine, then it would be really crazy. Like, you don't even have that excuse in your scene. I guess we could assume. It's real spazzy. Do you remember it, the routine?

Oh, yes. Could you do it? Yeah. Yes. I wrote it. You really know it? Do you have to stand up? This is a huge flashback to my childhood

where my brothers and parents were like, entertain us, you attention whore. And I'm like, okay. I mean, do you want me to get up? I want you to be whatever position makes you comfortable. It's a podcast, so all you gotta do is get the sounds right.

Because there was also a lot of movement, wasn't there? Yeah. I'll just, I'll chair dance. Okay. That's okay. Alright, yeah, there? Yeah. I'll chair dance. Okay. That's okay. All right, yeah, do it. So I'll just set it up. How long is it, first of all? Like 45 minutes?

Cool. Nailed it. I thought you were going to say seconds. I was going, could you trim a little off of that? Well, there was like a whole part of it that was cut, but I'd love to do it here. No, I'm just kidding. No, it's very quick. it is just supposed to be a

bad rehearsal dinner speech and I'm wearing a cheetah like tight little dress and my hair is in a bouffant and I look great I'm so being tempted with this. Yo, Becky! Say what? Yo, whatever, Dale! Say who? What?

You getting married! Clap. Clap. Clap. United you stand. Divided you fall. Becky and Dale, you only get one shot. We freeze.

I make my partner pass out like it's magic. She falls into my arms and I drag her off. Nailed it. I'm pretty sure that's not it. That's a favorite when somebody comes up to you. I get this all the time. I love the 80s too. No, I wasn't on that. Yeah, you were.

No, I wasn't. Yeah, you were. No, not on it. Who do they think you are? Best Week Ever. Oh, I see. They're confusing the names of the video hits on television. Yeah.

So it's usually drunken behavior. I got to mention that Jen for the prize bag brought both her book and a book on tape. It's an audio version that I read. Yeah, of you reading it. My little raspy voice, yeah. It's iPod ready MP3 CD. Or as my mother says, this doesn't play on the tape deck, only in the computer. I can barely take care of myself. My book out now.

We can't put this on the reel to reel. No. They were like those parents that weren't cool enough to have a reel to reel, but they started with a tape deck, but then that's where it ends. I always thought people whose parents had those big video cameras back then

were pretty cool. We didn't have that shit. But that's for another podcast called What Your Parents Did and Didn't Have. That's a great podcast. You're kidding, but I think it premieres

in a couple of days. Premieres. Premieres. The initial plop. Let's play some games, you guys. One game. One game specifically.

That was a fun conversation and a fun reenactment from a motion picture. But now it's time to pick the name tags from the audience of who you would like to play for. Just physically get up and go over there and grab who you want to play for.

And if there's a shithead on the back, don't read it out loud. And I see a lot of good stuff out there. Megan's already coming back with something. I appreciate her as a guest in every way. She doesn't interrupt, she does a song from, that she wrote. And Nick's got one too now Let's ask when we get to you

What we can do with that Ooh, brown bag in it, I like it Is E.T. and me Wait a minute, wait a minute I'm having a moment I'm playing for someone who handed me The original music from the original motion picture of E.T. on vinyl. And song number

three is called E.T. and Me. Is that Turn On Your Heartlight? No, that would be called Heartlight. I think. E.T. and Me. Yeah, yeah, but I don't know if it was on. Turn On Your Heart. This might just be all John Williams music, you know. They might not have been that into putting the single on there.

Yeah. What a rip! Yeah, because it would have to say, what's his name on it somewhere, right? Yeah, Neil Diamond, right?

No, that's not it. It's not Neil Diamond that sang Turn On Your Heart? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. So you buy this album and then you're like, yeah,

and then you get home and it's just all instrumentals? I would go back and fucking shoot up the store. No, people, people enjoy the soundtrack. I did it as a teenager. You would listen to the soundtrack from a motion picture you like,

just instrumentals. There were some really good ones. Sounds like you had a real fun life. They had some... Anyway, you're playing for DD, the extraterrestrial. Yep. I put the mental in instrumental. I put the mental in instrumental.

That's my new catchphrase. There's nothing wrong with listening to. No, absolutely not. I used to listen to Logan's Run. That was a good one. Nick, who are you playing for? For Chris. But the other side says Baseball Jordan.

Nick, who are you playing for? For Chris. But the other side says Baseball Jordan. You missed it when you guys were going to get the namesakes. I said, if there's a shithead on the back, don't say it out loud. So now you have to win today for Jordan. Okay. For his honor.

Because otherwise I will have to call him a shithead at the end. And that is going to be... Messed up. People are going to listen to the end. This is dispensable now. I'm going to lose anyway. On purpose. What is that, Megan? This is so meant to be.

This is Fizz Gig from The Dark Crystal, my favorite movie of all time. Oh, how did you know? Because it looked like the thing from that movie I love. So I grabbed it. I was like, yes. It's Kira.

Kira? Kira. Can I say something weird? My best friend since childhood, Shauna, has kind of had glasses kind of like you.

Was she retarded? No. No, no, no. But she just had, she had like the big like fun glasses and I looked at her one day and I went,

you remind me of something from the Dark Crystal. And then we were best friends ever since. And then you just said that and then I, your glasses reminded me of her but I didn't want to say backstage,

your glasses remind me of my friend from six, from six years old. Anyway, well, I guess it didn't go as well. Chris, is it okay if,

if Nick drinks that beer? Please, he says. Thanks, Chris. Does anybody have an opener? I'll figure it out. I do. How are you folks doing tonight?

They never laugh at you here. They never do. My crowd hates you. They do. They hate you so much. What happened? Look at this mensch over here. Look at this mensch.

Oh, he's got an opener. But Nick already got to it. But thank you so much. Yes, he's got an opener, but Nick already got to it. But thank you so much. Yes, you can go fuck yourself. Thank you so much, sir. And go back to your Elmer Fudd and Gallagher had a baby convention. I got to get you on tonight's Vine.

That was awesome. I appreciate all that you do for me. You're responsible for a suicide tonight. I'm not gonna to kill myself. Who are you looking at? You mean one more. Well, just some person here. Someone here. Apologies to put your hands together.

Doug loves suicides. New podcast. It's really painless to listen to. I gotta say. If I'm being honest Alright so we're just gonna play one round The winner takes all on this baby Fuck

Yeah This is gonna be serious You guys are all such serious players Yeah We're like the three worst I think I would imagine So bad I would dare to say

Someone can go into the archives Somebody with no time I mean you know lots of time, and I believe that each of you on your last appearance said the wrong kind of bid when it was your, like you made some sort of mistake in the game. Probs. But you're also not a pain in the ass to deal with about it.

I just tell you you did something wrong and we move on. That's a key to show business, you guys. Are you likable to work with? Are you in therapy? Do you want to be in therapy? I'm seeing people right now, actually. I'm mentoring other actors and comedians. What?

Yeah, it's a mentor program. I do it through Tumblr. I'm excited to play. Let's do it. Megan gets to go first because she is our returning winner from the last show.

Oh, and that reminds me, if you win tonight, you can come back next week if you want. It's up to you. You don't have to. That now messes with our motivation. In what way? Potentially. Because you're leaving town and you're going to try and tank it or something? What if I want to do other things? Let me see if I can cancel my plans right now.

What are your plans? Going to New York. To do what? Just vacation. Really? I'll cancel it if you say right now I can do it. Just kidding. You're not going to win. Okay, Megan. Would you like one of these three categories?

Today, Cate Blanchett is celebrating a birthday. So the films of that fine actress. Or, also celebrating a birthday, Mrs. David Cross, Amber Tamblyn, also a terrific actress. Or, also celebrating a birthday, Mrs. David Cross, Amber Tamblyn, also a terrific actress. And your third option is from T-Milt, T-M-I-L-T,

the category is Glove Actually, and it's O.J. Simpson movies. I was hoping it was actually going to be about Love Actually. That's my favorite movie. I'll do the O.J. Simpson movies. I love the one where he kills that blonde girl. Nick, I could totally see you in an Americanized Love Actually TV series. Do you have money?

Can we put it together? Let's pitch that. Let's kickstart it. Let's see if we can get Zach Braff on board. I was watching that fucking Oz Great and Powerful movie on the plane today thinking he must have got pretty good monkey money. Doing the voice

of that monkey probably paid alright. He could make an independent feature with that money. I could listen to that voice for days. I made an independent feature for not much at all. Looks it, but you know. No, it looks terrific and it's called

The Greatest Movie Ever Rolled and you can get it at chill.com backslash 420. Which category would you like, Megan? Well, now I've been given

a second chance. Did you say what I was going to say? Which one did you say? Or you could which one did you say or you could switch it I don't care because I'm not going to know she's got a good memory I'm working on commitment

OJ Simpson okay this is going to be interesting you get to pick between two different years would you like an OJ Simpson

motion picture from 1974 or this is so stupid different years. Would you like an O.J. Simpson motion picture from 1974? Or... This is so stupid. 1978. Yeah. You know he hasn't done many lately. I guess 1974.

Didn't he shoot one at that casino in Vegas? He had a cameo in Back to the Beach. I'm surprised that's not listed as an O.J. Simpson movie. Well, first of all, Jen, we don't just start yelling out movies. It's not at this point in the game. I know it's definitely not that. But also, what are you talking about?

He had a cameo in the game. I know it's definitely not that. But also, what are you talking about? He had a cameo in the movie Back to the Beach. There's a scene in Back to the Beach. What's that, like, Annette Funicello, rest in peace? And Frankie Avalon, yeah. They went back to the beach.

From the 90s. They went back to the beach. Pee Wee Herman has a cameo. O.J. Simpson. Lots of people. Fishbone. So that was probably like the 80s.

No, that was 90s. Yeah, late 80s. 88. All right. Must have been right Before his troubles right It was right before his troubles Oh no he hadn't killed her yet No

He's not been in a movie since Not since the death Since that night With all the gardening In the front No not since No He was in the front yard

Is that where it happened Yeah That's why Cato Kaelin missed it Cause he was in the back Cause he was in the back in his little room. Well, I hope I didn't screw anything up by yelling it out. I don't even know what's going on anymore.

By the way, spoiler alert on all that murder stuff. I haven't caught up on it. You're one of those guys. I'm going to give you some clues, right? Two and a half stars from Leonard. From 1974, as I said. Leonard calls this movie All-Star Idiocy.

And it won Oscars for Cinematography, Editing, and Song. It did? It did, Jen Kirkman. Use your microphone voice. Cinematography, Editing. Cinematography. Why are you holding your lap?

You're holding your lap like an actor would do it Not a comedian Although now Nick's doing it And then Megan's doing it People are going to think This episode was done over Skype Were you guys all in the same room together? It's interesting that it gets

Only two and a half stars, but it won some Oscars. That's really throwing me. Yeah, that's how these clues are supposed to operate. Was this before the Oscars were the Oscars? I think they've always been the Oscars. I think they always thought they were pretty special. Best song.

And Leonard lists a whopping 14 names how many names do you think you can get it in Megan then we'll come to you next Jen so I literally have like no tactic for this I'm like zero names but OJ's in it but I but I'm like I don't

know I have no concept of what this movie is you're the best winner we've ever had you shouldn't tell everybody that But I'm like, I don't know. I have no concept of what this movie is. You're the best winner we've ever had. You shouldn't tell everybody that. America's Kid Sister. You should just go... Later I'd like to try to teach you how to play Monopoly. You just go... 14 names would be your best bet

because then you'd get to hear all the names if the next person challenged you. So getting to go first gives you that opportunity. 14 names. There you go. Jen? So you can ask her to name it knowing how confident she is.

Or bid lower. Yeah, and then keep playing the game. Only have to take one number off if you want. Could go down to just 13. That's a lot of names. No, I think I know what it is. I'm going to say six names. See, this is what I like about this girl. Don't know what I'm doing.

Six names. But plunging right in. You're like T.J. Miller, negative four. Oh, I wish I could decide between the two. I think it is. But I know I'm getting ahead of myself. Don't worry about it just yet. Six names. Six, and then we go to Nick, who can either say name it or go lower.

I'm going to say name it. No, jerk. She was trying to play a confidence game on you. As possible. I'm going to give you the six names that you deserve. Oh, I get to hear the six names?

Yes. Well, that's great. Oh, but you're going to start from the bottom up, aren't you, you fuck? You're getting it. Retain it for next time. Okay. That's really all I ask. Just be ultra absorbent.

I've been on the show so many times. Be my bounty paper towel. Oh, I will. Here's your six names. I should have said 13. Okay, go ahead. Dabney Coleman. Mm-hmm.

I think there's a baby in here. Is there a baby in here? Gregory Sierra. See, I turned around like that to give you a chance to just cheat and look at this. I would never cheat. You didn't do it. You didn't do it. I'm impressed.

Susan Flannery. Mm-hmm. Robert Wagner. Mm. Robert Vaughn. That guy knows it, he just can't keep his mouth shut, so he's just like, I'm gonna get the fuck outta here. I'm gonna go scream it.

I'm gonna scream it on Franklin. Capricorn one! Which it is not. So you did get an extra clue. Okay. And your sixth name is O.J. Simpson. Out of 14 names. And he had a bigger part than Dabney Coleman.

That's not going to help you in any way. I think it's between two movies. I don't even remember Dabney Coleman doing anything in this movie. Now, can I say one thing? It came out in 74. You can't ask any questions. But I'm just going to make a statement.

Okay. It came out in 74, and then O.J. was in another movie that came out in 78, and I'm wondering if the movie in 78 was a sequel to the one in 74. No, the one in 78 is the title I just yelled out and then said that. Oh, Capricorn One?

I never heard of it. Okay, so I think... Well, you also probably think the moon landing is real. Because that's what it's about. O.J. is an astronaut who helps fake a moon landing. Okay, is the movie... Is the movie... I'm never going to guess it right.

Is it Airplane? Naked Gun. What is it, then? 74. Those were both great guesses. So I lose now, right? That's not the way I like to look at it, but... I feel like Nick just...

Jennifer Jones, Richard Chamberlain, Susan Blakely, Fred Astaire, Faye Dunaway, William Holden, Paul Newman, and Steve McQueen. All-star idiocy. The song was called We May Never Love Like This Again because we might have died

in a high-rise in Towering Inferno. Oh my god, I was just reading about that movie yesterday. And I fucking remember thinking, this is a movie I never knew that was about. I should, I'm not joking. That really fucks me up. I was just, I saw that someone was talking

about that movie yesterday. I go, what is that? And I was like, I remember saying, was talking about that movie yesterday i go what is that and i was like i remember saying was that some kind of like a horror movie and they're like no it's a dumb comedy and i was like oh well it's a comedy towering inferno oh no i'm thinking of uh faulty towers Faulty Towers I was talking about Faulty Towers Of course, of course Sorry, I knew that had to be too fucked up Come on, keep up with me And I don't smoke pot

I know, imagine me trying to stay with that I'm sorry you guys Steve McQueen, known for his comedies. So come get your prize, Chris, because Nick Thune is our winner. Thune. Wow. I don't know how that happened.

So all I would have had to do is say name it and win. Well, she would have gotten all the names. Would you have gotten a name? Maybe Paul Newman and Fred Astaire. You could have named every name and I would be like 1974. Pre Fontaine? I literally don't know. Yeah.

Steve McQueen? You don't know his work at all? I would have been like Bullet? I almost bought a picture of Steve McQueen and his wife in one of those steam rooms smoking cigarettes. I thought it was a cool photo. I almost bought that the other day, but I didn't.

You got a few other things that didn't happen you could tell us about? This is the part of the show where we really need that kind of stuff. Is there a shithead on the back of this? No shithead. Okay, Kira, could you come and write down a shithead for me to say here at the conclusion of the program?

Let's go down the line. Jen, of course, is out on tour supporting her book. Yeah, come see me in Portland. And her audio movie of the book. Yeah. And the book is called... I can barely take care of myself, but I need everyone to Come See Me in Portland.

That's a really long title, and it's weird that you'd promote that one gig on a book that people will have for a long time to come. I know. June 1st,

Are you sick of saying the title? Is that what's going on? No, I can barely take care of myself. Wait, you say it so fast. I Can Barely Take Care of Myself. No, I'm not sick of it, but I'm desperate

for these kids to come to Portland and see me. Or men and women. It's really sad at one point a character in Fawlty Towers dies

and O.J. Simpson, he helps retrieve their cat. He saves the cat and that is a great episode of Fawlty Towers. What do you got to plug, Nick? I'm taping my hour special in Brooklyn at the Bell House.

Oh, fun. Thank you, guys. Thank you. June 26th. Yeah. And I'm playing in Minnesota at ACME the week before that. Come to that, please. Motivate me to be good.

Okay. Make him good, you guys. Make him be good. That smells great. Elmer Fudd thinks it smells like onions. It does. Stronger. I decided to drop the Gallagher part. Because Elmer Fudd's more making fun of your clothes

than the rest of that you're stuck with. No, you chose that mustache. Sure. You grew up on Nintendo. Why not? Okay, that's cool. Yeah, this isn't the Benson interruption. Oh, shit.

This vine is just mostly these cords. While I was talking to you, it's the worst vine. I tried to. I gotta vine you, because people... The listeners are like, what the fuck?

What does this guy look like? Do you want me to hold something for you while you vine? No, because... Okay. But talk. You have to talk a lot. Tell another one of those stories

with no points. Oh, okay. Well, I did see a movie that I recommend called The Eye Has to Travel about Diana Vreeland, who was the first editor of Vogue before Anna Wintour, and she's not cunty, and she's really weird-looking and a fun life.

If you like movies that have lots of pictures of Andy Warhol and David Bowie and people wearing cool clothes, you'll like that movie. That's a good promo. Thank you. You can catch me at Flappers any night of the week.

Just kidding. Just kidding. Tonight? No, I'm just kidding. I was fake promoting. I don't do anything. I thought you were going to vine that guy. It looks like you're making a seizure. I forgot. I forgot to vine him again.

He deserves his own vine. Here, tell another one. Tell another one. Vine that guy. But I can talk in my own mic, right? Or is this going to a different feed? Check one. He's got all us turned off on the podcast.

I still haven't seen the master. What else? Come on, Gallagher. Come on, music. Say you're hunting for rabbits. What else? That's going to be a good vine. I forgot to vine again. You harassing a guy. A guy super bummed. It's going to be so sad when he kills himself tonight.

And that vine is the last thing we see. And he makes a vine of it. He just makes a six second video. I want to go back to. He's drinking out of a bag. He's sitting on the floor in jean shorts, drinking out of a bag next to a hot Asian. That guy is living the life.

It's all here. It's all here. It's all here. Six seconds of glory. Look at his flask. Look at his flask. And he's got a flask also. He's got a flight to catch, he says. Oh, that's going to be good.

You have someone driving you there or whatever? Oh, he's taking the flyaway bus. Sounds like Kyle Kinane. How are you going to get to Van Nuys? Is that Kyle Kinane? Is that like a little portable flask? Yeah, it's like a bag.

What's in it? I think that you called it a portable flask. It's a bag. Is it summertime? You don't want that like, you know. Don't tell me

what I want. Wait a minute. When you say summertime, do you mean wabbit season? Thank you, Megan. Thank you, Nick. Nick, please come back next week if you're not in New York.

And Jen Kirkman, go see her out on tour. And see all of them everywhere that they go. I'm going to be at Zany's in Nashville, but all my dates are at douglasmovies.com. And as always... Oh, wait, did I get the other shithead ever?

No. I asked her to come write it down, and then she never appeared. Kira? Is Kira here? Kira? Oh, she's walking over here like it's the worst thing that ever happened to her.

Oh, my God. Here you go. Just write it down here. That's fine. Yeah, and you can have that back, too. No, she can't. Glad I lost. All right, you guys.

We have absolutely the most anticlimactic pair of shitheads in the history of the show. I'm not trying to judge either of them because they had no idea that the other person was going to not come through as well. I'm just saying, we're not going to end on a big laugh unless one of you has a short joke you can say right after I say the two shitheads. And we'll get out of here.

We'll get out of here. Everyone will keep their dignity. Megan's got one. Jen thinks she has one. Jen's confident. I've performed enough. I'm confident. I'm confident in Jen.

I'm very excited about what she's going to say. As always, give her a room. Oh, that guy is back. What was he so mad about when he left? The movie. He knew the answer. He had to scream it outside.

Oh, that's right. So you were out there going, Towering Inferno! By how long he was gone, it was more like he was like, Towering Inferno! And we drank was more like he was like, Ta-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha other as always joe jacobson is a shithead and written down on this piece of paper rachel is a shithead if it don't fit you must acquit now it's time we're going to watch another talkie. Isaac Holt is viewing prowess makes it foggy. There's no room in his heart for you.

Cause Doug loves movies.