Doug Loves Movies - Joe Kwaczala, Dan Sebree and Ellory Smith guest

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

Doug welcomes Joe Kwaczala, Dan Sebree and Ellory Smith to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screening baby sticky seeds with 50 as a pop or kernels in his teeth They're still not one that he won't see Hey, hey, hey everybody, my name is doug and I love movies Uh, i've said that approximately 1,573 times I've said that approximately 1573 times. A pedo account, you know, just practicing in the mirror. And I still love movies. This is Douglas Movies recording on June, Thursday, June 12th, 2025. My guests today are a returning champ and two chumps.

I mean, favorites. Joe Quasale and Dan Siebre and two chumps. I mean favorites Joke was awful at Dan Seabree and Ellery Smith. Hi Whoo. Hey What's up? Well, you know, you know how it goes. We're gonna meet each of you individually and alphabetically By first name. He is a returning champ from the show at Commonwealth Sanctuary in Cincinnati. It's Columbus comedy phenom Dan Seabree. Hey Dan.

Hey Doug, how you doing? I'm doing okay. You know, just hunkered down in Los Angeles where, you know, the news is portraying us as being quite a lot of turmoil, which is just absolutely not true. I think it makes sense though. I mean, you live in LA and I've always thought you as a rabble rouser. Yeah, I'm out rambling, arousing, and then I come inside and podcast for a bit. Since Wide World of Dugs, which all, two out of three of you, I think, have participated in, but we'll talk more about that later. But thank you for joining us today, Dan.

She is a three-time Emmy nominated writer and stand-up comedian, Ellery Smith. Hey, I'm excited to be back. Well, you know, thanks for doing the show. I assume you're also in Los Angeles. I am in Los Angeles. Are you somewhere safe? Are you in a bunker? Oh man, it's crazy.

I'm in Hollywood and people are gardening. Yeah, there's a lot of dog walking. Lots of dog walking. There's a farmer's market going on. I don there's a lot of dog walking. Lots of dog walking. There's a farmer's market going on. I don't know how I'll survive it. I was chatting with Dan before this taping started, and I swear to God, it's been quieter in LA than normal. It's the opposite of what's being depicted.

I mean, obviously, there is some unrest, and there's some situations downtown Santa Ana, but You know it's not You know all if I didn't if I didn't send in the troops, California would be finished California we burned to the ground which also is like well this whole protest thing some cars are on fire There's not there's not too much structure fire At this point, so I don't know what Yeah drivers he didn't send the national guard with the city was literally all on fire, but yeah

And you guys enter that pretty good. I thought you guys pretty good I thought. Thank you. That was us three specifically. Yeah, well, you know, I did my part by, you know, I had to evacuate at one point and, you know, just hope for the best and it worked out for me, but not for lots of people. Our third guest today wrote and stars in a motion picture called American Comic. It's American Comic Joe Quazzalla. Hey Joe. Hey Doug, thanks for having me. Thank you. You're also in LA, yes? Yes, I am in Los Angeles. I am actually in a Waymo right now headed downtown. Is that bad?

Is it hot in the Waymo way more is it? Oh extremely Cuz that's the other thing Have you ever really done away mo? No, I've not okay because my question to anybody who has if you're out there Like what what about like rolling down windows air, conditioning, adjusting the air conditioning, adjusting the music, like how far does all that go? Or do you just get in this car and it just does what it's gonna do? You know what I mean? Like with a driver, you could at least discuss these things,

but with a driverless car, how do you keep everybody comfortable? You would have access to some controls like the the air I think the whole idea would be very Pleasurable I blast it really cold and really screw over the next passenger there you go. Yeah Ice box yeah All right, well this isn't I'm gonna start it up soon, but for now. This is not Doug loves way most I'm gonna start it up soon, but for now this is not Doug loves way most

So tell us about your movie tell us about American comic yeah I'm really excited. It's gonna be playing at the at the Chinese theater as part of dances with films on June 29th It is a very personal story to me. It's a fake documentary about stand-up and it follows two stand-up comedians who are terrible and they seem like they're on opposite ends of the kind of comedy cultural divide one's kind of a grungy road dog Midwestern thinks cancel culture is ruining everything and then the other guy is a LA based climber industry kiss- ass and I play both of them To be a part of it Well, you know

As long as neither those roles make you think it's the other person then you pull a mask off then I'll be fine with it I can't believe eight movies they made of the mission impossible and every goddamn time Tom Cruise had to pull his face off It always works always works tricks people every time you think at some point They'd be like, you know figuring out a way to check people at the door to make sure they're not Ethan Hunt Right, but if it's really wolf blitzer, then that would really be insulting to him. I think My favorite is in the first Charlie's Angels where LL Cool J pulls his face off and it's Drew Barrymore. There's more than just the head and face there you'd think that would need changing. And he's sitting there like full African garb in case you didn't

get it. In case you weren't like oh now that's the opposite person under the mask so Los Angeles June 29th people can get tickets to come see it yes tickets are available now if you go to like my Instagram or whatever or you just search you go to the dances of the films website you go to my website you can find trying to get the link out there wherever I can but yeah your Doug is in it Doug has a has a role well you know I didn't bring it up or have you as a guest just because you put me in your movie it doesn't hurt though doesn't it doesn't it doesn't at all you know it's a little cross-promotion but that was gonna be my next question is did my

entire performance make it into the final cut absolutely yeah I would say a crucial a crucial part of the film so okay yeah truly I think it's you do you do a great job and I tried to get a lot of stand-ups in there in some capacity whether they're hanging out in a green room or whether they're you know we shot at real stand-up shows that was part of the whole idea was I really thought if we're making a movie about stand-up shows that was part of the whole idea was I really thought if we're making a movie about stand-up movies bring in extras and they shoot for hours and they tell them how to react and we were like we're just gonna have me on shows I'm gonna get on stage in character we're not gonna tell the audience I'm in character and we are going to film

what happens and it's gonna feel authentic, and I think we accomplished that goal Yeah, well, you know also they the audience is now used more used to What what it's really like? you know in the clubs because of all the You know Crowdwork clips that are showing up all the time, you know, right? Those have even though they're often staged themselves in some ways, they're still, they're

still like, just really in the club during a during a real show generally. For sure. You know, that definitely has a different feel. I've, I've, I've had real issues with movies that depict stand up comedy from even back before I was one myself but Before we play some games today, I would like each of the three of you which by the way do any Ellery and Joe you know each other. Yes

But you're meeting Dan Seabree for the first time correct Yes, nice cuz you should be everyone should be meeting Dan Seabree for the first time? Correct. Yes. Nice. Because you should be, everyone should be meeting Dan Seabree. He's very funny, nice guy, and I'm talking about him like he's not here. RIP, Dan. I'm so sorry he passed. I am just a disembodied voice to you guys, so I could have moved on from this realm.

A lot of comics, I think think move on, you know, mentally when I'm talking to the other ones about, you know, their plugs and stuff. But before we play some games today, I'd like each of you to recommend one movie. We'll start with you, Dan. What's a movie you think people should see or would like seeing? Rear Window, the Alfred Hitchcock movie Wow The if he is is there some sort of like re-release of a bunch of his stuff happening or something

Well, I opened Netflix for the first time in like a month and like four of his movies were on the first page So I was like three of them. Yeah Yeah, and so I watched three of them. Yeah, Netflix is pushing them. Yeah, and so I watched Rear Window, and by the way, he's just looking at his front window, that whole movie. It's just a window. Bit of a misnomer. Yeah, the movie should just be called Window.

Well, it looks into like a courtyard, or is it an actual building across the street that he's staring at? It's into, it's like a U-shaped apartment building, and it looks into the courtyard. So like it's a window Okay Let's go other than that great Other than this whole window snafu. Yes. Oh, yeah. It was window business is out of control, but otherwise

Well, it's funny too because it's been remade like people keep stealing that plot and then just calling it something else. Like the, what was the movie with the house arrest? Disturbia? Disturbia. That's a good movie. Yeah, he saw something happen across the street. It was like such a ripoff of Rear Window, but it's such, that's such a great, you know, just person sees something, can't convince people they saw it. It's just

like, yeah, repeated over and over again in cinema. Yeah, it's like the plot of like when being a pervert pays off, I think it's very interesting. That is such a sick logline. Yeah, why is the guy with the binoculars a hero? Yeah, right. How does that turn around? the alone with the character actress Housekeeper. I've seen this movie. It's good. Ironside, the famous TV detective who is called Ironside,

it seems very insensitive of people who give him that nickname because he was in a wheelchair. Maybe even his last name was Ironside, so it was like nominative determinism that he'd end up in a wheelchair. But regardless, I'm doing like a standard routine from the 70s now, but he, Raymond Burr is the bad guy and he's the murderer in the window. He's very big and tall and scary. And then, you know, later in his career, he's always in a wheelchair.

Okay. Ironsides is better than his first nickname that he had, which was just spokes. That was so casual. What up, folks? Yeah. Spokie, I got a baseball card for you. Ellery, what movie would you like to recommend? I've been watching all the Fairly Brother movies, and today I watched Kingpin, which is like was frankly a batshit, insane bowling movie with Woody Harrelson and Bill Murray. And it was kind of all over the place.

You see, you know, people when they pitch it are asked, why you, why now? And this is a movie that has nothing to do with anything and is almost about nothing. So far, I can start to finish. It's a really odd one. So yeah, it's hard to finish. It's a it's a really it's a really odd one. And it's so strange. So beloved, though, when you bring it up to somebody who loves it. They really love it. And it might have been the strangest movie I've seen all year. Yeah, well, I mean, how many more Fairly brother movies do you have to go? I think I only have two left two or three left because they all sort of have that like They don't really follow the typical three act structure

They all just sort of like this happens for a while then that goes off in this direction Oh now how are them Williams is a serial killer like it just has random things happen in their movies But yeah that Kingpin is definitely one of the most random like if the trailer didn't show bill murray bowling you know, it could easily cut together a trailer that's just Uh bowling or that bowling factors in that much, you know, but then it's also like about the amish for 20 minutes It's a really yeah. Yeah, it's a real real armish leaning thing for a bit and then then next thing You know, it's a bowling movie and Bill Murray Has the craziest hair ever. Yeah. Yeah, which is you know

Their hair they should just play a character that just really really does not know how to deal with it and combs it so weirdly Okay really does not know how to deal with it and combs it so weirdly. Okay, also gross out comedy too, of course, was there a part of their thing. So it's interesting to me that you are, you know, checking out their entire oeuvre. I'm kind of, I'm kind of liking it. It feels very rambling. And then when it's shocking and disgusting, I'm liking that too. Just very, kind of very like light and inspired. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha.

All right, Joe, what would you like to recommend? And do not say American comics starring Joe. Ha ha. Well, I had a few more things I wanted to mention about that particular film. Yeah, it's a good chance to bring it up again. Ha ha. You know, I actually don't know if, how and where people could see it.

It's a movie I saw at the Alamo draft house a month or two ago, but it was called Secret Mall Apartment. And it's a documentary about this group of artists in Providence, Rhode Island in the early to mid 2000s who decide to kind of create an art project where they live in this new mall. They find an area of this huge mall that the community kind of hates for destroying their town and they find out that there's an area where they can set up shop and they wind up living there for Living, you know spending time. It's kind of home base for them for a no

Yeah, it's come up on the show before And also I think doesn't Jesse Eisenberg have something to do with it or he produced it Yeah, he's a producer of it. And so I've seen him like on talk shows discussing it and it just sounds It sounds really really interesting You know a great thing to make a Documentary about we're like there, you know, they're in there from the start I assume I assume it tells the the whole story which you know, what a dumb documentary It's like, you know, they lived in there for a day or two and then got kicked out

Yeah, not quite not quite as exciting. But yeah, really What's really amazing is that these folks? chose to Record everything as they were doing. Yeah So there's there's so much first-hand footage of how they snuck in every time and the close calls of getting caught and what they were doing in their in their secret mall apartment. It was really, really fascinating to watch.

At, you know, a very large percentage of them something interesting happens because if you're out there shooting a documentary, you don't get anything interesting, then no one's going to distribute it or want to having to do with it. large percentage of them, something interesting happens. Because if you're out there shooting a documentary and you don't get anything interesting, then no one's gonna distribute it or wanna have anything to do with it. You know what I mean? The fact that, regular movies can be garbage,

but they're finished, so they get released, and then people give them bad reviews. But a garbage documentary is hard to find, unless you fundamentally disagree with some premise in the documentary, you know what I mean? For the most part, if a documentary is being made, or if it's finished, then somebody thought, oh, there's a complete story here to tell.

Unless it's about a famous person. And then in that case, they could sell it based on the name alone and it might be dog shit. Yeah, no, I agree that like just biographical documentaries are like tend to not be, you know, then it might as well just be a TV special or I don't know what, but you know. Except for the amazing Jonathan documentary, which rocked.

Well, there we go. There's two of those. That's the thing. There's three. There's like seven at the end of that movie. The one where. The meta one. Yeah, the meta one where he's making seven at the end of that movie. Which one are you talking about? Which one? The one where... The meta one.

Yeah, the meta one where he's making the documentary and then the other two, not to spoil it, the other two documentarians find out that he hired like three different production teams and they each don't know about each other. Yeah, it becomes about the process of making this and the many failed attempts to make a film like this and then it kind of turns in on itself it is it's really interesting so what's

that one called the amazing and then it wasn't that one of those competing ones wasn't that direct I want to say it's directed by a comedian Steve Byrne yeah Steve Byrne is not the one you wanna you want to say I'll respect I'll respect to Steve but he is his was his production is kind of the villain of the other documentary Wow Yeah, he's called the not so amazing Jonathan. He was pissed about it. Oh my goodness All right, well that's a bonus recommendation if you want to seek that out and yeah secret mall apartment I don't know where it is or if it is

Yeah, just something for people to to look out for but at least in the meantime these classics kingpin and rear window are also Highly recommended he now six on equal footing with two movies. On equal footing, absolutely. Yeah, now I'd like to recommend these commercials. They're great, we'll be right back. We are back and the first game we're gonna play today is called Netflix and Chill.

You're gonna see why it's called net Flicks and chill in a moment. Here's how it works. I'll say a funnish fact Or just a thing, you know a statistic about a movie and then you have to tell me if that's about the movie network from 1976 the social network from 2010, or Tanet from 2020. Oh boy. A lot of people mispronounce Tanet and I'm here to tell you. Oh my God. I just realized you meant Tenet.

Yeah. I've never heard of that movie before. Tenet, huh? Tenet. I thought it was like somebody like Cambodia or something. I just realized you meant tenant. Yeah Tenets Cambodia or something. I had no idea what you're talking about. Yeah. Well when tenet was out In my head and maybe even sometimes with my mouth I just put an extra n in there and and Tenet, you know, but no it's tenet and So, of course it fits perfectly into this game which features net

flicks now I'll go to Dan first if he misses and Ellery gets a shot Valerie misses Joe gets a crack at it and then and so on and the first to two points wins Dan. Are you ready? Yes Okay I'll give you the options again network social network or tenant Okay, it's two hours the listed running time is two hours Two hours I'm gonna go social network.

You think the social network is exactly two hours long? Yeah, the first half's about my space. The second half's about Facebook. What our free? Yeah, exactly. That's yeah. So no, I don't think it's I think that one's like two and a half hours. I think actually it's the 1970s. Wait, you're changing your answer? Can I do that? Well, I sort of prompted you to, but you do whatever you want.

Now I feel like I should. I'll I'll stick with the original incorrect answer, I think. See, that's why I don't like to meddle, because I just want you to just commit to something and not feel bad about it when you're wrong. I'm a people-pleaser, Doug. All right. So social networks your final answer? Yeah, it's wrong, though.

No, it's correct. It was just so exciting that you were so easily talked out of it. And then I felt guilty. But yeah, Tenet is two hours and 30 minutes long and Network is two hours and one minute long. So of those three social networks, the one that's two hours long, Dan's on the board with one point now Ellery is up Which one of those three was nominated for the most Oscars? Nominated for the most Oscars Tenet My gut says social network, but I don't think that you would pick two answers that are the

same back to back. Oh, that's an interesting approach. Do you think? I mean, isn't that how you take like fill in the blank tests? That's how some people try to do it, but. I try to choose the correct answer, Ellery. That's the way to go, I think I try to choose the correct answer Test taking I'm gonna guess tenant actually you're going to take at the most Oscar nominations. Oh

Yeah, just rip it Sure incorrect Ripped it right off. Joe? Okay, so I'm thinking this is a movie that's got two nominated lead performances, William Holden and Peter Finch. Actually, I shouldn't go into too many details about the movie Network,

because that might be giving away some things for questions later. So I'm just gonna say I believe Network had quite a few Oscar nominations, including Best Picture and Director and writing and many acting nods. So I'm going to go with Network. That is the correct answer. Network got 10 nominations, four wins. One of those wins was for best supporting actress.

Beatrice Strait is in one scene of the movie that is like three or four minutes long and she won best supporting actress. It was pretty intense work on her part. Probably also took her like a day. Social Network got eight nominations so you weren't that wrong. I mean whoever did Ellery mention Social Network? That was gonna be my first guess. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that being pretty well, well, yeah, it got a one three. But then that's why my voice probably scared you when you were talking about 10 it because it only got two nominations and one win. So now Joe is on the board. But now we're back to Dan. This is for the win if you can get this Dan

Which of those three films has the highest critics score on rotten tomatoes Mmm, I Never saw tenant but I heard like a bunch of like movie dorks really really liked it, but the general public didn't So I'm gonna go with tenant Got the highest critic score on Rotten Tomatoes. Yeah Inferred damn. Are you sure? I'm pretty sure I'm gonna guess Question to ask me though, cuz I am wrong

So it's not a bad idea to follow up. But what's your guess Ellery? I'm gonna guess social network. That's not a bad question to ask me though, because I am wrong sometimes. So it's not a bad idea to follow up. But what's your guess, Ellery? I'm gonna guess the social network. That is correct. Dang. That got the best. It's got 96% on Rotten Tomatoes. And Tenet just has 70.

So you were right about that part of it, Dan, that it wasn't that well received, because it got an even lower number from, well, I'm not sure. And then network got 91%. But also network is probably only formally, they probably have like 20 formal reviews, because there was no internet and all that shit, and all the, all the people. I swear, there's people that get to you know have their reviews quoted rotten tomatoes they're like you know just writing writing or you know podcast and just doing some made-up's going on with the Daily Steve today?

I liked him better when he was the Weekly Steve. Now he's too in our face. After I do Werdell, I go right to the Daily Steve. Yeah, he's overexposed. Oh my god. Okay, so... Forced a three-way tie and Joe gets to go first though, so it's his to lose. Oh, wow Yeah, this is for the win and speaking of for the win rest in peace after midnight

That CBS late-night shows its final episode airs At the same time that this episode of Douglas movies comes out so Make your choices wisely. I guess we get the last laugh, huh? Speaking of for the win also our IPIP to Brian Wilson. Oh my God. For the win. Yeah, super competitive guy. Mike Love can rot in hell. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, I don't know why, ever since I saw that movie, Love and Mercy, that really opened up my eyes to, I always knew like, That really opened up my eyes to like I always knew like Speak about when it comes to Mike love, you know But then to see it depicted in a movie where he was just such a shithead to his brother who's actually brilliant Is that why you don't like him Hillary? Yeah. Okay good. Make sure we had the same reason. I might have some crazy juicy gossip. Well, or maybe, you know, in this climate, maybe he's, you know, seriously conservative

or something. He is. He is. He's very publicly an asshole and also is friends with Trump and okay, there's a lot of footage of Michael of being very out of pocket. Okay. All right And he's like he's known for like with a with the best band member Brian having schizophrenia He has been known for like to be the least enjoyable to be around. So like that's like that first Yeah, I Just that's the song I posted a picture of Brian with this song God only knows because that was another thing I learned from that move It's that song and it's like it's the perfect pop song especially with their dumbass harmonies

Yeah, the actual the live version of love and mercy is one of my favorite songs in the world. It's so good. Alright. Does anybody have anything to say about Sly Stone? Yeah. Also a genius. I did not see that Questlove documentary, but I'm very interested. I am going to, for sure, because I already loved his the summer of love documentary him so her soul that Crestlove did and that had a huge chunk of you know that had a lot of sliced stone in it and him and his band

were amazing like For at that time to have his diverse a band as he had like you had a woman on trumpet There was like what and yeah that guy very interesting and also sad story So I I'm definitely gonna check out that documentary We have finished this stupid game. Oh, right Anybody else die recently No, somebody posted you know about how you know, they people Notable people die in threes and now we lost, you know sly and Brian Wilson this week

Who's gonna be the third and I responded I can't say it out loud then my wish won't come true So make of that way you will okay, so Joe you get this one. Yes, which one of those three films do you think got the highest score? from the audience on Rotten Tomatoes not the pointy-toity critics with the audience. Oh I'm gonna say it is also the social network incorrect Dan Gonna go

Network that is correct. Yeah, sort of gave it away earlier by sitting on tenet so much but Tenet only got 76 from the audience It did even better with critics or no, it did better with audiences, but only by six points and social network on 87% and straight-up network 93% on the audience score which is probably a lot of a lot of people have probably voted on on that and it is that's another movie that if you've you know feel like seeing how how the future was predicted by by the

writer of that movie. There's things that happen in that movie that at the time people were like, oh, that's crazy, that's never gonna happen on TV. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Like the Simpsons predictions.

Exactly, very much so. All right, so Dan won that game. We're gonna find out what he wins after the break. We'll be right back. We are back and Dan, congratulations. You get to go first in our last game. Games are always about, you know, just warming up and having some fun. But now we're getting into what some called the nitty-gritty,

but I don't I don't like that expression. This is a game that I call cruise or lose Because because of the recent release of mission impossible eight Rotten tomatoes decided to rank all 44 Tom Cruise all 44 Tom Cruise Starring and co-starring movies based on the critics score, so I wrote down the bottom 10 Tom Cruise movies the bottom bottom 10 so the three of you will take turns guessing what you think

Are TC's you know a movie that would be in his bottom ten, and the lower it is on the list, the more points you get. So like if it's the number one worst reviewed Tom Cruise movie, it is worth five points. I mean, excuse me, one. It's a little different this time, but One point is what I meant to say, but there's You'll see Cut that part out right?

Okay, I do podcasts with people all the time where the host will just say cut that part out and you know to the producer person and I just never do that like in the moment and We oftentimes if I do do it Do do if I do it we leave it in any way Does those instructions make sense Yeah, that means Dan will be up first and then we flip the order around so we'll go Dan Joe Ellery you'll each get three guests as total. And so, you know, maybe something will come to you

a little later and be triggered by one of somebody else's answers. But let's start with you, Dan. Please name what you think. You know, go for number one. What do you think is the worst reviewed Tom Cruise movie? This is really tough. Because of the overall quality of his work?

Well, I only remember the good ones. Oh, what was that? He was an immune rock of ages. That movie sucked. It's a good guess. Wait, you're saying that the movie where Tom Cruise learned to play guitar and sing and had a long haired wig on and had a insisted that his best friend be a monkey that you don't think that turned out?

That's actually Mission Impossible 9. They're gonna run it back. And so surprisingly, I don't think that for some reason that movie didn't work out. Yeah, all right, so that's your answer? Yeah. All right, Rock of Ages is on the list. And here's where it gets tricky

is there's a couple of ties on the list and this is one of them It's tied with another movie and then so they'd be numbers like seven and eight So I just split the difference and so you get one point five points for getting the one half of that Tie, okay. Let's go to Joe. What's your first guess Joe? I think I am going to go with the movie Lions for Lambs, which was Robert Redford. You don't live like Dan does because Dan forgets the bad ones. But you clearly, because this movie was insanely forgettable. Yes, but it had a huge pedigree. It was Robert Redford directed it and Meryl Streep is in it, but it was like a huge dud.

Yeah, or just I don't even know if it's necessarily a bad movie, but nobody cared. And he certainly doesn't like he's not a lawyer who like runs down the street like in the firm It's number four on the list Of his worst movies with a 28% score on Rotten tomatoes and that's worth seven points for you Wow here today Joe So at least that movie's failure worked out for somebody. Thank God. Ellery, what are you thinking? I'm gonna guess vanilla sky.

Vanilla sky. Interesting. Did you see it? And I remember really not liking it. So maybe that's just why. I feel like it's a real swing and a miss like, you know Tom Cruise You know, he really does I think pick roles to try to you know, get awards and stuff, you know Like when he's in a drama No, he's disfigured in that movie so that's always like okay, he's really trying to He's disfigured in that movie. So that's always like, okay, he's really trying to

You know, I'm just not gonna be handsome in this movie. So I'm gonna show them I can really act by not even being handsome. So he's disfigured. He wears a mask during a lot of it and Yeah, it's I I don't care for it. That's another one of those movies that does have its supporters Really? Yeah, it got 42% Unwrought and tomatoes which lands in at number nine on the list. That's the impressive thing about Tom Cruise is of the list of 10 movies, like it gets pretty high, it gets almost to fresh, you know, like pretty quickly. He's got a lot that did well with critics. All right, so that's worth two points for Ellery. Good job Now we go back to dan who said some more time to think about this Yeah

So i've been i'm channeling when I used to work at family video I did both these movies came in around the same time when I worked there So give us uh, you, pick one of them. The movie Oblivion. Oblivion? Good guess. I was thinking of that one too. Cool concept, bad movie.

Yeah, but it's like, what is with these actors, Brad Pitt, there's more, but they wanna, you know, Sam Rockwell, they wanna be in these movies where they like go into space and they're alone during huge swaths of the movie, oh, Ryan Gosling. Like they all have, they all wanna be astronauts for some reason. And then when you're watching an astronaut movie, they always are, you know, floating and moving

and really slow, like they just, so hard to build up any excitement. Like I think gravity is one of the few, you know, someone in space that's in trouble movies that I think is really gripping and exciting. Everybody wants their 2001 space odyssey moment, I guess it's just I mean it's just Space I'm just like I'm good down. Yeah. Yeah, I have no interest in space I don't even trust the ocean like fuck the sky. I'm not interested the space of the ground So yeah, so it's so Tom's run and also a lot of these one person things or two people that are alone somewhere There's always somebody else shows up at some point, you know, like To spoil it. Okay, so

Oblivion didn't make the list. That's my long way of saying that it is not in the bottom 10. So it must have gotten 52 percent or higher on the Rotten tomato, so nice try Dan You're still not out of this though Okay, let's see how many more points Joe can add with another Tom Cruise guess I'm gonna go with a classic dud and go with cocktail Cocktail is to me the perfect bad movie because Awful yes, you know it doesn't it never gets boring because you're always like what what is happening now? Why is this happening? You must have done that for the movie interruption, right? Yes

Interrupted interrupted it more than once. It's like, you know, it's just absolutely in the pantheon, you know, with like Roadhouse, you know, like just perfect like to watch them over and over again, because it's so entertaining on its own terms, but then also terrible, it's wild. Number one on the list. Wow. Yeah. Terms but then also terrible. It's wild number one Wow

Good guess thank you. Yeah, that was a really good pull Cocktail is that nine percent From the critics did not care for it. Yeah It's almost we're're almost reaching alcohol level content. It's got everything. Versus Rotten Tomato. It's got so. But it's all treated like it's a rom-com.

Oh, speaking of Mike Love, you get to hear the worst Beach Boys song in the history of their existence. Kokomo? Yeah. I think I might be a Kokomo defender. Oh, you would be. People have shit on it for so long, it's fine.

We were poor growing up, we had like nine VHSs and three of them had... John Stamos and the Beach Boys? Yes, yeah. Yes, 100%. They had a trailer with the Kokomo song on it, and I have loved that song since I was like seven years old just because it was on the movie Anastasia's trailer on VHS.

It was? Yeah. The Russian story from Disney? That was the VHS, and there was a trailer that had that song. Wait. That's a crazy way to cut that trailer. But wait, it wasn't for the movie Anastasia.

No, no, no, it was just on the VHS. It was on the Anastasia VHS, yeah. Oh, I was like. It would be the most misguided like, such a strange choice. Yeah, so I was like, here's the opposite of the movie. I don't like list songs. I don't like any song where the lyricist is just like,

as long as we just name a bunch of things that fit into this category. You hate Mambo Number Five. Oh my God, it's the worst. Do they say Karen in Mambo Number Five? No, I don't think so. I don't think they do, but they get a lot of names in there. Little bit of Angela.

Yeah, Monica, et cetera. Yeah, it's too bad Karen of names in there a little bit of Angela. Yeah Yeah, it's too bad Karen's not in there cuz you know Karen's need a break They need to be in a fun song. Yeah, who's gonna turn things around for the Karen ship? I know some perfectly nice Karen's like how well why do they have to get saddled with? this the universal word for shitty shitty person. All right, Ellery. I'm gonna guess that what's that movie with Brooke Shields that he's in? Endless. Well, here's the thing. I think this is only fair. He has like one of his first movie appearances. He has like two lines in Endless Love with Brooke Shields. Doesn't count. Okay.

He's not like the guy in it. Oh wait, that's actually a good- Another actor is the romantic lead. Question. So by Tom Cruise movie, is it like, it's a movie where he's one of the main, it's not like a bit part? Well, he can be, he can have a smaller role in it, but he just didn't do that very often. He didn't do it very often. And this one was literally like just two lines or something. So, OK, let me guess. They didn't rank it, but tomatoes overlooked it. Basically, let me guess the mummy. The mummy is number two on the list. Nice. Dang, it was going to be my guest.

Excellent pivot. But I remember that being well received by audience, right? Or like maybe only after? No? No. I don't think so. I feel like people watch it. No, well, I mean maybe on the streaming.

They nuked the whole, yeah, they were going to do a whole universe, the kind of universal monsters universe, and basically on the back of that movie. Like, Invisible Man really worked out pretty nicely, and then Mummy was awful, and then now they had this Wolfman movie that, you know, sort of petered out. So, like, the Universal Monsters thing is not really happening

like they hoped it would. But 15% from the critics for the Mummy. So I bet the public is not a whole lot more. Maybe it's a little more generous like 40 or 50 or something. But I don't remember talking to anybody who liked it. Especially if you like the first Mummy because it's the perfect that kind of movie. Like it was like the sort of like the not a knockoff of Raiders of the Lost Ark But certainly took advantage of you know being able to be a movie that style And you know, but they did it so well that like That's another thing about it is Tom Cruise remaking it just making it more

Aggro was just like that's what that the mummy for me and a lot of people my age was our bisexual awakening and Tom Cruise's version made a lot of us go back into the closet It's fine You know that's what I'm not even sure if I if I bother to see it like you should bother to see it my friend It's good What it's good Tom Cruise mummy is good. Oh, no. No, I thought you're talking about the regular mummy. I was gonna say mummy I was just saying I was just complimenting regular money. It's it's a classic

So like to remake it and take out the charm was see kind of a weird move All right So Ellery's like Opposing a little threat here to Joe It's very exciting. But you know Dan Dan's here Dan is also present. Yeah, I can't say that he has much of a chance zero chance really but

Still be excited to see if he picks off a movie takes it away from the other players so I'm channeling my inner Jeff Tate for this one. Okay. Jack Reacher. It's got to be one of the sequels. So never go back. Never haven't gone. What's it called?

Never having gone. You're supposed to tell me what it's called, but I'll give it to you because just the fact that you even had your first guess was right is pretty amazing. I think they only made two Jack Reacher movies in total, and the second one has no number. It's just Jack Reacher colon never go back. And is number six on the list. and Now we go back to Joe, this is your chance to really solidify your lead here. Yes. Keep Ellery. You know, I recall a movie that I felt like it was going to maybe be something

and then it was a huge disappointment. So that might put it on the list here. And it was a film called Valkyrie. I saw that. Oh, yeah. I wanted it to be so good and it just wasn film called Valkyrie. I saw that. Oh yeah. I wanted it to be so good and it just wasn't. Yeah. People were really excited.

You know, it was Bryan Singer coming off of his kind of hot streak and Tom Cruise was still, you know, a thing. Yeah. And who doesn't want to see the depiction of trying to kill Hitler? But the trouble, amongst other things, but the main trouble for me was that, since Tom Cruise wasn't really accent guy, he just has an American accent for no reason.

And then they do the thing that lots of old movies and even today, they they're just like well for every other character they'll just have British accents that should be enough yeah that's that's how I recall it went down but you know I could be wrong I think that's what happened the best one is when in hunt for red October They like are speaking in Russian and then the camera goes Like okay from now on it's just gonna be in English. I respect that. Yeah, I totally close up on the lips. Yeah, exactly

Goddess Russian is like oh good. I didn't have to know Russian for an entire movie Okay What was the guess Valkyrie? Oh, right Valkyrie Is a squeaker it must be like close to the bottom ten because I don't think critics loved it But maybe they didn't hate it as much as they did in in in my mind So no more points for Joe, but might not need those points, Joe, because you're at 17 points.

Ellery's got 11. So for Ellery to tie, third lowest reviewed Tom Cruise movie or the fifth lowest reviewed, both of those would get you, fifth lowest would get you in a tie situation and Third lowest give you the win Mmm think of another one Yes, I'm gonna guess that Cameron Diaz movie he was in

Or I guess they were in together, um, they should have called it that it probably would have made more money I mean, I think it would have made more money people love her. Uh, I say it's here or there What the title here there is the title? No, I'm just saying. Oh, it's neither as an example It's neither here. They're just sure. I think it's I Not far and away Vanilla Sky too That's it that's the title you're looking for But unfortunately it came in that's tied for number 10

on the list along with The four mentioned far and away along with the aforementioned far and away. So that's worth.5 points. It leaves you with 11.5. That means that Joe Quazzala is our winner today. Congratulations, Joe. You did it. That means you get to do your plugs first.

What would you like to plug? Well, you know, I don't know if you guys have heard about this, but I have a movie coming out If you have people want to go check it out it's again at the Chinese Theatre Sunday, June 29th Yeah, we shot it real stand-up shows. Like I said, and it's a it's about how Stand-ups, you know try to push the narrative that they're modern-day philosophers But most of them are illiterate maniacs who are fueled by the desperate need for attention a romp there it is and then and then somehow doug benson figures into that

i said i know just the guy about it just because uh you know i don't want to give away what what I am you know who I am or what I'm keep that in the dark I don't want to reveal my story line in the movie but I am very excited to be portraying a profession that I've witnessed my entire career but you know I am NOT that right you are the rare performer in this who's a comic who isn't playing a comic. You play a very special other role that is key to the narrative.

Yeah, yeah, I love it. So thank you for that. And Ellery Smith, what would you like to promote? I'm doing a cracked comedy taping this Saturday at West Side at 9 p.m. So come out, it's a great lineup. It's like me, Martin Urbano, Kara Klank, a bunch of other really hilarious people.

It's their first taping in LA, so come check it out. What do you mean by taping? They're like, they do tapings in New York, so they like tape a bunch of standup sets and what they do with them afterwards, I actually don't know. But they'll be taping them. They're going to tape your set? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, I think they're doing sort of like a don't tell thing. Yeah, where they're just getting sets probably for digital content. Right. Yeah. Then they just put up clips and then maybe give you the material so you can post it if you want. Yeah, exactly. All right, that's cool.

Dan Seabree, what's going on, dude? My debut comedy special, Unfinished Business comes out on YouTube June 22nd. Nice. What is it? It was about an hour long? It's gonna be like 40 minutes long. Oh, I love it.

I love it. I'm so tired of of everything that specials having to be an hour I've honestly been talking to my buddy and I think I'm just gonna do like from now on just like 30 minute Specials 25 minute specials because there's no point to do like no one's got the attention span and like don't tell those half hours Comedy Central used to do half hours HBO Yeah, you don't have to drag shit. You know, like, there's something about... You know, like, that's why, like, crowd work exists.

Like, if I'm doing, like, a headliner set, I mean, you know, I got, like, 45 minutes of material, but if I'm, you know, if they want me to do a whole hour, it's gonna be 15 minutes of fucking around. And then, you know, that's not a good special, you know? No, I don't think I even say in the special. I just do I have no themes I have no segues. I have no I try to teach you lessons I'm doing a bunch of jokes in a row till I'm done

Yeah If a bit's over and you got something else to do stop it come back later. Yeah. Yeah pick up where you left off I'll be on a new subject. Exactly. I'm not pushing the boundaries of the art. I'm just good at it. So that's like, that's all I'm trying to do. No one woman shows here. No, not yet. Not yet. Not until Ira Glass gets his hands on you. That was so loud. Is that still a thing that can happen?

Great question. I were glass like plucking. You know, I think you need to stay vigilant just in case. Yeah, I mean, he's a cutie. He can pluck me whenever he wants. He is a cutie. I would sign that. I'm going to be doing Douglas movies in Tacoma, He is a cutie. I would co-sign that.

I'm gonna be doing Douglas Movies in Tacoma, Washington with three of everybody's favorite guests, Jeff Tate, Sean Jordan, and Monica Nevy. That's June 28th at the Tacoma Comedy Club in Tacoma, Washington. And I'll be back in Los Angeles doing another Benson movie interruption at Dynasty Typewriter on Tuesday, July 1st, douglasmovies.com. So there all my dates and dates and links are.

Thank you so much to the three of you, Ellery Smith, Joe Quazzalla, and Dan Seabree. I close every episode with a movie that's streaming right now on, I forget which one it's on, I want to say Hulu. It's called Summer of 69, stars Chloe Feynman, it's directed by Jillian, it's Jillian Bell's directorial debut, I believe. But anyway, check it out if you want to see a fun movie. Somebody on the social suggested that I say the last line from it, so here it is. As always, I made a friend.