Doug Loves Movies - John Hodgman, Geoff Tate and Ken Reid guest

Episode Date: September 13, 2015

Live from the Wilbur Theatre in Boston, MA, Doug welcomes comedians John Hodgman, Geoff Tate and Ken Reid to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey everybody, today's episode is brought to you in part by Mack Weldon. Underwear, socks, and shirts should look good and perform. It's good for working out, going to work, going on dates, just everyday life. Mack Weldon products look great, are naturally antimicrobial, and are as comfortable as fuck. Visit MackWeldon.com and use promo code Doug to get 20% off do it I'm not a police Hey, hey, hey, everybody. Let me brace myself for what's about to happen. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is the Love of Movies!

Oh, what a cult I've created. Coming to you once, well, for the first time, we've been to this city before, but this might be our biggest venue yet, the 1,100-seat Wilbur Theater the Bilber Theater in Boston Massachusetts

Massachusetts or as one of my Twitter friends referred to it, Grassachusetts I like that a lot big fan of that I love, no I don't. It's, uh... I see that all the time

on, like, award shows and stuff, when somebody yells, I love you, during the VMAs, and Nicki Minaj or whoever will go, I love you, too. And I do not... I don't automatically love you back just because you love me I mean it's a great start

we may get there someday I like that one of us is there already but sometimes you can't say I love you at the same time it's a process it's Saturday September 12, 2015 may I see your name tags bean town oh boy

didn't even really have to bring up the house lights because there's so many light up ones and everybody up front has a name tag everybody that bought tickets four months ago and then was still able to make it here today. There was a lot of ticket trading on Twitter today. Yeah, get rich or die Ryan. What? I thought it was going to be a guy named Rich just picked a movie

that's got his name in it, but nope. Get rich or die Ryan. Greg fellas, that's a really big poster that's blocking the view of some nice people. There's some really handcrafted ones right up front here that I feel like I should mention. Bloodsport Kuniki. Oh, and she's even got a chant that goes with it. Unsinkable Dorothy Decker,

of course, related to Devin of Devin's Angels. What happened, man? You're usually so good. Okay, now I get it. He's with a couple of angels. Ooh, slide those donuts over here. Is it a name tag or just some donuts? It's really strange to find some Dunkin' Donuts in Boston.

Holy shit. Those are some donut holes. Well, thank you, Sean. Wyatt. Oh, yeah, it you, Sean. What? Oh, yeah, it does say Joe. But I call you Sean. Lots of blinking names. You guys can put the name tags down,

but thank you so much for bringing all of those. Good luck to everybody, especially the two balconies. Did anybody... Did anybody in the two balconies. Did anybody in the two balconies make a paper airplane name tag? Because you could maybe toss it down here to the person. I probably shouldn't

have said that. I'm going to get hit with a bunch of shit now. That's scary. I can't see. There's, you know, because of the lights, I can't see anything that's happening in the balcony right now. But it sounded like someone was was almost pushed over the side. And then an airplane landed right over there.

Did you guys save it? Did you pick it up? Or are you squashing it because you want your name tag to be packed? Pass it up here if you got it. It was confiscated. It was what? It was confiscated. It was already confiscated? Whoa!

Look at that! That's genius. So you tried to throw it from the balcony and it landed over there? That could hurt somebody. I understand why they confiscated it. But it's basically a big, large-sized styrofoam airplane that says, Mission Impossible, Dougie Nation.

Oh, Ben Possible, so his name is Ben. And thanks for doing this, Ben, and I'm gonna put this right over here and point it out to the guests so that you will be in contention. in contention.

Because that was very smart, that thing you made. That thing you did. Let me take care of some business real quick, you guys. Doug Loves Movies is coming to Toronto as part of the Just for Laughs festival on October 4th. We'll be at the Plaza Hotel in Vegas on October 10th.

Go Bananas and Cincy on October 17th. And Denver, Colorado, October 24th. But that's not it. Nashville, Tampa, Houston, New York City, those are all in November. The dates and links for the tickets are at DouglasMlasmovies.com as usual. Next weekend, it's finally here. The LA Podfest at the Sofitel Hotel in Beverly Hills, California. I'm doing Douglas Movies and Dining with Doug and Karen. And those are going to be streamed live along with, I think it's like 50 other popular podcasts. And if you can't be there

in person, you can purchase the live stream to catch all the potty action. And please, as long as you're doing it to listen to Doug Love's movies, use the coupon code DLM for $5 off. And that's available at lapodfest.com but they still might have some rooms at the hotel and of course there's plenty of places to crash in Los Angeles so you know it's still not too late to come out to the LAPodFest

and the prize bag tonight that I brought I just brought a laundry bag with some items in it. But my guests all brought stuff as well, and they'll bring that out here with them. I've been talking about this on the podcast a lot lately.

Puffington's golf ball that's not a real golf ball. It's just something to put your weed in. It says Puffington's on it, so it kind of gives away what's going on there. Also a copy of my CD, Promotional Tool, and I think my last copy of the book I've been giving away,

The E-Ticket Life, all about all the Disney parks by a gentleman I know named Kyle Burbank. And, oh, this is neat and interesting timing Ben, Ben if your nickname does not nickname, if your name tag does not get picked today

I am going to give you as a consolation prize this Mission Impossible Rogue Nation button so possible rogue nation button. So, that might not be in the bag. If his name tag is chosen, then I'll put it back in the bag.

And then, of course, someone else today is going to win a donut catapult. It's not a particularly strong catapult, so I don't think I'm going to be able to hit either of the balconies with these, but I'll try. Oh, got confiscated. So I got plenty of donuts that I can hurl at you guys throughout the show. As I feel like you're getting hungry, you know, people are, you know, their edibles are probably kicking in. So it's just going to, you know, even though you ate something, it's full of weed, so it's just going to make you hungry.

So hopefully I'll shoot a donut into your mouth. A donut hole, rather. This slingshot couldn't possibly shoot an actual full-blown donut. Full-blown donut. A flow nut. Let's get my guests out here, you guys. Let's get my guests out here, you guys. It's very lucky that these three gentlemen were in town and available this afternoon. There's a lot of really fun people in Boston this weekend, so there's a lot of guessing and speculation.

But here they are, you guys. Please give a big, warm welcome to John Hodgman, Ken Reed, and Jeff Tate. There was a young lady in the front row. Were you filming? Is that what you're doing or taking a picture? Both. It just looked like she was filming the show. So I threw a donut at her and she stopped. It worked perfectly.

It's an insurance claim. We'll get it back at the end of the show. I don't want any of that going on. Thank you. John Hodgman is here, everybody. How do you do, Doug? People of Boston and the Commonwealth

of Massachusetts, how do you do? Performing in this very facility tonight, who's coming back to see John later tonight? Sounds like the balcony is going to move to the floor.

The old switcheroo. As I was walking in, someone says, John, are you going to be on Doug Loves Movies? I'm like, no, I'm here for my show later because I'm trying to

maintain the mystery. Do you know what I mean? I love it. But this guy wasn't happy. He's like, no, you're going to be on it. I'm like, dude, easy. I'm here for my show.

And then he goes, yeah, you're here four hours early for your show. Right. I just want to say to that dude, good for you. You figured it out, buddy. You're awful mad about a fella who was right. We had

communication, non-verbal communication, like, don't say anything, dude. Just take it easy because I'm trying to sneak in here. And he's like, you're going to be on the show. I'm like, you must be a lot of fun to be around. Hey, everybody, he's palming the card. Exactly.

Yes. Here's how the magic trick works. I bet he's not even doing a show tonight. It's probably just a smokescreen for him to be on Doug Love's movies. Well, looks like more than one person has to be right. Thanks a lot. Yes. You ruined my surprise.

I'm excited to be able to say tonight, if this show goes long, apologies to John Hodgman. Because then your show is going to start late. As far as I'm concerned, we should just do this until midnight. Let's go straight through. Make the John Hodgman fans that are just coming to his show just wait outside all night. Like you're Axl Rose or some shit. I don't think they'd be surprised if I did that to them. And what did you bring for the prize bag today?

Well, I brought a poster for my new tour called Vacationland. This poster is illustrated by the great comic book painter Adam Hughes. And unfortunately, I left them at my hotel. They're on their way over right now. So as soon as it arrives, I will put it in the prize bag. We'll add that to the bag. Absolutely.

And also this woman's phone. A lovely phone. But I confiscated it. It's going to go right in the bag. I have a feeling she's cool with that. She's alright with it. She locked it. What's the code? You think we can't crack this code? We're going to be here until midnight.

Nothing happens until I get the code. You don't think the president of Apple can figure out how to get into you? Oh, no, wait. You were the other guy. That's true. I got to get Justin Long on the show. Hey, if you give me your code, all I'm going to do is subscribe you to my awesome podcast. It's called Judge John Hodgman.

Now you're just confusing the listeners. For those of you listening at home, that was me doing a funny voice. Your funniest. It doing a funny voice. Your funniest. It was your funniest voice. Local comedy. I'm from Cincinnati. Local comedy phenom, Ken Reed is here, everybody.

Yes, on your feet. Thank you. Thank you. Appeared here on Douglas Movies in Boston when we were playing a smaller venue. It's true. Yeah, and we're moving up in the world, buddy. It feels good. Right?

Yeah. I might get more discounts at coffee shops now. What's your current discount? Depends. I get about a 10 to 15% and about 1% of the coffee shops in the greater Boston area. So doing the math real quick, given the size of this venue, I hope to expand that to 3% of the coffee shops in the Boston area.

Seems doable. There's some, there's some baristas out there. Nice. And what'd you bring for the prize bag? I know you're a big TV buff and have a podcast all about television. I do. I have a podcast called TV guidance counselor. So I happen to have a TV guide from August

2000 here. With Chris Jericho on the cover. Last issue ever published. Last issue, yep. Last known appearance of Chris Jericho right before he disappeared. Is that the guy that killed his whole family?

No. Allegedly. No, I mean, he murdered a lot of people in the ring. Yeah. But he's a wrestler. Yeah, he's not a murderer. That we know. You're thinking of Hulk Hogan.

No, I'm thinking of Chris Benoit. Chris Benoit? Yeah. He's the guy who's a fried dough treat in New Orleans. Ben, Benye. What else you got for the bag? I also have two identical shooting scripts from the television series Prison Break

in case you want to run lines with your family. Yeah, you can do scenes. You don't have to have a copier to make another copy. That's really sweet of you. Oh, you're welcome. People get Sunday tomorrow. The family's coming over. And on the movie tip, this is a shooting script.

This is the pink revision of Dr. T and the Women. Shooting script. Was the pink revision the final revision? I have to imagine it is. I can't believe they revised the script. That movie sure seems like a first draft. Yeah, yeah. I think that the only revisions

were just the color of the cover. I think they were just like, this would be better with a salmon cover. That's the Richard Gere Gyno movie, right? Yeah, Richard Gyno. Yeah, yeah. Dick Gyno, for those of you. Rob, it's an Altman movie,

and he lets people ad-lib all over the place. So yeah, it's funny that they'd have revisions. Well, it's just a blank script. It's just says improv. Dick blank script. Yeah. Well, thanks for bringing all that script. Oh, okay. It's just says improv. Thick blank script. Yeah. Well, thanks for bringing all that stuff and for being here again. Thank you for having me.

And let's say hello, everybody, to Jeff Tate. Hello. Hi, everyone. It's me, Jeff Tate. It is uncanny. Right to you you There it goes Turns out I can do a pretty good John Hodgman voice Wow

You're nipping at my heels buddy How you doing Jeff? I know you're on a big tour right now And took a little time off to do some shows with me Yeah I like to do shows where the people come to also I do my own shows You got your own shows to like work where the people come to also I do my own shows You got your own shows to work on the stuff in private

And then you come join me When I whip up a crowd And then I get to see if those jokes work And then the next week I'll be doing a whole bunch of other places I fucked up the plug. That's all right. You could do it. You could do it correctly at the end of the show,

but I'll just say that you're on tour with Emma Arnold and, but you're going to be joining me tomorrow in Providence at the comedy connection Monday in Hartford, Connecticut at the funny bone Tuesday in Richmond, Virginia at the funny bone. Oh, no love for Richmond. And Wednesday,

we're hitting the beach. Virginia Beach. That's the finest of all the beaches. It's such a great beach. It is. So, but for more info on all those shows, go to DouglasMovies.com.

And what's your site where your tour dates are, Jeff? JustAnotherClown.com, which if you have a hard time remembering, it's the name of this album, Just Another Clown, that I brought for the prize bag. It's going in the prize bag. Could you bring me that stuff too as well, Jeff? Yeah, yeah.

All right. Give it all to me. I have a couple of things. And that lady's phone. Yes. I have a... The weird thing for the listeners is it wasn't a cell phone. Yeah, it's a desktop.

It's a rotary phone. She had a very heavy rotary phone. Bakelite phone. I also have a brand new pair of R2-D2 socks. Wait a minute. R2-D2 didn't have feet. They're not his socks. Oh, okay. They're socks that are made to look like him. Beep, beep.2 didn't have feet. They're not his socks. Oh, okay.

They're socks that are made to look like him. Beep, beep. You shouldn't have beep, beep. I understand. That's one of his noises. I couldn't do too much because Lucasfilm has the... And a bar of soap from the hotel. Hotel soap.

That is the best hotel soap I've ever seen. It's French milled. When I came out of the hotel room to come over here, the cart was right outside the door, and I took like 40. How many did you eat before you realized they weren't mints? They don't even call it soap. They call it a suds bar.

Yeah. That's what tricked me into taking a bite. It was just one bite. Suds bar, that's what tricked me into taking a bite it was just one bite suds bar doesn't that sound delicious like it's going to be like it tastes like a ruby or float suds bar sounds like a douchey bar on a college campus uh you're going down to suds bro yeah i always i would always like who wants a phone i'm gonna catapult this phone. It would just fall right in front of me

if I tried that. At least it's got a case on it. You don't have to worry too much. I would love the Apple store visit after the show. This guy had a slingshot. Listen, have you ever heard of Doug Loves Movies? I went to one yesterday

and they smashed my phone with a catapult. It's just regular DLM shit. Yeah. They like to smash things with catapults. How can you not love movies without breaking people's shit? They go hand in hand. That's what movies are all about.

That's what they're all about. Destruction, breaking things. That's how you know someone really loves you when they hurt you. So John, have things. That's how you know someone really loves you when they hurt you. So, John, have you been to the cinema lately? Absolutely not, Doug. Have you seen anything on a device? I spent the past two months...

Like a PC or a Mac? In the wilderness of Maine, I spent the last two months not seeing any movies because they closed the one movie theater. They closed the Coast Mall movie theater. It's the only one within 60 miles. So I haven't even seen Ants Man or anything. But then I got back and I dialed up another movie that I missed called Mad Max Fury Road. And I'm not sure if you guys have heard of this movie. road and I'm not sure if you guys have heard of this movie it's that good movie they made this year it's the one yeah he got that he got don't forget you're in pitch perfect too

that was this year I haven't forgotten the popular movie when you brought all those cups out here I thought you were going to do an Anna Kendrick number. No, I just... I was just marveling at the various array of different colored solo cups they have here. I had no idea. I thought it was red or blue. I know. You think it would be red,

but then you also get this teal. Oh! And then purple. And then finally down to gold. They only make one of these a year. You get to visit the factory now. Yeah. I've got the magic solo cup.

I've got the magic solo cup. Oh! Oh! Whoa! Slugworth! That's how Suggs Bar does it. You Veruca salted me. It's just, it's just like the golden ticket in that they went everywhere around the country

and the only people that found them were white. I don't know. Augustus wasn't white after the chocolate river incident. Oh, you mean someone that got covered in chocolate wasn't white briefly? Yeah. That's how things counted in the 60s. They were chocolate covered until they cleaned themselves up? I like that you said they got those kids from all over the country.

Because they were all over the world. It was all over the world. All over the world. Wait. Because Violet Beauregard was from the United States somewhere. So was Mike TV. Let me give you a little history lesson, okay? There are white people all over the world.

Yeah, now. Yeah, we've done a good job making sure of that. Oh, but it's slipping out of our grasp. I mean, Boston's the last bastion of whiteness. Yeah. The last Boston of whiteness. Yeah. The last bastion of whiteness. I like it. Have a donut. Does anybody want to try to get one

all the way up into one of the balks? All right, all right. I think you got her, yeah. Oh, no! Whoa! Ooh. I can't tell if he was successful or not. That's...

Now I feel like I need to... I don't know. I don't know if I made it or not. You can't see. There's a little boy in the hospital right now that I promised. This is called first class podcast. I would let him eat that donut hole. Bunch of guys soundlessly throwing donuts in the dark. People love to listen eat that donut hole. Bunch of guys soundlessly throwing

donuts in the dark. People love to listen to it, John. Exactly. Theater of the mind. Don't judge. You can get it. There's more.

Yeah. You should listen to my podcast. So much eggs hatching. Was that top bulk or lower bulk? Lower.

Oh, shouldn't it be? Shouldn't it be... Underhand fast pitch. It's ridiculous. Okay, John, which one of us was better at it? What's that? Which one of us was better at throwing dogs?

Judge the competition. Between you and Doug? Yeah. I got to give it to Jeff Tate. Yeah. Not a lot of accuracy, but a lot of power. A lot of power. He had a sincerity behind his that I think Doug was lacking.

Yeah, he was the first to bat. You know what I mean? He jumped in there and threw some donuts around. He was conscripted. Didn't even question it. I was very earnest with the donut hole tossing. He yelled Vern right before he threw it. By the time it got to me, it was pure irony.

But yours was a sincere donut throw. Hey, so you were in that computer commercial? Yeah. Do you know... He's the gateway kid. Yeah. Do you know... Gonna get an Acer.

Gonna get an Acer. You don't happen to know what happened to that dude you're getting Adele guy, do you? I looked into that because you know that he was arrested. He was busted for weed at some point. He was busted for weed and he lost the job. And then you didn't hear about him for a long time. And then they followed up with him about five years later. And he was, I think, a waiter at a sort of upscale taco place

in downtown Manhattan. And then that's the last I heard about him. But you got to know that his fate was closely on my mind for a long time. Is it Del Taco? Oh. Sit down. Was that before or after he starred in Dumb and Dumber 2?

Was he in Dumb and Dumber 2? Oh, the prequel to Dumb and Dumber 2? Was he in Dumb and Dumber 2? Oh, the prequel to Dumb and Dumber. Isn't he in that? Oh, I don't think so. Is he? He's got a small part of that. The little doll kid's in that. Hey, why did Dell think that people that were just ordering computers off the phone weren't stoners?

Like, their business model was, call us up. We'll mail you a computer. I think they had something of an antique corporate image at that time. It's also like, do you not understand technology enough to already have one of these? Why don't you get one? Ken, have you been to the movies? Not physically, but I've been watching. I've been on a big documentary kick lately.

Oh, tell us your favorite documentary that you've seen lately. They're always so much fun. Yes. Have you heard of a thing called AIDS? No. seen lately. They're always so much fun. Yes. Have you heard of a thing called AIDS? No. The two best ones are probably tied between Lost Soul, the movie about the island of Dr. Moreau making in 1996.

I gotta see that. Fantastic. And Electric Boogaloo, the story of canon pictures. Oh, that's a good one. I did see that. Amazing. Very fun. It's very fun to see a lot of clips of all the canon movies instead of sitting through any of them. Yeah.

It's the best way to watch anything with Chuck Norris. Yes. Just a few minutes of it. The part where he says a funny line and kicks somebody in the face. And then 5,000 Arab people are murdered. Like every single movie, these two Israeli guys made all of them and said it was a coincidence. They really did.

That's what that whole documentary is about. Even their romantic comedies had 5,000. Yeah. My goodness. Jeff, I know you've been traveling, but what's your movie update for us? What have you seen? I saw No Escape. Really? Yeah. The Ray Liotta movie? Is that the one where they lock all the doors? I saw No Escape really?

the Ray Liotta movie? is that the one where they lock all the doors of the theater and then burn it to the ground was that the movie they were watching in Inglourious Bastards yes it's a movie with Owen Wilson

and Lake Bell and they fly to an unnamed lovely people both of them It's a movie with Owen Wilson and Lake Bell. And they fly to an unnamed... Lovely people, both of them. But the movie's garbage, right? No, the movie's actually pretty good. What? It's better than you think. But I don't think it's very good,

so that doesn't mean it's good. Better than I think is still going to be a huge waste of time. No, it wasn't a waste of time. It was fun, and it was exciting. Fun? Yeah, there's a coup. They land, and there's a coup.

Pierce Brosnan's in it, and then he comes back, and he's fucking cool the whole time. Sure. Pierce Brosnan. Owen Wilson throws his baby from one roof to another roof. Yeah, they show that in the trailer. Yeah. I mean, even when it happens after you've seen it in the trailer,

you're like, what? Parkour baby. Yeah. I mean, even when it happens after you've seen it in the trailer, you're like, well, please make it. Parkour baby. Yeah, it's great. I'd watch 90 minutes of Pierce Brosnan just crinkling his eyes,

you know, like, Yeah, well, you're going to like this movie. It's very exciting and fun

and it's just like a chase movie. Like, I just have to escape from these unnamed, unspecified Asian people. Yeah, that are just

killing everybody and you don't know who they are or why, really. That's what I mean. Is it truly in an unnamed country? They just didn't have the courage to name the country? Yeah, that's why I like the movie where it's just like, ah, fuck it. We don't need to tell you everything.

They're not white and that's all you need to know. Oh, I can't wait till we go on our vacation in east unstable unnamed exotica it's the same country from Jim Cotta what I was I kept saying Hansel

he's so hot right now because I was hoping it was Micronesia that we would finally figure out it's that country from Zoolander that's the M. Night Shyamalan twist at the end that it it's that country from Zoolander. And that's the M. Night Shyamalan twist at the end? Oh, yeah, M. Night Shyamalan directed it. It was directed by M. Night Shyamalan.

It is? But no, I have no idea who directed it. Who the fuck knows the names of directors? The latest Shyamalan joint is The Visit. Yeah, it's about your grandparents being weird, and boy. It's about my grandparents? Specifically Doug's grandparents. Yeah, it's about your grandparents being weird. And boy... It's about my grandparents? Specifically Doug's grandparents. No, it's about some grandparents.

Unnamed, unspecified grandparents. That's racist against grandparents. Well, they're Asian, which is weird. Because the kids aren't. Seriously, old people do kind of look the same. And you can just say grandpa and they'll all look. Does that make me wrong?

They're so grateful for the attention. It could be me this time. I could be grandpa this time. You can walk up to any old man and be like, what's going on, pops? And he'll tell you. He ain't gonna be like, I ain't every old man. Why do you think I look like your old man? Probably get a free piece of gum out of it, too. But the problem is that he'll tell you and then you'll have to be like, I ain't every old man. Why do you think I look like you're old? Probably get a free piece of gum out of it, too. But the problem is that he'll tell you, and then you'll have to listen to it.

Yeah, man. Have you ever heard an old man talk about his day? It's hilarious. Every day. It's fun, and it's usually, you're like, I never thought about it like that. I shouldn't think about it like that either, but it's fun that you do. Are you only talking to Morgan Freeman? Most old men are not insightful at all.

You know what's on my bucket list? Meeting Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Oh man, too bad it wasn't on their bucket list. Weirdly, theirs is to avoid Doug until they die. Well, they're doing a great job of it. They're doing a a great job of it. They're doing a really great job of it because I haven't, not only have I not met either of them,

I keep hearing Morgan Freeman's super into weed. And we tried to get him on Getting Doug With High, but he's just, you know, too busy talking about penguins. Yeah, you said he was into weed. Well, his step-granddaughter slash wife probably keeps him real busy. And Doug, I have a huge surprise for you. No, I'm definitely not going to get him on the show.

You have a huge surprise for me? Jack Nicholson texted me earlier, and he was like, hey, do you know that fella Doug Benson? That's an uncanny Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson played Delta Burke in most movies. Hey, you know that fella Doug Benson? That's an uncanny Jack Nicholson. Yeah. Jack Nicholson played Delta Burke in most movies. Hey, you know that

fellow Doug Benson? My stars, that Doug Benson is one fine actor. Oh my goodness, I like him so much. He just makes my heart a flutter.

Are you saying right now that Jack Nicholson is not a good enough actor to be Delta Burke? Sure. Well, which era of Delta Burke? Delta Burke. Sure. Well, which era of Delta Burke? The middle.

Okay. I could see that. Who's Delta Burke? She's Gerald McRaney's wife. Come on. Oh, Major Mrs. Dad. That's right. She's minor dad.

Mrs. Simon and Simon. She was married to both of those guys. That was an intense show. Right? Those are literal brother-husbands. Yeah. You thought it was a show about solving crimes in San Diego, but it was also about brother-husbandry and free love.

It's a very progressive network show. It was really surprising. When Jeff said that he had a surprise, I thought he was going to attempt to steal my surprise because I've got a surprise. You have a surprise? Would you guys mind if we added one more guest to the panel?

I think you might like him. Oh, fuck. Is it Jack Nicholson? Please give a warm welcome to Mark. Oh, man! Wow. I can't believe it. Let's fucking do this shit!

Hey, Mark. Let's go, Boston! Mark. Let's go, Dorchester! You fucking hear shit. Hey, Mark. Let's go, Boston. Mark. Let's go, Dorchester. You fucking hear me? Hey, Mark. Mark. Here it comes. Who fucking wants it?

Make him sweat. Who fucking wants it? It's probably going to break your fucking hands. Oh, shit. He's really winding up. Oh, he's got the oil can boy stance. Oh, shit. He's really winding up. Oh, he's got the oil can boy stance. Oh, I split that shit up. You should

wash your hands because that's a lot of carbs. Look at that. He brings in his own stool. Oh, he's ready to go. He's sitting there like I thought he would. He's ready to go. I didn't send it like I thought he would. Thanks for being here, Mark.

What's up? Did you just get into town? I did just get into town. I gotta let you fucking represent. You know what? Fuck it. Here's a fucking prize, too. I'm in the game. Oh, wow.

Wow. Who's got a fucking tag? Let's do this shit. He brought a... Hey, I got this, Mark. Sit down. Just grab the first one you see? What's wrong with you?

Ooh. That was cruel. He brought for the prize bag a copy of a VHS copy. It only ever came out on VHS. Oh, okay. Of Steven Seagal on Deadly Ground. Touching portrayal of American Indians.

It was never even released in theaters. It was just mailed to the Steven Seagal movie club. Oh, shit. That fucking dude sends me a movie every week. I'm like, I gotta find something to do with these. It's either give them out or Donnie plays with them like blocks. Well, I was hoping that you'd show up, Mark, so I hadn't yet said these words.

Let the games begin. Let's do this shit. Got to have you as part of the games. So, gentlemen, there's some up in the balcony. I don't know how you would get to them, but pick your name tags. And while you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. Hey everybody. Today's episode is brought to you in part by our friends at DraftKings. Your season long fantasy football lineup is locked in and ready for action, but you don't

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action! Alright, we're back. Looks like everybody got a name tag. Let's start with Mark on the end there. Mark Wahlberg, who are you playing for? It says Paul and Gane, but that's not the title of the movie.

It says Paul and Gane, but that's not the title of the movie. Oh, and look, he tried to give Rock a career. He put my head on his body. You're in that movie. Why would he put your face on Mark? Because if you had the opportunity to have this fucking body, you'd do it too. Mark doubled the Rock in a lot of movies.

I could. All right, so you're playing for Paul. Unless the person's name is Gane. Might be Gane. Jeff, who are you playing for? I'm playing for Beck. Right, Beck?

Becky? Becky. The Empire Strikes Beck. It's a very nice poster. It's got my face in there. Yep, you are Lando. Oh. Whitewashing Star Wars, nice.

Thanks for making Boston look good again, everybody. We thought we were making such great progress when we got a black stormtrooper. But guess not. My major problem's the black guy. Oh wait, are there for real no black people in Boston? There's like three. I've never been here before. There's three or four.

How many black people were on your favorite show, Cheers? None. My point, exactly. Yeah, well, I didn't know that, I was unaware of how accurate Cheers was. Yeah. It was, because only one out of 12 people here has a Boston accent. It's true.

But when they do, they really have it. Yeah. It really jumps out at you like, oh shit, I'm in Boston. Yeah. We'll fucking unload that shit on you. Who are you playing for, Kenneth? I'm playing for, I presume his name is Jay, unless his name is George A. Romero.

But this is George A. Romero's Jay of the Dead, my favorite of the Dead trilogy. Day of the Dead is your favorite one? It's my absolute favorite. Why, because of that sentient zombie? Bub. Bub? No, well, it's just so grim,

but it has the happiest ending out of all three of the movies. Oh, okay. That's what I look for in a zombie movie is a happy ending. It also is tropical. It's what? It's a little tropical. Do they get married? No, they end up on an island with a happy Jamaican. Spoilers! Yeah, dude. A lot of people out there are going to revisit

Day of the Dead based on your recommendation. Do it. Do it. That's what sold it. Yeah. John, who are you playing for? I'm playing for Brittany, who is the woman

whose phone I took. And I felt I owed it to her. She has a nice poster here of assignment. It's also, she was the closest person to me and I'm an elderly person and I would like to tell you

about my day. And maybe give you a lozenge. I'm an elderly person and I would like to tell you about my day. Grandpa? Maybe give you a lozenge. So that is who I'm playing for. There's a picture of her and her, I guess, her significant other. Yeah, and then there's a picture of Doug and no picture of me at all, which is great. I don't care. So somebody

just wrote throw nuts on a Dunkin' Donuts box. Ultimate Frisbee, everybody. Now we have some legit donuts to throw. Mark, would you like to be first? Let's fucking do this shit, though. These plain ones are good for not making a mess Oh they're not plain though

I'm here to make a fucking mess Who wants a fat pill? Alright dude Put your hands behind your back Oh that was a That was a very dainty Very dainty throw Nobody brought an Amy Adams target Oh, that was a very dainty throw.

Nobody brought an Amy Adams target. Who brought something that's close to a target, like on the floor area? What's something I can hit? There's a Captain America shield out there. Oh, the three men and a baby. There's my fat face on that three-man little baby. I'm going to try to hit the Captain America shield. Right in Tom Selleck's mustache. Oh, take's... Oh!

Take that, Adamantium. That's fucking dope. Can't stand up against a donut, can you? Ah, you've passed my test, nerds. I'm going to talk about this. I'm going to talk about this. Oh! Good reflexes. You got some spin on it.

Yeah, that was interesting. That donut moved in a weird way. Jeff's just eating one. He's going to throw it when he's done. You don't want to see him do it. He was throwing it at your sign, and you just reached out and grabbed it with the other hand. Total cheater.

All right, so there's more donuts on the floor. Wait, Jeff, don't go just yet. Every time somebody wins a game or a point for the rest of the show, you get to throw a donut. Nice. For the listener at home, Jeff just got off the set of My Soul Called Life. Yeah. For the listener at home, Jeff just got off the set of My Soul Called Life. Yeah. Here's what would have happened if Jordan and Angela did actually get together.

Yeah, it wouldn't have got canceled. You're fucking right it wouldn't have. If you'd have been on that shit, I'd have watched every fucking week, dude. It'd be way more believable than that Jordan Catalano guy who can't read. Like, what the fuck? Why would anybody fucking like that idiot? Well, he got by in his looks. It happens to some of us. I heard he got AIDS in Dallas.

Yeah. Is that true? Okay, I heard he joined a shitty band. Is that better? It's the same thing. I heard he's... That's how he got the AIDS. It was from that shitty, shitty band.

There are novelization continuations of My So-Called Life that continue the story that Winnie Holzman wrote. And the first one's called My So-Called Life Goes On and I was disappointed it wasn't a crossover.

Yeah, where's Corky? Still time. I'd like to start off tonight with a brand new game never played before. Doug, I'm going to be honest with you right now. I hope the game is

Can You Lift This? Because I will fucking dominate that shit. How would that be connected to movies? Maybe like call the thing a movie or something.

I don't know. You could lift the equivalent of the craft services of that movie. Apologies to Mission Ben Possible 5.

I didn't point out to the guests that they should pick that name tag. Does anybody want to trade yours for that one? That's a... Shit! It's a really nice plane. If the person wins... He did already win a pin, you're right.

So he'll be fine. It was worth it to win this jitty little pin. You could bring your name tag back to a Hodgman show. See what happens. Yeah, let's just see what happens. So fucking good to be home. So you know what the best part is, Doug? A lot of people don't know that you were raised in the Wilbur Theater.

Fuck yeah, Doug. I used to sneak into this fucking thing all the time. No, the best part is, is about six and a half hours ago, I told Donnie I'd be right back. We should call him He'll be up all night What's that? He'll be up all night waiting Oh he fucking sits at the window

Like a lab Alright this new game This new game is called Cable billing Cable Billing. Cable Billing. Okay. And we all agree that cable bills are too high.

But this is about how dumb cable companies are. Because I was in my home the other day flipping through some movies, looking for movies to watch as part of my 365 movies and 365 days challenge. And thank you. I'm doing terribly. And I got a lot of movies to watch. And I was just trying to pick between some movies.

And I noticed that they oftentimes will decide two actors. They just list two actors for each movie to let you know who's in it. And they oftentimes will just make the strangest choices and omit like the lead actor and then just pick two other random people to put their names up there i'll give you an example this is one that i saw it was uh john bon jovi you know it's the first names that's like he's the lead it should be the lead person in this movie john John Bon Jovi and Helen Hunt. Oh yeah. As good as it gets.

The guy in the audience is raising his hand. No, John Bon Jovi was not in as good as it gets. Deleted scenes. I'm going to tell you this is just an example. You don't have to play right now. I'm sorry. Is it U571? I'm just going to tell you it's just an example. Okay. And U571. It's from the year 2000.

Oh. It's a motion picture called Pay It Forward that actually starred Kevin Spacey. And Haley Joel Osment. Haley Joel Osment. Our good friend Haley Joel. So that's an example of how dumb they are. They might be very smart. They know

Bon Jovi sells. Yeah. Especially in the late Jovi sells. Yeah. Especially in the late night cable crowd. Yeah. Well, this next one is... If you're scanning the grid, it's just like, oh, Bon Jovi, click. Well, the one I picked for this game today, then that'll be really interesting if they think this first name is the one that sells. So I'm going to say the two names.

Nobody in the audience guesses. It's just between the guys on stage. First one to yell out the correct answer will be the winner of this game. I will not be the winner. I'd love a good pregame prediction. It's a hustle. I will be the winner.

Oh, here we go. I'm going to eat another donut. Then we've all won. All right. The two people that my cable company listed as the stars of a motion picture are Tom Skerritt and Matthew McConaughey. Steel Magnolias.

No. It's not Poltergeist 3. No. Sahara. No. Tell you to launch. No. How to lose a guy in 10 days.

No. No. I love it. A time to kill. Just keep reeling off of Kanye movies. Leatherface. Not dazed. Well, it's easier than Tom Skerritt's fucking Top Gun and picking fences.

When a river runs through it. Yeah. That wasn't even a movie. When a river runs through it. When a river runs through it. If a river runs through it. Yeah. That wasn't even a movie. When a river runs through it. When a river runs through it. If a river runs through it. A river runs through it. No, no, no.

Oh, that's not the answer? No. Did you give the year? No. I was just making fun. It's called A River Runs Through It. I was making fun of when a river runs through it. If and when a river runs through it.

How a river runs through it. How a river runs through it? The river runs through franchise had a lot of... This ended up being tougher than I thought it was going to be. Lincoln Lawyer. Tom Skerritt, and I'm going to give you the year in a second, and Matthew McConaughey. And the year... Is it U571?

1999. It's dazed and confused, obviously. I guess... No. No. And also the year is not written down here. and confused, obviously. I guess. No. No. And also the year is not written down here. Well, that makes it easier.

Fucking timeless. Is it? Is it? It's still in production. Killer Joe? You're getting a lot of notifications from Facebook.

Does that happen a lot on your phone? Facebook's talking to you all the time? I just got a text from Kumail Nanjiani. I'll read it to you guys. He wrote, for sure. Sounds like him.

Is it The Muppets Most Wanted? No. Who's Tom Skerritt? Oh, is it the... Are you fucking kidding? I'm kidding. Tom Skerritt was on a lot it though? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Tom Skerritt was on a lot of episodes of Season 6 of Cheers.

I know exactly who Tom Skerritt is. He played Evan Drake. I love how defensive you are after your dumb joke. You gotta convince people it was just a joke. Double down, man. Was it double down? Nope. Was it double trouble? Lions for lambs.

You can't just say expressions that might be movie type eyes of a princess that's all I'm left with at this point 1997 that's what I said no I said 99 97 contact that's correct

wow Mr. Wahlberg your donut awaits Wow. Mr. Wahlberg, your donut awaits. He's stepping up. Oh, hit that one over there with the lights. Went with the chocolate. You should have moved it. So close.

Yeah, you should have tried harder to catch it with that sign. It looked like you hit a lady dressed like a banana. Yeah. Is there really a banana lady out there? Oh, a chicken. What? Oh, they're a tiger and a lion. They're a lion.

I saw them on Twitter today. That's totally normal. If it was a banana, that'd be weird. When we're getting into Wuzzles rules, it makes a lot more sense. Let's play a round of Build a Title, you guys. One of the toughest games of all of the games

we play to master, apparently. It gives people a really hard time. Does it? Yeah. I've eaten it a couple times on Build-A-Ton. Yeah, it's tough. We're going to start with you,

Mark. Alright, let's do it. Yeah, and I thought, you know, what better motion picture to start this off with? It'll come to you next, Jeff. Then your summer blockbuster,

Ted 2. All right. So you need a movie that ends in Ted or begins in 2. This is too fucking easy, dude. The Departed. That's correct. 2. All right, so we'll drop the The Undeparted.

So we got Departed 2. Jeff. The Departed 2 Fast 2 Furious. Oh, that is a tough one. Yeah, I think the game might already be over. Thank God. Oh my God. It's too bad. Oh wait. Okay, no, I won't say

anything. Don't give anything away you guys. Ken Reed is going to think about it. Departed. She needs something that ends in departed. Or ends in departed. Or part of departed. Dep.

Deep. Departed. Departed. Any word that ends in deep. I love when Doug helps people who aren't me. Yeah. And then, of course, at the end, furious. Furious.

Something that begins with Fury Us. Oh, man. This is really difficult. I'm sure there's an easy one I don't know. Oh, yeah. They either pop into your brain or they don't. Yeah. Start with Depart.

It's no big deal if you can't think of one. Oh, my God. It's just for fun. I mean, I'm just going to go with Furious George, which isn't a movie. So it'd be The Departure. Fuck yeah. I'll count that.

It can't be movies that you wish existed. Because I'd see the shit out of Furious George. Just tearing into the man with the yellow hat. Yeah. He's taking him from his homeland to go friggin... Yeah, he's from the Congo. Oh, I thought you were saying I should have said Congo. I was like, that doesn't end in depart or have Furious.

Furious George is the true life story of anyone who keeps a chimpanzee as a pet. Yes. It should be called sexual maturity of primates. Pansy is a pet. Yes. It should be called sexual maturity of primates.

Does that count? He was a great and loyal pet until he ripped my dick off. He saw me as a threat. Best tagline for a movie ever. Yes. This summer. John, do you have something to add? That counts? I don't think that counts.

No, it doesn't. He's out. I'm out. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, yeah. Now it's down to you. We still need furious something or something. Departed too fast to fury us against the world.

What movie is that? That's that movie. Us Against the World. Do movies not written yet count for this? It stars Tom Skerritt and Matthew McConaughey. It came out in 1996. And they're like, you know what? We should work together more, man. And they're fly fishermen, but only when the river runs through it.

If and when the river... It's like Brigadoon. Furious. People will, if there is a movie called Us Against the World, someone on Twitter will write to me and say, there is a movie called Us Against the World. Oh, I have no doubt there is a movie. And I will write back, that still doesn't count because he clearly pulled that

out of his ass. Ass against the world. You're out. Yeah, the world. You're out. Yeah, no, I'm definitely out. Mark. Oh, fuck, dude. You did it to yourself, Mark.

Just like when we were growing up here in Boston. I'm from Brookline. I'm not from where Mark's from, but we... Fucking George has to do it. First time I got drunk, I'm from Brookline I'm not from where Mark's from But we Fucking George has to do it First time I got drunk

Was at Peggy O'Neil's But we were We were in a woodwind quintet together At the New England Conservatory You fucking were Yeah I fucking destroyed it every time You were old edition They didn't need to

I mean I played the clarinet But you could have played All the instruments Just me on a fucking recorder Or those like Native American flutes Where it goes left to right Old edition. They didn't need to... I mean, I played the clarinet, but you could have played all the instruments. Just me on a fucking recorder or those like Native American flutes where it goes left to right. The pan pipes? The pan pipes.

Whatever. It fucking sounded beautiful. A harmonica? No. All right. Harmonica is a Native American flute. See, I'm faced with two choices here, dog. I can either guess...

Oh, you have choices? Yeah, I can either guess, or I could go make a movie really quick. Or wait for that next Seagal tape and hope. Oh, my God. I'd like you to just guess. Is there a movie called In Too Deep? You're fucking right there is.

Yeah, Omar Epps is in it. It was filmed in right. There is. Yeah. Omar Epps is in it. It was filmed in Cincinnati. It's pretty dope. The question was rhetorical. Jeff is Jeff Goldblum in that. No, I thought he might be,

um, wait, cool. Jay is. So we're going to count that. Very similar. We're going to count into departed. Yes, sir. All right. And then I're going to count that. Very similar. We're going to count Into Departed. Yes, sir.

All right. And then I'm going to say Into Departed 2 Fast 2 Furious 7. I don't know why. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Loophole.

Loophole. Part of the don't fuck around crew over here alright so we got into deep parted too fast too furious

seven Mark do you have a movie that begins with seven and you can't say seven with a seven in the middle instead of a V seven I could have gone

yeah okay you ready? Yeah. Into Departed, too fast, too furious, Saventer the Dragon. Saventer the Dragon?

You think I came here to lose? I thought that's what you were trying to do and you made up into deep. Made up that fake movie. How come he got to make up a movie? Gone fishing too deep. Parted too fast, too furious. Seven turned the drag on.

Yep. I'm going to double dip your ass, dude. Gone, baby, gone. Oh! Keeping it local. I don't know what that guy yelled. Dude, I feel like you and me are those two kids at the end of Bobby Fischer,

and I'm about to tell you, you've lost. You just don't know it yet. Or you're going to say it to me. Either fucking way. This is how it's going down. This is about to lose. That's how games work, Mark. No, it doesn't. Not in my life. What's the last one?

Enter the dragon. Enter the dragon. Dragon. Dragon. Dragon. Dragon. Dragon. Gin. Dragon. Dragon. Dragon. Dragon. Dragon.

Oh, you're so close. Dragon. Dragon's Lair. That's right. Well, wait. How'd you pronounce that? Dragon's Lair is a game, not a movie. It's a game, but I think he said, what'd you say, Jeff?

It's a dragon lair. It's Dragon's Lair. What are you saying? Dragon Slayer. He doesn't know what he's fucking saying, Doug. He's caught in a loop right now. For the listener at home, Jeff stood up, then thought about it. All right. Well, if you said Dragon Slayer,

that is in fact a movie. Yes. Yes, yes, considering you let into deep count when I explained what it was, and Mark didn't have any clue. Oh, don't believe me. I want you to win and not Mark, so I'm fine with this.

I'm fine with this turn of events. Mark, we've got... Gone, baby, gone. Fishing. Fishing too deep. Parted. Too fast. Too furious.

Seven. Disaventer the dragon slayer. Slayer. I want to see fishing too deep. Like, that sounds like a pretty good... Gone fishing too deep. It's the latest

Tyler Perry movie about infidelity. On a submarine. No, that's called Das Booty. Oh yeah. Tammy Jeff. I wanted to go enter the Dragon Girl so bad.

All right. That's how you pronounce Dragon? Yeah, enter the Dragon Girl. Dragon Girl. Dragon Slayer. Slayer. Anything? you still can win later in the, uh, in the game. Yeah, I know. Um, I heard will, uh, I heard a guy in the audience say gone in 60 seconds, which doesn't fit in anywhere. Maybe he was making a request about this game. Okay, you ready? Dragon, slay, earth, girls are easy.

Get out of my fucking room! All right, well, Jeff's going to come back from that one just fine, I think. Money. Easy money. But I think Mark shouldn't have a problem with that. Let's see. Money. Yeah.

I love people shushing each other. Don't ruin it. I'm so fortunate librarians like this show. And they come down and they sit throughout the crowd and they shush all the people that can't contain themselves. While Mark is thinking,

I'm just going to read this plot summary of a movie. Can I go back just to any movie? John, a middle-aged prison guard on death row,

is speechless when he realizes that the prisoner who is scheduled to be executed in a few hours is none other than his old childhood friend,

Frank, in the movie Us Against the World. Who's in it? All right, roll it back. He's back in. Roll it back. He's back in. Starring Tom Skerritt, Matthew McConaughey.

No, it was made in 2015 for $10,000. I have a feeling that... It's still a movie. Might be a short. Yeah, it might be a short. There was a TV movie called Us Against the World in 1977. That doesn't count. No.

All right. Did I buy you enough time there, Panflute? Yes, sir. You fucking did, brother. You fucking did, brother. You fucking did. You don't understand. This guy was there for me, okay? Yeah.

And whenever he wants to start committing his life to working out, I'll be there for him. Here we go. Because I love this fucking movie. Easy Money East of Eden. Again. Wait, what? Easy Money East of Eden.

Easy Money East of Eden. Money East of Eden. Money East of Eden. Money East of Eden. You fucking know it. If into deep parted goes, then that goes. That's for if into deep parted goes, then that goes. That's for sure. Yeah.

What do you got, Jeff? It's end and gone or begin with Eden. Or den. Or en. Entrapment. Yes. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. You turned that down right I've turned them all down

Gone baby Gone fishing Too deep parted Too fast too furious Seventer the dragon Slayers Girls are easy money. East of Eden Trapment.

We got a good one. We are going to make it till midnight. Yeah. Put that on your marquee and smoke it. What do you got? What was the first one again? What was the very first, the start of it again?

Gone, baby, gone. Oh, yeah, fucking, I did that to myself. Since you've been gone, it's classic Kelly Clarkson song. That's true. They might make that into a movie at some point. Song titles are great.

Us Against the Gone is a good movie. Yeah. Story of Dean, the Dancing Machine. Did you see that movie about the aftermath of a twister? You know what, Don? Wind with the Gone. What?

What, Mark? I'm tapped, bro. You're tapped? Yes, sir. That's it? Jeff Tate is our winner? Not with a bang, but with a whimper. You got another one?

I would have gone Entrapmentos the movie. It's in production. Could he have said Enter the Dragon again? Entrapmentor the dragon? Yeah, obviously. He could have changed it to another Enter movie. He could have gone Enter the Dragon again? Entrapmenter the Dragon? Yeah, obviously. Well, he could have changed it to another

Enter movie. He could have gone Enter the Void. Enter the Ninja. There you go. Yeah, yeah. But you blew it. I did.

Yeah, it's not like you. I feel like I more just gave it. It's charity. We could sit here for 20 minutes while I think of another movie, but that's not fun.

That's no fun. Jeff's our winner. Do you want to throw a donut, Jeff? Go for it. Do it, dude. And now I, Jeff Tate, am walking to the donut box. I am picking up a donut.

But the lists are at home. And I am throwing it. This is a... And my donut has hit home. This is me, Jeff Tate, signing off. Good job, Jeff. What was that sign over there that looks like a target? Hold that up again.

It was like pink with a black circle in the middle of it. Do I imagine it? What is that? It is a donut? All right, I'm going to throw a donut at that donut. Sinistering social experiment, Doug is the first one to take one of the frosted donuts. Stop it, Doug.

You can't throw a donut at a donut. If those two things hit... We're all done for. We're all done for. Boom! I'm actually relieved because if you had got that... Dog fucking hit that shot.

That's like the end of Dogma where those angels do that thing and the world is over. But let's do it again this time because there's a hole in the middle of the sign. So put your face in the hole so that if I hit that it'll hit the donut, it'll hit you in the face. I didn't think I'd hear put your face in the hole

tonight. Well, keep hanging out with me later. Oh! Fuck yeah, dude. Right in the third eye. Dog, you keep that shit up, you're going to get signed, bro. The weird thing was that that wasn't a sign.

He just had a giant cardboard donut here with him. Must have just got off work. He's a local character. He's the guy who plays the donut at Times Square. Or whatever you guys call it here in Boston. Yeah, no, it's Times Square, Boston. No, we call it Times Square. I love your Times Square here.

It's really great. We got the clothed cowboy. Oh, that naked cowboy idiot used to work at a TGI Fridays by my high school. I'm not surprised by any of that information. And he would carry around his stupid guitar and he would make up his own birthday songs to, like, if you were like, it's my wife's birthday,

and he'd be like, ding, ding, ding, naked cowboy birthday. He might have just been respecting copyright. What? Yeah. No, I think he was showing off. I mean, who waits tables

with an acoustic guitar on their back? Who hires... Someone who wants to make money. At a Friday's. No, I think he was showing off. I mean, who waits tables with an acoustic guitar on their back? Who hires... Someone who wants to make money. At a Friday's. I'm picturing that as an origin story, like he was stripped of his flair, and that's why he's naked now. They're like, turn in your flair.

You're done. I imagine that he just grabbed that guitar off the wall. Yeah. I don't know how they do things at Fridays, but I managed about seven Applebee's in my career before I became a performer. And I would never, I would fire that man

right away. Yeah. I've been fired. Not because I hate music, although I do, but because... And... We're back.

I'm just joking. I want to hear the end of that story. What happened? What happened? That was a flashback to Woodwind Quintet. When you were in charge, did they call it Johnny Applebees? No, it's just you got that guitar neck flying around.

You're going to knock over some limeridas or whatever, and it makes for a bad workplace. Big Brutus. And all of a sudden, you got Mark Wahlberg bringing his pan flutes into work. You can't have everybody bringing in their musical instrument. It used to be my thing, dude. It used to be my thing. Oh!

Doug is shooting things at the audience. That sounded painful. But it's just donut hauls. Hey, John, I've been fired by three Applebee's managers. It bounced, but not from Applebee's. No, from Applebee's. Three different. Let me guess.

Was one of them Jeff? No, not you, Jeff. The other Jeff? Jeff McKenzie? That Jeff would give me cocaine. Brian. There was a guy named Brian. I met him at the manager's meeting in Orlando one year.

Real dick, right? Yeah, total dick. Real fucking, like, he was all like, oh, I'm an Applebee's man. Like, he was proud of it. For the listener at home, there's two different shows happening right now. Doug is shooting donut holes into the audience. Neither of them qualify as a show. Not really.

And somehow, when you put them together, they're even less. Yes. It's lesser than the sum of its parts. Are those jelly donut holes? Because that makes no sense. If you guys are going to keep doing this, I'm just going to walk around and find girls that want to have their life changed later on.

Where are the single ladies at? Where are the married ladies at? Oh. Asking where the single ladies are is a weird way to figure out who to shoot donuts at. Oh, I'm sorry, they're munchkins, not little people. Have some sensitivity. Why don't you be a little more sensitive about that?

I'm finally getting good at this slingshot, and I'm giving it away in the prize bag. I was trying to be agnostic to the product. I didn't say Kleenex. I said white facial tissue. That's what I'm doing. Because I'm a racist. Let's decide who's going to win the prize bag that has the... What are you looking at, Mark? I mean, somebody made one poster

with six pictures of me and there's no way I can't fucking pay attention to that. It's like if Ocean's Eleven was good. That looks like Adam Sandler's second from the left, though. That doesn't really look like you. How dare you. It's a little Ed Burns-ish. Yeah.

Oh, Sheeran's Eleven, or maybe it's She-ren's 11. Sheeran's. Sheeran's 11. Sheeran's 11. Good sign. Good job. That I didn't pick. Sorry.

John, have your posters arrived yet? No. That's what I was just checking. Did you send an S-A-S-E when you requested them? That's true. I should have. Yeah. A lot of people make that mistake. No, they'll arrive eventually. Whoever wins the prize bag,

I will get your information and then I will show up. And you'll mail it to them like you mailed them here? Great way to get someone's home address knowing where they are tonight. Yeah, I'll just show up while you're sleeping and I'll gently lay it across. Well, I'm guessing if they're local,

their zip code is... 02134. That's it. Fuck, I was going to get it wrong. Zoom? 02134. You guys want to do a line? Yeah. Oh, okay. We got to get to the last game,

so do it quick. Here we go. Ready? It's for you guys, right? Yeah. Oh, okay. We got to get to the last game, so do it quick. All right, here we go. Ready? Okay. It's for you guys, right? Yeah. Sure. Look good, feel good.

Look good, feel good. All right, here we go. Come here, little fella. Come here. Come here, little fella. I'm not going to hurt you. Come here, little fella. Mom, I caught a tiger. E.T. No. Come here, little fella. Come here. Come here, little fella. I'm not going to hurt you. Come here, little fella. Mom, I caught a tiger.

E.T. No. Come here, little fella. Come here. I'm not going to hurt you. Marmaduke. Come on. Mom, I caught a tiger.

Life of Pi. No. Close, dude. Jungle Book. Secret Lives of Dentists. No. Come here, little fella. Come here.

I'm not going to hurt you. Mom, I caught a tiger. Crouching tiger, hidden dragon. Do not say it. Does anyone in this room know what it is right now? Oh, okay. Ready? Another line. Two people out of 1,200. Bad news bears? Yeah. Two out of 1,100. You picked a real obvious

quote. Here we go. Maybe if I hear it again. Hans, Fritz. The burbs. You can't fight over the same woman. Hans, Fritz, You can't fight over the same woman. Hans, Fritz. You can't fight over the same woman. That's from the same movie? Yes, sir.

Where some other kid catches a tiger? Yes, sir. Fucking greatest movie of all time. I'm remaking it right now. Oliver and Company. Us Against the World. Nope. I might have that title, though. I think we should just let that guy in the audience say it.

Say it, brother. It is Swiss Family Robinson. Whoa. Wow. That guy deserves something. Yeah. Hey, there's two donuts left. Fucking in deep, bro.

Hey, guess what, buddy? I'm throwing in an extra mythical poster for you. Mark, do you think you can get a donut to that guy that answered that correctly? I'm just guessing. Is he visible? You know what? I'll give you a donut. Where are you at, bro? Where are you at, dude? Be honest. No imposters. It's back there. Okay.

You're going to have to aim real high, I guess. Make sure you blind him with your flashlight when he tries to throw a thing at you. Oh! I thought it was somebody in the balcony and you threw it back there. I did too. If it was somebody else,

I'll give you a fucking Wahlburgers shake later. So fucking good, dude. Get a little alcohol on that thing. Go see a movie. It's wonderful. All right, we've only got 10 minutes left,

so we gotta, we gotta, we gotta play one last game to determine who gets the prizes in the prize bag. And I think we should play a round of

Last Man Stanton. Several people wrote to me on Twitter today saying they had the absolute bestest possible name that could possibly be named for this game. So I'm just going to pick one. I'm going to pick one out randomly from my... What's that? What are you saying? What?

They want to know. They're telling you to hurry up, it seems like, which seems really weird. That's got a little bit rude. Come on, tell us, what's it going to be? We hate suspense. Hey, Hitchcock, why don't you let us know? Hey Hitchcock Why don't you let us know That person yelling

Might be Goalie man FTW Who just wrote First time ever seeing you Upper balcony Shout me out man Consider it done

What? Eric Von Detten. Eric Von Detten? Oh my God. Does your father just do schooner races for people's summer camps? I'm Eric Von Detten and this camp will be a parking lot. Words have no meaning anymore for me.

I fear I've had a terrible stroke because I don't understand what's happening. Do you know that guy? No. He just sounds like a movie villain. Oh. Right? Like Hans Gruber.

I made assumptions about him based on his name. From the corrections department. I love that I call these things donut holes, and people think they have to say they're actually munchkins, because it says it right on the box. I didn't even acknowledge the box, but it does right underneath that say donut hole treats. So, you know.

It's like settle down. It's like chocolate flavor. There's still donut holes why does it say treats so you know you're supposed to enjoy other places have some nasty donut holes it's so you can't sue them if you eat all of them right yeah we said they were treats not meals yeah yeah we said they were treats it's a sometime thing you can't eat a whole box of those as a meal that's your hospital that's exactly why it says treats. Oh, absolutely. And I was going to get around to saying that, but you got there first. I'm sorry.

It's so you know not to throw them at people. You're the Eric Von Detten of that joke. I am. This joke will be mine if my dad gets his way. There is a woman in the audience. Oh. Oh. Look at that. That is a beautiful poster

I would like to add to the prize bag My favorite poster I bought it at a flea market Off a one-eyed gypsy Why is John talking about his own poster like that? Oh, this is my Jeff Tate impersonation I love to do it Hold up

We went too far into who's doing who Am I doing you right now? I can't even I feel like I'm looking in a mirror far into who's doing who. Am I doing you right now? I can't even. I feel like I'm looking in a mirror. No matter who's doing the talking, it's a gorgeous poster. It is. And if you would prefer, whoever the winner might be, I will take it with me and not give it to you now,

but instead have the artist sign it when I do Atlanta next week and then mail it to you. Because Adam Hughes is great. Adam Hughes? Oh, and then he'll mail it to you. And then I'll mail it to you by bringing it to your house and looking at you while you sleep. John, I'm going to be honest with you, dude. You got a good fucking poster guy.

Thank you very much, Mark. I wish we had gone with that for the poster for Perfect Storm. Dude, you should sign it and then hang it up in an Applebee's somewhere in the greater Boston area. We don't have Applebee's. I don't know anything about Boston, man. That's a black people restaurant.

Yeah, Cheers is here. We got six minutes to play the game, you guys. For the record, Jeff, it's greatest Boston area, motherfucker. Just the six minutes. Greatest Boston area, motherfucker. Just the six minutes. If Mark Wahlberg doesn't make a movie called Greatest Boston Area, I'm going to be very disappointed.

Right now I'm working on the town too. Burn those bridges. There's a person in the audience that goes by the Twitter handle Salted Hats. That's her over there. That's me! You just admitted that publicly? That's me!

Isn't this why we have anonymous handles? She says she has the best Last Man Stanton candidate and so we're going to hear what she has to say And then we're stuck with it Because we don't have time to mess around She's going to fucking say Lou Gossett Jr. Jeff gets to go first

He won the last game, right? Yeah, okay, so Jeff will go first And then it'll go to Ken, John, me, and Mark Because I like to play along But we've got to go fast So, what is it? Jack Nicholson Jack Nicholson me and Mark, because I like to play along. But we've got to go fast. So what is it? Jack Nicholson.

Jack Nicholson. I think we've played him on the show before, but he's still a great one, and we should do it. Jeff Nicholson. Batman. Batman. Ken Nicholson. Five easy pieces. Yep. John Nicholson. Batman. Mm-hmm. Ken Nicholson. Five easy pieces. Yep.

John Nicholson. Bucket list. Full title, please. The bucket list. We haven't said thearted yet, have we? Because I just did. Mark? Chinatown.

What? Chinatown. Never heard of it. Jeff? The Two Jakes. Oh. Chronological. He's not involved in a lot of sequels, but that was one.

Kenneth? Little Shop of Horrors. Oh, old school. Black and white. I like how that game works. John? The Shining. National Lampoon's The Shining.

Made in Canada. Come up on two years on that joke. What? Oh, it was mentioned earlier. As good as it gets. Mark. One flew over the cuckoo's nest. Jeff.

Wolf. Good call, dude. Good fucking call. Ken. The Terror. The what? The Terror. Okay. Boris Karloff.

Sure. People love him. John. Easy Rider. He's got two movies with easy in the title. I'll go with... He was in The Raven wasn't he Yeah Yeah thank you

Hey no matter what I say Will one random person go yeah that's right The John Cusack movie Huh The John Cusack movie No no The AIP movie? Sure. The guy with the hat from Mortal

Kombat? Yeah. All right. Go, Matt. I love the fucking dude who's like, that's Raiden. No fucking shit, dude. That's what makes it a fucking joke. Get up, walk out, and go wrestle Goro when you're fucking out there.

Mark. All right, sorry. About Schmidt. Yeah. Jeff. Anger management. Ken. Hoffa. John.

Was he in Head? The Beatles? I mean, he wrote it. He wrote it. He wrote it. He probably popped in and said, hey, what's going on? I'm going to go out with head. Okay.

You and me both, dude. I'll go with. Just like it. We're getting that band back together, it sounds like. Going south. Mark. Shit, man. You have three seconds. One, two, two three hard day's night okay so you're out jeff

brissy's honor yes that's another good one i'm sure we're missing some real good ones the witches of eastwick oh that's a good one. That's a good call. Good job. I'm going to go with The Last Detail. Jeff. The Border. Yeah. He had a

mustache. He was a Mexicutioner. Johnny Cage. What? Nothing. Kung Lao. Ken. Is he in the Evening Star?

He is? Yeah. Okay, then I'll say Broadcast News since you just mentioned the sequel. We went out of order there. Jeff? The postman always rings twice. Mm-hmm.

Ooh. Mm-hmm. Ken? Um, fuck. This is tough now apologies to John Hodgman he's a tyrant not accepted

um anything I got nothing three seconds okay you're out oh I got one

so sad sorry to let you down. That sick kid's going to die now. Mars attacks. Oh! Oh, you were hanging on to that one. I had a little back pocket action. Jeff.

You win anyway okay I'm out alright Jeff is our winner way to fucking go dude who'd you play for Jeff Becky over here where's Becky at

let's bring her all the prizes it's very heavy Mark you mind help me out? It's heavy. It's heavy. Didn't have to warn him. Who's this go-to? Oh, Becky over there.

Becky, are you going to fucking cry? The Paul and Gane thing doesn't have a shithead on the back I gave it to you it's that fold up oh it's that separate thing here you can give the guy his name tag back that works out that's okay

oh cool Gane where are you that's an unfortunate name around these parts Probably had a rough childhood Hey, I'm going to sign Hodgman's poster too Hodgman's signing his poster Adam Hughes Hughes. Ken, while they're doing that, give me some plugs. What do you got coming up, buddy?

I just did TV Guidance Counselor episode 100 this week. More of those to come. And I'm always around Boston doing shows. You can look for him in Boston, you guys. I'm doing stand-up soon in Buffalo, Cincy, Columbus, Tampa, Austin, San Diego. Go to douglosmovies.com for more deets.

Jeff, let's hear your plugs. Alright, I got my tour starts back up again on Thursday the 17th in Philadelphia at Helium Comedy Club. Go see that shit. The 18th in New York City at the Creek in the Cave

at Long Island City, Queens, Creek in the Cave, the 18th. Boston. Right? That's here. This is where you guys are. I'm at a place

called O'Brien's Pub on the 21st. In Olsen. Yeah, dude. All right, there's two shows. Where nobody knows your name. Ten bucks. Fucking let's fill it.

Come on, let me. Yeah. Right? Yes. Couldn't get into Suds. Stress Factory, DC, justanotherclown.com for all the other tour dates.

I'm going to like, I got like 40 cities left on the tour. So justanotherclown.com. Buy the merch, the t-shirts, because 20% goes to speakyoursilence.org. And if you don't want to buy a t-shirt, then just go to speakyoursilence.org and give them fucking, when is it? September 21st. Yeah. September 21st. He got it. He'll be there. All right. He's going to go. See you then Jeff. He's like, Oh, it isn't now. What's the parking like there? Is that your guy from earlier?

Are you on the show? You're on the show. They got a full menu? I don't know anything about it. I thought it was an apple. What are their gluten-free options? O'Brien's Pub, September 21st, a week from Monday. O'Brien's Pub, September 21st, a week from Monday.

Yeah, come on, Boston. Fucking let me feel like a star for one night. He's got his plugs take forever. John Hodgman. Tonight is the very first night of my new show, Vacation Land, here at the Wilbur. So if you're hearing this on the podcast, it's not too late to buy tickets you can just mail me $20 when you're dropping off the poster

yeah exactly all the details are johnhodgman.com slash tour and then judge it on Hodgman podcast that's right Mark Wahlberg Yes sir You're making a remake of Swiss Family Robinson?

Fuck yeah dude That's why you used that obscure quote Yes I am fucking remaking it Are those lines going to be in the new script? No if I say them yeah sure I haven't figured out what role I want I might play the fucking tiger But I do want to say this If you feel like leaving Boston If I say them, yeah, sure. I haven't figured out what role I want. I might play the fucking tiger.

But I do want to say this. If you feel like leaving Boston, you know, you got nothing going on on September 21st. Or if you're in Chicago, I'm going to be there doing a show at North Bar at 8 o'clock. I'm going to show up, I'm going to do a little fucking bit, and I hope some of you people come see it. Other than that, this is my fucking town.

And I want to say this to you fucking Bostonians. You're welcome. I got CDs I'll be selling in the lobby too. Oh yeah, that's right. Go see Jeff in the lobby. I'm going to be working out and touching boobs, so line up for that. Me and Mark will be in the lobby. Mark will touch your boobs

if you buy a CD. Guy or girl, I don't give a fuck. You made them, let's see them. Mission Impossible 5, your button, your pin is on your plane,

so just come and get it back. What an announcement. And the Day of the Dead VHS, that guy should come back and get that as well. Thanks to all of my guests. Let's hear it for them. John Hodgman, Ken Reed, Jeff Tate, and Mark Wahlberg. As always, Chris Macagnano

Macagnano is a shithead. And then you put in parentheses underneath that, He really is. Mike Huckabee is a shithead? And I don't know this one either. I do, actually. Roger Goodell is his share.

Yeah. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing crowd was big. Zip, cocky, there's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies. For you, it's Doug Loves Movies! Once again, today's episode of Doug Loves Movies is brought to you in part by DraftKings.com DraftKings.com

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