Doug Loves Movies - Justin Long, Chris Cubas, Dale Cheesman and Jim Brummer guest

Episode Date: January 14, 2018

Live from the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Doug welcomes Justin Long, Chris Cubas, Dale Cheesman and Jim Brummer to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. All right, that was pretty good.

Oh, it's so dark in here. Coming to you... Coming to you once again. Too soon? Okay, if you say so. From Camp City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas! Oh, shit, I already have to write a letter to the club real quick.

Dear Camp City, I forgot to bring my vodka soda to the stage. Could you please bring me one sincerely? Doug Benson, P.S. Happy New Year. It's Saturday, January 13th, 2018. And I don't even have to ask you guys about your name tags because I know that you brought them and I know that they're great. Doug plugs. We can't skip that part.

Wednesday night, January 17th, I'm doing stand-up at Levity Live in Oxnard, California. Bring your name tags if you want to play Last Man Stanton. And next Saturday, January 20th, I'm doing a Benson movie interruption of F8 of the Furious

at the Castro Theater in San Francisco as part of SF Sketch Fest. Go to sfsketchfest.com for tickets and info. Douglas Movies is in Portland, Oregon on Saturday, February 10th. San Diego on Valentine's Day. Tempe, Arizona on Saturday, February 24th.

Thank you for that beverage Plus, I've got two shows in Denver on Saturday, February 17th I'm doing stand-up at Comedy Works at 420 and then we're going to try a little something the next day or at that show rather, we're going to play

Last Man Stanton with audience members and then the winner of that will be invited to be a full guest. I almost said full-blown. That's not appropriate. It's weird when anybody calls anything full-blown something. You're like, okay, settle down.

So yeah, that person will get to be a guest at Doug Loves Movies. All of my dates are at DougLovesMovies.com. That's DougLovesMovies.com. Yeah! Immediately after this show, Austin, Texas, I'm headed over to the Highball.

Has anybody ever been to a thing there called Movie Moxie? Well, you should check it out sometime. I'm going to for the first time tonight. Apparently it's a thing that happens monthly, possibly. And it's free to get in. And it's in a

cool bar. And it's a fun movie trivia game sort of thing. And I'm going to be a contestant tonight. And that starts around 7 and goes to like 9 or 10 or something like that. So follow me over there if you're creepy. Let's look in the prize bag. I brought some stuff for you guys.

Had to go through airport security with some of these things, so keep that in mind. Ooh, this is a booklet all about the movie Phantom Thread. had to go through airport security with some of these things, so keep that in mind. Ooh, this is a booklet all about the movie Phantom Thread. Yeah, it's as boring as the movie. Some people love it, and it might be one of those ones that creeps up on me, like, years from now, I'm watching it on cable, I can't get enough of it, but right now I got plenty of it.

We got a Douglas Movies t-shirt. We got an Austin magazine. Oh, from our friends over at Movie Moxie, we got a hat that has something to do with Movie Moxie. Make Movie Moxie again. And then also

some, I assume, some gift cards for over there. Oh, here's a brownie they gave me on the plane. Yeah, I flew in a couple days ago, so that's probably not in good shape. And then I've got a friend of mine, Mike, gave me some shitty DVDs. Circle of Eight, Real Steel, Jack the Giant Slayer, and Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters. What else would they become? You know what I mean?

They've got such hands-on experience from an early age. We've been pushing witches into ovens since we were three. Wait, Hansel and Gretel are that young in that story. Anyway, all of that is going to be somebody's, plus the stuff brought by my guests. But hang on a second, you guys, because today I have assembled, for your enjoyment, three of what I consider to be the strongest players that we've had on the show

in the last few years and the thing that always seems to make everybody's play go up a notch is when we have an audience member participate and i would like to do that today with one of you. So now let me see your name tags, but only hold them up if you would like to come up on this stage and compete valiantly against three really good players and also try to make your occasional joke. See, this lady's keeping hers down. See, I see where you're coming from, but you know, we want to get

some ladies, because it's, you know, it's time's up. This lady that I can't even see what your name tag is, but it's so sparkling, it's so big, and you're holding it way up over your head. What's your name? CJ. Come on up here, CJ.

Gotta get her up here CJ where's another the lights are already back down or I need my glaucoma medicine one of those two things can we get the lights up for a little bit longer I'm gonna pick we got four spots let's get four people up here. This Con Aaron dude, come on up here, man. You look like a good dude. You look like you can handle it. What's that Air Bud thing over there, young lady? You're not going to come up here? You chickened out as soon as I looked at it and locked eyes on it?

What does it say on it? Air Bud? Aaron Bud. Okay, your name's Aaron. But you don't want to come up here. All right. eyes on it. What does it say on it? Airbud? Aaronbud. Okay. Your name's Aaron, but you don't want to come up here. Alright. I really want to get this dude in the front row with the re-adamator up here. Come on up on stage,

dude. It's a short walk. He's doing a soccer riot later. So I think he'll be a strong competitor. Wow, the name tags are kind of weak today. What's going on? Oh, this dude right here. You, sir.

You're shot right up. It's got candy on it, so you know what you're doing. But you're all playing for yourselves at this point. One of you is going to get the chance to continue to stay up here. CJ, how many Doug Loves Movies shows do you think you've been to? Oh, probably about ten, maybe more. Right, so I think that's going to make you a really good competitive player, because you've seen what happens to other people.

True. On the regular. Alright, and let's meet the others here. What's this dude's name? Aaron. Aaron, okay, Aaron. Aaron. What'd I say, Aaron? You were pretty close. What is it? It's Aaron. Aaron. Thank you for being here.

What's the next dude's name? Adam. Hey, Adam. Oh, the Adamator, that's right. How you doing? Doing all right. Are you in a band? No.

My buddy is. Your buddy is? You look like you're not in a band? No. My buddy is. Your buddy is? You look like you're not in a band. Are you guys one of those body switch movies? And the dude on the end, I didn't see your name tag. It has something to do with why him? Why Jim. Why Jim.

I like it. And there's lots of candies on there. How do you think you're going to do at why him? Why Jim. Why Jim. I like it. And there's lots of candies on there. How do you think you're going to do at this, Jim? So-so. Okay. Well, we're going to play a round of Last Man Stanton. And I'm just going to decide that CJ's going to go first. And then we'll go to Aaron, Adam, and Jim. And we've got to get a name for Last Man Stanton.

And there's a confident person in the audience who goes by the Twitter handle Adios Problemas. He sounds like a very helpful individual. Where are you dude? I'm back here Hey man Why do you call yourself Adios Problemas? I was in a band called

So Long Problems You were in a band called So Long Problems That's all I need to know Sounds like you had more words to say That was the perfect way To describe it We got a lot of business to get to today,

and I'm high as fuck. You said you have a name you think has never been used before. Cocky. It was the lead male character from Three Men and a Baby, Steve Guttenberg. Steve Guttenberg is your name that you want us to play. I like it because it's going to be over quick.

Steve Guttenberg, Tom Selleck, and Ted Bantam. You want all three of the gentlemen from the Three Men and a Baby and then little lady movies. All right, that's a tall order. I was excited about just Gutenberg. You know, can't he get a break for once in his life and not always be mentioned with Tom Selleck and Ted Danson? Ted Danson's the killing it, he killing it the most, and he was the smallest part in the first one,

and he was kind of a dick. He was the least into being a dad, I'll tell you that. Don't get me started about that stupid ghost. Okay, you guys know who we're talking about, these three actors? I'll go sit down if you want. Yeah. I like this.

I like where this is going. I liked it even with all three of the names. You know, it's not easy, but I think we muddled through a couple of rounds. Start us off, CJ. I'll go three men and a baby. Oh, sneaky. See, that's where...

My guests would never pick up on that sort of thing. Or I'd yell at them for cheating. Aaron, what do you got? Gutenberg, Selick, or Danson? One of them might have been in JFK. Let's do JFK. Oh, Aaron, thank you so much for playing. Very nice try.

You still are back in the mix to be chosen for someone else could play for you. Adam, what do you think, man? You seem like a big fan of all those actors. You got anything? I got nothing. Thank you for playing, Adam. We'll be back with more of Get Up Here

and then Sit Back Down. Hey, Jim, what have you got? Three men and a little lady. Yeah, see, that was also mentioned. It also did come up already, sort of. Back to you, CJ. I can't think. I'm sorry.

Wait a second. You come out of the gate so strong with that title that I just said out loud. You come out of the gate so strong with that title that I just said out loud. And then that's all you got for Gutenberg, Danson, Selleck. Tom Selleck, who's famously lost the role of Indiana Jones to Harrison Ford because he was stuck being a stupid Hawaiian TV detective. I keep thinking Burt Reynolds, so I'm stuck.

Okay, name any Burt Reynolds movie. The Smokey and the Bandit. Okay, Jim, any Burt Reynolds movie. I'll give you a minute, too. Can I do one of the actual people? Oh, shit. Listen to him. I was just trying to do a fun

Smokey the Bandit 2 joke, but just what you could have just said. But you want to go with Selick Danson or the other guy? Yeah. Gutenberg? Gutz? Police Academy? Yeah, that's right. said but you want to go with selic dancing or uh the other guy yeah goots police academy yeah that's right cj i'm sorry we tried to give you a chance there but he was not taking this switch it

to burt reynolds game that's okay but thanks for playing good luck with your name tag out there. We'll see you later. Jim, what's your last name if it's okay to use it on the internet? Brummer. And just so you know, it's 2018. What'd I say? 2017. When? Earlier. When'd I say it? God damn it.

I fixed it. It's on the record as being correct. We'll go in, and when we release the episode, you'll hear our voice go, 18. Because that always makes me laugh. How do you spell your last name? Bronger? Brummer.

Oh. Drummer. Okay. But with a B. What a brummer. I haven't heard that one before. Right? Well, congratulations, Jim Brummer.

I think you're going to fit in just fine. Please, everybody, let's give a warm welcome to my other guests. I'll just say them all. I'll say his name again. Please give it up for Jim Brummer, Dale Cheeseman, Chris Cubis, and Justin Long! Thank you! Oh, shit. So to answer your question, yes, I've done this before. Yeah, sorry about that. It was very rude to Chris and Justin. It's very alienating.

They weren't even here when you guys started this Dale chanting nonsense. They had no idea it was coming. The sad part is, I'm the one that started it. You did? You started saying it? Yeah, the last time I forced it, now they've caught on.

Oh, shit. I get to pretend like it's natural. Good job, good job. All right, well, since you're the crowd favorite, we'll talk to you in a minute. First, let's say hello to one of our great friends on the show. It's Mr. Chris Cubis is here.

Dale, Dale, Dale, Dale, Dale. Did I do it right? Sweet. Getting legitimacy. It's pretty fun. It's pretty fun. Oh, my God. I just thought of a great title for a movie where you win something.

What's the title? Under Dog Dale. So Chris. Sure. Okay. Let's brush past that. Yeah. Might as well just move on.

How's it going, man? It's good. Yeah. I am 15 days into not drinking for a month. Whoa. That is the saddest applause an adult human can get. Good for you not killing yourself immediately. So that's fun.

Yeah, that's just, you know, the timing. It's been a particularly harsh winter. Yeah. Mostly I've been drinking out of barrels under St. Bernard next, so. It's been tough. But today is, it's half, not quite halfway, right? No, no, it's not quite half. Yeah, it's a long ass month. It's not that bad. Except I, no, it's not quite half. Yeah, it's a long-ass month. It's not that bad,

except I'm looking at this one sign in front that's got a bunch of airplane bottles of booze on it, and I almost switched back to the old me. Well, you know, it's a good test, and it feels good. Isn't it fun not being hungover for a while? It's kind of great. Yeah.

Yeah, and I'm just high all the time. It's fine. It's kind of great. Yeah. Yeah, and like, I'm just high all the time. It's fine. It's totally, it's pretty easy. Yeah, whenever I say I'm having a sober month, people go, from weed? No. Cop idiot. Settle the fuck down. Alcohol is

the killer. Alcohol is the problem. Ugh. You know who else is joining us, I think, for the first time here in Austin? It's Justin Long, everybody! Thank you.

Shut up. I wrote down a very specific thing I'd like to say to you, Justin. You've got Dale. What? It'll get better. It'll get better. I like to start. I loved it.

I like to lower the bar. Unlike Chris, I was very recently drinking. I like to start I loved it I like to lower the bar unlike Chris I was very recently drinking so you know when you're hungover it seems daunting to just order food at a restaurant to go through the ritual that's kind of where I'm at right now

yeah yeah a game show is probably a lot easier you're just already making excuses for your possible defeat today a game show is probably a lot easier. Yeah. You're just already making excuses for your possible defeat today. Lowering expectations. Yeah, because you won the 12 Guests of Christmas first night in Los Angeles. Yeah, it was quite a

spectacular win. And now here you are. Just sad. Making excuses. You're the I, Tanya of this game was it my fault? Jim Brummer's gonna get clubbed yep

to be fair he looks like he does the clubbing right he's a little more Sean Eckhart-y than Nancy Kerrigan headbutts a window while he's holding a billy club?

You're one to talk, Chris. That's true. That's true, sir. I am one to talk. I'm a comedian. That's what I mostly do. I was gonna go kettle calling black, but I didn't want to bring up... Slow down.

You get a little big for your britches there. Audience member. You remember when you didn't want to do that? That's what you should have done. Yeah, trust your instincts. What I wanted to say to Justin was that I am a big fan of the movie

Drag Me to Hell. In which he is one of the few stars, am a big fan of the movie Drag Me to Hell, in which he is one of the few stars, not a big cast in that movie, and it's one of the few PG-13 horror movies it delivers. I think once you put, if I'm watching a trailer for a horror movie or a movie that's going to be violent, and it says PG-13, I say, eh, no thanks.

I don't want to see people just killing robots for an entire movie. I want to see flesh and blood consequences. And that's what you, but this movie is just gross. It's like Looney Tunes. But it's like a lot of, every creepy crawly thing, and then the ratings board can't go, oh, that's R, because there's no bloodshed. But I didn't get to, I was never around,

I was always so jealous of Allison because I wasn't around for the fun stuff. I was just kind of like the boring, it was a boring part. I was just the guy who was like is everything okay honey? I'll be in the other room if you need me and all the cool shit happens. And I come back and what happened? So you think the actors who didn't turn into a walrus and

tusk were jealous of you? We didn't have that. Because that must have been horrible. Yeah. I love my job, but that was a rough couple of days. I remember Sam Ramey, who directed it, saying he's the

nicest, but he said, I feel like he had just come from doing Spider-Man's, and he said it was like conducting, sorry to call everyone sir, it was like conducting a big symphony, and now to get here, because he always seemed like he was loving it,

and he said to get here, it's like I'm doing a little string quartet again, and I'm back in the sandbox, and he just had this great enthusiasm. He loved doing it, so I think that shows in the movie. Did I get too serious? This is a comedy show. I got a real interview. Yeah, I don't know what happened there.

All right. This is fresh air. Well, we accidentally started talking about movies on Douglas Movies. Let's bring it back to something a little less serious. I don't know what went wrong. Jeepers Creepers.

What do you think? Yeah, you gonna watch that third one in this environment? All right. All right. That's Dale Cheeseman, everybody. Oh, I still haven't... I've been very rude.

Yeah, now you've been introduced. The only time that you... You didn't win any of the times you were on during... Take Crazy Nights. Take Crazy Nights, I went 0-4. But you also went up against those audience members on three of the shows. The computer. They're tough competitors.

How are you feeling about Jim tonight? Confident. But I knew, like, two Gutenberg movies. That's true. That's true. I'm thoroughly impressed you were able to beat everyone else'sberg movies. That's true. That's true. I'm thoroughly impressed you were able to beat everyone else's zero movies. How many police academies

was he in? Like a thousand. No, no. Four, right? He was in a lot. He was in a lot of them. He might be pushing seven. No, no, no.

He gets out early, but it's like three or four, I think. No, Tackleberry and all the other guys were, I think, made the hole. But I think Matt Molloy, doesn't Matt Molloy replace him in four? Maybe. He did at least three. He did three. Yeah. And then he was like, I'm Steve Cooper. He was definitely an assignment

in Miami Beach. No. No. Don't think so. That was six. He didn't make that. That was five. Oh, shit. Oh, six is Moscow? City Under Siege. Holy shit. Less confident. Less confident.

He was definitely in Police Academy Goes Bananas. My favorite installment in the series. We've met all of my guests. Let's see what they have for the prize bag. Starting with Chris. I'm going to start on this end

so that Jim has time to scramble. I'm out of his wallet. I've got a copy of the movie magazine from summer of 1984. Cover story, Magic, Muscles, and Mayhem,

Conan the Destroyer. And it's got a nice little piece on E.T. Henry Thomas, stars in Cloak and Dagger. So that's a nice little time capsule. I've got soundtracks to the movies Honeymoon in Vegas

and Good Morning Vietnam. You can tell they came from the same thrift store. And then two passes to come back to Cap City Comedy Club and see some shows. So we'll do that. That is gift bag perfection. Let's see what kind of garbage

Dale brought. That's a lot of setup. It's just Christmas, so I'm just re-gifting gifts that I can't use. This is a gift from my girlfriend's parents. No, it's not important or anything.

They're very religious, and they don't drink at all. And the one thing they know about me is I drink. So they're like, we got you a fish flask for your alcohol. I don't know who this is made for, where it fits comfortably. That wouldn't fit comfortably in any pocket.

Oh, and also we were talking backstage, they're also the kind of family that like hide Bible verses in their gifts. And I haven't opened this yet, so it might be chock full of First Leviticus or something. So clean it out before you drink out of your fish. Yeah, if you're an alcoholic that lives in a lake and you're trying to... It's called Austin.

No, I'm not drinking. I'm just making out with this fish. Great job, Dale. Justin. Hey, Doug. So I'm moving my car. I had a car. I lived here

for about 10 years and I'm moving so I'm cleaning up my car. So these are all very personal items to me. It's probably going to seem like trash to people, but some of this I... So this is Williams College. I did a bunch of plays over at Williamstown. It's an old hat.

An ex of mine was on House of Cards, not Kevin Spacey. And so it's a House of Cards hat. Oh, yeah, that's's gotta be fun to wear these days. Wear it proudly. I found an old photo of, I did this movie Accepted, and this is a guy Robin Taylor, his name is. He's on the show

Gotham. He's just a candidate of us hanging out. Tin foil, Because you laugh But everyone needs tinfoil And then I was going Because I did The aforementioned Drag Me Out I was supposed to do

Romeo and Juliet With Evan Rachel Wood And this was my This was my script Highlighted script So if you know any actors Who are doing Romeo and Juliet Yeah All of them yeah

and then and I'm trying to choose what do you mean you're supposed to do with her we as a movie no as a play we were rehearsing we were about four or five weeks into rehearsal. And then you found out she was a robot? By the way, there's another sign with airplane bottles of booze also pointed at me right now. It's lit up. Sons of bitches. Well, you know, you can save the bottles for January 30. I mean, February 1. Jim, what do you got? Jim Brummer always brings something

to the candy from his name tag. It's genius. Yeah, I brought some candy. We got a Snickers, a Reese's, M&M Mint, and an M&M Peanut. Yeah, please. Pass them down.

Pass all your stuff down too, Justin. Thank you for Pass them down. Oh, pass all your stuff down, too, Justin. Thank you for bringing all that. And we're going to... Oh, there. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Yeah, you have to leave it on the sign when you eat them. Oh, here we go.

All right. Yeah. Two bags. Not bad, gentlemen. No. That's better. Okay. So, yeah. that's better okay so yeah good luck to the winner dealing with all of that and so does jim if jim wins somebody else gets the prize back yeah he's gonna have to pick somebody to play sucker i didn't come alone that felt like a a threat, if I'm being honest.

No, no, he just revealed... I did not... I didn't see that. I thought it was... It's made for a sexual... I feel a fucking piano wire come around the back of my neck. I didn't come alone.

I feel like in his mind, that's when the Ocean's Eleven bass kicks in. All the waitresses have guns. Here's my plan. Me and three other friends will get called up on stage. They'll flop immediately. All right. Let's talk Ocean's Eight for a second.

What I want to know is In the previews I've seen Anne Hathaway seems like she's the bad guy And that's who the Ocean's group Are trying to I haven't seen the trailer yet But on the poster she's listed as one of the 8 So is there another person?

Who cares? Listen I'll be honest with you I'm like a sucker for a heist movie. I will watch the shit out of that movie for sure. I wasn't trying to denigrate it in any way. Who's the lady with one name in it? Rihanna? No, no, no.

No. There's another one-name lady, and it's like Kate Blanchett, Anne Hathaway, couture. It's like somebody like that. Do you know what I'm talking about? Who is that? I think so. I think there's aaway, Couture. It's like somebody like that. Do you know what I'm talking about? Who is that? I think so. I think there's a person in it like that. It's on.

Oh. I really thought Rihanna was in it. Awkwafina. Awkwafina. Awkwafina is the person's name, Doug. I think, is she a rapper? She's a rapper. Okay, that makes sense.

Well, there you go. Oh, and my favorite water. Oh, she's the little Asian lady, right? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What does she do? She's a what? She's a rapper. She's like a comic and favorite water. Oh, she's the little Asian lady, right? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does she do? She's a rapper. She's like a comic and a rapper. Oh.

Yeah, yeah, I just saw. Awkwafina. There you go. Short Asian comic rapper named Awkwafina? Yep. But it's funny because it comes in like. It sounds like a mad lib, but it's a fact. I'll hold them back.

But there are all these big name actresses. Sandra Bullock, Kate Blank. Awkwafina? What? It's the new Awkwafina? What? It's the new Awkwafina picture. It's got to be eight of them. I don't think they listed all eight in the original. That stupid man one.

That man one ruined my childhood. Finally, they're making one with all ladies. And I am on board. I wish Murder on the Iron Express had been all ladies. I want to see an all ladies saving Private Ryan. Everyone in World War II is a woman. Hitler's a woman. And she's doing it right this time.

No, you're thinking of man Hitler. She's like fixing education and shit. Getting it done. It's not a war. It's just an entire world coming together for like a concert. Saving Private Rihanna. Starring Awkwafina. It's true. At least the lady

Ghostbusters should have been better at it than the guy Ghostbusters. They had a chance to show off, but they just treated them like humans. That would have been a boring movie. They were like, look how easy this is. Those guys made it to be some big deal. That's a good point.

All right. I don't know how long we're going. I was watching Living Single last night on Hulu and they're all sitting around eating ice cream like women do and they said on TV that's the thing they do and they were like what if there were no men in the world the queen Latifah was like there'd be a bunch of fat women and no crime and I was like you haven't seen the trailer for oceans eight women are also criminals by the way Chris that's a really fucking good

queen Latifah we had a fifth guest for a minute, but it's just me doing my Queen Latifah impression. There she goes. Everyone say goodbye, Queen. And also, Queen Latifah should know better. She robbed that bank. Set it off. Nobody else saw Set It Off. I thought you were talking about

banks. That's Queen Latifah. She brought down that white guy's house. I thought you were talking about babs. That's Queen Flatina. She brought down that white guy's house. Hi, I'm bad at describing Queen Latifah movies. I saw Queen Latifah on a tribute to Carol Burnett recently. And she was like, did you see that? She had these mad lips.

Carol Burnett recently and she was like did you see that? What's with these mad lips? And she was like when I first saw Carol Burnett I knew I could do that. And it was

I knew she meant it as like she was paying tribute to her but it was this weirdly most arrogant thing. If you were a child you could not have done that. So insulting. Was it like an I could do that or a shit? you could not have done that. So insulting. Was it like an I could do that or a shit?

I could do that. I could be the funniest woman in the history of television. Who the fuck does she think she is? I'll be a rapper that wears kente cloth for a few years, and then I'll transition into being the funniest woman on television. I don't know if you've seen Living Single. She succeeded.

She's doing all right. She's doing just fine. Yes, queen. Do her friends call her? She doesn't know. They don't call her queen. No. They have to.

We'd have to ask a friend of hers. They say my queen. They call her Q because she always shows them a bunch of gadgets. They were upset by that, though. Why? They were literally upset. I was inversely so happy to their sadness.

What, Justin? Do you ever work with the queen? Her Royal Highness and I were once on a flight together, but I never worked with her. We nodded at each other. That actor nodded. Oh, first class as well. Nice to see you.

She just thought you were a flight attendant on his day off. I did ask her if I could get her anything. She's a queen. Name it, it is yours. Peanuts my liege. You've got to take the knee before the queen lets him go.

She comes out of the bathroom, you announce to the captain, the queen has abdicated the throne. You know what's really embarrassing now? On JetBlue, flights is ordering the food. Because they make you call it the thing. Do you know what's really embarrassing now on JetBlue flights is ordering the food. Because they make you call it the thing that it is. And they have to, do you know what I mean?

You have to say it out loud? You have to say pump up or beef up. These gross names like beef up. You got to say beef up to a straight. Yeah, I like the beef up to a straight. Suck it to me. Knock my socks off. Where's that smiles? Give me the dick slapper.

I paid $580. This is the worst dick slapper I've ever had. But you can't just point to it. You have to say it. Yeah, yeah. Which, especially if you're in the, you know, inside seats. Yeah, yeah. The beef up.

Pump up. A skinny guy wearing pump up is really nice, too. Lights go off like cash cab. You just gotta sit there. That was our thousandth pump up. Confetti and balloons and shit fall out the way I'm supposed to be Remember to grab your balloon Before getting your kids

That joke wasn't worth it Alright I guess this is the part of the show Where I ask Bert to turn it off He probably has already Because we already played a game earlier But let the games begin!

We've got name tags. Gotta pick who you want to play for, guys. Now, Jim, who's that person you're here with? And she's got a name tag? That's perfect. I love it. Very efficient.

It's one person yelling over there for Dale, but he went close. I appreciate you, but show up on time. Get a better seat. Show up on time and get a better seat.

So cruel. That's why you got a special mic that doesn't work. They're like, he was rude. Shut him down. Is it working now? Check. Oh, that's nice. A little working a little too good.

Back in business. All right. Well, good job, everybody. Thank you very much for all of your attempts. But we have four winners up here, starting with Chris. Who are you playing for? Katie, yes.

I play for Don't Tell Doug the Katie-sitter's dead because I am on the poster and I'm wearing the same shirt. Which is like, that could be creepy. That could be like I'm holding today's newspaper or some shit. But it's just because I have four shirts.

I swear, I don't know that person. Dale, who are you playing for? I'm playing for Bobby. I picked his name tag because I thought it was one of my favorite movies, but I just didn't see it well enough. It's Run, Bobby, Run.

What do you think it was? I thought it was Run, Fat Boy, Run. That's one of your favorite movies? It's not even Simon Pegg. What's his name? Who's in that movie? Simon Pegg. It's not even his favorite movie. He's never fat. That's weird, right? The Pegg. Yeah, it's not even his favorite movie. Well, he's never fat, which is odd. That's weird, right?

The odd part of it is he's not that fat. Well, as a fat guy who has started running many times and has never done a second run, it really hits home with me. Can't you call the second time you do it for the first time your second run? I can't, because it's been a year and a half. Who cares?

Still your next run. Good for you. Good for you forever running. Next run is coming up in August, everybody. Meet me there. Just waiting for the weather to be perfect. All right. Justin, who are you playing for? I'm playing for Nick

Nick Filippi I wish I hadn't chosen this one It's a pretentious pronunciation It's Nickturnal Animals It's funny It's got Doug on the cover, which is nice. And Scooby-Doo from Herbie Fully Loaded. A good man and a fine actor.

So, yeah, Nick. All right. Yeah. Was Herbie fully loaded on the set, or was that just for the movie? Actual Herbie? Yeah. Was he fully loaded on the set, or was that just for the movie? Actual Herbie? Yeah. Was he fully loaded?

I just always loved that expression. He was fairly loaded. It sounds like it's about Herbie's drunk. Lindsay Lohan was. Herbie's doing some drunk driving. She was somewhat loaded. Yeah, Lindsay would pour alcohol into his gas tank. Yeah.

Like 8 a.m. in the makeup trailer, she was just... And her boyfriend was like, shh, don't, don't make... I said, what's going on? She has exhaustion. She suffers from exhaustion. She's 18 years old. 18 years old. Suffer from exhaustion.

Anyway, she turned out fine. Suffers from being up all night. It's a disease. She suffers from being out of cocaine. It is a horrible infliction. You don't shush me. I'm just in fucking law.

Shut up. Jim, who are you playing for? your sister? yeah Stacy I thought so Stacy Balls that's a pretty good one pretty deserving alright well good luck to

each and every one of you you can throw those name tags down on the ground. You don't have to hold them the whole time. I fell asleep halfway through Logan Lucky last night. It's a movie I've seen recently. It was good I was just I was too high

And I fell asleep But it was really I enjoyed when I saw it Daniel Craig's reward You'll definitely pick it up And finish it off Yeah yeah yeah For sure

I thought it was pretty fun It's good It's ruined by the southern accents It's too much I think we had this conversation Okay never mind I think we've already been through this It's an old man

Did you like it Dan? Huh? Did you like it, Dan? Huh? Did you like it? I thought it was all right. I call it a Soderbergh. Sure. And you kind of know what you're in for. Like, you know, he doesn't mind taking some time with a scene that's not going to matter at all.

He doesn't mind taking a little moment, you know, with little views of the area and some music going. He's just got kind of, you know, let's shoot this. Okay, let's see how it goes. There's like a six minute gag about fucking Game of Thrones that just goes on for like six minutes. That is really weird. It's very strange. Yeah, that's people's favorite part. To me, that was just like, what?

There's still, this is still happening? Yeah. Yeah. Did you see it, Justin? Yeah, I saw it. It was like an Oceans movie. It was like Southern Oceans. But without cool guys.

You're supposed to be acting stupid. Yeah, there weren't enough cool guys. After seeing that, I was like, I could rob a thing. Shit, I could die. Well, that's one of those heists when they're describing it, I'm going like, oh, it'd be easier to just get a job. They put so much

energy into all this work. I know. For something that might not work out. Yeah. Because there's always a problem along the way. Yeah. It's like when Chunk, you know, had that elaborate thing just to open his gate in Goonies, you know. Just go open the way. Yeah. It's like when Chunk, you know, had that elaborate thing just to open his gate in Goonies, you know. Just go open the gate.

No, who was that? That was Data? Yeah, they made Chunk do that. That wasn't his choice. Chunk doesn't. That was Chunk's defense. Cuckolding that poor boy. I don't think that's the right usage of that term, but you know what I meant. They made him pull his shirt up and jiggle around all the time.

It's pretty gross. He humiliated that poor child. They were pretty terrible to him. All right, we're going to start with a game that everybody loves called Live, Die, Repeat. I am going to say the title of a motion picture. First person that repeats it back entirely and correctly is the winner.

This is not going to be an easy one. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. I like a good pre-guess. But that would have been, I wouldn't have considered that to be difficult.

Maybe that was the last one we did, wasn't it? Yeah. What are you, that guy at roulette bets the same number that just came up?

Yeah, right. It's going to come up twice because it did once. Any other pre-guesses? Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married 2.

T-O-O, by the way. Okay, you're out. Clearly he's more of a boo on the D-Halloween

thing. Boo too. Boo too. Boo creep it real. We walked around New York like for an entire night just making up tag lines for boo. It's more of a boo of a D-Halloween name. Boo 2. Boo 2. Boo Creep It Real. We walked around New York for an entire night just making up taglines for Boo 2. Because the real one was Creep It Real. So we played along with that theme,

and it's just the funnest game ever. I highly recommend it. Pre-guess, I'll go Whiskey Sprite. Anyone? We will guess. Pre-guess, I'll go whiskey Sprite. Dear Cap City, my friend would like a whiskey Sprite. I'd enjoy another Tito's and soda. Anybody else need anything?

Thank you. Chris, what do you have? Ascend purified drinking water. Chris, what do you have? Yeah. Ascend purified drinking water. 14 more days. It's vodka. You good? You good, Jim?

I'm good. Okay. Thank you. Stacy? Here we go. All right. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

The first word in this title is can. C-A-N, can. Can. The next word is Hieronymus. Can Hieronymus Merkin? Can Hieronymus Merkin? Is that the whole title? Can Hieronymus

Merkin ever forget Mercy Hump? ever forget Can Hieronymus Merkin ever forget Mercy Hump? Hold on. Enough of these fucking man lips today. Can Hieronymus Merkin ever forget Mercy Hump and find

true love? Can Hieronymus ever forget Mercy Hump and find true love? Can Hieronymus ever forget Mercy Hump and find true love? Can Hieronymus Merkin ever forget Mercy Hump and find true happy? Can Hieronymus

Merkin ever forget Mercy Hump and find true happiness? That is correct. Fuck that movie. Fuck whoever named that movie. Fuck whatever weird. Fuck that movie. Fuck whoever named that movie. Fuck whatever weird country made that movie because that doesn't sound like it's ours. It's a real, it's one of those Trump

shithole countries they're talking about. Africa's fine. Just whatever country this piece of shit came from. It was from 1969 and starred Anthony Newley and Joan Collins so it could very well have been a lot of British people. Merkin? I wonder if Merkin meant what it means. I think that word has always meant that.

It's a biopic. And it's a comedy. This is how he found true happiness. The inventor of the... I thought the idea of Merkin was invented by Hieronymus Merkin. No, the Merkin was invented by Hieronymus Merkin's rival. Fuck that guy. He got a movie.

Frank Vaginawig. Okay. Okay, so Chris, you won that game You gotta go first to this next game I'm so excited, this is a new game Oh shit, the guy in the front row Bells really loud That was Adam, oh no No, it was Adam's friend

Still, closing up, Adam and Jason It was the rock and roller. Adam's a polite young man. It's his rock and roll buddy sitting over here. New game? Every round, if you can, maybe just to signal the next. Oh, that would be fun. I like sound effects, for sure.

I like drops. I like drops in my shows. Hey, everybody, let's play a new game. And the final round. How's that whiskey Sprite coming? You know, at this point, if possible, I'll take this. Oh no, you already have the whiskey Sprite. I'll take one too if it hasn't come yet.

If you make two, I would love one. That's a horrible way of ordering. What are you going to have? That sounded good, the whiskey Sprite. Okay, so we need two whiskey Sprites. This is the exact opposite reaction I got last time. Last time I ordered a whiskey Sprite, it turned into 20 minutes of the other guest being like, what the fuck kind of drink is that?

And you're so lovely, just like, me too. I'm a team player. That's why they all laughed at the drink order. There's no way to explain that. You just explained it pretty good. What was their problem with Whiskey Sprite? They'd never heard of a 7 and 7 and wouldn't let it go.

But also, Whiskey Sprite, it just sounds funny. It sounds like it's to say, give me a bourbon fairy or something. The word Sprite is so cute. Jeff Tate said it was Strawberry Shortcake's drunk uncle. That fucking killed me. It's not like all some other jokes from previous episodes. But yeah, that was a fun time

and a fun drink, and I'm glad I remember it now. But I'll just stick with my very manly Tito's and Soda. And we're going to play a game called How Long Is It? Partially in tribute to our guest, Justin Long. In what sentence?

But also... Exactly. How long is what? What is this game going to be? What do you think it's going to be, Chris? I'm guessing it's the length of Justin Long movies. Oh, see, that's not a bad guess. Dale, what do you think it's going to be?

Have you ever done movies where you played multiple roles in the movie? No. No? Do you count human walrus as two different roles? Regular Justin and sausage Justin.

I guess it sounds like guessing how long movies are, Price is Right's rules, where you can't go over. You know I love Price is Right rules. It's America's Game Show. Justin, what do you think it is? I was just going back over my catalog, trying to remember if I had done that, and I don't think I have.

I think it's how long is it? The length of an actor's hair in a particular movie. Okay. All right. Jim, do you have any ideas? It's a good game. It's fun just guessing.

I was going to guess how long a movie is Price is Right rules. That's my guess. It's fun just guessing. I was going to guess how long a movie is, Price is Right. Rules. That's my guess. Pick something else. Well, that could definitely work for this game. I'm going to name a movie-related thing, and then each of you get to guess how long it is,

and then... A name? No idea. Doug, what'd you say? A name? No idea. Doug, what'd you say? A name? Whoever gets closest without going over. How long the thing is? Price is right. I still haven't told you what the thing is,

but once I do, you're going to tell me how long you think it is. Yeah, how long in terms of the length? Still very confused. But it's movie related. So is it just like Kevin Bacon's penis? It's going to be a thing from a movie. Like Kevin Bacon's penis. We've seen that in a couple of movies.

So you burp again so we can move on. All right. Let's, yeah. I think you guys are going to get this. Thoroughly confused. No, you're going to understand it totally. And you're going to go first, Chris. Okay.

You're the only one who gets a guess. Got it. And don't do like Price is Right, where you start counting higher or lower, because that's not fair. Sure. I'll do what you want. I don't care. Courage your convictions. I appreciate that. Yeah, yeah.

Don't... Ah, whatever. Yeah, what are you going to do? Everybody's got an opinion. Might as well let them yell about it. How long does Tom Hanks piss in that one scene in a league of their own? I'd like to jump in. I know the answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd like to jump in. I know the answer.

Well, I was on Mr. Piss, that site, the other day. It's like Mr. Skin, but for movies with real long pee scenes in it. Well, Tom Hanks would be in there a lot. It turns out he's peed in five or six different movies, at least. And so he goes in there in front of all the ladies and takes a pee. It's a famous scene. I watched it on YouTube and I counted, by my count, how long it takes him. Count? So you didn't look at the bar on the bottom with a time?

You just won Mississippi Day? So how long does he pee for? 42 seconds. 42 seconds is his first guess. Chris's guess. I don't know why I'm trying to write it down. It's 42 seconds. Dale?

25 seconds. Oh, interesting. I feel like I'm cheating. I know a lot about most creatures. It takes them 23 seconds to piss. And if he's a great actor, he actually peed for that scene. So you're going 25.

That's me showing my work. All right. What do you got there, Justin? I'm going to say 32. And I wonder if it's longer than the Austin Powers pee. Here come the whiskey sprites, the whiskey sprites. Here come the whiskey sprites. It's good.

Is this Price is Right Rules? Yeah. That'd be a good stripper name for me, Whiskey Sprite. Say $1. Yeah. I don't think it's under $25, though.

You said $30? $32. I'll do $30. $25, $32. So you said 30? 32. We got 40, 25, 32. You're doing what? 33. 33? Okay. My jam. Wait, what did Justin say?

32. So why would you just add one more to it? Oh, I guess, yeah, I guess he gets everything higher than that. He just blew any chance. You need to hold your microphone like this. he gets everything higher than that. He just blew any chance. You need to hold your microphone like this. These audience players, they're vicious.

They really go for it. Wait, you say you would strip under the name Whiskey Sprite? Yeah, Whiskey Sprite, I think. Like you could strip under any name other than Justin Long? It's too obvious. It's a obvious. Yeah. It's a fair point. Hey, Whiskey,

this has been bugging me all night. Are you Justin Long? Justin really long. Hey. You know, there is a porn star named Justin Long, and I almost wasn't able to use that name because he had done one SAG thing.

He had done something like Skid Matches. He has one SAG thing. SAG is also the Porn Union Actors Guild. It's a word, not an acronym. It's just SAG. Can't your legitimate career like Trump is and you get to take the name

or like did y'all walk into a room one time and you were the first to look away uh yeah

he had one thing so I think if you have if you have two then you get to keep the name okay

so I fortunately beat him to it yeah but he's still Justin Long. Okay. I've lost all interest in my game.

But I think the answer is I think you all went over What? No shit. 21 seconds. Wow. Feels like forever because a bunch of women,

like Madonna and Rosie, are standing around watching him do it. So it feels like a long time. And he even has one of those moments where he stops for a few seconds and then starts up again. And then it's still only a total of 21 seconds. This is a gross thing to admit, but I've taped myself peeing before. Just because, you know, when you think like, a couple times.

Was that you or the other Justin Long? No, it seems more like, so he just. And it consistently goes over a minute. I mean,

if you really have to go, I mean, if it's, because I think it was after the night of he was partying, right? So that's bullshit.

It's fake. It's movie. It feels like forever. It feels like a long time because all you have to cut away to is women just looking like, what the fuck is happening? And gradually, don't they all kind of like... I think that's why he stops and starts up again

just to give it, you know, to push it a little further. But it's still... If it was a minute, it would be interminable. I know, yeah. People would run up into the lobby. There's something wrong with the projector. On the DVD commentary, he's like, that was actually a personal choice of mine into the lobby. There's something wrong with the projector. On the DVD commentary, he's like, that was actually a personal choice of mine for this scene. I kind of pinched it off for a second

and let it go again to add a little bit of wow to the scene. The whole thing, even after he pinches it off, it's 21 seconds. That's crazy. But it was Doug that was timing it, so you never know. That's true. Good point, Jim.

I do try to make it clear that I was the one that timed it. Was it by Mississippis, or did you have your phone? I have a phone. Might have used the microwave in the kitchen. Because I might have been looking at... Oh, you know what? I was watching a YouTube clip.

It counts the seconds for you. Tom Hanks is done peeing, and my burrito's ready. He peed for a whole half a hot pocket. Anyway, that's our new game. How long is it? I love it. I'm a big fan. I can't wait to measure the length of other things and then quiz everybody. Plus,

it'll be fun to explain every time. I love it. Like, I love explaining Live, Die, Repeat because the first time people play it, they're like, what are we supposed to do? We're just going to say the title back? And it's still almost impossible. It's tough.

Well, you know, I'm finding some really weird, fun titles. I like those insanely long titles. But let's determine a winner here today with four rounds of a game that I'm shortening to just Bennington yeah it's the box office mojo game adjusted for inflation yeah okay you go you don't have to applaud I get it it's a very harsh winter here in Austin. Just came in to warm up.

It's supposed to snow on Tuesday. I heard it was going to be a winter mix, Jim. Sorry. Let's not get crazy. Upgrade it to a snowstorm. Winter mix around here means it might not even happen. Probably not going to happen. Yeah, yeah, right?

Yeah! Because we're like, get out of here, you wintry mix! We want pure winter or nothing. What? All right. He had a new movie come out i'm gonna see it because i see all of them oh we'll start with you chris then we'll go to jim and justin and dale each of you gets a chance to go first in this game but chris has the advantage or disadvantages as je Jeff Tate likes to say. He gets to go first in this first round. The films of Liam Neeson.

What do you think is in his top three of all time after Adjusted Trivelation, according to Box Office Mojo? Chris Cubis. Taken. Okay. Schindler's List. Thanks, but it's still Chris Cubis. Oh, wait, what?

What happened? Didn't you say Taken? Oh, it is. Okay, I thought it was my turn still. I forgot how this game goes. I did say Taken. You can go with something else if you want. No, I'm fine with Taken.

Okay. So yeah, so then Jim gets to go. Sorry. Schindler's List. He goes Schindler's List, because I remember lines around the block for that one. I went in cosplay. I mean... It was not appreciated.

She had a little red coat. That was looking good. Oh, fuck you guys. That's too much, the coat part. It's just filmmaking. Do I go? I'll go. Fuck.

That would be amazing. To just show up at a party with a red fur coat on and say that. Justin? I'm tempted to say Darkman. It wouldn't be Darkman. Darkman, no.

What? I know, stupid. Don't argue. I was testing you guys. Don't argue with the crowd. I'm going to say Taken 2. Don't let them. After that.

Sequel. Action sequels do well. After that. Incredulous. All that. Sequel. Action sequels do well. After that. Incredulous. All right. Don't. It's up to you. It's up to you, Justin.

It's not. Don't let the crowd. Nope. I've always gone with the crowd. I'm going to go. I'll say Taken 2. I'm just saying for future reference. Batman Begins.

Oh, right. Right. Wow. Cheeseman's got some confidence. Cheeseman. Hey, man, come on. Oh, was long hard for you as a kid? It's long when it's translated to schlong in teenage.

You know, there's also an adult film star named Dale Cheeseman. He is not popular. That was my career before standout. I'm trying to move on. Dick Cheeseman. All right, what did you guys guys say Taken, Taken 2 Batman Begins and Schindler's List

Coming in at number 3 for the great Liam Neeson The Chronicles of Narnia The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe I believe he was the voice of The Wardrobe Get in here it's very warm I believe he was the voice of the wardrobe.

Get in here, it's very warm. So much to wear. So much to wear. Number two for Liam Neeson. And you danced around a little bit there, Cheeseman, I think, or Justin. The Dark Knight Rises. Rises. I couldn't remember his name. Yeah, because he shows up for a second.

And then his number one movie. Can't believe none of you guys managed to snag this one. Audience quiet. Star Wars Episode I, The Phantom Menace. That's so dumb. Phantom Menace! I tried to not think about that movie. Do you have his lowest grossing movies?

Because I think I was in one of them. I swear. Afterlife. I don't think it registered. You were in a thing with him called Afterlife I don't think You were in a thing With him called Afterlife Yeah

It was like this Kind of creepy Horror movie Christina Ricci And I remember I was getting ready To do a scene

I was doing pushups And he turned to the PA And he goes Some actors have to do pushups To get a seat In character And he totally Negged me

Right He and Christina High fived And walked over To craft services He totally negged me, right? He had even seen a high five and walked over to craft services. Did he say what I think he said? All right, the score is zero. But we're going to move to, Jim gets to start us off on this next next one and i know we were sort of at the end there when you yelled out star wars from the audience but please don't uh don't jump the gun on these uh james mcavoy james mcavoy what do you got there jim

i'm trying to think of who that is Well he was the guy who was in I'm not going to fall for that Please don't talk over each other What was he in? He was in the conspiracy I couldn't hear what he said he was in I stopped talking because that was the joke So my guess is going to be JFK

Okay Fair enough Justin it's probably X-Men days of future past is that it okay don't don't consult anyone who's the guy that yell at Star Wars trailer? Dale? Dale no now I know who it is but you said future

past I'll go X-Men first class think of the other X-Men movies that he was in

and I feel like that last one didn't do well but I can't think of another thing that would round two he's on the room now think of another thing that would... Round two. He's on the room now.

I'll say... No, belching flu is catching everywhere. I'm going to say X-Men... Is it Apocalypse? Age of Apocalypse? X-Men Apocalypse? Yeah, X-Men Apocalypse. Okay.

I couldn't think of another thing. Coming in at number three for Mr. James McAvoy, X-Men Apocalypse. One point for Chris. On the board. I didn't want to. I didn't want to. Number two for Mr. McAvoy. And by the way, he's a damn fine actor, I got to say. I really like his work.

I'm glad he's not going gonna do any more of these movies. Because, of course, he was in The Chronicles of Narnia. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Yeah, he played a weird elf. And then, coming in at number one for James McAvoy, X-Men Days of Future Past! There you go. Three points for Justin.

That's the second one. Justin's got some points. That was also probably one of his lowest grossing movies. He seems to be a fiend, doesn't he? It's what I do. What was that one called? It's called The Conspirator.

Was he nicer than Liam? They were both... I really love them both. Yeah. He never shamed me. But he probably wasn't playing an alpha character to yours. See him walking by like,

some actors have to drink water before a scene. Some actors have to evacuate their bowels. He's going to the bathroom. That's part of his third set of skills he doesn't have to shit on set I want a trailer no bathroom

like an Irish camel get it out you know he's in the new he got he's in how he did an interview where he was kind of like you hear that

he's defending he's like defending yeah he where he was kind of like, you hear that? He's defending. He's like, defending. Yeah, he just signed it. He nagged you. He nagged the Me Too movement as well. He did today, right? What did he say about it? The same shit all these old fucking dumbass men keep saying.

It's like, oh, it's a witch hunt. It's not so bad or whatever. Can you say it? He also said it like a stereotype Italian cartoon chef. Like, I don't know why he said it. Oh, it's not so bad. It's not so bad.

I don't understand. Shut up. What are they so angry about? I came here from a pizza box to tell you sexual harassment is multiman.

How am I ever to flirt with a princess again? I'm going back to Dublin. Alright. Starting with Dale. All right. Starting with Dale. I just want to do that all day. Hey, the luck of the Irish, yeah.

I just want to do different. You got that kiss of the Blarney Stone. Happy 2017, everybody. Dale, the films of Miss Tilda Swinton. I'm going to go The Chronicles of Narnia. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Good guess. That's a tough one.

Chris? Wait, is that the right word? Yeah, it goes to me. Justin was supposed to start. Let's wait until after the game's over that's a tough one it's like a real high grossing Tilda Swinton well yeah Justin was supposed to start wasn't he

yeah we can start over if you like it's totally fine like maybe pick a new name or something you can try but the crowd won't allow it right guys? Well, Dale, I'm sad you didn't point it out earlier when you had the chance to step up and be a real man. But I'm still grateful that you told me. Justin, start us off, and you can say whatever the fuck it was Dale just said.

You can steal it from me. Maybe I'll do the second. What's the site? They made two of those, right? Two of what? The Chronicles of Narnia, the second one, not Dale's. Right? Shush.

Shush. Shush. Shush that wardrobe. Shush. Either take his or come up with another one it's not but Constantine no I will say wait let's see Dale are you sticking

with your dumb answer wasn't that the whole beginning of that movie, 21, where you have to change your answer? No one knows I'm referencing. No one saw that movie. I'll stick back with it. He's sticking with it. Kevin Chronicles of Narnia.

Okay. Kevin Spacey. Yeah, my hero. Okay, shh. Thanks, sir. But not as an actor, right? Oh, that's right. We all hated him always.

That movie was incredibly accurate. He hit on 14. Boom! Boom! God damn it. Boom! Oh, that was bad. Fuck all of you for applauding that joke.

Not offensive. It was just a bad joke. I'll say, I'll go to the Justin Long route, and I will say Prince Caspian, Chronicles of Narnia 2. That's just a bad joke. I'll say I'll go to the Justin Long route and I will say Prince Caspian Chronicles of Narnia 2. Yeah, like fuck me for trying to think of the sequel. Jim?

I'll go with Thor Ragnarok. Oh. She's not in it. I was trying to think. It's an amazing answer if she was in it, right? Crazy shit. No. I was trying to think. I'm like, oh, that's Kate Blanchett. It's an amazing answer if she was in it. Yeah.

If she was in it, that would have been a good one. Right again. She's not in it. I'm glad I wasn't alone on that one. All right. But that information would have come to light when I didn't say that movie title. But there's some Star Wars thing, right? Let's not get ahead of ourselves. She's in Star Wars. All right, Justin. That information would have come to light when I didn't say that movie title. But there's some Star Wars thing, right? Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

All right, Justin. Settle down. I know what I should have said. Settle down over there. Now I know what I should have said. Your answers are in. I know. You're all locked in.

I'm locked in. So we're wrong. Silence. Silence. Number three. Season Vanilla Sky Yeah Shit is right Number two

Doctor Strange There you go That's what I was thinking Number one would have been And then the number one Tilla Swinton movie Of course Is the Chronicles

Of Narnia, The Lion, the Rich, and the Roar Roar Roar. Doctor Strange was that successful? Oh yeah, that was huge. That was a big one. Really? I liked it a lot. All right.

Jim, buddy? Yes, sir? You still have a chance here. We are going to have to come up with the number one movie to spring into a tie for first place. I believe it's Dale. And we're going to start, what? Oh, okay.

I was going to say Dale Strum. No, it's, yeah. I'm just. Show me the rules. I'm just having a moment with you to pump you up. I'm just pumping up the. rules. I'm just having a moment with you to pump you up. I'm just pumping up the... Inspire confidence. Thank you.

Dale gets to start us off. Chronicle... Oh, sorry. Go ahead. The films... No audience help. Seriously. The films of Alan Rickman.

Dale? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. I don't like that laugh. I fucked myself. Part one's on there. Chris? Adjusted for inflation? Mm-hmm.

I mean, I have a debate in my head. That's a reasonable question I just asked. Fuck it, I'm going to say it. Die hard. I don't think it's right. It's not. Thanks, Dale. I'll go with...

I'm going to Jim. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. Why is that so funny? Interesting. I like the idea that there's a large section of people who saw the first one and were like, fuck this. Oh, shit. More Deathly Hallows?

No thank you. Maybe if they say there might be some happier Hallows. Harry Potter and the Happy Hollow! Harry Potter and the just chilling out for one year. Just shut up about the horcruxes and relax for a little while. Trying to go to college. I gotta say, I'm super into like,

on New Year's Day, HBO showed every single one all in a row. And I nap watched every one of them. I'd wake up and be like, oh, Order of the Phoenix. It's one of the best ones, but alright. Yeah, but you know, it was on at 4 a.m. or whatever.

I take them way too seriously. You do? Yes. Huge. Let's not get into that. My dark passenger. I'm also a big Dexter fan. Whose turn is it? I think it's mine.

Justin? Is he in all those Harry Potter? He's in all the Harry Potter? No. Is he in all that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not, isn't he? I don't know.

You can't ask questions like that. You cheater. I'm going to say love actually. Mr. Potter. I'm going to say love actually. Mr. Potter. I'm going to say love actually. That's a great one. Love actually. I got you this jewelry.

So you don't have confidence. For my infidelity. You don't have confidence in Galaxy Quest? You don't have... I don't have confidence in Galaxy Quest? You don't have... I don't even make... By crap falls hammer, I should have said Galaxy Quest. That's so good.

I don't think it did that well in the theater. I know, it's a shame. This is a great movie. What's your Alan Rickman story? It's a cult classic, but he went... Alan Rickman kicked him in the balls once on his own. No, he was the best. He went the craziest at the wrap party, I remember.

Fun, dancing with everyone. You'd think he was such a low-key. He was a maniac at the wrap party. That's awesome. That makes me so happy. You said a maniac at the wrap party, and I just imagined him rapping. Or everyone shut up.

Sit down. My name is Alan Rickman And I'm here to say Like Snape I'm coming at you A hundred degrees down I'm glad we just got to pay that tribute You haven't You haven't ever heard his Solid gold rap album

Snape Your Chances? Alright, Jim, did you say one? Yes. What'd you say? Deathly Hallows Part 1. Oh, right, right. And what'd you say, Justin? Love Actually. Okay. Chris isn't gonna let you.

And we gotta die hard, and we gotta Love Actually. Okay. Chris isn't going to let you change that. And we got a Die Hard and we got a Deathly Hallows part de along with part e. Coming in at number three for the great Alan Rickman Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It's an all be

fucking Harry Potter. We've made a huge mistake. Hey, at least I didn't trick any of you into thinking he was in Chronicles of the Dark Knight. Because he could have been the voice of that fucking badger. Sure. Coming in at number two...

He was in Outbreak? What happened? coming in number two he was an outbreak what happened you know what I'm gonna do out of order number one after all this time dogma is not the answer dude Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

the first in the series made the most money, I guess. And then after adjusting for inflation, because they were, you know, 20 years apart, or whatever, how long it was. That's good. How long is it? In between Harry Potter and...

Okay. Number two, Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part II. Dale Cheeseman is our winner. Dale, Dale, Dale, Dale, Dale, Dale. This is a win for all of us here tonight. We've been working towards this goal and together we achieved it.

I'm proud of y'all. Y'all, y'all, y'all, y'all. And a whiskey Sprite while I still have power. You need another one already? They're delicious. Okay. What happened, Chris?

Huh? I thought you were going to say something. No. I can if you need me to. I'd like to hear some plugs. Check out my podcast, Canceled. We watch TV shows. It only lasts in one season. Thank you to the three people in the room that listen to it.

No, don't lie. We're currently watching The Powers of Matthew Starr. Oh. Which is real weird and bad. And then we're watching The Cape next. So that's going to be equally weird. I'm here at this club next week with Joey Diaz. And then I'm headlining the following Wednesday here. So come check that out.

And chriscubuscomedy.com. Thank you, Chris Cubus. Dale Cheeseman's looking up his dates on the phone. I'm trying to get it right. Oh, there's your whiskey Sprite. Here, Jim. Alright, my plugs. I'm headlining the

Houston Improv February 8th. Tickets are half off if you complain a little bit. I don't know the code. Wait, how much is just a little bit? They'll be like the code. Wait, how much is just a little bit? Like, just like, it'll be like ten bucks.

You'll be like, and then there'll be like five bucks. You get in. Bring people. It'll be fun. If you love movies, this isn't, can we plug someone else's shit?

I have a buddy, Chase DeRusso, who started a show where he shows white movies to black comics at a live show, and then the black comics just talk about the little things that white people don't notice in movies that are just kind of dumbass. They watched Falling Down with Michael Douglas

with a panel of four black comics just being like... It was amazing. Check it out if you're in houston and then i'm i do it's a show call it's not my show i don't know i'm fucking terrible fuck i'll tweet about it he was telling me he's like it's for black comics i'm like that's so great can i be be on it? He was like, no. Right, right. Okay, right, right. That's one of those dumb things white people do.

Yeah, right? Yeah, but I want to... I don't see my own race. It's like... Yeah, I'm not going to do that. So yeah, February 8th. Come out to that. Oh, and I'll be back in Austin. January 19th.

Kick butt coffee. Where do you play in Austin? Kick butt... Kick butt coffee. We only promote dates here at this club. Right, right, right. Well, I'll be here. I was waiting for a manager to yell at me.

Oh, yeah, somebody. No one from the club yelled out what your next date is, so. Keep an eye out for him. Come to every show here. Until you see me. And Dale will show up eventually. And then I will refund you. Justin Long,

so you've had a place here in Austin and you're vacating? Yeah. Driving my car back. I told that scintillating story tonight.

You said you were moving but like, what happened? You don't like it here anymore? I love it here. Hey, so fuck us? Is that what you're saying?

It was really the people. Everything else. Love everything else. Yeah, I'm, you know, I just don't get down here enough. But I love it and I miss it. And I also, this is fucking lamer than anything I could say,

but my allergies. It's gotten so bad here. They have. I'm like people used to talk about the cedar fever and I'm like what what

that's how I would say it what you talking about and I started getting Justin's on that black comic show and he was like what he's great

you're talking about cedar why did he just leave his car there he go walk out what fucking shirt tucked into his underwear saccharine B Why did he just leave his car there? He gonna walk out of it? Fucking shirt tucked into his underwear Saccharine B It's a falling down joke

They use this man That movie is very hard to watch Post Trump It's very weird Where's The person that you were playing for Dale trunk. It's very weird. Where's the person that you were playing for, Dale? Who was it? Benny. Hey, man, come get

your prizes if you can make your way. Oh, yeah, I won. Make your way to the stage. I'll take everybody else's name tags. And Jim, do you have anything that you'd like to promote? Yeah, if y'all need any guardrail installed, roadwayspecialties.com.

Well, that's just awesome. Douglas Movies is back at UCB Franklin in L.A. on Tuesday, January 30th, 2018. Thank you, you guys here in the audience today for coming back so soon. I was just here less than four weeks ago, and I really appreciate the support. And let's have one more round of applause

for everybody on stage. Jim Brummer, Justin Long, Dale Chisman, and Chris Cubis. And yeah, you guys can stay for this if you want. As always, book snobs who always think the books are better than the movie

are a shithead. Irate drivers that shame honk at you when they are the ones doing it wrong are a shithead. This one, when they go, they let you go, but it's like,

ugh. I don't want to. If I'm standing on a corner and a car comes up and stops for me and it's not a stop sign, I'm just waiting for the traffic to clear, and they wave me across. I'm like, no way I'm going to

step in front of your fucking car! Especially with that attitude. Stranger, yeah, like, get in front of my car, quick! No, I'm good over here on this somewhat safe curb. Make sure you sprint. Now, Justin, you know I'm wrapping up the show now, right? Yeah. I had a quick Elijah Wood story I was going to say.

Okay, please. My brother... He's sticking it out. Elijah's going to stay here. By the way, everyone I... So many people I meet, they're like, hey, you know Elijah Wood, right? He lives...

I've heard from countless people. My brother had a weird fascination with him. He used to work... My brother worked at a Starbucks in Santa Monica, and he would... My brother, who's not into fame or celebrity stuff, he would text me

whenever Elijah Wood was in there. He's like, he's here. And I was like, my brother's used to seeing actors and he'd say his eyes, he'd talk about his eyes, how beautiful. He'd call him like a beautiful lemur. He was like,

he's transplaininged he's just radiant and so nice and all that and so one day i was driving down main street in santa monica and i i let a car without doing that i graciously let a car go in front of me and uh the car behind that car kind of like um was tailgating and and kind of cut me off and and took advantage of my you know nice street and it was a little it was a mini cooper me off and took advantage of my, you know, nice street. And it was a little, it was a Mini Cooper, I think. And I was like... Of course it was.

And I would do, yeah. And I would do a thing on the road where I would get like passive aggressive rage, not like ragey. I would be like, I would get very passive. And I kind of beeped for a second. I went, oh no, go ahead. You know, like really sarcastic.

Like, please. Like, I would do that kind of thing. And you saw his queen Latifah and you felt kind of united. And the person just kind of gave me one of these, finally. Because they hadn't thanked me. That was my issue.

Right, right. And they finally gave a little, like, wait. And my brother was in the car and he goes, I think that might be Elijah Wood. And I was like, you got to stop with this Elijah Wood fascination. Like, it's enough already. And then I started looking in the car and he goes, I think that might be Elijah Wood. And I was like, you gotta stop with this Elijah Wood fascination. It's enough already. And then I

started looking in the rear view and I could see the eyes kind of darting nervously back. And he has such distinctive eyes. I was like, maybe that is Elijah Wood. Eyes may peer more Elijah Wood in a mirror. So we pulled up next to each other at the next red light. I pulled to the left of him and I looked over as he was looking over,

and it was fully Elijah Wood. And replaying it, I think he must have thought, when I beeped, like, passive-aggressively, I think he thought, like, the wave he gave me wasn't like, thanks for letting me in. It was like, there's a fan behind me. He was like, yes, I think. I'll be with you.

Yeah, it's like, yes. I think. I'll be with you in a minute. Yeah, it's me. Okay. Sounds like he was about to have an unexpected journey. Hello. Wrong movie, but still. Thank you again, Justin. Thanks for having me.

For that last minute story time. I got a kind of somber Alan Rickman one too. We'll see you in New York or L.A. I hope and all of you here in Austin and as always Trump's shithole is a shithead. Now it's time to go to lunch

another talking eyes of old is viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies