Doug Loves Movies - Kumail Nanjiani, Bil Dwyer, and Samm Levine Guest

Episode Date: November 20, 2012

Doug welcomes comedians Kumail Nanjiani and Bil Dwyer and Leonard Maltin savant Samm "The Ma'am" Levine aka Lil Wolverine to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats With 50 azopop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see But Doug Loves Movies! Hey everybody! My name is Doug. I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies Robot Edition.

Coming to you from the Upgrade Citizens Brigade Theater on Tuesday, November 22 Oceans 12. Thank you Comedy Mix in Vancouver and everyone that came to the Doug Loves Movies taping there. Such a fun show. And thanks to the Morrissey Pub

in downtown Vancouver for finding room for me and Big Irish J to watch the incredible UFC 154? Was it 154? I can't keep track of those numbers. Anyway, on Saturday, since last I spoke and you listened, I flew back to Los Angeles

on a plane where they had TVs with movies on them. So I watched Kill Bill Volume 1. Uncut. Yeah. With none of that, my name is Buck and I'm here to party nonsense. It said Pussy Mobile. Wait, no. Pussy Wagon Pussy Mobile is Scooby Doo So anyway

I had a really good time watching Kill Bill Volume 1 on a plane Something about watching it on a plane And that one scene where Where there's a plane And the music's playing And you're on a plane I liked it

As opposed to Flight I'm not looking forward to watching Flight On a plane and the music's playing and you're on a plane. I liked it. As opposed to flight. I'm not looking forward to watching flight on a plane, you guys. I don't think that's going to happen. I hope that doesn't happen. I never noticed before, though, but watching Kill Bill Volume 1 again for the millionth time, apparently everybody whistles

when they're walking down a hallway in a hospital. From assassins to male nurses. They all like to whistle in the hallway. I'm sorry, corridor. I did another episode of How Did This Get Made?

Discussing the Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 2 that is available to listen to soon or now. I think soon, like three days from now. Unless you're listening to it three days from now. What? But it's

basically three dudes talking Twilight, spoiling the shit out of it, if you haven't seen it yet. So, even if you think you're going, even if you think I would only go see Twilight as a joke, like to laugh at it, still see it first and then listen to this podcast because it really ruins it. Cause I cannot tell you how I am just,

I cannot believe how much I enjoyed the Twilight movie. Because it's really crazy violent. Because there are vampires and werewolves. So you can kill the shit out of them. Because it's okay to do violence on monsters that look like people. Like in a PG-13 movie. There's never been a PG-13 movie with more decapitations in it. I don't think there's been a PG-13 movie with more than one decapitation in it. And this movie has eight or nine decapitations in it. I don't think there's been a PG-13 movie. With more than one decapitation in it. And this movie has eight or nine decapitations.

Eventually I said to myself. This movie is a rip off. I wrote that down. I wrote that down. And I sold the shit out of it. I sold it like. A total trooper. Because as soon as I looked down

I was like, this isn't funny. But seriously, I like the movie. Especially seeing Twilight characters getting their heads ripped off. It was so cathartic. And I recommend it, sadly enough.

I hate to say. Now it's time for Watch This, Not That. The number one movie in the country is Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 1. Two, sorry. I really wrote down one.

I just want to go back and watch Part 1 again. I want to experience them all. I wish I'd gone to that thing where you just watch Twilight movies all day. Just run in there and wore a diaper and brought a bullhorn. The number two movie

is Skyfall. Which, okay, here's the thing. Twilight, I know the bar was very low, but it came in way above my expectations. Whereas Skyfall really met my expectations. I was like, okay, that's what I thought that would be. And it's good. It really is.

So don't get on me about being a hater on Skyfall. But for some reason to me, Twilight was more fun. It was more fun, more suspenseful. I guess because I don't understand what the fuck is going on in Twilight and in James Bond. I was like, oh, I get it. It's

Home Alone crossed with Straw Dogs. I never would have guessed that I'd be saying this. Is the bottom line. But Twilight

Watch Twilight Breaking Dawn 2 not Skyfall. This has been Watch, not Skyfall. This has been, watch this, not Skyfall. Oh, that was rough. That was like in Canada. They pitted me, Ed Wood, against Back to the Future. That's ridiculous.

That's like, how do you choose? It's impossible. Okay, from the corrections department, Hervé Villachez shot himself. He didn't hang himself. And also, while I'm on the subject, I'm sorry I brought it up. That's very sad humor.

Let's look in the prize bag, you guys. Yeah, let's see what's in there. Got a lot of stuff in a Gold's Gym bag. And again, tonight when I showed up, why do you have a Gold's Gym bag? I go, that's the gym that I go to. You go to a gym?

Yes. Dragon Ball Z. Budokai. Xbox 360. That's fun, right? My CD. Somebody brought a DVD called

Beatdowns. The The something-est collection of real street fights ever assembled. I can't tell if it says cruelest or the... I don't know what it says. But the cruelest collection. That can't

be what it says. We'll ask him when he gets out here somebody brought a copy of a DVD of the Michael Palin movie directed by Terry Gilliam called Jabberwocky yeah over there went woo and then someone else brought I think the same person they brought beatdowns brought ghetto fights 3 it's a great movie Rolling Stone magazine calls brought Ghetto Fights 3. It's a great movie. Rolling Stone Magazine calls it as raw as it gets. And from houseofhaha.com, they gave me a bunch of T-shirts

and I'm giving them away. This one is a Death Star that looks like Pac-Man and he's eating a bunch of planets. Someone went, aw. That sounds really adorable. And I would like you to help me to welcome to the stage my friends Bill Dwyer, Kumail Nanjiani, and Sam the Ma'am Levine,

a.k.a. Lil Wolverine. It's going to be a bloodbath. Thank you. Everyone who's not Sam has my permission to die in the Leonard Moulton game. Yeah, it's fucking cheating. We talk on the phone. I tell him all the answers. He comes down. He plays it up like a champ.

He's a savant, right? No. You are, right? I'm not an idiot, savant. I'm wrong all the time. How do you remember all that shit? He's the Michael Jordan of whatever we're doing here. Why are you such a smarty?

Whatever this is, he's good at it. In my childhood, I did not... Let him answer the question. In my childhood... Seriously, Camille, let him... I did not... Let him answer. God damn it, Pete.

Also in the prize bag... I'm sorry. There's some Doug Lo's movies buttons in the prize bag also that somebody gave me. Handcrafted. Here you go. That one's just a heart. That's probably weird. Just so we're clear, the beatdowns in Ghetto Fights 3,

those are mine. What did you write on that one? You wrote a bunch of stuff. I did. I wrote on Ghetto Fights stuff. I did. I wrote on Ghetto Fights 3, I think. You were an extra in that. Yep.

And we beat down. You wrote something about this DVD was purchased and enjoyed by 17-year-old Sam and 14-year-old John Francis Daly. You guys watched this together.

Yes. When I was 17, he was 14. God, that's so weird that he is three years younger than you. Yeah. And now he looks 10 years older than me. Yeah. And you still look 17. He drinks and smokes like a chimney.

But he is handsome. Know how those chimneys drink, guys. He is so... I'm not saying you're... No, no. He should be named John'm not saying you're... No, no. He should be named John Handsome Daily. Oh! I will pitch that to him.

And Kumail brought the... Kumail Nanjiani's here, everybody. And he brought... Thank you. He's from the Indoor Kids podcast. The Indoor Podcast Kids. And he brought a video game. Yeah.

So typical of you. Much less interesting than Ghetto Fights 3, which, have you read the description of it in the back? Can I just read the first sentence? No, please. Check out what's poppin' on the It does have a Z. Poppin' on the grimy streets in

jungle. In jungle? And, I think. No, grimyets in Jungle. Is that the name of a city? I want you to know that I brought that because I would never give you ghetto fights one or two. Those are too good. Yeah. Those are in the city.

Those were the best. Witness gang warfare. Ghetto queens fighting over turf. And crackheads going wild in the streets because they just don't give a fuck. That is true. I'm sure that's very accurate. Wait, you have the word fuck on the back of it? I mean, there's a star, but...

That's the only star in this whole thing. This is a jaw-dropping DVD. So sits your ass curbside. But if you're curbside, there's no TV there. That's the nerdiest thing I could have said. You want me to pull out my DVD player outside? It's going to get stolen. Look at how you guys live your lives.

This is an awful neighborhood. So Bill Dwyer is here, everybody. Thank you. Host of comedy sports programs yes if you ever see a comedy sports program you're probably

in a movie buff too Doug you love movies I love movies and you brought a copy of Jabberwocky which is also about ghetto fights

do you like which is crazy do you like this film I've never seen it I dare the winner of the bag to watch the entire thing is it that tedious?

It's a little taxing. It's like Game of Thrones without a story. Or beheading. So it's a lot like Ghetto Fights 3. It's just, yeah, all the characters are covered in mud. It was on IFC recently. Unhappy. And I attempted to watch it.

And how did you do? Not well. This is Sam Levine talking, everybody. Sam Levine, the Wolverine. The littlest of Wolverines. Thank you very much. When is the little Wolverine Christmas special coming out? When can we look forward to that?

What is that? Pay-per-view? Like $5? Pay-per-view, 2014. Little Wolverine. I always wished I could be with someone when they heard that joke for the first time. Maybe, are you excited about Les Mis? Maybe that'll be a chance. Oh my God, not at all.

Maybe I'll start calling you Jean Valjean. Lil Jean Valjean. How dare you. Don't even suggest it. Alright, that's only fair. So we've introduced everybody. We know what's in the prize bag. Let's talk movies for a second. Just for a brief

second. Sure. Bill Dwyer's resume includes some movies. A classic. Right. Called Ski School 2. 2, right. Right. That you were in with the great Will Sasso.

Right. And Dean Cameron. Chainsaw from summer school. Right, yeah. Dean, yeah. Yeah. That's Dean Cameron, right. That's right.

Yeah. It's also in Miracle Beach. If you say so. All right. I wouldn't even count Miracle Beach If we were playing a game right now That's terrible I'd be like that's bullshit It's a bad movie

No I'm saying it's terrible That you wouldn't count it Oh I see He's also in some Eric Stoltz movie too Where he's in a wheelchair Is this Oh oh oh yeah yeah yeah yeah

In the name of that movie The Water Waterloo No This is the worst game ever. Guess what movie Dean Cameron has done. Water dance.

Water dance. Water fucking dance. See who's the savant now, Bill. Remember the theme song? With Helen Hunt. Who I saw naked for the first time in that movie. And then again now in the sessions. I've come full circle. Oh, she's naked In the sessions. And then again now in the sessions. I've come full circle.

Well, she's naked in the sessions? Like crazy, right? Not only is she naked, she's like on the guy and going, all right, let me get that dick up. There we go. There we go. She's like working his dick up into her. People at home should know that Doug mimed

getting a dick up in him with his hand. Yeah, why did I use the microphone? Oh, I needed to talk into it. Wait. But anyway, yeah, it was like this. Oh, no. Doug is using the microphone.

Spoiler alert, man. I know. No, that's not a spoiler. That's a check it out. That's a check it out. Everybody knows that about the movie. Oh, is that? All right. not a spoiler. That's a check it out. That's a check it out. Everybody knows that about the movie. Oh, is that? All right.

Not a spoiler. She's a prostitute in that movie? No, she's a sex therapist. Like Dr. Root? And we all learn the valuable lesson that if you're a sex therapist, if it's your job to teach someone how to fuck... Don't get a paralyzed person

because they're going to be bad at it. That's exactly what I was going to say. That is exactly the lesson. Have you been to the cinema lately, Kumail? I saw Skyfall. I saw. And? You know what?

People were saying it's the best Bond movie. It's not the best Bond movie. It's not the best Bond movie. I can't shake the feeling that I'm being mocked. No, I'm agreeing with you. I didn't like, there weren't any huge enough like the first 20 minutes, there's a great

with the motorcycle, there's a great action sequence. But then there's really nothing after that. Also, there are multiple times where Bond can easily save someone's life and he just doesn't do it there's like many times that happens also I don't want to see James Bond with like his shoulder

hurts now that's a terrible premise like you know this guy who's awesome and can do anything what if he couldn't watch this I mean there were certainly parts Like, you know this guy who's awesome and can do anything? What if he couldn't? Watch this. I mean, there were certainly parts of Casino Royale that I didn't like and a lot of parts of Quantum of Silence I didn't like. But when action would happen in those last two, it was some pretty cool shit.

Like, there were some pretty cool fights. Yeah, I mean, Casino Royale had that awesome parkour thing. That was when we were obsessed with parkour and poker. And Casino Royale went all in on both of them. They're so close, yeah. They're so... What I do love is that the bad guy, who's really good at poker, his tell is that he cries tears of blood.

Yeah. That's a terrible tell. I hope nobody notices me wiping the blood off of my own face. I hope they don't see I'm bluffing. Blood, blood. I hope that James Bond didn't get happened to be dealt a royal flush.

Because that never happened. I think it was just a straight flush, Doug, not to nitpick. I think it was a royal because I think that was the final twist. I think it started off full house, four of a kind, straight flush, poker movie flush, royal flush. It was not royal flush. It was crazy.

That's why poker did that? But it was four hands. It was four hands that would normally not only win a pot, but everyone would have folded quickly when the guy started betting. No one played that hand wrong. It's not like the bad guy fucked up and James Bond got him. Yeah. No, James Bond got him.

You have four of a kind. James Bond was as lucky as a person can get while playing poker. Same with Maverick in the fucking Mavericks and Maverick. There's no way to do a good poker movie. Rounders has crazy stuff happen all the time too. It makes no sense because you could write fucking whatever

and they'd be like, write? Can you believe he had four aces? Yeah, you just fucking wrote it. It's not that impressive. It's cheating. That narrows down the number of movies you would enjoy if you have that kind of criteria.

No, no. But the other ones, there's drama. This is just people sitting like, oh, look, look at the cards I had the whole time. Fuck you. It's the very essence of movies. It's winning and losing. No, but I feel like with poker, like in a movie,

there's a guy who comes in on a helicopter. Then they can't just have a guy on a supersonic jet come in. So what you're saying is, from now on in movies where there is a poker game, you want the actors to legitimately play real poker during the scene and whatever happens, happens, man! No!

Play it until the outcome you want happens. Seems pretty simple. I hate poker movies. Can't really argue with that. I mean, I sort of see your guys' point. I hate time movies Can't really argue with that I mean I sort of see Your guys' point I hate time travel movies Those are the worst Time travel movies

Did you see Looper? No I heard Looper Was good though But I heard But I'm still I would have found A lot of problems with it Right

Cause he goes back Right He's got to kill himself Or something His father comes back To kill him Oh what are you talking about Looper He has to kill himself He has to kill himself or something. His father comes back to kill him. What are you talking about? Looper.

He has to kill himself. He has to kill himself, right? But he comes from the future. He's his father, and he's got to come back to the present. No father. Why do you keep saying he's his father? There's no father. He has to kill himself.

Bruce Willis is him. So he's got to come, but he's older. That's father. He's got to come back, but he's himself, and he's got to kill himself. And then he's dead in the future, right then see time travel movies are worse than poker movies you can write anything you can anything can happen and then there's an alternate universe time travel movies blow man they've never gotten them right the time traveler's wife, right? Oh my god. I like that that's your example of the height. That's the pinnacle

of time travel movies. That was the final straw, that one. That was what you were done with time travel after that one, right? Yeah, like we're done. Those guys nailed it. I kind of like when time travel is used to make you sad, like in Time After Time

and Somewhere in Time. Nice Somewhere in Time reference. It's almost like I'm living in a time travel movie, and I used to enjoy time travel movies. Primer is a great time travel movie. Yes, it is. But you need to watch Primer with a notepad and a

theoretical physicist next to you, or you will not know what the fuck is going on. Right? And who knows one of those guys, huh? Theoretical physicist? I got one in my phone book. I don't know any TFs. F? It's like you guys get me.

Does he only do his practicing out of the state of Denver? Yes. By the way, I want to say, you were right, comedy sport. I watched you first on BattleBots. Yeah. And no offense, but how excited I was for that show versus when you first watch it, that is the most disappointed. Because it was a show about robot fighting

well before we had the technology to make robot fighting interesting. So it's just them, like, bump... And then there was one guy who could just... Everyone had an axe or a flamethrower, but the one that won would just, like... No flames, babe. Oh, really?

It was, like, sauce. Illegal. Sauce. Yeah, no problem. The one that always won would just, like, flip the other robots over. Yeah. Certainly flippers, very popular. Wedges, Heather Day. Wasn't that Grant Imahara? Your hammers did very well.

I'm pretty sure that was Grant Imahara who's on Mythbusters now. Grant Imahara was one of them. Nothing he built ever won. Never mind then. He built... Car horn. I saw Cloud Atlas, Doug he built, yeah. Car horn. I saw Cloud Atlas, Doug. Oh, yeah.

What'd you think of that, Sam? Hey, is time travel involved in that? No. Oh. No. No, it's about past lives and future lives and shit. Yeah, it's about souls interconnected. And about trying to make black people look Asian,

which is a fool's endeavor. It's about the most fucked up makeup, like the weirdest makeup jobs. It's about, it's two and a half, two hours and 40 minutes of, that's weird looking. Something's up with that face. Like when Jim Sturgis, the British guy,

is supposed to be Asian. Yeah, wouldn't that Asian lady? Like when Jim Sturgis, the British guy, is supposed to be Asian. Yeah, horrible. And he's a kick-ass, but he's a good action character. No, he's good. He kicks ass. Yeah. But every time they go to a close-up, you're like, why is the guy faking me? It's almost like you could see the fingers on either side pulling his. He's like, this is what you talk about.

It's like so racist. Why did they just throw those glasses on that have the slitty eyes on them and call it a day? Those hats. Why do you have to sit in a makeup chair every day? Two giant buck teeth. Don't forget.

When they make that Asian lady look white when she's like the slave owner's wife. You should take her to the doctor. She's dying. She looks really... She looks weird. Make a man weird.

Yeah. For sure. How long was that movie? It's almost three hours. It's like two hours, 37 minutes. I gotta say, though, the whole Enterprise won me over. By the time it was over, I was pretty happy. No way, really?

I liked it. It was... The problem was I spent the next day and a half after I saw it going, how could that movie have been better? Because I feel like it should have been. Right? Well, the male knows he could have written something. It's such a grand...

Four races. Oh, what a great movie. It's such a grand experiment Slash weird book Yeah That I think it's just amazing That it happened at all It is It's incredible

That that was ever Actually made into a movie And it took somebody Like Tom Hanks Like looking at it And going yeah I'll play these Seven different weird

Weirdo characters It's hard to work Every day for four months I've had a worse hairdo In a movie Before it Before any of these Which one?

Tom Hanks Tom Hanks Worse hairdo In a movie before any of these. Which one? Tom Hanks' worst hairdo in a movie. Castaway. Lady Killers? No, no, no. The fucking Da Vinci Code. Da Vinci Code. Oh, really? That's like Felicity cutting

her hair level of hair fame. No one would stop talking about that. It's not as bad as Castaway, though. Castaway's bad. Cloud Atlas is weird. Forrest Gump is bad. Looks like a retard. I swear to God, that haircut

makes him look like a retard. Bill Dwyer. Professional comedian Bill Dwyer. I flew back from Canada the other day, and they had a picture, a chart, of the things you can't fly with, and one of them was an ice skate,

and I took somebody aside with the TSA up there, and I said, listen, what if this plane crashes, and I'm alone on an island, and I have a toothache? I need this fucking ice skate. Open the other package. There's a satellite phone and a Swiss Army knife in there, Doug. Does anyone hunger for games?

Wow. Yes. Gentlemen, if you may, if you might, please pick the name tag that you would like to play for. Bill, you go physically get the name tag now. I know it's been a while since you've been on the show okay but just go pick the one that you uh appreciate the most for whatever reason we got are there any babies in the room did you win already okay all right but hold it up so they can see it.

I like that. Yeah, food. You can get food sometimes. Abram's got Duff beer. Sam is doing a lot of off-mic comedy right now. It's a lot of fun when that happens. Bill Dwyer is really having a conversation about the selection. Here he comes.

Is that like a retainer box? What is that? Yeah, let's... What's in the box? Her name is Delora. Band-Aids. Delora, Delora. Band-Aids. Delora, and there's Band-Aids inside. Okay.

Is there a shithead written on the back by any chance? Hang on, somebody's phone is ringing. Okay, don't say it out loud, Bill. All right. Because there was. And there's a shithead on the back of this, too. Nice. Not only does this not have a shithead on it,

it doesn't even have the guy's name on it. Why did you pick it? Because I'm going to call him George. It's a $1 bill. All right. You guys, I will, if you, I, well, I've gotten through this. You got a dollar, too.

Oh, I'm keeping that. But all these people go to the effort of making something. By the way, my guy spent way more time on his than either of yours. Yeah. He took a binder, because I guess it's a Mitt Romney reference, and he put his name on in sticky letters, but then included a lot of blinking lights.

I bet you couldn't take this on a plane, you know? Like, oh, it's just my binder, glowing, glowing. When's the next time you're going to fly? Yeah, I'm not going with this. Can you try? You don't take any chances, do you? No. Yeah, I'm not trying to make a point, Doug.

I'm trying to get to my destination. I'm not like, ooh, let's wish the limits of TSA. destination. I'm not like, ooh, let's wish the limits of TSA. There was a time where I used to put my earring back in when I would fly, so I would be like, oh look, I'm one of the good ones. I'm like, ew. I used to have an earring I used to put in. That's the signal? That you have an earring?

That's what I thought. Open-mindedness, I guess. I'm like a disco I don't mind if I'm construed as homosexual by mistake I'm cool with that it always

I always freak out I don't freak out it's not the right word for it but it's weird to me that Harrison Ford has an earring it's the worst

it's horrible one or two now I don't know maybe he's got two what's he doing Harrison Ford you throw me the idol I'll throw you the earring Is he one or two now? I don't know. Maybe he's got two. What's he doing? Harrison Ford. You throw me the idol, I'll throw you the earring.

Reference for no reason. No joke there. You just replaced a word with another word. It's a game I like to play on Twitter almost every day. I love you, eye earring. You. You. You. All right, so what's the guy's name, though?

Jonner? Jonner. Okay. Interesting name. Jonner. Interesting name tag, Jonner. That guy's a real Jonner. Yeah.

All right, since Sam is a whiz at this game, and... What? You heard me. I have not won in a long time. Okay. Is betting allowed? Does the audience, can they bet? I mean, can they quietly make side bets?

Yeah, they can do whatever they want quietly. All right. It's really of no concern of mine. Okay. It's funny sometimes I get messages I see messages on the internet

about how oh the annoying laugher was back at Doug Benson's Doug loves movies who's that Pete no

whatever Pete Holmes is on there's a guy in the audience who loves every joke he does oh I see what you're saying it's Pete I thought you meant there's a guy in the audience who loves every joke he does. Oh, I see what you're saying. It's Pete.

I thought you meant... He's not... He just said it. Yeah. Go on, Pete. But anyway, whenever that happens, though, I'm always... I was always like, I didn't notice it, you know, because it's like, to me, it's all... You know, everyone seems to be having a nice time, but it is weird when you're listening

to a podcast how you can fixate on some shitty laughter that's happening. And you can't unhear it. Yeah, that's what I time. It is weird when you're listening to a podcast how you can fixate on some shitty laughter that's happening. You can't unhear it. It ruins it for you. That would be an example of a laugh that would... I would hate listening to that. That's like a blowjob laugh.

What a horrible thing that is. It really is possibly the worst laugh ever. Who is that person? I don't know. It's on the windowsill, and I'm about to push it away before it shits up everything. All right, so we'll start with...

We'll start with Annoying Laugh Bill, and then we'll move to Kumail and then to Sam. Oh, wait. Do I have to go first? No. It's the fair way. No, you want to go first. No. Because you get to pick the category.

Yeah, it's easy. And then you can also say, I can name it in and say the maximum number of names. That really gives you a leg up. So don't be dumb. We don't get too sick with her. Don't be dumb. Don't be dumb, Bill. Please, Bill.

Your name is already Bill with one L. What is that about? That already seems like the title of a movie about a mentally handicapped man. Or it's B-I-L and it stands for something like Bionic Introductory Laboratory. Something like that. Is that what all the BattleBots were made?

That would be B-U-I-U-L. Where you said, oh, in between each thing. I like it. Even with the uhs. That's the charm of that robot. He says, oh. Oh, robot. When it's thinking, it just goes, uh.

To make it more human. Yeah. Like Daryl. Like a Daryl kind of thing, a robot. When it's thinking, it just goes, uh. To make him more human. Yeah. Like Daryl. Like a Daryl kind of thing, you mean. You know the movie Daryl, right? D-A-R-Y-L, yeah. Yeah. With the periods.

Right, with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Josh and Sam. And what did that stand for? The one where he thought he was a fucking robot? Right, yeah. Dildo. What was it?

D. Daryl. Data. Wait, somebody's got it. Oh, a guy in the audience knows it. It's a bigger nerd than D. Daryl. Data. Wait, somebody's got it. Oh, a guy knows it. It's a bigger nerd than us. Lynch him, Lynch him. This is how we've chosen to murder you.

It's Jonner. What does it stand for, Jonner? Data Analyzing Robot Youth Lifeform. Data Analyzing Robot Youth Lifeform. That sounds hilarious. I'll tell you my big problem with that movie, Doug, is that there's a scene where he's playing video games

and it's a racing video game. And because he's really good at video games, when you see it, his car is going way faster than everyone else's. That doesn't work. How is he hitting like A so hard that the car is going faster than it's programmed to go?

I have weird issues with movies. My problem with that movie was there was a robot boy in it. And he won all the poker games he played with incredible hands. Yeah, how did he do it? How did he do it? Card manipulation? Yeah. Along that same vein,

I hated in The Watchmen when Dr. Naked was... Dr. Blue? Blue Naked? Blue Popsicle Man? Dr. Blue Dong? Yeah, just the right size. Not too long to make everybody uncomfortable. Not a knob either.

Oh, no, it was long enough to make me uncomfortable. Did it make you uncomfortable? Well, then he's working on something with a goddamn socket wrench. And I'm thinking, really? Yeah, right. That's what you got, Dr. Blue? Fucking naked chores. You couldn't go to the future and get a little something that maybe you could, maybe a ratchet?

You have a problem with time travel, really, don't you? Yeah, yeah. So that was annoying. But, you know, he's working on something. He's got a wrench. Couldn't move it with his head or anything. His mind. You got categories, Doug?

Yes, Bill Yes The options are Alright, somebody had to do something I agree with you about the wrench They don't have the car horn in the booth today Sean Young, the great Sean Young Yes

Celebrating I know a couple of Sean Young films Celebrating a birthday today So the films of Sean Young Or at SR Vienna suggested Wolverines! What? And that's movies that have either Red or Dawn in the title.

Oh, wow. What does SR stand for? And I don't know. I didn't... I didn't follow up. What's yours? Don't say senor. Okay, bionic imbecile lunatic.

Your third option. He's been thinking about that for a minute or so. That was only mean because I had to pick words that fit. And they were robotic. He's not bionic. I was very happy with bionic. I was like, we're good to go from here. Okay, at Jay Morosky.

What do you think the J stands for? Just beating you to it. Bill. Incredibly loud and extremely gross. And that's movies that are not for emetophobes. Movies that have vomiting in them. Oh. Yeah, so do you want a vomit movie, a movie that has Red or Dawn in the title,

or a movie that featured actress Sean Young? I was going to go Sean Young, but I'll go vomiting. Yeah. Okay. I'll go with vomiting. Get that out of the way. It would have been out of the way if you didn't choose it we don't have to do all three

but good for you my screen just froze this is a first Phil, Phil Sam so anyway I was recently watching this is true I rewatched Blade Runner about a week ago oh yeah and I have not seen it in several years does my work in that hold up This is true. I re-watched Blade Runner about a week ago. Oh, yeah?

And I have not seen it in several years. The director's coming. Does my work in that hold up? Does it hold up? I swear to God, I spent the entire movie looking like a child-sized dog because I could not remember. What are you talking about? When they're on the roof at the end, you don't need to look for me.

You really have to look through the whole movie. I really need to know. What are you guys talking about? I was an extra in Blade Runner. Really? Yeah, so there's one moment where you can see me kind of walking along. But I couldn't remember what the moment was, so I watched the whole movie. Like, really intently.

Just, where is he? God damn it! And I couldn't find you. I'm sorry. I've seen find you. I'm sorry. I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Would you like a movie with vomiting in it from 1973 or 1983? 83. 83, says Bill Dwyer.

This movie has vomiting in it. It's got three stars from Leonard Maltin. He calls the movie original and outrageous. And he also says that it features an elaborate production number. And he lists eight names. How many names do you think you can name this movie with vomiting in it from 1983? B to the D. Wait, what was the question again?

I think I know what it is, but go ahead. How many names do you need to name it? You just say it if you know it. No, you don't just say it. I can do it in a... Just say it. No, say how many names. Zero names. Zero names.

But if you think you can name the top billed person in the movie, you can say negative one names. Jesus. If you think you can name the top two people in order, you can say negative two names. But if you say zero. But zero's a respectable opening. I go negative one.

All right, he says negative one, Kumail. I go negative one. He's standing up. Bill is standing up on his chair. That was a little parkour. And he's back. For the live audience. Yeah, a little.

Throwing out some parkour. You're winded. Huh? You're winded. You're panting. No, man, I'm alive. Have you done it? Have you tried it?

No, I haven't moved. It's fantastic. So, Kumail, you're just going to say name? Name that movie, Bill. All right, so what's the movie? That movie is Stand By Me. And what's the top billed person? Richard Dreyfuss.

You're wrong on both counts. There's no production number. There's no big song and dance. There was a lot of vomiting in it, though. Wow. I thought they were calling something else a production number. I thought they were calling the vomiting scene

a production number. This is the motion picture where Mr. Creosote reminds... Monty Python and the Meaning of Life. Oh, that ties into... Jabberwocky. Is John Cleese the first one? It's funny that it came up on the same night as Jabberwocky.

Oh, yeah. So, point to Kumail. Congratulations. Never know. Nice. NBD, bro. I was so sure. You really were.

Negative one. All right, we're going to start with Sam and go the other way. So, we're going to go from Sam to Kum other way so we gotta go from Sam to Camille and so this is gonna be suspenseful and you get to pick a category oh boy

Sam would you like the asparagus pea category which is the full review I read the whole review then we go from there and then we start with negatives so everyone will know what it is

right so then it's just we start at zero negatives right unless Pete Holmes is playing and the film is Devil Wears Prada

that's right then he will not know what movie starred Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep and he will lose in one of the most embarrassing moments

that he doesn't remember. Let's also do the King of Pancakes category. The number one movie 10 years ago at the box office to this very day. Okay. Number one movie. Or, you know I love to play this category, In Theaters Now.

Ooh. Yeah. That. Yeah. This is like a dealer's choice of classic categories. Let's do 10 years ago today. Okay. Bold. Sounds spoken like a man who looked that up

this afternoon. Sir, I would never besmirch this game with that kind of chicanery. Two and a half stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie that was number one at the box office ten years ago to this very day. He says that this movie is... It suffers from over-length.

Leonard says that about every movie. He says it a lot. What an odd way to say it, too. He says it. And he also says that it's uninspired. Uninspired. And he lists a shitload, 10, 13, 18 names. How many names are you going to get in Sam the Man Levine,

a.k.a. Little Wolverine? 18. Negative one. What? You got it? What? I accuse you once again. Why?

This review helped me not at all. I just know where I was 10 years ago this month. What? That's the best I could do for you. Are you like Mary Lou Henner? I was going to say Mary Lou Henner. That's as close as I come to Mary Lou Henner, me turning and screaming, I was going to say Mary Lou Henner.

Where were you? All right, so. Well, hang on. You're still bidding. Yeah, do you have any idea? No, name that movie. So you got to say name it. So what's the name of the film?

I believe it is Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. And who would be the top billed performer in that movie? Daniel Radcliffe. I'm sorry, it's Shirley Henderson. No, you're right. Okay. Somebody over here is like, what? Daniel Radcliffe?

What? What is happening? How do you know which Harry Potter movie? Which one? From that? There is no way you didn't look this up today. I swear on my life I didn't look that up. There is no fucking way you didn't.

I swear on my life I would never. Just today. I'll sit back down, but not because I want to. But because he saw some TSA over there. Yeah. I don't want to rock but not because I want to. But because he saw some TSA over there. Yeah. I don't want to rock the boat, y'all.

What's the backstory? For the first two Harry Potter movies, I was in Canada and they called the first one a different name over there. Philosopher's Stone. That's the original name.

Yes. They thought here it was too thinky, so they changed it to Sorcerer's Stone. Hey, do you guys want to have a nerd off with your dicks out later? And then I was also in Canada again

when Chamber of Secrets came out, and I wanted to know if they changed the title. And I remember I was there over Thanksgiving. And that's the only reason I know that. Wow. That is crazy. Alright, well, we'll... And they didn't change the title. They did not change the title

between here and Canada for the second movie. We have a review board that'll look into your story. You know what? Give me your phone. I want to check the history. Right. I'll make up a story about Canada. Oh, how's your girlfriend up there doing?

Yeah, exactly. She's great, guys. She's great. Anthony Michael Hall and I trade off with her on every other week. Thank you. She has a horrible wife. What did that mean? I don't know what that was about.

In the Breakfast Club, Anthony Michael Hall says, I have a Canadian girlfriend. Oh, right. Okay, so... I didn't even... Yeah, he was in not another teen movie, so he had to study all He had to study all the classics. I really did.

Oh, man. They put him through John Hughes boot camp. Oh, not Curly Sue again. Alright, so who was left out of that skirmish? Bill was. I was. Yeah, yeah. So you get to start off, Bill.

And then we'll come back around to... No, this one's Kamau's. No was. I was. Yeah, yeah. So you get to start it off, Bill. And then we'll come back around to the chair. No, this one's Kumail's. No, no, no. Go for it. He makes a category. Why? Oh, because he won? No, no. Yeah, you didn't play at all, so you get to jump in. Okay. Yeah, my playing was saying, name it. Right.

And then I said... Yeah, to both of you. Well, you know what I realized? His name has one less letter than it should, and his name has one more than it should. Damn straight it does. That's right. Sam has two Ms and Bill has one L. Yeah, December 21.

And yours was a name that was new to us seven years ago. I was saying that's when I want this show to be over by, December 21. No, we're three minutes over. Apologies to Comedy comedy bang bang formerly comedy death ray formerly not a thing um okay just want to there's only one more week left of uh comedy bang bang after there's tonight and then one more is that it yeah are you guys still gonna come to this if i keep doing it? Okay. Yeah.

Somebody shook her head no. I'm not going to say who it was but I saw one. You saw somebody? Yeah. I've had it. It was to herself but you asked her a question and she answered it silently. Some people and I do not blame them sit through this they just work their way through it to have a great

seat for the great comedy bang bang which will certainly be missed. Do you guys have tickets to the Comedy Bang Bang Nativity pageant? Awesome. And for those of you who didn't get in, I'm still going to do Douglas' movies that night, so that'll still be here, and that'll be free.

So let's make sure this show is not overly unshort, as Leonard Maltland might say. Maltland? Yeah, he says that all the time. not overly unshort, as Leonard Maltland might say. Maltland? Yeah, he says that all the time. Overly unshort. How did he just describe the Harry Potter film, you fuckers? Not overly. Overly unshort is not two words anybody's ever put together.

That's why I said them. That's an overly unshort way to say overly unshort. Right. Seriously, this is really unique Poker movies Jokes Hold on to shit you believe guys Pick a category Bill

Alright You only live 23 times That's James Bond movies Alright All our movies have numbers in them That's right Ugg Uggs Oovies Yeah like Lake House James Bond movies. All right. All our movies have numbers in them. Oh, that's right. Ugg, Uggs, Oovies.

Yeah, like Lake House. Ugg, Uggs, Oovies. While You Were Sleeping Part 2. Yes. Ugg, Uggs, Oovies. That's movies where someone's had their tongue cut out. Oh, wow. All right. Yeah, or Pig in a Blanket,

and that's movies where Kevin Bacon has sex. Gets a laugh every time. So pick one of the other ones. Ugg ofs oobies. Oh, wow. Very interesting choice by an interesting player. Leonard Maltin gives... In interesting player. Leonard Maltin gives an interesting

pass. Leonard Maltin gives four stars to this motion picture. That's the best rating you can get from Leonard, and he does not give it out easily. What year is this motion picture from? The year is 1982. Hold your questions until the end. Sorry. So sorry. Even though you'll answer

them, you'll just tell us not to ask any further questions. That's correct. please hold your questions until the end Leonard calls this movie dazzling yeah he says it's got

absurdist humor and he also says bonus clue that it is beautifully acted and he lists He also says, bonus clue, that it is beautifully acted. And he lists ten names. Ten names. How many names do you think? Do you know what this is?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I do. Really? How many names, Bill Dwyer, do you think you can name it in? I want to say you've been super confident for every answer so far. It's going this way. Let's remind him of his confidence. Unwaveringly unconfident, I go negative one.

Wow. All right. Kumail, broken record. Oh, no, it's not. No. Who challenged last round? He challenged me, so it's got to go this way. Kumail challenged you?

Yeah, it goes in the direction of the challenger, because then that automatically sends it in the opposite direction. Yeah, it's me, bro. All right. But thank you for, I do appreciate that you noticed. I am very excited, because you got that from superbly acted. So name dazzling. Hang on, hang on. Who told me to name the movie? You did? No. you got that from Superbly Acted. Name Dazzling. Hang on. Hang on. Who told me

to name the movie? You did? No. You did, right? It's not your call. It's mine. No, no, no. I'm the last clue. Kumail. It goes in the direction of the challenger. Shouldn't he be disqualified? No. Now I want you to get it right.

Alright, I will name that movie. So what's the name of the movie? The movie is The World According to Garp. And who's the lead actor? Robin Williams. That's correct. Why did you know that?

Apologies to Comedy Death Race. Why did you know that? I was in Canada. I don't remember. I do kind of have a story about it. But we're running over. So I don't need to. I want to know his world according to Garp's story. What's your...

Well, we don't have time for that. We don't have time for that. It has nothing to do with the movies. We'll talk about it. It's the woman on a motorcycle. Oh, okay. Thanks for sort of filling us in. Yeah.

Right, right. Were you also on the motorcycle? And did you say to her, Zed is dead, baby? All right. So what just happened? Bill got the point. Kumail challenged him. So we start with Sam and then go to Kumail.

Yep. Are we okay with that, Sam? Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. Look, if you have any idea how many times Doug has screwed up the order over the years. It does happen. I'm sure it happens every time. To ask questions.

I haven't challenged anybody, though. Oh, I never... You knew it. Let's wait and see what happens, guy who hates time travel. So tedious. Alright, so Sam gets to pick a category. Would you like four more years

that's movies that are a sequel that came out four or more years after the original. Oh. Mystery movies, which is movies with Mr. in the title.

The word Mr. Or, back to the amazing Sean Young. Let's go with Mr. Or back to the amazing Sean Young. Let's go with Mr. E movies. Her movie was from 1981. It's a classic called Stripes.

That's what you could have had. But instead you went with Mystery? Yes. Okay. This movie is from 1995. That's what you could have had. That's my favorite Sean Young movie. But instead you went with Mystery? Yes. Okay. This movie is from 1995. By the way, nobody has ever referred to Stripes as a Sean Young movie. I know.

Most people think it's a PJ Souls movie. Three stars from Leonard for this movie that Mr. in the title. He says about this movie that it's... There's too much time spent on a climactic thing that happens. That's what he said? I'm paraphrasing. Too much time spent on the climactic something or other. But that it is heartwarming. And that the, yeah, that's enough.

Judge Dredd. And you're the worst. Bill, Bill, I will disqualify you for less. And, especially when we're running late. And there are 11 names. Negative one. Oh, man. Okay.

And I don't have a story this time. Kumail dropped a hammer, Nanjiani. What is it from, this movie? It's from Earth. And the year is 1995. Don't you look at the screen. I'm not looking at the screen. He's not looking at it. I'm not looking at the screen. He's not looking at it.

I'm not looking at it. I know, I don't care. I'm not looking at it. It's 1995. Shit. Would you say negative one? Negative one. Negative one?

Yeah. Okay, help me with the strategy, Doug. I have a movie to guess, but I don't know the names of more than one person in it. Then you are in what I call a cul-de-sac. Oh, okay. And you're just going to have to go into one of the houses and take a nap. Okay.

I'll go negative two. What? Bold. He didn't take my advice at all. So now we're to build wire. Dude, say negative three. Can you go negative more? Do it.

Do it. I'll go deep into this. Negative three. Negative four. This is like This is like a poker scene Oh wait no I just

I just had the Everyone has a magic hand Except I just had the option to win By making Bill Who I bullied Into saying negative 3 Name it

He looked at me and winked They don't do that in poker a lot It totally Yeah And he told me what to do I've got 4 double aces. You're a negative four? Do it.

There's no way he's going to get it. Name that movie, Sam. What's the movie? Oh God, I hope I'm not wrong. I think you are. Is it Mr. Holland's Opus? Yes. All right.

Okay, top four billed people. I think you are. Is it Mr. Holland's Opus? Yes. All right. Okay, top four Bill people. In order, one to four, right? Yeah, yeah. All right, number one is... Richard Dreyfuss. I'm not going to say it until you get through all of them. What's the second one? Who else was in that movie?

I think Jason Priest. Glenn Headley. Okay, what's the third movie? I think Jason Priest. Glenn Headley. Okay, what's the third name? Jay Thomas. Jay Thomas from the radio? Finally, human robot, give us that fourth name

and the crowd is going to go... Oh, fuck me. The crowd is going to get up and leave. Quietly. No one applaud. If he gets it right, do not applaud. Let's just end the show quietly. Do not applaud.

If he's right, do not applaud. Olympia Dukakis. That is correct. No! Don't! Don't applaud! Do not applaud! I really thought they wouldn't applaud! Do not applaud! I really thought they wouldn't applaud.

Do not applaud! I thought they wouldn't do it. I totally thought they wouldn't do it. Thank you very much. In the right order? That was the right order, yeah. Crazy. You guys, how awesome would it have been

if he guessed it, amazing feat, nobody applauds, and Doug says goodnight. That would have been... That would have been really neat. Oh my god. That would have been neat. How about this? William H. Macy is the fifth.

Oh, I don't care. You've made your point, Sam. Why are you tea-batting? I'm looking forward to your Christmas special, The World's Worst Loser. I mean, I meant winner. You know I'm the bad guy on this podcast. I can have ten children.

Today will be prouder than any of their births. I was in New York once on the subway and I heard a really fucked out guy trying to pick up a girl he'd seen by recounting the entire plot of Mr. Holland's Office. And I was like, this is New York City. He was like, and then his son is deaf, so that's really ironic.

Hey, that's funny. I'm going to be in New York City. You should look that guy up. On Monday doing those movies. I've going to be in New York City on Monday doing Douglas Movies. I've also got shows coming up in Austin, Florida, Irvine, California, San Francisco on New Year's. DouglasMovies.com for links and info.

Plugs, Kumail. You can see me in January in Portlandia in the new show on Adult Swim called Newsreaders. And Burning Love, seasons two and three. Oh, Burning Love. Great web series. Bill Dwyer.

That's it. They're done. Bill Dwyer. Acme Comedy Theater in Minneapolis December 4th through the 8th. All right. Let's go, you guys. Come on. Sammy. Back to Philadelphia, more of your TV show?

Back to Philadelphia, more of your TV show? What's it called? Hurt Me Softly? What's it called? Do No Harm. Airing on NBC sometime in 2013. I'll let you know when I do. All right.

As soon as people stop watching Revolution, you're going to come swooping in. What is the show about? It's a medical drama with a Jekyll and Hyde twist. Oh. That's actually good. In spite of that logline. Is there sci-fi in it? Is the guy actually... Sam plays a guy who

looks nice, but it turns out he cheats at games. How dare you! Sir! That is a bold claim. I'm reveling in my joy over this ridiculous thing. I feel like you're like a time traveler who is using his powers for very shitty things. And he's in collusion with Bill

because you brought up betting earlier. You're trying to get that going. You took a fall tonight. Both these guys. You put on your red pants and took a fall. He's trying to confuse us by being like, I hate time travel. He's a time traveler. One more time for Kumail Nanjiani, Bill Dwyer, Sam Levine.

Thank you. As always, hang out for a sec. Let me get a picture of you guys. Oh, the prize to who was Sam playing for? George? George, come get your prize bag. Oh, there you are, buddy. Oh, hey, I met you at the bar earlier. That's awesome.

Alright, guys. It's almost over. As always, the ride that is Mulholland Drive is a shithead. Yeah, right? And the remake of Red Dawn is a shithead. Yeah, right? And the remake of Red Dawn is a shithead? Sure.

Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you because Doug loves movies.