Doug Loves Movies - Kumail Nanjiani, Jay Chandrasekhar, Moshe Kasher, and DC Pierson Guest

Episode Date: March 13, 2013

Doug welcomes comedians Kumail Nanjiani, Moshe Kasher, Jay Chandrasekhar, and DC Pierson to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats With 50 as a pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Because Doug loves movies Hey everybody, my name is Doug I try to change it up every week Try not to read it the exact same way I love movies

This is Doug Loves Movies Coming to you from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater In L to the A On Tuesday, March 12th to Ocean 13. Happy birthday to Sam the Man Levine aka Lil Wolverine.

And a belated birthday just a few days ago to Jon Hamm. Yeah. You will hear them both in the super tournament of championships someday. Someday it will happen. And Matt Bronger will be there as well.

Since last I spoke, you listened. I made a brief appearance on the Harmontown podcast last night at Meltdown Comics Nerd Melt Theater. That should be available to listen to on iTunes now or soon. And today I did the Best Medicine podcast. Bestmedicine.com I think is a place you can listen to it and iTunes. And again, that one will be available

soonly. And since it tapes at Universal Studios City Walk at the John Lovitz Theater Comedy Club, I decided to go to Universal Studios City Walk at the John Lovitz Theater Comedy Club. I decided to go to Universal Studios and check out the Transformers ride. And I'm here to tell you it's a lot more fun

than the Transformers movies. And shorter! It's over a lot quicker. It's like, and the goals are more clear. It's like, we want... We want the spark plug. That's not even what it's called. Whatever it is, the Tesseract of Transformers.

They want it. They're fighting over it. Bumblebee comes in, plays a couple of songs. It's great. But the Mummy, the ride, is still my favorite ride at Universal Studios California. So, there. Now it's time for Watch This, Not That.

The number one movie in the country right now, by far, is Oz the Great and Powerful Son. And the number two movie is Jack the Giant Hater. And I haven't seen the latter, but I'll give you three reasons why the former is better. Michelle Williams, Mila Kunis, and a talking monkey. Watch Oz TGAP, not Jack TGS. This has been Watch This, Not That.

Amazing, thank you, amazing prize bag, you guys. We've got some Prometheus Springs mango chili beverage that is cold now and will not be about 20 minutes from now or 30 minutes from now, however long it takes to get to winning it. But the same guest did bring some rolling papers to once you're high,

you don't care how warm your mango chili beverage is a copy of Doug Benson's Smug Life. I'm recording my new newest album. My newest joint will be recorded on April 20th in San Francisco at Cobb's Comedy Club.

So if you're in the Bay Area get tickets for that. I don't know why I'm unfolding this. I know what it is. It's a Douglas Movies t-shirt. He is not here tonight. He will be joining us when his hopefully huge hit series on Comedy Central ends its first run of episodes. This is because I did the show on Thursday and it airs tonight. And the Justin Look Offensive and they give you a

very nice hoodie that is too small for me to wear because I mean I don't know I mean it's really nice but I don't know if I'd wear a show hoodie per se to begin with but then one that's crazy tight on me that's just too much

weirdness all at one time we've got a book by one of the gentlemen all at one time. We've got a book by one of the gentlemen that's coming out here. We've got a growing animal that... I don't know what that's. I guess it's a sea ray or a... What are they called?

Sting ray. It's a beach ray. And we've got a script that if I tell you anyway these guests their gifts

are too revealing so let's get a big warm welcome for my friends and all past guests on the program these are all pros

at Douglas Movies DC Pearson Moshe Kastor Jay Chandraskar and Kumail Nanjiani Thank you DC Pearson, Moshe Kastor, Jay Chandraskar, and Kumail Nanjiani. Hey, Doug. Doug, I caught you trying to mumble Jay's last name.

You were like, Jay Chandraskar and Kumail Nanjiani. Watch me nail that one. That one I've got and always will have, but I'll always be a little touchy on... Pearson's hard, too. Moshe, that's not an easy one. I just grew up around a lot of Swedes, so I can say Pearson pretty well. The last time I came, you pronounced it the same way.

Jandrasekhar. No, Chandrasekhar. Jandrashkar. No, Shandrashkar. Oh, okay, yeah. Shandrashkar. Chandra Sankar. Wait, it's Sankar. After that, J. Freddrescher. J. Freddrescher!

You didn't go back and figure out how to say it. Because nobody sat there. There was no tattletale on the panel. By the way, I have a good tip for you on how to say it. Because nobody sat there. There was no tattletale on the panel. By the way, I have a good tip for you on how to pronounce it. It's pronounced exactly as it is written. That's not fair.

It's written very complicatedly. It's not easy. I don't know if you guys have heard of Occam's Razor. Occam's Razor says that the simplest explanation is probably the best. And I feel that the simplest explanation is that Doug was pitching us his new sitcom idea Jay is a Car, in which Jay Leno

is fucking one of his cars, gets hit by lightning, and turns into a car. And then the car becomes Jay Leno. Fucking the car is enough to make you car-like. I don't know why lightning has to come into it. I have a car fucking story.

Yeah, we don't want to hear it, buddy. Here we go. Jay Chandelier is here, everybody. I don't know if you guys are familiar with Occam's Razor, but... Go ahead, Jay. What's your car fucking story? I've already picked the perfect episode To not have a Leonard Malkin game

I planned it The original end Of the Dukes of Hazzard Was Sean William Scott Shirtless buffing the General Lee And he's just sort of sweet talking her And sweet talking her And then you see him sort of look down

And you hear the cap come off Ofing her. And then you see him sort of look down and you hear the cap come off of the gas can. And then you hear his zipper. And then as he's about to thrust into it, it goes to black. And I shot it and cut it together. And it was just silly. Just too weird.

But he sounds like a smart guy, though, because the exhaust pipe will burn your dick. You might as well fuck where the gas goes in. If you put a banana in the tailpipe, the car will not start. That's Beverly Hills Cop. No, absolutely. For a second, people thought Damon Wayans was on the panel.

Go ahead, take these bananas. It's funny that that same beat sort of happens, like the gay guy in Beverly Hills that's friendly to Eddie Murphy. This happens with Damon Wayans and Bronson Pinchot. Two guys that went on to be super famous are just acting super gay in that movie. Bad stereotype.

I heard that Bronson Pinchot refused to come back for Beverly Hills Cop whatever was the next one. Two. They went right to two. After one, they went right to two. At that point, they weren't doing stuff like Beverly Hills Cop, The Reckoning. Beverly Hills Copper.

Beverly Hills Cop, once again, it's on. I'm Damon Wayans, y'all. Because they wouldn't meet his quote. Beverly Hills Cop once again it's on I'm Damon Wayans y'all and because they wouldn't meet his quote and his quote is probably like $12 at this point

but that's why he wouldn't come back he refused to come back but that was Perfect Stranger so that made him a huge star so I bet it

jumped up a lot right he's like Balky don't play no more yeah would it cost him like 50 grand to have him come in

for a day would have been worth it Would have been worth it. Would have been worth it. Tony Scott, he had such a light touch. Those scenes would have been so fun. So I try to reintroduce everybody so the listeners know whose voice is whom. So that was Moshe Kasher with that run that we just went through there. The anecdote about Bronson.

Hi. Hi. Hi. It's a tough week for me, pronunciation-wise. No, you got it. So I think I'm doing pretty good. You've been saying my name perfectly. Once I got Kulab-Velaisak, I decided to not care anymore. Yeah.

But I should apologize to Jay. Are you having a stroke? Your eye is twitching. Go on. Chandra Eskar. No, look, the S is before the E. Chandra Eskar. You're not being fair. What do you mean it's before the E? You're not being fair.

What do you mean it's before the E? It's C-H- This is like Dangerous Minds. It's just like the hip-hop music you love. You want me to spell it? Spell it. I'll spell it. Please.

C-H-A-N-D-R-A-S-E-K-H-A-R. Correct. R-A-S-E. Wait, this is not impressive. It is. Kumail is Pakistani. He's Indian. That's the opposite.

But it's the same region. You can't... That's the opposite. It's not the opposite. It's next door and culturally contiguous. You can't just pretend that it's like... It's just common knowledge how to say... Chand...

Chandrasekhar. That's right. Okay, Chandrasekhar. That's right. Okay, Chandrasekhar. Already different from the first day he did it. But he's such a... Jay, you're such a nice guy

that I'm sure I'm butchering it every time we've spoken and you are very cool. Never brought it up. Very cool about it. Just sat here stewing. Yeah. He has to go home and fuck are very cool about it. Just sat here stewing. He has to go home and fuck

cars to get over it. But Jay brought, you guys, one of the best prizes in the history of the show. He brought a signed by all the members of the Broken Lizard script from Super Troopers. Yeah.

DC Pearson is here as well. He brought some crap book. Oh! It's called Crap Kingdom. And on sale now. Young adults, but adult adults will enjoy it. Every kind of adult.

It's Y-A-N-A-A. From young to adult. Every adult. Yeah. And we talk about it quite a bit on Go Listen to Dining with Doug and Karen this week's episode to hear all about the book. Because this is Doug Loves Movies. Not Doug Loves Crap Books. When is that podcast

coming, by the way? But seriously, about Crap Kingdom, though, do you think this is a potential movie? I think it would make a good movie. I don't know. It's mostly Hollywood power players listen to this, right? Yeah. Yeah. Jerry Bruckheimer. They love complicated games and long

discussions about the pronunciations of names. People making fun of movies that were like their baby. But I think it would. I think it is funny. I think it's got jokes. That's the same thing. You think it's got jokes? I think it's got jokes. That's the same thing. You think it's got jokes? I think it's got jokes. It might have jokes.

Crap Kingdom. Yo, my book got jokes. I think. I think it got jokes. That's a great character. It's up to us to decide if it has jokes or not. It's whimsical. There's romance. Is there boobs? Yeah, there are. I think it's got boobs. I think it's got

boobs. I didn't work when I said it. I don't know why. I think it's got boobs. I think it's got boobs. You can't just do it. I didn't work when I said it. I don't know why. I double down. Should I double down on a bad joke? Yeah, you quiet, you guys. I think it's got boobs. It's still nothing. Maybe Jay could sell it in a way

that would get a big... I didn't know you were the writer, so it's called Crap Kingdom? You've really set yourself up for reviews to be bad with that name. I'd give you a good review. Yeah, Shit Sandwich would apply. Yeah, more like Shit Sandwich. That's right.

I think I'm just relying on it not being reviewed by the New York Post or someplace that loves having puns in their headlines. Crap book. Found decapitated in park. I don't know. It's hard to be that mean to a YA book, too. Yeah. That doesn't seem fair. Kumail Nanjiani is here, everybody.

And you just came straight from the set of Rizzoli and Isles. Oh, God. You managed to get both of those characters to sign today's... Oh, Franklin and Bash. Franklin and Bash. Did you really? As if I didn't say... Like, I said it wrong accidentally.

When are they going to make the Avengers of Franklin and Bash and Rizzoli and Isles? And Hulk. That's a great pitch. But Hulk also, just actual Hulk. Just Hulk as well. Yeah, might not get Ruffalo. So which one wrote most of this? Okay, so it's Breckenmire.

Mostly Breckenmire wrote to Doug, Kuhn mail spelled wrong, forgot a present, this is a shitty substitute, and then he signed it, and then Mark Paul Gosselaar also signed it. Oh, and he wrote concur next to it. Yeah. It's a legal show. Yeah, they

really are lawyers. But your gift makes mine look like a piece of shit. It was a piece of shit when you arrived. You know what? This is the best prize bag overall, I'd say, because Moshe

Kasher is here, everybody. I want to see what you got. He brought a beverage. He brought a delightful beverage. He's got one for himself and one for you. So it'll be like a beverage date. Beverage date with Moshe. And then he also brought

the delightful raw brand rolling papers. In case you smoke marijuana. Rolling papers. I brought you a beverage for that cotton mouth. Roll up a fat one. Read that book. Read that book?

Read that book. Frame that Mark Paul Gosling dessert. Gosler. Into work. God, you can't pronounce names for shit. DC also brought a growing animal that I got. For the listeners, I have my dick there. What?

That's your dick is called a growing animal? That's horrible. You have to dip it in water? That is how sex works, Kumail. That's what getting your dick wet means, actually. I'm always dipping it in water, if you know what I'm saying. Put it in that bucket!

That's what I call it. It's the bucket, ladies. I like it when you call it that. You got a big bucket, girl. Your bucket's on my list! It's a it's the bucket, ladies like it when you call it that. You got a big bucket, girl. Your bucket's on my list. It's a hole in the bucket. My bucket list is actually about various buckets I want to fuck. Bucket fucker.

Jay Bucket Fucker is here tonight. Have you guys been to the cinema? DC, we'll start with you. I went to see Jack the Giant Slayer last week. What? As homework for another podcast. That's how much I live in Los Angeles. I go to see movies as homework for podcasts.

What was it, Frank hates movies? Who's Frank? Yeah. He's the guy that does podcasts about shitty ass movies like Jack the Giant Slayer. And he is super honest so he's appropriately named. Is it How Did This Get Made?

Is that the podcast? No, it's the Slash Filmcast, the official podcast. No, no, no. I'm not allowed to promote any other. In my mind, there are no other movie podcasts. So how was it?

Because this one is definitely the most informative. I will say this about Jack the Giant Slayer. The most exciting scene in it by far is where there's water and it's dripping towards a bean. Will the water get there to the bean? Yes. That's what I call sex, actually, is putting water on my bean.

You mocked me. I saw the film, too. I saw the film, too. And I found that scene quite exciting. I think that's what he was saying. If the water does get to the bean, all hell breaks loose. What if it doesn't get to the bean, all hell breaks loose. What if it doesn't get to the bean?

Then you don't have a movie, right? There was another bean before that where it got to. Oh, okay. It's another bean. This is not the action bean. You guys, don't spoil my next book, which is a screenwriting manual called Wet the Bean. Wet the Bean and Fuck the Bucket.

Oh. I'm looking to compete with Sam the Cat. Fuck the bucket. And yeah, that's pretty much all I really need to say about Jack the Giant Slayer. Yeah, it took a huge tumble at the box office. Is that a giant punk?

I don't know. Week one to two, it really lost a lot of people. But you know, Oz, Great and Powerful is kind of the same audience I would imagine. Pretty good.

Yeah? Yeah. Are there a bunch of giants? Big on Ewan McGregor? Oh yeah. There are big giants. But there's no lady giants. There are big giants?

Whoa. What kind of movie is this? It's a good point. Are there any midget giants? That's just regular movies there is one oh there is a very small giant

there's like a spud web of the giants that's what I call my penis the very small giant very small giant I will say this positive about the movie it is the movie

that finally answers the question that was asked by the band name they might be giants they are giants. That was the longest pause. I had no idea what the...

Big setup. I didn't understand the question or the answer. Mastery. I'd be terrible on Jeopardy. All right, so both of you said Jack the Giant Slayer. Kumail, what do you got over there? Motion pictures, you see any? I haven't seen...

I saw Milo, which is the movie that Gillian Jacobs and Ken Marino were in. You were just at South By, and there was a screening of Milo. Yeah. And you're in it. A little bit, yeah. I saw a film. Oh, was I in that one?

Yeah, I am in that one. That is right, I am in that movie. I'm just happy to know that he could move on I am in that one. That is right. I am in that movie. I'm just happy to know that he could move on after Otis' death. Did it... Well played. Did the movie kill?

Did the people enjoy it? The movie did really well. How were your parts? Did you get big laughs? Killer, yeah. Where'd it play? Like at the Paramount? I played at the Alamo,

one of the Alamo Ritz. The Ritz. Yeah, it was awesome. A lot of bigger movies Like at the Paramount? I played at the Alamo, one of the Alamo Ritz. The Ritz. Yeah, it was awesome. A lot of bigger movies played at the Paramount, like Super High Me and Baby Makers, but go on.

He's right. Ken, it's about, Ken has a demon that lives in his butt and it comes out and kills everyone that's pissing him off.

That knocks you out of the Paramount immediately because they only play classy stuff there. And then it goes out and kills everyone that's pissing him off. That knocks you out of the Paramount immediately because they only play classy stuff there. And then it goes back in. But what's great was Ken was, his acting,

his demon coming out of the butt acting was really strong. But the demon going back in the butt was among the best demon going back in the butt acting

jobs I've ever seen. And distinctly different from the demon coming out of the butt. He's great. He's really good. I'm really like, did we say Ken Marino? Yeah, Ken Marino's amazing. He's great in the movie too.

Alright. Moshe? I, most recently, I saw a lot of the Oscar screeners late, but I also saw two documentaries recently. One was called The Hollywood Complex. Amazing. It's incredible. It's about the Oakwood apartment complex.

Oh, I heard about this. About kids? Kids, all these parents who bring their children from far off areas in the country for pilot season, which just ended, so it's very timely. And they sort of live in a weird fantasy community there, and they all are trying to get jobs. And there's a lot of great moments in the movie

but my favorite maybe is there's one kid and he's this little black kid and he's like they ask him, what are your goals? and he's like, my goals, my goals are to never put my hands on no woman to stay out of prison and to not be

another statistic and he's like swishing and throwing glitter in the air and his mother is like I will not have my child be another black man locked up in prison and I'm like you don't have to worry about that. Your child is going to be fine.

So that's a great movie. And then he booked the pilot for the TV show version of Paris is Burning, right? I thought we were talking about movies, audience. I guess it's... I don't know. Never mind. I feel like your voice... Maybe you should have gone Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

Yeah, fair enough. Anyway. Your voice was offensive to every minority somehow. You felt offended? I think Asian Americans were offended. I was offended. Gay people, definitely. The kid was gay and black. That's the point of the story.

Yeah, he was a glack. Fuck you, Kumail. He was a glack. That doesn't even make sense. Glay. Alright. Best movie so far this year. Is there such a thing?

You guys say Jack the Giant Slayer. Life of Pi was last year. Just hit 600 million. 600 million. Best movie between January and now? I just said World Wild. Yeah, between January and now. So you have to go Jack.

That's what I was saying. I was going I was saying I think that is the only 2013 movie I've seen in 2013 it's a rough time of year the best movies are just the holds over it also has good anal demon acting that's a subcategory now it's PG-13 isn't it I was kidding

yeah there's no anal demon in it. He was making fun of me for the anal demon. Stanley Tucci comes on screen, you think, oh, here come the anal demons. But no, somehow, he's playing against type this time. Did you guys see Ewan McGregor in Salmon Fishing in the Yemen? No, I gave that a solid miss. That's what movie review shows would be like.

This one, I passed on. Good luck, everybody. That is the most indie movie name I've ever heard. Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. Yeah, it's rough. Fuck you. I like Ewan. I like Emily Blunt.

That's like, remember that movie that was like, we don't live here anymore. Or like, things we lost in the fire like or like transformers yeah things we lost in the fire i wanted the tagline of that movie to just be a list of actual things they lost like the cat our blankets our love of candles our love of candles things we lost as always Kumail Nanjiani

is a shithead and no how was salmon fishing just wrap the show up right there how was salmon fishing in the yam

and was it good I did not see it for many of the reasons you just listed salmon fishing do you have a favorite this year so far? My theory is it's all crap.

What's been out? The Hobbit was this year? No. Oz. Oz just came out. Did you see it? No, I want to see it. I think it looks great. Wait, Kumail, we saw The Hobbit together last year. I didn't write it in my journal, Moshe.

I was like, another great 2012 day. But you do know that... Moshe and I... You knew it was nominated for some Academy Awards this year. You do know that January is the demarcation line between years, though, right? Yeah, I didn't remember when we saw it. Well, that's your fucking bad. No, it is my bad.

What has been out there? No, so you turned to him at one point and said, we'll always remember this, right? Yeah. And now you're all miffed that he didn't? Yeah. Oh, that's sad. Well, he wasn't in The Hobbit, to be fair, so it's hard to remember. Oh, that's good. Jay, use your microphone.

That was so funny. I hated it. I think it was stupid. What are the big movies that have been out? I don't care. Pass me that piece of paper you have, Jay, about all your tour dates. Jay is doing a bunch of stand-up dates, you guys,

and I want to be very clear about this because I would love to see you do stand-up. Aren't they all sold out already? That's what you said. They're pre-sold out. Not really. Take your fucking list and your fucking name and get the fuck out of my show.

They're not at all sold out. Okay, he's going to be at the Columbus, Ohio Funny Bone on 416. These are all leading up to 420, so consider them 420 shows. He'll talk about marijuana, right? Sure. Okay. 417, he's going to be at the Grog

in Cleveland Heights, Ohio. Cleveland Heights. You know what? You get successful, so you don't have to do shit like this. It's called bringing it to the people. Cleveland Heights is the successful Cleveland I thought you were going to do

Five minutes on Cleveland Heights I was worried he was going to do five minutes on it 418 Ferndale, Michigan You got issues with them? Yeah, why are you doing this? They're nice people We can't all be on Franklin and Bash Kumail Nanjiani is a man of the person

I'm the person. I'm the person. I think that was implied. Yeah. 419 countdown to 420 in Chicago, Illinois. Chicago? Right, Chicago's good. Oh, Chicago's good. Good luck getting out of there alive.

Someday I want to direct successful hit movies so I can go to Cleveland Heights and play Bucket of Racists or whatever. No, no, the Grog. The Grog. The Grog, sorry. You were close. And the Firebird in St. Louis, Missouri on 420.

So that's going to be fucking fun for everybody in St. Louis that smokes weed. That's going to be the thing to do. Can I plug a stand-up date? Yeah. There's a part at the end where we do it. I just did a special for him just there because we'd probably

run out of time later. What made you think that would happen? I knew he had a lot of dates and that he's, you know, he's very excited about going out

and doing stand-up. The rest of us do it all the time. We don't take breaks to make hit films. But yeah, we'll get a plug thing in at the end.

everybody answered my questions. So this is the part of the show where I say, let the games begin. That was a pretty good bang. Thank you. It was Lincoln. It's a terrible Lincoln Go ahead and

Ladies and gentlemen Produce your name tags Is there anybody named Doug Because my thing is signed to Doug Oh yeah, they accidentally signed it to me Is there someone named Doug With a name tag No?

My name's not Doug I'm sure it isn't lady voice from in the crowd. So there's no Dougs here. Doug's not that popular of a name, really. Our dog's named Doug. Our dog is named Doug, someone just yelled. Alright, Sarah Silverman fan.

Which was first, Sarah's or yours? Naming it Doug. Sarah's, okay. I appreciate it, though. Oh, yes. Kumail, well done. Fucking Kumail scored.

I mean, I think you all scored. Well, I scored. I think you're all doing pretty good. There are 15 cupcakes, no more. Oh, when are those going to save your lives? Jay has a smoke detector. Smoke detector. No battery.

And what's the name on it? Jurassic Park lab technician, level one clearance. I don't think that's her name. Oh, I see. Her name. Yeah, okay. What's her name? Gia. Okay. I was hoping it would be

a Jurassic Park pun. We'll go to Kumail last Because he's really excited Moshe what do you have? I have the Dark Side of the Moon Wow So what is your name? Dark Side Moon

Is there a name on it? But unfortunately no album What about in the end? There might be a shit on the back Don't read the shit out loud They even wrote do not read aloud That's very considerate of you. So what's your name?

Jason. Jason. Okay. Great name, Terry. Do you get it? Is there something I'm missing? No. Okay.

Jason London's name in Days Inconfused is Randall Pink Floyd. So it makes perfect sense, Kumail. That's a long walk, Doug. Yeah. I'm tired. I need a water. Or some Prometheus Springs

mango chili beverage. Provided by Moshe. Can I drink a little? The winner, whoever you are, do you mind if I drink a little of your mango chili? Are these for us?

I'm just going to take a sip of it. I'm not going to drink the whole thing. We can eat these? Yeah. Okay, so Kumail, I said we were coming to you last. Are they vegan?

Just kidding. I don't give a shit. What do you... Good one. DC, what do you have? American pie poster? I do. It's a Meredith pie, and I picked it because I love puns,

and that is a great one. And real quick, Doug, can I request future name tags? Because he had a Jurassic Park name tag, and I was hoping it would be a Jurassic Park pun and the ones I immediately thought of that are name related were, hold on to your Beth. Or,

we have a TJ. Like we have a T-Rex. Thank you. You're a punster? You're a punster? That's your shithead on the back. Okay, cool. I was confused for a second because it says a Meredith. You're a fan of? That's your shithead on the back. Okay, cool. I was confused for a second

because it says a Meredith. You're a fan of puns? Yeah. Does this mean you won't hire me for any of your movies now? No, I'm curious. What's your favorite pun? Sorry to hijack.

I think my favorite one that I have ever authored, I say authored because it's a lot of work. Probably Jada Pinkett Sith. Authors razor? Probably Jada Pinkett Sith Probably Jada Pinkett Sith Okay

Have to be there for that one right What's funny is you are there right now Yeah Jada Pinkett Sith is your favorite one of all time That's my favorite one yeah That's the best one Yes it is You guys can't see it at home, but I'm weeping.

I have another one. Will Sith. How's that one? DC is weeping tears of oi. Oi? Okay, motion display for Jason. You can't see it at home. I'm wearing a rabid costume.

That's why I'm weeping tears of oi. Kumail has amazing cupcakes that have shown up previously at a CineFamily event, a potluck over there, and I love them, and they showed up again. It's the same person, correct? Carrie. What? A different person made this exact same thing?

That's amazing. You seem pissed off about it. Our friend made them. Your friend, oh. Do you even know the person that made these ones? What kind of hack bullshit is this? These cupcakes are cosplaying as those other cupcakes. You can't just take other people's cupcake material.

Where's Joe Rogan when you need him? He doesn't want to do my show because he says he's not that into movies. I'm like, okay, Joe. Good comeback, Joe. I'm not going to fight you on it. But anyway, I love him, though. These look amazing. Those are amazing-looking cupcakes,

but they are a knockoff. I'm glad we established that. And they do have a little poster in each one, and I took a pictureoff and I'm glad we established that. But look how much more went into this. And they do have a little poster in each one and I took a picture and I will tweet that because that's an impressive name tag. Isn't Veggie Sandwich or whatever going to take pictures? Or whatever his name is?

Mixed vegetables? Yeah, that's it. Sorry. He thinks your name is Veggie Sandwich. You might want to rethink it. You might want to go home and change it. Sorry. He thinks your name is Veggie Sandwich. You might want to rethink it. You might want to go home and change it. Kumail, the champion of appropriately pronouncing people's names, thinks yours is Veggie Sandwich.

It's mixed vegetables. It's not so far off. Well, look at it. It's spelled exactly the way it sounds. Oh, shit. Mosha, Mosha, Mosha. Alright. Who are you playing for, Mosha. All right. Who are you playing for, Camille? What's her name? Carrie.

Correct? Yeah. All right. Because I don't see it. Thank you for bringing those, Carrie. Carrie. Okay, I got it. What flavor are they?

Vanilla. Fuck you. Take them back. Vanilla? I mean, in fairness, we can't see the cake because it's covered up by the popcorn frosting it could be chocolate no she said vanilla

she took the no like the cake is she saying no she took the mystery out of the flavor when she said it was vanilla flavored where have you been

I'm just saying this literally just happened I know what they actually are I'm saying that she had the option to make them chocolate she opted not to and therefore they're bullshit you know how you could've

figured that out is when she said they're bullshit. You know how you could have figured that out? Is when she said they're vanilla flavored. I know they're... You guys, you're making me cry tears of joy. What's your second favorite pun? Yeah, maybe your ranking is off. I got another one. Jane and Seth.

They're all good. They're all good. Okay, you guys. We've established who you're playing for. It's time to... What are you guys talking about? The cupcakes.

You have a secret conversation? You can't eat them? Kumail's like, I really want to eat one. Can you eat one? Are you vegan? And I unfortunately said yes. And he's like, you can't eat one. See, that's why I did it off mic. Well, then did you not notice when Doug said what you said? It's very distracting. I'm sitting right here.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Doug. Yeah, yeah. I don't approve of crosstalk. But eat one. Go ahead and eat one. Mr. and Mrs. Sith. Okay, yeah. Alright, there you go. The British actress Maggie Sith.

We'd like to see your reaction to eating one. So go ahead and eat one. Okay. Ghostbusters. She's eating the Ghostbusters one. Yeah. Who are you going to call? Mr. Smith.

Franklin and Sith. That pun was Franklin and Trash. Smith or Troopers? How is it? You're two bites in. Yep. Still trying to decide? He's using his stick with the sign on it

to scoop it into his mouth. That's how they eat cupcakes where you're from? Here he goes. Here he goes. Here he goes. He met Chicago where you started comedy. Why are you eating at that weird way?

but now disdains the idea of anyone traveling there to do comedy any longer. How is it though, Camille? Yeah.

Yeah? Okay. You know what? Thumbs up? It's good. It's vanilla cupcake. I mean... She's sitting right there.

You could say... And you were eating it like... There was nothing more important that could be happening right now. The best part was when you were eating it with the Popsicle stick and it wasn't working and you were staring at the cupcake

as if to say, what the fuck is wrong with this cupcake? Does anyone want the rest of this? Can't finish it, Carrie. Did you make it yourself, Carrie? Yes. Sorry. They're really good.

They're good. He's sorry for insulting. Yeah, I am. I'm sorry for insulting you. You know, if they made these with like a spoon on the bottom. I know. I don't want to touch food right now. I think I can

guess the movie in... We have a different game tonight. It's one we've done once before and it's a lot of fun. And for this particular game, I like to say... You know what? It's getting better've done once before and it's a lot of fun. And for this particular game, I like to say... You know what? It's getting better. Wait, what? Use your microphone.

It got really good. Interrupt while talking into a microphone, please. The cupcake got really good. Sorry, he can't because he's eating a cupcake with two hands right now. It's like the movie Lincoln where it starts off and you're like, this sucks, and then you're like, oh,

this is pretty good. It's so funny you mention that, because we're about to play Bane or Lincoln. I will say a line in my best Bane slash Lincoln voice, because they're very similar to each other. And then I'll go down the line and see if each of you can tell me

whether it's from Steven Spielberg's Lincoln or Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight Rises. These are all direct quotes from those two movies. And it turns out that Bane and Lincoln have a lot of the same opinions and attitudes. Four scores. Seven years ago today.

That's the exact thing I said on right wing conservative radio Last night Why did two people just run out of here I have a theory Some ladies Or maybe that dude Find the Bane voice terrifying Is that real

That's real That's some real shit That's why they ran out of here They literally did run out of here. I think they just fucking panicked. Or some people have a bad reaction to Lincoln's voice. I've seen people run screaming out of great moments

with Mr. Lincoln at Disneyland. Racists. They did have hoods on. So that'd be fun they did have hoods on. So that'd be fun to go to Disneyland and kind of watch people together and put hoods over your heads with eye holes

and go watch Lincoln. And just like loudly critique him. And root him on the whole time. Oh. Agreed! So confusing. That would go over great

at Southern Comic Con. All right, here's the first one Moshe you get a you get a guess first and uh you know uh you don't have to agree

with the person sitting next to you be your own person what's happened we don't we don't yeah nothing is happening Moshe it's just

you're such a follower all the time. I'm just talking... Have we demonstrated group things? He's first, so he can't follow. We have demonstrated group things. No, we've demonstrated the opposite. I agree. We've all been attacking each other.

He's giving us a speech to be ourselves. I feel like we have been. Kumail certainly has been with that cupcake stick technique. I'm just saying don't go with everybody else. Go with your gut, whichever you think it is. It's going to be a close call. You mean like always? It was pretty smart the way you got that big fish

into the boat and then the tiger ate it. It was pretty smart the way you got that big fish into the boat and then the tiger ate it. Thank you. For a second I thought it was aimed at me. Well, because didn't you make the joke that, or not the joke, but people on Twitter say that you should have played that part. Yeah, this is my life.

Yeah, people, multiple people tweeted at me that I should have been in Life of Pi. That's weird. People all said that I should have been in Life of Pi. That's weird. People all said that I should have been in Schindler's List. That's for a totally different reason. They just hate me. They said you should have been in the Holocaust.

I got a... That was Bane. That one was Bane. Why, that one was Bane. That was Bane. The lights just go down. What the hell? If you were in the movie, just your glasses would have been colored in one scene.

Anyway, it's not pronounced Holocaust, you fucking idiot. Holocaust. Holocaust. Have you played that video game, Halo-Cost? That's my favorite pun. That's a pun right there.

For the people at home, I've made no jokes about the Holocaust. That one was close. It did mention it. Yeah, well, you're right. Moshe, you get to go first. Is this Bane or Lincoln? This is the instrument of your liberation.

That's Bane. Oh, I have to also guess? That was the whole be your own person speech. Oh, I thought he guesses, then I guess. No, no, no. Everybody takes a crack at the same one. This is the instrument of your liberation. That's what I said. No, no, no. Everybody takes a crack at the same one. This is the instrument of your liberation. That's what I said.

No, do it in a Bane voice. Are you supposed to repeat it? No, it's not Bane, Lincoln, or Parrot. That's this. This is the instrument of your liberation. I'm going to go with Bane also. Okay. Jay, what do you think? This is the instrument of your liberation. I'm going to go with Bane also. Okay. Jay, what do you think?

This is the instrument of your liberation. Be your own man, Jay. Don't just do it because Kumail did it. I'm going with Lincoln. It was obviously Lincoln. Liberation. DJ, what do you think? That was Bane's shit too.

Well, that's the deal with this being the instrument of your liberation. So that was Seinfeld? You're going with Seinfeld? No, no. Well, that's the deal with this being the instrument of your liberation. So that was Seinfeld? You're going with Seinfeld. No, no. No, it's not. I gotta go with Bane. Okay. Three Banes

and one Lincoln. Yeah, so Jay is out. It's Bane. Thank you for playing, Jay. Way to be your own person. Just out? That pays off. Put your microphone down.

Join the fold, Jay. Join us, Jay. Informity rules. I didn't say this was easy. Is there a side game I can play? Yeah, it's called leaving. Yeah, go toss a ball around with Jordan. There'll be more.

Okay. Is this like a sudden death? You could still talk and stuff. Yeah, well, why bother? You could say your talk and stuff. Yeah, well, why bother? You could say... You could say your opinions and stuff. Okay, this time we'll start with Kumail. Oh, God. I just ate a whole cupcake.

Whoa, how are you going to play this very easy game? I feel gross. It will have to be for the people to keep it up. It will have to be for the people to keep it up? Mm-hmm. You don't have to repeat it. Jay, you're out of the game. Right.

But he does get to talk. I did tell him that he could talk. This is when Bane was talking about erectile dysfunction, right? Doug said, clearly, I'm allowed to express my opinions. So. It'll be for the people to keep it up. I'm gonna go with Lincoln. Okay, DC?

Yeah, I'm also gonna go with Lincoln. Moshe? I will also go with Lincoln. You're all three correct. It was Lincoln. Very good. Nobody was their own person, though. We were all right. At what cost? Bane? No, Lincoln. That was Lincoln.

We were all right. But at what cost? I'm waiting for one of these to have the word Batman in it. Lincoln. Oh, yeah. I would be high enough to do that. Or 13th Amendment.

I don't think that was Lincoln. Alright, DC. Today's the day the world shall end. Wow. Batman! That was either Bane or Lincoln that said that. That's the part of Lincoln where he's getting the team

of astronauts together to go blow up the meteor, right? No, that's not in either movie, dude. No. How come you only do these quotes in Lincoln imitation? Like, it really colors it. They're very similar. I gotta go with Bane what do you think Moshe

this one's hard be your own man I'm gonna go with Lincoln Kumail which one of these guys are you gonna agree with I'll go with Bane DC is our winner because the answer is Lincoln.

Motion's our winner. Yeah! I'm sorry, I like DC better. Wait. Lincoln at one point said the world is going to win? They were involved in a very serious civil war during Lincoln's life. Liberation?

It's just America. It's American history. It's out of context, but he says those exact words. In fairness, they thought the world was flat at that point. No, he could just be like, someone came up to me and said this. No, he just saw a bunch of freed slaves walking toward him, and he says that.

I was reading a Batman comic, and there was a character in there called Bane. He said... Let me read it in context because I did... Out of context, it is hard.

So let me read it in context. Today's the day the world shall end to Batman. I'm just... I'm kidding. I didn't... There's not really

a Batman on there. You're not high enough to do that, but you're high enough to call the wrong winner. I wanted DC to win. Do you regret telling him

that he can express his opinions? Because he's been mouthing off. No, I mean, the two of you are lippier than usual. Why are you grouping us together? Well, I'll tell you why. Why are you dragging out a word like lippier? That's just offensive. Lippier?

Lippier. But great job, Moshe. Thank you guys very much. That's just offensive. Nippier? Nippier. But great job, Moshe. Thank you guys very much. Thank you. Thank you. So yeah, so you... Is that it?

Yeah, that was the game this time. That was the whole episode? Look at the time. It's 7.50. Here's another show. Put your hands together. Starts at 8. No, 8.30. Start It's 7.50. Here's another show. Put Your Hands Together starts at 8. No, 8.30. Starts at 8.30.

It starts at 8 o'clock and it will be a reckoning. Lincoln. This must be riveting listening for the people around the country listening to this. What time does that show start? In other countries they really dig it. They're like, I'm in the UK and we're hearing about when the show's gonna end.

It's exciting. It's insider dirt. You know what? I like, I'm in the UK. We're hearing about when the show's going to end. It's exciting. It's insider dirt. You know what? I never think I'm going to care about winning. But then when I'm here, I always want to win. And I don't ever win. That's so weird. I always want to win.

I don't ever care about winning. And then yet, I always find a way. I always find a way. Batman. Well, congratulations to Moshe and who he played for, which is Jason with the album, with the nice shithead on the back. But I'm sorry we're not going to say it

because you won all the prizes. Where is Jason? Come on down here, Jason, and get your shit. He won everything, right? Yeah, he gets his album cover back. But that was smart to take the album out because you would have probably done something to that.

No, I thought you might have thrown it around the room. Look at him taking that all. He's dying to get into that mango chili juice. I only licked the rim all the way around. Do not put your dick in mango chili juice. That's how you eat a fucking cupcake.

This is America. This is how it's done. You look horrible right now. There's cupcake in your nose. You look like you just did, like, cocaine. How is it? I just did some cup-cane. How's that one, Quebec?

Is that your new favorite? Where's Sith in it? I don't get it. Oh, okay. Wait, what are puns? Oh, I didn't mention. I only do puns in the Star Wars universe. I'm sorry. I did one today on Twitter about most Isley brothers that got no love.

Doug likes it, though. Thank you, Doug. I appreciate it. I love it, but that is an obscure one. Most Isley brothers. Most people that know Star Wars don't know. The Isley brothers. Nope. No, they don't.

How many RTs and faves did you get? I was probably rocking about seven RTs, about 12 FAs on that thing. Was that tweet in a movie I was in by any chance? Somebody should make a sexy Admiral Ackbar Raphael. Ooh. Again, nothing.

And that's even a current model. Go down and use a trap. What is Ack Akbar Raphael? Admiral Akbar? I know Admiral Akbar And there's a model Bar Raphael Oh, Bar Raphael-y Oh, sorry

That E really killed it Pronounce it right, Doug That E killed it Pronounce it right Okay Okay, so do you have a shithead on the back of your Here it is I got that one, yeah Do you shithead on the back of your... Here it is. I got that one, yeah.

Do you have on the back of the American Pie poster picture? Check this. And then is it on the back of this? It's not on there. It's not on there? Why not? Can you come over and write one down for me, Gia? And you can have your...

You probably need this back because there's a fire tonight in your home. You'll need this broken... This guy's already breaking down the prize bag. Here you go. No, you can write it off. Yeah, he's like bartering in the crowd. You could just write it down right there. I'll give you a front row badge sign.

That's what a lot of... The prize bag is a lot of stuff that I got in a prize bag and then turned around and gave away. So it's fair. It's prize bag worthy. Is this a person I should recognize or like a friend of yours? Is this supposed to be a famous person?

Is this just somebody who had a... This is just a friend of yours? You can't just rip on a friend of yours on a national podcast. Actually, we've been doing that this whole time. No, but we're not friends. That's right, sorry. Oh!

Oh, snap! Whoa! He said that we're friends! Wait, so... Oh, God. Who was DC playing? Oh snap He said they were friends Wait so Oh god Who was DC playing? Meredith? Meredith? But is this a friend of yours also?

That's my sister Your sister It's gonna be huge I got three shitheads I got three shitheads That are like just Just random names That no one's gonna recognize

We're in a podcast And I like to end on the funniest one So write one down for me Moshe Anyone that you want me to call a shitheads that are just random names that no one's going to recognize. And I like to end on the funniest one, so write one down for me, Moshe. Anyone that you want me to call a shithead. Wow, pressure's on, Moshe. Anyone except for people sitting to the left of you. I don't know what to do. Whisper a good one.

Be your own person. Does somebody have a good shithead? Just anybody on the panel. Oh, his was great. You're right. He's right. I should just do the winners. His was really good.

All right, here we go. Confidence. Plugs, Moshe. Oh, I should just do the winners. This was really good. All right, here we go. Confidence. Plugs, Moshe. Oh, I will be this very weekend. It'll be out by then, right? Uh-huh. Yeah, I'll be this weekend at Caroline's in New York City with Natasha Leggero Thursday, Friday, Saturday. So everyone in New York City, come see me.

And also be at One Eye Jackson, New Orleans, Louisiana on April Fool's Day. So I'll be fine. Kumail, lean back just a little bit so I can get all four of you in the picture. Yeah, that's good. What plugs do you have? I just did some... I just did some sketches for Funny or Die

for the new Gears of War Judgment game that's coming out. So go to FunnyOrDie or IGN.com and watch those sketches thatgment game that's coming out so go to funnyordie.com or ign.com and watch those sketches that came out today. Awesome. Jay? All those road trips. I'm in the

go to brokenlizard.com I'm in the Midwest 416 to 420 some cities. Yes. A five day a hellish five day tour. All leading up to 420.

Is it not going to be fun? No. It's not going to be fun. Dude you're going to get so smoked out in all those places. Of course it's going to be fun. They're sold out. They all want to to 420. Is it not going to be fun? No, it's not going to be fun. Dude, you're going to get so smoked out in all those places. Of course it's going to be fun. They're sold out.

They all want to come see you. You have a big draw. Kumail is upset. Can we do this later? This sounds like what we should be doing backstage after I'm done. Okay. You got fucking owned. Look at how scared he is.

I mean, sure. It's going to be fun. They're going to be really fun. Mr. Sith goes to Washington. Why don't you Sith the fuck down? Shuth the fuck up. Yeah. Yeah, shuth the fuck up.

That one doesn't even make sense. That's the best one yet. It could have been Revenge of the Shuth. Buy DC's book, Crap Kingdom. You can find links to buy it at crapkingdom.com. It's on Amazon. It's in bookstores. It's on your e-reader.

Please buy it. All that stuff really, really helps me. And I appreciate it. Thanks to all of you guys. That was a really fun show. And anyone who disagrees with me is a shithead. But also... You mean a Sith head?

Ah, you're good. It's kind of played out. Oh, we're done, apparently. See, I knew this panel couldn't get through a Leonard Maltin game. But that was still pretty fun. As always, Theon Greyjoy is a shithead.

Word. Jessica Morris is a shithead. Lou Tran is a shithead. These are real human beings. Yeah, and they're total shitheads. Or maybe they're just going through a hard time right now. I've never known more miserable, despicable people than these fucking shitheads.

I mean, Theon Greyjoy Am I laying it on too thick, Kerry? These assholes wouldn't even like a popcorn cupcake. Could you make it popcorn flavored? That'd be awesome. Instead of vanilla, the default flavor next time you make 26 cupcakes

at home for free fucking get it right and finally they're really good cupcakes thanks to Jason, our winner everyone at South by Southwest is a shithead They're really good cupcakes. Thanks to Jason, our winner. Everyone at South by Southwest is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie.

Eyes of old and viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you. Cause Doug loves movies.