Doug Loves Movies - Lamorne Morris, Tim Barnes and Adam Burke guest

Episode Date: May 5, 2016

Live from Zanies in Rosemont, IL, Doug welcomes Lamorne Morris, Tim Barnes and Adam Burke to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screening baby sticky seeds With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey everybody! My name is Doug and I love movies! This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you once again from the well-rehearsed, professional audience-having mall

in Rosemont, Illinois! Yay! In Rosemont, Illinois! That's right, we're back at Zany's Comedy Club for, I bet you somebody in the audience knows. How many times have we done it here? Is this the fourth, fifth, fourth? Thank you. Third, says somebody else. Who missed one I I'm always thrilled to play here a little saddened by the recent

loss of Toby Keith's I love this fucking shit show of an IRS dodging usually empty restaurant usually empty restaurant. That place is huge.

Now it's Joe's, what is it? Joe's City? Joe's Live. And then it also says Bub City. What is Bub City? Am I stupid for not getting it? Barbecue? Bub means barbecue? Ugh.

And so it's just picking up the mantle thrown down by Toby Keith of, they're going to have, like, country western acts in there? Is that the idea? All right. Maybe I'll check it out one night. It's Wednesday.

May the 4th be with you. Let me see those Star Wars name tags. I thought there might be a few. Holy crap. We got right in the front row, The Empire Strikes Back. What did you... It says Star Wars, but then you wrote K...

Instead of May, K the Force be with you? Okay. Sarah 3PO? Fair enough. You may have noticed I'm ignoring the ones that aren't Star Wars. Empire Strikes Brooke should fight with Empire Strikes Back. Yeah, you guys should fight it out. There's a big Star Wars poster there that is so reflective that it's mostly me that I'm seeing.

But good job for you. Sean what? Sean Wars? Okay. And then we got a... People without Star Wars are just putting them down. Like, why do I have to hold this? We got a Stormtrooper helmet for, like, the world's tiniest Stormtrooper.

Did you put your name on it or something? Underneath? Okay. Fair enough. Are there any other Star Wars ones I missed? Oh, they're way in the back there. Donnie Darko is not Star Wars. She changed it to Danielle Darko though. So that's fine. Dan in real life

has an actual stack of pancakes and then he put his head on them. Did you hear me complaining about every time I'd see that name tag I'd just feel bad for Steve Carell that he had to pose for a picture where he just put

his side of his face in maple syrup. Good movie though. Alright, thanks for bringing all those name tags. Good luck to everybody. My guests have not been told

that they have to just pick Star Wars so everybody has a chance. Doug plugs, tomorrow's Doug Loves Movies taping here at Zany's is sold out. That's why this one happened.

But I think there are tickets available for my stand-up show on Saturday at 4.20. Bring name tags for a chance to get on stage and to find out first-hand how hard it is to play Last Man Stanton. Sunday night

I'm doing my annual Mother's Day movie interruption at the Alamo Drafthouse outside of Denver. Me and some of your favorite Douglas movies and Getting Doug with High guests will be making jokes during Throw Mama from the Train. You know, it's a Mother's Day show. The first year we did Mrs. Doubtfire, the second year we did Junior,

where Arnold Schwarzenegger was pregnant. So now this is my third, and the only reason we're doing Throw Mama from the Train is because Mother's Day, the new Gary Marshall movie, is too new for us to get the rights to interrupt it, and also because I don't... That was what I was just about to say you weirdo or does your mom actually have a gun stop this podcast or my mom will shoot or does she have a dick stop this podcast or my mom will shoot something out of her dick.

Yeah, I was just about to say that I just can't, I don't know how many, like, I'll do Mother's Day next year, so maybe the year after that, stop or my mom will shoot, but I'm hoping never. I'm hoping there's enough other movies out there, because that movie's angeringly mad.

Maddingly, I don't know what i'm trying to say i'm just saying i like sylvester stallone and that might be his worst movie uh monday night i'm doing uh the first ever getting dug with high in denver at the oriental theater hold your uh your jokes about how my eyes look when i'm uh getting high in the Oriental Theater. Douglovesmovies.com. That's Douglovesmovies.com. Tonight, because, you know, it's May the 4th and we can't just shut down at 930 when the show is over. Tonight, I'll be at the after parties at Adobe Gila's right here in this beautiful mall.

Nobody sounds excited by that. We also, because last year we did the after party, the Cinco de Mayo after party there, and we will again tomorrow night, and it's just a good place to hang out and drink and then you know we can sneak outside in groups for reasons I don't need to get into

let's check out what's in the prize bag you guys the latest gift that they give every guest on the at midnight program on Comedy Central is some fancy futuristic water bottle. So I'm

re-gifting that shit. How many futuristic water bottles does one man need? I've got the sippy cup from when I saw a show called She Loves Me on Broadway. It got nominated for many Tony Awards,

so it's a Tony Award-nominated sippy cup. I got a... Oh, this is a pink one, a nice pink... It's completely rubber pipes for people that really need to not have metal on them. And also want to potentially melt the pipe in their own hands when they light it when they light it on fire uh and this is uh this is from a company called peacemaker and they've sent me so many of those i'll be giving those out for years it's like the new what was that hot dog place

I used to give away all the time? Or Schmovies. Pops hot dogs and Schmovies finally stopped sending me that shit. Now I gotta talk Peacemaker into stopping. And for my own personal VHS collection, an episode of the underrated Gross Point called Satisfaction,

and an episode of the ratedrated Gross Point called Satisfaction. And an episode of the rated Just Right, because it was great and everybody loved it, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And the episode is called Surprise. Yeah, because nothing ever jumps out at anybody on that show. Finally, a surprise episode. And then there's this weird bag on the stage, which I want to

call the authorities about before we get into it. Who brought this? Does anybody know who put this up here? You did? It's stuff for the prize bag. But what kind of stuff? Well, I'll find out right now. This is like Christmas morning.

What is this? Evolve? It's a wax pen? Is it your company or something? Your buddy? Owns a shop? Was a fan? Is a fan?

Evolve. All right. So there's a plug for that thing I don't know anything about. And what's in here? A nice little pipe? Yeah, yeah, I'll hang on to that. Here for a few days. You can see I'm giving away the pipes that I brought.

Oh, this is like a case you could put a joint in that says it's 420. Oh, is it 420 yet? I swear to God, when I first saw it, and you might want to recommend they change it, I thought it said it's 420 yum. Oh, and some raw tips for your rolling pleasure. And a cute little lighter also that says raw on it. There you go.

All right, so yeah, I'll put all that stuff in the prize bag. Rocky's Vape Shop. I'll give them a plug, too, and then put that in the bag. Oh, wait. Oh, there's also some raw papers. So, yeah. It's one-stop shopping. I'm even going to put the pipe in there.

I feel guilty. All right. So all that's going in the bag, plus whatever my guests brought. And I already saw one of my guests brought, like, two bags of shit. I mean, two bags of amazing stuff. Please give a big warm welcome to Tim Barnes, Adam Burke, and Lamorne Morris. We got a couple of first timers up here, you guys. Woo-hoo!

First, let's say hello to... Chicago comedian and hilarious Twitterer Tim Barnes is here, everybody. Woo-hoo! This is very intimate. Yeah, the audience is close. Is that what you're trying to say? Yeah, we're close too. We're all, it's like a huddle. It's just, you know, close-knit talk show

and I think it'd be a good format for television. Like, just bring out three people and then make them all sit very close together. You'd only need one camera. That's right, yeah. Just lock it down. One shot. Four bodies. Which is pretty much

how I do the Getting Doug with High show. But thanks for being here for your very first time. Yeah, I'm excited. And let me get those prize bag things off of your hands. I've got volume four of some comic book about Magneto. Now, okay, so you're already telling me that you have not read it yourself?

I have read it, but I was reading from volume four and was a little confused. Oh, okay. But it's very, very interesting. And I have two DVDs that I rented right before the end of Rentals. How did you know? Are you going to do that with pies?

Bye-bye, Miss American Pie. The day the rentals died. Season one of The State. Oh, very good. We've had three of those gentlemen on this program. Maybe four. And The Ben Stiller Show. Oh, all right.

Ben Stiller wouldn't do this in a million years. show. Oh, all right. Yeah. I forgot he had a show. Ben Stiller wouldn't do this in a million years. Was that all that was left in the store? Was that it? Well, those are very nice and considerate prizes. And you've heard the show before. Yes. So you're ready to go.

I'm excited to finally have you we've been messaging on Twitter and I've been enjoying your tweets thank you now here we are I made a mistake of trying to promote the show a couple days ago how dareth you

as Shakespeare would say yeah he tweeted about it being a guest on the show and I was like, shut it down. Your whole account. Did anybody see it in the audience?

His tweet? And did you put his face on your poster? That would be very creepy. I'm not famous enough to have my face on a... Yeah, if she'd have figured it out though.

I mean, I guess you did figure it out and you still didn't do it. So I don't... I mean, I guess you did figure it out, and you still didn't do it, so I don't... I don't know what I'm talking about. But there's a lot of Graham Elwoods and Jeff Tate faces out on the name tags that I've seen so far, and as you can tell, neither of them are here. But you know who is here?

Lamorne Morris, everybody! What's up, dude? Hey, everyone. Thank you. Star of the Fox hit television show, Winston. Nah. Nah. I'm way in the back. I'm way in the back.

I don't get respected, man. Nah, I don't. I way in the back. I don't get respected, man. Nah, I don't. I don't, man. But this could be our spinoff. Well, you're half. Well, I'm... You got pretty eyes. He got Terrence Howard eyes, you guys.

That motherfucker is sexy. Can we sing that to the tune of Betty Davis? Both of my parents are black, which often disappoints people. Oh, okay. All right. Well, somewhere down the line, someone was colonized in your family. White man disappoints. People ask that question

and they're imagining this sort of like interracial Romeo and Juliet pornography. Oh man. And then I ruin that. I'm like,

it's just slavery, man. From somewhere, yeah. I didn't want to go there, but I was going to say some white person voice gene has been passed down somehow.

Gene has been passed down somehow. He has the voice of Thomas Jefferson. You're like a time capsule. Oh, man. Yeah, so Lamorne is on that show, New Girl. I'll give it proper props on Fox. And he's in Chicago and is off time because you're from Chicago.

I'm from here. Yep. Yep. And yeah, and just we were tweeting and figured out that he was here and that he could be a guest on the show. And so here he is. Here I am. Yeah. Thanks, man.

I didn't think it was going to work. You just tweet him and he's like, all right, cool. Here I am. This is great. Oh, be prepared for a shit ton of tweets. Yo, Doug, let me get $5. $5. Did you get to meet Prince? I did get to meet Prince. How was that? Yo, Doug, let me get five dollars, man.

Did you get to meet Prince? I did get to meet Prince. How was that? Hey, that was what I was going to ask. One white voice at a time. One more, one white guy asking about Prince at a time. Hey, you knew him. I did, I did.

Were you in scenes with him? I don't recall. I did one end group scene with him, which is we are on stage dancing to this song that for some fucking reason we all knew the words to this song. And it was like this new song he debuted and we had to just go on stage.

I mean, as an actor, it's very, and I'm grown, so it was kind of ridiculous going, and then Prince calls you on stage and you're all dancing along with Prince, but then like, man, after he passed, man, I was like, why was I so reluctant to get on that stage? I feel so bad about it.

I'm sorry to bring the mood down. I'm sorry. No, it's all right. I mean, just like Tim, I was excited to ask you about him because, you know, there's this weird, it's very sad that he's dead, but also it just is a real kick to everybody, like a reminder of how great he was. Because he was kind of already sort of being forgotten a little bit. Yes, indeed. And, you know, and I don't know about anybody else, but I watched Purple Rain like five times that weekend.

about anybody else, but I watched Purple Rain like five times that weekend. And I, you know, and I said this before, I wish that Kurt Cobain had been in the movie when he had died because it would have

given me a lot of comfort to watch it over and over again. Instead, I had to watch Kurt Loder on MTV News. I got to perform for him, though. The kind of performance for him. Yeah. So there's a story,

and I'm not sure if anyone knows it, but this is like, no one's recording, right? Because this is like a weird thing that happened. What do you mean no one's recording? This is a podcast. Other than it being a podcast, right?

So we had these very famous celebrities. They're like a family of famous people that are on in the world. I'm not going to say who they are, but it's a whole bunch of famous of them and they all fuck black dudes. So they're on our show. The Obamas. Yeah, the Obamas are on our show.

And Prince goes, and Prince shows up and he shows up early. So he's sitting in Video Village and he's watching the screen and he goes, what are the blank blanks doing here? And they said, well, they're in the show. They'd be invited to a Prince party. And he goes, they would never be invited to a Prince party.

It's Kardashians, right? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The Obamas. The Olsen twins. Olsen twins. The Olsen twins. I love that he refers to it as a prince party. And so we had to replace one of them with,

we shot their stuff and we had to use, we had to shoot that scene again with someone that he just had in his crew, in his entourage, which is like 50 people. And so he comes up to me and he goes, hey, Lamorne, can you teach her how to look surprised in this scene? She how to look surprised in this scene? She has to look surprised.

And I was just like, I was like, all right. And so I'm thinking I'll pull her to a corner and do it. And he's like, no, no, do it right here. And he sits down and he sits down and just watches. And then he brings the rest of his crew over. They're all dressed like Captain Crunch. They had a lot of zippers and shiny stuff on. And I had to sit there and make her look surprised

in front of Prince. It was amazing. It was amazing. And creepy. What's amazing is that she didn't just naturally look surprised. No, they're all very trained. Very trained. I like the idea that Captain Crunch

was Prince's inspiration. It's halfway between that and Count Chocula. Somewhere in between. But I also love that anyone thinks anyone needs to be taught how to act surprised. Yeah.

Because she didn't. I'll tell you what. I think the scene, she walks out and she's supposed to go, whoa. She walked out and she walks out, and she's supposed to go, whoa. She walked out, and she was like, what? We're all like, it's a sitcom. That's a special kind of surprise when your lips start flapping.

Crazy. So, before you tell us what you brought for the prize bag, because I think it might be maybe the best stuff anybody's ever brought. Oh, shit. Can we do mine first? I'm saying me. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Let's say hello to third time guest on this show

Adam Burke everybody. Hi. Chicago comedy phenom. Okay. That's what comedy is all about is confidence. Braggadocio And you've got it in spades, my friend

I think those are two of the people In Prince's Entourage This is confidence This is braggadocio What happened to Diamond and Pearl? I gotta upgrade What did happen to Diamond and Pearl? I gotta upgrade. What did happen to them, though? I saw Sheila E. on TV a lot,

so I know what happened to her. I mean, I know that she's still around or whatever. Were you surprised to see her, and what did that look like? It's gotta be the only time I've ever seen Sheila E. where drumming wasn't involved. Like she finally got to come out from behind the kit and just talk about her man Prince.

What'd you bring for the prize bag, Adam? I brought nothing, so I have a roll of Tums. That's like a full roll. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That also says... He didn't have one or two of them. No, no, no. It also says... Weirdly, it says, is it 420 on the side? No, but it does say

extra strength 750. Whatever the fuck that means. Oh, Tums are at 750 now? Thank God. I almost missed the table. Tim Barnes gave me one of his prizes because he knew

I was empty handed. It's the Girls of Atomic City. Yeah, it's a book I'm trying to get rid of. Tim, you did this your third time on the show and you forgot to bring something? Yeah, I totally did. I thought I didn get rid of. Did you do this your third time on the show and you forgot to bring something? Yeah, I totally did.

I thought I didn't have to remind you. This book is about the women who did not realize they were helping to construct the atomic bomb. So it's very interesting. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, that's the truth? Yeah, they just thought they were just, you know, spending their afternoons with a fat man and a little boy. Yeah, they thought

it was a weird sex thing. And a copy of my CD. Oh, well, awesome. It's not a CD. It's a download card. It's a big, round, metallic download card that fits in a CD player. But it's called Universal Squirrel Theory.

Yes. If anybody else wants to check it out. Oh, thank you, Doug. You're welcome. And now... Yeah. I got some stuff. What's in the new girl bag?

So I got this new girl bag, right? Yeah. My mom had this bag, surprisingly enough, in her car. It's been sitting in the back seat. Is she just waiting for people to bring it up? She just has the bag. Oh, I love that show. Funny enough. Funny enough. My son's on that show. Have you seen my house? I bought her a house.

What are you unveiling right now? This is... Wait a second I got this So This got me through age 11 through 14 A lot

So I hadn't seen this In probably ten years. How can you part with it? I mean, isn't it stuck to your hand? Yes, it is. Sometimes I go like this and hit it from the back. You know what I mean?

The audience is very confused. Tyra, you got this white ass. People listening later. Yeah, who's this lady on there? That's Tyra Banks, man. Oh, okay. What the who's this lady on there? That's Tyra Banks, man. Oh, okay. Fuck you talking about, man? Take it back.

Take it back. All right, y'all be good. I looked at the signature and I thought it said Tanya Brooks. And then I didn't look closely at her face. Yeah, that's Tyra Banks,

strangely enough. This is just someone in his neighborhood that he had a giant poster of. I got a Training Day Blu-ray disc. Nice. I'm obsessed with this movie. It's my second favorite movie of all time. It's always a setup when somebody says something like that.

No, it's not. It's just I was on my way here and my buddy had it in his car and he loves your show too and he was like, yo, you gotta give him this. And I said, how can you part with this? And he said, well, you can stream this shit

on Netflix so I don't need it anymore. But I meant it's setting up for us to ask what's your favorite movie? No, you don't have to. Okay. Is Tyra Banks in it?

Tyra Banks. Ooh, Bible Bowl. Yeah, Tyra Banks is in my first favorite movie. Is it Empire Strikes Brooke? Which one is that? It's the domestic violence episode. Terrence Howard from Empire. Terrence Howard from Empire beats Brooke. That's bad. That's tasteless. From Taryn Tower from Empire. Taryn Tower from Empire beats... Anyway.

That's bad. That's tasteless. I got a participant ribbon. Oh! You don't remember what happened? I don't... You just participated? No, in the back, I just now saw this. Bible Bowl.

I was in the Bible Bowl. You're probably better off not winning that competition. You should just keep that and give it to one of us when you win. Jesus loves you, my neighbor. And then I got this thing here, which is a slap bracelet. I love a good slap bracelet. But the cool thing about this slap bracelet, it's from a restaurant called Whiskey Business. Has anyone ever been there?

Now, the thing about this bracelet is that you get 10% off for life. 10% off. You slap this shit on, you get 10% off for life, man. Where is it? Where's Whiskey Business? I don't know, somewhere.

It's like I'm in Milwaukee. It exists. Trust me, there's a wrist slappy. Wicker Park. Wicker Park. That might not find its way into the bag. 10% off. That might disappear.

In this bag, my friend Pete, where is Pete? My friend Pete gave me this from his childhood collection. He took off. It's a bag of baseball cards a whole bag oh my lord is there like um do you think there might be some like you know ones that are worth a ton of money in there no hell no okay there's a guy named uh cal ripken j. What the fuck?

Look at this Kyle Ripken. I just feel like this could be worth some money. That's what I'm saying. The first one you pull out is not bad. Oh, it is. I thought you were kidding. It really is.

Well, somebody... Mickey Mantle rookie card. That's hilarious. Hold on to that one. Yeah, so this is all my stuff. Do you want it? Yeah, pass it down. That's hilarious. Hold on to that one. Yeah, so this is all my stuff. Do you want it? Yeah, pass it down. What great contributions.

Whoever gets this, take care of this, man. That's Tyra Banks, man. Did you tear the Tyra Banks poster off your wall? No, that was a child, man. You almost tore something off, but it wasn't... I was trying to tear that bra off.

I see them titties. I couldn't get to those titties. But yeah, no, I had that, and I hadn't seen... I had this crate of basketball cards and old stuff that I had from my childhood. And I had moved out of Chicago a long time ago, and I left this thing at my ex-girlfriend's place. She later

on moved on. She got married. She had two kids. She never wanted to hear from me again. After 10 years she finally was like, here's your shit nigga. She gave it to me via... Usually we reserve the N word for me

on this show that's I love that this poster is here and I would like I would like to present Tyra's vagina with a participant award with a participant award. All great stuff from all of my guests tonight. Thank you guys for being here.

And one question before we get to the game portion of the show. We'll start with Tim. What was the last movie you saw? The last movie I saw in theaters was The Boss. How'd that work out for you? It was fun.

Okay. Yeah, and the last movie I saw just at home was Moonraker, which is the most insane 007 movie I've ever seen in my life. It's pretty kooky because they just got a real fever. Like, Star Wars had come out and was a big hit and they were like, James Bond has to go to space.

And they were like, but let's do it on, you know, half the special effects budget of a Star Wars, even though there'd only been the one Star Wars and I'm sure it didn't cost

that much, but yeah, it's a crazy movie. And also, it's just where they went way overboard with having Jaws who had been in Spy Who Loved Me they brought him back to fall in love

and then he yeah makes no sense and she's this little blonde girl and when they meet he smiles really big and shows off his fucking crazy dental work and then she smiles real big and just has like a regular smile. Why doesn't she have braces? That's why they should fall in love.

The one thing I appreciate. You can't have space braces. That's so dangerous. Because the villain is trying to recolonize the universe. Drax. The one thing I appreciate is that he had some black people. As in equal opportunity employer? Yeah, yeah.

Usually those movies, they don't have, you know, it's like evil villains trying to recreate humanity. It's not a black person. Get rid of us, man. Don't they do it, man? That's why some of them go out to space in the first place. Yeah. I love that idea, though.

Like, two of the biggest movies in the 70s were Jaws and Star Wars and they were like let's have a character called Jaws and a war in the stars and it'll make twice as much money yeah so I don't know if the James Bond movies have ever recovered

but I guess they're alright now I can't wait for like the Daniel Craig space shitty James Bond in space movie well he's a stormtrooper in Force Awakens I guess they're all right now. I can't wait for the Daniel Craig space shit. He's James Bond in space movies. Well, he's a stormtrooper in Force Awakens. Yeah, and his number is 007. Which 007 movie came after that? Because I feel like the plot had to have seemed very not as intense.

I want to say the next one after that was For Your Eyes Only, but I could be wrong. Sounds right. Let's go with it where the villain in that one was played by an actor named Topol who was famous for just playing Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof and winning an Oscar for that

and then For Your Eyes Only was the only other time I ever saw him in a movie ever again does he do the song in the James Bond movie? Oh, yeah, yeah. He's in his lair with his yarmulke and his payas just dancing around. What was the last movie you saw, Adam? I saw Eye in the Sky.

Oh, the Helen Mirren drone movie which makes it sound boring but it's about drones and their usage. Yes it's very good. You liked it a lot? Yeah it's very very good. It's one of Alan Rickman's last movies. Yeah he probably had

a few in the can when he passed. That's a weird sentence. I know. That sounded very very toilety. His last movies weren't very good. He left a few in the can. But yeah, that eye in the sky, I really want to

see that. It seems like a botched opportunity though. It seems like an award winning kind of movie that they released too early in the year. Yeah, yeah. I think that's award-winning kind of movie that they released too early in the year. Yeah, yeah. I think that's true. You agree? Yeah. I'm just now noticing the weird-ass microphone they gave you. No! I was worried.

The price is right. Like you're about to host a 70s game show. You gotta hold your pinky out. Now say, a new car! It's like when they made the original lightsabers. Yeah. You three should be in squares of some sort. Lamorne, have you been to the cinema or watched something on a personal device?

I have. The last movie I saw was Barbershop, the next cut, in theaters now. Oh, whoa. Starring? Me. Well, whoa. Starring me. Well, Ice Cube. The billing goes you, then Ice Cube. Me, then Ice Cube.

Then a bunch of others. Cedric the Entertainer is in there. Cedric the Entertainer. What? Somebody's yelling something. What'd you say? Who's your cousin?

Beyonce? Beyonce is in it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Beyonce. Beyonce is in it. So Beyonce is your cousin? No, she's not really in it. No. I do weird shit. I tag Beyonce your cousin? No, she's not really in it. No.

I do weird shit. I tag Beyonce in damn near every post that I post on live. She's only tweeted like ten times. Beyonce doesn't respect me either. She never responds. I don't get the response that I'm looking for. The most action I get from it is when I don't tag her and someone goes, what the fuck? Why you ain't tag Beyonce? And that's my personal excitement from it.

She might have you on mute, dude. She probably does. Or doesn't even look at her. No, she doesn't look at. At mentions. I think she follows zero people. Oh, okay. That makes me sad a lot.

Yeah. Come on, Beyonce, if you're listening. The only person she follows... Get involved. The person she follows is her husband, but that's just to see who he's fucking. Exactly. She follows Rachel Roy.

Did you like the cut of the next cut? Did I like the cut? I loved it. I loved the movie. Not just because I'm in it, but, you know, it's based in Chicago. It's got a lot of serious message to it, but it's also very funny. You know, it. I loved the movie. Not just because I'm in it, but you know, it's based in Chicago. It's got a lot of serious message to it,

but it's also very funny. You know, it's a really funny movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's got heart to it, everyone.

I'm totally going to check that movie out when I feel it will be a safe environment for me. I think the director of the first Barbershop also directed the first Fantastic Four. That's Tim Sack?

Tim Story. Tim Story, yeah. Which is just a funny combination of Barbershop to Fantastic Four. And the director of Eye in the Sky directed the quintessential comic book movie that is Wolverine. X-Men Origins Wolverine.

I honestly think that's the... The same guy did that? Yes. And I do think that's the quintessential comic book movie. It's not the best one, but it's the X-Men Origins one is because it's like reading every comic book I've ever read. Two characters walk into a room, they exchange four words, and then they start kicking the shit out of each other. That's the entire movie.

That's like reading every comic book in the 80s. Brian Gates of The Athletics. That's my guy. BG. Wait, are you just doing lineups for a game that will never happen? Holy shit, we've got an oral Hirshhiser. Yeah, he know what time it is.

This is like Field of Dreams, but all these people are still alive. If you yell it, they will come. Roger Pavlik? Yep, yep, yep. What Pavlik? Yep. What is this? He's just saying names and you're saying yup. No, but I know, watch, say the next name. I'm just imagining they're actors who've played Doctor Who.

All these people are in Barbershop the next cup. I don't know, maybe Ken Griffey Jr. is. See, I know all these guys, man. I don't know. Maybe Ken Griffey Jr. is. Yeah. See? I know all these guys, man. I know all these guys.

Oh, shit. Two Ken Griffey Juniors in a row. Really? Different cards, same guy. Peter. What the fuck, Peter? You're stupid, bro. He's just got a photocopy. Where is he?

You are an ignorant... That's the dumbest thing ever, bro. He's just got a photocopier. Where is he? You are an ignorant... That's the dumbest thing ever, bro. You're giving away... Fuck it. I hope I... How do I keep the bag? Just lose? Doug, I don't know shit. I don't know the answers to shit. Doug, give me my bag back. Give me my participant.

And then he's gonna use the same line your ex-girlfriend did. You really can't take it back. No. It is a huge bag full of baseball cards. Yeah, it might be worth it. It's not mine. It is. All right.

This is like a prop from a really shitty heist movie. Starring kindergartners. Someone else has the same bag? I told you to put that shit in the new girl bag. Nobody has a new girl bag.

What do people do with baseball cards? I've never understood that. You just stare at them? I just trade them. You trade them? Trade them. Yeah, instead of going out, you can just sit home and trade them. But when you have them, do you just stare at them like once a day? Yeah, man.

It's like you just trade them, man. You know. I'm a basketball card collector. Sounds like Wall Street. I'm a basketball card collector. And I tell you, this is not a joke. When I was in eighth grade, I lived on the south side of Chicago and I had 400, I remember 467

Michael Jordan basketball cards. And I remember, me and my buddies used to trade cards and I took them to school one day and I put them in my locker for basketball practice. Came back. They took every fucking one of them. And I cried

for years. This is not an exaggeration. Years. Surely it would have been weirder if they didn't take all of them. They took the ones they liked. We can only carry so many. I'd be remiss if I didn't point out how fun the New Girl bag is. Because it's Winston and these other characters. I don't know their names,

but they're all hanging out on the bag, and it says on it, Big Deal Alert. Which is probably, was thrown away a line once, maybe on the show. One time. One time.

And he said it, right? No, she did. She said Big Deal Alert? Yeah. One time. One time. And he said it, right? No, she did. She said big deal alert? Yeah. It'd be really great. It'd be really great if that bag wasn't in fact on sale. That's just some shit I made. Oh, shit.

That was a mock-up I had done. A friend's over at Intel. That's a nice sarcastic phrase, though. I'm going to start saying big deal alert. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess it might have been said sarcastically, but now it's on a friendly bag.

So it's just like, look out, big deal coming through. Oh, one more question for Lamorne. You were the recipient of the Chris Farley Memorial Acting Scholarship? I was. That's amazing. I was. I, uh, did you win one too? So I went, so I got a few of the people that got

that scholarship to come by tonight, have a reunion. No, I went to College of DuPage and, um, yeah. COD. Me and that buddy right there, Mike Fadagato. So we went. I don't think you should call Mike names like that.

Mike Fadagato. So we went, and I won one. They had two scholarships they gave out, which was the John Belushi scholarship. And they gave out the Chris Farley scholarship. I won one, and he won one and we didn't have to pay for school. But how many tables did you have to fall through? All of them. All of them. Yeah, you had to study classes in breakaway shit. Yes. I legitimately do not know why that name,

why it was named after them. I had to memorize lines and shit. There was no improv involved. It was like real acting. And I felt bad about winning that scholarship, but I won it. Well, you know,

both of those guys too, though, were such comic, they were so brilliant as comedic performers in sketch and in movies that like, you know, if drugs and all that hadn't caught up to them

they would have been amazing dramatic actors as well oh for sure you know that's that turn that every great comedic actor

takes at some point because nobody wants to see an old man doing that shit he'd die so you gotta do more serious roles imagine Morgan Freeman

falling over a table I loved that last movie but now that you suggested it I hope I pray somebody puts that yeah Imagine Morgan Freeman falling over a table. I loved that last movie. Now that you suggested it, I hope, I pray somebody puts that. Just hit him over the head with a bottle and he falls into a glass table. Do you have enough pull now to green light a movie just called Morgan Freeman falling over a table? Nah, I don't have enough pull to get an A story in New Girl. So, no, I don't.

I don't. Hey, big get an A story in New Girl. So, no, I don't. I don't. Hey, big deal alert. Big deal alert. But I got that bag, though. Am I correct to remember that Beyonce was in a Pink Panther movie? What? What? She was.

She was in the second one or the first one? The Steve Martin one. First one? And she wrote a song for it too And she wrote a song for it Says Front row guy From Pink Panther That's a big

That's a big shift Yeah But she was also in Austin Powers right Yeah Yeah Good gold member of course Oh my god

Settle down you guys. All available on Tidal. No game is being played right now. It's just a casual conversation. Do you think like when I'm talking to my friends if somebody said gold member I'd say full Tidal! Get your shit together!

Or even when they just say your name. Hey Doug, full Tidal! Get your shit together! Or even when they just say your name. Hey, Doug, full title. Full title, always. Loves movies, fine. If you don't know my middle name, you don't know me. All right, you guys. Well, that was a terrific talk portion of the show,

but now we've got to get serious and say, let the games begin! Woo-hoo! I was born in Rosemont, Illinois, under the shadow of an airplane. There's a lot of great name tags. Look at them go. And you guys have your work cut out for you because each of you has to select just one to play for.

I'm going to walk out. And while you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. Mother's Day is May 8th. I know. Sneaks up on you every single year. But look, you've still got enough time to

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No upcharges, no extra fees. Even delivery is absolutely free when you register with the Boox. Listen to our show and save 20% of the bouquet of your choice. Just go to books.com and enter the promo code D O U G Doug. That's B O U Q S.com. Promo code Doug books.com promo code Doug. Today's episode is also brought to you by our friends at Shudder. Shudder is a new kind of streaming video service devoted to the best horror movies available from around the world.

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A movie I can recommend that's on Shudder is called Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. If you haven't seen it, it's one of the better horror comedies out there, and it features two past and hopefully future podcast guests of mine, Tyler Labine and good old Alan Tudyk. Alan Tudyk! Come on. Show some respect and go to Shudder.com and start watching the best horror available today.

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Who are you playing for? Who are you playing for, Tim? I'm playing for Pat, and his poster says Al Pacino in Doug Day Patternoon. Wow. There you go. That's a really good likeness of my eyes and what I would look like

if I didn't have a nose. And we're a lot paler. I like it. And there's a shithead written on the back. And so I forgot to warn Lamorne about that backstage, but don't read that part out loud. Because if you lose today, that's their

consolation prize, and I'll have to say that. I'll have to call that a shithead. Who are you playing for, Adam? Before I do it, can I just point out, the person who has the Paddington thing, could you hold that up to show Doug? You photoshopped into Paddington. Doesn't that make you look exactly like Sam

Kennison for some reason? Yeah, who didn't have that kind of beard ever. Patting Tony was what he had. Oh, right, right. Lamorne, before I turn this around, can you teach me how to look surprised? This is pretty good. I'm playing for... I love that your name is the smallest thing on here.

Andy, I'm playing for Prince Andy Revolution. That's what he did there, see? Prince Andy Revolution. Yeah, it's a lovely... Yeah, that's a hell of a thing. Lovely tribute to Prince. And me, myself, I am playing for Josh. And his is Dr. Dre's Snoop Dogg in The Josh,

which is a play on the movie The Wash. The Josh. I had to. Yeah, I say that's good timing, bringing that name tag, because if it was an all-white panel, no one would get the joke. I totally asked Lamar and I was like I have no idea.

Two guys at a car wash. You ever seen it before? Never mind. You'll see it. Someone had a picture with your face on it Adam. Oh that's unfortunate. Really? Where? What was the one with Adam's face on it, Adam. Oh, that's unfortunate. Really? Where? What was the one with Adam's face on it? What is it?

You can't just hold it up. You gotta tell us. Doug loves Rudy's. Doug loves Rudy's? There's a bunch of faces on it, so you put Adam on there? Aww. I have a giant fucking prince staring at me. And also, I want to say that the lights in here aren't normally purple, but they are.

I wish it was some sort of tribute. Right there. Right there. Right there in the middle. Right there. Purple light. Yeah. Aren't they usually like a shade of blue, if I recall correctly?

They're always purple? All right. Well. Sorry. Great tribute to Prince, everybody. I'm going to put this down here. The purple candles throughout the room. That are always purple, I guess.

All right, so we're going to play a couple of games, I think, depending on how we're doing on time. Let me check, because the show has to be over by 8.55. Just turned 8.55. No, we got 35 minutes of game-playing action. We're going to start with a game that I tried my best to teach everybody backstage. Because it's new, and it's complicated, and everybody loves it's new and it's complicated and everybody loves it. Jason and Deb's IMDb

game. So to buzz in, just say your own name. The last episode of the show, some of the contestants just yelled out the answer instead of their name and it was fine, but Contestants just yelled out the answer instead of their name. And it was fine, but it's better if you say your name first.

And then I will call on you, and then you will tell me the name of the actor or actress or filmmaker that's involved in those movies. And then you can go for the bonus points. So according to IMDB, and as always, IMDB. But it's not according to me. It's according to the database. Which might be a fun nickname for me. Who is most

known for these projects? The first one is Pulp Fiction. Does anybody want to jump in? You'll get a negative one point if you don't get the right answer. Tim. But you have a shot at three bonus points. Sam Jackson. Samuel L. Jackson. That's correct.

Oh! I was going to say that too. Fuck. Son of a... Now, based on a very complicated algorithm that IMDB uses, you get to guess what the fuck they were thinking and name three other movies featuring Samuel L. Jackson.

This is all me? And I'll tell you right now, Ted 2 is not one of them. Yeah, it's all on you, man. Okay. I'm going to go on a limb and say Snakes on a Plane is one of them. That is not one of them. That was a wild card. Okay.

That's weird. People are hissing like snakes. Do you have a sound effect for every Sam Jackson movie? Hateful Eight. Go ahead. You need to name two more, Tim. Okay. He's had such a wild career.

I can't. It's actually kind of tough. Yeah. Is one of them the credit card ads? Is one of them what's in your wallet? I'm trying to think of one of the really...

Was it Pulp Fiction that skyrocketed him? Pretty much, yeah. Unless you don't like a little movie called Jurassic Park. I'm going to say... I don't know how IMDb works. The Negotiator? No. That's a great movie.

I don't think that's even in Kevin Spacey's top four. Or Giamatti. Was Giamatti in that one? I think he might have been. And Pulp Fiction is not an option, right? Yeah, you already said it. You already got a point for that. So now you just need to take

another stab, get one more and you can get one more bonus point if you can just name one of the three remaining Sam Jackson movies according to IMDb most known for. The latest thing I can think of is Django Unchained. Is that? That is correct.

Yeah! So Tim has two points and the other two movies was one was mentioned by Adam out loud called The Hateful Eight. And then for some reason,

because again, I don't understand the metric that they use. Captain America the Winter Soldier. Of all the Avenger movies, that's the one. That makes sense. Yeah, I guess everybody thinks he's dead in that one or whatever.

All right. So that's a big thing for him. I don't know how often Sam Jackson dies in a movie because he usually just stares at somebody until they give up. What's the one with the sharks? Deep Blue Sea. Yeah, that was the classic. That's the best thing in that movie.

And he knew it. He knew that giving a big speech and then getting eaten right after it, the rest of the movie, no one would give a shit about anything. Sorry, LL Cool J. Yeah, as the chef.

Such strides and such backward steps in the same movie. Didn't he say motherfucker right before he got eaten by that shark? I think so. I think they set that up though. Yeah, they actually did. Everyone knows the snakes on a plane story, right?

There's two stories. One was that... Yeah, it's about how there's snakes on a plane. Not the plot of the movie, but what it's really about. No, they... Well, they changed it. First of all, they changed the name. They wanted to call it, like, Flight 57 or something.

And he was like, no, I signed on to do a movie called Snakes on a Plane. And so that's what it is. And then people online were so sure that at one point he was going to say, I'm tired of all these motherfucking... They actually went back and reshot the scene. They spent like a million dollars to go back

and have him say it. Otherwise, people would have been really upset. Otherwise, it wouldn't have been a good movie. All right, I've had it. Enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane. And then he shot that bitch up.

Yeah. Okay, so following that exciting round, Tim has two points and Lamorne and Adam need to get on the board. Here's your next one. Here we go.

This is it. This is it. I got so much Prince pressure. He's looking right at your dick, bro. He's looking at everybody's dick. It's Prince. Ah! The first movie is called V for Vendetta.

Le Morn. What do you got? Natalie Portman. That's correct. Yeah. This is not going well. Now you get a... You guys are jumping in fast.

I like it. You get to name three other movies that Natalie Portman has been in that you're aware of. Fuck, am I a doctor? Pick up some bonus points. All right. Black Swan. That's correct. Natalie Portman.

Natalie Portman. Thor. That wasn't her? That wasn't her? Full title, right? The Thor? Thor! It's actually a Thor.

A Thor. A dude named Thor? Some Thor. Mr. Thor? I don't know. Is it? They called me Mr. Thor? I don't know. Is it? They call me Mr. Thor. No, there was a movie that was just called Thor, and that's incorrect.

Ah! Yeah, but one more try. Natalie, if I were Natalie Portman, what would I have been in? Thor 2? Yeah, that one you would need the full title. The Age of Extinction. Wait a minute. Natalie Portman.

Portman. Think like her. What would I have done with my career? Why do I not know? Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Fuck. I don't know the full title.

Come on. Leon? What is that shit called? Sure. But full title? Don't help him. Something about an assassin? God damn it!

Don't. Nobody dare help him. He's all on his own. Yeah, don't even say full title anymore because sometimes you guys are saying it awful early. What's my time limit? He got a lot of time. Yeah.

Because I feel like I can pull something out of my ass. I feel like she got a simpler title in her credits. She's like, use your lifeline, but there's no lifeline to this game. I'm just gonna, I'm gonna take a, I got a point, and. Yeah, no, you're doing great. I got a point, and I don't feel like I should.

You're a, you've got the loudest inner monologue I've ever heard. Y'all can hear me? Ooh, shit. He won the Chris Farley Inner Monologue Award. Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman.

Natalie Portman. God, man. You know, she's so pretty. Mr. McCartney. Mr. McCartney. You know, once somebody says it I'm just gonna be so mad Yeah, it's fucked up I'm gonna give up

You did the right thing Can I guess? Or is that not how it works? That's not how it works It's, you know, depending on You know Some people argue about what the official title is. When it was released in the States initially,

it was called The Professional. But now the kind of what it's known as now is Leon colon The Professional. Not Leon the colon professional, because that is a very different movie. So you were skating around that one. You almost got it. And then they also listed Star Wars Episode III, Revenge of the Spliff.

I'll tell you right now, I wasn't going to guess that one. Yeah. So, yeah. So there you go. I thought Garden State would have been it. You thought that was going to be in it for real? Yeah, it might have been in there. Six.

I think I saw that. Six. What about No Strings Attached starring your boy? She was in that one too? Yeah. That's right. Yeah. I was put on the spot.

What was the other one? No, there was two movies about the same thing at the same time. No Strings Attached. No, she was in No Strings Attached. Friends with Benefits. at the same time. No, she was in... Friends of Benefits. Friends of Benefits was the one she was in? She was in the other one. Yeah, they were both terrible.

But Jack Johnson was... Jake. Jake. Jake Johnson. No, Jack Johnson came in and sang a boring song. Sang about a surfboard and a dog. Alright, so Lamorne has two points.

Tim has two points. Adam, this is your chance to get on the board. Playing to five. The first movie for this person is Schindler's List. Jesus. Adam.

Okay, Adam. Take a shot. Ralph Fiennes. You call him Ralph? Yeah. I know him real well. Oh, yeah, to his movie buddies, he's Ralph. But round the clock, Old Ralphie we call him.

All right, well, that is incorrect. but round the clock, old Ralphie, we call him. All right, well, that is incorrect. Damn it. Sorry, you took a chance. You get a negative point for that.

Do either of you guys want to jump in? Tim or LeBron? I just feel like it's not my place to talk about this movie. Tim? Tim's jumping in.

Liam Neeson? That's correct. God damn it. I feel like it... Now, if you could name Jumping in. Liam Neeson? That's correct. God damn it. Now, if you could name two more of these three more Liam Neeson movies, you're going to be the winner of this game. Taken. That's correct. That's correct.

That's correct. And I'm just Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace. Correct! Good lord, son. Great job. Do you want to, Adam, do you want to guess the last one?

Just say, you know, walk away with a little dignity there? Yeah, I know. Takes on a plane. The Grey? I suck at this game. If you haven't seen The Grey, it's a great movie about a guy who just spends a lot of time

talking people through their own deaths. Yeah. And then when the wolves are about to fight him at the end, the end credits start to roll. Yeah. So I highly recommend that if you want to have a non-experience. If you want to not go in what you came for.

I thought it was going to be him fighting wolves the whole movie. Yeah, they did kind of lie to the American public. That's not bad, though. All right, so Tim wins that game. Woo-hoo! And you know what, though? Just for fun, let's play. I got these written down. We might as well play the last two.

But we'll just play for funsies. Can we play for drinks? Yeah. Because I'm thirsty. When you get one right, I'll get you a drink. Normally, I don't let the guests drink at all. But if you get one right, I will order you a drink. Normally I don't let the guests drink at all. But if you get one right, I will order you a drink. Getting sober with...

Getting Doug with sober. Here's the first title. And also I want to do this because of what day it is. The first title is Star Wars 3. Which would be episode... What? I mean, Star Wars Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith. Any guesses? Wait, what's not right? Three is Biff, Sliff, Sith. Oh, okay, I gotta get Adam Go I suck at this game so hard

Ewan McGregor No Fuck Let me give you another one Star Wars 2, Attack of the Clones No? What episode is it? What time of day is it?

That's a lot of specifics Do you want another one? Yeah, give me like three more. I'll give you all this person's credits. Jumper. Lamorne. What is it? Hayden Christensen? Yes.

He's got one of those names. You win nothing. I know. I know. I win this drink, motherfucker. We just spoke about this. I get a drink. Literally just said it. You just said, I get a drink. That's true.

You can't take it back that fast. What are you drinking? I'm drinking an old fashioned. Fizzy lifting drinks. Old fashioned. Bullet rye. Whoa. I did not know we were going top shelf with this shit. Ain't nobody listening. But Zanies, if you're listening,

Lamorne would like whatever he just asked for. A bullet? What? Bullet rye? Bullet rye? Do they have that here? I believe they do. Oh, yeah.

I believe they would have it. So please bring him one of those. I'd love another Tito's and soda. Anything else for the other guests? Yeah, sure. That game is just a lie. There's no consequences at all. Oh, okay, okay. You get a drink and you get a drink.

You get a drink. Good point, good point. No, they get it. You're right, let's do another one. You only get a drink if you get something right. Damn it. But who's listening, though? Who's actually...

Because I just want to make sure what you've said to them is being confirmed. Yeah. Someone at home is not making a drink. I said, bring him a can of Silver Bullet. Riley. From a dude named Riley. Yeah, exactly.

Or since it's Star Wars day Colt 45 Ooh I'll take that If you got it Time to act my skin color I hope they have some Colt 45 product placement If you did a Colt 45 commercial

I would buy the shit out of it If y'all can't see it Close up of his eyes He looks smooth as hell Yeah I'm telling you man I'd buy anything from you They change it to like Colt 90

It's twice as good Colt 750 like your Tums Did Lando double cross us? No he just went on a run for Colt 45 He went to get a case He'll be right back if you just give him a minute. It takes a while to pull it out of the carbonite.

Isn't it? Alright, nerds. Here we go. Final round. Doesn't mean anything except for you get a free drink. That you'd get anyway just for asking. All you gotta do is ask. Train spotting.

Adam. Adam. I'm just gonna stick with Ewan McGregor. Yes, say that. Say that every time. You're gonna be right eventually. It's like monkeys riding Shakespeare. And his other three movies, do you want to guess? Okay.

Oh, shit. Thank you. There's got to be one of the Star Wars episode one, The Phantom Menace. Correct. Fuck.

And beyond that, no fucking idea. Now I'm going completely blank. All right, we don't have time for this fish. Oh, yeah. It's Star Wars 1, 2, 3. Can we let Adam keep that point, though? Huh? No, no.

The drink will be enough. I'm going to lose, so I just want a drink to get over it. Oh, can I get a Jack and Coke, please? There's no reason to get all highfalutin with your drink order. I bet your Jack and Coke doesn't have an orange peel in it. Fuck your Jack and Coke. Can I get a Jack and Coke, But can you pour into a Coke 45 Are you good on a beverage Tim

I have like one of those two brothers And I'm talking about the drink Not you know I think I saw one brother in the audience. It's literally just us two. I always make sure that the number of brothers matches between the audience and the stage. Right there.

Hey, y'all. Y'all feel safe? Y'all feeling okay? All right. Y'all feel safe? Y'all feeling okay? All right. Oh, wow, that was fast. Thank you. Thank you very much, Zanies.

Woo-hoo! All right, so we're going to play one more game that's going to be for all the marbles. That was mostly for fun, but Tim gets to go first in this next one, which is a power position. We're going to play Last Man Stanton. Woo! Possibly a record number of tweeters

contacting me with the perfect name. But then they often throw in things like, hasn't been in that many movies, but it's the perfect name. Nobody knows this person, but it's the perfect name. So yeah, I have my criteria, and I just have to pick somebody that sounds confident

but not uh not too cocky is it is it is one of them topal because you've said both movies that'd be messed up if somebody if somebody suggested topal so basically what's going to happen is i'm going to go to a pre-selected audience member they're going to tell us an actor or actress hopefully one with a lot of credits that everyone on this stage has actually heard of. That really helps the game a lot. And then we'll start with Tim, and then we'll go to Adam, Lamorne, then me.

I like to play along. And we just take turns naming movies that person was in. Can't think of one you're out. You make up a title, I will call you on it. And then if it turns out to be real, I don't care. Don't forget the lifeline. Yeah, and each of you, I should tell people this before the show

because it would influence their name tag selection. So maybe I shouldn't, right? Yeah, okay. The ones that know will know and the ones that don't. The person whose name tag selection. So maybe I shouldn't, right? Yeah, okay. The ones that know will know and the ones that don't. The person whose name tag you're holding, that's your lifeline. And you can go to them once for help.

And then they will suggest a title and then you have to decide if it's legit or not. But the audience usually cheers when they say one that's correct. So I don't know how to stop that from happening. There's only so much I can do. So, where is

Peggy B-Ball? She is several people. She's an entire basketball squad. She's five people strong. And where are you from, Peggy? Lakeview. Lakeview?

Chicago. Okay. And what do you do? I'm a bartender. A bartender, okay. There's some people here that are very excited to possibly meet a bartender.

So if you don't mind hanging out. When he ordered his drink, she was like, I knew it. I knew that guy was a bullet man. All right, Peggy. So you seem very confident in your tweet to me today. So whatever you say goes. Who should we use for Last Man Stanton? Ethan Hawke. Ethan Hawke. You seem very confident in your tweet to me today, so whatever you say goes. Who should we use for Last Man Stanton?

Ethan Hawke. Ethan Hawke. Yikes. I mean, you know. And starting with me? Starts with Tim. All right, training day? Let her rip. You fucking cheater.

Black Hawk Down? Was he in that? Why are you saying more than one movie? Oh, sorry, sorry. Oh. No, no, no, no, no. That's just what he says when he thinks he's fucked up. He says...

Oh, shit. Black Hawk down. Tim Black Hawk Barnes. He's got a situation. Sorry. No, that's okay. I'm sure the other contestants would love to hear more of your speculation. I don't even know if that was right.

I don't even think it's right. So, Adam, what do you got? Beyond Sunrise. Uh-huh. Very good. Did Tim take the only time Ethan Hawke has appeared with a black person

off the table? Yes. Because as we sit, I'm fucking clueless. But I think I got one. I think I got one. That's true. And he just did a movie

about jazz. What was that? What was that called? Sound it out. Sound it out. I don't know what I was he played Chet Baker if that helps yeah I got I think I got one okay wait so I can get it wrong and then get a lifeline or just no no you should go to your lifeline if you're if you're shaky listen I mean this if you're out you're shaky. Nah, man. Because if you're out, you're out. I go hard, bro. Okay. I go hard in the paint. All right.

Well. And this one could be wrong. Yeah. Which I think it is wrong. So I'm going to go to my lifeline. Because also, Lamorne, when you're hearing other titles, it springs things. You think of if there's a potential. So go ahead and use your lifeline now. And you still might be able to come up with something later. other titles, it springs things. You know, like, you think of, like, if there's a potential, you know, so, like, go ahead and use your lifeline now,

and you still might be able to come up with something later. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. You got nothing? What do you got, Josh? Boyhood. Boyhood. And that's good, because I was gonna say About a Boy.

Oh! I swear to God. I was like, oh, About a Boy, that movie that was, like, took a long time to make and shit. But it was boyhood. Thank you, my friend. You're one step closer to that Tara Banks.

Yes. Boyhood. I'm going to go back a bit. Maybe not to the very beginning of his career, but I'm going to go all the way back to Reality Bites. Tim. I officially have to use my lifeline. Pat, you got anything?

Pat, come on, man. Don't fuck this up. What? Pat? What was that? What? Pat? What was that? You're phrasing your answer in the form of a question? I'm sure there's someone next to you who could just whisper something in your ear.

He said Gattaca. Do you want to go with Gattaca? I'm going to go with Gattaca. Gattaca. Do you want to go with Gattaca? I'm going to go with Gattaca. Gattaca is correct. Well, fuck. All right, Adam. Shit, I was so sure, and then you said Reality Bites, and that fucked me up. You're so sure about what? That he was in this other movie, but they're the same fucking movie.

All movies in the 90s were the same. I'm going to use my lifeline. Which is the Prince Andy's Andy Revolution. I hope that's your real name. He says Explorers! Do you go with it? Yes!

Explorers is correct. That's what I was trying to come up with when I said Reality Bites. I was trying to go deeper, and I couldn't do it. All right. Lamorne, has any of this discussion helped to shake loose anything? It did. I thought about Ethan and Denzel working together again.

Magnificent. Seven. You know what? I'm gonna take it. Normally I don't like movies that haven't come out yet. Niggas got bootlegs, man! You got it already. Y'all got it already.

Y'all know damn well y'all got Magnificent Seven. Oh, I thought you were just saying Seven. I was like, that's so wrong. I know we're only on the first one, but I can't wait for Maleficent Seven. Alright, let me pull out a little Ethan Hawke business here. I get these titles so fucking fucked up,

but I think I'm going to say it right. Before Sunset? Yes. I couldn't remember those either. Yeah, back to you, Tim. I'm out. Okay, that's fair. That's cool.

You did a great job. This isn't my answer. It's a good shithead. This isn't my answer, but I wish we could just refer to all those movies as like some time of day in France. You get the idea. Was he in fucking singles no that's the one and you know that's what I mean reality bites singles it's all

white people moaning about shit while while wearing plaid in the 90s like it's the same fucking movie somebody always said a specific person they think you mistook him for yeah but no it's not that specific. It's just more like an idea that he should have been in singles. He should have been. Lamorne, do you have another one? I figured because they both dropped out, I already won. Right?

You will be the last man Stanton. That's not me. That's not you. You're cheating. I'm cheating. You got that paper. How many movies from this list of Ethan Hawke films can you name? I'm gonna play two.

What? Ethan Hawke Ethan Yeah but you got that right You are the winner You took it down Technically You took training day

I'm mad about that You took the black Ethan Hawke down I'm gonna go. I'm going to go with... I'm just not. Yeah, JFK is always a good guess. Some shit I didn't see. Lots of people are in JFK. Oh, he said it already.

JFK. No, he's not in JFK. I don't know. That's okay. You win. I win? No, I'm going againstK. I don't know. That's okay. You win. I win? Yeah. No, I'm going against you. I don't win. What?

We're competing, I thought. No, I'm not. But I'm not playing for anybody in the audience. So you took it down. I don't win shit, man. I know. Tonight, you're not getting a participant ribbon. You are getting a winner another drink.

Yeah. And I just want to say just as a plug for a guy I know made a western that's coming out in the fall called In a Valley of Violence that stars Ethan Hawke and John Travolta is amazing in it. And it's out this

fall. And what Ethan Hawke movies did we miss, you guys? Fuck! Dead fucking poets! What? Lord of War. Lord of War. I want to go to Rambo.

It's amazing Yeah Chet Baker They know the game is over right Yeah game's over Yeah but it's a lot harder We're sitting up here and you just No they all have one that they have in their head That we didn't say and then they yell it at us

I know but I That's how this works Come back on Saturday Get up say and then they yell it at us. I know, but that's how this works. Come back on Saturday, get up here and see how hard it is when you're trying to do it. It's not that I couldn't think. It's just that you mentally have in your head the vision of Ethan Hawke crying at you for five minutes

because he cries in every movie. He cried in training day, which seems weird. I want to go home. But beyond sunrise, before sunset. Hey, you're stepping on a Denzel over here. After sunrise? Before sunrise?

I said before sunset. What's the third one? After sunrise? There's one called a quarter to four. There's one person, raise your your hand that knows the answer. Before Midnight. And then after Midnight we can shake our tangerines. I didn't know Midnight ever came into it.

I thought it was all about us. He's done three before movies? I think I called it Beyond Sunrise, which is nothing. Oh, yeah. I thought the first one was called From Dusk Till Dawn. Boyhood. What? Daybreakers.

Dayrapers. Somebody was yelling that over and over again over there. I thought they were saying heartbreakers. I was like, he's not fucking in heartbreakers. When he said daybreakers, I could have sworn he yelled date rapist. What? Assault on Precinct 13.

Daybreakers. There's a whole team of them. What is it? Date rapers? What? Ethan Hawking, date rapers. Oh my gosh. That's amazing.

All right. White Fang, of course. We've got enough, you guys. You prove that there are more Ethan Hawke movies. All right. White Fang, of course. We've got enough, you guys. Date rapers. You prove that there are more Ethan Hawke movies. I'm going to hashtag this show, hashtag date rapers. And what's another good hashtag from tonight? I got it, I got it, I got it.

Tyra Spanx I think you're getting date rapers confused with ghost dad pass me your name tag there Adam yep and tell me your promote yourself

what do you got to plug oh shit hold on here's that I will be And tell me your promote yourself. What do you got to plug? Oh shit. Hold on. Here's that. I will be just at AdamBurkeComedy.com. It's a list of all my shows. Go there. I can't think of one.

It says do not read and then is written so ineligibly. It says cannot read. No, it says cannot write. What does that say? It says Levi Strass. I have no idea what that says, Andy. I think it says date rapers.

My dad was a doctor. What does that say? Andy, what does it say? Who are you calling your shit in? He's going to fix it. You can't remember? Dave Strassman. Wait, why couldn't you yell that out?

Give me the microphone. Who the fuck is Dave Strassman? He's a good friend of mine. My best friend is a shithead. All right. Sorry, Adam. What were you promoting? I'll be at the White Rabbit Cabaret

in Indianapolis on May 19th. Word? You gonna be there? Yeah. What is this now? Is this a Periscope? This is Snapchat. You're snapping? So that's only in 10 second increments, right? Yeah. Snapping? You're snapping? I'm Snapchatting. So that's only in 10 second increments, right?

Yeah, I'm just talking to people. Okay. Send them a message. You know. Sorry, dude. I'll promote y'all stuff. I'm just going to record it. Send it to the world.

What are you... When is New Girl back? Is it on now? It's on now. I think the finale is next week maybe. Okay. I think for this season. You know, coming back for a sixth season.

Right on. Which is great. Which is great. And also, Barbershop, the next cut. In theaters now. Has New Girl had the same casting director, like, the whole time? I think so. It's still the same person?

Yeah, same person. Because I read for three different parts on that show. Did you really? Yeah, and after the first and second one, I was like, man, they're really into me. They keep bringing me back to find me the right role, and then nothing. And that was like a couple seasons ago. Why don't you just say I want to...

You have something you want to tell him, right? I came on the show to let you know. That... Well, that's a simple fix. What? Yeah, I'm just saying, I'd love to do something on there. Let me explain to you how this works. When I wanted to be on your show, what did I do?

I tweeted you. I don't think casting directors are open to tweets like that. No, you tweet me, man, and say, I want to be on your show. And I'll be like, cool. I'll just go talk to the creator. Fuck the casting process, man. You're Doug Benson, motherfucker. What are you talking about?

I just wanted to brag that I got three auditions for New Girl. I was pretty satisfied with that. Not good enough, man. Just listen. We'll make it happen. You've had that happen in your life, right, where they keep bringing you back like they're trying to find you apart

yes and they usually do this time they just gave up yeah i've auditioned for everything every i auditioned 15 times for new girl that lets you know something 15 times man wow so you got you guys you got your way to go Let you know something. 15 times, man. Wow. So you got your way to go. I just want to line.

I don't want to be Winston. Was it on the 14th time you realized the guy wasn't the casting director? I was like, why do I have to keep coming to this van to read for you, man? Doing the tie my shoes routine. I get it. Winston ties his shoes. His pants fall down. We get routine. I get it. Winston ties his shoes. His pants fall down. We get it.

We get it. He's got a big poster of you in the back. Yes. I understand that. But I got the part. Wink, wink. All right. So where is... Who are you playing for, Tim, again?

I'm playing for Pat. Yeah, where's Pat at? What? That's his name tag, right? Oh, Lamorne1, that's right. Sorry, go ahead and do your plug, Jim. Did you get your black people mixed up? I do want to thank you guys for being hat and no hat. Yeah.

I got to tell the listeners that that applause was, a lot of that was just because the moron was Snapchatting. Can we just take a moment to appreciate how helpfully you said that. I'm sorry, sir. Did you get your black people mixed up? This man is used to talking to cops. So where's... So Josh wins all the prizes, right?

Yeah. Because Lamorne won. So Josh, come on up here and get all this shit. Josh. Josh. It's a lot to carry. I hope you're not flying out tonight. Don't forget those tums.

There's that and that. And don't forget the big deal alert. You just stepped on Prince's face. You stepped on famous New Girl cast member Prince. You stepped on Prince's face. It was more the guy that made it. Damn. Congrats. Good stuff, it. Damn. Congrats.

Good stuff, man. Yeah, thanks. Wow, I got a hug and everything. Keep the cards back, man. No, keep the cards. Keep the cards. Keep the cards. Take them fast before I change my mind.

Yeah. Bye, Josh. Bye. All of these dudes are on Twitter under their actual names. They're given names. Lamorne Morris, Adam Burke, and Tim Barnes.

Oh, it's A.T. Burke? A.T.P. Burke. A.T.P. Burke? Yeah, I know. We've been through this before. Sorry. I hate when that happens. I'm Tim Barnes 451.

No. Yeah. Why 451? It's the temperature at which jokes bomb. Those sounds like hot jokes to me. Extra hot. What do you got to plug, Tim? I just want to say I have a podcast called It's All True,

and I'm moving to New York in July. You're moving? Wait, wait, wait, wait. When are you supposed to be happy for him? Well, I'm plugging the fact that I have... You need movers? No, no, no. I have...

This is... I mean, let's... I have a GoFundMe for me to help purchase my first cup of coffee. I'm asking for $3,000. My first New York cup of coffee. It's GoFundMe.com slash NYCoffee4Tim. What are some of the perks for people that contribute a lot of money? Like they get to have your second cup of coffee?

Like they get to join you? I will send you a digitally signed picture of me drinking my first cup of coffee. That sounds terrific. Holy shit. Someone's going to give you that money. Someone's going to be like, this is hilarious. Then they're going to give you $3,000.

You're going to get $3,000 before Doug gets on you, girl. Everybody got their plugs in? Yeah, I think so. Nice. I'll be at... Douglas Movies is coming to Boston at the Wilbur Theater on May 28th, and that's getting close-ish to being sold out.

You guys boo anything that happens in another city. But for you guys that listen to Doug Lowe's movies Which at least half of you do The other half might be spouses The exciting thing is If he's in New York I do the shows there more often And Tim could be a guest there

Yeah We could sit and listen to it And be all proud He's one of us. That kind of shit. Even though you probably live out here in the suburbs anyway. One more time for all of my guests, Tim Barnes, Adam Burke, and Lamorne Morris.

As always, David Strassman is a shithead. Well, you're looking at Pat, so that's from Pat. That's okay. I said the one that I memorized from earlier. I got this, Tim. Fucking go to New York already. He doesn't have to read for his own show.

Could you give me that a little quicker? And everyone in every airport ever is a shit. Yeah. Once again, this Mother's Day, send mom the best flowers of her life from books.com blooms are

larger colors more vibrant prices start just 40 bucks no up charges no extra fees even delivery is absolutely free when you register with the books save 20 at books.com b-o-u-q-s.com with the promo code doug d-O-U-G, Doug. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you because Doug loves movies.