Doug Loves Movies - Leonard Maltin, Jimmy Pardo, and Samm Levine Guest

Episode Date: September 29, 2011

The return of beloved film critic and Leonard Maltin game namesake Leonard Maltin, along with fan-favorites Jimmy Pardo and Samm Levine.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny babies, sticky seats With 50-azit pop-up kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see But Doug loves movies Hey everybody My name is Doug and I love movies This is Doug Loves Movies Coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday, September 27th, 2 Oceans 11,

right before Comedy Bang Bang or Comedy Bang Bang. I flew in from Bloomington, Indiana today and had a great time at last night's taping at the Comedy Attic. I wrote here, it was a shit ton of fun. And thanks again to Jared Thompson And the staff of his club there In Bloomington, Indiana The movie on the plane

Flying back today to Los Angeles Was Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris Which I would have liked to watch again But the sound on my armrest thingy didn't work So yeah, It's tragic. I also missed an episode of 30 Rock that I've already seen four times on other flights. But I'd watch it again. Because, holy shit, that stuff makes me laugh.

I like the 30 Rock. So instead, I listened to a few backups of Comedy Bang Bang, Comedy Bang Bang. And that show is so hilarious to me. Anyway, don't forget that you can attend tapings of Douglas movies in Portland, Oregon, New York City, Minneapolis, and Austin, and that when I don't actually tape a podcast out on the road, most of my live shows include a little Leonard Maltin game with audience

members against my opening act. All of these dates are listed at DouglasMovies.com and the podcast tapings will say like DLM taping or TBI taping. But you knew that already, right? Where are the name tags at tonight? You got name tags? There's a guy

proudly wearing it, actually wearing it as a name tag, which is rare. Emily has a sign that's so big I can't see four or five audience members that are sitting behind her. And it's someone with giant hands. Who is that person? Bill Maher. Bill Maher with giant hands.

Is that from his, like, Religious poster or whatever? When he did that movie? Yeah, sure. You don't just put somebody on a Douglas Movies name tag that's just a comedian that hasn't done a movie. Of course,

Bill Maher was in DC Cab, so that was... You could have gone that way with it. Yeah, with Mr. T. What's the name on that balloon? Kim is on the balloon, so that's fun. Oh, there's a, next to Jordan with the baseball, stepping up to challenge him

in an Everlast boxing glove. What is your name? Is it also Jordan? Yeah. What the fuck? How could this be? Well, that'll be interesting to see if either of you get chosen. Boxing glove with Jordan or a baseball with Jordan. Tonight's prize bag.

Let's talk about it. It's got a lot of good stuff in it, you guys. It's got a copy of the John Wayne motion picture, Hondo. Yeah. Does that mean John Wayne is here? Maybe. It's also got a copy of anything else? The worst Woody Allen movie

in the history of... So is the wood man here? We've got the big Lebowski. Holy shit. Does that mean Amy Mann is here? Is Flea in the house?

And then, of course, as always, we've got my CD. Doug Benson, Professional Humor EDN is in here. And we have also got a sticker that says I hate Jimmy Pardo. And a t-shirt that says Never Not Funny on it. Yeah. So, somebody can win all of that today. And please help me welcome to the stage my guests, Jimmy Pardo, Sam Levine, and Mr. Leonard Maltin. What a lovely welcome, thank you

People go crazy for Sam the Ma'am Levine Thank you so very much A.K.A. Lil Wolverine. You're a Lil Wolverine-y today. You got some stubble going. A little bit. I like it. Doug, why am I here? No, I mean it.

I mean, on a not too distant, not too recent episode, not my mother, but my mama was called a shithead at the end of the show. So you see the respect there in not saying mama instead of mother. I got the context, yes. Nevertheless, not cool.

But I thought I want to show I'm a big enough man that I'm here anyway. Well, let me just say this to you. I have no control over who the shitheads are. And so people, they get their chance. Let's have Doug Benson say this and embarrass himself. And we've had to bleep

a couple of them because I didn't want violent retribution or people to think that I think it's funny that a baby died. And so you didn't think any violent retribution could come from Leonard if you insulted his mama? Well, that's what I'm saying is that his mother's probably pretty docile.

I? Probably passed down throughout the Moulton family. Another assumption that may get you in trouble. Are you pugilist? Sam can tell you about New Jersey Jewish women.

Don't underestimate them. They will beat the shit out of you with their shoe. Can we get Leonard's microphone up just a little bit? Because smartly he's keeping it way away from his face. He knows the kind of miscreants that perform here.

I'll learn to swallow more. I'm sorry. It's a disgusting thing having to put this thing everyone talks into in front of your face. But I appreciate everybody being able to hear you. Let's play the game. Jimmy Pardo won't even touch his microphone.

I use it like this. Have you listened to this podcast before? I have a hard time hearing it, to be honest with you. I'm not a fan of the host nor the format. But I'm here to support. But there's so much more to the show than those two things. Oh, there's the giveaway. I do like the giveaway.

There's prizes. I like the prizes. Yeah, late addition to the prize package brought in by my manager and given to you, and then you handed it to me. Finally, I'm giving one away, the DVD-CD Potty Mouth. Hey! Wow. Hey!

What do you think of when you see that, Leonard? Yeah. What does that look like to you? It looks like... Does it remind you of any movie? It's me holding a bar of soap. Leonard, this is on a team. I'm so bad with this. It rhymes... It rhymes with... It's nine to a bar of soap Leonard, this is on a team I'm so bad at this Doug

It rhymes with It rhymes with Might flub Remember the ad for Fight Club I'm trying to forget the movie Let alone the ad campaign for the movie Were you traumatized by Fight Club? No I was not

In fact that was the problem I was not traumatized by Fight Club Pardon me fellas, I not. No, in fact, that was the problem, was that I was not traumatized by Fight Club. Pardon me, fellas, I'm not mistaken. We're not supposed to be talking about this. Oh, so you both, okay. You should say goodnight now. There's no way you're going to talk. I know, right?

There's no way you're going to talk. I appreciated the slow burn on that, too, by the way. Why didn't he say it with a hammer in his hand? Why did he make me think about it? Ah, yes, nice joke. It was such a slow burn, it didn't get to some of that. Yeah, I know. It's still going to be happening.

Just sitting there, hands in lap, fine with whatever they were thinking about. Do you know that this weekend is an anomaly for the early fall season? This weekend, there are actually good movies opening in theaters. It's crazy. Like, I've heard that Dolphin Tale is good. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. That is nuts.

I know. I know. Because you see the trailer, but it is directed by Charles Martin Smith. Yes, it is. Who I have always admired. He's not a nice man though I hear is that Leonard

could you confirm that no no personal knowledge is that confirming you have no personal knowledge you're just actually I once did host a reunion

of American Graffiti and he was at the academy he was there he couldn't have been nicer to me could not have been nicer you're thinking

of Paul Lamatt yeah he's a sweetheart that guy 50-50 opens this weekend nicer job. Could not have been nicer. You're thinking of Paul LaMatte. He's a sweetheart, that guy. 50-50 opens this weekend. Yeah, it's just about to come out. You like it a lot? Yeah. What did you think of... Did it bother you that there was a movie just a year ago

called Funny People where Seth Rogen finds out someone has a terrible disease and reacts to it strangely? I didn't link the two at all. You didn't link them at all? Not in the slightest. Alright. I'm looking forward to 50-50. As we're taping this, these films haven't opened.

That's right. But as people are hearing it in the world of podcast-ism or podcast-dumb. Podcast-dumb with that? Well no no because then it makes it sound dumb yes it does it does are these talkies you guys are talking about also what's funny people with the talking also what's your number opens this weekend which i actually like you like what's your number yep well it looks a little boilerplate uh romantic comedy but uh what do you think the

the cast takes it to another level? A lot of funny people in it? Good writing. I didn't know Chris Evans was that funny. Oh my god, he's so funny. What? Didn't you see him in his debut motion picture, Not Another Teen Movie? Didn't you see that movie?

Didn't you love that movie, Leonard? And we're back to Sam again. For this occasion only, I'm going to bundle that with Fight Club as a film. I'm sort of putting in the dimmer recesses of my mind, except for some co-starring performance. Oh, you figured it out. Thank you. Yes. There were some highlights among the cast. There were, right?

Yes. We need to update that next year's guide. We'll do that. We'll do that. That's job number one Consider it done already Do you remember I should just quiz you

How many stars did you give Claire De Femme I know that's a terrible quiz There's a lot of movies in here This is a thick book I should mention I know that's a terrible quiz, because that would be... There's a lot of movies in here. This is a thick book. But this is, I should mention, that this is the 2012 Leonard Maltin movie, guys. Still warm off the press.

New York Times bestseller. I grew up on these. My dad loved these. My dad used to love sitting around going, three and a half, I'd give it two. And I'd be like, Dad, Leonard can't hear you. Well, I'll tell you, you know, when the book was first conceived, and it was presented to me as a kind of fait accompli, this is the book we want

to do, would you do this book? And I said yes, because I was 17 years old, and why would I say no? And my editor said to me, and I want you to do star ratings for the movies. I said, oh, that's so lame. That's no way to review a movie. It's too arbitrary.

And how do you really say a movie's pretty good but not great? He said, no, people love it. People love arguing with those kind of things. It's a shorthand that people respond to. And, of course, he was right. Yeah. Like, for instance, I'm going to argue with this. Go ahead.

I remember liking this, but I haven't seen it since 1977. Yeah. You gave the domino principle a bomb rating. I did that. It was directed

by Stanley Kramer. Yeah. Starred Gene Hackman and Candace Bergen and Richard Whitmark, who was always a good... Yep. He was probably a heavy in that.

Terrific actor, yep. Not a good movie. Okay. Not a good movie. Okay. Not a good movie. So you're standing by that all these years later. I'm standing by that, yes. As you are standing by your dim recollection of it from 1970, which I have to say is the other peril of the years passing by.

Oh, yeah. I understand that completely. Like seeing an old friend, or going to a high school reunion or something, seeing somebody you haven't seen in years and years, and you sort of remember them being nice, and they're not, or you sort of remember them being not that attractive,

and they're more attractive than you remember. That never happens. Yeah. Not once in a history of reunions. Call me nailed. You nailed me on this. It's true. It was a metaphorical description.

But, no, I mean, revisiting older movies, and they don't even have to be that old, you sometimes get a lot of surprises in both directions. Yeah, yeah. Better and worse than you remember. Absolutely. Rarely is something exactly how you remember it. No, because you've changed, and the world has changed, and you've seen all these newer movies, you know, year by year in between, which change the whole pace and style of movies. Oh, yeah. Like, so many movies now are so slow.

I mean, looking at older ones. You didn't even go to see the new Pirates movie. You have no right to talk about movies. I had to watch that movie, Doug. I earned my key. That's where you've really backed yourself into a corner. I earned my salary. What I avoided is that I can say, I don't want to see that.

You know what? And I wish I could have done the same. Is there any movie that you've turned down? Is there any movie that you've said, I'm never going to go see that? Said somebody else to review that? All the time. Yeah, we've already talked about this. If it's like about torture or it's a hardcore horror movie, he's not interested. Yeah, we've already talked about this. If it's like about torture

or it's a hardcore horror movie, he's not interested. Yeah, I can't do that. I can't see Saw movies or stuff like that. So, I mean, they may be fine. And the guy... Oh, yeah, they're fine.

One of my colleagues, a colleague of mine who reviewed for the book, may like it or may find things about it that are good, and that's fine. But I'm just not going to see it.

Not your cup of tea? Nope. And that colleague probably gets avoided for a few days. She doesn't even want to things about it that are good, and that's fine, but I'm just not going to see it. Not your cup of tea. Yeah, and that colleague probably gets avoided for a few days. She doesn't even want to hear about it. Can we talk about a movie that's out right now that I just saw and I'd love to hear Leonard's take on? Yeah. This is a great, what a great spin you put on this program.

No, I mean, we have him here now. And yeah, and we might as well. The show is about movies. We might as well exploit that. It's the perfect opportunity to ask him about a movie. It's the movie Drive. Yeah, I almost just brought that up because I disagree with all that clapping.

Oh, I agree with all the clapping. Yeah, it didn't work for me. First 40 minutes are great. Yeah, and then it falls apart. Right, what do you think? Leonard, your thoughts? Is that a Larry King throw? Yes, I like that. Is it hot or not? Not in my book, no.

I had no prejudice going in. I was curious to see it. It had all this buzz from Cannes. It was the best director, I think, of one at Cannes. And it's made by a guy with a Danish name you can't pronounce. So, I mean, I was all set. I was all set. I was ready.

I had made peace with his unpronounceable name. That's right. I was in my chair, ready to go. And it does open really strong. It has a great opening sequence. And in the opening scene, so this is not giving anything away, in the opening scene, you see Ryan Gosling setting up a hire for that night. He's hiring himself out, as we quickly find out, as a getaway driver for these robbers.

And he's on the phone, and he's very specific. I'll be there at 1024. I will only be there until 1027. You will meet me there. I will do this job. I will drive for you. And then I will leave you. And you will not see me 15 minutes after.

Whatever he says. So he can speak. He establishes in scene one that he can use the language of English. And then never again for the rest of the movie. Well. Right. He's a man of few words. He gives the same speech rest of the movie. Well, he's a man of few words. He gives the same speech later in the movie. Who hires Ryden Gosling to say few words?

The guy is great at saying words. But he says so much with his face. His face would not shut up. He said words to you, perhaps, with his face. I read a lot. I read a lot in his face. There's nothing better to do while you're bored waiting for another character to just get randomly murdered really violently,

which is cool. The violence is very good. Extreme violence. There's nothing cooler than that. Especially from a Danish director. I thought he was an American Indian because his name is like

Nicholas Running Bear Nicholas Winding Rain alright I'm the idiot but I wanted to ask you about I thought it was a pretentious film I thought it was a pretentious film. I thought it was...

Yes, do not applaud that. Jimmy Pardo, shame on you and your family. And I am in love with Ryan Gosling. I thought he in Blue Valentine was the greatest acting work in the last ten years. That's not hyperbole. He's so great in that movie that it's incredibly annoying

to watch him. Because, you know what I mean? He's so good at being that drunk that won't keep saying the same thing over and over and over again. Oh, it's brutal. I'm a fan of his earlier work

in the Mickey Mouse Club. That really spoke to me. Yeah, you were like, Britney, Christina, uh-uh. I'm all about gosling. Look at those eyes. Gosling. Look at those moves.

So Jimmy Pardo was cut out of a motion picture, which is just, it eats at me. Why does it bother you so much? It bothers you more than it bothers me. Because I just want to have a friend that's in this movie. I know, I'm with you. But we did. Which movie?

We are friends with John Lithgow in a sense. Oh, in a weird way. Yeah, yeah. So he's in there. Dream Girls. Oh, my. Yeah, Jimmy played a kind of a nightclub comic. No, not a comic.

Although I'm building as a comic on IMDb, I was the nightclub owner. Oh, okay. And I introduced the dreams for the first time. Excuse me. IMDb has a fact that's incorrect? Yeah, I know. Oh, okay. And I introduced the dreams for the first time. Excuse me, excuse me. IMDb has a fact that's incorrect? Yeah, I know. Oh, no. It's a regular Wikipedia over there at IMDb.

Yeah. Man. Yeah, but he was cut out of the film and played the club owner who introduces the... Do you remember what your line was? I believe my line... I had several, of course. My first... Long introduction. No wonder they cut it. I had several, of course. Long introduction.

No wonder they cut it. I met these girls back in. These are three terrific young ladies. It was something like Ladies and Gentlemen of the Dreams. Wow. You're totally ready to host SNL. Because that's all they do is say, ladies and gentlemen, and the band name. Murph and I would sit around and we'd run lines together.

And I would be in Murph's trailer from time to time. And Bea would stop, Beyonce would stop by. And of course, Hud's a great lady. Jennifer Hudson. It would stop Vi. And of course, Hudson, great lady. Jennifer Hudson. Jennifer Hudson, right. But listen, when you're on the set as long as I am, when you're on the set

for upwards of four and a half hours, you get to know these people. I understand. You know that. Television is not the same as movies. It is not the same as movies. No, you know.

Somehow, Jaleel White remained in this movie. Something he did was compelling enough to stay in while you got cut but I'm gonna ask I'm gonna quiz Lynn Leonard sorry I say it all the time so I get you know it's no no problem I try to only do it not in your presence yeah what do you well how many stars do you think you gave dream girls if you had to guess. I'm guessing two and a half.

I bet he gave it three. No, that's a three and a half star job. Even cut out, I thought it was three. I might have felt generous and given it three. I don't remember. You gave it three. Okay. Nicely done.

Yeah. I think we found a new game. A really dull game. Just bring Leonard on and ask him, what do you think you gave? Drinks with the fishes! There was a movie called, oh, Dream with the fishes. I remember years ago, Doug, when that movie came out,

and I was on your show many incarnations ago, I railed against Jennifer Hudson winning the Academy Award for that. Oh, you're wrong. Oh, my God. And my view has not changed one bit. I got to tell you, Jimmy, she has proven to be not a good actress. I don't... Proven?

I'm going back... In that movie, she's great because she gets to sing her emotions. She's great. Exactly. In the commercial for Weight Watchers, she's like, I lost... Wait.

Like, she pauses in the weirdest spot because she's woozy. She's lightheaded from not eating. No. You can't focus on your lines when you're looking at a sandwich on the craft service table. It's not just a sandwich. There's a beautiful bounty to behold on the craft service table. Oscar history is studded with examples.

It's rife. It's rife. Yes. With examples of people who had just that one perfect role, that one special time, and all the stars aligned, and that's what got them the Oscar. And I think she's perfect in that movie. I really, you know, she hits, you know, I was going to say the right notes. She does, though. But you probably wrote that in your review, didn't you?

I hope not. I hope I did a second draft. That's too corny. Take that out. Let's read. She's too corny. Take that out. It's not Rex Reed. She's very good in it, but she's got that one big screamy song where, like, if you perform that song well, that, you know, it's not necessarily... Yes, there's so much emotion in that.

I mean, she did. I wanted to stand up and applaud it in a movie theater. That's crazy. But then Fantasia should get an Oscar for that one song she sang on American Idol. Yes. But they don't give Oscars for television, Doug. You misunderstand the concept. Well, apparently they give them out for singing.

That's what I'm saying. You think she deserves an Oscar for something that happened on television when she was on American Idol. Fantasia is overrated, and we'll talk about that on my podcast, Idol Talk. Never Not Funny also, we should mention, presents Rock Solid. Yeah, we have a sister. A very entertaining sister show about... About music. About rock music.

That's right. People seem to enjoy it. Can I plug a movie that I'm really fond of? Please. It's getting a substandard release this very weekend. It's called Tucker and Dale versus Evil. I've heard great things.

Wow. I've heard very good things about it. Dale. It's so good. It's so clever and original and it's been sitting

on the shelf almost a year and a half because distributors were afraid of it. They didn't know how to sell it. It's a parody of splatter movies.

Of a Friday the 13th type movie where a bunch of teenagers college kids go up to the woods for the weekend and as they're heading up there they realize they forgot to buy beers they stop this roadside place and in the and with a little store attached to it and they go to buy some beer and in the store i'm not giving away any this is the very setup of the movie are these two guys in biv overalls who look kind of creepy and they start imagining

oh these guys, my god, what was this they could kill us, we're going to be in the woods with these guys, and they start imagining all this, it's all in their imagination meanwhile you meet the two guys who are just a couple of nice guys they're old friends who bought a weekend cabin to fix up together

and they're intimidated by the college kids. And so the whole movie's based on this escalating series of misunderstandings that lead to deaths. Gory deaths. Yeah, it sounds like Three's Company with bloody violence. It's a

really smart, clever movie with two great performances by Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine. They're both terrific in it. Labine with a B. Jimmy, pat me on the back. I'm talking about this movie because it's getting

a fairly minor release, but it's available on demand right now. It's been popular at some festivals. It played great at Sundance and South by Southwest. It played like Gangbusters last year. I've shown it to my class at USC twice. And the filmmaker was there. You made him sit through it twice?

No, no. Last year and this year. Oh, I see, I see. You have different students each year. Yep. Yeah, yeah. Can we come crash that class sometime? Sure.

I love it. Not the rest of you guys, but Doug can. What is it? It's every Thursday still? Uh-huh. Because I used to go, you know, your predecessors, I used to go and crash. I never went to USC

but I went to that class. When Charles Champlin was teaching it? Yeah. I went to that class many times. I was never a student at USC.

Well, other people did that too. Ron Howard took the class but never graduated from SC. That explains the dilemma. George, George, oh, wow. Burn. George, but never graduated from SC. That explains the dilemma. George... Oh, wow.

Burn. George Lucas took this class ages ago when Arthur Knight, who founded it, was teaching it. Yeah, I saw some... I was actually there at Arthur Knight editions when he was very old and I'm kind of losing it a little bit, but still a great...

It's got a long history. John Cassavetes came to this class years ago. Dude, I was there when Cassavetes showed... What was it he showed? Husbands, I think. I forget what he showed, but he was like, he had that thing where, remember when he had, like, it looked like he was pregnant?

Yeah. He had, like, this weird extended belly. Yeah. Distended. Yeah. But he still came out and talked to us and was really interesting to listen to, but the whole time you're like, when's he going to have that baby?

I had him sign a lobby card from some movie after it was over. Like, oh, that class is great. So you have pretty much the filmmakers every week involved in the movies that you show. And it might be the director or the producer or a screenwriter or an editor or an actor or a composer. We've had sound mixers who've been really interesting, casting directors, all sorts of people.

Anytime you want to show Not Another Teen Movie, you just let me know. You're my go-to fallback. If you can't get Chris Evans, you can go with me. That's it. Okay. That's it.

And if we can get an uncut Dreamgirls, Jimmy's welcome. More than happy to stop by. I could just do the scene for you. Oh, that's a good idea. That's not a bad idea. Show them the process. Yeah, that's right. Any scene where they're about to sing, just stop the film.

And then you walk out. I come into my light. More than happy to do it, Leonard. Thursdays, you say yeah what's the start around seven uh i don't think i don't think i should reveal that oh okay we're gonna have a lot of crashes it's in the what's it called the norris is that the name of the building it is it's been so long since i've been there since your time there though it is now Frank Sinatra Hall. Because Frank's three children made a big donation.

Dread to murder somebody? Made a big donation. Not only a donation that paid for renovating the auditorium, but they donated all of their father's memorabilia, which now decorates the lobby, which is fascinating. All his gold and platinum albums. A lot of personal letters from like six presidents of the United States.

College kids love it. All sorts of things. Well, we play, the entrance music is Frank as they're filing in. That's what they're listening to. Oh, that's awesome. Or they may not be listening to it,

but we're playing it. Yeah, it's playing. They just have to go about their business. Exactly so. The summer wind. Alright, we've got to play the Leonard Malton game. He's right here, dude. We've got to play.

Where's your name tag? Here's old technology versus new technology. Believe me, I played with the book for the first few seasons of this show. And then you came up with this app that you invented yourself. With the forefront of app technology.

The iPhone app is great. I love it. It's very useful. Very handy. But we're still coming out as an actual paperback book as well. Want your many listeners to know. If you don't have an iPhone, or what would be the other reason for having them? If you have an Android, because we don't have an Android app. what would be the other reason for having them? If you have an Android,

because we don't have an Android app. Oh, okay. Or a BlackBerry app. And if you want to make notes in the book, and dog-ear the pages that you want to

go back to. Right. Yeah. What if I want to add stars to a movie that I thought you had unfairly judged? Like that

Not Another Teen movie. Like Not Another Teen movie. Yeah, right. Yeah. Let's see what he gave it. Do you know? I think he gave it two stars stars or a star and a half. That's nice.

That's super nice. I'm telling you, when we play the game and I say how many stars you gave things, I call you generous more often than not generous. I've had people accuse me of both. Yeah, I'm sure. Everybody's got their own opinion. What was the movie I'm looking up?

Not Another Gene. While you're doing that, let us pick. Yeah, get your name tags, you guys. You've never won, right? Who would you like to play for, Leonard? Maybe they can bring it up to you if you prefer not to. Oh, well. That guy's just got his ID out over there.

That's an exciting twist. Who's got their ID down? Who's got the idea? This gentleman right here. Alright, that's who Jimmy wants to play for. I'm going with Lara. Lara, let's pass that over. It's all flashing. Don't turn it off.

Gotta keep the excitement of the flashing. Oh, that's good. You just put it on solid. Will it fall over? Does this thing... Should you describe for your audio audience what it's exactly? It's like a copper box that has Laura

in multicolored letters. Why do you like the name Laura? Laura or Laura? Laura. Hey, is it Laura or Laura? Leonard, it's Laura. That? It's Leonard it's Laura And you But yeah that's a classic

Motion picture Laura right? Yes it is Not spelled like this But yeah Oh it's spelled different? Christopher Cross Yes this is L-A-R-A Like Laura's theme

From Dr. Zhivago Oh that's why you're saying Laura Omar Sharif As opposed to Laura With Gene Tierney. Dr. Zhivago is in the top five of my movies I've seen snippets of

but I've never seen from beginning to end even though it's a classic. What's a huge movie that you've never seen? Is there such a thing? I can't reveal that. I mean, obviously Hostel and Hostel 2. That's right. No, I saw the first

Hostel. Oh, you did? Yes. That was a mistake. That one's hard to shake. I can't believe I'm wasting time looking up Not Another Teen. I'm just obsessed. I'm obsessed with what you gave him. Don't waste your time. It's not important. I'm playing for a guy named Ryan.

Oh, okay. Ryan has his ID. Yes, I. Ryan has his ID. Yes, I would give you his last name, but I would never be able to pronounce this in a million years, and I believe TSA would frisk this fellow. Does he know fly? He doesn't fly. He doesn't fly.

Right, he can't fly. They don't allow him to. And the boxing glove didn't pay off. No, I picked the other Jordan Yeah you went There's two Jordans Next to each other That's how many times

You've been in the game Eight now Seven Six Well Half a dozen This guy's gonna win You're confident tonight

No I'm not I'm just saying He's gotta win at some point Oh yeah yeah Oh okay That's nice of you To keep trying on his behalf And it doesn't piss off

The rest of the people Who did more than just Bring the same baseball that they bring. Hey! At least a good time. No, no, no. Let me tell you why I picked Jordan. That other guy brought his wallet.

Yeah. The reason I picked Jordan is not because of the name tag. That's something you do late at night. I picked Jordan because that guy is here first in line every single fucking Tuesday. What time did you get here this week? 5.15? No, 5. 5? 4.45 here this week? 5.15? 5. 4.45?

And how soon did the second person in line show up? Like 5.20. 5? You were in line after him? And you came at 5? But every Tuesday. I hope it's worth it. Jordan's here every Tuesday and he drives from far away. Where'd he come in from, Jordan?

Ventura, California? I wasn't going to mention. I was trying to keep your private life private, Jordan, because you're such a star. Leonard gave Not Another Teen Movie a whopping one and a half stars. Yeah, yeah. Seems generous. Yeah, and he says it's loaded with in-jokes,

psych gags, and, parentheses, quite literally, end parentheses, bathroom humor. Quite literally. They all take place in the bathroom, all the bathroom jokes. I don't even crack the list of, like, 19 names. The results are tepid at best.

Yeah. Alternate version runs 101 minutes. That's a good warning. The kind of things you need to know. That's a nice thing to let the people know about. The kind of things you need to know. That's a nice thing to let the people know about. The kind of things you need to know. All right, let's play the Leonard Maltin game. It gets a round of applause everywhere I say it.

Like, everywhere I go. Like, I have to play it at all of my stand-up shows now. Like, you're huge, dude. You've made me famous. No, you really... You are already famous. Reel's channel took care of that. Well, thank you. But I love the fact that

people come up to you and probably say pretty crazy things to you. You don't know what they're talking about half the time. Well, that's been true for years. But, no, you've given me street cred now. So, I really, I value that. You can't, you're not allowed to use that expression.

I'm just borrowing it. I'm just, I'm here from another planet and I'm borrowing that. Yeah, you haven't for a while. You have temporary street cred. You know. Yeah. You know, you know, Jimmy. T-S-C.

Let's start down there with Jimmy. know yeah you know you know Jimmy TSC let's start down there with Jimmy I may not know what you mean I said yes and then realized maybe maybe no we'll start with you yes and then we'll work our way down to Sam five stars maybe maybe someone today, just this very day, reminded me the way to switch the order each time is you would take the person who won the point and you pick the person, right?

It's a mind bender. But you pick the person that challenged the other person, whether they won the point or not, and start with the person who didn't. Jordan can tell you. You don't need to memorize this. Jordan's right there. But he gets confused too. He's also number one.

He's a loser. What do you mean? No, the people on paper, he's a loser. The people that play on his behalf are the losers. Yes, but he's associated with it. Who else Simmonses of the world. And who else played for you?

Adam Carolla is a loser. Who else is a loser? You can't even remember there's so many losers. Who? TJ Miller is a loser. Yeah, they should all be on there. Nick Swardson. Oh, yeah, they all signed the ball?

Yeah, I can't sign it. I only sign on the sweet spot, and somebody's already taken that. I won't be able to sign that for you, Jordan. It's my contract. I apologize. Bring me a new ball. I'm more than happy to sign it. Here we go, sweet spot.

Yeah, got it. Give me a sweet spot photo. He's playing for... Double S. Nazi. Ryan. Playing for Ryan. Ryan.

What's his address? Well, he's got what appears to be, from a photocopy machine, a Missouri driver's license. This looks fishy. I don't trust this guy. He looks, honest to God, he gets patted. You get patted down every time you go anywhere, right, Ryan? I mean, look it. He just tensed up when that siren went by.

This thing is due to expire in like four weeks. You're right. He was born in 1981, the year of our Lord. I was having this sex in the back of a record store. My point is, I'm older than him. He may be my child. It's a weird way to find out. Nope, I think it's the perfect way.

Little squirty-pillity. Pick a category, Mr. Pardo. Okay, good choices. These choices. Oh, Canada. I just visited the land of America's Hat. And I was there. Oh, great.

Oh, Canada, next one. Next category, Kill Em DeFoe. These are films where Willem DeFoe was killed. All right. These are films where Willem Dafoe was killed. All right. And then Best Picture Losers. Oh, boy. That's motion pictures that are nominated by the Academy.

Specific year or just any? I'll tell you the year as soon as you pick one of those. I understand. Let's go, you know, I like that Canada one. Let's go with that. I like the idea of that. Okay. All right, this motion picture was filmed.

Oh, Canada! Yes, this filmed in or about, around Canada. And... Am I challenging somebody or do I just... You know how it works. From all those times you've been on the show. You may need to refresh my memory. See, this is my point.

People tell me all the time, why don't the guests know how to play? I go, the ones that have played before don't know how to play. I don't know what I can do other than just talk them through it and try to have a good time. You need a pamphlet you give to the guests backstage.

Who's going to fucking read a pamphlet? Your guests who don't play a lot. Captain America, thank you for doing my show. That's a nod to the future. Please read this pamphlet about how to play the Leonard Maltin game. Captain Planet would read your pamphlet. That's a nod to the future. Please read this pamphlet about how to play the Leonard Maltin game. Captain Planet would read your pamphlet. It's hard to do.

But we'll get through it. We'll be all right. All right. We start with you, Jimmy. Yes. I tell you everything that I'm willing to say about this movie. And I tell you how many people.

And then you bid. You start the bidding. I'm more than happy to do it. Go. Okay, here we go. This movie, like I said, is a Canadian thing. Mr. Leonard Maltin, or one of his minions Gave it two and a half stars

Alright, right down the middle I disagree You think it should be higher? Much Oh boy Three I go four maybe Four

Yeah, wow You went one and a half He says that the lead actor in this movie is just right And he also says that it was followed by a sequel. What year is this film? 1986. Thank you. 1986.

Yeah, but you also skimped out on the names. You only listed four names on this one, Mr. M. I'm going to go with four. Jimmy has to start the bidding at four or less names. I'm going with four. He says four names. 86 Canada. Prequel to a sequel.

I'm going to go with four names. I'm going to go with those full four. Sounds like there's a bigger cast than that. The lead was just right. Oh yeah, there's more people in it. I'll tell you that much. It's not like Give Him Hell Harry or something. That was a one man show

that was filmed. That's funny. And the lead actor won a... Sailed right over the crowd. Yeah, but he was nominated for that, right? Yes, he was. Sure, Hell Hooker. I'm going to say three names.

James Whitmore. Three names? Three names. All right, so now we come to Leonard Maltin. You can either say, name that movie, Sam Levine. No, I know how to play the game. Ha! Wow.

Finally! Finally, a guest who knows how to play the Leonard Mullen game. Unfortunately, I play it poorly, but I know how to play the game. That's all that matters. Sam, name that movie. Oh, here we go. All right. Sammy is going to do it in three?

I do three out of four. And you go from the bottom up, right? That's right. You go from the bottom up. Use? That's right. You go from the bottom up. Use your microphone, Mr. Parker. This lead name who's perfected the role, you do not mention his name. Yeah. Yeah, he only gets three of the names.

I'm looking forward to hearing it. But I also, I will tell you right now that he is going to prevail. Oh, you don't know. Just a prediction. Just a prediction. And also trying to make you look bad if you don't. Thank you.'t know. Just a prediction. Just a prediction. And also trying to make you look bad if you don't. Thank you. Your three names are Joy Bouchel.

Love her. Yeah, the great Joy Bouchel. And here's where it gets. These are both giveaway names, in my opinion. John Goetz and Gina Davis. 1986. Two and a half from LM is it I guess if it comes down to that I give it for man there's no opportunity to steal Jimmy I'm still gonna try to steal Sam has gotten much harder is reason it is. Is it The Fly? Why do you...

You're like a poker player. You pretend to not know. I don't. That's the correct answer. Oh, God. Oh, God. I mean, what else... How many movies could Geena Davis be second building?

She's either the star of it or she's... Earth Girls Are Easy? Yeah, she was the star of that. Was she? She was top build? All right. Well, she was the star of that. Was she? What about... She was top billed? All right. Well, she wasn't top billed in fucking a league of their own. Remember that shit?

Yay! Thank you for reminding me. Why, Tommy Hanks? What's up with that? What's up, Len? Gina Davis doesn't get top billing in your book? Tom Hanks, man. Tom Hanks.

In the movie itself, he probably got top billing. It is Tom Hanks. He was a lot bigger at the time. I don't care for it. And Sam, there's no crying in Leonard Maltin Gators. Yay. You win. You win. There's no comeback to that.

You win. Touche. You win. Well played, Doug. Well played. All right, so Sam gets the point. Very well. All right.

And Jimmy was left out of that, so we'll start with him. And then we go to Mr. Malton. Okay, start with me. All right. Very good. You shot it. You can start with somebody again, because he just didn't really get a chance to. You can start by shutting up.

So we're all starting to do something, huh, Mouthy? Okay. Would you like... No, she didn't. That's movies where one of the words in the title is a contraction. Oh. Like, didn't. I've already got a guess then.

Yeah, I'm sure some names have popped into your head. At Tad Pike suggested on Twitter, Down Under Movies, and that's movies with either the word down or under in the title. Okay, that rules out a periscope. Jimmy Pardo, constantly strategizing. You've got to think and move ahead here. I'm up against the man that wrote the book

and a guy that doesn't miss. You've got to think and move ahead here. I'm up against the man that wrote the book and a guy that doesn't miss. You've got to think. And then your third option is summer blockbusters. Those are blockbusters that came out during the summer. Oh, I see. Any summer at all. Any summer. Summer of 42?

We'll find out which summer. What if it's summer of 42? We'll find out what summer shortly. What if that came out in the summer? I'm going to Google that. I'm going to go with that contraction business. Okay. No, she did.

Yeah, I'm going to go with that. Suggested by at W Passin, P-A-S-S-I-N. And this movie is from 1991. I'm in. Yeah. Leonard Maltin gave it two stars. Generous. Leonard Maltin gave it two stars.

Generous! He gave it two stars, then the first word of the review is superficial. And then another line in the review is the core of the film is not as bad as the title might suggest. So obviously, Leonard is against contractions in titles.

And there are No I ain't Eleven There's eleven names How many names do you think You can get in JP? I'm gonna go with ten Okay

That's an interesting Opening bit We come to you Leonard I'll say eight That's good Strong Sammy Mammy Contractions Levy We come to you, Leonard. I'll say eight. That's good. Strong. Sammy. Mammy.

Contractions. Levy. Zero names. I don't know why I even invite you anymore. I could be wrong. I could be so wrong. I could be so wrong on this. Unstoppable.

I could be so wrong. You're such a poker player, because that's exactly what you say when you have the nuts. This one, this is genuine. Okay. Then why would you poker player, because that's exactly what you say when you have the nuts. This is genuine. Then why would you jump to zero if it's genuine? You're just being an a-hole. Oh, no! If he really thinks he knows it, he should go negative one. Right.

But now we're out. Now we're to you, Jimmy. You can either say name it or go negative names. That's where you have to read them from the top. I'm going to say name it. All right. I could be very wrong, but this is the right year for that movie. So I will say... Hang on.

Yeah? Don't you want to have the clues again? Sure. You don't have to. Okay. Is it Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead? Unfortunately, it is. Oh, my God. Oh my god.

Thank you very much. This kid's ridiculous. He's ridiculous. He just threw the ball back at Jordan like, yeah, finally it's done. That guy can't even stay in the room. This guy's leaving. He's leaving.

He's like, me and my summer shorts are out of here. That guy's like, he's like, me and my summer shorts are out of here. You know, that guy's got to find a landline quick. I think less of you for knowing that, Sam. Holy smokes.

There's another John Getz movie I still admire you for knowing that. I still admire you tremendously, but I admire you a little less

for knowing that movie. Wow. I'm sorry. Congratulations. Who are the top three names that have been on that? Christina Applegate. Congratulations. Who in the top three names have been on that? Christina Applegate. Yeah. Who's the...

She'd be the star of it. Joanna Gleeson and Keith Coogan. Yeah, maybe. Joanna Gleeson, is that what you said? No. The third name, strangely, coincidentally, is John Goetz. John Goetz, I said that, yeah. The third name from The Fly.

Yeah, yeah. He made a grisly end in The Fly. Spoiler alert. But yeah, so you didn't like the fly because it was gross or, you know, just over the top? No, I just didn't do it for him. I thought Goldblum was so good at conveying humanity.

He's great at it. It's an extraordinary performance. All right. Doug, can I ask you to hand this over? Ryan, can you... Oh, give him his wallet back. There you go, Ryan. Good catch.

Good luck next time Let me toss this back to Laura Pass that heavy fake back to her Oh so we have to get Laura you didn't write the name of your shit Out in the back of this did you? No of course not So we need to find out who you want

Here use that here Write on this Do you have a pen? I'll give you one I always walk around with one in case In case I host a show There you go And then you'll write yours down too

Your shithead And then we'll go from there Jimmy Pardo, any plugs? Nope People know me, they know where to get me Oh my god, Jimmy That's the most fucked up thing you've ever said! What the fuck is wrong with you?

I apologize to everyone. There's no way Doug's going to put that on the podcast! I said I'm sorry. That's all I can do is apologize. Shame on you, Jesus! Shame on the moon! I'm so sorry, Leonard. Leonard, I apologize that you had to witness me do that.

Oh my God! I'm really sorry, Leonard. I just met you. I never thought I'd hear that here in person. Again, my God. I'm really sorry, Leonard. I just met you. I never thought I'd hear that here in person. Again, I apologize. I know your daughter's here. I apologize. I apologize.

Wow. It's offensive. I should rethink. Wow. I'm just so desperate for a laugh, I said it. Really. Say it again. Really Say it again

There he is Summer Shorts is back Anything you want to plug there Sam the man Yes two things One every week you can see me on Kevin Pollack's chat show KevinPollack'satshow.com. We have great guests. We just had James

L. Brooks on this week. So download that one. And also I shot an episode of Modern Family, which will air October 19th. Nice! I've heard good things about that show. It's a good show! It's a good show, Doug. I'd watch it if those people that are in it weren't on there. But they're

Emmy winners. Yeah, no, it's an amazing cast. And I finally, I watched like the hour-long season premiere, and I started laughing more. Like my problem with that show is I always like didn't, I didn't feel like it made me laugh enough. Really? I didn't think it was bad.

I just was like, I don't know, I can't relate to any of this. But I've come around a little bit. Well, good. It's a good program. I feel the same way about Schindler's List. Takes a while to get into that one. I used to think it was funny, but now I get it. Now I get that it's tragic. Well, I still think it's pretty funny.

Do you think... Don't make me bleep again. Do you think they ever put together a blooper reel for that? And I'll tell you why I ask. I wonder if anybody ever blew a take by laughing making that movie. I'm sure somebody did. That would be weird.

That Ray Fiennes is a practical joker on set. Like somebody gets shot and they're naked and they fall over in a funny way and everybody cracks up. Like, look at her leg laying down. It's so silly. All right, well, we're definitely editing all fall over in a funny way and everybody cracks up. Look at her leg laying down. It's so silly. We're definitely editing all of that in. Alright.

And Mr. Malton's 2012 movie guide is available now. New York Times bestseller. Thank you, John. Newsday magazine calls it the best. So, I don't, you know, comparing it to what

other stuff other other random items and uh yeah thank you for subjecting yourself to this for a third time i'm delighted and thrilled and we'll be happy to come back anytime let's hear it for all And interesting shitheads tonight Both people You do not know each other, correct? They both decided to name two people Or maybe more, I don't know how many is in that one I don't know how many there are total But here we go

As always Max and Lindsay is a shithead That's two people What are you doing? And the Koch brothers Is a shithead Now it's time for Doug to watch another Talkie

He's a bolted view and prowess makes it cocky. There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies.