Doug Loves Movies - Live at the Del Close Marathon

Episode Date: June 30, 2012

A very special Benson Interruption taped at the UCB Theatre in New York City as part of the 14th annual Del Close Marathon, with guests Matt Besser, Megan Neuringer, Matt Walsh, Rory Scovel, and co-interrupter Vic Garcia.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming baby sticky seeds With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies! Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah Doug's interrupting now Cause it's the interruption Doug's got a potty mouth

He cuts off all his friends Here comes a word eruption Cause it's the interruption. Doug's got a potty mouth. He cuts off all his friends. Here comes a word eruption. He's most happy when he's saying things that pop into his brain. Doug Benson has a show. The interruption's funny. It's awkward. It's Fockward Hey everybody I don't need the piece of paper for those two words.

But then after that, I need the paper. Welcome to a special free-to-download episode of The Benson Interruption coming to you from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater during the 14th Annual Del Close Marathon at 12.30 a.mam on Sunday, June 29th 2012! When I'm here, I get really high and then I go see Broadway shows

and my favorite thing about Times Square other than all the annoying people is... Wait, that's not a favorite thing. Times Square, other than all the annoying people, is... Wait, that's not a favorite thing. No, my favorite thing is that there's that big 2012 up there on that one tower, and so

when you're there, you always know what year it is. It comes in handy when I come out of a period drama or something. I'm just like, ah, 2012, indeed. I knew it all along. How long did you guys have to wait to get in for this? Okay, now one at a time. Four hours?

Well, a kiss and a hug That's That's forever Cause my shit is tantric yo So Anyway I just wanted to point out To the listeners

That you guys really put in an effort To be here this evening And I appreciate it And We're gonna have some fun This is What we're doing is

I'm going to release this episode In the Doug Loves Movies slot Trick Doug Loves Movies listeners Into listening to the Benson Interruption Which is normally Podcasts is downloadable In the comedy album section of iTunes Or at DougLovesMovies.com for $2

Alright, here's how this show works I will introduce my hilarious comedy pals. You guys know who's in town for this amazing festival. I'll introduce them one at a time and they'll come out and they'll stand at this microphone and say something like

the Don't Close Marathon is a lot of fun if you like sweating, sleep deprivation, and sitting cross-legged on the floor until you need to have your legs amputated come on down if you like those things and then uh i'll be sitting there over in that chair right there and i'll say, yeah, come for the long line, stay for the various methods of torture. Or something funny. You get the idea.

Plus, tonight has been a new twist in recent episodes of The Interruption. I have always been out there alone interrupting people, but we've added the idea of having another guest. And also been having a lot of fun crossover shows with Comedy Bang Bang.

And, you know, they have an open door policy. Scott Aukerman will talk to anybody. I like to only talk to my friends. But every once in a while I give in and bring out somebody who I do not know. And we will get to know this person together as he co-interrupts the entire show. Please welcome

Vic Garcia. Do you want to sit on that side, Vic? Yeah, sit over there, Vic. Does the microphone work in a fucking alternative venue festival The fuck I'm Vic Garcia I used to be a fucking cop Now I'm a comic doing this fucking shit

Nobody fucking likes me I get my dick sucked after every show Shut the fuck up This already seems like a horrible idea Who are you The fucking president of pot Sorry don't blame me. I voted for Chong.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I perform anywhere I fucking want to, around the fucking country. I'm Vic Garcia. What do you want? You don't know me. Like, I didn't introduce you to the fucking sticks. I got you in there at the fucking bread basket down in

Bovine. Oh, theasket down in bovine oh the water down in bovine yeah I fucking I recommended you and you fucking like what the fuck this fucking guy is that your is that your uh what's what's your stand-up comedy like all right why right of course you never see the fucking set. You always fucking dip out. I fucking kill. That's what it's like. I fucking...

You talk about fucking killing. I got bodies. You know what I'm talking about? You fucking... You pieces of fucking shit. You know, I don't fucking... That seems very abusive to me. I came up as a fucking cop on the fucking forest.

I started down at the island of the strip. I fucking used to... I didn't bark my shows. I went down to my cop car gave people tickets and fuck. What the fuck? What the fuck? Were you going to wander over there? Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, sure. Yeah, alternative comedy. That's right. I got an alternative for you.

Fucking make a joke. I came out and made a joke at the top of the show. I got a joke at the top of the show. Yeah, put that on the fucking cover of Variety. This is going to be terrible. What do you want? I'll leave any time you want. What do you want?

Five minutes? I'll do my time. Whatever the fucking time. Light me, then. You want me off the stage? Give me the fucking light. I'll be out of here. That's what I did at the Box of Bananas down in Benson.

It's a city called Benson. It's the only reason they fucking did this. Benson is a pretty short drive from Bovine. You should have seen me at the Pumpkin Pie down in fucking Pensacola. They love their alliteration down there. I think it's the heat. Yeah, it's the fucking heat.

I know I'm talking to you. Everybody likes a fucking piece of fucking pie. That's all I know. Lighten up. You kind of look like Bryan Cranston. What are you fucking, what are you breaking, what are you breaking,

yeah, more like you're breaking bomb over here. What the fuck? Brian Cran, what, what, what, what, what, what, Malcolm in the middle? Hang on, hang on, hang on.

Yeah, sure, I, all my middles fucking killed themselves. Just give me a second. I take their ten minutes and I fucking make it funny. Just give me another chance. I, I, I, me another chance. I don't want a breaking bomb again. I was a pretty good singer. You're on his fucking side, huh? It was a good singer. That's it. This is like a fucking street act, except you got a fucking room full of monkeys

that can make dance for you. That's what it is. All right. Okay. Yeah, yeah, sure. Don't look at me, though me like I don't know which side the pancake fucking flips. That's a fucking laugh! Yeah. That would be a fun comedian, somebody that points out every time they laugh. What the fuck? I point it out

when I laugh, I point it out when I bomb, I point it out when there's fucking charges. What do you want from me? That's right, this guy fucking, alright, get the fuck? I point it out when I laugh. I point it out when I bomb. I point it out when there's fucking charges. What do you want from me? That's right. This guy fucking... All right, get the fuck out of here. That was ironic. It was sarcastic laughter, to be sure.

To be sure. What... How do you spell it? Theater with an R-E? What am I doing? Andy Kindler a little bit for a second there for a minute? I try to be... The idea of this show

is to be supportive of the performers when they come out and try to help them. Thanks, guys. Good night. Really? Oh, okay.

He's back. He's back. He's back. Fucking comedy takes place with fucking 400 degree fucking flames in your fucking face. That's right. You fucking... Get back up the stairs

and then fall down. You went back there, thought of that, and then came back out and said it? The rest of this is all encore. I'm not on the fucking clock. That'd be the most hilarious improviser who, every time he's in a scene, steps out for a second, comes back and has a really good line ready to go. Yeah, it might make improv watching for more than fucking five minutes at a time. Am I fucking right? Shut the fuck up, you ass. You want to improv?

Get in front of a fucking sloppy drunk with a fucking dick for a face. Every fucking night. That's how I started. I get fucking hecklers where I come from. I put them in a fucking cement box. They don't go to shows no more. I know guys. I'm looking at you, but I don't have my fucking glasses on.

It might be the one behind you. I don't fucking know. Are you okay? It's your fucking show. You're a regular Jeff Garlin. Yeah, regular. About 100 pounds fucking thinner. Oh, wow.

Don't make it worse. Don't make it worse. Don't worry, you're a little bit fur. I want him to do the show again. Don't beat me. Oh, you brought kids? Never mind. Sure, he's great.

Fine. Tire me. What kind of cop were you? Was I a cop? I was a fucking narcotics cop. I was a fucking narc. I. I was a fucking narc. I would have turned you up and turned you out. That's what I would have fucking done to you.

Was it driving you crazy being backstage with us just now before the show? What do you mean backstage? I was fucking pacing around swearing in my fucking phone. You should just take a hit, man. Relax. Yeah, take a hit. Sure, if I'm going to take a hit, I'm not forcing him.

I don't have to pay him anymore. I'm not allowed on the force. I fucking drove a cop car into a fucking audience. I kill. Is that your opener or your closer in your act? What?

I bring a closer on the road with me. All the openers, I kick them around. They're all locals. I don't think you understood the question. But let's bring out our first guest. Let's get it going. Please welcome my friend

Matt Besser! Matt Besser! Bonnaroo! Woo! Coachella! Lollapalooza! Warped Tour! Which talk to?

I wish this is what Bonnaroo is like. Just screaming? Well, instead of during every comedy show at Bonnaroo, there's the thumping sound of a band in the next tent. I like comedy. I can dance, too. Yeah. It's just like.

And it's just like, oh, so I was at the therapist the other day. Don't you love those festivals, though? They're fun to hang out at. Like you go for the hanging out And meeting people There's this new trend And I can't stop talking about it Of the ladies with the painted on bikinis

Let's just give them all a hand For just being great Because I wouldn't do that Why are none of the ladies clapping? I know you're in narcotics Vic But, but, like, what is that? Yeah, sure, I painted broads and everything. What do you want? I painted him a cut-off shorts just to rip him off.

I'm sorry I brought him into it. I don't know why I did that. Would you arrest someone in a painted bikini? I'd arrest anybody for any fucking excuse if they looked at me wrong. Look, if I had my badge, fucking, I got a guy. Don't worry. I got to carry you.

You came up from Bonnaroo? What, he got shrooms on you? You got something. Hey, Benson, try doing something a little bit more hard. Maybe it'll be a funny show. Meh.

Do, you mean like if I did heroin? do some fucking coke. I've been there. I did everything. How do you think I got in the fucking act?

One of my favorite parts of Bonnaroo is when you'd see... Oh, I said it. The people in Ecstasy that came from like an electronica show and they would be like, you know, half nude and shit, but then they would wander into the metal Danzig show with people on Jack Daniels and weed. And it seemed kind of rapey at that point. That's all I've got to say.

It's like, get the elect rave girls out of here. Yeah, it's a... Get your rave, get your rape. What else? Did you say rave or rape? I said both. What did you say? They both taste great together.

Rave rape. You put your rape in my rave. You put my rave in my rape. Yeah, you see somebody dosed with rape juice at a rave, then get raped, then you come talk to me. I seen things. Wait, what did you see? I can't tell. Piece it together.

It's on my fucking album. Please allow Vic Garcia. How many people here have been on ecstasy in the last year? Just raise your hands. Hold on. Yeah, that's it? It's not a popular drug anymore? Cocaine?

Is California a drug? Why'd you shout that out? Why'd you say California? California. I'm on California right now. I just hang out. It's like being in the sun. Another thing I saw the ecstasy people doing was holding...

This is a question, not an observation. Why are people holding Tigger up on a pole? Did you see that? Does anyone know what I'm talking about at all? At all these shows... Do you, sir? You know what I'm talking about? So your friends can find you.

Oh, yeah? Why is it Tigger? Because he's the party cartoon? Yeah, he bounces, so you can get up high over the crowd. It's because you're not allowed to say the real word on stage anymore, am I right? The T word?

Tiger Americans is what they like to be called? Tiger Americans is what they like to be called They were right about the 100 acre wood though That part's true What? Is that like 40 acres and a mule? What are you talking about? I want to be with you I'm on fucking Winnie the Pooh, motherfucker

I'm taking a fucking ride with Tigger And Winnie the Pooh with motherfucker! I'm taking a fucking ride with Tigger and Winnie the Pooh with fucking Piglet. What do you want from me? What do you want from me? The owl? Maybe some Eeyore? Eeyore would be my favorite. Of course, yeah.

Eeyore, sad fuck. Just like this thing. There's so many facets to his personality. He'd either be kind of sad and grumpy Or his tail would come off His tail was buttoned on Those were all of them Those were all the aspects of

That was all Eeyore was there for Those two things Two activities in life Being bummed out and losing his tail And wasn't Winnie already the bummed out guy? Eeyore's just more He was Jewish Winnie already the bummed out guy? He was Jewish. Winnie's a little bit more driven.

He wants to get that honey. He's always after that honey. That's true. So he's probably more of a Tigger than Tigger. You think we could break down the audience? What? You brought these people here. Now you're going? Yeah, shut the... What just happened?

You brought these people here. Now you're going to fucking dance for them? What the fuck? What? We all know what the characters of A.A. Milne are like. I'm not fucking... This is not new information. A.A. Milne.

What's Piglet's personality? I can't even think what he was all about. He's just a fucking pig. He wants to roll around in the mud. What do you want? Not all pigs are the same. That is so narrow-minded. Well, no shit. Believe me, I know pigs all night long.

Oh, you're a cop. I get it. Yeah, I'm a fucking cop and I'm a fucking comic. I fucking arrest my own fucking shows. You failed. You guys were wrong on that one. Piglet's just long for the ride He's very polite

He's a submissive He worries a little bit He's worried sometimes They all seem to be worried They're a little anxious Maybe they're all aspects of being Different kind of Jew They're a little anxious

I'm the worried Jew I'm the worried Jew. I'm the Jew who wants honey. Rabbit is very... Try being an undercover cop in New York City for 27 fucking years. I want to ask you something. I've never talked to a real cop before, okay? I avoided you at your shows, too.

Okay, well, there's this archetype. There's this cliche in comedy that cops like donuts. Does that make you mad? Do you guys really like donuts more than normal humans? Just honestly. How many times a week do you eat donuts? Wait, are you going to come at me like this?

Like some fucking perp off the street with a donut thing? Wait, you should have seen what I did on Zuccotti Park, motherfucker, with a donut. I was recently a cop, too. It's not just a backstory. You're undercover now sometimes? I'm undercover. I'm out of cover. What do you want? Depends on the sprinkles.

I like fucking sprinkles! My breath smell like fucking pussy. Whoa! Took us to a whole new level. From crime stopper to comedy stopper. If in doubt, eating pussy. That's all right. I did time. I'm a cop who did time in jail.

I'll be a fucking cop comic who does time on your fucking show. Getting railed either way. You can show your show to prison. That's so rude. So we should do a quick tweet off with you, Matt, because we got lots more guests to get out here. So we got a special 55- minute time slot in the show. Yeah.

In the marathon. This crowd just got loaded in. They're going to get to see some amazing shit. What do we do here? You believe that? You believe that tone of voice? Yeah.

Real nice way to sell it right there. See some real amazing shit. Open your fucking eyes. Wait, that's the better way to sell it? All right, you assholes. It's tweet-off time, you dicks. All right, just read one? Yeah.

Okay. Let's see here. How many nuns does it take to change a light bulb? None. None. Only the bishops find the light. No? No?

Can I do one more nun one? Maybe. Yeah. Do you think so? If you think so. it's up to you uh oh fuck i just totally fucked it go just i can do one yeah go this is from this morning i wrote wake bake eat a face because that face eating son of a bitch it turns out it wasn't bath salts.

He was just on weed. I mean, he's also on crazy. Absolutely fucking crazy. But that really drags down the weed cause if people think you're going to want to eat a face. But, you know, I keep looking over at that cop over there. I don't fucking get it. I don't get the Twitter thing.

I don't do it. What do I do? Tweet about what I ate for breakfast? That's exactly what I did. I guess what I ate for breakfast today. A fucking perp for the fucking face full of fucking assholes. You tweeted that?

That sounded like more than 140. No, I had fucking 12 characters left so people could retweet it. So that was from today? No, that was from fucking five years ago. Yeah, it was from today. So you're unretired then? What am I?

Wait, wait, wait. Unretired. When you're in the force, you're always in the force. What do you have for? Wait, what? You're fucking with perps when you're not even, we're just a comic now and you're fucking with perps? I do whatever I want.

Look, I'm fucking black. If the charges don't stick, blame me. Isn't it funny that perps means people commit a crime, but it's also an awesome kind of weed also? Yeah, sure. It's a real nice fact in the history book. Also a little bit of Kindler there. He's the only one of you old guys I can respect.

Because my voice sounds the most like him Alright read another one Matt Okay here we go Sorry Octomom rides the Sibian One of the tales of Odysseus Or today's episode of Howard Stern Can I have some time to think it over? Tales of Odysseus or today's episode of Howard Stern? Can I have some time to think it over?

That was awesome. Do you know what a Sibian is? Yeah, it's that thing that... It's like a huge dildo, basically. Yeah. It kind of looks like a trophy. It's got like a base, and they sit on it. Yeah, and after about a couple of pumps, they're going to confess to whatever you want them to. That's how you interrogate women?

Wait a second. Yeah, that's not... I don't believe this. Whatever the fuck I want. Have you used a simian on a car? What do you mean, tell the toilet? What, am I on the wrong side of the thing now? You are a little Kindler cop, I got to say.

What? Anyway, we got to get rolling along. Matt Besser, everybody. Thank you, Matt. All right, give it up for him. Thank you. I think we're going to be way behind the whole show. Oh, this is going to be fun.

At the end of the show, they run a really tight schedule here at the Del Close Marathon. I'm happy to be a part of it. But when my time is up, the theme song is just going to come on no matter what's happening in that moment. So it'll be kind of an exciting. Yeah, so look forward to that moment of entertainment. The clock is ticking, my new friend. Vic Garcia, everybody. Where can people see you, Vic?

Well, I've been to a run of Yoder and I've been to the Zones down south. Then what? I'm fucking fighting a guy in Denver. Guy got on my message board said I wasn't funny. I'm fucking fighting him. I'll show him he's funny.

Please welcome my friend Megan Neuriger to the stage, everybody. Welcome her. Oh, hey, there you are. There you go. All right. Yeah.

Hi. You know how this place works. Keep the purse at all times. Right. And the water. You got to rehydrate, and you got to stay, got to keep your shit. My go bag. It's a go bag?

It's my go bag. Yeah, you're doing all right. No, everything that you need like when terrorism happened you had to have a go bag filled with all the essentials let me that just that just looks too much like something now you ruin it for me look nice for a second what's in your go bag um like you you know, like stuff you would need. So like water, like sleeping pills, you know, like a cell phone, gum. Benzadrine, fucking bullets, a couple of extra cell phone.

Yeah. Little alcohol wipes to keep your hands clean. You have those? Yeah. That's awesome. Don't look? Yeah. That's awesome. Don't look at me. It's not awesome in my book. Fucking alcohol wipes.

Wipe your fucking face off. Exactly. I'll get that guy's check, whoever that is. What's your book called? What's my fucking book called? You keep saying that you said... It's called Parallel Thought, assholes.

Yeah, it's right. All right, I'll give you half of his check. Is the assholes part of the title? Yeah, what the fuck? Of course it is. It's called Parallel Thought, assholes. What the fuck? Of course it is.

The title keeps getting longer Every time you say it Yeah but what the fuck What do you think it's shorter It's called parallel font assholes What the fuck of course it is What do you think it's shorter Check your Dewey fucking decimal system

I'm going to ask you again at the end of the show what the name of your book is. Yeah, yeah, sure. I can't wait to see what happens. I'm going to ask you what the name of your fucking name is. It's Doug Benson, but let's talk to Megan for a second. Megan, you look so good. Why would you let this asshole bring you on the show

and make you do this? I want to answer your question, but my feet are literally stuck to the floor. It is kind of a sticky stage because there's a lot of, you know... Yeah, there's a whole fucking team

of fucking guys splattering blood on each other. Yeah, nice show. We're following the last act was Jizz Prov. I would have had them running a few heralds in the fucking county jail. You're so proud of yourself

for knowing that reference. There were a couple of really small references. It's all I fucking got. It's all energy and fucking timing, asshole. Megan wrote something funny today I'd like to share with the audience from the Twitter because somebody named Uberfax wrote, there's a village called Pussy in France.

And then Megan RT'd that and wrote back, there's a village called Pussy in my underpants. I had a feeling you might not read that one in a tweet-off. Because it was so complicated responding to that other person. No, thank you for making that choice for me. Oh, and there's something else I need to tell you.

We're not going to keep the baby. What? Wait, what? That's all right. What, do you need money to raise a kid? Sure, come party with me, sweetheart. I like a girl who laughs at me. It means you've got a good sense of humor.

She's not having a kid. She did hold a baby in a commercial for something. Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah. Congratulations. Thanks. I like this dynamic that you're my hype man right now, but then you'll immediately undermine me. I'm on your

fucking, I'm on your side. I love this. What else you got? Do you think... He teaches comedy classes, too. Oh, good rates? Do you have good rates? Yeah, they're a bunch of knuckleheads. They're assholes.

I do a marathon on my own, and I just fucking kick everybody in their fucking shins. Where'd you come out? Where'd you come out? Where did it come out, Megan? Where did you start? This very theater. You're here?

She's a UCB-ian. Yeah. How did that treat you? What'd you learn? Well, I did lose my virginity. here no just I did no no I know I mean this I'm not gonna answer you sincerely I'm not gonna impose it sincerely what do you think I'm a fucking gay guy Well let the faggots in Wait now You're a gay

Ex-cop Stand-up comic Never mind what I am Who the fuck are you? What's the name of your Bilbo fucking Baggins You look like a You're so stoned

You look like a cover Of a Yes album Here we prepare You're so stoned you look like a cover of a Yes album. Here we prefer a Yes and album. It really is two people yelling over a lady. What do you want me to do? Back up? No, no.

That's what it's devolved into. But I do enjoy Megan's tweets a great deal. So you want to read some tweets? Yeah. The floor really is sticky. Yeah. I'm just not kidding around about that. Foley art is some sticky sounds.

I'm into Foley art. Here we go. So I just pick? Mm-hmm. Okay. Not that one. Oh. I love this one.

Set it up. I'm dating a rake. He fucks me and leaves. Hashtag perfect joke. It kind of, yeah Because rake sounds kind of like rape So that's why it's funny, right? Nope Nope

Nope What do you got, Copper? No, I'm not looking at my tweets. I just got a little China boy I'm going to go fuck later. Best of both worlds! Wait. So this is the kind of racist fun you can expect on every episode of the Benson Interruption. Available for $2.

Uncensored. This is one from yesterday. The music in this cab sounds like someone announcing a horse race in another language. I just kept going, tell me who's winning. Wait, you tweeted that? That wasn't all in the tweet. That sound effect?

All right, Megan, give us a solid, big finished tweet. All right. Okay. I like to karaoke the same song as the person right before me, but in deaf voice. I love it! Megan Doherty, everybody! Megan! Megan!

Yay, Megan! Do you know him? Do you love him? Please welcome our friend Matt walsh is here feel like oprah matt walsh i didn't know we were standing you the idea is you're supposed to be standing and performing an act, and then we sit and interrupt it, but I started standing. I don't even remember why. Okay.

And it's probably pretty sticky right where you are there. Yeah, that's the stickiest part of the stage. How do you know exactly where the stickiest part is? Because I was on stage earlier, and this here is the stickiest part of the stage. This has like a bubble of probably fecal slurry, for lack of a better word. For lack

of a better word? Yeah. Fecal slurry? That's actually two words. Yeah. Yeah, that's actually two words. Have you been listening? I have. I was in the booth listening. How abusive have my co-interrupters been? Oh, I'm the asshole.

Maybe I'm a fan of this guy. I had a lot of questions. I don't know your deal, man. My deal? I don't know your deal, man. Who's asking and who's paying? So you're a cop? I'm a cop. I used to be a cop, now I'm a comic. And I'm sometimes a cop, But I'm mostly a comic.

Nobody likes me. I get my fucking dick fucked. So that's how you go through life? What the fuck? Figure it out. What do you want? What do you want? Dead Sea Scrolls to uncover in a cave?

Tell you what the story is? I'm right here in the fucking flesh. Resurrected. What do you want? I'm right here in the fucking flesh, resurrected. What do you want? That should be a reality show. Like, that is amazing.

Have you seen Simply Comedy? What do you do? I'm sorry? I was about to tell you what he does. Have you seen the HBO program Veep? Do cops like HBO? Do cops like HBO? Cops like, do cops like HBO? Yeah, but we don't pay for it.

We got a guy. Makes sense. They always have a guy. You guys always, when you pull somebody over who has weed. I tell them to come see my show and if they don't, I fucking ruin their life.

What do you, how do you feel about that? You're a professional comic. I think that's a terrible way to get an audience. These fuckers laugh more than these assholes do. You should listen to his advice. I mean...

What do you mean I should listen to his... Wait, wait, wait. What are your advice? I'm not trying to start trouble. Look, I know you look like Louie, but if I wanted to talk to Louie, I'd go down to the fucking... I don't mind it.

I do. You do have kind of a Louie costume on today. Absolutely. Louis Constant? Is Louis a fan of the plaid? I don't know. I don't know, but he'd wear like a black t-shirt. I'm redhead and bald, yeah.

It's coming together. We're used to seeing you in the suits on the Veep program. And I was very excited recently because Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who plays Veep, she... Her name's Selina Meyer. Her name is Selina Meyer. Oh. They should have called the show Selina Meyer. That's probably a better idea.

I would rather watch a show called Selina Meyer Honey sit down Selina Meyer is on That was the original title of Revenge But anyway So Selina Meyer herself

I was doing Douglas movies out In Los Angeles At UCB out there Great show I'm a big fan of Doug Loves Movies Oh thanks dude Great fucking thing I'm glad you guys

Found each other Through internet chat boards Do you travel with your gun? I always ask cops this Can I ask you that? What are you doing? Do you have your gun on you? I have one waiting for me in every fucking city.

Of course. It's in my rider. I don't do Miami without a Glock and I don't do fucking Minneapolis without a shotgun. Why do you need a shotgun in Minneapolis? It's fucking cold, motherfucker! Do you understand that? Because I don't understand what that means.

I don't. I just want to finish my story about uh so this kid comes out to me a young man named henry in los angeles after douglas movies says my mom is julia louis dreyfus and i'm a big fan and i go well your mom should be on douglas movies and he said okay i'll get her to do it then later that night and my Twitter thing, it was like, hey, Doug Benson, from Julia Lee Dreyfuss, hey, Doug Benson,

thanks for being nice to my son Henry, which that's kind of a creepy thing to write. But I mean, I just said, you know what I mean? You were so nice to my son Henry. You know, like what was... Go into the file, Benson. Watch out. Yeah, what did Doug Benson do for Henry?

No, but I just said hey to him, but then we're trying to get the ball rolling of you should be on with her, and we should just do a Veep-themed episode of Doug Lo's movies. Done deal. We're going to do it right here and now in front of all these people.

Sure, yeah. Everything you say under a Gristiti's is law. It sticks. I swear on the fecal slurry bubble. I'm sorry, go ahead. What did you say? He was trying to swear

on the fecal slurry bubble. That's probably better. So you really have your gun on you right now, man. I don't have an army. I got a guy. I got people. What do you want? What do you need? Who do you have?

Where do you come from? We got to do a tweet-off. Let's do a tweet-off. Because I told you to read some tweets, and I know you're a funny tweeter. Is it just Matt Walsh on Twitter? I am Mr. Matt Walsh. Mr.

I'm the Vic Garcia 666. You like the devil too? I'm a cop, I'm a comic, I'm gay, and I'm a fucking Satanist. What do you want from me? Nobody fucking likes me. Holy shit. His list of accomplishments

just grows. That's a busy life. That's all I'm going to say. That is a busy life. Yeah, tell me about it. I gotta fucking take off pressure somehow by getting fucking blown every time I walk out of a fucking curtain Yeah that's right Your first impulse was right

And then the fucking alt part of your brain kicked in And said don't laugh But what I don't You get blown every time you walk out in front of a curtain? Every time I'm not physically on stage, somebody's fucking choking down on my fucking pinga. You're not a stand-up comic. I'm Spanish, so I don't have a fucking job, but you don't need to know about it. I feel like you see anybody back there waiting to choke down your pinga.

They appear in a Looney Tunes-esque fashion Believe me, I try to cash in on it Alright, let's read a tweet I just grabbed the first thing I went to Twitter on my iPhone And and it says from Tim Simons, hey now. So he responded to something I wrote. That is a home run. That is a home run.

I just changed the game. He responded to something you wrote with hey man. Hey now. Hey now. Hey now, period. Small case H, hey now hey now hey now period small case h hey now boom well that that you don't even know if that's good or bad no it could be like hey now he didn't like something i said because somebody said his character name should uh i'm filled in a world

full of uh jonah's which is his character's name and they're bothering me and he plays kind of a jerk on the show. So I said, you should kick the Jonas in the balls. And then Tim responded like, hey now. It's funny. I knew it was funny all along. Just had to put in all the pieces of the puzzle.

Whatever. It was funny twice. That's all I'm going to take away from this. And you just have a tweet ready, Vic? I got my Twitter page right here. What do I got? It's, hey, China boy, I've been texting you. Turn on your fucking phone. Hashtag Vic Garcia.

You said it. Full spectrum dominance. It's one thing I learned from Homeland Security. You got another one, Matt? What are you searching for? Oh, sure. I can pull up another one. You only asked for one, Doug. Oh, Matt? What are you searching for? Oh, sure. I can pull up another one. You only asked for one, Doug. Oh, really?

Yeah. You said pull up a tweet. What kind of tweet off is that? One tweet? All right. Here's my next one. All right. So I'm just going to go to there.

Oh, you just go. That's kind of fun that you just read the next thing no matter what. Hey, look at the opposite of my name. Yeah, because I don't really. Right here. Okay. Hey, what's the next thing I should know how to do? Okay Hey what's the next thing I should know how to do

Hey Thanks for signing my yearbook That was like someone doing a bit with me I said I had created this I had created a tweet that said Hey it was my summer vacation joke Alright I'll put myself out there

Thinking this is funny you guys can hate it And fuck you if you don't Whatever I fucking do what I want I'll put myself out there Thinking this is funny You guys can hate it And fuck you if you don't Whatever I fucking do what I want Alright What? Alright, alright I did that

I tweeted Hey you guys Have a great summer vacation Have fun at the pool And ride on your skateboards. Something probably funnier. That's not funny. Something like that.

Yeah. And then the response was... Have a great summer vacation. Kind of like you sign a yearbook. Yeah, yeah. And then somebody literally responded, Hey, man, thanks for signing my yearbook. Another fun puzzle. Not funny. Solved. responded, hey man, thanks for signing my yearbook. Another

fun puzzle. Not funny. Solved. Oh, okay. I looked up your name on... Try that for Christmas. What's that? You should save that tweet and try it for Christmas. I never understand what you mean.

Guess who does? Fucking bookers, fucking waitresses, fucking audiences, fucking front rows, these Fucking bookers. Fucking waitresses. Fucking audiences. Fucking front rows. These motherfuckers. You're really aggressive. You're really aggressive. What are you talking about? I'm a bottom. There's a lot going on, right? I'm a cop who turned into a comic.

I'm fucking gay. I'm a Satanist and I'm a fucking power bottom. Deal with it. No wonder the networks don't want me. I haven't done it yet tonight, but I like to Google the guests' names to see how many down on the list it takes before it says

your name and then the word gay. because it does to a lot of people. Fair enough. I've seen that game. Yeah, yeah. So Matt Walsh is first, of course, then Matt Walsh IMDB, then Matt Walsh Veep. Matt Walsh basketball. Yeah. Does that mean something?

He did a year of professional basketball. Who did? A guy named Matt Walsh from Florida. Very talented, I'm understanding. Then it says Matt Walsh, Louis C.K. So the resemblance is getting into Google. It's fourth. You're welcome.

You're welcome. It says them right next to each other, Matt Walsh, Louis C.K. And then Matt Walsh, UCB. That means gay. I guess because we have red hair. Matthew red hair matthew walsh pinebridge don't know that one there's a lot of matthew walsh it is a common name there's a lot of like uh deputy clerks do you know what i mean like i did a google alert for my name when i had a tv show and there was a lot of weird occupations like deputy clerk matt walsh

for my name when I had a TV show, and there was a lot of weird occupations, like Deputy Clerk Matt Walsh. I thought that was funny, too. See? I know Matt Walsh. He fucking took care of a couple of guys down at the courthouse for me. Exactly my point.

Do you want another one? Yeah, let's go. This one is going to be the one that sends you out of here. Okay. Here we go. This is the big closer to your second one. It's a picture of... I'm just being honest, Doug. Like I said.

I'm just being honest here. Let her rip. Let her rip. Okay. Thank you so much. You're the first one that just reads the next tweet no matter what it is. I like it. I like it. It's a good much. You're the first one that just reads the next tweet no matter what it is. I like it. I like it. It's a good system. You could say I have a lack of preparation for your fantastic show, but it's not out of disrespect.

No, but this is going to be a big closer for you. Oh, my God. Now you're changing. Okay. It's Josh Charles, Joe LaTrule on Bobby Cannavale. And they're holding a sign that I found in the press area, sort of, this charity event we're doing in Kansas City, and there was a sign on a placard that had the sign,

Local Celebrities, okay? Sure. So I took that sign and put it in front of them, and I took a picture. And I thought that was funny. Matt Walsh, ladies and gentlemen! Matt Walsh! Matt Walsh ladies and gentlemen Matt Walsh Thanks Matt

See you later We've got 12 minutes left And two guests So I'm going to just whip them out here Yeah check drop let's do it now There's no check drop. Let's do it now. There's no check drop here. No service. Everyone's cross-legged on the floor. Here we go.

Setting the scene before bringing out my friend Rory Scoville is here, everybody. I don't know when you said I have a gun in every city it's in my rider I deserved a little more than I got I don't think everyone actually took the time to picture

the whole scenario of someone putting a green room together for you like we have your gun here you're like oh good sure sometimes it's in the little soda fridge oh they hide it too that's a part of the rider Oh, good. Yeah, sure. Sometimes it's in the little soda fridge. Oh, they hide it too? That's a part of the rider?

The gun has to be hidden in the green room for you to find? Yeah, that's right. A little pre-show fun. You got a good mind for it. You ever been to the force? No. You ever open for a dirty cop? No.

You want to fucking open for me? Do you want to be a top? All my fucking middles and openers Fuck me hard By making it really hard For you to follow them? Yeah sure there's a double entendre Or there's an entendre that I entendred That was the intended entendre?

What does it look like to be a power bottom? Can you physically show me what that looks like? I'm usually watching the Tonight Show or something. Fuck it. Fuck me hard. Make it fucking dirty. I'm going to see who's getting the spot. Did you see Rory had an excellent set on the Conan O'Brien

program? Thank you. Thank you, Doug. Did you see it? Did you see that? Were you getting fucked while you watched that? I was doing a show for real fucking people. On a Monday night? Yeah. It aired on a Monday at a... Yeah, it was at the Sandstone

in San Diego. This is a horrible one-nighter. What do you mean one-nighter? I spent two weeks there. It was fucking quicksand. I auditioned for Veep. Let's just leave it at that. Why don't we just leave it there It's not more

The Selina Meyer role Yeah No I think that It went a different way with it I don't remember which one I think it was that The Jonas character He was talking about

Oh okay You've also got What's that commercial Where you're going around Making a Doing a bunch of things Really trying to get cars Out there What a great, what's that commercial where you're going around doing a bunch of things? Really trying to get cars out there.

What a great blanket. You know that commercial where you'd say and you're trying to... What are you trying to do? You're always doing the wrong thing in the wrong moment. Is that it or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing the wrong thing. Like moving in on a girl, trying to kiss her when she's not going to have it. Yeah.

That kind of shit. And then it's for cars? It's for cars. It's for the... Well, you know, I'm glad you brought that up, Doug. What it is, it's for Nissan. When you go to fill the tire up, it honks at you when it's reached the proper air pressure. Yeah.

Is that real? That's what I did. Is that a genuine... That's what I do is to constantly be criticized by my car. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sorry. There's enough air in my feet.

Really good tire would be feet. Tires would be feet for a car. Hey, my feet are full. Honk. What you need is a fucking audience that honks at you when you're done fucking filling them with bullshit. It'd be the worst. It'd be the worst crowd ever. Honk! We don't hackle here.

We honk when we're tired of it. What do you do with hecklers, Rory? I talk to them. I try to get to know. I negotiate. They're not always bad people. Sometimes they're just dumb and they need help. They're not always mean.

Sometimes they can be mean, but sometimes they're legitimately just stupid. And it's like, I don't want to be mean to you because then I look mean and you're just dumb. People act like, oh, what an asshole. They're stupid. I mean, I guess it's weird to say, oh, your job. Do people come? Hey, you're a fucking dick.

I don't know why that would happen. Maybe that does happen. But when someone just yells out randomly, it is kind of a stupid thing to do. Yeah, I get heckled. Here's what I do. When I get heckled, I look around. I see if there's any fucking press around, any fucking cameras. If there's not, I teach them who's going to fucking heckle back.

Too many words. Too many words. That was like a 1920s car. Meh, meh. Eh, eh. Eh, eh. hard. That was like a 1920s car. That was like a squeeze form. I gotta get my buggy around that joke. Alright, alright.

What else? What are you going to be up next? Down the fucking Palm 3? I'm doing that one-nighter in San Diego. Oh, the old Sandstone. The'm doing that one-nighter in San Diego. The sandstone. Oh, the old sandstone. What is his name? Ernie?

Yeah, no, it's Ernie. No, he died. It's Ernie Jr. now. His son. Yeah, he's a piece of shit. Or maybe it's just a guy named... Maybe it's just Ernie Jr. It's not even his son. I never looked at his lineage. Maybe you could do that. I might. I like to do my research before I get to a club.

I like to know who's going to be there, who's running the show. I don't. Nah. Nah, I walk. I didn't know who. No, you walk in, immediately go to the green room, and you're like, I'm going to look for my gun! They're like, no, it's on the table. I said hide it! That's pretty good. You want to write a script together? Well, I think that's really it.

I think that's really it. I think it's just what happened. Whoa, what's happening? Is that the fucking light? I don't know. That might be the next guest might have said blink the lights so that we can get out. We're down to five minutes and 45

seconds. Rory Scoville, come back and do this again. I'm sorry we ran out of time. No problem. Thank you very much. Bye, everybody. Thank you. I feel bad. I just didn't space out the time right over the course of the

show. Yeah, pinpointed on that. What other problem would there have been to cause us to have... What, you want me to start with Tigger? Please welcome my friend, I hope still, Ben Schwartz is here, everybody.

Hey, uh... Hey, Ben. Don't you dare play whatever that is. Oh, really? Really? Really? Thank you.