Doug Loves Movies - Live in NYC

Episode Date: December 20, 2010

Recorded at the Gramercy Theatre in New York, NY on December 18th, 2010. Eugene Mirman, Anthony Jeselnik, Morgan Murphy, and Graham Elwood guest.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Because Doug loves movies! Hey everybody. My name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies live in New York City. We are coming to you from the Gramercy Theater in New York. And I'm very excited to be here.

This is a great turnout, and I appreciate you guys, your enthusiasm, and it's been a long time coming. I finally made it happen, and now I dare to say we might have a second home for the podcast tapings here at the Gramercy Theater. Because it's a cool setup, right?

It's a good size. It's not too big. And there's a bar. You can have cocktails that you can bring to your seats like adults. And you can enjoy that. Yeah, it's nice. We did the marijuana logs here earlier today.

And in the entranceway there, there's a big picture of Jimi Hendrix. So the entire show, I was just doing the marijuana logs, looking at a big picture of Jimi Hendrix. I was like, that is awesome. But if I point it out to everybody, they can't see it because it's down at the end of that tunnel. I'm the only one that can see it. I went to the movies yesterday with the Comedy Death Ray auction winner. Eric Cupo won that, and he's at Eric Cupo on Twitter,

and he's actually here tonight. Eric, where are you? Stand up and wave. There he is. Look at that guy. It was for charity, and just to get to go to the movies with me, he donated $2,275 to the LA Food Bank. That's really super nice to do it for Los Angeles, because you know you live here, right? So we agreed upon a movie

we both knew what we wanted to see because we're both colossal nerds and it was the opening day of Tron Legacy and judging by your enthusiasm for Tron Legacy I'm not going to say what I thought about it I'm going to keep it to myself alright, this isn't too harsh my review of Tron Legacy.

Looks 10, personality 3. 3 is a little harsh. It's maybe a 4 or a 5. Somebody was telling me backstage that somewhere they gave it a D+. I'm like, what? Come on. D+, that's not right.

It's fucking Tron, man. You know, like, the beginning of the movie when they show the old Tron game, I'm like, I used to play the shit out of that. And it was very, very nostalgic. My guest tonight. People got excited.

And you know what? Your name tag that you've got lit up right there in the front row, you could turn it off because we don't play the game for a while. And I loved it. I loved the way you did that and how intense you were. But it was like, oh, my God. Sitting like that for the entire show, after a while, that's going to hurt.

I don't want people to go to that kind of effort. Some people have name tags they're holding on their laps and then they hold them up. I'm not really a name tag. But that's up to the guests. The guests get to decide if it's name taggy enough. I know people want to have

big ones. I saw a clock today on the internet, but it might not be, is it here tonight? Somebody made a clock, a big clock with her name on it. What's your name? Heidi. Yeah. And you have a clock like, uh, what's his name? Flava. Flav! She's got like a big clock around her neck. It's pretty awesome. So I hope you get picked and you might get picked by one of the four people I'm going to bring out here. Listeners to the podcast or watchers of my TV show, The Benson Interruption, have seen and heard all of these very funny,

it's basically three of my favorite New York-based comics, and Graham Elwood. So please welcome, please welcome to the stage, Graham Elwood, Anthony Jeselnik, Morgan Murphy, and Eugene Elwood. So please welcome, please welcome to the stage Graham Elwood, Anthony Jeselnik, Morgan Murphy, and Eugene Merman. Morgan wants one with a back, so why don't you two guys take a seat that doesn't have the back.

There you go, Morgan. You can sit next to me. And Graham will go down there. Wait, I thought Graham had a bad back. I thought his back was bad, but he went to a chiropractor and he got it all worked out. Healed! Hippie medicine! So that's Graham Elwood's voice.

Thanks, Graham, for coming out to New York to be here for this. Thank you, New York. I thought it'd be fun for you guys to have one of the guests be somebody you don't get to see as often as you'd probably like. And he, of course, has his own podcast called Comedy Film Nerds.

Oh, shit. Kitten hands. People listen to it. If you don't listen to it, you don't know what kitten hands means. It sounds adorable, but I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about every time he says it? And then Eugene Merman, of course, is next to Graham there.

Woo! Woo! Woo! Eugene, I've lost track of your career in terms of I play Jeff Bridges in the

Neutron movie. Oh, I just saw it the other day with my friend Eric Kupo. I'm Jeff Bridges in the movie. Which one? Are you old Jeff? I'm Jeff Bridges. I play him. Young Jeff Bridges in that movie really freaked me out. It's like the children in Polar Express. It just does not

seem human. It's just a freak that you're looking at. Freak bridges! Freak bridges, yes. Yeah, I didn't care for that part of it. No, what I meant by not keeping track is I know that you were on Flight of the Conchords.

Yes, I remember. And I've seen you on other Michael and Michael Heavy Shoes. Were you on that? No. You were great on that. But I'm glad that you saw me on it. You're in the new Troop. You know what? That was too male nun Johnny. Always confused with him. But you were on another series though, right?

Yeah, Delocated. Delocated. God damn it, that's it. Delocated. Yeah. Okay, so we've seen you on those things, but have you been in any motion pictures? Not really, I've been in some. Okay, so we've seen you on those things, but have you been in any motion pictures? Not really. I've been in some. Okay, moving on. Little low-budge ones here and there?

Yeah, like Tron. No. No, I don't think I have been in the movies. But I like that I'm not totally sure. You'll think of one later. If you think of it while we're still out here, just yell it out. Sure, sure.

St. Elmo's fire. I'm the fire. In it. There was a music video for that movie, and I was an extra in the music video. Really? True story. I was in Aerosmith's Amazing. Don't keep making things up up Let's stick to the facts

Anthony Jeselnik is here Also Yeah And he's got He and Morgan Murphy both have tall boy Bud Lights Which is awesome I'm kind of feeling jealous that I don't have some sort of drink Drink sensitive

If someone that works at the lovely Gramercy Could hook me up with a Kettle One and tonic, and if the folks at Kettle One can hook me up with a lot of money for saying Kettle One, then I would appreciate it. Vizio sent me some headphones, and they're

these cool wireless headphones from Vizio. And they said all you've got to do to have these cool free headphones is to mention us on Twitter. Can I have a Lexus and a bottle of Macallan Scotch? That's all I'm saying. Right now. You've got to start dreaming big.

Anything I say on here I'll get from someone? I'm just saying there's a good chance. Like on Twitter I said something about the Goodyear blimp and then I got a free ride on the Goodyear blimp. Hold on. Let me try it. It's magical. Formula One race car. Wait a second. I would like the Time Warner building.

Time Warner. The best. I just want to say all I want to say is this is a terrible introduction of me. It went a little bit off the rails. You're right. Oh, thank you so much. Appreciate it. There it is everybody Oh, thank you so much. Appreciate it. There it is, everybody.

Oh, I should have ordered something, too. My thimble of hope. Because you said hope, right, Morgan? I did say hope. That was funny. The listeners are laughing at that one. Here, Graham jumped right in. Grand Prix Auto Racing! My record's called Comedians Gotta Boo Boo.

So yes, Anthony, I'll give you a better introduction. You two have not been in any motion pictures. Is that right? Is that correct, Senator? I was in one. Oh, we talked about it the last time. What was it? I forgot already.

Miss March. They know it. Yeah. Did that spend any time out there theatrically or did it go straight to... It was out for like a week. Not to diminish your accomplishment. No, no, no. It was out for a week because of me.

And then they took it out because they were like, I was only there for a couple seconds. They were like, you know what? We feel ripped off. I was a cop in high school high in the bar fights. Were you really?

Yeah, yeah. I love High School High. The John Lovitz movie? Yeah. I feel like I still get a second question. I don't know why everyone's so cavalier.

You're going to get a lot of questions. I got a lot of questions for you. But this is the first time hearing of Graham. This is like you've been on this show ten times

and you've never brought up that you were in a movie somebody tweeted me they were like hey man was that you in high school high as a cop in the background I was like oh shit that's right when I first moved to LA I was like extra work yeah this will be rad and I wore a cop outfit and it was fucking horrifying I don't know what it says about

your career that like your one film you had to be outed for. Yeah. I saw you, man! Can't get away with that shit, dude. They'll catch you in everything on the internet now. Anything happens, someone will write to you and explain it to you.

Yeah. Yeah, you raped me, Doug. They're total douchebags about it. Oh my God. You make 30 sex tapes and they just fucking Yeah, they're all over you. You can't like

set a baby on fire without everybody coming down on you. You know it's the holidays, Graham. It's a year long, baby. So Miss March? You were in Miss March? Yeah, sometimes I lose interest

in hosting my own show and the guests jump in and just host it up. If you're not from America and you've seen it maybe in Europe, it's probably Anthony Jeselnik. The movie Miss March. Do you know how to

hold a microphone normally? You do your like chest lean. You do your like Jesselnik confidence chest lean. It's his own way of it. Come here baby. Rest on me right now.

He's a cocky character. He's a cocky character. He's a cocky character. You're holding your mic the exact same way as me. When I was doing my impression of you, I was. You got the thumb up? You got the full grip, the thumb up? What's the matter? By the way, this is great on radio.

Oh, I can't wait to get this on radio. No, I'm serious. Satell on radio. No, I'm serious. Satellite radio. No, I... We're in talks to have the podcast be played on radio in Australia and possibly in England as well. So I'm very excited about that. And they can't... They're not going to hear this

because it hasn't happened yet. So... Hello! I'm very excited about that. And they can't, they're not going to hear this because it's not, it hasn't happened yet. So, uh... Hello! Hey, Ryan! You guys aren't going to be on when that happens. Hello, governor! Once we make that transition, I cannot have these ugly stereotypes paraded around. I was doing somebody from China, so...

Get off my great wall, I said. I hope nobody tells them about iTunes, then it won't be necessary. They don't have iTunes in China. It's interesting that they know so much about it, though. They probably don't even know what they're missing out on. I forgot to mention earlier because it's not on

my piece of paper that this is Saturday, December 18th, 2010. Yeah. Yeah, I like to throw that in during the podcast because people are going to be listening to these

for years to come. And I don't want them to sit there the whole time going, is this a new one? When I'm in Beijing, I really want to know when you recorded it. Matey. You even get the accent that's supposed to be wrong, wrong. It's hilarious.

That's an Australian guy that grew up in China, but can very distinct regional dialect. Do you have a favorite holiday movie, Graham Elwood? We'll start with you. Were you asking him a question before you even introduced me? Yeah. You're asking him a general question before you even say that I care? Can I not say that you guys need to host this thing because I don't care?

I just said that the guests have to host and you did agree. Morgan, have you been in a movie? Morgan Murphy was in It's Kind of a Funny Story, the movie she was in. She's in It's Kind of a Funny Story. It's Kind of a Funny Story, yes.

Yeah, I was in that for a few seconds as an art teacher. Yeah, but you're all over the trailer. Your whole scene is in the trailer. My whole scene an art teacher. Yeah, but you're all over the trailer. Your whole scene is in the trailer. My whole scene was the trailer. It was nice. And it might be the first beaver joke that was in a TV commercial, too.

Really? Yeah, I don't think that joke from the movie Airplane got into it. Those are the only two beaver jokes in the history of everything. Naked gun. That's what I said, right? No, you said airplane.

I meant naked gun. Oh, you forgot my beaver joke in Naked Gun. That's what I said, right? I said airplane. You forgot my beaver joke in Naked Gun also. But yeah, that's awesome that you were in that movie and that it was such a huge hit back in 2010. A lot of people are listening to this and they won't remember that it wasn't. But it looked like, I haven't seen it yet, but it looked like a cute movie.

I thought they'd send it to me for Academy consideration, but it seems like the steam on that is... is over. Lost momentum. That's what they say. Steam is over. Steam is over. We had steam and then it was over.

Black Swan's got a lot of steam right now. Hopefully it lasts. It does. It's picking up a lot of steam right now. Hopefully it lasts. It does. It's picking up a lot of nominations. I can't say that I disagree. What, Graham? You didn't like Black Swan? Oh, whatever.

Is it real? Is it not real? Wait, wait. Don't give it away. I haven't seen it. Are we going to talk about it? Because I don't want to do the show. People are losing their minds.

You know it's a movie about ballet, right? Yeah, but if we're going to talk about it, I don't want to be on the show. Oh, shit. Don't tell me what happens in that ballet movie. I'll tell you what happens. A lot of fucking boring ballet. That's what happens. Really? And in between that is just creepy shit going on. It's like, hey, I directed

Requiem for a Dream, and now I'm going to direct a movie about ballet, because that's the same thing. Drug addicts and ballet. Well, it is kind of the same, but my point is that Morgan Murphy is here, and she's a delight and she was in that movie for

a couple of minutes. There, you got your goddamn introduction. Thank you. Now. All better. What were we talking about? Oh, I asked Graham about holiday movies. Because most holiday movies are terrible, I think. Well, yeah, the reason they're terrible is because you've got, there's only so many characters

and so many stories you can tell. You're confined by the fact that it's got to be either a version of the Dickens movie or some sort of lesson is learned and you've only got Santa and the elves. That's it. That's your only option. That's incredibly not

true, but I No, but it's always the same message in the story. There's a million stupid holiday things that they've spun off and created and made up. It's all the same basic four fucking things, dude. There's nothing, you know what I mean? It's always a fucking reindeer or

a snowman or Santa or Jesus. What the fuck? Yeah, exactly. I present Home Alone. Totally different from all these. Yeah, they did it. Well, that's what's so funny, like on ABC Family, they

got like, it's Christmas movies time and they show Willy Wonka and Harry Potter movies. It's like, okay, yeah, okay, I get it. They're cherished family classics, so I guess that makes them Christmassy. I actually, I really like Scrooged. I know, because I, yeah, I like Scrooged. I, because, like,

Bill Murray's great in it, John Forsythe is in it, you know what I mean? Robert Mitchum's in it, Lee Majors, come on. How can you lose? Keep going, name everybody that's in it. I'll say this, if you are Bob Goldquist, Brian Doyle Murray, um, oh, but the, his other, the other youngest Murray that nobody knows. Carol Kane.

Yeah. Bruce Jenner. Bruce Jenner's in it? Mary Lou Retton. Mary Lou Retton is in it. Bobcat. Goldthwait. Good one.

Good poll from the audience. I already said that. You said Bob. Eugene already said that. Shut the fuck up, you asshole. Mr. Merman already said that. Into a microphone. Although technically,

if you're Jewish, every movie is a Christmas movie. Because that's all you do on Christmas. You see whatever. You see movies. Last year, Sherlock Holmes was the Christmas. You see movies. Like Sherlock Holmes. Last year, Sherlock Holmes was the Christmas movie for Jews. Yeah, every movie.

That's all I've ever done on Christmas. That's why that movie made money, because it was stupid. They're making another one. They are. Yeah, right? The Squeakquel. Sherlock Holmes the Squeakquel. Finally a Squeakquel to Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock Holmes is squeak-wild. Finally a squeak-wild is Sherlock Holmes.

Do you have a favorite holiday movie, Anthony Jethelnick? Yeah, totally. My favorite is, it's a B-movie. It's like a, you can only get it on DVD or whatever, but it's called Jack Frost. Yeah. Not the Michael Keaton one. No, no, no, the horror movie.

The horror movie where a snowman rapes a girl. Yeah. I thought Michael Keaton one. No, no, no, the horror movie. The horror movie where Snowman rapes a girl. Yeah. That was hilarious. They've got like a... Man, that is cold. She's in a... This girl... Oh, it's so cold.

That was pretty good. She took a shower just to warm up. She's in the tub, and then you see the snowman sneak in. He melts himself. And then you see a carrot floating in the tub. And then all of a sudden, he's a snowman again,

and he's boning her. And I mean, it's totally... I've seen them. Yeah, it's totally against her will. But I thought this is something I'd like to share with my family. It was great. Your turn, Morgan.

Same question. I'm in the same boat as Anthony where that movie and Santa Claus with a W, Claus, like Claus on a... You like Silent Night, Deadly Night,

horror movies that take Black Christmas. But in the Santa Claus... You mean like Santa Claus spelled like C-L-A-U-S-E, like the normal Germanic spelling Santa Claus. Yes, the most frightening version of Santa Claus, the actual one.

You're like, what the fuck is wrong with Santa Claus? In Wikipedia, that's spelled like that. In the logo, though, Claus looks scary. Like dripping blood? Yeah, dripping blood. Like they're Claus. Wait, but Santa Claus,

is he with a C or a K? K-A-C Claus. K-L-A-W-Z The scariest spelling of claws That's the radio station at the North Pole, that one With the Z at the end Terrifying

Radio station in the North Pole Claws Yeah, you're listening to claws You're listening to K-L-A-Z The claws Alright Anybody over four foot tall is going to get a free Claws Frisbee You're listening to KLIZ. The Klaus. All right. Anybody over four foot tall is going to get a free Klaus Frisbee if you come down to the Toyota North Pole.

Six Collar gets two free tickets to go down to the pole, the local strip club. I guess if he was on the radio there, he wouldn't call it the local strip club, what he's talking to the people who live there. Hey, listen, we're having a lot of fun up here on stage, but seriously guys, Jesus Christ. He's the reason for the season, you guys.

Totally. No one has ever said it better. Well, I guess I should order a drink. Could I have a scotch with no ice? Can I have that also? I'll take another truck full of Kettle One

and I might as well name a brand of tonic too because I'm going to need it. What's a good tonic? Schweppes. Schweppes. Get the Schweppes sponsorship. Schweppes. I'm loyal to that brand.

Schweppes. I would really love an Adwalla protein shake if that's available I was serious about the drink Me too, me too, me too That's what I'm going to do from now on though I'm going to go into bars and say, kettle one and Schweppes please They're going to be like, well we just have this gun

that shoots out whatever I'm going to take out my gun and shoot out whatever I don't mean to be in a My love gun and it shoots out whatever. Oh, then I'm going to take out my gun and shoot out whatever. I don't mean to be in a... My love gun. I don't mean to... They're not like a lot of Hanukkah movies, but I do like... They made a Rugrats Hanukkah movie

that I always loved as a kid and a youngster. It made us watch in Hebrew school and I thought that was great. What was it called? I don't know. Rugrats Hanukkah shit? Hey, what about... No, Hanukkah shit. What was it called? Rugrats Hanukkah shit. Hey, what about

that one where the things from Fraggle Rock crucify Christ? Did you guys see that one? Emmett Otter? What? Emmett Otter? Yeah, Emmett Otter is a Muppet Christmas thing that's awesome. No, I'm talking about one of the

Fraggle Rock guys. Emmett Otter and his jug band. Crucify our Lord. That has nothing to do with Hanukkah. Did you ever see that? I thought that was what you celebrated. Eight days of... My favorite killing Jesus is that. Yeah, exactly.

On the fifth day of Christmas, we kill Jesus again. We thought he was only going to bleed for one day, but he bled for eight. You don't think you could do that my favorite Christmas movie is not a Christmas story yeah there was gasps in the audience that movie is charming but 24 hours

every year I don't get it I don't understand that I don't need to see that one every year I could see it every 47 years and I'd be good no Right. Like, it's a wonderful life. I could see it every 47 years, and I'd be good. No, it's good, though. It's a good movie. I take that back.

You guys that are here at the Gramercy, that whole thing's going to be gone when it plays on the... Yeah, I'm going to edit it. I'm so lazy. I would never go back. The only thing we did was one time we bleeped out Elizabeth Shue, and people got obsessed with knowing what that was that she said,

but we just kept repeating over and over week after week after she was on what she said, and people are still like, but what did she say? What did she say? She just said that she didn't want to do a topless scene for Paul Verhoeven, and then we filled in the blanks because he's a total fucking creep.

Did you see Hollow Man? It's horrifying. Yeah. And Anthony's like, yes it is. That's like my second favorite Christmas movie. So good. Hello, I'm Paul Verhoeven from Germany.

Have you been to the movies lately? Paul Verhoeven from Germany. Have you been to the movies lately? Paul Verhoeven from Germany? Yes. You don't have to do the voicing. Yeah, I don't have to do it. Oh, you're asking me? What have you seen? Did you see Tron?

A Yogi Bear Christmas, thanks for asking. I never asked you your favorite? You said Home Alone. You jumped in. Yeah, you said Home Alone. I just yelled Home Alone. Yeah, but it was clearly your favorite. You said Home Alone. You jumped in. Yeah, you said Home Alone. I just yelled Home Alone. Yeah, but it was clearly your favorite.

Oh, fuck. In my head. In my stone brain, that was like, he's already voted. Oh, Home Alone, that's wrong. Oh, cocktails are coming.

Oh, thank you. Hang on. Hang on just a second. Sorry. What you need to do, brother? We haven't tipped you yet, so I've got to tip you. You guys talk while I tip her.

Oh, Doug, will you tip for me? God, this looks fun I wish I hadn't gotten a never-ending beer To sit up here with I would have ordered drinks all night You can Chesilnick, I got the same as you You just order two drinks

This is fascinating film talk I already smell like I I smell like I spilled whiskey on myself And tried to clean it off with marijuana So I'm just gonna I'm whiskey on myself and tried to clean it off with marijuana. So I'm just going to sit here and sip on this. Oh boy. I guess that is important.

I've never had an episode of the show with so much drinking. This could get interesting. Yeah, because we don't sit around. Sometimes we have beers at UCB in LA. I had beers with Wee Man and with that other guy. Way to name drop. Brad Williams.

Brad Williams. We were drinking with that one famous dude and that sort of other famous guy. It was pretty sweet. No, but they're both little people. It's why I brought it up, because it's funny to me. Like, when little people are having beers,

I'm like, okay, I'm in. You know what I mean? Like, because if it turns into a full-blown contest, I got more space than they do. I can accommodate more. If I was a little person nowadays, I'd call myself a little person because it's more gangsta style. Little, L-I-L apostrophe.

Yeah, maybe even go even further and just be like little shit. I'm one of them little shits. What were we talking about? You were asking Graham a question Current movies Yes, I saw Tron today December 18th, 2010

And it visually is really cool But it gets really boring Gets boring, starts boring Oh Jesus, people in the audience are going to fight you guys But you know, honestly It's the same complaint From when Tron came out in 1982, which was that movie when it came out,

the technology was really cool for the time, and the story was like, meh. I mean, there was some cool action stuff in it, and the theater I went to only had it in 3D, which pissed me off, because I think 3D is bullshit. But there were some scenes that were cool in 3D. I didn't like that the light, the coolest thing in the first Tron

is that the light bikes, when they would cut each other off, would do that cool cutting each other off move all the time that you would play on the actual video game. In the movie, they were just like flying all over the place and they had on ramps and off ramps. And if you're going to do 3D, then have one of those bikes like race right into my face. You know what I mean? Like do it. But it wasn't a shot. But when he shot that one thing that goes and like

like it fucking came at you that was one of the better 3D I think 3D is bullshit too. But wasn't it shot in 2D? No they even put a notice up at the very beginning of the movie some of the scenes

are going to be in 2D but leave on your 3D glasses for the scenes that are 3D which are a lot of them. Yeah they but didn't they shoot the movie didn't they shoot the movie into it? it might have been one of the ones I don't want to go on the record as saying

it's one of the ones that was done in post because I don't think it was I think they just did some parts in 3D let me say this this conversation makes me never want to see Tron or be on another podcast yes we never want to see Tron or be on another podcast.

Yes. You're missing out on a lot of opportunities and Tron was kind of fun. Emphasis on kinda. It was not. It was bad. It was a bad movie. It's good to see Bruce Boxleitner working again, man. It's great. That was awesome. Double B on the case was nice and Bridges is is always great, but the rest of it, it was

fucking boring. I was like, come on, man. All right, here we go. Morgan. Try on some shit. Oh, my. You want to hear my favorite line from Tron? I do want to hear your favorite line from Tron.

It's bio-digital jazz, man. Yes. Yes. You're messing with my Zen thing That's a quote Maybe not online But what was the exchange Or what did the hero say

That made no sense at all to you Oh he said some shit like he was talking about his dad Who's Jeff Bridges I can't remember exactly He said some sort of description of him on the beach He's either He's either on the beach. Kicking back in his flip-flops on the beach.

Or dead, or both. You're like, that doesn't make any sense! Weekend at Bernie's 3, I guess. It's not profound at all! Schrodinger's Jeff Bridges. Or both. Oh. Jeff Bridges.

Or both. We put Jeff Bridges in a box and release an atom of radio. Never mind. It's bio-digital jazz, man. Yeah, baby. Like jazz couldn't get worse. It's just the script.

The script was just not it was kind of like the first Tron where it's like their intentions are really good but they're like you know they should bring somebody in to give some you know spice up the dialogue a little bit like make it more more fun like there was no laughs I saw it with a bunch of people and we all just

sat there and watched it and were you know blown away by but also here's another fucking thing and Eric Kupo can back me up on this. They've shown fucking ten trailers. Everything is 3D. And everything, I gotta wear those fucking glasses for the whole movie.

And I'm mad about it. Because it's always big event movies that I do want to see. I want to see that shit, and I want to see it on the big screen, but I don't want to wear those stupid glasses. And I'm glad I don't wear glasses anymore because I got LASIK, but people with glasses on, that's so annoying

to stick their stupid glasses over your actual glasses. Why don't you get 3D LASIK? Boom, boom, that was good. I'm glad there were four comedians standing by during that rant because I wasn't going anywhere funny with it. You should cut that out.

I can count on one of you to just step up. Mervyn, I'm the case. You should cut that out just to fuck with him. This is a great line. Hold on, it's coming, it's coming. What? I was going to have a listening party for this when it airs on the radio

in Australia. He's going to do a world tour of this podcast. Smiling confidently when my line comes up. This weekend... Everyone shut up! You got a mic problem there, I think. Hello? Okay, you're good.

I was watching TV today and yesterday. Great story. Yeah. There's on VH1, I believe it is, they're showing all three Back to the Future movies back to back to back. Yeah, exactly. The first one when I watched it, I'm just like,

wow, this is amazing. This movie is almost perfect, and also it's just so cool that they made such a funny, fun movie that also really does have a suspense, exciting element to it. You really want Marty McFly and

Professor Brown to succeed. And what's everybody laughing at? Just that Anthony took a drink? Did I do something? He does everything with such attitude. I'm fucking hilarious. He's amazing.

Check out his CD, Shakespeare. I believe it's available on 8-track. So, I don't even know what that means. But my point is just that the movie really holds up. Parts 2 and 3, I don't know. There's lots of debate there. They were never that great. The first one, amazing.

2 is awesome. 2 in the future, they got hoverboards and shit. Three is a goddamn holocaust. But suddenly... Three is better than two. Three is better than two. It's not a holocaust, it's the holocaust that people talk about. Oh, Marty, why did we pick this year?

And why did we drive through Europe when we were trying to go back in time? Why are we in this attic? Okay, so here's the point I wanted to make. Two

cuts, suddenly Crispin Glover, who is the amazing character in part one, suddenly he's played by somebody else and is barely in the story. That's like when, what's his name, Robert Duvall was not in Godfather 3. Arcon Sigliere,

well, he went away for a while. He went on some sort of trip. He's not sure if he's coming back like it's just it's just a weird shift that's not appreciated they don't overcome it with an insanely complicated

part two is really complicated like it's really a mess but you know have you seen the third but the third one at least they go back to the old west the director's, But the third one, at least they go back to the old west. The director's edition of Godfather 3, they say,

they're like, oh, we couldn't be in the movie because it's so fucking bad. They like say that. What? Yeah, in Godfather 3.

On the laser disc. That's how they explain Duvall's absence. Hey, his agent read the script and was like, er. That's dialogue

in the movie. In the director's cut. It's dialogue in the movie. In the director's cut. It's not in the real movie. So there's Hanna-Barbera characters doing the voiceover in the director's cut. No, that's my

Australian accent. Ooh, here's a fun quiz for the audience and everyone on the stage. It's on the Barbie. That's not a knife. That's a knife.

Why are there so many? Okay, so... A dingo ate my baby. A dingo ate my baby. I feel like I've watched both of your acts from like 20 years ago oh my god so nostalgic

you mean yesterday? I've never done I've never done a Kermit the Frog impression on stage but I'm not above it if I had thought of some if I had thought of a

funny reason to do it I totally would have done it if Graham could sell a fucking kerchief with a picture of Kermit on it I would sell Kermit on it, he'd do it. I would sell Kermit the Frog shoes.

I would do it. You can? Why aren't there? Yeah, thank you, Eugene. Thank you. You have my blessing. And I'm sure Jim Henson's companies... They're totally cool with this.

Yes. Anyway, I like the simplification in Back to the Future 3 of the kind of pared- down, kind of Western approach. But what I didn't get is I know that their name begins with Mick, MC. But why do they have to saddle everybody with fucking crazy, what is it? Are they Scottish or Irish? I'm so stupid.

Scottish. Everybody says a different thing. Nobody knows if they're Scottish or Irish. You're not stupid. I don't think that was a big part of the series. No, it was, because then all the characters talked with an accent, and I love

Michael J. Fox. I think he can do no wrong except for that accent in that movie. What about when he got Parkinson's? Is that... I'm just saying that the accent was a little shaky. I feel like that. He took 11... If he could go back to the beginning again. If he could do it over again,

he probably wouldn't have done that. That's all I'm saying. Hey, Mallory. Mallory. Mallory. I'm doing Mallory. Yeah, I get it. From the other thing.

Whatever. I used to go to school with that kid who was the baby, Brian Bonsall. Yeah, I went to elementary school with him. Wow. Wow. Holy shit. You sent him on that path. Thank you.

Is that on your Facebook page? Thank you. Did you teach him how to be a delinquent? Nah, man. He's been getting in trouble. I feel bad for him. I know. I feel like I should have stepped up.

Why don't you reach out? Why don't you say, hey, Brian Bonsall? I should have done something when I was six. I don't know. I feel like I should have stepped up. Why don't you reach out? Why don't you say, hey, Brian Brumsell. I should have done something when I was six. I don't know why I didn't. You were so. I should have seen it. I should have seen it coming. You were all about you when you were six.

I was. You were so selfish. I had those cut off gloves and the fucking denim vest with the fringe on the end. Because I thought it was like that was what was cool. So what have you seen lately, Eugene? The Warrior's Way. You did? I did. I think that was the last movie I saw. Yeah, that Friday

that was like the only major release. Like everybody was laying back for Harry Potter Entangled. So how... I thought it was really fun. I mean, it was sort of slow, but visually kind of amazing, but well done. This is not funny. I'm like, I enjoyed it.

People cut off each other's heads and stuff. Oh, it's R-rated? Yeah, probably. Because I'm fed up with action movies that are PG or PG-13. Fuck those movies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because they have violence. They have really violent behavior, but they just don't show any blood, so then it's like, no big deal. Lots of people are dying. And in Tron, they totally get away with everybody's just a computer program. So whenever somebody gets killed, they just become like glass and just break

and fall to the ground. So you could fucking just really go around decapitating people. It's really violent, but it's like, well, they're not people. They're computer programs. Boring. So, that was your movie you saw recently.

Anthony Cheselnik. This is my favorite time of year for movies because I'm in the Writers Guild, so I get screeners for things that haven't come out yet. And I've been waiting for a lot of things. The ones that have come out. Yeah, the one I saw recently was Somewhere. Have you seen that yet?

Yeah, I've talked about it on this podcast. I haven't seen it on my table. I haven't seen it. Oh, well, wait till you do, because it's, what do you have to say about it? I was going to say, if you only care about yourself, like I do. It's pretty good, right?

This is a movie for you. It's good, right? I feel like you have to have some kind of, like, I... You have to be a narcissist to like it? My girlfriend and I watched it, and we were like, we watched it, Like I do. It's pretty good, right? This is a movie for you. It's good, right? You have to be a narcissist to like it? My girlfriend and I watched it. We watched it and we were like, I don't know what I like about it. I don't know if I like it or not. And then while we were sitting there,

we watched it again. It just starts over because it's a screener. At the beginning we watched it twice in a row. I guess I do like this movie. So you found the loop in an actual film? Exactly. The screener just goes... I love Lost in Translation.

This is like if you thought Lost in Translation had too much plot, then you were going to fucking love Somewhere. Somewhere is like Lost in Translation without a funny, charismatic center. Because Stephen Dorff, like him or don't, either way, his character

is just kind of he's good but he's kind of an empty he's not a charming funny character like Bill Murray in that other movie so it's like watching a more boring guy do even less than what Bill Murray did my god I can't wait to get home and watch this

I'm telling you it's crazy there's whole scenes where like for 3-4, he's just in his room on his bed watching a couple of strippers go up and down on poles that they, like he's so rich that he orders strippers to come and dance for him. And he just sits there watching it all bored and you see their whole routine and you're watching it going, this is either brilliant or fucking horrible. He falls asleep watching it and you're like, what the fuck am I doing? Like, I'm not just his character. It's not interesting enough to keep him awake,

and he's in the fucking movie. Wow, I've never outlasted a character in a movie. Well, except for when you saw Rip Van Winkle, the motion picture. Not a thing. It is not a thing. What have you seen lately, Morgan? Well, I have the screeners too, which is

nice, but I still watch that. Did you get True Grit yet? Yeah, I got True Grit, but I haven't watched it yet. I want to see that on the big screen. By the way, the worst thing about having screeners, I don't know if you deal with this, is that my mom, now she's used to me having them, and she's decided that I have to send her all of them, which would cost

which in the mail would... First of all, I know that, and also... If you get caught, you'll get in big trouble. It would cost her the same amount to go see the movie as it would to send it to. She wants me to mail her the film. Right, right, you ship it to her or whatever. But you cannot let them fall out of your hands.

They even say at the beginning, after you're done watching this movie, cut it in half with the scissors. And whenever it's a bad one, oh boy, do I ever. I just cut it in half. No one's ever seen this disc again. But when something's good, I put it on the shelf

and now I have a DVD of a good movie. Don't tell them that I said that. Because they're really, they say that there's a watermark on each one so they know exactly, they can track it to you. I think it's true. I don't think so, man. I'll go to jail, I don't care.

Stand up for my shit. I don't know what that means. So what did you say? Why are you in here? I gave my mom true grit. And you know she's going to dub it and sell it in Chinatown. No, I saw Tron, but today I saw Shutter Island. I mean, I liked it.

But that seems to me like a movie that should be seen on a big screen. Well, my friend is, you know, a big TV. I don't know. I saw it. It was nice. It was nice. I liked it. I saw it on a big enough television. I still haven't seen it, and I still stand behind my original assessment.

I don't want to watch Leonardo DiCaprio having rats thrown at him. Because that's what that movie looks like to me. People throwing rats at Leonardo DiCaprio. People off-camera throwing the rats. And it's supposed to look like they're attacking him. That's just at the very end. They do that. But doesn't it look like the rats. And it's supposed to look like they're attacking him. That's just at the very end they do that. But doesn't it look like the rats are being

thrown in? Does it look like it's their idea? I don't know. I just like to get kids dying. Are they all going like, yeah! I'm going to get that guy! Or are they like, just getting hurled against a person. I think it was the rats' idea.

I think they were like, let me get on your shoulder. I want to jump at this guy. I think that's what happened. Let me stand on your head underneath the chef's hat and I'll help you cook. They were mad at Titanic. Never saw it. I think I heard that they really are going to make a sequel to Titanic.

Yeah, but like a comedy sequel. Yeah, yeah, Titanic, back in business. With a Z. Another squeak. Yeah, yeah, Titanic, back in business. With a Z. Another squeakful. Spring break, Titanic. So what have I seen? Well, seriously, Somewhere is really, it's interesting. I'll watch it.

It's just amazing that it's a movie, because nothing happens. But also, it's amazing that anyone sits through it. And on Rotten Tomatoes, it's like 78% or something. The critics like it. What? Yeah, what are you talking about right now? Somewhere. Oh, okay.

I have The Fighter at home. That's one I really want to see. The Fighter is... I'm holding on to it because I know how much I'll love it. It's awesome, but it's in that genre of movie that I sometimes hate and sometimes I'm okay with. In this case, I'm okay with it. But where one character is so annoying

and terrible and horrible that when another character just continues to put up with that bullshit, I can't stand watching it. Because I just want to be like, get away from that guy! Why are you still hanging out? You're a smart... You're Mark Wahlberg, get away from that guy. Like, why are you still hanging out? Like, you're a smart, you know, you're Mark Wahlberg.

Get away from that fucking guy. I felt like that when I watched Super High Me. When you watched what? Super High Me. Yeah. I felt like that was... That's one. Graham, why are you laying out there?

Jokes are going to court twice, motherfuckers. Every day I was like, I got to get the fuck away from this guy. He won't shut up. I don't smoke weed. People rarely boo my guests, so I gotta hand it to Anthony Chesnick for turning the audience on him like that. No, but I'm a giant boxing fan.

I like anything that has to do with boxing. I thought the last Rocky movie was amazing. I walked out of that movie, there were four people in the theater, and I was jumping up and down. That was the best thing I've seen. I liked the last Rocky, because it was just the first Rocky over again.

It was great, yeah. But that works, because the first Rocky is a great movie. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. And the fight at the end was fantastic. It's a great movie, absolutely. It's not Expendables. Out on DVD. and the fight at the end was fantastic absolutely

it's not Expendables out on DVD alright so we went through everybody on that on that hot topic let's do it we're all done? I guess, I mean we're not all done we're going to keep going

is there a bathroom up here? I already need another drink. Can I get another one? Can I get a shot of Jack Daniels, a Bud Light, and a bottle to urinate in? Are you guys drinking too? Is everybody drinking?

We got some nice people serving everybody, so that's cool. But yeah, I'll take another one. I'm officially probably the drunkest I've ever been hosting Doug Loves Movies. Really? Because when we do it at UCB out in LA, I go next door to a nice restaurant next door and have a drink or two. Which one? La Pubes?

That's a made-up name, right? La Pubelle? Yeah. Oh, okay? La Pubes? That's a made up name, right? La Pubelle? Yeah. Oh, okay. La Pubes. You call it La Pubes. It's called La Pubelle. But La Pubes is a terrible nickname for a restaurant. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know.

I mean, if everybody called it that, I would definitely say to a waitress, excuse me, waitress, there's La Pubes in my Coke. But that would be a reference to the exorcist. That's why I call it La Pubes. Oh, okay. Did I get like a honk, like a bad joke honk? It was like a...

That's fine. But, you know, it's all freestyle fun. There's a guy with a Santa hat on, so you're never going to be the biggest dork in the room. It's a Santa hat. It's just like a ski cap. Oh, it is? Yeah.

With his name on it? Yeah. It's a Russian ski cap for Eugene. It says CCC CCP for the old Soviet Union. In honor of Eugene Merman. Holy shit. It's a red hat. It looks like a Santa hat. Yeah. It's got a white rim and then red.

You only wear it in December, right? Oh. No, this guy's a traitor to America. That's who this guy is. But do you want to fight him, Graham? Can I just smell it? Thank you so much. I just want to smell it.

Hey, aren't there a lot of people with name tags on too, Doug? It smells like you can throw it. There are, yeah. Well, it's not time for that. We still have to list every movie we can remember. Don't we go all in a circle listing every single movie that comes to mind until we kill themselves as listeners to the podcast how many people here uh wish that this podcast and maybe some of the other favorites were longer

so that's that's what we're giving them right now. Some of your listeners commute to work. Yeah, yeah. So the listeners do not hold you too accountable when the conversation flags a little bit. Is that the right word for it? Flags? Oh, yeah. They don't get too upset

because they're fucking sitting on a train or in a cubicle or they're on an elliptical and they're like, oh, that and, you know, they're like, oh, that wasn't so funny, but guess what? I'm listening to it and it's going to get funny again. If somebody's sitting on an elliptical, they are fucked up.

You are doing it wrong. Every day I get your podcast and I sit on the elliptical and I just sit there and listen to it. It looks like I'm working out. People who don't know what working out looks like. Sitting on it. It's like trying to recreate your daddy doing the horsey thing.

Doug, can I say something about 3D movies? I had quite a workout today. I went down, I sat on the elliptical for an hour. Yes, Eugene. You know the movie The Room? Mm-hmm. I still haven't seen it. I haven't seen it.

What? Me neither. First of all, definitely going to see it. It's overhyped. What is now? I'm not convinced about that. But what's amazing is the guy is a crazy person, shot it with two cameras because he didn't know which format he wanted to use.

But technically, because he did that, he might be able to turn it into a 3D movie. And I am obsessed with that idea of him making the room 3D. Very unnecessary, very exciting. Have you talked to him? Have you tweeted to him? No, can I do that? He might be on Twitter. Maybe terrifying.

He knows something. You know who's funny? Let's all tweet to Tommy Wiseau. It's probably at Tommy Wiseau, greatest director on the planet or something cocky. But let's all tweet to that. He's not on Twitter? I know, you know who knows Tim Heidecker is friendly with him

because I think they had him on his show and he chit-chatted a little bit. Somebody should tell that guy. 3D. That's a great idea. It's a good idea. You know the worst gig I've had probably in the last five years was someone asked me to open for that movie at some Eastside Theater.

Does anyone know where they used to show it at midnight on some theater here on the Eastside? Giant theater balconies and people bring plastic spoons to throw at the screen. Oh, Madison Square Garden. Yes, MSG. People bring plastic spoons to chuck at the screen

every time you see a painting of the spoon that's in all these scenes. And I got up there and it was fucking terrible. Spoon alert. I get up and I start talking for three seconds and people just start chucking plastic spoons at me.

Throwing fucking utensils at me. I bet you guys don't hurt. They don't hurt them. That shit drives me nuts. I always want to go, who's the asshole that went, yeah, stand-up comedy before the movie. That's like fucking

all of our nightmares. God, he's an asshole and has a speech impediment. Yes, exactly. He's all like, hey, why don't you stand up and have a spoon giveaway?

Like, it's fucking so dumb. Graham, look at this guy's face while you talk. Look at this guy's face. It's the most hilarious thing I've ever seen in my life. No one has ever found less mirth in anything than this guy listening to this right now. He's with security, right? He's a security guy.

He's working. He's working. Come on. He cannot enjoy the show, no matter how hilarious Graham gets. If he starts laughing at wacky accents And it's fucking anarchy in this theater The Russian hockey guy goes nuts

It's fucking out of control It so looks like a Santa hat Morgan's taking pictures of everybody now You can keep talking Okay, there's no reason to stop for it, I guess Yeah, get a picture of those people. Some candid shots. Weird people!

We're yelling! Je crie en français! That's I'm yelling in French. But that's nice. The people here at the Gramercy put my logo up on the screen behind us. It's very nice. I feel very welcome here.

And I've got a lot of vodka in me. And it's time, you guys, I think. It's time to play the Leonard Maltin game. Oh, my God. Uh-oh. Can I just say that it is Leonard Moulton's birthday today.

Yeah, so that's good timing. Somebody whose name I forgot on Twitter wrote to me and said that, so maybe they were lying, but I trust them. That would be a weird thing to make up. By the way, I'm still very honored to have done your show with

him. That was a very exciting experience. Morgan was on with Leonard Maltin. And he recommended a movie to me backstage. Like a documentary. We were talking about documentaries. That's my thing. And you watched it? Yeah, but I went to a friend's house and I was like, Leonard Maltin

recommended this movie. And they were like, oh my god, you read it? Yeah, but I went to a friend's house and I was like, Leonard Maltin recommended this movie. And they were like, oh my God, you read it? I'm like, no, we were talking and he said you should go see this movie. He told me straight up. He was like, yeah, you'll like this. Go see this shit. And it was amazing. Art of the Steel, great documentary.

Go ahead. Yeah, someone clapped. He said see Animal Kingdom to me and to everyone on that appearance. And I still haven't seen it. But the woman that plays the mom, Jackie Weaver, she's gotten nominated for several awards. And so she's supposed to be amazing. I just watched that movie. She's great.

He told me to see Leap Year. Is that? No, he didn't. God, do not impugn Leonard like that. Impugn. Do not. Sandra Bullock in 28 days. Don't refudiate.

Is that better? Yeah, it's better. Oh, my God. The prize package. I just want to go through the prizes now. Hey, I can't remember. What hotel are you staying at again, Doug? Just so everybody knows what's on the line.

Say the name of the hotel, buddy. Get some free room nights. He's staying at the M Hotel, and they fuck up their bags. Goddamn M Hotel. They're always fucking up their bags. The open goes at the bottom, right? We got a lot of great stuff. I don't know who that is.

People make their bags, I guess. For the winner, we've got Graham Elwood's CD, Comedians Got a Boo Boo. Who's in there? Yeah. A lot of you guys already have it. The Russian guy likes it. We also have Eugene Merman's book, The Will to Whatevs, A Guide to Modern Life. It's got Eugene on the cover and he's having a lot of thoughts.

That's a hilarious book, by the way. He's got a lot of thoughts. That's a hilarious book, by the way. There's a lot of funny thought bubbles. We also have Morgan Murphy brought another movie that she appears in called World's Greatest Dad on DVD. Very entertaining movie. Bobcat says he's going to come on the podcast.

I just haven't worked it out yet. He absolutely will. He's the best. He's the best dude ever. He's psyched about it, so we're going to make it happen. And then, speaking of podcasts, I was on my buddy Mark Maron's podcast, WTF with Mark Maron, and he gave me, I'm not a coffee drinker, he gave me the coffee that sponsors his show. It's called WTF Roast, and you can get it at justcoffee.coop C-O-O-P So that's in there from Marc Maron

because I read GIF shit. We have Anthony Jesseldick's debut CD. Oh! CD, DVD, CD. Punchline Magazine's album of the year. Yeah, it is the number one. Wait, who said that? Eugene, how did you know that?

They printed it. Anthony said it. Eugene's been talking number one. Wait, who said that? Eugene, how did you know that? They printed it. Anthony said it. Eugene's been talking about it. How did I know that? Eugene can't shut up about it. I retweeted it. And I'm like, yeah, I know the Onion AV Club

named it one of the best albums of the year too, but Eugene, like it's ridiculous that you just, it's embarrassing to me. The prizes just keep coming. Doug Benson,

professional drummer of EDN is in here. That's available at AST Records. And then we've also got a copy of the Comedy Death Ray Christmas CD from 2010. Morgan's trying to steal the coffee. No, that's not true. Yeah, so there's the Christmas CD, which is really awesome. It has a lot of great people on it.

It's really fun. And then this is something that I gave away recently that I still have more of, so I want to give away more. These are from Woot. The winner's going to get a super fly monkey that skyrockets up to 50 feet. This is amazing. Somebody describe it while I'm doing it. It is the most racist toy you've ever seen.

You literally take a small monkey with an elastic cord tied to both its arms. It can't get away. And then you launch it towards whatever work you need done. Why is that racist? It's horrible. Yes. There you go. So the winner's going to get one of those. There you go. So the winner's going to get one of those.

And you couldn't hear it. But there's a live monkey in Doug's bag. When you launch it, it makes a noise. But this one won't do it either. So maybe it won't make a noise. But anyway, you can launch these monkeys. It's the craziest thing. Woot gave me a bunch of them.

They don't... I'd rather have some Kettle One or lodging at a M hotel. I want to stay at an M hotel. So that's the prize I was playing for for some lucky member of the audience

is going to get all of that shit. Come on! And so let's go down the line. Graham Elwood, who would you like to play for? Pick someone whose name tag you enjoy or appreciate and then go get that name tag from that person.

An iPad name tag. Look at that back there. That happens a lot. We got iPads, we got cell phones. Big deal, whatever. That might be the. We got cell phones. Big deal. Whatever. That might be the first iPad. You're right. It's up for grabs.

I can't decide. Does it say James on the iPad? I'm going to go. Now, Graham, you're going to get, like, if you pick James' iPad, you get that iPad. Oh, sweet. All right. Yeah. He has to give it to you. Who's got a 4G up in this bitch?

I want that. Anybody got it on an iPad? Graham will give it back after, but whoever he picks, go get their name tag from them. I'll go. Actually, I'll go with the girl with the Santa hat. Give me your hat. You boo.

Don't you boo me and Santa Claus. Don't you boo Christmas. Alright, Annie is her name. Annie, thank you so much. Annie Santa had. Eugene, who would you like to play for? I know there's so many options. I might walk through the crowd reading each one

until I decide on what is the best choice. There's Alex, there's Peter, there's Shrimpkin, There's Flourbone. There's Shriegle. There's Flegal. There's Biggum. Hambone. Snirtbone.

I wonder what rewards... Oh, look at... Chimp Face. Wait, what does that say? That's Ayumi? Let's do it. Oh, Ayumi! What?

Where's Ayumi? Yeah. Should I not pick her? Is there something terribly wrong with her? No, it's just funny that... It's just funny that should I not pick her is there something terrible wrong with her no it's just funny that Aaron thought you picked her and Aaron was like yay me and he was like no Ayumi Ayumi come up here and give him your name tag

that's what you guys get for having such nice flashy ones but Aaron you know somebody can pick Aaron still by the way I'm terrible at this so I just fucked you over but the thing I love about Ayumi, so I just fucked you over. But the thing I love about Ayumi is when I went to see Tron Legacy on 42nd Street with Eric Kupo,

she came up to us and was like, Oh, Doug Benson, I can't believe I ran into you. I can't afford to come see your podcast taping. And I said, you're on the list. And then she came down, and now you're playing for her, and if you lose, it's probably going to be the worst thing that's ever happened to her.

So good luck with that, you guys. You, me, Eugene is playing for you. Who would you like to play for, Anthony? I know a lot of people want it. Does that guy's sign, does that look like the poster for a social network? That's pretty impressive.

Is that your name? You don't get to blah, blah, blah. Okay. I know a lot of you need it. I know a lot of you want it. Who needs it? Who needs to do it? Oh, no.

The one speech he prepared for this podcast. Does anyone have a Jesselnik-specific sign? Wait, what? The guests are surprised. I don't know what any of that means. This side up here looks pretty full of itself. What's up here? Because I'm lazy,

I'm going to go with Monica right here up front. Sorry to waste everyone's time. I thought that was the theme. Thank you. Let me see it. You want to trade? No, this is totally more adorable. It's like in color pencil or something.

A suspicious amount of effort, though. It's terrifying a little. It's like a little like, okay, I get it. But the mind looks exactly like her. That's true. You have that. I'm actually... That's awesome. have that I'm actually That's awesome I'm sitting here

I've lost so much interest in this I'm tweeting I mean I'm texting someone Who are you texting? That would be really insulting If I just started tweeting A friend of mine Who?

Wants to meet up later Who? There's no reason to get into that John? Tall? Yeah A lady? Maybe Oh shit Oh shit meet up later. Who? John? Tall? Yeah. A lady? Maybe.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Podcast booty call. Oh, I'll come download that shit for you. There's plenty of girls here, actually. Yeah. She's right next to you. I texted her, fuck off.

I left someone not in this room. Where'd Anthony go? Yeah, I wrote back, this room's full of pussy and I'm getting some. Fuck the fuck off. You hear that guy with his Soviet Union hat? Dosvidanya, bitch. So do you want me to just pick my own

without you asking me who I'm going to pick? Well, I could ask you. Morgan, who would you like to play for? I'm going to pick? Well, I could ask you. Morgan, who would you like to play for? I'm going to pick the iPad dude, James. James, let's do it! I think he's going to run away with his iPad. Yeah, get that iPad up here. Come on, James.

Do you have 3G on that? Yeah? All right. You picked it so that you can Google things. Thank you, James. I picked it because I... Hey, quick poll. Who was your... Everyone I picked it because I... Hey, quick poll. Who was here...

Everyone's picked chicks. I got to fuck someone. What's happening? What? Who was here earlier today for the marijuana logs? Thank you so much for coming to both. We did a kind of a semi-reunion of the marijuana logs earlier today at 420 with Tony Kameen and me, the original loggers and replacement logger Rob Cantrell

and it was a lot of fun. It's okay that I'm looking at his shit, right? Yeah, you're totally going through his stuff. What are you, uh, WikiLeaks? If you are on a treadmill still listening to this, you are a fucking hero. Congratulations. Keep

getting thin. You are the best. Yeah yeah how do you do it fucking run run you can run away from that ass you will win don't think about the pain don't think about the pain don't think about the pain don't think about it run through it run through it you're still gonna die you're still gonna die how was your workout Oh, I listened to comedians picking out name tags from an audience, and it really got me through it. It was really, it invigorated me. It made me run faster. We just stole minutes from someone's life.

No, they were already, believe me, the minutes that the people spend listening to this, they're already, they're fucking wasted minutes, the people spend listening to this, they're already... They're fucking wasted minutes. And this gives them a little bit of joy. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry to be a downer.

So wait a minute, you guys applaud the fact that Doug just kind of insulted all of you. You're all a bunch of fucking losers who have nothing better to do. No, not these people. They're seeing a live theater piece. The people listening to this who don't get the excitement of making out a name. I'm joking around in general.

Graham and I both, we were both 100,000, 1K flyers this year. Good for you. Yeah, we've both been on plenty of airplanes and we listen to a lot of podcasts. Isn't that right, Graham? Yes, Doug. Excellent point. Which ones do't that right, Graham? Yes, Doug. Excellent point.

Which ones do you listen to, Graham? Yeah, exactly. You son of a bitch. No, I listen to The Nerdist. Yeah. And Never Not Funny. Yeah. Bag of Corn, friend. I like that. I like both those people.

Yeah, I listen to them because whenever I'm on them, I listen to them. No, I'm joking around. I like that. I like both those people. Yeah, I listen to them because whenever I'm on them, I listen to them. No, I'm joking around. I don't listen to them just because I'm on them. There's some great ones out there and there's more and more. Why don't you guys... Eugene, when are you going to have a podcast? I guess in like a month or something.

Alright, let's do an official announcement. What's it going to be called? It's going to be called Sidekick and I'll be the sidekick. But it's your podcast? Yeah, it's really good. I love it. That's basically what I did with the Benson Interruption. Like, I'd like to

host the show, but I'd like to sit on the sidelines and just chime in every once in a while. But if I called mine the Benson Interruption, it would be confusing. So I picked a different name. I'm not going to have a podcast. I think it'll mean the end of podcasts. Because people will be like, everybody's going to... People would love it. Wouldn't you guys love it

if Eugene had a podcast? Oh, right. What about if that piece of shit, Anthony Jeselnik, had a podcast? Would you listen to that? What if I was the first person to charge $100 a download? I might honestly have a podcast when my career is over, too.

So... I like that. I like that. I'm in. I'm in. It's definitely for downslopers. You should have a podcast called Surprise! Another Rape Joke!

I mix it up with AIDS every now and again, I feel like. I know. Anyway, we have name tags. Can I have another drink? Hey, I tried to buy Mario Batali's cookbook app. You tried to buy shit on the guy's iPad? I'm sorry, James.

I'm sorry, James. Put James back on. Oh, I know the password. What's the password? Put his name back on there. It's supposed to be a name tag. Hold on. Let me just try my name.

That'd be really weird if your name was his password. Morgan is his password. He came by the... Never mind. Go ahead. Go ahead. Sorry. Okay.

That was weird. So now that we finally have name tags, set yours up so it says James. I don't know where it went. Who are you playing for again, Anthony? I'm trying to spend his money. I don't know where... Anthony, Monica, and Eugene's playing for... Ayumi.

Ayumi. Is that how it's pronounced? Yeah, Ayumi. Great. Ayumi? Why do you keep saying Annie? Ayumi's here, right? And she gave him her name tag.

Yeah, it says Ayumi. Now, how do you pronounce this one? Ani? Anania? Nanano? Yeah, that's Annie. What's wrong with you guys? Ananino nama?

Hey, can we get three doers neets up here? Hold on. And whatever I'm drinking, whatever this was. What do you want? I'll take another of whatever it is I drink. Now that I've gone to the bathroom, I got a second wind. I'm not going to name names because I don't... I'm trying to find your name on the airing.

Could you not have an app with a picture of somebody I had sex with on it? Could you make it happen? Because this is making me miserable. What happened? I'm sorry. I want the name tag to be a name tag. You fucked it up. Give it to him.

He'll fix it. Okay. Put in your password. Let's buy some shit. How long does it take to get an Odwalla fucking protein shake? Like, is anyone paying attention? Odwalla, nature's best. Yes.

Is that their slogan? Thank you. I'm sorry, James. Nature's giving it a shot. That's their slogan. Nature's going to weigh in on this one, maybe. Oddwalla, nature all churned up. Right?

Yeah. That's a bad slogan for Oddwalla, is what I was trying to go for. How's that workout going, people that are listening to this on the elliptical? Yeah. Guy laying down on the treadmill. Sorry, is that bad? Is that a glare? I don't know.

You're flashing it in people's faces. I don't know how it works. It's just for me. I need to know the names of the people you're playing for. This is like Terminator 4. Why is it like Terminator 4? It's technology turning against the rest of us. Yeah. Fucking Skynet is real.

Okay. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. I'm going to start. James, I'm so bad at this. I apologize. Monica, you're in fucking luck. Anthony is not only good at this game, but convinced that he's the best. Oh, more drinks.

I've got to finish this one. Hey, how about a round of applause for the waitstaff, folks? Working hard. And all you people in the service industry listening to this while kneeling on a life stepper, we appreciate you. Now, for waitstaff, this has got to be better than bands, right? We're better than bands. Are we more fun? Bands are dicks, right?

They don't want to say anything. That was a nice mellow vibe. bands. Are we more fun? Bands are dicks, right? They don't want to say anything. The security guard just goes, no, bands aren't dicks. He's like, you guys blow. Bands are cool. They don't do shitty accents. Hello, New York! Hello, Governor.

Yes. Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side? I don't know if we get, like, if somebody could come along and say, you have to pay money to sing that song on a podcast. If you sing Happy Birthday in that voice.

You have to pay money to anyone who had to listen to you sing that song. They say it's your birthday. It's my birthday too. Okay. Okay. Letterball game. Let's, um, We'll start with Morgan. Eugene's a newbie, so let's

forgive Eugene if he's slow on the uptake. Anthony, of course, is Why does everyone have name tags? I told Eugene before the show that the listeners hate it when the guests are flabbergasted by the name tags. And I agree with them when they say

that. Morgan, would you like to do one-name movies? That's somebody's name, first or last, is the one name is the title of the movie. Or Entertainment Weekly's Best Bad Movies, like the best bad movies, according

to the readers of VW. Or Harry Potter Villains. These are of VW, or Harry Potter villains? These are movies where the villains from Harry Potter movies appear in other films. The first one. One-name movies. Yeah, yeah. Would you like a one-name movie from 1992, 1996, or 2004? 1996.

Okay. One and a half stars from Leonard Maltin. Yeah, he didn't care for it, and I agree, even though I never saw it. A couple things he calls it. He says it's uninspired. Yeah, yeah.

And then he says, younger viewers may be amused. It's like every movie from 1996. Well, yeah, probably a few. So the clues don't usually help. One and a half stars, 1996, and there are eight names. How many names do you think you can get it in,

Morgan Murphy? I'm going to say six names. That's a nice little jump there. We go to Anthony Jeselnik. All right. The last time I did this, I guessed both movies with zero names. Yeah, there's no reason to bring that up, really. And I thought that, well, I was like, when I come back here, it's a lot of pressure.

So if I don't know the movie right away, I'm going to leave. Is this your way of saying goodbye? But now that I'm here I feel like I should do this It's a one name One name title Because I feel like Young people might have enjoyed it

I feel like I know it but I feel like the name I'm thinking of Is two names but it's a first name I don't know what that means at all Go for it bro It's just like one name. It's only one name, a first name or a last name, but just the one name. I bet I can name it. It's not Jerry Maguire.

I bet I can name it in four names. All right. Then we go down to Eugene. I can do it in one. No, you can't. Now we're down to Graham Elwood. Is that the least number you can guess? No, you can go zero or it gets crazy

Oh, then I'll guess zero We get into negative names You think you know it in zero names? Yeah, I think I know the movie Alright, so you say zero names So then Graham, what do you say? I say name that movie Name that movie

Nell You don't get any names Nell It's not Nell I know, but I had to say it That was a great fucking guess Elricapay Came out not Nell I know but I had to say it That was a great fucking guess That came out in 94 I know That was ballsy playing

I like that I was thinking I was like Eugene just fucking Jessel nicked up right there I just wanted to create some excitement You did That was fun You had one movie in mind that had one name That came out in the 90s, I think.

Yeah. Younger viewers will be amused. Yeah. The kids love that. Speech impediment. That's why I thought I was wrong. But I also thought, I don't know, she made up her own language. Maybe that's a kid thing.

Don't you kids today talking that crazy 23 skidoo lingo? Kids love it when you make up a private language that can't be done if you believe Wittgenstein. All right,

well, the movie is called Ed, and it was about Matt LeBlanc and a monkey that can pitch baseballs. Yeah,

I remember it. Always a winner, animal and sports, guys. Come on. I still, I remember it. Always a winner, Animal and Sports guys. Come on. I still think I'm right. You might be right. I want to play baseball.

I may be crazy. His name was Ed Nell. I think that was what you said. Oh yeah, full name. Full name. All right, so that means Graham Elwood gets the point. Boom!

Me and Anna Naini are in the lead. Is that how you pronounce it? It's a foreign name? Hello, Ananaini! Alright, we're going to start with Anthony this time. That's right. Anthony, would you like a movie that has a big

cast movie? It means it's a movie with a big cast. Lots of people are in it. Or Blake Edwards recently passed away, a Blake Edwards movie that he directed. Or, tis the season, holiday or Christmas movies.

Which one would you like? When you say big cast, you mean like someone, like a huge person broke their leg or something? No, that's not. That's the kind of goals you can expect on that best album of the year, you guys. Those kind of fucking long balls are going to be flying off that hard

disc. It's going to be nice. Those long balls? Oh, man. Anthony does so many jokes that are long balls. They're like, he's ballsy and they're too long. Okay, so what did you just say? I'm going to go big cast. Big cast, okay.

Would you like a big cast movie from 1963, 1991, or 2001? 2001, please. Most recent, good call. Two and a half stars from Leonard Maltin. Can't say I disagree. He says, a couple things he says about it is that it's not every comic detour pays off. Doesn't always work, I guess, is a way of saying what he says.

Shakespeare, the album. No? No. No, this is about movies. Oh, yeah. And he says, there are many laugh-out-loud gags. 2001 A Space Odyssey. Graham,

it's not your turn to guess. Wait, do it in an accent, though. And that is wrong. Hey, 2001 A Spacesey, hoops. That's my Chinese accent. Where the fuck? So you're saying that 2001 was made in 2001. Yes, yes.

Right? It's a documentary. About the future. It's about next month. It's about another part of 2001. Okay, so two and a half stars. It's about next month. It's about another part of 2001. Okay, so two and a half stars. It's from 2001. Not every comic detour pays off,

but it does have many laugh-out-loud gags. And there are... 16 names. Yeah, a lot of names. Big cast movie. So, Anthony, Justin, Nick, how many of names. Big cast movie. So, Anthony, Justin, Nick, how many names? I said it already. I'm going to say again,

Graham's not funny. And I can name it in four names. Oh my goodness gracious. Eugene? I can name it in zero. Alright, bro. Name that movie.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Wait a second. That movie had a big cast? It had like three people you could name. Cast of thousands. Wait, you mean people who are famous or people inside the movie? It had Nia Vardolos. It had the guy from Sex and the City.

Have you ever had somebody who doesn't care if they lose? John Corbett. Yeah, that's happened. I care, but not a lot. You're playing for my new friend, Ayumi. Yeah, yeah, someone who got in for free, so I don't feel so bad. Nice. Oh, nice.

I mean, not to say that I don't want to win, but I'd rather take chances. I thought that was a pretty good guess. That movie came around in fat. Yeah, it just didn't have a... It's not a big cast. You mean Armageddon, then. This has got an amazing cast. Oh, like Armageddon?

This movie's got an amazing cast. Is it Armageddon? Listen to these names. Dean Cain was in this movie. Armageddon. This has gotten amazing. Armageddon. This movie's gotten amazing. Is it Armageddon? Listen to these names. Dean Cain was in this movie. Armageddon. Kathy Bates. Dean Cain. Dave Thomas.

Wayne Knight. Paul Rodriguez. Oh my God. Lana Chapman. Vince Vliff. What's the TV show Paul Rodriguez did? Rat Race. Somebody got it.

Somebody got it. It's Rat Race. Rat Race. I am so sorry I said it. It's Rat Race. Rat Race. I am so sorry I said zero. How did Vince Vliff come after anyone? Who's Vince Vliff? He has a pretty big part in it. Is he?

He and Seth Green are like buddies in it, right? Sorry. I would have thought, though, it wasn't a comedy, considering Rat Race was a fucking comedy. When were there fucking detours of comedy in that movie? Wasn't the whole goddamn thing a freeway of comedy didn't they just drive as fast as they could towards comedy the whole time

yeah but Leonard was saying sometimes they would end up in a cul-de-sac and the comedy would come to a complete halt you know what's funny is if I had said eight names I would have still not known any of the people in my zero is eight to me yes you're learning said eight names, I would have still not known any of the people in my... It would have... Zero is eight to me.

Yes, you're learning. I'm learning. You're getting good at this. I'm getting good. Yeah, so that means Graham... Two points. By the way, he's going to give me $25 if I make him win. No. No, I'm lying. It's not rigged.

The disappointment. The shock. I'm lying. It's not rigged. The disappointment. The shock. I'm lying. So that means that Graham wins, right? You got to two points. He won already? Yeah. I didn't even get to guess a thing.

Suck it. All you had to do was sit there. Suck it, you cocksucker. He's winner. You didn't tell me this game was till two. I want to guess a movie. I didn't get to even guess one movie. What is the championship? Everyone who sat to the left? I want to guess a movie. I didn't get that. Wait a second. What movie? What is the championship? Everyone who sat to the left?

I want to guess one movie. You didn't tell me it was till two. Johnny be good. I guess a movie. Is that it? No, that movie will never be. I'm sorry, Monica. The game goes till two? School days.

There's a lot of people playing. There's a lot of people playing. I would have said 18. If you'd all gotten on the board, it could have taken five rounds to get to a winner. Zebra head. But now when you have a guy happy to say zero. Why isn't this working for me? After the first round, I said,

Eugene, your strategy is fucking blows. I had no idea. Because you're going to create an instant end to this game. At the time, I thought if I got it right, it'd seem brilliant. And if I didn't, I'd be just a terrible person who messed up. House Party 2.

Morgan, stop guessing movies. You can't just guess movies. That one was right. We can do a second round because that was so fast. I promised to get at least two or three. Well, they'll do that all night. Well, the prize is that you can pee in their pocket for the second round.

Okay, so this time you're playing for Eugene will pee in your pocket. So Graham won for Annie. Let's have a round of applause for Annie and for Graham. This is bullshit. I mean, yay. You warned me about everything, but what it meant to guess zero. You literally prepared me for everything,

but guessing zero. Well, I didn't think that someone who's not never played and is unsure about the whole thing would be so ballsy. But it does happen. It does happen a lot. I've had comedians like T.J. Miller and there's been a few people that come out zero names! And I'm like, do you understand

how this is played? No, he has no filter, right? I got how it's played. I just didn't get that it was played so intensely up until the score of two. No time for losers because we are the champions. I'm very sorry. Give all the prizes to Annie.

Let's hear it for Annie. Annie, come on up here. Her prize-winning ways. We'll play one more round just for fun. There you go, sweetie. Congratulations. I promise not to ruin it. No, you played the game,

and you know what you did that was the best thing of all? You kept Anthony Jeselnik from winning, and you knocked him off of his pedestal. This should go back to James, by the way. Here we go. This is for James. Nothing can undo Punchline's review, though. He fucking won.

He's the best. The best ever. I was there. You know, of course, that two years previous, I was their number one album of the year. And look what happened to me. Here you go. It's a curse. Anthony is just this close to the number three podcast in comedy.

My first album was number one on Punchline Magazine's list of the ten best of the year. My next album was number four. Latest album didn't make the list. Oh. Whoa. Well, did you record it in HD? You're not supposed to drop the mic on a failure. It's not Anthony's fault

that he made a really good record that people like. I recorded an album once. I recorded a CD once. Yeah, how'd that turn out? I hated it, didn't put it out. Do you ever listen to it just for old time's sake? Yeah, I listen to it. That's why I didn't put it out. You know what, if you know

Morgan at all, you know she fucking never puts it out. I had sex a year ago one time. I thought we were all in the same fraternity. What's going on? I did it at Largo. I recorded a CD at Largo, and then I listened to it like four times,

and I was like, nope. No one's hearing this. I was there live, and I thought, nope. I have a question. I was here at your birth, and I was like, nope. You heard my birth? Yeah, I was there right I was there, right there, when you came out of your mom's pussy.

I can guess what you're going to say in two names. This is still a show, right? I hope when people blog about this, they use mercy. Be merciful in your blogs. I just listened to the worst fucking thing that's ever been created for my ears I saw the most

unique special thing of people having a nice time joking around it's there's nothing like it comedians bloggers from what I gather this is better than Spider-Man.

In your face, guy who plays Spider-Man on Broadway. I have not officially weighed in on Spider-Man because it's a work in progress, so it's not fair of me to say that it's terrible. Let's all go crash it. Is that a thing we could do?

I'll tell you about how terrible Spider-Man Turn Off the Dark is when it opens in February. I will be waiting. People will be like, you should see it again. No, there's nothing they could do. Is the kingpin in it?

Why are you looking at your phone? Because we're going to play another round of Litter Mountain game. Whoa. Yeah. Same names or do we pick new names? You asshole. Same names? What?

Same names. Does he like me? Does he remember me? I like him. There's no prizes to be played for anymore. Now it's just the fun. I will contribute $20 to the winner. I will give $20.

All right. Play for the same people again. I got another CD. No, play for Andy again. I want give $20. Alright, play for the same people again. I got another CD. Play for Andy again. I want Andy to win more shit. I will give $20 to the winner. Rush and Matt. I got another CD with me. I'll throw that into the mix.

I have a business card from a guy named Life. I don't need shoes. I'm going to throw in my shoes. I have Mehran Sarudi's business card. He told me he's going to put me in his next movie. I met him last night. You can have it if you win. I will make a CD of Kermit the Frog cover songs, and I will mail it to you.

Ah, fucking Graham. You know you already have one. That's what I'm doing here. It's available on iTunes next month, bitches. It drops Jan 1. Ah, shit. I'll autograph it. What?

All right, let's do it. Play the game so that Morgan can do it. Look at Graham's shirt, everybody. One time we were doing a merch table after one of our shows. We were at the merch table and some lady, what did she say that was? Yeah, she said it was Elmo. Yeah, and I was like, no, it's Animal. She's like, no, she was drunk.

She's like, yeah, it's Elmo. I know Elmo. She was all mad. I know Elmo when I say, oh, you mean he looks like he's screaming? Yeah. And he looks like he's about to beat some drums really hard? Yeah. I'll say this. When I went to your show at Caroline's

one night, you and Graham were doing a show, and I had not seen Graham's merch situation afterwards. And I get that and Graham's got situation afterwards. And I get that. I got bills to pay. And Graham's got fucking like palm strike t-shirts. He's got a lot of palm strike items. Palm strike bandanas. Say there's a palm strike army.

Palm strike army. But then you all, you had DVDs, like CDs, DVDs. I just have my CDs. And they were going once in a while. People were like, eh, bandana. I want a bandana. Like people were buying bandanas like they were fucking gold. They are.

Let me ask you this. What does this have to do with the Leonard Moulton game or movies or anything anybody gives a shit about? Nothing. One time I saw Doug and Graham They're talking amongst themselves. My guests are just chatting amongst themselves. Alright, let's do it.

What are you guys talking about? Why are you talking to each other? What's going on? All into the microphone. No private discussions. I'm sorry, can we get another round of scotch up here? Nobody wanted to be the one to order it, but I feel like we could use one more round of scotch

if we're going to do one more round. This round is going to be crazy. Morgan is so drunk that she would like to make love this evening. Eugene's not going to hand this round to Graham like it's the last. Doug, it's been a year. Something has to happen. Unless I really know it. A year?

That's nothing. I haven't had sex yet. Okay, here we go. Remember when you should come in. People are like, oh. Yeah, I've never had sex. Okay. Yeah, I've fucked movies.

Does that count? All right, let's do this. That's the thing you guys moan at. All the offensive shit that's been set up here tonight. That was saying people were like, hey, that crossed the line, man. Abortion, AIDS, rape. I fucked a movie. Oh!

That's not possible possible don't fuck movies that's the only pure thing we have cinema you would tear up your dick this is why we should keep drinking alright let's start with Graham six more shots of Scott I hope it says

explicit next to your podcast. Are you going to advertise this as just the drunkenest fucking... I've got control of this. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I've got this down. You shouldn't advertise this show as a podcast.

You should advertise it as a meeting. I feel dumb because I took so much PCP before this. That's what you guys need is shots. Literally, the look on the waitress' face is like, I think I've just served the last round for you guys. It's okay. We'll be fine. We'll be fine.

We're like a rock and roll band. Eugene's tipping her. That's very nice. A hip alternative rock and roll band. I'm going to tip, too. I'm going to find her afterwards and I'll make a mockery of the performance. Okay, ask me a question

about a movie or something. Do your thing. Shot, shot, shot, shot. Ask me a thing about a movie. Come on, shoot this shit. I want Graham to bury all of you in his sobriety on the end. Because he doesn't drink.

We've got to give Graham like nine, four locos and just tell him that there's no alcohol in it. Drop it back, and then we'll play. No. Are you supposed to drop it back? I wouldn't be able to tell him. No, we're not idiots. We're just sipping drinks. Yeah, we're just drinking it.

Let's go. It's scotch. It's scotch, not shots. It's scotch. We're just sipping drinks. Yeah, we're just drinking it. Let's go. Jesus Christ. It's scotch. It's scotch, not shots. It's scotch. We're classy people. Talking about classy shit. I'll probably shoot it, though. Hey, to the person on the elliptical, super double congratulations.

Anthony's going to shoot it. Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it. I'm going to stop drinking. I'm going to start working out. Wait, why are they applauding? Why are they applauding? Why won't they applaud for me? My dominance. Doug,

may I recommend putting Nell into the next round? Neno Tata, Doug. Neno Tata. Let me adjust. Neno Tata Gaeng. Alright, let's do this. Alright, here we go

What was I supposed to do with this drink, by the way? Let's start with Graham Don't shoot it I don't drink based on what I want to do I just listen to other people Jesus This is like a reverse intervention Come on, Graham

We're going to hold you down and get you fucked up We're tired of your sobriety This is like a reverse intervention. Come on, Graham, fucking do it. We're going to hold you down and get you fucked up. We're tired of your sobriety. If you don't start getting fucked up, our relationship is going to change in the following ways. Oh, God, she's got a list. Wow.

Someone either watches the show intervention or has been at one. I feel like this is like repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Like everyone's excited, but no one's really having any fun. I'm compiling a list of gay soldiers just for fun.

Can't wait to ask. Oh my God, it's been years. Are you gay? Next time it's Fleet Week. Hey, guys. They'll love it. Okay, movie time. That's the name of Eugene's podcast.

It's Fleet Week. No, but seriously, what's your favorite holiday movie, Doug? I don't think I said earlier. No, it's the Yogi Bear Christmas. Oh, the Yogi Bear Christmas. Graham Elwood. This is an extra round. There's a lot on the line.

Eugene's throwing in 20 bucks. American. Somebody else has another CD. I've got a second CD. Honestly, I'll steal some of those wires and give them to you before anyone can stop me. He's still there. He's hiding.

I was like, he left, so I'm going to steal shit and give it to you. 20 bucks is enough. If you want to trash can backstage, it's yours. What are you throwing in, Graham? I have another extra CD. I'll throw it in. Okay, you'll throw it in.

And his watch. And my watch. Good prize package for somebody. We'll start with Graham. Would you like Blake Edwards, Rest in Peace movies, holiday movies, or this was submitted by at Sarah Shaps. Sarah with an H underscore Shaps. She wrote Phoenix

Family Movies. That's from the Phoenix Acting Dynasty. What? Yeah. River. River. Leaf, who later became Joaquin. Gary. Gary Phoenix. Mel Phoenix. Carl. Yeah.

A lot of Phoenix actors. Arizona. I'll go Blake Edwards. Okay. Yeah, a lot of Phoenix actors. Arizona. I'll go Blake Edwards. Okay, Blake Edwards movies. Who's that? Some of the audience is very excited. Others are mentally gone. Would you like a

Blake Edwards movie from 1993, 1991, or 1989? Let's go 89. Alright. Two and a half stars from Leonard. He says the movie is about a successful L.A. writer. Yeah.

And he says that it does have some real laughs. Spotty, but it does have some real laughs. Two and a half stars. About a successful L.A. writer. What year? 1989. 1989. And and a half stars. About a successful L.A. writer. What year? 1989. And there are ten names. Graham Elwood, how many names do you think you get it in?

Zero. Oh, zero names. Return in the favor. If he pulls this off, he'll become, he will go straight to the tournament. Wait, I think I get it in less than zero. you wait. In less than zero. Hang on a second. The part I'm doing is hosting and building up the drama. The part you're doing is talking while I'm trying

to explain what's happening. I didn't think you were going to start doing that now. I finally came to life as a host. Graham Elwood went with zero names. That means that if he succeeds, he can get into the tournament of championships Oh boy good for him

But if you go lower You're going to go negative names No Well he said zero names So are you saying Graham Elwood named that movie Yeah name that movie you fucking queer I would have gotten negative two Names and named that movie myself.

You would have? No, I want Graham to name the movie. Well, Graham, what do you think of that? Hang on a second, Morgan. What? In fact, move the microphone away from your face. No, this game doesn't work this way. No, it does work this way.

I'm the fucking host. He threw down the gauntlet, Graham Elwood. He threw down the gauntlet. Hewood. He threw down the garlet. He says he could get it. What about a side bet? Would you like a side bet? With Anthony Jeselnik? Who says he could get it in negative two names?

He says negative two names. Negative two names. You think you can do it in negative two names? Yeah, I can name two people in the movie and then name the movie. And in the right order. Anthony, why are you fighting with a guy who's boogie-born? I only know two people in the movie,

but I can name the movie right now. But top build to second build, you can do. Because Graham already said zero names. I know the top two people in the movie. That's all I know. But you've got to get them in the right order. And I totally think you're wrong. I do not think you know this. But you think you do.

He doesn't. So it's up to me. Do I just say it or I let him try to do it? That's what the question is? I just think it's interesting that he thinks he can get negative two names because I don't think he can. So here's what we'll do. He'll say his wrong answer.

And then you'll come in. Just say the names. Don't say the name of the movie. But when do I win? Morgan does not win ever. Okay. Boring. You're out of it. I'll let Justin do it. 18% of your listeners. Just tell me the two names.

You'll be wrong. Jimmy Spitz and Ellen Barkin. Incorrect. Now, Graham. Oh, shit. Zero names. What is it? L.A. Story.

Yeah. Blake Edwards didn't make L.A. Story. That's a Steve Martin movie. Yeah, I was just going to say Steve Martin, and that was not good. I knew they both didn't know it. So let's go to Morgan. Morgan. How many names do you think you could get it in?

Wait, I don't automatically win because both of them fucked up? I don't get it? I don't know if you've noticed, there's nothing to win. $20 is a lot of money. We're just playing because people are on ellipticals for two hours, and we want to fill that time. I thought I win self-confidence, which is more than I've had in 28 years. Let's just fucking do this.

Well, I do appreciate that you got some self-confidence but you didn't have to go all the way to the wizard to get that. All you had to do was look in yourself and believe. La Cage a Fall. You're right. Hold on. I'm glad we've reached a moral of this performance. Wait, what do I have to do to get a thing?

Say the name of a movie. And even if it's wrong, you win. Elf, she wins. Elf. The name of the movie is Elf. I won. Wait, it's about a Hollywood writer? It's a Blake Edwards movie about a successful LA writer.

The one with John Goodman. That's Barton Fink. Barton Fink. Barton Fink. No, that's the God Brothers. Okay. Jurassic Park 1-2. A distinguished gentleman starring Eddie Murphy. I just want to say that I'm very excited to right now present the award for most drunk appearance ever on Doug Loves Movies to Morgan Murphy.

Oh, my God. I Morgan Murphy. Oh my god. I wanted that. Speech. Speech. Speech. I love that you have a real physical award that people on the podcast don't know is fake. How do I win that if they got it wrong? I don't understand how that would be. If they fucking decimated the entire...

That is the perfect drunken answer to what I just asked you to do. Make a speech about being the most drunk. And you're like, but how come? I'm drunk, so I got another thing I need to talk about. Direct answers to questions are not my thing, because I'm drunk. Doug, now can we list every movie we remember?

Yes, go. Okay, Beverly Hills Cop 1, Beverly Hills Cop 2, Trading Places I'm going to start with Eddie Murphy Planes, trains, and automobiles Who were the people that were involved but did not win?

I've got to find out who you want me to call a shithead James Come over What was the movie? Doug, you didn't say what the movie was What? What was the movie? Doug? Doug, you didn't say what the movie was. What? What was the movie? Oh, I don't care.

Asshole. No, it was a Blake Edwards movie. I haven't gotten to guess. Okay, what do you think it is? I don't know who he is. You don't know who Blake Edwards is? He made the Pink Panther movies. I know that because he told me while we were talking.

That's amazing. What did you think it was? Let me quickly guess. Let me just take a wild shot. You don't even know who Blake Edwards is. Yeah, well, how about Fast and the Furious, Tokyo Drift? No, that is not it, but that was good. If you're listening, Blake, I love your stuff,

but just don't know the man behind the work. I love that I get called more drunk than anyone who says Tokyo Drift during a Tokyo Drift. That's a real movie that I haven't seen. Or who thinks that Blake Edwards is still alive? Shut up, you drunks.

This is a podcast for stoners. I just mean what if he can see it in people's hearts? Seriously, does anyone here have cigarettes? I wish the listener could see Doug Benson sitting on the edge of the stage in a turtleneck. People are filing out. The audience is filing out. It looks like a Christmas special from the 70s.

It's his marijuana logs costume. He's got a turtleneck and there's like two young girls and a guy. It's true. The rainbow connection. The lovers, the dreamers, and me. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Doug. What's your name, little girl?

The movie's called Skin Deep with John Ritter oh I like that movie you know what not that far off the top I've heard of it I've seen it but I forgot the name starting with Graham what do you got to plug I'm going to find out who they want me to call oh yeah listen to my podcast comedyfilmnerds.com

there's some kitten hand fans in the his house if you don't check it out it's on iTunes we also have an iPhone and a droid up bitches So thank you so much And you haven't been drinking That's how you talk That's why I don't talk That's why I do not drink

Doug you're still doing a show Doug Doug is literally like He's literally like I told you guys go go down the line, say whatever you want to plug. Just say whatever you want to plug. Keep talking to people with things.

All right. Graham Elwood started off. You said stuff, right? I said, yeah, I said that's, yes. ComedyFilmers.com, UnityGMerman, what do you,

and I'm on Facebook and Twitter. What do you got coming up, Eugene? A cartoon on Fox called Bob's Burgers. Yeah. It's coming out early January. I mean, yay. Please watch that

so that I have a job for a decade. My friend Tal John is a writer on that and he also created Shaken Belch. It's an app on iTunes where you shake your phone and it makes a loud belch.

He's my friend too. Yeah, Morgan likes him. So Morgan, I mean Anthony, what do you got coming up? I would say buy my CD Shakespeare. It's got a bunch of

end of the year awards. It's fucking amazing. And then I mean that's all until I fucking... It wants some end of the year awards.'s fucking amazing and then I mean that's all it was some end of the year awards the year's almost over we should give some shit out yeah fucking give props mad props to my album

and then in like three months I'm gonna blow up so hard you guys will fucking tell people you've seen me before and they won't even believe it so fucking rest on that 2011 they'll think he started in stadiums. Morgan Murphy, what are you up to? I don't know.

What am I supposed to do? You got a gig coming up? What do I say? You got a place where people can see you live? Is there a treatment facility? I think in April I'm going to be in Bloomington, Indiana. Yay! At the Comedy Attic.

Comedy Attic. That's a great club. Nice. Comedy Attic loves mentions on the show. All right. Okay, Doug, I'm thinking of a movie. Let's hear it for all

of my guests tonight. Yeah. The sober Graham Elwood, the kind of drunk Eugene Merman, the more drunk Anthony Jeselnik, and the extremely drunk

Morgan Murphy. Yes. I'm drunk Doug Benson. And we really do appreciate you guys coming out thank you all very much I hope you had a good time and I hope this is fun to listen to did somebody win?

I know no one won who won the thing? yeah but who got the point? nobody really did but James can afford an iPad so I think he wins yeah nobody really won

Let's just call it a wash Someone should get the prizes Alright, well you guys give them to somebody I don't care anymore What the fuck, asshole? It's your show It's my show and I was about to go into the closing line of the show Oh, you have a closing line?

Yeah, I do Let me hear it. I want to hear your line. You know what? It's fun to test the patience of a high person. Comedians and drunk. Comedians don't listen to my whole podcast. They have no idea how...

I have people looking at me all the time going, why did you call people shitheads? And you guys were like doug you're doing your show why are you fucking talking to the people in the audience i do that every time and you've been on it before who's the stoner now but what and who's the drunk now i'm just waiting for you to finish oh my god i'm really sorry see what happens i no idea. That's why people don't drink on the show. Yeah, I had no idea that whatever you were mad at is a thing. I'm sorry that you're...

Yeah, of course you would talk to people in the audience in the middle of a podcast. I haven't heard it enough. Because you didn't listen to the whole fucking thing and you didn't hear the part where... Go with him.

Everybody exit the stage. Go ahead. You're done. I'm sorry. No more microphone. Go walk off the stage. Just walk off and let me finish up. The show's over. I thank you guys for being here. Everyone here, the audience all knows what's happening. Anthony knows what's over. I thank you guys for being here. Everyone here, the audience all knows what's happening.

I just want to hear your wrap-up. I want to hear your wrap-up. But the rest of you, put it down and walk off. Just walk off the stage. Thank you. Thank you. The more I talk to the guests about what it is that the listeners don't like,

the more they dig in and make that happen. Before the show, I'm like, people in the audience are going to be wearing name tags. Don't make a big deal out of it. Don't act like you've never heard the show before because people that listen to the show like the guests to know what's going on and know how to play the game and know that I'm going to call people shitheads at the end. But then adding alcohol to that especially

made it particularly crazy. And they were not going to let me wrap this up in the very sophisticated style that I am accustomed to, where I say, I wrote down the names, I hope I can't even read it now. What's the first name of the LitVac one? Courtney LitVac. Okay, okay, here we go. I'm going to name the shitheads, that's right. Someone in the audience just went,

he's going to name the shitheads. That's what's going to happen. We all know what's going to happen. The anticipation is unbearable. And this is probably officially the longest episode we've done. Yeah. And the angry meter might have gone higher than the T.J. Miller episode. As always,

Courtney Litvack is a shithead. John McEnroe is a shithead. And, this is my favorite, The Tourist is a shithead. This is my favorite. The tourist is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky.

There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies. Thank you so much for coming.