Doug Loves Movies - Live in Portland

Episode Date: February 27, 2011

Recorded live at Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Oregon on February 21, 2011. T.J. Miller, Dave Anderson, Sean Jordan, and Irish Jay Hollingsworth guest.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Thank you. Hey everybody My name is Doug and I love movies This is Doug Loves Movies Live in Portland Coming to you Gloves Movies live in Portland.

Coming to you from the Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Oregon on February 21st to Ocean's Eleven. President's Day. But that's not what we're here to talk about. I see lots of name tags in the audience.

We could call a lot of them table tags. There's a lot of big signs on tables. We got Kirk has got a whole incredible Hulk theme going on, which is if you listen, you know how much I love any movie about Hulk. But it's not for me one of the one of the guests tonight may see that and go that's you know that's speaking to me one of my guests now they think of it is wearing purple shorts hello my name is Mike over here. We got Colby. Abby has like a picnic basket. Gary, that's...

I like it. It's very minimalistic. Can I show it to everybody? Can I show it to the listeners? I still like it, though. It's like... It's so simple, but it's a storybook? I thought it was a shitty piece of cardboard.

And I should say, that wasn't Gary that said it's a storybook. Like, the listeners are going to be like, what kind of weirdo defending his... It's a storybook! My name tag is a storybook. There's Jamie. What kind of weirdness is going on in yours, Jamie? I'm from Metal Lovers, that's King Diamond

Okay I'm not even going to repeat that into the microphone Robert is another minimalist We got some Price is Right name tags From Mickey and Willie And another Price is Right name tag Did somebody pass those out outside? Alright, well

There's lots of good ones, and hopefully you'll be chosen by one of the guests later in the show when we play. Wouldn't that be weird if I ran out of time for the Leonard Maltin game? We didn't get around to it? There's some crazy blinking lights over there that are getting my attention.

I don't know what that's about. I don't know what that's supposed to be. I don't see any name, really, I don't know what that's supposed to be. I don't see any name, really, other than I just call you Blinky. And then Dan's lights up also over there. The ones that light up really get my attention. But like I said, it's not my decision.

So we'll see how it plays out later in the show. Big Mama's House 3 Big Mama's House 3. Big Mama's House 3, like Father Like Son, is in theaters now. And I think that is,

do you remember that movie, Like Father Like Son? There was a movie called that a long time ago, and it was a starring vehicle for then very hot Kirk Cameron, and Dudley Moore were in it together, and it was one of several Body Switch movies. Maybe the last one. It might have been the first one. I don't know.

But there was a series of Body Switch movies. Leonard Maltin calls it a bomb. Yeah, he says a heart surgeon accidentally sprinkles an ancient Indian potion into his Bloody Mary. See, it already sounds pretty good. And presto! He and his teenage son have somehow

switched identities. Moore's mugging talents get a major workout in this Hall of Fame embarrassment. First of four 1987-1988 comedies to utilize an adult teen switcheroo theme. So yeah, so Leonard was not happy with Like Father, Like Son, but it still was an actual movie.

So I call bullshit on Big Mama's House 3 Like Father, Like Son. I don't think it's fair that a movie could just... Like, if you can do that, people should go nuts with it. And I thought of a good one that if you could just take a title that already exists and just go ahead and throw it on to your third movie and nobody's going to complain,

I think there should be... I'm really looking forward to Crank 3 Freaky Friday. I'm really looking forward to Crank 3 Freaky Friday So I've assembled a very funny And entertaining panel for tonight's show But first I would like to chat for a second Because we've got a little extra breathing room A little extra time tonight

So I would like to chat for a second with a guy You might know if you listen to Doug Loves Movies live in the pacific northwest for two dollars on itunes please welcome my friend big irish jay hollingsworth let's hear it for him everybody yeah i wasn't kidding about the big part you can sit there or there right next to me okay do you when you go to the movies with somebody do you another dude, do you guys sit right next to each other or do you put the space seat in there? Because you are big.

Yes. Yeah, so that's more of a courtesy than a homophobia thing. True, true. Sometimes when I see dudes sitting with a seat in between them, they always have to lean into each other to talk. To me, that looks more intimate when they have to lean into each other. It. To me, that looks more intimate when they have to lean into each other. It looks like they're trying to make out or something.

They're just trying to explain the plot twist to each other. You see, Big Mama and her son are both pretending to be fat ladies. I do that sometimes. You pretend to be a fat lady? Yes.

You're halfway there. So, listen. Big Jay is not called Big Jay for his smallness. Did anybody listen to that? Pacific Northwest, Douglas Williams? Yeah, that's where Jay gave Rob Hubel a one-inch punch, which is, yeah,

which is, I would never do it. I would never volunteer for the one-inch punch. But maybe, I don't know, maybe later tonight we can get, you can do it to somebody. Or better yet, let's just plan ahead. Maybe I'll bring one of my special guests when we're going to do a show on April 3rd

at the same place we did the last one up in Bellevue, Washington. A club called Parlor Live where Jay works all the time as a regular. House comedian. House comedian. That just sounds like you walk in and bust everybody's balls.

And then they're like, okay, now the show's going to start. But then you work there and you'll be there on April 3rd. We're going to do another one. So also good people of Portland, it's a Sunday, road trip it. It's like a two and a half hour drive, right? You screw up, you're in Vancouver, that's cool too. drive right you know you screw up you're in Vancouver that's cool too yeah I watched one time I went in the limousine across the border from from Washington into Canada and also in the limousine Tommy Chong so yeah that that limousine got searched a little bit It's amazing I'm here

I like Canada Alright, so thank you for coming out here Big Irish J I want to do something that we normally Increasingly not had time for On the weekly podcast And a lot of people have been long-time listeners love it so i'd like to quickly play with jay a one-on-one

mano a mano round of build a title oops oh god it's like so hard to get that in and Leonard Maltin every week and I can't forsake Leonard Maltin because he's been on the show and Bill the title's never been on the show. True. Because that's not a person. All right, so let me get my pen out.

People think that... I'm going to just let this cat out of the bag. When I used to play it all the time, people would be like, for a stoner, you're really good at remembering those titles as you add to it. I'm like, yes, because cat out of the bag. When I used to play it all the time, people would be like, for a stoner, you're really good at remembering those titles as you add to it. I'm like, yes, because I write it down as I go

and then just repeat it back off the piece of paper. And they're like, no, now you're going to tell me things about Santa. Okay, so... Let's get a suggestion from the audience for a title. Let's get a suggestion from the audience for a title.

Let's let Gary with the storybook cardboard just suggest the title of any movie ever. Yeah, it gives you a lot of room. Too much, too many choices. How about To Kill a Mockingbird? To Kill a Mockingbird, I like that. So now you need a movie that ends in the word to

or begins in Mockingbird or just Bird. Settle down, Gary. That was a good suggestion. Starts with two or ends with Bird. Yeah. I've already got one for you. Too hot to handle?

What's wrong with you? It has to end with the word to. That's what I meant. Sorry. Or begin with the word. Mockingbird. Or bird. Yeah.

Do you want me to go first? Sure. That sounds good. Let's do that. To kill a mockingbird on the wire. Yeah. Is it the wire or a wire? A wire.

Oh, nerds. Can we do... Okay. A wire! Get it right! Nobody sounded like that. Okay. So now you need one

that ends in two or begins with the word wire. Congratulations. You made it harder on yourself. Yeah. Did they make a movie? CTO could be just the number two. Think of any movie that there was two of them

and you'd be right there. Big Mama's House 2. Bam! Boom! Thank you. Whoever just said that. Okay. Big Mama's House 2, Kill a Mockingbird on a Wire.

I'm just going to go with, I'm just going to add to the front part, I'm going to say big. I'm just kidding. People try to do that move. Can I just say big? No, that doesn't do anything. Alright, so.

So. Oh. Oh. That doesn't do anything. Alright, so... I don't think it's a movie, but there's that song This May Be the Start of Something Big. Can we start doing songs? What's that? Can we start doing songs? No, we can't switch it to songs. I'm trying to think of a wire one Mockingbird on a wire

I-er Mockingbird on a wine-ority report Alright, fuck this one. Let's get a better title. Gary, shut the fuck up. That was good. Thank you very much, Gary. Let's go to...

It was. It was exactly what I asked for. I said name a movie, and he did. Let's try Robert over here. Let's try lowercase Robert. Shit. I know. It puts a lot of pressure on you, doesn't it? Now I got Tequila Mockingbird on my mind. Okay. Instead of Tequila Mockingbird,

why not go with Old Gringo? How about Old Dogs? Who? Old Dogs. Old Dogs. Alright. Old Dogs. Do you know one that ends in old or begins in dogs? Men old? Old men?

I can't think of any. I know. I'm like, dogs. Wait, ends with dogs? Begins with dogs. Fuck. Let's just pretend he said, how about dogs old? Cats and dogs? Begins with dogs. Fuck! Let's just pretend he said, how about dogs old?

Cats and dogs? There was a movie called Cats and Dogs. But that doesn't count, does it? No. Oh, wait a second. Wait a second. No. I got it, I got it, I got it.

The greatest story ever told dogs. No. I got it, I got it, I got it. The greatest story ever told dogs. Jesus. All right, now, you need one that ends in greatest or begins in dogs. Ends in greatest or begins with dogs. Dogs is still pointless. Ends in greatest. begins in dogs ends in greatest or begins with dogs dogs are still pointless uh ends in greatest can anybody think of a dogs movie don't say it don't say it

don't say it oh yeah right that's what i said didn't i say that last time you did dogs and cats and i just sat here all condescendingly like yeah good one i know don't you know how to play this game, asshole? But isn't it called Cats and Dogs? Yeah, alright. Jesus. You guys are confusing me. But I'm trying to think of a movie that starts with dogs. I got one! I got one, I got one.

I'll just go every time. Dogs of War. Bam. And then War is an easy one. And then you just go War one. Then you just go War Games. Then you go... Games. The Games.

Games. People play. Was that a song or a movie? It's a song. I'm horrible at this game, Doug. Yeah, but it's fun still. It's fun to laugh at you. Appreciate that.

You can go practice and we'll try to play again in April. Trying to think of one now that ends in great. Great. Blah, blah, blah, great. Or rate. Oh. No.

No. Oh No Oh Oh shit God damn it I can't think of what it was called Uh Jennifer 8 No that doesn't work I thought I could go

Jennifer 8 is story ever told But that's no good Does anybody have one? Open it up to the crowd. Alexander the Great. Alexander the Great's story ever told, Dogs of War Games. That sounds like a cool movie.

It's a totally revisionist story of Alexander the Greatest Show on Earth. I've not got one. I haven't got one yet. Ever told by Dogs of War Games. I haven't got one. I haven't got one yet. Ever told by dogs of war games. I haven't got one. Did you think of anything for games? War games.

I'm just reading it. If it wasn't impossible, I would murder you. Oh. No. I thought I thought of a good one for Alexander the Great, but I think we might be... I think that might be good. Huh?

Fanny and Alexander, son of a bitch. Had to go all the way to Germany for that one. Oh, Fanny. Okay, sweet. This will be easy. Fanny and Alexander. Really? No.

Are you kidding me? I can't get great or... You think I'm going to get something with Fanny? Oh, the musical Fanny. No, sorry. That's just Annie, dummy. Sorry. I'm a big fan of it, so I kind of combined it. Oh, yeah musical Fanny. That's just Annie, dummy. I'm a big fan of it, so I kind of combined it.

Oh yeah, big fan, nicely done. I didn't even mean that, but thank you. Big Fanny and Alexander, the greatest story ever told, Dogs of War Games. Yeah. Yeah. But that's funny how we're fucking stuck with big again

at the beginning of the thing. So I think we're stopped again. But that was a really good one. Thanks a lot for playing along with us. Resuscitating a classic game. Big Jay Hollingsworth I'll see you in April 3rd

On April 3rd Or in it In Parlor Live Yes Thank you so much Thank you Thanks everyone Let's stand for them everybody

Yay That's perfect Don't one inch punch me Who'd like a nice Hawaiian one inch punch okay uh that was awesome to get to play that again but also it pointed out to me the pitfalls of the game which is that it's it's extremely difficult and it's best played when people are stuck in a car together for a very long period of time. Because then you can mull over each one until somebody thinks of one.

One time in a car trip, I had a title that had about 27 titles in it. And we all could say it from beginning to end. And it was awesome. But that's never happened on the podcast. Because the podcast isn't eight hours long. So now, let's bring out, you guys ready to bring out the guests?

My fantastic guests. Wonderful, wonderful guests. My guests tonight are three friends of mine, which is usually the case. Every once in a while, there'll be somebody I don't really know, but I try to be friends with.

But these are three friends of mine, two of whom live here in P-Town, and one that I brought in from Los Angeles. Please welcome Sean Jordan, Dave Anderson, and TJ Miller. Yay! Yay! Hey guys Hi Doug Make yourself comfortable

That's Dave Anderson everybody Who watches AM Northwest here in Portland every... Wow, we have got the market. Every weekday. Every weekday at 9 a.m. 9 a.m. On the ABC affiliate. Channel 2.

Channel 2. What's this? Katu? Katu. Katu. It's an old Korean station. Katu. K-A-T-U is how we spell it.

I could watch K-A-T-U all morning long and did today. There was your show, then How to Be a Millionaire, then The View, then Regis and Kelly. Yeah. And it was glorious. It just gets older throughout the day. But thank you so much for being on the show. You were an old friend

of mine from, we both did stand-up comedy out of Los Angeles for a time. And we were roommates for a time. One another for a time. Barely saw each other while we were roommates. Those are the best roommates that you never see. Well, you know, I wouldn't say that about you specifically.

When you were around, it was completely pleasant. There was nothing wrong with it. Yeah, yeah. Nothing wrong with it. But it is even better to be alone and someone else is paying for half. That's right. That is a pretty sweet setup. And then you came up here and you're in radio up here as well.

That's true. Do you, can people like from all over the world listen to your radio show on the internet? I don't, Sure they can. I don't know why they would. It streams, right? It streams, yeah. It's a talk show. It's a talk show, and so if you're in Finland, you probably wouldn't care.

You'd be surprised. There's people in Sweden who listen to this podcast. But this podcast is different than a news talk show that talks about something like a bridge being built. If you're in Finland and you care about a new bridge in Portland, you're probably pretty creepy. Everybody cares about a bridge. That sounded kind of like you were making up

a Canadian girlfriend fan. I have some listeners in Sweden. Where's a place no one would ever go? No one knows where it is to be able to locate the so-called fan. His handle on Twitter is The Chef, and I know The Chef is from Sweden. This just gets more and more credible, doesn't it?

His name's The Chef, and he's 37. That's his age, 37. T.J. Miller. Yeah. Hey, guys. I did an informal poll on Twitter, like who are your favorite guests on the show when we do it in Los Angeles,

and you got a lot of votes. Which I appreciate. Thank you for all of you that voted for me. You know what? Can I play you off with a little music right now? Because this isn't the time for you to make an acceptance speech. Well, I was going to say, I was going to say, actually,

just in time for the Oscars. Why is it that every time I'm going to be self-deprecating, you head me off at the pass like, all right, you arrogant piece of shit. Anyway, I don't think I said any of those words. No, of course not. I might have said, oh, it's hyperbole for a fact. But one guy said,

like lots of people would put my name, they put other people's names, and one guy was like, Paul F. Tompkins, Patton Oswalt, Sarah Silverman. Not, not T.J. Miller. We should explain your name on Twitter is not T.J. Miller. Yeah.

So that's why he, it wasn't like some dummy that wrote not, not for no reason. You're right, Tuck. It was not T.J. Miller. It was not a double negative, everybody. It was not at not T.J. Miller. So, but that person is probably listening right now, and we can say fuck you to that person.

I don't want to say fuck you to that person. I want to say I'm sorry. I tried, and it wasn't good enough for you, but hopefully for your children or some other people that you care about, it will be enough for them. Well, I do want to say it to him, and I got one more surprise guest.

Everybody, CeeLo is here to sing. Fuck you. Fuck you. But he just yells from the back. Fuck you. Forget you. If it's on the radio. There's a weird thing happening with you and I on Twitter.

Where two different people have, unbeknownst of each other, spontaneously... This is one of the weirdest things that's ever happened in my life. Oh, God. I thought it was just kind of interesting. No, no, no. I mean, it's strange. I wasn't that devastated by it. Everything kind of pales down to your sweetened girlfriend.

It's a man, I think. But anyway. His name is The Chef. But my point is... My point is that I've forgotten my point. There's these two guys who have both made fan art that has TJ and I both in it.

And in both cases, it's a parody. It's a Star Wars fan art with TJ Miller and Doug Benson in it. And these two people both sent it to us within a couple of days of each other. And they're not connected. I thought it was the same person revising an original poster. No, no, no. That he had like doctored. But it was two different people. And an original poster. No, no, no. That he had doctored. But it was two different people.

And one of them did things to her eyebrows. You know, on the picture. And then... No, one of them came in while we were sleeping. I mean, yeah. We posed for him and then he had us drink something and we slept for a while. And we woke up with super crusty eyebrows.

And semen on our brows. Why did you have to take it there? So they made these posters and it's like, one is Doug standing above me with his hand on my shoulder and me and it's like, what was it? Doug Loves Movies, Revenge of the Shit Head, or something like that.

It was really, it's pretty weird, that two random people, and then, they became friends on Twitter, just for a moment. They were like, the guy's like,

hey, when were you working on yours? I just finished mine. Are you doing another one? Like, I like the idea that they then become friends online, and they're like,

what's going on with your new Star Wars poster with Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz? How far have you gotten on that one? I'm still working on Kutcher's brows. So, I flew up here from Los Angeles, all right? I'm doing the best I can. Yeah, the altitude change

is really treating you horribly. The time zone thing, you're still freaked out about that. What time is it in California, Doug? You know this, I'm also not sure whether or not we're in Canada. That's true. I'm also concerned about that.

Let's say hi to Sean Jordan for a second. He's been very polite there on the end. I try. I try not to step on the words. He's already building a local following. Sean is a stand-up comic that lives here now. I first met him in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. A lot of bad people. He told me that he moved here

because friends moved here and it reminded him he wanted to move. I don't know if that was exactly what I said. That's now like Portland's new motto. Why not? There was this guy that I was dating, the chef. He broke up with me and changed my whole life. He had to get out of there.

I was like, fuck South Dakota. He was delivering some Star Wars posters. Portland, where you go when you remember, oh, I was supposed to move. Didn't remember until I got here. Bring us your tired, your forgetful,

your cyclists, your bridge enthusiasts who have beards and skinny jeans. Don't make fun of our women. Tall bikes. Yeah! Why would they want to listen

to you in Sweden? This is a fun one. I do want to say this. I got to watch Doug get makeup put on him today. That was kind of tight. Yeah, but we got there late. We got everywhere late today. And they were like, you have to go on now. We can't do the full makeup job.

So the makeup lady just sort of sprayed me with various things. And she got it from the Star Wars guy. What you didn't know was because you were late, she wouldn't do my makeup because she said, I have to be ready for Doug. No answer.

You did your own? I did my own. So you just had to go on looking like that? This is what she said. And she said, and it reminded me of Vegas, go ahead and start without me. And she said, I'll finish you if I can. Yeah. And she said, I'll finish you if I can Yeah Some girls don't have the stamina

That's why your lips were so pursed on the program Thank you I couldn't get my makeup done either Because Doug had to be first Yeah, but you were very quick to say, I don't need makeup No, I didn't Out loud The girl putting on my mic was like,

are you sure you don't want any makeup? And I was like, nah, I don't give a shit. And I just realized that sounded really abrasive because she looked at me and she's like, oh, sorry. She like walked away. I was like, I don't need any of that shit. Get out of here, wench.

I go natural. You should have been like, I'm hoping that this interview goes viral and Hollywood producers will cast me in the Boo-Berry movie. In the Boo-Berry movie? Boo-Berry.

Because when you don't have makeup on, you're like a ghost. Oh, sure. I can't believe I didn't gather that from the boo berry. How silly of me. I thought it was... You know, because you're pale like a ghost.

You know, like a boo berry? Like it's a blueberry, but ghosts say boo, and it's a berry that is what the ghost says? Boo berry. Come on, TJ, get with the fucking program. And you're wearing blue, which is another great thing to do on a podcast. I thought it was a movie based on a breakfast cereal.

I thought, how bad has it gotten? A breakfast cereal. It's going to happen. Don't joke. There could be people eating toast. I was kind of making fun of the fact that TJ was in a movie based on something. A groundbreaking

piece of cinema based on an R2 bear from the 1960s. It's probably what you meant to say. I think the most accurate word in that sentence was peace. Which I'm going to buy And put a cap on that ass Well I gotta talk to Sean

For a second Yeah Cause he's developing A following here In the area In the Portland area Yeah well that Would that be nice

If that was true But I appreciate it Thank you I'm hoping Most people cheered When I said your name earlier They did Who did that by the way

See listen to that Thank you Now it's just getting pathetic. I wasn't expecting that. Yeah, I'm excited. I love it here, man. It's awesome. But come see Sean at various clubs around town and, of course, here at Helium.

That's how we do it. South Dakota fucking yeehaw, son. Let me tell you something about Sean. We had a little day together. This was a fantastic day, by the way, because these guys are all friends of mine, and I got to hang out with them all in a professional and unprofessional capacity,

all in the same day. Let me go through the day. First of all, we went on AM Northwest. Imagine everything happening like 15 minutes later than it should have, first of all. Oh, wait, first we went on the radio. We did. The wrong building first. And we were on KUFO with

Stinky and the Cheese. And... And he hates the movie The Right. Can't stand it. Yeah, yeah. There was a lot of talk about how awful The Right was, and I was just flabbergasted the whole time because someone bought a ticket to see the right

and then had a problem with it. Like, it looks pretty lame. And then right afterwards he goes, well, I don't see many movies because I can't sit through anything. Just walks up to the counter. Well, then why did you choose the right? If you're finally going to jump in,

why did you pick an Anthony Hopkins thriller released in February? The only time that ever worked was once with Silence of the Lambs and you haven't been able to repeat it. But then Sean took us, then we did AM Northwest, which was awesome because they showed still pictures of every movie

that I was in as an extra. Which I had no idea about. Which is super fast. Do you guys know about that? Yeah, I mean, Blade Runner.. Which I had no idea about. Which is super massive. You guys know about that? He's been in Blade Runner. Smoking a cigarette in Fast Times. About last night, right? That's what I said. Still shots of it. It was fucking awesome.

I was in Captain EO. Captain EO? I've spoken of that before. Don't mention that any longer. Of course I was in Captain EO. Let's move on from that now. It's part of the podcast history.

I know this show is unedited. We always just put it on the air. And around the time of Michael Jackson's death, like three days prior, I did a podcast where I went off about him and his little love child on the set of Captain EO. And then he died, and people were then hearing it of Captain EO, and then he died,

and people were then hearing it with the ears of, Michael Jackson just died, and then I'm just railing on him. Oh, that's terrible. So we had to throw in producer Matt Belknap's voice saying the date,

like, right before I go into the story, because I didn't want to take the story out, because it's funny, but... I mean, sure, it wasn't timely, because the man just died. We just put a disclaimer that was like, this happened before he died, so it's okay.

I'm just saying, I don't talk shit about a guy who just died. I talk shit about him right beforehand. Everybody seems, yeah, it's probably what killed him, but I don't know why Dr. Murray isn't bringing that up on the stand. He had a favorite podcast.

He's listening to it as he's about to go to sleep, and he turns to the doctor and he goes, put a little bit more in. Doug just killed me. But did he have a love child on the... And when you say love child, you're making a little bit of a child to me. It wasn't a love child. the set? And when you say love child, you don't make it sound like a child to me. It wasn't a love child.

He had a best friend who was between Bubbles and Macaulay or whatever. So this kid was an unknown. It was a rebound. He was trying to make it as a... Just trying to dig in. Yeah, he's a rebound kid. Bubbles had broken his heart,

so he got this little kid named Joshua. He wanted to make it real. He wanted to make it real. This kid really wanted a chance in the big leagues. This kid was dying to try some Jesus juice. I'm just reporting what happened. No, so he had this kid. I think his name was Jonathan.

But Michael would, like, Francis Ford Coppola would go, action, and then he'd go grab a sandwich, and and then Michael Jackson would dance, and it would be amazing, like he's really talented and charismatic or whatever, and then he'd stop, and they'd say cut, and then he would go sit in a corner of the soundstage

with the little boy Jonathan in his lap, and they would whisper in each other's ears and giggle, and then when they called Michael back to the set, he'd come lap, and they would whisper in each other's ears and giggle, and then when they called Michael back to the set, he'd come back and he'd do it again. And so it was innocent and horribly creepy at the same time. Like, it just became clear that he just relates to children. Like, he's not going to molest the kid

as much as he's just going to manhandle it. Just groom them. No, he's just going to hang out with them. He likes hanging out with kids. Is this Michael Jackson or the story of you and the chef? I want to manhandle them. Just groom them. No, he's just going to hang out with them. He likes hanging out with kids. Is this Michael Jackson or the story of you and the chef? I want to go back to that. No, the chef did some manhandling. That would be a horrible PSA for marijuana

if it made you think that something Michael Jackson did was something that you've done yourself, and you're projecting it onto Michael Jackson. Why are you locking eyes when you're saying this? I didn't say anything. He just looks in my eyes and that would be a terrible thing. I like that Michael Jackson was just whispering in the kids ears. Like one day that man over there who's dancing really poorly

will have a podcast and talk about us. I'm sorry the whole thing came up and I hope that Michael Jackson doesn't die again a couple days from now I hope he doesn't come back from the dead and die that was so amazing he came back from the dead and Benson's still talking shit

but we didn't even show that today we showed the other we showed Captain EO the last time the last time your volume of work is so vast And it's only a half hour show Our segment was like a bullet train Between my clips

And then not showing a clip From Cloverfield But showing a still of several cast members And TJ in the background He goes We have a clip from Cloverfield and both of us went, oh, you have a clip? That's amazing. Yeah, this is going to be great. I hope it doesn't make me nauseous.

He goes, alright, let's look at the clip. And it's just a still photograph slowly being zoomed in on. And I was like, oh, I remember this scene. We had to hold very still as they moved the camera towards us over the period of 45 seconds. So that was pretty fun. One of the only shots in the movie that was over the period of 45 seconds.

So that was pretty fun. One of the only shots in the movie that was not from your point of view. Yeah, right, exactly. Yeah, so we had a blast on the show and give our regards to Helen. Okay. Is that the lady? That's her name?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She wasn't there today. I know, so I'm saying say hi to her for me. She was there last time. I drank out of a big mug. And Sean drove us around to these things today And we got to discover that he can parallel park On either side of the street

Without killing someone on a bicycle You're goddamn right Yeah, so he He fits in great around here It's like you were born here, man When we were up in Best Buy Yeah, we went by the Best Buy, we didn't recognize it. We had a crazy-ass day, you guys.

You guys live, don't you? We did some shit. The lady at the register, she's like, you guys look familiar. And I kind of looked at her like, do I look familiar? Turns out I didn't. She hadn't heard about my parallel parking abilities

at that point, I guess. You should play Sandler's younger brother or something in something. I'd be happy with playing Sandler in that new movie. I can get down to Brooklyn Decker. That's fine with me. Just go with it, man. I got no problem with that. We were trying to go find something

like an electronics store, like a Best Buy, but we didn't want to go into Best Buy, and we saw this place in a strip mall. It said video only. Have you guys seen this? It's down in Jansen Beach. It's, video only. And then there was like, have you guys seen this? And then there's a little small like kind of like a chain here, isn't it?

Not bright rainbow connecting video and only. And I was like, what's that place? Let's go over there. Is that a gay porn place? I just wanted to see what it was. So we went over.

Video only. We're not going to move into DVDs or Blu-rays. Video only. VHS, motherfucker. That's it. Gay videotapeHS, motherfucker, that's it. Gay videotape porn. And all the happiness with a rainbow.

And so we go over there, and it's not a video store at all. It's just like, you know, they sell like Radio Shack, like cables, and all that stuff. So I went in and I asked for a mail-to-mail cord. It was a ton of fun. You guys should try it

or at least enjoy it vicariously through me because it was so fun. You didn't even go in there. Doug was very adamant about not even going in the parking lot. He just wanted to go to Best Buy and get it done. Let's get Best Buy over with. But we had fun in there.

It was pretty fun. It's really fun. It's a great place to shop if you want something specific and want to look around a lot and not find it. Hopefully they'll be a sponsor of my podcast. Tell us. But is it just me, or is that store filled with people in their uniforms and blue shirts

their khaki pants but all look too busy to actually stop and help yeah they're they're all running around

like I'm about to fucking get fired I gotta move well they're trying to help Chuck save the world I had a I had a pretty

fun experience I went there and we were looking for a DVD to buy for one of the prizes. Spoiler alert. We got She's Out of My League, which is a film that I was in.

Somebody's going to own a copy of that tonight? Someone in this room is going to have their very own She's Out of My League? Or at least use the DVD case for another movie. So we tried to find her. Hide super high me in there from your parents because they're not going to be interested in She's Out of My League. They won't know that's in there.

Or put your weed in there. Just put your weed in She's Out of My League. She's out of my weed. Can't believe you guys laughed at that. I'm disappointed in myself for saying it. So we walk over, and it's marked right beneath

She's Out of My League is She's All That Double Disc. And I was like, that's not the right name for that. And there was something else in there, too. What was it? What is it? But they're put in there alphabetically, and then they have certain specials. There was another shitty movie in there too. It was like a double O with

Crazy Beautiful. Sure, I forgot that also. Booberry. Boat Cucumber Wire. I picked it up and I looked at it and it was amazing. They put the price tag literally over only my face. Just over his face.

Like, imagine that. Like, how funny is that? I get to a point where I'm on a movie and I'm on the cover of it, right? And we go in and I'm like, that's the movie that I was in. And it's just got like $5.99 over my face. And then a red line through it and like $3.99 on everything.

It's kind of like, you know, this isn't worth that much. It was on both copies they had in stock too. And what did she say to you when you asked her why they did that? Yeah, so what I did... So he goes up to her. So I go to... He goes up to the cash register and is like, why'd you

put this over my face? She goes, we're checking out and as he's paying, I walk over, I go, who's in charge of the price stickers here? You know, like acting really

sort of offended and ruffled and they go, her right over there. So I walk over to this woman and I go, excuse me, why would the price tag

be here? It's obstructing both the title and the face of one of the main actors and then I peeled it off and put it down there and she just looked at me

and she goes, company policy and I'll tell you what she won that round she's a real price tag stickler we finally broke you that's what I loved about playing this. I played this club for five shows last October,

and that's when I pledged to come back and do a podcast because the crowds were so great. Like, there's none of that, like, groaning that you just heard. But that totally deserved it, because, you know, puns murder people. But that totally deserved it, because, you know, puns murder people. So, Sean took us to the mall today,

and we saw Cedar Rapids. And it was tight. The motion picture. Have you guys seen that? You guys should go see it. I recommend it. Right, Sean? Yeah, there was naked guys in it. That's all I needed.

Naked guys, naked Anne Heche. That's about it. Spoiler alert, if you want to see Ed Helms' ass, if you want to see John C. Reilly's ass, if you want to see... Kurt Wood Smith. Kurt Wood now...

I wasn't an extra in that. Turns out his forehead's in there too quite a bit. Kurt Wood Smith from that 70s show, you see his ass. Robocop, dude. He's from Robocop. I'm not trying to talk people out of going, but it is a sexy movie. But it's really funny. It's directed by Miguel Arteta, and it's really

quite enjoyable. It was great. John C. Reilly should get a Best Supporting Actor. Doesn't he show his ass in a lot of movies, though? John C. Reilly, it's kind of like you see a movie of his other than maybe like Chicago, then you're probably going to see his ass. You're right. He's not shy about showing his ass.

It's like his I'll be back. It's the thing he says right before he kills people. It's the thing he says right before he kills a bunch of people. He just turns around and shows his ass and then turns back around and murders them. Okay. But yeah, it was a good movie and it sounds like some people here have seen it,

but everybody should. You guys should see it. It's really good. It's really funny. John C. Reilly is really funny. Sigourney Weaver is really, really good in it. Yeah, it's just a... It's really good. It's really funny. John C. Reilly's really funny. And Sigourney Weaver is really, really good in it. Yeah, it's just a... It's really... It's...

You know, he did The Good Girl and... Chuck and Buck. Chuck and Buck? What the hell is that? Oh, yeah, that's a great movie. Never heard of Chuck and Buck. Did I say it wrong? Is this the one from the video place with the rainbow?

Chuck and Buck? The gay Chuck and Buck? Video only. Chuck and Buck? Video only. Chuck and Buck do the town? That one? Oh, shit. I'm still creeped out by the Star Wars fan art thing. I want to see it.

Can somebody pull it up on their phone? I want to see what it looks like. I still haven't seen it. I'm a real fan of it. I've never had anything like that. I'll take that as a no. It was weird. I wish I knew their Twitter names. I should have real fan of it. I've never had anything like that. I wish I knew their

Twitter names. I should have wrote them down or something. I could probably find it. I would have given it to the cops. I don't want to stop traffic. I just thought it might have... Twitter works too well. Have you been to the movies

lately, Dave? Last movie I saw was Billy Jack. It's been a while. It's been a while. Don't tell me about Billy Jack goes to Washington. I've T-voted that one. Don't fuck that up for me. Some girl yelled, goes to Washington?

That's the bitchiest thing you can say. You know what's funny about that? He did go to Washington. I have Netflix. Get out of town. I have Netflix on demand. I know. No, I live good.

And what I thought was so funny is... You really live in green. Oh, yeah. But you can get Billy Jack on demand. No waiting. I can see that. I mean, it's like they call you up. You want Billy Jack now?

No, I have two kids and a wife who wants to go see the movies that they like, so that's when I stay home. You just stay home and watch Billy Jack? I watch Billy Jack. I got it at that video store with a rainbow. One Tin Soldier rides away. Oh, why didn't you pull it up? Jack, I got it at that video store with a rainbow. A one-tin soldier rides away.

It has Doug in a spaceship kind of sticking his head out being like, I'm high and driving this thing. And then it's me in one of the weird like robe things. Are you the black guy? No, that's not a black guy, that's an alien. Wow, you really don't have a lot of black people in Portland, do you?

Easy, Oregon. Yeah. Jesus. We don't get these here. Portland is crazy. Oh, yeah, now I see it. Now I see it. Portland is crazy white, isn't it?

It's something like that. So where are you? I'm at the bottom. I'm the one that he made. You guys are all so nice. I don't know why. There he goes. He's a reptilian, and he modified the eyebrows.

Oh, yeah. You know what? That is... He may just watch Drugstore Cowboy and go, that's not for me. That is disturbing. Now, what's... Now, what I think is interesting about this is we're all really enjoying this. You guys don't get to see it, and the people listening to the podcast are like, well, they're completely left out now.

Yeah, but that's the internet. Yeah, that's part of the fun. They can go look it up. The show has to be the best for everyone that's here right now. They're the ones that matter the most. Woo! Yeah.

Next most important is the listeners. They're important too. That's what everyone here was when they're not here. But it's fun to have a little something that's special about coming to the live show. Did you say that at the top,

top billing in this movie, DLM, The Wrath of Shithead, top billing is Doug Benson on one side and Willem Dafoe on the other. And then you scroll down. You're dead. He's gonna get you.

It's not scrolling right. God, you look so weird in it too. You really do have an eyebrow problem. It's a terrible representation of me. And it says, and introducing Meejay Tiller. One guy in the audience is like,

oh! Like, that's some huge diss. Wait, hold on. He switched two to three letters in my motherfucking name? Maybe his name is MeJayTiller. Yeah, he's like, whoa!

What are you dragging me into it for? I told no one to introduce me. I said call me Gary. Jesus. Me, Jay Tiller. All right, pull up the other one. We got to do the other one now. That's awesome.

There's not any black people in it this time, is there? You know what? It is. It's John. What are the odds? The Twitter people are John Sikowski, S-S-C-O-S-K-I,

and then Hobnil. That's totally backwards. Hobnil. And then the new one is, this is Sikowski's. No, no, no. That's just one with John Lithgow behind you

while you smoke a bong. Looking a lot like Princess Leia. I'm going to say that. Wait, you're not in that one? No, I'm not in that one. Yeah, now it gets sad for no reason. Why do you say that? Everyone's like, oh, no.

I thought we were both in both of them. I thought that was part of what was weird about it. You're in my heart, though, at least. That should count for something. You've got your iPhone, and it's working. I have the Droid. And Netflix? Are you kidding?

No. I can't tell if that was making fun of him, or he's like, you have one foot in the future and one foot in an operating system. Even my theater in South Dakota. The shit doesn't get around South Dakota for another couple years. No, the point I was going to make,

because you're absolutely right, is in just that little bit that you were looking up, my battery would have died. These things suck. They suck. I should have waited like two more days. I could have gotten the iPhone, but no. I'm in the same boat, and I'm very pissed about it.

Yeah, I'm very pissed. I feel like just the underclass. I got a new case. Have you guys heard about this case, Mophie? What does this have to do with movies? It sounds very similar to the word movie. Can you watch the movie? So there's this case called Mophie.

Listen, I got to write a really quick letter here for a second. Dear Helium Waitstaff, can I please get another Kettle One and Tonic? Hey, can you add a postscript? P.S. What kind? A pear cider. Okay. Oh, like you've never

had one. Fuck you, Portland. Fuck you. You guys, this is the... I've got it, I've got it. P.S. MeJ wants a Sarah Piter. No! Not the MeJ Sarah Piter!

I didn't even hear the last part. Turns out somebody did sneak into video only today, didn't they? Mr. Parasiter. I shouldn't be making fun of the guy who we got his movie today. Did we get mine? No, we didn't. So I guess I should... Oh my God, that's so sad. Don't worry about it. You can making fun of the guy who we got his movie today. Did we get mine? No, we didn't. Oh my God, that's so sad. Don't worry about it. You can make fun of me. He's like, you know, but not saying that I made a movie

with a price tag over my face. He obviously was in that. Oh, you know what? Hang on a second. This comedy club is really cool and they make an announcement because stand-up comedians don't want their picture taken a bunch of times while they're doing their stand-up comedy here, which is awesome.

There's no recording or videotaping or pictures. But for the podcast, they made that announcement tonight, and I kind of felt bad because I not only don't mind you guys taking pictures, but would love if a few of you took a picture because then you can tweet it out there and I can, you know,

because I'm not... Sounds like somebody's building an alibi. If you could just stamp it Portland 8 o'clock. Please, 8 o'clock. Backtrack it. I like you finish saying that and just one lonely flash goes off in the back.

And everybody else is like, why the fuck do we take pictures of a podcast? Hold on. You just thought it was going to be like a Super Bowl. I like having group shots of all of us. I got ten seconds of battery life left for you. You won't be in it. Oh, I don't need to be in it.

That was like the Super Bowl right there. Just doing a weird photo session in the middle of the show. He's doing single pictures. What, are you going to Photoshop them together into some weird fucking Star Wars poster? No, no, no. You maniac!

Make sure to credit me as John Lithgow Defoe. Now all I have to do is download a price sticker and I'm good to go. Make sure it's on clearance. Like me. You wanted a pear cider? Yeah, sure. Sean, do you want anything?

Sure. What do you want? The movie cocktail. I don't know. The Hef. I'll have a Hef, please. We should talk about movies, though. Hef.

It's a beer. I'm trying to get you guys to mention your favorite drink because then maybe they'll send you a case of it. Give me a 40 of Old English then, I guess, if that's what you're doing. Some Old English. For me, it's any brand name bubble tea. Yeah. Send me a case of that.

Send me a case of that. Send me a case of that gangster shit. I like a hooker Lexus neat. And then they send him bottles of just hobo piss and like Jägermeister, because that's what that shot is.

A Lexus Did you say Lexus hooker? A Lexus hooker is. Alexis, did you say Alexis Hooker? Alexis Hooker Neat. I almost thought you said a Nissan Hooker. No. Give me a shit car and I'll prosecute you. They're not the same. Those are easy to get.

Anyone get a Nissan Hooker. Thank you so much. All right. I got mine. I don't know what happened to yours. I'm not worried about it anymore, are you? That's great. Thank you for that.

They got to send somebody to Whole Foods for yours. Where'd she go? Is that her right there? Yeah. All right. I got to tip her. Okay, we can probably do that after the show's over. Hey, what other movies have we seen lately? You tip when the service happens.

It's so weird for Doug to see dollars going away from the stage. I don't understand that. Here you go, here. Oh, sorry. Sir? The reason he doesn't understand it is because when he goes to a strip club, he puts the money with his hand over onto the stage and he throws it back in his own

face. That was extremely complicated, but I stand by the fact that it was worth saying out loud. Slips it right through the mouth. When I am implicated in tomorrow morning's news in the stripper murder, just send in your pictures. You know what the best thing? When you go to the strip club, you just tie your dollar in tomorrow morning's news in the stripper murder. Just send in your pictures.

You know what the best thing when you go to the strip club you just tie your dollar to a string and then you tuck it in her thong and then yoink it out like right when she's going back. It's the best way to do it.

You know what? That is You can give her 20 that way. for whatever reason I went through the steps as you said it. I tied a fake string around my thumb.

I tied it to the dollar. I put it in her vagina for some reason. That's apparently okay in Oregon. And then I like yank it out and it has some fluid on it. And then it trails along with me because

I double knotted it. I don't want to talk about it. But if you do it right, whenever I risk a dollar out of a vagina, I talk about it anymore. But if you do it at the right time, if you do it at the right time, I'd really appreciate it. Whenever I risk a dollar out of a vagina, I just throw it back. Well, that's because you don't have a permit.

Yeah, I get a permit for that up here. Oh, pussy fishing. You guys up for going for a weekend of pussy fishing? I was about to apologize for saying that You realize so No, you just coined the greatest new expression Pussy fishing Guys, be sure to stop by the bait shop

Because we're going pussy fishing Bait shop equals bank What kind of bait are you going with? A Camaro Or a really big gold watch Or a Star Wars fan poster You printed out And took with you to the bar

But now Did you guys know You know Because you live here But did you know That we have more Adult entertainment In Oregon than any

other state in the union. Some of that is Rosetta Stone screenings. Portland is an awesome state. I'm not trying to be racist. And it's also a city. But my point is the whole area is just a delight to me because of things like that.

Like if everyone in the country had medical marijuana and more strip clubs than anywhere else in the country, the world would be a better place. But like, fun strip clubs where couples go in together and all the strippers have a lot of tattoos

and get along with their parents. That sounds like a utopia. Now that you bring up Disney. I like that you ended talking about the strip clubs like you're writing a guidebook on the underbelly of Portland but you're the nicest writer ever.

You're like, you know, it's things like the multitude of strip clubs where you can see open-air vagina. It is a real delight. You know what I'm doing. I'm just spinning that I'm positive

about strip clubs so when the news comes out tomorrow about the stripper... Like he couldn't have killed him. I'll be coming out smelling like a rose.

You're going to come out smelling like coconut or vanilla. One of those two things. Yeah! Three point shot. Swish! Rip city.

Alright, really quickly, let's just go down the panel. What's your favorite Pixar movie? Up. Not Monsters, Inc.? No. Dave? Toy Story. One. Not Inc.? No. Dave? Toy Story. One.

Not Cars? No. Sean? Well, it was between Monsters, Inc. or Cars and now I'm fucked. Which one? No, I'll say Monsters, Inc.

You're all wrong. It's The Incredibles. It's not, though, because I voiced... No, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you saying? Let me get something straight. It wasn't between Monsters, Anchor, Cars.

I just said that. It was The Incredibles. So boom. There it is. Well, that's clearly bullshit. Hey, you want a beer? There you go. Oh, wait. Thank you. I'll have the Sprite.

Would you order the Cedar Rapids? Is that a bunch of pears just squeezed into a glass? Is it really pear cider? It's really pear cider. I'm going to pour some into something else and try it. Yeah, sure. That's great. Because I don't want to put...

I can't explain the plan without asking. Okay, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take some of your drink and put it in another thing for me to drink. You're not allowed to touch my drink. Do you want some of mine? That's what's going to happen. Do you want some of mine? Yeah, sure.

I'll have a little bit of that. Oh, I like that. Just put it right in there. I didn't see it. I took about a straw's worth of kettle of wine and soda. Drown in the pair of cider. We call that a Lexus hooker day. To all the presidents,

except for those shitty ones What do you guys say We play the Leonard Maltin game Yeah I'm nervous Do you believe this shit They love it I love it too And I always mess it up

And I'm nervous But I'm gonna I'm gonna fucking kill it today You guys are done Alright I love that in I love it, too, and I always mess it up, and I'm nervous, but I'm going to fucking kill it today. You guys are done. All right. I love that in the back. Look at that. Just glow lights.

She's got lights, but I can't read what it says. You would think, though, that if you're going to go to that effort, you get here early enough to be closer. It was a picnic basket. That's so sad. No, I saw it. I saw it. Somebody has a picnic basket.

So this is the part of the show where you guys have heard it when you listen to the podcast, now you're living it. My guests, Sean and Dave and TJ are going to go into the audience and pick the name tag that they enjoy or that speaks to them or that they just like.

We just walk off the stage and do this? Yeah, there's tons of them. The lights are all in my face, so I can't see them, but if you guys walk out into the crowd and pick out one that you like... What's that? I like that reel.

You have a Karate Kid video for me? Everyone, out of my way. I didn't know people could bribe the guests, but that's a good idea. I want to pick people could bribe the guest but that's a good idea I want to pick people from the back but I have to this girl

I have to pick her, Abby because she not only made a picnic basket she used the font no, just shut the fuck up for a second just because you didn't get picked doesn't mean you have to poo-poo someone else's creativity So she used the same font

To put her name And I say Abby Pick a nigga please She got her You know She got a good seat or whatever Somebody shout out

The worst nickname for Portland That you can think of And that's who's getting picked The worst nickname for Portland Dave Anderson's really Working the room I heard P-Town that you can think of, and that's who's getting picked. The worst nickname for Portland. Dave Anderson's really working the room. I heard P-Town with the real thing. What's his name on there?

Melissa. There we go. All right. So now is she just naked without that? No, she wasn't wearing it. She was just holding it. Oh, okay. How does she look, though?

You do know you're going to lose, right? Is she good at it? I'm terrible at this. All right, Doug. Oh, it's so sad at this Can you turn this off or does it just go Until it wears out? I'm talking about the lights I don't even think that was the person that gave it to you It's just some girl in the back You can push them off

I've been down that road I was doing a show At a comedy club and I'm on stage And in the back, I see blinking light, blinking light, and I'm thinking one of the comics is videotaping, but they're done, and I'm freaking out because I'm like, who's videotaping, who's videotaping?

And when I get off stage, I walk back, and I realize it's some chick who's getting married, and they put a little crown on her that lights up that looked just like video camera the whole night. Creepy. What a slut. Sometimes they're little dicks. Not the best story of the night,

but I wanted to share it. No, sometimes they're little dicks, though. They're flashing dicks. That's so weird. The girls are like, time to really party. Let's put our dicks on. Make sure they're fully charged. Like, what? Yeah, it sounds like a harlot to me. I gotta say.

That sounds like the title of a romance novel. Real Jezebel Harlot, that one. Blinking dicks. So who did you pick? Melissa Melissa And what about you? I got David And if you can guess

Oh he's got a clapboard That's nice Scene and take it is Scene four take twenty Whoa A mover and a shaker David I get it

I totally get it There's no 69 on here anyway Well thank you so much To everyone I totally get it. There's no 69 on here anymore. Well, thank you so much to everyone for bringing name tags, and I'm sorry everyone can't be chosen. Yeah, I feel bad. But, you know, those are three pretty awesome name tags. I think it's awesome, and to be fair,

like those of you, I picked Abby because I thought it was very creative, but she's going to lose because I'm terrible at this. And I said that to her, and she goes, I know. I swear to God. She goes, I know, I know. I mean, you can't feel bad that not everybody got chosen because then you would have, like, what, 300 guests on the show.

Right, it's true. It just wouldn't work. That'd be unmanageable, especially if one of them were T.J. Miller. So... Put all your compliments in here in my little picnic basket

that's adorable does he get to keep it if he wants it that's like she didn't think about that beforehand she's like I guess Jesus all I did was print the fucking poster she's like where am I going to put my jewelry?

And my jewelry is all fruits and pies. And fire ants. But anyway, we have three very creative name tags from Abby and Melissa and David. Okay. And you guys are all going to be playing for them.

And here's what you're going to be playing for. A bag of laundry. Hotel room, plastic bag. I put all these gifts in. And there's some pretty good stuff in here. Dave Anderson contributed a giant red mug that says, 1190KEX News Radio depend on us.

That's a lot of coffee. A whole new coffee, yeah. It's like, what do we depend on you for? Like, you're like, just coffee. Don't walk down, don't walk down that one alley.

There's a rapist. Well, when news, when news of a hooker death breaks We're on it Oh okay You got all that coffee To throw in their face So you're fine

And then you brought a copy Of a motion picture I'm not terribly familiar with Well I'm not either But I asked you What you like Is it Ghost Dog? This is

It's the greatest It's called the greatest Yeah And Pierce Brosnan is in it Yeah But it's a Sundance Award winner It's What Killed Sundance award winner It's what killed Sundance

Let's see what Leonard Maltin has to say about it Alright I bet you he didn't even review it While he's looking it up I just want to say It's Pierce Bronson, Susan Sarandon Brosnan Carrie Mulligan And it's called The Great Test

You learn well You learn well Suzanne Sarandon the man man Stanton in there I had to I had to peel the sticker off of Pierce's face And you put it on mine Oh man Carrie Mulligan on the front of it

Just looks really really confused About what's going to happen Was it from 1977 Oh no was it from 2010? Pierce Brosnan? Oh, here it is. Lettermalt is at three stars. It was either from 35 years ago. He says it's rigorously precise.

What else can you want in a movie? How do you get that? I want a rigorously precise movie. Not one mistake in this film. And I am enjoying it immensely. It's so rigorous, you never see a boom mic. That's why I'm so scared to play this fucking game. He describes everything like that.

It's impossible to guess what movie that is. He goes, emotionally powerful drama about grief and regeneration. What is absurd? That's absurd. With exceptional performances across the board. After a teenage boy dies, this sounds awesome.

In an auto mishap. It's not a mishap. Auto mishap? When there are fatalities, Len. The guy gets out of his car and he's like, I think we have a little boo-boo on our hands.

Your son is dead. I'm drunk. It was a little mishappening. Why do you have to mention boo-boo in everything you do? Like, yeah, we get it. You were in Yogi Bear. Okay.

Anyway, he goes on to describe the movie. We don't have time for this nonsense. But you get a copy of this rigorous, rigorous ordeal called The Greatest. And those are brought in by Mr. Dave Anderson. And then we also have, as we spoke of earlier, we made a trip to the Best Buy, and you get a copy of She's Out of My League, starring 599.

I signed that, and I wrote the price in my face on it. Oh, and we have... this is a David Huntsberger CD. Yeah, David Huntsberger. He's been on the podcast. How did this get in here? I threw it in there because it was sitting in my back seat, taking up space. But you like him, though. He's really funny, right?

Yeah, he's hilarious. He's one of my favorites. He goes and gives away my CD. So it's like a thing we have going on. Oh, okay. All right, so you get David Huntsberger's CD. It's called Hello, Robot. I wanted to bring a Switchblade. Just to let you guys know,

I wanted to bring a Switchblade, but Doug shut it down. What's that? I said I wanted to bring a Switchblade for my prize, but you shut it down. It's true. I said I don't want to give somebody a Switchblade because I've got a stripper to kill.

I did, really. I found a switchblade in my closet the other day. But now that you mention it, that would have been a smooth move on my part to give away a murder weapon that you planned on using later. So I found this bloody switchblade in the hooker's throat.

You want a switchblade? Can I bring it by your house later? Just leave the door open and go to sleep. Can I chloroform you and leave it next to you? All right, so... That was funny. You murdered a stripper and then passed out. That was funny.

I brought copies of Doug Benson's Professional Humoridian CD, available at AST Records, and I also brought sort of a bootleggy kind of item. I brought a CD. I burned a bunch of CDs of the special I did for television called The High Road. And so you get a copy of that and hopefully you'll watch it and pass it around to your friends. Because I want people to see it.

And then we also purchased today at Best Buy a copy of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Which we all know and love. And TJ just watched it tonight for the first time on Hotel Vision and I wrote on the disc what I thought about it did you really? yeah

oh can I read it to everybody? oh this is exciting he wrote absolutely nothing no I didn't good one what did you write in invisible ink? He wrote Absolutely nothing No I did Good one What did you write in invisible ink No it's in the fucking

It's in silver It's the same color as the name Good work A lot of times on DVDs they put cursive at the bottom It just looks like You guys He wrote I saw it Pretty good It just looks like, okay. You guys. He wrote, I saw it.

Pretty good. And then signed it. You should just do that all the time, to sign other people's movies with a little review on it. But on every single one I put, saw it, pretty good. I swear to God, I just heard somebody spit up. It is pretty good, and you will win that also. So there's all that stuff that you can win tonight

if you are Abby, Melissa, or David. And I wish you all the best of luck. David, me and you. Let's play. We'll start down there with Sean, my friend from South Dakota. Damn right. Yeah.

Your category choices are, would you like, It's Black History Month Here in Portland So Yuck These are movies that have Either the word black Or history

Or month in the title And then we also have At ScarMichael42 Suggested hit men So these are movies with hit men Or women in them. And then I just want to give a quick shout out. Happy birthday to Ellen Page, who was on the show.

But has only been in like four or five American movies. She's done some stuff in Canada. But it's kind of hard to make her a category. But I think she's great. And I also heard today from Steve Agee that she's on Twitter now, so follow her at Ellen Page on Twitter. But Jennifer Love

Hewitt is also celebrating a birthday. So let's do a Jennifer Love Hewitt movie. So those are your options. Black History Month, Hitmen, or Jennifer Love Hewitt. It's pretty much the same All the same thing

Is there one movie that links all three of those That I just get the super bonus I would see that movie with a boner Jennifer Love Hewitt, the hit woman Who kills a black guy or something like that I don't know what it would be No seriously You're giving me a boner

I just think that Black History Month in Portland is that they all think blacks are a part of their history. Or history for me. Jennifer Love Hewitt was in a movie with Jason Lee, who used to be a professional skateboarder, and who TJ sounds a lot alike, so I'm going to pick Jennifer Love Hewitt movies, because I skateboard, so.

In case you guys wanted to know why I was picking it, that's why. Very in detail. Way to work in your hobbies. It's like a slacker who wants to be a millionaire. It's like, I'm a skater and she's moving with a skater. Maybe I just love Jennifer Love Hewitt movies

and I'm trying to mask it with something. Alright, Sean, would you like a Jennifer Love Hewitt movie from, and her friends, we just call her Love. Would you like a Love movie from 1998, 2001, or 2004? And please don't, if you guys ever know the answers, please don't yell out as usual.

98. Dude, you said it. Alright, 98. Alright, what do you want to change it to? 2001. Alright, no more changes. That's the last one. Okay, 2001. Two and a half stars from Leonard Maltin.

From this 2001. Jennifer Love Hewitt. She's in it. I'm not saying how big a part she has, but she has two pretty big ones. Leonard calls it sleazy if watchable. And then

oh my god, Leonard, I can't believe you of all people wrote this. The last line of the review is, wonderful performance by Hewitt's breasts. I swear to God. He is the sweetest, most timid man, but that's his final line of the review.

Is it the tits steal the show? And there are... 14 names. 14. How many names do you think you can get it in? 2001, Jennifer Love Hewitt, two and a half stars, sleazy, tits.

That'd be a horrible thing to say to a woman. I think your tits are sleazy. I was going to say, is that the name of the movie? Sleazy tits. I think I know it. I would like to think so. You want to go zero names? Well, don't tell me what to do, first of all.

I'm trying to decide. That was the most timid fuck off of all time. First of all, don't tell me what to do. That's not what I want to do. I'm a grown-ass man. He remembered he wanted to move and he doesn't like to take shit from people.

I don't take shit from people. How many names? Zero names. Wow. So, TJ... Maybe, maybe. All right! TJ, now you can either say, name that movie,

or you can go negative names if you think you know it. What's the highest negative number I can bet? Well, you gotta name the cast now however many negative names from the top in the proper order.

If I were you, if you think you know the movie I'd probably just go I'd keep it a small bit. Curveball challenge. Who knows what's gonna happen with Dave. You just say know the movie, I'd probably just go like, you know, I'd keep it a small bid. Curveball. Who knows what's going to happen with Dave. No, you just say name the movie. What's that? You can tell him to name the movie. Talk about the title of the thing

that you're thinking in your mind. But here's the thing you've got to keep in mind, that he, you know, he seems pretty confident. Well, no, I mean, I am, but it's like... Let me handle this. Sorry. I backpedaled.

I'm backpedaling. Do you think you know it? You don't know it all. You just have to give in. I tried sleazy tits and that didn't work. No, it didn't. And thank you for framing it like like I just have to give in. You might get the point.

He might not know it. That's the idea. All right. Here we go. Sean Jordan, what's the movie? Is it Heartbreakers? Yes. Shit.

Now you have to fly down to L.A. on a date of my choosing to be in the Tournament of Championships because you just entered into the Tournament of Championships. You just entered into the Tournament of Championships. I would love to. With that amazing, amazing play. See, I was trying to get you to do negative names because I want you to be in the Tournament of Championships

because that would be hilarious. Like you playing against Paul F. Tompkins and Edgar Wright would be the funniest thing that ever happened. I just keep trying to steal Paul F. Tompkins and Edgar Wright would be the funniest thing that ever happened. I just keep trying to steal Paul F. Tompkins' kerchief. Give it to me, Paul. Yeah, because you go a different route. You have the nice-looking shirt and tie and then a hoodie over it.

I don't think Paul Tompkins would ever adopt that particular... Not that it's a bad thing. You saying I look like a dirtball? Let's all just take a moment and let that sit. No, we gotta play the Leonard Mullen game. Let's do it. We don't have time for great sitting moments. Alright, so...

Sean got the point. Damn right. TJ challenged him. Settle down. Dave Anderson starts it off for the next one because he was not involved in that skirmish. Here are your choices, Dave. Would you like motion

pictures set in Oregon? Yeah. People always love that category even when I'm not in Oregon. Yeah. Huge in South Dakota. Dances with wolves. Some guy on Twitter, or gal,

I think it was a guy, called atmoviemmc suggested Oscar nominees. These are movies that are nominated for Oscars this year. And then your third choice, also celebrating a birthday,

one of the greatest villains in screen history in more than one movie, I think, Alan Rickman is celebrating a birthday. Yeah. I don't know what's more awesome,

Hans Gruber or Servius Snape. Did I pronounce that right? Gruber. Severus. So I have the right? Gruber. Severus. So I have the three choices. I've got Oregon, I've got Academy Awards,

or I have... The movies of Alan Rickman. Yeah. Boy, those are all good choices, but I've got to go Oregon. Yeah. And I'll just go with... Because you want people

to watch your show. I'm going to go paint your wagon. Paint your wagon. Paint your wagon. You don't just guess a movie right away. I know you don't. Not a fan of pre-guessing, I heard. Oregon watch your show. I'm going to go paint your wagon. Paint your wagon. Paint your wagon. You don't just guess a movie right away. I know you don't. Not a fan of pre-guessing, I heard.

Oregon Trail. Right. That was a kick-ass video game, not a movie. We'll reconvene for Doug Loves Video Games. But let's do this now. Dave Anderson, would you like a movie set in Oregon from 1985, 1990, or 2009? Oh, God. Yeah. Well, I mean, I would have to be stupid to not go out in 2000.

People in the audience already know which ones those are. 2009, 2000, what? I think so. 2009 was the only 2000. Then 1990, and then 1985. I didn't live here in 85 and 90, so that's going to screw me up. What does living here have to do with it?

They take place here. Until you live in Oregon, you can't really. Iconical 2009. You just don't know, bro. 2009. We're with the most recent movie of the choices. People are very disappointed. Maybe this category will come up again.

We'll see. Leonard Mullen gives this movie three and a half stars. That's set in Oregon. Really? He calls it deliciously original. I call it rigorously delicious. Yes.

He says... He also says about it... Oh. That it has... He says it has an amazing production design these clues are less than helpful

they're so gnarly considerably less than helpful and there are wait a second that's weird there's one name that's split up but I'm pretty sure

it's just one name so I'm gonna go one eight names there's eight one eight names eight eight names it's a movie set in Oregon a motion picture set in Oregon does that mean it was made in Oregon or set in Oregon it was set in Oregon it may not have been made in Oregon that question you know a lot of movies are

made in a lot of movies that are about Oregon are made in Canada where the answer to the question is one of the parts of the question, is it set here or is it made here? It's set here. It's such a funny situation. Wow, that's... He's talking shit. A guy who's in first place is suddenly very cocky. You know, I got a point.

I'm going to turn into a champion. I'm going against Wilson next. It wasn't talking shit. It was just like that happens all the time. Just a side note. You can't really tell if a movie is set in Oregon until you've moved to Oregon. Yes! That's right.

Okay. And there are eight cast members. I can do that in... 2009. In 2009, I can do that in... Well, I can do it in eight, I'm sure. That was just a year before the last. I think I'm going to say four. Four names, wow.

Ballsy opening bid. We move on to TJ. Is that the right way? No, I'm sorry, Sean. He's already pissed off. Sean, what do you think? I have no idea what it is. Okay, so then you should bid three and hope that TJ doesn't call you on it, or...

But now that you've said that, I know exactly what I'm going to do. Well, no. Yeah, so you have to just... I think you kind of have to make Dave say it. Yeah, well, that's what I mean. It doesn't make any sense. So just say name that movie. Name that movie. Dave Anderson, name that movie. Yeah, all right. All right, you get four names.

Do you want the clues again? No, they didn't help the first time. Okay. They threw me off because I thought I knew the name of the movie. But what did he call the set? Deliciously rigorous? Deliciously original. And then it also has amazing production design.

Amazing production design. Yeah, that clue is very... That's helpful, isn't it? No. Okay. That clue is going to make you not ever think it's this movie. I think. And your four names are Robert Bailey Jr.

But for some reason it's like Robert Bailey and then space, like another name, Jr. Because I think in Sweden he's a junior. So maybe there's a person called Junior only. That's their whole name. But I'll give you both. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. So you got Robert Bailey Jr., Ian McShane. Yeah, we all know

and love from Deadwood. And I'm excited that he's in a movie that's coming out soon, I think. Yeah, he's in the next Pirates movie, which like, something has to happen to save those shitty movies. So Ian McShane

might be the answer. Keith David. Black dudes. You don't know him. And it's funny. There's a white dude named David Keith and a black dude named Keith David. Keith David was in They Live.

He has the big fight with Roddy, Roddy Piper. Yeah. No, amazing, amazing actor. I'm putting it out there to the world. I would love to have him on the podcast. And then your fourth name is Dawn French, who I think is part of a comedy team in England. None of that helped.

Absolutely. None of that helped. She's absolutely fabulous. See, I was thinking. Right? Is that right? Okay, so those are your four names. I'd be surprised if anyone in this room knew the answer.

I was thinking it was the... Does somebody think they know it? They know it. Really? That's awesome. I was thinking it was the Harrison Ford movie, the Extraordinary Measure thing, whatever the hell it was. But that's not it.

That was set in Oregon? Yeah. Okay. And it was really done in Oregon? Yeah. Okay. And it was really done in Oregon. So 2009 set in Oregon I should have said six.

Who's going to get the point if you miss it? Sean. And that'll be two points? Holy shit. It's going to be over. There's so much pressure. There's so much pressure. There's so much pressure now. This is so exciting. Yeah, in 2009, and I'm just drawing a blank, I'm going to guess it was

an extraordinary measure. So it had to be... This is brutal. This is tough. It's tough because the clues you write didn't help. But it's also brutal because I know you're never going to come up with it. It's such a fuck you. You're going to be like, what? Really?

Then I'm going to stick with Extraordinary Measures. That's incorrect. Just throw in the towel. Sean wins, but the production design thing is such a fuck you because who thinks of there being production design in a cartoon? And the movie's called Coraline.

What? Dude. Yeah, it can't be. All right, that point doesn't count. Let's keep playing. It was set in Oregon? Did you know? No, I didn't know.

Was it set in Oregon or shot in Oregon? Oh, sorry, poor love. What are you know? No, I didn't know. Was it said in Oregon or shot in Oregon? No. Oh, really? Sorry, poor one. What are you waiting? A bunch of people from the audience are like, no! Both things happened. The stop motion was done in here?

Yeah. Wow. So that's really, yeah, they're proud of it. I think the studio, is the studio in like Northwest, right? That's where they knew it. Yeah, it's right by my house. They showed that on my flight back. We were coming back from Hawaii and people were actually hoping the plane would go down.

They hated the movie. Do you like the movie? No. It was a different thing. Everybody on that plane was very depressed about their own lives. So don't jump to conclusions. Alright, so Sean's the winner officially Let's say that right now

So David wins all of this stuff Sean could you deliver this stuff to David Yeah What do we do with the name tags Oh god Spilled my drink happens every show We need more pear juice I need another one now though

Where'd my tip money go that I threw on the floor? She grabbed it. Oh, good, good, good. So, I mean, I guess I'll be at the bar soon enough. But I really missed the rest of that drink. Do you want some more of my pear cider? No. Come on, Dougie, have a

nip. No. Here you go, Dougie. Just enough to wet your whistle. For the end of the podcasting. When we checked in, the guy checking us in at the hotel last night, TJ and I, when we're checking in, he's like, so you have adjoining rooms, and I'm like, that's, no thank you.

And then he lays in and oh, that's going to be perfect, yes. We definitely want adjoining rooms. And then Yes, we definitely want adjoining rooms. And then the guy really gave us adjoining rooms. I go, sometimes I'll be in his room and he'll want to go in mine, but we don't want to be in the same room together, so adjoining rooms would be perfect. And Doug's like, seriously, don't give us that.

And he's like, how many keys? And I was like, just one for each of us because we'll trade off. We don't need one of each of us because we'll trade off. We don't need one of each other's things. And then he really gave us the joining rooms and I really watched Doug while he was sleeping. Where's Melissa? Come up here. She's got to work her way all the way.

You came in second or third, Depending on how you look at it So let's get Melissa up here Melissa take your time coming up It's like a stop motion movie Being Hayden Morgan I feel like crap Coraline should be the default Come over here Melissa

And just write down right here, anywhere on this piece of paper, just the name of who you want me to call a shithead at the end of the show. Can't write me, Jay Jones. Coraline. Call Coraline a shithead. Let me see if I can read that. Oh, yeah, I know that.

Okay. Thank you, Melissa. Thank you for playing. Love your name tag. Abby, could you come up here? Abby, come on. Shout out to Mike, Becky, Kirk, Gary, Jamie You get to pick Anybody you want me to call a shithead

Just write it down And you can take your picnic basket back Or you can let TJ keep it And I'll sign this for you or you can hit me in the head Oh sign it for him You know I think it'd be great if you would keep that Cause I'd love to see you go through TSA tomorrow with a little picnic basket

yeah just go skipping up to it with it in your hand is it okay if I put my shoes in this what do I do with my basket full of lotions how will I put it in the well for the listeners the picnic basket is very small how will I put it in the well? For the listeners, the picnic basket is very small and it's ridiculous to think of it having more than one lotion in it. Anyway, you should see it. You'd love it.

Alright, let's do one more for fun round of the Leonard Maltin game. It is always my favorite part of the podcast. I know that. You never listen to it. Oh, you mean you enjoy playing it when you're on the show. Uh-huh. Okay, so

what happened that last round? The winner was announced. You gave the prizes away. Who? You won because you told gave the prizes away. No, who you won because you told him to name it. So TJ, we start with you this time. And from all the categories I named, which one

would you like? Oscar nominees, Hitman, Black History Month, Oregon, J. Love Hewitt, or J. Love Hewitt. J. Love Hewitt. Who are you crushing on, boy? J. Love Hewitt. J. Lo Hewitt. Who are you crushing on, boy? Or Alan Rickman. Or Susan Sarajan.

Hans Gruber. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. I will take... Let's do Oscar nominees right now. All right. This is exciting. Do you have an Oscar pick that's exciting? Is there anything you're really hoping will win?

Well, I don't think it'll happen, but I just saw The Fighter, and I've seen King's Speech and Social Network and most everything else, and I thought The Fighter, I think, is the best picture of the year. I like it. I like it a great deal.

Obviously, the audience isn't totally... There were some claps, and then they quieted down when they realized other people were not clapping. Just a lot of you were like, we're still voting for Coraline this year. What's that face? It's Coraline. It's Coraline. There was a sticker over the title. It's not his fault.

Quit your Coraliningining Let's do this thing Alright would you like An Oscar nominated movie From 2010 2010 Or 2010 I'll take Cora Landon

For Susan Cora Landon For Yeah from 2010 Okay you got it I can do that Leonard Maltine Gives this movie Susan Corlandon from 2010. Okay, you got it. I can do that. Leonard Maltine gives this movie three stars.

Maltine the saltine? Sometimes things aren't funny when they're said out loud. I get it. I'd like to back him up here for a second. Audience, if you don't give him a good response for a comment that he says, you don't need 30, like two seconds

later, some girl in the back is like, uh, like we don't need that. Silence isn't that. The silence totally nailed it. And you don't have to like hear the silence and then add more. You might pick up a little bunny. Hold on a second. Just making sure you know.

You're not so funny on Doug Benson. Leonard Moulton calls this movie often enthralling. Depending on the day. And he says that it's inventively staged for the camera oh

alright alright alright three stars 2010 it's one thing and another thing it's an Oscar nominee

and it's only three stars from Len yeah he doesn't have to agree with the Academy. How many peoples? There are... eight peoples. How many peoples do you think you can get it in? This Oscar-nominated movie.

It's nominated for an Oscar. I'll go for seven peoples. And there's three stars. And he calls it Often Enthralling. And that's the alarm that means that I have fucked up too many times. And I have to leave Portland.

A burglar foot. He calls it Inventively Staged. And there are eight names. You say seven? Mm-hmm. All right. Then we move down here to Sean. I'll say six. Six names for Sean. Well, I am so good at this.

I think he can get that. There's not even prizes on the line this time. It doesn't even matter, does it? So it's just for fun. So you're at six. Don't hurt yourself. Yeah, I'm gonna say name it. Whoa!

Holy shit! It's exciting for something that's not exciting. Name it and don't mispronounce it or you'll be made to feel shamed. Alright, how many names was it? It was six, but what are the clues again? You get six names?

Yeah, what are the clues again? All right, I think he's going to get it. It's three stars. He calls it often enthralling, and he says it's inventively staged. I think that's the clue. No, that's the worst clue, and it's nominated for an Academy Award or more.

Inventively staged for the camera. And you get six of the eight names. So he really handed you this one, I think. But we'll see what happens. And please, no one yell out. This is going to be intense. Oh, boy. The names are... Goddamn it.

Don't say anything. No, I won't. The guests are Kristen Wiig. The names are Kristen Wiig The names are Kristen Wiig, TJ Miller Christopher Mintz-Plasse Jonah Hill, America

Ferrara, and Craig Ferguson How to tame your dragon No, he said it wrong He said how to tame your dragon Shame on you for mispronouncing something Shame on you for mispronouncing something. Shame on you for mispronouncing something. I didn't mean to say that.

We all know I didn't mean to say that. I apologize. She's not all bad. I can't even. I apologize. I can't even help TJ to win by using his own movies. Well, to be fair, Leonard Maltin was like, it's inventively staged. Why not mention a dragon or something? He talks about cartoons as if people are standing there

saying cut and action. It's really terrifying that my own name was in a movie and I was like, I can do it in seven. If you name everybody but Jay Baruchel, I bet I'd know. You still would have got your name. Your name would have been the first name. I thought you were joking for a second. I didn't know. Well, we've gone way long If you name everybody but Jay Baruchel, I bet I'd... You still would have got your name. Your name would have been the first name.

I thought you were joking for a second. I didn't... Well, we've gone way long, and I want to thank everybody for coming. You guys were such an awesome... Thank you guys so much for having me. It was so great. It was great to come to Portland to do the show. That's it.

You know, we'll be hanging out. There's, like, a couple bars here that are going to stay open if you guys want to hang out, have some drinks, take some pictures of TJ doing weird things. One more time for Sean Jordan, local hero, Dave Anderson, AM Northwest, K2, and TJ Miller, everybody. Thank you for having me. Go see How to Tame Your Dragon. And as always,

Heidi Klum is a shithead. And Nancy Grace is a shithead. Thank you. Now it's time we're going to watch a rather naughty Heisenberg's viewing crowd was taken Hottie, there's no room in parts for you Cause the, the movies