Doug Loves Movies - Marc Maron, Kumail Nanjiani, DC Pierson, and Megan Neuringer Guest

Episode Date: May 9, 2013

Live from Flappers in Burbank, CA, Doug welcomes comedians Marc Maron, Kumail Nanjiani, DC Pierson, and Megan Neuringer to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds With 50 azopop or kernels in his teeth There's still a heart that he won't see But Doug loves cookies Hey everybody! Fired up crowd! Let's get my notes out. Let's read to this fired up crowd.

My name is Doug, and I love movies! This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from Flappers Comedy Club on Thursday, May 9th to Ocean's 13. Let's flap it up, you guys. Thanks for coming to this special 10pm

edition of D to the L to the M. Since last I spoke and you listened, we finally taped a new episode of Dining the L to the M. Since last I spoke and you listened, we finally taped a new episode of Dining with Doug and Karen. Yeah. A special Cooking at Karen's House edition. And it will plop tomorrow

or sooner. So it might be available tonight for anyone who likes listening to a food podcast At 2am When you get home tonight Be sure to refresh your iTunes And don't forget You can still get my movie

The Greatest Movie Ever Rolled At chill.com backslash 420 And that all of my road dates And You know whether they're stand-up or douglas movies tapings all that information can be found at douglasmovies.com i've got shows coming up in pittsburgh san diego minneapolis denver boise and more now it's time for tweet relief tweets about movies at greg bernhard tweeted shouldn't sam levine be known as Lil' Jean Valjean

now that he makes listeners miserable? Haha, not cool, Greg Bernhard. This has been Tweet Relief, mean tweets about Sam the Ma'am edition. He will be back to continue to defend his winning

ways in the Leonard Maltin game at UCB on Tuesday, May 28th. Let's go ahead and take a look in the prize bag, you guys. There's a couple bags of things. A lot of crazy items. I start right off with my

favorite item. It's a sound effects fart fanfare That'll be good for a Leonard Maltin game When somebody gets the wrong answer Although I could make that noise with my mouth I don't know why I need this But somebody brought that I could make that noise with my mouth. I don't know why I need this. But somebody brought that.

I brought a shirt from my friends at thehouseofhaha.com. It's a shirt that has, I think it's like Darth Vader or something. I brought a copy of Smug Life. We got a couple of posters from a very popular show that happens on Wednesday nights over at Meltdown Comics called The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail. We got a couple of posters from that. And is that everything that's in that bag? I think there's a $10, yeah, there's a $10 iTunes gift card so you can buy some premium apps of some of the shows that you like. And then inside this bag, holy crap, can you hold on for a second?

Thank you. Could you just take those posters so that nobody else can have them? Well, I gotta describe this stuff in here when the guests get out here. So let's bring them all out here. Thanks again for coming, and please give a big, warm welcome to

Megan Neuringer, D.C. Pearson, Kumail Nanjiani, and Mark Maron. Come on up here, everybody. Mark is very particular about the seating arrangements. Already throwing his weight around. He's going to use your table. Be okay with that.

I'm so terrified right now. This is the scaredest I've ever been. I'm pretending to like you. Take it. You just fucked it up. What did I say? Pretending. The word pretending. like you. Take it. You just fucked it up. What did I say? Pretending. The word pretending.

Are you hosting? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I got this. I let that kind of spontaneity happen. It's fun. But then I mentioned that D.C. Pearson is here, everybody. And he brought not only a copy of his young adult novel,

Crap Kingdom, but also described this other thing to them. This is... So I got to read the audio book for my book, which was very exciting. And it's like seven hours long,

which is a typical length for an audio book. And then they sent me a box of them in the only format that they physically make audio books, which is like a nine-CD set

in like a weird clamshell packaging that looks like Cinderella is being re-released on VHS from the Disney Vault. It's really beautiful. Wow. It went all out. Yeah, and then audible.com just looks at that and goes, Ha!

And then no one, I don't know where you get that. It looks like a time-life thing. You'd have an ad for it. It's the 70s, 80s, 90s in young adult books. This is one of a kind, right? He's going to do something bad to it. Are those the original acetates?

Yeah. Those weird Edison tubes. Right. Yes, those like the original acetates? Yeah. Those weird Edison tubes. Right, yeah. Yes, those are the original CDs. Wait, but there's more, right? Yeah, there are other copies. That was a little physical media. We were just having fun.

You can't help it when you're at Flappers. Great Gatsby presents a comedy club. Flappers?. Flappers? What flappers? Mark Maron is here, everybody. And he... He was generous enough to bring a copy of his new book,

Attempting Normal. And he was on the... He was on the Tonight Show tonight with Jay Leno. And they give you a bag. Yeah, that's the Tonight Show tonight with Jay Leno, and they give you a bag. Yeah, that's a Tonight Show bag. And he's just giving it away. He's just paying it forward.

It was really hard to part with that. I had to really think about it. Because who wouldn't want to be out with that thing, right? Out in the world, just doing shit, putting groceries in that. People are going, wow, the Tonight Show. Did you do the Tonight Show? And you're like, no, I didn't. I just got the bag of flappers.

Long story. Actually, that was the entire story. Also, people can't see it at home, but the bag looks like something that you would dress in if you were in Dexys Midnight Runners. But I think there... Wait, isn't there a trick to it? Like, is it special in some way? Midnight Runners. But I think there... Wait, isn't there a trick to it? Like, is it special

in some way? Because... Hold this. Thanks, Doug. Yeah, there's a zipper action happening. Yeah, there's a zipper here. Do you need help? Mark, do you need help? No, just let me make a fool out of myself by myself. Yeah, this happens. You could zip it into a

burlap thing. It says the word feed on it. It says feed on it. Do you want to put your bag in a bag? Make it a smaller bag and put it in another bag. Are you tired of a bag with stuff in it? This one can be emptied and made smaller. Are your bags too big? And not say feed on it?

If Mark Maron doesn't want it, you know it's good. That's a sign of quality. Yeah, that was definitely a shot, Mark. Well, let me introduce the person who took that shot. Megan Neuringer is here, and she

is visiting us from New York City, as she often does, and brought that fart fanfare thing. Yeah, I brought my fart fanfare. Just picked it up at Urban Outfitters. Is that where they sell those? Oh. Tiny feed bag.

I'm done. I'm out of here. That is really a handy item. Congratulations, someone. Walking to Trader Joe's with that and go, wait, let me... Look what it is! I just noticed that Mark has like a pimp ring that says WTF on it.

Oh, hell yeah. If he ever gets in a fight, he's gonna leave the... Boom. He's branding everywhere he goes. Lays you out with one punch And then he's like We good You punch Pete Holmes with that He has a slightly different version of it

If I punch Pete Holmes The same sound that comes out of him When he laughs And I would say You made it dead Guy made that for me Some dude was like I made that for you And he gave was like, I made that for you.

And he gave that to me. That's that. And he sent me the whole process documented, like the whole ring making process, casting. And then he put a diamond in it. Going to Mordor. Yeah, yeah, the whole thing. It was a long process for that guy to chase this ring.

And then when I didn't give him the proper acknowledgement, he's like, well, you fucking asshole. I made you a ring. And I'm like, it's good. It's good. You did a really the proper acknowledgement He's like well you fucking asshole I made you a ring And I'm like it's good It's good you did a really nice job I'm on his side It's an awesome ring Mark It's great I said that

But it wasn't enough for the guy I had a tweet about it I think he wants you to make him a ring He told you how to make a ring Mark He sent you the instructions make a ring, Mark. He sent you the instructions. Take a hint. Make him a ring

that says... Is that what he's expecting? Yeah, thank you. A ring that says ring dude on it. Yeah. My ring dude.

All right, I'll get to work on that. Smelt. Even though I haven't addressed him directly yet, we've heard plenty from Kumail Nanjiani! Did you just come straight from the set of Rizzoli and Isles?

Uh, no. Is that the show you're on? It's called Franklin and the Band. Is that a show? To me, one ampersand... You know, every ampersand is the same to me. What's that, a couple of guys, you go, hey, bro, good talk. Like that? No, no, no.

It's different from your show. They're lawyers, so. And you're the, what do you play? I play a lawyer, Mark. Really? Yeah. If my mom squints, it looks like a documentary to her. You were awesome on Veep.

The season premiere of Veep was great. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, that was really funny. That's a great show. What channel is that show you're on?

Veep was on HBO. No, no. It's on TNT. It's not TV. It's a great show. What channel is that show you're on? Veep was on HBO. No, no. It's on TNT. It's not TV. It's TNT. Oh, okay. It's on TNT. Can I get that on Time Warner?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I feel like you really want to take a shot right now. No, no. I don't. And you're holding back. No, I think he feels bad. You know, IFC is... I don't...FC is not on my cable system.

I have no idea where to get my own show. I wanted to be able to watch yours when mine's on. Your show was great, by the way. I saw the first episode. I thought it was fantastic. I appreciate that. And I have never seen your show. Yeah, that's okay.

This feels like when India and Pakistan once a year where they're like, you know what? Let's pretend to be okay with each other. They're like, oh, I really liked what you did. I enjoy your breads. They're the same breads, Mark. That's the ultimate irony. They really have a day for that?

No, they never get along. No, they do have a day where they sort of, the two on the border, they go and greet and eat together and stuff. What day? Is it a specific day every year? Yeah. You don't want to just bring it on. Do you know the day? It's opposite day.

Really? No, they don't celebrate opposite day. It's not an actual... Why are you misleading people that just want to learn about your country? You know, these people are interested. I don't know fuck all about where you come from. And maybe we wanted to learn a couple things.

But you're going to be condescending and cute about it? Is that all you know how to do? Tell us about Pakistan. What do you want to know, Mark? Is that day real? It is a real day. All right. It is a real day.

All right, that's all. Is it called something? Oh, all. Is it called something? Oh, God. Is it called something? Has it been depicted in a film? A good segue. Doug with the segue. Because you know how much I love the cinema.

Yeah, it's a diffusing segue. Let's start on the other end there with Megan. Have you been to the movies lately, Megan? In the last two weeks That's soon enough I mean, with the price of tickets, that's pretty frequent What was that movie? Should we tell you what movies we've seen or just what time period we've been?

It's not your turn yet, DC She said in the last two weeks Yeah, what did you see in the last two weeks? I saw The Place Beyond the Pines How'd that work out for you? I kind of dug it. It was real pretentious, but not as much of a downer

as Blue Valentine. But pretty much a downer. Have most of you seen it? Because I'd like to spoil it for you right now. Only the people sitting in the we got here late seats have seen it. Is the place not really

beyond the pines? It's definitely beyond the pines. The title is mentioned in every other line. Is it really? We're in the place beyond the pines. No, I'm kidding. No, they don't use it at all.

Or do they also like when something's cool, they're like, that bread was beyond the pines. You're being really beyond the pines right now. I had a burger that was fucking beyond the pines. I thought it was just about Ryan Gosling trying to get directions. Now what you're going to want to do is...

When you get to the place beyond the pines, make a left. It is worth seeing for Eva Mendes bra-less. Wait, but with a shirt on? Yes. I thought that's where you were going with that. I would have said topless, Doug. I know, that's why I had to clarify.

Yeah, no. That's cool. I've clarify. Yeah, no. That's cool. I've seen her naked, though. Yeah, she was naked in Holy Motors, among other things. Oh my god. I see your place beyond the pines and raise you a Holy Motors. Man, that shit was Holy Motors. So you don't get to see Eva Mendes' place beyond the pines?

But in the other one, you get to see her Mendes place Beyond the Pines. But in the other one you get to see her holy motors. DC, what have you seen? In the theater I went to see Pain and Gain.

You're wrong. I really wanted to like it. I wanted to like it so bad to the point where I wanted to like it so bad to the point where I said before it to my girlfriend, it was like the first movie I've seen in theaters in a couple months, I was like,

there's literally no way I won't like this movie. It could be really bad, I'll still like it, because it would be bad in that Michael Bay way. It's just so, I really did not like it whatsoever. Did it get worse as it went along? Because I've heard that it starts out okay. It starts out out like the first 90 seconds, which are in the trailer, where

Mark Wahlberg is doing sit-ups and being like, yeah, fuck, and then like cops jump out, which is all in the trailer. That's great. Do you recommend the first 90 seconds? I do. It's like a really great Axe commercial. The movie could be broken

up into individual awesome Axe body spray commercials, I think. But I was just really disappointed in it. It felt like it was probably a really good script and then Michael Bay

was just like, what if everyone in it just hated women, including the director? Is it really like that? Yeah, it felt really hateful to me. I feel like I heard

from a friend who saw it that it's Tony Shalhoub, right? Yeah. He's like the extra Jewish Shy friend who saw it that like it's Tony Shalhoub, right? Yeah. He's like the extra Jewish Shylock in it and that like they can't really say the word faggot

but you know Michael Bay really wanted to so instead they call everybody like... You can hear him say it from behind the camera. Like everybody's calling everybody like homo

instead like it's just like... Oh yeah, because homo's not offensive. Right. Fags don't mind homo. That's a great t-shirt. Fags don't mind homo.

I got that at Venice Beach. It says no homo, but no is crossed out. No, comma, homo. And you implied that you saw something on home video? I did. Well, that night, my girlfriend had actually never seen Pulp Fiction. What? There is a scene in Pain and Gain, the setup for which is the exact same as the last third of Pulp Fiction,

where they're like, there's this body in this house, and there's blood everywhere. And my wife is coming home from her medical job at nine in the morning, which is the exact same setup as the whole last third of Pulp Fiction. And what happens in Pulp Fiction is like, great, Harvey Keitel shows up and it tucks. He's the baddest ass ever in the history of cinema. And what happens in Pain and Gain is a dog runs away and they're like, oh

no, my wife's home. And then they just cut away. And probably a Transformer shows up. I'm stuck at your girlfriend's never seen Pulp Fiction before. She's 12. She's not allowed to see it. I don't know. Megan's just guessing.

She's not 12. How old is she? She's 23. I said in a sort of tone where I was like, I really hope she's 23. So you know nothing about this girl? I know quite a lot about her, except I'm now nervous about saying her age

What's her full name? What's her social? You guys want her PayPal password? Yeah, and email It's no Pulp Fiction exclamation point because you have to put an extra character

Did she love it? She loved it, Yeah, exactly. It was a great antidote to pain and gain and I realized by shooting on pain and gain I have completely ruined my chance to be in

Transformers 4, the even darker of the moon. It looks like The Rock is really good in that though. They're all of the moments where they're having these really fun, almost feeling like

improvised exchanges between Mark Wahlberg and The Rock are legitimately all in the trailer. But they're like a roided Laurel and Hardy, right?

Yeah, three Stooges because there's three of them. Oh, there are three of them? Who's the third one? Anthony Mackie. I don't know who that guy is. He's really good. Okay.

Mark is not sold on Anthony Mackie and you, Kumail, Anthony Mackie's publicist. Mark, get into Anthony Mackie. Okay. I'm going to google him right now he's the future

I have to google the movie I saw he was in the adjustment bureau he was in the Abe Lincoln Vampire Slayer everyone in Pain and Gain is really really good it just felt like a waste in that way it was a bummer Kumail?

I saw Iron Man 3, which... Oh, we have a boo in the audience. Was that the same guy that said yay to Pain and Gain? That's a conflicted individual. It's the Mandarin sitting over there booing. Boo. I thought it was good. I really liked it. You know what I liked about it?

Did you see it? No, but I liked the enthusiasm with it. You know what I liked about it? One of my favorite parts was they keep talking, you know how, because it's Avengers, it's a sequel to Avengers kind of. Sure. They keep talking about, they're like, remember when those aliens showed up in New York? That was fucking crazy, right? There's like five conversations about it. Like, remember when that guy came from the sky and he had a hammer? That was insane, right? So it's like a Chris Farley show sketch? I don't know what that reference is.

SNL. It's a show we have here. He had a show where he would bring people on and be like... You can be so condescending in so few words, Mark. I feel like it's a show we have here. Here is underlined. I can feel the here in my heart.

I'm so glad that you're able to deconstruct my joke with such success. The deconstruction did better than the joke. I know that. I know that. I can feel that. That's how your generation absorbs things. Oh, it's also a generation thing now. It's not just...

You're not from here, and you're young and cocky. And I wish you nothing but success. Take out... Oh my God. You take out butt success. Stop. Would you turn down the cute just a little bit?

This is who I am, Mark. I don't need to pretend to be, you know, something. An IFC executive just woke up in a cold sweat somewhere. The Portlandia guy and the Marin guy are fighting. Also, he calls Mark Marin

the Marin guy. The Marin guy. No, no, look, look. I apologize, and your haircut's fine. If you're insecure about it, it looks fresh, and I know it's a new thing for you. But are you doing that for the show?

I am doing it for the show. I had professionals do it. Yeah, yeah. And your show will find its footing. It will, it will. It was just the first episode. Give me a couple episodes. It takes a few to sort of get to figure out. Sure, it's lucky you just walked in as a casting

as opposed to have your own show. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're a castable guy. Once I hit 50, maybe I'll have my own show. Maybe you will. I doubt it. I doubt it.

My heart feels so tight. It should. Like a squeezing feeling. Yeah. You're going to be the over-the-hill tech guy on TV shows. See, Mark, they don't like racism. That's your misstep. They want to love you.

I think they don't like tech guys. That's why that guy hated Iron Man. Too much technology. I don't know that that was racist specifically. Tech guy? Yeah. The fact that you don't think it's racist is even more racist. Wait, what did you play on Veep?

Kind of a tech guy? No. I was a tech guy? No. I was a numbers guy. It was statistics. Thanks for getting my back, Benson. See, it wasn't racist. It was just founded in your experience. Your resume.

What do you do? Oh, sorry. Nothing. In Hell Baby, you're like a cable installer? Your resume What do you do? Oh sorry In Hell Baby you're like a cable installer Is that what you're doing there? Yeah I install cable in Hell Baby To be more specific The internet

I'm installing the internet So kind of a tech guy then again Is Hell Baby the prequel to Hell Boy? I wish. I hope they make Hell Toddler and Hell Terrible 2. And then the sequel, three sequels later,

will be Hell Marin when he's really old. I don't know why I'm doing that. No, no, it was good. It was good. I apologize. Nice to see you. No, great to see you.

We always do this. We always do this. And I never feel good about it when I leave. But right now, it's fucking spectacular. I mean, when I'm in it, it feels so satisfying, especially when I land one, and I can tell it really throws him. And then there's that weird moment after,

and then I start to feel bad, and then boom, I hit him again. And then I drive home going, yeah, I like that guy. I kind of like that guy. Then I go, he'll be all right. He's on that shitty show with two names. At least it has two names.

I know, I know. I really, really honestly did love your show. I thought it was really, really fantastic. It was really good, and I'm excited to watch more of it. I appreciate that. Now let's hear Mark's sincere compliment of something you've done. No, no, no, you don't have to do that. No, let's hear it.

Let's hear it. This is going to hurt. Doug, what are you doing? No, no, listen, listen. No, he can do it. I think he can do it. I think he can. Wait, I'm going to start pre-crying. No, no, listen, listen. No, he can do it. I think he can do it. I think he can. Wait, I'm going to start three crying.

No, no, no, no. I think you're a wonderful comedian with a great sense of story. And you're very endearing. You're endearing. And very funny. And I'm going to watch

that show you're on. And I like John Veep. I remember now that he mentioned that you're on it. You don't have to watch the show I'm on. No, I want to watch it and I'm going to tweet about it. I'm going to watch that show you're on. And I like John Veep. I remember now that he mentioned that you're on it. You don't have to watch the show I'm on. No, I want to watch it, and I'm going to tweet about it. I'm going to live tweet it.

Everyone's going to think it's sarcastic. Don't watch it. You don't have to watch it. I like you. You have a very nice wife for some reason. I like you. You have a very nice wife for some reason. You're so good at this, Mark.

I'm not sure which is it. You're implying that he couldn't get a nice wife? Why is a wife even messing around with the ladies? I left that open to interpretation.

I can do that By the way, this is all your fault, Doug for saying, say something nice to Kumail This is what happens I knew that would happen That's why I said it You bring this out of me, I don't know why You make me bully you

You ask for it How? I don't ask for it You just did it again By being mean? I don't know how!. You just did it again. By being mean? I don't know how. Why wouldn't I fucking make fun of that? You've got Pete Holmes. You've got good friends.

There's a whole generation of you guys. You're all young and undisappointed. So this more is about you than it is about me. Isn't it always? I guess. Why do you think this happens to a person? What is this?

Whatever is wrong with me. It's all self-generated. You're doing great and I'm proud of you. I'm going to call your father. Please don't. In the middle of the night. Your son's doing well well I hurt his feelings tonight Who is this?

Tech support Tech support Good punchline, Mark Why'd you have to take it away? I erased the racism with that punchline right there. I erased it. You doubled down on it. No, I did not. Yeah. No, I didn't.

I was not you. I was calling your dad his tech support is me. It turns it on its head. Get it? I still don't. I'm not racist. I just have a problem with you. No, I know.

Let me just apologize quickly to DC, Megan, and everyone else in this room that isn't Mark or Kumail. Look, I'm more than happy to continue on. Megan and I have a feud, too. Yeah, why don't you two start ripping into each other? Remember when we were on an improv team in New York City eight years ago? I don't. Feud. Work on your feud, guys.

Yeah, you guys are bad feuders. This is how you fucking do it. I just like that the tone of all of Mark's compliments to Kumail had a tone of like, stop crying and get back in the car. Yeah. Hey, no, come on. I have to say,

it just made me wish that I was important enough for somebody to, like, want to burn me that hard. I was like, when will I be important enough that, like, Mark Maron wants to just burn me

and take me down a notch? Is that an invitation? No, I don't think I'm there yet. I am so, like, emotional abuse is right beneath the skin here. No, no, I think you're charming.

I have no idea who you are. There you go. How does it feel, Megan? Not as good as you think it would, does it? In my Megan Nuringer experience, inside her right now is a million parades. I was wondering if it was going to be like this when I heard we were on it together I didn't, I'm just here to have fun yeah, you're having fun

no, I didn't want it to be like this I just want people to like each other what? what are you talking about? did something come out of me that didn't make sense? yeah, it was lies did you see me try to negotiate this thing? I did, and you know

What do I gotta do? Apologize? No, no, no Can I say something? You've hurt my feelings just once And that was it When was it? Tonight? No, not tonight Ever? What did he say?

It was the first time he ever hurt my feelings. And then I got strong inside. That's what I do for Young Comics. Thanks, Mark. It's the Marin system. Is this how you justify your behavior? Yes. I'm helping you.

I am helping you. You just said you got strong inside. What an amazing day that was for you. Yeah, it's a total boy named Sue story here. Exactly. Hey, young comic, was your real father too easy to please? Yeah, I think my dad loved me, so now I have you yelling at me to fix that. Yeah.

It's working. Again, I can call your father and tell him the truth about you. What's the truth? You're a disappointment. I like... Dude, you don't need to tell him that. Exactly. Yeah, he knows that need to tell him that. Exactly. Yeah, he knows that.

I know. It's horrible. It's fine. No, it's not. Let's talk about it. Well, I'm sorry. We have to move on to the next portion of the show. Come on.

Don't you want to know how I hurt him? You guys are going to have plenty of opportunity to hurt each other because this wasn't even the competition part. This was the just chatting part. So once we have a game going, one of you will win and one of you will lose, or both of you will lose. He didn't even say what movie he saw.

Iron Man 3, Mark. Were you formulating your next racist tirade? No, he didn't didn't say what... He didn't ask you what movie you saw for the... He was asking people what movie they saw. And he said Iron Man 3 and we talked about it. You were like trying to think of a burn, Mark. No, I was trying...

I had a problem on my phone. At my phone. There's an issue. You want me to fix it for you? Flappers! Yes, I do. What's wrong with you? No, no, it's a guy.

It's my production partner. There's an issue with tech stuff. Oh, yeah. No, you can't fix it. I didn't see a movie that was funny. I don't know tech. I just know on TV. It was just a racist joke I was trying to make. No, no, no.

We get it. Okay, now what movie have you seen, Mark? Or what movie has your girlfriend not seen that you're going to force her to watch? I was trying to Google the movie I saw, and I don't remember the name of it. Who's in it? It's a new Noah Bernbach movie.

The very newest? The very newest. I saw it and I don't remember the name of it. Who's in it? It's the new Noah Birnbeck movie. The very newest? The very newest. I saw something, Ha, is the girl's name. Frances Ha. I saw Frances Ha because I interviewed Noah, and I watched that whole movie. It was nice. It was black and white. Greta Gerwig? Yeah, Greta Gerwig. She was great. I also watched The Fugitive with commercials.

Check every outhouse, henhouse, doghouse, kumail's tech house. Kumail's tech house. Tell them I'm a racist. No. All right, fuck you. Did you guys bring name tags? Oh, we got some name tags.

Everybody, please go pick a mark, including you. Go pick a name tag you want to play for and take it from them. I like how fast he made his decision. Let me get a picture of you holding that up. There you go. I apologize for being on my phone, but I did have a little problem. Oh, that's okay.

I'm going to take care of it. DC's got a big one. I also picked out a name tag. For the listeners, yes. Yeah! Here, hold it up for me To see right there What does it say on it? It's a

A Kristen story Instead of a Christmas story The table The lamp The lamp Leg lamp Leg lamp situation Mark cover for me

I'm going to put my mic down for a sec So What do we got in the bag? Good job You got the energy right and everything So What else do you guys want to do While we're here

Mark can you please do a tour Where you host other people's podcasts Sure I can do that. Yeah. What are you, setting me up for something? I don't know. Did you do an audio recording of your book? No, I'm just asking.

Is there one? Because DC did one. Yes, I did. There's an audio book of my book, and I read it. I read my book angrily and quickly. Yeah, I was going to say, it's probably the first audiobook where you feel like you're being yelled at the whole time. No, I think it came out pretty good.

It's hard to do that, though. It's like hours and hours and you get just sick of reading and then there's a person in your ear when you don't say a word that you wrote right and they're like, I think you meant hypocrite. I'm like, shut up! What a relatable problem, right guys? Don't you hate when you record in your audio book?

He did pronounce hypocrite correctly in your story. If I'm ever important enough to record my own audio book... Mark literally just physically hit me. I'm going to... It was more of a shove. It was a head shove. Sorry, Megan, go ahead. You were saying?

I was going to say, if I'm ever important enough to record my own audio book, I'm going to leave the bloopers in. Oh, good for you. Well, that's a fun idea. Isn't that fun? It's fun.

Someone fucking up their own book. I put him at the end like a Rush Hour movie. Are you just laughing? It's just all burps. Yeah. Mark, did you find yourself burping a lot?

I feel like I burped quite a bit. No, I mean, I enjoy doing it because you get to read the whole book and you don't usually do that. But I didn't burping a lot? I feel like I burped quite a bit. I enjoyed doing it because you get to read the whole book and you don't usually do that. I didn't burp a lot, but I was tired and I was getting aggravated and I hope that didn't come off onto the recording. Did anyone listen to that thing?

Good, it's selling well. You can, it's out. Not to attack you, Mark. Oh, God. When is this going to... I am nothing but open-hearted right now. I feel satisfied with our tension. not to attack you, Mark. Oh, God. When is this going to... See, like... All right, no, let's end it. I am nothing but open-hearted right now. Who's done?

I feel satisfied with our tension. Yeah. It's released now. You got a lot of good laughs, probably better than mine, but you're the one who's keeping the going. No, no, no. No, you're keeping it going.

You know why? Because you're the bully. That's right. No one buys that. You can't let it go. They did. They laughed at it because they know it's true.

No, I'm the little guy fighting against the bully. No, no. That's a sham. See, I know you. You're a fucking horrifyingly ambitious fuck who just pretends

to be palatable. Do you understand? To get what you want. Do you understand? When does this get funny? What I meant to say is you're doing very well Who are you playing for Mark? That's a name tag with no name on it I'm playing for a Mona Lisa happy face

Mona Lisa smiles But your name's Mona? Or Lisa? Lisa I'm playing for Lisa I like this It was the closest name tag to you, Mark. You just grabbed it.

I appreciate it. I hate how ugly it got with him and I. I hate it. No, it was great. It's our little game we do. Give me a hug. You bring out the old Mark. It was nice to see him, but I want him away now.

I only know the old Mark. Who are nice to see him but I want him away now. You know, I only know the old Mark. What are you, who are you playing for, Kumail? Dude, where's Mike Carr? Really good. Oh,

that's a good one. Solid. Is your name actually Mike Carr? Yeah, I hope so. That'd be really weird if it wasn't.

Yeah. I imagine he doesn't even like the show but it had to do it because it works so perfectly. Dude, where's my car? Good job.

And he's written a shithead on the back, so don't read that out loud, because we'll save that for the end if you lose. Okay. If you lose today. I'm so bad at this game. He's got a Christian story with the lamp from A Christmas Story. I like the kids.

It was charmingly handmade. She just put it on poster board and it looks like the best third grader did it. And I mean that in all earnest. Wow, that was a very Marin-esque compliment. That was not an offense. That was not on you.

I was attacking DC, not you. Kristen, you're a horrifyingly ambitious audience member. Just trying to pass yourself off as palatable. Is that what I said? Yeah. That is awful. Yeah. It's not good.

It's awful. I was waiting for the punchline, and then you just stopped talking. When there's that much contempt, there's no need for a punchline. No, I know. It just sits there, and people are like, what the fuck just happened? Why relieve that? I like to get to see the real you.

That's not the real me. The real me cries and is concerned about my cat's eye. Is it okay? I don't know if it is, Kamal. I'm genuinely asking. Why don't you come over and fix my cat? I'm not that kind of tech guy. I don't know what it is, Kamau. Thank you for asking. I'm genuinely asking. Well, why don't you come over and fix my cat? I'm not that kind of tech guy.

I don't know what's wrong with it. It's okay. Go ahead. It's your show. Please. Well, if I may, that's something Jeff Garlin says a lot. Oh, God. What is it?

I'm a punching bag? But I'm not going, dog! I'm just yelling and just all over the place. It's your show. Go ahead. He says that five or six times every time. Who are you playing for, Megan? Pick Robin, you will.

And there's a little Yoda. A little Yoda. It's a Lego Yoda. Those are those beads, right beads What are those things called? Yeah what is this called? I don't know my friend made it for me Bullshit She doesn't know

Kristen went to a Michael's god damn it I love her Your friend Your friend is just China. The first game we're going to play tonight is called Lincoln or Bane. Lincoln or Bane. I will say a line said by Bane in Dark Knight Rises or Lincoln in Spielberg's Lincoln.

And then in my best Bane slash Lincoln impression and then each of you will go down the line and say which movie you think it's from. And we'll start with Megan. And you have to tell me if it's Lincoln or Bane that said Once I

start, I get too lazy to stop. Now you have to ask yourself, were the next words murdering people or writing proclamations? What do you think, Megan? Was that Lincoln or Bates? I think it's Lincoln.

Okay. What do you think, DC? I gotta say Lincoln as well. Kumail? I'm going Lincoln. It's definitely Lincoln. Mark? Lincoln.

You're all correct! What happens if we don't get it right? Nothing. It's just for fun. DC gets to go next. Okay. Let's not stand on ceremony here. Is ceremony also like someone's face that he's standing on? Yeah, it's Ceremony James.

Oh, okay. Is that a real Batman character? Yeah, Ceremony James. You don't know him? No. I'm joking. Oh, okay. I would have believed it. It sounds like a Batman character. It should be.

Yeah, I gotta say Bane. Kumail? I am gonna go... I think it's a trick question, and it's both. Oh, that's interesting. And they said it at the same time. It was adorable. That's how they met cute.

Mark? So they said Lincoln? One of them said... I said Bane. Bane, and the other one said both, so neither of them said Lincoln. He said Lincoln? One of them said Bain, and the other one said both, so neither of them said Lincoln. He said both? Yeah, he did.

That is so telling. I'm just living my life, Mark. I'm just out there living my life. Go ahead. You live yours. I am living mine. I'm going to say Bain okay Bane all right so that that was in fact Bane so Kumail you're out I'm the only one who's wrong yes cool I fucking swung for the fences though and I know I'll know that forever we'll start with Mark on this one

my last barber hanged himself. Is that really the thing? Oh, no, no. I was just telling a personal anecdote. This guy seemed like a good guy Seemed happy, content I know working at Supercuts isn't the most exciting gig

But he fucking hanged himself You know what I don't remember either movie That well But I'd like to think that Lincoln said that Okay But I don't remember either movie that well. But I'd like to think that Lincoln said that. Okay. But I don't think it was. I'm going to say Lincoln.

Megan? I didn't see either of these movies, but it sounds like the Lincoln I know. I want to say both are false. It's a trick question. It's the first line of the movie Barbershop. But for the purposes of the game, I'll go ahead and say Lincoln.

No, go for neither. Look at me. I'm living the high life. I took a chance. Kumail has ascended into heaven you guys are playing a game I'm just hanging out you know

no that was yeah that was Lincoln like Bane never talks about he's bald his hair or whatever he's got that thing on or whatever he's bald yeah

yeah yeah oh yeah and he's bald true wouldn't that be disconcerting if he took that mask off and he just had a strip of hair that was the shape of the mask all the way around his face? My last barber.

Let's try one more. You ready? Yeah. Who was that one? That was Lincoln. Okay. I'm not going to say anything. I didn't listen for a second. No, I know. I have a problem in my head.

Uh-huh. Yeah. But the way he said it in the movie was like, my last barber hanged himself. He laughs a little bit. I read it more serious. I really like Lincoln. I thought that was a great movie.

I learned a lot. It was good. Yeah, right? It was a learning movie. Yeah. But it's also fun to watch. It's not like boring. It's like a caper. Yeah, it's like a cap a lot. It was a learning movie. But it's also fun to watch. It's like a caper movie. It's like being at the circus and watching a guy in stilts.

He's on stilts. You're just making fun of his legs? And how tall he is? No, I think that... Wasn't Daniel Day-Lewis actually on stilts? No. You don't think so? I don't. He's a leggy man. I don't know if he was or wasn't, but he certainly took the wrongts from that movie? You don't think so? No, he's a very... He's a leggy man.

No, no. I think you're wrong. I don't know if he was or wasn't, but he certainly took the wrong thing from that movie. It might have been

the hem of his garment or whatever that made him look taller. I think Daniel Day-Lewis does have games. Yeah. They did the Lord of the Rings thing

where he was always closer to the camera to look bigger than... I'm just glad his left foot healed up in time. His left foot was the only thing that worked. I thought the movie was great.

It was all about politics, really. It wasn't about the story of Lincoln, necessarily. No, it was great. I didn't realize how much wrangling it took and sort of underhanded dealing to get that stuff done. Really, you didn't understand that about politics? No, I just didn't know you always

think of Lincoln as this I thought of him as this noble guy he was very noble but you know he did some underhanded stuff

to get it across I didn't expect to hear the word fuck in that movie either and they said it at one point they did yeah James Spader

says it that was probably a mistake do you think they used fuck then I mean is that I think so

I mean I know James Spader they say that they went to great pains to make all the I mean is that I think so I think I mean I know James they say that they went they went to great pains to make all the dialogue you know accurate I think that was the first fuck

that he said in that movie it was historically accurate everyone was like that's good right there they used a ton of LOLs too that really took me out of it

I thought Skrillex was great in it Skrillex was in it not his music. Big year last year. Wreck-It Ralph, Lincoln. Let's do one more. Okay. And we'll start with DC this time,

and Kumail is still out. He started with me last time. Does that matter for anything? No, I think he started with me. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Okay, you're right. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. To everyone. Time is a great thickener of things. That's an Extends commercial. No, time is a great thinner of things. Thickener?

Thickener. I definitely know this one. I'm going to say Lincoln. What do you think? That could be a trick. Is it me next? He's really out.

You're really out? Yeah, can I still say it? Can I use him like a question? A phone call? Phone a friend? Yeah, phone a friend. Phone a guy? Phone a friend's father

in the middle of the night. Bane. Megan? Sounds like the Bane I know. Well, we finally have a winner and it's D.C. Pearson. That was Lincoln. And Kubail tricked Mark

into the wrong answer. Yeah, I did. That was the only one I knew for sure. That feeling you have right now, that feeling you have right now, that's why I bully you. It's great, isn't it? How great is it?

It's fine. Come on. It's going to feel bad real quick. No, I'm glad you had that moment. Bane, now that I'm thinking about it, Bane was to Batman what Lincoln was to slavery, except I hope that slavery doesn't rise again out of a pit to conquer Lincoln again or whatever. Anyway, that's just something I'm pitching next week. Work on it a little bit more.

Yeah, it's pretty heavy, man. You think? Sure, sure. Because it makes people go like, slavery's gone, but wow, yeah, that's a bummer. That's what happened in my head. Fair enough. Okay. Alright alright I'll work on it more I'll work on this bit I just did on a podcast

more I like the part in Lincoln where they're like and after we emancipate slaves then what are we gonna do let women vote and everybody in the room goes they go ape shit about not letting women vote yeah a guy shoots himself room goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. They go ape shit about not letting women vote. Yeah, a guy shoots himself with a musket

at the very thought. Yeah. Unnecessary joke, guys. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. Yeah. What do you say? It's late at night in Burbank. It's a perfect setting for this.

We'll start with DC because he, of course, won the Lincoln-Urbain game. Of course, because I have a beard. Do you watch Dark Knight Rises every time to get new quotes? How do you... No, I've accrued all the quotes already. Oh. And now I'm just going through all of them

until I've gotten through all of them. And there's still a lot more. Almost everything Bane and Lincoln says, as long as there's not any specific references to Batman or slavery... Doesn't Bane say slavery a bunch of times? There's a lot of talk of freeing... to Batman or slavery. Doesn't Bane say slavery a bunch of times? There's a lot of talk of freeing people. Well, he says, take back your city.

Yeah, rise up. Spring break? Spring break? I think neither of them say spring break. Are you sure? That's James Franco. Mark, you should use this on Kumail sometime or anybody. What?

When Bane puts his hand on the guy's shoulder and goes, do you feel in control? He just puts the back of his hand like that. That's fucking terrifying. Yeah, it's good. I don't think Mark needs more ammunition. Do you feel in control? Yeah, I do.

I see a very sad man. Well, that's not hard to see. That would be a funny thing to say to Bane. I see some sad fuck in a mask. He needs to find his mommy. And then he just starts crying. That would be an amazing Batman. You're right.

All right, DC, you get to pick amazing Batman. You're right. Alright, DC, you get to pick a category. And then we'll go to Megan and then Mark and Kumail. What is the AV Club going to say about this podcast? It's not going to make me look good. Or me. We're both going to come off as...

Let's fix it right now. I can think of an expression that they're going to use in the reveal. Okay, go ahead. Kumail and Mark sucked all the oxygen out of the room. Poor DC and Megan did not get a chance to jump in during their frequent skirmishes. This sounds a lot like you right now. Is that how you feel about it? No, I just read the AV Club reviews all the time

And there's always You do these gang shows, so does Pete Whenever you have a bunch of beat comics on stage They always say about someone Was the one who sucked the oxygen out God, I gotta start reading that stuff Is that a negative thing to say? Not necessarily

Sounds negative As oxygen sucking goes, I think it's been fun I do feel like I'm in space As oxygen sucking goes, I think it's been fun. I do feel like I'm in space. I mean, one thing I get too much of is oxygen, so I don't mind. It's like oxygen, we get it. I need you to live. Come on.

Enough already. I'm just going to put love out now. Okay, DC. This is like the flappers intervention. Mark, I do want to do just an hour podcast about how you are a lot like Batman, because the more I think about it, the more there's a lot of parallels.

I think Mark would make a great Tony Stark, actually. If Robert Downey Jr. didn't already have the role. I can see that. That would be fucking amazing to have that kind of money. Wouldn't it? Could you just imagine having like a tenth of that fucking money?

The Tony Stark money? I mean, the Robert Downey money? Robert Downey, I heard a story. I don't know if it's true, but I heard that he went into CineFamily and the guy that runs CineFamily was like, we really need a new projector. And Robert Downey Jr. said, I'll get that for you. I swear. He just offered to buy it. Wait, so is he just giving away shit? Because I want to need a new projector. And Robert Downey Jr. said, I'll get that for you. I swear. He just offered to buy it.

Wait, so is he just giving away shit? Because I want to buy a new house. You got to have him to the garage and go, what do you think of this place? No, it's not very nice. Well, I need a new one. Can you get me a new one? That fucking Tony Stark money? I heard he already made $35 million from Iron Man 3.

Because he had a piece of it? Yeah. Because it's already made $200 million here and $800 million from Iron Man 3? Because he had a piece of it? Yeah. Because it's already made $200 million here and $800 million around the world. How much money can you make playing Iron Man in a movie before you just are Iron Man? And then they can just do a Kickstarter for the next one. It's like, $50,000, you're going to follow me around with some 5Ds.

There's a documentary now about how I'm actually Iron Man. It's going to be very cheap now. I'm flying around. Okay, DC, pick a category. Yes, sir. Rosario Dawson is celebrating a birthday today. So, yeah. Oh, delightful.

And why not? Let's hear it for her. So, the films of Rosario Dawson. Or at ToddClap7, C-L-A-P-P-7. I'm super proud of having gonorrhea. He suggested, yeah, and he's the seventh one. I got it from the six other Todds.

It's just a bunch of Todds giving each other the clap. I like this reality. He or she suggested... Where's the girl who's saying I got the clap from? Todd, like there's a girl named Todd You, Me, and Debris

Oh, I love it And that's movies that have tornadoes in them Very delightful And at Bassman Kurt K-U-R-T suggested Baby Got Back Are we sure it's not

Bassman Kurt? Did he have a Did I say Bassman? A fish in his avatar or a guitar? It's bass man. It's definitely bass man. He's playing a giant fish as a bass.

It's very confusing. Bass goes deep, so does my bass. He suggests Baby Got Back, which is films where a missing baby is returned. Did someone want a Coca-Cola beverage?

I have to go with You, Me, and Debris. Okay, You, Me, and Debris. Delightful. Would you like a movie with tornadoes in it from 1939 or 1962? We just got fucked, bro. 1939, Doug.

You got it. We got tornadoed. Four stars for this movie. Of course. Leonard says it's based on a book. He also says

that it has a perfect cast. You've heard of none of the people in it. He says that it was followed by a pair of sequels. Oh, that makes sense. Negative. Oh, sorry. And he lists nine names.

I'm going to say negative one Doug Maybe ten names That's ten names But DC's saying negative one Megan So you can go into deeper negatives If you think you can pull it off You know how that works right? Or you could say DC, name it.

I'll go negative two. Very nice. Power play. Mark, what do you think about that? Do you know what's happening? Is your girlfriend going to get mad at you if you blow this? It can only be one movie. So then, say...

Negative three, say that. So negative means they have to name three people in the cast in the order that they're listed in. Yeah, the correct order from the top. Name that movie. Name the movie? Yeah, so now you have to name the movie. And then the three people in the top. Name the movie. Name the movie? Yeah. So now you have to name the movie. And then the three people in the order Kumail's advice has never

steered you wrong tonight. Well, it's not advice. I don't know how to play this game, really. I don't even think I know the movie anymore. What year was it? 1939. Were you coughing because all the oxygen's gone? Yeah.

Yeah. 1939. Are you coughing because all the oxygen's gone? Yeah. There were four movies released that year, so it should be pretty easy. Kumail, actually, they made a lot more movies than they do today, okay? Is that right?

Yeah, because of the studio system. I think I want to take back my... No, there's no taking it back. You can't take it back, I'm afraid. But just for fun, you can tell us what you think the movie is. Well, I thought it was The Wizard of Oz. That's a reasonable guess. And then if it were The Wizard of Oz, who was the top-billed person in that movie?

Judy Garland. And then who would be number two? Good luck. He's so happy I'm not happy James Franco It was either It was either Ray Bolger

And then what would the third person be? Haley The Tin Man guy. No, Burt Lahr. That is correct. Holy shit! That's amazing. That is awesome.

Tremendous. Tremendous. Can you feel the oxygen? Burbank, can you feel the oxygen? That was crazy. That was tremendous. Holy shit. feel the oxygen? Burbank, can you feel the oxygen? That was crazy. That was tremendous. Holy shit.

Two of those names. Rope-a-dope. Rope-a-dope. All of it. I've never heard two of those names. I've never heard. Jack Haley that you almost said is the fourth bill. Oh, it's a lucky there. Jesus.

Hold on a minute. Did you say Burt Ward? Shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up and eat it. Oh, it's lucky there. Hold on a minute. Shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up and eat it. Just eat it. Eat it, you fuck. All pretense is gone.

Didn't you have anything to say? You just wanted me to shut up? I thought you had a point. That was the point. Fair enough. You tried to... Ha ha ha. Ha ha.

I like the moment where it goes from you laughing and having fun to sincere anger in your eyes. I'm not angry. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. It was legit.

It was awesome. All right. Crazy. It would have been fun if the betting didn't get crazy aggressive because if somebody said i can name it in three or four the lowest billed person according to leonard malton is the singer midgets so that would have really given it away is that the name of the troop or is that just that was that must have been their name but certainly that they didn't give themselves. They clearly were the first singer midgets, because that name would have been taken. All right, that was exciting. I want to call my girlfriend.

Or just don't tell her, because she listens to it, right? Yeah. So when she listens to it, if you don't say a word about it, then she'll really be impressed that you did that and came home and went, eh, it went okay. This is all right.

You should listen because I really made a fool out of myself. She'll turn it off during the Kumail part. No, she'll stop it and go, you really have got to cool it on Kumail.

It's like, you really have to stop that. Doug, is one of those sequels The Wiz? Return to Oz. Yeah, the sequels. I said that because I knew that would be confusing. I got nervous hearing that. To bring that up. I was thinking Technicolor 39.

You know what I mean? It's like doing that thing. Yeah, a pair of sequels, Journey Back to Oz and The Return to Oz. Not nearly as popular. Whatever you say. And Oz versus Hitler. And not The Wiz? Whatever you say, Leonard. What happens now?

The Wiz isn't a sequel. It's a remake. It's a reimagining. Yeah. Remakes. Remakes. Fucking Burt Lard to win. That's crazy.

Which one was he? The lion. He was Iron Man? The lion. The lion. Courage. Yeah, that's interesting that he was a bigger star, I guess, even though they didn't bill them in the order that she met them,

that Dorothy met them. So it was pretty brilliant of Mark to do that. Unbelievable. Oh, unbelievable. Let's start with Megan and go to DC. And Megan gets to pick a category. Would you like

at Stevens the name Stevens, but with tons of E's, suggested The Men Who Stare at Floats, and that's movies that have parades in them. Or In Theaters Now, which of course is movies that are in theaters now. And greatest movie ever,

Roald, R-O-A-L-o-a-l-d which is adaptations of rolled doll writings which one of those would you like megan i want the floats okay movies with parades yeah par Parades Yeah Would you like a movie With a parade in it From 1978 Or 1986 1986

Two and a half stars From Leonard He calls this movie He says this movie Starts off Extremely funny And he also says That

It has an uneven. And he also says that it has an uneven script. And he lists 16 names. Parade 86. 16 names. How many names do you think you can get in, Megan? Well,

correctly, negative one. What? Whoa. Nice came to play. All right, so we go to D.C. now. I think he's got some ideas. Yeah, he does. He's a real beard stroker.

Real... My last beard barber hung himself. I'm going to say, you know what, Doug? I'm going to go out on a limb. I'm going to say name it. To Megan? Yeah. Okay.

As limbs go, it's one that's going to break and fall right out from under you. Fair enough. But what is it, Megan? Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Top billed person? Matthew Broderick. Correct. Good game.

Good game. And I magically got a new cocktail. That was nice. You know, Doug, life can move pretty fast sometimes. Yeah, sometimes you just gotta take a moment to say, what the fuck? You know what? An amazing thing happened here tonight.

Do you think this show is over? No, all of my spite has left for you. For tonight? No, no, forever. It's gone.. For tonight? No, no. Forever. It's gone. You think so? Yeah.

Amazing thing to happen here. Because, you know, I have no spite for you. It's just me deflecting. No, we don't have to talk anymore about it. It genuinely is, though. No, no, no. It's all gone. Is it really?

And you were there? And you were there? Yeah. This is as fake as the weather of the eyes. Do you feel in control right now? Yeah. Yeah, this is definitely a great dream I'm having.

That's just amazing with that. Now when I want adventure, I'll never look further than my own garage. Because we've never really had it out like that. That's the first time.

Really? Because I'm usually like nice. It's all gone. Has Kumail been to the garage? Is he on the show? But I was there before it became the juggernaut it is

so you were more honest I was one of the it juggered pretty fast didn't it yeah that was when you were humble and you know

you'd just gotten here kind of you already you hated me then too the only time you've ever been nice to me was on that podcast let's just

let's keep going let's keep going. Clearly he needs to come back to the garage. Wait, you... Yeah, you have to work some stuff out. We just booked a second episode. Yeah. Okay, so...

Kumail's turn. Kumail gets to start us off this time. All right, let's go. And then what do we get to choose from? Then we'll go to D.C. so that Mark doesn't get to talk for a while. Yeah. No, it's just random. Don't worry about it.

I've played this before. Kumail, would you like Are We There And Yet? which is films that take place in Russia. Or Four Weddings And A Funeral which is Frank Sinatra films because he had four wives and now he's dead. Solid. Or Jeopardy, which is movies that have a question mark in the title.

All right. Russia, Sinatra, or question mark. I got to go with Jeopardy. Okay. 1972 is the year. I don't get to pick? I don't get to pick a year? Nope, this is one of those categories where you're fucked.

I wasn't born then. Three stars from Leonard. That should help. He calls this movie... He says that one of the lead performers in this movie is impish and he also says that uh has some great comic scenes and um oh and they also say look for r Randy Quaid at the hotel banquet. Which is always good advice.

I think that's what the cops said. Yeah, Randy Quaid went crazy. I'll go negative one. Can I tell you how many names there are? Yeah. Leonard lists ten names. Negative one. I gotta say name it.

Wait, isn't it up to me? No, no, it goes to DC. Is it What's Up Tiger Lily with Woody Allen? That is a movie with a question mark in it, and you also got the first two words right. But it is actually What's Up Doc

with Barbra Streisand. Lame. Really lame movie, Doc. She was great as Bugs Bunny. Hold on a second. So did Kumail lose? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I just checked.

So I have a point? You see how all the spite is gone? DC is on the board. We have a three-way tie except for Kumail. Everyone has a point. So Kumail, you gotta get this one or someone else

is about to win. I'm so terrible at this game. I'm very bad too. I looked out. See, I'm bonding with you. I've never... You don't have to say what your motives are.

You just do it and that's how then we become cool. You should, like, walk around with Mark all day and teach him how to be a human being. Yeah. It's like you learned how to be nice on the internet. Try and bond with them. Find something in common.

No, I won't try that tonight. You say whatever you say, and then you say, hashtag bonding. Who challenged who on that one? DC challenged. He challenged me. All right. Which direction? We were going that way, right?

I think let's go that way. We were going this way. We already were going that way so we're going to come back this way but we'll start with Mark and go to Megan. Far out. Mark, you get to pick. Would you like Steaks on a Train, which

is films that have a dining car scene on a train in them? Or Dolphin Lundgren, which is movies that have a dolphin, Dolph Lundgren which is movies that have a dolphin Dolph Lundgren or both. I would subscribe to a podcast that was just the categories. I've said that one on the show before too.

It gets a big laugh every time. I love it. That was suggested by Ahlana, A-H underscore lawn underscore ah. Those are the only two choices? You get a third one. What would you like?

Your third choice is suggested by Stu Down, S-T-U Down, Ski Fall, and that's movies where James Bond skis ski fall which probably doesn't narrow it down too much

no he skis in every fucking movie in the 23 movies he slapped on some skis it's the one where he hooks up with a girl oh but in Living Daylights

I think they sled it down the side of a hill in a violin case. Okay, so that doesn't count. So that doesn't count as skiing. That's got to be a huge violin. Okay, let's... Maybe it was an oboe.

Yeah. Oboe is also very small. Smaller, Kumail. That was the joke. Let's do the... Doug loves instruments. He's got some great zither jokes coming up. It's just,

he's just saying names of instruments he knows. It was a stand-up bass that they, a case that they, it was a bass case. Bass case.

It was what I call a bass case scenario. It's like Desperado, but he opens up his guitar case and inside is a fish. Fishy fishy. All right. Yeah, it's on me.

Which one do you want? Oh, God. I don't fucking know the Dolph Lundgren movies. Let's try the... Steaks on a Train? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do that. You're not a James Bond guy at all?

I am, but not that much. Okay. What was the one in the middle? A Dolph Lundgren and a dolphin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do that. You're not a James Bond guy at all? I am, but not that much. What was the one in the middle? A Dolphin Lundgren. Dolphin Lundgren. Dolphin Lundgren. Yeah, let's do Stakes on a Train. Okay. Somewhere some improv team's like,

fuck, that name's taken. Two stars from Leonard Maltin. 1995. He says this movie has bad guys in it that's literally what he says among other things and he says that this movie is elaborately produced and well directed

two stars two stars yeah he hates bad guys that much And well directed? Two stars. Two stars, yeah. He hates bad guys that much. He just calls it Connect the Dots. It's just another Connect the Dots. There's bad guys. It's 1995. And there's trains.

And there's food on it. It's a train that has food on it. It's not a time code. Because I don't recall them eating in that movie. What are my options in this moment? Your options are for me to tell you how many names Leonard lists. And that is 12. Yeah.

And now you can say I can name that movie in and I recommend that you go for all 12 names. Because you are in a position to do so. It's kind of like hot potato. Sure. Just get rid of it.

I'll take your advice and I'll say that I can name that movie in 12 names. Megan? Do it. You want him to win. Why do you want him to win? Because I don't think he's going to be able to name it.

He's going to be able to. Not necessarily. It's going to be 12 actors. I'm an old man. He can name the movie Get the Actors Right in the order? No, he doesn't have to get the actors right. He's going to movie, get the actors right in the order? No, no, he doesn't have to get the actors right. He's going to tell them all the actors.

Wait, huh? Hang on a second, though, Kumail. Wait, what? Because this strategy has worked in the past. Our good friend Pete Holmes was given every name in the Devil Wears Prada. But that's Pete Holmes. Oh, I see. This is Marc Maron. You get the names?

He doesn't have to name the names? You're giving him the names? Right, right. It's the negative is when you don't. Does that change things? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Have you just locked into playing this game correctly so far?

Yeah, you were so good on the Ferris Bueller one. You guys, I was asleep for the last hour. I just woke up, and now I get what's happening. Why were you asleep? Don't you like incredible tension? There wasn't a lot of oxygen in the room. for the last hour. I just woke up and now I get what's happening. Why were you asleep? Don't you like incredible tension? There wasn't a lot of oxygen in the room.

I got real sleepy. Are you going to let her? But for the record, I think you're doing the right thing by asking him to name it. I'll let you take it back if you insist.

Well, I think I know what the movie is. But I want to see this. You could do a negative one No she doesn't have to You could say Seven or eight and then Force DC into a position

To do something You know what I mean Why do anything crazy Just do it Say a number Say ten Say like ten I do anything crazy. I just do it. You think you know what the movie is? Say 10. Just say 10.

Say like 10. I think she said twice that she wants to name the movie. Doug, right? Say like 10. Well, I'm just like, well... No, I think she said it twice

that she said 10. I've seen like every... She is saying it a lot. I don't know why you're so anxious to try to do this. Because like, let's just fucking

get on with it. Yeah, I sort of, yeah. I've seen like every Scorsese movie a million times and I have never seen a nightclub more tense than

this one right now you obviously didn't see Xanadu I have seen this because when people are angry and on roller skates

seven eight Mark's checking his watch we still got about eight minutes or so yeah Because when people are angry and on roller skates. Seven, eight. Mark's checking his watch. We still got about eight minutes or so. Yeah. What are we doing? To milk this. What are we doing?

You're going to hear all 12 names. I'm going to read them at the rate of one every 30 seconds. The suspense is going to be unbearable. People are literally... It's 1995. There's a train. There's food on it. People in the audience are going to know the answer. So please... Everyone's going to be unbearable. 1995, there's a train. People in the audience are going to know the answer. Everyone's going to know the answer.

No, not everyone. It'll be fun for the people who don't know to feel a little dumb. Here's your names. Afifi. I may be pronouncing that one wrong. Yeah, so that should, yeah. You should give me another hint. I think maybe an animal is maybe credited.

I think you mean a Fifi midgets. Kurtwood Smith. Royce D. Applegate. Nick Mancuso. Andy Romano. Peter Green. Brenda Bakke. Who's McGill, Morris Chestnut, Catherine Heigl, What? 95.

Eric Baghuzian, and Steven Seagal. Ooh. Starring in... Mark, you have six minutes to think. So it's a Steven Seagal movie. That's correct. Mark wins. I don't know.

That was when he was making pretty kind of decent movies. What's that? He had good movies in that period. They were fun movies. Do you know this one? He's in Remains of the Day. Yeah, go with Howard Dent, bro.

I'm not. Room with a view. There's nowhere. It's not even in my brain. Yeah, I don't think so. No, it's not even in there. That's why I thought Megan did the right thing.

I think I did too. I think I did too. Hey, you know what? I don't know. That was like the tiniest fist bumps you guys just shy

do you remember when do you remember when Steven Seagal played a chef on a boat he was great do you remember that one in Titanic

I didn't see any of that because that was that was the one that really really put him on the map and made us have to see a bunch of Seagal movies and it was called Under Siege right so then made us have to see a bunch of Seagal movies.

And it was called Under Siege. So then when they went to make a sequel, they were like, he can't be on a boat again. How about he's on a fancy train vacationing with his daughter? Guess the name of the movie now, Mark. Now try to guess it. Under Siege 2? I'm going to need the full title.

Yes! It already shouldn't count. Money Never Sleeps. Training Day. That's it. That's it. Electric Boogaloo. Under Siege 2. Chew. Yeah, Under Siege Chew Chew

Yeah Under Siege Chew All I know is Thomas the Fist Engine I just wanted Thomas the Fist What? That sounds like a foreign

Oh I get it yeah It sounded dirty but Thomas the Fist Engine He's got a fist That he punches people with I get it I'm not gonna let this diminish what happened

earlier no it was great but I am gonna have to say that I just don't know Doug yeah the rest of it is called Dark Territory

yeah no that was not happening yeah yeah but you know we love we love titles with a colon in there my favorite is

Ballistic colon X versus Sever. Do you remember that movie? Which has the names of two people that you don't know. It's sort of the Franklin and Bash of movies. Was it Ballistics 2? No, it was Ballistic. Franklin and Bash.

Is that the show you're on? Colon X versus Sever. Yeah. Megan is our winner, everybody. She done did it. That just goes to show you if you're going to play this game, it's good to fall asleep during a lot of it.

Can I just say two words? Just jump in. Refreshed. Two words. Burtlar. Yeah. That was amazing. Never forget. That was amazing. Bert Lahr. He's like our 9-11. Just need that for a second, Lisa. It was my 9-11.

His son was a New Yorker critic. That's just a trivia. Yeah, his son wrote a very famous article on Bill Hicks. Look that up. Is there a shit head on the back of yours? I don't believe so. Okay, can you write the shit head on the back of yours? I don't believe so. So does she need

to write one down? Okay, can you write the shit head down on there for us? Kristen, is it? Where is she? Wow. Kristen's back there.

I thought Kristen, I thought you were Kristen. No. So you guys, yeah, write a shit head on there. No, no, Kristen is that guy, yeah. Oh, he is, okay. I thought he was just jerking off behind it like a scream.

Thank you. His name is Kristen? No, I guess he's taking her shithead. Oh, he's just writing it down for her. She's illiterate. She can only make leg lamps. So it's a good thing she didn't blame me in Mark's books. And who are you playing for, Megan, again?

Robin. Robin. What for who you did? Oh, that's your Robin. Okay. Oh, yeah. I got confused. I don't have enough cord here to reach her.

Well, thanks a lot, everybody, for coming and for one of the most exciting first rounds of the Leonard Moulton game we've ever had or whatever round that was when Mark did that. That was very exciting. You'll always be remembered for that, buddy. It was a big moment for me. A lot of things happened tonight.

I love and respect Kumail. I like her. I love that this has transferred over to someone else. I'll always remember Megan for what happened here. No, no, it was great. I like driving home

humbled and stupid. And Mark Maron, the Maron show driving home humbled and stupid. And Mark Maron, the Maron show is on IFC. IFC, Friday nights, yeah. Fridays at what time? 10pm and the book, Attempting Normal, available now.

Because that's what you're really here for. No, no, I like hanging out with you. And I like seeing that horrible part of myself that Kumail brings out. Let's do it again. Okay. You guys are like a regular ex and sever. Kumail, what do you got going on?

June 22nd is my Comedy Central Hour Special. June 22nd. Franklin and Bash comes back June 19th. And go to BurningLove.com they released season 3 of Burning Love and it's an awesome season BurningLove.com

Awesome Crap Kingdom is in bookstores available also you can go to CrapKingdom.com to find out where you can get it you can buy it on Amazon, it's on Kindles, it's on iPads it's on audiobook, you can get it on Audible you don't have to buy it in like a 9 CD set that looks like it's from a I don't know, library

for... There was nothing I could go there that wasn't weirdly offensive. At any rate, yeah, it's out there. I would really like it if people buy it. It's a comedic fantasy adventure. People really like it. And I do a show every Thursday night in LA called Big Money. It's at 7.30. It's at a place called The Virgil. It's a free stand-up show. It's great. Big Money?

Oh, that reminds me. I'm at The Virgil on Monday with the hot tub with... That's a great show. Kristen, yeah. Big money? Oh, that reminds me. I'm at the Virgil on Monday with the hot tub with Kurt and Kristen. I can't wait to do that. And Megan, what's going on? You're in L.A. for a little bit longer? Yeah, I just shot an episode

of The Kroll Show and other than that I'm pretty unproductive. But I'm on Twitter, Megan Eringer, and I just started doing Vine and I do some weird shit on there,

so check out my Vine. Oh oh can I plug my Twitter too? and Best Week Ever of course yeah I mean sure do it if you want do it if you want I'm not going to force you you're not forced

to watch it you guys Twitter what else? I'm just going to say my Twitter at Kumail N K-U-M-A-I-L-N and I'm at

DC Pearson D-C-P-I-E-R-S-O-N and I'm not going to spell it I, at Kumail N. K-U-M-A-I-L N. And I'm at DC Pearson. D-C-P-I-E-R-S-O-N. God, your names are hard to spell. All of your names are hard to spell. Mark Maron's the only easy one, if you can remember it's a C and not a K. All of your names have little traps. Little quirks.

Yeah, mine's got a lot of them. Mine's just traps. It's like the beginning of... K-U-M-A-I-L Raiders of the Last Ark right yeah yeah let's hear it for all of them

you guys and for all of you for coming out late at night at Flappers thank you Flappers we'll do this again sometime

and let me get a group picture of you guys while the end music plays Thank you, Flappers. We'll do this again sometime. And let me get a group picture of you guys while the end music plays. But first of all, I have to say, as always, Sylvia Brown is a shithead. Ashton Kutcher is a shithead. And tech support is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky

There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies