Doug Loves Movies - "Mark Wahlberg," John Erler, Matt Bearden and Trey Galyon guest

Episode Date: June 1, 2015

Live from Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Doug welcomes "Mark Wahlberg," John Erler, Matt Bearden and Trey Galyon to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming baby sticky seeds With minty azapop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't steal But Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is the Lost Movies. Always tight, except for a few people. There's always a few weirdos.

And that's what keeps the city going. Because we're coming to you once again from the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas! It's Saturday, May 30th at 420-ish. Call it 431, maybe 432 at this point. Let me see your name tags, Austin. Oh, I knew there'd be a lot of them and that they'd be impressive. It's ostentatious is what it is.

The Exgendables 3. Because your name is Jen and you have that big poster already did you already own that poster? no, you had to go seek out that big poster slap Jen over a couple of the letters and come up with the Exgendables and were you seeking out 3 specifically?

is that your favorite of the trilogy? the one you found. Yeah, the one you could find. I like it. I think it's got a good choice of getting picked. You know what else has got a good choice of a good chance? It's got a good choice chance is this big box of donuts right here in the front row. Front row donuts.

I don't know how that's going to get ignored. And then, as you know, it's my pledge. I don't tell the guests this because they'll pick the donuts every time. But if the donuts get up onto the stage, they will go back into the audience. One at a time. Overhand. You can put your signs down. It would feel bad making people hold them up for so long.

But one of the more polite crowds, too, though. You're not all yelling, look at mine. I have one. And you look over and they're holding up their work ID. So not only am I disappointed that they didn't just make something, they brought their work ID, but also people

that work at places where you have a work ID, this guy also doesn't smoke weed at all because they get tested. So I hate this person. For no good reason. Hey, Exgendables3, what was the last movie that you saw? It got so quiet that we got to hear a drink order.

It got so quiet that we got to hear a drink order. The podcast listeners probably won't hear it, but I like to know what everybody's drinking one at a time. Do you remember, Jen? Mad Max, Fury Road. All right. I'm not going to say anything about it right now because it's definitely going to come up again later in the show. But, you know, I don't know if you guys know,

but I love-hate that movie. Next weekend, I'm doing shows all weekend, Friday and Saturday, at the Limestone Comedy Festival in Bloomington, Indiana. And on Thursday, June... Do you really got to woo for that? On Thursday, June 11th, I'm doing a late-night stand-up show

at the Improv in Washington, D.C. Oh, okay. So D.C.'s a little bit more popular than Bloomington. They're about the same size. But for the D.C. show, you know, the stand-up show, bring your name tags and, you know, and if you're the only person...

I did a show recently where only one person brought a name tag in the audience and they just got the prize bag. They didn't have to do shit. I said,

what was the last movie they saw? And they were like, uh, I guess it's Mad Max and then I handed them the prize bag. This was weeks ago.

I don't know how they saw Mad Max already. Here's the prize bag, you guys. I was fresh off another win on Ad Midnight, so I brought you... I brought you the delightful bag that they give all the guests. It's got a tag on it and everything.

Like it's fancy or something. And then my guests brought lots of kooky things for the bag. But I, of course, brought a Doug Loves Movies T-shirt. And the morning... Someone turned into a jungle cat over that revelation. There's so many weird things in here. I'm going to cut myself just reaching around in there like that.

And copies of two of my albums. The one that I've been giving away for the last year called Gateway Doug 2 Forced Fun. But then on top of that, first time in the prize bag, the new one, Promotional Tool. On pre-order now. It doesn't come out until June 9th, so don't slap this in your computer

and get it right onto BitTorrent or some shit. Whoever wins, I guess they should drop some paperwork for the winner tonight. But you know what? I'm just going to hang on to it. I really have thought this over. I don't know why I'm giving away one so early. I'm telling you, it's going to burn

me in the end. Eh, fuck it. Alright, so... Why start worrying about that stuff now? Did I mention promotional tools only $4.99? I'm not even charging the iTunes suggested price of $8.99 or $9.99. Are you out of your mind? Just listening to me talk for a while and not even play the Leonard Maltin game?

Who would buy that? Let's get my guests out here because they brought a lot of other stuff for the prize bag and I'm going to sort through it with them. We always have a lot of fun here in Austin, whether the show gets heard by anyone else or not. Please welcome to the stage,

I dare to call all of these people friends of mine, Trey Gallion, John Erler, Matt Bearden, and Mark Wahlberg! Mark Wahlberg! Look at the tip of his... I know, right? I'm excited too. Thank you. Just a quick note to the Cap City Comedy Club.

Amazing venue, great turnout every time we do the show here, but next time maybe we should put our row of seats back a little bit further because there are some people in the audience that just get fucked by this setup and they're getting a sideshow. Like they're just standing in the wings. I apologize. I don't know if pointing it out to them was a good idea. They're all enraged now. But the people on that end get a nice view of Mark Wahlberg is here!

He's got two big movies coming out. How you guys doing? You doing good? How do you... What are you doing in Austin, Texas, man? Shooting Transformers 6, bro. I don't know if that's the right number. We already fucking locked that shit in, dude. Next week we're doing nine.

We're fucking banging these out. Why go in order? There's no reason, right? No fucking reason. Does your character come and go from the series? Do you, like, go to another planet for a few years? Fucking, I build, like, a space lab and shit, dude. I'm a scientist in that fucking movie.

Are you directing these, too? No, dude. We leave that to Bay. He fucking kills it. Yeah, he really does kill it. He really ruins joy. Why? Because he killed TJ?

Let it go, bro. I think I disliked Michael Bay films before he got rid of TJ early in Transformers. But did I tell you I never watched the rest of it? I only watched until TJ died and then I turned it off. You just wanted to watch the bad parts? I'm just saying we knew you were going to prevail.

You always do. I told him, why the fuck don't we just call this Transformers Lone Survivor? Everybody knows. Well, thanks for being here, Mark. Great to meet you. On your day off, you know,

you don't want to hang out with your family or something? Why? So they can ask for money? Oh, okay. I mean, I know. I think you have little children. I think you have like...

Do they ask for money? Here's the problem, okay? I grew up in fucking Dorchester, right? It's fucking South Boston. That's okay. One? We'll fucking take it. Me and him

could beat the fuck out of the rest of you, no problem. We'll use a bottle as a weapon. We don't care. And I grew up fucking hard, alright? We grew up, like, my first toy was a fucking cinder block. And I'm not gonna let my fucking kids grow up like that, so I just drive them out in the middle

of places. I go, come on, get out. You go first. And I shut the door and I'm like, I'll see you at home. So no, today's not a kid's day. Today they're somewhere in Albuquerque. I was just watching a Friday Night Lights marathon and I saw Coach Taylor do that to Riggins. He just fucking left? Just made him get out of the car.

Yeah, just you walk home from here because you're bad. I love that. You did bad. You need to think about what you did. Like, what kind of adult just leaves

a child stranded way out in the fucking middle of nowhere? Coach Taylor, that's what kind. Right, fucking A, dude.

The dude from early edition does it. It was the right thing to do. Exactly. Yeah, no, I love that fucking show. I like Coach Taylor.

All right, you don't have to, you know, everyone here is not that All right. You don't have to, you know, everyone here is not that into it. You don't have to really suck up to them about it. What? They know him? They don't fucking know him. This is, we're in Austin, Texas.

We're shot here. Oh, shit. We're in fucking Austin? How you doing? Matt Bearden's here, you guys. Local radio. Monster radio force. Intimidating.

Intimidating. Intimidating. Yeah. He's got like a three-county reach with his mornings of comedy. Intimidating. On KLBJ. of comedy. I'm intimidated. On KLBJ. I don't usually remember that kind of stuff.

Yeah, how did you remember that? I don't know. I couldn't tell you the numbers. I'm thinking like they're on the high end of the dial. The FM. It's FM, right?

Yep. Not high end, though. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, interesting. Go ahead and tell me what it is. I can't stand the suspense anymore. It's 937.

93.7? Yeah. Something like that. Out in California, it's 93.7. The wave. Don't recommend it. I don't recommend the one here, either. I don't recommend it. I don't recommend the one here either. I don't either.

Oh, you got the wave here? It's just a different number? No, no, no. I think he means my show. Oh. Well, yeah, that's what I meant. All right. Well, since he drew first blood,

Trey Gallion is here, everybody. What's up, man? What's up, you guys? Comic I met here in Austin when he lived here And now is living in New York New York City, Brooklyn Yeah, and visiting Austin to do shows and stuff? Yeah, come down here every year to do some shows

And hang out with friends and stuff Get weird, go camping, all that shit. You went camping since you've been here? Yeah, yeah, went last week. We got, Saturday they came through, and we're like, hey, you gotta go! At like 10pm. Oh, you had

to get out because of the flooding. Yeah. Yeah, and about 80% of us in our group had taken a lot of mushrooms that day. I feel so bad for whether they're fucked up on something or not. Anybody that gets stranded in one of those cars and just floats away is such a bummer. It's just like, I know you're dead and you don't know the difference,

but what an embarrassing way to die. I'm just terrified of dying doing something so stupid that for the rest of time people will go, that guy got high and died because he's so dumb. Yeah. Like my parents would have to explain that to people. That's horrible.

Our son went camping, did some mushrooms, heard the warnings, and died. You're not doing what you love, bro. There's nothing wrong with that. Well, of course, if Mark Wahlberg had been there, nobody would have died, right? Fuck that, dude. I'd be like, jump on my back. Let's go. Bring the weights.

I don't care. You want to come next year? You want to go fucking camping? Yeah, man, next year. Dude, I'll do stuff poor people do. Yeah. Let's go somewhere where they haven't built a hotel yet. That's the first thing Mark Wahlberg

does in a fire is save the weights. Get those fucking 20 pounders. Get all the gym equipment out. Fucking carry them. Cats and children last. Carrying bowl flexes. I don't give a shit. And so polite to wait all this time

before diving in. John Earler's here, everybody. So great as one of the henchmen in Mad Max Fury Road. Witness me! Witness me! What's the name of the one bald kid in there that's like the main, like the one we follow because he's like, he keeps switching allegiances.

His name is Nooks, I think. Nooks? Yeah think. Nooks. Yeah, but that guy was in, yeah, he was in that zombie movie, that teenage zombie movie, and he was the kid in About a Boy. And he's also in X-Men films now. And he's in a weird commercial where he's trying to pretend to be a scientist and he's got, like, facial hair

and it's mock and he's being all smart. British. He's British. Is he bald in that? Huh? Is he pale and bald all the time? No. No, he's a, I'm saying, is this mock and he's being all smart. British. He's British. Is he pale and bald in that? Huh? Is he pale and bald all the time? No. No, he's I'm saying is this kid, he's barely, you know, about a boy was probably ten years ago or whatever and he was a kid when he did that and now he's like

a character actor already. That's pretty impressive to pull off. I think. Not many people do it. Because everybody just gets typecast so quickly, you know that not everybody yeah who would be other than yourself of course who would be like an example you think of an actor that never got typecast and I will tell you why I think they got typecast. It's a fun new game. Alright, here we go.

Typecast, no typecast. First up, Sigourney Weaver. Fuck you, you know I'm right. I don't think she ever doesn't play a complete bitch. Even when she's a character you're supposed to like. You know what? I have to... That is a good example.

She's more of a... She has been... She doesn't change accents, though. I mean, Meryl Streep would probably be the best example of... No, she always plays old. All right. In that case, we both win. Let's call this one a draw, sir.

You got it. Now, which would you be more insulted by, if I didn't see Entourage or if I didn't see Ted 2? Oh, shit. You gotta see fucking Ted 2, bro. Why do you want to go watch a movie where you pretend you know Adrian Guignere's name? You call him Guignere?

Do you fucking know I'm saying it wrong? It's Grenier. No, it ain't fucking Grenier. Grenier's a type of water. That's... That's Perrier, man. If you wanted to be a movie star, you should have changed his last name to Grenade.

That'd be pretty cool. Fuck yeah, well... I'm Adrian Grenade. He probably still opened to it. That was a horrible bomb blast I did. Yeah, no, dude, you gotta see Ted too. Okay. Just for like... I saw the poster and it said

he's coming again and he's clearly a teddy bear jerking off, so I'm really happy about where society's at right now. I don't know. People that approve that kind of stuff don't even know what's going on. I told them, I'm like, turn them around. If they're like, we want to do a poster where we apply the teddy bears jerking off,

they would say, no way. But instead, they just go, they just do it, and then it gets approved. Yeah, we call that the Wahlberg effect. Like the show Wahlburgers. It just fucking gets approved. Yeah, we call that the Wahlberg effect. Like the show Wahlburgers. It just fucking gets approved. I'm like, hey, I got a shitty fucking idea that'll make Donnie some money. They're like, okay, we'll do it.

It's nice of you, though, taking care of your brother, man. No, they... I just have... I just say do it. They fucking take care of it. I've taken care of long enough. It's like he's Mike Seaver living above the fucking garage in growing plants. I keep forgetting to go through the prize bag because the weed's really good

in this part of the world. Damn. I sucked up to you without saying the word Austin. Then I just did it anyway. John, what'd you bring for the prize bag? I brought some very important movies for folks to see. I got Dream a Little Dream Part 2 with both Corys in it.

Yeah, probably the best part of out of the ten Dream a Little Dream movies. I didn't even know there was two of them. That's why it's important to watch this. I love that one. That's great. Oh, really? I like Dream a Little Dream 1 because it had, what's her name at the top of her game? Hot.

Holy shit, she was good. I don't remember her name, but Hot. I'm like Twitter friends with her, I think. Really? Definitely. Meredith Salinger. That's her name. Okay, I'm looking forward to it.

Here's one you may be familiar with from a few months ago. Why? Because we watched it together. Oh. Nope. Still doesn't ring any bells. Captain America 2, A Death Too Soon. Yes.

Oh, wow. Wait, wait. That wasn't a couple months ago. It's been a little while. Like nine months ago. Yeah, okay. All right. So, you know, I've't a couple months ago. It's been a little while. Like nine months ago. Yeah, okay. All right. So, you know, I've had a baby since then.

Give me a break. This is the terrible one that came out in like 1979, probably just to keep their franchise license alive so they could keep making Captain America movies. He lives in a van literally down by the river in this one. It's like from And that was, we watched Captain America. Part 2.

We watched Part 2. Death Too Soon. But Part 1 is probably awful too though, right? I'm sure it's terrible. They're both just terrible old Captain America movies. You get two of them in one package. And what else? Here's something that's hot off the press is this is the unrated edition of

Fifty Shades of Grey. Oh, I wonder... Do you think this version has some sex in it? Probably not. No? It has an extended ending for those disappointed in the actual ending. Actual ending of Fifty Shades of Grey? Oh, yeah. Now with more brooding.

That sounds amazing. There's also a teaser for Fifty Shades Darker in there. Well, that sounds even better. I'm ready to make a racist joke right now that I'll regret about the movie Fifty Shades Darker. Maybe let him make it. He could probably pull it off. I mean, you get a fucking green lip, but I'm not a fan of that movie. Why is that? Oh, okay, I'm sorry. I thought that was get a fucking green lip, but I'm not a fan of that movie.

Why is that? Oh, okay, I'm sorry. I thought that was going to be the end of it. No, it's not the fucking end of it. Because I don't know how you're supposed to jack off to something that's 50% Don Johnson. Don Johnson? Dakota Johnson's daughter is in the movie

for those not in the know. I didn't even see it and I know Don Johnson's not in it. No, for those not in the know. I didn't even see it, and I know Don Johnson's not in it. No, I'll take 50% of Melanie Griffith to jerk off to. She was a hot lady. Yeah, that's a Griffith half-full. You're right. Matt Bearden, what'd you bring for the prize bag?

I'm really intimidated sitting next to Mark Wahlberg. Isn't that weird, being next to Mark Wahlberg? It's very intimidating, especially his gigantic jewelry. You talking about my bracelet, bro? This thing weighs 32 pounds. It is a level of wealth I will never achieve. Do you take it off when you're masturbating? It's like the donut

on the baseball bat? Nope. I go 30 seconds each list. For the listener at home, I've been curling for a minute and a half. It's like 20 seconds, dude. Don't you fucking dare, dude.

I won't get out of this chair. He gives you one, so you're alright. You're right. That's your one. I was born in Boston though, man. Does that count for anything? What's that? Brighton. You were born in Boston? Yeah. Fucking high five for getting out, bro. What are these things, Matt? I brought notebooks. I printed up

too many notebooks. That's from my Punch Comedy, punchcomedy.com, where I do comedy shows. Some people have been. And we're doing more soon. Shh. It's a secret. It's werewolves love the Punch Comedy show. Well, they're big fans of the werewolves.

Yeah. That's great. What's this stuff that you brought, Trey? Well, my friends that I'm staying with, they said I could rob their junk drawer. So I got, uh, two bicycle hooks. Because there's a lot of bikers in Austin, right? You guys have done some bike lane bullshit and all that. And then, uh, on the door, double hook, because who the fuck doesn't need one of those?

Yeah, you can hang up two coats on this. On the door, double hook, because who the fuck doesn't need one of those? Yeah, you can hang up two coats on this. And then a copy of another one of my favorite books, Alice in Wonderland. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. Yep. Exactly. They get it. By Lewis G. Carroll. All right, yeah, so we got all this stuff.

You could go home and do some home improving. Fucking A, man. Read a story. Oh, I brought, also, I don't eat this sort of thing anymore, but at the Sasquatch Festival, they gave us a Sasquatch chocolate. And I just like the packaging. The Sasquatch Festival, they gave us a Sasquatch chocolate. And I just like the packaging. The Sasquatch has their own candy bar. It's pretty impressive.

So all of that stuff is for some... Oh, also, what did Mark Wahlberg bring? I'm going to give away a fucking experience, okay? All right, walk us through it. You guys know what this is? You're right, it is a cheap camera. One night, there was a party. A party of girls.

On a bachelorette party. And they took photos. And they said, this is for you. And now I'm going to give this to somebody else. You're welcome. So that's full bachelorette party shots. Now it's in the bag. Just girls making mistakes.

Where do you recommend they get that developed? I don't know. What do poor people do for that shit? Go to like a CV Walgreens or whatever the fuck they're called. But they'll see the pictures, but don't you think you... They don't care. They fucking see all that shit. Here, newsflash. If you put your fucking USB in one of those and it loads up the previews, guess what?

The previews are saved on that fucking machine. So then that kid that creeped you out, he's going to creep you out after you're gone too when he looks at all your fucking photos. Enjoy it. Mark Wahlberg laying it down, you guys. I'm here to help people. Let's start on this end over here,

Trey. I've got to ask everybody, what was the last movie you saw? It Follows. Really? No, it's a great fucking movie. It was horrible. My friend Dan is no longer allowed to recommend movies to me because of that movie. But you know, it's widely praised,

that movie. Lots of people like it. I felt like it was Bearden pulling a fucking joke on me. Like, America's Next Great Horror Movie or whatever. It wasn't scary at all. I think horror is a really tough nut to crack. I'm never scared at all. I think horror is a really tough nut to crack. I'm never scared by anything. I'm disgusted by things that are supposedly horror movies.

You know, like I'm not going to see Human Centipede 3. No. But, speaking of buts, my mouth says that I can't get scared anymore at horror movies because I'm an adult who's seen thousands of them. And so it just gets boring watching. Like, that's what was fun about, I went with Master Pancake last night and we watched the two Sleepaway Camp movies, two and three. And it was really, it's a fun way to watch a shitty horror movie because during those boring parts where you're waiting for a cat to jump out or a murder that makes no sense to happen.

Like, in those sleepaway camp movies, like, people get set on fire as a way of being killed in the middle of the camp. Like, and nobody notices that two people were set on fire until they find the charred bodies weeks later. Yeah, but those are fun in their own way. But like that new Evil Dead,

that didn't scare you, like, at some parts of it? I thought it was okay, but... Well, that's the thing.g-13 horror movies are the worst where the where it's where a doll is supposed to be scary you know like oh shit annabelle's here well that was yeah it's a goddamn doll yeah it looks creepy but the end but then i felt bad too kind of watching because i can't murder me it's all i was the only one in the theater that was laughing at parts of the movie. Nobody else was laughing. I think it's kind of supposed to be funny.

Well, which is what I thought, but then nobody else was laughing, and I felt kind of weird about it. What was the one where the girl takes charge and starts killing all the killers? What was that one called? Hard Candy. Huh? Hard Candy. No.

Killers. You're next. Yeah, Hard Candy. No. You're next. Killers, you're next. Yeah, Hard Candy was, that was a little different. But You're Next was another one that when it came along, everyone was like, they cracked the code.

It's a new kind of horror film. And I thought, I liked it, but I just, I didn't think it was as, you know, scary as people made it out to be. Your turn, John, earlier. Last movie I saw, as you know, is the second. Oh, that, earlier. Last movie I saw, as you know, is the... Oh, that's right.

We saw it together. He remembered this time. Yeah. Captain America 2, Death Too Soon. No, uh... Sleepaway 3. Well, no,

technically it was the second 10 minutes of Mad Max Fury Road. This is the last movie you saw. I like people to tell me what movies they saw

in their entirety. Because you could say that a trailer was a movie if you're counting ten minutes. Might as well chop it down to two and a half. Alright, Sleepaway Camp 3. And... Sleepaway Camp 2. No, I don't want you to just keep going back. Sleepaway Camp 1.

What did you think of Part 3? In the trilogy, where does it stand? It's the worst. It gets pretty silly, right? It's terrible. I get the two confused now that I saw them back-to-back like that. But which one has the... It was two that has a scene where

a couple is supposedly having sex in the bathroom, but the man is just shoving his face into the woman's stomach, completely missing the three points of interest that a man would shove his face into the woman's stomach, completely missing the three points of interest that a man would shove his face into, continuously for several minutes in a toilet stall. It's almost like the director was like,

get your head out of the way so we can see those tits. Oh, no, no, not that far south. We can't get that rating. So he's just like hanging out around her belly button for no reason. It's super funny. It's like hardcore tummy kissing. It's called a belly blower, bro.

And then Master Pancake, of which John is the founder, he's the CEO, they always stop the movie at one point and do a sketch, a live improvised sketch that has something to do with stuff that's going on in the movie. And he had the audience members line up, volunteers, and there was 13 of them.

And he dressed up like the girl in that scene. And every single person came up, man and woman, and smashed their face against his belly. I think that's where the night went around a corner we could never recover from. Because then we're like, well, now we're going to watch another sleepaway camp. I hope there's more stomach sex in that movie. Nope. Just murder.

One of the guys who kissed my stomach is here tonight. I saw him. The kid? Well, that's how it works. When somebody kisses your stomach, they're your slave for life. It's really one of the most humbling experiences to be dressed as a half-naked woman with your hands bound on stage while strange audience members come up

and in turn kiss you on the stomach. Some of them get a little too frisky? You know what? Everybody kind of kept it right, you know? I was afraid somebody was going to ram it in there, but everybody was... You get a little playful with the tongue there. He almost started checking IDs because there was one kid that looked about 17.

He's here tonight. He's here and he's 23. So do it. Yeah. Get at it. Alright, did I ask everybody? Matt? I saw Ex Machina and it was fucking incredible. Oh, it's so good.

You know, you always bust my balls because I don't watch that many movies Did I ask everybody? Matt. I saw Ex Machina, and it was fucking incredible. Oh, it's so good. So good. It's so good. You know, you always bust my balls because I don't watch that many movies, and then if I do, the movies I watch and I bring to your audience, they always hate. This was a slam dunk, and the less you know about it, the better is also my opinion of the movie. It's so good. The trailer shows too much.

It's so good. It's incredible. I didn't know any of those actors. I guess they're all very popular now, but I didn't know. They've been in stuff that you've seen. No. Yeah. No.

No. They have. So, what? The trailer for Star Wars. Yeah, you saw that? I haven't seen it yet. They're both in Star Wars. Oh, really?

Mm-hmm. Not the new one? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I haven't seen it yet. Mm-hmm. But I'm excited. He was, well, Donald Gleeson was in About Time

And he was also in I know you're right you haven't seen any of these movies Yeah no Oscar Isaac was in Inside Llewyn Davis And Drive Sucker Punch That guy was fucking incredible He's so good in that movie. He's a great actor.

Most Violent Year, he was in that. What? That was so good, that movie. Oh, yeah. I thought you said Psycho. Anyway, and the girl's really good. The girl robot's really good, and it's good. Liked it. Mark, did you think of one? Yes. Glad we could talk about this. Let's hear it.

Most recent movie I saw was The Searchers. John Wayne? John Wayne, dude. Fucking killing it. Just going after engines and Comanche. That's what he fucking says. Comanche? Yeah, that's what he calls them. He calls them Comanche? Yeah, he's like, there's a lot of Comanche over there.

Over that ridge, we got a lot of Comanche. She's been living with a buck. We gotta go get her. I understand now why Robin Williams stood up every time he did a John Wayne impression. I really felt like

standing up when I did that. I always thought it was unnecessary to stand up, but just there, I was like, I wanted to launch to my feet. And I was like,

I gotta go over there. He's just all physical. I gotta get up for that. Great pocket movie, man. I loved it. All right, everybody, check out The Searchers. It's Doug Lowe's movies where you can find these

undiscovered gems. I mean, I'm sure there's some listeners who have never heard of it. They need to fucking check it out. It's a huge-ass movie. One guy looking for something for five years, it's like Donnie and the Job. Is it your favorite western of all time?

Or would you put Jonah Hex ahead of it? Oh. No, it's not. Jonah Hex is like, eh. And then it's fucking Searchers

and then Unforgiven. Huh? Oh, those are the top two? Yeah. Okay. That's pretty good. It's the only two I've seen. That's pretty good.

Like one of the best original Westerns and then one of the best sort of reinventing of the Western. Yes, sir. Yeah. You know your stuff.

I'm glad you're here. I really appreciate you coming out and there's a guy in the front row with a My Wife shirt on, so that's... Appreciate that.

Always good to be back in Austin where when you say do you have Tito's, it's not like they don't go, there's no chance they're going to say no. It's in most places now, which is great, but every once in a while people are like, what? And I'd like another one, please.

Oh, well, can I get one too? I'm asking the beverage gods here at Cap City for Tito's and soda. What are you drinking? Can I get like a gin and tonic with extra creatine? It would be fucking great. If you don't have any creatine, just skip it. I don't want anybody to go out of their way.

They probably had it over at Dracula Restaurant, but that place closed. Oh, it's so good. I love it. Did you eat there? Yeah, goulash. You gotta go try the goulash, right? But it's not a thing anymore, right? No, it's gone.

I just used to love that I was playing in a comedy club in a mall that had a place called Dracula Restaurant. This is awesome. Right next to a convenience store that everything is in Spanish. Yeah, L'Amour C'est. That's not there anymore either. Well, they were in the wrong neighborhood. Damn.

This fucking English-speaking comedy club muscled out the goulash and the, uh... Yeah, it's like they were close. If they just would've gone on the other side of 183,

they probably would've been good. Yeah. Oh, some of you live over there? What the fuck? I haven't lived here in a while. I don't know how far

the white people have gone. I don't... You guys make it over there already? Alright. My bad. Now's the part of the... It's alright, Trey. Now's the part of the show where I say, let the games

begin. Let's fucking do this! Let's fucking do this! Let's fucking do this shit. My name is Max and I'm quite angry. I'm disgruntled. Are you mad? You could say that if you're

into alliteration. Alright, so we got name tags. Lots of them. And you guys, somebody's yelling for Mark, so that might be something he likes. And just go pick whatever name tag you want to play.

More picking and less talking. And while you guys do that, we're going to go to a commercial break. We'll be right back. Hey, hey, hey everybody. Just want to take a quick second to remind you to get a copy of Promotional Tool on iTunes or at specialthingrecords.com. It officially comes out on June 9th, but you can preorder it now. Get your physical copy from a special thing.

Get your download copy from iTunes. Get your download copy from iTunes. And I thank you in advance for your purchase and potential enjoyment of promotional tool for the bargain price of $4.99 for a download. And I think it's $5.99 to have a physical copy in your damn hands. Get your damn hands off your money and give it to me for my comedy recordings. Thanks, you guys. Back to the show. We're back. Who are you playing for, Mark Wahlberg? Some dude with a balloon fetish.

Now that I look at it, they look like tits from all over the universe. It's a character in Total Recall 2 when they get around to that. I picked this hat because this guy put fucking time into it. He really did. Like I have with my body and my career. Yeah, so it's probably not the smartest thing I picked this hat because this guy put fucking time into it. He really did.

Like I have with my body and my career. Yeah, so it's probably not the smartest thing to put a lot of time into. I hope you get a picture of this. It says, Jepston, which is a horrible name. Dog Loves Movies presents Jepston. He's got a little fucking house with a whole bunch of balloons

on top of a white hat. There's no joke there other than the hat. And he wore it in here. Did you drive over in a convertible? Oh, he took the bus. That's cool. All right. So that's Justin?

Justin. Yeah. He put the word up in the middle there, but it's pronounced Justin. Oh, that's not your fucking name? The P is silent. The P is silent. Fuck this. I want a new one.

Oh, shit. I'll fuck with you, dude. You can still play for Jumpston. Who are you playing for, Matt? I'm playing for Evan, and incredible name tag, the Avengers Age of Olcron. Cron, chronic.

And then it has been photoshopped with tons of ex-appearances from Doug Love's movies that I recognize on here. And you're on here, Doug. And Chris Cubis is on here. And you're on there. You're on there, too, buddy. I'm on here. I got excited because he said you're on here.

But in the angle he has me, I look really effeminate. Yeah, you do. It looks like you're posing. Well, he put your face on Scarlett Johansson, so that's the first problem. But even just the pose, and I don't know

where that picture came from. It's probably one of those things where my wife made me take it four times. My wife? It's very uncomfortable. And now I am angry. I'll live with it. But in that picture, you have a better wife than your,

or ass than your wife. That's what I meant. Fuck, that van got smoky, dude. Yeah, we rode over here with Spicoli and his friends. Straight up. John Erler got a box of donuts. John Erler got a box of donuts Whose name is on them Before we start throwing them into the crowd

Dude can you not throw one of those No they all gotta get tossed I mean John can pick one that he wants What's the name of the person you're playing for Michael Michael Michael Michael

Michael Oh does it say Michael on the inside? That's not... I took a shot. No, it's not... That's not a... Which one do you want, Trey? The one...

This one looks like it's got a little turd in the middle of it. The fucking chocolate with the fruity pebbles. Seriously, though, doesn't it, like... Yeah. Honey, did the dog take a dump in my donut again? Honey! It's like a weird little dump

right there in the middle of it. I'm sure somebody out there wants to eat it, right? Am I right? Watch your faces! Oh, you went light on that one, man. Well, you know, I want to just ease up to it, you know? Does this one look good to you? No, that one, man. Well, you know, I want to just ease up to it, you know. Does this one look good to you?

No, that needs to go out there. What about... You were cracking me up at Gramercy because you were humming them into the crowd. The ceiling's too low here. I don't want one to hit a light, catch on fire, fall on someone's head. And then they see you because you threw a donut. Oh, fuck, yeah. Now I don't want to throw any of them now that you mentioned that.

Throw it, throw it, throw it, throw it. Yeah, they didn't throw it. Oh, shit. Yeah! Ah! Get out some aggression. Hell yeah. Get out some aggression.

All right, Trey, you can throw it or eat it. You get to pick. Ah! Now, look. If you're going to enjoy that fucking donut, make sure you enjoy some cardio. You get to pick. Now look, if you're going to enjoy that fucking donut, make sure you enjoy

some cardio. You're welcome. This one's got bacon on it. Oh, it's got bacon on it. It's maple with bacon on it. Wait, let me take a bite real quick. Still want it?

Here you go. Oh my God. We should have mentioned, open your mouths. Are you okay? One more, one more. The last one, Mr. Mark Wahlberg. I can't believe he's even touching a donut. Now look.

You better fucking save this donut. And just like boogie Nights, I'm gonna go deep. You ready? I saw Ultimate Frisbee. I know how this fucking works. Try to hit the back wall. Okay.

Wait, that one? Yeah. Okay. Shit. Oh, that one? Yeah. Okay. Shit. Oh, that. Now give it to that girl who wants to save it. I'm not fucking joking. Give it to that fucking girl who wants to save it.

You better do it, man. I don't get what you don't get about this. I give you the donut. You take the donut. You give the donut to the person who wants to save it. You're starting to get upset a little bit. For anybody whose name tag I didn't pick, meet me after the show.

I'll let you touch it. You know. I thought if I was hanging out with Bert Kreischer the other day he's a very funny comedian and he has a podcast we were doing his podcast

and he said he wanted me to think of a name for his next album these are the ones I have so far Sort of Fat Albert The Bert Locker These are the ones I have so far. Sort of Fat Albert. The Bert Locker.

You know, and the cover could be a parody of, he could be like, he's like a bomb squad, a bomb guy coming into a comedy club to take care of the bomb. That'd be great. Or Life is Bertiful. And he's dressed like in Auschwitz and no not that one dude

no you don't think he'd go for that one yeah no not that one no no I like the bird locker I think that one's pretty funny alright yeah

I was just thinking Passion of the Kreischer alright I'll run it by him. I like mine better. Is he Jewish? I'll definitely take credit for it. What? Is he Jewish?

What is Kreischer? I don't know. That's why I was asking. What at Disney goes like this? Yeah, it's Jew. Oh, okay. This is creeping me out. I know, right?

Holy shit. Look, yeah, because it's true. Oh, okay. This is creeping me out. I know, right? Holy shit. Yeah, because it's you. It's me instead of Johnny Depp on the... Which is way better. Alice in Wonderland thing. I would have much rather you play that role. It doesn't look that different, really. No.

I mean, the eyes... I couldn't do that weird dance he did at the end, because I don't have CGI at my disposal. I also like the little joy in his hand. And so this is... Alice in like the little joy in his hand. Allison made this, Allison Wonderland. Yeah, she guilted me. She used the Disney font for Douglas movies, which I love, and I've got to remember

to do that somewhere, like make a shirt that says it like that. I want Disney to sue me, because I think that'll be good publicity. Totally. Yeah, you'll get in the papers. What was the name of your donut girl? Donut girl is Michael.

Sorry, Michael. It's French. Can everybody see Michael also? Nothing like a girl. Not even close. Not even in the dark. Not... Alright.

Alright, we're gonna play some games. We're a little behind schedule at this point, but we'll power through. Boys don't cry, sure. Ooh, that's interesting. And like, he's like... I just have... He's like, he's clearly got breasts, but he's like, you know,

in mid-binding them down in front of a mirror. That's the cover. He's got pretty good breasts, so that would work. We're going to play a new game, you guys. I don't know if you've heard, because we've only played it in one show before,

but like most of the games in one show before, but like most of the games in the show, it's just between all the gentlemen up here on stage. It's called Steve Buscemi, Now You Don't. Or Now Buscemi, Now You Don't. I think Now Buscemi, Now You Don't is better. I wrote down Steve Buscemi,

Now You Don't. Now Buscemi or you don't. Now, Buscemi. Now you don't. Here's how it works. Who am I supposed to start with? I wrote it down over here. We've got multiple pieces of paper. This is so complicated.

We're going to start with? I wrote it down over here. We've got multiple pieces of paper. This is so complicated. We're going to start with John. John goes first. Alright, and then if John misses, then the next person gets a chance to steal. That will go in Matt's direction.

Wait, how does this work? You'll see. Alright. It's not anything where you have to really strategize. You just need to know the answer when it's your turn. I'm going to name three Steve Buscemi movies, but one of them is a lie. He's been in a lot of movies, Buscemi. That's true. Two of these he's in.

Don't start naming movies he was in. People in the audience are like, I think he was in Iron Eagle. So I'm going to name three movies, John. Which one of these is Buscemi not in? Between Parting Glances, The Search for One-Eyed Jimmy, and See No Evil.

He's in two of those. Which one's he not in? I'm going to say See No Evil. That is correct. So you're Sheamy, now you don't. So you're still in. Now we go to Matt. You get three names.

Tell me which one. He's not in. Can I use my phone? No. Only if it's to call a stupid person. Just rings back to me. Heart of Midnight, Heart of Dixie,

or Heart. He's in two of those. I don't know any of them, so it's a full-on guess, and I'll go with Heart of Dixie. That's correct! Yes!

He's, uh, he's not very believable in the South. Steve Buscemi. Mark Wahlberg, you've worked with Buscemi, haven't you? Boardwalk Empire, bro. Oh, wait, what? Oh, you're like a producer on that? Like? I'm a fucking EP. Right, so that's what I was saying.

Like a producer. You never show up and you don't do anything, you just get a credit. That's how it works. Alright, um, Between these three, which one is your employee Steve Buscemi not in? Daddy Daycare, Big Daddy,

and Kiss Daddy Goodnight. He's in two of those. I'm going to have to go Daddy Daycare? That's correct. You guys are killing it. Trey Gallion, it's your turn. Right on. Bring it. Call me when a stranger calls

the messenger. The messenger. He is in the messenger. He was not in when a stranger calls. Trey Gallion is out. Good. For the rest of the show, please leave the stage. Good.

They can leave. John Erler. Of these three, which one was he not in? Criss Cross, Crossing Delancey, Miller's Crossing. He's in two of those? The guy does not care about similar titles. He takes the work. Come on, dude. It's like 50-50.

Criss-cross, crossing Delancey, Miller's crossing. Crossing Delancey. That's correct. He's in criss-cross and Miller's crossing. Really good Miller's crossing. Okay, so now we go down to Matt. Sharktail, big fish, floundering. Floundering. He's in floundering.

He was not a voice in Sharktail. So you, Matt, you are out. Now we go to Mark. Let's do this. Bloodhounds of Broadway, Kings of Summer, Slaves of New York. Got some Bloodhounds, some Kings, and some Slaves. Let's go Slaves. I'm sorry.

He was in Slaves of New York. He was not in Kings of Summer. Oh, damn. I thought he was in that one. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's give me another one. So does that mean... Does that mean Trey Galleon is the last?

No, John Earler. John Earler. Fuck, dude. John Earler wins the game. What a day. What a lovely day. There's plenty more where that came from. So that game lives to see another day. Not unlike Lincoln vs. Bane,

there is an infinite number of movies and will eventually run out. But I see it. I see it. Thank you, though. I always just like to walk over by the jungle gym. Haven't you just wanted to climb this the whole time you've been here, Mark? It seems like it needs to be conquered, doesn't it?

Mark, yeah, dude, let's do some pull-ups. I used to... Well, let's not get stupid. I just wanted to climb it. Don't have to turn everything into a competition. How you doing, girl? Again, the guy that brought the donuts is a man. His name is Michael. Oh, shit guy that brought the donuts is a man. His name is

Michael. Oh, shit. Oh, there's a girl over here. It's weird lighting. You guys do a lot of stuff together? Who are you talking to now? These two women right here? Yeah, they just seem like nice people. You're picking up these women? Aren't you married? Me?

Yeah. Yeah. Alright, well, I got my notes back. They got some Aren't you married? Me? Yeah. Yeah. Mm. All right. Well, I got my notes back. They got some strong air conditioning here in this facility. So my notes went flying. So the next game, John Earler's going to kick it off, and then we'll scoot in the opposite direction to Trey,

and I'm going to play along, because it's called Last Man Stanton. Oh. And. to Trey, and I'm going to play along because it's called Last Man Stanton. And kind of an interesting thing happened today. No less than seven people tweeted me today saying that they have the perfect name for this

game that's never been played before. And they were very certain about this fact. They're like, pick me and I'll give you a perfect name. Now, sometimes people go, you should play this name. And I write back, well, now I can't go up there today and go, we're going to play this name and then play along. Cause then I, people think I could prep in my mind, you know, at least have some time to think about it. So I like it to be spontaneous, but it has to be one of those people that tweeted me. And, uh, I'm going to look, but it has to be one of those people that tweeted me.

I'm going to look all of you up right now and the one with the funniest Twitter name we're going to use. As decided by the audience. I just favorited everyone that had a suggestion. One of them is the Donut Man, by the way. You were one of the ones that tweeted me? What's your Twitter handle?

One-Eyed Willie. You're in the lead so far. With handle? One-Eyed Willie. One-Eyed Willie? You're in the lead so far. With the name One-Eyed Willie. It's a funny name, but it's also of course a great movie reference. The Goonies. Yeah. So I'm going to go to my favorites.

Dude, I wish I had that donut back, kinda. We have Juice underscore Beer. That person seems like they know how to live. Really dividing up their fluids nicely. Between juice and beer. And then we've got slideshow Bert. Is that right?

Sideshow Bert? It's sideshow, not slideshow. Slideshow's better. I think so, yeah. I'll punch these up as we go. There's I Hear Ramona Sing. There he is.

Is that a Scott Pilgrim reference? Alright. So these guys are dedicated to movies. I mean, a sideshow bird isn't really a movie reference, is it? No? Simpsons? They made a movie! Ah! Damn you, Doug!

What is this person's name? Com-S-O-N-E-1? Oh, One-Eyed Willie. The guy that's in the lead? Marty underscore Gras? Marty Gras.

He's like correcting me. There's an underscore in the middle. How was I supposed to... I was going to just say Marty Gras. You clearly don't have to read the underscore, dude. How would people find it without mentioning the underscore? They think there's just a space, which there can't be. That's a good point, man.

And then we've got underscore Nate Bro. Bro from Fayetteville to Austin, man. His name is Nate Bro, though? Wait, what's his last name? We're not going to give his real last name out. No, alright. Short for Brown. Bro? alright. Short for Brown.

Bro is short for Brown. That's fair. That was racist. Is that true? You've been saying Brown this whole time, dude. And then there's Aaron Soup. Where's Aaron Soup?

Is he here? He says he has a pretty killer name for Last Man Stanton. Oh, well. All right, so did One-Eyed Willie hold up, everybody? All right, especially since he's in the front row, give it to us, One-Eyed Willie. What is the perfect name for a round of Last Man Stanton? Brad Pitt.

Brad Pitt. All right, I'm pretty sure we've done that before, but maybe we haven't. And also, it's always a new game because it's a new set of players. Who's Brad Pitt? Yeah, different levels of knowledge about that.

So we'll start with you, John. Name any Brad Pitt movie. Seven. Trey? Mr. Pitt movie. Seven. Trey? Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Yeah. One of my faves. Classic. Somebody in the audience said...

You can hold on to those for the rest of this because he's in a few classics, I think. The Inglourious Master's classic! Let's just beat him to it just say classic after the classic ones new on Netflix what do you got there Mark Ocean's

Alive we've definitely played him before Matt I'll go with a river runs through it really Matt? I'll go with A River Runs Through It. Really? Great movie, bro. Okay.

Tom Skerritt fucking killing it. All right. John? I've got to get Fight Club out of the way. Okay, yeah, of course. Of course, Fight Club. Do you know him, Trey? True Romance. True Romance, indeed. He's very funny. Probably should have hung on to that. Just two little scenes, yeah. Do you know him? Trey? True romance.

True romance, indeed. He's very funny. Probably should have hung on to that. Just two little scenes, yeah. Everybody has a bear made into a bong because of him. No, I was just thinking, for the last three or four turns now, Ocean's 12. Mark? Tom on the wings I told you I'll go deep

Matt Oh Seven years in Tibet Okay John Let's keep the numbers going Twelve monkeys Okay. John? Let's keep the numbers going. Twelve monkeys.

Okay. Trey? Burn after reading? Yeah. I love that you guys let it go all the way around both times. Ocean's 13. Oh, my! Oh, fuck! Oh! Oh!

Just sitting like a fucking snake in the bushes. Mark. Snatch. Okay, I'm going to test him now. I've only asked you once to watch your language. Matt? Oceans 14.

You're out. God damn it! I like that anger, bro. Fucking channel it. John? World War Z. Yes. Yes. Fuck.

Trey. Oh, my God, man. Pot. I'm not going to blame it on the pot. Don't blame it on the pot. I'm not going to. That's not fair to the pot, man. We've had plenty of guests.

I had a guest who's never smoked pot and couldn't think of one Tom Hanks movie. Really? Burbs. Have they been a return guest? We didn't switch over to Tom Hanks, Mark. I was just making an example. The thing that happened once.

I gotta talk about the Burbs whenever I can. He loves the Burbs. Do you remember when it was John Travolta and Hannibal Buress at Oceans 12? And all this time he's been helping me think of a Brad Pitt movie. That's funny. You got nothing, Trey?

We still got to do a Leonard Maltin game, so you don't feel bad if you can't think of another one. You're helping us to move this thing along. I can't think of one. All right. Well, all I got to do is take oneullen game, so you don't feel bad if you can't think of another one. Yeah, I can't think of one. You're helping us to move this thing along. I can't think of one. All right. Well, all I got to do is take one look at you and think of one. The Mexican. Oh, I'm Puerto Rican, motherfucker.

Huge difference. I would have said that to whoever was sitting next to me, except for a very specific... I would have said it if a Mexican was sitting next to me. Now that I mention it. And to be fair... It's very odd that Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts star in a movie called The Mexican. But they do.

With James Gandolfini in the title role. And I always feel dumb when I go out on this game. Don't worry about it. It's a hard game. Interview of the Vampire. Son of a bitch Don't blame the weed, man Alright

What do you got there, John? Meet Joe Black Yeah I thought of another numbers one Yeah, I'm excited about that Just forgot it again, but I was really excited about it for a while there Twelve years a slave Now I'm thinking of them all about that. Just forgot it again, but I was really excited about it for a while there. Twelve Years a Slave.

Now I'm thinking of them all. He's been in two twelve movies. Yeah, he should star in... Oh, shit. You just blew my mind. What is with him and the number twelve? Mark?

When someone gives you the answer you want to hear, hang up. When someone gives you the answer you want to hear, you guys want to do some fucking lines? When someone gives you the answer you want to hear, hang up. It is fucking Moneyball. That's my fucking movie.

Oh, okay. I like that game. That was fun, the way you tied that in. I'm not giving you an EP credit, though. God damn it! Matt? Are you out? You're out.

John? Ocean's 15. Johnny? I think he was in Troy. Yeah, he was. He did a little spin and a kick. It was adorable. A lot of guys in the audience know who he was.

Spin and kick. Looking good, too. Dude, I who he was. Looking good, too. Dude, I've totally seen all of these, too. Did you ever see a movie called California with a K? Yeah. Mark, what do you got? You got another line for us, Mark? Yeah, sure.

Okay, let's do it. Their ears. Their ears. Okay, let's do it. Their ears. Their ears. Their ears. Their ears? Their ears? It's just for us.

So many people in the audience know it already. Their ears. Their ears. Their ears. I ears. Their ears. I give up. What is it? Legends of the Fall. He says their ears? Yeah, when they're like, what's wrong with your neck? He's like, their ears. Oh, bear ears? No, human fucking ears.

He goes psycho. Damn. That was gnarly. John? Tanks running on empty. Wasn't he in, like, early on, like Like a sequel to Buffy the Vampire Slayer Part 2

No But speaking of Tanks running on empty Fury That's it That's all I get for that That was an amazing Yeah he was

We're back It's just you and me Mark Alright Yeah, he was. It's just you and me, Mark. All right. I'm trying to think if I know a fucking line from this movie. All right, here we go. Ready? Okay. I met you in the middle. I met you in the middle.

I met you in the middle. I met you in the middle. This motherfucker's raising his hand like it's fun. Should I see if you know? I got a guess, I got a guess. Lady and the Tramp. It is not Lady and the Tramp. Do you know all of it? Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Thank you, because that helps me out.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Oh, you cheat? You got an assist on that? No, I know. National Lampoon's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Oh, you cheat? You got an assist on that? No, I know. National Lampoon's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It's a deep cut for you DLM fans. The joke is over a year old.

All right. This is tough. This is a hard one. But I'm going to come up with one. You always got one. You guys are going to go, what? You always got one. Where did you get that one from?

God, it's so hard. You just keep picturing him in all the things that have already been mentioned. Just flashing through your head like a big Oscar montage. Like he just got an honorary award or died. Wouldn't that be a terrible way for you guys to find out Brad Pitt died? I got together with Donut Lady before the show and I said, I'm going to pick you and then you have to say Brad Pitt. And then we're going to give everybody the bad news.

We're all going to hug Michael after this. Oh, fuck. I can't think of anything. All right. I give up. What do you guys got? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.

One at a time. I got one more. OK. You can tell me if I'm right. I don't know. No, because Oddworld? Oddworld. No got one more. Okay. You can tell me if I'm right. I don't know. No, because I... Oddworld? Oddworld.

No, Cool World. Cool World. Oh, and Johnny Suede. Johnny Suede. All right, but give me some more. Babble. Babble. Oh, the assassination of the guy by the other guy.

Spy Game. Spy Game. That's fucking rude. Didn't we say snatch? We said snatch. She's pointing to her vagina. You just wanted to point to your bag. Whoa, that's the donut guy.

Well, great job, everybody. Everybody knows Brad Pitt. I love him. I think if he's involved in something, there's more than a 50-50 shot, it's decent. Oh, yeah, man. Yeah, 70% chance I'll go see it. Yeah.

A lot of numbers being thrown around. 20% chance he'll be freeing slaves in it, too. Is that... I can think of two movies where that happens. Yeah, that's about right. Interview with the Vampire is the one you don't remember. John, you've taken some abuse today. I'll take some.

That's fine. Thanks, man. You're welcome. I'll watch Captain America with you anytime. You're wearing a Captain America pullover here. Almost, right? It's the middle of the Tennessee flag. Just kiss.

What happened? Just kiss. Nobody's gonna kiss. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. We gotta pull this off in 21 minutes, gentlemen. No problem. We can do it. I fear it's gonna be fiercely competitive. I think we might end up going like five rounds. Beard's brutal, man.

I think it's going to be a four-way tie, then we're going to play asparagus pea category. The roof is going to be blown off this place, and we're going to wish it was still on because it's probably raining right now. Let me open it up on my app. This is the part of the show where one of the guests has never been on before.

Hey, Beard's got his phone out. What's happening? Just seeing it. What are you doing with your phone? Where you got it, Beard? Stop it, man. So he's a notorious cheater. I'm glad you caught it.

I'm telling you, shady as fuck. It is literally raining right now. I bet you... Oh, that's where you're looking up? Yeah. I bet you... They got a good roof here. We can't hear it.

I thought we were in a barn. We'd be able't hear it. I thought we were in a barn. We'd be able to hear it. It could sound like reindeer running across the top. You can normally hear it. Maybe there's already water up there. There's been a lot of rain. Hey, Matt Bearden, which celebrities are celebrating a birthday today? Ah, that's easy.

Who? Well, I'm going to start with one of my favorite, which would be Brad Pitt. It's really his birthday today? It is absolutely. Same day he died, which is ironic. Coincidental. Actually, irony and coincidence are different. I know that. Is that why you picked Brad Pitt? Because it's his birthday today? Sure.

No, it isn't. It's not his birthday. I don't know a celebrity's birthday today. Well, I just was trying to trip you up, and then you'd say the celebrity's birthday, and I'd go, oh, you just looked that up because you thought that I'd do that in the Leonard Maltin game. Haven't you done that before? No. Sometimes I go to movies. No.

What had happened is that for three weeks I had been listening to your show, and you kept asking a question that nobody got to, so I looked up the answers, and then you happened to ask it again. I don't think it's cheating. It's being a fucking fan. But guess what? I don it again. I don't think it's cheating. It's being a fucking fan. But guess what? I don't listen. I don't fucking listen to the podcast anymore.

I don't fucking listen at all anymore now because you hurt my feelings. You hurt my feelings. Mark's knocking out one-arm push-ups. If you guys are going to fight, I'm going to get a workout in. It's fucking amazing. It is amazing. You should give Tom Brady some tips on how to get people to love you through cheating.

All right. Watch your mouth, dog. I love you, Bearden, but you're shady as fuck, man. It's all good. Everybody's got a different approach. There's Matt Bearden and Sam, and then there's everybody else. Everybody's got a different approach. There's Matt Bearden and Sam, and then there's everybody else. Everybody's got a different... Look, thank you for being on my side,

because I was a fan. Not anymore. I still show up. I just came here to see fucking Mark... Sorry, Mr. Mark. I'm just here to see Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark. I'm nervous. It sucks when you're angry and can't say words.

Yeah. Still intimidated by the... Don't be intimidated, man. He wasn't even in the van earlier. Yeah, dude. Hey, tell you what. I like you, okay? Thanks, man.

If we get in a fight later, which might happen, I won't punch you in the face. Thank you. I wouldn't punch you in the face either. No fucking way you will. We can both agree. I was a fan of your music even.

Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. It's about that time. Feel it, feel it. To bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme. I'm gonna get yours so you get mine.

Feel it, feel it. I think some of the ladies here would like to see your underwear. Let's do this. I will be out to the left after the show. That's not the only thing that'll be to the left.

Your third nipple? You fucking knew that? It's out there, man. It's legend. Okay, we've got 17 minutes to do this. This is my new way of cheating. I just let the game run itself out. Run the clock.

Run the clock. Here we go. Celebrity birthdays. I'm not going to do celebrity birthdays because I knew you were here. Oh, you were a rat rat bastard do you know how many birthdays I memorized today who else

who else is having a birthday Cher alright the films of Cher here we go John Bonham but it's actually Mark Wahlberg gets to pick the category

and he gets to choose between but then we will which way were we going before? We were coming that way, so we'll come back around this way. Come to you, Trey, next. Mark. Yes.

B.J. Annan, A-N-N-A-N, suggested Furry Road, and that's movies where household pets go on a trip. Okay. I know you thought it might be movies where people put on animal costumes and fuck, but no. I'm cool with furries and they're cool with me. I'm not going to disparage them in that way. The next category is Awesome Texas. And that's my favorite movies that take place in Texas and were probably filmed in Austin but let's not be too specific and your third option from CDLM underscore Pablo

who said he was going to be here today oh there he is this was a good one when people say I'm going to be there that day that doesn't get you through this is a great category Randy Quaid This was a good one. You know, when people say I'm going to be there that day, that doesn't get you through, you know? I mean, that's nice to know, but this is a great category. Randy Quaid.

Randy Quaid. And that's movies where Dennis Quaid has sex. That's great. Way to go, Pablo. Yeah. Who knew Pablo Escobar was not only an international drug kingpin, but also a great joke teller?

Which one of those would you like to play, Mark Wahlberg? Let's do Fury Road. Okay, it's Furry Road. Three stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie about, I guess, some sort of household pet goes on some sort of trip. The year is 1993. It says here about this movie that, hmm, it's a remake. And it says the story is compelling

and and it was followed by a sequel and he lists five, six, seven, eight, nine names. Nine names. Zero. How many? Zero names says

Mark Wahlberg. Trey, what are you going to do with that? Do you have any idea? Yeah, I'll name it. What are you doing? What? Can I do that? No, that's not it.

I don't know what kind of weird option. Because he said zero names. So you have to either challenge him or you have to go negative. You know that if you were a fan, right? Negative. Weird man. So you have to know... To go negative one, you have to know the time.

No person. Settle down. Oh. Don't T.J. Miller on me. He went negative 13 one time. Thought he could pull it off. Didn't even know what movie he was talking about. I'm going to TJ Miller the shit out of this then. No, no, no.

You can go. Did he get it? Well, this is all you're doing in that case is giving the point to John, which is a nice thing to do, you know, because Mark is such a strong competitor. But you can go negative one. Then you just name the movie and the top billed person in the movie. Can you do that? Oh, I have to name the top billed person? No. Okay, so then say

Mark, name it. Hope he gets it wrong or doesn't get the title correct. Name it, bro. Homeward Bound. Full title, please. Oh, shit. Hold on. National Lampoon. Yeah, no. National Lampoon was not involved. It's a family movie.

Oh, you guys forgot to applaud when I fucking said Homer Bounds. On no fucking names. Wait a second. No hints? Pets go on a trip? Does that happen a lot? Not in 1993 when you're backstage

fucking Sophie B. Hawkins and you just still know that Homer Bounds is out there. Sophie B. Hawkins. Oh, fuck, this is good. Homeward Bound. Nope, that ain't it. I'm so sorry.

I'll give away the point but I'll take a fucking shot okay Homeward Bound The Long Journey oh is this a journey home? is it Homeward Bound

The Journey Home? no no no Homeward Bound The Journey Home that's that seems fucking ridiculous to me Homeward Bound

or Journey Homebound oh forgive me Doug you're yelling at a person whose original fucking rap career was my name twice. And we did pretty fucking well. Yeah, but you still didn't go with Mark Mark. How do you know I didn't try?

To which I say, who's there? Orange, Orange, you glad you're not John Boehner. Here we go. Orange, you glad. The full title is Homeward Bound, The Incredible Journey. Because it was a remake of a movie called The Incredible Journey. And then there was a sequel called It Got More Incredible. For real?

I don't think that's what it was called. I'm erasing this category because I can't think of any other movies where pets go on a trip if you consider a fucking toaster a pet I don't you know fucking Milo and Otis

and for an hour in National Lampoon's family vacation that dog goes on a fucking trip like I said I can't think of any other ones National Lampoon's family vacation. That dog goes on a fucking trip. Like I said, I can't think of any other ones. Air Bud 6, where are we going? Wow, now you're really good at full titles. I don't think that last one was good. When you can make them up, you're great at it.

No. That was fun. Trey has a point. That's my first point ever in the Leonard Maltin game. Congratulations. Thank you. You're welcome. Thanks.

Beard is yes. All right, so we're going to start with Matt and then head towards John. And Matt gets to pick between. I got interviewed for a Philadelphia satiric sports news site that just likes my work, so they interviewed me, even though it's about sports, called the Coggin Taboggin

out of Philly. They suggested a category, and I was like, no one will ever pick that, but I'll try it. And this is the category. The Twilight End Zone. And this is the category. The Twilight End Zone. And that's Twilight movies that have

sports movies featuring actors from the series The Twilight Zone. Which, of course, had different actors on every episode. So it's kind of a big category, but some ideas might come to mind. And then this, I'm glad that

this landed on you, Matt, because we're going to do the Blueberry Johnson category, and that's called You're In This, and it's movies that someone on this panel is in. So, and I'll tell you right now, it's not John Earler's appearance

in Furry Road and your third choice Christale K-R-Y-S-T-A-L-E M3 suggested Urine This sounds like the last category but it's Urine This

movies that have public urination in them. Which one of those would you like to play, Matt? I'll go with urine this. Which one? Urine this. Which one, though? Yeah.

Urine or urine? Which one should I pick? Whichever one you want. I thought you would lean me into it. No, I'm giving you three choices. That's how it works. I just want to choose between the two. You get to totally choose on your own.

I'll take the second one. Okay, so you're going with you're in this. Yes. All right. The category is you're in this. The year is 1994. Sweet. Someone from this panel is in this movie.

Two and a half stars. Sorry about that. Overlong. Overtly corny. Yeah, this is tough to come up with. Which one of you guys was in this shitty movie? Overlong. Overtly corny.

Okay, I'll say this. Bolstered by sincere and persuasive performances. Oh, nice. So that's a nice thing to say. Two and a half stars is between fair and good. And Leonard's list, six, seven, 8, 11, 14, 15 names. 15 names. Start us off,

Matt Bearden. I can do it in 15 names. He's taken them all. He's taken every name. John. I'm going to do it. No, I'm going to let you do it in 15 names. Sweet.

Well, well, well. Sweet. Wow, wow, wow. Sweet. Interesting strategy. Bearden got beardened. Here's the parrot that's, since you get all the names, you're going to get them very quickly. Because we don't have time for this shit.

I'm not the one that did this to you. Here we go. All right. Isabella Hoffman. Nice. Ed Begley Jr. Sweet. That's three names.

Giant head. Ben Wright. Good. Mark Wahlberg. Nullum. Woo! Greg Sporleder. Okay.

Yeah. He's not doing as good as Mark Wahlberg these days. Peter Simmons. Kali Kane. Khalil Kane. Khalil Kane. Khalil Kane. That's three names. Is it Carol Kane?

Is it? Khalil Kane's sisters. No. Richard T. Jones. Kadeem Hardison. Remember him? He had the glasses and the other glasses?

All right. He was on a TV show, right? Stacey Dash. She's always in the news for saying shit. Lillo Brancato Jr. Cliff Robertson, James Remar. James Remar. Gregory Hines, the late Gregory Hines.

Tappy tap tap. And the leading performer in this motion picture from 1994 is named Danny DeVito. What's the name of the movie? I could have gone zero. Danny DeVito. I could have gone negative one. Go, you have three seconds. Yeah.

I have no idea. He has no idea. Danny DeVito's The League? What is it, Mark? Renaissance Man. That's correct. What is it? It's Renaissance Man, bro.

Point to John Erler. It's fucking Renaissance Man. John Erler with a very strategic move. Very strategic. Never even heard of it. Very nicely played, John. Thank you. Motherfucker. That was really good.

How's it feel, bearded? So that means we're going to start with Mark. Let's do it. And then go to Trey. And Mark gets to pick between... I gotta erase Renaissance America because if I don't remember to do that then we'll hear about it again.

I don't want to do that. I had meant urine this. Oh, okay. Let's go back and do that over. Mark. Wait, was that... I think we're going to need a bigger coat. Movies where someone's frozen

Red light challenge Movies that have a car chase that has a cab Is one of the cars in the chase Or more, one or more cars And our friend Jeff Tate Frequent guest on the show This category is the other Jeff Tate Other Jeff Tate

And that's movies that have Queensryche on the soundtrack. I think I almost just said Queensryche on the soundtrack. Which one would you like to play, Mark? Let's Get a Bigger Coat. What? Let's Get a Bigger Coat. Okay. Finally get rid of that one. I can't tell you how often when people hear that one, then they suggest, how about

I think we need a bigger moat Movies with castles I've had that suggested about 50 times I always appreciate it, but it's like Heard it Three and a half stars This movie from 1984 Yeah It's about a man who is found frozen in ice

That's the first line of the review As promised Someone's frozen in this movie in the ice. That's the first line of the review. As promised, someone's frozen in this movie. Also said about it, that it is fascinating, credible, and it has a haunting score.

Got a year again, please? Three and a half stars, 1984. Got it. And then he lists seven names. How many names can you get in Mark Wahlberg? Four. He says four names. Three. Trey says three.

Uh, do it. Oh, fuck. You were supposed to say two. Did you really know it, Bearden? Yeah, I think I got it. Way to go. You were supposed to say two. Did you really know it, Bearden? Yeah, I think I got it. Way to go, bro. Way to fucking go. It's very emasculating. I mean it.

Just warming up to you. Little victories. The saying that you know it when we don't know what it is yet. You really confident, Matt? I actually am. Can I take a guess when we're done? I ask if anyone saved their donut and didn't eat it. Anyone?

You did? Matt, if you're wrong, she gets to throw the donut at your face. I like it. I like it. I like it. From a real far distance. So it'll either really hurt or probably miss.

If you hit me with that fucking donut. And I get fucking calories on me. We'll set Matt up special. We got two minutes to wrap this up. But we'll set up Matt special with a spot to stand and she'll try to nail him from over where she is. How many names? Three? Three. Yeah.

Who challenged you? John challenged Trey? Yeah. Alright, this is over. Your three names are James Tolkien, Danny Glover, and yeah, he was like, I'm too old for this iced over man shit. And David Strathairn.

Yeah, it was Caveman. So close. It's called Iceman. Oh, wait, you can't do that to me! Incredible Journey. Oh, shit, we forgot to do that. Incredible Journey. I forgot to do that.

I will never know if you knew it. What did you think it was? What did you think it was? I knew it was Iceman. Oh, the sea can't throw the donut at him anyway. He got it. He would have known it for sure. I really did have it. I really did have it.

He really did have it. I would not lie to you. Can you still throw it at him? You can still eat that delicious donut. Still throw it at him. I love your brother, but I love you even more, man. And that's just the thing. That's how I feel about myself.

All right. Congratulations, John Erler is a winner. Way to go, John. That's my first win. Oh, the donut did come up here. Oh, eat it, eat it, yes. It was on the ground. Oh, and that was the joke with the Fruity Pebbles, too.

Everybody in this room. John, I'll shove anything in my mouth earlier. Put a whole donut that God knows what they were doing with it over there. John. It was in the private sector for a while, that donut. Yeah, a long while. I think it might pass around the table. Let's all lick it and throw it back up there.

No, it had way more fruity pebbles on it when it went out. John, you better start running in place right now. Here you go, Donut Lady. Congratulations. Way to go, Michael. Give him his box back if he needs that for anything. Might come in handy. Give me the up hat.

Where's the shit head on the up hat? It seems like it would ruin such a pleasant hat. It's under the bill. Oh, there it is. All right. Oh, yeah, I agree. Here, I got to give this back to you because the longer it's up here,

the more I want to pop it. But hang out because I want a picture with you in that fucking hat. Oh, yeah, yeah. Hang out and get a picture with Mark. And does this have a shithead on the back? Yeah, that's the one I picked. Oh, that's a good one.

Yeah. And what's going on with your thing here? The flashlight keeps falling out. Wow, that is a good one. Yeah. And what's going on with your thing here? The flashlight keeps falling out. Wow, that is a complicated shithead. I hope I say it right. It's topical.

All right. What do you got to plug, Trey? We got to get out of here. Oh, for you guys, I'm at the Velveeta room tonight. Nice.

Don't fucking see that shit. Yeah, it's just for you guys. If you don't go, he's just going to be up there by himself. Yeah. Trying to do a show. Yeah, no jokes. We're just going to talk and shit. Yeah, it's just for you guys. If he don't go, he's just going to be up there by himself trying to do a show. Yeah, no jokes.

We're just going to talk and shit. Okay. Cool. San Antonio next week at the River Center Club. Trey Sucks on Twitter. Trey.Galley Instagram

on Instagram. T-R-E-Y Sucks. S-U-C-K-S. I think I explained this last time. Primus thing. Primus sucks. You guys ever been to a Primus show?

Y'all Primus suck? That's where that came from. Okay. We're on board. Cool. Thank you for being here. You're welcome. Good job.

Thanks for having me. John Earler, what's going on? We're going to Dallas tomorrow to make fun of the Goonies. I know. I'm so sorry. It's not as good as you remember. It is the best movie that

tackles the very difficult subject of white-on-white gentrification. This is mine, and I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back. Wait, what's happening? Goonies. Oh, Goonies.

Okay. You're always doing lines, man. Always doing lines. I can't keep up with you because you're always doing lines. We're doing that in Dallas tomorrow, the Alamo Draft House in Richardson, and then on June 7th in Houston. Nice. Love doing those shows at those Alamos. It's a really delightful place to have a good time.

And Goonies, you're right. That's the perfect way to watch it, because it's fun to watch, but boy, is it just a bunch of yapping kids. Matt? This Tuesday, back at this very... Not once in Goonies does Josh Brolin say, Moto Panac Panakeku! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Okay, go ahead, Matt. I'm sorry. That's really good. This Tuesday at this club, Punch Comedy is putting on a new show called Piranha. It is a parody of Shark Tank. Great comics will be buying jokes from one another. Also, I have scoured the town and I've got some incredible open micers and I will be buying their jokes and they are not allowed

to ever do them again. Oh, that's awesome, dude. That is awesome, dude. Get their jokes. Don't encourage them. Just take their jokes and push them out of the game. There you go. Yeah, man, get them to quit. Give them the fast buck and then they're back out on the streets. That sounds like a lot of fun, though.

Mark, what do you got going on? Obviously, Ted 2. Yep. June 3rd. Donate money to the Adrian Gurney. I frowned. That's not his name, dude. You don't know that for a fact.

June 26th. June 26th, we got a fact. June 26th. June 26th, we got Ted 2. You're welcome. Full title. A lot of people don't know that. First Tuesday in July, UCB. We're doing another Wahlberg solution.

Come have your fucking life changed. And also, for 45 minutes and about an hour and a half, I'm going to be beating up eight-year-olds in the Taekwondo place next door. Nice. Full fucking fists. So you're all welcome to that, too. Is there a cover for that? No fucking cover.

It's free to watch me beat someone up. Yeah. You're welcome. I think I had some sort of plug I wanted to say. I looked at it, put it in my pocket, listened to Mark for a few minutes, and all is forgotten. Oh, you can pre-order

a promotional tool. I wrote down promotional tour. You can pre-order a promotional tool now, or regular order it on June 9th. Thank you to all of my guests, Mark Walker, Matt Bearden, John Erler, and Trey Gallion. on June 9th. Thank you to all of my guests. Mark Wahlberg, Matt Bearden,

John Erler, and Trey Gallion. Thank you to Cap City Comedy as always and all you great guys and gals that come out to watch this silliness and possibly get a donut in your fucking face. Are there any donuts left? Are there any donuts left? Are there any donuts left? And as always, Blue Bell

Ice Cream is a shithead. Total shithead right now, huh? This is an intense set of shitheads, you guys. U.S. District Judge Catherine Forrest is a shithead. For those that don't know, that's the judge that gave Ross Albright life without parole.

Yeah, so I should know more about that, I feel like. Yeah, what does that mean? He's the Silk Road guy. He's the Silk Road guy. Okay. All right. Was that more or did they get... No, that's just for some reason they just listed random names of people.

I think that they're... Oh, it's the names of all the faces on the name tag. Sarah Silverman, Felipe Esparza, who's headlining here tonight, Gary Busey, who I hope will never be on this show. Although that would be kind of fun. That's so good. I'd have to have Wahlberg on with him to try to keep him under control. And then, oh, it even says motherfucking Gary Busey.

And then the person who made the name tag is on there. And then Chris Cubis, me, Ricky Lindholm, and a very effeminate Matt Bearden. He's standing like this. Anyway, thank you for that elaborate shithead. And finally, I think we can all agree that the Texas floods are a shithead. Yeah.