Doug Loves Movies - Martha Kelly, Har Mar Superstar, C. Robert Cargill, Chris Tellez and Shane Torres guest

Episode Date: December 31, 2018

Live from the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Doug welcomes Martha Kelly, Har Mar Superstar, C. Robert Cargill, Chris Tellez and Shane Torres to the show.You can find the entire archive of Doug Loves Movies on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com and use promo code "DOUG."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming ladies in jean seats With 50 ads and popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves blue beans Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you once again,

and for the first time during the holiday taint, from Cap City Comedy in Austin, Texas! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. This is going to be so much fun. I'm so excited. I'm just wandering around on the stage high in my sunglasses. high in my sunglasses. I didn't even, I was,

I thought we'd go back to the regular theme song for this one. I didn't realize we'd do the Christmas song again one more time. But you know what? With the decor in here and everything, I'm glad we did. That worked out very nice. And for anyone who doesn't know,

that's Garfunkel and Oates that are singing the Christmas. They're not here today, you guys. This isn't a way of trying to introduce them. But I just like to give them credit because I forget to do so every year. And they've been the Christmas theme song for I don't know how many years now, but it's been a minute. It's Saturday, December 29th, 2018. I'm looking forward to the new year,

but right now I'm looking for some name tags. Oh, there they are. I saw Clear and Preston Danger on Twitter. I retweeted that shit. Fear Aaron Loathing. I like that. I like the way you did. Fear Aaron loathing. I like that.

I like the way you did that, Aaron. What's that next to you? Star Wars what? The Phantom Morgan. Not as clever. Could this be a show maybe on cable? Like a guy just judging name tags. Rye Animator, I like it.

Fifty Shades of Gary. That's pretty sweet. There will be Brian. What's your name on Twitter, dude? Bort ATX. Bort ATX? B-O-R-T. B-O-R-T.

ATX. ATX. Bort ATX. dude bore atx b-o-r-t atx bort atx and uh you said that you think that i muted you on twitter because i saw that on instagram how fucked up like you fucking try to block somebody or mute them they just show up on another another thing what's the point? No, I don't think I've muted you over there, but I might have, but, you know, you got through. Good job. Maybe we'll talk later. I saw this Love Actually poster on the Twitter, right? Yeah, you put it on there.

What's the twist? It says love actually. Oh, there's a Z that's trying to squeeze in there. I get it now. I get it now. And Richard, are you Asian, Richard? No. And you went with crazy Richard Asians.

I don't think you're allowed to if you're not actually. Well, great job, everybody. There's one lit up over there that looks like it's JFK, but what did you change it to? AJFK. AJFK. Great job, AJ. Great job to everyone.

It's all a good night. Yeah, I'm done already. Holy shit. Don't let anybody tell you, like, I'm from California. We have the best weed. Well, Texas isn't fucking around. Oh, wait.

This is shit that I brought from California. You can fly out with up to an ounce now out of LAX. Yeah, don't tell anybody. Don't tell anybody that I did that. All right, Doug plugs. Monday night, December 31st, right here at Cap City Comedy, I'm hosting two New Year's Eve stand-up shows.

It's called Doug Benson's New Year's Eve Homecoming Comedy Parade. Well, it's not going to be a parade, really. Although now that I think about it, it's going to have lots of great comics on there that started off here in Austin and then went off to other things elsewhere

including Martha Kelly and Trey Gallion and it'll be a fun way to smoke in the new year if you know what I'm saying next Saturday January 5th 2019 Douglas Movies returns to Helium in Portland

for a gassy good time. And I'm doing two shows at the San Francisco Sketch Fest in San Francisco on January 12th and 13th. For all my dates and deets and links, I've got a lot of shows coming up next year. Go to DouglasMovies.com. Go to DouglasMovies.com. Yeah!

Hoorah! I had a pretty good feeling you guys would be good at that. This is really... I really am excited to be doing the last show of 2018, the last Douglas Movies of 2018, right here with you guys. Yeah. I got a cough that I probably won't shake until May. Here's what's in the prize bag.

Oh, my God, you guys. I was just in Irvine, California, doing a show there, so of course you get a copy of Irvine magazine. Find out everything that's going on in Irvine. This was in the snack box I got on the plane. It's Mario pitted snack olives. Yeah, that can't be good, right?

I mean, and I touched it and I feel like, oh, that does feel like an olive, but what if I squashed it? I didn't squash it, but it's still a weird little pack of olives. I don't get it. A Douglas Movies t-shirt. And this is pretty sweet

that somebody's going to get this. It's a little too small for me. It's a large size. I need an extra large. And it's a gray, but it's a really heavy, heavy-duty hoodie from my friends at Weed Maps. Yeah, they meant to give it to me, and I would have been happy to have owned it, but it's

not my size. So somebody's going to get that, and then, oh, this is, now we're really getting into some good stuff, you guys. oh this is now we're really getting into some good stuff you guys just a bag of green confetti you know because if you want to have you know a green new year's eve and then a stack of i don't know how many of these there are but it's a bunch of cards it's good for two for one for anything at amy's ice cream yeah is that i guess that's good eh that amy's ice cream somebody's telling me with one of these cards, I mean, the guy who gave me the cards

was telling me that you can get, like, an ice cream cake and then get a second ice cream cake for free with these two-for-one cards. And there's a few of them in here. I should have kept one. And then, finally, finally,

for my friends at Glass Action, they make these custom made, you can have any picture you want made into a nightlight, and I wish I could turn this on for you guys right now, but I've got to plug it into a wall. But it's a very beautiful

Douglas Movies nightlight. She was nice enough to make two of them for me, so I could But it's very beautiful. Douglas movies. Nightlight. She was nice enough to make two of them for me so I could give one away on the show. So if you want to have your pet or your favorite actor, that would be great to go to bed with a Jeff Goldblum nightlight.

Like, yeah, any picture you want, I think they could turn it into a nightlight. So reach out to them on the socials on Instagram. And you can see some of their work on Instagram. In the past for this show, they've done nightlights of like Bob Saget and Jon Hamm.

And yeah, it's really great. All that is in the prize bag. Plus stuff, I mean, in Austin, Texas, there's just too many great people to have on this show that are here in Austin. So I've got five of them for you guys tonight. Yeah. Please give it up for C. Robert Cargill, Shane Torres, Chris Tellez, Martha Kelly, and Harmar Superstar. Harmar.

What up, everybody? Hey, all of yous. Hey, hello. How's it going? We're hanging in there. All right. Well, thanks for speaking for the group. I was elected.

Let's meet them individually, shall we? Starting with Martha Kelly is here! Frequent guest on the show, I'd like to say. Thank you. Always nice to see you. I had to walk over here to see you because all these guys are in the way.

But we'll work it out as we go. How's it going? Good. All right, thank you for being here. And I'm looking forward to more of that spitfire attitude. Yeah, just go get... No, I don't want to block these guys over here from seeing all my guests.

I'll just stand. Hey, everybody. I'm going to be doing more stand-up right here on Monday night. Isn't it weird to have New Year's Eve on a Monday? It's terrible. It's a terrible idea. Whose idea was that?

I'm calling my congressman. You can't. So, Martha Kelly... Thank you. Thank you. I'm good with topical stuff. Hang on, Shane. Martha, are you home for the holidays? Are you here in Austin for a bit?

What's going on with you? Well, I live here, and I went home to California before the holidays, and then came back here to not celebrate, which is my favorite thing to do on the holidays, so... Just skip around and avoid them entirely. Well, this probably isn't a fun way to start the show, but my mom died right before Christmas two years ago, so I know it almost made me giggle.

Not that she died, but that it bummed everybody out. But that's just a good excuse to not have to celebrate anymore. And I'm turning red, so maybe we should move along. Yeah, this is really upsetting me like the middle section of the movie Gremlins. Let's fast forward through that. I'm sorry to hear that.

I'll get together with you every year and pretend there's no Christmas. I love that as a concept. Yeah, I think that's really... That's how you finally win this war on Christmas. Just ignore it altogether. Yeah, let's how you finally win this war on Christmas. Just ignore it altogether. Yeah, let's do it, you guys. But what else was I going to ask you about?

Oh, baskets. What's going on with baskets? We're starting season four shooting in February. That's fantastic. You can clap for that. And I love the people I work with. So that's fun. I'll go out there

for three months and then come back here. Love it. Thank you for being here tonight. Sounds like I can't wait to party with you on New Year's Eve. It is. Since I'm sober in a 12-step program, it's going to be pretty exciting. Yeah.

If you didn't know. Go to fucking rage! Otherwise it would suck. Do you ever lose somebody on the 31st? Is that going to come up again? Is that going to be a... Or does that count for the entire holiday season, you think? It's the whole... Yeah, the whole thing bums you out.

It doesn't really bum me out any more than it ever did. It's just... Do you want to know what's in my bag? Or... Do you want to know what's in my bag? That's basically how we do it. What saddens you about the holiday season? And what did you bring to give away? Also, the countdown is better if you start from 12.

Yeah. No, we'll be back to you with that in a second, if you don't mind. I. No, we'll be back to you that in a second if you don't mind. I'm just going to, you know, get an opening statement from each of the guests. Joining us for the first time to my direct left,

it's C. Robert Cargill, everyone. We call him Cargill at film festivals and whatnot. Right? And everyone calls you that. Even my wife, yeah. My wife? Why'd you give me one so early? So, um...

Thought it would take a second for her to come up. But thank you for being here. And for anyone who doesn't know, I mean, he's a... Would you call yourself an Austin legend? No.

Not in public. Would you say Austin resident? I am definitely an Austin resident. There you go. So... What's your zip code?

3-1, baby. Wait. That's the two guys in back. Jesus Christ. Was that in the first 40 zip codes ever given out? Did you just say 3-1? Yeah. That's all you have to say?

Well, I mean, everybody knows it's 7-8-7. No, they don't. I mean, I may be a very small percentage, but that takes it from everyone to a little less than everyone. And, uh...

Uh... What are you working on? Is there something happening screenwriting-wise? You co-wrote The Amazing Doctor Strange. That wasn't the right title, but I was close. I got the last two words right. No, it was Doctor Strange. But isn't it funny that now there'll be Spider-Mans

that are not amazing, but those two get to call themselves amazing? And they are the least amazing of the bunch. They're kind of spectacular. Spectacular Spider-Man would have just been better anyway, just because of the S's.

Everyone likes a little alliteration. They love it! That's the word I was looking for, but I went with S's. Well, that's why you brought on a writer. Yeah, well, you're here to be... I mean, writing for Doctor Strange, he's so smart and strange. And he's a doctor.

It's too much. It's a complicated skill set. Yeah, he knows way too much. And he also calls Iron Man a douchebag. Also true. Best utterance of douchebag in a motion picture. So what, did I ask you a question? You did.

But fuck the question. No, yeah, no, I've been working on a lot of stuff. I had a new book that came out this year. And just a collection of horror short stories and working on a bunch of different films in the background that I'm sure you know there's somebody with a sniper up top ready to take me out if I said it out loud so you know aside from that no oh please say it out loud it's already been a very dark show. Two words, Care Bears reboot. Three words, Gritty Care Bears reboot.

Wait, Gritty's going to be in it? It's the Care Bears stare. I mean, Gritty really just changed a word for the world. Alright. That's enough of you. Come on, you guys. Be nice. This is his first time. And here's another first time guest.

Chris Tellez is here, everybody. Hey, thanks for having me. Yeah, we'll get to you, Shane. I'm in trouble? Chris is a no. I just thought you might have thought you jumped over. Awesome comedy. Fina, how do you... We've stood around and smoked weed together.

How do you... So you know movies and movie trivia and stuff, but how do you think you're going to fare today against this panel? It's interesting. I've thought about that because I'm like, man, I've seen a shit ton of movies my whole life, so I know I'm more of a faces guy.

So I was like, are we going to get into some deep cut actors? And I'm like, God, I don't know who the fuck that is by name. But I know him. So I don't know. Let me give you an example. Have you heard of Gwyneth Paltrow? I've heard of him. Yeah, he's great.

He invented yoga. I love big blockbusters, so let's just stick with those. No indie films. Oh, well, shit. I gotta do a rewrite. Hey, I had a movie pass. Is that officially done?

With me, yeah. I'm just getting so damn confusing. I was like, it used to be okay to pay for the food. Now I feel like movie pass is not saving me money. Movie pass is a new rule. To get your next ticket, you have to solve an algebra problem. Yeah. You get to see three shitty movies this month. That's pretty

much what they've done. Oh, they just narrow it down to like right now the only movie you could see on it is Sherlock Holmes. Yeah, right now. Sherlock and Holmes. That's what an idiot I am. Sherlock and Holmes. It's called Holmes and Watson and don't believe the 6% on Rotten Tomatoes.

It's gracious. Generous is the word I meant. Listen. I haven't seen it, and I'm very disappointed, because for my money, I'm going to see it anyway. Just for that shot in the commercials where a bee's nest, a bunch of

bees get loose in a library, and then Holmes and Watson both take out guns and start shooting at the bees. How can that movie get a 6%? I'm going to see it now. Even if that's the only laugh in the movie to think of that, that they just

would start shooting at bees. Shooting at bees. Maybe it's one of those things where it's only in those things where it's only in the commercials and it's not in the movie yeah like didn't make the movie

but they thought we gotta put something funny in the commercial everybody's just gonna leave after that part now the trailer's doing great on Rotten Tomatoes alright

alright Chris well good luck today and thank you for being here yeah thanks for having me and uh and then yeah let's go let's double back everybody

and say hello to shane torres thank you pleasure to be here yeah here's a guy that's uh you're uh you were uh you know doing it doing things around these parts and then you went to the Big Apple. You went to New York City. Yeah, well, I'm from Fort Worth. Forty-worth. And then I moved to Portland, and now I live in New York. Yeah.

And I never did comedy in Austin. Never? I mean, I have, but never for me. It wasn't, yeah, you didn't come up here or start out here. No, no, I wish I had. Because the Mexican food sucks everywhere else. Yeah, but no. I'm happy to be here now.

Yeah. And you were on the 12 Guest Show in New York. In New York, yeah, the Gramercy. And then I did the San Diego show, too. So this is your third time. Yes. All right. I'm thrilled. I'm also a little thrilled.

I'm a little day drunk. Have you ever won? Were you ever the winner? I won on my first one. You did? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it was pretty fun.

You won in Portland? No, I won in San Diego. I was never on it in Portland. Jesus Christ. You came in third in Fort Worth, though. All right, so... You're thinking of Amarillo. Well, good luck today.

Thank you, sir. And finally, on our five-person panel, it's the one, the only, Harmar Superstar! Hello. Amazing singer, performer, you know, shows all weekend long here

in Austin. Why Austin, Texas for New Year's weekend? Well, the offers came in and I said, yeah. I have a new project with Sabrina Ellis from A Giant Dog and Sweet Spirit from Austin here. So we're playing our first shows here over the next couple days.

And we just did a whole kind of U.S. tour, but we decided to save Austin for last and do it at New Year's time and just make it a party. And so it's tonight and tomorrow night as well? Well, we're doing the Heartbones show tonight. We're doing the entire Dirty Dancing soundtrack, plus like five of our new songs.

Please, Shane, let my guests talk. I'm sorry. Pete Holmes isn't here. I should be in the middle. We're doing that tonight at 310 ACL, and then I do a Harmar show, like a classic just straight-up Harmar show there tomorrow as well.

And then on New Year's Eve, we play at Barracuda. So we're just sort of hopping around. What time is that Barracuda thing? I think we're on early. They want us to bring the people in early, which nobody goes out early on New Year's, so that's going to be a cool experiment for us. But I think we go on at like 9 or 10,

and then the Golden Dawn Orchestra are playing and a bunch of really great bands from Austin, too, so that's going to be a lot of fun. All right, well, the early show here is probably sold out at this point, but the late show has some tickets so choose wisely choose wisely come tomorrow come over to 310 acl all of you listening at home in a day or two yeah i mean that's i'm gonna get some messages from some people here in Austin that they wondered why they didn't know about all this.

Yeah, they've got to learn to read. But, you know, there's just a lot of stuff to choose from, so it's great. I mean, you must also like Austin because the audiences are so good here. I do. I love Austin so much. I was actually looking at buying a house here, and then I realized I could not afford that. I hear 3-1 is great. 3-1.

I'll just stick with one house, I think. I got too big for my britches. Alright, well thank you for being here, and everybody go see his shows this weekend if you can. Let's do it, Martha. what do you got in that bag I brought a lot of garbage I apologize but I have to move out of my apartment in a month so I gotta get rid of stuff I

brought a most of this is from a marketing event where Entertainment Magazine tried to trick shows into nominating each other for Emmys. And it worked for everyone but baskets. Sorry, I'm bumming everyone out again. This is a Jedi Conan pop... I don't know what but it's a bobblehead

I would have taken that I guess That's pretty People love those things Chris wants it Sorry guys She just gave it to me He knows what the eBay price

is on that right now Yeah I'll just put it on this back page This has been out of the original container so I think it's worth it Martha you played with it? What did you do to that thing?

I think I squashed it. I swear I haven't opened it. She just stepped on it or something. I'm sorry to brag, but they accidentally gave me two gift bags, so I have another one at home if someone wants that one instead. You can have it, or you can have both of them. This is a first aid kit from 911 on Fox. This is a T-shirt from Schitt's Creek.

What size is it? I don't know because I didn't want to open it. Here, pass it down. People get mad if you open stuff. The rest of it's pretty bad. This is a book... I mean, it's not that... It's just heavy stuff.

I mean, physically heavy. God damn it. The Alienist. It's a book about a TV show called The Alienist. That's on TV. You've got so much more stuff than me. Well, I've got to get rid of stuff.

This is a DVD set of the Vietnam War by Ken Burns. Uplifting. Good holiday classic. If you start it right after this show, you might be ready for next year's New Year's Eve show. That has also not been opened.

Okay, this is season one of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. I'll take that. Thank you very much. There's this is the worst thing. This is a t-shirt from

a tour I did with Pat Dean and Avery Moore this summer called the No Refunds Tour, where we did end up having to give some refunds. And that's my dumb face. I'm almost done, I promise. Okay, that's cool. I just came to pick it all up.

Oh, God. These are some earbuds. I don't know. From Fox Las Vegas. I don't know. From Fox Las Vegas. I don't know what's happening with that. This says Vodish and it's a thing you plug your phone into. I don't know.

And then the last thing. Oh, it's from the people at Blackish. This is a book of pictures from season one of American Gods. People like that. Yeah. And then this canvas bag is from Killing Eve, and that is all the stuff that I brought.

That's amazing stuff. That's a great bag. Yeah. Good luck getting that all back in the bag. Yeah, that's going to be tricky. You know what? You might have to hang on to that. I'll hold on to this.

Yeah, hang on to that. Oh, I don't want this votish thing. I tried. It didn't work, you guys. I totally voted. Beto luck next time. We were just starting to get over that. Until just now.

Yeah, look, I grew up in this state. I spent it. Okay. Alright, so that's all of Martha's stuff. Let's hear it for Martha. Yay! All this stuff. Wow.

That is a heavy bag. Mike Tyson's going to punch it. You heard me, Shane. What do you got for us for the bag, Chris? It's your first time on the show. I'm excited to see what you've done here. I wish I could have gone before Martha. I think that's what you're all saying right now.

Well, I got this little bong. Before Martha. I think that's what you're all saying right now. Yeah. Well, I got this little bong. Oh! It's a little cute. That's a cutie. Like on-the-go emergency bong. I'm gonna hold it for you. It's on-the-go bong.

Yeah. And I brought some fart bombs. It's a six-pack from Little Joker. And it's for you. This New Year's the party, you know. You decide when it's over. So right there. Or when it's begun. And the only other thing I brought,

I figured since it was movies, I brought a copy of one of my all-time favorite movies, Army of Darkness, on DVD. Oh, okay. And you guys could even have this tote bag. It's a tour from my friends Avery Moore and Robert Segovia called the Send Fascists to Hell Tour, and I was not invited on it, and I did not, even though I had that bag till today,

so that's yours. The hell with them. All right, good job, Chris. All right, buddy, there you go. Yeah, fart bombs. I think that's a first on the show. I will watch them carefully. Shane, what do you got?

I'm staying at my best friend I grew up with's house. I've been drunk all week, so I stole a bunch of his DVDs. You guys all have DVD players still, right? But there's also There's other stuff It sounds like you've also Stolen a lot of his alcohol Yeah, he got rid of it

Before I got in I have Also there's a bumper sticker From Sherwood Forest Renaissance Fair If you're a fucking dork I have Spider-Man 2 playing cards. Probably not a full dick.

The Notebook. By the way, this is Platinum Series. The Last Dragon. Yeah, okay. Now it's not such a shitty prize bag, is it? Bricks But slow down Hang on for one second

The notebook I get it He probably won't even notice it's gone But how dare you Take a man's last, last dragon How dare he still have DVDs? Good point, good point. It's in the bag.

It's probably not in the box. Also, I have a copy of Hudson Hawk. So if you've ever wanted to see Danny Aiello sing Swingin' on a Star, there you go. I'm starting to wonder if you took them from my DVD collection. I'm getting very concerned here. And I'm officiating a wedding this weekend, so if anybody wants to be my plus one, that's also...

Dudes included. We got a dude over here. Open bar, dude. At least one dude over here. I'm probably just going to take Tellez. I love that. That's everything. Does Tellez have a suit?

Yeah. I'll get one. I mean, if it's for a wedding. Yeah. I'll make it happen. Old Navy sells suits, right? Yeah. I mean, you just show up in a pair of shorts and people are going to be like,

is that Old Navy? And you'll be like, yeah, head to toe. I'm wearing them too. Just seeing how far I could go with this cord. Cargill, also a first-timer, what have you got for us this evening? I didn't know I was supposed to bring something.

See, this is what happens to the first-timers, is they have to go into their wallets. I have a couple complete punch cards for lick People are excited about that Is that good? What do you get? Oh, it's really good ice cream So if it's complete, you get a lick?

You get free ice cream How many? Like a scoop? Scoops? That's a good question What's the payoff here? Let's see here. Two scoops free. Just with that card?

Yeah. All right, hand one over. I'll give two. You'll give them both? Here, here's three. Three? Why do you get them fully punched? How do you get fully punched?

They go, let's move on to the next card. Never collect. Do you just collect them? Also, there's competing ice cream companies in this prize pack. There is a method to my madness, I swear to Christ. You saving up for a birthday party? Once you get a million licks. Look, if you really want to impress eight-year-olds, I'm just saying. This one's on the arm, Tyler.

No. No, the thing is, is if you save up three of them, you get a whole pint. And so I actually saved them up. And then when it's Friday or Saturday night and there's a huge line, if you get pints, you can skip the line. So I just walk up and say, grab two pints to head home. I hand them my six cards, and then I take the fuck off and don't wait in line. And then everybody goes, who the fuck is that guy?

And I'm like, I'm the guy who has six punch cards, motherfucker. Lou Reed lives. The ice cream game is very intense here in Austin. That's fantastic. But how many pints do you have in your freezer right now? That's what I want to know If you're saving those for something bigger I don't know if you noticed this row up here

But I think there are no pints left in my freezer We look alike I ate ice cream at his house today Do you have any twos? All right, so these are going in the prize bag. You sure you really want to... Yeah. I mean, this is...

I'm getting free beers here. This is front of line shit right here. Speaking of free beers... Okay, we got some orders. Can I get a rye whiskey on the rocks, please? Yeah, and you got a little table there behind you if you need it. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll take another Pearl Snap. Yeah, I'll take another Tito's and Soda, please. I will take a Colorado Bulldog. Ugh. Is that weird?

Real quick, I gotta do an ad real quick. Tito's. The handmade vodka made by one man named Tito Beverage. Isn't that right, Martha?

That is right. And... There's not enough sober people in beer ads. What would you like? Would you like some sort of beverage? Ice water, if possible. Ooh, here we go. I am looking forward to New Year's Eve with you.

That was going to be sweet. What else do we got to do before we continue? Carmar is back. Sean? Hello. If I can call you that? Yes, you can. What do you got?

Okay I have a bunch of Thoughtless merch here Hold on It's all good It's thoughtless to me Because I have Thousands of these But you might not

So I repressed my albums Bye Bye 17 And Best Summer Ever This year So you get those On vinyl And then

I have A couple shirts for you. One is a Heartbones shirt that is in the Dirty Dancing font. So there you go. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Designed by Julian Gross. And then a shirt that's about to go out of date in about two days,

which says, I'm our superstar, 18. So I got a lot of these in my basement. And in about two days, they're going to be vintage. So the price is skyrocketing. All right. Very nice. Thank you so much for bringing all that. I will consolidate

over here if I can. You just were carrying all this? It wasn't in a bag? I didn't bring a bag. Listen, I flew here. I didn't bring an extra bag. I know, right? You just had to carry this on the plane?

Yeah, I just carried it like that. That's all the merch I brought. Put this in the captain's closet. Yeah. I'm a gold member. There's a hotel chain where the top member level is black. And they say out loud to me sometimes, are you a black? I'm just like, really?

Of all the colors? What hotel, Jake? I'll tell you later. It's the Kempton. It's a Kempton. Speaking of dirty words. What's that? I think the question everyone's wondering is, are you?

I am a black, yes. Good for you. I mean, they'll actually say to me, as a black, you're entitled to, and I'm just like, are you kidding? That is crazy that they thought that was a good idea. It's really weird, but they just do it.

Oh, here are the drinks. Thank you so much. Let's hear it for all the hardworking people. Thank you, buddy. Shout out to it for all the hardworking people. Thank you, buddy. Shout out to my little friend, Chris. Yeah. Yeah, give them a few extra bucks. It's the holidays. Right?

Right here in the taint, that's a time for giving. Because that's the time where the tax man, it's either give it away or the tax man will take it, so why not just give it away? That's my strategy. I don't think that's right. But it was worth a try putting it out there. That's fantastic.

Martha? Oh, yeah. One question that you will definitely know the answer to. What was the last movie that you saw? The last movie I saw was Frozen on an airplane and it's the first time I saw it and it's

fucking amazing. Top five scenes. Go. The one where she sings Let It Go. There's one where the snowman melts and then he gets unmelted. Wait, I'm going to ruin it. Never mind.

It's great. Earmuffs if you haven't seen Frozen. Um, I've seen Frozen, not only the motion picture, but I saw it on Broadway, and I saw it at Disney's California Adventure theme park out in Anaheim. Yeah. And I'm here to tell you the theme park did it better than Broadway.

Really? Yeah, for one thing, it's only an hour. And it's probably cheaper. And it's like kind of children in wigs and stuff. You know, like the villain, not the villain, but that guy, that bald-headed guy, or he's not bald, but he has a wig, and it flaps off his head, and you see that he's bald.

That's usually played by somebody that's probably like a high school senior with the chops to play an older character. But it's amazing. I've seen it a few times. It's amazing every time. And the Broadway one, I almost walked out at intermission.

Because she's saying let it go. What else was... Dumb place to stop. We heard the best part. Now you can leave if you want. I do want. Did they do it again at the end like they do in the movie?

I don't think they do it again at the end, but maybe they did. Did you leave at the intermission? I didn't. I stayed and there's a whole number. You know how in the movie they go into that guy's shack, and they want to buy some stuff, and they have some awkward exchanges?

Are you talking about the first season of True Detective? No, talking about... We're all talking. It's not just me. We're all talking about Frozen. I don't know, buddy, time is a flat circle. That you can skate on. But in the movie he says,

I also have a sauna that you could enjoy if you'd like. I'm pretty sure you're talking about True to Dead. Talking about Frozen. And in the Broadway musical, there's a whole number where everybody dancing around is in skin colored outfits

but they're supposed to be nude and they're dancing around singing about how great it is to sit in the sauna now that's definitely Sure Detective it's a whole number that they added to the No, that's definitely True Detective. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I've never seen it, It's a whole number

that they added to the Broadway show that's just like the whole time I was looking around going, this isn't real. This isn't happening.

Like, what is going on? Oh, God. What's the song called, you guys? What is it? The person that went is not far off. The title of the song

is like Schleiffluchen or something. It's called Flesh-Colored Skin Suits. Yeah. I'll get the corrections department to look into it. And I'll hit you guys with that in the new year. So did you like Frozen?

Yeah, I loved it. Are you still... Yes, I loved it. I really loved it. I like it. That snowman is funny. I like the Snowman. That's funny. He's a fucking idiot. He doesn't even know that sun is bad for him.

That's funny. He was okay, but my favorite part was the song Let It Go because my niece knows how to play it on the piano and my nephew used to sing it because they were littler when that movie was out. That's really sweet. I'm just waiting for the

point where you go, and they died in October. My mom died last Christmas if that helps. I'm so sorry. My niece and nephew are alive and kicking. Nobody cares. My niece and nephew are alive and kicking, so... Does nobody care?

That's true, she did. That's their names. You know, I auditioned for Frozen, didn't get the gig. That's Josh K. Another disappointment, if you guys want to share that with me. The Broadway? No, no, with the reindeer, they went another way with it, and he doesn't speak. He doesn't talk.

I had to lose a lot of weight. His friend just pretends to talk for him. All right, Chris, what's the last movie you saw? Man, well, I've seen it a bunch of times, but I recently re-watched it. Blockers, I thought that was pretty good. Oh, you liked that movie, Blockers? Man, I thought the movie

was fucking hilarious. You know, because they're implying that the word cock is in the front there. Yeah, cock blockers. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they put out a movie that's ostensibly

like a family movie. Yeah. But it's called Cock Blockers. Yeah, yeah. They have the cock on there and the word blockers right after it. Like, remember that Billy Crystal comedy, Analyze This?

No, I've heard of it. Of course. I've heard of it. You know, Robert De Niro. Yeah, I haven't seen it, though. Is it about cock blocking? It was originally called Cock Analyze This. No, it's just the expression Analyze This means, you know, analyze my dick and balls.

But they decided to call it Analyze This because they were going for a more, you know, family audience. I thought you were just going to say Analyze and I just have Billy Crystal under it. I'm just saying, I don't like when people sneak dirty words into things and people don't even know they're there. Meet the fuckers can fucking suck my dick.

It's meet the fuckers, okay? It's fucking meet the fuckers. Just fucking call it that, you fucks. We're the fuckers. fucking call it that you fucks we're the fuckers if you change your perspective it could be analize this well that's the sequel probably would have seen it analize that

analize this too seen it what was the sequel yeah that's Robert De Niro's butthole what oh blockers has a sequel cock blocking again No, what was the sequel? Analyze That. Yeah, that's Robert De Niro's butthole. Analyze That anus. What? Oh, Blockers has a sequel. I'll be like, blocking again. Here we go.

Yeah, blocking it up again. I've never been a big fan of John Cena, and I thought he was super funny in that movie. I think he's really funny in Amy Schumer's movie. Oh, in Trainwreck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when the turn for me, for Cena, started happening in that movie.

I was like, oh, he's good. Well, that's the first one he did. Well, I'm like a longtime wrestling fan, and he kind of ruined wrestling for a while. Oh. Yeah. Hope he listens to the podcast. How did he ruin? I thought he was one of the good guys.

Well, he made it obviously fake. It used to kind of just be like. Oh, he made it obviously fake. It might be fake. It's pretty real right now. Oh, fuck me. There's a guy dressed as a dragon who cast a spell on a Chinese person

and all of a sudden... I'd like to see you step in the ring with that guy. It's pretty terrifying. I'll actually hit him. And he will burn you. Well, we'll still both be athletes. Hey, I'm saying...

I'm on good terms with John now, okay? I really liked him in Daddy's Home 2. Didn't see it. It was really fun. I still support Mel Gibson. Still support. Like, it's ongoing. You're giving updates all the time.

We're a divided country. We're a divided country. We're a divided country. Are we cool with the mail yet? This Gibson shutdown. I'm drunk. Did anybody see that Kurt Russell Santa Claus movie? Yeah. I mean, I haven't watched it.

Probably won't now that Christmas is coming on. But, man, that seems like a great choice. I haven't watched it probably won't now that Christmas has come and gone but man that seems like a great choice Santa loses his technological shit in a big city

and then has to go on adventure through the city and it's played by Kurt Russell it is quite literally Escape from New York

for kids it's the god damn prequel to show to your 8 year old so when they're 12 it's like goddamn prequel to show to your eight-year-old so when they're 12, it's like, hey, you want to see a cooler movie with Santa?

It is the gateway drug to Kurt Russell movies. Instead of a sleigh, he's got a surfboard. Dude, Santa does not fuck around in this movie. He is, like, somebody did a really good job

explaining it going, you know, I'm sure Kurt Russell came in and they interviewed him and, you know, did the audition and said, well, going, you know, I'm sure Kurt Russell came in, and they interviewed him and, you know, did the audition, and said, well, we want you to, like, be Santa Claus. And he's like, I'm Kurt Russell. And they go, let's go with that. And it works.

Could you be jollier? I'm plenty jolly. Haven't you seen Used Cars? He's the best. He's awesome. How do we get him on this show? I mean, you guys are great, but Kurt Russell, thanks. He really nailed the look

Cargill and I were going for. He really... He did the beard, he did the gut, and we are failing by comparison. We are. We're not even one Kurt Russell combined. We do have some free lick cards still, though. You still have some?

Oh, I didn't give all of them. Jesus Christ. I gave you enough for a pint. Yeah. Suck it, Amy's. Hey, Martha, jump in whenever. Oh.

I don't have anything right now. Nothing to report at this time. Back to you in the studio. Shane, what was the last movie you saw? I saw Aquaman, that unflushable turd of a movie.

Can't wait to see it. Oh, God. Well, because Aquaman floats. I'll tell you this. I'll tell you, I went with my brother and my two nephews and my nephews, who are

8 and 12, asked to leave. I'm sorry, I like Jason Beboa, I'm a Nicole Kidman fan, but that thing, fucking woof. It is so goddamn bad. It's... Is it just boring?

I don't even want... It's like Spencer's Gifts, the movie. It's fucking... Hey, where do you think I got those fart bombs at? I wish we broke... You'd be a pretty good deal on those. Goddammit, they smell better than the box office receipts. That thing fucking... These receipts stink.

It's making a ton of money, dude. I know. It's cleaning up. I don't care. It's a bad movie. Like, you can go see it and be an idiot and give them your money like I did. Or you can listen to me right now

and Jason Momoa will still be fine. So I'm guessing nobody shoots bees. No, no, no. That's not a cinematic masterpiece. I would like watching Aquaman like if it was playing in a... Trash compactor. No. You know what?

I shouldn't have spoken so slowly with all these comedic minds up here. We're quick. Verbally, not physically. I'd like to see it play in aquariums, in restaurants. Like you can just look up and see, oh, look at Aquaman.

He's really kicking butt down there in the ocean good for him and then you go you know back to your conversation because he's just like what what here's my problem with it is the first thing you see him do is fucking lifting a gigantic submarine up out of the water and then later that's the best Right. You should do that at the end of the movie. You see him do that amazing feat of strength and then later he's shackled in irons. The guy that lifted a submarine can't

break out of a fucking... Handcuffs. Yeah, he's being held there by guys dressed like crustaceans. That's a thing that happens. They're like, he can't be... They just have him shackled and he's being held there by scallops. They're like, oh, my God, the savior of the ocean can't break free

from this red lobster promotional dinner. Oh, shrimp fest. He's the main course. Fucking nonsense. Shrimp Fest, he's the main course. Fucking nonsense. An 8 and a 12-year-old wanted to leave a movie. You know what they watch?

Anything. Oh, yeah? You think they'd like A Star is Born? Hey, I didn't see that yet. No spoilers. All right, Cargill, what was the last movie you saw? I actually showed a couple of friends Heavy Trip. What?

Yeah. Yeah, no, everybody's like, what? You ask the guy who writes movies for fuck's sake. No, it's a Finnish death metal comedy that was released in Finland as Impaled Rectum. I'll let you unpack that for a moment. That's why I stick with the blockbusters. I was going to say, I could tell the honest answer. Analyze that.

Suck on that. I'll be seeing Aquaman tomorrow morning. No, I was only kidding. I really saw Mary Poppins. Wait, wait, wait. Back up, back up, back up. That was a morning. No, I was only kidding. I really saw Mary Poppins. Wait, wait, wait. Back up, back up, back up. That was a joke? No.

No, it really wasn't. That is what I watched. That is a movie that you have seen and are aware of. Yes. But you didn't show it to friends. Yeah.

Oh, you did show it to friends. I did. I had friends over. But since then you've seen Mary Poppins. Well, I mean, we're all seeing Mary Poppins. I haven't seen it yet. Didn't know it was out.

Loved it. I mean, I don't want to break this to you, but there's a lot of people that don't want to see it. Probably more than those that do. And I've gotten messages from dudes going, hey, man, my girlfriend wants to see this. than those that do. And I've gotten messages from dudes going, hey man, my girlfriend wants to see this. How bad's it gonna be?

And my response is, if you're worried about it, it's gonna be bad. Because that movie delivers as another Mary Poppins movie. Is it good? It really does. And most men don't want to sit through a fucking Mary Poppins movie. I mean good? It really does. And most men don't want to sit through a fucking Mary Poppins movie. I mean,

Angela Lansbury was pretty great. Yeah, she's great in this one, but what was she, was she, still Mary Poppins. Yeah,

see, you cannot, you are, you are physically, you cannot possibly say a bad word about Angela Lansbury. No,

I'm not going to because she'll murder me and then solve it. But I swear to you, I swear to you, that kid Chip is missing a piece because that bitch...

This movie sounds awesome now. She seems like a pretty sweet teapot, but she fucking does not take any lip from Chip. I don't remember there being child abuse in these movies. But no, I was going to say, in Mary Poppins, it's funny though, when Mary Poppins returns, at one point, Angela Lansbury pops up,

and it just causes confusion, because it's like, was she in the first Mary Poppins in some capacity? No. But it does feel like she should have been, because she was in Bedknobs and Broomsticks. Yeah. Which is the same movie.

It was considered a knockoff, but it's still fucking awesome. Yeah, it's Armageddon to Deep Impact. Yeah. It totally is, Shane. There should be a word for that. Like when they release two films that are like the same thing,

but... Yeah. Which one did you just say? I said Armageddon to Deep Impact. Yeah. Yeah, but different movies. Which one did you just say? I said Armageddon Deep Impact. Yeah. There's also Volcano. That should be called the Armageddon Impact.

Impact again. When that happens, yeah. The Armageddon Broomstick. Well, that's just stupid. Sean. Yes. Waiting patiently. Sean yes waiting patiently thinking about the last movie you saw yeah I actually I loved Mary Poppins

Returns actually but um it's a love letter to the first Mary Poppins movie yeah definitely so that's your litmus test if you love the first Mary Poppins you you're going to have a great time. It was a good time. If Mary Poppins isn't your thing,

then, you know. If you like adult newsies. I ate a gummy, so it was a fantastic sale the whole time. There should be more reviews that are that honest. Oh, and also I ate a gummy. The last movie I saw was last night, Oh, and also I ate a gummy. Reminds me of my day.

The last movie I saw was last night, and it was the... No, not the happening. Not a blind place. Bird Box. Yeah, I don't even really want to talk about it that much. But did you see Bird Box yet? Now, is that where you can rent a bird for 24 hours? yet. Now, is that where you can rent a bird for 24

hours? That's Birchbox, and it's a ladies' cosmetic. That's the sponsor this week. No, I haven't, like, I, like, it's been a confusion to me since the first time I heard of it and forgot

about it immediately, because you know what I mean? That's like if A Quiet Place was called Foxhole. Like, it's like, what? What does that have to do with it? No, I don't... Talk about the blindfolds. Why isn't it a movie called Blindfolds? I don't know.

Seems like... In the pitch meeting, it was just fun to say, Bird Box. That's a little on the nose, don't you think, Doug? It puts the lotion on the bird box. All right, so you saw it? I watched it last night.

What do you mean you watched it? That sounds like you did. I saw it. But not in a motion picture theater? No. God, no. I did see Spider-Man. I don't like all these pirates coming on my show

talking about shit they saw. Okay, Spider-Man. It's on Netflix. You can see it. They put it out there. It's not a pirate situation. Oh, it's a Netflix movie? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not a pirate. But with Sandra Bullock, man. Sandra Bullock, man. John Malkovich. I get confused. I thought it was in theaters. Yeah.

No, it's... They probably put it in theaters for a week for a cat to be consideration. Yeah, so they could not win any awards for sure with that. I saw Spider-Man Into the Spider-Verse in the theater last. That's awesome. And I loved that.

Now we're talking. I wasVerse in the theater last. That's awesome. And I loved that. Now we're talking. I was laughing out loud the entire time. I love the quick-witted stylings. I'm into Nicolas Cage as noir Spider-Man. Oh, my God. But what about John Mulaney as Spider-Ham? I'm into Nicolas Cage as noir Spider-Man. I don't want to talk about that.

I want to talk about Spider-Ham. It's all so fun and weird and different and yeah I'm into it Did you early on were you like oh shit they're showing a 3D print and I don't have the glasses

No I never go to the 3D I can't handle it I feel like it's like just my eyes get tired after like a half hour so I just go to the 3D. I can't handle it. I feel like it's like just my eyes get tired after like a half hour. So I just go to the boring old 2D. But this thing has like, you know, blurry areas and stuff sometimes. Yeah, this one was, you know, it was formatted for my eyes. And I watched it perfectly.

And I feel like I got the full effect. That's why I have you on the show all the time is because you're so good at watching movies like you like really see them. I can just see the stuff that's up there.

Yeah. Everybody else just goes and they're like, you know, fumbling around with their popcorn but you're like watching. Yeah,

and then there's like sounds that come in that like totally correlate with exactly what's going on on the screen. It's like it all fits together like a jigsaw. Yeah.

When the rest of us get a hang of it, movies are really going to take off. I've got a sense for these kinds of things. I've had people say to me, how can you do a podcast just about movies? It seems like too small of a subject. I'm like, yeah, I'm waiting. I'm waiting to when there'll be like 40 million movies

instead of the 10 million we have now. Like, do you ever go to like any site that just lists every movie that's opening on a Friday and it's just unbelievable how many movies are being made and then maybe open only in a couple of spots, but still so much stuff out there. Just wait until one of those sites starts adding all the stuff

that like all the streaming services are adding. Yeah, exactly. And then now you're like, oh shit, there's 40 movies out this weekend. What the fuck am I watching? And the answer for some of this is all of them. Yeah. We got to keep it that the, you know,

movie theaters are the primary, you like i saw roma today at an alamo draft house here in the city and yeah which is also when you go to other places in other cities that are like we have food and drinks while you watch the movie they don't do it like alamo draft house you're gonna be like what elmo rules yeah i said i live in brooklyn and we just got one like a year ago. And it's been the fucking saving grace. I can't go back to a regular movie theater. Yeah, they have one.

Well, yeah, not only is it better than regular ones, though, but other people are doing dining during the movie wrong. Bringing you like plates and forks and knives and having a button you push to call somebody that lights up when you push it. So people in the theater are lighting up their spot. And then when the person comes, they take orders on an iPad and they speak out loud and they don't crouch down to not block people's view. I mean, Alamo Draft House is killing it.

And those places don't say shit about anybody talking or anything. You know, like there's none of that stuff either. They've got recliner chairs too, so if you hate the movie, you can just pass out, which I've done many times. Well, that's, you know, I will do that. A fun gag to do at the Alamo is if you're meeting someone there who gets there before you, you kind of sneak up

behind them in the row, like, you know, where they serve the people behind you and you kind of pretend like you're the server that's new that doesn't know what's going on. And you grab their shoulders and go, Hey, I'm your server right now, and you kind of like reach for their table. that's new that doesn't know what's going on. And you grab their shoulders and go, hey, I'm your server right now. And you kind of like reach for their table. I thought you were going to go with like an ass hitting the back of their head thing.

Like, I'm Terry. Or just bare butt cheeks on the back of their head. The fact that they showed up in New York and they have queso has made me want to live in that city longer. It's the only decent breakfast tacos I can get is at the Twin Cities area one. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. They don't know how to fuck with shit like you guys do here.

Assholes. Hey, Doug. I'm drunk. Yes, Martha would like to barge in with her. She won't shut the fuck up. With her hot take. Is it New Year's yet? Jesus Christ.

This is kind of awkward, but I have cedar fever, so I've been drinking a lot of liquids, and I have to run to the ladies' room real quick. Oh, that's okay. Thank you for asking. But I just remembered I have two passes to the Alamo Drafthouse in my purse,

which I'll bring up as an apology for leaving. Oh, that's terrific. That's great. Anybody that has to go to the restroom should give something to somebody for the trouble, the anguish they put everybody through. Because we don't know if she'll come back alive. There is a chance she just doesn't come back.

She's really put a lot on us. Plus, you know, I was just about to go to the games portion, but we need all of my guests to be here for that. Can we have another round? Let's get some more booze. Yeah, that's a good plan. Topo Chico, please. Yeah.

I'll take another Pearl Snap. I'll take another rye whiskey and soda, please. I feel like no one's listening to any of these orders. Hope so. The guy who downloads this tomorrow is going to be on it. Take a kamikaze shot. I feel like we should just make sure that they're listening and now order something.

Rye whiskey rocks, please. Topo Chico. I'll take another one of those Colorado Bulldogs. We're just going to go with those. You think we're at a TGI Friday? Hey, man. He's asking for a Bulldog out of Mudslide. Just a round of Lumen Onions.

Buffalo wings. I'll take a Pearl Snap, please. Can I get some Southwest Egg Rolls? Pearl Snap. Do we get some Southwest egg rolls? Pearl snap. Do we have Big Red back there? And let's get a welcome back shot for Martha. Make it a double. Wouldn't that be weird if there was a shot called welcome back?

Welcome back. Your dreams were your ticket out. Welcome back The dreams are all dead That you used to laugh about I don't know the words Don't worry Doug I got a note There's like 12 people that found that funny

That just watched the show I'm sorry to the rest of you That's okay Doug, I got a note. There's like 12 people that found that funny that just watched the show. I'm sorry to the rest of you. That's okay. What was the last movie you saw, Doug? Oh, that's a great question. I was right about to ask that. I already said.

I saw Roma today. It's so worth seeing in the theater, for sure. Yeah, it really is. because it's like it's such a small story but then it's all visual shit that happens becomes it's so huge like it's that Alfonso Cuaron who directed it he's a genius and even if you walk away feeling like you know you didn't really get it i think it'll stick with you everything you said for the rest of my life i have no idea what that film is about well yeah because i mean it sounds real deep i you know people that listen to my show know that

i don't really get i guess i say things that are going to make sense after you see it more than before. I see. Because, you know, everybody that listens to this show, I like to feel, wants to not have movies ruined. Okay. But on the other hand, I was shocked when they all died.

Oh, that's the age of Ultron. I described it to some friends before I saw it, because I try not to read up on things. And so I was like, yeah, you know, I think it's set in Rome, and there's about two teenage girls from a highfalutin family that kind of go and slum it on the other side of town, which was completely wrong.

And I had to text them back afterwards and be like, that's not at all what that movie was about. But it was still great, and I had a great time. Yeah, heads up, you guys. It's not that, for sure. If you were psyched for that. I was pumped. I'm going to write that movie now, though.

Just for me to see. Yeah, it's a trippy movie, but it should only be discussed amongst people who saw it, which will be, the numbers might be small, but we'll see. We'll see how that goes.

You got those gifts that you promised, Martha? Yeah, I have two admission tickets and two $10 food and beverage vouchers. Jesus. Sorry, it's really unprofessional to go to the bathroom in the middle of a show,

but I've been sick with Cedar Fever. Anyway, you're welcome. This really is a hell of a prize bag. That's 50 bucks right there. I don't know what's wrong with that. Yeah, it's all terrific, especially the stuff that I'm going to hang on to. You want to be my plus one?

Going to see Roma again? Oh, my God, I would. Because it would be such a different experience knowing what's going to happen because the movie unfolds in such an unusual way the first time. I'm going to sneeze. Isn't that weird that I'm allergic

to vinyl? Such a weird... I feel bad about it because, you know, vinyl keeps making that comeback. When's the final comeback of vinyl going to be? God, I don't know. Final vinyl?

Every couple years somebody tells me that it's making a comeback. I'm like, I thought it already came back. Yeah, I'm fine. No, it came back and now it's just like $50

or something you used to be able to get for like $9.99. But you can get that new remaster that everybody needed of that Beatles record you've heard a thousand times. Let the games begin! Turn it off, Bert. Turn it off. People brought name tags. Lots of beautiful, glorious

name tags. Each and every one of you has to choose one that you're going to play for. We're out of time so it's going to be a coin flip. But go ahead and select a name tag and bring it back to your seat. And while you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back.

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Such a polite crowd. No yelling. It's very peaceful. Let's start with Sean down there. I'm just way into this artwork for The Dark Rachel to play on The Dark Crystal here, one of my favorite films from childhood and beyond. So I'll be playing for Rachel.

Do you... I'm excited to see your show where you sing the songs of Dirty Dancing, but what do you think about a show where you sing the songs of The Dark Crystal? It would be scary. Terrifying for children like it was

for myself. Really? Because Skeksis are scary, aren't they? Yeah, they're bringing Skeksi back. I'm going to do that song. I would do the music of Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas oh my god that'd be amazing I'm down all right what do you got there Martha um crazy Richard Asians just because I love the word play oh don't read that to the end. There's really not anything

else to say about it. You know they made a Richie Rich movie, right? Richard. About every rich way but loose. Get Richard, die trying. You see what we're saying, Richard?

Like the Richards of Eastwick. The seven-year rich. Would have been good. All right. Dumbass. Richard of Oz. Mine was late, but shit. But he got picked, so I guess you can't argue with that success.

What do you got there? What kind of hat is that, Chris? It looks like Slash from Guns N' Roses top hat, but they painted it gold and ruined it. Steampunk. Has your face on it, Doug, with a bird coming out the face. It is his Lab Ryenth. Lab Ryenth. Yeah.

Doug Benson's Lab Ryenth. And Ryan threw over the cuckoo's nest. So I guess his name's Ryan. It's a little more offensive than the Richard, Crazy Richard Asians. Yeah. I saw it from a distance and went for it, and this is what it is. Well, you can put it down on the ground if you want.

All right. I could suggest maybe Boys Don't Cryin'. It's pretty good. I could do this game all day, so stop me whenever you need. It's not a game. Hard. This is real. I get to do this game all day, so stop me whenever you need. It's not a game. Hard. This is real.

Hard Ryan with Christian Slater and Warden Freeman. Who did you pick, Shane? I picked Jonathan Redline. Apparently he's got Chris D'Elia, the singer from Eve 6 and Chris Kubis on here. And he put two bottles of vodka on it. So I'm keeping them. What flavor? Tito's. Nice.

We gotta do a quick ad. Tito's vodka. Gluten free. Because what vodka is it? Back to the show Tito's vodka A Christian vodka Okay who's up? I think I'm the only one left

Yeah what do you got there Cardinal? I got Reindeer James. That's a good one right there. Somebody put the word there. And I'm very sorry that there will be Brian who got very excited for just a moment. Yeah, you did graze him. Yeah, I apologize. I saw Reindeer Games 20 years ago,

or going on 20 years ago. It will never leave my head. And the fact that someone else is suffering with the same affliction really touched me. And so I had to play for him and his illness. That's really sweet. Very fair. May I see that? Thank you.

Why are you guys piling your name tags on top of each other over there? I didn't know what to do. Here, throw yours down right in front of you that way. The idea is so I know who you're playing for. Yeah, there you go. I'm starting to like the Labyrinth the more and more I think about it.

I mean, it's no Crazy Richard Asians. She beat me to it. All right, so that's who everybody's playing for. And I've got several games planned that are going to take way longer than we have time for. Because we had so much fun just chatting during the first part of the show. So,

since this is your first time on the show Cargill I know it's yours too Steve Steve? Chris When did Steve show up? Could you tell Chris we want him back? I'll go by Steve from now on Whatever

No that's cool. Cargill, you're going to go first in a game of ABCD's Nuts! I turned and looked over there like there was something going to happen. Thought my phone would be sitting there. I was gonna look right at it, catch the time, move on, smooth host. Holy shit, we're so far behind. I am polluted right now.

I need an official number from the club. How many minutes over can I go? Two and a half, you got it. I don't know. They might have a more official number. They're discussing it in the back. I can hear it. ABC Deez Nuts is a spelling game where I give you a letter and then you name a movie that begins with that letter. If the movie begins with the letter the, it begins with the letter T.

Yeah, none of that alphabetization shit. And tonight we're going to spell, since I'll be interrupting it at the Castro Theater in San Francisco on Sunday, January 13th at 420 as part of SF Sketch Fest. Sidebar, has anybody here seen all

three Fifty Shades movies? You did? For reals? They're on HBO. That's no excuse. You realize that's no real excuse Also

That's crazy I've seen all three of them Before HBO Did you think you didn't count when I said Does anyone here Well I thought you were talking to the commoners Of all the special people How many

Yeah just you. Yeah. And this lady. Have both seen all those movies. Yep. And did you feel at the end of the third one, well, you know what? This shit paid off.

This was a slow burn and worth all the effort. It was worth absolutely nothing. I cannot wait to watch the third one. I still haven't seen it. I'm going to see it cold. But in the meantime, that's what we're going to spell. Fifty Shades Freed.

Which, I mean, they get married. Why is she not freed? Or are they giving away the ending? All right, so basically the idea is when the next letter gets you, name any movie that begins with that letter, but a theme will emerge, and if you match the movie that I've written down in advance,

then you win this whole game in advance, and I would love it. I mean, you win automatically. You don't win it in advance. Holy shit. Get it together, Doug. Whoa. So the first letter in Fifty Shades Freed is F to Cargill.

Name a movie that begins with F. Foxfire. Yes, but no. It begins with F, but I wrote down female trouble. Okay. From the great John Waters. Next letter is I to Shane. It.

Excellent answer. Not what I wrote. I put in the realm of the senses. F is the next letter for Chris Steve Tellez. You could just call me FST. What does the F mean? Steve. Wait, what?

Fargo. I'm going to go with Fargo on that. Fargo? No, I said Flesh Gordon meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders. That's the other one I was going to say. The next letter is T to you, Martha. The Road Chip,

the fourth Alvin and the Chipmunks movie. I don't even think that's the name of it. I don't think that's what it's called. People are on their feet. People named, but people are on their feet. They send her money. People named Cargill are on their feet. That's a deep cut. I went with the Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2,

so very close. Why is the next letter for Sean, a.k.a. Harmar? Yentl. Superstar. for Sean aka Harmar Yentl superstar I went with E2 Mama Tambien S is the next letter for Cargill I'm gonna go with Sinister

I wrote Thank you I wrote it Also true I went with I went with a movie you did it right called Shame I love it. Also true. I went with a movie you did right called Shame. H. Shane H.

Shit. Hell or high water. I said Henry and June. Hey, hey, Mr. Tellez. I think I know what you picked. Is that Alan Rickman just dropped by? Anaconda. That's it.

No. What? This game is hard. American Psycho. Of course. Of course. Of course. Hans Booty. D to Martha.

Die Hard. Yeah. No. Her. I went with Dice Rules. E, Mr. Superstar. I'd say

E.T. The Extraterrestrial. And And His Adventures on Earth. I went with Emmanuel the joys of a woman so worldly yes

that's the one with Mira Sorvino yes true Kagan I answer the question Coggin. Coggin. I am. Answer the question. The letter is, I should have given you the letter S. Sinister 2?

Which I am ashamed to say I also wrote. I wish. I wish. I went with SwearNet the movie. Yeah, featuring the Trailer Park Boys. I'll be on their cruise in March. Yeah, I know how to

slip in a plug. Both of you do. It's more like the plug slipped out. Yeah. All right, you're never going to get this in a million years. Shane. What's my letter? E.

We're spelling 50 shades freed, and we're up to... We were at the S. Oh, this is F. Yeah, your letter's F. Are you fucking serious right now? Yes. I thought he was O. You're supposed to be keeping track of that. You're supposed to be thinking about what the next letter's going to be.

R for you, Steve Shane. My movie is F. My movie is F. What? R, my letter is F. Fokwaman. No, Fantastic Mr. Fox. Great guess.

I went with Flesh Gordon meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders. Again? Yeah, I couldn't think of another... I couldn't think of another F title that fits the theme. It's crazy that in your study you couldn't put all this together. You're going to love the theme. It doesn't feel like you guys are worried fits the theme. It's crazy that you're going to love this theme. You're going to love the theme. It doesn't feel like you guys are worried about the theme. It doesn't feel like you're worried about the theme.

No, I'm laser focused on the theme. I can't think of anything else right now. Isn't that right, Mark? I thought it was Steve Come on That's John Come on, John, Mark, Steve, Chris What letter am I?

Chris Tellez, the letter's R R You got this I do got this Think about what I'm thinking I know exactly what you're thinking About all those titles you've already heard Man, I told you I'd only stick with the blockbusters.

I'm going to go with RoboCop. That is the correct answer. Really? Fuck yeah, I could feel it. I could fucking feel it. I knew I was going to be the one. I did know I was going to be the one. Thank you. Fuck yeah, that feels good.

And the theme is, movies that initially received an NC-17 or X rating From the motion picture board Of the motion picture thing Of America And either kept that initial rating Or edited it down to an R rating So all those movies

Did that E.T.? It's one of them That thing had That thing had quite a dick It wasn't the end of his finger that glowed Where was that finger? Right here is his butthole in the original script

Yeah And his penis would eat the Reese's Pieces. Because his penis was his mouth. His mouth was used for more important things like talking. Lucky penis. Yeah. Y'all take care of the waitstaff tonight. I want to play out

the rest of this though, see how it goes. So after Marth Wait, who said Robocop crit uh so martha what would you have said for letter e for nc17 no i have zero guesses all right yeah of course it's cool what has to be something initially got an nc17 or an x and then fought to get it lowered or just kept it? And the answer there is Evil Dead 2. Oh, shit.

Then the next E goes to Sean. I would have said East of Eatin' Ass. I think that one stayed NC-17. You added that down to a pretty good love story. Two was the one. I knew there was a good reason to keep this game going. I knew there was some hidden fun. But I went with Evil Dead.

The one from 2013 was almost in C-17. And then back to you, Cargo, for the final D. D. D. I've made three fucking movies and you hand me Doctor Strange on a platter. Yeah, but what would Doctor Strange have said that had to be cut to make it? Yeah, exactly. But if

you're going with a theme, I would go Debbie Does Dallas. I mean, that was just straight up porn though, right? It was X. There was never an argument about what the rating was going to be, I don't think. I think they wanted an X for that one.

I would have said Debbie Does Dallas. Described it perfectly. What did you come up with? I couldn't think of another one, so I went Dice Rules again. But great job, everybody, but especially chris we rarely get a match and i do not put that on the guests that's all on me uh but let's see if i have time for all right we're gonna have to do a really fast

last man stanton time for... Alright, we're going to have to do a really fast Last Man Stanton. Someone told me... Yeah, they're telling me now, we've got until 745. Jesus Christ. I don't have a thing in my ear. We've got like five more minutes. So,

this is the game where I get the name of an actor an actress from an audience member and you guys take turns naming movie that they've been in if you can't think of one you're out and just for the sake of time there'll be no lifelines tonight and I pre-selected and I'm gonna play along just to make it even tougher and I pre-selected a somebody from Twitter to give us a suggestion for a name. And that person is Lambie on the Lamb. Lambie on the Lamb. He looks like a Lambie on the Lamb.

Sitting right there. Watch out for the guy with the bowling pin. Yeah, and did he drink your milkshake? What's your actual name? Isaac. Isaac? Yeah. And what do you do for a living, Isaac?

We don't have time. We've got like five minutes. What's your suggestion for the game tonight? Antonio Banderas. Antonio Banderas. Antonio Banderas. I like it. He's local.

He's been in some blockbusters. I mean, he's made movies locally. And I don't want to say any more to give anything away. And good luck to everybody. We'll start with Chris and then go to Martha, Sean, me, Cargill, and Shane.

I think I got that. What? I couldn't see you. I know, I get it. You were blocked. All right, go ahead, Chris. Any movie that's got Antonio Banderas. Okay, I'm going to start off and just go with Assassins. Oh, Ass-

God damn it. Assassins. I could feel that that was the one he was thinking of, so I took it. Assassins. The movie with two asses. That's just true. It's not necessarily...

It doesn't have to be comedy. It could just be like Doug just said something that's true. The thing that's going to blow your mind is that they made a movie called American Assassin and Antonio Banderas isn't in it. That's true. It's one less ass. Well, now I've got to think of another pick.

Where are we at? Me? Zorro. Right? I believe that's what it's called. Zorro, semicolon, right? The mask of Zorro, semicolon, right? The mask of Zorro. Sean?

Puss in Boots. Yes, indeed. Okay, my turn. I'm going to go with... Oh, oh, oh, what was that thing called? Oh, shit. Oh, my God. Why am I working so hard at this?

Just say it. Just say Desperado. Damn it. I'm going to do Spy Kids. Yeah. I'm going to do El Mariachi. Slow down. We'll speed up.

Okay, what are you going to do? El Mariachi Who what No That's not a thing Then I'll say dance That is a movie But he's not in it Then can I say

Something else real quick Cause I feel like That's a cheat Yeah just don't You know Dance with me Be so Maybe after the show

Tell me The title Of with me? Be so... Maybe after the show, tell me the title of... All right, back to you, Chris. Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Martha? I did think of the only other movie I know, which is Truth or Dare, the Madonna documentary.

Oh, very good. Wow. He's the title character. Steve Truth. Sean? I'm going to have to go with the low-hanging fruit of Spy Kids 2. Wait, what was

the rest of it called, though? The second Spy Kids film. A children's film. Spy Hard on my chest. That was the NC-17 one. Also. Spy it all over my back. Spy Hard again Oh shit I thought of it

Thanks guys Thanks for all the riffing Cause it helped me to remember Miami Rhapsody Yeah You sons of bitches. It's like a Woody Allen ripoff back when anyone would want to try to do that. Cargill.

Spy Kids 3. Full title We gotta get We gotta get serious In these later rounds Another Spy Kids movie No You got something

Closer to Truth I honestly thought The third one Was just called Spy Kids 3 No They all got

More words But I can go with the wrong title. They're all wordy. Yeah, you can switch it up. Born Yesterday. Yes. Oh, right. I believe he did.

Shane? Shane? I think it's called 29. What's it about? Chilean minors. Oh, shit. That's not the number. Sorry.

Sorry, dude. You're out. Sorry I didn't get the infinite one right. Too many reviews. Nobody had the nuts to take it besides me. You're out. Spike gets three back in the habit. Chris?

This is gonna feel cheap, but I can't see how it could be denied. Shrek, right? No, you're out. But it's the original. Fuck you. Sorry, Ryan. Yeah, the puss didn't show up till later. Oh, you're right.

That's Spike gets three. Listen, Boots wasn't in show. Is there a movie called Intolerable Cruelty and is he in it? Fuck no. Yes and no. I'm out then.

Sorry. Josh? I feel like I'm out then. Sorry. John? I feel like I'm choking right now. Is he in From Dusk Till Dawn? No. No. People are excited to agree with you on that. Yeah.

That one just feels like Desperado. We flat earthers believe he was in From Dusk Till Dawn He should have been the cult gun guy But he's not What we believe is real You're thinking of Danny Trejo Hey, I'm not thinking of him I'm always thinking of Danny Trejo

The other Banderas God, now I sound like a total asshole Madagascar No God, now I sound like a total asshole. Madagascar. No. Is that... Are you alright? It's my safe word. My safe word is yawn.

Wait, who's still in? Show of hands. No, you're not. My safe word is yawn. Wait, who's still in? Show of hands. No, you're not. So wait, if I can't think of one, Cargill wins? All right, then I can't think of one. One. Do you have another one, Cargill?

Spike gets four. Yeah. Still spying. So sometimes they really get you. But I was trying to think of what's that one where he's like kind of a hippie dude and Annette Bening

is in it I think. Primal Fear. Last Few Years. And then wasn't he in that one with Annette Bening that was... No. Wasn't he in the one with Annette Bening? No, wasn't he in the one with Angelina Jolie?

Original Sin? I couldn't think of the title of that one. I couldn't think of that one. What else did we miss? So many of them. Oh, shit. He's in the old Vix his 3D game over Yeah He said it

with anger in his heart The fact that we all missed Interview with the Vampire is kind of fucking embarrassing We always miss like really good games God, Elphia Wow, that's

There were some Elphia, yes Oh, we were talking to Antonio Bandanas I love him. All right. James, come get your prizes. Congratulations to James.

I hope that numbs the fear of reindeer games still being in your head. That one's got the nightlight in it, so it'll be extra dainty with the Disney bag. I forgot to mention it's in a beautiful Disney bag. There you go. Congratulations, James. He just said he's going to go back and save an orphanage, so that worked out great. That's good. He's not my date then. Do something great.

Brian's going to go stick his head in an oven. It's going to be very sad. Let's real quick get some plugs in for everybody, starting with our friend there on the end, Mr. Harmer, superstar. Hi. Where do they go for your dates? How long is your tour? What's going on?

You know, I've just got a few shows coming up in the next couple months, so I don't even know where they are. Besides in Austin, Texas, come to 310 ACL on the 30th.

I don't know when this comes out. New Year's Eve, I'll be at Barracuda, and I think we're bringing Batman Returns Returns, the musical, to Minneapolis

in February, but I can't really say for sure. I want to see that. Oh, it's really fun. You play Catwoman? I was going to, actually, but I really wanted to be Penguin, and I was born to play Penguin.

All right, look at him, right? Just look at me. Great, that's great. Great job, and thank you for being here. Go see his shows this weekend. This guy's running out to buy tickets right now. There he goes. I'm sorry, did I?

Oh, man. Martha Kelly, what's coming up for you besides New Year's Eve right here? On January 12th, I somehow have swindled my way into co-headlining at Cobb's with Mary Lynn Rice Cobb for Sketch Fest. Yeah. That's a show. I'm very excited

and scared. When is that? January 12th at Cobb's. Nice. Part of SF Sketch Fest. Right.

And maybe it's 7 o'clock. I'm not you'd have to look on the website. Okay. We'll figure it out. And maybe it's 7 o'clock. You'd have to look on the website. Okay. We'll figure it out. My notes blew from one table to another table. And anyone who saw that must have been like,

well, that was cool. And anything else, Martha? How can they follow you on social media? It's best if they don't. I say... She has a lot of people die in her life. Son of a bitch. Oh my God. Alright, don't follow Martha Kelly.

Watch every season of Baskets. It's really good. And thank you for being here. Thanks, man. And, yeah. Chris Tellez, what do you got going on, dude? Yeah, so on the 7th of January, we're doing Shits Golden here in Austin.

That's at Spider House. We do that monthly. And yeah, just follow me on Twitter on HiChrisTellez. That's H-I Chris Tellez. And I post shows and stuff, and I post Martha's shows as well. So if you guys are interested in seeing Martha,

follow my social media accounts. And that's actually at harmarsuperstar.com, which goes directly to his feed. I'd love to help out. Yeah, I mean, it's keeping food on the table. Well, Dan, the person who made this, Ryan, does it have a shithead somewhere on it? I don't think he does.

It fell off? Who is it? Just say it quietly. My it? I don't think he does. It fell off? Who is it just saying quietly? My wife. Oh, shit. His wife. I guess you could give it back to him or something. All right, thank you, Chris. All right, Shane Torres, what have you got to plug?

I have a new web series coming out with Comedy Central called Shane Conquers Fear. So if you want to watch that, that'd be great. It's a positive fear factor. Positive fear factor. I just have my friends on that have phobias, and then I create a challenge for their phobia. So my friend Molly's afraid of snakes, so I made her dance with a boa constrictor like Britney Spears. Oh, that's so funny, because my friend Snake won't take Molly.

And a punch after the bell by Benson. And I got a podcast coming out called Last Time, where I interview somebody about something that happened six months before in their, like, something that happened in their life in the present, and then I interview them six months later. So my friend got married, so I'm interviewing them six months after they got married to see how it's different. So all one episode, that's all coming out.

And Chain Tour is on social media. Yes. And our winner tonight, C. Robert Cargill. What have you got to plug, dude? Well, I've also, in addition to my movies, I've written a couple of books. I have one that was nominated for the Arthur C. Clarke Award

called Sea of Rust. Thank you. I've also got another. It's a collection I mentioned earlier, a collection of horror stories called We Are Where the Nightmares Go. You can find those anywhere you buy books. You can buy them here at Book People

or any of the other bookstores around town or get them off Amazon, however you do it. Also, if you like movies and if you listen to this podcast, you might. I do a weekly podcast with my buddy Brian called Junk Food Cinema where we... Oh, thank you, three guys. A couple of hoot heads in the house.

Total JFC section over there. Where we just get drunk and talk about old exploitation movies. So, yeah, there's that. And you can find me on Twitter and Instagram at Massive Worm. That's M-A-S-S-A-W-Y-R-M. Well, thank you so much.

Great job to you and everyone. Thanks for being on the last show of the year. Thanks. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. Thank you to Camp City Comedy for any time I say I feel like doing a show here, they're very gracious about letting me do it, and then you guys show up. So it's very, I don't know,

what's it, symbiotic? I don't know. I don't know those science fiction expressions like my friend Cargill. But before we go, I have to do the reading of the shitheads. That's the consolation prize for those of you who fell too early. Starting with, of course, my wife. My wife is a shithead. Cultural attache Dennis Rodman is a shithead. Greatest rebounders of all time. La La Land is still a shithead.

I like. And Bird Box is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you. Cause Doug loves movies. When you need energy on the go and don't have time to wait in line, grab Espresso Monster. Espresso Monster is a premium blend of espresso and cream made with freshly brewed espresso coffee,

hormone-free milk, and a unique energy blend complete with taurine and B vitamins. Each can has three shots of espresso and comes in vanilla espresso or espresso and cream flavors. Close your eyes, take a sip, and enjoy Espresso Monster today. Bye-bye. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you

Cause Doug loves movies