Doug Loves Movies - Matt Besser, James Adomian, Jay Hollingsworth, and Graham Elwood Guest

Episode Date: April 15, 2012

Live from Portland, Oregon, Doug welcomes comedians Matt Besser, James Adomian, Jay Hollingsworth, and Graham Elwood to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeenie babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see The Doug of Pooties Hey everybody My name is Doug and I love movies This This is Doug Loves Movies Coming to you from the Helium Comedy Club

In Portland, Oregon During the Bridgetown Comedy Festival On Saturday, April 14th To Oceans 12 At At 420 ish. All of my 420 shows start

at about 10 minutes late. Out of courtesy to the people who might be outside hotboxing a motor vehicle. Thanks for coming out today, you guys. I really appreciate it because it's probably the nicest day weather-wise you've had in a while.

It's beautiful outside. Let's go outside and listen to some nerds talk about movies. That's the perfect antidote to sunshine and happiness. That's the perfect antidote to sunshine and happiness. Since last I spoke, you listened.

I did a movie interruption of The Grey at Cinefamily in Los Angeles with guests Kulab Vilaysak, Scott Ackerman, and Ed Helms. And it's a great movie if your idea of fun is watching Liam Neeson talk somebody through dying. He's like, you're going to die now. Hold my hand. He gives the whole speech. It's like, wow. That's the new version of CPR.

Yeah, so that was fun. And then last night I did a movie interruption right here in Portland of the classic Con Air at the Hollywood Theater with the aforementioned Kulop, but also Jimmy Dore and Matt Bronger were there. And another really fun movie, especially when you consider that Steve Buscemi plays the most hilarious

child molester. Most hilarious child molester ever. Now it's time for tweet relief tweets about movies comedian Blaine Kapach tweeted Confucius say Bruce Willis was ghost the whole time this has been tweet relief

tweets about movies if you ever plan to visit relief tweets about movies. If you ever plan to visit the San Francisco Bay Area, not ever, I have a specific date in mind. If you're going to be in that area on April 19th, I'm taping a Doug Loves Movies at Cobb's in the early part of the evening, and then later that night we're doing a stand-up show that we're calling

Countdown to 420, because it starts at 10.30, it's at the San Francisco Punchline, and when it becomes 10 seconds to midnight, we count it down, just like it's New Year's Eve, and then when it becomes 420, we all leave. Because it's,

we can't smoke inside the club. Tickets still available. Alright, let's see what's in the old prize bag I have here. Got some good stuff today, I think. We got a T-shirt that I'll explain later. I think there's several shirts in here. Yeah, there's two T-shirts that I'll have to explain in a second what's on them because we'll have the people who brought them explain

what the hell they mean. And then from the lead up I did in LA and there's going to be more lead up shows all over the country. I believe Portland's one of the cities this fall. So look forward to that. But one of the prizes, one of the things they gave me that I would like to pay

forward is this is Magic the Gathering duel decks. Yeah. So you can have a motherfucking mind duel with these. Tear it up. Yeah, yippee is right, ma'am

or weird dude. As always, a copy of Doug Benson's Professional Humoridian. And what's this thing? Oh, this is good. Did anybody see me and Pete Holmes yesterday on AM Northwest? A few of you. It's not really for this audience. AM Northwest. A few of you. It's not really for this audience. AM Northwest.

They don't do any pot recipes. But they made Pete Holmes and I play a movie trivia against each other. And as one of the prizes, for God knows what reason, they included... i won spoiler spoiler if you haven't seen it yet because you can check it out on uh katu is that how they pronounce it k2 k2 on their website it's katu.com i think it is katu it's it's it's an all-karate network, but...

For half a day... Half a day. Half an hour. Every morning they have AM Northwest to tell people of the Northwest. Oh, it's an hour now. It's an hour long. Yeah. Pete and I were on for 18 minutes, and like I said, all those minutes are on their website right now

if you want to go see the weirdest morning television you've ever seen. The whole audience was all these 11 women wearing the matching aprons and they were one of the best crowds I've ever played to. Like we totally won them over

by the end of it they loved us. So anyway the prize was a full preview TV guide from... I can't even read what year it is, but yeah, that's an old one. So... 1999.

So it might be worth something. It might be fun. It's kind of funny to look through the pictures where they have all the casts of the new fall shows and you just pick something that took a total shit time of your life. And then you look at it and it's like, oh my god, that's Angelina Jolie.

It's not in this case, but it's a lot of fun. Alright, so that's what's in the prize bag. It's Han, you're right Who isn't going to want to have this? Plus I think one of the guests Is going to be carrying his prize out here with him

So everybody Please welcome all participants In the Bridgetown Comedy Festival And all buddies of mine who've been on the show before Please welcome Jay Hollingsworth Graham Elwood, Matt Besser And James Adomian. Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! So Jay, on the end there, you were here during the Portland show where I essentially sounded like I was underwater. Yes. Because I was in a great mood. Yes. It essentially sounded like I was underwater. Yes. Because I was so fucking... I was in a great mood.

Yes. And the audience was in a great mood, so I thought, this is going great. And then when I listened... So then when I listened to it later, and it sounded so horrible, I had it stricken from the record. Like only connoisseurs

know how to find it and uh but jay was there and you were witness to it yes and i'm doing a lot better today right yes uh do we say who we blame that problem on no no no i don't want to get into that i'm just saying i'm just saying that same problem was here today. Yes. But I've handled myself properly. First of all, it's 4.30 in the afternoon. When we did that show, it was like 10.30 at night, and there was an early show, and I did fucking those oil hits. Yeah, yeah.

Before both shows. Hold on, Doug. Can I say something? Last night before your Con Air show... Oh, my God, I was so fucked up. I walk into the green room after my show. It looks like a fucking mad scientist laboratory. Yeah!

But instead of beakers, it's all bongs, interconnected. A fucking dude with a blowtorch. I'm not even joking, a fucking blowtorch. What's up, Bezer? There's a little rat running through the tubes and then gets on a little wheel and we will get higher than mankind has gotten

before. He's not your cliche drug guy. His name on Twitter is Ganja John. Oh. I'm sure he doesn't make his own clothes. I'm sure it's fine. He doesn't. He did clothes I'm sure it's fine He doesn't

He did make the backpack That he carried That he carried the mousetrap Rube Goldberg Bong apparatus So up until just now I was doing great And That's maybe what I gotta do Is not think about it so much so up until just now I was doing great and

that's maybe what I gotta do is not think about it so much and just keep the show moving so that was the second to speak after Jay that was Matt Besser everybody Matt Besser is here yeah thank you

and you are here not only to appear on my show, but also you showed a feature film that you directed that's available soon. We made a film called Freak Dance, the UCB did, and James has a cameo in it, for one. A fantastic cameo. And I hope you guys can see it. It's going to come out on VOD in May.

Wow, wow. That's with a question mark at the end. I think you got the radio ad. Coming out on VOD in May. You're going to love it. Freak dancing, dancing in all the major markets This spring What day in May do you know? I think the 11th

Okay Maybe the 11th VOD kinda The 11th I don't know what was happening there. It's a theme from Drive. Oh, okay. James Adomian is here doing the...

I am. Yeah. Thank you. All of us are capable of wacky voices, but that's your whole... That's your bread and butter. That's all I got, so back off a little. All you got.

That's all you need, man. Fuck, impressions are the most entertaining thing that happens. Next to making love. Like, my favorite thing is fucking while watching somebody do an impression. I think fucking while doing an impression. Like Reagan.

Do you do any? Well, yeah. Suck it. That's so horrible. Oh, it's going to trickle down. Tear down these panties. Don't say no. That was his wife.

And that's Graham Elwood, everybody. Hello! Hello! Hello! You taped a Comedy Film Nerds podcast yesterday here at the festival. Yes, Chris Mancini and I did a live

recording last night with yourself and Janine Garofalo, which will be out in a couple of weeks. Yeah! A couple of weeks! A couple of weeks! So that's going to be, that's your first time ever, it's going to be a premium

$2, it costs $2, $1.99? Yeah, I owe alimony so I need to start charging. Some guy clapped. Fucking alimony! Do it! By law, does your ex-wife get half off on that? Yeah, she gets a free download.

So it's going to be It's going to be $1.99 In the comedy album section Of iTunes Yes That's correct In a week or two Yep And Janine Garofalo

A very entertaining guest She was awesome I enjoyed watching her Talk to you guys Yeah she was great Yeah it was People liked it That was good times

People are into it So check it out. Movies. Let's talk movies. Oh, let's quickly talk. Since especially your shirt, Graham, is movie themed, you brought to give away a Comedy Film Nerds T-shirt. Oh, that's a Hit Clown shirt from Chris Mancini, directed a short film with Jay Johnstone about a clown.

Jay Johnston? Jay Johnstone about a clown. Jay Johnston? Jay Johnston. I was Johnstone. I was thinking the baseball player. But yeah, that's available at the website, comedyfilmwords.com. Beautiful. And then Big Irish Jay brought some fucking... Just leave it there. That's fine.

Jay brought some fucking... Who's in? He brought some... Doug is the best guy to plug shit. Holds up and crumpled. Jay brought some fucking. Who's in? He brought some. Doug is the best guy to plug shit. Holds up and crumpled. He brought some piece of shit. Only an asshole would buy this. Who would fucking wear this shirt, first of all? What kind of asshole?

These people. Oh, because you're wearing it. Doug's wearing the shirt. Oh, shit. I was hoping someone would explain it to the listeners. Doug's bringing some fucking today, too. Yeah, so what does it say on there? It's a lot of words.

South Boston Recycling. Bottle them. B-A-H-T-T-L-E. Which means absolutely nothing unless you've heard the joke, which you can go online and see it. It's on my website. I'm not really selling this shirt too much, am I? Go check out his website so you'll understand his shirt.

And he just gave me a thumbs down. Are you a Yankees fan? Your stand-up comedy is like the show Lost. High ratings? Watch this bit three times and then go on the web and type in a code.

The numbers of the bit are bad. The numbers of the bit are bad. Take your time, Lost Fans. Take your time. Season one. And Matt Besser was nice enough to bring out as a gift to whoever wins some donuts I made.

Too amazing. I made these backstage. He calls backstage voodoo donuts. Extra bonus, I only put my dick in one of them. You gotta eat both to figure out which. Who doesn't like guessing games? It's a crucial part of this complete breakfast. Was that Vincent Price doing it?

I suppose so. I guess it was. For some reason endorsing breakfast donuts. Guys, I don't just fuck plain donuts. I only fuck a donut if it looks like a fancy pussy. Standards. Ladies, show us your fancy pussies.

James, are you going to take off your Vincent Price mustache when you do somebody else? He has a very cool looking Vincent Price mustache. I like to think of it as a Guy Fawkes mask that I've painted on my face. Oh.

Well. Oh, good old Fawkes face. Ha ha ha! Have you been to the cinema lately, James? The motion cinema? The motion, James? The motion cinema? The motion cinema house? The picture house? The storytelling palace?

Why yes, I watched as long as my nickels would last. I nearly saw Lincoln win the war. I hate to run out of nickels before a climax. Oh, that's a different theater. I saw The Raid. Oh, the best. Oh, so great. Redemption.

Indonesian, yeah, yeah. Ghost Protocol. I didn't know the whole thing. Yeah, it doesn't say Ghost Protocol at I didn't know the whole thing. Yeah, it doesn't say Ghost Protocol at the end of every movie, but it should. And it kind of does now. People are getting excited

about something over there. An uprising at table four. And the raid, so you like that. I like... You know, I hated it why I thought it was great I like your characters

I don't yeah now the last time I was what's going on fuck I don't even know anyway

did you bring a thing out again who is this I don't know know anywhere. Hey, where are we going? Did you bring a thing? I don't get it. Who is this? I don't know. Who is this surprise guest? It's you from another, like, fringe universe. Bizarro duck? Is that what it's called?

Bizarro duck. Oh, that's weird. Wouldn't that be a sober duck? That's really weird. Oh, that was the sober version of me? I like it. I like to be able to hear that. It encourages me.

Then I'm probably better off. Graham? I, too, love The Raid. And I've talked about it before, but it bears repeating because more people have been asking me about it. It's Goon, which is a great film. It's like a limited release, or you've got to get it on

iTunes, but it's awesome. Check it out. Yeah, it stars William Stephen Marshall Scott. Yeah, it stars William Stephen Marshall Scott. Scott, William Marshall Frederick Scott. Stevens. Yeah. As the title

character. The cast of My Three Sons. Yes, they're in this. As Goon. As Goon, yeah. All right. It's a good movie. Yeah, I want to see that. I love Shriver's in it.

It's awesome. A lot of good fighting. Speaking of good fighting, Jay was telling us backstage there's a movie out called Knuckle. Yes. Oh, yeah. On Netflix, Knuckle.

I highly recommend it. Irish clans for the last 10 years. You seen it? No. Oh, all right. She was just trying to let you tell your fucking story. She was challenging you to a fight.

Yeah. No, these Irish clans have been fighting for generations and they did this documentary for a decade. They just fight over their name. It's just insane. And bare knuckle fighting. Fights will go on for four hours. It's insane. It's on Netflix. Knuckle. It's basically the real story of Brad Pitt's character in Snatch, basically.

It's what those guys are. They're bakers. You know what? Special surprise. Let's watch it right now. Oh, that's awesome. That was so cool how we just watched that in the middle of the show. Are you going to put that in Doug Lowe's movies?

That was long. You'd probably have to clear it with some lawyers. No, no, we cut it from the podcast, but that was great that we all got to watch it. Yeah, how about that? Give it a round of applause. That was great, guys. Did you guys love it? You guys were really patient.

I thought like 45 minutes in, they're not going to want to do this. It's such a good movie, though. Yeah, it was great. I really enjoyed it. You know what? Let's just keep the surprises coming. Right now, let's watch The Raid Redemption. Oh, yeah. Let's watch it. Hey, Doug, can we stop Ray right here

in the middle and show my movie at the same time, Freak Dance? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring out the second screen. Bring the second screen down. same time. Freak dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Bring out the second screen. Bring the second screen down. Second screen. Let's go. All right.

Start them up. What I... Shush. Shush. Shush, young lady. The most polite. What I... Shush.

Shush. Hey, she's lucky, because when it comes to hecklers, I just alternate between shush and fuck off. So she got a nice one. Spoiler alert for the next heckler. That might be very effective. Probably not.

People say shitty things on Twitter to me just because they hope I'll retweet it and block them. And then they might get a couple of followers. Someone started an evil Graham Elwood account and they clearly just listen to comedy film nerds because all they do is say like, oh, I can't wait to buy the new Michael Bay Transformers Blu-ray. Fucking he's awesome.

Like it's everything that I... They just twist your opinions to the opposite. That's all they do. And I absolutely love it. It's a great account. It's awesome. It's just like, samurai movies are boring. It's fucking so wonderful. So people can unfollow you and then just follow evil Graham Elwood. Yes, yes.

You can follow both. I think Twitter has that capability. I'm not a scientist. I only follow one person. Hugh Hefner This girl's been Yeah Party I've been following

At Jesus Do you really think it's Jesus? It better be Yeah Because I retweet him Everything he says Just to be safe He posts some pretty good

Tweet pics Yeah Lots of just to be safe. He posts some pretty good twit pics. Lots of... Got nailed last night. Oh, shit. Yes. Come around to a clap. That's right. You know that warrants a clap.

Oh, God. Wow, the raid was amazing, wasn't it? Oh, my God. This is a four-hour episode. I love watching the raid with you, wasn't it? Oh my god This is a four hour episode I love watching the raid with you guys And Freak Dance And Knuckle Godfathers 1 and 2, cue them up

You know what, just for comparison's sake Let's go all three Just for talking points Beverly Hills 90210 goes to Palermo That's my take on Godfather 3 That movie sucks so bad. You told that joke backwards. Nice laugh.

That was like you're the pinter of comedians. I was. Does anyone hunger for some games? Yeah. Nice. All right, Graham. Now, this is the game that Big Irish Jay, Yeah. Nice. All right, Graham. Now this is the game that Big Irish Jay, he enjoys and feels like he's good at.

No pressure now, thanks. You're welcome. And everyone on this panel has been pretty good at this game, so I think we'll have some good runs today. Oh, yes. Ready when you are, Mr. Pinson. Let's go ahead and start the game. Shall we, Mr. Adomian?

Let's show. Fuck. What the fuck? Okay. Okay Suggested by At Snout At snot? Snout No snout

Oh Snout would be silly Snout Snout underscore Johnson Snout is how they say snot in Canada Yeah that's Snot Snout

A snout Johnson sounds like a sex act Doesn't it sound like a creepy sex act Oh did you give her a snout Johnson Snoot Johnson Snoot Johnson Sounds Snoot Johnson. Snoot Johnson. Sounds like a character in the movie that Snout Johnson suggested.

We'll start with James and go to Graham. The movie is Dirty Dozen. So you need to come up with a movie that ends in dirt, dirty, der, and or begins with dozen. Okay. That's fantastic. I really appreciate this challenge.

Dirty dozen. Damn. No yelling out. No yelling out. No yelling out. Without rules, society collapses. Graham already has one. All right, you're just out for this round, James.

Graham, what do you got? Joe Dirty Dozen. Joe Dirty Dozen. Joe Dirty Dozen. Okay, so then we go to Jay. Ends with Joe. What about Joe Dirty 12 Monkeys?

Can I turn dozen into 12? Because dozen's 12, so it couldn't be Joe Dirty 12 Monkeys. Come on, work it for me, Doug. Don't look at me like that. Don't judge. Don't judge me. No way. I think the crowd's accepting it. No, I don't give a shit.

This crowd. God damn you, Graham. Is the game verbal or visual? Just give me a chance to murder Big J with my eyes. Oh, God. All right. Sorry. You're out.

You're out. What? Matt Besser. I can't believe you're outraged. Joe Dirty Dozen and the Art of Motorcycle. I don't think they made that into a movie They were filming this week I think that's just a book

On my street, I'm the only one that knows They were filming the house next to me I think it's just a book, right? What are you guys doing? It's just a book Sorry Don't yell strike at me Okay, so Graham gets the first point Wow, you guys are great at this fucking game God Sorry. Don't yell strike at me.

Okay, so Graham gets the first point. Wow, you guys are great at this fucking game. Fuck. You asshole. What a gracious winner. Yeah. I just give the fans what they want. That's pure Elwood. We're going to call you Bigger Wolverine.

All the Buddhists were loving my answer. So we had that huge title, Joe Dirty Does It. That's what makes the game fun when it gets really long. Yeah, I was thinking at the end you could say Zentropa. Does Zentropa. Enter the dragon. Good one, audience member.

Please remove him from the facility. I was enter the dragon. At J-T-G-T-E-E-G-E-E suggested this title, and since Graham got the point, we'll start with Jay and go to Matt. Star Wars Episode IV, A New Hope.

Which is funny, because Graham and I, was it you and I were playing a game in the car, and we kept using Star Wars, but we weren't saying these full titles? Oh, yeah, yeah. And so somebody called me on that, and I thought it was funny to use it in this game. Star Wars, episode four, A New Hope. Hmm.

What do you got? You got something that begins with hope, a movie. Or ends with star. Yeah. I had to double check. You got either of those? In five seconds? Four, three, two...

This doesn't really help. The countdown. Fuck, I don't. God damn it. After you said I would love this game. Would you do that on Jeopardy? This running out of time stuff is bullshit. Alex, let me take this one home and think it over.

If Alex was in the microphone going, five, four, three, do you got one yet? Two. Is this helping? One. He does. He does it with his eyes

and with whether or not he has a mustache. So then James should be counting me down. Because you're always mesmerized by, didn't he used to have one? I thought he didn't have one. Four, three, mustache. Matt Besser, what do you got? Ends in star, begins with hope. Okay.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Hope. And glory. Yeah. All right. That's legit. That was that movie about England during the war, right? Yeah.

That's how they write it up in Wikipedia. It was I believe it was nominated for best picature Couldn't tell you what year I was going to say Hope being Anthony but that's a radio show You would have been disqualified James

Okay so it's It's got to begin with glory Glory Or and and star Oh yeah James. Okay, so it's... It's got to begin with glory. Glory. Or re. And in star. Or and in star. And in star. Oh, yeah.

Too bad there's not a sequel to Glory. There was. Glory 2, Ghost Protocol. Glory 2, Back Down the Hill. Glory 2, back down the hill. Glory 2, sharecropping. Oh, is the reality going to make you fucking boo? Does the truth make you boo? Huh?

Get on your goddamn bicycle, Portland. Graham, you made Antebellum South. Get on your bicycle and go back to the Yarn Museum. Which, you just came from there and you got a lovely necklace. This is my Civil War spy outfit.

Very good. Do you have anything that ends in star Begins with glory Yeah sure I got buckets of them Alright well give me something Yeah yeah alright okay yeah sure Don't leave me flapping in the wind over here Flapping in the wind Like some kind of low-rent Elton John.

That's anachronistic, that voice and that reference. I should get a point for that. Okay, can I say Lone Star Wars, episode four, A New Hope? Yes, you can. And Glory. Yes, you can, Lone Star. Lone Star, great movie.

So Graham needs something that ends in lone or begins with glory. Glory Days. Oh. Oh, snap. How'd they spell days in that one? I guess it doesn't matter. Is it the D-A-Z-E? Yeah. Was it?

One lady in the back, judge. There we go. Yes. This is an audience full of judges, right? Yes, it is. These are all off-duty judges and magistrates. Off-duty game show judges is what they are. This is where they summer.

They're all just waiting, so at the end, they're going to let us have it. They're going to tell us everything we did wrong. So, Jay, you get to go with a movie that ends in Lone or begins with Days. Glory, Dazed and Confused. Nice. Nice.

Dazed and Confused. Duh. And confused. Duh. All right. Days of Thunder does not apply, sir, but thank you for breaking the rules. Daisy getting driven. Wasn't that the name of it? Wait, is that your grandfather?

Did your grandfather just jump into the game? All right, what is it? Confused. Yeah, confused. Or lone. Lone is on the other side. Confused. That's a tough one.

I think you might be in trouble. Lone infused. Lone. Oh! I got one for loan. Yeah, there's some Muppet character sitting in the second row. Fucking Kermit's in the audience.

Why are there so many? It's not easy wearing Jay's green shirt. I haven't seen the bit. I don't get it. BigIrishJay.com Fused. Lone. Three Dog Night did that movie.

One is the Lone. Jesus Christ. You do a good job of selling it. One is the loan. Yeah, it is. James knows it. Yeah, it's an old classic. Two can make a sad ass.

They ran out of funding halfway through filming the movie. They couldn't do the whole thing. True story. Alright, I don't got it fused. Okay, so we're on to James then. Okay. Home Alone star. Yeah, Home Alone.

Now I feel stupid. So Graham needs... Coming home. Coming home. All right. This fucking just happens. So Jay is stuck with... Coming up with something else.

Can you use porn titles? Because there's all sorts of coming. Ends in come. Come or coming. Everything ends in coming. Ends in come or coming. We can do porn movies, right? You're going to put come. Come. Everything ends in coming Ends in come Or coming We can do porn movies, right?

You're gonna put come Or coming At the end Hey, hold on a second Alert the late night joke writers We're looking for something that ends in Come or coming What do you think, Jay?

Dazed and confused, can I just use the Ed? The movie with Whoopi Goldberg? No, you can't. You can just tell me a movie that ends and come. Home movies? Oh, God, sorry. I'm sharing too much. Coming.

Come to me. I can't think of coming this guy color commentator over there yeah there's a gentleman that won't stop talking and it's distracting me I'm director's commentary

for this show he's still talking right now while we're talking about him talking I have to ask you to stop talking like completely like not He's still talking right now while we're talking about him talking. I have to ask you to stop talking completely. Even talking to her next to you. Yeah, yeah, it's really loud. You're going to have to stop or leave.

Those are your options. Don't talk to her at all. Don't talk to me at all. Don't respond to what I'm saying. Don't do hand gestures that imply you don't get what the fuck I'm saying because I will have you thrown out, buddy. I'm not kidding around.

Oh, shit. I love that he traced us to bite by going, no, no, I was talking to her. I know you have this fucking thing you're doing, but I know we were just talking. We're just trying to have a conversation over here. Can you hold your show while I finish this? He's still talking right now.

He's still trying to get back into the game even though he's been told this is it. You're out, buddy. You've got to go, friend. Someone from the staff, could you please help me in taking this gentleman because he said too much to drink. The mob demands an eviction.

No donuts for you. The mob must be satisfied. All right. Say it walking I have to explain to people how to bounce Jay you know how to do it Would you help them Would you fucking help them Besser you're gonna hurt somebody Hold somebody hold Besser back Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. No, no.

Besser, you're going to hurt somebody. Hold somebody. Hold Besser back. Don't let Besser get into this mix. Don't let him get into this mix. Don't let Besser throw you out. Don't let Besser get into this. It's bad shit will happen, dude. Better watch out.

Graham's got his under armor on underneath, so that guy's fucked. Matt. I knew some shit was going gonna go down. I was like fucking ready to goddamn go. Yeah. Who the fuck wants to get tapped out? Raise a goddamn hand. I will choke your

shit out. Pregnant ladies, I will make your unborn child not come on. Where are you going with that? Can we kick about three more people out so I can keep thinking of come or confused? If anybody can just heckle Doug right now for the next 10 minutes.

I got nothing. Let's take a moment. Let's just take a moment to help Matt relax and let's watch him put his dick in the other donut. It's going to take a while. Can we just watch another movie? Yeah. What do you guys want to see? Saving Private Ryan. Saving Private Ryan. Let's do it. a while. Can we just watch another movie? Yeah, what do you guys want to see?

Saving Private Ryan. That was hilarious. Why was everyone laughing? What did he mean by earn this? It made no sense. Temptation of Christ, The Second Coming. Was that the name? I'm just making shit up.

I don't have anything. I'm sorry, Doug. Please don't kill me again with your eyes. No, no. You say pass. I don't have anything. I'm sorry, Doug. Please don't kill me again with your eyes. No, no. You say pass. I won't be angry with you. But the way you try to manipulate the rules... How dare you? I was mostly distracted by that guy. He's just drunk, right?

He's like a nice guy. He just had too much to drink. I'm here to answer right now. Light rail, motherfucker. Steal one of those 50 bikes outside. Yeah, no shit. I'm glad he wasn't the designated driver. That was a good

call on your part. He just had too much. I'm sorry. The problem is he's probably a stoner. He's not used to drinking. Right? When did you start the Saturday market? About five hours ago. Oh, they started at Saturday market five hours ago.

Saturday market is a good excuse. That's a great place to drink. They've got an amazing titty bar out at the... Who the fuck sells alcohol at a fucking farmer's market? You guys want to go to the farmer's market? Yeah! Fucking locally grown food and getting fucking hammered.

I have my reusable flask. Yeah! I'm just filling it up with organic elderberry wine. Oh, it's fucking rad. Dude, I was just sitting there getting a henna tattoo getting fucked up. Hey, do you want to suck on this plum

that I dunked in some moonshine? Okay. Yeah, not only go check on him, but also don't announce that you're going to check on him. I'm sorry that my friend was heckling. The reason it happened was because he was It all started. It's like an infection

that goes over the whole crowd. I feel so bad for that dude. Listen, he has not had an easy life. At age five his parents abandoned him at a farmer's market. He was raised like a carny. A traveling farmer's market

band of hippies. Kettle corn really sets him off. Oh, God. Okay, so we go to Matt. This is easy Kingdom Come Very nice James is already out of this one, right? I thought I was still in it

What are the two different sides of the Come, King You need something that ends in King King, and what's the last one? Confused. There's nothing to do with that. You could try Ed. See if that works. I thought that was rudely voted down.

Okay, kingdom or confused. Yeah, sure. Confused Ed Wood. Confused... Yeah, sure. Confused wood. Holy shit. I quit. Confused wood.

It's a Shakespearean pronunciation. My wood is confused. That's what I get. Yeah, that's a nap boner. It's confused wood. My wood is confused. That's what I get. Yeah, that's a nap boner. It's confused wood. All right. Then we come around to Graham.

Ends in king or begins with wood? The last king. Yep, they know the movie. That verifies that there's a thing called the last king? Yes. Who's in it? Graham. Huh? Who's in it? Graham. Huh?

Who's in it? It came out. Wait. I know there's a movie called The Last King. I do not know who's in it. And it stars, and it's about... This guy knows. It's about... Scotland.

Yeah. Forrest Whitaker's in it. That's called The Last King of Scotland. No, that's not The Last King of Scotland. That's not what I'm talking about. Oh. Sorry, Doug. I thought I had to kick him out.

I don't know what's happening. That is true. There's no yelling out. All right. All right. The Fisher King. Fisher King. Very good.

Yeah. See what stalling and lying does for you. I'm legit now. I don't do that lying thing no more. I had time to think of a real answer even. So Jay is out and Matt is out, right? No, I'm in. Oh, Matt's in.

So now it's on you. Oh, it's on me? Yeah, he has to end in fish. Big fish. Yeah. All right. Just that easy, folks. This is a good one.

Has to end with big. And the other side is... Confused. Wood. Wood. Nice try. More lies. Wood.

Wood. Wood. Wood the last king. Wood. Wood the last king. Would there be a last king? Okay, yeah. Woodman of the Golden Dawn. That sounds great.

That sounds like an awesome, like, oh yeah, I read those books as a kid. But watch this. Watch this. When you say to him, who was in that? What?

Who was in that? It was a real thing. Yeah, but who was in it? It came out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It came out. Oh, hey. I thought you'd whip out a couple of old-time names.

Wouldn't it be nice? The Beast Boys story. Wouldn't it be nice? If the Beast Boys had a story. Wouldn't it be nice? If they had a movie name Wouldn't It Be Nice. If they had a movie called Wouldn't It Be Nice. Okay, so I'm just going to say that Graham wins. I haven't lost yet.

I'm still in this. Okay. I haven't lost yet. So he lost, right? So it's up to me. How about the pedophile movie, The Woodsman? That's right, The Woodsman. You mean The Woodsman who would be king?

I brought it around! Oh, snap! Oh! Oh! Oh! Boom. Man, The Woodsman who would be King Kong. Wait, here's me on a building.

Don't climb the... All right, now let's play... You climb to the top of Portland's tallest building, 18 stories. Built on a locally grown bike lane. It's actually biodegradable steel. King of Kong. What's on the other end of this? I forgot.

Big. Big. Oh, Matt Besser. It's going to be something and big. So, yeah. It's going to be something and big So yeah, like I was saying I'm going to make Graham the winner You motherfucker God, I have a good one for King Kong Oh, do you?

Oh, oh, oh, oh I can do sequels? Sure, I guess There must have been a sequel to King Kong, right? No. You guys didn't see King Kong 2? Just keep making it and calling it the same fucking thing. It's only been remade.

King Kong. That's a Chinese movie. That's a Chinese movie. It starts with NG. You give up? I give up. That's what I was going to say! Boom! Boom!

Ong Bok Thai Warrior. It's a Muay Thai movie. We all had that. We all had that. We all had that. We all had that. All of us, yeah. And you were even doing it, even with your fucking racist Kong Kong Bong. It was only slightly racist.

Oh, that was exciting. All right, so... Graham's the winner. Yay! Damn him. Thank you Portland That was a good game though That was a nice one

Big Fisher Kingdom Coming Home Alone Star Wars Episode 4 A New Hope and Glory Dazed and Confused Ed Woodman Man What was that?

Oh man who would be King Kong. Yeah. Put that on your marquee and fuck it. A lot of O's for your pleasure. You know what happens right before we play the Leonard Maltin game? We have

the contestants pick name tags from the audience. Oh, shit. We always got good ones here in Portland. Oh, my God. The room is lighting up with crazy name tags. If I could get another. I want Moosehead Ale beer right there. Another Kettle One and Soda up here.

That would be great. Another Kettle One and Soda. Great wait staff. These are amazing names. People have lights on them. Comedy Club. That'd be great. Another kettle one and soda. These are amazing names. People have lights on them. Oh, James Adomian took the vegan cookies. Alright, that's cool. They were sucking up the grams.

Simply to spite you, Elwood. Oh, shit. Alright, right here. As American, this girl's got the lights and the dollar. There you go. Thank you. Bring that crazy thing up here. Thank you, sweetie.

I got the one that worked the least amount of time on hers. Oh. Doug's going to kill you. Thanks for sending up the pen, too. Nice. Oh, my God. There's a bird of prey in the audience. And what was the name tag that you got from that?

Trista. Lovely Trista. She's excitable. These are like opposite ends of the sign spectrum. Three weeks, two seconds. How would you describe this, Graham? It's a lot of things happening there. It's amazing.

It says, as American as Doug Loves Movies' Trista, it's surrounded by American flag stickers, and then it's got some crazy alien light things coming off the top. Yeah, little monofilament wire lights. And it says, pick me and this is all yours. Sparkle arrow to a $2 bill. So I'd take the $2 bill right now if I were you,

because that's the deal. That's mine. Is that a real $2 bill? Yeah, take it. Yeah, that's what it says. Wow, I just got a boner. Take it. It's all yours.

Take it all. Yeah. Take it all right now! I'm taking this because I'm a huge fan of Thomas Jefferson. I think he did some great stuff for this country. All right, so that's Trista that Graham is playing for. And then who are you playing for, James Adomian? I'm playing for Abby's Gluten-Free Vegan Sweets.

Not an advertisement. Just a name tag. And it literally just says those things. Thank you, Abby. You've obviously listened to past episodes where I say I'm a huge fan of vegan and gluten free. And you both wrote their shitheads on the back so don't reveal those, you guys.

And then, Matt, who are you playing for? Post-it pad? Yeah, for the listeners. It for A post-it pad Yeah for the listeners It's a post-it pad that says post-its How awesome is that And then I got it from a lady But it looks like it says Mark What's your name

I'm Lori That doesn't say Lori It's Mark's birthday So am I playing for Mark Okay so I'm playing for Mark? Okay, so I'm playing for Mark. I'm sorry they didn't work too hard on your sign, Mark. If I was your friend and it was your birthday, it would have looked like that.

Happy birthday, asshole! Here's a pink post-it note. To be fair, it's not just one post-it. It's at least 25 post-it notes. But at least at Doug Loves Movies, we could barter it for a bag full of useless crap. And awesome magic gathering cards. Magic gathering cards.

Is it like 20% of the Portland economy bartering for worthless crap? And then another 20% is collecting petitions. And then optic yellow bicycle gear. Oh, that's nice. You put the post-it that doesn't say Mark on it.

Or it does say Mark, but it's from Lori. All right. I gotta say, Abby, these gluten-free vegan cookies are fucking awesome. You're the best. I think you should try a little gluten. How much weed did you

put in them? Is there any weed in them? Oh, good. Thank God. I would have fucking laughed my ass off. Oh, God. Oh, they brought me a drink. Thank you, Helium Comedy Club. All his malting skills out the window.

Look, they're trying to tell me something. That was the previous one. Then here's the new one. Yeah. Second drink's a little smaller. Style it back, Doug. Don't kick out the whole crowd. All right. a little smaller. Dial it back, Doug. Don't kick out the whole crowd.

Great show, Doug. I got my eye on someone else. I got my eye on another person. We'll see what happens to them. Wait, is there a pot in these brownies? Okay, thank you. Oh, there's just heroin? That's cool. But that is like, I want to just train people that are going to go into bodyguard work.

The first thing you do is let the drunk you're throwing out remain holding an amazing projectile weapon in their hands, mere feet from the face of the person who's saying, I want this guy fucking out of here. He was being reasonable.

He just wanted to drink it on the way out. Well, he knows there's a bar out there. I'm pretty sure he knows he's drunk, too. He seems like a really nice guy, and I feel bad about it. That's why I keep bringing it up. Something wrong with a guy having a little fucking road soda? A little fucking travel pop? What are you guys,

pussies? Come on. Alright, Graham, you get to go first. Is there crystal meth in this fucking brownie? I'm playing for Brandon Hearn. Oh, it doesn't matter who Jay's playing for. He's not very good at it. Matt, hold him back. Matt, get in the middle of this. Yeah, seriously.

Don't make me bring the one-inch punch into this. Who are you playing for, Jay? Brandon W. Hearn. You look like the worst magician what you just did. Moosehead beer sign? Yes, with a sticky of Brandon W. Hearn.

I thought he painted this, and then I was like, oh, it's a fucking mirror thing that you just put a sticky on. Well, you know, you guys did a great job of picking a weird assortment of name tags. And to every one of you that put a lot of effort into something and didn't just glue a bunch of shit to one thing. Where was that moose head mirror hanging up until today? Yeah.

My dead grandpa gave it to me. Oh, my God. That's all you got from him? His dead grandfather left it in a will. I leave to my grandson, Brandon, a moose head mirror thing that I got somewhere in the 70s at a biker bar in Saskatchewan. And my magical hatchet. May this bring to you all the joy it brought to me. May you have as many

rails off of this. After you kill a hooker, may you... Hopefully it doesn't kill you also. Too far? Fuck off. Okay, we'll start with Graham Elwood. All right.

Let's see. We'll play to two points because I think this could get dragged out. This could get dragged out a little bit too long if we're not careful. Graham gets to choose from the following categories. Would you like... At Harry Schmerler... Wait.

Suggested... Harry Schmermer? Schmerler. No. S-C-H-M-E-R-L-E-R. Schmerler. Someone was drunk when they gave him that last name. Your name's S-M-E-R-L-E-R.

Is that Harry Shearer pretending that he's not Harry Shearer? I think Brandon's grandfather named that kid who's fucking cocked up on Moosehead. Hey, S-M-E-R-L-E-R. It's actually S-M-E-R-S-N-E-R-S-N-E-R. Yeah, suck it. You want to fight my hatchet, you pussy?

I think it's a sex move. Do you want me to give you a Harry Schmerler? Yeah, that's in the conversation. Anyway, HHS suggested Patch Madams. That's movies where a lady wears an eye patch Well we played this yesterday The comedy film nerds

We played this category So you can recuse yourself From the category if you'd like But it's not the same answer But that was nice of you to bring that up I'm a gentleman Celebrating a birthday today Adrian Brody.

Oh, he's such a badass in those razor commercials, man. What was that that you just did? I just did a... I walked around like Adrian Brody when he does that gillette. Clean shaven. Somebody told him he's a badass, and it's like Adrian Brody when he does that Gillette. Clean shaven. Clean shaven.

And somebody told him he's a badass. And it's like, no, you're not. No, you're the guy that works at a comic book store. You own a food truck, which are great, right, Portland? But you're not a tough guy. I'm tired of your anti-Semitic rants. So the films of Adrian Brody, or...

He's not actually Jewish. He was in The Pianist, right? But he's not actually Jewish. And at Riverdale 75 suggested Bond movies. And that's movies where two of the characters are handcuffed or chained together. Two or more characters are chained together in Bond movies.

So which would you like, Graham? Would you like Adrian Brody or Bond movies? I'm going to go Adrian Brody. Okay. This Adrian Brody movie was from 2007. Two and a half stars from Leonard. He says about this movie that it is visually inventive.

And he also says about this film that it's the journey, not the destination, that matters here. Yeah. And then he lists. I want to see more movies where it's about the destination. 10, 11. The journey was boring, but when you get there, it's fucking awesome. So 11 names.

Zero. Oh. Jesus. Why do you have to... Gasp. Did I announce which way we were going after, Graham? Does it matter? You know, looking at the panel, it does not.

Matt, could you please switch seats with either of the gentlemen on either side of you? So we'll go to James then, because it doesn't, you know... Jay's down there sweating like crazy. I don't want to... Oh, no, I took care of that this morning

before I left the hotel. Wait, what? What? What did you do? Took care of me sweating morning before I left the hotel. Wait, what? What? What did you do? Took care of me sweating? Yeah, no sweating. You sweat in the hotel room and then go out? You get it over with?

I powdered and salved myself. Oh. I thought you meant you took care of me sweating. We can arrange that. All right, well, show's over. What do you think? You want to tell them to name it Or can you go into negative names? Okay I'll tell them to name it

What is it Graham? Darjeeling Limited I had to double check I thought it might be Express But it is Darjeeling Limited Jesus Damn Graham As I said It does not matter but it is Darjeeling Limited. Jesus. Damn them.

As I said, it does not matter. The woman I'm playing for is getting fucking... I hope that that is being picked up on the podcast because that is an interesting kind of enthusiasm. I can't even... I would choke to death if I tried to do an impression of that noise she was making. I can't even. I'm a pterodactyl.

Jesus. Hello, Newman. James, do a pterodactyl as George W. Bush Hello Oh shit That was awesome That was so great That was so great. That was so great.

All right, we're going to start with Jay. Is it my turn? I never went. No, I think it's going your way. Oh, yeah, you're right, you're right. James challenged him, so we'll start with you, but then we're going to go the other way around. We'll go to Jay next after you, Matt.

So Matt gets to pick a category. And what would you like? I'm going to give you three new categories. Oh, new. Like we always do. Would you like the King of Pancakes category, which is the number one movie 10 years ago at the North American box

office to this very day. Or movies with four letters in the title like Swat, Paul, Milk, Spun, Chimp. Or Razzie winners. That's movies that in the year they came out, they won the Razzie for worst best movie. Okay.

I'm going to go with the four-letter one. Four letters. There's four letters in this title of this movie from 1980. Leonard Maltin gives it two and a half stars. He says about this movie that it has moments of insight, excitement, and creativity. Eventually, all of that, though,

eventually gets lost. I'm going to say zero. Whoa! There's four letters in the title. There's five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, 11 names. So that's crazy. I thought you meant the title. There's five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven names. So that's crazy. I thought you meant the title was zero.

Four letters. So we go to James. No, he goes to Jay. Oh, sorry, Jay. Let me just leave. You just don't. I'll say name it. Name it.

Chud. Oh, that's awesome. Is it Chud? Is it not? It's. Is it Chud? Is it not? It's gotta be Chud. That was made in the early 80s, wasn't it? That's great. That's a great guess.

Is that it? The dreams, aspirations, struggles, and failures of students at New York City's High School for the Performing Arts are destroyed by cannibalistic, humanoid, underground creatures. Dwellers. Dwellers.

Chud, I want to live forever. Living underground. Chud. You don't remember that? Chud the musical. That scene where Chud tries to get the, he tries to come underground, They make him take his clothes off And he's like

I think that was Coco Fame, fuck The old fame fuck Chud though, that was a great guess Jay just got himself a point Alright I bet you you're right I bet you Leonard Mullen gave Chud two and a half stars.

I'm sure he said it had moments of insight. The first three minutes of Chud are amazing. They really are. So insightful. You learn a lot. So much excitement. Okay. Now what do we do?

So Jay gets a point. Yes. Yeah. Okay Now what do we do? So Jay gets a point Yes How'd that go Graham? What do I do Graham? It doesn't quite have the same reaction Sorry That one guy liked it

I take what I can get As you can see from the ring card girl sign We're going into round three And since Jay Challenged Matt I take what I can get. As you can see from the ring card girl sign, we're going into round three. And since Jay challenged Matt, we're going to start with Graham and then go to James. That'll turn it around. Graham, which category would you like?

Would you like snazzy winners? That was suggested by BakersA34 on twitter snazzy winners that's movies that won the oscar for best costume design wow the snazzies or atwerter suggested host protocol

that's movies where someone hosts a party at some point during the movie and diarrhea volcano suggests host a party at some point during the movie. And Diarrhea Volcano suggests Dawn of the Dead. That's movies where Don Cheadle dies. Dawn of the Dead. Don Cheadle dies.

This is from 2010. This movie where Don Cheadle dies. Leonard gives it three stars. He calls it impressively gritty. And he also says about the movie that it covers familiar ground. And then he names seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven names. And what year is this again? The year is 2010. And there was, I'm sorry, how many names?

Twelve? Eleven. Eleven names. I will go with nine. Yeah, nine is a strong opening bid. James, what do you think of that? Yeah, that is a strong opening bid. I agree.

What's your next move? I'll say I'll say I'll do it in eight. I say do it, motherfucker. Oh my God. He says you get all eight out of eleven names. I'm looking at it now.

He said one name? He said eight. He said eight? And then you're saying you need to name it? He said name it. I'm saying name it. I'm taking my chance. One name? He said eight. He said eight? And then you're saying to name it? I'm saying name it. I'm sorry, and we're in Portland. Okay, perfect. What does that mean? Something was in those cookies, dude. They fucked me up.

They put NyQuil or some shit in there. I don't know what's up. I did notice you stopped sneezing. I feel great. So you can get some rest. Okay. Some of that Will Hammett NyQuil. Here's the clues again,

buddy. It's organic. Three stars from Leonard. Impressively gritty, but covers familiar ground. And the eight names are Vincent D'Onofrio Shannon Kane Brian F. O'Byrne

Ellen Barkin Michael Kenneth Williams Lily Taylor Will Patton and Wesley Snipes So just name whatever film Ellen Barkin's been in the last five years It's from 2010

Nice of you to help him out, Matt So just name whatever film Ellen Barkin's been in in the last five years. It's from 2010. Don Chetel Dotson. Nice of you to help him out, Matt. Any idea, James? No, but I think I'm game for a round of bullshit here. So Vincent D'Onofrio was on there. Yes. Ellen Barkin. Ellen Barkin.

Ellen Barkin. No, her brother. Her fraternal twin. Not her brother on there. Yes. Alan Barkin. Ellen Barkin. Ellen Barkin. No, her brother. Her fraternal twin. Not her brother, Alan. Al. Al Barkin. Al Barkin was one of the names of one of the dogs that played Marley in Marley Ampersand.

One of the dogs? Yeah, they always have more than one. It's like babies. And Wesley Snipes was in there. Yeah. Pretty much the only movie he's been in in a few years. Right, right. But, you know, also not the most memorable title.

Maybe it's a prison film. Blade 4. Rape. I'll do your movie, but I only can film it in my cell. Vampires go to jail. Or half walkers or whatever they called them. Day walker.

Half walker. He was a partial. He had a bum leg. These monsters are so slow. They're half walkers. Okay, I'll put you out of your misery, James. Okay, yeah, sure.

I'll say... It'd be so funny if you said the right name, but you're not going to. I'll say Blood Diamond. Blood Diamond? That's a good guess. What? No, that was a few more years back.

This particular movie is called Brooklyn's Finest. And Don Cheadle would have been the next name. And then Richard Gere is the top billed actor in that. That's right. Wesley Snipes plays a drug dealer who gets out of jail. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right. So who challenged you?

Me. I got a huge point from Mark. Oh, that's a huge point. Oh, snap. We got a contest. Everybody has a point. I definitely have an effect on the game without actually scoring any points.

Yeah, you are definitely participating. It's like when a guy sits down at a blackjack table and ruins everybody else's hand. The cooler? That's a myth. James Satomina's the cooler. That's what it is. Okay, so Matt got that point,

so we'll start with Jay and then go to Graham. All right, Jay, you get to pick a category. Would you like a bully? That's movies where a character is bullied. Howard the Flock. That's movies starring someone in Ron Howard's family. Director Ron Howard. Or this is a very popular category of late.

My fife! And that's movies where someone plays a flute. My fife! What was the first one? It's going to be between the first or the second. Bully. I'll go the Ron Howard one.

Okay. Let's go the Ron Howard one. Ron Howard or somebody in the Ron Howard acting dynasty is in this movie. Leonard gave it one and a half stars. It's from 2006. He says about this movie that

it is laughably absurd and he also says that it is... Oh, boy. What can I say that's not going to give it away? Wow. I think all of this gives it away.

I think you're going to have to go with just that single clue. 2006 and laughablyably Absurd. Wow, I wonder why I suck at this game. Okay, how about this? We're given more and more information to swallow until it becomes Laughably Absurd. That's more of a clue. More and more information to swallow.

We get more and more information to swallow, and it becomes Laughably Absurd. 2006, one and a half stars, and he lists four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve names. Maybe one or two or more of them are Howard's. Out of those twelve names.

But I can't even tell you how big some Howard's part was in this movie. How many can you get it in, Jay? Let's go with nine. Let's start at nine. Big Irish Jay says nine. Graham, what do you think of that? I'll go eight. Eight. Germs? I'll go eight. Germs.

I say name it. Okay. Whoa. What are you doing? Eight names. I'm going to say Graham's going to get this. Yeah, but you guys were all strong competitors. And I really appreciate you being here.

And does anybody have anything they want to plug? Plug right now? Do you want to do some plugs? Freakdance coming up the northeast coast in the May. I'm going to be touring with it. Check it out. Freakdancemovie.com. MattBester.com.

Check it out, guys. Seriously. It's coming out on video demand. Please support it to be touring with it. Check it out. Freakdancemovie.com at bester.com. Check it out, guys. Seriously. It's coming out on video demand. Please support it. James is in it. Support independent films. Amy Poehler's in it. She is. Yeah. Tim Meadows, all the UCB, Andy Daly,

Horatio Sands, James. Yeah, you got to watch that. You just have to. Jay, what do you got to watch that. You just have to. Jay, what do you got coming up? Two things. In February, I'll be in the Bay Area Black Comedy Competition. That's true. Are you black Irish?

Your shit is pretty dark. Yeah. And you can also catch me on this episode of Douglas Movies that you're listening to. Thanks. Don't do that, Doug. Don't do that. I'd like to plug that, too. I've got two things.

That's how you started that. For anyone who might have forgotten. Graham? Comedy Film Nerd Guide to Movies. It will be out late May, beginning of June. We are taking pre-orders of that book. Autograph copies at comedyfilmmNerds.com Yeah!

Yeah! And you and I are going to be at the Wow Hall in Eugene on Saturday April 21st. We'll play some Leonard Maltin game at all these shows. Side Splitters in Knoxville in Tennessee on May 3rd. Comedy Zone

in Charlotte May 5th at 420. Punchline in Atlanta on May 6th and Zany's in Nashville May 26th through 28th. I'll be at the Laughing Skull in Atlanta May 17th through 20th. Your eight names are... Wait, I got a couple plugs.

Tova Feldschuh. Jared Harris Mary Beth Hurt Bill Irwin Freddy Rodriguez M. Night Shyamalan Cindy Chung Sarita Choudhury I hope I pronounced that right

and Bob Balaban it's always great why did you think I would get this not as easy as we thought yeah that's true you're right there's no reason to get it at all

the what's it called the lady in the. The lady in the water. The lady in the lake. That's incorrect. Lady in the swimming pool. I waited long enough for you to get further away from the right answer. The wet woman.

Fuck. It's called Lady in the Water Yeah yeah What did I say? Not that Listen to the tape Yeah you never said it the right way But you sure gave it a good try

Who asked you to name it? I did Four Way Tie Alright let's do it You sure gave it a good try. Who asked you to name it? I did. Four-way tie. Yeah. All right. Let's do it. I'm sorry, Tristan. Yes, I had it right.

Technicality. M. Night Shyamalan was the crazy obvious giveaway. Thank you. You can do it. And a point for James. Also, I thought if you... Did we already clap for that? Sort of?

Yes, but I just wanted to keep it coming. Milk it. All right, well done. So we're going to start with Matt and go to Jay. Very exciting. I'm so excited. We got the... Take bond.

We got the plugs out of the way, so this is just going to be... I still got a couple. I got so excited. We got the plugs out of the way. So this is just going to be... I still got a couple. I got a plug. Matt James. This is going to be... You did your two plugs. Do you want to do the second one again? What show are you on right now?

No, he hasn't plugged. James might have something to plug. Oh, you do? I could keep it. Yeah, he said it like five times. I have a couple plugs. That wasn't even me the last time. You got sh do? I could keep it. Yeah, he said it like five times. I have a couple of words. That wasn't even me the last time that was taken.

You got shyer and shyer I'm not used to your voice coming out of you. What's that? Oh, yeah. What else? I'm going to be in Seattle and San Francisco

and Atlanta soon and I have my first stand-up album which I taped here a few nights ago. That's right. And that'll be through Earwolf. So look for that. And that'll be through Earwolf.

So look for that. It'll be available at Earwolf, and what's the album called? I don't know yet. That's a great title. I don't know yet. Nice. I don't know yet. I was thinking of calling it Low Hanging Fruit. Good job. Good job, she says.

Thank you. All right. Lady in the water. What the fuck? I'm going to call my album Wet Woman. Wet Woman. That's the Chinese translation. That's not racist.

That's not racist. Moist female. Is it Oh really Come on The fucking moment Is it lady in the Apartment complex pool That's what it should have been called

That condo pool God that movie was dumb Fucking stupid Starting with Matt And going to Jay Matt would you like Starting with Matt and going to Jay. Matt, would you like... At T Bennett 248 suggested one word review.

This guy found a review that Leonard Mullen gave a movie where the entire review is just one word. So if you pick that category, it's going to be that movie. Splooge! But period, no exclamation point. Splooge. Just splooge. That might be Chud. Yeah, I think it's Chud.

He liked it, but he didn't, you know. That's his review for Chud. It's just Chud. Chud. At DH Learner suggested your days are numbered, and that's movies with, you know, both with basically numbers in the title referring to a period of time.

Okay. Days are numbered. Or I'll give you one more crack at Patch Madam's. Can I do Bond? No. That's mean. What was the middle one? Patch, you want it too badly.

I do. I would nail that. What movie do you think it is? On Bond? Yeah. I'll do it in negative two. All right. I'll do it in negative two. Alright, I'll do it in negative three. Oh, well you know.

I already know what it is. Sidney Poitier, Tony Curtis, Defiant Ones. No? They were chained together, that's right. But, you know, that happened in other movies. That's the best one. Alright, what was the middle category?

Okay, show off. The middle one was Your Days Are Numbered. So the one word review, that one's just... I'll take the number one. Why would anyone pick that? Okay, Your Days Are Numbered. All right, this movie has days and numbers in it. It's from 1998.

Leonard gave it three stars. He says about this movie that it's entertaining and he also says that the lead actor in this movie is especially loose and funny. So this is 1998? Len likes it loose.

1998. Three stars from Mr. Maltin and he names nine actors in this production. Your days are numbered. Zero. So there's a day and a number.

Name it. Who says name it? There's going to be a winner. I'm so sorry. Twelve days of Christmas. Only laugh Yes, there is. I'm so sorry. 12 Days of Christmas. What? Only laugh if you know what it is. Jay Hollingsworth is our winner, ladies and gentlemen.

Oh! Oh! What is it? Thank you. 101 Dalmatians days. You're such an unnecessarily ballsy player. What the fuck? I don't know any actors' names.

You could have been all the names and just let these guys find it out. They said it couldn't be done. They said it couldn't be done. I fucking won. Fuck you, Graham. They said they didn't want it to be done. Oh, okay.

Sorry, I misunderstood. But you did it, Jay. You're our big winner. You're our big Irish winner. The movie is called Six Days, Seven Nights. It's close. Harrison Ford is loose and funny. Wow.

That's Anne Heche's in that, right? Uh-huh. She's loose and act. Lady in the water, bitch. I fucking knew it. I lost it. A semantic fucking piece of nonsense. You take your asterisk win somewhere the fuck else. Short in season.

Short in season. Bullshit. Fucking referee was on the take. Asterix, you're wearing the performance enhancement under armor. Yes, it squeezes my knowledge to my brain. Can I see your sign there, James? Because I'll be able to read the shithead

from the back of that. That's hard not to. Does the Post-it have a shithead on the back of it? No, I don't think so. That would be too much work. Alright, so who's the Post-it person? Could you come up here and write down who you'd like me to call a... Birthday boy.

The shithead at the end. Where is Post-it? Laura or Mark, one of them. Oh, he's going to write it on a Post-it. That's clever. Did you guys know that Lisa Kudrow invented Post-its? She didn't need friends. She's fucking rich from that.

Watch out. Let's see what that says. Oh, interesting. It's his birthday. I don't know what order to read these in. But I don't need anything from you, Jay, because your moose head sign won. And what was the name again on that?

Brandon Hearn. What's his social? Yeah. He put his middle initial on it. Brandon W. Hearn. Brandon W. Hearn, come get your prize bag. Yeah. Brandon.

Brandon. Yeah, buddy. Congratulations, buddy. Congrats, dude. Brandon. Brandon. Congratulations, sir. Yeah, buddy. Congratulations, buddy. Congrats, dude. Congratulations. Yeah, brother. It's anything you can do. You fucking did it.

That's so sweet. Wow. How did you get this? A five-hour energy drink. Congratulations, buddy. You've earned it. Yes, thanks again to Voodoo Donuts for hooking me up in the dressing room.

Voodoo! Good stuff. The goddamn maple bar with the bacon on it. Everybody's putting stuff and bacon everywhere now, but you guys fucking started it. And I'll eat every single time.

There's like, I think McDonald's is going to have a bacon sundae. Burger King, Burger King. Goddamn. Can't you kick out one more person before the show's over? It was so much fun.

Everybody's been so good. They even got their checks and paid their bills without having to talk real loud. I pick up the nicest person here and just fuck, get the fuck out of here. But we were just, shut up. You saw what was happening as I was talking to him. That drunkie talk back where you're just like, this guy, he's not even going to remember

this conversation. I'm fine. You're not going to remember this. No, bro, I'm fine. not even going to remember this conversation. I'm fine. You're not going to remember this. I'm fine. I don't remember everything. You're drunk. You just need to go outside. I never had a drink. You need to drink some water. I'm putting it down. I never had it. But have some water. What? I don't drink. Why water if I don't drink?

You don't drink anything ever? I have osmosis. I have osmosis. You never drink anything. I nevermosis. You don't drink? Osmosis. You never drink anything? I never had to. You just hang out? What? I never.

You just hang out in Portland. Recognize. It rains a lot, so you just replenish. Sup. Through your skin. Sup. That was awesome. I love that guy.

The mispronunciation of osmosis, I think, was my favorite part of that sketch. Osmosis! Osmosis! Thank you so much for coming, you guys. I really appreciate it. Yeah!

Whole new panel tomorrow, plus an extra special guest. Five different people are going to come by. And you already, cat's out of the bag if you saw us on AM Northwest. Pete Holmes is going to be here. And one more time for all of these gentlemen. Thank you so much, Portland!

Thank you so much, Portland! Thank you! Graham Elwood, James Adomian, Matt Besser, and our big winner, Big Irish J, Holly Gsworth. And as always Diane Steindorf Is a shithead Vincent Price

Is a shithead And this guy's really taking a stand John Carter haters Are a shithead Now it's time for Doug to watch another Talkie, Eyes of Gold is viewing Prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart

For you, cause Doug Loves movies