Doug Loves Movies - Matt Besser, Matt Walsh, and Horatio Sanz Guest

Episode Date: October 16, 2009

The 'lost' episode of I Love Movies has been found! Recorded live at the Del Close Marathon, UCB Theatre New York, August 15, 2009.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody! Is this as hot as it goes? Maybe a little hotter? Hey, uh, no, not the temperature, I meant the microphone.

Hey, my name's Doug Benson and welcome to, you guys in the audience, you know where you are. You're at the UCB Theater in New York for the Del Close Marathon, an awesome event that happens every year. Yeah. 52 hours, is it, of straight all the way through improvised comedy, and the audience actually comes and watches the whole thing, and it's amazing, so I come every year

and have a good time. And I just winked, but only half of the people here could see it, so really the other side got left out. But anyway, I decided that it would be cool to do an episode of my podcast. Does anybody listen to my podcast?

Oh, that's awesome. So I thought it would be fun to do an episode of the podcast from here at the UCB Theater during the Del Close Marathon. And I thought that it would be awesome to have as my guests you know, some of the dudes that started it all, like early, early original members of the Upright Citizens Brigade. And I'm very excited to welcome to the stage, let's bring them out here,

Matt Besser, Matt Walsh, and Mauricio Sam! Oh yeah! Matt Besser, Matt Walsh, and Horatio Sam! Oh yeah! Gentlemen, grab a microphone. Check one two, podcast. Check it, check, check. Check, check, check. Give me a check. Matt one and Matt two are working. Horatio, let's check yours out. Who are you? Oh, we gotta give Horatio more mic action.

Say rubber biscuit? Why would he say that? Rubber biscuit! Now we're talking. Now you're fired up. Hey, guys. Thanks for having us. Thanks for being here. Thanks for doing this every year.

This is year 14 of the Del Close Marathon? In Sharna years, yes. In our year, it's 11. In real years, 11. What is it, 17 years now? Six and a half years. This is the 20th. Six and a half years, everybody. This is the 20th annual. Oh is it, 17 years now? Six and a half years. They've been doing this six and a half years, everybody. This is the 20th annual. Oh, okay, cool.

And, uh, so just so the listeners... 25 years! I can't believe it. 25 whole years. That's a long time. And then a few months as well. You do it every three months, right? 1968. Are we talking about ass year or the annual? So, uh,

I love movies. I presume and presume that you guys love movies. I love movies. Love them. I also hate a lot of them, but I do love some. Well, what have you seen lately? Have you been to the movies this summer? I saw a trailer I don't like, and I hope nobody here is in it.

Which one is it? Isn't that movie Audience? Because I think some of these people were in it. Oh, I shouldn't say anything. Time Traveler's Wife. Why would anybody here be in Time Traveler's Wife?

There's a lot of famous people in the audience. Eric Banna comes every year and watches the whole marathon. Could have been the guy who did the special effects or something on it. One year he got really mad though and his shirt burst open and he had stretchy purple pants. I could have had one line, there goes the time traveler's wife. Yeah, he could have been the guy. You'd say, there she goes?

Like, what, is she just walking down the street or something? She's going to find the time traveler, I assume. What else could the story be? The whole movie, people are wondering what it's about, and then this character walks in and says, there goes the time traveler's wife. Oh, now I know what's going on. Oh, now I know why's going on. Oh, now I know why.

There goes some funny people. That would have helped me. There goes the Transformers 3. Well, it was two for us. But I saw the new one. He's at the end of the movie. It's like a teaser. I did just watch

Incredible Hulk, the most recent one. The Ed Norton Hulk. Yes, where Robert Downey comes in in the very final scene. So is that what they're doing all those? Spoiler alert. That's like two years old, isn't it? Yeah, I know, it wasn't really much of a spoiler.

But he comes in and kind of says, He's kind of like, hey, I'm Iron Man, and you're Incredible Hulk. Have you seen Time Traveler's Wife? She's over there with those funny people. Yeah, they're tying those movies together in the weirdest way. Like at the end of Iron Man, how Sam Jackson walks out and says, I have nothing interesting to add. Did he end up doing it? You waited through the credits for it. Yeah. Is he gonna do it? I heard he wasn't gonna do it though the next one. Oh that he's not gonna be Nick Fury? Yeah. So he should come in the end of another movie and say never mind what I said earlier. He should every movie after the credits, he'd be Sam Jackson walking in

and setting up something that's never gonna happen. Or he's just apologizing. Sorry about that, moviegoers. I know you thought Snakes on a Plane was gonna be fun. That was fun. The title said it all. Yeah, I really got it done. You didn't have to go.

Yeah, there were snakes on the planet. I saw 500 Days of Summer. And you liked that? I liked it a lot. Sounds long. It's extremely... Just didn't feel long. What I know in the title.

It didn't feel long. It was very well done. Did you like it? I did like it a lot. Sounds like a chick movie. You love everything. I don't love everything. No, I don't. Is it a chick movie? No, I don't. It sounds like it a lot. You love everything. I don't love everything. No, I don't.

It's a love story. It's not a chick movie. It has a bit of a Wes Anderson sort of oddness, which is wonderful. But Matt, Besser, you're in it. Why are you asking him about it? You're the guy that points and says, hey, there's

over 499 days of love. I think it's 500. Of summer, not love. Oh. And also... Why did I add love? You said the wrong title. 500 days of love would be...

And then that guy next to me goes, it's summer, not love. I'm like, oh, yeah, let's get out of here. The scene gets cut from every movie. That's why you guys never see me. That scene always gets cut. I like it better when it's a scene and not just one guy saying a line. They kind of go back and forth a little bit.

It's a bad cameo when you have to announce, hey, let's get out of here. I'm just here for one line. I'm getting tired. You guys are shooting this shit all day? Uh-uh. Let's get out of here. That one guy breaks the fourth wall in every one of his cameos.

Do you think that time traveler's mad that there's a whole movie about his wife and he has to go to the movie and he's the guy that time travels and all she does is sit around and bitch? He's doing more for the world than she is. Yeah. Absolutely.

And all sorts of parallel universes. He does stuff for the world when he travels? I thought he just disappeared on his wife. He does disappear. I wonder what was going through the author's mind when she wrote the book. Oh, yeah. She's definitely never had a relationship that went bad. No.

Yeah. Because of his neglect. He goes back in time and makes sure that the Kennedy assassination happened. He makes sure that the Kennedy assassination happened. Right, because the whole time space continued would change if Kennedy didn't get shot. Is anyone trying to stop it or he's just there to ensure that it happens? He's stopping people from stopping it. He's encouraging people not to go into the book depository. He's like, hey man, it's closed anyway. And then some weird guy wandering around upstairs.

You don't want to go in there. Slow it down. JFK, you don't need glass. Just get in the car. It's about, it's like 45 minutes of the movie. He makes sure the grass doesn't get, you know, too grassy on the knoll. Because that could be a distraction that could change things. I'm glad you pointed that out.'s really that's good there goes zapruder film that's

what you said in oliver stone's gfk yeah that's what i said in zapruder film were you in walk hard were you the guy that said look at him walk hard were you the guy that said, look at him walk hard? As a matter of fact, I did about 100 times. Look at him go. I sang it. I said it. God, I just donned on my ears. I did say it.

That's pretty cool. That's a claim to fame. You got a titular line. Fuck, I'm huge. And Matt Walsh, is there a day that goes by where you're not like, I'm in old school. That must be the coolest thing, to be in that fucking movie. Every time that movie's on cable, I just watch it.

It's so entertaining. Thank you. I've never had a bad day since that movie came out. Never had a bad day since old school. Everything's perfect. Premiere. Even before the major release, the premiere, it's been gold.

Is that your favorite of all the movies that you've been in? No, School for Scoundrels. School for Scoundrels, because I got to work with Horatio. School movies. Old school, School for Scoundrels. School Ties. Night School. You were in that shower scene with Brendan Fraser in School Ties.

Remember that? I'm in Driving School with Schoolie D's best rap hits. School of Rock. I had a cameo in that. Oh, remember that Jewish thing he did, Shules Out for Summer? Shules Out for the Summer. That was hilarious. I'm sort of typecast, but there's enough school movies

that get made every year, so I work a lot. Is Horatio and School for Scoundrels your favorite movie that you're in? Uh, no. What's your favorite one that you're in? The favorite movie, I think, is Road Trip. Yeah, that's good, too. That's another

class. Can I tell my story? I went to see Road Trip. It relates to you. I told you this. I went to see Road Trip here on 23rd Street and there was women behind me talking the whole movie. And Horatio has a scene in the middle of the movie where he takes somebody's French toast who's angered him.

If you haven't seen Road Trip, I don't want to insult those who have. No, not Boat Trip, Road Trip. He's in a lot of trip movies. I don't want to insult those who have. No, not Boat Trip. Road Trip. And he takes their French toast. He's in a lot of trip movies. I'm the square guy. This is the trip guy. Get it right. Mr. Rogers t-shirt dude.

And anyways, he takes the guy's French toast. The guy has a t-shirt that says Mr. Rogers on it. Sorry. That's for the podcast listeners. I like to walk in. And he shoves it in his pants and then he comes back out and he gives it to the people at the table and the women behind me

go, that is so disrespectful. That made me laugh so hard. Did you just avoid doing a black scent? Yeah. Yeah, I knew you did. Oh, shit.

It was more like, that is so disrespectful! That would be more accurate. See, I don't do a good middle-aged black woman voice. Respectful, without the C. That's where you saw Road Trip? Right there, yeah.

Didn't get to go to the premiere. Magic Johnson's theater, right? Magic Johnson's AIDS village. AIDS 15. AIDS 15. That is disrespectful! That's what tried all the movies they're starring? Is it an age-aplex? I forget what they call it. Cineplex.

People shouldn't be laughing at that. I feel bad for anyone with that name. There is also in Los Angeles, I drive by and go to the airport, a Magic Johnson's TGI Fridays. How crazy is that name? If you like TGI Fridays, I would go there. Thank God it's Friday, Magic Johnson. I mean, if you like TGI Fridays, why not go to the one that's owned by him, because you might run into him. Is that why you go to Magic Johnson's movie theaters?

I think someday I'll run into him. I bring my autograph book with me every time. Yeah, because when he goes to his own theater, it's fun to, you know, be able to turn around and go, shh, to Magic Johnson. And all he yells out is, I beat AIDS. He just yells that out during every movie. Sorry. I beat AIDS. Enjoy the

film. Oh, I got a story. A Rachel story. Rachel still wanted to say something. He's a good host. He wants you to talk. Well, that's okay. I was just going to say that Magic Johnson probably bought TGI Friday

so that when the black people got kicked out of Denny's, they could walk over to TGI Friday and be like, well, this place won't kick us out or harass us. We wanted pancakes, but we'll settle for a steak. That soundbite characterizes that situation very concisely. I didn't use a black sun either. Why did you avoid it? Obama.

Oh, Obama. Snootiiiing! Yes we can. I've been spending my spare time lately going to town hall meetings and yelling, I want my country black! Doesn't have anything to do with movies. That's a good one. Thanks.

I tweeted it. You Twitter a lot, don't you? I do quite a bit. I had to stop to do this show right now, but I'll be back at it soon. Wow. How many Twitter friends? 38,000. That's pretty good.

It's not bad. It's a grassroots campaign. Yeah. I'm trying to get more people. I add a few every day. I started last week, and I've done a lumberjack joke every day. Yeah. Every day, a new lumberjack joke.

Yeah. Original or just from a new Lumberjack joke. Yeah. Original or just from a book? No, the new one today is why does the Michael Vick Lumberjack like to cut down dogwoods? Why? Because he hates its bark! How many days have you been on Twitter?

Seven, motherfucker. Okay, now see how many of the other six jokes you can remember. I can do them all, man. Let's hear it. What does a Sir Mix-A-Lot lumberjack use to write with? A big ass pin. That's fucking awesome. Okay, five more. I'll give you one that only people from New Mexico will get.

How many people here have been to or lived in New Mexico? Anybody? Okay. Anyone have a map? Any map owners? Any map owners? Why do lumberjacks from New Mexico always get in arguments? Because they have a strong pinion.

See? Only they got it. Is that a city? No, that's a tree. And there's no inye that I could figure out on my Twitter, so it's really hard to if you don't see the N.Y.A. Does N.Y.A. have an N.Y.A.? I think so. I think it's the N.Y.A. I don't know. That's why I asked. Wait, did you say what your favorite movie

is that you're in, Rach? Oh, Road Trip. Well, my new favorite is The Cove. That's Todd Berry's favorite movie that he's in. You're in The Cove? Yeah, I'm in The Cove. What is the cove. That's Todd Berry's favorite movie that he's in. You're in the cove? Yeah, I'm in the cove.

What's the cove? It's a fascinating kind of docudrama. Yeah. Scary, right? It's more of like these scientists harass these fishermen who are trying to just live their lives and follow beautiful traditions, Japanese fishing traditions,

a beautiful, very cool thing that they're doing, and then these scientists kind of fuck with them. And I was interning with the fishermen when they filmed it. I was kind of like cleaning up guys' boots. There's like dolphin parts in their boots. Are you a Japanese fisherman? Oh, well, I was interning with the fishermen. Okay.

Such a beautiful tradition. You only ate shark the entire time, right? No, we didn't. You were on a shark diet. We eat dolphin. Oh, okay. Yeah. Wow.

You didn't learn much from your own movie. No, I did. I learned a lot. I learned that it was awesome I thought the movie was about shark preservation no it's about dolphin it's about dolphin murder well why the posters like the Cove and it's like you know like jaw it looks like jaws like do the Dolphins fight back I'm afraid to say they don't. They're not so fucking smart after all.

A shark can beat a dolphin? Can't beat a shark ever? Yeah, they can. Like in a one-on-one? They beat him with words. They're very talented. But a dolphin has never beat a Japanese dude. They always win.

It is impossible to beat a Japanese dude. Even in water? Yeah, even in water. I would think on land maybe, but water? Have you ever seen a chicken and a dolphin do tic-tac-toe? Compete in tic-tac-toe? No. The chicken wins and the dolphin just lays there flapping around, dying. It's really not fair that better be true Twitter

so I like to play movie games on the podcast as everybody knows movie related games and Matt's favorite Matt Besser's favorite is I didn't ask you your favorite Matt Walsh You never asked me the movie that I liked the most that I was in but whatever

Well can I answer it for you? Capturing the Freedman's Did you have a title line in that one? No, I just said, please stop. It was a short scene, it was in the dark, you guys probably don't even recognize me. Let's move on with the final game. I like the title game. I like that movie Junebug that you're in. I have one movie, Junebug, that you're in. I have one line in that.

That's a good one. It's one of the first lines, so at first you might go, holy shit, Besser's gonna be in this movie. And then that's all. Yeah, it's a weird movie in general. Is that filmmaker made another movie? Yeah, Phil Morrison. He directed our first season of UCB. Morrison he's he directed our first season of UCB but I mean what's it done since June he's one of these guys that

really takes off time it's into it that's why it's so good yeah yeah I loved it that guy's I've seen that guy it shows here so let's do build a title that's where we start with one title and then each of us has to try to add another movie title that fits. You'll get the idea of it as we go along here. Somebody

just give me the title of a movie with a title with three or four words in it. Night of the Lepus. Wait a second. What did that guy say? Night of the Lepus. Night of the Leapus. Wait a second, wait a second. What did that guy say? Night in the Leapus. Night of the Leapus? Alright, let me try to...

Leapus. Yeah, let me try to... Let me try to be more clear. We need a title that has four kind of regular words from the English language. Leapus is regular where I'm from. It's our favorite movie of Leapusville. like kind of regular words from the English language. Lepus is regular where I'm from. It's our favorite movie of Lepusville.

I actually bought that poster on eBay. Which one? Night of the Lepus. No. Yeah, I did. What's on the poster? It's some underwater thing. And doesn't it have have a bunch of eyes, the Lepus? It's about giant rabbits.

Oh, rabbits. Well, I know a guy named Mark Lepus. Oh, yeah. Mark Lepus, who is a producer at the Jimmy Fallon show now, but when I knew him before, he would do publicity for NBC. His name is Lepus, so I bought him this night of the leaf Pointed somebody get a title user Night at the museum

So now we need you need to come up with a movie title that ends in the word night or begins with the word museum. Okay, Edge of Night. That's a movie? I bet it is. IMDbitch! Oh yeah, we do have IMDB standing by to tell us. That is a good guest. They're even turning it up on the screen.

Move out of the way, Matt Beester. The Edge of Night. Oh, it's a soap opera on television. That doesn't count. That's the only one. Wow. Well, why would you use the name Edge of Night again for something when it's been a soap opera for a million years?

I thought they made it into a movie. It was such a great soap opera. Oh, yeah, I'm working on the movie General Hospital. It's going to be great. I only know it from its Egyptian spelling. Afi'i Ay-Hata Manay. Okay, Night After Night. That's a title? Night After Night?

Fuck yeah Alright, IMDB, let's look it up again Who's excited? The first time we've been able to just look it up right away Night After Night Search Boom Yeah

I love that movie Nice pull Peter Lorre. All right. So we've got night after night at the museum. So we still need something that ends in night. A title of a movie that ends in night? Boogie Nights?

It's not your turn yet. It's my turn. I don't know how to play this. Go ahead. Sorry. We'll go in order now that everybody's squirreled around. But it's Horatio's turn. Dark Knight.

We got Dark Knight, Doctor Knight at the museum. So you need something, Matt, that ends in dark or begins in museum. Oh my god, that's a tough one. Ends in dark? Donnie Darko.

Come on, the judges? Judges? The edge of dark. The edge of dark. So you're suggesting Donnie Darko? I'll say Museum Massacre. I gotta believe somebody made that move. Okay, Museum Massacre.

I gotta believe somebody made that move. Come on. Museum Massacre. I gotta believe somebody made that movie. Come on. Eddie Spelling. There it is! It's got pictures. Sorority House Massacre. Ohhhhh. Somebody made Museum Massacre.

Museum of Murder. Give me one more guess. That's a good one. Oh, Museum of Murder. I like that. Museum of Murder. Please like that. Museum of Murder. Museum. Please, Bee Movie. Murder Museum. Murder Museum.

But it has to start with Museum. Museum of what? You're not going to give me Donnie Darko? Museum Murder. You can't give me Donnie Darko? No, because how does that work? Donnie Darko? Museum murder. You can't give me Donnie Darko? No, because how does that work? Donnie Darko night after night? Yeah, it's like Irish.

At the museum? Wait, there has to be. How about Alone in the Dark? Yeah. It's gotta start with Donnie. No, that's it. Oh, yeah. That'll work.

Shot in the Dark. Pink Panther. There you go. There you go. All right. Finally. Okay, so it's a shot in the dark, a shark in the pants. There goes a shark in the dark!

That's disrespectful! So disrespectful. That was a better voice. Except it was a woman. A shot in the dark, night after night at the museum. I wish there wasn't dial-in for museum. Museum of wax. There has to be. Museum of wax. Because wax museum was taken.

Let's check it out. Museum of wax. Museum of wax is coming up on IMDb. Mystery of the wax museum. That doesn't do any good. Nightmare and Wax could have come in handy earlier. Do you want us to start with Museum now? Or end in Shot.

Shot in the Dark Night After. Yeah, so we got Slapshot in the Dark Night After Night at the Museum. I think we can go to the audience at this point for museum blank.

Yeah, does anybody have a museum title? Museum of Horrors. That's a good one. That sounds like a Vincent Price movie. Oh no, no, I thought he meant W-H-O-R-E. Horrors of the Black Museum. That's not cool. That's disrespectful. Horrors of the Black Museum. That's not horns. That's disrespectful.

Horns of the Black Museum. That's disrespectful. That's disrespectful. That's disrespectful. That's disrespectful. I'm Samuel Jackson and I'm going to be disrespectful in the next movie. Welcome everyone to the Black Museum. Talking is allowed.

Go nuts. black museum talking is allowed across the street at the TGI Friday black museum what's a black museum what do you mean what's the black museum why is there horrors happening there what do's probably a murder loose. What do you mean? What is a black museum? It probably celebrates, I would say, the history of the African Americans in America. And it's only open in February, of course. I think they'd be calling it African American Museum. No, I think sometimes they still say black. That was the catchphrase from Passenger 57.

Sometimes... We still say black. Don't always bet on it, because a lot of times red will come up. We got 45 seconds to find some that ends with slap. Slap? Dick slap. Dick slap. Dick slap.

Dick slap. While we're doing that, let me thank my guests. Yeah slap. Dick slap. Dick slap. Dick slap. Dick slap. While we're doing that, let me thank my guests. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, go. You passed it. You passed it off. Go, go, go.

Slap, slap. Right there. Oh, Dick Slayer. Dick slapping. Dick slapping. Dick slapping. Fuck. I missed that one.

Dick slapping. Dick slapping is an actor. I'm sorry, Dick slapping. I just won't hire you. You're more of an auto-slapper. Dick slapping. Dick slapping. Dick slapping. Dick slapping is an actor I'm sorry Dick Clapping I just won't hire you You're more of an oddity than an actor Thanks a lot you guys

Will and DeFore Now it's time for Doug to watch Another talkie Eyes of gold his viewing prowess Makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies!