Doug Loves Movies - Matt Braunger, Graham Elwood, and Sean Jordan Guest

Episode Date: August 15, 2014

Live from The Woman's Club of Minneapolis, Doug welcomes comics Matt Braunger, Graham Elwood, and Sean Jordan to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers with baby sticky seeds With 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not more that he won't see Because Doug loves movies Hey, everybody. Now that I'm out here, it feels like everything is a little too far back on the stage, so I'm going gonna scoot my chair in this table up and and then encourage my guests to scoot their chairs up when they get out here that way you guys don't have to watch me scoot everything

plus people are just arriving at 7 p.m. kind of early show on a Friday you had to fight the traffic there's like a baseball game going on. Right? Right? Right? How nice is that? If those guys, if my guests want to stay seated way back there, I'll allow it. But that would be kind of weird. All right, let me get this thing going. And like I always say,

if I just came to the sound check, then the people who bought tickets to the show and then the people who listened to it later wouldn't have to deal with this. Hey, everybody. My name's Doug, and I love movies. This is a top-up for your babies. That just sounded like there's some sort of emergency and people need to start running.

Coming to you once again from Minneapolis, Minnesota, this time at the Women's Club of Minneapolis. Yeah, let's hear it for the ladies. Let's hear it for the ladies. It's Friday, August 15th, 2014. Wolf of Wall Street fight. Terminator 2. Judgment Day of the Dead. Men walking tall.

The president's men in black. Fisher King. Ralph at Dog Day. Afternoon delight. Sleep perfect. Murder by death. Wish three of me. Ghost world's end of watch.

Men don't leaving. Las Vegas. Food, law, jingle, all the Wayne's World's Fastest Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Let me see your name tags, Minneapolis. I know you got a lot of good ones. You always bring them back at the shows we used to do at the Acme and here at the Women's Club. It's no difference. Two people with paper plates. One says Jess and one says Brack. Okay. What's that thing in the front

row? You're holding up a movie? It's a JD4, like CB4. It's OCB4, but you changed it to JD4. Nice work. Stephen King Firestarter. I see that. Is your name Stephen, ma'am? It's Charlie. Oh, Charlie.

No. It's the character in the movie. What's this little doll over here supposed to be? It says Nick on it, but who is he supposed to be? It's a Bill Murray Ghostbusters doll Now it says Nick on his thing Well, thank you guys for bringing all that stuff And you all have a chance

Oh, there's a really big one back there that I missed But everybody's going to have a chance oh there's a really big one back there that i missed but everybody's gonna have a chance of getting selected because you never know what my guests are gonna do boise idaho i'm doing stand-up at liquid laughs this uh sunday august 17th at 4 20 at tempe arizona i'll see you this wednesday august 20th at the improv uh yeah it's gonna be stand-up but bring your name tags. Now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies. At DieHardSkier tweeted,

Guardians of the Galaxy has a lame duck ending. This has been Tweet Relief, spoiler edition. Let's look in the prize bag, you guys. There's some fun stuff in here. We've got, of course, a Doug Loves Movies T-shirt. And we've also got a copy of Gateway Dog 2, Forced Fun. And somebody sent me this, a book called Cannabis Sativa, The Essential Guide to the World's Finest Marijuana

Strains, and you just go through it. I'll just pick one as an example. Oh, they're even alphabetized. Let's go with Killer Skunk. It's

sativa dominant. That's the kind of stuff you could learn. What else is in here? There's the Doug Loves Movies shirt, available at DougLovesShirts.com and oh yeah, the other gentlemen that are coming on the stage, they have some special gifts for the bag. Please give a big, warm Minneapolis welcome to

Sean Jordan, Graham Elwood and Matt Bronger! Thank you! And Matt Bronger! What's up? Woo! Hello! Take control, Minneapolis! Hello, Twin Cities! Take control of your Twin Cities! Hot stuff.

Sup? Let's start with the quietest of the three. Also because he brought, I love what he brought for the prize bag. Sean Jordan is here, everybody. Sean Jordan. Hi. Portland comedy phenom by way of Sioux Falls.

Damn right, Midwest. Yeah, you also have some family in this area, in the Minneapolis area. In the Minneapolis area. I don't. You said that last night. I don't. I thought you said your mom was near here. No, she is. She's in Sioux Falls. I flew in here because I love this city

and I just wanted to be here for a couple days. Oh, okay. Well, say hi to your family. Can she hear me in Sioux Falls? Hey, Mom, how the fuck are you? That's how I talk to my mom. What's up? Wow, that seems aggressive.

Maybe while you're here, you could start a family. Yeah, sure. That'd be a great way to go. So that's what brings you to Minneapolis, just coming to hang out for a few days. And it was great timing because I'm here doing the show, and you're a great guest. Yeah, I always check who's at the club, too,

and I saw that Matt was at the club, so I just figured, like, come here instead. I mean, it's the same price. None of this is funny, by the way. It's the same price to fly into Sioux Falls, so I came here instead. You know what? Let them go ahead and judge what's funny and not funny. You don't really have to draw an extra line under it with red ink.

Matt Bronger's here, you guys. Hey, everybody. Hey. Oh, and Sean did bring, I should mention, a bucket, like a little red bucket that's just jammed full of M&M's and Sour Patch Kids. And I think there's some microwave popcorn in there. And yeah, so that's a bucket of, that's good. That bucket's going to come in handy if you eat everything that's in it. So Matt is headlining. We were lucky enough tonight to borrow him from the Acme Comedy Club because he's headlining there all weekend. And has

anybody been out to see him this weekend? Yeah. Thank you. And yeah, so he's going to run off as soon as we're done here. We're on a very tight time schedule with him. We've got him for another two minutes. So let's play the Leonard Baldwin game. Make it hot. Make it good. We got you for a little while.

And yeah, and then you got two shows tonight. So if you guys haven't seen Matt yet, you can either race over there with him after this show. Don't try to make the first show, because you missed the feature. Rojo Perez was awesome. But the second one, yeah. All right, so come to the 1030 show tonight.

Yeah, I might be hanging around. And you got two shows tomorrow, right? I do. Yeah. This isn't awkward at all. I do. I forgot it was Friday. Maybe I'll bring my mom.

We can have fun. Bring your mom who lives here. Yeah. I'll just grab my family. I'll round them up and we'll all go to the comedy club and have a fucking ride. You're an extended family that has lived here all their lives. Slap some knees and bust some guts. It'll be jolly time.

Good times. Jolly time. And Graham Elwood is here, you guys. Who's up? Elwood is here, you guys. I think this is my first time ever doing Doug Loves Movies in this fine city, Minneapolis. So it's wonderful to be here. All the people in the sniper balcony, it's nice to be here.

The eagle's nest? I don't see that. Yeah, those fixtures on the wall. It's under the interrogation lights up there. Yeah, I don't know what those fixtures are that. Yeah, those fixtures on the wall. It's under the interrogation lights up there. Yeah, I don't know what those, those fixtures are crazy. Yeah. Come on, women's club. Get it together.

It's like a bunch of bowls or something. We brought an all-male panel to the women's club. The least you can do. The least you can do. I was in line with it. I was just asking this kid in line. I go, hey man, you ever come here? And he's like, no,

my grandma used to just come hang out here all the time. That's pretty was in line with it. I was just asking this kid in line. I go, hey man, you ever come here? And he's like, no, my grandma used to just come hang out here all the time. That's pretty sweet. Just kick it. So funny how you got in line like you thought you had to get your ticket and then come in. So Graham, what are you up to lately? I know you haven't been

on Douglas movies in general in a while because you've been crazy busy. Yes, working on Earbuds, the podcasting documentary. Thank you to anyone who donated that, which has been really cool. We're in post-production on that. That's looking good. We're planning the third annual Los Angeles Podcast Festival.

Aw, shit, bitches. Yeah, then I got some headline dates coming up. Hong Kong, Shanghai, Beijing. Hong Kong, book your tickets. Yeah, so... That might be for the people listening. You're so casual.

Shanghai, I mean, Monte Carlo, whatever. Ibiza. I'm just International Space Station. I'm going to open it up for the Banes, so it's going to be sweet. Iceland. Iceland. Dark side of the moon.

You've also been really busy making this t-shirt oh shit just that one yeah um you had to come up with all these tour dates on the back for the whistling banes whistling bane shirts i'll be in the lobby after the show with that so yeah yeah get a whistling bane shirt in the lobby tonight or if you win tonight it's in it is also in the prize bag and uh what do you have for the prize bag matt oh let me get it oh okay uh guy named barry blankenship made this for my tour if you like game of thrones very very cool braugher is coming to our braugher is coming yeah it's very uh because i know nothing like Jon Snow. I thought it was... I thought it was supposed to be Liam Neeson in the gray. Either one.

But I'm a movie guy, you know? I'm not an HBO guy. That's TV. I mean, it's not TV. It's HBO. It's like a box office at your home. Come on, dude. It's the best.

It's like a home box office. Why this afternoon would I have bought a ticket in my own home to see Night at the Roxbury? Why would I do that? That's not a good name. Home box office. It should be called HBS. And what would that stand for?

Home box of shit. Because that's what you're getting. I'm taking down the giants today. Fuck you, HBO. No, they got some good stuff on there. If there's any representatives listening, we love what you do. Dream on. We'd love to work with you.

That was like the first show I ever saw naked girls in was Dream On. You guys remember that show? Yeah, Dream On. There was like tits every week. saw naked girls in was Dream On. You guys remember that show? Yeah, Dream On. Yeah. There was like tits every week. Yeah. You could count on the tits. Laughter, not so much, but you could count on... I didn't care.

It wasn't... Pre-internet whack-off material. I wonder if there's a lot of shows here at the Women's Club that say the word tits a lot. Probably. Probably. Because all the tits congregate here, so... That's why we're here, ladies, to celebrate your titties. Come on.

Body parts. That's right. Objectification. Do women have tits, as you guys call them? I'm too busy staring at their eyes most of the time. Sean, this again. What a pussy. Misdirection.

I've never been married, so I don't make it that far down with my wandering gaze, but if I ever am lucky enough to lay with a woman... You tell me to look down. It's amazing, Sean. It's amazing. All right, I'm looking at someone's boots after this. Yeah, there's two of them.

On all of them. Yeah, they're right there next to each other. It's not like one's here and then one's on the side. They're right next to each other. Yeah, look around. Check it all out, Sean. Maybe you love feet and you don't even know it. Yeah.

I might. I'm fucking weird. I know that I'm weird. Just two of those two. Yeah. I might. I'm fucking weird. I know that I'm weird. Just two of those two. Yeah, I don't know what I like. It's my world, man. Is this, are we doing like a support group therapy thing? Is this a?

Hi, Sean. Hey, guys. All right. 12-step joke. Nobody wanted to laugh. I'm thinking about the giant glass of Jameson at my feet, so we're obviously not doing a support group. The right support group.

I was just looking into your eyes, Sean. I didn't notice. Iced urine. None of us look down now. Look down. See what's out. See what time it is. Look down. It's hanging out. I don't know what's happening, so...

Have you gentlemen been to the cinema lately? We'll start with you, Sean. Have you seen anything? Yeah, I mean, I saw Guardians of the Galaxy. Awesome. So awesome. Wasn't it so good? A critic in Portland, they were on TV, and they were saying that,

dude's just being a dick. He's like, oh, I don't need Vin Diesel as Groot. And Bradley Cooper's like, what's Bradley Cooper even doing? And they're like, oh, fuck yourself, man. It was super fun and I love the movies. So there. I got to say what I wanted to say about it. Oh, yeah.

Bradley Cooper, it's going to be really painful for him to cash that check and the ones that keep coming because he just has to show up and sit in a booth every two years for like a day and a half. And also, yeah, someone was saying to me that it doesn't sound like Bradley Cooper, so why is it Bradley Cooper? I was just like, it's called acting.

And he was like, give me other examples of someone that didn't sound like themselves when they were doing a voice in a movie. And then I listed off every character that Mel Blanc played. Right. Because they all sounded different. I'm just tired of this prejudice against handsome

men, you know? Fuck that, man. He's a talented actor, you know, just because he's dazzlingly good-looking. Again, I've just... I feel bad for him. I feel really bad. I just look at his tits. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. You know, the opportunity to play a character that keeps going to guys like Paul Giamatti and handsome dudes deserve to play character roles as well.

We really do. We really do. Did we misunderstand what I said? Like I was saying, I was mad at the guy for saying that Bradley Cooper shouldn't have been in it. I think Bradley Cooper should be in it. I was excited about it. Sean Jordan hates him. I don't think, yeah, we didn't have... Everything was fine.

I feel like everyone's mad at me for some reason. Look at some tits, Sean. I apologize for having blood spots. Sean Jordan hates Bradley Cooper and boobs, ladies and gentlemen. What's his problem? That's why he drinks his own urine.

Shut up, Elwood. Put a fucking cork in it, dude. And he hates corks. No, I was kidding kidding i was kidding see anything else sean i watched reality bites the other night just on uh where was it playing i don't want to say it with commercials it's uh streaming on hbo right now oh you watched you watched it on a device walked it on watched it on my shitbox. And how does that movie hold up? I love it. I think it's great.

Really? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I like everything. So yeah, I love it. I love singles. I think they're both rad movies. There's nothing better than following up an opinion with I like everything.

Because then we can just go, why are we even speaking to you? But you just said, I like singles. Did I hear that correctly? Yeah, singles is a good movie. I see those two movies as being kind of similar. Yeah, they're being kind of similar. They're the same movie, aren't they? Same era.

I'm glad we got that shit figured out. I was going to delve deeper into the similarities, but I also don't think it's proper to use the word miscarriage on this stage. Not here. Not here. No, don't. Are those under titties as they are? It's not cool.

All right. Yeah. Matt, besides, you loved Guardians, of course. Yeah, it was great. Are you going to buy that soundtrack, that awesome song? I get it free because I am Groot. They based it on me. I can have branches come out of my arms and eyes.

I'm actually made of wood. That's why I love it. I got a ton of money from that fucking flick. I'm from Oregon. Was there something else? Groot. Where do you get pants that color? That's amazing.

This is my pride and joy. Is there a Peter Pan store somewhere? It's called You live in Oregon, get them free in the mail. Sean has a pair. The name of the store is called Peter Pants.

Thank you very much. I wanted to... It's actually... Were we all thinking it? Were we all thinking it? I'm going to do you one better. A place called The Tallest Leprechaun

is where I got it from. You know, all the women in Oregon shop at Peter Pantsuit is where they go. Yes, all women. You know, I've gotten... You should never say that here. I've purchased some awesome things at Lanky Leprechaun. Lanky Leprechaun. It's hard to say Lanky Leprechaun.

Grant, wait, did you answer the question? No, I saw A Most Wanted Man yesterday with Rojo. say like even better um uh grant oh did wait did you answer the question i said no i i saw a most wanted man yesterday with rojo and incredible good film fucked up my whole day like the ending yeah it's it's it's harsh and also watching it and just going like damn it he's dead like philip seymour hockman is dead oh i thought you were like i ruined everything this is what a terrible way to find out. I had no idea. Do you always walk out like that Bigfoot Zapruder film? I'm just going to stay in my chair like a gentleman.

Boys. Wait, so Zubruder also caught Bigfoot? Yeah, he was... That'd be so weird in one lifetime. That guy was amazing. And all the UFOs. After Dallas, he's like, we just gotta go on a goddamn vacation.

We're just gonna drive to Yosemite. And then they saw Matt Bronger fresh from the Leprechaun fur outlet or whatever. Is Bigfoot the name of the shoe store right next to Peter Pants? Yeah. It is. Sure. It is. I figured as much.

Shake your head. I should have said SMH. It took me the longest time to figure said SMH. It took me the longest time to figure out SMH. Me too. I was just, why are people saying that all the time? What does it mean? Do I look like I don't know what it means? It means shaking my head.

Oh. It's fucking stupid. Yeah. Shaking. They usually use it also when there's plenty of room to write out shaking my head. Yeah. Maybe like a text thing, like BTW or something? A whole tweet will just be like, Obama, SMH.

Like, go ahead and write it out. DTF? Sure. SMH. I didn't know what FTW meant until I went on At Midnight and Chris said it out loud every time I've been on and I still... For the win, right? What does it mean?

For the win. Sure. I thought it meant fuck the world. Fuck the world, yeah. Fuck the world, right? It does, yeah. Whoa. Finger that whore. What? It doesn't? We're in the women's... Oh, I thought... I thought's... I got a worse one. I just thought of a worse one.

You ready? Yeah, man. Doesn't even make sense. It's juvenile. It's like now we're doing Mad Libs. But feminine twat water. At least it's feminine. The fuck? How about feminist twat

water or fancy twat water I take it back I go fancy twat water cuz that's like the person is ordering a very fancy water is about somewhere use where does it come from? I don't... Just to lubricate the vagina for sexual intercourse. Naturally. I drink a glass of twat water in a... Well, I was going to say in a minute, but I don't know how quickly it goes down. Oh, I need my fancy twat water. What if it means something nice like,

follow the waterfall, you godless heathens? I don't know why we ought to be so mean. That's what he just said, but in a different way. Cool. Yeah, I mean, both of those are amazing feats of nature. The waterfall and the twat water. Gross. For tomorrow's world.

Soup's gross. Have you been to the movies, Graham? Yes! Oh, I meant, have you been to the movies Marvin the Martian? Yeah. Yeah, I've seen all the two movies that these gentlemen are talking about, which they're both. I've seen every movie that everyone's seen. A good movie you will see.

I'll say a little Yoda. How about it? Beat me up, Scotty. Not the same thing? Did you just say beat me up, Scotty? Yeah. That'd be a fun t-shirt. Oh, please beat me up, Scotty.

Just the old, really big Scotty in a wife beater. And it just says beat me up, Scotty. Get your own fucking daily theme crystals. I thought you said beat me off, Scotty. Yeah, it's just Shatner with his slacks down going, beat me off, Scotty. That's the stuff. Oh, yeah.

Rub up some feminine twat water. I saw the movie Lucy, which is a bag of shit. Luc Besson hasn't made a good movie in 20 years. Let's just all say that out loud and stop with the... I think every movie he makes is great. I didn't love The Family, but Lucy is like, it's crazy for sure. That's the one with Skojo, right? I thought it was super fun.

I really enjoyed it. But just on a, this movie's crazy sort of level. It just keeps getting crazier as it goes along. But you know, a tight 90 minutes. He didn't drag anything out. It doesn't make any fucking sense but it's Scarlett Johansson and an occasional

Morgan Freeman acting all smart. The trailer pretty much says it all. I think they call it the Juicy Lucy here, though. Go to Matt's. I don't get it, but I'm high on

hennepin right now. So much hennepin. Man, I got so fucked up on hennepin last night. Atmosphere, let's just say local stuff. Good hennepin. Is that,

is Lucy the one where she like gets to 100% of her brain power? Is that one another one? Yeah. And she gets real sexy. Every few minutes

a percentage comes up on the screen. Boom, 70%. Nothing's gonna happen. Like if I had 100% of my brain power right now, none of that shit's happening. Nothing's gonna happen.

You're just gonna like no more shit. I'm just saying that I had at least 90% of a boner through most of that movie. That's another digital readout. 90% of a boner? That's a big boner. I was almost full, yeah, full masked.

Where do you go get that other 10%? Like where does that? It's usually like, you know, the 10% is in the form of a small hat that I crafted out of Play-Doh. I sort of pop on there. It's got to be really dark.

So you bring a lot of Play-Doh hats. The sex has to be very fast. What? You bring a lot of Play-Doh hats into the movie theater and you just craft it in the movie theater. Oh wait, you're right. We're in a movie theater now. I forgot where we were. I thought we were in a women's club. You're at your home box office with a boner

crafting a hat to put on. I don't know. I think Lucy's magnificent filmmaking and... Magnificent filmmaking! Yeah, it's really neat. I mean, it's really... Did you mean filmmaking or boner making? There's lots of cool stuff in it.

You get to see about five different species shoving a baby out of their... What? I was going to say twat again. But suddenly when it was connected to birth, that seemed inappropriate. Oh, look at that baby coming out of that twat. What?

What? Oh, look at that baby coming out of that twat. Oh, Michael Winslow just wandered out on stage. I just saw an ad for Police Academy's Michael Winslow doing a stand-up show somewhere where it said, man of 10,000 sound effects 10 there can't be 10 000 noises in existence like there can't be 10 000 sounds that can be that can be produced right well i think you have to go through like here's a guy named greg who's sad here's a guy named jeff who's sad you know you just do like different wait you could get the same... Wait, you could get to 10,000. That was subtle. You could get to 10,000.

I had to run sound for Michael Winslow one time. He had like 50 sound cues. It was fucking insane. That's for real? Yeah. I was working at the door at the comedy club in Sioux Falls that is now defunct, but yeah, I had like 50 sound cues.

It's like, that doesn't count. Those aren't voices that you do. Now it's that new funk club called Defunct? It sure is. You just don't... It's just fun how casually you use the word defunct, because people just don't throw it around much anymore. I'm working on that 100%, dude.

People are usually talking... People are talking more about denoise than defunct. But they're bringing them both in. Yeah, I'll say defunct. In honor of Expendables 3 opening today, let's see the reaction. People are so fired up about Expendables 3

that I thought it'd be fun to do a round of love-like hate, hate-like with the great Sylvester Stallone, star of Expendables 3, one of 17 stars of Expendables 3. It's like that movie was created so Stallone could have a couple days off here and there. He was always just Rambo. He's just out there fighting everybody by himself. And eventually he's like, oh, I'm really old.

Let's get 15 other guys. Let's get all the other weird leather-faced dudes in here. Let's get all the toughest actors there are and let them handle a bunch of this shit. Let's fucking ruin everybody's idea of how tough they were. I've never actually seen any of the Expendables movies. Yeah, you have.

See how quiet it is? No big deal. Well, I'll tell you what, this new one, they say it has a lot less blood than the last one, so I'm a lot less interested in seeing it. You don't have 90% of a boner when you watch it? No. Well, Ronda Rousey, they knocked it down to PG-13 this time around. It was an R last time.

Well, the poster said Expendables 3, let's talk it out. Thought that was a bad call. Come on. Let's talk it out. Thought that was a bad call. Come on. Let's meet for brunch. Can we just sit down? Can we just sit down? Can we sit down and discuss this? The brunch.

Let me hear about your day, Expendables 4. Cleaned all my guns. Sounds good. Oh, we're acting out a scene. Okay, this is... Are you guys at brunch right now? Expendables 3, let's share our feelings. Sounds good. Oh, we're acting out a scene. Okay, this is... Are you guys at brunch right now? This is only commit. This is only commit.

Expendables three. Let's share our feelings. Sure. Over mimosas. Yeah. You're going to throw something dank in there, like something. So what we're going to do is we're going to go through with Stallone. You can pass once, but I'm going to need you to name a movie of his you loved, a movie

of his you liked, a movie you hated, and a movie that you hate yourself for liking that feature Mr. Stallone. We'll start with Graham. What's the Sylvester Stallone movie that you love the most? I would have to go the original Rocky, I think. Yes, of course. We have a match.

That's what I have as well, the original Rocky. What a great film. It's a living, it's a waste of life! It's awesome. I saw Rocky the Musical on Broadway, and just, in fact, probably is closing this weekend. And it's a shame, because they made a good effort, but it was just sort of like watching people

wander around on a stage acting out Rocky if Rocky sang about his feelings rather than rather than just moping down the street and kicking a can if he actually sang about it. Because that's definitely what you need. Take away the

dirty solitude of this 30 year old fighter in a shitty town of Philly and get him singing. That's what Rocky is all about. Well, he was singing in like, you know, kind of sweaty sweatpants and, you know, Sweaty sweatpants. That's so gross.

Sweatpants are bad enough. You know, they sort of tried to get the grittiness of it, but for the Burt Young role, they hired like a young guy just with a kind of receding hairline that was like kind was thin and tall. It wasn't like a... Everybody had to be able to sing and

sound beautiful. That didn't really work. At the end, they bring out a boxing ring and they do a recreation of the final fight from Rocky. It's pretty amazing. It's good? It's choreographed so well that it looks just as good as watching boxing in a movie.

It seems very real, except they're connecting a lot and people are falling down a lot. He knocks Apollo Creed down in the first round, as you may recall. And that moment, a friend of mine, even though she wasn't supposed to be filming, she made a fucking vine of that. And it fucking looks like the guy got knocked out. It's really well done. That was long. That was a long walk we all just went on.

And it actually was Carl Weathers. Sean is the time and comedy monitor. Thanks for keeping me on track, buddy. What's a rocky movie that you love matt uh fuck still a movie let's just let's just do from all the rocky films i was gonna go rocky three i love it i love it because it's utterly ridiculous um but you're just saying that like you like rocky one the best

right yeah it's my favorite okay but he already took it if i had to pick it yeah i would pick one but three and four are incredible one is like the screenplay is amazing like it's a it's a very beautiful like it's almost like you're gonna transfer it to broadway they should have just made it a play and it would have been cool to see that fight at the end like they do in the musical but maybe musical was the bad call on that um No, no, no maybe about it. That was a horrible idea. But you know what I mean? I didn't think Matilda sounded like the greatest idea for a musical

because I'd seen that movie with Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman and it's an amazing musical. It turned out great. Sean, what's your Stallone movie you love? I like Over the Top a lot I think it's fun I think it's fun man

Winner takes it all Loser takes the fall Yes Meet me halfway across the sky Drives his fucking semi into the living room at the end of the movie Like give me that kid back Like no man you just drove your semi into my living room You don't need to be responsible for this kid

No I think it's really fun I like that movie a lot alright Graham what's a Stallone movie that you like that I like I probably have to go and then Matt next you next same question same question you Sean

I'll see you guys in a little bit. I can't think of any other movies. Can we look at our phone for this one? Grab me a water, Doug. How many shows does the host just go, I gotta go take care of a thing? I'm gonna fill the theater with people and then fucking dip for a minute. Yeah. What is one, though? I'm having trouble thinking of Stallone movies of the thing. I'm gonna fill the theater with people and then fucking dip for a minute. So fuck this, right? Yeah.

What is one, though? I'm having trouble thinking of Stallone movies for some reason. I wanna look at my phone. That's not cheating yet, is it? Well, I would go Lords of Flatbush as a movie that I like. Okay. Yeah. Nerds! I don't know what that is. I don't know what it is. Was he in The Wanderers? Or am I crazy? No, he was not in The Wanderers. Fuck me. But it's a good movie.

I did three, I'll do four. I did three, Rocky three, I'll do four. There you go. Four. That's good. Ivan Drago is kind Wanderers. Fuck me. But it's a good movie. I did three. I'll do four. I did three Rocky III. I'll do four. There you go. That's good. Ivan Drago is kind of a spiritual hero to me. I will break him. He's a spiritual leader for you?

If you get a chance, CJ Sullivan, comedian in Chicago, live tweeted it, like watching it on TV, and it's the funniest thing. Like Lupe Fiasco and all these people retweeted it. It's incredible. It's like Apollo Creed has received

20 punches for 20 thrown and has thrown no punch in the first round. Let's see how he comes back in the second. It's incredible. Thank you, brother. Doug never left. That was a joke. He was sitting here. Sean, which one do you like? I think I liked...

I'm just having trouble thinking of movies, but I remembered Copland. I kind of like Copland. Oh, Copland is great. Dude, we have Copland. I kind of like Copland. Oh, Copland's so good. Dude, we have another match. I wrote like for Copland as well. But that is what I sound like. You really had Copland on there?

I really wrote down Copland. I mean, you didn't win anything, but that is a very likable Stallone movie, I think. It's good. Yeah, I think it was a good movie. He plays kind of a frumpy cop with a bad hearing. Well, it's like, he plays the modest, he's kind of like

an untough Rocky where he's just like, he's real modest and shy kind of and you're like, he's endearing. Yeah, I think it's fun. And he's like,

half part deaf, right? Like, didn't he go deaf in one ear from like a horrible cop accident ten years before? Yep, that's why he can't. One of his ears

is now defunct and that's why he's a bad cop. It's a defunct ear. Sure. His ear has been defunct. It was a funky ear. That cop told him to go.

But it's no longer funky anymore. But then he got so much funk in that other ear. Oh, shit, that's a funky ear, motherfucker. Say a word. That's what's up. One of those cops told him to go defunct himself a little too loud in one of his ears, and now he can't hear out of it. That's what's up.

No big deal. No big deal, man. What's a Stallone movie you hate graham oscar yeah that's pretty shitty yeah that's a that's a rough one that's in that that nine late 80s early 90s era where he was just making everything and people like to say but tim curry's really good at that. Yeah, no. No, he's not. What was Oscar? Was he a rich dude? Yeah, and he had a daughter that was sleeping around or something.

Oh, I thought it was... I thought it was an animated movie where he was a statue on somebody's shelf. You're thinking of the Oscars. And I think Sandra Bullock was the voice of Emmy.

And I think that... Michael Sheen was the Golden Globes. Wait, why is that funny? Because he's the international voice of... Stop doing your Italian accent. Hello, I'm from

Sicily, I am dope. I live in a little island near the boot. Hello, governor. And by boot, I don't mean the lift of the back of your car. What? That was fucking stupid. Yes. You don't sound like you're from Sicily.

It's a so bad, it's bad. It's a so bad. And you just did that on accident. Why are you so bad? You just did that. You weren't even trying to do that. You just did it. That just came out of me.

That's fucking... It's the flavors of ragu. The flavors of ragu. Right. Ladies and gentlemen, the flavors of ragu. There's thick flavored, thin flavored. Like, it's that thick of ragu There's thick flavored Thin flavored, like it's that thick Flavored ragu, it's really good

I would love to see a water show that's all ragu Dump it all over my sweatpants and take a bath Like the Bellagio in Vegas Come on down to the Blue ragun We're all grown ups We're all grown up people Women's club

Women's club. Women's club. Yes, all ragus. It's Stop or My Mom Will Shoot. Oh, my God. Yes, we have another match. That's my hate. Schwarzenegger convinced him to do that movie, and it screwed up his career.

And I'm always worried about friends giving me shitty advice, and Schwarzenegger on purpose sabotaged him. Like, God damn it. I mean... How did that conversation shake out? And I'm always worried about friends giving me shitty advice, and Schwarzenegger on purpose sabotaged them. Ugh. God damn it. How did that conversation shake out? I don't know how you look at that script and go, yeah. You got to do the script. Or my mom will shoot.

It's funny because moms don't normally shoot. They don't. But you're not known for shooting. Your mom shoots. Then I guess I should do the movie then. Yes, like, I think it'd be a good move for you to play the biggest pussy cop in the history of cinema. All right, I guess I'll do it. That's still Arnold?

I don't know who that was. I was getting there. I transmogrified into someone else. I can only say short sentences, Arnold. I can just say, it's not a tumor. You guys remember that thing a while back? The sound bites

of Arnold Schwarzenegger like before the internet. You could use sound bites to prank call people. Good story. A lot of those tonight. Nice. Memories.

You'd call people with things that Schwarzenegger said in movies? Yeah, like, shut up or I'm gonna ram my fist into your stomach. And you could just like

call people and fuck with them before they had like caller ID and stuff. You guys remember that? It was fun. Wait, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Which Muppet character were you just doing? I think it was Hungover Grover.

It was Arnold goddamn Schwarzenegger, and we all know it. Hung Grover. Listen, I'm going to do it again. If it bleeds, we can kill it. Yabba-dabba-doo. What? Yabba-dabba-doo. You remember that crossover

episode where they- Ram it into your stomach. Arnold Schwarzenegger. You guys probably all thought he was up here when you closed your eyes like I told you. Did you guys think Arnold snuck onto the stage and did that? Because he didn't. It was just me. So what's up? Rocky Balboa. I hate it. Oh, why?

I thought that was a- I thought that was the third best of the series the fuck the last one with mason the lion dixon i i don't know i didn't know it had a lion in it where they had yeah i'm sure mgm was involved he beat roy jones jr which was uh seen to be impossible up till then an incredible boxer this yeah like i'm saying so like the movie they're gonna have this dude fight the now old Rocky, deaf in one ear. It's like, dude, you gotta like... That's Copland.

Oh, it's a different movie. I thought it was real. But yeah, no, I mean, that dude would have really mollywhopped him. He would have put a hurtin' on him, mopped the floor with him, as they say. That's what they say. It was a bummer. They should have stopped it at Tommy Gunn. That was a good street fight to end his career. Fucking, I'm out, dude. And then he crip-walked out of there. Even the preview where they're like he has speed and youth but you have

strength it's like that doesn't matter speed wins in no matter how strong he is if he can't put a hand on it yeah i'm saying all right finally it sounds like most of these people don't agree with us but i well i think most people are just shocked that this issue is finally being settled in a women's center finally finally people are talking about it um yeah dude i bring shit up yeah stop me your mama's shoe was my uh mine of course and then uh what do you got for uh hate yourself for liking it graham um god there's so many do i go with one of the rambo films or do I go with Cobra? The last Rambo was like an hour of genocide.

It was terrible. Before Rambo stepped up and did anything. It was just a bummer. Didn't it start where they killed a couple kids? That was the first scene. They just shot some kids. No, there's just kids, children and mothers and dudes also just dying, hitting landmines

constantly. Real life shit, dude. If someone's going to explode in a movie, I want that person to be bad. I don't want that person to be a nice person. What if it's a lover's explosion on someone's stomach? Maybe one of those kind of explosions. Wow, that is a... A lover's explosion.

That sentence has never been uttered in this auditorium. There's a lover's explosion in That sentence has never been uttered in this auditorium. There's a lover's explosion in the gift bag, folks. If I didn't already have a name for my new special, holy fucking... A lover's explosion. And make sure to put an A on it. Not lover's explosion.

A lover's explosion. My face is red. I'm embarrassed. My face is red. Oh, my God. It's like a D.H. Lawrence novel. Not a casual acquaintance explosion. We're talking lovers.

Love. You don't explode when it's a casual acquaintance. I love you so much, I'm going to explode my baby gravy all over your midsection. That's actually the Stallone movie I love, is a lover's explosion. Listen, I meant like something sweet,

like a picnic type explosion. I is a lover's explosion. Listen, I meant like something sweet, like a picnic type explosion. I thought that lover's explosion. Sylvester? Oh, shit, it's wrong. I thought it was Sylvester Stallone. No, it's me. I thought Stallone was okay. What do you hate yourself for liking, Matt?

I kind of love myself and hate myself for it, but Cobra. Definitely Cobra. Oh, you're the disease and I'm the cure. Yeah. Cobretti. Cobretti. I love that fucked up comic book device.

That's his name, but they call him Cobra for sure. Cobretti. What area in Italy is the Cobretti family from? Hello! Come to Cobretti Village! Lots of snakes around. Watch your foot. Don't let him

lover explosion in your grill. And I'd be with that name, I'd be like, oh look, here comes Kobe. And he'd be like, it's Cobra. Kobe. Alright, Kobe. Good to see you, Kobe. Sweet Cobes. The lovers never let Cobra go with

his lover's explosion because it's poisonous. It's got venom in it. Nice. Yeah, because he has a Cobra wiener. Big old Cobra go with his lover's explosion because it's poisonous. It's got venom in it. Nice. Yeah. Because he has a Cobra wiener. Big old Cobra dick, dude. It's hard for me to find love because my dick's full of venom. Got you in the Cobra wiener. All right, Sean, what's yours?

I don't know. I can't think of it. I mean, I'm going to pass once. You haven't passed at all. I mean, I don't want to lie. So I'm going to pass because I can't think of it you can pass once you haven't passed at all I mean I don't want to lie so I'm going to pass alright you matched me I passed as well

really yeah I either with Stallone I either like the movie or I don't like the movie I don't hate myself for liking any of it

because it's either garbage or perfection and I would have loved to squeeze in somewhere in this that the Woody Allen film Bananas

because Stallone is the guy one of the guys that tries to mug him like in the subway at the beginning of the movie and that's an awesome movie. What movie? It's very funny. Bananas. Snake bite. I got bitten by a snake.

Yeah, she's running around holding her tits saying she got bitten by a snake. Holding her what? Her eyes? She's holding her eyes? You guys in the... You guys in the... These tits you guys keep talking about. They're called breasts.

We're in the women's... Did you know that originally it was supposed to be Betty Davis tits? And they realized that was too crude. Sung by a woman. That's kind of amazing. The only time I see a woman's tits is when my eyes, they brush past the tits to open the door for the woman. My tits adore you.

So I go right over the tits and I'm like, let me get the door for you and give me the check when dinner's done. So I'll get that too. He's got the tits of the tiger And the dream of the fight Rising up Gotta take it over the tits This has been Love, hate, like, hate, like

Let the games begin Gentlemen, pick your name tags Gives the girl. Gentlemen, pick your name tags. Spoils will be had. Blood will be shed. Gotham will survive. Gotham will survive. Oh, what's that blinking cup right there?

That's crazy. I don't know what's going on with that. Oh, man, there's a lot of enthusiasm, a lot of good name tags. Matt's got a large one that applies to something he said earlier this evening. Oh, of course Graham picked that. I can't believe no one else had a chance. That dude was around last night, and yeah, that's a dope one.

Yeah, Graham has a Captain America shield, and who does that mean you're playing for, Graham? I'm playing for Captain Americ, Eric. And who does that mean you're playing for, Graham? I'm playing for Captain Americ. Eric. His name is Erica. Erica, I guess, is his name. His dude named Erica. A dude named Erica.

And you're holding his panty shield. All right. I got to start a vine of this. Who are you playing for, Matt? I'm playing for I Am Groot, Love Is All You Need. Let me see it. It's a sequel. This is actually a real poster.

This is going to be a sequel to Guardians of the Galaxy with Michelle Pfeiffer. All right, and who are you playing for, Sean? It doesn't have a name on it. I thought it did. I like that it said Legos, Lego-hos. I thought it was fun, and it's a box of ho-hos, and you're stoned out of your gourd, so. I like that it said Legos. Lego-hos. But I thought it was fun. And it's a box of ho-hos, and you're stoned out of your gourd,

so I just figured put two and two together. Ho-hos. But what's your name, player? Paul? Why the fuck didn't you put your name on here, Paul? I'm playing for Paul. I've sort of had a big lifestyle change, though. So let's do a little scene where I'll put those out for me and say,

Hey, Doug, would you like one of these ho-hos? Hey, Doug, man, you want a ho-ho? I got a whole box here. Doug. Doug, you're so stoned that you accidentally slapped them out of my hand. Would you like a ho-ho? Doug. Doug, has your lifestyle changed that you now react like a cat to something?

I bat everything away that comes towards me I don't have a shield like some people uh oh and that shield sort of matches your pants a little bit

yes it does just to put a visual on it for anybody that might be listening I've got tight blue slacks on that's what I'm wearing but yeah I stopped eating sugar so I don't

eat that stuff anymore. Way to go, Paul. Horrible. It was a horrible lifestyle change. I should say, this is Ryan who gave me this. Oh, Ryan. A lot of great name tags tonight. Great job,

everybody. Really nice job. Feel the magic. One woman showed up her cast. She has a sling over her cast. I was like, what am I just supposed to take off her arm like a goddamn... It would be amazing if it was prosthetic. Here's your prize.

You had a fake arm. I'd bring the shit out of that on stage. So next time cut off your arm and get a fake one. Don't be a pussy. Cut off your your arm and get a fake one. Don't be a pussy. Cut off your real arm and get a fake one. Let's play How Much Did This Shit Make?

So bad. Because, you know, again we're at the women's club. Expendables 3 opened today. So let's talk about how much Expendables 2 made at the box office. You had North American, domestic, entire run in millions without going over. According to Mojo, boxofficemojo.com. We'll start with you, Graham.

How much did Expendables 2 make domestic box office North America 625 million dollars god damn what the fuck is that so funny that poor that sounds crazy why is that so funny because

I think Titanic made 700 it sounds the same that's what funny? Is that poor? That sounds crazy to me. Why is that so funny? Because I think Titanic made 700. It sounds insane to me. That's what I was thinking. Really? I was like, Jesus Christ. I thought it was

a perfectly legit guess. I was going to go give him an extra one. I saw it and thought it was the new Gone with the Wind, but I didn't know it made that much money.

I think Avatar's number one and then Avengers and Dark Knight, something like that. But anyway, good bet, Graham. Like I said, $325 million. You know what?

I'll give you that. I'll change it to $325. Sean. Oh, switching it up. I'm going to say $189 million. Okay. And Matt? $1. No. No, no, no, no, no. No. I'm not that no, no, no. No.

I'm not that guy. Please be that guy. I'm going to go 115 million. God damn it. We all went over? It made 85 million dollars. You all lose. You all lose.

Because we didn't guess the exact number. You're all losers. No, you all went over. Yeah, but that's okay. We've got more games. I'm happy just to be sitting with my friends, so I think we're all winners. Didn't you hear that fun round of humiliation applause

that you guys were all so wildly over the actual amount? But $85 million, that's encouraging that they make part three after it only made $85. I'd like to know, obviously, what International is. Oh, International is probably another $400 million. Sure. Because the budget on that thing had to have been $100 million.

And the first Expendables only made it to about $100 domestic. Yeah, you're right. That's part of why all those names are in there. I noticed with the movie Lucy, I just assumed that the dude that played Oldboy is in it. And also that other actor that plays the cop is probably somebody that's big in his country where he's from.

So France. It's very, yeah. That sounded mean, but it wasn't. It's a very smart, you know, international marketing to have, like, three big stars that are internationally known. And all of those guys in Expendables have huge draws overseas. Like, Dolph Lundgren has been making his living

on these movies none of us have ever heard of that he releases, like, one or two a year, and they destroy overseas. Yeah, yeah. So... Don't cry for Expendables movies. So when you say you like show up at like birthday parties and punch someone for money. Yeah. Ivan Drago.

Oh, yay. Don't just assume that I don't know every Dolph Lundgren film ever made either, dude. I keep adding to my lower back tat every movie that he comes out with. I gotta put another movie. Pretty soon it's gonna be a neck tat. There's so many fucking movies on my back, dude.

I know what time it is. You've got Enforcer of Justice coming up on your spine? One, two, and three, man. They wrap around. It's like a Megan Fox type thing on my left side. It's like right here. It's not any motivating scripture.

It's just Dolph Lundgren films. You have Bunny Puncher? That's my favorite. Yeah, yeah. Curtain Maker, dude. Curtain Cutter. He goes to petting zoos and just punches bun scripture. It's just Dolph Lundgren films. You have Bunny Puncher. That's my favorite. Yeah, yeah. Curtain maker, dude. Curtain cutter. He goes to petting zoos and just punches bunnies. It's a whole movie.

Yeah. Do you got cunt swad? Somebody on Twitter said that Megan Fox has had bad plastic surgery to her face. Is that true? She got collagen, right? I mean, didn't she? I don't know. She's fucking gorgeous.

Anybody who says that she's not is out of their mind. Someone call Megan. Come on, Minneapolis. Pay attention. Oh, one guy over there. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Her face is fucked up. People are so quick to say that shit. Megan Fox is gorgeous. I could text her. She's waiting for me in the car. Should I text her? Get her in here?

She can talk about it. Did you crack a window and leave a bowl of water in there? It's kind of hot. If you don't give her a chew toy. Alley-oop, maybe. That was rad. Give her a chew toy. You're a funny guy.

I'll give her a fucking chew toy. All right, so. I said it like I meant it. Why would you want her? That's the bad part. You got to. You got to commit. You don't want someone to chew on toy. All right, so... I said it like I meant it. Why would you want to hurt anyone? You got to. You got to commit. You don't want someone

to chew on your dick. You don't know what I want. It would hurt. You don't know if someone would chew on yours, I guess. Oh. Yeah, mine sucks. Me neither.

That was a Dolph Lundgren movie, Chew on My Dick. There's got to be... One of those. That one was Indonesia, right? Chew on My Dick 3 was the best one. There's got to be

like 50 things we've said that have never been uttered on this stage before. Like when you go to buy tickets, when you buy your tickets to Douglas Movies, the website, when you get on the

Douglas Movies ticketing page, the picture of the stage is a stately piano and a podium. And then this, now this is happening. It's fun. This is no TED Talk.

So let's play ABC's Deez Nuts. This is the matching game where we're going to spell something and you guys are going to take turns coming up with movies that begin with the same letter as the you know, that were on in the title. Terrible

explaining this one. And if you match what I've pre-written like you guys did like crazy in that last thing we played, then you win automatically. We'll start with Graham again, then go to Sean. So we're going to spell out, in honor of Expendables 3,

that's all I want to talk about today. Fuck Let's Be Cops. Let's Be Cops, I thought looked amazing. I thought it looked so funny, and it's like that 9% on Rotten Tomatoes. You only had a 9% boner in that 9%? Yeah.

It looks hilarious, and they're both super funny dudes. Exactly. So I was very disappointed. But you didn't see it, though. I have not seen it, but Rotten Tomatoes, 9%. That's crazy. There's no way that it's... It turns out it's pretty good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I feel you. That sucks, man. I really wanted it to be good. I mean, I do like those guys, so maybe I will enjoy it. Graham, the letter... We'll drop the thon the expendables three and just go expendable so e is the first letter uh every which way but loose

oh very nice well hello uh i went with uh end of watch end of watch the dude that directed that and also wrote training day he's got like a new movie coming out and it looks pretty cool. Sean, X. Any movie that begins with X. I don't know, man. Can I say the X, that Jason Bateman movie? Can that count, please? I can't think of a movie that starts with X.

Also, we saw End of Watch. You know what? Graham, I don't know why you're... I don't know why you're... You really made Captain America sad. I don't know why Graham is approaching the crowd. Captain America's real sad. What is he going to do?

Why is he... What's happening? Captain, wait. Captain. I feel like I did something stupid that I don't know about. Falcon is so sorry. Was Chris Evans in a movie that began with X? Could you please... Just please take a seat, Captain.

Sean, just take a breath. X-Men, dude, X-Men. The X-Men. How'd you pull that indie film out of your head? Where'd you? And Sean wins because that's a match. I just wanted to make it fun for everybody. Didn't we all get a little chortle when I said the X?

Like a dumb fuck, you know? Yeah, I knew what I was doing. Old time. Good business. Good save. You piece of shit. You gotta build your brand. You gotta let people know that you're pretty stupid.

And then they feel bad for you. I went with X-Men because they filmed some of it in Toronto, and I'm going to be there on September 27th as part of the Toronto Just for Laughs festival. Yeah. And then for P, I went with Pay It Forward because that was filmed partially in Vegas, and I'm going to be there.

Why are you doing a Douglas Movies on September 6th? He's plugging. And then for E, I went with Eagle Eye because that was filmed in Chicago. And I'll be at Zany's on 9-11 as it turns out. Oh, wow. I'll be at Zany's in Rosemont September 17th through the 20th. There you go. Great movie.

And then for D, I went with Drugstore Cowboy because I'll be at the Portland Film Festival August 28th and 29th. For A, I went with American Psycho because it was also filmed in Toronto. Did you know that? I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Are you going to be there anytime soon? For B, I went with Bongwater. Why wouldn't I? L. B stands for Bumbershoot. I'll be there. Oh, that's right. End of September. L, I went with

Laughganistan, the Graham Elwood epic. And then E, I went with Every Which Way But Loose, as it turns out. You were just on the wrong E when you said that. God damn it. And then E, I went with Every Which Way But Loose as it turns out. You were just on the wrong E when you said that. And yeah, every time I take E, I'm on the wrong E. Never seems

to work. That was filmed partially in Denver where I'll be on September 15th. S, Sleepless in Seattle. I'll be at the Neptune Theater on August 22nd. Two shows, taping my new TV special. And for three, Inexpendables 3, I went with three amigos.

Three amigos. Yeah. And so, Sean was the winner of that game, so he gets to go first in the Leonard Maltin game! It's all up here. All premeditated. That's why Matt didn't get to go. I was wondering.

Because I fucking schooled the game. I get it. Yeah, you tore it up, man. Keep talking. I know. I'm trying, dude. It's fine. Let me... What happened?

I just faked a seizure. He did a funny thing with his head and I laughed. I always laugh when somebody does something funny with their head. Yeah. You're real stoic now, Captain. That's right. Captain America. What was going on there when you approached the crowd?

What were you going to do to them? Were you just subduing them? Did you think there might be a riot? Yeah, that was crowd control for sure. I thought uh hipsters in the front were gonna get crazy and i thought this guy with a beard was gonna throw a micro brew at me and he had that look in his eye yeah that's a dope stand-up record yeah he was like i'm gonna do my own homebrew and i'm gonna fight you um no it was the obvious X-Men

was standing there. I'm wearing shirts with Marvel characters on it. That's what that was for. I've never smoked weed in front of a women's club until before the show and after the show tonight. And I gotta say, it's been a very liberating experience.

People are gonna be like, couldn't you have tried to get at least one woman on the panel at the women's club? But I'm like, no, experience. People are going to be like, couldn't you have tried to get at least one woman on the panel at the women's club? But I'm like, no, let's tear this shit up. Let's go in there and show women how it's done. It's called... Listen. We don't all agree.

It's diversity, okay? Women have had it too good too long. We're here now. It's about time four white guys got... Come on. Come on, women. Do you know what it's like to never get pulled over by the cops for no reason? You don't know what that's like at all. You guys didn't all grow up

in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, where you can walk around naked at any hour of the day with a $100 bill taped to your forehead, and nobody will rob you. It's a rough life that I have lived. Same with Portland, Oregon. No nudity law. Hence all the strip clubs. Fuck, I miss it. Yeah, it's

dope, man. There are not so much strip clubs in Portland as there are bars with a stripper pole. With a naked girl in it. Yeah, there's not even a pole sometimes. It's just a girl going from just hanging out, stool to stool. Yeah, and it's like Dr. Dre and shit.

Like fun, good music. Yeah. Way too serious. I think Captain A.M. Erica would be a good name for a radio DJ if she's a female. That's right.

Yeah. Hey, Captain A.M. Erica. I think Captain Erica would be a great stripper name. Yeah. Of course. Captain Erica. Stars and stripes.

Top. Love it. Sure. Doing some good work. Getting stripper names at the women's club. What else we got here? Any porn titles you guys want to throw out for them? All of her old boyfriends could watch her dance,

and those would be the X-Men in the crowd. X-Men. Sean Jordan, ladies and gentlemen. At Sean Jordan on Twitter. Check it out. I'd be Iron Man with a rock-hard boner. Thanks, everybody. Iron Man.

I'm sorry. Thank you. I'm sorry. Sean gets to go first, and then we'll go to Matt and then Graham. Sean, pick a category. Would you like deep-fried bacon? That's movies where Kevin Bacon smokes weed. Specific rim.

That's movies that have basketball in it. Or, oh, I refreshed this category. Wins and Scrabble, I've got a new movie that starts with the letter Q. Specific Rim. All right. This movie's got basketball in it. It's from the year 1986. Three stars from Leonard. That's fine.

He says about the... Oh, okay. He says about this movie that it was written by a guy who's written a lot of books. He also says... Accidentally wrote a movie, goddammit. I guess you gotta make it.

Just fucking up and wrote a movie. Whoops. S.O.B. He calls this movie thoroughly ingratiating and just as thoroughly calculated. Ingratiating? Uh-huh. And he also calls it a well-made slice of Americana.

That's a lot of clues. And he names nine people in the cast of Americana. That's a lot of clues. And he names nine people in the cast of this film. How many will it take you to name the film? Is the dude in the audience a zero? Yeah, I heard him. Dickhead. Wait. Are you calling me a dickhead or him a dickhead?

No. Why would I do that? I heard him. Dickhead. It did sound like that. No, I wasn't doing that. I was calling that dickhead a dickhead. I heard that dickhead. It did sound like he... No, I wasn't doing that. I was calling that dickhead a dickhead. I heard that dickhead. Dickhead! Women's Club! I'll say so.

Is that the Women's Club musical, Dickhead? Yeah, Dickhead's a musical. I've never been to the Dickhead Women's Club, but it sounds great. It's great. It's so good. After Doris Dickhead, of course. Yeah. How many did you say, Sean?

I didn't yet. I'll say six. Six names, he says, Matt. Which one are you going with? Zero. Zero names from Matt Bronger. He's bronging it. I will go negative one.

Oh, Shawnee Sean. What are you going to do with that? it. I will go negative one. Oh! Shawnee Sean! What are you going to do with that? Just pray, I guess. Just pray. Name it. Yeah, he says name it. Name the movie and the top-billed person, Graham. I believe it's Gene Hackman. I believe it's Hoosiers.

I prefer the other order, but that is correct. Yeah, I knew it. Alright, what's happening now? There's no need for crowd control. There's nothing to control. I so wish you would have tripped over that fucking cord and fell right in the audience. That would have been so great.

That would have been incredible. That would have been great. Put your shield down. Captain America fell in the audience. I would have just hit this homebrew dude right in the head with my shield. Suck it, Erica! Boom.

You accidentally dropped your microphone like a dickhead, so yeah. Oh. Yeah, it got slippery. It was weird. It was weird. I was so excited. I was like, oh no, I dropped it.

Better go to a knee and let everybody know that I've won. That's usually when comedians drop the microphones because it's slippery. Yeah. But not off the base of the mic stands. So it sounds like everyone... That sounded like

a knife in your ear. That sounded like somebody just... That noise is horrible. That reminds me of a story. Oh, oh, oh, oh! What are you doing? Stop doing that. That's not fun for the listeners. Three in a row.

Wow, Graham has a new... Graham's going out on a vaudeville tour doing the Captain America shield bouncing microphone act. Oh, with whistling too? I thought both your hands were full. I thought we wouldn't have to put up with any whistling. Oh, what now?

That's it. That's it. Hit the showers. He flew too close to the sun. I bet you the sound guy's back there just like plugging his nose like, fuck you! That's my mic I brought from home he's just yelling into a pillow i'm sure of a bitch i'm sure there's a bunch of throw pillows around

since we're at the woman's club so he's probably just screaming into one of those all right now we have some sort of uh grambo got himself a dolly i got a dolly and he's put the microphone on the dolly he's's taking it off probably to be serviced. Another fallen hero. Granbo, come on back. I do a lot of improv. I don't know what the fuck is going on. That microphone has PTSD now.

That microphone is going to tell that story on a date and it's going to have sex that night. So look at you. You just gave that microphone a fun story to tell to its microphone lover. Sounds about right. Matt, you get to pick the next category. Okay, then we'll go to Sean.

Horace Inkling on Twitter suggested Batman vs. Bateman, and that, of course, is movies that Batman versus Bateman and uh that of course is movies that have Jason Bateman and Ben Affleck in them yeah both of them birthday boy

Ben Affleck by the way it's his birthday today um yeah clap for that if you want that reaction

doesn't bode well for the new Batman movie but but at least that Superman that nobody gives a shit about is in there.

Good old Henry Cavill. Boy, is he everybody's favorite since he did that movie. But he is welcome on the show anytime, of course. You son of a bitch. This was suggested by Arno15 on Twitter.

Last weekend I was in Pittsburgh, so it's a fun category called Pit Stains. And that's movies that were filmed in Pittsburgh that got two stars or less from Leonard. And then the classic Penny Dreadful, and that's movies that Gary Marshall, I'm sorry, Penny Marshall, movies that Gary Marshall probably didn't even see

directed by Penny Marshall that got two stars or less from Leonard. Which one of those do you like? Bateman, Batman, Batman, Bateman, Pitstains, or... I'm intrigued by Pitstains. Penny Marshall. Seems challenging. So this is movies that took place in Pittsburgh?

Yes, this is going to be extremely challenging. Two stars or less? Or just two stars? Yeah, well, Leonard gave this one a bomb rating. That can mean cool, though. It's from the year... No, not the bomb. It's not the or the... Oh, shit!

It's the bomb. Leonard probably didn't think that way. Malton reports, this shit is dope, yo. Damn, this shit's off the chains this movie's on point this movie's fly as shit yo for real damn thanks Leonard

drinking a 40 wearing a headband he comes on entertainment tonight and does that he just rolling a blunt like this shit's off the hook

eyes like blood marbles just stoned to shit in the fucking rope chain he's still got a two way pager that kind of thing yeah fucking I'm letting people know, dude.

He used to be on a movie review show where he and the other critic would say whether a movie was hot or not each time. It was kind of like thumbs up or thumbs down, hot or not. But then I asked him one time, I was like, isn't that weird when you have to go, Schindler's List, it's hot.

That's what I was thinking. That's what came to my mind. It's so hot. Schindler's List was so hot. Sophie's Choice, so hot. Oh my God. Beaches, that was pretty hot. Yeah.

Philadelphia was so hot. Hot. So crazy hot. It was moving. It was emotionally... We give it two thumbs hot. Hotel Rwanda, not. So this movie from 2000 that was filmed in Pittsburgh,

or takes place in Pittsburgh, I don't know which, Leonard's first line of this review, I'm going to give you the whole thing. He says, title describes your inevitable state if you waste just two minutes watching this woeful attempt to revive screwball slapstick.

Yeah, that's what he says about it yeah he also says it's the directing debut of two dudes a pair of dudes directed this movie and uh he lists six names how many names you think it'll take you to name it Matt uh negative two whoa what is happening Sean Jordan what do you do with the negative two thrown at you like that look at me why he's smiling dude you're throwing me off. Sorry. Hey. All right. I mean, I doubt he's bluffing. He could be absolutely wrong about what he thinks it is,

but I don't think he's bluffing. Sean, do you know negative three on this? Listen, gentlemen, I've played the game before. Okay, I'm just looking at the game. Yeah, name it. We're just trying to help you. I know. Name it.

I don't know what it is. All right. Name of the movie and the top two billed people in the film in the correct order. Basketball. It's so good. No? Okay. Matt Stone and Trey Parker. No.

Did Basketball take place in Pittsburgh? I don't know where it took place. This is a film that the title of the film while they were making it was Pittsburgh and then when they put it out, they changed it to Screwed. Screwed, starring Norm Macdonald and Dave Chappelle. Oh, shit. Wow.

Yeah, that was a tough one. That was a tough one for sure, but you really, you came out swinging anyway. I thought, hey, I figured, because I literally have like five minutes before I have to go, so I figured, I went big. Well, do it again. Go big again. Sean Gordon is on the board. Everybody.

Okay. All right. We'll go big. Next. Graham. Graham. Elwood goes first. Then we go to Sean Graham.

Would you like from these categories? Martin Sheen celebrated a birthday recently and I, I like that guy. So I put him in here and kept it in here. So the films of Martin Sheen or you Sonic on Twitter suggested evacuate your vowels and that's movie titles that have no vowels in them no vowels at all yes there are some

movie titles that have no vowels and what? American films? yes American films not just Icelandic or Armenian let me ask you this do you think numbers are vowels? and then I'm sorry maybe three Not just Icelandic or Armenian. Oh, there's numbers, though. There's numbers. Let me ask you this. Do you think numbers are vowels? And then... I'm sorry.

Maybe three. I didn't mean to piss everybody off. At laser with a Z spelled with an S. I know. It's crazy. Crazy Twitter name. Into the storm. And that's films where Halle Berry has sex.

Apologies to the esteemed women's club of Minneapolis. All right, so I will go Martin Sheen. Oh, okay. Films of Martin Sheen. Yeah. This particular film is from 1987. Three stars from Leonard. He says about this movie that...

It's short on subtlety, this movie. He also says it's completely absorbing. Yeah. And he lists a whopping 8, 11, 14, 17, 18 names. 18 names, Graham. How many names did it take you to discern

this Martin Sheen film that is those things that I said? I got a pretty sweet poker face. My poker face is amazing. It's short on subtlety, but completely absorbing. How many

names, Graham? Answer me now. What's up, Paul? Let's go um Let's go negative two. What?

Sean, Sean Jordan, I know what you're going to do. Right? What am I going to do? Moonwalk to the fucking comedy? Yeah, name it, man. Name it. All right, what's it called? Who are the top two billed people?

Is it Wall Street, Michael Douglas, and Charlie Sheen? We have a three-way tie. All right. No, we don't. Graham is our winner. Yay! That's what I meant to say. Instead of three-way tie, Graham is our winner.

Well, Sean was. I got so excited for the three-way tie. Matt Bronger has to leave right now. What are your plugs, Matt? What's going on? Look for my new special out in the next couple of months and go to mattbronger.com

to find out if I'm coming to your town. And yeah, these posters are available online if you go to my website. And keep on paying attention to Doug because he's super fun and fucking awesome. And Matt, thank you. Matt Bronger, can you sign your poster on the way out? I will do it right now.

Thanks for coming, you guys. Here we go, Matt Bronger, everybody. Hey, everybody. See Matt live. He's hilarious. If you haven't seen Matt live, check him out for sure. Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't be mad at you if you jumped up and ran out of here and chased him over to act me. But now that he's gone. Can we talk about that breath?

We just get rid of Matt to talk shit about him. And how delightful it is? Well, he took mine away. I thought when Matt left, we were going to talk shit about Graham's breath. You can catch up with him. He's not too far. You can get your breath back. But yeah, Graham Elwood is our winner,

everybody. I know you're really busy, Graham, but this puts you back in the mix for the Tournament of Championships. If you want to come back and go after some of these guys that have been your nemeses. Graham-julations.

Plural? Is there a shithead on the back of your shield? that have been your nemeses. Congramdulations. Glyze plural? Is there a shithead on the back of your shield? Yes. Okay, let's bring that over to me, please. Is there a shithead on your sign there? Or no, here's this. Oh, wait, no, I don't need grams.

I'm sorry. Is there one on the back of I'm Groot on the sign that... Yes, there is. Perfect. And there's one on this one. Oh, great. Let's peel that off, please. I got it.

I got it. Oh, wait, there's more. Oh, there's two shitheads. Say word, Playboy. You know what time it is. There it is. There's another one. Can I?

You don't like that one? Graham, what are your last minute plugs here before we go? I'm headlining, like I said, in China and then the Hollywood Improv September 13th and Zany's in Rosemont September 17th through 20th. Don't laugh. China needs comedy. Yeah, it does.

And Graham's act is like a lot of grains of rice. Individually, they're like, what? But together, mmm. that's my next album uh la pod fest september 26th through 28th you can get all of this stuff at grahamelwood.com minneapolis it was so great to come back thank you so much i wanna yes go see graham in the lobby of this gorgeous complex where he will have a table of Whistling Bane shirts. I just wanted,

can I say about a show coming up? Yeah. Did you think we're left here alone? I'm just going to ignore you. Yeah. No, tell us your plug, Sean. What do you got going on, man? I run a show in Portland.

It's called Funny Over Everything, and we have Ryan Sickler and Jay Larson. They're going to be there on August 29th, and I don't know if you guys know who they are, but they're two of my favorite comedians in the world, and I just want everybody to come to this show. I know none of you are going to make it, unfortunately, but anybody in Portland on August 29th,

come to that, and when does this come out? Will it be out by Saturday? Tomorrow-ish. If any of you feel like driving down to Sioux Falls, I'll be with Todd Berry on Saturday at the Orpheum, or Friday, something like that. Todd Berry is a delight, you're a delight. Thanks, buddy. And then I, thanks, Sean

Jordan, everybody. Minneapolis is my favorite city in the world. in the world. We gotta have, where's the person that Graham was playing for? You got your shield back. I guess that's the most important thing

is getting that shield back. But all these prizes are yours too if you want to come get them. And as I, yeah. Security, it's okay can you can you carry everything maybe you should get somebody to help you or something and the person whose I am Groot poster that is that's really nice you probably want that back

as well but yeah there you go it's a nice poster and a bag of crap and a bucket of shit. Enjoy it. Captain Am Eric. Thank you to not only the Women's Club of Minneapolis but also Acme Comedy Club for helping put this together and for all you guys for coming out. I love you, Minneapolis. And as always, Mark Wahlberg is a shithead. Hey, you forgot your cannabis sativa book. That's a sentence that's probably said a lot. Captain, do you want your cannabis sativa book? I'll give it to you in a minute. Oh, okay.

Here we go. Wow, you jumped up there like you were jumping across the hood of a car in the 70s. One more time for Captain Am Erica. And I can't really disagree with this. It's written on the leg. Ho-ho's.

Parkinson's disease is a shithead. Go ahead and play the end theme. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes abold, his viewing crowd was big, sick, foggy. There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies.