Doug Loves Movies - Melissa Stetten, Scott Thompson and Ken Reid guest

Episode Date: January 31, 2017

Live from the NerdMelt Showroom in LA, Doug welcomes Melissa Stetten, Scott Thompson and Ken Reid to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 azopop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. There was a second there where it felt like you guys might not do it. Like, it's finally the audience is like, no, we're not going to say it. Also, first time ever, empty seats in the front row.

What is that about? Is this the shyest group of people? Have I yelled at the front row too much? Nobody wants to sit in it anymore? Is it this guy? Does this guy smell real bad right there? Yeah, there you go. You got to fill up the front row.

Oh, shit, everybody's moving up. Okay, I didn't mean to cause this anarchy. Stay where you are, everyone. Settle down. But thank you for being here. It's, of course, Meltdown Comics once again here in Los Angeles. I could

hear them when I was talking and then they stopped, but the crickets are in effect. Yeah, there's a cricket in the room, so anytime it gets quiet, we're going to hear it. It's Monday, January 30th, 2017. What's the name tag situation

tonight? We've got Jason Shine. Jay Sunshine. Jay Sunshine. I apologize to you and your family. What's that one? I can see through it because of the light coming from behind. Oh, it's Nacho Libre?

Nico Libre. And you're Nick? Yeah. Nico Libre. I like it. Aunt Manthony? Yes. And your name's Anthony? Yes. Okay.

I swear to God there might be, okay, there's more name tags than guests, but it's close. I mean, I don't want to complain about the people that are here, because you guys are here, but Los Angeles needs to fucking step up, because I get premium guests here in the Los Angeles shows, as you guys that are here know.

And, you know, I can't have a bunch of empty seats in the front row and three name tags. This is my call out to Los Angeles. Get it together. Tomorrow night. Oh wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. I had a great time last night in San Francisco

at the as part of SF Sketch Fest. We did a premium episode of Doug Loves Movies. It should be available on iTunes in about a week in the comedy album section for two bucks. And it shows up on DougLovesMovies.com even sooner if you want to get it there. Doug plugs.

Tomorrow night, Doug Loves Movies is across town at the UCB Franklin location at 930. And then on Valentine's Day, I'm going to be in San Diego. A big fan of the show that comes to a lot of shows here, named Chelsea, asked me, yeah, you know who you are. She asked me out back, is it worth it to go to the San Diego show? She asked me out back, is it worth it to go to the San Diego show?

I was like, I like to think so, but you live here, and we do lots of shows here, so you could probably skip it. But if you want to go down there, it's Valentine's. I mean, I can't think of a more romantic thing to do than to go to a basement comedy club in downtown San Diego and watch me and three other nerds talk about movies. That's some sexy

ass shit right there. Raleigh, North Carolina. I'm going to be there February 16th doing stand-up and then February 18th doing Doug Lowe'sies at Good Nights and all of my dates and deets are at DougLovesMovies.com at DougLovesMovies.com

that's pretty good because a lot of you are like oh yeah he mentioned that recently that we should do that and we'll see if that catches on. The prize bag. I got a beautiful bag that says,

Seaman Hole Hard Rock Hotel. Yeah, the Seaman Hole Hard Rock. Doug Loves Movies t-shirt. Yeah, that's the best thing in the bag. This is weird. This is like a cocktail shaker thingy from the Wii Network.

And I had it in my wet bar area of my kitchen for a little while and then I was like, I'm never gonna fucking shake a cocktail in that thing. We got some rolling papers. We got, I grabbed a bunch of Lifesavers from the

uh, from the Uber that I was in earlier. Because I know a lot of people are saying boycott Uber. I'm saying take all of their mints. When you ride in an Uber, take all their mints. We got a Peacemaker pipe, and there's something else good in here, I think.

Oh, a lighter. That's not that great. Some rolling papers. Oh, here's the other thing I wanted to say. That's not it. That's just a picture of my face. Oh, here's the other thing I wanted to say. That's not it. That's just a picture of my face. Oh, Audible. Our friends at Audible, Audible sponsored SF Sketch Fest,

so we're happy to participate in that. And then they also gave out to a bunch of people at Sketch Fest a free audio book, a code to listen to a free audio book. So I grabbed some of those and I put one of those in the prize bag. All of that is going to be someone's tonight in addition to

the stuff brought by my three terrific guests. We got one newbie and a couple of oldbies. Please give a big warm Los Angeles welcome. I don't know why I had to say Los Angeles welcome I'm really down on Los Angeles

right now also the fucking weather man like it is so nice outside right now let's just go outside and let's just do this in the parking lot let's just let's just have a big smoke circle that's also a Last Man Stanton game. And if you miss, you have to leave, you have to go home, and

we get to continue to smoke your weed. That would be a fun thing to do just anyway. But we got three great guests. Please give a big warm welcome to Melissa Stadden, Ken Reed, and Scott Thompson. Thank you. Hey. Hey! Oh! Good job. Perfect.

Yep. Let's meet everybody individually. So far, you're all so polite. I like this already. Okay. me to everybody individually. So far, you're all so polite. I like this already. Starting with the person who's never been on this show before.

That's me. And did I say your name right the first time? No. How do you pronounce it? Staten? Staten. Staten. What did I say? Did I say Staten? You said Staten. Well, you know, Staten Island is one of my top seven favorite islands. And so it's hard not to say that.

But also Staten is a name I'm not... Anyway, Melissa Staten is here, everybody. It's not what you'd call a common name, Staten. It's a German name. It's a very common German. In Germany, it's common. But have you ever met another... I mean, I guess maybe you have because you're extra focused on it,

but you're my first Stetton. I don't know any other ones for my sister and my family. Okay, well that makes sense. My first Stetton sounds like it should be an indie film. Yes. Okay.

Just about a guy that dates only one last name. And, yeah, okay. I like it. You are one of the, the reason that you caught my attention is you're in a motion picture documentary that I enjoy a great deal about your ladies basketball team. Is that the right way to say it? The Pistol Strips, you guys.

You guys know the Pistol Strips? They're all liars. We've had your play-by-play guys on the show before. Oh, yeah. And Aubrey Plaza did the show once before. She is no longer on the team. She's out of the team? Which, why? She's a traitor. No, really. She is no longer on the team. She's out of the team? Which, why?

She's a traitor. No, really? She went to her sister's team. No, she didn't. Well, she broke her Achilles or something last two seasons ago. While she was playing on her sister's team. Oh. After our game.

Okay. And so she, then she's like, well, I'm going to play with my sister's team. She was on two teams? Well, yeah. She wore a wig and she played on her sister's team. And that's when she got injured. So she couldn't play for a year. And then she's like, well, I'm just going to go to my sister's team.

She got a karma injury. Because in the movie, they talk about her injury, right? Yeah. Yeah. And they make it sound like when she gets better, she's going to be a pistol shrimp again. But no. What's her sister's team called?

They're called the Spice Squirrels. Spice Squirrels? You know that cafe. What the fuck? I'm so angry at that name. Is it a real league? Oh, yeah. Oh, it's real.

This is all real. It's a municipal women's. We play a real league? Oh, yeah. Oh, it's real. This is all real. We play at Pan Pacific. And there's a whole documentary about it. And Aubrey Plaza gets a lot of attention in it because she's arguably the most famous of the Pistol Shrimps, but there's a lot of great shrimps.

And the whole team's really fun. And then also the Play-By-Play guys have a podcast where you can listen to them talking about these ladies' basketball games. And they know nothing about basketball. And they know nothing about basketball, or ladies probably. So it's

all of it, just I'm delighted to no end by all of it, and so I'm very happy to have you here. Thanks. Yeah. Do you know what's going to happen tonight?

Do you know the particulars of this show? Some questions about movies. Yeah, that'll happen. All I know. And also, you know, there's a point where you have to pick

a name tag from the audience. You have to pick somebody that you want to play on behalf of. the audience. You have to pick somebody that you want to play on behalf of. And we'll walk you through all of it. And also there's a really loud cricket in the room. Have you ever played

basketball with crickets in the room? That's like she took a pause just to emphasize that there is indeed a cricket. But isn't there... Is there a team called the Crickets? There must be a... The Comedy Club Crickets.

Do you know what a pistol shrimp is? Is that a dirty term? No. Is that like... Yeah, yeah. It's a Taurus. Is that what it is? No.

A pistol shrimp is this weird shrimp that when its enemies come around, it can fire off. What is it that comes out of it? It's like an air bubble. An air bubble. It farts out. But it's like a pistol.

Like a sonic boot. It shoots at its enemies like, get away from me. And so they named the girls basketball team, girls. Ladies. The pistol strips, which is another thing I love about it. I never knew about pistol strips until I saw that. So what does air do when it hits you? Well, they're underwater

first of all. So they drown in air. Does it like bring them to the surface or something? When they blow the bubble at you you jump into it and then you rise up to the surface. It's like an elevator. It's just a breathing apparatus. It's the trickle elevator strip where I'm from.

Have you ever seen a sea cucumber's defense? I just love that you just said, did you ever see a sea cucumber's defense? I've seen a lot of sea cucumbers. Sea cucumbers. If they freak out, they shoot their own guts out of their body. Like, they shoot them out, and I think it kills them. But when... It's a bad defense. They die when they do it? Like, I'm going to defend myself

and die at the same time? They just turn inside out as a defense. Like, I'd rather kill myself than let you do it. You can't fire me, I quit. But as kids on the beach... Take these guts and shove it. So that's Ken Reed, everybody. Our friend from the Boston area of this country

and the host of the TV Guidance Counselor podcast. Indeed. And I just want to get right to it. It's kind of an elephant in the room. It's a big box of TV guides in the room. It is. You brought like 40 pounds of TV guides. Yeah, this is like two children's worth of TV guides.

There's about 200 TV guides in there from the West Coast collection that I will not be bringing back to me in Boston because of Trump's executive order. There was a weird clause in there that you can't travel with TV guides. So I'm not flying them back.

So this is for the prize bag. There's 200 TV guides from the 80s. I have a collection of about 50 TV guides. You're a good person. From the 90s. Did you have your own subscription? Or were you just like, I... No, no. I found them in a box

on like Santa Monica Boulevard. Just on the side of the road. And then I bought some from eBay and then I... So I have like all the 90s. It's pretty great

to have them. It's really fun. This is an instant collection. Why is it great? Well, well, Scott, let's also, let's meet you real quickly.

Let's introduce you to the crowd. Scott Thompson is here, everybody. I still you real quickly. Let's introduce you to the crowd. Scott Thompson is here, everybody. I still want to know. Oh, I have a good answer. I still want to know. But just, Ken, just to show Scott the magic of, you're not familiar with TV Guide.

They didn't have TV Guide in Canada. Yeah, you could, if you were rich, you could get it. Yeah. But why would you want... Like, rich people would have the TV Guide. Why would you want channel listings people would have the tv why would you want channel listings from the united states if you're watching canadian television and know what you're missing they have they have i i don't even know i don't even i don't know other than the

articles there's some great articles from the pictures i guess and uh so these are just red these aren't fall preview issues these are just all the issues there's a couple of fall previews in there uh but it's all the issues. The joke I always make when people would ask me why I'd have them was for alibis. Because I would know exactly what was on when and could describe what I watched. That's a great idea. Because I'd be like, surely this maniac hasn't

kept an issue from 1986. He's not lying. He was watching this love boat. He told us the whole plot. But they're fun to look at because they're made to be disposable. And they're not. And they're not. So are old diapers.

Yeah, and dead cats. Yeah, wipe your ass with these, whoever wins them. I have a podcast about dead cats, too. So you're giving this entire heavy box of TV guides

to the winner tonight. Yeah, and they could give it out to the audience or also as the prize I will carry it to their car for them. And what is that? Is there like a t-shirt

in there as well? Yeah, there's some Ken Reed t-shirts and buttons and a CD and I think that's it. That's a little overkill. It is.

T-shirt. Yeah. Is this just stuff you needed to get rid of from your house? That is pretty much. Yep. It's all part of his alibi building.

That's right. I wish I brought an old juicer that I don't like anymore. There's clothes in my size that I'd like to give to someone who's roughly my build, and there's a lighter and some gasoline. I'm not planning to fake my own death Fletch style, but... Fletch faked his own death? That was the plan in the original Fletch.

They got him as a vagrant on the boardwalk and they were going to have him be the body of the guy. Well, that's what they wanted him to do, but he didn't do it. No, he wouldn't go for it. They didn't pay him enough. I just love that movie because

whenever I'm watching Beverly Hills Cop, I go, I like this theme, but I want it to be just slightly off. And then you watch Fletch and you go, there it is. Because in Beverly Hills Cop, it's... And then in Fletch, it's like... And you're like, well, pretty much the same, but kind of different. Another one that I always liked was...

There was a comedian who played the piano and he'd go, Born free, as free as the wind blows, Star Wars. Like he'd point out that Born Free and Star Wars are the same. All right, so Scott Thompson is here. You live in Los Angeles now.

Yeah, I just moved back three weeks ago. That's how stupid I am. Really great timing. I can't wait to get back into America with all the shit that's going on. Is your apartment available in Canada right now? Canada is way too stable right now. I know and I left eight years ago.

I'm like, oh God, a biracial president. Gay marriage on the horizon. Things are getting easy. I gotta get out of here. No, we were on our way. Now I'm back. I'm a war comic. We need you now more than ever. I know, I do. Bring your Canadian values to our world

down here. Someone's gotta skate down the center. We need it. No one else is. And yeah, so a couple weeks ago, you were a guest on my Benson movie interruption at the SF Sketch Fest where we watched Fifty Shades of Grey. And that movie is so terrible that you got up and left partway through.

I did. What did it for you? Was it like a final straw? No, I had an actual S&M movie at home waiting for me. Yeah, like waiting in my queue. Yeah, it is the tamest

fucking movie ever. Like, I mean, an hour in and there wasn't even a decent spanking. I'm out of here. I had to go. Yeah, no, I think, yeah, the spanking might be

in the next part. Is that darker? Like, at the end of the. I had to go. Yeah, no, I think, yeah, the spanking might be in the next part. Is that darker? Like at the end of the, it's 50 Shades Darker. The end of the first one is like a cliffhanger where she gets into the elevator and he's like,

are you going to sign my papers? And she's like, maybe. And then the elevator door is closed. That's what you missed when you left. So you left because you were physically sick. Yeah, I was sick. I had like, stomach flu.

Yeah, I had a stomach flu so I was vomiting and the movie wasn't helping. It was like visual hippocampus. The movie wasn't helping you to keep the vomit in? No, no. And I didn't miss much

though, I don't think. I don't think so. But I'm definitely going to go see Darker. Absolutely. Will you be able to follow it? Yeah. Well, I think I should.

Well, because in that one the white to follow it? I think I should. Because in that one, the white oppressive guy, I think he has a black dick or something. There's a movie called Welcome Home Brother Charles. Have you ever seen that? That's the plot. It's a 70s blaxploitation movie. It's a white guy with a black dick?

He gets this dead black guy's dick and it possesses him and he goes and kills everybody. It's like a horrifically offensive movie called Welcome Home, Brother Charles. How did I miss that one? Yeah, we gotta check that out. Has it ever been on TV? I don't think it's aired on TV. It aired on TV

in an edited version. It was one minute. He was like, is that Brother Charles? And then it was just the ending. No, it was a big he was like is that brother charles and then it was just the ending it was no i was it was a big like 42nd street grindhouse movie that's good all right i knew i know of the watermelon man oh yes yeah yeah they don't make movies like that anymore they're going to start again maybe that i really predict that yo there's a lot to look forward to an actual underground is going to start up again oh it's going to be fantastic how crazy would it be it's definitely a boot to happen right if 50 shades darker was just a remake of black

like me like the main character wakes up black one day and it just turns into a black like me wakes up black one day and it just turns into black like me. What's the third one called? What? You mean Darkest? The third... Let's conjugate this movie.

The third gray book. Because there's probably three books, right? Because they say they're going to make three movies. Fifty Shades of Gray, Fifty Shades Darker.

And then what could that last one be? Fade to black. Yeah. How about the third one's called Black as Shit? Yeah. Or we find out that the notebook's actually the third one.

Oh. I like that. A weird misdirection. We already made it. There's a sticker on the... They don't have to make the movie. Yeah, the movie's already done. They just re-dub the notebook and really sit. Different dialogue.

I'm enjoying Ryanyan gosling comedian like when you saw notebook and many of his other early movies he was always so so serious all the time or at least romantic or whatever but like i the nice guys i think he's so funny in that and then he's kind of funny in la la land he is funny in la la land yeah yeah he's got he brings some uh some personality quirks to it. Like, I like when he walks into his apartment and his sister's there. Oh, yeah.

The take he does where he's just like... Yeah, he does some... He has an amazing deadpan. He's amazing. I thought he was great. That might be the name of the next Shades of Dark movie. Deadpan? Amazing deadpan.

Just ignore deadpan past it. Yeah. All right, we got to talk prize bag. I know Ken brought a heavy thing. Yeah. So I hope everybody else's is lighter. Melissa, what do you have for us? I have lapel pins.

See, this is perfect. Yeah. Like, you brought the smallest prize ever. And Ken brought the smallest prize ever. It's, and Ken brought the heaviest. This is from, this is my pin company called Patty Lapel.

Oh, I've purchased things from you before. You have? I have, absolutely have. All right. So one of them is,

welcome back to Weirdos Meeting. You've mailed things to my home. Oh yeah. I know your address. Yes. This is a blockbuster VHS of Gremlins to the New Batch.

Whoa. And this is a, this is kind of a collection we just started. It's called The Most Important Quotes in the History of Film, and it's the mask saying smoking. Smoking. Like we're probably going do a oh wow my wife for sure

all right I'll take those off your hands those look so perfect how small they are I love that blockbuster such the detail you did other blockbuster ones do a different it was a burbs yeah the burbs and Encino Man. We do a new one every two to three hundred pins.

It's my life. I would watch the Burbs and Encino Man back to back. So good. Brendan Fraser is so good. If that could happen. Right? Yeah. I like Brendan Fraser in that.

All right, so what do you got there for us, Scott? Okay, I brought my graphic novel that I wrote, The Hollow Planet. It's the adventures of Danny Husk, my businessman character as a sex slave at the center of the earth. It's part one. There's going to be another one coming out

if someone wants to publish it. No one wants to publish it, but they do. Well, we're in the back of a comic book store, so maybe we can get some action going. Yeah, maybe they can put that. Yeah. I don't even know if they have it.

I'm too afraid to look because it would break my heart. But they can just tell you it's sold out if they don't carry it. Okay, I'm lying. I've looked. It's not there.

The only one on the panel who's been in a movie with Brendan Fraser, I think. Yes, I have. Yes. He's in Brain Candy. Yeah. What?

Yes. How did you get him? He's Canadian. Yes, I have. Yes. He's in Brain Candy. Yeah. What? Yeah. How did you get him? He's Canadian. We don't have to... Oh, really? He's Canadian? Canadians just have to show up? He's conscripted?

We just asked him. If you ask a Canadian and they say no, everybody will find out and they'll be shamed. They do a scroll on the news every night of Canadian actors who said no to things.

That's true. No, he wouldn't dare say no. No, he's in it. In Boston, when he was shooting that movie where the animals attack him. I think it might have been called Animals Attack Brendan Fraser. That's not what it was called. Furry Vengeance.

I don't look anything like Brendan Fraser, but I was the only one in Boston who was close to his height, so they kept begging me to be his lighting double. They'd be like, it's all night, but it's $50. I was like, only one in Boston who was close to his height. So they kept begging me to be his lighting double. And they'd be like, it's all night, but it's $50. And I was like, I can't. I have things to do. And that's how few actors are in Boston now that they were like,

we need you to please be Brendan Fraser's lighting double for this movie. And I didn't do it. Furry Vengeance takes place in Boston? I don't know if it takes place there but they shot it there they shot at the jungles of boston when that squirrel was like look you fucking loser you fucking crossed me the last time you son of a bitch so ken as a bostonian yeah, did you see Patriot's Day? No, I was sickened by it, that they made it.

But they wouldn't let them recreate the shootout in Watertown, Mass, because people were like, that was a year ago, and we got shot. Yeah, kind of reset. Please don't do that same thing in the same spot. So they built that town in two towns over and i work in watertown and i was driving to work one day and drove through the fake watertown and got very confused because they literally built where my office is but like 15 minutes too early in my drive and i was like what the hell is going on And those big lights tipped me off. But I was so confused.

And I'll never forgive Donnie Wahlberg for that, even though he had nothing to do with the movie. Yeah, I was going to say. Donnie. I blame him. He could have talked Mark out of it. But Mark went on this tour where he would go to hospitals where people with no legs that got blown up and be like,

look, y'all, if I didn't do it, someone else would have, and they wouldn't have done it right. And I was just like, shut the fuck up. Like, no, like, you don't hear... It's not a bad movie. It's okay, but he plays a fictional character that is like five different police officers. That's what I was going to ask you,

is like his character has to be there at every turn in the story, and it was a bunch of different departments and places that dealt with the whole thing. So it's a completely fictional hero character who the scenes that I've seen, he's like, yo, I'm telling you, we got to go find these Russian guys. And then he's like, yo, let Boston know. They'll find out.

It's like this. I can't wait to see him in 9-11, colon, not on my watch. Yeah. Where he plays everyone in America. Yeah. not on my watch. Where he plays everyone in America. It's like an amalgam of everybody. Alright, so we got all the prizes squared up, right? We figured all that out.

And somebody's going out of here with all these TV guys. You could probably make a chair out of them. They're good coasters. They're great coasters. They're really great coasters, I've been told by a person in the audience who thinks telling me things is cool.

If you have 200 drinks at home and you don't know where to put them, boom. 200 coasters. Let's talk recent movie going experiences Melissa have you seen there oh my god yay you just jimmiede'd that cricket we cheered the murder of a cricket oh that was a wet one man

there'll be more his family's I'm sorry but I had I just saw I had to that's why global warming is happening that guy

cause that's literally the worst bug for a comedy show like we could have cicadas or anything but crickets if it was a cockroach, I would say,

let it live, not a cricket. But also, like, why wasn't it just hanging out like in the rafters? Like, normally, you can't find a cricket, but this one was like,

you know what? I'm going to try to get a little closer to the action. I really hate this show. It was charging the stage. It charged the stage? I heard there were seats in the front.

Maybe he was one of our consciences that was going to tell us not to do something bad and now we'll never know what it was. Yeah. R.I.P. Jiminy. What were we talking about Melissa? I saw Split oh yeah okay

and you got through the whole thing? I did I'm not gonna do any spoilers but there wasn't really a twist it was a Shyamalan no twist? there was a twist but it doesn twist? There was a twist. But it doesn't count as a twist.

But it doesn't count as a twist. It's not twisty enough. They could have at least, after the opening credits, played a dog's purpose. That would be a cool twist. That'd be a fun twist. Had Chubby Checker come out and start dancing. Hit you with the twist right away.

Hey, the twist is this movie doesn't even exist. Yeah. You're waiting for a twist and it's like like the last the visit was really good

the last one with the grandparents oh you liked that yeah I thought that was great alright cause the twist happened I was like oh

that's a twist but you know what's the twist gonna be in Split oh he doesn't have 40 personalities he has 41 personalities like is that the twist what are they twist going to be in Split? Oh, he doesn't have 40 personalities. He has 41 personalities. Was that the twist?

What are they going to add to it? But I heard that he does a good job. Oh, he's fantastic. He's really, really good. James McAvoy. Yeah, he's good. Well, there's a good twist at the end of Moonlight. Instead of getting fucked, he gets a pat on the head.

That's a really good twist. Good job, buddy. Good job. I don't know what's going on in the audience right now. I don't know if you guys have all not seen Moonlight or are just recoiling at the notion that that was a massive spoiler. Okay, so it wasn't that. Yeah, there's still more cr that. Yeah.

Yeah, there's still more crickets. Yeah, his family's coming to avenge him. Yeah, you cricket killers are not finished yet. There's more work to be done. That cricket was probably just trying to get away from its family. He might have been a criminal on the run

and they're hunting him. It's a cricket posse yeah we're gonna see little pitchforks uh what was the last movie you saw ken uh this is not a contemporary movie but i finally saw krampus krampus from like three years ago it was uh it wasn't this last christmas but the one before and now it's probably gonna it's a you know you make a movie about Christmas people show it every year. Oh yeah.

So that's a you know just a free tip to anybody. Yeah. Make a holiday movie. Yeah. Make a goddamn Christmas movie and

it'll get shown. Unless it's a bad one. Oh really? No I like Krampus. It was good. No but I'm just saying like you you didn't notice

all the shit Christmas movies that play every year at Christmas? There are some bad ones. Just because they're Christmas movies? Christmas with the cranks? That's true. Is that the one with Matthew Broderick and the neighbors?

Deck the Halls? Oh, that's terrible. Danny DeVito? What's the one with Schwarzenegger and the toy? Oh, Jingle All the Way. Yeah, yeah. I love that you even said it that way. Everyone here was like

it's jingle all the way that's a good one why don't you know the name of that well because i i had a hypnotist block all knowledge of jtt out of my head uh my pin company actually made sinbad wearing the male uniform from jingle all the way nice nice was that license from sinbad you might want to cut that out. Sinbad, very litigious. Limited edition. Yeah, Krampus isn't bad. It's not as great as people made it out to be, I feel.

I think it stood out. I wish it would have been a little scarier. Yeah, scarier would have been good. It was always good to see comedians in a horror movie, which doesn't happen enough. Koechner is money in the bank. Yeah. Yeah, he's great. Adam Scott's great And I thought the end was kind of a cop-out Right when it turns out they're all dead the whole time Oh, I thought you were gonna say when they suddenly cut to the final reel of cop-out

Yeah, they show cop-out and then M Night Shyamalan comes in The last ending is a cop-out because they just chop in cop-out. This might be a crazy idea, but how much money would we make if we could get M. Night Shyamalan to record a 45 of the twist and release like a Mondo limited edition 7-inch of him performing the twist?

The dance? Yeah. The dance? The. Like the dude does things to show a checker song. Yeah. The medical procedure. I get it. I mean, M. Night likes to be

in his own movies, so he probably also would like to be a recording star. I'm sure he would. So, yeah. Is he in the split? M. Night, does he do a dance? Does he show up?

Ah, no. Yeah. He is in the split. Ah, he? Does he show up? Ah, no. He is in the split. He does? Did you even see this movie? Which character? Is there a random Indian guy that wanders in? Betty Buckley's assistant. Is that his credit?

Yeah. So she's sitting there drinking milk and singing about the moonlight. Or midnight. Fuck, I fucked it up. I wonder if anyone milk and singing about the moonlight or midnight. Fuck, I fucked it up. I wonder if anyone went and saw the... Kat's reference. If anyone saw the split thinking it was a Van Damme movie that was just him in the split for like 90 minutes.

Well, I thought... I enjoyed both Jennifer Aniston and Vincent Vaughn in the split. What was the last movie you saw, Scott? I saw La La Land this afternoon. Today?

At the Dome. I just thought it was such a Hollywood thing to do. It's like homework for tonight. Yeah, it was homework because I thought I've seen a lot of the big ones but that one I hadn't seen

so I thought it was important. That's the big one. Yeah. And I really enjoyed it. I fell for it. It's very fun. I didn't really fall for it it it's very fun i didn't really fall for until ryan gosling i didn't think emma stone was quite up to the task really i just

don't i'm sorry i just don't i don't think she's a movie star i think really gosling's a movie star i think she's she's mousy and i thought that might have been the point oh we can all project ourselves into her mousy little frame i'm sorry she's just i don't think she's mousy well i guess no i'm sorry it stands there and does a really really awkward uh dance at the party when she's standing in front of the band she does a lot she makes a lot of she really draws a lot of attention to herself in a weird way yeah i i just thought she was too i don't know maybe this is the audience not to say, too alternative. You know what I mean?

I just thought, oh, she's gonna, as long as she, I thought she's gonna have bangs and black glasses. I know I've insulted a lot of the women in this room. You just described everyone in the audience. You think they should have, you know, gone more the ghost world route. No, I thought they should have gone more.

Well, I thought they should have gone more... Well, I thought they should have gone more like Old Hollywood. Suicide Girl. I saw Gentlemen Prefer Blondes this week as well, and then I thought, oh my god, imagine Emma Stone in one of those movies. Yeah, Hot Curlers. She would just be eaten alive by Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell.

I'm sorry, I'm wrong. Scott wants a leading lady that can kick your ass. She doesn't do it for me. She's not, I just, I thought she was punching above her weight. And I thought that was interesting because usually it's the other way around. It's the men that don't deserve the gorgeous girl. But this was interesting because she was,

he was too good looking for her. Well, I guess Doug's not bringing out his surprise guest now. Welcome Emma Stone. She was here. If you could see the booth her face just dropped and she skulked out she's really talented she's a very good actress

yeah I like her very much I also like her when she shows up just as her I just like her personality she seems like she'd be fun to hang out with yeah she seems cool

he's doing a kind of a riff on a classic old style leading man. I thought that was fascinating and I didn't think she was. Did you see Nice Guys? No, but I want to because I've seen the rest. It takes place in the 70s in Los Angeles. And it's really kind of fun, the parallels between the two movies. It's like kind of sort of the same character, like almost like a reincarnated.

The next time he has a more legit thing that he's into, jazz instead of being a weird criminal guy he's funny, he's really funny I enjoy him very much the comedy side of him he's always funny when he's on SNL when he hosts there

he's funny in sketches because he's just odd, he's kind of odd he's like a modern Christopher Walken. Can dance and has a slightly odd energy. And girls love him. You're right. What else you got? You're right. Girls have always loved him.

Or Steve Buscemi. Like a real man's man. Yeah, exactly. A heartthrob. I love Steve Buscemi. I know, but you're an outlier there. I mean... I thought Ryan Gosling was funny in Drive. Like, he had some weird, odd, funny,

like, lynchy funny moments in that movie. Yeah, but he's been in lynching moments? He's been in way too many... He was lynching, like, dude, lynch-type funny. You know, like... Oh, yeah, you didn't see the full cut? They cut it in Canada. He's a white supremacist in that movie. He's been in too many dramas is my issue with him,

because I do think he's a funny dude. All right, so thank you for all of your honest, straightforward answers. And I think it's about time somebody tore down Emma Stone. She's had it too good for too long. She's really, she's on a rocket to the moon and somebody's

like, nuh-uh. Less easy, more A. You know what that means? She's an easy A. Oh, yeah. She just seems like a pretty babysitter. I don't know. That's not a bad thing, though.

Yeah, I would be. Now I want to have children just to get her to be the pretty babysitter. $12 an hour, that's it? Babysitting. $12 an hour, that's it? When she's doing that audition scene where she's pretending to be on the phone and she's like, tears are welling up and those assholes,

the assistant to the casting director comes in and they talk. That is so real. It's very real. Too real. It's crazy how that happens all the time. Too real. Yeah.

I thought it was too real. It is too real. You went, you went la-la land, not real, real land. I wanted, I wanted it a little faker. Yeah.

Well, you know, obviously the getting out of their cars and traffic and dancing is not real, but the next time I am in bumper-to-bumper traffic in this town,

I'm going to get out and jump around a little bit and see what happens. I'm glad. See if Ibumper traffic in this town. I'm going to get out and jump around a little bit, see what happens. See if I can get everybody to do it. I'm glad there's an activity that's finally replaced the Everybody Hurts video reenactments. It's a little peppier. Yeah, that was sad traffic, people.

Sad traffic zombies. All right, you guys, this is the part of the show where I say, let the games begin! Traffic zombies. All right, you guys. This is the part of the show where I say, let the games begin. Each of you has to pick a name tag from the audience. There's twice as many name tags as there are guests.

We have to go in because to see them all, right? It's doable. And just go physically grab one and bring it back to your seat. While you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back after these messages. Hey, everybody. You ever hear the saying, laugh and the world laughs with you? Well, I hate to tell you, but the rest of the world is laughing with or without you because they've already signed up for CISO, the ad-free comedy streaming service that

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just by using the code D-L-M. That's s-e-e-s-o.com promo code dlm ciso.com promo code dlm back to the show all right let's talk about it on air we're back so Scott picked a pack of cigarettes he used prison rules in picking the tag but that's like gold man I'm rich

but it just says camel on there your name can't possibly be camel what's your name? No, it isn't. Seven cigarettes. That's like six months of survival. Yeah, six months of not being raped.

Or six months of being raped, if that's what you're into. Okay, no, I'll need a few more for that one. So what's your name, dude? Camel. Stop saying that. It's not your fucking name. What is your name? Cameron. name, dude? Campbell. Stop saying that. It's not your fucking name. What is your name? Cameron.

Oh, really? You're saying Cameron's pretty close. You were saying Cameron the whole time, and we just kept... Yeah, you might have been saying it. You might have been saying it every time. What's your name? Cameron.

No, really? Fuck you! Your name isn't Cameron! I apologize, Cameron. No, really? Fuck you! Your name isn't Cameron! I apologize, Cameron. But that's who you're playing for. And you didn't write a shithead on the back of those camel cigarettes, did you?

Filters. Okay, I see what's happening here. So what's the joke? This is a show that you've never heard before. Right? No, it isn't? That's some existential shit.

You're a big fan of this show? So what do people do with their name tags on the back? I'm gonna win. Oh. That's a good point. So I just took a guy's pack of cigarettes.

If he wins, it won't matter. Yeah. He's not getting them back. So, there's that. All right. But anyway, he just, he was a quick thinker and he just took out some cigarettes and... There's no gag or anything. Did you take one out or did you give him all your cigarettes?

I'll get them back. What? What? You're gonna get them back? Yeah. No gag or anything. Did you take one out or did you give him all your cigarettes? I'll get them back. What? You're going to get them back? Yeah. No, he picked them because he's going to smoke them or use them to not get raped. What was that?

Yeah. Or both. Depends on how I wake up that morning. Yeah, so those aren't yours anymore, my friend. You got to get through. My friend Camel Run.

Let's not call it rape. It's not rape if you want it. What? Right. People. Oh, that's a good poster to take to one of these rallies. And we'll make it a quote to Cameron. Cameron said, rape if you want it.

All right, Ken, who are you playing for? Well, appropriately enough, this is Sex Ed, and I assume that his name is Ed. But I picked this because he's a terrifying man who I was scared to walk past. Oh, now I want to see him. Where's this Sex Ed guy? He's in the back.

He's a large gentleman. He's back there in the shadows. Yeah. I mean, he wasn't that scary, but just compared to the rest of the crowd, he was the most scary person here today. Yeah, so this is a movie... So probably not very scary at all.

So this is a real movie with Haley Joel Osment in it? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it was called Sex Ed, so this guy did nothing. He made an arrow pointing to the end. He put an arrow pointing to his name. Unless that's the real poster. A really weird poster

as a sequel to Ed. Ed TV. Yeah, yeah. Just his parents. How they got Ed. They meet and fall in love and then they have a kid and there's nothing else

that happens. All right. Man, he aged badly. That banana? No, Haley's going on. That banana. No,aley's bananas very well no Melissa what do you got going over here I have em illegally blonde yes you do no it's actually Doug. Yeah, they put my face over Reese Witherspoon's face. And I'm going to bend and snap. Why is Einstein on there?

Yeah, why is Einstein? And then this is, in the back, we put, they write down a shithead, because that's what I'm going to say if you lose. That's going to be their consolation prize, is I have to say that at the end of the show. Okay. Yeah, right? Cool. be their consolation prize is i have to say that at the end of the show okay yeah right cool yeah she's saying that because it's it's a weird one she read it she knows it but she's she's keeping it a secret who's the guy with the dog face yeah who is that albert einstein no on the dog on the dog. On the dog, there's like a... Looks like... Martin Sheen?

That's not Martin Sheen. No, Michael Sheen. Oh, Martin Sheen. There's another guy's attitude. It's Afro Sheen. It's the star of Wall Street, Martin Sheen. No, but Michael Sheen is a guest on the show from time to time. But this guy, Napoleon Dynamite, John Heater's never been on. Well, you stuck his face on there just on the off chance.

Finally, he shows up. Has Einstein been on? Why is he on there? Einstein, yeah. He'd be a good guest. I don't get that. You made some interesting choices there on that name tag. I'm illegally blonde.

It's like the weirdest tribute to a fallen friend. Why are you guys, you're all throwing your name tags down like we're going to start a fire. It could have been anything. I mean, it's just bizarre. It could have been a hairbrush. It could have been his sock. Anything. If this was by the side of the road,

someone would be like, how did that person die? What happened? He's smoking a cigarette and Einstein runs out. Alright, the first game we're going to play is a little something called Ron Bennington's Adjusted for Inflation Bureau.

I'm going to let Melissa go first. This is because it's her first time on the show. And then we'll go to Ken and then to Scott. And the idea is I'm going to name an actor or actress, and you each take turns naming a movie you think might be in their top three of all time adjusted for inflation by box office mojo. Oh, okay.

So basically it's just try to think of a movie that they did that was popular. It's usually the best way to play it. Don't worry so much about the inflation thing. But it's you get three points for number one and two points for number two and one point for number three. Like a potty training

parent? And I disagreed with it so we can move on I know do you regret agreeing with that yeah three points two points yeah it made sense sort of I don't know I don't know it's okay I eat just to me when your kids are doing number three you should take them to the hospital you should take them to the hospital. That's why they only get one point.

It's discouraged. Yeah, it's bad. Okay, so the first actor we're going to do tonight is a gentleman who is nominated for Best Actor in the current Oscar race, Casey Affleck. So, Melissa, just name what you think would be in his top three movies of all time. I haven't seen a lot of Casey Affleck.

What's that movie he was in with Matt Damon where they're in the desert? Do not speak, audience. Ishtar. Yes. I don't think, that's not very popular. No, yeah, yeah, there was a movie

where they were, it was a Gus Van Zandt movie where they were wandering the desert. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was brutally unpleasant. And they don't talk.

They don't talk. Not a lot of dialogue, just a lot of, we're tired and we're in a desert. Yeah. Wasn't he in a movie with his brother

where they play cops in Boston or is that just? He was in all the movies with his brother where they play cops in Boston or is that just Is it all the movies with his brother where they play cops in Boston? Well,

Manchester by the Sea is like Like later in the show we might play my favorite describe a movie game but this game Title Zone

is like where you have to say a title of a Casey Affleck film. If you can't think of one, that's fine. What's that movie with walking things? Manchester by the Sea. Okay, we're going Manchester by the Sea.

I don't fucking know. And I'm very happy that you get to go first every time. It's going to be a disaster. In this game, because I think you deserve it. Ken? Going Good Will Hunting. He's going Good Will Hunting. That's one of those ones that he did.

And what about you, Scott? What do you think? Ah, damn it. It's the one with Joaquin Phoenix. I'm not here. Is that it? Yeah. Isn't he in that?

That weird documentary? He directed it, I think. Did he? Yeah, he directed it. Is that what it's called, I'm not here? Something like that. Maybe not. Isn't he in that? He directed it, I think. Did he? Yeah, he directed it. Is that what it's called, I'm Not Here? Something like that. Maybe not. I'm still here.

I'm still here. Yeah, shut up, audience. That's an amazing film. Oh, you really like that? I think it's a masterpiece, yeah. Oh, okay. Is that the one where he was accused of sexually harassing all those women? Yes, it is.

It's still a masterpiece. A masterpiece is a masterpiece. Oh, please. But did that translate to box office, that sexual harassment? Yeah, I don't think so. That's the question, everybody. I mean, a masterpiece can get away with a lot. A lot of sexual harassment.

Well, that's what the movie's about. It really is. The movie's about sexual harassment. Like, Joaquin goes around and harasses people? Well, the whole movie is them doing drugs and having sex with like skanky women and et cetera

and it's just, it's all realistic and it's very difficult to tell what's real and what's not and it's a fascinating movie. It's like college. It's a lot like,

it's like a cake party at college. They both came back. It's a movie. I'm just talking about the movie. He wasn't in it. He didn't make it. He didn't make it.

I didn't make it. He's not Casey Affleck, everybody. I didn't, people. No, I just, it's a movie. I mean, we're not going to like anything anymore. I imagine a lot of people confuse you for Casey Affleck often. But it's fun also that Scott thinks that this weird thing that none of us know anything about

is in his top three of all time. It's the only one I could think of. His number one, of course, is Ocean's Eleven. He's part of the Eleven dudes in the Ocean's movies. And then, coming in at what's happening? Why are you saying things out loud?

Please do not say answers or any idea. Just don't say anything. Just don't talk for the rest of the show. Thanks. Number two was Good Will Hunting. Yes. So Ken picked up two points for that one. And then his number three movie,

there's no reason for anybody to know this, American Pie 2. What? Yeah, I had no idea that Casey put his dick in any of those pies. Wow. I didn't know he had anything to do with any of the pie movies.

He's in the Shannon Elizabeth role. Because the pie didn't sue him. That's where he started. All right, so Ken is in the lead on this game. And we've got more games, so don't worry about it. Wow, way to undermine my win, Doug. Ken, okay, I'll rephrase.

Ken is unstoppable. And good luck. The next actor on my list tonight for adjusted for inflation is Andrew Garfield. Yes, and Andrew is not the first name of the cat. for Adjusted for Inflation is Andrew Garfield. Yes. And Andrew's not the first name of the cat. This is the actor. Andrew Garfield, currently nominated for Best Actor Oscar.

Can you think of a movie that he's been in, Melissa? Nope. Can you picture him? Or you have no idea who Andrew Garfield is? I have no idea who he is. Interesting. I'm sure if I saw his face, I would know. Here's what we're going to do.

He's the Emma Stone of male actors. Alright, come on. That's no movie star. Do you know who Ben Schwartz is yes does he look like him he's basically Ben Schwartz

in Andrew Garfield's body but let's start with Ken and we'll come back to you because you might think of something Ken what do you think

I also kind of don't know who he is but but isn't he in Spider-Man yeah he's Spider-Man what's it called Spider-Man

Amazing Spider-Man okay Scott hate Spider-Man. What's it called? Amazing Spider-Man? Okay. Scott? The Mel Gibson movie. Hacksaw Ridge, is that what it's called? It's out now and he's nominated

for Best Actor, but that wouldn't be in his top three because it just came out. Hacksaw Ridge dug him. Is he in Steve Jobs? Hacksaw Ridge isn't in his top three

because it just came out and Jews. What did you say, Steve Jobs? Wasn't he in a movie about an autistic person? Every movie he's in. Wasn't he? Because he seems like he's somewhere in the spectrum. Come on. He is a little.

A little bit, right? You guys can, you understand. He does. Hey Scott, I think I might want you to be on every episode of this show from now on. He's a little. He's a little. Come on. He's a little. He's working for the new Time Warner.

This show needs a controversial voice. A little. He's working for the new Time Warner. This show needs a controversial voice. A little. Scott's like a modern day Morton Downey Jr. Alright, so did that help you to think of who he is? Was he in my big fat Greek wedding? No. That's Nia Ferdows.

Also a little bit on the spectrum. A little bit. But she's Canadian so I don't mention it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's the social network. See, I told you. It was about an autistic person.

The no social skills network. We have the other one. Eduardo Sanchez was a pretty regular guy. He wasn't on the spectrum, I don't think. Zuckerberg was more spectrum-y. Oh, he didn't play him, did he? No, yeah, he was his friend. But he was autistic adjacent. But his number two was The Amazing Spider-Man 2.

There we go. A two? Yeah. And number one, Amazing Spider-Man. Oh, even better. Yeah. Is Emma Stone Mary Jane in that? Yeah.

Yeah. She was the girl in both of those. Oh, then there you go. Well, that's done. Is she Gwen Stacy or Mary Jane? Isn't she blonde? Is Gwen Stacy in it? Yeah.

Does she get killed in the movies? I haven't seen them. Killed? She does? In the second one she gets killed? She gets killed in part two? Spoilers. Holy shit.

Green Goblin snaps her neck? Spider-Man does trying to save her. Fuck her. He kills her? By mistake? Yeah. It's the plot from Amazing Spider-Man 97. Yep.

96? 97? Yeah. I'm grateful for... from Amazing Spider-Man 97. Yep. 96, 97? Yeah. I just, I'm grateful for, I am not big on reboots, but I'm thrilled that Spider-Man's getting a French star.

He looks great in that Civil War movie. That kid Tom Holland did a great job. It's perfect. That's the first time I've seen Spider-Man actually in a movie.

Like the other ones I was kind of like, eh. Yeah, it was a good one. Let's play one more round of this even though Ken's running away with it which is sad but I think Scott has a chance everyone has a chance to catch I don't have a

chance cuz we're gonna do Ryan Gosling Ryan Gosling. Oh. Okay, I know what that would be. Melissa, name a Ryan Gosling movie. Well, it's got to be The Notebook. It has to be, right? Yeah.

Right? Ken? Drive. Oh, yeah. I didn't know that movie had a question mark at the end. They cut it. And Scott? I know it's not Wise Guys, because no one saw that.

Nice Guys. Nice Guys. Is it the one with Michelle Williams, where they're the couple? Oh, that was good. Blue Valentine. Blue Valentine Blue Valentine is that the same movie as Manchester by the Sea no

did they lose their kids in that too I don't know they do no they have a kid in Blue Valentine but they don't lose it

I don't think no I don't think so Blue Valentine is just like they're having a let's see which one of us could be more irritating

they are irritating through the whole movie they're having a, let's see which one of us can be more irritating. They are irritating. Through the whole movie. They're very irritating characters. I like them better in other things. But it wasn't a hit, was it? So that's where you're going with for his top three of all time? No, I know I'm wrong.

He's got to be in some like teeny movie, like for teeny boppers. I'm going to go when he was on, didn't he used to be on Mickey Mouse Club? Yeah, let's go with Mickey Mouse Club the movie. You think his top three movies might include Mickey Mouse Club. He was on the Mickey Mouse Club. Wednesday was anything can happen day

and one week it was a movie. Anything could happen. Number three for Mr. Brian Gosling week it was a movie. Anything could happen. Number three for Mr. Ryan Gosling is La La Land. That's how fast that movie's made a lot of money. It's made $106 million already.

I didn't think he'd be allowed to say something that was this year. He's in a lot of movies that don't do much action. He's one of the bigger movie stars that hasn't been in too many huge hits. And he's never been in a superhero movie, has he? I don't think so. He didn one of the bigger movie stars that hasn't been in too many huge hits. And he's never been in a superhero movie, has he? I don't think so. I don't think. He didn't have to do that. No. Like Ryan Reynolds.

What do you mean Ryan Reynolds had to do that? He did. Deadpool is the best superhero movie ever, I'm just saying, but it did make him a star of the game. And he did have to do it. I've said this on the show, Scott. Ryan Reynolds has been

in a ton of shitty movies. But Deadpool has made him retroactively perfect to me. I could watch anything he's in and just go, but that's Deadpool. I like him. I love that he gets pegged, for God's sake. I mean, come on. He gets pegged.

I mean, he grimaces. Don't spoil the twist. That's the end on he gets pegged i mean he does he grimaces the twist that's the end of the movie but you know what he does in that movie he actually calls out the kids in the hall name when he's in trouble nice he's like mark scott dave save me it's amazing it's my favorite and did you know we've already discussed this on my other podcast getting doug with high i'm obsessed we were high at the time you might recall but uh i am obsessed with but that's so funny because say which three names? Well, I'm one of them. I don't know the other people.

It's just Scott three times. So I keep trying to think of like, well, what other three people could he be referring to that are the kids in the hall? But it is pretty specific. It's us. It's Scott, Dave, and Mark. Could that be hockey players? No, Bruce would be very...

It could have been Bruce. Bruce is... Like, how many Bruce's are there? A lot. Four. Willis? What? Bruce isn't a big name anymore?

What else? Willis? Bruce Willis? Bruce Willis? Bruce McCullough? We're done. Bruce Dern? Bruce Springsteen?

Come on. Oh, Springsteen. You're right. Bruce Campbell. Bruce Valanche. That's it. I'm going to... The biggest.

That's it. I'm changing my name to Bruce. Bruce Campbell. Bruce Valanche. That's it. I'm Valanche. The biggest. That's it. I'm changing my name to Bruce. Bruce Lee. You can call me Bruce. Brewster. Brewster's Millions. All right. Stop it, audience.

What would Brewster's Millions be now adjusted for inflation? I don't know. Brewster's Millions be now adjusted for inflation? I don't know. Brewster's fucking kill yourself. Brewster's Millions. I guess that covers it. It's kind of nondescript. Number two

for Ryan Gosling. The Notebook. You got points. Oh, I got points? You just said, shit, shit, I got points. You're on the board with two points, but that's not going to be enough to catch up to Ken. It will be.

I'll fail. Because what was, yours was Drive? Drive. Drive didn't make the top, it didn't even make the top four. Number four is Crazy Stupid Love. Oh. Crazy Stupid Love.

Where that Emma Stone, where that chemistry was was discovered yeah she's in that yeah she's real in it he lifts her up Patrick Swayze style Dirty Dancing style he lifts her up it's very very cute scene yeah mm-hmm hey I don't know what is happening, but stop saying things from the audience area. You want a cricket on you? Because that'll shut you right up. And number one for Ryan Gosling, and this one threw me for a loop,

because I didn't remember. Remember the Titans. Ooh. and Gosling, and this one threw me for a loop, because I didn't remember. Remember the Titans. Ooh. You're kidding me. People are shocked. Wow. He must have been like one of the football players or something, but I haven't seen that movie in a minute, so I

don't know. I hate that movie. Really? Oh, it's such a schmaltzy bullshit movie. Is it a Boston thing? No, it's just like, oh, the team, we could... Shut up. Just watch Rudy 40 times instead. Or radio. And then just get drunk.

Yeah, just pick any movie that begins with R and just watch it. Yeah, it's the same movie. A bunch of times. It was so silly. It was like a Highway to Heaven movie. Oh. I didn't know everybody loved Remember the Titans.

No, they do. It's Brian Gosling's number one movie. Wow, this audience loves it. Guess where it falls. I just happen to have the information right here. Guess where it falls on Denzel Washington's top three. Eight. It's got to be his number two.

It's number two. Number one is The Pelican Brief. Oh. What? Because of that powerhouse combo of him and Julia Roberts. Okay. That's his biggest film? Yeah, adjusted for inflation, but it did very well at the time.

And his number three is Crimson Tide. What? Okay. Yeah. Wow three is Crimson Tide. What? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I'll let that go. So his success is built on a sea of white people.

And a Crimson Tide. You know, yeah. Wounded white people. That would be... Tell them he's virtuosic. Attacked by a shark in the shallows. That would be Crimson. Okay, people.

So Ken won that game, everybody. Ken. Woo! Oh, yeah. I thought I lost that round. I was like, no, I didn't. No, you didn't. You killed it.

But we got one more game to play. Ooh. And it's a little something that I call Last Man Stanton. Woo! something that I call Last Man Stanton. In this game, we are going to get from a pre-selected audience member

a name of an actor or an actress and we're going to take turns saying names of movies that that person's been in. If you can't think of one, you're out. But, you get one lifeline, one time you can go to Emma Legally Blonde or Cameron Cigarettes. Or Sex Ed. Or Sex Ed. You can go to them once, your person whose name tag you chose if you can't think of an answer

I recommend using your lifeline early but that's just you know just a pro tip where is a person 60 minutes crickets what

that cricket just all of a sudden started sounding like a ticking clock out of nowhere A person. 60 minutes crickets? What? That cricket just all of a sudden started sounding like a ticking clock out of nowhere. Well, because we are running out of time. And by that I mean under a Trump administration. That's true. We're all running out of time. But I... I swear I saw somebody that suggested an idea for Last Man Stanton today

on my Twitter and then I didn't write it down so just be honest if you tweeted at me today that you had a good name what's your name dude? bottom of Q is my Twitter handle your Twitter handle is called bottom of Q? yes

like a Q like a Netflix Q? alright like a cue like a Netflix cue like a line yeah like a cue yeah just explain to Scott what a cue is I know what a cue is or you just confirm for him what it is no we had a sidebar and we had a line a line yeah line a line yeah for a while i had a tumblr where i reviewed like i made a point to watch the movies at the bottom of my netflix queue oh all right well let me let me rephrase that for the listeners that is a really good bottom of queue impression it sounded just like him no he said that he has a Tumblr and bottom of the queue means like you

would write about movies. You'd go out of your way to watch the movies at the bottom of your queue. Yeah, which is like yeah, that's just gross. But it was still movies... It's at the bottom of your queue for a reason. Because you're like, oh, maybe I'll watch that someday.

But it's still movies you picked, right? Yeah, but sometimes you just get too many of them, and it gets overwhelming. I swear, if Netflix was like 10 movies a month, I'd be more into it. There's too much choice, is what I'm saying. I spend too much time just scrolling. I'll just scroll through shit for an hour,

and I go, no time to watch any of it. I got good news for you, Doug. Trump just signed an executive order that Netflix is only 10 movies a month now. He did it? I bet you one of those movies is Home Alone 2. Home Alone 2. Has to be two of the movies.

No, two of them? You got to book it in the month. Two out of 10? Yeah. Got to start and end every month with Home Alone 2. It just gets worse with every minute. Like, has anybody checked their phones? What has he done?

All right. So I'm just going to go outside, and there's the Statue of Liberty crumbled in front of the building. How did it get all over here? Oh, no, the Ghostbusters are walking off with the Statue of Liberty again. Nobody cares. Alright, so, bottom of queue. What's your real first name? Justin.

Justin? Alright, thanks, Justin. He says Winona Ryder. Well, thank you, Justin. The film's your Winona Ryder nut? I was a lonely teenager. I love her. Wow, it's like you're declaring victory already.

I already won even if I didn't win. I'm the luckiest man alive. I think I can do alright on Winona Ryder, so I'll give it a whirl. I'd love to hear that clip out of context. She didn't win last night at the SAG Awards, though, did she?

No. She didn't win a SAG-y? No, but she had a great face. Oh, yeah, because it was a gift today, right? Of the faces she was making? Of the ensemble. Oh, she did win as part of the ensemble of Stranger Things. Oh, okay.

They didn't exclude her. Everyone but Winona Ryder won this whole thing. Just the kids and the sheriff. You've had your share. Sit down, light lady. She's like the log lady, but the light lady.

Yeah. All right, so... I wrote it down just to make it official, Winona Ryder. And we'll start with Ken And which way were we going before? Oh so we'll go to Melissa

And then me and then Scott Oh fuck You think four in You're gonna be dead in the water I only have two Okay well then we might not say them I'll say an obscure one just to try to help you out Okay

Alright Ken what do you got? Girl Interrupted Oh god yes of course i'm screwed girl interrupted melissa a beetle juice oh good do you want to say it three times no thanks we do not want that guy showing up no i saw i i see enough of that guy when I go to Foot Locker. Universal lays off Beetlejuice and he works at Foot Locker because he already has a uniform. From prison to a movie

to Foot Locker. Old-timey prisoner. Foot Locker. Alright, I'm going to drop all the way back. I'm going as far back as possible. Well, maybe not, but close. Mermaids. Oh, fuck you.

I watched them film that. I'm sorry that I took the Cher movie from the gay guy. Apologies. What made you think that was an obscure movie? I saw them film that They filmed it in Massachusetts He took the Cher movie Alright I'll take it back

I'll take it back Why doesn't Trump do an executive order on that? The straight guy can't take the Cher movie I'm taking it back I'll change mine No no no Then you'll take my other one No maybe not I'll take it back. I'll change mine. No, no, no. Then you'll take my other one. No, maybe not. Make it worse.

I'll take it back and I'll take two movies from you. I'm changing mine to Lucas. Oh, that's a good one. Oh, I love Lucas. So I can say mermaids? Okay, mermaids. No, I was going to say

Breakfast Club. She in that? Just stand firm on mermaids. Stick with mermaids. She's gone to Breakfast Club? Wait until your next turn. Is that Emma Stone? Ally Sheedy?

Yeah, it's Emma Stone. Is that Emma Stone? Fuck, she's aging now. Emma Stone plays Bender. Oh my God. He only knew two Winona Ryder movies and they were Mermaids and Breakfast Club no I don't

am I out though am I out no you're fine you said Mermaids you got Mermaids and you still have your lifeline I don't think

the other ones I think the one in my head is not her either Bram Stoker's Dracula. Oh, okay. Oh, God. That's a fun one. Melissa?

Now, was she in... What's eating Gilbert Graves? Ow! That's Johnny Depp. I love how Scott... Wait a second. Is she not in Gilbert Graves? No!

For sure! She was in Gilbert Graves second. Is she not in Gilbert Grape? No. I'm sure she was in Gilbert Grape. Oh, she's in Gilbert Grape. Didn't she play the mother? She's the girl. She's the girl. She's not in Gilbert Grape. She's not in Gilbert Grape. Who's the girl?

Juliette Lewis. Juliette Lewis in Stop It. Oh, Juliette Lewis. Okay. That makes sense. I was certain it was Gilbert Grape. Yeah, right? Gilbert Grape in Breakfast Club. I got it. was Gilbert Grape. Yeah, right? Gilbert Grape and Breakfast Club. I got it.

That's what she's known for. All right. So do you want to use your lifeline? I have to. All right. Emily Gilly Blonde. Emily Gilly Blonde. Where are you?

Oh, there she is. Mr. Deeds? She's saying Mr. Deeds. Mr. Deeds. Mr. Deeds is right. Thank you. She's indeed in Mr. Deeds. Oh, I got one. Oh, you got one. Deeds. Mr. Deeds is right. Thank you. She's indeed in Mr. Deeds. Oh, I got one.

Oh, you got one. All right. My next Winona Ryder is going to be, I'm going to go with, Heather's. Heather. Oh, that's a good one. My favorite. That's a big one.

That's a big one. Yeah. Scott? I'm going to say, she's a big one. Yeah. Scott? I'm going to say... She's not in Pretty at Pink! What? Oh, damn. Okay, wait.

I'm going to say the security cam footage when she was caught shoplifting. That counts. I feel like I have to accept it. I think you do. I think you do. I think you do.

That was the bomb that ruined her career, right? Until she came back. Until she came back. Won think you do. I think you do. That was the bomb that ruined her career, right? Until she came back. Won an ensemble award. With about 100 new expressions. All at the same time. They seemed a bit spectrum-y, didn't they? Her uncle, her godfather was Timothy Leary, so

there might have been some damage to the chromosomes. Her godfather? Yeah. But there's no... Isn't that the one that has sex with the mother to make the baby? Yeah, that's right. You're right. Yeah, the godfather.

She was an immaculate conception. I don't know if people know that. Yeah, that's what Mary... About Winona Ryder. That's Jesus. Yeah. I really like her. You do really like her. You do like her.

I like like her. Is it your turn, Ken? I think so, yeah. Reality Bites. Yes, of course. Reality Bites. Anything more, Melissa, before we say lights out? She wasn't in

Jeff Kaye's always fun to guess. She's not in Natural Born Killers, is she? That's Juliette Lewis again. If only we were playing Juliette Lewis, you'dte Lewis again. Yep. If only we were playing Juliette Lewis, you'd be killing it. Did people ever...

You'd be all, okay, Pierre. I don't know. I don't know. I'm out. I'm out. You did a great job here tonight, I think.

Thank you. To you, I say, welcome home, Roxy Carmichael. Oh that was what I was sitting on. Jeez. Yeah. It's a tough one. Scott.

I'm just going to say another Cher movie. Mask. Was she in Mask? Yeah she played Rocky Dennis. There we go. Yeah a lot of people think that's Eric Stoltz

but was it it's really Winona. What was I supposed to say? Ten? The ten, right? Isn't she in the ten? She's in the ten?

Yeah. Wait, you told him to say that? No. No. Yeah, we cheated. Oh, okay. So, all right. So you're saying the ten?

Should I? What was it? Oh, is he used the ten? The black lion. Has he used his lifeline already? No. Oh, I'm going to use my lifeline. All right.

Well, okay. I was going to accept the 10, but... Go ahead and use your lifeline. Lifeline. Edward Scissorhands, he says. I'm going to say Edward Scissorhands. Was she in that? Yeah.

I'm asking Scott. Yeah, Edward Scissorhands. Was she in that? Yeah. I'm asking Scott. Yeah, Edward Scissorhands. It's her greatest. Was she playing that? She's the girl. She's the... She's the Tupperware saleswoman, right?

That's Vincent Price. Oh, she's the other weirdo. She's the weirdo, right? She's what? She's got a scissor fetish. Which they used to call that's what a lesbian used to be called.

That movie was ahead of its time because Edward Scissorhands should have fell in love with a girl. What's happening? You're talking to him right now?

What's happening? I don't know. He just really liked lesbians and it took him a minute to realize it. Wait a minute. I love lesbians, and it took him a minute to realize it. Wait a minute. I love lesbians. Yeah.

But can I ask something? I know it wasn't wrong. What is The Ten? The Ten was... The Ten is the David Wayne movie with a lot of the guys from the state, and Paul Rudd is in it, and it's the ten deadly sins.

It's ten different kind of sketch scenes. And she has sex with a ventriloquist dummy in it. Yeah. Is that one of the ten deadly sins. It's 10 different kind of sketch scenes. And she has sex with a ventriloquist dummy in it. Is that one of the 10 deadly sins? Yeah. It's one of the deleted sins. You're not supposed to put anything in yourself that's wooden.

Made out of wood. We learned that first with Pinocchio. And then Edgar Bergen. Edgar Bergen. Edgar Bergen. Candice. Ken, I think it's your turn.

Okay. The Crucible. In this game, I like to call foregone conclusion. The fucking Crucible, really? Yeah. You're the only one who believes in me, Doug. I really do believe in you. I don't think I can beat you when it comes to... You really love her. I really do believe in you. I don't think I can beat you when it comes to...

You really love her. I love Winona Ryder. Yeah. So you're thrilled by Stranger Things. I loved it. Even though she was doubting it.

She's terrible in it. She wasn't really that good in it. Yeah. She's pretty bad in it. I didn't get... Everyone said she was great but I didn't...

I think there's a quality to the way she speaks that sounds like bad acting but I think... She's frazzled in it and she's supposed to be so I guess, but I didn't... I think there's a quality to the way she speaks that sounds like bad acting, but I think... She's frazzled in it and she's supposed to be, so I guess... She's over the top

in everything she does in that movie. Well, because she's, you know, her child is missing the entire time. She should have got a babysitter like Emma Stone

to watch him. But you love her and you think she was overrated. I think she's good. She's been much better in other things, but it was nice to see her in something recent

that did well. Yeah, she was a refreshing child actress because she had like a, there was an edge to her. Like obviously, like in Beetlejuice, she was sort of a little

goth kid, you know. Even in Lucas, she was kind of a weirdo. Yeah, absolutely. What was the character in Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael? Dinky something? Her name was Dinky? Dinky Doo? Oh the character in Welcome Home? Roxy Carmichael? Dinky something? Her name was Dinky?

Dinky Doo? Oh yeah. She wasn't actually Roxy Carmichael. Yeah. She pretended Roxy Carmichael was her mother who was this famous actress who was coming back to town but it really wasn't. And her name is like Dinky Dixie. That's like her character's name. Alright. Anyway.

I think I picked the crucible. Yeah. You did. Good job. Thank you. Now it's my turn. Is Scott still in this? Yeah, he is. He's still in it. Okay. I know exactly of a movie that she was in,

but I cannot think of what the fuck it was called. And I want to say that it's the... It's something like that. Yeah, is right. Yeah, I can't come up with it. So Scott, it's back to you yeah I can't come up with it so Scott it's back to you I'm out uh I'm

Ben Hur I really well he threw it out there and he got it yeah I remember that scene where they're in the coliseum and they're in the chariots and she's out there with Christmas lights on I don't know yeah no she's out there with Christmas lights on.

Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, no, she's not in Ben-Hur. Little Women? Wow. You really can go deep. How much further can you go? I'm almost out.

I think that's what I got. I'm trying to think of a 90s. What's the one with Vince Vaughn and Kevin James? Oh. I want to say The Secret secret but that's not it. It's not Clay Pigeons. No. What?

No the one where she's you know Kevin James sees her fucking around on Vince Vaughn and he can't. I can't think of the name

of that one. Right? I can't think of the name of the horror movie one either where like her kid's possessed. It's like late 90s. It came out around the same time as the one where Patricia Arquette gets stigmata, called stigmata.

The Exorcist. It's not The Exorcist. It's like Lost Souls or something like that. Oh, that sounds right. Yeah. That sounds a little approximate. There's that one and then... But nobody knows the Vince Vaughn thing?

The Dilemma. Dilemma. God damn it. Because it's a dilemma. Do I tell my best friend that I saw his wife cheating on him? Or do I not tell him? Yeah, and he doesn't tell him because he's a fat piece of shit. He's like, I'm going to tell him, but I'm too busy eating.

And that's the whole rest of the movie. I got to have pizza and watch the mall. Yep. Because it was Paul Blart. It was watch the mall. Yep. Because it was Paul Blart. It was the same character. Yep. So, Ken Reed's our winner, everybody. Thank you.

That means that... Special sex ed. Special sex ed. You won, sex ed. Gets all the stuff. Awesome. Yeah. No one's excited about that?

Do you want to come? Do you want to come get it, Ed? I get to pick all three things? Yeah, he gets everything. And this wonderful plastic tote bin from Target. Are you excited about winning all these TV guides? He's going all the way back to Florida. He's going all the way back to Florida.

Are you excited about winning all these TV guides? He's taking it all the way back to Florida. He's going all the way back to Florida. Are you driving? That's going to be a real travel issue. Does everyone in the audience want a TV guide when they leave? Maybe we'll just stick this by the door and everyone has to take them before they leave. Or they can't leave. But you get first choice.

Thank you. And you have the shirts and everything else that's small. I don't know if that'll fit him. He's a big boy. There you are. Thanks a lot. Appreciate it. Congratulations. Wait.

What just happened? So he doesn't want it? He's going to Florida, and he's flying, and he can't bring it, which is why... So he's not taking it? No, so I guess, like... I've got a really fun idea. Okay. Let's throw them at the audience.

Yes. Oh. What? No, I mean, not overhand. Oh, okay. Like, overhand. Oh, okay. Like, very gently. Like, who wants a TV guide? This is like the weirdest Oprah ever.

A TV guide for you, and a TV guide for you. Yeah, there's plenty for everybody. These really fly nice, I think. But let's just, let's leave the box, let's leave the box up here after the show and just come get TV guides, as many as you want. We'll share, Sex Ed is sharing with everybody. Like Sex Ed should. But when you take one, you have to say, thanks, Sex Ed is sharing with everybody like Sex Ed should. But when you take one, you have to say,

thanks, Sex Ed. Thank you, Sex Ed, for all of that. And thank you to you guys for being here. Scott Thompson, what... Thank you. What do you got going on that people can

see you doing these days? I'm doing stand-up here and there, and I'm going to be on Guy Branum's show on Wednesday, a talk show. Talk show, the game show. Talk show, the game show. And I have a series coming out on Crave TV called What Would Sal Do?, where I play a priest.

Interesting. It's about the second coming of Christ. Serious. It's just a serious part. All right. that's cool and you recently did as I mentioned earlier

getting Doug with High so if people want to hear us have that same conversation we had on this show I'm obsessed with that over on that other one check that out on YouTube in the

the archives and thanks for being here dude thank you yeah you got a you're looking at that TV guide what's going on and thanks for being here, dude. Thank you. Yeah. You got a... You're looking at that TV guide? What's going on with your TV guide?

Well, I'm keeping this to myself. It's Dallas versus Dynasty. Oh, wow. Those two had quite a feud for a while. So remember, this country has been in civil war before. Yeah. We lost a lot of good people. You did.

You'll get over it. Ken Reed, what's going on with you? Fly back to Boston this week. I'll be on the old school game show at the World War Theater on Saturday the 4th if people are around in the Boston area. Yeah, that's cool. So why are you talking over there?

Yeah. Such a small crowd. It really is. Talking out loud is distracting. It a small crowd. It really is. Talking out loud is distracting. It's four people. And we're all on stage. And what's your Twitter thing? I'm at Kenneth W. Reed, or the podcast is at TV Guidance.

All right, cool. Thank you, sir. Thank you. Melissa. Melissa. Melissa Stetton, what's going on with you? Not a whole lot. Pistol Shrimps?

Yeah, yeah. Playing against Aubrey Plaza's stupid team? Yeah. Our season starts April. Yeah? It's every Tuesday night. I gotta come to a game. It's real fun.

Tuesday nights over in the... Usually in Pan Pacific. Yeah. Fairfax District. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah pan pacific the outside of it

looks like xanadu exactly cause that's where they shot xanadu yeah and uh yeah I would love to come see a game

that's should follow pistol shrimps on twitter pistol shrimps has a twitter account that's just straight up

pistol shrimps yep and uh the movie's on CISO. And if you sign up for CISO, you get a month free. Then you can just cancel afterwards.

Right? Go to S-E-E-S-O. It's a really good documentary about basketball. And put in the code D-L-M for one free month. And then watch the shit out of Pistol Shrimps.

And then do whatever you want. She says cancel it if you want. I say maybe keep it. There's a lot of goodistol Shrimps. And then do whatever you want. She says cancel it if you want. I say maybe keep it. There's a lot of good stuff on there. Yeah. You can go either way with it. But it's so funny that you said that because they're a sponsor of this episode of the show.

Okay. They were a sponsor of this episode of the show. I have a subscription. Amazon stuffed together that deal. I'm doing stand-up at the Improv in Tampa, Florida on Wednesday, March 1st, so bring your name tags to that because we'll play a little Last Man's Stand

with audience members. And one more round of applause for all of my guests. Scott Thompson, Kenneth Reed, and Melissa Stanton. And as always, cancer is a shithead and cigarettes are a shithead. I burned them good, didn't I? Now shut the fuck up!

This audience is talking the whole time. I'm going to never do a show here again. People that wear late... People that wear weightlifting gloves to the gym are shitheads. laughter music music

music music music music music music