Doug Loves Movies - Michelle Biloon, Chip Chantry, Doogie Horner and Randi Lawson guest

Episode Date: June 26, 2017

Live from Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia, Doug welcomes Michelle Biloon, Chip Chantry, Doogie Horner and Randi Lawson to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, sweetie babies, sticky seeds With 50 azopop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey everybody My name is Doug And I love movies This is God Loves Movies You know what I don't love?

Fucking donuts But I'll give these people a plug Bilers Glad I pronounced that right Don't want to make anybody mad give these people a plug. Bilers? Glad I pronounced that right. Don't want to make anybody mad. Don't want to have to apologize like I'm Johnny Depp or something. Oh, shit. We're coming to you

once again from Helium in Philadelphia. Most comedy clubs, you can just kind of glance around and see the name of the club. But this one, you really got to turn all the way around. At least from where

I'm sitting on the edge of the stage next to four guest chairs. I got an amazing, amazing Philly crew here to have a gas. It's Saturday, June 24th, 2017.

I think of Philadelphia as a name tag making town so show me what you got incredible oh you know I like a mountain vista or an ocean view but from where I'm sitting right now

this is perfection vista or an ocean view, but from where I'm sitting right now, this is perfection. So many name tags. Everybody in the front row has one. It's always funny when I do a show and people in the front row that went to that effort to be in the front row are just sitting there and I go, did you bring a name tag? They're like, what?

But every single person has a name tag in the front row, so I'm going to talk about each and every one of them. Horrible Joshes, that explains itself. Unjacable, that one's easy to grasp. What's this Mission Impossible? Mission Injoshable. Mission Injoshable?

Felch instead of Fletch? I don't know what's going on there. Seems like a terrible nickname for a young lady. What's your name? Your last name is Felch? You're allowed to change it, right? Do the laws of Pennsylvania prevent it? Or New Jersey?

This is somebody just holding up a Talladega Knights shirt. Where's your name? The Ballad of Mickey Bobby. Nice. I like it when it's in the fine print. Like Robin Hood. What did you change? Rob. Oh, your name is Rob? Morgansmo.

I get that one. Morgan. Teenage Michael Ninja Turtles. The Ward of the Worlds. Your last name is Ward. Okay, good. That's not a good first name for a lady. Cindy Anna Jones and the Temple of Dung.

Eric Pilgrim vs. the World. Pete Terminator 2, Judgment Day. I saw this one on the internet. I did not care for it. It's get Kim to the Greek but she beautifully gave me Jonah Hill's chin. I am not fucking there yet, man. I guess it's a good...

I should just put this on the elliptical. Just stare at it the whole time. Because you're so enthusiastic. You're there with the fucking... The horns that Gene Simmons tried to copyright, even though people did that for millions of years. La La Jan, which I saw on the internet,

and you pointed out that the streetlight and the stars light up, and you are correct. I appreciated that you could not convey that in the picture of it, but now that I see it in person, it's beautiful. Ghost

in the Shelby. Nice. And how Stella Scott her groove back. That's like perfect for Philadelphia because that's the M. Night Shyamalan of movie title puns with your name in it. How Stella Scott her groove back. It's like, oh shit, where are we going?

And me and, you put me on Taye Diggs' body, that's more like it. And you gave me and, what's her name, Angela Bassett, we both have fucking huge ass joints in our mouths. I think she's probably more of a blunt girl,

especially in Jamaica. But great job, everybody. That was the whole front row. Yeah, and there's still... still great ones behind them. So my guests, I hope, will be very diligent in determining who they're going to choose.

Doug Bluggs, we are back here tomorrow at 420. Are you guys coming back tomorrow? Holy shit. That's awesome. If you still haven't bought a ticket, I think there's like 30 or 40 left. And how does it work? How do you get in the front row?

Do you get here the earliest? That's all it takes? So somebody could buy a ticket now. Somebody could jump up from their seat, run to the box office, buy a ticket, camp here overnight. All right, so that's going to be a lot of fun tomorrow.

I mean, the guests are amazing both days, so don't get all FOMO on me. Maybe even do this, Philadelphia. It's a beautiful train ride into New York City where Douglas Movies will be at the Gramercy Theater Monday night. Yeah. Some tickets left for that.

Or how about this? Buy a plane ticket and go to Kansas City, Missouri. That's how I'm going to frame this from now on. Whatever city I'm in, I'm going to tell them how they can get to these future shows. Because on July 2nd,

I'm at the Improv in Kansas City. And here's another close one for you guys. This isn't a bad flight. I'm doing stand-up on Wednesday, July 5th at Wise Guys at the Gateway in Salt Lake City. I think many Philadelphians wonder what life is like

in Salt Lake City. All of my dates and dates and dates are at DougLovesMovies.com. That's DougLovesMovies.com! Yeah! Yeah! Oh, I love it. That's going to catch on.

I'll get tired of it eventually, but for now. All right, so we got a bunch of donuts up here. I'm always loathe to donut throw, to throw nuts, if you will, here at Helium, because not only is it a nice club with nicely painted walls, it's also got a low ceiling, so there's been some incidents with, I think I broke a light here once.

So it'll be maybe more of a donut tossing situation, or just handing out. But thanks for bringing donuts, keeping that alive. And getting them in. Some comedy clubs are like, uh that alive. And getting them in. Some comedy clubs are like, uh-uh. And then I go out after the show and they're like,

do you want these? And there's a stack of fucking donut boxes. Like, thanks for wrecking, you know. That get Kim to the Greek, Doug Benson would want all those donuts. This one's trying to keep it together. What a rollercoaster it is to be close to Jonah Hill. An emotional rollercoaster.

Because sometimes you can say to him, oh man, you look great! Sometimes. great! Sometimes. I mean, maybe it's for a role every time, because he always seems to be the right size for the part. And he's always great,

and seems like a nice guy. It was Johnny Depp that called him fat. Let's get him out here. My guests tonight. Oh, shit. Wait, my guests. I got to tell you what's in the prize bag. It became a tradition until, you know,

it became a regular thing for me to describe the items in the prize bag that I brought when it's just me. Because with three or four other comedians and actors and wrestlers or whoever they are uh sitting there and me going through item by item it takes fucking forever I mean it takes long enough as it is a copy of my cd some crocheted A crocheted donut. Yeah.

Excellent for throwing. I knew there was more than one here. I started to say donuts, and then I held back because I wasn't sure. So there's three of them for your throwing pleasure. Those were made by somebody in some other city I was at recently. One of these great, I love these ashtrays. I'm going to keep one for myself. It's for the new

Showtime show I'm dying up here. But it is such an old school ashtray. I fucking love it. And they used to have those all over the comedy store

in LA, but it said comedy store or do not steal. And oh, this is, you know, you're going to love this. Just completely fucking smashed up by baggage handlers.

A deluscious donut that's seen better days. A peacemaker pipe that's only been used once. And in an alley close by. I got to hang out with Preston and Steve, WMMR.

Yesterday morning for the fourth annual, just hanging out at Hershey Park. First time it rained a lot of the time, but I didn't give a shit. If the rain didn't stop, that would have been bad because a lot of the rides, they can't open them in the rain. But a lot of them, they're like, we don't care if you get rained on,

which is an unusual experience in and of itself, is being rained on on a roller coaster. And while I was there, they gave me a meal ticket that I did not use. It's good for a large fountain or regular hot beverage. Wait, that's all it's good for? It's only good for a beverage? No, it says meal ticket, so I think a meal also,

whatever they consider a meal. I'll just give you some examples. Subway, Overlook Food Court. You know, it's based on the food court from the film The Shining. And Timber Treats. That's where when you're waiting to get your food, every once in a while

an entire tree falls over and crushes someone. No, this doesn't expire until October 29th so I figure, you know, there's a chance

that the winner will go out to Hershey Park or know somebody that does. I always have a blast out there. I enjoyed the new triple Hershey Tower attraction, you know,

which is basically one of those towers we just shoot up and bounce around but they really have a lot of, they have different sizes, and they each do a different amount of bouncing.

So it's super fun. You know, like, the shortest one bounces a lot because, like, little kids aren't scared of bouncing. They're scared of shooting up really high and maybe never returning to Earth. Now it's time to bring out my guests. Please welcome Chip Chantry, Randy Lawson, Michelle Balloon, and Doogie Horner!

Thank you! All right. Here they are. Let's meet them individually. Starting with first time ever guest. Y'all right over there? Randy lawson is here thanks for having me doug you're welcome philadelphia comedy phenom internet uh phenom as well you're always uh posting hilarious stuff on the internet. Lots of pictures of your kid these days. Yeah, I'm that girl now.

It happens. It can happen to anybody. We first met because you would come to shows that I was performing here at Helium maybe from the very first time I played this club. I was going to say, I brought a name tag that was

just my name. That's what you thought it was? Just write your name down? Before it became the name tag thing, before it became the posters, people came with like, you know, they made an effort, but it wasn't It was just their name. It was their name

done in like cool font or with some Oh, you wrote it in calligraphy or some shit? Yeah. Did you get picked? No. So you learned fast. And then what movie pun did you do when you made one that was a movie poster?

I made myself as Carrie with the blood and the prom dress and everything. Oh, shit. You've got a twin in the audience yeah and what was it said don't take Randy to a podcast and now that's probably six years ago something like that something is yeah and now you're you're here as a guest it can happen to you folks. I wouldn't... I wouldn't encourage them. I wouldn't say that.

But now you kind of almost have to pick that name tag that's scary. Nah, no. I like it. I like your attitude. You're perfect for this show. And joining us once again is Michelle Balloon! Yay! Hey, Michelle. Hey, Doug.

I feel obligated to spell your name for people that want to look you up on Twitter and stuff. Do it. Because people hear balloon, they just want... Comedy. Those funny balloons. They probably just spell it balloon style. But it's B-I-L-Oo-n it is yeah there you go and uh you've been on the show before in fact you were on i believe the last last time we did a show here in philadelphia and my so my question to you is did

you win no no i never won. Oh, okay. I know that I didn't win that one or any other one. All right. Why are you so bad at it? Because I like to win. Oh, your competitive edge is just the opposite? Yeah, even at things I'm not necessarily good at, like movie trivia, I strive to win.

All right, well, that's all we can ask for. That seems like enough. I mean, you know, people might... I wonder if anybody in the audience has ever kind of put their name tag down when a guest comes around that probably wouldn't win. Don't pick me.

Don't pick me. That'd be so sad. No, no, no. No, I'm good. You don't have to pick me. Well, hopefully that doesn't happen to you today. I'm not trying to set you up for that. Well, it'll be a great underdog story, I think, with what you're setting up.

If you came back to your chair, no one would let me have their name tag. That'd be pretty amazing, because Carrie's looking for somebody. No. No. All right, well, let's see if my next guest uh chip chantry everybody thank you good to be here i and we first met uh chip on the uh last show at raleigh's in uh or i mean good night in raleigh's and good night yeah raleigh. Raleigh's in Good Night. Yeah, Raleigh's in Good Night, North Carolina. And we had a lot of fun there,

but your competition was, what was it, Todd Glass? Yeah, Mr. Todd Glass. Mr. Todd Glass was... The whole show was a blur, except for the fact that he tried to throw a donut into the crowd and hit a clock that was literally like two feet there and it bounced back onto the stage.

That's how bad Todd Glass it is at this entire podcast. And I still fucking lost to him. He won that day? He won that day. No! Yes. I refuse to believe that. But that's also, when Todd is on, when Burt Kreischer's on,

there's certain guests that I dumb everything down for them. Yes, yeah. You know, like when you're watching Celebrity Jeopardy, you're like, why do I know all the answers all of a sudden? Name a movie. So, yeah, so we make it a lot easier. Yeah, no, there's literally a game where you just have to say the movie title back the fastest.

Yeah, that's... I say a title, whoever repeats it back the quickest is the winner. So I guess Todd did well at that. He did all right. And he beat your ass. He did. Well, good luck today, Chip.

Thank you. And thank you for being here. And finally beat your ass. He did. He did. Well, good luck today, Chip. Thank you. And thank you for being here. And finally, the person with the most appearances under his belt and the best shirts in the business, it's Doogie Horner. Thank you. Now, Doogie, would you do a stand-up comedy set in that ensemble? Yeah, why not? Like a kind of a print shirt, Hawaiian-y style?

Most of my shows are on boats. With khakis and no socks. No socks. I keep it light. You know, I'm a very high-energy performer. And so, you know, I got to wear stuff that's light so I don't sweat too much, because I really get into it. I run around the room.

I feel like we'd be remiss not saying this. He actually showed up in a pair of shorts and changed in the green room. Oh, okay. That's Philadelphia style. You walk around in long pants, you're gonna have fucking swamp ass. So it's nice to switch to some freshies. You could have,

yeah, and you switched to long pants because we're in a nice air-conditioned environment. Is this unprofessional, this Hawaiian shirt? No, not at all. I wasn't saying

it was unprofessional. I just, I'm looking back to, we first, we also met here at this very club when one or both of us was extremely inebriated.

We were both really drunk. But I was a bigbriated we're both really drunk but i was a big fan of your antics and i call it that for a reason on america's got talent yeah because you i i call it antics when somebody stand-up comedy is hard to do on that show yeah and you uh it used to be even worse it used to be like it was all like a troupe of 30 dancing girls with bells on their fingers and then a guy juggling chainsaws and then me standing stock still talking about muffins. Then a girl with cancer

that sings like an angel. You know, it was a very... You're not watching this season? Did I just describe who's on this season? No. But it's worse. The acts are fucking crazy tech heavy and lots of bells and whistles and people are really stepping up.

But then there's also a girl that's like, my dad's dying of cancer. This song's for him. Hit it. And you cannot not cry at a girl singing about her cancer dad. Having cancer is not a talent. I'm sorry.

I know it's a hot take. No, but she's one of the lucky ones, as is the dad, that she might win America's Got Talent, and he's dying. That usually doesn't work out that way. Usually someone's dying, and she's by your bedside for too much time every day. You need a moment to yourself. Yeah, shouldn't you really be home with your dad? You go away and be on a talent competition.

I'm trying to die over here. Then I want something good to watch on the TV. What song? It'd be funny if she was like, my dad's dying of cancer. This song's for him. I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, dear lady. There they are, we're standing in a row.

No, she sang Christina Perry's Arms, which is just about how much you love being in someone you love's embrace. It's like, it was brutal. But at least she didn't do A Thousand Years from Twilight. That would have been a little sad, a little extra sad for the cancer patient

to watch a song about vampires living for thousands of years. I know too much about everything. So, Doogie, the reason I brought up your outfit was not to roast your outfit. No, everybody does.

But I think on America's Got Talent, and in the early days of your comedy, you were a suit guy. Yeah, I used to wear very nice suits, and I had to stop because nobody does that. Like, nobody my age walks onto stage in a suit, and I realized that it was odd because my opener had to be about my suit,

and I realized if I have to explain what I'm wearing, I'm probably not wearing the right thing. Yeah, comedy got super casual somehow. It really did. It got off the edge. It's really kind of your thing if you're wearing a suit like Paul F. Tompkins, obviously. It was a thing, yeah. But it's a thing that's not that much fun to sustain. Because you always have to have a fucking suit.

Like you would have to change a lot more when you got here if you were still suit guy not just the shorts yeah greg probes is mostly in a suit yeah yeah they can sort of pull it off because it fits their style but with my style it was it was just a weird thing so i had to stop but now apparently there are a couple of nerds in europe fucking i'm like a hip cool guy hip cool i'm like a hip, cool guy. Hip, cool. I'm like a young, hip, cool guy. You look at me, you're like, he's got a skateboard or two. Yeah, Paul and Greg do not have skateboards. I will give you that. All right, so let's go down the line here and find out what you guys have for the prize bag,

starting with Michelle Balloon. Okay, it's a Michelle Balloon prize package. Oh, I like it. Like a Michelle Balloon weekend? Yeah,'s a Michelle Balloon prize package. Oh, I like it. Like a Michelle Balloon weekend? Yeah, Michelle, you get to be at my house, take care of my four-year-old daughter. I'm going to go to Hawaii. You can borrow my shirt.

You get my... Points. points is it going to be a motif of shirt humor is that what we're expecting we'll try it's what we got so far to work with yeah it's really no I can't I can't mess with it I don't want to step on the

shirt laughs I'll keep it buttoned down. Do you have one more? No, I'm thinking furiously of one. That's okay. You wear your heart on your sleeve. Oh, there we go. Button it. All right. No. Zip it. It's waiting. Now wear your heart on your sleeve. Oh, there we go. Button it.

All right. No. Zip it. It's waning. Now the crowd is just angry. They're like, don't you fucking dare. This isn't Doug Love Shirts. One more shirt joke.

Oh, that's a good point. Dougloveshirts.com. There you go. I don't mention it very often because, you know, I'm not a shirt salesman. Right. But since it's come up at such length,

and Doug Lo's movie shirts and many other shirts are available there for purchase. And I should now mention a nice segue. One of the other prizes in the Michelle Balloon

prize package is, could you hold my mic chip please so I can fully thank you it's it's a shirt it's a shirt it's a shirt that was weird three people went ooh it's it's based on a popular popular punchline of a joke I have that everybody knows. It's a drink. It says potato water and it's like, you know, vodka. You have to do the whole potato water bit? Yeah, I do. But yeah, if you

win, I'm going to do the joke for you and then I'll hand it to you ceremoniously. This is turning into a Michelle Balloon prize package. And one, and that's not all. And a button with my's not all. And a button with my face on it. So, you know,

you can put it on the shirt. Hot off the presses. You'll get the first button out of the new button order. There we go, and that's it. Okay.

Great job. Top that, motherfucker. Wow. Damn it. Pass that stuff motherfucker. Wow. Damn it. Pass that stuff down, Michelle. Is it in its own bag or is it all loose? You know what? These other two people brought bags trying to make it look

organized. Like they brought more stuff? Yeah. Me and Doogie, we went bagless. I honestly just want one thing from each guest. Comedians and everybody that comes on the show feels like they need to compete for best prizes, but you could just bring one shitty thing as far as I'm concerned. I'm taking some shit back then.

What do you got, Chip? All right, I got some gummy bears. Oh, Haribo. And I got a copy of my CD, Chip Chantry, A Cross in the Adonis, recorded here a couple years ago. And Doogie is quite the fashionable guy. From five years ago, I'm wearing the same goddamn shirt

that I was right now. It's the same exact shirt that I'm wearing right now. Because I own three shirts. So there you go. Deal with that. And then I actually did bring another shirt that I should keep for myself. It's from my buddy's store, Shive Vintage, and it's a shirt that says, yeah, Shive, great place.

It says, Philadelphia isn't as bad as Philadelphians say it is. So that's... And the bag's from Shive too It's more of a satchel And finally Just for you real movie lovers I got Arthur on VHS The original Arthur

The original The original Dudley Moore Arthur That I actually won I was at a gas station A couple of years ago And this woman was doing this promotion About shit that you could use to buff your tires, clean your tires, and she's giving this whole pitch, and I was like, all right, I'll buy one, and then she has this, we're playing a game,

and she's like, you can pay two more dollars for an entire other can, or pick from one of the prizes. I was like, fuck that, I'm just taking a prize. And she was really upset because she didn't have many prizes left. But I was like, I'm taking... She's like, it's only an Arthur VHS. And I'm like, I'm taking the fucking Arthur VHS. And I never opened it. So

it's brand new. So there you go. Wow. Yeah, give me that bag too. Well, that is really nice. This isn't some Russell Brand bullshit. This is the Dudley Moore original. One of AFI's 100 funniest movies. Really?

Yeah, I wouldn't put it in my top 1,000. No. I think that list was made when VHS was still out. I think that's... Number 80 there. Still. Yeah, I know. I mean, it's funny, and he's great in it.

Like, he's very good. And John Gielgud is good as his, uh, manservant. You know, people say it to this day when you say something irrelevant, you know, nobody cares about. I'll alert the media was,

uh, the Butler in that movie. Oh yeah. Didn't know that was him. Yeah. He's the first John Gielgud was first. I think he may have won best supporting actor for it. Even I'll alert the media. John Gielgud was first. I think he may have won Best Supporting Actor for it even.

I'll alert the media. God damn it! Randy, what do you got? So by day, I design pop culture and movie kind of novelties and housewares. So I brought some stuff that I've worked on. Okay.

So first, the classic holiday tale, A Christmas Story. Leg lamp, ice cubes. Make your own ice cubes. Oh. So you put this, yeah, it's a tray, and you fill it with water, and all your ice cubes are leg lamp shaped. Yep. If you break them, what is it? The line?

He says. Oh, I don't remember. It's not a finger. Right? Not a finger! Get the fucking glue, Francine. I swear to God. Why does it say fragile on the box? What can you possibly do to this rubber?

Fragile. Fragile. I walked into that one. Okay, what else? So I have a three-dimensionally shaped Wonder Woman bottle opener. Oh. Whoa. She's molded in gold. That's awesome.

I got just a couple more things. ICUPonline.com. ICUPonline.. I-C-U-P online.com. iCuponline.com is where you can find all this stuff. Okay. A body molded Deadpool shot glass. Shaped like Deadpool and his muscles. Oh, I'm going to hang on to that one. Oh, wait.

It's just... Wait, what? It's like his... It's shaped like his muscular physique. It's just his body. Right. On a shot glass. Right. It's his torso So you can do body shots

Alright I don't need that thing Then a little furry Ewok Can huggy An Ewok So you put it on your drink and it's nice and furry And keeps it cool It's a Wicket You guys know Wicket Ewok. Yeah. So you put it on your drink and it's nice and furry and keeps it cool. Yeah. I love that. Wicket. You guys know Wicket?

Wicket, the Ewok. He survived, right? What was the name of the one who died? Does anybody know? Probably not. Probably never learned his name. I was just happy at least one of them died.

And the last thing is a Teenager Ninja Turtle shaped like a turtle shell and chest apothecary jar to keep your apothecaries. Because when you make officially licensed goods, you can't call them stash jars. So I never called this a stash jar.

So enjoy. Oh my god. You can put weed in your apothecary jar? It is going to carry some pot this apothecary jar. How do you open it? With strength. Oh, okay. So I couple mine. We should say that that Ewok thing was a koozie. I don't think the word koozie got out there.

Oh, yeah, it's a koozie. It's a koozie. So that's funny to stand around with a beer that's got an Ewok on it. Yeah. And the Ewok's face is kind of warm and fuzzy, so if you're, especially if you're in a cold environment, but you want to keep your beer cold and your hand warm. Oh, yeah.

Boom, boom. Doogie, it's a hard act to follow. Well, I'm going to try. I brought one of my books, some very interesting cats

perhaps you weren't aware of. Great book. I always like to open to a random cat. Oh, yeah. Because it's, there's how many cats in to a random cat. Oh, yeah. Because there's how many cats in here? A hundred. Wait, how many?

Now what would you pay? I don't like the one I turned to. I like this one. Lars the Weightlifter. Kind of a rolling laugh. As people see it. And then I also wrote my email in there. I'm just a really lonely guy.

Please, if you win email me and I'll send you a copy of my album A Delicate Man and I guess if anybody else emails me I'll probably do that too well no

you can find out today who the winner is and get their name and work it out before this before this is on the internet that's a whole lot of

that's a lot well like if you were trying to reach out to Doogie Horner via email, what address would you use? See, people already know it, so... I don't know what you're hiding behind. Well, it's... Fucking Kim's first guess.

My email is actually snazzyshirtguyathotmail.com Let me see that name tag again because these guys didn't see it. Look what she did to me. She Jonah... She Jonah Hill'd my fucking neck. And what else, Doogie?

I also brought a VHS tape, Trading Places. Great film. And this one has been opened and I did not win it at a gas station. Jamie Lee Curtis's boobs. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's one of the highlights of this one

I haven't seen it in a long time But it's a pretty entertaining movie And whoever wins Is going to have to buy a VCR By applause Who who here has, who can actually watch a VHS tape? Wow. Wow.

All right, well, let's narrow it down. Only you are eligible today. Only those people. All right, I have a couple of questions. Nothing too serious. Don't worry too much about right or wrong answers. But Michelle, what was the last movie you saw? The last movie

I saw was Wonder Woman yesterday. What time was it? What theater was it? Was it clean? It was the United Artists on Christopher Columbus. It was the United Artists on Christopher Columbus. It was at 1120 3D, and it was not clean.

3D? What? Well, that was what was playing when I was there. You put on the glasses? Yeah, what's wrong with that? I don't like it at all. You don't like the glasses or the dimensions? Let's say you're Doogie Horner.

Let's just say. You've got to put those fucking things over your existing glasses. Yeah, but we're not Doogie Horner. Not comfortable. Nope. Yeah. They're fine. And I still, I used to be a glasses wearer, and I got LASIK many years ago.

But now when I put those on, I'm just irritated that they're forcing me back into a life that I left behind. But you wear sunglasses, though. That's true, but that's to keep the sun out of my eyes, not to see a slightly bit more depth in a fucking Pirates movie. Like, it's usually not worth it. Like, what's the last great 3D thing anybody's seen? Like, I think Guardians probably looks great in 3D, but it looks great on a

flat screen. Avatar was the last really good one. Jackass in 3D was actually really great. Amazing use of 3D. Friday the 13th 3D. Inside Out. It's good. Look good in 3D? Yeah. Because you know it's a cartoon.

What? Yeah, Because you know it's a cartoon. What? Yeah, so there's no... Like they did one of those things where they 3D-ized Nightmare Before Christmas and it's just bullshit because it already looked very 3D because there's a bunch of little puppets running around, you know?

But it didn't make it worse. Like it just, you know, it was still... Hey, we're going to charge you two extra bucks to not make it worse. Put these glasses on your head. Because some of them, maybe you've got good glasses, but a lot of times the glasses are uncomfortable. It was... Like, at the Chinese out in Hollywood,

the glasses are, like, fucking heavy on your nose. Like, they're these really weird heavy glasses. Same with the arc light. Yeah. But some of them are just like shitty sunglasses that are plastic. And the nice thing here

in Philly, it was only 12 bucks to see it in 3D like unlike seeing it at the arc light where it would have been like, you know, 20. Yeah, right?

Yeah. And but what, you know, let's not dwell on the 3D thing. And that's all I have to say about it. That's my review. As a woman, that's all I have to say.

I didn't mind wearing the glasses. So that means you enjoyed it. Yeah, I did. I thought it was a super fun, great movie. I enjoyed it very much. When is your four-year-old going to get to see it? You know, she, like, she loves the Star Wars franchise. She, but it's like the... Hey, what are you doing now? But I'm just saying... When is your four-year-old going to get to see it? You know, she loves the Star Wars franchise.

But it's like the... Hey, what are you doing now? But I'm just saying... It's not Star Wars. No, but what I'm saying is that this movie is a little more violent than... So she probably won't see it for a few years. Star Wars, they just blow up entire planets. They do. It's at a distance.

You don't see anyone die. You just hear, oh my God, a fucking genocide of a planet just happened. Yeah. You don't see the hurt and injured children. They're just a distant visualization. I get it. That makes sense. It is very, like,

that's what drives me crazy about, you know, the standards these days is it's a big studio movie and they maybe had to make a couple of cuts, but I doubt it because they just basically never show any bloodshed even though our hero is murdering people with a sword yeah for an entire movie uh it's very bizarre and and the other thing is is i love the idea of

female empowerment and little girls thank you thank much. Thank you. Women, thank you. You're welcome. But. Uh-huh. Wait. When I saw it, they were bringing every goddamn age, infants, two-year-olds,

three-year-olds. It's not a movie for children. No, no. But they decide, hey, finally, a fucking movie about a female, you know, superhero.

Let's take our little girl. It's, their thoughts, their intentions are right, but it's not for children. No, fuck you. If you bring your kid to a movie, fucking die. Wow. Hot take.

Michelle Balloon on the record, never taking her children to the movies. You're on your own, kids. There's a thing out there called cinema and that's all i'm gonna tell you every everything said on doug loves movies is endorsed by doug loves movies so chip what was the last movie you saw uh i just re-watched the uh classic canadian bmx movie rad movie Rad. Yeah. Who's in that? Nobody of Noah. Becky's in it. Who's it?

Aunt Becky from Full House is in it. She's the love interest. What? Yes. I don't even know what Aunt Becky from Full House is. Lori Loughlin. Oh! Lori Loughlin. Lori Loughlin. Oh! Yes, Lori Loughlin.

Lori Loughlin, okay. They were so excited. I swear to God, I don't ever remember them calling her Aunt Becky. I think it's always just like, hey you. Yo.

But I also didn't watch it much. You probably didn't see the 3D version of Full House. That's what it was. I was out on Friday nights partying. Like, I don't know

family matters either, really. I mean, I know he says, did I do that? After just directly doing something. Like, I would fucking murder Urkel. It's not funny at all.

So what you missed on the show, he'd go, did I do that? And everyone would go, yes. They'd be like, all right, sorry. That was the bit. And they'd do it every time. They'd be like, sorry, I don't know. I just didn't know. It was obviously.

OK, well, I'm sorry. But he'd take a basketball and throw it in a vase. And it would break. And then he'd go, did I do that? Yeah, and then everyone would go, yeah, yeah. And he'd go, OK, well. Why do, and then everybody would go, yeah. Yeah. And they'd go, okay. Why do you still live with us? I'm just checking.

Nobody ever had him tested for anything. That's what I'm saying. Maybe get the kids to help. You think he had STDs? Did I get that? Did I get that? Wah,wah. Just throwing in a quick advertisement for local area wah-wahs.

Randy? I saw Everybody Wants Some oh the Linklater did you see that I quite enjoyed it it's good right yeah

it's like that thing he does where it's like slice of life and fun characters and all that yeah and less hazing there's less hazing

than there was in Days and Confused right it's more about we're just all on a baseball team my only thing that I miss from it

is like girl characters it's all dudes that was a point I was missing the fun just all on a baseball team. My only thing that I miss from it is girl characters. It's all dudes. That was the point I was making. It was missing the fun and interesting girl characters of Dazed and Confused, except there was one female character that was super charming and interesting, and I IMDB'd her afterwards.

Yeah? And it's the daughter of Leah Thompson. Oh. She's an actress. And then I thought the most intriguing dude in the movie, I looked him up, and he is the... Son of Kurt Russell. Yes. He's an actress. And then I thought the most intriguing dude in the movie, I looked him up and he is the... Son of Kurt Russell.

Yes. Yes, Wyatt Russell. Wyatt Russell. So I was kind of like, yeah, nice next generation stuff. Yeah. Cool movie. And if you take your kid

I'm just nodding in agreement. Yeah. Putting the Douglas movie seal of approval. Yeah, I just wish it was less about dudes and baseball, but other than that, I in agreement. Yeah. Putting the Douglas movie seal of approval. Yeah, I just wish it was less about dudes and baseball, but other than that, I liked it. Yeah.

Dukes? I went to the Mahoning Drive-In, and I saw... Yeah, great drive-in theater. Drive-In, yes. Keep it alive. And I saw Batman and Batman Returns double feature. What? Yeah.

It's a drive-in that's showing revival shit? Yeah, they show. In double bills? Yep. That's amazing. It's awesome. They'll show Wayne's World, Wayne's World 2. I think the only way they can stay in business

is by having the latest Transformers or whatever. No, it's all repertory. For people with kids that are at least nice enough to just keep it in your car. They don't have to die. They're fine. Or do they still have a playground at the drive-in? Like a swing set?

Like when John Travolta's on the swings in Greece and he's singing about Sandy? They have camping. What? They have camping. Oh, this movie's too much for you? Spend the night. Well, because they'll do,

they do a thing called like Splatterfest or something like that in the summer and it's two days of movies. Oh, and they'll just play them all night long. And they play them all night

and then you can, so you can, you know, put your team in the back. Yeah, it's great. And it's a huge screen. It's really big. This place sounds awesome. It's really awesome.

What, are they open like two months a year? One week. In the winter. It's really awesome. What, are they open like two months a year? One week. In the winter. It's really poorly run. I think they're probably like three months,

four months. All right. Yeah, and it's great. You know, here on the East Coast, man. It's a paradise. And in a lot of places. It's a film lover's paradise.

The winter is just getting shorter and shorter. Yeah, I know. It's really a bummer. Everywhere except Buffalo. No in a lot of places. It's a film lover's paradise. The winter is just getting shorter and shorter. Yeah, I know. It's really a bummer. Everywhere except Buffalo, no matter how hot it gets, they'll still have nine months of snow. Oh, my God. It's the lake effect.

Is there a cruel god at the bottom of the lake? Is there a snow demon? Yes. Is it the lake house effect? Are Keanu and Sandra involved? All right, one more question before we move on to the next part of the show. And I've been bugging all of my guests with this lately,

and frankly, I haven't had the greatest... So far, predestination seems to be the movie that is the greatest movie I've never seen so just raise your hand when you think of one because I know I'm springing this question on you but what's a movie you think I haven't seen that

you think I will think is great Doogie Mouse Hunt Score Verbinski What about me makes you think I haven't seen Mouse Hunt? You hate mice And Nathan Lane Yeah, it's Nathan Lane

And it's basically Home Alone But with a mouse instead of a kid. I never thought of it that way. It's time to start thinking of it that way. How about Die Hard with a mouse instead of Bruce Willis? It's like Under Siege, not on a boat. That's how I describe Die Hard. So I'd say it's like Under Siege, not on a boat, with a mouse.

No, you were right. It's like Under Siege, not on a boat, whiz a mouth. No, you were right. It's like Home Alone. Yeah, I've seen it. I love how you threw in also that it's from Gore Verbinski. That's a sign of greatness. I'm a filmaberg. You're a filmawhat?

Filmaberg. That's not real. I'm a cinemap real. Cinema... Cinema pile. Cinema file. Okay. All right. Okay, sure. Michelle's looking hers up on her phone.

Wow. Randy's got one. Have you seen The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys? Wait, who's in that? Emile Hirsch? Emile Hirsch and Kieran Culkin. Yeah, I saw that. I love me some Culkins. All the Cul saw that. I love me some Culkins.

All the Culkins are always great and everything they're ever in. I'm a total Culkin fan. I am completely with you on that. Like, Kieran Culkin showed up for, like, just one, like, a scene on an episode of Fargo and he was amazing.

I was so mad when he was only in one scene. Right? Oh, my God. But that's what was effective about it is, like, he was only in one scene. Right? Oh my god. But that's what was effective about it. You're like, oh, it's Kieran Culkin. He's going to be around for a minute. What? That's it? Okay. Chip?

Have you seen Jiro Dreams of Sushi? What? Jiro Dreams of Sushi. No, I've heard a lot about that, but I've never seen it. It's a documentary. It's great. You will fall in love with sushi if you do not already love sushi. I'm all right with sushi. You're going to love it after you watch it. I'm cool with sushi.

But it's a fictional or documentary? It's a documentary. Oh, doc. Okay. About this guy over in Japan. He's had his own sushi place for like 50 years. And it costs like $300 to go to his place just for lunch. But everybody who goes says it's worth it because it's the greatest thing they've ever eaten in their lives.

You know, sushi is usually pretty great. Yeah. I can't imagine sushi that's that much better. Watch the movie, Doug. What do they do to it? He like slaps it around and I swear to God, he like beats it and massages it. Oh, so much sushi has just been given a fair break yeah exactly and just uh

the sushi delivered to your table non-violently exactly so you get to watch that happen it's it's you have to divert your uh avert your eyes slapping salmon i like it yeah all right i got i do that does sound like one i should see because i i've always heard good things about it yeah just good just haven't seen it i mean there's thousands of documentaries that are great that I haven't seen because I like movies, you know, traditional fictional movies the best, but

documentaries are great as well. If it helps, you can watch it and pretend it's fake. Well, just with that title, Jiro Dreams of Sushi, just seems like Jiro in the end finds love with a person. Yeah, it's true. I don't want to give it away. Okay, Michelle, what did you find on your phone?

Well, yeah, so I kind of like half remembered something from my youth. It's a movie from the 80s. My sisters and I used to love it. I haven't seen it forever. Nice girls don't explode. Huh? It's true. That's real? It's real. It it's really funny it's a dark comedy i cannot

remember anybody who acted in it weren't you just looking it up yeah i was but i didn't want to stare at my i mean i could tell you okay who is who's that but i know the guy from princess bride was in wallace sean is in it and um and uh and she basically grows up thinking that uh her mom convinced her that uh she'll explode if a guy touches her and it's and it's a pretty good way to teach abstinence and barbara harris is the mom and she's pretty recognizable and things i like her yeah she's from the original Freaky Friday. Yeah, and the girl is actually, her name is Michelle Mayrink, and I don't think she's ever been in.

Mayrig? Mayrink. Mayrink. Yeah, she's another thing. I think she's the girl in Real Genius, maybe. Yeah, she was in a bunch of 80s movies. Yeah, she did some work. It's legitimately funny and weird and crazy.

All right. It's a good movie. Okay. Probably not the movie I'd find to be great. Might be fun to watch it though. Might be a nice diversion. Yes. But of everything everybody said today

I'd say, what'd you say Randy? The Dangerous Lives of All-Trippers. Oh yeah. So Chip wins that round. There's nothing to win, really. Shit. But.

Now, I just want to do a weird thing here right now. Just everybody be quiet for a second. What is that noise that's just above our heads that the audience probably can't hear?

I think it's something in the vents. I think, like, maybe or the refrigerator back there. I think it's part of the kitchen. Maybe, yeah. But there's just something that's making a noise

that sounds like, you know when you're like in a cab or an Uber or a Lyft and the driver wants to listen to music but thinks you don't need to hear it? You know what I mean?

They've got it so fucking low that you're just like, what is that we're listening to for the entire ride? That's what this sounds like to me, but I'm easily distracted. Is it bothering any front row people? It will now.

It's the opening scene to Mouse Hunt 2. We're all the stars. It sounds like a mouse in the vents. There's mouse running in the vents, you guys. There's mouse running in the vents, I just said. Look out, mouse! It's mouse, everybody. All right, well, so I'll try to watch the ones of those I haven't seen,

and by try to watch them, that means probably not get around to it. But Bert, turn the show off, because it's about time for me to say, let the games begin ladies and gentlemen pick your name tags go grab a name tag please there's lots of great ones in the front row but please go throughout the room as they yell at you. And we're going to go to a brief commercial message. We'll be right back.

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Skip the dealership and buy a car online. Check out carvana.com slash Doug to learn more. That's carvana.com slash D-O-U-G. It's the new way to buy a car. All right, we're back. And in my opinion, you guys did not look hard enough. Yeah, I'm sorry, everybody. Try again tomorrow. But the four that did get chosen,

congratulations on getting here early and sitting close. Let's start with Michelle. What do you got? I got a great poster, some good Photoshop work here. Jake, I'm assuming, otherwise this would be weird. Unjakeable. All right. That's Jake on top, Doug on the bottom, and then for some reason some vodka.

Is that part of the movie? No, that's part of trying to get you to pick that name tag. And is it Tito's vodka? It's absolute, because he's lazy. You can have it. Thank you. We got two Tito's on that one, but you didn't get picked,

so I don't want to take your booze. Plus, I drink for free, you guys. It's pretty much the thing I'm most excited about in life is that I can walk into any comic club and have some free drinks. Doug, are you doing a show here this weekend? No.

Just came by for some drinks. Chip, what do you got? This is an artifact. It is a pan with a name tag that says Peter in it. So Peter Pan. Peter Pan. That's good. And as a bonus, it looks like a name tag

from The Price is Right so I had to take that one great job Peter and Randy I've seen this before I think I've even

yeah I have because I've signed it so it's a it's an actual baby doll it's a baby doll it's got your logo in puffy paint

Corey loves Doug's face. Yeah, Corey loves Doug. Yeah, you've signed it. Yeah. I think this is a hardcore old school fan like me because you used to give out those monkeys. Woot monkeys. The woot monkeys. Yeah.

This is a baby doll. With a woot monkey coming out of its head. Yeah. Yeah. It's blinking. And the baby blinks. I don't like that at all. Which is never creepy at all.

Can you imagine your baby looking at you and being like, wink. What? What is happening? We have a secret, baby? Yeah. Yeah, the secret is I have a fucking monkey out of my head.

Yeah. You find me sexy, monkey baby? All right, so that Corey, good job. You got picked again. Did you win the last time you got picked? Nope. Okay, so still in it to win it. You know, the classic name tags sometimes work more than once.

That is a creepy-ass name tag. All right, Doogie. I've got Lar Wars. L-A-U-R. The Empire Strikes Masks. Yeah, I don't know. I'm trying to figure out. That's your last name?

Is your last name Strikes Mask? What's your last name? Matthew Antonio. Oh. Should have put that on there. Yeah, she only went with the first four letters. Yeah, Mask. All right, but lots of us are on there.

Are you on there? Oh, that's why you picked it. Trey Gallion's on there. Jacob and Sam Levine and Mark Wahlberg and me. Yeah. Great job. That would have been a great movie. I think they went the wrong way with it.

Yeah. Now that I see this, this would have been huge. Good job, Laura. Good job to everyone. Thank you for making name tags. Always appreciate it. But these four are going to fight it out now on behalf of the ones they chose. And we're going to start with, this might be the last time I do it because it's just a time of year thing.

It's the commence with the commencement game. No applause for a reason. No, there's a good reason. And everyone leaves. There's a good reason there's no applause because this game is fairly new and not that great. Here we go. No, I'm going to read to you a commencement speech from a motion picture. You all get to guess as often as you'd like until someone gives me the correct full title of the motion picture that this speech is from.

I'll give some clues right at the end if you still haven't gotten it. Just the guys and gals on stage, no one in the audience, please, guessing on this. Because there's only one answer. Usually when people guess from the audience, they say something's not even right. But here, you guys are going to nail it. Maybe.

No. Somebody knows this movie. And I read the entire thing using Bane voice. And congratulations to Tom Hardy. Apparently now he's playing Venom in a movie.

Venom's a Spider-Man thing. He's playing Venom and he's wearing a mask. Always with the mask. Well, three times. He should just get veneers. I think he's self-conscious. There's memes on the internet

about him wearing masks all the time, but I was just watching on HBO the other night a movie where he plays twins who both don't wear masks. So I wouldn't really call him a mask guy. But three masks is a lot for one guy. It's a lot. He should just get veneers or something if he's self-conscious. I mean... Alright, here

we go. What movie is this from? Fight for what matters to you. matter what because even if you fall short what better way is there to live it's easy to feel hopeful on a beautiful day like today but there will be dark days ahead of us, too. There will be days where you feel all alone. And that is when hope is needed most. No guesses? No matter how bad it gets.

Or how lost you feel. Say anything. You must not. Wonder Boys. Oh, excuse me. You must promise me that you will hold on to hope.

Back to school. Keep it alive. That's it. Keep it alive! That's it. I think you do this game just because you like talking in the Bane voice. Just an excuse to... Did you handwrite the whole thing out? Yes, I did.

He's still in character. Is it Hearts War? It was hard to write down because I had to step out of the shadows. Hearts War? All right, so I'll give you a clue. No. And I got to watch your mouths because whoever jumps in the fastest. Dead Poets Society.

No. Oh. The character's name is Gwen Stacy. Spider-Man. 10 Things I Hate About You? No. The character's name is Gwen Stacy. Spider-Man. 10 Things I Hate About You? No. And. Spider-Man 2.

She's played by Emma Stone. Easy A. And it's a sequel. Spider-Man 3. The Return of Spider-Man. And it's got a two in the title. Spider-Man 3. The return of Spider-Man. And it's got a 2 in the title. Spider-Man 2. And the word amazing.

Amazing Spider-Man 2. She started first. Oh, shit. Keep it alive! Good job, Brandy. Split second difference there, though, I think. So it's a good thing I was looking at you guys. Amazing Spider-Man 2.

Yeah. So Randy gets to go first in this next game. And then we'll go to chip Michelle and do you come at you one at a time with a tagline this is whose tagline is it anyway I will say much more popular than the commencement game which is done for the for now but will say a line from, you know, a classic advertising line for a motion picture, like in space no one can hear you scream,

or just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water. That was for Jaws 2. Get one guess. If you're wrong, move on to the next person. Start with you, Randy. There are some places in the universe you don't go alone. In the universe,

you don't go alone. Let me just give you a quick elimination of one title. It's not Larry Crown. a quick elimination of one title. It's not Larry Crown. That would make no sense. Spaceballs? No.

That was my not bad, but no. They seem like a rag-tag-together team out in space. Yeah. Chip, what do you think? Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Oh, okay, no. Michelle? Guardians of the Galaxy.

Which part? Motherfucker. I mean, you could just say Guardians of the Galaxy and that means you're saying the first one. I'm saying the first one. No.

Doogie? Guardians of the Galaxy, and that means you're saying the first one. I'm saying the first one. No. Doogie. Guardians of the Galaxy Part 2? It's Volume 2, and I was just fucking around with Michelle. It's not either of those. Don't do this to me! I want to win! There are some places in the universe you don't go alone. It's from aliens

aliens the sequel to alien had that tagline they should have been in space still no one can right people still can't hear you stupid in space your screams are bullshit still stop it get with the

program can't take your hat off in space. Your helmet. All right, we'll start with Randy. This next one is a deadly new attraction. A deadly new attraction. The movie said it's a deadly new attraction. Deadly new attraction. Fatal attraction.

You know, there have been worse taglines. But that one would be a little too on the nose, I think. Too on the nose, yeah. Chip? Arachnophobia. Oh, good guess. No. Michelle?

What's the movie where the whales kill everybody? The documentary? That one. Thank you. Blackfish? Thank you. Blackfish. Blackfish. That would be a good one. Wait, Blackfish or Blackfish 2? It wouldn't be.

They should make Blackfish 2, because those places, SeaWorld's still open, but they... It's not a new attraction. They've done that for many years. For many reasons, I think. I like where your head's at. Thank you. PETA appreciates it.

I'm really killing it. You'll get a tweet from them, I'm sure. Lots of tweets. Yeah. Doogie? Jurassic Park 3. That's not a bad guess, too. The deadly new attraction was for Jaws 3D.

Oh, man! Yeah. All right. We'll start with Randy again. Pray you die first. And that's not the tagline for this show. Pray you die first. And that's not the tagline for this show. Pray you die first. Final destination?

Wait, why would you? Okay. No. No. Because you're going to die, and you're going to die a horrible death. As long as you're going to die, you might as well go first? Yeah. Okay.

I mean, this is a terrible tagline now that I think about it. Like, I can't think of any situation where you're like, yeah, I wish I was the first to die. I mean, I guess there's some, but... Chip? It's not... Not human centipede, lady.

Yeah. She's right, though. That is an instance where you'd want to go first. You mean, you hope you go first, not die first Wait no Isn't last the best spot? No

It's best Oh yeah yeah yeah You're right you're right You want to be in the front You want to be in the front You want to be in front Of the centipede Definitely the best segment You want to be in the front. You want to be in the front. You want to be in front of the centipede. Definitely the best segment.

You want to be top centipede. Yeah. That's a reality show, top centipede. Like, I mean, other than having one to a hundred people sewed behind you, what's the downside to being the first? There's kind of none, really. It's pretty pleasant, I bet. Yeah.

You can't go through revolving doors. I think that's the hardest part. You don't have anybody to talk to. Don't even try. Don't even get started about the glass ceiling.

All right. Where were we at Michelle? Was it me? It wasn't you? Did you go? You didn't go. Oh I didn't go. Blair Witch Project.

Oh okay no. Blair Witch Project. Oh, okay. No. No. Anaconda. Another good guess. No. The Hunger Games? No.

Sorry. This one is from this was from Alien Resurrection Jesus is the next one gonna be a Jaws one did I just ruin it for you I don't know

Randy's up first this time it's personal oh my gosh now I'm supposed to know this. What's the exact title? Jaws 4. Jaws 4, The Legend of the Shark.

That would have been a better title. Chip? Jaws Revenge. That's correct! Jesus Christ! Then there's one where Jaws plays, runs the HR department at a big company, and the tagline is,

this time it's personnel. I could have made that joke 30 years ago, and I just thought of it now. All right, so that means Chip wins that game. Congratulations, Chip. Thank you. But I did have a tiebreaker, so just for the fun of it, I want to say it

and then see if any of you have a guess of what this might be. Whoever wins... We lose. Alien versus Predator. That is correct. Yes. AVP yeah

yeah it's actually called AVP colon Alien vs. Predator like that is the dumbest full title which is not the full title

so weird like they just immediately wanted it to catch on in a cool way like people are like you can see AVP? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know me. T-T-Y, gonna go see AVP.

I forgot to mention that, you know, we have a box of donuts over here. And how do you open this fucking thing? Oh, I got it. I got it. Yeah. I was the worst on Christmas morning. Like if the present was a gift certificate, it got ripped into pieces.

But who won the first game? Randy did. Randy, do you want to chuck a donut into the crowd? I'd love to chuck a donut. Yeah, come grab a donut and then chuck it at everybody. And then Chip won the next game, so be careful with your baby. That one's not too messy.

All right, how far back are we going to go? You trying to go back wall? I just watched a baseball movie. Right arm. Sorry, I was going pretty late. You just watched a baseball movie? Yes. Oh, look at that light over there.

Try to hit that guy. All right, Chip. Oh, shit. There he goes. He's got a baseball name. Chip. Somebody hold up a sign that I can hit. No, a big one.

I need a big one. There it is. Say anything. Oh. Say anything. Let's try again. Watch your face behind him. I just hit John Cusack in the dick.

Alright, so we'll throw a few more at the very end, but we gotta play one more game. It's Last Man Stanton. Alright, so Chip gets to go first. We'll switch the order around. It goes Chip, Randy, Doogie, me, Michelle. I play along on this one.

Someone in the audience has been previously chosen by me. Several of you had great reasons for me to pick you, so I had to go kind of random on this one uh someone named jester that's you right up front see I usually pick someone and ends up also being in the front row so that uh that works out great what's your deal jester why don't you what was your name tag lala jam jan the then your name is Jan? Last name. Oh, last name. J-A-N-N. Okay.

Oh, and you turn the lights back on. Isn't that pretty? Fancy. Beautiful. It's very nice. That sign is just... City of stars. Yeah, and I can sing it as well as they do in the movie.

So, um... If I would have known you could be in musicals if you know how to hum, I would, uh... Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. All right, so you get to... It's a consolation prize for you after making a great name tag. He's going to name an actor or actress,

and we're going to take turns naming movies they were in. Your lifeline, each of you, you can go to once, is the person whose name tag you chose. So use that wisely. I always like to advise to go get your lifeline involved early, but you do what you got to do. Jester, what do you got for us? Rick Moranis.

Rick Moranis. Rick Moranis. That is... That's gonna be probably a pretty short game. It's gonna be quick. This is a gentleman who retired from film and from our eyeballs. How long ago now?

How long has Rick been out of the game? It's gotta be like 20 years. A decade? 20 years? 25? Was he ever in movies? You son of a bitch. What's your first name? Rob. Because I don't want to

continue to refer to you by your last name, Rob. Because I hate you. Why did you think that would be a good name? Because it's well-loved. Because he is well-loved. You're right.

Beloved. All right. So I'm sorry I was mad at you. Let's go ahead and give it a go. See how it works out. Starting with Randy. Starting with Chip? Alright, I'll start.

What's that? Oh, wait. No, Chip. Sorry. That was a close one. Randy almost got through. Wait, because Chip won the last game. Yeah. Yeah. So Chip, then Randy, then Doogie, then me. Alright, let's just the last game. Yeah. Okay, so Chip, then Randy, then Doogie, then me. Alright, let's just start

Ghostbusters. Right? I'm going to go Parenthood. Oh, okay. Parenthood. Because I have a baby. I like it Doogie Honey I shrunk those kids I'm kidding It's the kids

I'm kidding Honey I shrunk the kids Sorry Honey I shrunk them kids Yeah Honey The kids They're shrunk

Sorry I've been working hard in the lab Full title Honey, the kids, they're shrunk. Sorry. I've been working hard in the lab. Full title. And I don't... I'm just tired and they're smaller. Honey, are you sitting down? That'd be the first question she would ask is like, well, how much did you shrink the kids?

Quite a bit. They're already fucking kids. Very small. How much smaller did you shrink the kids? Quite a bit. They were already fucking kids. Very small. How much smaller did you go on that? Smaller than you'd like. It's dangerous. Now, the sequel to that made no sense, but I'm going to say it anyway and hopefully make some sense of it and say it right. Because it seems like there's more than one way

you could say it, but honey, I blew up the kids? Yeah. It's just honey, I blew up the kids, singular? Baby. The baby, goddammit, it's a fucking baby! Honey, I blew up the baby driver. All right, I'm out.

I'm out. Nice babies don't blow up. I knew I was going to fuck that up because why would it be I blew up the kids because he only blows up the baby. But also, just what a weird phrase to say out loud. I blew up the baby. She was probably like, oh my God, you blew him up.

And he's like, oh, no, no, no. He's bigger. Don't worry. I just inflated him via his penis. I thought he exploded. No, no, no, no. So he's the size of an adult? Yeah. Like, yeah, you'd think the kid was in an explosion when you say that. It's blew up the kid. No, really?

Oh, it's not blew up the baby? It's I blew up the kid. Okay, settle down. Is another kid about to blow up? So wait, you did get it right. Get down! No, I said it wrong because I said kids because I was trying to keep it in line

with the original title, but that's why I was arguing with myself. But I don't mind being out early on this one, because this is a real challenge. What do you got, Michelle? Little Shop of Horrors. Yes. Back to you, Chip.

I'm going to go with My Blue Heaven. Yeah. Yeah. Randy? Strange Heaven. Yeah. Randy? Strange Brew. Yes. Honey, I strange brew up the baby. All right, I'm going to have to go to my lifeline.

Here we go, Laura. Spaceballs? Spaceballs! It already came up! Yeah, yeah. He plays Darth Helmet. Yeah. Dark Helmet. Dark Helmet.

All right, Spaceballs. Thank you. All right. Helmet. Dark Helmet. All right, Spaceballs. Thank you. All right. You saved Doogie's ass. So let's recap. We got Ghostbusters, Parenthood, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids,

Little Shop of Horrors, My Blue Heaven, Strange Brew, Spaceballs. Michelle? I'm going to have to go to my lifeline. Really?

Yeah. It's interesting because there's two titles that are just hanging out there ready for you to say but if you feel you got to go to your lifeline then do what you got to do i have to go to my life okay like michelle's lifeline brother bear i can't confirm that but i'm gonna take it thank you that'd be pretty ballsy to say that. And Rick Moranis had nothing to do with it.

Brother Bear. All right. Took that one off the table. It was never on the table. I don't think anyone else would have said that. Maybe. Chip? Did anybody say Ghostbusters 2? No. Ghostbusters 2! Two! I don't think anyone else would have said that Maybe Chip, did anybody say Ghostbusters 2?

No Ghostbusters 2! Two! I don't even remember that Too hot to handle, too cold to hold I don't remember I was thinking of that one But I don't remember his scenes

Like what he did in that one He had to get on the bus And Slimer was driving the bus, right? Wasn't that, yeah I don't remember that Yeah, yeah, he was He was so involved He got laid.

He totally did get laid. He got fucking fucked. Are you the gatekeeper? I'm the key master. Key master of Gozer. Yeah, brilliant. Brilliant comedic actor. And they say that he might be resurfacing to be in something.

I read that. I. I read that. I think I read that. He's coming back, yeah. Yeah. Might just be wishful thinking, but... That's exciting. Love that guy. All right.

Randy? I'm going to have to go to Corey, my lifeline. Corey. Little Giants. Shit. Little Giants. Son of a bitch. That was mine.

Good one, Corey. That was mine. Now, there is a guy that you could confuse with him. I'll just say this right now, you know, at this point, so you don't. He's got lots of titles under his belt, but he's a porn star. We're not talking about Rick Moranis. We're talking about Rick Moranis. What do you got, Doogie?

Honey, I blew the kids. Oh, that's Rick Moranis. That's Rick Moranis. Rick Moranis. Moranis. What do you got, Doogie? Honey, I blew the kids. Oh, that's Rick Moranis. That's Rick Moranis. Rick Moranis. Moranis. Moranis. Okay, I was thinking of Moranis. Moranis.

Okay, sorry. Yeah. I don't know if he was in this, but I'm going to take a shot. Was he in Stripes? Wait a second. What? Let me just back up a second. Okay.

Let me just back up a second. Okay. You jokingly said something about a title that is still available. Anyway, no, Stripes is wrong. And you already used your lifeline? Yeah. All right, you're out. Doogie's out. Michelle? Ghostbusters 3 no nice try though oh my

god Wow someone the audience is the old chip like they're hosting the show moral support I appreciate it I I know that I know the ones hanging out there and I can't I can't put the right words together. I'm going to go to the lifeline. Peter. Brother Bear 2. What? No.

I'll take Brother Bear, but I can't fucking take Brother Bear 2. Take this goddamn pan back now. I'm going to throw it. Is there a Brother Bear 2? Yes. And he's in it? Yes. No.

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. All right. I guess I got to go with it. We'll talk to the corrections department. They're closed for the weekend. We'll talk to them about it on Monday. Randy? Was he in Hook?

No. No. we'll talk to them about it on Monday Randy was he in hook didn't know so you already use your lifeline yeah yeah all right well so that means chip is our winner and because I fucked it up, any one of you could have said, honey, I blew up the kid. Oh. Wait, I thought we already used that one. What?

What's the baby one then? Is there a baby one? I thought that was off the table. That's what we were talking about. That's what I can't, there's so many children that he fucking blew up. I can't keep it straight.

No, but in the second one, it was just the baby. That's why I thought it was the kids. The kids. But just one baby, and then we said baby, and then we said kids. That's too many children. Then that lady over there said, it's called Honey, I Blew Up the Kid.

Oh. So it was out there for anyone else to say. She was just so angry, I was afraid to listen. I was like, oh, that's... I was more affected by her anger than her accuracy. I apologize. That's all right. Do you want to throw a donut?

I'll throw a donut. Victory donut! Where's the accolade? Where's the accolade? Right here, accolade. There you go. Boom. Now she's not as angry

because you threw a donut at her. Did I do that? Yes. Okay, I was just checking. Did it go on the floor? Oh, and you're not going to pick it up? Oh, you did, but you don't want it? Here, throw it back.

All right. Okay, now Doogie, throw it back. All right. Okay, now Doogie, throw it to somebody else. Okay, now that person, eat it. Eat it. It only touched the ground twice. Eat it. Eat it. My hands are filthy.

All right. Michelle Balloon, what do you got to plug? You can go to my website, balloon.com. And if you live here in Philly, I have a show at a Bordeaux cafe called Northern Comedies. It's the first Wednesday of every month at 9pm. It's a really fun show. So please come out and check that show out. Yay, Michelle Balloon! fun show, so please come out and check that show out. Yay, Michelle

Balloon! Here, pass this down to Chip, and Chip, where is your person you played for? Straight back here. Come get your prize back! Come on! Can I get your name tag, Michelle? Yeah.

Pass it down. Don't forget to get Pete back his pan. Give Peter his pan. Peter, your pan. Peter's not right without his pan. We got a message coming in for Ricky? I mean, what's happening, Randy?

Oh, a shit, oh, oh, I see. The shithead's not on the back of your, uh, the baby. You don't want to write a shithead on the baby. So she gave it to you in napkin form You can just hand it to me Do you want your baby back? Corey? What do you got to plug, Randy?

Did you plug already? Oh, Chip, did you plug yet? No, I'm at Good Good Comedy This Friday With Blake Wexler are you sure? I don't know, I don't know anything and just at Chip Chantry, Twitter, Instagram, all that

do that, follow me please, that would be wonderful at Chip Chantry, thank you so much and follow Randy too she's hilarious, as is Michelle Andoogie awesome so follow me on Twitter Randy, that's Randy with an I, Lawson on Twitter, but I want to plug with an I, Lawson, on Twitter.

But I want to plug this cool project that I'm part of. I'm doing art right now for the Dead Milkman's new album. You guys know? Wow. Right. Yes. I love the Dead Milkman. But wait, there's more.

So they're so awesome. What they're doing is through the record label The Giving Groove, they are donating half of the profits from this album to music-related charities. So right now, art's more important than ever, so if you want to do something good and you like the Dead Milkman, go to their website and pre-order. The album comes out this fall, and you'll be doing

something good and getting some really great music. That's great. Excellent. Randy Lawson. Doogie Horner. Doug Benson. We got it. Right back at you.

Yeah, what do you got? I'm doing a show this Friday at Johnny Brenda's. It's June 30th. We're raising money for Phil Abundance, which is a local charity that helps feed people you can also check out my books I have some very

interesting cats perhaps you weren't aware of a hundred ghosts everything explained through flow charts the die hard coloring book many more I love the die hard

coloring book hope you have lots of red crayons especially when you're drawing his feet I love the Die Hard coloring book. Hope you have lots of red crayons. Especially when you're drawing his feet. And check out my album, A Delicate Man. You can get it on Spotify, iTunes, all that. All right, Doogie Horner. Douglas Movies is back at Meltdown Comics in Los Angeles on Saturday, July 8th at 420.

And of course, we'll be back here tomorrow and some of you will be here. Thank you so much to Helium and everybody who came out. Always a blast. You thought I was going to say gas didn't you and as always a shot head a shat head

a shat head and a shat head walking into a bar are shitheads I didn't even know about this Darnell Williams for leaving helium is a shithead so shout out to Darnell is leaving and is this gonna go over big doogie was that very big very big. Very big. Very big. Pat Toomey is a shithead.

Yeah! Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies. Looking to unsuck the experience of going to the dealership? Boobies! delivery, or pick up your vehicle from the world's first coin-operated car vending machine, and wave bye-bye to buyer's remorse with their 7-day money-back guarantee. Go to Carvana.com slash d-o-u-g for the new way to buy a car.