Doug Loves Movies - Nick Griffin, Aaron Kleiber and Adam Burke guest

Episode Date: May 6, 2015

Live from Zanies in Rosemont, IL, Doug welcomes Nick Griffin, Aaron Kleiber and Adam Burke to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey everybody, this episode is brought to you in part by good old Squarespace. Squarespace is the easiest way to create a website, blog, or online store for you and your ideas. Squarespace features an elegant interface, beautiful templates, and incredible 24-7 customer support. You know all that. You've heard me say it before. Try Squarespace at squarespace.com and enter the offer code Doug at checkout to get 10% off.

Squarespace, build it beautiful. This episode is also brought to you in part by The D Train, starring Jack Black and James Marsden in theaters May 8th. Black plays a social outcast who flies to L.A. to convince Marsden, the most popular guy from his class, to attend their high school reunion. But after a wild night on the town, one thing leads to another, and he soon learns that what happens in L.A. doesn't necessarily stay there. Yeah, L.A. isn't Vegas. Something happens in L.A., the whole world gets to know about it. Boldly going where no buddy comedy's gone before, the D-Train proves that some reunions

are harder than others enjoy the show Oh, my God. Hey, everybody. Hey, hey, my name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies! Considering what a shitty lead-in I gave you guys, that was amazing. I was like, this isn't fair, and then you brought it home.

Coming to you once again from Zanies in Rosemont, Illinois, O'Hare adjacent. It's May 5th, 2015. Happy Cinco de Mayo, everybody! May 5th, 2015. Happy Cinco de Mayo, everybody. Let me see your name tags. Let me see your name tags. Wow.

Would you like to make some name tags? I got to get Kristen Bell on the show and have her sing that. Holy shit, you guys. These are some name tags. Backstage, someone, one of the guests was saying, I don't think there's a lot of name tags out there tonight. And I was like, you know what? They've got them down low,

and they're gonna whip them out, and your minds are gonna be blown. Holy crap, you guys. It's too much to absorb. There's instead of Jaws there's Jens Instead of MIB there's JIB Part 3 by the way With my face on there From Dusk Till Gary

Why take that from people named Don There's no girl with a Don unmarried sign I take that from people named Don. There's no girl with a Don unmarried sign. It's a Jay Moore, Gary Unmarried joke. What's up with this guy right here with no name tag at all? Just hanging out like, don't notice me.

Why don't you have a name tag, man? He got stoned instead. I'm sure plenty of these people got stoned and made a name tag. Look at this guy right here. Enola J. He changed gay to

J. That's a manly thing to do. What's the last movie you saw a guy who didn't make a name tag because he was stoned? Do you even remember? Yeah. Yeah? Horns.

Horns? With Daniel Radcliffe? As a man who suddenly has horns on his head? Has a lot of splaining to do? I have not sat through that motion picture. I'm thinking about going back through and watching every Harry Potter movie first. All over again.

Maybe six or seven times each. And then I'll get around to horns. Because I just know I like the Harry Potter movies. Horns? I don't think so. Let me ask the audience. Isn't it cool that we're here in Rosemont, Illinois and they

every time I perform here they put up this cool Tron backdrop like I don't know what they normally have on stage here at Zany's in Rosemont but when they put up the Tron I think it's some sort of blueprint or something from

Tron. I think it's some sort of blueprint or something from seeing from Tron. Makes me very proud. Thanks for bringing all your name tags, you guys. And thanks for going to the movies. Have any of you ever been to without movies? I got nothing.

Fort Wayne, Indiana. Has anybody been there? Fort Wayne? For reals? Alright Because I'm going to be there this Thursday My first time I'm going to be at the International Ballroom That sounds exciting And fancy and big

So please come if you're Anywhere near that place Is anyone here tonight in Rosemont doing the Douglas Movies Challenge of 365 movies in 365 days? We got a couple of takers. Three people are doing it?

What number are you up to? 92 movies? You're behind, man. You're doing one better than me, I think. But you're behind, man. You're doing one better than me, I think. But you're behind, man. You gonna go to any film festivals? Nope. You'll have to have a home festival

one day. Because I'm telling you, the best way to catch up is just bang out like five movies in a day at home on Netflix and cable and whatever you gotta do. But not FX or channels that put in commercials and cut out shit. That doesn't count.

Or movies you've seen before. I'd love to count Guardians of the Galaxy every time. Okay, there's a couple more over here. What's the number over here? 103. Much better than 92 and 91. What's the number over here? 103. 103. Much better than 92 and 91. What was movie number 103? The Voices.

The Voices? The Ryan Reynolds thing? I want to watch it because Anna Kendrick's in it. And I stutter whenever I say her name. She's the most intimidating woman on the planet. Because she can fucking freestyle. Well, do you like it or no?

I'm afraid to even say bad things about it. It's alright. Okay, moving on. What about over here? What do we have over here? There was one over here. Were you clapping just to clap? Like, I'm high, I'm gonna clap. What number are you up to?

156? Shit. It's not really a competition, but you're doing great. It's still interesting to know that here we are in May and at 156 you still have 200 movies to watch, give or take a couple.

What? Porn does not count. Not even parody porns of movies. Porn parodies of movies do not count. Batman and Throbbing does not count. I don't know where I come up with this stuff. So what's your movie number 156,

man? Grandma's Boy. And you hadn't seen that yet? Congratulations. I'm finally watching that. That's a pot smoker ride of patches. If you're in the Scouts, you get a patch for watching Grandma's Boy. Everybody has to do it.

Sunday, Mother's Day. Doug Lowe's Movies comes to Comedy Works in Denver at 4.20 in the afternoon. And then I'm doing a Benson Movie Interruption of Junior to celebrate Mother's Day at 8 o'clock in Littleton at the Alamo Drafthouse. Do you guys ever go to movies here at Movie Co. right over here? They are showing... They have the D-Box seats, you know, that shake the shit out of you while you're watching the movie.

And they also have 3D movies there. So I just stepped in a little while ago into the theater where there was D-Box. I was like, oh, if it's Avengers, I'll sit down and shake in my seat for a couple minutes. Because I was done seeing another movie, which I will talk about later. But I went in there and they're watching the 3D version. So it's like people have to wear

3D glasses and then get shook around in their seat violently the whole time. Like, if my glasses aren't tight enough, they'll be falling off the whole time. Seems ridiculous. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow. The prize bag is gorgeous

from Pardcastathon, the Never Not Funny Pardcastathon. I got a hold of one of their bags, and it's really cool because it's like one of those backpack-y kind of bags. So I was walking around with it on my back, and I was feeling pretty slick

while I was doing it. And this is going to blow your minds, you guys. Willie Nelson, the great Willie Nelson, he's going to start selling weed, his own brand of weed, in states where it's legal. And it's called Willie's Reserve. And this is a preview canister that was given to me by Willie himself of what it's going to look like.

There's no weed inside of it. I want to be very clear. Preview canister. But still, you have one of the first containers that are going to have sweet willie's weed in it and this and it even says sativa strain on the front of it so it's specific about which strain is not in here at all and then we got a doug loves movies t-shirt And a couple other items That we'll go through with my guests

Three very funny comedians That are all in the area And have all participated In this show before So let's please give a big Warm welcome to Adam Burke Aaron Kleiber And Nick Griffin.

We did it. We did it. Hey, what happened? We did it. Hey, what happened? We did what? You'd just like to say we did it? Yeah. Well, here's what I'd like you to do. That's Aaron Kleiber, everybody.

The great Aaron Kleiber. Pittsburgh stand-up phenom. Who was at the show last night At Zany's Chicago How hilarious was he last night Great show Did a great set Just her But I would like you

At some point during the show Aaron I was going to put this in the prize bag Because somebody gave it to me last night But now I'm thinking You have a better thing to do with it I would like you to go into the bathroom and take this at-home drug test. It's a

marijuana drug test. I assume you have to pee on it or something. Are you trying to get me in trouble with my wife? My wife? No, I don't want to get you in trouble with your wife. I just want to think it would be fun to test you for marijuana during the show.

Because you'll come out clean. You don't smoke marijuana. Nope. All right. Maybe I'll put it in the prize bag. What'd you bring for the prize bag? I brought a DVD. Grown Man Business DVD. That's Aaron Kliber's stand-up comedy

album DVD thingy. And I just threw something else in there. It's a DVD of just a random film. It's all four Rockies. The fourth one, Rocky, is there for sure. There it is. All the first four Rockies. What do you mean, Rocky is there in the fourth one?

No, because it just goes to the fourth one, the most important Rocky IV that I know extensively about. Is this all because you missed on Rocky IV on a previous episode of Douglas Movies? Dude, I went to a bargain bin, I closed my eyes, reached in, pulled out the first DVD that was in there that was like 1999. Sounds like you're trying to settle a score. Like you still feel bad about what happened

that day. Just a movie lover. Just trying to spread the love of great movies about boxing. Alright, well thanks for delivering with this package that contains 2.5 great movies about boxing. And back on the show after being in a lost episode, his first episode was a lost episode at the Zombie Barn in Atlanta. And now he's back, and he was so great on that show, I'm so happy to have him

back. Nick Griffin is here, everybody. Thank you. Thanks for having me back. I was nervous the first time I did the show, and then it went well, and so I'm glad I felt Yeah, it went well, and then nobody got to hear it. Right, there's no proof it went well, but I feel good. Now here you are, yeah, and I think it'll go well again.

I mean, you've never played this club before, but I think you're here all this weekend. I am, I'm here all week. Yeah, yeah, so come back and see them, you guys. And just, you know, this would be a good opportunity if you could just kind of sit here and take in the fact that every time you perform this weekend, there's going to be all these weird glowing things on all the tables

that are making you feel like you're performing in somebody's version of the future. Thanks for warning. Like everyone's going to suddenly rise into heaven or something after your set is over. Oh, look at that. One's floating up there in the back. Because we didn't know what rising looked like.

Yeah, show Nick what rising is. There it goes. Up is rising. Down is not rising. Isn't that what you do when, like... We are apes. Like an old Chinese grandma dies, you let, like, a little thing...

A whole Chinese grandma? I don't... Oh, my God. We've got a partial dead grandma on our hands. The more Aaron talks, the more confused I get. You know, Nick brought a copy of his CD called Bring Out the Monkey, which is an awesome title for anything. Thank you.

It's an awesome thing to do on any occasion. Can't think of a situation where somebody's like, not now. Why, why bring out the monkey? That's the last thing we need. We got my CD. I got a new one coming out on June 9th called Promotional Tool. But I'm still giving away the last one. I got a sticker that says something about a 420 Brewing Company, so that's fun.

What else? Oh, a scarf from our friends at Hitman Glass, and Adam Burke is here, everybody. Hello. Chicago comedy phenom. Who brought his CD. Is this your latest? Yeah, it's my only one.

The only? Your latest only? Yeah, exactly. Universal Squirrel Theory? Yeah, that's correct. That's right. I'd be a good twofer for Bring Out the Monkey. They're very animal themed. Yeah, you get it. Everybody. They squirrel...

The bag tonight's got a squirrel and, you get it. Everybody, they squirrel. The bag tonight's got a squirrel and a monkey in it. And my dick. So wouldn't that be weird if in every show I just cut a hole in the prize bag and slip my dink in Mickey Rourke style. And then pick somebody from the audience. And when I say Mickey Rourke style, I mean, you know, in his day-to-day life, he puts his dick in the bottom of everything. Wasn't just in the movie Diner from so many years ago

that most of you probably don't even get the reference. Nirvana shirt, have you seen the Kurt Cobain doc? Not yet. Oh, wow. Wow. Did not expect that answer. When someone has Nirvana wear on their body, when it says Nirvana across your chest,

you figure it would be really on top of checking that out. You just don't have HBO? I'm sure it'll be available in some way, shape, or form soon. And... Darn it, he says. All right, so I was kidding around. The drug test is going in the prize bag. Somebody. Yeah, you guys need it here.

The marijuana thing's intense here. To get a medical card, you have to really have some pretty bad stuff going on. You can't just be like, oh, my ankles sweat when I watch porn. Let's go down the line, gentlemen. Talk about movies you've seen. Aaron Kleiber, you're first. I just saw... Nick Griffin's going to be second. This week I watched Misery Loves Comedy,

Kevin Pollak's comedy documentary. Oh, I was hoping it was a sequel to Misery where this time Kathy Bates hobbles Sinbad. Very funny. Oh my, that is hilarious. I don't know why I picked Sinbad. Nope, perfectly cast. I'm in.

I will play the mailman. He's just front of mind because I'm jealous of him Because he performs Completely clean His act And by all accounts Has hilarious Killer shows I don't know

How that's possible So I say Fuck that guy So yeah I'm jealous I'm gonna try to get him On this show though Please

It'd be fun to get him On this show And he'll be not swearing And I'll be swearing So don't tell him that I plan to swear. If you run into that. If you run into that fucking guy.

I like him. I like him. Hey, Simbet, guess what Doug said? Yeah. Or you could tweet it. You could tweet at him. Doug Benson challenges you to come on his show and not swear while he's swearing. What movie did you see?

Misery Loves Sinbad. Misery Loves Comedy is our friend Kevin Pollack made that movie. Comedians just talking about how misery leads them to comedy. Which brings me to a sidebar question and round on the show.

In support of our friend's movie, Misery Loves Comedy, we'll start with Adam. Are you a comedian because you're miserable? No, the other way around. I'm miserable because I'm a comedian. Interesting. You had a perfectly nice life

and then you picked comedy And made yourself miserable Yeah and I just watched my life My nice life recede into the distance Like a sailor waving back at the shore Man yeah some sailors really miss the shore They do As soon as they get away from it

Nick what about you As soon as they get away from it. Nick, what about you? Do you feel like you're a miserable person? That's what Kevin Pollak asked. That's the message you want to send out to 400 potential fans. Kevin Pollak asked that, though, of everybody. I feel like I was a nerd in school that wasn't appreciated, but I also felt like I was bad at getting laughs. Like I wasn't the class clown.

I just sort of like did silly things to amuse myself that everyone just thought I was a weirdo. And it just sort of got me by until somehow I figured out, you know, how to be funny in a way that is marketable. At a time when nobody would say that. Nobody would say, back when I found that out, that that was even a thing. You just started getting work. And was that your story, Nick?

Yeah, no, I was not happy early on. But I also worked, you know, I had jobs, and I just didn't want, it felt like the worst thing that had ever happened to me. No matter what job I had, whether it be bussing tables or, you know, working at a festival, I'd go, how could anyone go through something this awful? And it was easy, but it just, I couldn't do it. And I wanted to not work very hard. No, I agree with that. I really did.

Every job I had that was hard, I was bad at. I couldn't focus. So I just started finding jobs that were easier. Yeah. Like, it was almost like... I think that stand-up comedians, in a way, are also con men and women because, basically, we're getting paid to just get up and talk to everybody for a while. And so we're just kind of convincing everybody that that's, that

they should be enjoying what we're doing and then giving us money for it. It's fucking shifty as fuck. Because there's tricks in stand-up comedy. You could do a really shitty act and get paid and entertain audiences. Not smart audiences like you guys.

See, I just did one of the tricks on you and you fell for it. What about you, Aaron? Were you miserable? Well, until I was 10, I had a miserable, abusive childhood. Yes. So, yeah, right?

I know, right? Getting digging deep. Here we go. So anyway, in 1984... Yeah, I love that track on the album that you put in the prize bag, the one called Where He Touched Me. It's really interesting that you go that deep

on a comedy album and really share your... It's more of an affidavit, really, than a comedy album. It's kind of the thesis statement of the album. No, I... You know, since I went through that early childhood, I hit middle school and high school and I wanted attention and love and I got it through making people laugh.

That's an honest answer. That's very honest. Attention and love, that's a good thing to go for. I grew up, certainly, I had a perfectly nice upbringing. I just didn't fit in or whatever. That was fine. It worked out

alright. It's like all the fucking nerds in Silicon Valley. They're doing okay. Worked out alright from them. They're all billionaires. They may have only had sex with one woman and they're married to her and she's getting half of their shit soon.

Half of his shit. I called it their shit because half of it's hers. What was the last movie you saw Nick Griffin? Getting back on track. I'm going to say it was Tusk, I think. Oh, an interesting reaction. People are excited about Tusk. They'm going to say it was Tusk, I think. Oh, an interesting reaction.

People are excited about Tusk. They're wooing for it. Yeah. How'd you like it, Nick? I liked it okay. I was struck by the size of Haley Joel Osment's head. I said,

if somebody should have Tusks, that would be more... Seems there's more room on that one for... But I liked it. I liked it, okay. It was good. I liked the... HJO is a friend of the show.

No, I know he is. I'm not trying to be a jerk. He's been on it a few times. His big head has been on... He knows his head's big. Do you talk about how HJO sounds like a complicated sex act? Well, it's a hand job with options. Boom. Still got it. Still got it. Still got it.

I can only ever afford the standard model. It's like I can never get the options. Did I ask you, Adam? No. I finally got around to watching The Babadook last night. Babadook! Woo!

Was it Baba Spooky or Baba Dookie? Is that thumbs up or thumbs down? Basically for this one film It's the rating system for the Baba Dookie You call your movie Baba Dookie You know you're stepping in it It was Baba Spooky It was great

Everybody I hear from loves it I'm on an anti-horror film tirade. So, especially if it's PG-13. Fuck that. Oh, my God. What's going to be scary about a PG-13 horror movie? What's the next one that's PG-13? Something's about to drop.

Poltergeist. Poltergeist. It's fucking PG-13. That's some bullshit right there. Poltergeist is fucking PG-13. That's some bullshit right there. Poltergeist's original practically, you know, it kick-started PG-13 as a rating because it was too intense as a PG. And then now we're stuck with all these, you know, middle-of-the-road PG-13 scary movies that just, to me, aren't scary.

Some people, you know, a doll or a clown that'll get them you know. But I need a little bit more than that. I need somebody's dick to be bitten off. I'm with you. What is that? Garp? Is Garp a horror movie? Yes. Was that PG-13? Yeah.

That's just a shame. That's just a sad state of affairs when World of Korn and Garp has more dicks being bitten off than most horror movies. It's like way above most horror movies in the dicks bitten off category. In the new Poltergeist, is it still a Native American burial ground, or did they update it to a new...

I don't know. Why would you want to spoil that they either changed it to something dumb or kept it something we already know? Great options. Those are some great H.J. options they got right there. Like, I just do not care about it. No, I don't.

They've got a really extra specially scary-looking clown doll for the poster. Like, a doll that's clearly someone made it intending it to be scary. Clown dolls are scary when they're just a fucking clown face that's supposed to bring joy. That's when they're fucking scary. Not when they have fangs. Or they're airbrushed to look dusty and vintage. Don't get me started about Annabelle. That little bitch. More

airbrushing. The hours I've wasted on Annabelle, waiting for her to come to life and do some shit. Dragging somebody down a hallway. I did that yesterday. Alright, you guys. Now is the part of the show where I say, shall we play a game?

I didn't even say the right thing. I was supposed to say, let the games begin. I don't need to ask permission. This is my show. You accidentally mashed up Bane with war games. Yeah. War Bane, Bane games, something like that. But yeah, I did need to mention, though, really quickly that today I watched The Age of Adeline.

Did you hear that? No clapping. This guy, Front Row Devin, who comes to a lot of the shows and sits in the front row, he told me that it's an excellent film and just remarkable from start to finish. He didn't use any of those words, but similar sentiments. And it was all right, but I don't know why he was so blown away by it. It's an interesting movie

because it's about the perils. We can all relate to this. Like, imagine you're stuck being a 28-year-old woman who is beautiful, and you're stuck that way for the rest of your life. Horrible. What a nightmare that would be to be able to do whatever you want for eternity looking like a fucking hot 28 year old

i mean that's a crutch right there like having to walk around being all hot and 28 everybody's eyes on you as the decades wear on so yeah so it's a drama about how she's got this dilemma, but also they bring in, like, a lot of science talk about what happened to her and how it can get fixed and all this stuff. And Harrison Ford just barely misses a Doug Dixit rating. I watched the whole thing. I didn't fall asleep. That'll get people in the theaters Doug Benson said

I watched the whole thing I did not fall asleep Eyes pried open like Clockwork Orange Alright let's play a game Or several games Lots of games That's what we're here for People brought some name tags. Let's see them.

I told you there'd be a lot of name tags. So many lights. So all three of you guys need to just get up. Get off your lazy asses. Walk around. Get a good look. They're all throughout the room. It's quite a dazzling array tonight.

I think I'm going to make a vine of it while you guys pick your name tags. And we're also going to go to a commercial break. We'll be right back after these messages voiced by me. This Doug Loves Movies is brought to you in part by A24 presenting Ex Machina, the provocative new science fiction thriller that has audiences

and critics seduced. Me included. I've been telling you guys about this movie for weeks. Why haven't you gone yet? Everybody that does go tweets me saying, hey, it was really good. I'm glad you recommended it. As I said during the Douglas Movies Challenge, when I saw it at South by Southwest,

it's probably the greatest robot movie ever made. And all the critics agree. A futuristic shocker about men, the machines they make, and the women they dream up was said by Madola Dargis of the New York Times who made it a critic's pick.

And Peter Travers of Rolling Stone declares you've never seen anything like it. Ex machina, you guys. Don't be afraid of pronouncing it. Just go up to the box office and say, Ex Machina for me, please. Playing now everywhere. Today's episode is also brought to you by our friends at Squarespace.

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Squarespace, build it beautiful. And we're back. Adam. Hey. Who are you playing for down there? I'm playing for LaFemNicky. Hello, my name is LaFemNicky. And it lights up.

I chose way too soon because I'm really easily intimidated. A woman just went, hey, and then handed it to me and I took it. So sorry, everyone else who's more polite than this person. That is a really sneaky approach for future visitors to the show. Just shove a name tag in somebody's hand and they're stuck with it. What do you got, Nick? Me? Yeah.

I didn't mean to jump ahead. Desperately Seeking Susan over there. Yeah, there she is right there. And your name is Susan, so you didn't have to do anything to it? Is that true? Yeah, it was real easy. But she put her face and my face on there.

Yeah, your face is on, I think, yeah, you're on Madonna. What drew you to that, Nick? I used to masturbate to Rosanna Arquette a lot. Bingo. But not anymore. That's honest. That's the truth. I had a feeling you'd have a reason.

I apologize that now my face is on her. Or is my face on Madonna? I'm on Madonna. Oh, You're on Madonna I'm on Madonna Oh you're on Madonna Yeah Alright I'm excited

I like that I mean I I didn't mean that I mean I Let's do it Susan Come on Not literally That's a good movie I think

Yeah it's okay Aiden Quinn I think it holds up alright It's wacky Lots of character actors in it Yeah Robert Joy Remember Robert Joy Yeah John Turturro Yeah a failing stand-up comedian, I think, in it.

He says some funny hacky lines. Eric Kleiber, who are you playing for? I think Steven, right? Steven. Stevan? Stevan. The V is a seven, like the movie Seven. I think Steven, right? Steven. Stevan. Stevan. The seven. The V is a seven, like the movie Seven.

And it is a box. What's in the box? What's in the box? It is Gwyneth Paltrow's head on a mother effing stick. On a stick. I usually try to go for cheese horror, and this is the gift that keeps on giving. This is good. You never saw her head on a stick in the film.

You were just told that her head was in the box. Yeah, it just makes it functional when you yell the question. Well, you never... Yeah, you could pop it out. You could carry it around. Pop her head out. Like, hey, Steven, what's in the box? How about this, though? This feels like I'm cranking you off.

Yeah. Go up and down. Peekaboo, Gwyneth, please, over and over. Now that's a HD. How about this? Check this out, though. I'm so glad Gwyneth Paltrow wasn't in Age of Ultron. What?

What? What? What? She's attacking me. Get your box off of me, Gwyneth. Said no one ever. I think Chris Martin said it to me. Touche.

I'm trying to think of an applicable Coldplay lyric. I don't know Coldplay lyrics. Something about ruling the world. So, um... On a stick. On a stick!

Let's play some games. Yeah, put that shit down. Good job, Stevan. Steven. Steven Stevan. Stevan. We're going to play As many games as we have time for I loaded up a few

Looks like we're Already behind So that's exciting But I'd like to start with a round Of A little thing that I like to call ABCD's Nuts. Can't help but think of that video.

It's so funny. Got him! It's so funny. These nuts... Never mind. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. This is a spelling game

where you guys are going to take turns naming movies that begin with specific letters that spell out what I'd like to spell out today. And in honor of... Soon it's going to be upon us the latest in the Jurassic Park franchise. So I would like to spell out, and also just as a helpful lesson to everyone that wants to spell it out when you're tweeting about it, when it comes out and you have an opinion, your opinions will look smarter if you spell it correctly.

Jurassic is a tricky word. So we're going to spell that today. So we'll start with Nick, and then we'll go to Adam, and then to Aaron. First letter is J, Nick. Just name any movie that begins with the letter J. And if you match the movie that I wrote down ahead of time, you win this whole game automatically. Wow, that would be cool. And if you can't think of a movie that begins with the letter J,

leave. Out of all the films, no, I'll let you stay, but you will sit there in such shame. Yeah. You will retreat to the shadows. Only to return for last man Stanton. Do I go?

Go. Letter J. Jerry Maguire. Oh, yes. Did I get it? No. It's just when you made the just sound, I thought you might be in the right ballpark. And then you went airy.

McGuire, which is completely wrong. I had selected Junior, a film that I'll be interrupting this Sunday, Mother's Day, at the Alamo Drafthouse in Littleton, Colorado. Get your seats now. It will sell out. Adam, the letter U. Any out. Adam, the letter U. Any movie that begins with the letter U. Unbelievable

lightness of being, comma, the. You can do that, right? Now, Adam, from your appearance and from what I know about you, I think you're a man that appreciates playing by the rules. From what I know about you, I think you're a man that appreciates playing by the rules. And if you pull this comma, these shit with me... One more time.

I'm going to let it go one time. But I asked you for a movie that begins with the letter U. Which by all standard of measure, the unbearable light as a being is not. That's a T. There are no T's in Jurassic Park, so I don't want to hear the word the again.

There are T-Rexes. Well done. Son of a bitch. You're the winner. Who gets the prize bag? I'd be shitty at hosting at midnight because I'd do that like three minutes in. You get all the points.

Let's go smoke by a dumpster. Smoked by a dumpster. What'd you say for the letter U? Unbearable lightness. Oh, yeah. That's what Adam said. I was looking at Nick and he answered like it was him. I went with Unstoppable.

Because that's my favorite movie about a train that eventually stops. Aaron, R. Jurassic, R. Radio. Always a fun answer. I went with a movie called Revenge. Yeah, because it's set in Mexico. The Kevin Costner thing?

Yes. Happy Cinco de Mayo, everyone. A is the next letter, Adam. Oh, you dick. Amelie. Amelie. I did not expect anyone to go French on us. He's got the tie on. That is a quality film.

I went with all the pretty horses. You know why? Set in Mexico. Oh, nice. Happy Cinco de Mayo. Everybody. Everybody. S. Who's next?

You're running the show. No idea. You guys really don't know? Who's next? I think Nick's next. Selena? Selena. Selena.

Selena Selena Alright note to self People love movies about About tragic deaths I went with Spider-Man 2 Because It's set in Mexico No Because it's set in Mexico. No.

Because it is my it is still to this day my favorite Spidey movie. Spider-Man 2. I don't care. I don't care what happens. Alright, the next S in Jurassic.

Seven. Oh, that timed out nicely. I mean, Stefan. I went with Spider-Man because... It's my second favorite Spider-Man movie to this day. Who's next for the letter I? Adam? Ishtar.

God damn! You get extra credit for picking a movie that everybody thinks is terrible, but isn't that bad? I gotta watch it again, I think. Maybe next year. I don't know, with In Cold Blood.

Wow, that was good. Set in Mexico. Parts of it, not all of it, right? Yeah. I feel like that should have been a sarcastic C. Yeah. Well, that is the next letter. C. Is that me?

Yeah, sure. I'm going to say Catch Me If You Can. Oh, okay. I put that in my top three of... It's a 3-3-3. I don't know what that means. It's a three for three. I'd say the Catch Me If You Can is in my top three favorites.

Spielberg movies, Tom Hanks movies, and Leonardo DiCaprio movies. All three of those, it's in my top three probably around the number three but way up there because I love that movie I went with Confessions of a Dangerous Mind because it has

scenes in Mexico P P Porky's also Mexico P P Porkies Also Mexico But I went with That is correct Point break

Because you know where they go surfing dude Mexico A Is that me? All the President's Men That's a good one One guy over there laughing for some reason I went with Annie

But which one, right? The first one Because the new one's called Blanny. R. Oh, is it me? Mm-hmm. I'm going to say it's R. Oh, Rain Man? Mm-hmm. I'm going to say it's R. Oh, Rain Man.

Mm-hmm. Very good. Oh, the red. Because it takes place in Chicago! Sucking up to the semi-local crowd. I love how many people here didn't clap just because I said Chicago. They're like, we're near it. Wait, were you cheering for not cheering for Chicago?

We're sick of living near Chicago. Why does it get all the headlines? Why aren't people talking about Napier? I just pulled that name out. I didn't mean to offend anybody. In my mind, I was just like,

I hope this isn't Illinois. Napier? Is it? I think so. There's no Napier, Illinois? Napierville. Napierville. Napierville. Napierville.

Oh, Napierville? Yeah. Okay. We'll fix that in post. Who's got the K? Where are we up to? Me, right? Yeah, K.

Oh, what would Doug say? K. I have two. Pick one, K. Killer clowns from outer space. What was the other one? K-Pax. Look at him nodding like, hell yeah, it was K-Pax. Look at him nodding like,

hell yeah, it was K-Pax, son of a bitch. Yeah, damn right it was. There's so many good Ks. K-19. Yeah. Widowmaker. K-9 Cop. K-9.

K-9. Yeah, K-9. But I went with Kansas City Confidential. Oh, nice. Sheesh. Yeah. Because supposedly some of

this movie was set in Mexico. Have you seen it? I don't know what that's about. Kansas City Confidential? Yeah, it's awesome. You know, I don't know about you, but I took it seriously and they said to keep it confidential. Said,

first rule of Kansas City, confidential. All right, so nobody wins that game. That was a big waste of time. Let's get serious, gentlemen. But we'll start, we'll do the same order that we were doing before. So that means it goes Nick, But we'll start, we'll do the same order that we were doing before. So that means it goes Nick, Adam, Aaron.

Was that the opposite order? Perfect. Is there somebody in the audience who goes by the Twitter name? I love how there was actually some kind of distraction when I said, is there somebody in the audience who goes by the Twitter name? I love how there was actually some distraction when I said, is there somebody in the audience? A guy went, ah, ah, ah. I think you'll find. Might be me.

Might be me. No, where's Badly? B-A-D-L-E-E. Is that you over there for reals? Yeah. How you doing, dude? I'm all right. Doing a podcast.

You wrote to me on Twitter today saying that if I needed a Last Man Stanton suggestion, because that's what we're about to play. You wrote and said, if you need a suggestion, I've got the perfect one. And he's saying Alec Baldwin. I don't know if that's the perfect one. But it's the one we're going to play right now. Yeah. Yikes.

Oh, boy. And I'll play, too. So I'm wedged in in between there, between Adam and Aaron, because I like to play this game. Don't yell out, you guys. Don't yell out if you know any Alec Baldwin. There's a lot of obscure movies. Especially if he's worked with Amy Adams.

Fuck. What do you got there, Nick? Any movie that's got Alec Baldwin in it. Fuck. Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross? Yes. And I'm done. Thank you.

Yeah. All right. Here we go to Adam. The Shadow. Oh, okay. Pulling out a weird one early on I like that

I'm gonna go with so many by the way just to clarify we can't just say three episodes of 30 Rock in a row we can't just

call that a movie yeah just to clarify. Go fucking be a guest on Doug Loves TV. Somebody just bought that website. But three episodes of 30 Rock are better than most of the movies we're going to mention in this game. I'm going to go with It's Complicated. I'm going to wait

until he says it's my turn. Aaron? Oh, hey. Pearl Harbor. Ooh. I don't even remember him in Pearl Harbor. He was a ship captain. Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Take your damn word for it. Now Nick's had a little time to recover from saying what he thought was the only movie he could think of. I've readjusted. I'm going to go with The Departed. Yes.

Blue Jasmine. Fuck. Nice. No, I made a face because that reminded me of Miami Blues. Yeah, wow is right, motherfucker. Better get a goddamn wow

from Miami. Miami Blues. Beetlejuice. Yes! Beetlejuice Yes Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Yeah

Woo hoo hoo Mmm Woo hoo It's Nick's turn, right? You're looking at me like it's my turn. It's not. It's your turn. Didn't he just say one? He just said Miami Blues.

Oh, you said one? Yeah. What did you say? I said Miami Blues, motherfucker. That's the sequel. And then he said Beetlejuice Now we've almost said it three times

Be careful And Now it's Nick's turn Alec Baldwin Alec Baldwin Was in He's in some movies you know He's been in some movies

I feel bad for Susan This game doesn't decide it So don't feel bad If you have to check out Can I describe the movie There was a movie with Kevin Bacon Where he was pregnant with that woman. That woman was pregnant.

That's going to only help another player in the game. I know, I know. Because you have to come up with it. And I had already thought of that one. The red... I'm sorry, I don't got it. All right, so Nick's out. Fuck.

Thanks for playing. Yeah. All I could think of was Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross 2, Glenn Garrier. Glenn Garrier? Glenn Garrier? That's his line from the movie. Yeah. All right.

You're out too. This is going to be some hot action between me and Aaron. And, yeah. Here we go. Holy fuck. Yeah. I will start it off with the juror. Oh, shit.

The rural juror. The rural juror. Oh, shit. The rural juror. That's what I had. That was going to be your movie? Yeah. Where he's trying to coerce Jimmy Moore into juroring correctly. One point he strangles the shit out of Anne Heche.

I have three movies that I think he was in okay let's hear one of them was he in shit I mean definitely yeah oh was

was he in Say it Uh Come on Uh Do it Was Was he in

Say it Was he in Spit it out Was he in No You could do it Was Was he in Mars Attacks

I think he was not Yeah I think he was not A lot of cameos A lot of cameos You A lot of cameos. You know what he was in, though? He was in The Hunt for Red October. Oh, that was it! I kept thinking K-19 Widowmaker, and I was like, no, I thought of Alice.

He was in She's Having a Baby. Yeah, She's Having a Baby and Malice. He was in Still Alice. Malice. He'll do anything that rhymes with Alice or Malice. He was probably in Woody Allen's Alice. The Royal Tenenbaums, of course. Yeah.

Elizabethtown. Elizabethtown? Working Girl. Oh, well, it's all very easy from out there. Yeah, it's very easy from out there. Team America. That's a good poll.

We're seeing the incredible Mr. Fod. That's a good poll. Was he in the Incredible Mr. Fox? Aloha, looking ahead. The what? Along Came Polly? The Devil and Daniel Webster? Something like that? I said Hunt for Red October, you cunt for Red October.

Wasn't he just in one? Wasn't he in The Newborn? Was he in The Newborn? Alec Baldwin is not a newborn. Have you seen the hair on that man? Was Alec Baldwin in Mississippi Burning? Ghost of Mississippi Burning. The man has worked a lot.

Good for him. That's hard. Yeah, it's a fun game, right? Yeah. I love to win. But you came in second there, Aaron, right? Yeah. Yes, you're our winner!

Because I'm not playing for a head in a box. Now it's time for Lincoln Urbane. The great state of Lincoln requests Lincoln Urbane. Great state of Lincoln requests. Lincoln or Bane. I wish somebody would make another movie about at least one of those gentlemen. Because then we could keep going with that game. But I exhausted all the quotes when they were both alive. I mean when they were both alive.

I mean when they were both movies. All right, so we're going to start with Aaron, and then we will proceed to... What order were we going in that last game? Oh, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. Better yet, who lasted longer? Adam lasted longer. Adam lasted longer. Adam lasted longer.

Okay, so we'll go to Adam and then to Nick. And Aaron gets to pick the first category. I don't know why I got that accent there. The Leonard Maltin game. Yeah! Was that pizza right there? How was it? It was alright?

No, I don't want it. You really worked on it a little bit there. Left just the right amount to not be appetizing to anybody. Even the Rosemont homeless would turn that down. And there is just one. And they put a security uniform on him just for appearances.

This is the craziest little mall. I love it. I absolutely love it. You love this bar and grill? It's a... I love this whole town, because it's just like a little hotel and restaurant mall town. It's an airport town. Yeah.

It's like just... The flag football field, just in the middle of nowhere. It's three minutes to the airport from here. Like I just want to commit the most horrible crime and then jump in a shuttle. What?

It's so you could get out of town so fast here. You just walk out to the mall and be like, yep, I'm going to commit a crime and jump on a shuttle. They'll take you right to the airport after you commit the crime. Catch me if you can. Alright, 3-3-3. Yeah. You get to pick a category,

Aaron. And you get three options between Wait, where did I start? I can't find the starting point. And you get three options between... Wait, where did I start? I can't find the starting point. What a disaster. Oh, shit.

Hang on. Nationwide is on your side. Sponsor? No, that's movies where a kid dies. Right. Of course. First name basis. Nobody ever wants to pick this because it just sounds too fucked up.

I'm going to read, once we get to the part where we read the names, I'll just read the first names of all the actors in the film and actresses. So that could hurt or help depending on the movie and how well you know all the names.

Or, Go Bananas. And that's movies with apes in the title. Let me give you an example. The Grand Budapest Hotel. There's always at least one panelist that makes a math face. I get it.

I was like, I know all those planet movies. Wait a second. What do you like? Kid dies, first names only, or apes? What kind of world would you like to live in? A world where children die? A world where you die, a world where you only have first names, or

a world filled with apes. I have three children. During the dawn of the rise of the conquering of the planet of the apes. I have three kids, Doug. So you do not want them. Did you like that Super Bowl commercial? With the burnt out

television and then the little boy where they said he's not going you like that Super Bowl commercial? With the burnt out television and then the little boy where they said he's not going to see another Super Bowl or whatever the fuck they said. I think we'll definitely go with Nationwide is on your side. Alright. I'm not wishing death upon my children.

Just enough where we have to call our insurance. Two and a half stars for this movie where a child dies from 2001. Leonard Maltin says about this movie that he says... Can we stop for a second? Do you just buzz in? No, no, don't buzz in. Do you just buzz in?

No, no, don't buzz in. Wait through an arduous series of numbers and questions and decisions. But thank you for asking that ahead of time. Leonard says about this movie, call it corny, but it works surprisingly well. He also says that it's based on a book. And he lists 14 names. Jesus. How many names do you need? Who's it to, me?

I believe Aaron picked the category. Correct. So, take off your anxious pants, Adam. How many, Aaron, out of 14? Wait, am I up? Yeah. You picked this category, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm going 14. Take them all. Wait am I up? Yeah You picked this category right? Yeah Yeah

I mean I'm going 14 Take them all Take them all Yeah Alright Adam No idea

Let's go 10 He says he can get in 10 names Nick Griffin Reading from the bottom Of the list up Oh Can you bid less

Or can you challenge him to name that movie Yeah, I mean, I'll do nine He says he'll do nine Yeah Do you guys want to do some nines? Let's see. What do you say, Aaron? We'll try eight.

He says eight. Yeah. Up and Adam. Adam eight. Can I just say name that movie? You sure can. Son of a bitch. Can I just say name that movie? You sure can.

Son of a bitch. Dear Zanies Rosemont, may I have another kettle one and soda pop? Soda water? I don't want to get, like, Coke. Don't put cocaine in my Kettle one and Tito's if you have it But I think they have kettle here

Yeah Your eight names Are Graham Beckle DB Sweeney. He's a great, great, great guy. Mike McGlone. I know Mike McGlone.

Dwayne Warren. A. DeLon Ellis Jr. That's four names. Michael B. Jordan. Michael B. Jordan. Michael B. Jordan. Settle down, Chicago. Julian Griffith. And Brian Hearn.

Brian Hearn. Oh, boy. Yeah. Kid dies. Two and a half stars. Call it corny. But it works surprisingly well. It's based on a book.

Could you guys pass it? Oh, thank you so much. Thank you. Oh, man. I'm like, what did Michael B. Jordan movie did he do after The Wire? Right? Yeah. People are entertained by that for some reason. Damn. You got nothing?

You're fired Wow, a lot of emotions in this room Yeah There's a weird reaction to that. I wonder, like, before he yelled out hunt for red October, if he really thought that was gonna kill. Yeah. I'd give it a 50-50 shot. I don't think...

I think maybe part of it was maybe kind of the anger with which it was yelled. People kind of like, you know what I mean? Hunt for Red! You're like, oh no, do we need to leave the building? You know, it sounded like an announcement. It's also in comedy, the rule of fives, right? Like the fifth time you yell something out, it's going to kill.

And that would have just been his first Hunt for Red October? Yeah. All right, dude. Get in four more. Good luck. What's your goddamn answer? Oh, why don't we talk to him some more? You know why.

Man, I... You know damn what. I don't know, man. I don't know, man. I don't know. All right. It's, you know, I haven't... I'm not... Everyone's going to go like...

Air Bud 2. Everyone's going to go, of course. A kid dies in the Keanu Reeves classic Hardball. Oh. Hardball has a dying child Made in Chicago Set in Chicago There you go My favorite

Chicago baseball movie is Takes place in Chicago I think it's a bit That guy just yelled out takes place in Chicago Is this room bigger than I think it is? Are some people here Watching this in a different time zone? Hood for Red, Chicago! You're not going to find a man because Chicago's all American.

Damn, horrible. All right. Who challenged who there? Adam challenged? Yes Alright Adam's on the board With a point That's a tough one

It sure is It was It's quite the brain teaser That was It tickles my head to think about it. That's a good... I'm going to take a nap. That's a good snack.

That's good. Well, you know what it is. It's like I used to always like doing Ed Wynn voices, you know, from Mary Poppins and whatnot. But then now it's just King Candy from Wreck-It Ralph. Just be like, oh, what are you talking about? I don't know what's going on. I'm sorry. I thought you were doing Bane again.

Oh, yeah. Shall we play a game? I live in the shadows Lincoln new game new game Bane or King Candy or maybe what was DiCaprio's name in Django Unchained?

It was also Candy, wasn't it? Something Candy? And he had Candy Land? Should have said Hunt for Red Hot Cobra, bro. Yeah, you change it up you get fucked people want what they already know yeah yeah cocky don't get cocky

king candy what'd I call him? I was just playing the game oh Nick gets to pick the category this time and then What'd I call him? I was just playing the game. Oh. Nick gets to pick the category this time. And then we go to Adam. Switch the order around. Wahlberg versus Wahlberg.

This is Mark Wahlberg movies that came out the same year as another Mark Wahlberg movie. He battled himself for box office supremacy. That's gotta be like four movies, right? Nick Knack Nose suggested that's what she said. That's movies that have female narration.

Glad Aaron enjoyed it. That's creative it is it is good I try to pick the creative ones Fast Batch Cumberbender and that's the films of Michael Fastbender

or Benjamin Cumberbatch Benedict Benedict Cumberbatch I don't know why I called him Benjamin Cumberbatch. Benedict. Benedict Cumberbatch. I don't know why I called him Benjamin Cumberbatch. The Curious Case of Benjamin Cumberbatch. Which one of those do you like, Nick? What was the first one?

Wahlberg versus Wahlberg. I guess the female... Where one of his movies crashes into a Wahlberg of his own creation. No, I'm going to do the female narration one. Okay. It's hard. This movie's got some female narration in it. The year is 1990. Three and a half stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie that I think deserves four stars.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. King Candy. The screenplay was by the director and another dude and based on a book by the other dude. And he also says his major criticism of this movie is it goes on too long. And if you know Leonard, he says that a lot.

And if you know Leonard, he says that a lot. And he lists 11, 12, 13, 16, 19 names. How many names can you get in? That's a clue in and of itself from 1990. How many can I do it in? You can say 19 if you want. Take them all. I'm going to say 12. Ooh.

Big, daring jump. Adam. Did he say it goes on too long because of the female narration? Is he like... Is that one of his more misogynist reviews? I will not say one way or the other, but we know Leonard better than that. I'll go nine.

He's quite a gentleman. Oh, wow. He says nine. He's such a gentleman. When he reviewed Basic Instinct, he didn't say, and be sure to check out that hot box. What, the one with Gwyneth Paltrow's head in it?

On Sharon Stone. Yeah. Have you bid yet? Is somebody bidding? Yeah. Is something happening? He said nine. Nine.

Nine. Nine. Nine. Ooh, man. You don't know what to do with that? Well, I mean, if it is what I think. Eight's a great option. Yeah, I mean, well, if it is what I think it is.

Oh, you think it is something. He's good to go, but if it's not, I'm screwed. Something. I'll say eight. He says eight, Nick. I'll say name that movie. Son of a bitch. See what happens.

See, you were overconfident with the 12. You played me. No, I have no strategy whatsoever. I'm not kidding. I think you played yourself. Yeah. But I think you also might know this. Oh.

There's a chance. I'll give you your eight names, and you can ask me for the clues again if the eight names are not enough. Anthony Youngman, Samuel L. Jackson, and Christopher Cerrone. That's your eight names. What's it called? Goodfellas.

That's correct. Look at you. That was great. It's my favorite movie of all time. I thought it was either that or, you know what else? Fried Green Tomatoes. Yeah, could have gone either way. Not even playing.

Same movie. Same movie. Watch it backwards. It's Goodfellas. That can't possibly. Failing for Susan. Play the Goodfellas soundtrack to Fried Green Tomatoes. Yeah, that movie was shot by Michael Ballhaus,

who gets interviewed quite a bit in this movie that I just saw recently called Side by Side, that Keanu Reeves talking to filmmakers about digital versus film. It's a pretty cool movie if you can check it out. Which brings me to the next category that will be chosen by Adam, I think.

Because he was left out of that last skirmish. And then it'll come right back at you there, Nick. Sure. Adam, would you like the Martin Scorsese Oh, look at that. What a teasy. Martin Scorsese. Oh, look at that. Ew, what a teasy.

Martin Scorsese. That's Martin Scorsese movies that don't have an R rating. So that was Martin Scorsese without the R's. Martin. I think there's one. Or One Fine Day and that's the movies of Rafe or Joseph Fiennes

and Liar Liar films in which Bill O'Reilly makes an appearance as a newsman of some sort Let's go with Martin Yeah, Martin Scorsese Okay

Would you like a Martin Scorsese movie That did not get an R rating From the Motion Picture Association of America I won't tell you what rating it did get But it did not get an R From 1974, 1983, or 2011. He's gone clean throughout the decades. Who knew?

Shit. Goodfellas has more swear words in it than any movie in history, I think. And yet, he's made these movies that are not rated R. Oh, I might have screwed up here. Let's go 2011. 2011, okay. Three and a half stars from Leonard about this movie that Scorsese made that's not rated R.

He says it's beautifully translated from a book. He says it's beautifully translated from a book. He says that it won Oscars for one, two, three, four, five different categories. And I think that's enough. It's already a pretty narrow category. And he lists 12 names. So if you think you know it, you could bid zero names. Or you could bid negative names if you think you can name the top billed people

in the movie in the right order. No, I'll go zero names. He's saying zero names. But I might have fucked up here because I can't remember if they kept the title of the book or if they changed it. Well, again, that's more information for your competitors. Nick,

do you want to challenge him to name it or do you think you know what movie it is? You're up. Nick? No, I want him to name it. Okay, yeah. He says name it. Whatever you think it's called.

I think it was just called Hugo. That's correct. And the rest of the title originally was what? The Invention of Hugo Cabret. Oh, yeah. It's got less of a clap. You'll notice the fuck books.

That's right. I like that title better, but anyway. Good job. Who just got that point? So Adam just won? Oh. Oh, shit.

Adam's our winner. I got two points. He got two points, right? I got two points. How? Didn't I? I got one? You just had the one.

Yeah, you lost as a lady in the audience. Damn. Pointed out very, very brutally, very straightforward. You lost. Didn't I get a point for doing nothing in the beginning? No. I don't remember. No, I made a reference to At Midnight where they give out points willy-nilly.

I give points for achievement, not for just saying some dumb joke. Imaginary points? I'm biting the hand that feeds when I say that about what? Imaginary points. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But that snuck up on me. Adam's our winner.

He won the whole thing. Good. Good. This game gets intense sometimes, you know. I was brain dead. I was like, I have nine points. I don't remember. But that category, thank you to Dementomsty. I was like, I have nine points. I don't remember.

But that category, thank you to Dementomsty. I don't know what that Twitter name means, but thanks for submitting that category. There's still a couple other Mott and Scorseses that are going to be left in there. Now, where's the person that Adam was playing for? Come get your... Come on up and get your prizes. Monsieur. Congratulations.

Good job. Yay! Yay! And the other name tags, could you pass them to me For they will probably have Shitheads written on the back The back of Gwyneth Paltrow's head Has a shithead on it And this one has a shithead on it too

Adam, what do you got going on Big winner, what do you Where going on big winner? Where can people come see you do stand-up comedy? I will be in Fort Myers on the 21st through 23rd of this month of May. The comedy bar in Fort Myers. Yeah, come on Fort Myers.

Come on down. See Adam. Nick, you're going to be here all weekend At Zany's in Rosemont All the way through Came in a day early to do this So thank you for that Sure

I apologize to Susan Sorry Susan What else Susan I'm sorry Susan Remember when Brooke Shields had that show, Suddenly Susan? Suddenly, sure. And that guy was on there.

There was a Hispanic fellow. A Latin guy. Nestor Carbonell. Yeah, he plays the mayor with the eyeliner in the Batman movies. Dark Knight movies. It just looks like that, though. He doesn't really put on eyeliner, supposedly. That's what they say.

But anyway, on Suddenly Susan, he would always call Susan, Susan! True. What are you doing, Susan? And now I can't not hear the word Susan, the name Susan, without repeating it back that way. It's how I am about the word Sharon. I can only say the word Sharon,

the name Sharon, like this. Sharon! Sharon! Ozzy Osbourne. All right. You got a website, Nick, for all your tour dates? Yes, I do.

Did you say it already? You can go to nickgriffin.net if you want. Yeah, sure. .net? .net, yeah. How do you get.net? What happened? The.com guy, nickgriffin.com,

is head of the Nationalist Socialist Party in... Oh, that's a blast. In England, that's true. That's actually... Yeah. And I have a feeling more people are going to check out his website than mine. Out of curiosity.

Yeah. Well, alright. Fair enough. Aaron, what do you got going on? Oh, I... Well, as always, I do the Handle the Truth podcast at Truth Podcast on Twitter. Two comedians. We talk about movies every week. New movies.

What's it called again? They're here. Handle, it was Gumballs and Broomsticks. What is it? No, Handle the Truth podcast. Oh, it's not called These Aren't the Hosts You're Looking For? That's a good one. Buy it at the website right now.

No, handlethetruthpodcast.com, at truthpodcast. It's not called This is the Start of a Beautiful Friendship. Yep. And then I'm headlining in Harrisburg. What did that date you said? It's not called We Had You at Hello?

Keep going. I'm buying all these websites in the cloud right now. Yeah, Harrisburg Comedy Zone, May 24th. 23rd and 24th. Apple! Apple! What else? I lost Apple!

I'm doing... I must put out an Amber Alert for Apple! Asheville, North Carolina, May 30th. Who cares about your dates? Apple is missing. The apple of my eye is gone. Performing on a box in the middle of a desert in June. I'm sorry.

I don't know why Gwyneth went off about Apple. I'm going to be performing. Pretty good impression, though. Thank you to all of my guests. Thank you for coming. Chicagoland. Aaron Kleiber, Nick Griffin, Adam Burke. Aaron Kleiber, Nick Griffin, Adam Burke.

And as always, Toby Keith is a shithead. And Chris Martin is a shithead! Thank you.