Doug Loves Movies - Nick Offerman, Harland Williams and T.J. Miller guest

Episode Date: July 21, 2015

Live from the Pemberton Music Festival in Pemberton, BC, Doug welcomes comedians Nick Offerman, Harland Williams and T.J. Miller to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming, maybe sticky seeds with 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies. Hey, hey, hey everybody. You're a little early. My name is Doug and I love movies. This is my love of movies. I wasn't expecting it to be that good of a version of that, because how many people here have never applauded or yelled out

if you've never heard the Doug Loves Movies podcast? And yet you're here, so you get to experience it for the first time. And some of it might be confusing to you, but hopefully we'll get through it okay. Because we're coming to you from the Pemberton Music Festival in Pemberton, BC, Canada! It's a beautiful day if you like to melt. It's a beautiful day if you like to melt. And Sunday, July 19th, 2015. Like I said, it's about 90 degrees if you're talking about the weather in the States. It always confuses me up here when you guys are like, oh, it's going to be hot today.

It's going to be 35. I'm like, I have no idea what that means. That sounds like a really cold day to me. We're here at the Laugh Camp stage, and I've got a few bits of business to go through here real quick before I bring my guests out. Tulsa, Oklahoma. I'm doing stand-up at the Looney Bin next Sunday, July 26th.

And even if one person brings a name tag, games will be played. Which reminds me, did any of you guys bring name tags today? We got a few? Okay, good. As long as we have at least three, we should be in good shape.

And Los Angeles, the next Doug Loves Movies taping is this Thursday, July 24th. $10 gets you in to Meltdown Comics and DougLovesMovies.com for all of my dates and deets. And from the corrections department, Lawrence Fishburne isn't in any of the Spider-Man movies, amazing or otherwise. He was Perry White in Man of Steel. Most of you don't even care because you don't listen to the show. But I love the smell up here.

Thank you guys for smoking out right at 420. That's how it's supposed to be done. And please give a big warm welcome to my guests. They're all performing here at the festival later tonight, so come back and see them. But watch them right now, right here. Harlan Williams, T.J. Miller, and Nick Offerman. Wherever you want, buddy

Here we are Here we go Of course T.J. Miller wins the Pete Holmes Award For speaking first Let's give it up for T.J. Miller, everybody Let's give it up for Doug Benson who just won silver place for talking first in his own show.

What did I win? Silver place? Yeah, it's like a silver medal, but it's second place. Oh, okay. T.J., when are you performing on this stage this evening? At 7.30 p.m.

Be here sharp, and I will end promptly so that we can all return to the reason we're here, seeing Missy Elliott in Canada. Somebody's got a clown horn out there. They do? They let people bring anything in here. You're speaking my language.

Or they made that noise with their mouth. Maybe Tig Notaro is here. And she likes to make that noise. TJ Miller, I'm so excited. I know you're in Silicon Valley and yeah. And you're the voice of the Mucinex Snotball, but what really

excites me... Mr. Mucus is his name. Mr. Mucus. I apologize to Mr. Mucus and his family. Snotball is what racists call him. Oh, okay. People that don't understand Mr. Mucus. And Yogi Bear 3D, of course. Thank you. But the thing I'm most excited about

is that you are so funny in the leaked Deadpool trailer for the new Deadpool movie. We're excited about that. Leaked. In italics. The leaked Deadpool. Yeah.

How could they do that? They showed it at Comic-Con and people filmed it with their cameras. How could that happen? No, it's exciting. People loved it. They got up at Comic-Con.

See, I didn't know what was going on. I'd never been there. I've never seen so many people that are so strange and nerdy, but you could tell they're all like, this is the weekend I fuck.

This is the weekend it happens. This is the weekend it happens. This is the weekend she cares that I know the different lightsabers. So I didn't know what was going on, but at the end of our panel, they all stood and said, one more time. One, and they all chanted. 6,000 people.

It was so surreal. And Chris Hardwick said, okay, yeah, well, I don't control that, but I have the microphone, so let's play it again. They played it again, standing ovation, and then when we got off stage, everyone said that that had never happened at the San Diego Comic-Con,

not even for Star Wars. And I looked at the person and said, bullshit. That had to have happened for Star Wars. Well, I guess it didn't. So, yeah, I'm excited. maybe nobody yelled out, play it again, but I'm sure everyone would have been excited to see it again. Yeah, I think they're more respectful there. Deadpool, it's like the fans made it happen,

so they're like, you'll play it again when we say. And what did you bring for the prize bag, TJ? I brought two signed Goreberger shirts by Goreberger. This guy's got one, which I like to see. And you were very nice to bring two different sizes, so whoever wins has a shot at fitting in the shirt. A small and a large, one for a lady, one for a man. It doesn't matter which one's for which.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm controversial. Speaking of shirts, I brought a Weezer shirt because Weezer played here last night and they were awesome and let's meet the other fellas oh it smells so good up here let's meet the other guys Harlan Williams is here everybody

drinking his standard bottle of urine. Ever since Dumb and Dumber he's had a taste for it. You want to see it? You want to see it? Here we go. There you go.

Dolphins love to drink human urine. And when do you perform on this particular stage, Harlan? I will be here at 645, but unlike TJ, I would like all of you not to watch me. I get embarrassed. I'm very nervous. So don't come to my show. I just, you know, be nice. Get lost. And you brought a hat for the prize band.

Well, not just a hat. That is my personal hat. You've worn this already. I've worn this. The back story on this, I lost my virginity while I was wearing that hat, and I lost my virginity at Laura Secord candy at the West Edmonton mall in that hat yeah I want that hat yeah and then I lost it again with that hat on top of a Harvey's in Winnipeg so uh-oh what's that noise is that t-rex is there a fucking t-rex coming

did you hear oh shit my beer's vibrating so are my balls by the way what the fuck Is that T-Rex? Is there a fucking T-Rex coming? Oh, shit. My beer's vibrating. So are my balls, by the way. What the fuck? It's a dinosaur who loves each time you lose your virginity. And I lost it in Calgary on a goddamn horse. It's a virginosaurus. And finally, the shaved face of Nick Offerman is here.

Thank you. Good afternoon. What'd you bring for the prize bag, Nick? For the prize bag, I brought an autographed copy audio book of my new book, Gumption, Relighting the Torch of Freedom with America's Gutziest Troublemakers. That is the full title. That's all on there. And you've got the Ron Swanson mustache on the cover of this thing, so no one will be confused.

That's right. I apologize for appearing without my mustache, but my mustache is with CAA now, and it's doing a deal for Coachella. Maybe next year. And you're set tonight. Is it what time? I think I play the Laugh Camp. That's this place.

At 9.15 in the p.m. So it sounds like you guys are just going to have to stay here. You've got good spots, so just stay here for the rest of the night. If the way that you're smoking marijuana, most of the front row will be dead by seven then you can just move their bodies and come forward cycle through listen mr mucus marijuana does not kill yes it does no but full sinuses do i don't give a shit I also brought for the prize bag a book called Gratitude and Trust Six Affirmations That Will Change Your Life

it's by the great Paul Williams and his friend Tracy Jackson and then when I get books I just read them and then I give them away and then I also of course brought a copy of my most recent CD Promotional Tool all of that is going into the prize bag today.

Somebody that brought a name tag is going to win all that stuff. What are you doing, sir? What's happening with that? What's that? Oh, your girlfriend would love it. It's like a quarterback uses his towel. Yeah, they put towels out here for us. I threw mine down on the ground.

I'm ready for the game. I'm regretting it because I'm sweating like crazy. And now if you get an erection, everyone will be drawn to seeing it. If this moves like three quarters of an inch, that's a full boner. Be prepared, Pemberton. What's going on with that device that you're holding up in a very specific way? Is it filming the show? Yeah, you. Oh, you take pictures every now and then? Please don't stand there holding it like that, though, because it just looks like you're filming the entire thing. Oh, look, security's

on the case. Don't make him take it from you. guy's tough you guys this is a time for you all to experience this don't tape it, don't record it you know and then it's also something that Doug is taping and recording and then giving out to millions of people yeah it'll be out tomorrow I love the security guy's got earplugs in and he works the comedy tent

I don't even want that loud in my ears i'm gotta stand near the speaker i don't jay miller is gonna start yelling any minute that's not true doug can i say something please uh tj there's a dingleberry hanging from your hat dude okay what the fuck are you laughing at back there some chick back there laughing at shit hanging from my hat it's a dingleberry that should be on your ass women put it on your ass crap where it belongs it's a hat dingleberry so it's a little clump of string now it's near my balls yeah soon it'll be your real dingleberry. Too soon. Since this is Doug Loves Movies, I'd like to

chat about movies a little bit before we move into the next portion of the show. And I'll start with Nick Offerman on the end there with what was the last movie you saw, sir? It was called Chappie.

You just saw Chappie? I just saw Chappie. I don't see a lot of movies, but I watched Chappie in a hotel in Atlanta, and it sucked. It was horrible. Yeah, people don't love that movie. But my friend and I can't stop saying to one another, Chappie loves Mommy? Because he says that a lot?

Yeah. Who's his mommy? The fucking punk rock chick. Oh, Diane Hood. Diane Hood. Yeah, yeah. She was a wizard! Yeah.

She was wonderfully elfin and sprite-like. But Chappie can suck my chode. But I heard that that band is in the movie and they wear shirts for their own band as their characters in the movie. Yeah. And it takes place many years in the future. That's right.

It's strange. That's correct. Strange choices. It's what we call in our business a shitty choice. Hey, would it be cool if I just wear my company's T-shirt in this movie about Seabiscuit? Yeah. Yeah, there was an episode of Parks and Rec where Ron was wearing a shirt that had your most recent book on it, right? That's not correct.

Oh, okay. You son of a bitch. That's probably why that show ended. You couldn't promote anything while you were on it. I pulled the plug. They wouldn't let me plug my fucking canoes. They pulled the plug, then you pulled the plug. That's right. I'll take it over to Leslie Moonves. Second amazing reference to Hollywood. plug. That's right. I'll take it over to Leslie Moonves. Second amazing reference to Hollywood.

Leslie Moonves, the head of CBS, probably not a great place to take it to. And then also, his mustache is still at CA. There's a big exodus from CA to UTA with all the comedy agents. Both incredibly fucking hilarious, but you guys are all on mushrooms. Thanks, TJ.

This young lady just came straight from her wedding right up front. That's exciting. Well, hello. TJ, have you been to the cinema lately? I saw Ex Machina. Yeah. That's an incredible piece of cinema that very few people here have seen. And then I saw Kingsman for the first time.

The Secret Service. And I wish I had seen it in the theater. People kept saying, I've gone a second time, you've got to go see it. That's like a perfect tone for a movie. It kind of knows just enough what it is, and it plays enough fun, but it is a serious, great action spy. That one was great. Then my wife Kate went without me to go see Mad Max,

which I was upset about. And so was she because she left the theater in the middle of the movie, but didn't completely leave the theater. So she just slowly left the movie because she kept stopping and watching a part and being like, will this redeem the movie? And then it didn't.

And then she'd walk a little further and then turn around and be like, maybe this scene will be great. And it wasn't. And then she ended up, the movie almost ended and she was just at the exit and she didn't even see the end. She just walked out and went, I didn't need that in my life. Are you sure she wasn't watching

Just Max, the movie about the dog with PTSD? No, she would have loved that. She loves pets and she loves trauma. Physical and emotional. Well, people love that Mad Max Fury Road movie. Yeah. Yeah, there you go.

Is it worth seeing? I haven't seen it. People love it. I thought But, you know. Is it worth seeing? I haven't seen it. People love it. I thought it was all right. I didn't go crazy for it. Yeah, but Max didn't say a word the whole movie. It was like mad Charlize Theron. Yeah, he still had his Bane mask on.

He couldn't talk through it. How about some lasagna, Batman? That's what he says when he's at Olive Garden. I don't think he ever. Oh, okay. Yeah. Maybe if B he's at Olive Garden. I don't think he ever... Oh, okay, yeah. Maybe if Bane's at Olive Garden, he would say that. How about some all-you-can-eat breadsticks, Batman?

Too soon? It's true that Mad Max, when he gets mad, is like, shuts down. So it should be called Silent Treatment Max, I feel like. Because the whole first part of the movie is like, I'm mad and I'm not talking to anybody about it. Yeah.

He keeps it to himself. Why burden everybody else with how mad he is? Internalize Max. Yeah. What about you, Harland? Have you seen anything? I saw Jurassic World. Of course.

Who didn't? I got to tell you, man, that these digital dinosaurs, they did them so well. I'm watching the movie and I was like, I couldn't tell which dinosaurs were digital and which were real. The whole movie, I was like, which fucking dinosaurs are which? It freaked me out. I think they're all digital. Well, you just wrecked the movie for me. Yeah, spoiler alert.

Yeah. And in the name of Rapti, to you, sir. That would have been great if there was such a long lag between Jurassic Park movies that they were just waiting to actually make real dinosaurs. Like, once they had that technology, they just kept it quiet and then made real dinosaurs and then shot

a movie. They will. They will. I would have liked to have seen those dinosaurs turn on the people who were making the movie. Like, this script is stupid. That's the behind the scenes. That's the documentary. Is that how the dinosaurs killed the film crew? And then they themselves had gained the intelligence to release the movie with a good amount of marketing, but not too much.

And mostly directed toward an international and foreign market. Which is increasingly dominating the entertainment landscape. Jesus. China, we can only fight you with marijuana and we will legalize the whole thing get the money and take back the world love a good marijuana fight yeah there's two people lamely trying to pay the check and then collapsing we gotta we gotta bring down their productivity they're making us look bad yeah so we'll get them high marijuana and hand crafting we can battle them

with handmade canoe paddles yes that's where it's at is a canoe paddle the most gratifying thing to hit somebody with do you think it's it feels pretty good? I've read in fiction. It has to be better than a baseball bat, right? Hitting someone with a paddle. A kayak paddle is good because you got two ends. It depends if your aim is to spank or bludgeon. Well, if you want to bludgeon, you can go that way. But also the paddle has that little handle at the end. Correct me if I'm wrong.

When you get them on the ground and you want them to apologize, you stick the little handle in their mouth. And you tell them you're going to kick their chin unless they fucking say sorry to your wife. You understand? Yeah, you got it. You say sorry to her or I kick. So it just depends on what you're trying to do.

Wait, why are you mad at this guy? What did he do to your wife? Well, he walked in, he looked at her, and that was it. I took a paddle to his face. His damn forehead looked like a landing strip by the time I was done with it. I looked at your wife earlier, now I'm scared. I shook

her hand. What? How dare you? You monster. Whoa, whoa. Honey, get the pontoon boat paddle. This is a real situation. Not this kayak shit. Harlan was going to mention another movie that he saw. I saw Inside Out, the Pixar movie.

What was that? It's got all the emotions in it. Yeah, it was depressing. It was about a little girl that hated her parents and wanted to run away from home. And she's like 12. And all her emotions are in her head it was like remember that old Eddie Murphy movie

Norbit? Thirst to mind Norbit I've been thinking about it all day oh meet Dave you're thinking of meet Dave you know as soon as you said Norbit a bunch of frogs in that pond over there went Norbit I a bunch of frogs in that pond over there went.

Norbert. I was wondering why frogs. I'm glad you finished that. Norbert. Too soon. But it was depressing as hell. You know, all these things inside the girl. They had, like, depression and happiness and loneliness and anger. I don't think loneliness.

Yeah, it was in her head. Sadness. Sadness. Sadness. Cutter. They had the cutter. No. Diarrhea.

Diarrhea was in her head. Unbelievable. I hated it. You hated it. You didn't even see it. I hate the emotion diarrhea, and I didn't even see the fucking movie. Is diarrhea an emotion now? Well, it can be.

When Joy and Sadness were fighting, I was just like, Joy should just smoke a bowl and blow it in Sadness' face. That'll clear Sadness right away. Sadness would just become melancholy. Or chill, just chill. Instead of sad, just sort of like, whatevs. What if joy became comet?

That would be fun. I don't get it. Oh, no. He's talking about two different household products now, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, too soon, I guess. It's all too soon. Hey, look, if we work together, we can find and solve this problem.

Hey, y'all. How are you, Bobby Bittman? I just wanted to show you I could. How are you? Could play the cat skills. I could. Are you going to check out any of the music tonight, Harland, after your set? Yeah, I hear Yanni's over there playing his balls.

What is he doing? Did your voice just crack? He plays his own balls? Is that what you said? Yeah, Yanni, yeah. Just slaps him with paddles? Yeah, canoe paddles. Canoe paddles. Tiny little paddles. Now, TJ, you've already done something on stage here?

Yeah, I was involved with the Goreburger production. Did anybody see Goreburger or no? If you haven't seen it, you can Google Goreburger, G-O-R-B-U-R-G-E-R. If you haven't seen it, you can Google Goreburger, G-O-R-B-U-R-G-E-R. And it's a giant blue space alien from another planet who takes over a Japanese morning show, slaughters half of the staff, and then uses it to interview indie rock bands and pop celebrity icons. So it's totally accessible. It'd be good with Les Moonves on CBS.

So we're working on that. And Goreburger was here on this stage like yesterday? Yeah, he came here and did a show. He interviewed two of the audience members. He's going to start doing it at festivals around the country. You guys who saw it, was it fun or not really? So it's worth checking out. Alright, what about you Nick? Do you have any plans later?

I'm going to look into the meat items that are available at this festival and then consume them in that Pemberton Creek while jerking off. Hopefully, while in the distance, Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros are playing me to climax. Then you'll finally feel at home. I love music festivals. Definitely too soon right there. I like watching people approach the tent with a very,

what is this kind of look on their face? What's going on over here? And some young ladies just ran over like they were going to miss something. That was exciting to watch. All right, so some of the audience members have brought name tags, and this is the part of the show where I say, Let the games begin! In my best Bane voice.

So each of the contestants, guests on stage, have to pick somebody to play for in the audience. So if you do have a name tag, go ahead and hold it up. He's got a little squirt bottle, that guy. We don't need the whole story. It's got his government issued ID on it.

Which I don't know if you want to give that up. But, you know, whatever. So if each of my guests can go, just pick who they want to play for, physically get that name tag. I'm going to go for my man right here. He wants it. Well, I think you like it because it's a spray bottle and you're going to spray yourself with it.

I think I like it now because he knew that Yogi Bear 3D was a great piece of artwork. Thank you. And while my guests pick their name tags, we're going to go to a commercial break. We'll be right back. Hey, everybody. There's no sponsor for this episode, but I'd just like to take a second to say I had such a great time at the Pemberton Fest, the episode that you're listening to now, that I'm coming back next year, schedule permitting. They haven't picked a date yet, but tickets are already on sale, so Google

Pemberton Fest in Canada and get on that. Speaking of available tickets, there's 100 tickets left for the August 3rd Doug Loves Movies at the Gramercy Theatre in New York City. 37 seats left for the London

show, my first London UK performance of Doug Loowe's movies on August 8th. And I'm interrupting Kansas City Bomber in Kansas City and doing a Doug Lowe's movies the next day in a few weeks. All of that information and links and whatnot are available at DougLowe'smovies.com. Back to the show. All right, we're back. Where do you want this thing, Doug?

Who are you? What is it? What are you? It looks like Susan Sarandon's veil from Ghost, the movie Ghost. I don't believe she was in that film. Well, she is now. I also don't believe you're going to win today with that kind of knowledge. She brought my best friend's wedding picture, and she changed it to my boyfriend's wedding.

Oh. Boyfriend the rapper. I thought it was curly soup. Okay. Well, thank you for bringing that that and who are you playing for TJ I'm playing for and I know this from the operators license

Miles Justin Tyler at Mount Pleasant Drive Camrose Alberta T4V383 sex male okay he likes it Camrose, Alberta T4V383 Sex, male Okay, he likes it

Eyes, hazel Hey, I fucking bet Date of birth 92, buddy Welcome to the motherfucking rodeo He's a GDL driver What does that mean? I can drive

It means he can drive Let's do this thing, Justin. Speaking of doing things, I just got a hit off of this, and it's pretty good. It's pretty nice. You have another one ready? What are you, some sort of... Nick, who are you... Who are you playing for?

Well, the front of the page says Life of Brian. Don't read what's on the back, because that's for at the end. Never do. And I'm not going to read on the back. But he made a nice drawing on loose-leaf paper that he pulled out of a binder. It's 3D letters, like it's fucking going to punch me in the face. It's just flying at you. All right, where's Brian at?

Alright dude, you did it. Congratulations. Thanks to everybody who brought name tags and these three people are the ones that have a chance at winning everything that's in this lovely hotel laundry bag. Including a large

and a small Gore Burger shirt. Yo! Hey-o! So now we're going to play some games to determine the winner. And if you know the answer at any point in the audience, don't yell out because it's just between these

three guys on stage. Oh, shit. I think you might be pretty good at these games. I know that none of you have played this first game. It's called Whose Tagline Is It Anyway? That's for Canadians.

He's right. He's kind of right. What's that? You want to just give it to me? I'm the only Canadian up there. Ryan Stiles. Wayne Brady. I really had that misunderstanding when I was going through customs to get here. The guy said to me, what are you doing?

Why are you going to be at the festival? And I said, I'm a comedian. And he said, you're a Canadian? As he's staring at my U.s passport i was like i've heard that joke a million times over the years i didn't know it really happens all right so we'll start with nick on the other end down there and i'm gonna say a tagline from a movie usually it's on the poster they say it in the ads or something these are according to imdb and uh all you

gotta do is tell me the name of the movie that this is the tagline for. And if you get it wrong, you're out temporarily. But you might be back in if the other guys can't figure it out. So everybody has to pay attention. This first one, the tagline

is, we all know one. We all the tagline is we all know one we all know one what movie TJ looks excited like he might know it I just realized where I was we all know one 12 years a slave one. Twelve Years a Slave. What? We all know a

twelve-year-old. You fucking creeps. What's that about? That is incorrect. I gotta look it up now. I wonder what Twelve Years a Slave's tagline was. Well, new one. Shit.

Too soon? Too soon, yeah. Too soon. Alright, TJ, you get to take a shot at it. What do you think? God damn it, I always want to apologize to you guys. When it comes to the game portion of this, I always run it off the rails. I'm serious.

And I do care about the show. And I'm usually the one that makes it a real train wreck. Woo! That is correct. It's Train Wreck. No! You son of a bitch.

He took the hit. He counted it. Yeah, that was perfect! Oh, what a fun time. Yeah, that was perfect! Oh, what a fun time. Yeah, I know you guys are here at the festival this weekend, so you probably haven't seen it yet, but Trainwreck is a hilarious movie, so go

check it out as soon as you can. That's why I didn't know it. It's too new. It was too soon. Yeah, it's brand new. Finally, something was too soon. It really was too soon. I'm this close to walking off this stage. Well, yeah, because the edge of the stage is this close.

You don't have to be far. All right. You get to start off this one. Nick is out. Bullshit. But just for this. Of the closet. And now that he's shaved off his gay mustache, he's going to come out.

What did you say? His wife is a babe. His wife is a babe. Oh, I thought you said AIDS. Which really shocked me. And he has a paddle to beat the shit out of anyone who crosses him. Don't cross that woodworker. That's what I say.

All right, Harlan. Okay, what is it? What movie had the tagline, Something has found us. Something has found us. My phone is ringing in my pocket, and it's been ringing since 4.20. If that's the answer, can I... My 4.20 alarm has been ringing for...

For 40 minutes. For a while. It woke up late. It's like, I got a call. Harlan, what movie do you think has the tagline, Something will find us? Something will find us something will find us oh wait has found us I apologize something has found us

without question the correct answer is the Fantastic Four thank you very much gang that is incorrect but there is a character that they refer to as the thing so yeah that was a pretty good guess.

So something has found us. It's The Thing from Fantastic Four. Congratulations on having a good, incorrect guess. Okay, well, just for the record, that really hurts deep down inside. I decided to bring Nick back into this game because, shit, it's clear that TJ might be too good at it. Oh, yeah, I got the answer on this one. So, Nick, do you think you have a guess for this one?

Something has found us. I like hearing you say it. Harry and the Hendersons. Oh, that's a terrific guess. Have you seen that? You guys should see Harry and the Hendersons. Of course people have seen Harry and the Hendersons. You would like it.

Everyone's just getting, they're saving their energy for later, you know. They got to yell shit at Missy Elliott. TJ, what movie is this from? Something Has Found Us? Yeah, what's it from? The Nancy Grace Show. Something has found us? Yeah, what's it from?

The Nancy Grace Show. Another terrific guest that's, in this case, is not a movie. It's just a lady who has a show. No, it's not. It's a goddamn thing that's found us and is trying to suck us dry. Yeah. That garbage can face pig. She dies in a house fire that's in a boat.

House boat fire. Something has found us is from a motion picture called Cloverfield. That you were in, T.J. Miller. Oh, boy. He should be disqualified. You're out. That's just my 420

alarm going off, guys. It was a bad tagline. It's a massive. Yeah, it's rather generic. I mean, it's a pretty specific thing that's found us and it's killing everybody. Something has found us. And then, you know, she's out of my league. Another film that I was in that had a pretty generic title, which was just, we told you

what it was in the title. Eric title, which was just, we told you what it was in the title. Well, that's the fun thing about Cloverfield is it's a found footage movie and you're the person shooting most of that footage in the film. And so now whenever I see the subsequent shitty found footage movies that have come in its wake, I just sit there and grumble. God damn it. TJ Miller. I just get mad at you. Like when I saw The Gallows. It's absolutely just awful. With all the people in the world that are hating me at any

given moment, it is fun to think that occasionally you watch, what was it called, The Gallows, and you're like, fucking TJ. With this Cloverfield shit, look where we are now. The Gallows. We've hung ourselves.

Give someone enough rope and they'll hang themselves with it. Let's do another round of this. This is fun. We'll start with Harlan this time. Here we go. Here I'm fired up. What movie is this from? Got it.

They'll do anything to save their best bud. They'll do anything to save their best bud. They'll do anything to save their best bud. Don't say it if you know it in the audience. That was a movie I was in called Half-Baked. Thank you very much. Woo! Yes.

And by the way, I was also in Cloverfield. Fuck off. TJ doesn't even know I was in it. That was the day I injured both my eyes, but they still told me to shoot, King. I love you. Alright, let's go to Nick with this next one. This is a weird one. I'm due.

The tagline was, if anyone asks, if anyone asks, If anyone asks. That's it? That's the tagline. There's got to be more. If anyone asks. If anyone asks.

Yeah. If anyone asks. Medea's, Tyler Perry's. I like it. Full title. Medea goes to the fucking mall. I would love it if that was a real thing. A fucking mall?

Is it in Amsterdam? Ooh, the Brookstones got really interesting pussy this year. TJ, what do you think? If anyone asks... God damn it, I hope Brookstone isn't a Canadian thing, because that was a really fantastic little piece of pussy Brookstone joke. Sorry. If anyone asks, that was a fantastic little piece of pussy joke.

Piece of Brookstone pussy joke. Brookstone pussy. I stand by it. If anyone asks. She's out of my league. Oh, you're figuring out how this works now? Yeah, if anyone asks, she's out of my league. Harlan?

If anyone asks, that would have to be... I'm going to just take... Can I take a flyer? Of course. The other two guys tried hard to say a movie that actually exists. Let me throw one out there. Schindler's List. If that movie was called I'm on Schindler's List, it would make perfect sense. If anyone asks, I'm on Schindler's List.

I think that makes perfect sense. But I want to go back to Nick really quick here. If anyone asks. Because this is a movie that you were in. If anyone asks. If anyone asks. We're the Millers. We're the Millers.

Great movie. Terrible poster, I guess. Am I the only one here that can remember what movies he's been in, guys? Come on now. Let's start with Nick. Let's start with Nick. Let's start with Nick. Why live when you can rule? Why live?

I know this one. Why live? Why live when you can rule? Why live when we can rule? Vampire extravaganza. No, it's another one of your films. I know it! I've said too much.

TJ, I shouldn't have given that clue. I really, one of the most beautifully mediocre films by a charlatan. Oh, I know it! Kings of Summer? The Kings of Summer, yes! Why live! Kings of Summer? The Kings of Summer, yes! Why live when you can rule? The Kings of Summer. Directed by a charlatan.

A great little indie movie that Nick is in. I thought it would be an undead story. An undead vampires last weekend. I love torching you guys with this shit at this point. Harlan? There we go. What movie has the tagline, One adventure will change two worlds?

One adventure will change two worlds. Okay. Anal Invaders 2? Anal Invaders 2? Too soon. Okay, yes. Too soon?

That reminds me. I've got to slip some porn taglines into this game. Nick, do you know what that's from? Can I hear the question again? One adventure. I'll give you a clue. It's not one of your films. One adventure will change two worlds.

Pee-wee's Big Adventure. Yeah, that could change the world of him and his bike. TJ? Guys. Bring it home. There's no need to be derisive to the guests on your show. That's true. I'll agree to that. When our guesses suck.

That was a good guess. Oh, thank you. A lot of times the tagline will have the same word in it that the title has. Stop it out now. I'm mollified. I don't know what that guy yelled.

My guess can only be... My guess can only be described by the melodic sounds of a poem by Sir Elton John. It talked of loneliness being away from one's own family, but loneliness being away from one's own family, but even being away from one's own self. Rocket Man.

I don't think two worlds were changed with his one adventure. He was in that movie. No, that's not it. Rocket Man was, he's just taking up space. It's actually a movie that you're in, TJ. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Here we grow again.

Say it again. One adventure will change two worlds. It's another tagline that I don't think is a great one. That's another sci-fi. One adventure will change two worlds. One adventure will change two worlds. This is like guys guessing Yogi Bear 3D. Yogi Bear 3D, I think that's it.

Yeah, it changed Yogi and Boo Boo's world. It did. It changed all of ours worlds. Hey, Yogi Bear here. Now, that was the tagline for How to Train Your Dragon. Oh, tender sweet. Tender sweet. Oh, cinnamon tears. All right, Harlan, this is the last one.

Yes, I'm on it. Let's do it. One man's dream is NASA's nightmare. That was my movie Rocketman. Rocketman! So again, TJ was too soon with Rocketman. I was too soon. Too soon.

Felt like that first day in the West Edmonton Mall. But the other one was he's only taking up space. That was the one that But the other one was he's only taking up space. That was the one that was on the poster. He's only taking up space? Yeah, it was the one on the poster. Yeah, like IMDb will list like four or five different ones.

Oh, that's true. Like the Cloverfield one, which you tricked me with, which was something has found us. The one that was actually on the poster was there's a monster that found us, and we're going to show you about it in first-person camera footage. So, dickface, that was your funeral choice.

I think they just... No, no. It's good. Let it out, guy. Let it out. By the way, the sequel Groverfield, which was shot on Sesame Street, I'm going to eat all of you. Because I sound like Yoda. That's Yoda field.

Yeah, Yoda field. A field of Yoda. Yeah, just everywhere. All right. Let's call that one a wash. Nobody really won. But also, nobody lost. No.

Yeah! That's like Canada. We all participated. Right? That's like Canada. We all participated. Right? That's like Canada. Nobody won, but nobody lost. Montreal lost a little bit. Okay. All right, you guys.

We've got to play one more game. This one's going to be for all the business. This one's going to really determine who gets the prize bag. And I'm going to play along because it's a game we call on the show Last Man Stanton. Harry Dean. And the listeners know it and love it. We'll start with Nick, though. I'm ready.

This is a game where we're going to get a name of an actor or actress and we're all going to just take turns naming movies that person was in. You can't think of one, you're out. Or if you say one that's incorrect. And I'm going to play two but whoever you know, if I win, whoever comes in second will be our

official winner. So raise your hand if you listen to the podcast and you think you have a good name for this. There's a guy way back there in the hat. What? When did you get here, dude? Okay.

Thanks, man. He says Will Smith. I think we're all pretty comfortable with Will Smith, right? Will Smith Films. Yes. And there's a, don't yell out if you know any of you guys, because it's just between us on stage.

And there's a guy walking around the festival with a giant Will Smith on a stick. Did you see that? I also saw a Steve Buscemi head. And in both cases, I was like, that's probably just weird. They probably didn't bring those for Doug Love's movies. And I was right. I love that this is the type of festival where I was like, that's probably just weird. They probably didn't bring those for Doug Love's movies. And I was right. I love that this is the type

of festival where we're like, there's a Will Smith on a stick and everyone's like, yeah! You better believe it! Wait till you see the Buscemi cut out. This festival fucking rules. It does. Yeah, you can clap for your own good time. You can clap for your own good time You can clap for your own good time

Okay, let's start with Nick Any Will Smith movie, Nick You got all of them to choose from Wild Wild West Oh Straight out of the gate With probably the most racist film he's been in. Don't.

Please don't yell out answers. TJ? Don't. Bad Boys 2. Oh. I said don't. That's an interesting choice. Yeah, it is. I've played this game before.

Now we go to Harlan. There was an actress who was one time married to Steve McQueen. Beautiful actress named Ali McGraw. Let's go to Will Smith's portrayal of her, Ali. Yes, he was in Ali. I didn't know that's what it was about. I got to check that movie out. She was in Ali I didn't know that's what it was about I gotta check that movie out she was in Love Story too

really hot I guess that's why he finally that was his Oscar nomination was for Ali and it was probably you know playing a white woman that's a yeah yeah

Eddie Murphy hasn't even tried to do that that's right he just plays an old Asian man the Wayne brothers did it in White Chicks they came real close but they were beat out by powder oh yeah that's right al He just plays an old Asian man. The Wayan brothers did it in White Chicks. They came real close, but they were beat out by powder. Oh, yeah, that's right. Albino, yeah.

All right. Okay, well, you went with Ali. I'm just going to go ahead and take the obvious choice and just say Bad Boys. The first one. Nice. Because, fuck, you took my next guess. Yes. That was in there.

You dick. Real nice choice. Okay, don't yell out. Hitch. Hitch, yes. The best. That's your favorite Will Smith movie? It's the best.

I got to think of what my favorite Will Smith movie is for my next one. TJ? I mean, what happens? What do you mean? What happens after Earth? Good old afterbirth. So close to afterbirth that it might be the reason it didn't do well. Yeah, people are like, I don't want to see after, but no, yucky.

I'd rather watch a Mucinex commercial than that. Keep it to yourself, Doug. I tried Mucinex for the first time recently. And? Let's not get into it. You're their spokesman. Let's get into it. It worked.

Perfectly. Yeah! Come on. You know how many of you have used it? Probably none. You're all Canadian. Because they don't sell it here? No, they sell it in the house.

But only in Montreal and Quebec. All right. Do you got another one for us, Harlan? Release me. Independence Day. Play it. Okay. alright you got another one for us Harlan release me Independence Day player lean back I'm in Miami bitch I didn't know what that

release me part was when the alien was in the underground fucking Jeff Goldblum fucking Buffalo Bill oh you know what Speaking of aliens, I'm going to go with The Legend of Bagger Vance.

How dare you. How dare you, sir. Nick, this is for all the cheese. Someone's going to win it all. I think it's called Focus? Yes, it is.

Focus. That's his most recent film. An abundance of information leads to a paucity of focus. He also defined it. That's a quote from my book, Gumption. Available now at both Indigo and Chapters. TJ? I'm trying to think of this one that relates to a story that I have, the only time I've ever interacted with Will Smith.

I'm having trouble remembering it, although it came out at the same time that Cloverfield did, basically. But until then, I'll just continue the pursuit of both the name and happiness. Say it right. Happiness is his. No, the full title. And the pursuits of

happiness is his. The pursuits is of happiness is his. They spell pursuit correctly, but happiness is spelled funny. The pursuit of happiness. They spell pursuit correctly, but happiness is spelled funny. The pursuit of happiness. Yes, very good. Pursuit of happiness. All right, Harlan.

I think we're going to beat a record on this game today. Can I just instruct everyone before I answer to turn around and look at the beautiful topless girl standing right there? Okay, that's my answer. Right there. Jump up and down four times immediately. That is sexist. That is beautiful. All she did was raise the roof.

I, robot. Yes, you are. You are a robot. I am robot. With bad grammar. You're a robot with bad grammar. I say all too, you do smell like cabbage. It's a hot day out here, so something you don't see very much at this festival is men in black.

Racist, racist answer. It might be too. Yes, I'll give it to you. Racist, racist answer MIB 2 Yes, I'll give it to you Even though you called it MIB I'm trying to keep it brief Oh, we got time TJ I think I know what it is

But The thing is, can it be in sort of pre-production? Can it be not finished? What? If that's the case, what? We like movies that have actually come out. So Focus would probably be the last eligible Will Smith movie. Because it was just released.

You know what? He walked up to me. I said, hey, I'm TJ. And he said, hey, I'm TJ. And he said, hey, I'm Will. And I was like, yeah, I was in that movie Cloverfield, but the movie everybody's been saying

that's really great that's kind of like it is I Am Legend. And he said, huh? Yeah. Have you seen, there's a dessert area.

I Am Robot. No, but what's the one where he's the last guy and there's zombies? You just said it, I am legend. Yeah, okay. But I am robot. I am legend. I am robot. I am legend.

I am robot. Let's get hitched. I say, I smell diarrhea too. I don't like TJ's style of just talking in long sentences, hoping there's a title in there somewhere. Look, I'm trying to keep it new. I'm trying to keep it fresh, you know? This is a stately affair. It's very royal.

Focus, focus. I'm trying to be like a prince. Yeah, you're right. Sorry. Harlan. It was a wonderful movie starring a fellow Canadian actor, Donald Sutherland. Six degrees of separation. Oh, yes.

That is early Will Smith. That's what she said. I'll go also for another early Will Smith. I'll go with Made in America. No. Sorry, everybody. Rejected. Don't say any more titles out loud, people that are doing that.

Nick? You could do this. Space Cowboys. It probably does exist. I have a feeling. Yeah, of course. Clint Eastwood, James Garner, another old guy, Will Smith. He was the guy at

Cape Canaveral. Cape Canaveral guy. All right, Nick. You got very far in this game, so congratulations. Thanks. Good job. TJ, what long paragraph would you like to recite to us? Oh, you know, I try and think of the movies he's in, and all I can think of is him just being like,

come on, man, come on. I don't know. He's always just... Every single thing. He's always frustrated or convincing somebody to do something. Yeah, that's exactly right. I mean, I'm going to either say

Men in Black 3 or Wild Wild West 2, both in pre-production. What are you talking about? Men in Black 3 came out. Yeah. Dude, I haven't seen that shit yet damn I knew I was on the lookout

for that I was in Argentina for two and a half years alright and it sucks according to someone on hey watch your mouth outside of the stage

Harlan a beautiful movie about romance with Eva Mendes. Matchmaker. What? It was called Hitch and it was said earlier. Yeah, but

in Spanish it's Matchmaker. Oh, I see. Or as I pronounce it, Matchmaker. Alright, you're out. Eat my pussy. I'm gonna go with a recent release where he played the devil in a recent motion picture, and it's called A Winter's Tale.

Oh! No! Yes! That guy says no. It's just you and me. It's bad. It's a bad movie. They're very upset about how bad it is.

TJ? Oh, boy. I may have hit my Will Smith ball. Uh-oh. We got some help from Harlan. Schindler's List. If he asks. Harlan has the loudest whisper.

Schindler's List. Never learned how to stage whisper. I mean, he did a couple. That was a stage whisper. He did a couple that That was a stage whisper. He did a couple that were really swings and misses, right? Sure. Didn't he do something with his wife?

I bet he did. It was called Ali. Oh, well, you already guessed that. All right, I give up, man. This is really ruining my fucking plans. But you win anyway. You lasted the longest. And I'm just going to rub it in at the last I'm going to turn the last screw and say

Shark Tale. That's a voice though. Nobody gives a shit about animated movies. He's a fucking asshole. He wasn't in Big Hero 6. World of the Trained Dragon 2. I say, I think he cheated on

two. Which ones did we miss everybody? Hancock How could we miss Hancock? Jersey Girl Hancock was pretty good Anti-hero superhero they went for Hopefully Deadpool pick up When I said Hitch

I meant Hancock Really? Yeah Hancock. Really? Yeah. I get those mixed up all the time. Hancock is the best. When I said matchmakers, I meant Hancock. I thought you were being silly when you were talking about how much you love Hitch, but you love Hancock? Hancock is the best.

I saw it in Hancock. I got to check that out. It's good, clean fun. Good, clean fun. All right, so TJ's our winner. Who are you playing for, TJ? Oh, my God. I was playing playing for, TJ? Oh my god. I was playing for my IDs

on the floor, Mr. Get in the middle of your own trophy presentation. There it is right there. Alright. You guys should check out Boyfriends and Albsonson Singles here. This is for you. I played for Justin Tyler Miles.

Really strange guy. Where's here. This is for you. I played for Justin Tyler Miles. Really strange guy. Where's the thing? Oh, and he... Oh, wait. Here, give me the ID back, dude. I have to... Doug, read who he wrote on the back as a shithead. He wrote something on the back of his ID?

Quiet, Justin! He didn't write anything on the back because he also doesn't get a shithead because you won. So it doesn't matter. Oh, he doesn't? Give it back here. Because your shithead was... There's a lot of stuff on the back. he also doesn't get a shithead because you won. So it doesn't matter. Oh, he doesn't? Okay. Because your shithead was a licensed class, won

any vehicle excluding motorcycles. Ready? I'm going to throw it out in the audience and let's hope somebody will give it to you. Okay? Congratulations, dude. congratulations dude give it up for him do you uh do you want us to bleep out your address on the podcast

or do you want everyone in the world to know one single number oh one of the numbers so people on your block will get all the shit that people okay do you want us to do you want us to bleep out 127 kilograms?

Nah, I'm proud. Alright. Nick Offerman, what do you got to... Do you want us to bleep out the rest of the podcast except for your address? It's just quiet. The only part they hear is you reading off his address off ID.

Justin Tyler. Don't you dare me to do that. That sounds hilarious. Nick Hoffman, it's time for plugs. Do you have anything coming up that we should be looking for? A new movie called Me and Earl and the Dying Girl. Oh, yes. That's a big indie sensation.

It's really good. Do you know the tagline for the movie? I think it has a lot of them. I think they have 30 posters for that movie. This is the part, like this is the part where you read the poster about the movie. They're very meta. Yeah.

There's that clown horn again. Tig. New book in the store is It's called Gumption. I think it's been called the greatest book written in English by my mom. Your mom wrote the book? She doesn't read a lot.

No, she said that. That's all I got. That's all he's got. Nick Offerman, everybody. Thank you. TJ, what's going on? You're in Deadpool. That's exciting.

I'm in Deadpool. Look out for that. Show everybody the trailer because that'll help sort of the whole thing going forward. Goreburger, you didn't see it here.

See it online. Just Google Goreburger, G-'t see it here, see it online. Just Google Goreburger, G-O-R, burger, all one word. And then I'm just going to kick it old school and say, see my short film,

Successful Alcoholics. And I'm having a difficult time killing my parents, which is the other one. Both went to Sundance, so look at those. And my tour dates, which I'm touring all over and soon to be the West Coast of the other one. Both went to Sundance, so look at those. And my tour dates, which I'm touring all over and soon to be the West Coast of the United States.

Why not make a trip to Portland? They have good beer, too. And everyone has a bicycle and a beard, so you guys will feel at home. TJ Miller does not have a website.com. Thank you. All right, and I'll see you in Houston and try to get you to come on Douglas Movies there.

Hell yeah, whatever. Whatever, whatever fest. Thank you. All right. And I'll see you in Houston and try to get you to come on Douglas Movies there. Hell yeah. Whatever. Whatever. Whatever fest. Harlan. Oh, one more time for TJ Miller, everybody. Hey, thanks, girls.

Have a good time at hockey practice. Field hockey practice. All right. I don't know what just happened, but Harlan? Yes. Harlan County, USA. What do you got coming up? Check out my free podcast,

The Harland Highway, at harlanwilliams.com. I got a new movie coming out called Sausage Party with Seth Rogen. Also, my sitcom just got released on Hulu called Package Deal, which we filmed right here in British Columbia.

Check out Hulu. Yeah, baby. They filmed it right here, two and a half hours away. Two and a half hours away. Three hours away. Yeah. All right.

I think I have a plug to throw in here. Better not be my wife. My wife? I was trying to get TJ to say my wife and he wouldn't say it and I finally got one out of Harlan.

I'll be at the Traverse City Film Festival doing Douglas movies and two movie interruptions, Top Gun, and then of course I'll feel the need for the movie Speed.

Thank you guys for coming out and standing here in the Laugh Camp tent. Thank you to Pemberton Music Festival. One more time for Harlan Williams. Don't see us tonight. Don't see us tonight. TJ Miller and Nick Offerman. And as always, Boyfriend69.com is a shithead.

The wind just blew the microphone away from my face. Wow. And America is a shithead. Wow. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you, cause Doug loves movies!