Doug Loves Movies - Nick Offerman, Jon Hamm, and "Werner Herzog" Guest

Episode Date: September 17, 2013

Doug welcomes actors Nick Offerman and Jon Hamm to the show, along with returning Leonard Maltin Game winner "Werner Herzog."See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seats with 50 azopop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Hey everybody! My name is Doug And I love movies This is Doug Loves Movies That sounded very professional This is where show business happens That's right, we're coming to you from the UCB Theater

In Los Angeles on Tuesday, September 17th To Ocean's 13 Big announcement Yeah, top of show, big announcement in Los Angeles on Tuesday, September 17th to Oceans 13. Big announcement! Yeah. Top of show. Big announcement. Starting Wednesday. That's what we went. Ooh!

Ooh! Starting Wednesday, October 2nd at 4.15 PST. You can see my new weekly live streaming talk show at youtube.com slash Doug Benson each week I will

sit down with a notable comedian or actor or physicist alright probably no physicist but please check it out because we are going to hang out and get high on camera.

And the name of the show of course is Getting Doug with High. And I'm going to start every show by saying, Let's get Doug. In other news, I spoke too soon on the Doug Loves Movies possible on Doug Loves Minis. I said that there might be a Doug Loves Movies possible on Douglas Minis

I said that there might be a Douglas Movies taping at Fantastic Fest in Austin that would be open to the public but unfortunately it's a smaller venue this year so it's going to be for festival badge holders only. So you do need stinking badges

to get in on Friday at 420. But if you're a listener to the podcast, then you're going to be at Fantastic Fest. By all means, come on by. Now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies. Past and future guest Dave Anthony tweeted, I turn off Terminator movies after Arnold finds clothes.

This has been Tweet Relief. Creepy tweets about movies. Prize bag. Good stuff in here, you guys. Doug Loves Movies t-shirt, a copy of Star Trek Into Darkness, a

t-shirt from the nice folks at Taxi Magic, which is an app where you press a button and a taxi appears. A mechanical robot. And of course a copy of Gateway Dog and some sort of

stickers from Fuzzy Balls apparel. And I think that's everything. Oh, and some buttons from Fuzzy Balls. And I'm very proud to say that I get to bring out the lineup that's appearing tonight because I'd like you to please welcome

last time we were here, the game winner, Werner Herzog, along with John Hamm and Nick Offerman. I think it's because it's such a rugged panel that they're excited. A lot of facial hair. And first-time guest, Nick Offerman, you guys. Doffing his cap. There you go. I know you're more of an actor type than a comedian, doffing his cap.

There you go. I know you're more of an actor type than a comedian, but you gotta talk into that thing the whole time. Okay. Good evening. May I apologize in advance for when I slip up and call you Ron. Okay. Because that's probably gonna happen.

That's fine. I'd never call that other guy Don, because he was John to me before he was Don. That's fair. Great story. I think it's going great so far. And you brought for the prize bag your book that is coming out very soon. This is like a preview copy of Paddle Your Own Canoe, One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living.

Super striking pose there on the cover. Thank you. In a canoe with a paddle and a duck. 340 pages of humor. Okay. There's a lot of things going on in it. Oh, and it's signed by... This is a very special copy because it's signed by you.

And, of course, Super Tournament of Champions winner Jon Hamm is here, ladies and gentlemen. Jon Hamm. Jon Hamm. Good to have you back, Jon. With an ampersand between your names. So did you, are you like some sort of ghost author of this? Yeah, Nick and I co-wrote that. Oh, okay.

Anything I do is somehow fueled by John. Literally or figuratively. I mean, you've seen him. I have. I'm trying to figure out which one of the facial hairs he has right now, according to your book.

I think he might be the tracker. The tracker. Right now. Which is cool. You don't want to be prison pussy. And minus balls is a bad one. I think the worst one is the nut smudge. That guy, why doesn't he just get rid of that?

But it's your face with all the mustaches. When I met Harry Connick Jr., I had a goatee. And he, very incredibly charming guy. He was working on Will and Grace. And we shook hands, and he pulled me in close upon meeting and said where I come from we call that a prison pussy.

He does sound charming. I said I think we're going to be friends. And Werner Herzog is back, you guys. Such a frequent guest. Thank you. I think between Jon Hamm and Werner Herzog are probably neck and neck for most frequent guests

that isn't my annoying friend that I travel with a lot. I am happy to have my neck in such close proximity to an actor of Jon Hamm's stature. I would like to say this is my first time meeting Nick Offerman and I am delighted by his taciturn demeanor. It's kind of like a mirror exercise you guys are doing.

I don't understand. Because you're a vampire. Vampires are always confused by mirror exercises. That's a game they will not play in acting class. You brought a robot. A little robot. Yes, it is

a robot with my face on it. It represents my desire to have my brain transplanted into an invincible robot to leave all nature and human frailties behind and truly render all bullets insignificant. But also you can wind it up and he walks around. I didn't go for the one that shoots sparks. I apologize.

It's a heck of a gift. And a wonderful gift bag. Because also we have a copy of Star Trek Into Darkness that's signed by two of its stars, John Hamm and Nick Offerman. Don't blink. Somebody from Paramount contacted us via email and was like, hey, if we give you a copy

of Star Trek Into Darkness, would you give it away on the podcast? Our response is, hey, if we give you a copy of Star Trek Into Darkness, would you give it away on the podcast? And our response is, sure. But the paragraph went on to say, and if we get it signed by J.J. Abrams, can we blow this shit out of the water? I don't know what that means. Yeah, I'll give it away on the show.

I don't know what... Blow this shit out of the water. It is sad to hear that the Star Trek franchise is struggling so badly. This guy might lose his job if I don't blow this shit fucking out of the water. I am pulling for that mom and pop production studio, Paramount Pictures. Poor Paramount. Nick Offerman has a movie out on DVD today, I believe.

So it'll still be out on DVD when you guys are hearing this tomorrow and it's called They Will Not Resend It's DVD-ness No They can't do that, it's out It's out there in the wild Let's just see how it goes tonight It's called Somebody Up There Likes Me

Somebody Up There Likes Me? Somebody Up There Likes Me. Okay. I've never been corrected with the same words before. It's all about where you place the caesura. Oh. There's no way I'm going to find the email of what I'm supposed to say, but I do know. Oh, there's a thing you're supposed to say? I do remember.

I'm pretty sure you're supposed to blow this shit out of the water. It's available on Amazon and also from Barnes & Noble and another place. You can also get it for American dollars through the iTunes Corporation. And the fine people

at Netflix have had it available the whole fucking time. One place you cannot get it is Doug Loves Movies. What does that mean? It doesn't seem to be here this evening. No, he brought his book. No, I understand. I know that books and DVDs are separate entities. I meant there is a movie here

that is a wildly successful film which no one here is connected with. And yet, this movie that has just been released on DVD is not present. I see what you're saying. Is that more of the kind of correction you're used to? It's a great prize bag. And thank you for

contributing everything. But somebody up there likes me. But you can get that. I bet you it's also on video on demand as we speak. Sure. Sure. And it's the quirky tale of a young man who is really weird.

It's really funny, yeah. And you play his weird waiter friend. His best friend, yeah. I say things in a sardonic fashion. My facial hair and glasses change over the years. The film happens in seven-year iterations, five times, seven years later. Oh, it's like the Up,

seven Up films. It's just like that, yes. But with naked people, including myself. We saw you naked in that? I don't... Good evening. I didn't remember seeing you naked in that.

Oh, you see my fanny briefly in a swimming pool. Oh, in a swimming pool. All right. That sounds... But it's on peak. It's going over and through an inner tube, so it is quite featured. May I ask Nick a question? Please.

How would you compare it to my favorite comedy of yours, Zodiac? It's a little more mumblecore than Zodiac. Keep talking. I think that's the only direction in mumblecore. Yeah. You got it.

And you're in a world also that's out in theaters with our future guest Lake Bell. It is. Yeah, Lake Bell. And starred in it. Wrote and directed it and starred in it. And she's good looking. She's got it all. It's also funny and smart.

Yeah, she's quite annoying. Fuck that lady. She's quite irksome, that Lake Bell. I said that wrong. I meant, I'm like, fuck that lady. She's everything in one nice package. It's not better at all. It's kind of sleazy, boys.

I want to jump in that lake. That's upsetting. I'm going to stop, but that's also out in limited release. And you were in a movie that I loved called Smashed. Indeed, thank you. And Kings of Summer. You're in everything that I like. It's been a nice little run, and I think that's it.

That's all the talk? You've run out of words? Thanks, everybody. And Jon Hamm taught you backstage how to play the Leonard Moulton game? He did. He ran me through it quite concisely. I was impressed with his explanation. And you think you understand it? You're not confused? Well, I wouldn't go that far.

My comprehension is not quite up to his elocution skills. But we'll see how I did. And the panel nods. As we do in podcasting. John talks faster than I listen. Well, for

your reading pleasure, I brought a card that has the rules on it that was made by a fan. Wow. All the rules are just one business card. All the business is on there. Maybe, how about, Werner, would you like to read it? I know you love to narrate things.

You played a plastic bag in a short. That was one of several occasions in which I played a plastic bag. The game is played in the style of Name That Tune, replacing notes and song titles with actors and film titles. After picking a category,

players will be read clues from Leonard Maltin's review, including the number of names listed by Leonard. Finally, a game that's bleak. It does sound quite hopeless when you say it out loud. When you say it out loud. I think it is that players must do these

things. They must. They are driven to do so. They are not in control of their own actions. Players must bid how many names they need to name the movie. Names are read from the bottom up with the lowest bid named first.

After each bid, the next player may bid less names or challenge the bidder to name that movie. If the challenged player correctly names the movie, they receive a point. If not, then the challenger

receives the point. Players may bid negative names. correctly names the movie they receive a point if not then the challenger receives the point players may bid negative names a bid of negative two names indicates you can provide the name of the film along with the top two actors in the order listed by Leonard the Martinet who oversees this horrible airless universe. Thank you. I may have embellished it slightly towards the end.

Well, let me ask you about a wrinkle that I've been discussing with a person on Twitter. Is it time a wrinkle that I've been discussing with a person on Twitter. Is it time for wrinkle chat? Yes. It's 7-17 time. Everyone knows what that means. For wrinkle chat.

It's like 4-20, but 7-17, and this is the wrinkle. If you say negative names, whatever amount of negative names you say, you do not have to get them in the order listed by Leonard. You just have to be able to name names that he listed. I see. What do you think of that, Werner?

I feel as if this will save some frustration on the part of some people, but cause frustration on the part of some other people but cause frustration on the part of some other people, as most things in life will do. New day, same problem? Yes. So it's kind of like religion in that aspect.

Exactly. There are some people who find religion to be a great comfort, and others find it to be an empty fairy tale which offers no respite from the surety that we will all end up in the cold ground. And then if that's not enough,

somebody puts a big rock on top of you. Insult to injury, if you ask me. That seems unnecessary. Like something Walt said to Jesse the other night, but I'm not going to say what it was. It was just very unnecessary. Dramatically unnecessary.

Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. Let's really do it. Let's not just sit here and talk about it. Now, Nick, people fashion signs that are sometimes movie-related, but they are supposed to have their names in them, like name tags. And I'd like you and John and Werner to just go and select the person you'd like to play for based on their name tag, and then just take it from them, wrestle it from their bosom, based on their name tag, and then just take it from them,

wrestle it from their bosom, and then bring it back here to me to demolish. No, you can hang on to it, John. And while they do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. All right, we're back. Nick was asking me if we resolved the wrinkle. What do you think of the wrinkle, John?

Do you think that it would be more fun for you to just, you know, because then the negative name bidding would get pretty high, probably, five or six. Because it's hard. It should be hard. Yeah. That's, of course, the best player would say that, the super champion. So you feel, John Hamm, as if the players must suffer at the mercurial whims

of Leonard Maltin and his credit ordering. Yes. Fair enough. That seems fair. It does seem fair. Nick, could you hold up your name tag? I'm going to make a vine of it.

Who are you playing for? What's the name on that thing? All the President's Men. What is that? Oh, so his name is Al, right? Yeah. Okay, good one, Al. All the President's Men. John, what? Yeah. Okay, good one, Al. Al, the president's man.

John, what do you got? I am playing for Tony. Tony, the little thing there. Big Tony crowd. I got to move over here for Werner. You may call me Ron. You may call me Ron. This is Sarah the Barbarian.

She has drawn over, she has defaced this Conan the Barbarian poster, and which the letters match up fairly well. All right, so that's who you guys are playing for. And we should probably start with Werner because he was our winner two weeks ago. That's why he's back tonight. He's always gracious about coming back. Despite his many projects, he's, you know, like,

it was funny, when I asked him to do the show again, he texted me and even put in I'm driving and then a smiley face. So I thought that was really... Did you notice that the smiley face was winking? Because I was... So not smiling. I was being very naughty.

Alright, so we'll start with Naughty Pants, and then we'll go to give Nick a chance to kind of acclimate and figure out what's going on here. We'll go to Mr. Ham, and then we'll go to

you, Nick. I guess I should use this. Just put the phone down. I don't need the app. I memorized all of it. Celebrating a birthday today, Werner, is several directors like Neil Blomkamp and

a couple other ones I can't remember right now. But also Kyle Chandler, actor Kyle Chandler. Yes. Very good actor. Have you worked with him, fellas? I have. Yeah, what did you work with him in?

On the Day the Earth Stood Still. Oh, okay. Not the original. Yes, we both were killed in that movie. Oh, nice. Coach Taylor and Don Draper both died in The Day the Earth Stood Still. That's a good potential future category.

But for tonight, we've got Kyle Chandler movies, because it's his birthday, but then other options are from at the bottom of queue on Twitter suggested, France says ha. Hmm. And that's the films of Jerry Lewis. And then N. Deimler, D-E-I-M-L-E-R, suggested, Beat Me Up, Scotty.

And that's films where Simon Pegg punches someone. So which one of those three categories appeals to the great Werner Herzog? In honor of Kyle Chandler's birthday and the episode of Friday Night Lights that I directed that was never allowed to air.

People must have been in a tragic loss in that episode. It involved the been a tragic loss. Yeah, what happened in that episode? It involved the ghost of Klaus Kinski appearing to Buddy Garrity and inspiring him to drag his car dealership over a mountain. Why would they not air that? That sounds so accessible. We were $1 billion over budget.

Craft services, we were forced to offer Kirkland water. Oh, that's not bad. The year is 2005. Three and a half stars from Leonard for this movie that he says is... It won, like, three Oscars. And he also says that it is... It's a tough one to pull out another clue. Oh, the director co-wrote it with two other people.

Sounds like a real team effort. And Leonard lists a real team effort. And Leonard lists a mirror, nine names. How many names do you think you can get it in? W-H? I believe I can name that film in seven names. Knocked off two, John. Six. Oof.

You see what's happening here? I do. I know you don't like games, Ron. So you can go lower or ask John to name it if you think he might fail. Five names and I'll start from the bottom. Yeah. Or you can go even lower than five. I'll start from the bottom. Yeah. Or you can go

even lower than five. I'll say four. Yeah. Came to play. Name that movie. Alright. Four names. The category is Kyle Chandler is in this movie.

And three and a half stars from Leonard from 2005. Three Oscars. Director co-wrote it with two other people. And the four names are Kyle Chandler. Sorry about that. He's the ninth bill person. This game is tough.

And then Jamie Bell, Evan Park, and Andy Serkis from 2005. And now I say the movie? Say the name of it. Just out loud. King Kong. that's correct

good night thank you we are emerged champions we're playing to two points. But so far, you have a huge lead. Halfway home.

Because you're one point away from the win. You're halfway there. And that means for the next round, we're going to start with, since you were challenged by John's challenge. What Academy Awards did King Kong win? Oh, let me look it back up again. Technical awards. Yeah, for sure.

It got that same three that Star Wars got and Close Encounters got. Didn't it win for longest screenplay? I'm not going to look it up. I'm not going to look it up. I'm in a hurry. I'm in a big hurry here. The ultimate diss.

All right, I'll look it up. I'm just having fun. A fun roast of Peter Jackson. Sound mixing, sound editing. You'd be surprised. Those people don't even meet each other how different they are but they can hear each other at all times

yes and visual effects were the three that won it had amazing visual effects, it was the story of people who wanted to bring a monkey back to New York and didn't give a shit about the fact that there were dinosaurs on the scene we know, we've seen monkeys, not ones that big, but why are they excited about the crazy flying insects? The dinosaurs are just standard size. Who could possibly

care? They would scoop them up if they were extra tiny. People needed the diversion during the Great Depression, and those horrible silent films were not getting the job done. I think Werner gets to go first again, because who challenged Nick? I challenged Nick. Oh, you did? Okay, so John gets to go first, and then we'll go to Werner.

Sure. It's a complicated... You don't need to understand it. That's why you win. You're so focused on the real issues. That is... No, it isn't. Your options are Cars 2 Judgment Day... I would like to point out the fact that the little doll

that I was given has a butthole. It's got an X on it. That's a butthole. So that means it's a butthole on the internet. Or no, it's an asterisk. Yeah. One of the threads is blonde. It's been bleached.

I guess. Perhaps it is like a Build-A-Bear situation where the child is allowed to add the rectum itself. Isn't that a thing at Build-A-Bear? The child is allowed to select the heart to put in the bear. Can you imagine a situation where a child would deny the heart to the bear? Say, no, I do not wish to put the heart to the bear. Say, no, I do not wish to put a heart in this bear. Doesn't really need one.

It's just a stuffed animal. Yes, it doesn't need a real bear heart. Why are they doing this gruesome act? Parents should be outraged. In Grizzly Man. Yes. Excellent segue.

How big do you think that bear's heart was? Not as big as its capacity to flay and destroy human beings. It was a real Grinch situation. That was another train coming into the station right on time. Cars 2, Judgment Day. That's movies that are animated and a character dies.

Yeah. It's a heavy category. The Thin Red Line. That's movies that have a misspelled word in the title. So it has like a red line under it. Isn't it funny that when you type the word podcast, it still has a red line under it. Isn't it funny that when you type the word podcast it still has a red line under it? They refuse to acknowledge. Like

on iTunes they don't acknowledge the word podcast but that's where you get them. The third option is at the Amanda Graves suggested 16 candles. Oh wait, I didn't load one in for that. How about Manti Taibo suggested

we are farmers and that's movies that take place on a farm. Doug, may I ask... Please pick that one. Don't influence the other player's decision, sir. Did they write out all the bumper bumps? I think they did. So I just decided to let the audience do them.

What do you think, John? The dead cartoon one. Okay. This cartoon where somebody dies got three and a half stars from Mr. Maltin. He calls it wonderfully imaginative and touching and exciting and consistently surprising.

And he lists six names. What year was it? 2009. I don't think I said it. How many names? How many names does he list? He's got six names. What year was it? 2009. I don't think I said it. How many names? You've got six names. 2009. Somebody dies in this animated film.

No one really dies. I mean, they're cartoons. No, no, no. The person who did the voice was murdered. Was, no, no. The person who did the voice was murdered. Was murdered. For authenticity. And it wasn't even a murder. That wasn't even the cause of death in the movie.

After he finished looping, they murdered him. Seems severe. Six names. Oh, okay. He took them all. I can name this film film It's not your turn Oops, I do apologize I thought you were saying Just because you're German

You should want to follow rules I thought That's kind of your guy's thing I thought you were saying Six names as a bid Just pay attention You were saying six names As a desperate

Stalling tactic Just pay attention. Jesus. Nick, it's your turn. I'm sorry for our German friend. No, that's not right. It's Werner's turn. Just pay attention. It's your turn. Please, follow

the rules. You people. Was I correct in my initial assumption that six names was your bid? Yes. You're gonna stick with five? I can name that film in negative one names. Baller.

Now, the wrinkle comes into play. The moment we have all feared. It is time. So that means that... If you go negative two or more, you have to name the correct names in the order as listed by Leonard from the top.

Werner Herzog, name that film. There you go. The film is Up, and the actor is Ed Asner. And I'm guessing you love that movie. Of course I do. Because Ed Asner's wife dies in the first ten minutes.

That's correct. And then the fun begins. And that is correct. Werner Herzog's on the board. I have been spared the wrath of the wrinkle. And now we start with... Wow. We start with John

and then move to Nick this time. Because the order changes like that. Every time. At fooled you twice suggested gladiator and that's cannibals movies movies with cannibals

and then I hate saying this out loud but I'm going to say it one more time and then I'm going to erase it cuntatron suggested it's a woman I met her and she's half robot and half anyway suggested... It's a woman. I met her. And, uh... She's half robot and half... Anyway.

She suggested Arch Enemies, because we were in St. Louis at the time. So that's movies where landmarks get destroyed. United States landmarks get destroyed. And then this is one of my favorite categories in a while. At Topiary Skeleton suggested Million Dollar Baby get destroyed. And then this is one of my favorite categories in a while. At Topiary Skeleton suggested

Million Dollar Baby Arm. And that's movies with male frontal nudity. Which one of those would you like to play, John? I think we have our choice. It's Million Dollar Baby Arm. Of course it is. Why

would that not get chosen? Two stars from Leonard for this movie that has a baby arm in it. The year is 2011. He says about this movie that it takes place in Manhattan.

You can name that movie in negative two names. Wait a second. What is happening? I can name that movie in negative two names. Wait a second. What is happening? Oh, Nick, I'm sorry about this. You're in a tough spot.

Tough wrinkle. I'll have the rest of the film description. All right. I just read the whole thing. I think that was all the clues I was going to give. Oh, no, I'll give one more. Right? Because I'd given one. Did you give any clues?

The one clue was that it was set in Manhattan? Yes. I'll give one more. Because I usually give two or three. That's very decent of you. You gave us a year. The other one I'm going to give you is hailed in some quarters as brilliant.

Which you probably wouldn't say if you thought it was brilliant. Hailed in some quarters as brilliant. And I joined those quarters. In quarters or corners? Quarters. I see. I apologize.

Those quarters may indeed include corners. And Leonard lists a mere four names. And Jon Hamm has already leapt to negative two. All right, so it's not up to me to end the sequence. How do I pass to... You just say, Jon Hamm, name that movie, then he's going to name it, he's going to name the top two. What if Werner wants to go negative three?

Werner is blocked at this point. This is something that must happen. Yes. I call it the Sam Levine scenario. Yes. Where sometimes the best player doesn't get to participate. I am powerless to overcome this block. But the good news is it'll just cause a three-way tie

if John does it correctly, and then we'll go one more exciting round. Okay, then. Jon Hamm, please, by all means. Please tell us what we all know you're going to say. The movie is Shame, and the first actor is Michael Fassbender, and the second actor is Cary Mulligan.

Yes, yes, and yes. Woo! Another cap-topping. Okay, so now, since we have a three-way tie, we're going to start with... Werner was left out of that particular skirmish. Sadly, yes. So you get to start,

and then we will go to the challenger, Nick Offerman. And this is the tiebreaker, which is Asparagus P. Which means I'm going to read the entire review out loud, and then the bidding begins. So it just becomes a game of negative names and who can go deepest.

And this, if I may, this is a scenario wherein the kindness of a wrinkle can save no one. Understood. Three stars from Leonard for this movie from 1988 that he calls a dynamite action

yarn about a NYC cop who just happens to be visiting LA in a high rise when it's commandeered by terrorist thieves. Great action scenes and stunts with Richard Edlund's special effects and a perfect part for Willis.

What you talking about? Who plays cat and mouse with bad guy Rickman. Married only by over... Married by... Marred only by over-length and too many needlessly stupid supporting characters.

They got pretty dumb in that movie. A lot of stuff doesn't get taken care of because of how dumb everybody is. And it's followed by two sequels, of course. And Leonard wrote that before he knew there'd be more. Fair enough. Yes. This bespectacled tyrant still lacks the ability

to see into the future. There is some hope of crushing him yet. Although I bet this app started after. There had already been yet another diehard. Maybe time to update. Update your app, Mr. Malton. No idea what that voice was.

It was a sort of country time Bane. Just Bane appearing on Hee Haw. He's relaxing by the old swimming hole. I just for some reason had a picture of Bane enjoying some lemonade. Absolutely.

By the old swimming hole. When life gives you lemons, go back into the darkness. Leonard Liz. Sixteen names. Here we go. The bidding begins with me. I can name that film in negative four names.

Yippee! Son of a bitch Yeah so Please swear into your microphone Son of a bitch How many Do you think you could go deeper Nick Or do you want to just hope that Werner is

Showboating As he did with Fitzcarraldo. Which, uh, was it the original that had the guy from Good Times? I know what you mean, but I'm gonna say no more. Werner Herzog, name that film.

You were hoping it'd go five? I didn't know what I was hoping for. All hope has been wrung out of me by the looming specter of Leonard Maltin. Rung out of me by the looming specter of Leonard Maltin. The kindness of a wrinkle will be of no respite. Indeed. I believe is what you said.

I am beyond the wrinkle's rescue. That's the name of the third Hobbit movie. I thought it was a I thought it was a Sharpay rescue service It's It sticks with you Takes a while It's a thinker

I see It's a real Rodin I have time for two more It's a real Rodin. I have time for two more. Four names, four negative names. What's the film called? It is called Die Hard. Yes, I cannot confirm. Che chew that one over

Bruce Willis hey Warner do you think you would recognize do you think you would recognize Silverado if the whole movie

were described to you no you'd probably also get it confused with Tombstone perhaps alright I beg your pardon No. You'd probably also get it confused with Tombstone? Perhaps. All right.

I beg your pardon. There's a young lady who's saying something. Silverado or Tombstone? Tombstone's the best movie ever. Either answer is insane. It's the best movie where Val Kilmer flips little cups on his fingers. It's definitely the best of those. Bruce Willis, I'm sorry, go ahead. Yes, I am your host.

Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang was pretty good. Are we talking in terms of best movie ever, contenders? No, movies where Val Kilmer flips things on his fingers. As was Top Gun. Go ahead. Bruce Willis. And who could forget Real Genius? Real Genius, sorry.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Please, Werner, go ahead. Top Secret! It's funny because the best movie ever is clearly The Island of Dr. Moreau, which also stars Val Kilmer and someone perverting nature.

Who's your second build? MacGruber? How deep is the Val Kilmer barrel Alan Rickman here's where it gets tricky talk us through it we want to hear the doors into your mind there are two actors I am envisioning also an actress

the actress had very little to do in this film the two actors I am envisioning. Also an actress. The actress had very little to do in this film. The two actors had more to do. I am going to say Reginald Vell Johnson and Alexander Gudnov. So you're going with Bruce Willis, Alan Rickman,

Reginald Vell Johnson from Good Times. He played Kenny. And Alexander Gudinov. That's close enough. I'm sad to say that answer's not

Gudinov. Because they fucking threw Bonnie Bedelia in there. Her agent is a powerhouse. She's third billed. That means, who challenged him? Nick challenged? Nick is our winner. Holy Christ.

Magnificent performance I feel as if we have been hustled by Nick Offerman That he showed up with his own Leonard Maltin guide In a velvet lined case Where's Al at? Where's Al? Come on, get your prizes, Al. Congratulations.

Do you want your shitty name tag back? Okay, we can hang on to this? Okay, great. I feel like... I'm just going to put this. I've got a special... Did you guys have shitheads on the back of your business over there,

do you think? Oh, John's does, yes. And that's... John and Werner are two of the your business over there, do you think? Oh, John's does, yes. And that's, you know, John is, John and Werner are two of the best players, Nick, so you really stepped up to the... We all get lucky sometimes. We need, what was the name

on the poster? Sarah. Sarah. So if Sarah could come up here and just write down a shithead for me on this piece of paper. Anybody you want me to call a shithead. me on this piece of paper. Anybody you want me to call a shithead. I know you didn't want to desecrate that beautiful poster by writing scribbling something illegible

on the back of it, because you know I can't read that, right? Let me fill time with a fun fact. Did you know that Ron Perlman was in this update of Conan the Barbarian? No, you didn't. I did not. Do you have anything to plug,

Werner, before we get out of here? After your very sad defeat today? Yes, please everyone watch the new CBS sitcom Mom, which I've directed several episodes on. Who did you have more fun working with?

Anna Faris or Allison Janney? Allison Janney. She is a lover of life. I don't want to know about the other one now. She likes life okay. Anna Faris. She liked life okay. Anna Faris. She liked life okay.

Dead too soon. I don't know why I'm eulogizing Anna Faris. Doug, you should have said dead at exactly the right time. John, you've got five or six movies coming out? You've got them backed up on the runway? No. A Million Dollar Arm comes out in May.

That's why you had to pitch it. Jen and I are kick-starting a documentary that's about a friend of ours who grew up in the circus. He's actually doing a show down at the Taper right now. It's called Humor Abuse. His father was a clown and he grew up and ran away from the circus. So we're making a documentary out of it. So check it out on Kickstarter.

It's under Humor Abuse. It's really going to be really good. Star Trek Into Darkness. Also Star Trek Into Darkness coming out on DVD. Let's blow the shit out of the water, you guys. I am for reals.

Nick has got his book out that I don't have anymore because we gave it away. What's the title of it again? Paddle Your Own Canoe. One Man's Fundamentals for Delicious Living. I should have let you say it the first time. Paddle your own canoe One man's fundamentals For delicious living I should have let you say it the first time That's much more effective

They're flying off the shelves And Parks and Rec comes back Very soon Next week Thank you It's a quality program And find somebody up there likes me and wallow in its oddness.

It's an extremely odd movie. It's quite enjoyable. I get behind it. I have fun watching it, for sure. There's a lady named Megan Mullally who's incredibly funny. What? And has shapely poots.

I wish we had more time, you guys, for a follow-up question on that. But apologies to Put Your Hands Together. We went a few minutes over. But such a fun show. One more time for all of my guests, Werner Herzog, Jon Hamm, and Nick Offerman. Hey, can you come back in two weeks, Nick? I think I'm playing Tallahassee in two weeks. He's busy in two weeks.

But that would be your option if you wanted to come back, because when you win you can return. That's what happened with Werner. He won a couple weeks ago, so now he's back tonight. Doug speaks the truth. I definitely would like to come back. You just might be busy. I might have to take a rain check in two weeks.

Yeah, we'll discuss it. It's ridiculous that I would excel in any way in a game of chance involving movie knowledge unless we get into John Wayne or the bridge on the River Kwai.

Okay, let's do it right now. More apologies to put your hands together because I want to know how negative can you go on the names on Bridge Over the River Kwai? Not at all. Oh, okay. Not even Alec fucking Guinness?

Negative one. Okay. I could give you three entertaining guesses. Peter Lorry is in every seven out of ten films in that. Okay, we're really doing this. I'm sorry. I thought we gave really doing this. I'm sorry.

I thought we gave up on it. Peter Lorre. Bridge. Not a fucking chance. Over. But Peter Silverstein. I think it's what I'm used to. That's just playing the numbers.

The app won't even acknowledge that that's a movie. I'm pretty sure it is. I whistle it all the time. On the river. On the river. No, but Bridge... Oh, okay, I get it. Were you about to say, but bridges go over things? No, I was about to say that just the word bridge

should have brought up, you know, that and some other titles, and nothing came up, so that's why I think it's not going to come up at all. It might be a bad internet connection in here, because bridge on... Bridge on isn't doing shit. it's not going to come up at all. It might be a bad internet connection in here. Because Bridge On Bridge On isn't doing shit. Wait. Okay. I don't think that's the right one.

I think that's from The Great Escape. I think, yeah. I think you hijacked it. I think you hijacked it. Is that it? Was whistling a thing in movies back then? It must have been like a thing. Dave Bilderberg. It was very popular. Whistling's been too much of a thing in movies back then? It must have been like a thing. Dave Bilderberg. It was very popular.

Whistling's been too much of a thing on Douglass movies. It's weird that you guys even got into it because the normal whistler isn't here. Isn't it nice to hear it have a melody for a change? Yes, it is. Thank you guys for being here. Thank you to UCB. Let me grab a picture of you guys as we go to the closing theme.

And as always, Bruce Springsteen is a shithead. I just threw the thing down after I said it. That's not good for you. That's got to be bad luck to say that. And then, of course, texting while driving is a shithead. Now it's time for us to watch another talking Heisman. say that. And then, of course, texting while driving is a shithead.