Doug Loves Movies - Nikki Glaser, Ben Bailey, Geoff Tate, and Ted Alexandro Guest

Episode Date: February 14, 2015

Live once again from the Traverse City Winter Comedy Arts Festival, Doug welcomes comics Nikki Glaser, Ben Bailey, Geoff Tate, and Ted Alexandro to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug Hayes, candy rapper screaming baby Sticky sweets with 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't sleep through We are the Cubs! We're here! We're here! Oh my god, there was one guy that could not have been more off through the entire, always on different words, through the entire thing.

But thank you so much, Traverse City, Michigan! We did it! We did it! 40 degrees below zero with the wind chill outside. I was like, are we canceling the show? And you were like, no, we're hardy. We're used to it. But I guess a few people didn't make it, so apologies to them.

They'll probably hear this later and wherever they live. And they couldn't make the drive here to Traverse City and that's why there's some seats empty, but we still have their money. So that worked out pretty good. But congratulations to all of you that did make it here. My name is Doug and I love movies.

This is Doug Loves Movies! That guy was on at that time. He participated as a team player. Coming to you once again from the Old Town Playhouse in Traverse City, Michigan. Third time's the charm, you guys!

This will be the best one yet. Of course, it's during the Traverse City Winter Comedy Arts Festival in the year 2015 on Saturday, February 14th, Valentine's Day, directed by Gary Marshall. Speaking of Gary Marshall, who went to last night's interruption of Pretty Woman? That was weird, right? I didn't know that. I guess at the time I was just too young to realize it. But when that movie came out and was a big hit,

looking at it now, it's really like, it's crazy. It's crazy that she's a prostitute who at no point in the film or even as far as we could tell in her history has ever had a fucking ugly man for money. Like she just meets a rich guy and it all works out. Amazing. It's 420-ish, Traverse City.

Do you know where your name tags are? Right there, I see a bunch of them. Can we get the lights up a little bit? There's a light up one there in the back. Chocolate? Someone brought chocolates? Oh, that's cute, then there's none in the balcony. It's like you guys know your place up there.

You're like, we're too far away to participate. Well, thank you guys for bringing those. And we will pull them out again in a little bit. What are those, donuts? Got a whole box of donuts? Oh I know which guest is going to pick that. I don't know if that's a mean thing to say. I would pick it if I were choosing name tags. Tonight I'm co-headlining over at the State Theater with Todd Berry. I think a few tickets are available for that.

And I also need to mention that I'm going to Vancouver, Canada on next Friday. I'll be at the Vogue Theater. And all my dates and deets and links at douglovesmovies.com I also love the Traverse City Film Festival that happens here each summer and I hope

to be attending that again this year but this is my second winter comedy festival. And I dare say that when I go outside this evening, it will be the coldest weather I've ever experienced in my life. Yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah! It's a lot of random yelling because it helps warm you up a little bit.

Ha, ha, ha! So I'm excited for that. I'm excited to experience that negative 40 wind chill. And I'm going to expose a part of my skin for 10 minutes because that's how long they say it takes to get frostbite. But just a tiny little spot. I'm just going to pick a little frostbite spot. Is that a good idea? No, it isn't. It's a terrible idea.

Not gonna do that. But we convinced a lot of great comics to come up and play with us here at the festival this weekend, and I'm excited to bring four of them out here right now. Please give a big warm TC welcome to Nikki Glaser, Ben Bailey, Ted Alexandro, and Jeff Tate. Thank you. Let's look in the prize bag. We got four nice, quiet guests. And one of them brought something that turned out to be quite amusing. His name, ladies and gentlemen, is Ted Alexandro.

Let's hear it for Ted. Thank you, Ted. is Ted Alexandro. Let's hear it for Ted. Coming in from New York to participate in the festival, and he doesn't have any merch items with him or whatever, so for the prize bag, he's paying forward

some of the stuff they give us in our welcome bag, because this is a very nice town when you're a performer coming to town they give you a bag full of a bunch of cool stuff like these cherry republic chocolate covered cherries delicious those are awesome I'm told then Jeff and I have both fallen for this every time we come, they give us these dog biscuits that look like perfectly nice, normal Christmas cookies

for a human person to eat. And I've actually had part of one. Me too. And Jeff fell for that as well. I had a whole one. I brushed my teeth three times today because I had a half of thinking it was a human biscuit.

And I was reading the back of the ingredients. I was like, that seems like human. And then I went in the front. I'm like, why am I having such a hard time chewing? Then it said dog, and I'm like, I'm not a dog. Like, why would a dog cookie have icing on it? Like, what dog is saying yay or nay to have that added thing you know i guess you gotta have a dog that his food really needs to look human

and then he'll have it dogs like a nice presentation as well and i think human biscuit is just as weird as dog biscuit, too. Just calling it that from now on. You guys got any human biscuits? You guys have any tasty man treats? Jeff Tate is back, you guys. He was here with us last summer.

Participated in the very exciting Owner Tuchel incident. He got thrown from the stage by me before the game started. Is the gentleman that came up on stage and replaced him, is he here tonight? No? Okay. Passed away.

But he was great. Maybe we'll see him at the next summer festival what'd you bring for the bag jeff i brought uh i also didn't bring any merch i brought this thing that i got this at the gift shop at the hotel yeah it's a bunch of different things and you can make it look like santa but you can probably make it look like something else too. If you wanted. Yeah, I was trying to read what this is. I have no idea. It's a foam kit. I know it doesn't cost much. Well, don't say that.

What does that mean, foam kit? It's a kit with foam in it. You put it together, you can make it look like Santa or whatever. I have a Traverse City collectible spoon. Does it qualify as a spoon when it's so small that you can't even... No, you can use it.

Is it like teaspoon size? Is that what it is? It's for people who are dieting. Yeah, yeah, it's a diet spoon. You eat all you want, but with that spoon. It's designed to make eating so annoying that you lose weight. Dig your car out. And I also brought a... There's other stuff in there. What?

I brought a... Where is it? How about you... Never mind. This thing? Yeah, this thing. It's a daily devotional for those who want to get closer to the Lord. And I've been outside here. I feel like you guys should spend a little time. You have clearly fallen away and are being punished for it. Wow, I didn't know there was so much stoner stuff in the Bible.

There's a quote here right on the front. It says, Arise, shine, for your light has come. That's just another way of saying wake and bake. Yep. Someone is going to win salvation today. Nikki Glaser's

here, everybody. Hi. Thank you. That's nice She brought two Britney Spears Postcards Not now Britney Spears Back in the day Britney Spears Before everything fell apart

And you wrote something on the back of each one They're my favorite Britney Well they're quotes that really fit my life that Brittany has sang before. One is, my loneliness is killing me. And this one that I really feel, I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. And yeah, so that's on the back of those. I'm sorry. Is that a serious transitional phase where you can be not a girl and not yet a woman?

Is that... Yes. What's it called? Eight tween? No, it's called 30. It's what it's called. 18. No, that's how I feel, you know?

Still relating to Taylor Swift songs. But, like, my back hurts a lot, you know? I think it's called Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon. My loneliness is killing me, but the back ain't helping. I call my back my loneliness. You're still

wearing Hello Kitty underwear. Did you bring this also, Jeff? These beanie bands? Yeah. It doesn't quit. It's the Peanuts Collection beanie bands. Yeah, they're like rubber bands, but they look like Peanuts characters and

whatever. Do whatever you want with them. Put them on your braces. Use them to tie off if you want to use. Put them on your braces. Use them to tie off if you want to use that spoon for something. You're such a thoughtful gift giver.

I've seen what there is to do here in the winter. And Ben Bailey's here, everybody. Thank you, guys. Thought of a good spinoff to Cash Cab. Oh, you did? Mm-hmm. Does that involve marijuana?

It could. That might make it work even better. Crash Cab, or Hash cab's good too, but crash cab is where you get people in the car and then you go towards a cliff and you jump out and let them go off the cliff. Yeah, yeah, you force a thumb and the wheeze on them. That sounds great. Is there trivia involved?

Like, where's the game part? It sounds like me just murdering people. I have a great idea. But like, where's the game part? It sounds like me just murdering people. It's just such a roller coaster of human emotions because first they're in the cash cab and they think they're going to play and then they just get driven off a cliff. You can ask someone on the street for help, but you're going too fast.

They're not going to be able to save you. You could just scream out a window, hell. Do they know they're going to be on the show ahead of time, or? I don't know. How did it work on Cash Cow? That's the question everyone asks.

We've all heard. They're like, okay, we're going to kill you. They would probably do it. Because we'd be like, but you get to be on TV because because we'd be like but you get to be on tv and they'd be like all right fuck it yeah and you promise i'll die yeah all right i'm in i'm in don't just don't just fucking hurt me ben you gotta promise it's over when this is i can't promise that you'll die in the initial fall, but if you're alive,

the next contestants will surely kill you when they land on top of you. All right, I'm in. Where do I... I'm watching that, yeah. I didn't give you my stuff that I brought for the... Yeah, I want to know what you brought. I want to mention that I brought some Newman's Own Raisins.

Nice. Because there's something disgusting about that to me. Some old man's raisins. Some old dead legend's raisins. For every box of those that you eat, a fart is donated to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. I brought, in the vein

of nothing much to do in the long winters, I brought a harmonica. So you could sit around and annoy the people that you live with until they leave you alone for a little while. Should we pass them over? I got that. I thought that

the people that are on the show as well as the people that are in the audience might like a little place to keep their drugs. So I got a little box that you can keep your weed in. Just got to remember where you put it. And then, for no real discernible reason at all

except for how it looks, I got this. Because fuck, I mean, come on. Because fuck, I mean, come on. How does that not make everything a little bit better? That's a potential mascot for CrashCab. Right on the fucking dashboard. Whee!

Yeah! Don't get that thing wet. I also brought some, yeah, toss it over here. I like being able to throw it around. And its name, by the way, is Kink. Of course it is. It told me. I didn't read that on the time. I got some Doug Loves Movies buttons that are very nice.

A Gateway Doug II Forced Fun CD, a T-shirt, and a bag from the SF San Francisco Sketch Fest. And then this is a weird thing I got. I was at an Alamo Drafthouse in Texas, and I went to a Scott Pilgrim quote-along, and that's where they just do lots of wacky things during the course of the movie, and they gave everybody these blinking, foamy sticks.

But I think, you know, if anybody's walking through the city later tonight, this might come in. It might be a nice safety item. So, yeah, when you're crossing the street, we almost ran over a guy when we were parking. And the driver was like, oh look at his name tag!

So we almost killed a guy who was trying to get in here with his name tag. Let's talk about movies for a second. As long as we're all here and we know what's in the prize bag. Jeff Tate, what was the last motion picture that you saw in its entirety? I watched Midnight Run today.

Today? Yeah. In your room? In my room, yeah. What was it playing on? My computer. Oh. I own it.

Nobody. This was a real letdown, apparently. Midnight Run's a great movie. Tell these people. Did you think they were supposed to applaud or cheer because you watched a movie? I don't know. It felt, yeah.

Well, yeah, now that it happened, yeah, I do feel like that was appropriate. I don't feel like a total void was necessary either. Like, that felt like more quiet than silence. Like everyone left. He gave you the kink, man. Don't give the kink. He gave you the kink, man. Don't give the kink. He gave you the kink eye.

Watch this guy with your cigarettes, Jack. Let's see how Nikki does in this part of the show. See how much silence comes after her movie that she saw last. Wild. Oh, they think that maybe that's why. They, they think that. Maybe that's why. They're just doing that. Go wild. Yeah. Yeah, I saw Wild. You like that?

Yeah, it was good. The whole movie, though, for me, I think for everyone, was just like, oh no, when's she gonna get raped? That was the whole movie. It was just white-knuckuckling. Is it now? Shit! I think you're thinking of Into the Wild.

No, Wild. Every guy she meets, it's like a metaphor for being a woman. Just walking through life like, who's going to rape me? That's kind of how I felt. You can't, as a woman, go out on your own. I mean, she did it.

She got through rape-free, but, like... Spoiler. Yeah, spoiler alert. Oh, shit. Spoiler alert. Well, I wish someone would have told me that. I could have relaxed. Is it her just, like, going, like, traveling across the country?

No, she's on this hike, like, this 1,500500 mile hike, I think. Pacific Northwest. The Appalachian Trail. She's got a gigantic backpack, so she can't, like that's why she's so rapable. Because she can't, it's too heavy for her to run. I mean, no joke. Every dude she meets is a little creepy, just stares at her a little too long. And you're just like, oh no, this is it.

Even at the end when she meets that boy and he starts singing, I'm like, he's going to rape her. She meets the kid from boyhood at the end? I didn't feel like anyone was going to get raped in Midnight Run. It's kind of a similar story, but it's two people traveling a long distance. He's trying to take Charles Grodin to prison, though. He'll get raped eventually.

Well, eventually. His goal isn't to get this guy raped. Or is it? If you're trying to put somebody in jail, you're trying to get somebody raped. But he doesn't. He lets them go. Why are you guys giving away the endings? The ending is not her not getting raped.

That's not the ending. We're going to set a record here for times the word rape has been used in a podcast. My show later tonight. It's funny you mention that because my special guest, I've got one more guest to bring out here. Bill Cosby, everybody.

Wait, are you booing Bill Cosby or me mentioning Bill Cosby? Who are you mad at? Cappuccino is for everybody. I will say one thing just to get it off rape is that Wild was really hot. Did you see it, Doug? No, I haven't seen it. Oh, sorry. That's all right. I know you love rape in movies no i'm just kidding god guys that's in the second verse that you guys never hear

of the thing no but there's a really there's a really hot sex scene in an alley anyone but consensual like yeah consensual sex scene like she chooses to fuck somebody yeah it's great you mean two dudes yeah you mean like a bowling alley no just in an alley no one's seen wild no it was hot right yeah. No. Okay, she's a drug addict when she does it, but it's still hot. Okay, I'm really sorry. No one go see it. Ted, what about you? Have you been to the movies?

The last movie I saw was actually this Korean movie called I Saw the Devil. Woo! Oh, yeah. Wow, even better than Jeff's Midnight Run, a movie that most of the people in the room haven't even heard of. Got a bigger reaction. And did you like it? It was

disturbing, man. Yeah. Not just because I had to read the whole thing. It's totally subtitled the whole thing. No, a comedy club, one of the bouncers in New York City, this guy at Eastville, you know, we're just talking movies. He's like, check out I Saw the Devil. It's this Korean movie, part of a trilogy, I think.

He recommended it to me, too. Is that right? Guy at Eastville, the doorkeeper. Yeah, yeah. So I watched it the next day. I hadn't seen it. And based on that, I was like, I'm never going to watch that. I took the opposite. I was like, I'm

intrigued. I'm going to watch this as soon as possible. I watched it the next day and it was disturbing. It was a lot of rape, actually. As opposed to none in that. Some? No, no, no. You think it's going to, but none.

This one is like I don't want to go into it, but violent. This guy's, yeah. That woo captured the fun level of violence. I've heard about this. It's like one of the most

disturbing films ever, right? Very disturbing, yeah. I mean, if you're into extreme human behavior and wooing at it. I'm a Bjork fan. Like the X Games? Yeah, kind of like that. Like catching some big air. With beheadings.

And rape. Not really my cup of tea, but it was interesting nonetheless. Okay. I think it was for dogs. I think it was for dogs. I think it was a movie for dogs. It's really for dogs. I thought it was a human movie. I brushed my teeth after that, too.

Rape? I mean, Ben? What movie? Oh my god, I feel like I'm in high school again. Too dark? Was that too dark? Oh my God, I'm in 10th grade all over again. I saw Birdman. It was the last movie I watched. And I fucking hated it.

Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. Partially because someone told me it was a documentary about Charlie Parker. So my expectations were like,

I was like, what the fuck is this? There's not even a black guy in the whole fucking movie. Is he doing the soundtrack? Is that the fucking... People can't do that stuff,

by the way. Yeah, that movie you're talking about was called Bird, comma, Man. Bird, yeah. I don't know. Everybody loved Birdman, but I was like... I don't think everybody loves it. It's not for everybody. Everyone here seemed to... They liked it more than Rape or Rape or Midnight Run,

that's for sure. Wait, what's wrong with Midnight Run? Nothing. I fucking love Midnight Run. I started thinking of a million lines from that movie as soon as you mentioned it. That's why I said, watch this guy with your cigarettes, Jack,

and nobody knew what the fuck I was talking about. Yeah, yeah. I remember that. Steals a cigarette. Sir, that must mean that Walsh has your identification. I fucking love that movie. Those are the most fun lines to quote, the ones that rely entirely on context.

I got two words for you. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, here come two words for you. That's a better one. Shut the fuck up. It's from the movie. It's from the movie. Why didn't you like Birdman?

I don't know. It just felt like masturbation. It's from the movie. It's from the movie. Why didn't you like Birdman? I don't know. It just felt like masturbation. Like, okay, cool. We can do long fucking sweeping shots with our cuts and play some cool drum tracks, but I still don't give a fuck about these people. They're all so fucking pretentious. Fuck them.

I've never been more honest in front of a live audience. Yeah. Never? And you chose Birdman to make your stand? Yeah. I feel like it's a pretty defensible position. I've been doing stand-up for 20 years. And this is the most honest. I like Birdman.

Fuck you you kink You little bitch It's my favorite I brought you here I love it more than you You'd still be in that gift shop If it wasn't for me We're not even sure that's real

That could just be behind you In your imagination I love when people go Oh you fuck with a stuffed animal. Let's do the game portion of the show. Let the games begin. Everybody brought some pretty name tags. Or not everybody, but lots of people.

And bring the house lights up a little bit, please. Thank you. And there but lots of people. And bring the house lights up a little bit, please. Thank you. And there's lots of food items here in the crowd. A lot of frozen food, if they brought it here. But just go ahead and select who you'd like to play for, you guys. Oh, Jeff's saying no to the food. He wants a good one. That big box of donuts, I can't believe it's not getting more action.

Oh, this guy over here wants one of your donuts, sir. He's not, he doesn't seem to be into it. Jeff, some guy has your face. What? Which one has my face? Right there. Oh, Jeff likes one with his face on it. Yay! It's all about the ego with him.

Yeah. If you don't get picked today, you guys, if you're coming to this stand-up show tonight, at the Opera House, bring the name tags to that too. We'll play a game at the end of my show over there. You'll find out. Alright, I think everybody's got something.

Alright, we did it. I gotta make a vine of this Jeff Tate who you playing for I Don't I don't even know What's your name Peter? Peter's Peter, but he put my face and Tate O'Recoil Listen I'm into it. This is only this like this like the second time that someone has put my face on a name tag. And just like last time, I didn't see it at first. Alright. Nikki, who are you playing for?

I'm playing for Beth. She did Beth in Show. Great movie. Go Beth. Yeah. Go back. Yeah. Ted, you got one of the more light-up ones.

Yeah, this one lights up more than most do. The states behind the pines. The states beyond the pines. So, um... Did you ever see that movie? No. The place beyond the pines? I you ever see that movie? No. The Place Beyond the Pines? I haven't seen that either.

I'm hit. I'm kicked. I'll fucking kink you up. Okay, so that's cool. It's lit up and it's got Stacy's name on there and my name on there, so I'm happy with it. Yeah, that looks like one of those shows on Netflix. It's about a Swedish detective. Lillehammer?

Who are you playing for, Ben? I'm playing for E. Tiefen. Because it's good, right? Does that guy have a lot of friends or something? I saw it and then I really had no choice. I had to. Because Yoda says, choose me, then you will.

And I was like, fuck, I guess I will, Yoda. I don't think it is that he has a lot of friends, Nicky. I think that that's just, you know, someone's on stage holding up a Yoda. Oh, okay. People love Yoda. Well, sorry, dude. All right, well, good job.

We got a good section of name tags. You can go ahead and put yours down there, Ted. You don't have to hold on to that thing the whole time. Yeah, I'll put it down when I'm ready. Okay. I understand. Give me a little'm ready. Okay. I understand. You want a little more time with it. That's cool.

Your time with that name tag is precious, so enjoy it while you can. And we're going to start off with a game that I like to call How Much Did This Shit Make? And the idea of it is the four of you all have to bid on how much you think the movie I'm gonna name made at the domestic box office, according to boxofficemojo.com, during its entire run, in millions, without going over.

And since we watched it last night, I decided I want to know how fucking much money the very overrated Pretty Woman... How much money did that movie make? We'll start with you, Jeff. How much do you think Pretty Woman made? A hundred million dollars. Okay. Nikki?

I'm going to go a hundred and twelve million dollars. So now Jeff's just stuck with that $12 million window. I like it. Are we talking opening weekend or total? Total. Total for its whole run. Up until today. And maybe even

re-releases. Yeah. Maybe even including whatever the rental was to show it last night. Oh, I thought it just run in the theater. Yeah, we watched it in the theater last night. Oh, got it it just run in the theater. Yeah, we watched it in the theater last night. Oh, got it. It probably doesn't happen very often anymore.

Just in theaters. Yeah, during the basic run of the movie, you know. Yeah. With no set times for beginning or end. Just basically when it was on.

I'm going to say $210 million. Whoa. Interesting. All right, Ben. $1. Classic Ben. I'm kidding.

Don't put that down. Does it work that way, though, like price is right? Like if everyone else was over, I would win with $1? Yeah. Oh. All right, yeah, no, I'm not gonna. You were joking? Yeah, I was joking.

It was a great bid, man. All right, so what do you really wanna say? Now I kind of wish. Now I feel like I should say $1. And don't help out the people on stage during the games, you guys. Like, sometimes they'll ask you for an answer and you can yell out Amy Adams then. That sounds like a specific incident.

Mm-hmm. You know, that wasn't just random. Okay, well, I was going to say $100 million, but Jeff said that. And then I thought, all right, I'll go a little higher. But then Nikki did that. And then I was like, you know what? Maybe the hole for the basic run, as you said.

Why don't you go back a little further? What did you have for breakfast today? I had quiche. I had three cheese and ham quiche. A little yogurt. Quiche? Yeah, a little yogurt and granola cup with berries.

Now who's a pretty woman? I'm going to say $154 million. Well, good for you. Changing that dollar bid. I don't feel like you're sincere in saying that. No, I'm very happy for you because you are in fact the winner.

It made $178.4 million. And now you're like, and that means you're the first one to leave today. Bye-bye, Ben. No, it just means that you get to go first in the next game. Okay. And in that game, next game is called Last Man Stanton. Yeah.

And who's sitting here up front where I can see you thinks you have a good subject for the last man's Stanton game? This gentleman right here. He's consulting with his lady friend. Joaquin Phoenix. Joaquin Phoenix. That's an interesting one. We'll see how we can do.

Now this is including, this is Joaquin Phoenix including films where he was billed as Leaf Phoenix. Yes, yes. Yeah, we got to include those just to make it a little easier. But all the panelists seem kind of sad. This might be kind of a tough one, but I'll play along, of course. I love to play. And Ben, start us off. What am I supposed to be doing, Doug?

I thought for once I could just not explain how a game works. I'm sorry, dude. I'm always so stoned when we do this. You just have to name any Joaquin Phoenix film. And then we go until somebody can't name one. Any film that he was in, yeah. Okay. Somebody can't name one.

Then we take that kink and do something interesting with it. Don't ever tell the people listening what just happened. You know, kink will stay with you for a week for $3,000. I'm sorry, Kink, but I want the fairy tale. All right. To die for. Okay. He dug a little heap there.

What do you think, Ted? Her. Mm-hmm. Inherent vice. Signs. I'll go gladiator. Yeah. I'm not afraid.

Ben? We own the night. Interesting. Yeah. Walk the line. I'm out. Really? No, I really don't.

You can think for a second. You don't have to give up so fast. Joaquin, yeah. Great actor. Yeah, I know. Doesn't work a whole lot. What's the one movie he did where he pretended to... Doug?

Where he... You can't describe it because that's encouraging the audience to yell it out. I will not ask the audience, but I'm just thinking out loud. I'm sorry. Where he went on Letterman pretending to be himself. Oh, yeah. I know what that's called. I'm going to say it next when it gets to me. That was an episode of Letterman pretending to be himself. Oh, yeah. I know what that's called. I'm going to say it next when it gets to me.

That was an episode of Letterman. Does that count? Is that good? Like, I saw him on The Tonight Show. Can I use that? Amy Adams. I really don't know. I'm going to just hold it.

Okay, Nikki's out, you guys. Jeff? God damn it, I can't think of the one she just talked herself through. I want to take it from you so badly, but I can't. I get her confused with something else, so I'll just say The Master.

Okay. Yeah, I know exactly what movie Nikki was talking about, but it's the title. I might be off by a word, so I don't want movie Nikki was talking about, but it's the title. I might be off by a word, so I don't want to blow it on that. So I'm going to come up with something else. And I'm going to say, from back in the Leaf days,

Space Camp. Oh! Ben. Stay awake. Ben stay awake fuck don't start hibernating I got nothing man I got one in my head but I can't think of the name of it

he's a pretty tough one the Miller boys what's that the name of it. He's a pretty tough one. The Miller Boys? What's that? Not what I thought it was, I guess. There's something called The Miller Boys? It's the guys that are sitting around drinking beer? No, it's about families

like one of three brothers. Okay, well that's your official guess. And they live on the other side of the tracks, but one of them gets involved with a rich girl on the other side of town. Sounds like an interesting film. It's a big fancy house.

Someone should make it. Yeah, yeah, it's called We're the Millers. We're the Millers. I know what you're talking about. He pretends to have a family it's not joaquin phoenix but it's a good movie yeah i got nothing called that and according to uh the leonard maldnab can't remember the name of it all right so you're out well i don't know why you're yelling something out audience member please stop uh ted he had a mustache in a movie.

Oh, right. Her, you already said it. Oh, was that the one? Yeah. Huh. In that case. Was he wearing khakis and talking to a robot? Yeah, yeah.

Sounds familiar, right? I'm wondering if he ever did a kids movie. Oh, that's interesting. This is just me wondering. Let's chew on that for a little bit. The Muppet movie. You should be in that. There's a chance. Jeff?

Oh, shit, it's me again. The Village. Oh, you son of a... That's a great one. I mean, it's not a great movie, but it's a great pull. You remembered that. Yeah, but it's fun.

No, it's not fun. Never mind. I mean, it's fun. You remembered that. Yeah, but it's fun. No, it's not fun. Never mind. I mean, it's fun that I remembered it. Okay, I'm going to try to say the one that we were talking about earlier. I hope I get it right. I'm not here. Oh, no. Is that the Bob Dylan one? Oh, yeah, right? It says a similar title.

What do you think it's called, Jeff? I think it's called I'm not there. It's there? Fuck. I knew it was either here or there, and I couldn't decide. So Jeff's our winner, everybody. Isn't Ben still in? No, everybody's out. You're the winner.

Oh, man. Oh, yeah, the Miller boys. I wanted to say Ruskies so bad. Say what? Ruskies. Ruskies? That's a Leaf Phoenix movie that I was sitting on. Oh, man.

All right, you guys. I figured we'd make it more than two times through. Good job. I still have a couple that I can't remember the name of that he's in. That's why you lost. Yeah, I know. Thanks, Ted. Okay, yeah, Rusky's was his second film after Space Camp.

Oh, and then here's a huge one we missed. He was the kid in the movie Parenthood, the movie version of that. And then he did a lot of independent movies, smaller films, Inventing the Habits, U-Turn, Clay Pigeons, Return to Paradise. Inventing the Habits. Inventing the Abbots, U-Turn, Clay Pigeons, Return to Paradise. Inventing the Abbots was the one you were talking about. That's the one I was talking about.

The Miller Boys is pretty close. He was in Quills. That movie's disgusting. Clay Pigeons? Was he in Clay Pigeons? Yeah, Clay Pigeons. Was that with Vince Vaughn? Yes. I think I saw that.

And Jane Ann Garofalo. Isn't Goodfellas? Are you fucking around? What is wrong with you? He's not in Goodfellas. No, that's Ray Liotta you're thinking of. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

No, I see it, though. I see it. Right? But, yeah. Oh, Ladder 49. Ladder 49. Yeah. How yeah we forget ladder 49 i don't even remember him in hotel rwanda but i guess he was in that also yeah yeah what all right well jeff tate's our winner of that game you you guys. Nice, Jeff. Can I just quickly say a joke I used to do

about that movie? Which one? Hotel Rwanda. Sure. I don't know who funded that movie, but I think it may have been the Holiday Inn Rwanda.

Oh, we can do bits? Old ones. You have to ask first. I like staying at the Hotel Rwanda for Dogs. Because they give these to every guest. That's true. They give the iced cookies shaped like Michigan.

Biscuit. I'm sorry, biscuits. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. Let's get serious. Jeff gets to go first, and then we'll go to Nikki, Ted, and Ben. First player to two points will be our winner today, and the prize bag will go to the person that you're playing for. Does anyone have any points yet? Not so far, no.

Jeff and I don't have a point. No, that was just the preliminary games. The shits and giggles round? Yeah, yeah. This is the part. How many times do you think you've been on this show, Ben? Doug. You should award points for people saying Doug.

Because that's like the thing. You got them once too. I don't know how you still don't understand how people are unsure about how your fucking show works. I'm sorry, but people are unsure, or just one out of the four that are here today? No, you think that it's just me, because I fucking tell you,

but then when you're gone from the room, everyone's like, thank God you fucking asked that, because on Cash Cab, people get in and they want to play, we pull over, And people talk to them For 25 fucking minutes About how to play

The fucking game That's true I never had that here We just come out And we've But if I got into The Cash Cab I would know how to play

Because I've seen it But you would get The fucking speech Anyway though Like Just in case There was some parts That you were unsure of

Right but I don't know If you know this About yourself But every time I try to explain how things work on the show, you change the subject. Hold on a second, Doug. I want to ask you a question about something else. What time are...

I'm sorry. Do I really do that to you? I'm sorry. Yeah, but also you jump in with questions right after I've just kind of, I kind of explained what we're doing. I said, we're going to play a letter ball game first to two points. And then you throw in this thing. We don't already have points.

Well, but we already played like two games already. So I thought we. Yeah. And each of those games, I said, this is going to determine who goes first in the next game. That's all we're playing for. Okay. But that's an unusual rule for a game show. It's all we're playing for. Okay, but that's an unusual rule for a game show, is all I'm saying.

The only thing about it is that it leads to the beginning of the next thing. Every game show's a little different, Ben. I know. I don't know. Have you seen a lot of game shows? No. They don't all have Red Light Challenge. No, I fucking hate game shows.

I never wanted to be a fucking game show host. Was anybody ever in the cab going, this is not how I would do this? Yeah, Doug. Fucking Doug. When are we going to do the line-up challenge? If people were like, wait, how does the game work? I was never like, how do you guys not fucking know this already? I just told them how it worked.

You've been on the show several times. You commute to work every day in my cash cab. How come you don't know yet? If there's anyone who should understand it's about the journey, it's the host of Cash Cab. I'm sorry. Maybe that's why he thinks

he has to leave every time he gets something wrong. You're right. I think you're right about that. Yeah, get out of the cab. This is your stop I will pay closer attention Or less close You think I'm looking too closely

That's the problem I think Doug's making it up As he goes along That's the fucking problem I love you Doug Okay Jeff Your first category option is Movies Ben Bailey has never seen I love you, Doug. Okay, Jeff, your first category option is movies Ben Bailey has never seen. Or movies where cabs go off of cliffs.

Actually. Celebrating a birthday today, our friend from the show, he's been on the show a few times, Simon Pegg. Yeah, he's a Valentine's baby. Love Simon Pegg. So the films of Simon Pegg.

Or HB4H on Twitter suggested Valentine's Dre. Valentine's Dre. And that's romantic movies that have a hip-hop artist in them. And Dan Samiljan suggested

Endless Love, and that's Jennifer Love Hewitt movies that are over two hours long. Which one of those would you like to play, Jeff? I'm sorry, I have a question about how this is going to work, Doug. Jeff gets to pick the category. I'm just kidding. I'll take Endless Love.

Okay. Fuck. This movie that has Jennifer Love Hewitt in it and is over two hours long gets two and a half stars from Leonard Maltin. The year is 2001. He calls this movie watchable. Like he's able to look in the direction

where it is playing. And this is so weird. He says the movie includes a wonderful performance by Jennifer Love Hewitt's breasts. Like that is the pervious line Leonard Maltin has ever written. And then he lists and of course that could be said about any of her films but also that explains the watchable part

it starts with two stars and it was just good enough to get that other half a star 14 names Jeff 2001 to get that other half a star. 14 names, Jeff. 2001. Zero. Yeah, why not? Nikki has to go negative or... Oh, Jesus.

Or hope that Jeff doesn't know it. Do you think you know what it is? Oh, God. There's a tiny part of me that does, but I'm one word off. So I'm going to say name that movie. All right, Jeff's going to just tell us the name of the movie. And if he's right, he gets a point.

Oh, you bastard. He's wrong. He has it written on his chest. Is it Heartbreakers? Yes. That is awesome. It's Tom Petty and Heartbreakers. That's great.

That is a funny coincidence. That's not how you chose the movie for the first part of the game, is it? I do sometimes do stuff like that, but I wouldn't know ahead of time that he was going to have Heartbreakers on his thing. I wouldn't even think he'd be wearing this anymore because a week or so ago he was telling me about how he got paint all over it

and he's still rocking it even so because it's his favorite hoodie. I never even knew what it said on there because Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers is so faded. I didn't even know what that was. It's an old sweater but it's not available anymore

so I just keep wearing it. Yeah. But also the game is rigged. Jeff has one point. Jeff is on the board. So now we're going to start with you, Ben, and we'll go from... Is that so that Ben's asked a question? Or did you just bypass?

How does it get to me? You'll see. Oh. We're going to start with you, and then go to Ted, and then to Nikki, and then to Jeff, and you get to pick the category.

All right. And you get to choose between Jurassic Pork, which is, of course, films where Jeff Goldblum has sex. Someone named Hyper Apathy on Twitter suggested Cherub. Just one word category,

Cherub. And that is movies where someone gets a lap dance. A.K.A. a chair rub. That reaction was like you just heard about a murder or something. Chair rub. Yeah, it sounds like you just said midnight run and you guys all fucking closed up.

At Chrisifus, the name Chris, but like Sisyphus, Chrisifus, Midnight Run and he got us all fucking closed up. At Chrisifus, the name Chris, but like Sisyphus, Chrisifus underscore suggested Lunch at Tiffany's and that is romantic sequels.

So the sequel to Breakfast at Tiffany's would be Lunch at Tiffany's. Which one of those do you like, Ben? What was the first one again? Jurassic Pork. Jurassic Pork. We're going to go with Jurassic Pork. All right.

Jeff Goldblum has sex. It's happened. Two and a half stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie that came out in 1986. He says about Goldblum in this movie that he is just right. Yeah, and he also says that this movie

is sharply written. And he names just four names. So, what are you going to do with that, Ben? I'm going to say four. Take them all. Ted? First I'm going to look at my T-shirt.

It's actually the What's the movie? Bill Murray Coffee and Cigarettes Wu-Tang Clan Coffee and Cigarettes Coffee and Cigarettes Yeah, I was going to say Five Hours

Bill Murray And my fly has been open This whole time So that was Fortuitous checking of the t-shirt The movie is dick Is the movie dick? Moby dick

Okay so Ted you could bid less names Or you can You can challenge Ben to name it I'm going to say You can go three names I thought this was about meandering One name

Zero names I'm going to say Ben said four, I'm going to say Three names Nikki Name that movie Ted That's what I thought was going to happen. Jeff is having such a good time.

What's going on with you? He's so cocky when he's on the leaderboard. No, no. Everyone will see you in a second. Yeah, yeah, it's fine. It's very funny what's happening, Jeff. I agree with you. Let's try to keep it together.

Oh! Now Nikki knows. Now Nikki knows. Settle down, you guys. Son of a bitch. Settle down. Do you know who to know? Fuck!

It's unbelievable. It's cool, it's cool, it's cool. Oh my god. What are the fucking odds of that? It's cool. Here's your three names, Ted. Yes. Someone named Joy Bushel is in this movie.

Joy Bushell. A gentleman named John Goetz. And an actress named Gina Davis. From 1986. You've got to be kidding me! Settle down! What's it called, Ted? The Fly.

That's correct. There is some weird mojo. That is so amazing. Oh my God. So Ted, this is fucking amazing. There's some weird stuff going on. Let me look at my t-shirt. No, no clue on my t-shirt,

but my fucking fly is open. Yeah, Ben, everybody heard that happen. But someone had to say it, Doug. But what I want to know, Ted, is at what point you figured out what the movie was? I was honestly thinking the big chill, and then I just noticed my fly was open.

So honestly, I put it together once Jeff started freaking out. Yeah, that's why I was trying to get him to stop from freaking out. Did you see Ben's face? It wasn't me. It wasn't even, it was mostly what Ben was doing when he goes, oh, my fly's down. And Ben had a mild stroke. I was just excited that Ted's pants were on. But Doug, Gina Davis was not in the Big Chill, right?

So I think I would have got it anyway. Yeah, Gina Davis is a good clue. Like three names is pretty good. It would have been hard for you to miss it. But also, the coincidence was incredible. That is crazy. Does Goldblum get laid in the Big Chill? What's that?

Does Goldblum's character get laid in the big chill he doesn't right he's trying the whole time he tries to get with with Chloe with Meg Tilly doesn't he right

dick she doesn't she's not having it fucking boyfriend died and he's like hey I'll just move right in yeah it's a real it's a real step down

from Costner to Goldblum too Costner isn't Costner to Goldblum, too. Costner. Isn't Costner the dead guy in that movie? He's the body. He's the body. But they cut the flashback scene where you actually see him. Right.

Right. It would have been weird if my fly was open and I said, I'm feeling a big chill down here. Oh. Looks like today is your independence day. Oh, nothing. Earth girls are easy. Suddenly we're playing last man standing with Jeff Goldblum. All right, so Ted's on the board.

Ted has a point. All right. We're going to start with Jeff now. Goldblum? Oh, no, wait, I'm sorry. Who challenged who? Nikki challenged... Yeah, okay, so we're going to start with you, Ben, and then we're going go to Jeff you get to pick the category

between magic arc suggested big hero six feet under and that's films where TJ Miller gets killed yeah I'm dead That's films where T.J. Miller gets killed. Yeah! I'm dead!

At Ruroni1029 suggested four red weddings and a funeral. And this is movies with actors from Game of Thrones that have a wedding or a funeral in them. Yeah. Oh, those. from Game of Thrones that have a wedding or a funeral in them. Oh, those. And Trips Zero suggested on Twitter to have and to have not, K-N-O-T. And it's perfect timing

because of that movie that's out this weekend. It's films that have bondage scenes in them. Bondage. I'm going to go right ahead and go with that one. What's that? Bondage films. Do you like that?

To have not, yeah. Alright, you get to pick a year. Would you like a movie that had bondage in it from 1994 or 2002? 1994. Interesting. Three and a half stars from Leonard for this movie from 1994 that has some bondage in it. He says this movie is outrageous.

He also says that... He also calls this movie Pumped Up. And he also says it's not for the squeamish. And he lists seven, ten, twelve names. How many names can you get it in? Ben Bailey. What's the category again? How many? He offers 12 names.

There's some sort of bondage situation. And it's pumped up. It kind of means to me that it's absolutely not what I thought it was going to be. A real subtle bondage movie? Yeah.

Understated? Like a Merchant Ivory bondage movie? It's got bondage in it. It's not necessarily a bondage movie. Yeah, every movie has bondage in it when you think about it. Somebody's being oppressed somehow.

Fuck. Twelve names. Yeah, take them all. That's lame, but... Take them all. I'm not willing to take much of a risk. I'm going to give you twelve names. You say twelve? 12, yeah. That's all of them. Yeah, all right.

I'll say 11. 10. 7. 10. This is intense. Really like your tucked in no belt look. You fucking asshole. It's been that way for one second The people listening at home

I just took off a layer You're standing for no reason Wow It is a good look I don't wear belts That's the name of the movie It is a good look. I don't wear belts. That's the name of the movie. Do you have another show tonight, Ben?

I do, yeah. What time is your show tonight? You're setting me up, Doug. For what? 9.30. There you go. Got some people coming to that. A couple of fans at 9.30. People that don't want to see me and Todd Berry, I guess.

And Jeff Tate's going to be't want to see me and Todd Berry, I guess. And Jeff Tate's going to be on the show with me and Todd Berry. Ben's show sold out already anyway, isn't it? I think it is. Alright. Seven. Here we go. 94. A subtle bondage film.

I don't believe I said that. And we're down to... Ted says seven out of 12, but we start from the bottom. Fuck. Six. Oh, Jeff, I have a strong feeling here. Yeah, I feel pretty.

I just feel pretty. Oh, so pretty. I thought about continuing it, but... That's how I feel. How charming. I say one less than Ben. What did Ben say? You said five?

I said six. You said six, I say five. Name that movie. Yes! Name it, Jeff say five. Name that movie. Yes! Name it, Jeff. Right now? Hang on. Did you scream yes, Ben? Yeah, because I'm off the hook.

Okay, that's an interesting way to look at it, because the other way to look at it is you're about to lose. I could probably do it. Because if Jeff names this successfully, he's going to get two points. So, here we go. I think I know it do it. Because if Jeff names this successfully, he's going to get two points. So, here we go. I think I know it, too. Really?

Yeah. I'm so... Tom Petty? Tom Petty the movie. Alright, here we go. Subtitle, I Feel Pretty your it's called fingerless gloves okay i want everybody the audience and jeff and nicky and ben and ted to raise your hand i'm going to say the five names but raise your hand as soon as you know for sure what movie this is.

As soon as you think you know it for sure. There's already a hand up over there. I like that guy. Here we go. Bruce Willis. See, Jeff already knows. Christopher Walken. Rosanna Arquette.

Eric Stoltz. Ving Rhames. There the hands go up What's it called Jeff? Pulp Fiction And guess what that movie also has in it? Rape That's part of where the bondage comes in

It's probably the funniest rape scene In the history of film. Probably. We haven't finished our research yet, but it's pretty high up there. So on the short list. Jeff Tate's our winner, everybody! Thank you!

Yeah, that one's like, that's so chock full of big names that the whole list is just a bunch of giveaway names. And I almost said it as a clue, but it's probably too strong a clue. Danny DeVito was one of the executive producers. Yeah, isn't that interesting? He's a good little guy. Oh. Yeah, isn't that interesting? He's a good little guy.

Where is the person you're playing for, Jeff? Back over there somewhere? Right there. Come get your stuff. Congratulations. Congratulations. It touched the ground. You have to burn it. Burn it. Congratulations.

And pass me down the shitheads on the backs of your name tags, you guys, if you have one. Oh, that's a good one. Oh, that's a nice one. Oh, that's a nice one. I don't know if that's a shithead on the back of that or not. I love this one has on the back of it, optional, please plug bongs with Sean on YouTube.

Bongs with Sean. Is it you just sitting around with a bunch of bongs? Or do you... I do all kinds of stuff. You do all kinds of stuff? Making bongs out of... Oh, you make bongs out of different things? What's the weirdest...

You've already got one viewer. What's the weirdest thing you made a bong out of people ask me that all the time i just apples what a toilet where do you put your mouth so you flush once again where does where do you put your mouth it's still too close to a fucking toilet man Once again, where do you put your mouth? It's still too close to a fucking toilet, man. Why don't you just smoke pot?

Just having fun with it. Yeah, I don't want to be a buzzkill, but just keep your face out of the toilet. Sorry to be such a square. You know, if dogs drink out of the toilet when you're busy eating their biscuits. I've packed a couple bowls in my day.

Yeah. Bam. Oh, yeah. Do you have another show tonight, Nikki? Yeah. Is yours sold out already, too? It is. When is it?

It's here at 7 with Moshe Cash. Oh, and me. I'm on that one, too. Oh, yeah, and Jeff Tate. Thank you. There you go. This is your crowd. They're already here.

Yeah. Yeah, just stay. Yeah, why would you go outside if you don't have to? Free toilet bongs over at Pete's house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want to get stoned, there's a restroom in here, and somebody back there knows what to do. Yeah, I guess we should ask,

which toilet specifically did you turn into a bong? Oh, the one right here, dude. It's in the ladies' room, but it's cool. If it's one of those stand-up urinals, that'd be very impressive. Like one of those floor-length stand-up, like if you turn that. Listen, it's not my idea. It said optional on the back of it. You still read it.

I did. Ben, what do you got to plug, buddy? Oh, fuck. I can't remember, dude. Every time, I'm like, I don't know, Doug. But I remember that. Next time you're on the show, I mean, if there's a next time, I'm going to... I'm going to send you...

Fuck you, I'll just leave right now. I'm going to send you the longest email explaining every... And you're not going to read it. Am I supposed to feel guilty about that somehow? No, of course not. I couldn't have done that before the first fucking time? You wouldn't have read it. You're right.

I'll be in St. Louis funny about it St. Louis next weekend Westport Plaza and then I'm at Calusa Casino north of San Francisco

on the 27th which is a Friday and then I'm at the Improv in Hollywood Saturday the 28th nice I'll try to we'll talk I got you know there's a few shows Saturday the 28th. Nice. I'll try to,

we'll talk, but I got, you know, there's a few shows going on in LA that week. I think you might be able to participate in if you've got the time. I'd love to

and come to a spot on the improv show that Saturday if you're in town. I already got it. I'm already booked, but thank you. I rescind my offer anyway.

I just... The Ted and Ben end of this panel, I just keep waiting for you guys to tell me about the white supremacist group you're here in town with. That's actually a good segue to next Friday I'll be on a Black Lives Matter panel That's true

at Smack Mellon in Brooklyn at the art gallery So don't judge a book It's good that that panel has that angle They got a supremacist on there They balance it out, right It's good that that panel has that angle. They got a supremacist on there. They balance it out, right. To debate the issue. It's the ultimate cover.

The alternative voices, yeah. What else you got coming up, Ted Alexandro? I just always like to let people know about my web series, Teacher's Lounge, on YouTube. I play a music teacher, and various comedians play faculty members. Everyone from Todd Barry, who's the librarian, to Louis Black, who's the principal,

David Tell, the school photographer. There's a lot of great people. It's great. It's really funny. Great casting all around. Todd's kind of quiet, so he's the librarian. He's the perfect librarian. Dave's a pervert, so he's the photographer. Perfect, yeah.

What was the other one? Louis Black is the principal. Louis Black is the principal. Oh, just yelling at you and doing that. Slicking his fingers at you. Is this a real school? I wish. School of comedy.

That's it. Yeah, we're pitching it to IFC now, so keep your fingers crossed. Yeah, that's a great place for it. We're pitching it to IFC now, so keep your fingers crossed. Yeah, that's a great place for it. Nikki Glaser just did a pilot for the, can you talk about it at all? Yeah, for Comedy Central. Comedy Central, so fingers crossed on that one. Yeah.

Awesome. If you don't hear anything in March, then it didn't happen. So, yeah. And also, I'm going to be in San Francisco next the 20 weekend of the 27th so at the Punchline but you should go north

and see me at the casino instead well you can go see Ben on the 27th and then me on the 28th how about that make a weekend out of it

you guys just cruise around the Bay Area I gotta say I saw Ben last night it was amazing wow thanks to Ben yeah it was really great.

That's nice. If you haven't seen Ben do stand-up, you should see it. I'm so glad to hear he's good for something. Everybody's been raving about him. Everyone was great on that show, by the way. Nikki and Kurt also. It was a really great show. That's what I was waiting for.

That's the only reason she brought it up. Quit pro pro. Jeff? I think all three of these are amazing comedians. I've been a fan of all of them for a very long time. Is that what we're doing? They're all great.

I think Ted helped me get on television. First time Jeff and I met... Was in Philadelphia. But then the second time was in Wichita. Wichita. I was touring with Craig Ferguson. We were taking a bus tour. I was touring with Craig Ferguson,

going all over the country. And after shows, these big theater shows, he would always say, let's go to the local comedy club. So we were in Wichita, and we go to, you can tell the rest of it. Loony Bin. Yeah. So there you go.

Second show Friday, Wichita, 20 people there, not happy about it. They seem upset that they're there. And then these guys walk in, and I have to go jabber at 25 drunk people for a half an hour, and then they leave. And then a week later, I get to be on television. He was hilarious.

Yeah. And the whole time in the bus, Craig was like, that guy was great. He's like, do you know him? I'm like, yeah, that's Jeff. And then we just looked you up on Twitter, and that was how you Craig was like, that guy was great. He's like, do you know him? I'm like, yeah, that's Jeff. And then we just looked you up on Twitter, and that was how you got booked. Yeah, it was great.

So that's a bit of Ted. Ted Alexander, everybody. Yeah, things happen when Ted talks. Yeah. And next week, I'm in St. Paul because I don't ever want to be warm again. The 19th of the 21st, St. Paul, joke joint. April 3rd and 4th, Houston, joke joint.

And I have my own podcast about cheers. It's sometimes about cheers, sometimes not. Afternoon, everybody. That's what it's called. And it's on iTunes or whatever. That guy in the audience was just coincidentally yelling it he thought he saw

someone walk in just saying hello I'm just dragging this all out because I don't want to go outside again that doesn't seem necessary let's just move our show over here tonight just stay here, Let's just move our show over here tonight.

Just stay here. Let's just embed in this theater. And the other comics can go fight for the other spots. Sounds good to me, man. I mean, move all these shows to the lobby of our hotel. Various corners of the lobby. Hey, is Omelette here? He left.

Ah, why? He's got to get up early for radio tomorrow? Omelette and Friends Radio, they broadcast from the lobby of the hotel the other day. And we're comedians, so the night before, we're like, yeah, we'll all stop by in the morning. And then they did three hours of broadcasting from the lobby

just going, are some comedians going to come by? And then like, you know, the stroke of nine you know, Nicky shows up and then I showed up a few minutes later and we all kind of trickled in during the last hour of the broadcast and they had to sit around the lobby for all morning so thanks to them for doing that

He acted like it was crazy that he had to do it without us, as if he doesn't do it without us every other fucking day of his life. Yeah, he's got a show every morning, but this one was particularly calamitous. I'm going to be doing stand-up at the Improv in Fort Lauderdale on February 24th. Thanks again, Traverse City.

It's always so nice to come to such a terribly cold place and meet such warm people. You guys have been such a terrific crowd. And I'll come back for the, we'll do this again in the summer during the film festival. The next winter we'll talk, we'll see. Like I did this in wintertime two years ago and enough time had gone by that I was like, that wasn't so bad. And it wasn't so bad.

And last night and the night before, I've been here for a couple nights now, were not that bad. But today, boy, did it fucking come on strong. I guess I should be thanking you guys for giving me a new weather low. Thank you, Traverse City. I keep

falling down. He falls down a lot in the snow. It's pretty funny. I saw it last night. It was awesome. It was like dramatic. He kicked a bumper on his way down. So if you have a dent in your SUV. I landed in a cloud of loose snow a dent in your SUV I landed in a cloud

of loose snow so I just like it was just like a poof and I'm not generally a clumsy person I don't fall down a lot but I fucking

can't stay on my feet in this goddamn town I fell on my way here getting into a car the door was open I just had to put my feet into a car like I've done every day forever and I fell on my way here getting into a car. The door was open, I just had to put my feet into a car like I've done every day forever, and I fell. And then I caught both things and I dangled, right?

I was like shitty fat Batman. If I could remember the name of one of the businesses nearby where I fell, I'm fucking owning it. But I cannot remember where I fall in so many places. I can't remember who the fuck owns what. What thing I've fallen in front of. That camera shop might be mine one day. You might just be the mayor of Traverse City

and not know it. Yeah. I'll take that in lieu of settlement. Vote for shitty fat Batman. Yeah, I'll take that in lieu of a settlement. Vote for shitty fat Batman. I'll get that heated sidewalk everywhere. Thank you to all of my guests, Ben Bailey, Ted Alexandro,

Mickey Glazer, Jeff Tate. Thanks, you guys. Laser Jet Tape. Thanks you guys. Didn't have to throw anybody off the stage. Wait, hang on, hang, hang, hang, hang on. Alright. Guess they found the end theme. And now Ben's doing a weird tuck-in before.

Don't you have to go... Don't you have to go do some Trivago ads or something? Or like in the movie Her, nobody wore belts. That was like the one innovation in the future is men just wear pants that cinch up enough around the waist. Don't need belts at all. But yeah, I'll do three shitheads and then come in with the closing theme song.

And thanks for finding it. As always, tiny bees are a shithead. Is that like a problem around here? Extra small bees? Yoda says so. Owner Tuchel is a shithead. I like him. I've talked with him since that happened,

and we get along fine. He hasn't been back on the show, but... He's a nice guy. And finally, as always, wind is a shit.