Doug Loves Movies - NYC IV: The Final Conflict

Episode Date: June 19, 2012

Recorded live at The Gramercy Theatre in New York, NY on June 11th, 2012. Jim Gaffigan, James Adomian, Rob Cantrell, and Dave Juskow guest. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Because Doug loves movies Hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. I love them, I love them, I love them. This is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you from the Gramercy Theater in New York City on Monday, June 11th to Oceans 12. Woo!

Woo! I was a very aggressive man in the front row. It's the scary kind of love. When it screamed at you, we love you! We love you! Listen to me! I brought some copies, hot off the presses, of my new CD, Smug Life. Yeah.

Doesn't even come out until July 3rd on iTunes or wherever you buy your comedy. And I will be giving out some of these fresh babies randomly throughout the show tonight. So, yeah. I might give you one no matter how much you love me. What's up, people in the back? Those are awesome seats and weird seats at the same time. Like, I admire your elevation. I'll leave it at that.

I don't know where I was going with that. Since no one ever picks it, I am going to, right in front of your eyes, I'm going to retire a Leonard Maltin game category. You got to let them go after a while. It just gets tiresome to keep reading the same category that nobody ever picks. Makes me feel bad for it. You know, I want to give it a good home. So here it is.

It's the category was called Peggy Sue Got Marley'd in Me no one would ever pick the category of movies where Kathleen Turner dies because I think the reason they shied away from it is because who remembers what movies she was even in let alone let alone in. So that's quite a thing. So the movie I had selected was from 1989. Who said that? Raise your hand. You win a CD.

Get that back to her, would you, young man? Thank you very much. There you go. Yeah. And here's one for you for passing that to her. It's fucking random, you guys. I should host a real game show. Just get really high and give shit out whenever I feel like it. People would watch that or listen to it in this case. But yeah, she said it. I heard her murmur,

War of the Roses from 1989. Yeah, and it had a bunch of names in it. And Kathleen Turner, of course, was second. And spoiler alert, it's not a bad movie, but it is a fucking heavy movie because she and Michael Douglas both die at the end.

Yeah. Yeah. Very violently, they're hanging from a chandelier and it crashes onto the ground in their mansion. It's fucking weird. Somebody should do a new version of Mitt Romney

and his wife. All right, Michelle and Barack, I don't give a shit. Somebody make a new version, but keep it political. If at all possible. All right, I'm going to delete the category from my phone now, because it's done. It's dead. No more Peggy Sue got Marley to me.

All right, don't cry. There's many more categories where that came from. Let's see, what's next on here? here oh since last i spoke and you listened i uh got stuck for a few hours on an amtrak train from baltimore to new york city a lot of people aren't happy with the amtrak i only i only go on it once in a while and it's usually on time when I use it. So I was startled, and you guys are like, happens all the time. But we'll see if Amtrak sends me anything to make up for all the pain, suffering. Because that's the thing. If you're stuck on a plane that's sitting on the tarmac and there's a problem,

you're just sitting there. You can't do shit, you know. But when this Amtrak train stopped, it was like, do you guys want to get off and go out in that field over there and do whatever it is you need to do? So, yeah, so I got stuck on the train. There was lots of T.J. Miller unstoppable jokes on my Twitter. Denver, yeah!

Yeah! unstoppable jokes on my Twitter. Denver, yeah! Then the Tony Awards happened, and the movie to stage adaptations of Newsies and Once both did quite well. Yeah, I'm going to check those out. But the musical versions of Ghost and Leap of Faith

bit the bag and stepped out the door. They didn't win shit. But, you know, they might have been good. Who knows? It doesn't have to be good to win a Tony or vice versa. I'm going to see a bunch of shows the next time I'm in town, a.k.a. soon. Now it's time for Watch This, Not That. Audience edition.

Let's do an audience edition. Let's get two dudes this time. You, sir, there on the end. Name a movie that you enjoy. Blade Runner. All right, some fans in the back. And how about you right there? Willow.

It's funny how often I don't even have to think about it. I just have a knee jerk. I know Kevin Pollack, one of the brownies, was a past and future guest on the show, but I, of course, am in Blade Runner, so watch Blade Runner, not Willow. This has been Watch This, Not That. We did it, you guys.

I'll be doing a Doug Loves Movies at Palace Station in Vegas. If any of you are out in Vegas on Sunday, July 8th, for a link to get tickets, go to DougLovesMovies.com. Now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies. This is a tweet by me, Doug Benson, at Doug Benson, written today, this very day. The weather is, you know, here in New York, it was good. The weather is so nice, I'm in New York was pretty, it was good. The weather

is so nice. I'm going to go inside and watch a movie in 3d in IMAX. So it feels like I'm outside again, but on the moon, hashtag Prometheus. Wait, what is that? Do they say what the planet's called in Prometheus? LV256? Or some shit like that? Alright. That was interesting that so many of you had an answer. Because if there was a quiz about Prometheus after it was over, I would fucking flunk that shit.

I couldn't tell anybody what the fuck was going on in that movie. And I stayed awake. And I did go with the... I went with the 3D, you know, against my better judgment. And I still say, hashtag fuck 3D. They've got to stop saying that everything is in 3D. That movie would look just as cool

in regular. A couple people tweeted to me today. Oh, no, this was a good 3D. that movie would look just as cool in regular. A couple people tweeted me today, oh no, this was a good 3D. Oh, stop it! There's never one that's good enough to justify glasses on the entire time. All the way through the movie, I was like,

well, that guy may be getting killed, but I'm being forced to wear glasses. It's hard to empathize. I paid $20. $20 to wear glasses. You can go down to LensCrafters, try them on for free. All right, let's...

You probably figured out by now I'm anti-Ametheus, not pro-Ametheus. I mean, it's not terrible. Some amazing shit goes down. Like, it's visually quite impressive, but I don't know what the fuck was going on. Let's look in the prize bag. We got some Bazzini nuts in the prize bag. Yeah. Right out of the gate. We got a Doug Loves Movies t-shirt We got my first CD Professional Humoridian We've got a copy of the new CD Smug Life

We got Go The new one from Motion City Soundtrack Friends of the Show Also Matt Besser's Freak Dance sticker We got Doug Digs' movie of this particular episode is a little motion picture called Starship Troopers. Yeah. Isn't it great?

I fucking love that movie. It's like so funny and you're watching it kind of going, do they know? Does Denise Richards have any idea? Some Special K pastry crisps. Yeah, that was a little something from my hotel room.

One of the guests brought, Woody Allen is not here, but one of the guests brought a Woody Allen TV special from 1969. You know, it's either here or Europe. If I say Woody Allen, you guys get a little excited because it's actually, you know, within the realm of possibility. Out in L.A., no one would think he's going to show up. The only time he came to L.A. in the last 20 years was, you know, the Oscars right after 9-11. And a little fun fact for you guys. And also, I don't know that much about this band, but it's a DVD of a band called Minor Threat.

It was brought by one of the guests who's not in Minor Threat. Oh, also, some buttons from promoting the DVD release of Scarface from 2003. And it says on there, I bury those cockroaches. So that'll be fun to put on your jacket with all of your other punk rock pins that you like to wear. All right, let's put all this stuff in the back of the bag, back into the bag. And please help me in welcoming to the stage four friends of mine who I know you'll enjoy. Please welcome James Adomi and Rob Cantrell, Dave Juskow, and Jim Gaffigan. Hey, fellas. This one goes out to the ladies.

This is the Magic Mike episode. We're all going to do a little dance for you at some point. I didn't tell you guys that yet, but that's part of the deal tonight. Because we're going to get all magical and Michael on them.

Now, Dave Juskow, let's talk to you first, because this is your first time on the show. Say hi to Dave, everyone. Hey, everybody. Hello. Hello. Now, how do we know each other?

I think just you know because I've seen everything you've done That's not why I thought that was the proper answer for my first time on the show Yeah we've known each other for a long time and we're both friends with Sarah Silverman so that's sort of how we possibly some 420 stuff

hung out together and sure sure sure, sure. And also, you share my love for Broadway theater, I found out recently. I don't know what you're talking about. That's so funny. Yes. Last night, when I was live-tweeting the Tonys, I kept getting

tweets from people telling me I'm gay for watching and tweeting about the Tonys. And then they would say, you should be watching True Blood. Now, seriously, I don't even have to finish the joke. True Blood is gayer than the Tonys. There's nothing gayer than vampires. No, some vampires are not that gay at all.

Like that one in the Twilight movie that wants to fuck that one girl so bad. Yeah, I've been around for thousands of years, but this is the one. This one that never defends herself and is happy that I bruised her on our wedding night. I could go on and on about that. Let's talk to... I could talk about vampires for a long time.

Speaking of the Broadway stage, Jim Gaffigan is here. Hi, how are you? I'm not a vampire. You're not a vampire, but you are... I can't get in that kind of shape. I mean, when are those guys doing sit-ups? Just a diet of blood, you know? They don't really eat.

They just suck blood all the time. I think the kid that's a werewolf, I think he harnesses all of his anger because he's always mad. He always harnesses it, I think, in his chest and his abs. So he's just always like... Well, he's a pit bull.

Yeah, yeah. He's super intense, and I think that's why he's in such good shape. But you were in a Broadway show recently called The Basketball Diaries. Yeah, it was called The Basketball Diaries. No, wait, wait. Or it was called That Championship Season. That Championship Season.

You've just got a lot of gay on the brain. I did write down Basketball Diaries here, though. You're like. But it was That Championship Season, which had never been on Broadway. It had been an off-Broadway show. No, it had been on Broadway. It won the Pulitzer. So this is officially a revival then.

Yeah, that's what they call it. A Broadway revival. So instead of that, it was a revival. Yeah, yeah. And it was about eight months you did it for? Six months? Six months. Six months.

And with huge, crazy, amazing movie star actors. Not that you're not a movie star. No, I'm not. Three kings. Away we go. 17 again. 17 again. You've already covered 40 seconds of me in a movie.

13 going on 30. But yeah. But I didn't get to see you do that play. Thanks for coming. You offered me a ticket. Dave, you saw it? I did see it. He was amazing. Oh, okay. And

was he the one that gets the basketball thrown in his face? Yeah, that's exactly what happened, Mr. Broadway. Doesn't that happen in that? Or is that just in the movie version? A basketball get thrown in the face? Yeah. Someone chunks a basketball. What are you, like an Arab bud? Yeah, the dog.

He shoots a field goal. He catches it an air bud. Yeah, the dog. He shoots a field goal. He catches it with his face. No, I mean, I saw the movie version of that championship season, and I forget which character gets hit in the face with a basketball. They don't do that in the play? I don't even remember that in the movie version. Really? I think you're stoned.

I might be thinking about basketball diaries again. Or Con Air. I don't know what movie it was, but somebody got hit in the face with a basketball. There was a basketball in it, right? Yeah, yeah. And you're from Indiana. I am.

Basketball. This whole crowd is like going, oh shit, this was a mistake. This wasn't even a good idea. I gotta work tomorrow. It's fucking Monday night. It's gonna take me an hour and a half to get home. But it's summertime!

Woo! Oh shit. Summer, summer, summertime. Sit back and... So, Rob Cantrell is here. Doug, what is gonna be the song of this summer? I know you want. Oh, I don't know.

Summer, summer, summer time. Is that it? Is that how it goes? Does the song of summer always have the word summer in it? Yeah, as many times as you can say summer, that's always better. Summer once again to remind you what season. I don't even think that's it.

Go outside. I don't think that's it. It's too early to call the song of the summer. Really? I think it might be, yeah. How about looking forward to the autumn? Is that a great summer jam? Yeah, yeah.

That sounds like a made up song That's not even a real I always like the one from That doesn't even sound like a real song The one from Meatballs Are you ready for the summer? Are you ready for the good times? Yeah, they play that like

You know, around the time they're going to camp in the movie But then I think they play it again over the end credits It's just like, yeah, I am ready Yeah, that's a good point It's end of summer at the end of the story What are you doing? All the good times are done Well think they played again over the end credits. It was just like, yeah, it's end of summer at the end of the story. What are you doing? All the good times are done. Well, what's it supposed to end with? Yeah, yeah, there's

different music. There's more than one song. Should it go to a winter song at the end? What's this? Summer song at the beginning? Camp-themed movie? Then summer song? That doesn't make sense. Put a back-to-school song over the end titles. That's all I'm saying. Like at the end of

your movie, Away We Go, they had a song about being there and getting there. What's that? The song at the end of Away We Go was like, we're here. We got here. We made it. Just calling to let you know we're safe.

It was a lot of Lexi Murdoch do you know that song that stuff oh throughout the movie yeah but it's great but you feel like you should be planning your own suicide while you listen to it you're like alright I'll tie the rope like this I've been wondering

the promo's really the trailer's really made it look like kind of a like they're trying to make it a flat-out comedy. It was really super fun. But it's not, right? It's all you and Allison Jerry in the trailer. That movie you were in. It was supposed to be comedy, but it sucked, right?

Yeah, that's what you're saying, right? No, I'm saying it was marketed weird weird and that it was more of a drama. Or not a drama, but it was more of a slice of life. It was. A shitty slice of life. You're saying it was neither funny nor dramatic. I didn't even see it. I didn't even see it.

I don't know how I can insult it. You found a way. Three Kings is one of my favorites. Does that help? I don't know. Yeah. Let's talk to Rob Cantrell is here, everybody. Rob Cantrell.

Hello, hello. New York City. Doug Benson. That's right. You're a veteran of the Marijuana Logs. Yep. Still perform in the troupe from time to time. And thank you for being here tonight.

And if you have, I got two questions for you. And thank you for being here tonight. And if you have... I got two questions for you. It's a two-parter. Have you seen Prometheus? And how high are you right now? Yes. Oh, no, no. How high were you when you saw it?

I mean, I'd like to know both, if you don't mind. I saw Prometheus, and I saw it in 3D. But I wasn't high. I didn't get high. I didn't get high. I didn't get high for it. Uh-oh. Wow.

Jesus. That guy just fucking hated that line. You lost someone there. I had a lot to do, but I did take a big... The Phantom of the Paradise just slammed that door. I took a big hit of resin right before I left. I just cashed out the bowl

Because you don't want to get too high before the movie Because then you get freaked out Especially in New York It's like four stories I had to go to one of those superplexes to see it in 3D And I've never got the glasses So I'm putting the glasses over the shit And it was an awesome movie

But the trailer blew me away It was Abraham Lincoln Vampire. Have you heard about this? Yeah. Yeah, I saw the trailer today when I saw it. They're coming out with an Abraham Lincoln history movie that he's a vampire. And he's a slayer. He kills vampires.

Because there's a nation of fucking vampires. I can't believe you just gave away the twist. He hunts them and then lets them go. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry. But Parmenethius was fucking... It was scary, but it was fun. 3D is good. Visually, very good.

It's kind of like a redo of Aliens, but there was a scene where she gives herself a... Hey, hey, hey, that's enough. All right. Settle down. But you see a cesarean. It was so brutal. But I think it's weird

that, like, everybody's talking about Ridley Scott stuck to his guns and he made an R-rated movie and the box office results were probably not as strong as they could have been if he'd, you he'd figured out a way to make it PG-13. But my question is, I mean, I guess all the violence is mostly against

real human beings, so that's the problem, but I just thought that it wasn't, I didn't think it was more violent than the last Twilight movie where Edward chewed his baby out of his wife's belly. Like it was

kind of similar to be honest with you. But anyway, James Adomian is here everybody. I'm PG-13. You are just in general? Yeah. Like you just say fuck once every two hours? Yeah.

I sprinkle it in there. Yeah, yeah. Just, you're cool with it. Thanks. That's the first place you ever called me cool. How you holding up, Dougie? First time ever? Let me ask you this.

Sure. It's pretty cool. Let's get down to it. Let's pretend all these other guys aren't here. Okay. No, but. It's level level. One time when you were on the show, I said something like, do you do any impressions

of movie stars you know because it's a show about movies right and you were kind of like no not really and then later i realized that you do do some movie stars i probably do one specific one i thought of that you want right now you do a gary bucey impression oh yeah yeah he's a movie star i mean he was let let's not forget Doug, that if you're a movie star, you're living in a timeless universe. Because if there's one thing a film stands for, it's forward into loving mutualness.

I don't know what you're talking about, Gary. What I'm talking about will be decoded on December 21st, 2012. It will all become clear, my cousins. Gary, what did you think of Away We Go? Starring Jim Gaffigan, Allison Janney. I thought it was an Illuminati message. It was trying to sugarcoat what will happen when we're all taken away to prison camps. That's not accurate at all.

I didn't even see it. I don't know why you're... The only films I watch are Pedro Amadovar movies without any subtitles. Because you don't want to understand. It's the messages of film that is a propaganda. So if you don't understand the messages being spoken, you can just enjoy it and keep your mind free. All right, let's go down the line and see if you guys have seen anything else recently besides... Dave Juskow, have you seen a movie recently?

No, I just continue to watch Cocktail as it runs on... I can't help myself. Like, every time it's on, I'm in. It's amazing, right? Every time, it's good. There's not enough movies where the mentor of the protagonist just kills himself out of nowhere. Just not enough. Not enough.

Just fucking kills himself on a yacht. I know all of Coghlan's laws. You do? How many of them are there? There's seven in the movie. Oh, I want to hear every goddamn one. I want to hear every one of Coughlin's laws, and then I want to hear what Gary Busey thinks of each one.

Let's go. Well, I know the last one, which is, Coughlin's law, bury the dead, they stink up the joint. It's a horrible imitation. I'm sorry. That's the only one I know. That's all right. But, Gary, what do you think of that?

Well, I think if something's stinking up the joint, that means that it's not bathing with hard water, which has mercury in it. And if you're staking up a joint, you're probably closer to freedom. Betsy Ross. Betsy Ross. Okay, that's enough, Gary. That's enough, Gary. I loved you at DC Cab. What's the next Coghlan's Law?

I think it's... What is it? You said you knew all seven. I'm sorry. I got confused. I'm thinking of everything. I'm thinking of the first Yuppie Poet. I can't help myself.

That movie... I mean, I can't... I don't know. Forget it. It was fun while it lasted. Well, you know, somebody else must know some of the laws. As for the rest of Cogman's laws, you can throw them all away. I knew nothing about tablecloths or linens or everyone with a hand had it in my pocket.

That's what he says? That's what he says. It's in the letter. It's in the letter where he's dream assholes what i i'm doing lines for the movie yeah just just since you got so many of them in your head what about where they call them coglan's laws and just do the bit well coglan's laws are all bad because they uh they tell them you can stop bartending and stop serving drinks while you do your poetry on top of the bar. Yeah, yeah. Which is really messed up.

Poem, poem, poem, poem. Okay, everybody. All right. A poem to Flanagan's unborn child. Do you know the poem? I kind of do, but I don't know how I get it mixed up. You got to pull a piece of paper out. I've got it right. I wish I did. But if he's the wildest of boys or the naughtiest of

girls, I'll never let her marry a guy like me. And I'll never get spooked again. I bet I get spooky again. No way. Twins? Twins! And then that guy from, um, the guy from The Fugitive who gave him the money, the guy's like, we all know what an asshole this guy is.

No, I'm not. No, I'm not. You people know. Cut to an hour from now. Those fucking morons. I was making that shit up. They didn't see cocktail. I was making that shit up. They didn't see cocktail.

I was talking about... Everybody see cocktail. It's on every day. I can't stop watching it. When they go to Jamaica, it's my favorite part. And then he just goes like... Was that the song? Yeah. Aruba, mama, come on pretty mama.

Yeah, it's weird. They're in Jamaica and it's just mentioned amongst several other places. Like, it's not a song about Jamaica. That was a song called Kokomo. It's all the other places. That was the big comeback song with Beach Boys. That was Kokomo. That was Kokomo.

And it wasn't even called Jamaica. I read a movie. I auditioned for a movie. They're going to do a movie about the drummer, which is someone smarter than me. Who's the drummer of the Beach Boys? Dennis. John Stamos?

No, that would be who Stamos replaced. Right, right, right. Who said the drummer from the Beach Boys is a dentist? Dennis or something? I said Dennis, right? Right, Dennis, right. So Dennis Wilson, they're going to do a movie about him? Yep. And what do they

want you to play? The gym coach? They wanted me to play Brian Wilson. I'm not fucking kidding. What? And I was like, and I had, it was like one of those Skype auditions. Have you ever had one of those where you literally sit in front of your computer? We've all had those. The guy was like, so do you play the piano? And I was like, no. And he looked at me, he's like, obviously I'm not, you know, the fucking lead singer of the Beach Boys. Unless they did ABBA like 30 years after.

It's like, what? It's just so, it's surreal auditioning for things. She's like, I'm not going to get this. Why am I fucking even doing this? They're like, do you play piano? No. No. No. Okay. Do you spin?

You read the script. It's like Brian reconstructing just classic songs. It's just like, can you move your hands over a piano? No, I can't even do that. Can you lock yourself in your bedroom and show yourself off in society? No, not really. I don't even know how to turn on a radio, really. I'm completely unqualified.

But, Doug, I would like to talk about a movie since I've taken over. All right. I saw a movie that was amazing, and it was called Starbuck. It was a French-Canadian film. How many people? It was great. Anyone? See, I'm cooler than all you guys. That guy.

Did someone see it? It was good, wasn't it? How was it? Stand up. Was it good, sir? It was alright. Fuck. You know what? That guy obviously

is a plant. If it was alright, why would you make all this motion to wait? Oh, oh, oh, ask on me. Pick on me. He saw it. He saw it. That was only reasonable.

I'm not interested. Yeah. Free food, free food. Yeah. I'm not interested. Free food, free food. Yeah, I'm not hungry. I'm not. It doesn't matter. Ooh, let me take that poll. Undecided.

James, have you seen any films lately? The last new movie I saw was The Avengers. 3D. Which is hard for me to watch because I have the big head with big glasses and the 3D glasses mess up my glasses. Which are already always getting messed up. So that's my complaint to the movie

industry. You'd think that the nerdy fucks that do the 3D would realize that the nerdy people watching the 3D would realize that the nerdy people watching the 3D are wearing glasses, so we can't do the 3D glasses. Can I have 3D opera glasses?

That's like nerd on nerd crime. Why can't they take the thing that's in your eye and cover the fucking screen with it? Pull the thing down and cover the entire screen with the 3D thing and then you just sit there and look at it. Pull a thing down and cover the entire screen with the 3D thing. Wow, that is a solution idea.

Or can they just beam 3D LASIK surgery into my eyes so I just see everything in 3D? I think my idea is better, but... Just do that, and then I'll still go see it in 2D, because it's not coming out at me enough. It's not that dramatic. The thing that says real 3D, the little trailer they have before Prometheus starts, comes out at you more than anything in Prometheus. Prometheus is more like, oh, that looks like it has a little depth. You know where the 3D is always somewhat effective? Is the opening titles, the letters always seem like they're floating a little further.

There's a little bit more depth behind each name. And then for the rest of the movie, you're like, why am I wearing these fucking glasses? Yeah. Yeah. I'm actually working on a re-release of My Dinner with Andre in 3D. That could work. They were both spitters while they talked. that could work they were both spitters while they talked

there's a couple of dishes and trays that are really going to pop out so Rob saw Prometheus Jim saw Starbuck Dave Juskow is living in the past you saw Cocktail right? Cocktail

with a made up ending it's not a made-up ending. It's not a made-up ending. Anyone can see that ending. It's with the guy from the future. And James saw The Avengers. Did you ever do an impression of, it seems like Nick Nolte would be in your wheelhouse.

Well, I mean, he's basically just, if you take Gary Busey and just throw him in the trash, I guess, that's what Milti sounds like. I mean, I thought of him because he was in the Hulk, the first attempt at a Hulk movie. The first attempt? Yeah, yeah. For Connelly, the Ang Lee one, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was so funny.

For years, they would always show that photo of him, Nick Nolte, when he got the DUI in the Hawaiian shirt with the crazy hair. Right. And then I finally saw Hulk, and that's how he dressed and looked in the movie Hulk. And that happened while he was making the movie. Right, he got making the movie. It's the craziest mugshot but nobody ever goes, oh he's in a costume and has stupid hair on purpose. Did you see him in that

TV show Luck? Did you see him in Luck? I saw a few minutes of it but then a horse died and I went whoa! Right. Nay! No but he has entire... Because he's eventually just...

It's eventually just... There's just no words. It's just grumble with him. Beer. Just leather. I just, around the time that prince of tides came out i just would imagine him on the set going god damn it barbara it's my whole nick nolte impression what does he say when he's driving over the bridge in that i don't remember that at the end of I do remember the play, though.

What does he say when he gets hit by the basketball? Prince of Tides, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I'm the guy who looks gay. George Carlin was in that. What's that? George Carlin was in Prince of Tides. What did he play? He was like a gay guy that lived next door to What's Her Nuts.

Now you're making stuff up. Barbra Streisand. No, he was. He was a gay guy. He was. He was. Holy shit. Yeah.

Check it out if you like shitty movies. If you want to watch something shitty. Fantastic gay villain in Avengers, by the way. What? Fantastic gay villain. Loki's gay? I'm always on the lookout for effeminate villains. I think it's fantastic.

Serve me, all of you. I must be served and worshipped. Fascinated, the gay villain archetype. Do you think Alan Rickman in Die Hard is gay? Of course. Please. I'm so sorry.

I'm one of the victims. Make sure they're all killed. What about Snape in Harry Potter? Yeah, definitely. Mr. Porter, I see you've What about Snape in Harry Potter? Get down there. Mr. Potter, I see you've matured. Does anyone hunger for games?

Now this first game It's newly added to the show And so it confuses some of the guests Some people just leave the room when it happens Not the time for diarrhea. Right when the games. I came the entire time just for the games, and then boom. I had diarrhea. Diarrhea

ever hit at the right time? Boom. He's out there hanging himself. That said, I was humiliated for the last time because of my chronic diarrhea damn you bladder I like that commercial that goes always got better things to do

than always waiting in line for the restroom like what what better things to do and I ain't gotta go right now oh they're all the worst are the one what's what is it toilet paper that says enjoy the go go yeah enjoy the go what's that like your shitting is going to be so pleasant you should take a chance to enjoy it like this gentleman did. That was fast. You wished it.

Gone in 60 seconds. It's goo. I always try to bring it back to movies. Did you wash your hands? Yeah. Touch his hands. See if they're a little wet. That might not prove anything.

They are wet, but... Did you wash your hands with warm water that was rusty, maybe? Oh, come on! Did you use soap? Can I please have another vodka and soda? If somebody gets a chance. Thank you so much.

Love the Gramercy Theater. They're always right on top of that. I've gotten too drunk on occasion here. But tonight, I think I'm going to have it under control. Starting with another vodka. I've paced myself. I started drinking at 9 a.m. today instead of 7.

I watched the whole Today show not drunk. It's good that you're up early I have to start drinking when the Kathy Lee part comes on you have to that's what they expect they want you to be as drunk as her I've never seen that

what's the last hour like how do you know there's not poison it's awesome haven't you seen that sketch where Kristen Wiig does her impression of her? Yeah, I've only seen just clips of them holding cocktails. Why are they drinking? It's always like, oh, we've got

an expert on the fancy summer cocktails here to tell us the new... Who's the producer of that hour of the Today Show? I have an idea. This one's gonna be great. It's like a rum cocktail, but... And they're like, well, no, all right.

That's how they pitch the show. We're going to be drinking. We're doing a piece this morning in the news division on the IRA, so if Kathy Lee and Hoda could drink some Irish car bombs, that would be a terrific way to kick off the segment. This game is called ABCD's Nuts. We will go down the line

and around the horn asking each one of you to name a movie, any movie, that begins with the next letter of the alphabet. If somebody misses, they are out, but they'll that begins with the next letter of the alphabet. If somebody misses, they are out, but they'll

be back for the other games, so don't, never fear. And then the next person has to take on the letter that the person prior to them screwed up on. And, am I leaving anything else? Oh, and the letter, the letter T, the, you can only use the for the letter T, movies that begin with the, so

stay away from those with the other letters. Ah, the plays. What? The plays in this game. These not silent. That's right. Okay. Like the crowd right now.

I should call it ABC these nuts. So you start with the letter A, James. Okay. Adomian. Thank you. I wish I could play that. All about Eve. Adomian, the James. Okay. A-dome-ian. Thank you. I wish I could play that. All about Eve. A-dome-ian, the movie.

Okay, all about Eve. Are you going to do extremely gay selections every time it comes to you? Let's see. Let's see if I can add that later. I am a notorious homosexual. I think Jim Gaffigan's going to beat you to cabaret. So we go to... Rob Cantrell gets the letter B.

Beat Street. Yeah, nice. Jim gets the letter C. Chinatown. That means I'm smart, right? He did say Chinatown. It's one of the more entertaining movies that's also kind of first-class.

Jim Gaffigan likes Chinatown, too. I'm going to go the gay way as well. I'm going to say Death Trap. Death Trap. I mean, it's based on a play. Okay, so E to James. I'm not angry, Freddie. I am taken back.

Because what you're describing is complete satire. I don't want to be known as the fact that knocked off his wife. The writer, not the writer, I've knocked off his wife. God, that's a great movie. So, you don't play, it's me? Yeah, I don't play.

Alright, uh, E.T. the Extraterrestrial. That was a hot gay alien. Full title, full title. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, I don't play. All right. E.T. the Extraterrestrial. That was a hot gay alien. Full title. Full title. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. You stepped in it this time.

Oh, boy. E.T. the Extraterrestrial. Everybody come... The story of a kid. E.T. the Extraterrestrial. I'll say that about Cincinnati. Yeah, also, E.T.'s not very gay. You should have gone with Elephant Man.

That's not gay either. But it's based on a play. We can't help ourselves. You're out. James is out. Sorry, guys. He'll be back. In fact, he's going to sit here the whole time. So don't start crying. What if we were like sad when you got kicked out

of the game? Well, I would love it if we had chairs like on The Voice and you had to spin around for the rest of the game. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Will James Adomia be back for the next game? So Rob has to pick up the letter that James miffed on and

his adventures on Earth. I don't go to F. I think. I could be wrong. They didn't put that on the earth. It's definitely not anything about Cincinnati. We are attempting to master the alphabet. Will they know what comes after E? Do I do E or F?

Yeah, you do E. Okay, Evil Dead. Evil Dead. It's not Evil Dead. Right? There seems to be more loopholes than gameplay. I know. Who is that?

The quiz master. Of course. They never finish the alphabet. It's a big budget Planet Earth DVD. Want me to do another one? The alphabet. Or a mouth. No, if you've got another one right away.

East of Eden? Why isn't this considered a TED talk? East of Eden? Okay, F. For me? Yeah. The me? Yeah. The fugitive. All right, so Jim's out.

Oh, so we can't start with the T? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so I'm dumb. So that got those guys out, and then it got me out. So now the game is just over. I explained three times. No, I got through. But I still didn't understand it.

Because I'm smart. It seems this game is against nature itself. It doesn't matter. Unless you're crazy competitive. Yeah, you don't give a shit. Wait a minute. We don't even win anything, do we? No.

Okay. What if we... Oh, shit. We just get to talk about... So what letter are we still stuck on? Say G. Say G. What letter did you try to do?

I tried to do F, right? Okay, so F to you, Dave. I think this is one for the love of the game. Yeah. All right. What's that? What's that? What's that? McConaughey?

Is that a little McConaughey in that? I think that's Kevin Costner. Costner? Oh, the baseball thing. Right? He's on the Tigers. With Kelly Preston. That's the worst game, the worst movie ever.

It's like all the whole last half hour, it's just him on the mound. I got to get this guy out of there. Well, you know. And there's some, that Italian guy from the bodyguard. Like, it's obviously, he knows Kevin Cosby. He's just yelling at him the whole time.

It's just the two of them. You got nothing! He's like, I'm not going to listen to that guy. I know I got it all. I was like, I'm sorry.

I just picked that up. I'm just sorry. I'll just go. For the love of, I'm still in the game! Sorry. He's still in the game. Sam Raimi's career

did definitely point to that he should direct a romantic comedy about professional baseball okay so for the love of the game G back to you're out to Rob

Goodfellas I think that gets used every time we get to the letter G H for Dave I would say fugitive if I we get to the letter G. Well done. H for Dave. I would say fugitive if I was called that. H for... I was listening to your podcast last week. I'm going to go with Home Alone 3. Wow.

I'm a fan. You're lucky there's no subtitle at the end because that could have gotten you in trouble. I didn't think of that. I could have been called Home Alone 3. He's back home alone again. Oh, no, I think there is a full name. Shut up. No, no, it's just Home Alone 3. What do you know, Jim?

I know that because I masturbate to it quite a bit. It's only funny because it's true. It's funny because it's true. I, Rob. In Cold Blood? Mm- true. I, Rob. In Cold Blood? Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah. J, Just Cow. I'll just use my last name. No, that's not a movie. J, go. Three, two, one. Justice League. One. That's not a movie.

Rob Cantrell's our winner. Oh! Yay, yay, yay. I'm just a little competitive enjoy your victory now Mr. Cantrell Mr. Potter Mr. Potter

did you see Prometheus don't you like Harry Potter did I see Prometheus is that what you're asking me yeah I was just thinking about that android the Russian android no the german android

sorry sorry i won't talk about it anymore yeah don't talk about it i'm bumming everybody out and i watched it today for this fucking podcast so i i spent 14 dollars i did the upgrade but i won't talk about it you've ruined christmas i thought i was prepared you can but I won't talk about it. You've ruined Christmas. I thought I was prepared. You can't talk about it because it's the Thinking Man's science fiction movie. Which means it's boring. Yeah. It has a Dune vibe. Based on that, you're saying that science fiction

people don't think. They super think. No, they're thinking. You're really going after the science fiction people. There's people watching Prometheus that have a million thoughts running through their head, and in my head I'm like, why isn't a monster chasing somebody right now? That's how I was.

Yeah, yeah. But you loved it though. But there's parts I need somebody like that to sit down and explain a couple parts. I think whether you love it or you hate it,

it's a fun movie that exists. I'm happy that it exists. I just don't, I didn't like it. I have come to realize I thought it was boring. I I just don't... I didn't like it. I have come to realize... I thought it was boring. I've come to realize that I love boring science fiction movies. Apparently.

Some of the best ones are boring, and it's like, oh, it's a negative mark, but then otherwise it's great. Like, Solaris is a fucking boring movie, but it's mind-blowing. That's right. I'm running for office in the Soviet Union. And what about Blade Runner? Do you like Blade Runner, Doug? Well, I'm in for office in the Soviet Union and what about Blade Runner do you like Blade Runner

Doug I know you're in it well I'm in it but it also someone someone just tweeted me today that Blade Runner does not hold up

you know it's like it is slowly paced and not ever really that exciting even even you know

back in its day it was like that's part of why it was such a flop is because people were expecting a more exciting movie. The original Star Trek movie. Yeah, sci-fi has like SAT scores.

There's like a thousand. It's like Star Wars. And then when you go up Star Trek, you've got to be fucking smart to know all the different levels. You know, what's going on. Like, Dune is deep. I don't know.

I just, when I went to Prometheus, I was more into, I'd like to see another alien movie made by somebody who's a good filmmaker rather than a movie that's just like, you know, winking around about being an alien movie. You know, like, I wanted to really step up and be an alien movie

and it did not. But there could be a Prometheus 2. What's an example of one of these Timkin alien movies that you object to so much? What do you mean? Like an alien movie that's like, we're not really about aliens.

It's more about the crew and human dynamics and there's a whole God thing going on. This is what it is. Prometheus is a... It's too James Cameron for my taste. It's very much about the visuals and none of the characters are interesting and you don't give a shit what happens. It's all visual.

The visuals are awesome, but you've got to sit there and think about how you don't care while you're watching them. I did go to the bathroom and somebody was smoking weed in the bathroom. That's smart. That's smart. That's smart to fucking reboot. And that person was you. Yeah, you just stunk of weed. I was like, thank God people are still doing this. Nice.

Just hitting one hitters in the bathroom, going back to the movie. All right, let's play some Build the Title. The Fugitive. The Fugitive He really was dumb Jim Gaffigan is stupid Who won that game? Rob won that game? Technically, yeah We'll start with you, Rob

Then we'll go to James Is the name one? This is Bill the title We're going to add to the title with names of other movies. It doesn't matter how it's spelled. It matters how it sounds because it's a podcast. At Harrison the fan. Harrison the fan suggested on Twitter the movie Chicken Run.

So, Rob, you need a movie that ends in chicken or begins with run. So Rob, you need a movie that ends in chicken or begins with run. Or part of the word chicken, of course. I could do that in one note. That's the next game. What do you think, Rob? You got anything? Ronan?

No. Ant. Does this help? Ant. No. You have the right idea, but... Run, run. Don't yell out answers, you weirdo!

Run away! Dude, what are you doing? Don't help me. Shut down the experiments. There's someone in here who can't handle it. Lock the doors. Find him. Have him fixed.

At the very least, isolate him in a booth. I'd give him a cesarean. All right, dude, do you understand what's happening? This is a game between these guys, and you don't have to yell out answers, but I appreciate your enthusiasm, drunkenness, stoneness, whatever it is that made that happen.

Run, running, run? No, that's not a movie. What is wrong with you? I can't think of it. Okay, you're out. You're out. You're out. You're out. You're a loser.

But you won the last one. Hey, you know what? I still love you. James, James, James. What's that? James. Run, Ronnie, Run is a movie. It is a movie, but you guessed seven things before you got to that.

I said Ronan and one thing. Okay, you said Ronan, I said you're out, and then I tried to move on. You're right, I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. Doug, it's always... I think you'll notice as we play this game and if you listen to the show that I don't

allow multiple guesses. Thanks for coming out to Doug Has Rules. We have an ending to get to. This isn't just, let's just sit around and say stuff. There was that falling out of that one podcast where you kicked Rob Cantrell out of that game. Did they ever speak again? I knew I was such an asshole.

They never spoke again? They never spoke again. Those guys were tight. Well, eventually, Merritt got them on What the Fuck. They hashed it out. They all still had issues with Merritt,

but eventually, they hashed it out. All I said was Ronan, and then I said, Ronan, go ahead, Merritt. Let's let Mark Merritt talk to him.

Rob, Rob, Rob, let's let Mark talk to you about what happens. This sounds like an asshole. I don't know. Well, you know, I said Ronan, but then I said, run, Ronnie, run. And that's a movie that was R, and he just wasn't into it, you know, and kicked me right out. I don't know.

I mean, it's no real big issue. I thought he was still doing marriage. Are you still interviewing him as marriage? I thought that's where it was going. If it's not, we can go back. You asked him to explain his thought process? I wasn't playing. How did you feel when

Doug kicked you out of the thing? Now that play you were in, Jim, was it called Five Guys Talking at the Same Time? Because you're good at it. It was. All right, James. You've got Chicken Run.

I've got Chicken Run? Okay. It's a new disease going around. Okay. Chicken Running Man. Yeah. Great. What was it?

Chicken Running Man. Oh, that's What was it? Chicken Running Man. Oh, that's good. We dropped the these in this game. Then we go to Dave Jeskow. Oh. I'm going to say... Chicken Running Man. Hot Chicken Running Man.

Yeah. Hot Chick. Hot Chick. Starring Rob Schneider in the title role. Oh. Rob Schneider, right. Rob Schneider and Jim Gaffigan. What do you think of that, Jim?

It ends in hot or begins in man? Hot chick running man on a wire. Oh! Now do you love me, Dad? Now did I? I was so proud of you up there. What did you play in that? Were you in that?

Were you on that movie podcast? Were you in that one? Man on a Wire? No, I wasn't. Not that one. Hey! Why did I yell that? Hey! I need everybody's attention!

And that's all I need. I've got it, and that's all I need okay so we go to James hot chicken running man on a wire That's what I yelled before. No A. Not just A. That's right. Go and get him. He didn't yell just A.

He's not fond of me now. He walks over and he starts beating the shit out of the guy. He didn't even bring a purse to it. Why is everyone here? Next. Go. Go. Go.

Go. Go. Everybody out. Go get him. I'm out of here. Come back. Wow. Don't, James.

It's not worth it. Bloomberg has a new safety law. When someone yells A, everyone needs to evacuate. We can't take any chances with people yelling fire in a crowded theater. I think that's the most powerfully contagious diarrhea I've ever seen. That first guy gets this when he

gets back. Give him a copy of this. Explosive CD. Okay. Okay, so it's called Man on Wire. Okay, I got this. Hot Okay, so it's called Man on Wire. Okay, I got this. Hot How do I say this?

Hot shot chicken running man on a wire. I said hot shots into hot. No, you don't. Alright. Foiled by grammar again.

So that just leaves Rob? Wait, no, that just leaves Jim. You kicked me out a long time ago. Who's still in this? Don't you remember the what the fuck episode? Oh, so Dave wins that round. I'm still in it. I won the motherfucker.

Yeah, man, he fucking kicked me off, too. Hey, uh, he's an asshole. All right. How we doing on time? Good. Oh, okay. Hey, uh, he's an asshole. Alright. How are we doing on time? Good. Oh, okay. Good. Oh, okay.

Feels like a good time. Judging by everybody getting up, maybe not so good. Now, when you say everybody getting up, we should stress that it's three people. Three people. Who have been making eyes at each other since we got up here.

There is a conjugal room in the back. There is a place for three ways. And we have our first participant. We're tuning in now. Wow. It's always the lady who comes back first.

Guys are finishing up. They might be hitting the showers. Some guys can't finish until the girl leaves. I never came back in the room. I was too embarrassed. I've done that before. Wait, what? I've done that before. Wait, what? I've done that before.

Like, you know what? I'll just chill on the back. I don't need this. All right. So who are we calling the winner of that round, audience? Juskow? Dave Juskow? Dave Juskow.

Okay. Sorry. You know what? You know who I would say the winner is? All of us. Because we had a great time. You know what? I agree. We should all reach back and grab a guitar.

I agree. You all have some cross-me-skills in Nash. You guys all get a point for that one. Let's play one more and whoever wins on this one will be the winner of this particular game. At Mark Howard on Twitter suggested Moonrise Kingdom. And since he won last round, we'll start with Dave.

I don't know what somebody out there is saying, but hopefully it's not an answer. Moonrise Kingdom. Is it something moon or kingdom? Bitter Moonrise Kingdom? Is that right? something moon or... Bitter Moonrise Kingdom? Is that right? Bitter Moonrise? Yeah. That's a thing?

Bitter Moon, right? Bitter Moon? Okay. People are confirming it. I have no idea what that is. There were three people that confirmed. Yeah, yeah. But what do you think it is?

I think it's Bitter Moon. Bitter Moonrise Kingdom. You said Moonrise Kingdom, right? Right. But what is the movie Bitter Moon? Like, who's in it? What's it about? You know what?

That wasn't on your list of things. You have a very... You didn't say that you had to know all this. I'm saying it now. James, help me out. It's one of the bylaws.

I'm just curious. Okay, so Dave's out. Moon... Article 415. People have your back on that one, so we'll let you stay. Bitter Moon, B. Moon. Article 415. People have your back on that one, so we'll let you stay. Bitter moon, bitter moon. Substitution of the Benson Clause. Bitter moon, bitter moon.

All right, so then we go to Jim. Bitter moonrise kingdom. All right. So something ends in bitter or bit. Bitter moonrise kingdom. So I, what about... I couldn't do Bitter Moonrise The Kingdom.

No, you couldn't. Could I do that? I couldn't say The Fugitive probably. Bitter Moon Rise Moonrise Kingdom. Dumbrise King Dumb. Dumb. King Dumb.

King Dumb. I think he's giving you a clue. Dumb and Dumber? Yeah! I did it! I did it! I'm finally... I made it! Now I'm a graduate! What?

What? Don't throw your hat in the air just yet. Now we're going to Rob Cantrell. When's it over, Daddy? Bitter Moonrise King Dumb and Dumber. Dumber. Dumber.

Early. Early. Ooh. Early. I don't think there's any movie that begins with early. Early. Dumber. Wyatt Earp. No.

All right. Thanks for playing. James. All right. What was it again? I've got to think this through. Bitter Moonrise, Kingdom, and Dumber.

Bitter Moonrise, Kingdom, and Dumber. Okay. I like that you're on your feet for this. Does this help? Okay. Alright.

Bitter Moonrise, Kingdom, and Dumber. In the Balance. God damn it, I don't know any movies. I thought it was good. Earth was such a good start, but you're out. Earth Girls Are Easy would have worked.

Yeah, it would have. Yep. Oh, yep. There you go. Yep. There you go. We see where future scientists could take this line of reasoning. So what happened there?

Jim won the point there? Again. All right. This is like the Special Olympics. How do I win? Jim always wins. There's a My Name is Jim trophy. Yes.

That he gets. Is that what happened? Did he win? I came in second. All right. You know what? Again, we all won. All right, Jim gets to start

for a Leonard Maltin game, and what we need first before we play a Leonard Maltin game is to see your name tags. Oh, wow. What a dazzling array. Amanda's got the John.

Oh, my gosh. Sean has Sean Life written on Hulk knuckles. Look at that one over there. That's a pretty exciting name tag. Justin Bieber. There's a beer mug and a gauntlet and a number one ho hat. Wow. That guy is a number one ho.

So, yeah, just go. Just, yeah, put your mic down on your stool And just go pick out who you want to play for I want the lightsaber There's some really big ones back there There's a Tron one over there There's Steve, Nicole is here And Sarah with a plate There's a big

People are yelling It's an excited group Alright It's an excited group. All right. Oh, Jim took some Rice Krispies from somebody. You haven't picked one yet? Oh, you got the number one ho hat. All right, everybody's got one. Okay, keep your name tags up.

Keep your name tags up. Everything we picked is a reflection of ourselves. Nicole, do you already have a CD? Okay, she already got one. I got to pick ones I like. What's that Spuds McKenzie dog right there? What's that about? All right, get over here.

I don't need the whole story. Holy shit, there's a Justin Bieber standing. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Let's get a Justin Bieber person. Come up here. Come up here. Get Bieber up here. I'm giving away consolation prizes to the good name tags, copies of Smug Life.

He's just walking around with a life bag. I like the heart balloon. The heart balloon. Come get one. Come get one. I like the meet the fuckers sign back there come up here meet the fuckers Sharon

is that really what you're yelling like you're Ozzy Osbourne waddling through the house Sharon there you go Shanley Prometheus I should have grabbed that one there's some up in the top, too.

Thanks for bringing name tags, you guys that are way up there. All right, let's play this game. Let's do it. Everyone's sad. I only got a couple more left. We'll give them out randomly. James is playing for the gentleman who brought a hat that says number one ho on it. It says number one ho.

I was captivated. Yeah, yeah. And what's your actual name? Joe. Joe. Joe. Couldn't get a number one ho on it. It says number one ho. I was captivated. Yeah, yeah. And what's your actual name? Joe. Joe. Couldn't get a number one Joe hat. Had to get the number one ho hat. And who are you playing for there, Rob? It's a lightsaber named

Steve. Yep, Steve. Blue lightsaber. A lot of the Jedi's name their lightsabers. Like, what's yours called? Oh, Mighty Thor or whatever. This guy called his steve just break out old steve may the steve be with you fuck darth vader give me steve let me handle this shit and what do you got uh rice krispies rice christies oh christy just changes a p to a t and you're good to go is it a full box full of them? It is a full box. Oh, that's nice. Just little tiny Christie's. Take it home for the kids.

Yeah, I get breakfast. It's probably filled with poison. I have Amanda. And Just Gal is playing for Amanda, who brought a Jaws picture. That's on every day, too. Also on HBO every day. I've been watching

it nonstop. That looks like the work of a mad woman. I like the little picture of a mad woman. The thought looks right. Where's the sociopath who did that one? Oh, you're crazy. She's like, let me cut

this out and I'll kill a puppy. You're crazy, lady. What's your favorite line from Jaws, Dave? I think it's... Well, I think it's... I like... I do it all the time at home.

You're just going to need a bigger boat. It's an obvious line, but I... It's the most obvious one. If I ask Rob Cantrell his favorite line from Star Wars... He's not going to say, may the force be with you. All right, all right. I know. Like if I ask Rob Cantrell his favorite line from Star Wars, he's not going to say may the force be with you. All right, all right.

I'm going to change it up and I'm going to say when Richard Dreyfuss comes over and he goes, are you going to eat that? Is somebody eating this? That was amazing too. It was.

My favorite. That was in Cocktail too. Wasn't there a toast? I think that's in most movies. Is somebody going to eat that? There's a theory that everything Dave says is quoted from Cocktail. It is true, mostly.

My favorite line from Jaws is when Richard Dreyfuss says, that's a tiger shark and the guy goes, oh, what? Alright, let's play the Leonard Mullen game. We'll start with... My lightsaber's making noise for some weird reason. Oh, it's a noisy lightsaber? Gives that cool sound effect.

Yelling guy in the audience says you're a Jedi. That's how it's bestowed on someone. There's just a guy who goes, hey, Jedi now. Here's Steve. Go take care of some evil. Cool. Cool, thanks. I love that it's like a sword and you can fucking block lasers with it.

That lightsaber also says, I don't have a girlfriend. That's the sound it makes. I got a wife and kid. We're here at the Gramercy Theater on the ice planet Hoth. And instead of getting inside a Tauntaun, we're going to warm ourselves with the Leonard Maltin game.

And we're going to start with Jim. Yes, sir. Who was the big winner in the last game. And by big winner, I mean the least loser. That was probably the worst build-a-title rounds we've had in the history of the program. For 75 years, we've been playing that game. A trusted brand. They were fast and quick.

Oh, yeah. It was mind-boggling. Okay, so Jim gets to pick a category. Yes, sir. And then we'll go to Dave and then James and then Rob. And the lady who's with number one ho is very excited about how the game's going to progress. Jim, would you like to play from the following categories? The other Sharif on Twitter suggested Holidays Gary Marshall hasn't ruined yet.

So that's films that are about a holiday. Quit shaking your crispies into the microphone. I know they're noisy. They just sound like rice keezies. I think he just let snap, crackle, and pop. Nobody would buy them if they did that in the cupboard. You got to pour milk on them normally or squeeze them violently like he's been doing. If you burst that open and throw it into the crowd, I will love you.

It's like like everyone's like well hey he might make a mess and then we're at the Grammys he does go ahead should I just throw it on everyone no tear it open tear it open and then throw it into the crowd and everybody open your mouths try to catch some in your mouth. It's like a Flaming Lips concert. My kids have Kostaki virus at you. Oh, you're going to put it in your hand first? Like he's feeding birds.

Oh, God. You just got to do the whole bag. He's going nuts. I was totally in the front row and you hear that. You just hit like three dudes. Somewhere tonight You just dumped them on it and they're like

this person, this person. That actually isn't Rice Crackies, that's my dandruff. That's what you get for leaving. Somewhere right now Gallagher is telling jokes about bacon. Oh, shit. Thought I'd never get that in. He's dying. Thanks for making fun of him.

Oh. And by that, I'm talking about myself. Here's your other options, Jim. Yes, sir. Now that you're out of Rice Krispies. Yes. Rice Kristies. Why did I? Nobody else go to the bathroom because you're going to pop, snap, and

crapple your way out of here. Why is he throwing Rice Krispie treats? Hang on a second. Why is he doing that? The old soft shoe. Doug is tap dancing on the Rice Krispies go Doug go and that's the Ethiopian she-a-ma-she-a

it was a massacre that Snap, Crackle, and Pop would remember for generations that started the tradition it was just at one of the shows someone brought a box and now everyone brings a box of Rice Krispies

and they end every show by doing that just like Burning Man. The SPC crew was never the same. Snap, crackle, and pop. Okay, so... SPC, okay. SCP crew.

So, I'm surprised they aren't doing that in their more hipper commercials. You still have two more categories, Jim. Yeah, I don't even hear the worst ones. And no more Rice Krispies. The first one was movies that Gary Marshall... Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that even hear the first one. The first one was movies that Gary Marshall Oh yeah, let's do that one. Or Ghost Protocol.

That's movies where Elijah Wood dies. Or Prometheus, and that's movies that have a prom in them. And Prometheus most certainly did that have a prom in them. And Prometheus most certainly did not have a prom in it. So, I'm going to go with the Gary Marshall one. Okay. Your first instinct, you're following through. I like that about you. The director's cut of Prometheus as a prom.

That's what I heard. That's right. I'm sorry. Spoiler alert. 1996 or 2007, Jim? 2007, sir. Okay, this is a movie... Do I sound like I know what I'm doing? This is a movie about a holiday that Gary Marshall didn't ruin.

Leonard Maltin gives it two stars out of a scale of bomb to four stars. Okay. He says about this 2007 movie, he says that it's... that the unrated version runs 121 minutes. And he also says that this movie... That's bad Santa Claus. And this movie has some backstory in it. Yep.

That would be Santa Claus 2. All the clues are given away. The Santa Claus. It's not The Fugitive, I know. It's not that. There's 15 names, Jim. How many names do you think you'd have to hear, reading from the bottom of the cast list going up,

to establish the name of this movie? 15 names. No yelling from the crowd, please. I'm going to need 15. Okay. Smart, strong opening bit. We go to Dave Juskow. How many names do you think you would need?

10. That's a decent jump. That's an exciting, impressive jump. We come around to James. No, yeah, that's about right. I tell you what, hey, let me go way out on a limb here. I'll name it five.

Whoa. Wow. We're cutting this thing down by thirds. I'm going to be out real quick. Don't worry. I've seen bravery. Now we go to love. Rob Cantrell has to go lower than five or say name it.

I would say name that movie, James. Okay. There we go. Wow. I don't know the director that well. The Clues again. It's a movie about a holiday, so that narrows it down considerably. Two stars from Leonard.

2007, the unrated version runs 121 minutes. And he also said about this movie that it is what was it that I said? It's got backstory in it. It's got backstory. God, everyone is so... You're going to love this movie.

It also has subtext and dialogue. It's a memorable clue. And your five names are... What? He did say name it. Now he gets five names. We're continuing the pace. The five names are

Mickey Dolenz, Dee Wallace, Sybil Danning, the great Bill Moseley And Leslie Easterbrook Are your five names Oh yeah yeah yeah What holiday has Gary Marshall not ruined yet

I'm going to say It's got to be Halloween 5 Why do you do this to me I don't know why do you make me bring down the swift hammer of justice Rob Ketchall gets the point

the movie's called Halloween oh it was Halloween it was that simple all you had to say was Halloween James you think this is you think this you think this is a joke or something fucking asshole it was exciting though I want points for getting it too right I got it too right James, you think this is a joke or something? Fucking asshole.

It was exciting, though. I want points for getting it too right. I got it too right. That's my thing. I get something right, and then I go, who knows? All right, I'm good. Hey, I'm still rooting for you. The pause before he guessed it was very, this place was riveted.

You know it's true. It's exciting. It was. Can we stop fucking around and get back to the game? Sorry, Jim. All right. I don't know what they're yelling back there, but...

I agree. They said Jim has things to do. I think they said I was good looking. Jim, Jim's got a bag. Save all the things you want to yell until the end of the show when we're not on stage anymore. Okay, here we go. We'll start with Dave Justgau

and then we'll go... We'll slip over here to James because he blew it. I blew it real hard. Yeah, what? He's out. He sucks. But he blew it. I blew it real hard. Yeah. What? He's out. He's out. He sucks.

But he enjoyed it. It sucked, but he enjoyed it. Would you like to play, Dave, would you like to play Needful Strings? That's movies about where there are puppets. I do enjoy puppets. It's Shia LaBeouf's birthday today, so the films of Shia LaBeouf.

The numerous films of Shia LaBeouf. Also,, so the films of Shia LaBeouf. The numerous films of Shia LaBeouf. Also, all the giants are born on this day, apparently, because Gene Wilder is also celebrating his birthday today. Oh, nice. So, would you like Puppets, LaBeouf, or Wilder? Which one would you like to play? Wilder, definitely, right? Yeah, yeah.

Sure. Nice. He's great. He's great This movie features Gene Wilder And is from the year 1979 Leonard Maltin gives it two and a half stars He calls it

Offbeat And he says that Wilder's performance And some charming vignettes Make up for many other Shortcomings Two and a half stars, 1979 Performance and some charming vignettes make up for many other shortcomings. Two and a half stars, 1979. And then Leonard lists seven names.

How many names do you think you can get it in, Dave Justkow? I'll go with five, I guess. Five's a good opening bit. I'll open with five. Five's a good opening bit. We come to James. What a pussy. The category?

The category is Gene Wilder. Gene Wilder, thank you. Okay. 79. Seven names. Dave bid five. I'll name it in three. Three names is good.

Wow. Solid. Rob, what do you think of that? I'll name it in two. good. Wow. Solid. Rob, what do you think of that? I'll name it in two. Oh, fuck. What are you going to do with that, Jim Gaffigan? Name that movie. Go ahead, motherfucker!

Good luck! You're never going to get it! All right, Rob Rob Your two names Are Penny Pizer And Leo Fuchs Oh they're good What do you think it is

I think you're going to name a movie that Gene Wilder's in Just to at least have a shot at being right Yeah I had one locked in And it's not that I thought it was Silver in, and it's not that. I thought it was Silver Streak, but it's not. What about the two names I gave you made you know that it's not Silver Streak? Because Richard Pryor is the lead in that.

Right, and we list the names from the bottom going to the top, as always. Oh, I thought you went from the top. Oh, I thought I'd get the top, too. You are so racist. Leo Fuchs opened a lot of movies. I thought I got the top two. Oh, then it's Silver Street. Did I get it right?

No, you got it wrong. Ah, shit. Oh, yeah. Damn it. The movie's called The Frisco Kid. Knew it. Frisco Kid. You didn't know that.

Knew it, just knew you didn't know it, so I wanted to win. Gene Wilder and Harrison Ford. And I said, reading from the bottom of the list up today, thinking you guys might need that refreshing reminder, or that refresher, and then you still didn't get it. I am tired of your antics, Wilder.

That's Harrison Ford? Yeah. Slapstick my ass. That's a Hulk. Yeah, I thought it was Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan. I thought that too. It's an excellent Hulk Hogan.

I don't know if you know that about Harrison Ford. He's smashed. They both have earrings. Okay, so this next round is going to start. Jim got the point. Yes, sir. I'm winning. We'll start with James and then go to Rob.

All right. So James, number one hoe. That's right. Is who you're playing for. Number one hoe. And you get to pick from the following categories. Would you like the King of Pancakes category? Is King of Pancakes here tonight?

Yeah, I thought so. Just cooking them up right now. What do you want, butter? Blueberries? Ten years ago to this very day, number one movie at the box office. Or, Top Build, that's a category created by Fragrant Bleach, and that's movies that were mentioned in build a title earlier this evening.

So that narrows it down to three or four movies. You just have to remember them. And then your third option will be... Opportuniverse suggested Killing Me Softly, and that's movies where someone is snuffed out with a pillow. Oh.

Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah, so which one of those would you like to play? Ten Years Ago, Snuffed Out With A Pillow, or was mentioned tonight already? Let's go Ten Years Ago.

Okay. Ten Years Ago to this very day. Two and a half stars from Leonard. He calls this movie a follow-up to something. And then he also says about this movie that it has a story rooted in reality, but hinging on coincidences and improbabilities. From 2002, two and a half stars.

The number one movie at the box office ten years ago to this very day. And there are 14 names listed. How many names do you think you can get it in james uh i want to i want to i think uh let me okay i'll try it in negative one whoa i mean i don't even know if that's possible what the hell is happening? Can't believe this. Rob Cantrell, what are you going to do with that? Name that movie. All right.

You have to name it, and you have to name the top-billed person in the film. Okay, Keanu Reeves in The Matrix Reloaded. Wrong and wrong. I won again. It is Ben Affleck in The Sum of All Fears. That was dumb. That was the of all fears. That was dumb. That was the number one box office. That was also uncomfortable.

I like my version of history. And that also means that Rob Cantrell is our winner! Oh, Steve! Oh, Steve, lightsaber! Come get your bag, Steve! Congratulations, Steve! Now, do you want your saber back? Yeah, bag, Steve. Congratulations, Steve. Do you want your saber back? Yeah.

Okay, he gets it back. I try to tell people, you risk giving the thing up for good if you... Did you really drink all five of those beers that are underneath you, sir? That's awesome. Guy's got five beers under his thing. And he's been polite and well-behaved.

He's not saying anything. How many beers did the guy up there have? Exactly. What is that? It's Rice Krispie treats, but are they laced? Did you just make them from the Rice Krispies that were thrown into the audience? She whipped it up. She had a little butter.

A little mixing bowl. What kind of shape is this? A little marijuana. Wow. No, those are Fruity Pebbles. Yeah had a little butter. A little mixing bowl. What kind of shape is this? A little marijuana. No, those are fruity pebbles. Oh, I see. Fruity pebbles? It looks amazing. Oh my god, this is going to be good.

I don't want a whole one, though. 18 people were killed at the Gramercy. Oh my god, that's delicious. I want to say something. I'm going to say the guy that you threw it on. Poison. All these nerds. They were just joking. Oh my god, that's delicious. I want to say something. I'm sick of it. All these nerds. They were just kidding.

For no reason at all. Fruity Pebbles, it's not part of any complete breakfast. It's really good for marshmallow snacks, though. Who made the Fruity Pebbles? You already got a CD. I keep trying to give her CDs. She's like the perfect audience member. She's continually doing something that pleases me.

And the night is young. You and your family shall be elevated to the peerage. I keep trying to hook her up. Let me give the... What? Drunk and quiet? Alright, here. Shut the fuck up. But you too, you could have one, sir. He was a

very polite audience member. I've never had people more upset that they're not getting this crap. It's just my recent CD. It's like this, but without all these other funny people. It's just me talking by myself. But it comes out on July 3rd,

and do you guys have anything you want to plug? James? In about a week. In a week? Alright. but it comes out on July 3rd and do you guys have anything you want to plug? James? In about a week I'm going to be at Montreal just for Laughs Festival and that's in July and before that for you guys, I'm doing an hour

on Wednesday in Union Hall in Brooklyn Oh nice! Come see that if you want If you're listening at home, you're too late. Yeah, fuck you, home listener. What's your problem? Why didn't you go? Why didn't you book a ticket to New York on the off chance?

Where's the venue? Union Hall in Brooklyn. Oh, Brooklyn, okay. Yeah. And Rob Cantrell lives out in Brooklyn, right? Yeah, living in Brooklyn. What's your address now and your social? And what do you got coming up, buddy?

We're doing the marijuana logs, actually, without Doug, but with Tony Kameen and Dan Gabriel. The original member and Dan's a friend. Yeah, old school friends from San Francisco. That's next week in Denver. Then I'm doing Arlington Drafts House. Denver, yeah! You can't bring up denver anymore but the headlining gig is the 24th and 25th and 26th arlington draft house back in dc where i'm from and uh come out to that everybody

yeah dc and uh rip chuck brown and i got a web series coming out on bonnaroo 365 called universally speaking it's YouTube, but it's got guests, Kurt Metzger and a couple Anthony Otomany, a couple people from UCB and Greer Barnes. A bunch of people. Drag it out. Keep talking. Keep talking. And hopefully Doug Benson very soon.

Oh, shit. Jim, what do you got coming up? Are you touring? I'm probably going to have a sandwich later on. A Rice Krispies. A Fruity Pebbles sandwich. I'm probably going to put some turkeys on there. I like turkeys sauce.

And I'm going to punch that woman. You know what? I already punched her before. I punched her before. Is Hot Pockets your I'm Rick James bitch? Are you going to just give it up and go to Africa for a while? I don't even think people even know them. They don't even associate me with that.

With food. I'm joking. Dave, what do you got? I'd love to plug a couple things. I'm also going to be at Montreal. And I'm also going to be in Atlantic City at the Borgata next Saturday. All right. So go see Dave Juskow at the Borgata.

That's a nice radio voice. Oh, I thought you were doing an impression of him. Playing smooth hits. I'm doing a show on June 27th at the Gotham Comedy Club. It's a benefit show for Big Brothers Big Sisters with Dave Attell, Tom Papa, and the great Jim Gaffigan. Yes!

The future of himself! Big Brothers. Doug, where are you going to be? Oh, I got some stuff written down over here. I'll be back here at the Gramercy Theater on July 2nd doing Douglas movies again! Awesome! And one

of my guests will be Mike Lee in black, schedule permitting. And I also got shows coming up in Tulsa, Denver, Oklahoma City, and a lot more. You can figure it out. I actually wrote that down on this piece of paper. You can figure it out. That's a good slogan. And does number one ho have a shithead that you want me to name?

Let me give you a piece of paper to write it down on. And where is who Jim was playing for? Where is Rice Christie's? Come write down your shithead too, Rice Christie. And is it on the back of that one? No, it's not. No, it's not? No, Amanda didn't write it on the back.

So Amanda needs to come up here as well. Where's the other? That's Amanda right there. She's probably going to write it on the back, so Amanda needs to come up here as well. Where's the other? That's Amanda right there. She's probably going to write it in blood. Amanda's a violent lady. I'll take you on. I'll fight any woman in here. I don't care. Unless you're bigger than me.

They're all shitheads. Everyone is a shithead. Andy Kaufman is dead. You might as well do his act. I know. It's totally Andy Kaufman is dead. You might as well do his act. I know. It's totally Andy Kaufman. Fighting every woman thing. Tony Clifton

wrote to me on Twitter today asking to be on this podcast. I don't know if it's the real Tony Clifton or not. I don't know if Tony Clifton's real or not. So that'll be interesting. Wait. Wait. Hold out for the Festrunk Brothers when they reach out to you. Who? The Fest oh because they're fictional also yeah they're fictional characters i see what

you're saying we are two wild and crazy guys those guys right we're called the festrunk brothers okay all right that's the bohemian pronunciation fair enough did we get them all? Is everybody on there? Yep. Okay, good. You didn't really write it in the space provided, but that's cool. Okay, I can do these.

One more time for all of my guests, everybody. Dave Juskow, Jim Gaffigan, Rob Cantrell, James Adomian. Hilarious guys. Look for them out there in the world. And thanks again to the Gramercy Theater and everybody who comes to the Gramercy Theater. Thanks a lot, you guys. We'll see you again in July.

And as always, Mike D'Antoni Mike D'Antoni Mike D'Antoni is a shithead yeah it's like some friend of yours right oh former coach of the Knicks

who did he touch and uh Nicolas Cage is a shithead and I've been waiting for this one to happen and it's finally happened Steve Martin's dog in the jerk is... Shit, man.

He is. He is. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Isaac Rose is feeling proud as makes it foggy. There's no room in his heart for you because Doug loves movies. Thanks a lot you guys Goodnight