Doug Loves Movies - Patton Oswalt, David Cross, and Wayne Federman Guest

Episode Date: January 12, 2012

Doug welcomes comedians Patton Oswalt, David Cross, and Wayne Federman to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming, maybe sticking seeds with 50-yazard hopper turtles in his jeans. There's still not one that he won't sweet, but Doug of Louise. Hey everybody My name is Doug Oh hey This guy behind me addressed me directly

So I had to talk to him My name is Doug and I love movies This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from The UCB Theater in Los Angeles California On January 10 to Oceans 12 This is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles, California. On January 10 to Ocean's 12. Since last, thank you, since last... Let me just, first of all, just say it's another exciting Someone's Stuck in Traffic night here at Doug Loves Movies.

But the other two guests are here, and they're seven times more amazing than the person stuck in traffic. No, I think he'll get here. I mean, he or she. Might be Albert Nobbs. Since last I spoke, and you listened,

I taped an app of Douglas movies at the Palace Station's Louis Anderson Theater in Las Vegas, Nevada that's available soon or now for $2 in the comedy album section of iTunes $1.99 if you're into specifics. It features

a very competitive Leonard Maltin game with UFC fighter Jason Mayhem Miller, palm striker Graham Elwood, and... And... And... And Todd Glass. Yes, Todd Glass

finally returns to the show, and yes, he still doesn't watch movies. So you'll enjoy that if you listen to it. It worked out pretty good. Those guys are all very funny,

and we had a very nice time in Vegas. I'm very excited about this weekend's show at the Punchline in Sacramento. Three shows, three days, all at 420. Stand up the first day on January 14th with Leonard Mullen game with audience members, one of whom will win a seat as a guest with three other people on

Doug Loves Movies on Monday, January 16th, and then on January 15th, Benson Interruption taping, of course. Celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day the whitest way. With me.

I have dreams too, you know. whitest way. With me. I have dreams too, you know. I have always dreamed of doing a movie interruption of the Patrick Swayze classic Roadhouse and that dream is coming true on Saturday afternoon, January 28th at the Roxy Theater in San Francisco. Go to sfsketchfest.com for info and tickets.

Now it's time for Tweet Relief. Fuzzco66 wrote to me on Twitter, You should have David Lee Roth on Douglas Movies just so you could ask him if he has any plugs. This has been Tweet Relief. The prize bag tonight. What a fantastic prize bag. We always have the greatest prizes and the weirdest items that are just... A lot of people forget to bring an item and so then they scramble and so you get some

interesting stuff. I, of course, usually remember to bring a copy, and so then they scramble, and so you get some interesting stuff. I, of course, usually remember to bring a copy of Doug Benson Professional Humoridian and a copy of Weezer's. This is only going to go on for a few more weeks. A signed copy of Weezer's Hurley album with a delightful picture of Hurley on the front of it. We got a Weezer T-shirt in there. This was sent to me me and I love this movie

so I want to mention it and give it away. A book form screenplay of the script for Win Win, one of my favorite movies of last year. Throw that in there. Also we have one of those similar kind of books for the Descendants

that was signed by the guest who brought it. And then we also have Garfunkel and Oates aren't here, but one of the guests brought a copy of their CD All Over Your Face that is signed by both of them. And then one of my guests

that didn't bring something, because he's a very busy man, he signed their CD. So that's going to be worth something. A CD signed by Garfunkel and Oates and one of my guests tonight. And so with no further ado, that's what somebody's

going to win this evening if I remember to pick contestants from the audience. Jordan's here, front row, ready to remind me. And I would like you, hopefully they're all here at this point please welcome to the stage Wayne Fetterman David Cross and Patton Oswalt We opened the wrong door. We opened the wrong door.

And now to the amazing deductive reasoning of this audience. Everyone knows that David Cross is stuck in traffic. Were you going to come out and try and do an impression of him?

No, I don't do impressions. That's Wayne Fetterman's voice, everybody. And Patton Oswalt, you made it. You've got to be busier than David Cross. How did you do it? I told Simon and Theodore to fuck off. I've got to go do... I've got Doug Loves Movies, man.

They wanted to meet me at Seven Grand. I'm like, guys, you know, I've got to keep my podcast cred up. I got to, if I don't get a mention in the Podmas column, it's over. I think you buried the lead. They're not hanging out with Alvin anymore. No, no.

It's, oh, you don't read In Touch? Doug, Jesus Christ, dude. Just last month, they were showing off their house, they share, in style. And now it's over already? Well, it's weird. They're all still in the house, but there's this weird...

You can't see it. And again, I'm just quoting in touch. There's like this... They did the taped off area where they put the tape down and then pulled it up. You can clearly apparently still see the marks and that's Alvin's area. Which is of course weirdly, it's like the guy

they describe it as like the guy in the rock group that starts using the day room on the tour bus as his own room. And that's the beginning of the end and the same thing's happening here. He got the part of the house with the really with the high pressure toilet, not the other part.

You could do ten minutes on anything. Because that was a good pull. Thank you. Congratulations, Patton, on winning the Vanguard Ensemble Award at the Palm Springs International Film Festival. Yes. Were you upset that you didn't win the Sonny Bono

Visionary Award? That is a thing. That is really a thing. It is. Hang on. Let me just open my notes here. Yes, Doug, it was upsetting that I was... Shit, hang on.

These pages aren't turning. Get back on the prompter, Romney. There is... Wow. Oh, nice. Is that going to become the new Thank You, Dr. Sanjay Gupta? get back on the prompter Romney there is wow oh nice is that gonna become the new thank you Dr. Sanjay Gupta

get back on the prompter Romney that's how you be able to date a movie made in 2012 is to have a character and to go

get back on the prompter Romney that's the new where's the beef it's like one speech off of the prompter and he says out loud I like firing people

anyway he's the reverse? It's like one speech off of the prompter and he says out loud, I like firing people. Anyway. He's the reverse Ron Burgundy. If he, the minute he's not looking at words, just nothing but evil comes flying out

of his hand. So Wayne Fetterman is also here and drove from pretty far away. Not too far away. Not too far away. Not too far away. So that's cool.

The Lake of Toluca. The Lake of Toluca is where I'm staying these days. I've never seen it, by the way. What are you, Jimi Hendrix?

You just crashed? I'm crashing Lake Toluca. I don't believe in property or houses, man. I go into a Chipotle, I lock eyes with someone and that's, they take me right home, man.

I'm just, I'm fortune's prisoner i'm just i'm fortune's prisoner man i'm fortune's prisoner i actually am in a house kind of looking after situation oh really yeah so that's weird you would say that even though i don't play guitar and but i do enjoy i do enjoy chipotle that's the beginning of every andrew mccarthy movie In the late 80s Right now he starts looking after a house That's something crazy Susan Sarandon shows up You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to do a little change up here Let's play the game that David Cross has never played before Right now

Get that over with before he gets here Is it called the game that David Cross ever played before? It might be the title of it from now on I've been calling it Build-A-Title. Wasn't that the original title of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? Was the game that David Cross ever played before? That was certainly an adult movie when I was watching it. I was like, God damn it.

The rape that David Cross never committed. Twice. I saw that Christmas Day in Chicago. It was me and my wife. We needed a break. My parents said, well, watch your daughter. We're in this theater at 1140 AM and it's all these other families

that got in this movie watching the most clinically graphic rape sequence. David Cross is here! There he is! David Cross. We were just talking about rape. Just talking about rape. There he is. David Cross. We were just talking about rape. Just talking about rape.

I'm sorry. Okay. I don't know if you know this. No, no. If you say... Been raped twice and raped once. If you say clinically graphic rape sequence, he shows up like Beetlejuice. I don't know if you know.

That's how you summon him. You know that, right? The weirdest thing. Yeah. I was taking a dump in the St. Louis airport. Bam! Next thing I know. Clinically raped?

Yeah, clinically. And technically you were shitting your pants based on how you're dressed. No, no. It takes a... I mean, you don't just immediately appear. You have time to present yourself. Yeah, there's a good five-minute way station.

Yeah, they have, like, hand sanitizer. You take your mask off. I'm too much of a pussy to teleport, man. They have some fun jackets for you to choose from. Really? Yeah, a hat if you need it. Oh, nice. You know, because you don't want to get, like, you know, scorched on your way back into the Earth's atmosphere.

Set the ringer on Sweet Child of Mine. I have to say, interesting Blackberry, not iPhone. Oh, interesting that I have a Blackberry. Yeah, just,

you're the only comedian. I'm the only comedian, keep going. I've been clinically raped. One of the few comedians I know that I... Every time I rape, I take a blackberry from a victim. It's my way of getting a piece of them. I feel like I'm close to them.

You're the blackberry buggerer? Holy shit. Holy right here. Right here. From Birmingham. God, the blackberry buggerer from Birmingham. Don't leave your poop chute unattended. That was my point.

Yeah, that was your point. That was my point. Fantastic movie-related discussion. I'm glad we squeezed it in. Oh, cinema. I love it. You know I love it. No, but I had never read the book.

I had never seen the original girl. And so I was one of those people. I thought it was like, but I had never read the book. I had never seen the original girl. I was one of those. I thought it was like a girl. Like a crime movie. Yeah, she was funny and she's shit. Bunky and she's going to be able to figure out what's going on. We bought a zoo? Yes, we bought a zoo. Has two tremendous rape scenes.

Clinical rape scenes. I'm like, go zebra, go zebra, go! That was based on the Mr. Hands video, right? That started with, right? That was Mr. Hands, and then they decided to family it up. A tiger wants what a tiger wants. It's not rape.

It's not rape in the animal kingdom. It's just, that's how they do it. I thought it was very tasteful when they had the tiger say, she was, which is the the tiger saying she was raped. That is like such bad product placement. I don't know why.

I know they paid for it, but dude, find a better way. That was good, the way your mind works. Can I say something to the people that might be offended by this? And it's a philosophy and a motto that I've lived by, that rape is really, it's really just a grape without the G. So, that's a way to...

Good point. Hence the expression, peel me a rape. It's a way to... Good point. Hence the expression, peel me a rape. It's a way to think about it. The minute Cross's voice gets soft and reasonable, I know something horrifying is coming. I immediately start laughing, like, here it comes. What is in this anthropology gift box? Here it is.

Man, you are plugging away. I am plugging away, yeah. You have a deal with anthropology. And wait until you see how I slip Sephora in later. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. Alright, David had an event last night

at Cinefamily here in Los Angeles. Very crowded there. I drove by. Yeah, great group of folks over there. Really nice. It's a fun place, fun setup. Yeah, I liked it a lot. I haven't been in there since they redid it. It's really great. And you showed sort of a kind of a movie

assemblage of your show? The first season, Todd Margaret, without the, well, what the intention was, and we did it in Austin, everything on a blue wave with all the credits and the openings kind of taken out. So it all ran together. And as one, we still had the cold tags in there, but it just went right into the next one. And we weren't able to do that exactly last night, but it was close enough. So the entire season without the openings and whatever these cold tags in there, but it just went right into the next one. And we weren't able to do that exactly last night, but it was close enough. So the entire season without the openings

and whatever these cold tags are? The cold tags were in. Wait, you are a professional and have been in this business for nearly three decades. You can't put air quotes around cold tags. No, but everyone would know what they are. Like, hey, we took out the cold tags. Thank God. Thank God.

I was worried that the cold tags were going to be... But they did leave in the cold tags. He's just saying that they sort of don't make sense because they're quick little tags. And then there's no credit sequence right after them. Of course. I got it. It ran as, you know, with the little bumps, it ran as a movie. No breaks,

nothing in between. How long does that run? It's a whole season, right? Yeah, the last five were 19 minutes and 25 seconds long. Let me get my calculator app. I'm sorry. And the first one we played the extended

which is on the DVD, the extended episode one because we had to cut like seven minutes of story and fun stuff out to make, you know, 19 minutes. But the second and final season debuts when? Yes, it's the final season on purpose. Relax.

He mapped it out. The guy fucking lost his mind out there. No. No, keep it going until it gets deluded. Make him make more. More bad decisions. It started last Friday. Oh, okay.

So it's ongoing and on demand and all that, right? Yeah. But you know what? Although it's IFC, so I'm not sure. I went to, I flew in on Friday night, and then I was at my girlfriend's house, and she has the cable package that I guess everybody on Friday night, and then I was at my girlfriend's house. She has the cable package that I guess everybody in Venice does, and can't get IFC.

So fuck it, huh? It's the second largest city in the country, and you can't get IFC. It's the second largest country in the city. Venice is kind of a country. Isn't that the name of an Atlanta rhythm section song? No. When he says second, he meant the Todd Margaret Nation,

which they just sort of, it's like the Navajo thing. It's just kind of everywhere. But they are the second largest country. Have you been to, oh, sorry, go. No.

Speaking of CineFamily, I just want to mention that the first annual Wayne Fetterman International Film Festival starts this Thursday with Gary Shandling is gonna show

King of Comedy. Yes Great idea man. They told me about that last night. That's it really really. Yeah, that's a that's a great idea a way to keep yourself relevant through other The mark marron yourself relevant through other you what the fucker yeah so Gary Shanley showing King of Comedy out of bounds to say that? That's sold out already. I was kidding. That was good-natured fun between friends. I meant I was kidding, too.

I meant that. But that's the first thing David said to me when he was on the Benson Interruption. This is a pretty clever way to have funny comics and you just sit there and take all the glory sitting next to them, and it's true. We're really figuring it out. Wait, that is what you're fucking doing. Shit!

I love that about the interruption. When you did it in Seattle at Bumbershoot one time, this was years ago, you had a big plush chair. A ridiculous, like a throne. Yeah, and you just sat there in the back, high as a kite plush chair. A ridiculous, like a throne. Yeah, and he just sat there in the back, high as a kite, and you're doing your

act in front of him, and he's like, that's like cereal. It's like every stoner's dream. I did love how he changed from being in the darkness of the audience to, no, I'm going to be in a room on stage. The other comedians have to, no, I'm going to be in a room on stage that the other comedians have to work around.

I'm in this too, Pat. It became the Doug Benson obstruction. We're just trying to somehow peek around you while you're just in front of us going, nice tag, asshole. If I could just get the attention on me for a second.

Why is my mic lower than Doug's? Why is he illuminated and I'm in darkness? This is a fucked up setup. What's he doing? This is just like doing Marc Maron's podcast. So, International Film Festival. Because you've got to put the word international in, even though you've got one movie from England, right?

So it's not really an international film festival. Well, Michael Lee's movie's from England. That's what I said, one movie from England. No, Darlene is also from England. Oh, okay. Are these your favorite films? No, this is what's going on. Let me tell you.

Yeah, tell us about it. You called your friends. Okay. No, you called your friends. I called my friends and I said what movie would you I I curate the comedians the comedians curate the films so here rate the comedians all right anyway I do a I called like a medium for He makes a phone call.

I make a phone call. That's my curator. He'll send a text. The modern curating. And then I asked them for a movie they either loved or were inspired by or was influential in their life. The only caveat was that they couldn't be involved with the movie in any way.

Couldn't act, produce. So it's not them promoting it. Constantly out there doing a Q&A after a movie they're in. Constantly doing that. It's the opportunity to take questions about a movie you had nothing to do with. Yeah, it would be a movie you have nothing to do with. Nothing at all.

It's pretty awesome. And if you guys are, I know Patton and David aren't involved this year, but this is the first annual. You asked me, the dates gave me, I absolutely couldn't do it, but if you keep doing this, you know I'm going to do that.

It's going to be great. If you're listening to this, this comes out on Friday. I might need you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll talk to you afterwards. I'll give you my card. This comes out on Friday.

You want to be curated. This comes out on Friday, and that night at 11 o'clock i'm doing a movie interruption it's not a movie that i appreciate in any way whatsoever and did not inspire me except to make fun of it i'm showing the tom cruise classic cocktail yeah and we'll chat it up during that it's a movie where you have to root for a hero who wants to take the idea of a corner tavern and put it in shopping malls. And that is his journey and you're rooting

for him to completely destroy something good. That is the whole point of the film. Please get that shit in shopping malls. I can't believe bartender poetry did not catch on after that movie. And also, why wasn't he able to fill shopping malls with drunks? Why wasn't he able to do that? That would have been so great for America.

You're right about that. And Andy Kindler's showing the great Albert Brooks movie Modern Romance on Saturday. And who am I leaving out? Kevin Pollack is also showing Theing the first in-laws. Which is a great movie, according to four people in this audience. Four older people.

That's the whole idea of the festival. Just a film that you love. And the comics will do stand-up before the film. And they do a little bit of stand-up. Introduce the film, and then afterwards do a cue in like, Hey, it's different than the way I remember it. A Q&Hey! That's right.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. I meant to say, uh, cereal. But here's the weird thing. The patent is here because one of the inspirations for the festival was Patton at the New Beverly introducing Fistfoot Way once.

I thought that was interesting. I was like, oh, maybe we should do a whole... Yeah, there's something I could steal. Well, Edgar Wright just did a really cool festival of films. He's always... He asked like five of his friends, send me the ten films that I should see. Like, you've got to see these movies. And it was all movies he had never seen that his friends have always bothered him to watch. should see like you've got to see these movies and it was all movies

he had never seen that his friends have always bothered him to watch to get to feel all that yeah so it was really it was really interesting yeah like I've never seen

a Katherine Heigl movie so someday I hope to put together a festival where I watch them with my friends and charge people I'm lying I saw Knocked Up so I saw the one that started them with my friends and charge people.

I'm lying. I saw it knocked up. So, I saw the one that started the whole mess. A terrible way to look at your career. And this one

just started everything. Just started the fire and animals died. That's how it all... That one, like, launched her and then she forgot to involve herself

with anybody that was funny or interesting or anything. Okay, so let's play Build a Title. That's what I was going to do when David ran in.

I thought she was in a Josh Duhamel film. Yeah, you forgot about that one. You got me. I forgot about the Josh Duhamel film. Yeah, that's right. I love that David Cross

even made a Josh Duhamel reference. Well, if you rewind it, you'll see that I mispronounced it and said, Who-mel? And I didn't know that. He's the Timothy Ola fan of people that look like Timothy Ola fan. All right, let's play Build a Title. Let's play it.

Yeah, we're going to play a speed round of this game. How does it work? I'll tell you. We'll start with who seems to think they have the greatest handle on this. I think because both of you haven't been on the show recently enough to have played this, but Wayne has. Basically, I throw out a title, and the first person has to add another movie to the title by using either the last word of the title or the first word, and you link it up and make a long

title. It's going to go really fast. Use real movies. The starter movie, we'll start with Wayne and we'll go to Pat and then David. The starter movie, suggested by Soupy845 on Twitter, is Spaceballs. You need a movie that begins

with the word balls. Lost in Spaceballs. Or, okay. Well done. So Lost in Spaceballs. So Pat, you need a movie that ends with the word lost, or begins with the word balls. Lost in Spaceballs of Fury. Very well done.

So now David needs a movie that ends with lost or begins with fury. And you have five seconds. In translation, then in parentheses, lost. Okay, you're out. Wade Fetterman. Oh, I thought that was the end of the game. Ends with lost or begins with fury?

Ends with lost? Yeah. Not so easy. I know, I know. Time's up. Patton? Land of the Lost and Spaceballs with Fury. We have a winner! We have a winner.

I saw that movie, Land of the Lost, too. That's fun when we make it go really fast, isn't it? We have a winner. We have a winner. Nice to meet you. I saw that movie, Land of the Lost, too. Yeah. That's fun when we make it go really fast, isn't it? I like it. You did one. It was like one of the longest sustained ones on the show. Oh, it's ridiculous sometimes how long it goes on forever, right? Yeah, yeah.

You can get a good one sometimes, but it's a fun game to play in a car that you're stuck in. Now, this is another aspect of the show That I don't know if Pat and David have participated in this But for the Leonard Maltin game Which we were about to play Everyone in the audience or a lot of people in the audience Have name tags of some sort Something with their name written on it

Looks like she's got a shake weight over there What? Oh shit It's crazy some of the things people make So each of you go out in the audience and pick one sign that speaks to you that you would like to play for them. It's like a hipster let's make a deal. In this game.

I don't know. Just pick something. Yeah, just pick anybody and take their name tag and bring it back with you to your seat. There's Sam is here. I see it. What does that say on it? And what is it? Oh, it's his weed card.

Oh. Issued by Dr. Howard E. Leiserman. Yeah, that's not made up. There you go. Congratulations on having that. You guys got a Sir Mix-a-Lot album. All right. Let's see. Patton got a wallet, everybody.

What's in it? What's in your wallet? Coins? What the fuck? He's a child. Here's a quarter. Call your mother. Tell her you'll never be on I Love Movies again.

It also doesn't have your name on it anywhere. This is your name tag. Because it's never be on I Love Movies again. It also doesn't have your name on it anywhere. This is your name tag. Because it's got an ID in the thing. Okay. And two coins. Never know when you're going to walk by a fountain. All right.

And David, of course, picked the shake weight. Nice. That says, what's the name of the person? Nicole. Nicole's shake weight. Does he get to keep that or does he have to give it back? It's not really working. It doesn't work for you?

Is that what it is? She just hit the thing. That's so dirty. Is that what it is? Yeah, that's what you're supposed to do. Can you feel it? Can you believe it?

But it's not jerky off enough. I thought it was supposed to, I thought it was supposed to, like, it was like an uncircumcised penis. Because I've seen, oh, wait, there we go. yeah you got to point it towards your face get it all up in your beard i got it i thought it was a that's why they call you white beard yeah

oh college and wayne federman's looks very creative. Yeah, this is good. This is, I assume this girl's name's Kate. Uh-huh. And she changed

a poster for Garden State into Garden Kate. Am I right? Yeah. Yeah. Very nicely done. It's a pretty good little debut movie.

And it says about her at the bottom, Marvel is fun. That's good to know about you, Kate. By Peter Travers. One of the toughest critics. Yeah, especially

when it comes to pussy. Oh, and I fucked her. It was marvelous fun. I can't wait to see her poster for Altered Cates. That's going to be amazing. Come on. In the goddamn salt tank with Charles Haidt. to be amazing. Come on.

In the goddamn salt tank with Charles Haidt. Okay, so what's the wallets guy's name again? Harrison. Harrison Wallet. Okay. Nicole with the Shake Weight and Garden Kate. That's who you guys are playing for. Nice. Patton won the chance to go first here so I will give you three categories

to choose from, Patton. Wait, what are we doing? Playing the Leonard Maltin game. I don't know what that is. You know the Leonard Maltin game. Once we start playing, you'll recognize it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And again, we'll go to Wayne next, so you can go third. All right, we'll start with Pat,

and you get to pick a category. At Vox, Y-N-N, Voxen, suggested Doug's mom loves movies, and this is movies that I've told people that I saw with my mom. Which really isn't that great of a clue to... It's a lot of Lars von Trier. Yes, we went and saw Melancholia on Christmas Day.

Oh, boy. I go see a movie with my mom every year on Christmas Day, so it's one of those. Gamall, A-U-L-L on Twitter, suggested Eat Drink Man Woman, which is films that feature cannibalism. Clever. And then At Twin Cinema suggested Wayans

World, which is films that feature one or more of the Wayans acting dynasty. They really are the New Barrymores. Truly. Treading the board. Which one of those categories would you like to play, Patton? I'm going to do the cannibalism one.

Okay. Seems like that's up your alley. Yep. This is from 2001, is the year of this movie Leonard Maltin gives it two stars he calls it a big long tease and he says it was followed by a prequel it's from 2001 two stars big long tease followed by a prequel has cannibalism in it and there are nine names listed how many names do you think you can get it in Patton Oswalt I can't believe I get that in

uh features cannibalism get it in five names nice good I like it. I'm glad. What year was that? The year was 2001. 9-11. Okay. Okay. David really has a head for dates. He's like, I can never remember when that happened. What year was that again

I don't know it was in the 70s right no he's like Mary Lou Henry can remember every detail it's crazy I'm gonna say name it oh okay

in five names alright I think he will here we go here's your five names see David you didn't have to do anything this time

and you get to pick in the next round you're like the saddest make a wish kid ever See, David, you didn't have to do anything this time. And you get to pick in the next round. You're like the saddest make-a-wish kid ever. You get to watch your friends do the water slide. Okay. Won't that be fun? To watch Terry and Julie go down?

Yeah. I have cancer. That wouldn't prevent me from going on the water slide. Maybe we misread you. I thought your wish was to take your friends to a water park. Did we get that one wrong? You wanted to watch your friends enjoy a water slide all day? No, I said I wanted to go to the water park with my friends.

Oh, okay. Oh, you know what? They're already up there. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead, Julie. Oh, look at her go. Whoa. I could probably get up there.

Oh, you didn't see the sign that says you can only have this much cancer to go on this ride? I'm sorry, you have too much cancer. Oh. I'm sorry, you have too much cancer. Oh, that sad, fake little boy. I feel terrible for him. Oh, you guys, his made-up character just died. Hang on, wait a second. Rape, cancer.

Okay, we got 9-11. Holocaust is left. Okay, here we go. Ready? And you know what? We say AIDS every week, so we can skip it this time. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah. Oh, disappointment.

More disappointment about that than the kid dying. All right. Your five names are Hazel Goodman, Jelko Ivonek, Francesca Neri, Frankie R. Faison, and Gary Oldman in this nine-name movie from 2001 that Leonard gave two stars. Hannibal. Hannibal rides with Hannibal.

Hannibal. Chianti. Patton gets a point. David gets to pick the next category. Would you like Suggested by Electric Lemon? Doug Loves Groupies? That's movies about bands.

Or Weezer on the Soundtrack? That's a movie that has a Weezer song on the soundtrack. Nobody ever picks the category because how would you even know? That's because people hate Star Wars prequels. There's no Weezer songs in any of the Star Wars films And as far as I know

George might add them when he's adding 3D Pretty sure the first lightsaber duel is to the sweater song If I remember correctly, when Darth Maul Alright, we'll talk about it later Weezercruise.com. And then, at Derek underscore Hayes suggests short film, which is a film that has one or more little people in it.

So, David, do you like groupies, Weezer, or little people? I guess I'll go with groupies. Okay, this is a movie about a band, or one band or more, let's say. Three and a half stars. It was from the year 2000. It won a screenplay for... I mean, it won an Oscar.

It won a screenplay for Best Oscar. It's a character named Oscar in it, and he was amazing, and so then they gave him a screenplay. No, it won an Oscar for Best Screenplay, and then he says about this movie that this one's from the heart. That's what Leonard says. Three and a half stars.

Why didn't you give it four stars if it's so heartful? Is it from the heart? Yeah. And there are 12 names listed. Okay. So how many names do you think you can get it in? Start off the bidding. Then we go to Patton after you.

And when you list the names, are they all like at the bottom? It's from the bottom, yeah. So you're getting the most obscure name. Five. Alright. That's good. Two. Now we go to Wayne. It's from the heart. It's about a band

or some bands. I gotta have him answer that too, because I don't think I can do it with one. I can do it with none. No, I can't. So Patton's two names. Could be for the game, right? Could be, yeah. I'm 100% confident that Patton will pull

this off. Three and a half stars. 2,000. Oscar for screenplay. From the heart. And your two names are Peter Frampton and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Almost famous.

That's correct. And Patton is our winner. There he goes. You took it down. Took it down. You took it right down to Chinatown. I thought, all right, I remember this game. Wait, I remember this game like there's all kinds of crazy different games.

Yeah, oh, lots of things could happen, but you just shut it down. You didn't. I had no idea. Yeah, yeah. And by the way, I won. That's right, right? He got both points. I won naming a movie that Mitch Hedberg and Mark Mariner are in.

Lock the gates! And Jimmy Fallon's in that movie, too, if I'm not mistaken. And the guy who directed it did the zoo movie, right? Am I wrong? Yeah, Cameron Crowe. We bought a zoo. That's the name of the movie. It's great because they're like,

what should we do? Should we buy this zoo? And they're like, okay, let's buy this zoo. Now let's open this zoo. Oh, we might not be able to open. Hey, we opened. Spoilers. Is that actual dialogue? That was haunting.

What else is Scarlett Johansson going to say? So, I love her. All right, so you were playing for the wallet guy, Harrison the Wallet. So here you go. Here's your prize bag. Congratulations. What are we doing this? Let me look and see if she wrote on the back who she wants to call a shithead.

She did not. Do you want this back? Where is Kate? Where you at, Kate? Where'd you get this from? Way up there? Can you come down here? Is it possible? Okay. You guys couldn't see it from my angle, but Cross just sadly picked up and then put down the Shakeway.

It was the most poignant thing I've ever seen. Just this kind of... It's like David's only Christmas gift. We didn't do it this time, Shaky What is sexual about it? Give it to me Are you Kate?

Okay, here, write down Who you want me to call a shithead Here at the end I gotta give you The proper marker for this It'd be more like Rocco Sefardis And then where's Where's Nicole? Oh, yeah, write it on there That's fine the proper marker for this. It'd be more like Rocco Sefardis.

And then where's Nicole? Oh, yeah, write it on there. That's fine. Because since they lost, they get to pick somebody for me to call a shithead. Anybody they want, I'll name a shithead and then over 7,200 people

will hear it. That's a good one. Now, could you write that in English for me? Who is that? Oh, really? Okay. I like him.

Anyway, it's her choice. I got to do it. Let's do some, since we have a second here, that game went so fast. Let's start with Wayne. Yeah. And favorite movie of last year. I know you always have a favorite. Well, I do. And you know I never have. That doesn't have rape in it.

Right, right, right. I never have a top ten because I feel like no year ever has ten great movies. That's my theory in life. Even the best years in Hollywood, you might get four. I agree. Yeah. So these top ten, I don't even know what they're like.

They're ten best, but that doesn't even mean they're a good movie. Just say you're the best and do however many. That's what the Oscars are going to do this year. Might be five,

might be ten. Right, right. We've talked about that before. Yeah, it's exciting. All right. It's ridiculously boring, but I love the artist. I just thought

it was phenomenal. You're right. It is ridiculously boring. I like that quite a bit. Yeah, it's really good. It's really inventive is what I'd say about it. It sort of reminded me of two or three Woody Allen movies where he took a premise

and it went off like Proverbs of Cairo. It is effective in what it's trying to do. I just thought it was very... I like this movie the kids in over here. Young Adult? was very and i like this movie the kids in over here young adult yeah i really like that movie would it have killed you to just say young adult not bring up some other piece of the kid that is getting into movies come on what was that what was that one flickeroony he did i it. The only thing missing was saying, your little movie.

My little movie. Or calling it a picture. What was the picture that you did? I saw it. I saw it. It's one picture. More than one time I saw a young adult. Yeah, yeah.

I'm a big fan of young adult rat tattooing. Woo! I said them all. David Cross, you say you also enjoyed The Artist, but what did you enjoy more? Girl. Tattoo. I didn't see that movie.

I didn't see a whole lot. And I only saw, I think, two movies the entire time I was in London. Oh, Four Lions. Did that come out last year? Yeah. Four Lions. I've heard tremendous things about Four Lions.

It's sort of been out for a couple of years because it hasn't really gotten a great distribution. It was playing festivals a lot, but it never really came out. Yeah. It's been like, I think it was like at the Sunset Five here for a little bit or something. And I didn't get out to see it and I wanted to because I've only heard four. What is it about? I don't even know. It's about.

It's so funny. Oh, yeah. No, I saw a really, you know, when you say it was out for a while, it's because I've only heard it's really good. What is it about? I don't even know this. It's about It's so funny. Oh yeah, no, I saw a really, you know, when you say it was out for a while, it's because I remember

for last year, it just seemed to me there were constant screeners floating around of that movie before they could not get anyone to touch this thing

and finally, the draft house did. Tim Leake said, I'll put this thing out and it's, you describe it, it's, it's four Is it about a zoo? The Draft House did. Tim Leake said, I'll put this thing out. You describe it.

It's four... Is it about a zoo? We bought four lions. That's what it sounds like to me. They're cuddly. It's four British-born Muslim men who become terrorists. And it's very grounded, but it's also, it's a good

mix of a real grounded thing with a lot of bumbling, but very real bumbling. Which, by the way, is based on, because I read an interview with Chris Morris, the guy that does the Brass Eye, and he read articles about these terrorists, that they get these guys. And the reason they become terrorists is they're not very educated.

They don't have a lot of opportunities. And a lot of them, terrorist plots are full because they blow themselves up. Two guys strapped on detonators. And then before they went on their respective suicide missions, hugged each other and ignited them. And that's a real thing that happened. So when you know stuff like that and you watch Four Lines, you're like, oh, you know what it is? It's like if Christopher Guest made a movie about Al-Qaeda. And it really is the closest thing.

But I disagree because he has a lot of, not all of them, but at least half of his characters are kind of arch. And there are no arch characters in Four Lions. There's one that I think gets a little... You mean Kaven? You're talking about Kaven's guy? Yeah, gets a little bit sitcom-y, but again,

then when you read the stories of these actual guys, it isn't really that far off. And they're trying to blow up lions. Once we blow up these four lions, then we will visit Allah or whoever. I still don't understand. But it's really good,

and it's surprisingly, I mean, it's not surprising if you know Chris Morris' work, but it's surprising how, just how real and grounded it is, and it actually, at the end of it, it's a little sad. There's a scene at the end

that was genuinely touching that I almost got a little I can't believe I'm getting choked up In the middle of all this Genuine violence and genuine comedy And then there's this emotional scene That does not feel like it's shoved in And it feels totally organic and real

Yeah it's It's a really well done movie And very funny too And what's your latest pick from last year? You know, there was a movie that came out. You can't vote for your own movie.

Oh, then this year wasn't good. It's not a good year. Like that's how you're gonna start it. There was a movie that came out last year. Every once in your lifetime you will see. There was a movie that came out that actually,

I don't think it's the best movie that came out this year. It actually has a lot of problems with it. But it so feels like the announcement of somebody that's going to be a great filmmaker. Avatar. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Couple of problems with the...

Keep an eye out for that guy. Keep an eye out. And I'll say it right now, Jack Cameron, that name, when you see Avatar, you will not forget that name. No, it was called Bellflower. And I had a lot of...

I had a lot of problems with the second half, but there's still like... But you know what it reminds me of? When you watch really early Scorsese and there's this, like, holy fuck, you are being so emotionally invested. I'm talking to Scorsese, like, you're so young and you're so pissed off and there's so much emotion,

but you're such a goddamn brilliant filmmaker. And you watch this movie, Bellflower, where this young filmmaker... He's a talent. Evan Glodell is his name. Evan Glodell. He's been on the show. And he, like, built his own equipment. Like, he builds his own cameras. He builds his own cameras.

He's pretty savant-y. He doesn't even seem like a guy that would make movies. And then he's really has done a good job. Isn't he acting it? Isn't he the star? He's the star, yeah. And he's good. Most people that act in and direct their own movie

seem pretty confident. Like Zach Braff. Like Zach Braff. Like Zach Braff, exactly. I'm so glad you came up with the perfect example because we gotta go. This has been... No, seriously, if you get a chance, go see Bellflower.

It's like the announcement of something, of someone new, this guy Evan Lodell who is clearly gonna have a decade. Yeah, I think it's still rolling out in art theaters and it's probably on demand and it'll be on cable and DVD and all that. So do check that out. Great suggestions, you guys.

Those are really, really educated responses. To a gotcha question. I was trying to make you look like idiots. Let me ask you this. What magazine do you read? This year? Green Lantern. Sorry, never mind.

Nobody gives enough credit to that guy. Quick plugs. Wayne Fetterman's International Film Festival this weekend. CineFamily in Los Angeles. CineFamily.org The increasingly poor decisions of Todd Margaret ongoing on IFC

it's the last season so fucking get with it and Patton Oswalt let's all wish him luck at the Critics Choice Awards yes thank you best supporting actor

tune into the microphone. Is that tomorrow night? That's tomorrow night? Thursday. It's Thursday night. So by the time this comes, by the time this pops, he will have lost.

Wednesday, I am up for... You know Christopher Plummer's dying. You know that, right? This podcast is over. Did you ever think he would have to fight Christopher Plummer? In your life growing up being a movie nerd? I did get a fortune cookie in 1991 that said specifically that.

So I shouldn't have laughed at it. I'm also up for a Best Supporting Actor at the Wayne Fetterman International Film Awards. That is tomorrow night at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. It's... It's very exciting. Weirdly, tickets are available. I'm going to do a Doug Loves Movies taping at Cobb's in San Francisco

on January 29th. Yeah, at 420 in the afternoon. And DougLovesMovies.com is the place to go for all of my stuff. I'll tell you about it later. We'll stand in a circle and I'll explain it. Thanks once again to Wayne Fetterman, David Cross, and Patton Oswalt.

And as always, Jake Fogelnest is a shithead. I like that guy. And Katherine Heigl is a shithead. Yeah, I like that guy. And Katherine Heigl's a shithead. Thank you.