Doug Loves Movies - Patton Oswalt, Sean Cullen, and Jon Dore Guest

Episode Date: February 10, 2011

Doug welcomes comedians Patton Oswalt, Sean Cullen, and Jon Dore to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, sweetie, baby, sticky seeds With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth There's still not more that he won't see Because Doug loves movies Hey everybody You can see it, so I'm just gonna, I'm gonna, it's the elephant in the room Hey, everybody. You can see it, so I'm just going to... It's the elephant in the room. Amazing gift bag tonight for the winner.

And they let them all in. Since I started this thing of telling the guests to bring something to give away, so many of them have been so generous that now it's fucking crazy how awesome the gift bag can be. Full of eclectic items. Some things that make sense

and then some stuff that's just like, alright, yeah, that's cool. One of the guests brought a pair of shoes that they bought that are the wrong size. So we're gonna have to make sure that that guest plays for someone with that size foot,

because otherwise it'll just be a tragedy if he wins for somebody that can't wear the shoes. I mean, I guess maybe he could sign them or something. But everybody brings their stuff, and they say, should we sign it? And then they start to feel bad, like, well, that's kind of, you know, really assuming that the winner is going to really be that big of a fan that they care that I sign this thing. And my feeling is, like, you know, don't be so humble about it.

Just sign it. So I have a Sharpie with me at all times because people just walk up to you and they'll be like, oh, I wish I had something, you know, for you to sign with. And I'll be like, I've got a Sharpie. And then next thing you know, I'm signing

a tit or a dick. And that's the kind of thing that makes my day. So I haven't... I've never signed a penis. But... My name is Doug and I love movies.

It's February 8th. Right? 2 Oceans 11. And Doug Loves Movies is coming to you from the UCB Theater in front of a live audience. With name tags. Casey has a tie that says Casey on it. That's never been done before, to my knowledge. We've got a Price is Right name over there.

What does that say? Keith. And of course, the iPhone. Lots of people put it on there, but my sight's so bad I can't. It says Jew on it? That's inappropriate, to just write Jew on your phone. Oh, Cousin Jew.

Oh, short for Julian. Of course,ousin Jew. Oh, short for Julian. Of course, yeah, everyone knows Jew is short for Julian. Oh, my God, I love the songs of Jew Lennon. That's a good one, Elizabeth, right? Tim over there has got the bottom of some sort of takeout container. Or a McDonald's container that he wrote Tim on Well congratulations you guys, you did it You made ridiculous name tags Where's your name tag?

Yeah, exactly That's why you're sitting on the floor So since you're sitting on the floor. So since you're all in... It doesn't really make sense. Anyone could end up on the floor. She's got a name tag. She's on the floor. But here's what I was trying to get at.

Lots of great name tags. And... All right, let's get right to it. Such a great tease with the great gift bag and the, uh... These are all shitty people, whatever I said before. My guests tonight are actually three hilarious comedians, two of whom have been on the show before,

and one of whom you will love soon enough. Please welcome Sean Cullen, john doerr and patten oswald they're having so much fun backstage together. Or they're just trying to milk the applause. Yeah, you're having fun back there. There's Sean Cullen. Sporting an adult beer. Beverage? Sure. We'll sit wherever you want.

You left the other two guys behind? Did you shiv them and then run out on stage? There's Patton Oswalt. I'm sorry We were talking about John Doerr Double fisted Yeah

Patton was talking about Spider-Man Spider-Man the musical You saw it? Did you see it? No but did you read The review in the New York Times

All the reviews came out Today All the critics just were like Fuck you You've been in previews For months Charging full prices Months I meant to say

The thing that I'm really intrigued by is, in the New York Times review, I was telling you guys a story that he goes, I'm not reviewing the history of the show, I'm not reviewing the disasters and the injuries. I'm just going to review the show that I saw. I said, which he said is terrible. But he said there's a really fascinating point when

whoever's playing, the guy in the Green Goblin costume, and as you said, I can't believe you just said that sentence, and there's one point in the play where the Green Goblin, he's on top of a piano and he's threatening Spider-Man. And then there's some massive technical problem where they have to stop. And then they just have to vamp and kill time. And the Green Goblin

says, you know what? He goes, I will send you flying out over that audience. And they've dropped a couple of you before. Like, he's just riffing and he said the whole audience just it was like the one actual alive spontaneous moment in this play that clearly the actors have just been ground down into nothing they have no energy to deliver this stuff anymore and that to me sounds so fascinating a moment like that well

you know when that even the actors are rebelling. They're just like, well, I'm done with this. This guy's probably going to die. You all know this stuff. You've been here for an hour and it's going to go on for another 90 minutes. It's not going to get any better than this. I like how he's got to

work the room, though. Like, hey, we had a problem, so let's keep him entertained between commercial breaks. Right. Like a guy doing stand-up in a Green Goblin costume. First of all,

you're doing a show and no one ever sees your face. Right, yes. You're the Green Goblin. It First of all, you're doing a show and no one ever sees your face. You're the Green Goblin. It doesn't matter if you're good or bad. It could be a horse. It could be anyone. At that moment in the show where the one Spider-Man fell off and almost died, in that

moment, it's Julie Taymor just drawing on a wall of Green Goblin that comes in and goes ha ha ha, ha. And you're like, am I in a fucking shittiest carnival ride that they ever spent $65 million on? $65 million. These poor actors are basically doing what the guys at Disneyland who put on the costumes and come and have breakfast with you. They walk around the restaurant and you have your daughter there and Prayer Bear comes by and just kind of waves

But they know their characters and have a story. This thing, they made up a whole new origin story where there's a lady spider that wants Peter Parker to be Spider-Man

because she wants to turn people into spiders. That's what she does. That's a character in the show. It's a lady who wants to turn Peter Parker for no reason. Hey,

a lady spider. A lady spider. A lady spider. A lady spider, not a lady. Don't you understand? I apologize. What I think is they should have just done the show in Haiti and just thrown $65 million around.

There you go. And had a guy in a Spider-Man costume wandering the streets. I'm Spider-Man! And just stuffing millions into their pockets. Yeah, he flew. I'm Spider-Man! And just stuffing millions into their pockets. Yeah, he flew. I watched the man fly.

Yeah, there you go. That guy's incredible. I love the New York reviews that they point out. The harness is so ridiculous that it's just like, well, no, it's a guy flying around

on some things. Right. It looks like a trampoline or a trapeze act. Yeah, a trampoline act. And not a human flying man. Right. It never looks like a trampoline or a you know a trapeze act yeah and not a human flying man right with it never looks like anything's shooting out of his wrists right even in the masturbation scene oh i just did peter pan on on stage did you what do you have wires i didn't do him you played

captain hook you were captain hook no imee. Smee, his friend. And there's wire flying. Hey, everybody, it's Smee. Wait, are you me? That's the name of the autobiography. It's me, I know. What's your name? Smee, I know.

What is your name? It's Smee. That's the name of the autobiography of the man who played Smee in the West End for 20 years. It's Smee. That's the name of the autobiography of the man who played Smee in the West End for 20 years it's Smee that's the name of the book but anyway

it's on wires and this was the first time wires were used in a show and it still looks a bit like shit what do you mean first time in a show

like first time ever on stage where they used wires to suspend people because when a person takes off for flight yes when they are themselves going to go

flying into the air this is how it starts yeah that's right and your shirt sticks really high up there's like a hunch well you know your flight glands are in your shoulders you have to hunch them to get I can fly I can fly

it's awesome still a good show though Peter Pan Fly, I can fly. It's awesome. Still a good show, though, Peter Pan. I love the visual humor on the podcast. For the listeners at home, Mr. Benson punched his shoulders in a parody of Peter Pan's stage flight. Well, you know, I have to tell this really fast. We haven't talked about movies hardly at all yet, but...

Or have we? But when I was roommates with Rob Stone, who starred in Mr. Belvedere, the television show. He played Kevin, the oldest boy. Wow. He was roommates with that guy. Yeah. No, but here's where it gets better. This is an awesome story.

I envy you people getting to hear it for the first time. Go ahead. Christopher Hewitt who played Mr. Belvedere had an incident on the set where he accidentally sat on his own balls. Like my friend Kevin comes home early, I'm sitting there watching Oprah on the futon that I sleep on in the

living room of this apartment in Hollywood. And he goes, oh, we got off work early today because Christopher Hewitt sat on his own balls. And then... And if you must know what that would sound like, it's a little bit like this.

So. His balls can talk. Yeah. Me and my friends did Christopher Hewitt sitting on his own balls for years after that. And to this day, I just did it.

And so he recovers from the ball incident, but then, but then they do an episode of Mr. Belvedere that takes advantage of the fact that he played Captain Hook on Broadway or on the West End also as well. And so they did a whole thing where he'd recovered, but now they're hoisting him up so he could fly,

even though Captain Hook didn't fly, did he? No. So already it's fucking stupid. Streaks on the China never mattered before. So great theme song. So

he gets hoisted up to be Peter Pan, not Peter Pan, but Captain Hook flying. Does he get hoisted on his own balls? No, no. The thing breaks. Oh, no. And, yeah, I was sitting on the futon. Rob walks in.

What happened? Now what? Christopher Ewing fell on his own balls. They must be gigantic balls. Yeah. They must be gigantic balls. They must be enormous. Pendulant balls. No one's ever just brought up organically Peter Pan and flying in that way,

so I had to tell it. You would have shoehorned balls into this any way you could. You don't need an excuse. But also just to connect things together. Christopher Hewitt, of course, was in the original motion picture of the producers. And then you played Max

Bialystock for quite a while in the producers in Canada. Yes, I did. I wanted to see you do that so bad. I was in Canada for three days. You were stoned the whole time. Well, yeah, of course. That's when I love to see you do that so bad. I was in Canada for three days doing Riverstone. The whole time. Well, yeah, of course. But that's when I love to go see shows like Spider-Man.

Spider-Man? Yes. He's Jewish. Spider-Man, get in here. Spider-Man, get in here. You've been shooting the memes all over. Did you miss FedEx again? I like to get high and watch a chorus line.

You know, I like to mispronounce every show that I see. Phantom of the Opera. I saw Sean in The Producer. You saw it. I'm jealous. Did you tell this? Why did you not get to see it? What's that?

I know that... Did you buy a ticket? Tony Kamini and I bought tickets. We bought tickets And we showed up And then that board In the lobby That says you know Replacement performers

Max Bialystock Will be played by Some lump of shit Sebastian Bach Canadian actor Awesome Oh if it was Sebastian Bach

I was in Yeah Cause I saw him I saw him in Jesus Christ Superstar And it was theastian bach i was in yeah because i saw him oh it was i saw him in jesus christ superstar it was the best thing that ever happened to me because he did it'll be gordon like he did this and the tongue like he did all the rock star shit during the during the the bow as jesus as jesus jesus loved the devil and then like a few weeks after I saw him do it They threw him out of the show for doing that

They tried to tell him to stop It was Jesus Christ Pussy Getter And it was just It was not the same thing Oh wow Anymore Wow John

I'll shoehorn pussy in with the balls I don't care I'll do both Balls I knew a guy A comedian in Britain Who had gigantic balls. The same was Malcolm Hardy

and the reason I know this... Most comedians have a lot of nerve. What are you saying? Well, he was insane. How did you see his gigantic balls? Well, here's the story. He would get out. He had a show called The Tunnel Club in Greenwich and you would do that and he would bring you on. He would introduce you

and he had giant Coke that, and he would bring you on, he would introduce you, and he had giant, like, Coke bottle glasses, and he would, he was just a wimper, he would talk like this, so, here we are, oh, here's Sean Cullen,

he might be shit, here he is. That was the intro you'd get. I'm so similar to my intro tonight. Yeah. But then he would do this thing, people would shout, balls, balls, balls, balls, balls.

And he would take his giant balls out and just bounce them. How big? They were big. They were like, you know, if you get a bag of onions or something. It was like that. He had a bag of two onions. He had seven balls. He had seven balls. And they peeled all the time.

Would he hold them off so that he could close with that? Or would he do that two minutes in? No, people would chant, chant, chant, and he would give it to you. Often he would say, fuck off, fuck off, I'm not showing you the balls. Fuck off, I'm not showing you the balls. Fuck off, and then he'd go, all right, here they are. Here they are. And he would just show you the balls.

Big onion balls. But there's one funny story. Other one. He was doing a show where he would do a blacklight show in the middle of his show. And he had a show called Arrgh. Because the more A's you had in it, the closer you would get to the front of the program

at Edinburgh. So he was always Arrgh. And his show, he would go up on stage and he had a black light and he painted his balls orange with a day glow orange and he would bounce them to music

in the theater and then one day he was feeling ill he was taken to the hospital oh no and his wife was there and she said doctor

how is he doing and they were standing there and Malcolm was lying in the bed and he said well what does his color look like to you the doctor says and he says well they were standing there and Malcolm was lying in the bed and he said well what does his color look like to you the doctor says

and he says well and Malcolm pipes up and says well this is alright but these look a bit weird pulls his balls out covered with orange paint

so that's that's the story of the balls yeah I just I just realized yes the story of the balls

I just realized I've never been in show business I've just I've been been doing this just realized I've never been in show business. I've been doing this 23 years. I'm actually not in show business. You've been stuck on the periphery. I really have been.

You haven't been. Nowhere near the center. Yeah. John Doerr. Yes. Welcome. Thank you for having me. First timer.

You've got relatives in the audience? My mom and dad are here from Ottawa, Ontarioario and they came with my uncle bob yeah i have bob's my uncle yeah yeah uncle bob sounds like a scary figure to me for some reason well stand up uncle bob he's very he's very he's very uh very distinct he. He has a very lovely beard. A lovely beard. He's like a George Lucas. He's like a Roger Ebert. He totally looks like he could review film.

Yeah. And he does. He's actually, Uncle Bob is a film student. And he made a film called The Terror at Tanglewood Manor. He was supposed to do, it was supposed to be like a 12 minute production. Two hours long, ran out of black and white, so we just threw in color film.

Yeah. It takes place in the autumn. Way to change it up, Bob. Yeah. Very original, very original. Have you been in the movies lately, Bob? I'm still editing Terror at Tanglewood. You're still editing your movie,

so that leaves you no time for other movies. It's 40 years in the making. He's got to untangle the tangled terror of Terror Town. Well, good luck with that, dude. And welcome to our country. Is he from elsewhere? He is. He's from Ottawa. Oh, okay.

So you have a movie coming out called Stag? Yes. Oh, I IMDb'd the shit out of my guests. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. When I remember to. And you, something called Stag. Donald Faison from Scrubs.

That's right. Is in it. And then you. Yeah. And Susan Sarandon's daughter. Eva Amuri. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From Californication. Yeah, she showed her boobies in that.

They're biggins. Yeah. They look like onions. They look like an onion bag. Her boobs look like seven onions. Wow. That's an awesome set of boobs. How would you describe Eva's chest?

Well, you ever seen a bag of seven onions? Wow. Did you ever see Total Recall? Add four more. Yeah, yeah. Do you know math? Oh. Only if you cut them, you cry.

Like onions. Like onions. You knew what I was talking about. Well, yeah. Yeah, you cry. Like onions. Like onions. You knew what I was talking about. Well, yeah. You cry for two reasons. Because you'd feel bad about it. About cutting a boob. You don't want to cut a boob.

You wouldn't even cut a boob if you were at the Tangled Terror Tower. You don't know me. You don't know me. Tangled Terror Tower. Yeah. Sean Cullen, you were in Love Guru? I certainly was it was one of the best

experiences I've ever had on a set and then and then conversely it was one of the worst no see both of them I was being ironic oh really

or sarcastic you had a terrible time making it and then it also was that awful it was really bad and I knew it was going to be bad

what was your you were played a bellman? No. Don't make me keep guessing. I played the referee. I played a referee. Is there really a difference? Preet a bellman and a referee?

Well, referees rarely deliver luggage to the penalty box. You were a referee at one. So there's a lot of hockey in the movie yeah it's a hockey movie set in toronto uh and it's terrible but um i was uh the referee and i would sit there for for 14 hours they'd call me and i'd come in and i'd sit there with my skates on at seven in the morning and then at nine at they would say, go out and stand there and point. And that was it. And then I would go home. It was kind of boring. Because

at that time, my baby was being born that day. And I was like, oh, this is the best day ever for this to be happening. And to feel so useless and not be where I want to be at the same time. That's what movie making is all about. But at least you

named that child Puck, so it all... They named him Pucky. But the thing is, then I... I've never seen the movie, but I just saw my little bit in it and they used someone else's voice. They dubbed someone else in. Didn't Mike Myers dub in all the other voices, I think?

He's awesome. Well, he tried to crawl inside my body and move me. They probably were looping some stuff with Justin and they were like, hey, say some other characters' lines. Oh my God. The audition was awesome. Five minutes! That was what I had to say. And then they called me five months later

to tell me I got the job. I think because everyone else said no. They probably lost sleep at night over that five minutes. They were like, that guy really nailed it. Don't you think that's enough? You're out of here! Five minutes!

You're out of here! But they had to dub someone else. What does that guy sound like? Let's try it You do the thing And I'll do the voice You just do you

Get out of here It was a very rewarding experience Or what if Try it Pat And what if it was the rat From Ratatouille That said that I like cheese.

It didn't really work. It was perfect. He looked so angry and he was pointing. Why would you be angry and pointing when you like cheese? He likes cheese so much it makes him pissed off. And cheese! That he knows he has to wait until it's in his mouth. Well, in context. In context, maybe he's being interrogated by the

police. Exactly, yeah. Why did you do it? That's his alibi. I like cheese. Yeah. The DNA is lactose intolerant? I like cheese! Patton, can you tell us...

What is it that you do in... I gotta look at it, get the title right. A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas. Oh! Wow! I am a weed-selling Santa Claus. And

I have been informed by the writers based on I went in and did a little I did some ADR. Dubbed my own voice. So they come. I did some ADR. Dubbed my own voice. But I do. He's crying. Is it? I like cheese!

Canadian tears are the saddest tears. Because they're melted yetis. I'm the first i'm i apparently performed the first 3d exhalation of pot smoke on film oh oh so that's according to them now i don't know how they're going to cut the scene but so it's gonna be a very 3d harold and kumar christmas it's a very 3d stoner film all right well i'll try to find a screen 3D Harold and Kumar Christmas. It's a very 3D stoner film. All right. Well, I'll try to find a screen that just shows it regular. Yeah, you'll provide your own 3D smoke, I'm sure. I'll still be like, oh, I bet you that was fun in 3D.

But most of it was not worth wearing the glasses. Yeah, exactly. Like, I haven't seen Green Hornet 3D yet, because I want to just see it in regular. Did you see it 2D? You just haven't seen Green Hornet 3D yet because I want to just see it in regular. Did you see it 2D? I just want to see it in 2D, but it's hard to do now because most of the screens are all 3D. Because they get more money from me that way.

But I don't think it's necessarily a bad movie. I just can't take 3D anymore. I can't take wearing the glasses. It got sad in here, didn't it? It really is. It's sad what the movie companies are doing to us. I know't take wearing the glasses. It got sad in here, didn't it? It really is. It's sad what the movie companies are doing to us. I know. They're pushing us away. It'll get bigger. It'll be

5D. They're going to go 5D, 6D, 7D. Well, it's currently 4D they're working on where time passes while you're watching. Yes. Yeah. But everyone who's watched it comes out too old to remember while you're watching. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But everyone who's watched it comes out too old to remember

how they got in there in the first place. So yeah. That's like 7D. That's what I'm saying. That's double D. 8D, you get a hand job. Oh!

Just the ladies. I wish they would do a Chuck D. That would be great if they could do where you actually That would be great Where you actually You get angry at white people While you watch it If they would do a Chuck D version I only thought of the TV show Chuck

I was like what? Chuck D The pasty motherfucker Look I'm from the street I know We got different backgrounds Chuck D was in Run DMC You pasty motherfucker. Look, I'm from the street, you know. I know we got different backgrounds. Chuck D was in Run DMC. Get with it.

Yeah. I watched a movie in Ruby D. Unbelievable. I fucking walked the streets of the Americana. I don't know what the fuck's going to happen, man. That place is dangerous. I don't know if there's going to be a sale at Anthropologie or they're going to have the new Twilight at Barnes & Noble. Every fucking day it's do or die out happen, man. I don't know if there's a sale. I don't know if there's going to be a sale at Anthropologie or they're going to have

the new Twilight at Barnes & Noble. Every fucking day it's do or die out there, man. And you never know when the trolley car is going to be running. Fuck no, man.

They don't tell you. It's crazy. They don't post a schedule. All right, we got to play the Leonard Maltin game, you guys. That's what we're all here for. This is where I lose you think so

sort of you not been good at it always but you're really a little old maybe they do all David Cronenberg films yeah yeah that category especially oh my god the signs they're more like signs than name tags. Damn. Is this like a whole new level then? I can't. It's not working. It's dark. Oh, yeah? Okay, we got to get through this.

Not good. Who will I pick? Do we pick one? Let's do this. Ready? All right. Yeah. But now I need...

Quiet, you guys. Do we pick someone? No. All right. So let me tell you what we're playing for. Marv. So some people can put their name tags down. I don't need...

What size shoe is this? Size 11.5. John Doerr brought some 11.5 size shoes. Make a note, John, who you want to play for. Just for the record, they were too small. Oh, everybody. Someone's got a giant dick and his parents are here.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. John, you're not supposed to wear them on your head. But unfortunately, balls like persimmons. Super tiny. He will never sit on his own balls. He'll never sit on those. Yeah, I'll never work in England.

From Sean Cullen, we have Sean Cullen Live, the CD. Awesome CD. Also, Sean Cullen, have Sean Cullen Live The CD Awesome CD Also Sean Cullen I Am A Human Man Which is an interesting CD Because it's not just stand up It's also got Crazy sound effects

And I'm fat on one And skinny on the other And right now I'm in the middle You're like the China Dolls You're working all the angles Yeah Yeah you can play

Every part of the human On the stage If you keep changing Yes And you also brought a book Called The Prince of Neither Here Nor There Yeah, you could play every part of a human on the stage if you keep changing. Yes. And you also brought a book called The Prince of Neither Here Nor There, which I'm guessing is for children. Well, it's a young adult book. It's funny, I think. People might like it.

It's young porn. You'd written... I'd given away another one of your books. Yeah, yeah. And that's awesome that you write all those books. Speaking of books... Uh-oh. Patton Oswalt's got one as well.

Jesus. He's just called Zombie Spaceship Wasteland. Which one are you? That's how I like to promote that book. And then IFC Films gave us another copy of Joan Rivers' A Piece of Work, which is a very entertaining documentary.

She is one of the most beautiful women in the world. You're thinking of someone else. And then... You're thinking of Joan Collins. We've also got a few more items from nice people who have just given us stuff. A lighter and some sunglasses from Grooveshark

and a little monkey from Woot. I like the Woot monkeys. They're like rockets that you can shoot into the audience. So if anyone from Woot is listening, you can send me more of those. And then I'll give them away and mention you. And then I brought my CD, Doug Betts' Professional Humoridian, and a signed

poster with my face on it that also says the name of another album I did called Unbalanced Loads. Someone's going to win all of that stuff. There's more in there. What do you mean? In the shoe case. Oh, yeah, and John also in his shoe case brought

for fans of Canadian television napkins that say the John Doerr television show. But they showed it on IFC here? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. That's some choice premiums. I heard some good things about it. Were you going for a Golden Globe with those?

Is that why you're giving those out? Some cozies that say John Doerr television show? Yeah. And is it still on IFC or what's going on with that? No, it's ended. It's run. But, yeah. But see, people liked it.

It was a very good show. They've never seen it. These people, no. And they didn't even know you were going to be here tonight. They're just fans. It worked out good. But no, it's canceled. All right. And they didn't even know you were going to be here tonight. They're just fans. It worked out good. But no, it's canceled.

All right. Well, we got to play a quick... In memoriam, let's play a quick game of the Leonard Martin and give away this thing. So go get that name tag from somebody that's got the right size feet. And Patton and Sean, pick out a name tag. Scott Porter has a huge name tag. He stole some paneling from a homeless man's house. Oh, he's got the lights. Patton likes lights.

I like shiny. He likes flashy, shiny things. I like your shiny. Good job. But Casey, keep up the good work. That's a good one. Oh, you've won before, though. Casey's a previous winner.

As his family or as anyone in his household won in the last six weeks? one. Oh, you've won before, though. Casey's a previous winner. But... Has his family or has anyone in his household won in the last six weeks? Oh, you put them in your mouth and then you have crazy light-up teeth. Can we kill the lights for a second? This works well on radio. Holy crap.

You guys didn't even wash those off first. Tastes like combos Yeah Are those combos? Combos really Cheeses your hunger away It's like Tron is on You guys have

Valentine's infection Wow no No Britishers in the room? Thrush Thrush I got a case of a thrush Gotta go down to chemist Wicked

Wicked thrush Yeah Also Laurie Alright so John Doerr Is playing for Barnes Barnes And Patton's playing

For Noble And Fart Steve Is Patton's player Playing person And oh Sean went with

Cousin Jew Yeah Does he need some pants And a haircut Wait what are you Pointing to him for player, playing person, and oh, Sean went with Cousin Jew. Yeah. Does he need some pants and a haircut? Wait, what are you pointing at him for? But you were holding it before. Oh, so I could see it. Oh, thank you. What? Thank you for

shoving that Jew in my face. It's rarely you meet a Jew who doesn't know how to spell Jew. That was a deleted line from Schindler's List, by the way. That's right. That is on the bonus DVD. Oh, my God.

You really should check out the deleted lines from Schindler's List. On the DVD. They're amazing. They're some good ones. What's your favorite, Sean? Hey, what time is it? My favorite is,

are you going to finish those Doritos? I like the scene, the deleted scene where he was looking out over the workers and then he turned back to his cigarettes and he used telekinesis to make them hover into his hands. That was cool.

Yeah. That was a crazy scene. Different choice for the director. It was good. Yep. Okay, so... They cut all the telekinesis out.

All of it. When he made... Yeah. I just react because there's another scene where he makes Heather Locklear's blouse pop open.

Oh, I know. Dude, he makes the girl in the colored coat fly. That's how she got the coat. It was stuck in a tree and she flew up to get it. And put it on. And then he does that weird dance with Schindler where he just lifts him with his mind. And then they dance around. And you read my mind.

All right, we got to play the game, you guys. That's when they thought it was all fantasy. We got a serious time crunch now. You read my mind. All right, we got to play the game, you guys. That's when they thought it was all fantasy. We got a serious time crunch now. You read my mind. This is going to be rough. Here we go. Okay, we'll start. John, you can pick the first category.

Would you like O Canada? Those are movies that take place in Canada. Well, wait a minute. Now, this next category is for you. Jack Lemmon movies. I'm kidding. The next category is for you. Jack Lemmon movies. I'm kidding. The Canada category is for you.

It's Jack Lemmon's birthday today on the 8th of February. That's wonderful. He's no longer with us but it's his birthday. And so movies starring Jack Lemmon

or since it's the month of romance, Black History Month. Sex with Black People Month. Entertainment Weekly's Greatest Romances. The Greatest Romances according to

Entertainment Weekly. Which one of those categories sounds good to you? So there are two categories? There's three of them total. Oh Canada is a category? Canada, yeah. Oh, I thought you were doing it.

Oh Canada. But when you say Oh Canada I haven't spelled it right. You're saying Oh Canada. Specifically Canadian movies. Is that what you're saying? They take place in Canada.

Oh, that are set in Canada. Yeah, let's go O'Canada. Oh, okay. I like you going for the advantage right away. Now, you get to pick the year. Would you like this to be from 1982, 1999, or 2000? Say it again. 1982, 89, or 2000?

Which year? 82, 99. Now, you're repeating back different years. Okay. Sorry. Go again. 82. Go again. 1982, 89, or 2000? 82, 99. No, you're repeating back different years. Okay. Sorry. Go again. 82. Go again.

Yeah. 99 or 2000? I'll go 94. I'll go 82. Wow. 82. 82. Good one.

Leonard Maltin gives this movie three stars. Schindler's List. Go on. Good guess. Thank you. Three stars from Leonard Maltin gives this movie three stars. Schindler's List. Go on. Good guess. Thank you. Three stars from Leonard Maltin. This movie is Canadian, as we've mentioned. Oh, that's not a clue then.

He calls it low-key, and he also says it may be a bit too laid back. Yeah. From our good friends in Canada. Three stars, and it was from 1982, and there are only five names listed. So it's not a big crowd scene, actors-wise. Five names.

How many names do you think you can get it in, John Doerr? Too laid back. Yeah, the clues never help, by the way. Yeah. Don't dwell on them. I'll go, only five them. I'll go only five names. I'll go one name.

All right, so now we go to Patton. Name that movie. Am I playing this game right? No. Name that movie. I think you might not be because now you have to name it based on that one name that I give you. 1982 Canadian movie. From the bottom of the five names.

But there's only five names. But the fifth billed person, the name's not going to ring a bell at all. I'm guessing. Well, let's find out. Let's see if it does. Let's see if it does. It's Timothy Weber. No problem.

The great Timothy Weber. Do you have any idea? Now, what happens if I guess right now? If you guess it correctly, you get a point. If you don't guess it correctly, Patton gets a point. He gets a point. Yeah. And we only played it two points, so...

So I've made this a very quick game. You've really dug a big hole for yourself. But people have come back from worse. I don't know how it could be worse. Sch people have come back from worse. I don't know how it could be worse. Schindler came back from worse. Schindler did alright. He was fine. Well, I'm going to say,

I'm going to guess, no, it can't be. Was Schindler like, is he considered like the first bouncer? Like, is he the first person who had a list and was very clear about if you're not on the list or you're on the list? Mm-hmm.

Wow. Or is he like the first fashion blogger? Let's see who's on my list this year. Lowenstein. Oh, you did want to be on that list. I'm going to say Strange Brew. Oh, okay. See, you made a decent guess, but that's incorrect.

And the rest of the names, the next three probably don't matter to anyone, are Ken Pogue, Wayne Robson, and Jackie Burrows. I mean, not that they matter, but you know what I mean. But the lead actor that should maybe give it away to some people, it's still a hard one, I think, is Richard Farnsworth.

Oh, is it The Gray Fox? That's correct. Awesome film. Yeah, it's really, the photography is amazing. The music is great. It's beautiful. It drives a tractor after trains. But it does move slowly, so get ready for that.

It's very laid back. But it's well done. Laid back's not the word so get ready for that. It's very laid back. But it's well done. Laid back's not the word I would use for that. It really sounds like you're going to watch a bunch of stoners hanging out instead of bank robbers robbing a train. All right, let's start down there with you, Sean, on this next one. Patton has a point. You will be playing one of these categories.

The cast of the motion picture Friday. Oh, God. Other movies they've appeared in. Okay. This was submitted by someone on Twitter called At Small Batch Brew. Jeez. And their category idea was first of three or more.

So this is the first movie of a series of three or more. Oh. You know, a tentpole, if you will. And then the third category is the great composer John Williams also celebrated

a birthday today. Yes. So motion pictures with music by John Williams. You know, he's done some very obscure and bad movies and some very memorable ones.

There's no reason for you to talk through clues for your opponents. Let's say... So the first one is the cast of Fridays and other films they have done. Yeah, so other films that feature either Chris Tucker or Ice Cube.

Or that guy with the crazy eye. Isn't Steve Guttenberg in Fridays? Friday. Oh, Friday. I don't know what Fridays is You know what Thank God it's Friday I was thinking of And Steve Guttenberg wasn't in that either

Yes he was No he wasn't Yes he was Can't stop the music Yes he was in Can't Stop the Music Okay I'm not gonna take that category then I think

There should be a TV show called Shit Sean Cullen Says I know How about What's the second one? It's like first of a series? I love the logic expended on picking a category for God's sake. Forget it.

Forget it. I'll take the second one. I don't even need to know what it is. Just tell me what it's going to be. It's first of three or more. Okay, fine. Submitted by Small Batch. I don't care.

Thank you, Small Batch. Whatever it is, I'm just starting. All right. 2000 or 2002? 2002. i won't even give you three choices what just 2000 or 2002 it's the first i'm gonna go 2000 because it was the millennium oh that's when you kept your movie journal yeah i did yeah cool okay leonard gives this movie two and a half stars. Oh. He says about it, here's a couple things he says about it.

He says it's got a funny setup. Oh. But he also says results are frustratingly uneven. Oh. Two and a half stars from 2000. The category was first of three or more. And there are... Not Schindler's List. There are eight names.

Okay. Eight names? Yeah, eight names. How many names do you think it is? Audience, don't talk it through. Well, I don't know. I'm going to go... I'm not dumb.

Four. How about that? Okay, that's a good start. John Doerr. Oh, it comes to me now. Yeah, it comes around to you. It's like, name that tune. Oh, so now I have...

But with more players than they normally had. I'm going to say you said four. So now if I say three... That would be less. Yes, so... That would be a successful bid. Then Pat would either say name it with three names or he will try to go lower.

I'll say three, yeah. I'll say I can name it in three. Name that movie. So now Patton can win this. I don't tell everybody where to sit. If I were on the show, I would sit strategically, but I'm just the host. I don't participate.

Not like Mr. Belvedere. Except for that one time. The most unstrategic. And with that painful oh, we're down to two minutes. Okay, here we go. This makes this a very short podcast, doesn't it? Do you want the clues again? Yes. Okay, here we go.

Two and a half stars. It's from the year 2000. It's one of three or more. It's the first of three or more. And it's got a funny setup. Ha ha ha ha ha. Results are frustratingly uneven. I don't know

why that would help you. I pretty much know it now, but let's just go ahead. I was hoping those were the noises you made when you were watching it. Oh, this setup is delightful, but frustratingly uneven. And your three names are... I think you have a shot at this, buddy. Can I call you that?

Phyllis George. Yes, you can. Phyllis George. Yeah. Owen Wilson. Yeah. And John Abrams. Abrahams. Abrams. I guess it's John Abrams.

Abrahams. Abrams. I guess it's Abrahams. First of three. They go either way on that. Okay, so question. First of three. This is just to make sure you have the category right. They made three of these movies.

For instance, Star Wars. Or more. One, two, three. They made more than three of these, maybe. And Owen Wilson is in it. Yeah. Yeah, so if something's not popping into your head, there's probably like two movies that he's done

where there were a series of them. So how many Night at the Museums are there, and when did that start? That's going back too far. There was just the two, but good try. No, I'm just talking out loud right now. I'm not asking for any help. That's what you usually do when you talk.

Yeah. Yeah. You never hear somebody say, I'm thinking in my mind aloud right now. Yeah. Doesn't that sound like a Paul Williams song? Talking in my mind. I'm just talking out loud.

Thinking with my mouth. Owen Wilson. Everything is upside down no no but it's gotta be it's gotta be and if I'm guessing this right I mean it's gotta be like we're not talking about like Wes Anderson films they've done three we're talking like

an actual yeah yeah they don't call they don't call Bottle Rocket a tent pole. Well, I call Rushmore Bottle Rocket 2. Well, that's your own little fun game that you get to play. Yeah. But if you change the name of Royal Tenenbaums,

I will murder you. Just talking out loud right now. Call it whatever you want. But y'all see normally don't get this much time to work it through meet the Fockers

was he even in those that was so close meet the parents I meant meet the parents meet the parents we have to take we have to take

your first guess no no no because we're out of time I meant I meant meet the parents I know what you meant but have you ever been on a game show

but you didn't that'd be a a game show? That'd be a great game show. Welcome to I Meant. The show of second chances. That'd be a great game show. Time out. You didn't let me finish my... We gotta go though.

We gotta go though anyway. This is all moot. I mean, I'm gonna turn the sound off. You didn't let me finish the sentence. I was gonna say, Meet the Fockers was a good movie, but the first to turn the sound off. You didn't let me finish the sentence. I was going to say, Meet the Fockers was a good movie, but the first one was Meet the Parents. That's what I was going to say.

See, that's my problem as a host, is trying to end on time. I rushed when you were going to say the full answer, but at least someone that Patton's playing for is going to get some huge shoes. Yeah. Give them to Barnes. Who are you playing for, Patton? Where's Steve at? Where's Steve?

Sorry, Cousin Jude. Steve, do you wear 11 and a half size shoe? Can we give them to the guy that John was playing for? What an a-hole! I love that answer. I love that answer. Alright, you guys got anything to plug? Just plug anything you have coming up while I find out some information.

I have got this problem with my chair. I just want,? Just plug anything you have coming up while I find out some information. All right, I did a show. I have got this problem with my chair. I just want, if any other improv company is coming up, they should be very careful because this is broken. They will hurt themselves during a transformation of who. Who else was being played for? Oh, you. Hey, Jew, sorry.

Jew lost. Julian. Okay, do you have anything to plug, John? Pearljam.com. Check it out. It's great. It's pretty good. Where did Patton go?

Patton ran out. He has nothing to talk about, nothing to give. He's just all about him. He's left. That's adorable. I've got to get a picture of all the guests together. Well, it's not going to happen. We need to. I already forgot. Oh, there it is. You need a picture of all the guests together. Well, it's not going to happen. We need to... I already forgot.

Oh, there it is. You need a picture for the podcast. Oh, there you are. Come back, Patton. We need a picture at the end of the three of you sitting together celebrating what a lovely time we had. Oh, hey, hey, hey. What was that? What just happened?

I don't know. That guy just left. What just happened? I don't know. That guy just left. Well, Patton's already frozen in the end picture, so he probably thought it was over. He was like, there's no more to see here.

I don't get it. Should we all do that? The credits are about to start. Did you take a picture? No, I'm just going to say, I'm going to stand up and take a picture after I say the following. What is it? We have a little closing thing worked out that I say the following. What is it?

We have a little closing thing worked out that I do every week. Oh. And, yeah. And I'd like to thank Sean Cullen, Patton Oswalt, and John Doerr. Watch for what they do

and support it. And, as always, Shaka Khan is a shithead., Chaka Khan is a shithead. And Dr. Phil is a shithead. Yeah! Typical Jew wants his phone back.