Doug Loves Movies - Paul F. Tompkins and Brett Gelman Guest

Episode Date: October 1, 2009

Doug talks movies with comedian Paul F. Tompkins and writer/actor/comic Brett Gelman.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds with 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Yay! Hey everybody! I love movies! Hey, everybody. I love movies. Yeah, it's right there in the name of the podcast and the song that is sung by Hard and Firm

to introduce the show each week. I'm reaching into my magical bag to find my notes because everything's been prepared. So we have a lovely show today. UCB is where we are CDR is where we're proceeding and AST is a website that many of us hang out on you knew all of that

and I also just want to mention quickly that you can see my buddy Patton Oswalt his movie Big Fan is moving around the country and it's currently in Baltimore Charlotte and Chicago and soon in more major cities and it's an interesting movie watching rat tattoo II being a scary sports fan if he went that way if you got kicked out of the cooking business the master chef business that he managed to be in by is it just me or is rat tattooing like is he is the rat sitting on the guy's head pulling his hair really gonna make

his arms move the way the rat wants them to move when he's cooking i don't i just couldn't i couldn't buy that part but um but i but but big fan was completely uh, and that's what's scary about it. Also, I want to say a quick shout-out to my friend Tall John, who whenever he comes to or from the bathroom now says that he thinks that there's – what does he say about being in the bathroom? That the prospects look cloudy with a chance of meatballs every time. So that's a good movie joke. So I decided to throw that in there. My guests today are awesome.

One of them had to cancel at the last minute because he's working on something. He's on the set somewhere, and he thought he could make it, and he can't. So we'll talk about that briefly once we get a great replacement for him. But also my theme for the evening is ruined because my theme is going to be that both of these guys are from classic sketch shows. But let's say these guys have done classic work in sketches. I think that's a good theme. Please welcome my good friends, Brett Gelman and Paul F. Tompkins, everybody.

Brett and Paul are here. Gentlemen. Hello, Doug. Hello. Now, both of you know uh who canceled right or who couldn't make it right now would it be fun for you brett as the improviser is a very talented performer comedian type um would it be fun for you to pretend to be tom lennon for this entire show or would that get old i think it's old already. I think I'm already tired of the bit, so let's not do it. Let's have you play

yourself. And Paul, of course, will be Mr. T. That's right. As old. If you're Mr. T, I'll be Tom Lennon. That would be for half of the podcast. I feel sorry for the dumb person who has to impersonate Tom Lennon.

Is that how you... Is that close? Oh, yeah. That's... Are you calling... That's Mr. T, right? The voice was off, but the attitude was spot on. I have... I have empathy for such a person. Of limited

intelligence. That's very good. That's probably... You should call up Eddie Murphy and tell him that you have an impression that rivals his. You know what? I should just call him anyway. I owe him a call. You could get some good gigs from that Eddie Murphy guy.

You owe him a meet Dave wasn't that bad phone call. You know, like... It was terrible. He left me stranded on Santa Monica Boulevard I was wearing a spangly miniskirt He said he would pick me up And give me a ride home

As a good Samaritan I have short shorts like Tom Lennon Wears on Reno 911 Oh you wear those tight shorts sometimes? I wear short shorts And you know who else did? Are they also tight or are they just short? No, they're just short.

They're not tight. They're not tight. They're very modest, except they're very short. Some people, though, some men, have such an extreme reaction to the shortness of my short shorts, they might as well be tight. That was quite a journey. Yeah. That you took us tight. That was quite a journey that you took us on. That was exciting. I've been in the house all day.

Wow. Have you seen... Now, Paul, you just had a stint, a time in New York. Yes, I did, Doug. And did you happen to see the commercials where he's this weird little man

for the motto? Did you ask me did I happen to see them or did I happen to see them all day, every day for my entire stay in New York? Thank you. Let me tell you something. Those commercials delighted me so much. I really, really enjoyed them.

I appreciate it. You were adorable in them as a little miniature person. I don't know if anybody here in Los Angeles ever, really enjoy them. I appreciate it. You were adorable in them as a little miniature person. I don't know if anybody here in Los Angeles ever got to see them. They're for the New York lottery, so why would you? I retract my theory. They're the weirdest, craziest commercials, but people listening to the podcast

I also apologize for calling it a theory, which it was not. It was a question. Okay, that's good that that's cleared up. I forgot what some words mean. Oh, I got some big ones coming up. They shrank me and they made my head a little bigger. So they didn't leave your head just the same size and shrink your body. It looks the same size to me, but they told me that they made it a little bigger.

Bigger than it is or bigger than it would be for that little body? Oh, definitely bigger than it would be for that little body. That's a good one. But is that what they were saying? But no, like bigger than it really is. In life. Yeah. Than what I am seeing right now.

Right. And I have a gigantic head big head I don't know if the audience can hear at home how big it is very large but then he's got those big glasses that Elliot Gould wears in the Ocean Eleven movies and a thick accent

how do you talk in those commercials? like a New York accent Jewish give us a taste I had Kevin Pollack on and he did some Columbo so the least you can do New York accent. Jewish. Give us a taste. You know, I had Kevin Pollack on and he did some Columbo, so the least you can do is the weird little big-headed guy from the lotto Lucky commercials.

What's his name? Lucky Man or something? Little Bit of Luck. Little Bit of Luck. Little Bit of Luck. So, it goes a little something like this. Find in a subway car That isn't packed during rush hour

Lots of luck But if you want to win take five With the New York lottery All you need is me Little bit of luck There you go And you're like Walking around in a public restroom

While you're saying that I around in a public restroom or something while you're saying that, right? Like he put you in a scenario. I'm in a train station. You're in a train station. A bodega. Bodega. It's very New York. The classic New York bodega.

Classic New York. Everybody relates to going to a bodega if you've lived in New York. Absolutely. I do. You go to a bodega several times a day if you live in New York. It's a big topic of conversation there. Yeah. I love bodegas.

I don't want to hear the word bodega ever again. I'm like, good. They're all run by people who were very successful doctors in their own countries. If you ever talk to somebody who owns a bodega, you leave

and you want to kill yourself. Or them, so they will stop telling you about how unfair the world is. Right. It's like, well, should have been born somewhere else, man. That's what I tell anybody. You've got a bodega.

It's a soft story. At least they have a bodega. How can you complain when you have a bodega? Hold on a second. If you're some sort of thoracic surgeon in your home country, don't you sort of thoracic surgeon in your home country, don't you sort of set something up in America before you just blindly come here?

Like, wouldn't you call a few hospitals or something? Like, do you guys need any expert surgeons? See if they need you to do anything at Thoracic Park? I don't know. I'm trying to bring it back to movies, Paul. Oh, I do apologize. Maybe they trick you and the hospitals give you a fake address, which is an empty space that you would lease,

and on the window of the empty space is, we suggest you turning this into a bodega. You will never be a doctor in this country. Maybe the bodega commission has the rights to the number 1-800-HOSPITAL-JOB. And so when these people call from foreign countries, they're like,

oh, there's plenty of hospital jobs here. Come on over. I guess the real thing that's going on is a little bit of you and a little bit of me. Isn't that always the way? We're both right and we're both wrong. I guess the real thing that's going on is a little bit of you and a little bit of me. Yeah. Isn't that always the way? Yeah.

We're both right and we're both wrong. You know? Stuff isn't black and white. Hold on a second, Brad. What? Say, Doug, what are you writing? I wrote down 1-800-HOSPITAL-JOB because I honestly am kind of excited about having a bodega. You would run a mean bodega.

If some failed doctor could have one, why not me? Where would be your favorite neighborhood to own a bodega? You really put me on the spot with that one. That's a good question. I have a follow-up. Okay. I don't know the neighborhoods well enough to pick one. Lower East Side?

Fantastic. Great answer. Okay, Paul? That negates my follow-up, which is, which height of the East Side would you go with? I ruined it.

So, Paul, you are actually in a motion picture. Yes, I was. Right now with little or no bodega scenes in it called The Informant. That's right. There's an exclamation mark or point at the end of it. Yes, which you remarked on Twitter was yours and theirs when you said you're going to see the informant.

Yes, emphasis mine and theirs. Yes. Informant! And when you buy your ticket that way, they're not impressed. They're not like, ha ha, you really laid into that exclamation point. That's putting it mildly.

And I have one person say, I'm going to abandon that tack. Okay was not gonna be i realized i had made a logical error you know how at the arc line they all have to have their favorite movie on their tag that'd be a good one to have on there and then everyone when they see it they'll go the informant you know they'll bring some excitement to it when they read it aloud. Well, then you need the question mark and the exclamation point if that's how you were going to read it. The informant!

Well, they would think of that guy. The informant! That's it. That's how I meant to say it. The informant? No, that's got a question mark on it. The informant! That's it. That's the way it's pronounced. The informant! That's it. That's the way it's pronounced. The informant.

Why would there be an exclamation point at the end of that delivery? That sounded parenthetical to me. Has there ever been a movie with a title released in parentheses? It sounded like it says Sato Voce before it to me. I don't think you need to scream in order to earn an exclamation point. As long as you're intense. You do have to pull out a knife

and stab somebody or something, though. You gotta either raise your voice or do something violent. You can't just go around intimidating everybody with a quiet demeanor. Especially when you're a little bit of luck. Regular sized. Aren't you regular sized little bit of luck. Yeah. Regular sized. Aren't you regular sized

little bit of luck? How often do you get that? Aren't you a little bit of luck if he was more normal looking? A lot. A lot. No, I never get recognized. Now, Paul, how much weight did you gain for the informant? Because Matt Damon put on 30 pounds, and I got to tell you,

if he hadn't, that performance would be... I already had that 30 pounds. You already had it? I already had it. Yeah, I showed up ready to go. Oh, he had to put in so much work and effort. Yes. Like, is that probably a first that someone gained weight for a comedy?

Yes. You know what I mean? It is. It's already pretentious enough when they gain weight or go through boot camp for a movie. But this is a new height of... Because that's all he talks about in interviews. About gaining the weight? And I know that's all the press wants to talk about because they have a picture of him with his shirt off.

But he doesn't look that... First of all, he doesn't look that bad with 30 more pounds on him. When I saw him, I heard about the 30 pounds after I had already worked with him on the movie. And somebody said, you know, he gained 30 pounds. I'm like, oh, really? He's still thinner than I am.

And the character dresses for it. He wears coats. He's not standing around in a tight shirt. Doug, that's right. So my point is just why can't that character be a thin dude like matt damon already did that character in uh those oceans 11 movies it wouldn't have been as crazy same thing because you would be thinking why does that thin guy have to lie all the time thin people don't have to lie he knew that people have it made he knew that the guy was fatter.

And he just needed to, you know, just so he could rest with that part of the role, you know, filling in that blank, he gained the weight just so he could feel good. And then he used it to get people into the fucking seats. Whatever. I know how actors work. You explained it all. I know how actors work. You explained it all. I know how actors work. So you're saying part of the draw was that Matt Damon gained weight?

That was what brought people in? That's why I'm going. I want to see that guy fat. That's why I'm going. Like Chubby Chasers? There's some ladies who are Chubby Chasers out there? Oh, yeah. There's lots of audience members who are Chubby Chasers.

I want to see low self-esteem Matt Damon. For me, he ruined his entire career because now I refuse to watch a self-esteem Matt Damon. I won't. For me, he ruined his entire career because I won't. Now I refuse to watch a non-fat Damon. Yeah. I watch fat Damon all the time. Throw those Bourne movies in the trash. Put a third T on there. Fat Damon.

Fat Damon. Just be fat and everything. He could do a remake of Raging Bull and just start, like, just start at the end of the story. What's that? Somebody's grandpa? Raging Bull. You ever see that Raging Bull? I was watching Raging Bull on the TV. This guy, he was an old boy scout.

Have you guys flown recently enough to have to watch that Jessica Biel movie where she goes to England and they're all rude to her no cuz she's an American she's an American who you know doesn't pull her knickers down far enough or something it's like a period are you talking about shit what's it called it's called like boring something spirit what easy virtue I want to call it something spirit. It's called easy virtue. That sounds so made up. Like everything about it.

The whole thing is crazy because Jessica Biel shows up with her. She marries some English dude, and then he takes her back to meet the family. And Kristen Scott Thomas is his mother who hates her from the get-go because she's American. Right. And also because she married his son. Oh, no. And then it's just those two women fighting it out. But she's american right and also because she married his son oh no and then it's just those two women fighting it out but she's like a modern girl from america like she when

they go out when they go out to uh when they go out on a fox hunt she shows up in on a motorcycle instead of a horse what is she doing well that's everyone just sits around going easy virtue easy virtue why isn't there an exclamation point on that title? More like easy rider. Is she, because of the motorcycle. Is she just crazy in the movie? Is that what's going on? Did you really say to him, hang on a second?

Like there could be more to that? More to the easy rider joke? No, I didn't actually. Yeah, you said hang on a second to him. No, I didn't. You said it to you. No, I said it to you. He did that gesture with his hand no he said nice work or something like that we gotta rewind let's roll it back let's roll it back nice work and then what were you saying i don't even fucking remember

it just sounds like remember it sounds like she just she's insane like why would she show up on her motorcycle that's just an immediate they're just an immediate... That's beyond easy virtue. Well, there's scenes where they show another dude working on his motorcycle. She doesn't, you know, bring one out of thin air. That's not my issue. My issue is not where did she get the motorcycle. Why ride it up to the family?

It's a fox hunt. Like, I've never been on a fox hunt, but I've heard of them, and I know motorcycles are not involved. But if you didn't want to ride a horse hunt. Like, I've never been on a fox hunt, but I've heard of them, and I know motorcycles are not involved. But if you didn't want to ride a horse and embarrass yourself, you might show up. This thing on the table hurt my hand. You might show up in a vehicle that you could drive. It's cheating, too.

What? It's like, did she bring a bag of grenades instead of a rifle? Like, road warrior fox hunt. I can't believe I did start yelling cheater at the screen while watching it on United Airlines flight I watched Marley and Me on silent and cried

because I'm the one fucking idiot that didn't know that the dog dies at the end of the movie because whenever I saw the poster it was so disturbingly awful idiot that didn't know that the dog dies at the end of the movie. Because whenever I saw the poster, it was so disturbingly awful to me. I would just have hurt my eyes. So I knew nothing of the book.

And then the dog dies the same way two of my dogs died. Oh, like by just dying? Murder, suicide. That's how my dog died. He totally just died Were they laughing at yours

Which one I don't know I don't know What'd you say I said murder suicide Wait a second Your two dogs get it You didn't know

You don't know about that movie either That's what happens in Marley and Me Yeah It's a murder suicide The Me is another dog That's what happens in Marley and Me. Yeah. It's a murder suit. The Me is another dog that shows up and kills Marley. And then kills himself.

What is that movie with Jennifer Aniston and what's his name? Love Happens. Love Happens. Like, doesn't that title sound like that's already happened? Like, it doesn't feel like

it's a new thing at all. It seems like the most generic romantic... He writes books about relationships. But he doesn't have one. She read his book. Together, they're going to kiss after two hours. Oh, it looks brutal.

I'm going to see that on a plane. Yeah. Are you going to plan your flight around it? No. It just happens. You sound? No. It just happens. You sound very determined. It just happens. They were showing Star Trek for several weeks on flights

and every time I went somewhere they would show this Jessica Biel movie or some other shit. I never even got to see Star Trek again. I never get a good movie on a plane. Never. Never. I only get...

Whatchamacallit you know did they make a movie based on that candy bar the movie the whatchamacallit movie oh yeah the movie right

that definitely had an exclamation point whatchamacallit I was just off all over the place didn't know the movie didn't get the candy bar joke

right away didn't jump on that whatchamacallit whatchamacallit didn't really catch on as a candy bar. It's still around. You know why? Because it was a shitty candy bar. It's not good. Hey, they got a new candy bar. What the hell is this thing?

It's what they're saying. It's Whatchamacallit, right? Thing-a-ma-jig, that'd be another good name for candy. Who's-e-what-see? Yeah. Huh? The candy bar What did I What did I dot dot dot Question mark

Okay so Paul You did a thing recently where you showed Here in Los Angeles the movie Pee Wee's Big Adventure to an audience. Thank you, everybody. Some of these people are in attendance. It's over at CineFamily.

Is that what the old silent movie theater is called now? I guess. I didn't go in the front, so I don't know. Did I change the name? Backdoor Johnny. Look at you. You came in carrying the prints. You had to go in the back door. Yeah, that's my movie presenting persona, Back Door Johnny.

You moved in silently into the silent movie. Right? Incorrect. Oh, I'm sorry. That is not right. That is not right. Sorry. The audience decides.

And they've been a tricky group tonight. No. Haven't they? Let's all talk. And they've been a tricky group tonight. No. Haven't they? Let's all talk.

So you showed Pee Wee's Big Adventure, which is one of my all-time favorites as well. It was fun to see it again. I hadn't seen it in a really long time. And I hadn't seen it with an audience since it came out in the theaters. Since day one, right? Yeah, since Jump Street. I saw it in Los Angeles, enjoyed it thoroughly at some galaxy or some place that doesn't exist anymore. And then I went home to San Diego and I was like, that's a movie I can see with my parents. They'll laugh,

you know, it's cute, there's nothing to offend, but they fucking did not get it. After it was over, they were like, that was okay, but they didn't laugh ever at anything. Not once? They might have laughed once. When he jumps off the train? Maybe.

I was thinking Jimmy Crack Corn. Probably not, because that gag does kind of like... Large March? No, you don't laugh at Large March. You're scared of Large March. Amazing Larry? No.

I don't know what they laughed at. When he rescues the snakes? That's when they laughed, yes. I did it. Just to end it. Persistence pays off. Or just kind of like the... I know you are, but what am I?

My parents laugh only at really obvious backlot sets. So when he was saving all the animals from the fire, they thought that was hilarious because that could not have looked more fake. But the audience enjoyed it all the way through. Yeah, and there were people that had never seen it before that told me afterwards they really enjoyed it. A little polite golf applause at the end of Jan Hook's sequence as the tour guide? No.

That's a funny scene and the only thing she's really now known for. Nothing else has really happened. I ran out of the theater during that movie. Why? What happened to you I got very scared from that large march part oh I thought you were going to say a giant guy was chasing you around with a bone no I actually

I saw into the future of Jan Hooks' career and that made me get all freaked out she was on SNL for quite a while yeah she did that thing where she sang with the other lady. Oh, and Designing Women, right? Really? Maybe now she

swims in a fucking pool all day because she is rich. Hey, I didn't come here to bury Jan Hooks. Well, I came to praise her. I came to praise her. I do, too. I do, too. I think she's a very hilarious person. Yes. Well, that's why I was complimenting her scene

saying that people might have enjoyed that especially and you're like, no, they didn't care. Hold on a second. That is not true. We don't have to rewind the tape on this one. I know I lied. I know that one. I agree with you. I played Build a Title today on Twitter

and annoyed about 37 lost 37 followers in the process. And but here's the title we came up with. It's pretty good. How High School Higher Learning Tree Men and a Baby

Boomtown and Country Bears and I Row Bottle Rocket. That's the title we came up with. Is there a movie called Bears and I? There is. There's a movie called Bears and I Row Bottle Rocket. That's the title we came up with. Is there a movie called Bears and I? There is. There's a movie called The Bears and I. There is not.

You can take out the thes when we play this game. Yeah, The Bears and I. Yeah. I sit there while I'm playing it with the people on the internet. I sit there with the copy of Leonard Maltin to verify that these titles are real because people throw the weirdest titles at me. The Bears and I? The Bears and I is a real movie. Wow. It starred Hal Holbrook. I sit there with the copy of Leonard Maltin to verify that these titles are real because people throw the weirdest titles at me. The Bears and I? The Bears and I is a real movie.

Wow. Starred Hal Holbrook and, interestingly enough, Dolphins. They call him Bear... It's like he plays an old man who thinks they're bears. Is that how the credits were listed?

Hal Holbrook, Dolphins? Yes. And he's Mark Twain. He's playing Mark Twain. Yes. Hell Holbrook did a one-man show, toured around as Mark Twain for quite a while. Mark Twain Tonight, I think it was called.

Was it? I think so. Maybe. Might be an exclamation point. Mark Twain Tonight. I'm going to look it up. While you look it up, I'll say that I came from the yes school of improvisation,

not the yes and school. I just say yes and then let you finish it up, I'll say that I came from the yes school of improvisation, not the yes and school. I just say yes and then let you finish it. Let you go back to the business of whatever it was you were talking about. I just go yes. I just say no. I'm a rebel. I'm an improv rebel. You just end every scene?

A little bit of luck was the only time you've ever said yes in your career. Yeah. And you hit the jackpot. You get residual the only time you've ever said yes in your career. Yeah. And you hit the jackpot. Mm-hmm. You get residuals every time we see that commercial, right? No. Wait, are you improvising or answering the question? Maybe.

That time you didn't say no. I don't know. But the thing I wanted to get to Is that a gentleman named Matt V. Cameron Came up with the bottle rocket At the end of Iroh Bottle Rocket And I thought that was pretty clever And so he was the winner today What did he win?

He wins the opportunity to name the shithead At the end of the show Because at the end of every episode now A listener gets to decide who's the shithead Because I think Willem Dafoe's had enough Yeah That's generous of you And he still He seems like a friendly man But now a listener gets to decide who's the shithead because I think Willem Dafoe's had enough. Yeah. That's generous of you.

And he seems like a friendly man, but he also seems like he'd be scary if he was mad at you for some reason. Yeah. You saw him on the street and he was mad that you called him a shithead. You know what? I feel like he would just be really hurt. You know?

He would just be so perplexed by it and even after you explain it's a joke and here's the thing and it's because you don't seem like a shithead He would still walk away from the experience Just not understanding why somebody would be so mean You would hope that he would At least find his way there

Emotionally Even if he started to anger That he's in touch with himself enough as an artist To be able to get to Because all anger is really just hurt Yeah It's true It's true enough as an artist to be able to get to, because all anger is really just hurt. Yeah. It's true. It's true.

Okay, so... I was in the house all day today. In those crazy shorts. So... In your little roomy shorts. Those Jim Dangle shorts. Is that his name, Jim Dangle? Anyway, we're going to reschedule Tom Lennon for another time.

Why? He's clearly not a friend. Because I heard. If he just bails on things at the last minute. He's working on the set of some movie about a guy who owns a fucking river. Okay, so anyway, that guy gets the name who's the shithead at the end. So when I say the name of the shithead at the end, it's not my opinion. I just have to say that.

Because usually they pick somebody. I'm like, I don't care that I have to say that this person's a shithead. But in this case, I don't think he's necessarily a shithead. But this is what the guy wants to say. That'd be horrible. It would be. No, it would be more awkward for, actually, if Tom Lennon were sitting here, I'd really need to make that disclaimer

because he's closer to the person that is being called a shithead than you are. But you've had experience with him as well. I've given away too much. Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. Yeah. Paul Tompkins has played it a bunch of times. What happened to the building thing?

I never got to play the building. Do you want to build a title instead? We're running out of time because of all the bodega talk. I'm scared of it now. Either way, it's up to you. Dealer's choice. We could do both if we do it fast. Let's do it fast. Fast play.

Brett Gelman's never heard this podcast and has not been told how these games work at all. Good luck to you. I mean, little bit of luck to you. I've never been on the internet. I don't mind that you have never listened to the podcast. I'm not accusing you of anything.

I'm just saying that you're completely unfamiliar with these games we're about to play. Right. And you're going to get buried. No, I appreciate it. Oh, yeah, I'm going to lose. I bet you will still win. There is a chance. That's the great thing about it.

Natasha Leggero won once. Oh. Okay, so... If she won... Which sounds like a generic slam against women, but Natasha knows nothing about everything. I actually didn't take it that way, but now I'm thinking about it.

You can't have a conversation with her about any pop culture thing. She's like, what's that? Every time. Well, she just does that to be difficult. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's her thing. Oh, all right.

Then an Us magazine falls out of her pocket. Yeah. I've been caught. You know exactly who Kate Gosselin is. In actuality, her last name should be Seacrest, not Leggera. Right? I don't understand what you mean. Because that guy's really mired in culture.

Right? Moving on. Okay, so let's get a title from somebody in the audience. Just give me a title of a movie, any movie at all. Hopefully it won't be something that we can't build on. Cop and a half. Did I point to you in any way, shape, or form? Maybe with my crazy eye I looked over at you

while I was looking way over this way. But we will take it. Thank you. Who said it was cop and a half? Cop and a half. Are you Canadian? No. Are you something and a half?

Where are you from? NorCal. NorCal. NorCal, you know. The weapons manufacturer. NorCal. NorCal Systems Online. Are you wearing an Ed Hardy hat?

No, my friend made this Oh, cool Is your friend Ed Hardy? Shall we play a game? Alright, the title is Cop and a Half And now Paul has to add A title to the title Cop and a Half

Either using the cop at the end Or the half I mean the cop at the end or the half. I mean, the cop at the beginning or the half at the end. It's pretty easy to do at this point. Well, that's the thing. You can throw in a stopper where nobody can add to either end because it's such an awesome title that can't be. I'm going to say cop and a half baked, of course. Oh, that's good.

But I can add to the beginning You can add to the beginning Or you have to add to baked Okay Time cop and a half baked Boom And then I go Time after time Cop and a half baked

Okay Time after time, cop and a half baked. Okay. Oh, wait, wait, wait, no. It still has to end in time. Okay. Oh, shit. Out of Time? Question mark?

Cop and a Half-Baked? Is Out of Time a movie? Yeah, yeah, that was... I'm pretty sure it was Denzel Washington. Oh, Denzel Washington. Everybody knows the movie Out of Time starring Denzel Washington. Sorry, I'm so dumb, everybody. Then I'm going to say... It's not that old. I'm going, Denzel Washington. Sorry, I'm so dumb, everybody. Then I'm going to say...

It's not that old. I'm going to say... I'm going to say hiding out of time after time cop and a half-baked. Okay, so what was the first one? I think I have sealed it on either end. What was the first one?

Hiding out. So you need one that ends in the word hiding. Which I think is a John Cryer film, if I'm not much mistaken. Oh, I know where you can go. I know where you can go, but you're probably going to lose here. Hiding out. Oh, I know Right

Oh screw you guys Okay Hiding out Time after time Cop and a half baked ZD the movie I thought you might go Alaska But you went ZD the movie I thought you might go Alaska but you went ZD that's cool

I don't think there's any movies that begin with Baked I can look it up but I was thinking you could go and you don't know this because you haven't played before but you could say taking a title from the thing I did earlier you could say How Hiding Out and then go through the rest of it.

I was going to do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hiding Out. Oh, I didn't know that I could do that. You can do that. You can, but you didn't. Oh, I would have definitely done either of those. Either of those would have been at the tip of my tongue, jumping off. Like a diver. So let's see how you do at the Len Moulton game.

Can we acknowledge that I won, though? Oh, yeah. Paul won, everybody. Thank you. Thank you. I've been dying to play this game. All right. So now let's see what else we got here.

I'm glad you won. Thank you, Brett. Last month, one of my guests. I think you brought me a little bit of luck. Last month, one of my guests... I think you brought me a little bit of luck. Last night, one of my... Or last time, I should say, one of my guests was a gentleman from the internet

named Mr. Skin. And did you make that noise because you were sad? You missed it? Or did you just come all over yourself? Aww! Do you wonder what he looks like? Because he doesn't look like you'd imagine him to. You'd expect a nerdier looking dude.

Yeah, the guy with the pipe on the internet is an old drawing. That's not what the guy looks like. But let's talk after the show. We'll also talk about your hat for a while. So, anyway, so I prepared a Leonard Maltin game, but it turns out that Mr. Skin doesn't know names of actors at all. Like, he knows the ones that have been naked, and that's the extent of it.

You know, that's his thing. So this game seemed like it would be, you know, just really weird with a guy that has no idea what these names are. So let's try it with Brett Gellman. I know actors. So I picked all movies. And you've been inside all day. To try to help Mr. Skin, I picked all movies where some of my favorite nude moments of all time happen.

That's like the running theme between all these movies. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to name a couple more things about the movie and then you guys have to bid how many character actor names you think you can get it in with me reading from the bottom up. So in other words, the first names you get are the most difficult and obscure.

In most cases, every once in a while there's a pretty famous person that had a small part or something. But let them all... Too many names is the point of this game. Is that the point of the game? It has no point. It never had a point. It never had a thesis. This game. It's just a stupid

game, but he does list too many names. By most obscure part, not by least famous actor. Right, but also at the time when it came out. The kind of credit they received, the order you'd get when it came out. You'll see.

Doug, we'll start with the least famous people, building up to the most famous people, who are the stars of the picture. Yeah, this movie's from 1978, has a lot of nudity in it, which I appreciated when it came out in 1978, and it got just two stars from Len Malden, which I think is – it's hard to swallow that it only got two stars. Okay.

And there's 18 names. There's a lot of – 18 names. So let's start – Paul, start the bidding since you won the first game. That is too many names. It is. That's what I'm saying. So how many do you think you can get it in?

Like you could say all 18 or you can jump to nine or seven or whatever. I'll say I can get it in ten names. Okay. Brent, you can either say name that movie. You can either say name that movie. Or you have to bid lower. You have to bid lower. Get a lower number.

So you would say I can name it in nine names. Or less. Or less. You can say I can name it in one name. Or less. Or less. You could say I can name it in one name. We've had people say zero names on this show. Really? Just based on the clues. I could name it in eight names.

I'm going to say I can name it in seven names. Seven. He's saying seven, Brett. Where do you go now? Do you tell them to name that movie? Oh, six names. Six names? The ballsiest players are the ones that have never played before.

That's why I'm going to say name that movie. So now you've got to get it with six names. All right. Good luck to you. All right. James Widows. Mark Metcalf. Oh, I know exactly what it is

Kevin Bacon James Daughton Mary Louise Weller Can I ever stop? I think I know If he doesn't know it, you can tell us And Martha Smith Animal House

That's correct! Well done. See how... I was trying to tell you beforehand that an actor of Kevin Bacon's stature having such a small part is a great clue. And James Widows. And James Widows.

Who went on to direct a lot of episodic television. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can do that, and he juggles tennis rackets. He was Hoover in Animal House. Hoover. The one that says, I state your name and all that stuff. Alright, we're running out of time. It's best two out of three

so Brett, this is yours to win right now. Okay. I've got to pick out another movie. He said okay like he's going to do it. I'm very proud of myself. You sound like you're going to do it. You should be. I feel very good. I'm proud of you. Alright, this is from 1985.

I'm just a guy. This is from 1985. That means a lot to me. Well, I'm just a guy. This is in 1985. Not to me or not. 1985. Yes, sir. And it has one extremely memorable, I dare say pivotal, topless moment from 1985. I know exactly what it is.

And you have eight names, and you start the bidding, Brett. Okay. I can name it in seven names. I can name that movie in zero names. Oh, shit. No, you're supposed to say name that movie. But that was close enough.

There's two movies that I'm thinking of. I can't remember the exact release date. Why would you get one name or something? Here's the thing. They both have kind of the same scene in them. If I think you're talking about what you're talking about. I think you think I'm talking what I'm talking about.

In 1985. There's one topless scene. If he doesn't get it right, you're going to win this whole game. All right. I'm going to say. We're almost out of time anyway. That movie is Trading Places. Oh, such a good guess.

That's what I was going to say. Can I go with my second choice? Incorrect. Well, you can show off by telling everybody your second choice. Was it Just One of the Guys? Yes. God damn it! What year was Trading Places? Let's find out. I bet it was 86. Just One of the Guys? Yes. God damn it! What year was Trading

Places? Let's find out. I bet it was 86. Just One of the Guys. What? 83? Oh, yeah. It's Dan Aykroyd. What's your name? Jamie Lee Curtis was a trailblazer. But I would have picked that movie, too, because that was like a pivotal, like, wow. But it's the same thing,

where there's just like one scene. One scene of just, here they come. But in just one of the guys, though, that is like such a, you know, like that actress really did it. You know, like it's clearly her in the shot, and it's very impressive. It's a very impressive moment, watching her being bound up.

Like, Streisand didn't do that in Yentl. Just whip her tits out at some point. She should have. That should have been the moment where they found out, not the moment where he's trying to put his penis in another. She should have said, behold, Yentl's lentils. I forget what I'm looking up now.

Trading places, trading places. All right, so do you guys have anything you want to plug before we go? Anything coming up? Anything happening? Go see Paul in The Informant where he and Matt Damon, every scene they're in, they're eating spaghetti. Are you?

No, that is not strictly true. There is a lot of eating in it, though. You don't get to eat in it, though. I don't get to, no. I mean, you didn't have to. Yeah, that's right. It's like the highest form of acting is eating on screen. Well, also

just the most disgusting form of acting because you have to do it a million times. Well, it's a compliment from the director. Yeah, here have 40 bananas. I wrote you an eating scene last night. Here have 40 bananas while this ape pretends to ass fuck you. I was looking right at Trading Places. Remember?

Remember? One guy gets ass fucked by an ape. That's right. He's dead now, that actor. Yeah, it was a slippery slope. Who was it? His name? Paul Gleeson? Paul Gleeson, yes. Classic bad guy in that.

No, he's not in Ferris Bueller. He's not in fucking Ferris Bueller. Piece of shit. Get the fuck out of my show. You no movie knowing giant head little bit of luck motherfucker. I got Animal House.

But yeah, you did. And Trading Places was 1983 and you won the game. So good for you. I won the first one. Remember when I won the first game? You won the game, so good for you. Wow. Shame. I won the first one, though. Yes, you guys. Remember when I won that first game? You won the first one.

You won the first one. We'll have to have a rematch someday. And you can get the rest of my medical marijuana tour shows that I'm currently on tour doing as you're listening to this. That was an abrupt subject change. I'm wrapping it up. I'm wrapping it up on my MySpace page. And also I'm going to be at Acme.

Nice club, right? Acme in Minneapolis. They wouldn't book me back. What? They wouldn't book me back at Acme. No. Called and called. They wouldn't get back to me.

That's weird. I'm going to have a conversation when I get there. Don't bother. I already told them thank you. Thanks for booking me and not that other guy. You don't need them. No, I don't. And neither do you.

Remember that if they ever give you trouble. Was it your bar tab? Did you eat too much at Sticks? I skipped out on those mozzarella sticks. You've got to admit, that's pretty not cool, but it showed some restraint on their part to have an Asian restaurant next to a comedy club and call it Sticks and not Schticks.

Yeah. Right? Yeah, I'll give them that. You've got. Right? Yeah, I'll give them that. You gotta give them that. I'll give them that. So I'm gonna be there October 22 through 24. Have a good time.

Having the time of my life. My life. The world's best comedy club. Best club in the world, you say? They'd only let the best comics perform there. It's true. And, um...

They wouldn't let me eat on stage there. I was not considered worthy of it and as always Ben Stiller is a shithead now it's time for Doug to watch another

talky eyes of gold his viewing prowess makes him cocky there's no room in his heart for you cause Doug

loves movies