Doug Loves Movies - Paul Scheer Guests

Episode Date: April 12, 2007

Doug is joined by Paul Scheer ('Human Giant') to discuss 'The Hoax,' 'Pathfinder,' and the classic vomit scene in 'Falling Down.'See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds with 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see cause Doug loves movies Hello everyone and welcome To I Love Movies coming to you from the UCB theater in Los Angeles They do lots of fun shows here at UCB including my interruption show on the last Thursday of every month. So go check out UCBTheater.com. Spelled theater, T-R-E, because they're fancy. The comments keep coming on my page on HandheldComedy.com.

Can't stop them. They just happen. Regarding the recent Bill Dwyer episode, Stefan wrote, good episode, but too many sidetracks during the Leonard Maltin game. Well, there you go, Stefan. I don't know if you listened last week,

but we said if Stefan isn't happy, we're not fucking playing the Leonard Maltin game. We'll just fucking drop that and just do all sidetracks. But actually, a conversation between Bill Dwyer and me is basically nothing but sidetracks. And so if he comes on again, you're just going to have to suffer, Stefan.

Stefan also said, as for Willem Dafoe as a shithead, you know, that's what I say at the end of every show, I think you should try to say Willem Dafoe, William Dafoe. I almost fucked up Stefan's great joke. I think you should try to say William Defoe is a shithead, just to be that much more of a dick about it. Thanks for the suggestion, Steven. Ha ha, you shithead.

Burned you, man Speaking of the UCB Theater Which I was a few moments ago My guest today appears in shows here regularly He's in like the MySpace shows Which you may have seen, it's really fun If you're in Los Angeles or New York, check it out And you may know him as one of my Talking Head cohorts On Best Week Ever

I don't know what a hort is, but anyway, he has a new sketch comedy show on M to the T to the V called Human Giant. Please welcome Paul Scheer, everybody. I like this. Man, nice jaunty entrance. I did. I ran in. Skip ran in.

You know what? I was very excited to sit down and talk. Well, it's good to have you here, man. I've been trying to get you for a while, but you've been busy doing stuff on both coasts. Yeah, I'm very, very busy. Very busy, yeah. So far, that first part of that conversation, I just stopped and realized it sounded so much like a radio interview.

I was being way too formal there. You've been too busy to come by, but it's great to have you in the studio. Well, whenever I'm in Phoenix, I love to come by. Listen, Paul, I don't care what you have to say, but I want to talk to you. Listen, just play some Creed for me. Can we play some Creed right now? Oh. For continuing the radio bit okay no no i just thought you were that was like you were like saying a hip way of shortening credence clearwater revival

it's like play some creed man it would be like a total stoner request and then creed would come on and you go i didn't mean that fucking creed i be so bummed. I didn't mean the creed that's actually called creed. Shit. So, Paul Shear, what motion pictures have you seen lately? Have you seen anything? I did really the best thing I've ever done in my life, which is, you know that CVS or any Duane Reade has copies of really $1.99 DVDs and stuff like that? So I was there at 3 o'clock in the morning and I saw this one said,

Mr. T is the strongest man in the world, $1.99. I picked that up, brought that home, and I found it to be a touching portrayal of a strip club bouncer who befriends a bunch of inner city kids and teaches them how to box, hence the strongest man in the world um but the weird thing was is that he worked in a pretty hardcore strip club but it was a kids movie too so i had a problem with that balance uh that was going on there you didn't see any actual nudity did you nobody walks you can just tell it was rough trade well like there's a fight in the strip club there's fights in there it's not like an easygoing strip club mr t has to be the strongest

man in the world because shit goes down at the strip club and he's always maneuvering back there um you know what that's what roadhouse needs is patrick swayze teaching children how to dance and how to be nice it clearly was just just the convergence of two maybe good ideas. Like, oh yeah, Mr. T works in a strip club and he takes care of business. Yeah, yeah, but with kids. That's kind of a different movie. No, no, he teaches the kids how to box together and that's the movie. We have these two scripts.

Let's just alternate pages and see what happens. You got my kids boxing movie and my movie. Oh, you got my strip club movie and my movie. Oh, it's delicious. As an adult, I can say it's very difficult to jerk off to, but that it's also a nice way

to make children grow up quicker as a children's movie. Yeah, kid, watch this. You know, it's like... Hey, kid, watch this. It was kind of like that movie Hardball. Remember Hardball with Keanu Reeves? Remember that? Oh, yeah.

And then it became a TV series with Dean Cain. Oh, really? Yeah, I didn't see that. Who should introduce himself at parties as I'm the TV version of Keanu Reeves? Because there's always the TV version of people. Yeah, but you know what? I think he's oddly more popular than the movie version of Superman.

Brandon Roth. The guy, Brandon, what happened to him? He was big for about five minutes and then he's gone. There's Roth with a T or with an S? Ruth. Ruth. Well, he'll be in Superman Returns. Yeah, not soon. The best thing I've watched is a documentary

on Superman Returns. Brian Singer hates Brandon Ruth. He talks down to him. There's actually a part where Brandon Ruth goes, yeah, I never really acted before this. Brian really taught me a lot

about it shouldn't be all about faces. You could just tell this guy's been beaten down he's like yeah I was a really bad actor but I'm learning a lot and then you cut to like day 95 and they just aren't even talking to each other Brian Singer's directions

is just like you're making the face stop making the face you don't have to make a face like you're flying. Just fly. You're not hero on Heroes. You don't have to pretend you're taking a shit to take off. Severely constipated but can't transport.

What about, did you see the Ben Affleck, George Reeves Superman thing? Hollywood Man? Oh, no, I didn't see that, but it's on a list of my Netflix that I would like to see. It's in your queue. It's in my queue right under uptown saturday night with bill cosby and cindy oh dude does not hold up no not no that was from my youth and uh i loved it when i was a kid there's a scene where it's where fucking jimmy dynamite right walker jj he uh fucking i don't know eat spinach or some shit. And he's really skinny, scary skinny, but he could beat the crap out of people for some reason in the boxing ring. It's ridiculous, but I liked it when I was younger.

I haven't seen it since. I'm just guessing. I haven't on my Netflix queue. I'm excited to see that. I also, last night, was addicted to Fall falling down the michael douglas classic all right and there's a moment in that which i highly recommend if it's on hbo you have to watch it just fast forward to the fast food scene when he's like he's holding people hostage in this fast food restaurant and he's not really holding them hostage he just wants breakfast and it's 11 35 and they stop serving breakfast at 11

30 and you know he's trying to be friendly but he accidentally shoots a machine gun and uh and then he goes up to this woman he's like are you enjoying your food and i guess the woman's cue was oh you're gonna vomit now on cue but she doesn't quite pull it off so all she does is this she goes and just fits out food and now i have a high def tv and i rewound that about 17 times in a row and it gets better and better each time because she really just has a piece of burger in her mouth she just goes it just drops it doesn't go it doesn't project out it just drops the weirdest sound it's hilarious oh shit and she went on to play Gollum in the

Lord of the Rings films I was reading in Entertainment Weekly sidebar that you know Dobby's not going to be in this next Harry Potter movie come on and about how purists are upset about it, you know?

And like, he didn't say it, but Daniel Radcliffe practically goes, fuck Dobby. That was bullshit. That was in the first two stupid ones, or the second one. And, you know, really, that Dobby just slows shit down. Well, I just love the ardent fervor that these, like, Harry Potter fans have. Like, how could you cut anything? Because the books are like 1,200 pages. But those people would sit through a seven-hour movie just to get their fucking Dobby on.

That first movie, I read the Harry Potter book. I liked it just fine. But that first movie, I was like, oh, my God, I want to stab myself in the face with a wand. It seemed never-ending. Yeah. And there's no action in it, just a lot of chatting. And poor Ron Weasley, Rupertint he's he's all bummed out because you know in the book at this point he becomes fucking kick-ass quidditch star yeah yeah and in the

movies not a mention of it oh it's so sad he's like i was looking forward to being good at quidditch i had a friend who did interviews for like press conference and junkets and stuff and ron weasley refused to be in the same room as uh harry potter like they had a real big rivalry so they had to separate them throughout the day well i hate to spoil it for you but uh the next book oh no does he get it no i'm just saying that they have a rivalry oh oh mirrors that because in the last movie they were starting to there was starting to be some weirdness. They were starting to be into girls, and one was clearly being better than the other one.

And the other one was a doofy, weird-looking dude. Yeah, yeah. I'm just glad they got that Hermione back, because she was threatening to not be in the rest of the movies. Well, really, what else is she going to do? Not act. She was like, I just don't want to act anymore. Oh, really? That's why she wanted out.

Yeah, she was just like, acting's not my thing. But they're like, oh, $4 don't want to act anymore. Oh, really? That's why she wanted out. Yeah, she was just like, acting's not my thing. But they're like, oh, $4 million, it's your thing. And then she's like, but fucking Harry Potter gets $20 million, and he loves it. I have to work hard and push myself. He's having a great time. He should make less. That's not what they said, but something about it. That's like the late-chief version of that story.

You were hiding in closets listening what's going on so here's what's coming out this week the movie's opening today uh disturbia oh man the best title for a movie ever disturbia but it's have you seen the trailer yeah it's rear window rear window but i guess instead of jimmy stewart in a wheelchair it's shia labouf with a tracking device. And I guess the twist is that this guy actually does kill people. I think that's the twist. Rear Window, he didn't kill somebody, right? Is that the thing?

No, by the end of Rear Window, the guy's fucking really up to something. All right, okay. So this guy's really up to something, too. Yeah. You know, I don't know. But, like, you see it in the trailer. I would imagine the trailer for rear window didn't show that you know yeah the trailer for the rear window did not show

david morris stabbing someone and blood flying on the window and going what did he see well clearly he saw someone stabbing someone like that's what that trailer showed me do you call him david morris i did is that morse it's morse yeah morse code but that'd be fun if you just always called people you know like uh i just like to piss them off morris hey david morris come get me it's like wasn't one of the wasn't the bg maurice wasn't it spelled morris yes it was and he had an attitude about it no he had the nerve to always correct people i have a friend who has that kind of name where it's like they always get it wrong. So he's like, yes, first time out of the gate. Doesn't try to get it fixed. Just says, okay, that's my name.

People say to me, hey, you're Joe McHale. And I go, yes. Because at a certain point, it's like it's not worth explaining that I'm not the guy that you recognize from a basic cable show. It's like then it's really more embarrassing for me. So I just go, I'm Joe McHale. I'll see you later. Watch talk soup. You know, like the soup the

soup yeah whatever thanks for getting your basic cable wires crossed i will yes i and then you know people come up in the back oh but you wear glasses on the show like yes i don't know who you're talking about but yes like i don't say to me all the time you're so raven like it's ridiculous but fortunately i don't have i mean you don't you don't even really look like joel mckill not at all i actually watched the soup the other day and go i look nothing like this person they just they just get the pop culture talking face guy and just like you know that's that's the name that's stuck and it's like it doesn't mean they like you any less they probably like you more than him they might not even know who you know they may not be that

familiar with him. That's why I don't want to be a dick and go, no, I'm not that guy. And then sit down and explain to them that Best Week Ever is a different show than I love the 80s and celebrity mishaps and whatever. So I just go, yes, we've become friends. And I walk away and occasionally I get a MySpace message. You go, I met you and you lied to me. You told me that you were this guy.

Now I feel like a jerk. But why did you lie to me? That told me that you were this guy. Now I feel like a jerk. But why did you lie to me? That's even weirder. Yeah. Speaking of hoaxes that you're perpetrating, Richard Gere is in a movie called The Hoax. Oh, yeah. In which he plays a fake autobiographer of Howard Hughes. Like he convinced people that Howard Hughes, this is based on a true thing, that he is

a guy that convinced everybody that he had interviews with Howard Hughes to write Howard Hughes' autobiography and he never met Howard Hughes I had to wake up again that sounds like a terrible idea for a movie a fake biography

it sounds like it's a hoax to get you to come watch this hoax like you get in there and you're like wow they, they really tricked me. This sounded fascinating. Because I remember in The Aviator that Howard Hughes crashed a plane. I would love to see fake interviews with this person that I don't really care about. Excellent. Bring it on.

He didn't even interview him, though. There's no Howard Hughes character in the movie, I bet. So he's just a liar. That's like this other movie with... Shattered Glass? Oh, that's a good movie. I like that movie. But that guy was a liar. No, but this other movie with... Shattered Glass? Oh, that's a good movie. I like that movie. But that guy was a liar.

No, but there's another movie... Big Fat Liar? Ooh, that's a good one, too. With Frankie Muniz? Man, Paul Giamatti was never better. He never, never blew her. Amanda Mines, amazing. Paul Giamatti is blue in that.

The one thing... What is it? Oh, there's a new movie coming out where someone pretends to be Stanley Kubrick and that's a movie too. Yeah, Color Me Kubrick. And it's John Malkovich pretends to be. But also in the true life story there

the guy looks nothing like Kubrick just like Malkovich looks nothing like Kubrick. It was just completely that like if you just tell somebody you're Stanley Kubrick there weren't that many pictures of him. You didn't see that much. know there was no dvd footage at the time when he was making movies so people didn't really know what he looked like so just be like ah and he was really effeminate he's like i'm stanley kubrick and waving his hand around and chatting at parties like capote

dude like that's kind of like that dude who dressed up like brad pitt for a while he wore those big sunglasses or like oh brad pitt why is he making out with strippers? And then they finally saw him without the big sunglasses and they're like, oh, that's clearly not Brad Pitt. This guy only can look like a celebrity with gigantic sunglasses on. I hope I didn't tell this story on a previous I Love Movies, but if I did,

can they fast forward through the podcast? Yeah, just push it through. Push through this, people. But there was a guy at a restaurant, La La's, here in Los Angeles, on Fairfax, I think But there was a guy At a restaurant Lala's here in Los Angeles Oh yeah Fairfax I think There's a guy sitting at the bar Just like

Total pose Posture Attitude Look just like Jack Nicholson But was Absolutely not Jack Nicholson

Fucking sitting at the bar At Lala's Just like Waiting for people To come up and talk to him You know But the guy really Pulled off the look

And we sat there For a long time Going I wonder if the guy Is trying to get attention Like wants people To think he's Jack Nicholson Right And so

It was around the time Something's Gotta Give Came out So Bonnie McFarlane Goes over to him And she goes I loved Something's Gotta Give

And the guy goes Thank you Oh Oh So brutal That is terrible goes i loved something's gotta give and the guy goes thank you oh she gave him just enough you know like let him say no oh no oh thanks but i you got me mistaken but no thank you like he was like he was in his mind was like he was already one step closer to having sex with her do you think how big is that betrayal which is closer to having sex with her. Do you think, how big is that betrayal? To have sex with somebody who looks like Jack Nicholson and be getting ready to go, and then clearly you look around the studio apartment and go,

yeah, I don't think Jack Nicholson lives in a studio apartment. He's got like one golf club. He's like, that's the one I used on that car that one time. I'm keeping it special. I can't do a Nicholson impression he just does photoshops of his head like all the DVD cases that's his head

like on Easy Rider he's got a typewriter with a page in it that says all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy he's got all these things around the apartment

that's subtly saying bathroom door broke through like the shining he even does it like when she's trying to go to the bathroom, he even sticks it through and says, here's Johnny. He pisses on the floor like in Wolf. What do you think of that? Wolf, that was a terrible movie.

Wolf, Jack Nicholson. With James Spader. Too much oozing going on. Yeah, too much. much oozing going on yeah yeah too much too much oil yeah i i have to say after seeing it again uh the departed like jack nicholson's my least favorite aspect of that movie like to me he doesn't fit in you know people say that a lot and they say that you know that uh like denaro would be so much better in that role well i don't know that'd be a little too much like you know it's already bad enough that scorsese uses some

of the same fucking songs from his previous movies. It's like, what? I think there are more songs, dude, if you just check it out. He only knows, like, give me shelter. Listen to the next track. See what that is. Maybe that'll match the scene where a car is going by in slow motion when somebody's about to get killed. Any rock song from the era would be like, oh, this is creepy.

I think Manhunter, I think every Michael Mann movie has proved that. Wait, but what happened to, what this course is, did you guys talk about this, the final scene in The Departed? I don't remember

what I've talked about. The rat running across the railing. Yes, we've talked about it. That is terrible. He lost his mind. We were trying to give people the benefit of the,

you know, some people are like, la, la, la, because it was,, la, because it's just been out on DVD for a few weeks, and so some people wait for that now. Yeah, yeah. Some people even wait for cable. To them, I say, fuck you. Yeah, fuck that. Come on.

You can hear what happens in the movie. Yeah. Because also, sometimes it's actually interesting to see a movie after you've already heard the twist or the thing to look for that's lame. When it gets to it, you're like, oh my God, they're so right about this fucking rat. Exactly, yeah. Like, why is there a rat on a windowsill? Why is that the closing shot of the movie?

I remember being very fulfilled. I was like, wow, great movie, great ending scene. What the fuck is that rat doing there? And that is how I left the movie. Come on, man. They're all rats. They're all rats. It would have been so much better if then a little kid shot that rat

with a pop gun or something. What the fuck are you looking at, rat? Bam! It just shoots off the ledge, and then they zoom in on the golden palace in the background, which is another thing I hated about it, that fucking church or whatever,

the temple, whatever the fuck it is in the background. He was living in a rich world. It's very strange, but also just that movie, to me, it's going gangbusters,usters and it's really entertaining and it's really good and then it's just like and then everyone dies you know it's just like too much like just you know

it gets you upset because you know that people are going to die like oh no no no no it's very quinchy the last few minutes of the movie you're just like oh no this guy's going to get shot great it's like that's what I like about the Sopranos is fucking what's his name David Chase will just be like

fuck you guys nobody gets capped during this long sequence where you know it's coming we'll just end the season on a Christmas party yeah that's fulfilling hey great nothing more I like

than an awkward Christmas party to end The Sopranos. Only nine more months till next one? Great! No problem. Hunker down, idiots. Yeah. A lot of internal tension. That's really fascinating to watch. Each break is longer to give you the opportunity to go back on

DVD and watch the entire series. Like, for this nine, I DVD and watch the entire series. For this nine, I'm going to watch the first 91. Yeah, it's good. It's going to be fantastic. Pathfinder opens today. That's a Viking movie that's rated R for strong, brutal violence throughout. Wow.

So I'm in. I'm totally, I want to see Pathfinder. I want to see Pathfinder the same way I want to see that movie. I want to see Pathfinder the same way I want to see that movie Shooter with Mark Wahlberg. You just know it's going to be an hour and a half of just ridiculousness and you jump in and it's like,

Howie Long is Fireman. It's like whatever it is. It's Rambo in the urban jungle. You know how Rambo at one point sews up one of his own wounds? Wahlberg does it repeatedly. So I haven't even seen it. I've just heard about that.

Oh, that's hilarious. So I was just like, I don't want to watch a guy sewing himself up constantly. So Pathfinder is essentially just Vikings, like real online. That's all I know about it. I just went on an online site that said, you know, what it was about. I will say that great advertising campaign for Pathfinder, because you and I know a lot about movies. I don't know anything about Pathfinder. Yeah, I really

haven't heard anything about it. I mean, it's kind of a weird week, because it all seems like a lot of dumping ground movies. There's this thing, Perfect Stranger, which is not about Balki and Larry. Which, I would have been great, because I have a movie about a guy who pretended to be Balki, and got laid all the time at Lala's.

It was going to star David Morris. Bronson Pinch. Oh. Oh, hello. This is Perfect Stranger Something with Bruce Willis and Halle Berry. Oh, that movie looks terrible. It just looks like I've seen that already, haven't I? I liked it better when it was called Disclosure with Michael Douglas and Demi Moore.

It's like the same idea. Or is a previous Bruce Willis movie raping a previous Halle Berry movie? I mean, they both seem like they've been in stuff exactly like this already. Is this like Bruce Willis going, you know what? I need to make more money when I do Japanese commercials, so this movie will do huge overseas. I mean, this seems like a direct-to-video Sylvester Stallone kind of weirdness. You don't have to speak English to understand this story.

Just two attractive people looking like they know more than they do. Red Line is coming out. Oh, that's the MySpace movie. That's like, if you didn't see that movie. Oh, yeah, there's ads

on MySpace all the time. Yeah, it's like, it's Fast and the Furious and they don't even make any bones about it. It's really that. It's just that's what it is. I thought it was going to be fast and furious, and then Tokyo Drift.

It was going to be fast and furious. Redline. Redline, yeah. But you know what? When I first saw those commercials, I thought it was for a deodorant stick. I was like, fuck this deodorant stick commercial. And then I was like, oh, it's a movie. Because it looks like it's like,

vroom, and the graphics are like red. Yeah, and the girls are washing the car. Yeah. Their ass is up in the air. That's in all the deodorant commercials. I actually just,

I actually unmuted it today. Like, you know how they play ads and it's like, click here for sound. I was like, I am going to click here for sound. It's like, yeah. But, you know,

I go to those movies just hoping that it will be like point break. And I'm always severely upset when they're not. Well, did you see they had some sort of charity race thing or something down at the Speedway in Long Beach, and Eddie Griffin fucking ran this amazing car into a wall? The most beautiful Ferrari.

He's like, I don't know what happened. It's like, I'm not a car guy. It's the most beautiful Ferrari you ever see. And Eddie Griffin doesn't even make a turn. He just kind of heads right into the wall. It's like... And there's a dude standing on the other side of that wall. If you watch it and download this now, likely after the podcast.

And the guy doesn't move. He just stands there like, bring it, man. Bring it. No, that's his publicist. It was his idea. Listen, hit that wall. As soon as you get in, don't drive around a few times. Just fucking hit the wall.

Who cares about this charity? The focus is you. Break that car. And then he's doing interviews in front of the most smashed. Yeah, really cheery interviews. And they say he got out without a scratch. You know, like, yeah, of course. If he got fucking hurt, we would be watching it over and over again laughing.

The funniest thing I've ever seen. Oh, look at this asshole getting killed. Watch this dickhead die. Oh, man. And then there's Slow Burn. Ooh, Slow Burn. Tell me about it. And the title is not a reference to the fact that this LL Cool J Ray Liotta drama has been sitting on a shelf since 2005.

Yikes. They're finally like, hey, you guys want to release Slow Burn? Yeah, I think it's been a slow enough burn. This is a terrible, terrible dumping ground for movies. This is awful. Yeah, it's a bad day. But I would like to see the day. So we recommend that they just go ahead and see

300 or Firehouse Dog. Firehouse Dog, which is a movie I'm obsessed with. You would love them to see Firehouse Dog. I'll give you the quick pitch of Firehouse Dog. Dog, super famous, so famous he has a red carpet leading to his trailer, doing a stunt, lands in a truck full of tomatoes. His toupee falls off. This is a dog.

The dog is unrecognizable, moves into a firehouse. The mayor gives him the key to the city. Case done. There, case closed. That's the movie, Firehouse Dog. So the dog becomes like he almost becomes famous a second time do they ever figure out that it's the same dog

it's weird it's almost like Jeremy Piven without the toupee would be unrecognizable so then he'd have to move into a family and then have to like be working in a firehouse and then all of a sudden be like oh this fireman is great wait what's the on entourage like I don't I don't understand it's a short Jewish annoying fire fireman's great wait what's the on entourage like uh like i don't i don't understand

it's a short jewish annoying fire fireman looks like the guy from entourage i just don't understand how that like someone did can hit control save when that toupee flew off there yep no one will recognize this dog without a toupee first of all they had to give the dog a toupee and then assume that the dog would be unrecognizable without it. Yeah, but that's the bigger question is, how did this dog get cast in his first movie? How did he get jobs when he was going in? He was a fucking bald-headed dog.

We think you're great, but we really need you to wear a toupee. We need you to lose some weight and wear a toupee, and then we'll put you in the movies. The other thing is, there's nothing cute about that dog. Like Air Bud, super cute. Benji at Marine World, super cute dog. This dog is kind of skanky looking. It's like, ugh, go fight in a firehouse.

Like, ugh, I don't want to be friends with that dog. That dog, when they go out on a call, he just sits behind and eats all their sandwiches. The dog loves beef jerky. He does? That's one of the just sits behind and eats all their sandwiches. The dog loves beef jerky. He does? That's one of the plot points. Paul knows all of this. He knows all of this just from the trailer. I watched the trailer, and I went on the MySpace page.

I went on the website. I am actually proud to say I'm one of the 235 friends of my firehouse dog on MySpace. I am addicted to it, because I believe that the pitch meeting was over a crack deal. Like this guy's like, I got this movie. It's about a dog and he's a firehouse and he has a toupee

and the guy's like, yeah, great. How much crack can I buy? That much. Okay, great. Give me a script. Let's do this. Let's get a guy

who looks like Aiden Quinn. All right, perfect. He's in it. We got it. Isn't it Bruce Greenwood? Yeah, Bruce Greenwood. That guy. That guy's so random.

Yeah. Turns out in the weirdest shit he was in... Bruce got this movie with a dog. You want to do it? Bruce Greenwood Yeah Bruce Greenwood That guy That guy's so random Yeah Turns out In the weirdest shit He was in Bruce got this movie With a dog You wanna do it He was in Sweet Hereafter

Like the most depressing movie Ever made Yeah Like he's from Canada So he's in a few of those Weird Canadian things Right right And he

And then he was on He was on St. Elsewhere I think For a while But a successful actor A established actor How as your agent Do you go

I got this movie About a stunt dog. Are you in? Fuck yes. You know, invariably the answer is so that my kids can see it. Oh, yeah. Cuba Gooding Jr. said that about snow dogs, and I found out he didn't have any kids at that point. Right.

See, that's where we get to the bottom of Cuba. This is like Dateline. Because when he says it's for the kids, he means the kids he invites over. He's like, I did this movie for you kids. Like the Maytag repairman in that episode. Let's watch it not take my pants off. That mouse has no pants on.

My favorite line from that Different Strokes episode. Things got really dark with that conversation. Dudley's in the shower with the Maytag repairman playing Tarzan. That's all I remember. Scarred me for life. Sorry, Kuba. This is all an alleged. Sorry.

This is all allegedly made up. But Snow Dogs is a great film. Well, Snow Dogs, that was where they really snowed the whole audience because the trailers were all talking dog scenes. It turns out that's just some fucked up dream he has like halfway through the movie. Same thing with Kangaroo Jack. Kangaroo Jack, that's the one, not Snow Dogs. Oh, yeah, Kangaroo Jack.

Kangaroo Jack. I think Snow Dogs too, though, actually. Sounds real, right? Yeah, no, I think that does happen in Snow Dogs because you think they're going to talk. Kangaroo Jack, the whole thing is like, Hi, mate, I'll pull a shrimp on the bar before you. Hi, I'm doing Dr. Evil impressions in an Australian accent.

And then all of a sudden you see the movie, Kangaroo does not speak until the end when he raps in the credits. That's it. And I heard, I actually heard this. You got Kangaroo Jacked. You did. I actually heard this from a very inside Hollywood source

that the movie was testing. It was an action movie done by Jerry Bruckheimer, and it was testing so badly that Jerry O'Connell said, let's put a kangaroo in it and make a talk. And they did that, and it became a family film, and it made like hundreds of millions of dollars. Yeah, it did all right after that. Yeah, because it marketed as a kids movie.

It was a buddy action comedy with Anthony Anderson. And Jerry O'Connell. Yeah, and did all right after that. Yeah, because it marketed as a kids movie. It was a buddy action comedy with Anthony Anderson. And Jerry O'Connell. Yeah, and that's so fucking awesome. I just remember the- And then you fell for it. Oh, Hook, Glenn, and Sinker. Because I didn't see it. I just thought it was like-

Hook, I watched the whole thing. I was like, when is he going to talk? When is the kangaroo going to reveal that he can talk the entire time? This kangaroo is so fucking cagey. He's pretending he can't talk. Is he learning in all of these scenes? Is he listening and learning? The movie is so stupid. Because whenever a character learns

to talk in a movie, it's always like, the first few times they talk, it's words we've heard them hear. You know what I mean? Like A.I. or E.T. Anybody with initials, they're like hearing other people talk in Terminator. So maybe the kangaroo, just like when he starts finally speaking, he's just saying like, you're fat and black. Because he heard Jerry say it to Anthony.

Oh, that movie was, oh, you got an O. Oh, they trail off into O's a lot here, but fortunately they're not mic'd that well. So it always sounds like it's going great. And speaking of going great, this is another thing where I've blown it with the time. Oh, I'm sorry. No, don't apologize. You're hilarious. It's just like I tried to get the Leonard Maltin thing.

I had a good one for you, actually. I didn't keep it going. I came prepared. Let's do it really quick. All right, here we go. Can you look it up really quick and do it? I know exactly where I'm going to go. All right, hold on a second.

All right, he knows what he's going for. Now, we talked about this before. I can't look because I can see if it's in the B's or the L's or the... Hold on, I'm just getting there. I mean, I wouldn't know if it was in the L's. It could be an M at that point.

All right. All right, so... But the Z's are pretty noticeable. When somebody tries to do Zardoz, I get it every time. You ready? Mm-hmm. Movie came out in 1985.

I give up. Oh, look. It had a runtime of 94 minutes. Okay. Here are the people in the movie. Start from the bottom. Got it. Norman Fell.

Gina Davis. John Biner. Jeffrey Jones. Carol Kane. Wait, stop, stop, stop. It's some Tim Burton nonsense. I'm guessing. Okay.

Joseph Bologna. Oh, no, it's not Tim Burton. It's... Michael Richards. I'm guessing. Okay. Joseph Bologna. Oh, no. It's not Tim Burton. It's... Michael Richards. Oh, shit. Ed Begley Jr. Wait.

Slow down. Slow down. I'll give it to you again. Oh, shit. I'll give it to you again. Norman Fell. Gina Davis. John Biner.

Jeffrey Jones. Carol Kane. Joseph Bologna. Ed Begley Jr. Oh, my God. It's like the most retarded cast And finally Oh, the last name, there's only one name left?

Yep, Jeff Goldblum And it's Goldblum? And I'll read you What the fuck is that? I mean, I should know it Oh, oh, oh, no, no, Cyndi Lauper was in Vibes It's close, it's very close That's a very close

Oh, shit This is a movie I loved as a child I think I liked it too, now that you mention it It's close. It's very close. That's a very close. Oh, shit. Shit. This is a movie I loved as a child. I think I liked it, too, now that you mention it. It's listed as a bomb. Who directed it? The famous Rudy DeLuca. Oh, God.

I'll read you the quote. It says, tediously unfunny. This may spoil it. Tediously unfunny uh i know this may spoil it tediously unfunny horror movie spoof oh transylvania six five hundred yeah that's six five thousand it says shot in yugoslavia and should have stayed there but wasn't gina davis like the female lead like shouldn't her name have been up higher or was she only the female lead in the fly like did they she just do a small part i think i think joseph balloon it was weird it was jeff uh it was jeff goldblum joseph bologna uh at bagley jr gina davis that was the way it was listed from the right order yeah see i'm starting to lose these now like i i definitely saw that movie and thought this is fucking ridiculous

and i sat through the whole thing and uh i tried to stump you i did try to think about something that would be ridiculous but noteworthy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeff Goldblum should have given it away, but it didn't, and I'm a little depressed. But fortunately, the show went long. We can just cut the whole thing.

Yep, done. No, there's no edits on I Love Movies. And do you have anything you want to plug before we go? No, just Human Giant every Thursday, 10.30, right after Three Six Mafia is happening. Yeah, and tell those guys, if you ever see them again,

if you still get along with them, Aziz and Rob Hubel, Aziz Ansari, tell those guys I want them to do this show too. Yeah, I definitely will. I'm going to see them a couple of times. I'll tell them. First thing you say to them out of your mouth. Doug Benson wants to do I Love Movies. Save the fucking firehouse dog conversation for two fucking seconds

because I know every room you walk into is a firehouse dog story room. I have to get the word out. I have to get people, I have to make this have kangaroo jack proportions in the box. It might not even be playing, but actually it'll play

straight through because of Easter or whatever. Yeah, it'll be good. But kids love that shit. And kids love Paul Scheer, everybody. There we go. Doug Benson, thank you for having me.

And until next time, this is Doug Benson saying, William Defoe is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart

for you, cause Doug loves movies.