Doug Loves Movies - Pete Holmes, Chelsea Peretti, and Nick Kroll Guest

Episode Date: December 29, 2011

Doug takes his show on the road to Flappers in Burbank, where he's joined by comedians Pete Holmes, Chelsea Peretti, and Nick Kroll.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds With 50 as in 5 more kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Because Doug loves movies Hey everybody! Hey everybody! Oh shit. Hello.

And my name... Hi. Hey. No talking. My name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, California

on December 29th to Ocean's Eleven at 10 p.m. roughly. Show was supposed to start at 10. It's 1042. And for the first time in my stoner life, it had nothing to do with me starting this late. So I apologize to everyone who thought that this show would start at 10 o'clock when we said it would start at 10 o'clock. And apologies also to everyone at Flappers for me being upset that none of the microphones

were turned on the first time I came out. I had a great time at the Irvine Improv and at the Punchline in San Francisco between Christmas and New Year's. You know, between Christmas and New Year's is kind of like the taint of the holiday season. And I had great, great, great fun shows there. And I've been watching

four-year consideration screeners. And I recently saw The Help, which featured a pie that even Jason Biggs wouldn't fuck and so it's pretty white crowd here tonight that uh doesn't know about the shit pie and the help i uh you know about it okay uh while i had mixed feelings about the movie, I shall say that they should give Viola Davis a Best Actress Oscar right now. Yeah.

She's incredible. I saw A Dangerous Method, which is a period drama about Sigmund Freud that is a lock for an Academy Award nomination in one category, and that's costumes. I think that might be it. We see we'll see about that uh we bought a zoo I saw that on Christmas day with my mom because my mom always gets to decide what we see on Christmas day and last year I had to sit through burlesque so the nicest thing I can say about We Bought a Zoo is that it's not burlesque.

It was an upgrade from that. And I don't have much else nice to say about it. Maybe one of my guests will have seen it. We can discuss it. Now it's time for Watch This, Not That. The number one movie in the country is Mission Impossible 4 and I snuck in without paying because I was

observing Ghost Protocol. I saw it in IMAX and that was exciting and maybe we'll talk more about the new Mission Impossible after more people have had a chance to see it. How many people here tonight have seen the new Mission Impossible? Okay, so a few of you.

So you'll understand when I say that I liked it, but it had an awesome ending, and then another ending that was just weird. Right? You agree? It was kind of weird. A thing

happens right near San Francisco, and then the next scene is like all the main characters sitting around in Seattle. Like, no one's going to go, that's not San Francisco. Anyway, maybe talk about that more later. The number two movie in the country is Sherlock Holmes, Game of Chutes and Ladders. And it is definitely tied for first

as the best Sherlock Holmes movie of the last few years whereas Mission Impossible 4 Ghost Protocol is definitely the best Mission Impossible movie so I say watch MI4GP

not SH2GOS this has been watch this not that thank you not SH2GOS. This has been Watch This, Not That. Thank you. So my guest brought some items that I want to point out to you from my gift bag.

I know this is... I didn't set this up very well. Let's see what's in the gift bag. I brought a couple of Weezer posters, as I want to do, because I'm going to be on the Weezer cruise in January. Also, put that down there. This is so awkward. This has never been so awkward.

We also have... I actually, today I was at the airport, I actually bought two copies of the new Entertainment Weekly. So you can have a copy of that. We have this awesome hat and some sort of briefcase sort of item that says The League on it. So that's sort of a good clue about who's gonna be here and uh like i said the weezer posters the weezer

album hurley signed by all the band members of weezer and a weezer t-shirt and a doug benson professional humoridian cd and a usc of Cinematic Arts hat. Somebody brought that. Oh, and a Leslie Knope in 2012 hat. Yeah, that's exciting. And also the front page of a Parks and Recreation script. And, oh, and the latest CD from Mr. Pete Holmes. So please welcome to the stage Pete Holmes, Chelsea Peretti, and Nick Kroll.

Nick Kroll. Hi. Welcome, you guys. Have a seat wherever you want. grab a microphone that hopefully works thanks thank you are you doing some of that visual comedy that goes over so great on the podcast? Some of it's got to be for them here tonight, Doug. Yeah!

It's all about Burbank tonight. Doug, can I say before we get started that no way was Mission Impossible 4 better than Mission Impossible 3? Anybody? Fuck that movie forever. There was a god, no spoiler,

there's a goddamn iPad in that movie. He uses a fucking iPad. I don't care if you haven't seen it or this doesn't relate to you, this has to come out of my face right now, I'm so frustrated.

Pete Holmes, uncharacteristically angry, you guys. Guys, he used an iPad to get inside of the Kremlin. An iPad! There was an app, a spying app.

Fuck that movie in the ass! Missing Impossible 3 had Philip Seymour Hoffman. 4 had fucking Dr. Evil. It's a piece of shit. It's a piece of shit. I'm very mad. Would you have been happier if it was like a nook? Is it the nook touch? Because that's what MI6 uses. Only'm very mad. Would you have been happier if it was like a nook? Is it the nook touch?

Because that's what MI6 uses. Only nook touch. Check the plans. It's on my Kindle. Fuck that movie. I've said my piece. I'm going to be quiet the rest of the time. I don't think you have. So can we get started now?

Let's get it started. What does that mean? You'd have to ask the black eyed peas who are here tonight ladies and gentlemen taboo where i am for the other one you lead with taboo four percent of the crowd definitely thought they were coming out that'd be the worst letterball in the game ever if the black IPs were playing. Then I'll just be like, what? Let's get retarded in here.

I was just going to say, isn't it let's get retarded? That's what they started out with. Yeah. And then somebody complained. What is it? Let's get frittata? Let's eat a thin omelette Let's eat it with Pale peppers and goat cheese

I feel like we should Have laughed harder at that Let's get piñata in here Hey Chels No frittata riffs for Chels Chelsea Peretti you guys Writer on The best show on television

in my estimation. It's called Parks and Recreation. Thank you. Thanks, Douglas. Singularly responsible for it. Unnecessary. I think so. I see some other names fly by in the credits,

but I always give her all the credit. Thank you. I always think every single funny thing that anybody says is written by you. Thank you, as you should. It's true, though. It's only fair. All jokes.

Wait, you forgot to say aside. Yeah. I'm trying to get that into the vernacular. It doesn't make sense, so it doesn't work, but I do want to get all jokes. I sit closer to your mic? What is the term? I want to use the term all jokes. Yeah, just like cut

out the aside part. I'm trying to get people to call 9-11 9. Really? Yeah, where you're just like, you know, this was pre-9 so you could just walk your girlfriend to the gate. Everyone knows what you mean. It was pre-9. Save the time your girlfriend to the gate. Everyone knows what you mean. It was pre-9.

Save the time. I did the math. If you don't say 11, you're going to have an extra day at the end of your year. That's an extra day. You're just talking about it constantly. To sit and reflect on 9.

Yeah. Airport security was terrible today because, you know, it's post-9. Yes! Use it or lose it. You don't have to use it. You're going or lose it. You don't have to use it. You're going to lose it. You're not going to use it.

You're making me feel like my own personal 9 right now. Everybody use the vernacular. Let's get frittata. Okay, what if this was the end of the show? Go ahead, Doug. It's quite the opposite of the end. It's just getting retarded. Can we talk about the poop pie in the help?

I want to talk about that. Yeah, I brought it up already, but sure. Did anybody else, I kind of felt like I saw, I was like, it's definitely shit. And then they really, she was like, eat my shit. And she's like, what? She's eating like a chocolate pie. She's like, eat my shit. And she's like eat my shit and she's like what she's eating like a chocolate pie she's like eat my shit and she's like what do you mean still eating the pie yeah she keeps taking more bites like it's so delicious what do you mean it's that hannibal lecter thing where

they're eating human and they're like this is gamey but it's good it's like it's human and it's like the pie she's like there's something different about the pie. Eat my shit. I still don't get it. Eating your pie, that shit pie. Is that what you call it? I shit in your pie. What?

Speak plainly. I had shit and I put it in a pie. You got me. Ah! That really is her first reaction is when she goes,

eat my shit. She goes, don't talk to me that way. Exactly. As she continues to eat her shit. Don't talk about shit. I'm eating this brown pie you made me even though I fired you.

And also, she's such a good, the woman's loving it. She loves it. So she's, this woman has figured out a way to make shit edible. It's Crisco. It's Crisco. But you know what I mean? It's not tasting bad. So I don't know why she doesn't, when she finds out

it really is human shit why she just doesn't finish it right well joke's on you your feces are delicious yeah mmm

mmm I also love how that movie ends before they clearly fucking burn those women's houses down she's like well I'm off to New York

to be famous writer they're like well thanks for getting us in a boatload of shit pie. Fuck yourself, white woman. That's the alternate ending that I wrote just now. Fuck yourself, white woman. A lot of this is pre-written, right?

By the staff of Parks and Rec. By the way, Pete's energy level, this is exactly what it's like if you just have brunch with him or something. Which we did. It's consistent. You loved it. You did you loved it cool look at me he shows up at every brunch angry at mission impossible the point of those movies is to see some sort of pen that shoots a dart that's a tracking device and he's like let me get out my fucking ipad Fuck you! Fuck you! I was waiting for him to be like, I'm getting no signal. I'm getting no signal. It's MI6, bitch!

First of all, it's only four. And secondly, I would like you to be quieter and follow Ghost Protocol. I just slip out. I thought it had some cool... Tom Cruise is a movie star, though.

Yeah, he really is. I love T. Cruise all day. What a head of hair. It was really just the iPad that upset you so much? Also the villain. He should have had a white cap. He was a joke.

He was an afterthought it was a piece of shit if it's not Gary Oldman I'm not interested in it's not do you remember part 3 Phil Hoffman you're right

you're right Phil Hoffman but part 4 Phil Seyhoffman less people wearing Philip Seymour Hoffman masks part 4

making a mask it's not working so all the scene of making the mask and no masks i think that's why they did that i think they were like i think they're like we got to back off of the masks because it never makes sense that like you can make yourself look like an entirely different person but sometimes you go on a mission looking like yourself why wouldn't why wouldn't ethan hunt always look like somebody else? Why would he ever

look like himself if the makeup is that good? That's a great point. That's an indefensible argument you're making. It's pitch perfect. If you could look like anybody, who would you look like? Well, actually, I'm Nick Kroll. What the fuck?

They opened the show and Pete was Pete and then he was Nick Kroll. And there's the part where they think Tom Cruise blew up the Kremlin and he's going to jump into the dumpster

and the guy chasing the guy who's been charged with blowing up the goddamn Kremlin is like being coy with him. He's like, go ahead and do it. Go ahead and do it.

When you see the movie, it's going to be hilarious. You're going to think of me. You're going to say Giant Val Kilmer was right. That's pre-written, Chelsea. That's a pre-written bit. That's a bit.

I'm well aware. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did it at brunch, too. I want to open up to this part of the podcast audience a little bit. Nick Kroll is here, everybody. Good job, Nicky. So there's going to be another season of the league? Yes.

Nice. Yeah, we got picked up. When is that? It's going to come on in typical cable style, like a year and a half from now? It's three. We're scheduled for, I think it's uh summer of 2015 we start is the next season so looking forward to that everybody and uh and pete holmes of course uh who's already been

talking quite a bit um that's a good answer what sort of uh what sort of crap have you been working on? You just did my podcast, man. You did my podcast. I did. You made it weird. Thanks for remembering the name. Thank you for listening. Yeah, Chelsea did it.

Next episode will probably be up by the time this goes up. When does this go up? This goes up immediately. It's not going to be ready. This is going to be... It's not going to be ready. This is going to be fresh for people tomorrow morning to be ready. This is going to be fresh for people tomorrow morning. Oh, really?

Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you take out all that stuff I said about Mission Impossible 4? I'm having regrets. Serious regrets. I'll say one thing about Mission Impossible 4

and then several other things. The first thing I will say is that I thought Brad Brad Bird did a good job for his first live-action directorial work yeah do we give people credit for that like shouldn't you just be like yeah I'm a director be like okay director like for a first time that was pretty good with 200 million dollars yeah I just mean that I enjoy The Incredibles

is my favorite Pixar movie The Incredibles is an amazing movie it's an amazing movie yeah and I thought that he

acquitted himself to like you know that that aspect of The Incredibles that I enjoyed so much which is sort of

the like you know we're on a mission and things could go wrong I couldn't tell he directed it at all you mean I'm sorry,

gadgets? But I mean like... Like futuristic gadgets that we haven't seen the likes of? Yeah, like the iPad. I get it. Let me get my droid that I might break into the Kremlin. Fuck you. There's some pretty cool gadgetry in that movie, but... For a second it was just me and this guy.

Everyone else is like, we fucking get it. Maybe that's just like some jobs RIP shit. Post jobs? Yeah, it's a post nine. Simon Pegg does a great job. He's great. But at the same time, he does a terrible job. Because as a member of that team, in two crucial instances, his thing that he set up that he guarantees will work totally fucks up.

Yeah, but he's British. Yeah, I know. He spends the whole time going, hey, well, sorry. Well, it's bullocks, right? If he didn't have that phrase, they would have been like, we're going to fucking execute you in the desert. He'd be like, oi, oi, oi, that's what the queen gave me, chicken and grits. And he'd be like, I guess it oi, oi, that's what the queen gave me, chicken and grits. And he'd be like, I guess it's charming

that you almost killed us all. I saw it with Nikki, and Nikki was like, if that had been like a nebbishy Jewish guy, it just wouldn't have worked at all. Yeah, the annoying, stuttering character

has to be like a sweet, pale, amoeba-esque British man. Yeah. Like, it doesn't work if it's like a Jew, like an annoying Jew like me. They'd be like,

fuck that guy. I don't know. It might be dangerous. Shut up, Nick! They don't even change your name. Shut up, Nick, for all of the league. Why are you even in this elite force?

I don't know. It might be dangerous. Fuck you! Chels? Am I laying it on too thick? Louder would be great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you forever.

We're good friends. We're good friends. It got tense for a second. But also... We'll move on soon, Chelsea, but... No, no. Mission Impossible 4. G to the P.

As action movies go, it's a little lopsided because at about the midway point, you have Tom Cruise... T. Cruise. ...hanging for his life on the side of the tallest building in the world. And then a few minutes later, Jeremy Renner is afraid to make a 25-feet jump. Oh, my God. What are you, a savant? You've made excellent laser accuracy points about this movie. It's just weird that the most spectacular shit happens in the middle, and then

the guy that's going to do something less spectacular worries about it more. There's more scenes of Jeremy Renner going, should I jump this 25 feet? Tom Cruise jumps out of the side of the world's tallest building without thinking about it. We have clubs that have battery life. They're like, there's a battery life on those, so I hope they don't

run out when you're on the glass. Good luck! Isn't, um... Unbelievable. I don't know why we're not all carrying you on our shoulders. Isn't life relative? Aren't challenges... Shut up, Nick! Shut up!

Why did we bring you in the van? Use the iPad! Angry birds! That's why we bring it, for goddamn Nick. Now do it as a British guy. No. No. Have you been to the cinema recently, Chelsea Peretti?

I did, but I haven't seen this movie yet. Otherwise, I'd be shouting at the top of my lungs, too. Chelsea, what have you seen recently? Tons of expletives. When you say you haven't seen it yet you mean I would like to see it you would like to see it? I tried to talk to you about the girl with the dragon tattoo

which got a zero zero well backstage I try not to talk too much about movies now that we're out here let's talk about it but you didn't see it right? no and a burp a burp.

And a burp. A burp and a no. No. Oh, man. Let's get into it. Did you like it, Chelsea? I did very much so. Did you see the French version?

No. I mean. It wasn't French, but you know what I mean. Did you see the foreign version? I did not. But everyone likes to mention that I know, people always love to everything has to be qualified now

like when I didn't like Avatar people were like, well you didn't see it in IMAX Yes I did Well you didn't see it in 3D Yes I did You weren't high enough Yes I did Did you see the French version

though? Avatar. I would love a French version of Avatar. There should be more blue people getting it on. Sigourney Weaver smokes more. Has more attitude.

Look here. Sigourney Weaver. It's just a Has more attitude. Le guerre. On obtenu. Sur Garnier River. It's just a French version of the actor. Sacre bleu. Sur Garnier River. Sur Garnier River. We are all Sacre bleu. Ah!

Sacrebleu. Wow. That was fruitful. That was a fruitful journey. We went around the barn and there was gold there. You see gold behind the barn? Is that where they put it?

That's the old attic. That's where the leprechauns put it? Yeah, yeah. Fuck rainbows. Put it behind the barn? Yeah, I think that's the old attic. That's where the leprechauns put it. Yeah, yeah. Fuck rainbows. Put it behind the barn. Yeah. Yeah, but then if you break through the gold, there's this pile of pie shit.

Put it behind that barn full of zombies. Ah. What does that mean? I went into a TV reference there. Is that a Walking Dead? Yeah. Spoiler. Spoiler.

You haven't seen it yet? Isn't shit pie a spoiler? I never saw the help. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit pie is definitely a spoiler. Someone literally eats a pie of shit. I haven't seen the help, but I feel like I could just give the spoiler alert. That the pretty white girl helps the black lady.

Is that basically it? Yeah, that's it. It crossed out the list. We thought they were helping the white lady. The white lady was helping them. Oh, but you forgot. At one point, the white girl gets her hair straightened. The white girl gets her hair straightened?

Yeah, she's got beautiful curly locks and then to look beautiful on a date, her mother makes her hair straight. Huh. Yeah, it makes no fucking sense. Does it work? Does it somehow transform that gargoyle Emma Stone into an attractive looking woman?

No, then she dates an attractive gay boy who doesn't fucking get her and is a total dick to her. Who doesn't get her. Yeah, and it's... Is it the kid from Glee? Who is it? Here's how I recommend,

if there's a way, if you can watch The Help where you ignore all the white people, like where you only watch the black people, I think it'd be a much more... That's what I do in day-to-day life. It's true. There are no white people on this bus.

This room is empty to me. That's terrible. Yeah, shit pie is a spoiler. That's a spoiler. Yeah, but you know, black people wouldn't be equal if it wasn't for one white girl who wanted to write a book.

That's true. I think that's historically accurate. That's what it comes down to. I think that's historically accurate. A white girl named Skeeter. Her name was Skeeter. Really? Yeah.

That means come? Yeah. Yeah. What if she was black and just someone had been just skeeting all over her face? And that's why she passed? That's how she got the nickname. It's terrible. Skeeter.

She has a white face just covered in loads. Go clean your face, Skeeter. You march right upstairs and wash your face off, Skeeter. I know what you were doing with those black boys outside. Oh, God. Keep going. Oh, God. Now going. Oh, God. Now the worst thing we did

was not a spoiler. So, Pete, you're the E-Trade baby. That's true. First of all, how do you fit into that costume? It's a giant baby. It's a giant baby. But as the e-trade baby do you ever please let this last 30 minutes this is definitely going to inside the e-trade baby

have you ever been i've been inside the e-Tray, baby. I've been inside the E-Tray, baby. Oh, God. I do not endorse this. Stupid smile. It's so fun to watch Pete be like, iPad! I can't iPad!

And then it's like E-Tray, and he's like, it's a wonderful position. I'm honored to be part of an institution that allows investors who don't really understand the market to put their money in places that was amazing I don't know why we're all not freaking out right now people should be lighting mattresses on fire,

doing backflips, eating shit pie. Let's all eat shit pie. You make a lot of announcements that things should have been more exciting than they were. You know, this is a Thursday night in Burbank. You know that, right? It's my general feeling in life. I'm like, why isn't this more exciting, I guess.

You ever watch fireworks and you're like, is this it? That's how I feel all the time. By a river watching fireworks. I don't feel that way tonight with you guys on stage. Oh, Nicky. JK. Chelsea, you were going to say something and then I jumped in there. Too late. Timing. Too late. Quips. Quips.net. Too late. Chelsea you were going to say something and then I jumped in there too late timing

quips.net do you think there's anyone out there whose initials are JK that like whenever they come into a situation they're like JK like they just totally milk it your brother Nick's brother

has those initials Nick's eating ice What are you eating? He's chewing ice My brother and my dad are both JK No way No I'm not JK I'm not JK

You viewed and said they both are I was like, really? JK. No, ever since 9, they don't even... Isn't that a Diablo Cody thing? They say JK Rowling. They're like, I'm just JK Rowling. Don't they say that? I don't know. What do you mean, is that a Diablo Cody thing?

She wrote Juno, right? Yeah, but don't hang that on her. She just wrote young adult, and it has none of that kind of shit in it. No, I don't mean that's all she does. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Someone's dating Diablo. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Check the phone. Check the phone. Recent text. Let's fuck. I'm not J.K. Rowling. If I... You're more than that. Hashtag young adult.

That's your last text to Old Diablo. You're also... What was that horror movie she did? Jennifer? Oh, Jennifer's Body. Jennifer's Body. You're also that. Boom.

Boom. Laser accuracy. That's my comment about the Jozo book. Anyway, yeah, maybe I jumped too quickly to her defense. No, I know what you mean. It made you seem like a cool dude. I'm serious. Whenever I have someone else in the car and I drive by a strip club, no matter where it is,

I point and say, that's where Dabla Cardi got her start. You should do that if you have a daughter. You don't know that? No, I don't know anything. Yeah, she's a stripper. She wrote a book about it. Oh, really? That was her...

Juno? Yeah. Why did it work? I remember when that came out and I was like, I think that everyone was like, oh, she's a stripper. I think they're more embarrassing. Who do you hang out with like everyone was like, oh, she's a stripper. I think they're like more embarrassing.

Who do you hang out with? They were like, oh, she's a stripper. All right. I'll go see that sweatshirt movie. So I started looking at other Oscar winners for screenwriters. And Paul Haggis, who had that year or a year before he'd written traffic and the year before like uh aaron brockovich or something i don't know what the other movie he'd written you know crash he wrote some other movies you know he had like a couple big things

do you know what else he did before he did that he created walker texas ranger so what is more embarrassing? Possibly having been a stripper or having created Walker, Texas Ranger. That show was a slowly rotating pregnant stripper. That's what that show was. That kicked you and fought injustice.

We just heard out loud what makes Pete Holmes finish. Oh. What makes me skeeter? Oh. We just heard out loud what makes Pete Holmes finish. What makes me Skeeter? We're having a lot of fun. We're having a lot of fun. I like that little lady laugh you got there. It's like an Asian game show. Skeeter! It's like an Asian game show. Let's get there.

I didn't have the balls to do it. You knew I wanted to do it. I didn't do it. That's the log line of the show. The sauce is quite sour. There is something I taste. I think it is plum. Yes, that's very nice.

Is that an Asian woman doing a Skeeter taste test? Is that what that was? Yeah. Holy shit. Iron Chef. Holy shit. You had to say it. Iron Chef.

Iron Chef. Just to make sure. Have you seen any movies lately, Pete? We just saw the... We didn't even talk about Girl with the Dragon Tattoo at all. Did no one see it? Did no one... None of you guys saw it?

Yeah, we didn't see it. All right, forget it. I'll see a movie with one rape in it, but when it has two, I'm not interested. Honestly, I swear to God, I only remember one rape. I'm talking about my personal life. Viewers at home, viewers at home, she's moving her arms in a funny way. Do you think they'll ever start showing

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo at midnight and everyone brings whistles and blows them during the two rapes? Like a Rocky Horror thing? Yeah. Like a Tinkerbell? Just blow your whistle during the rape scenes. Honestly.

One of these days, it won't happen. The rapes are like a very tiny little, you know, just a blip in the movie. Is she... I'm sure the character felt that way about it. Is she real? Those two times I was raped, those were blips in my life. Much more important things have happened to me. How's Daniel Craig?

Can you look at him and not his bond? I can look at him any way. He's great. They had a great thing together, the two of them. It was a cool... I'm writing a fifth grade book report. But I thought they had a... This isn't fun because none of you guys saw it.

You're just staring at me. I feel like I'm a bug trapped on a pin. Did you guys see the foreign version? No. You didn't see any version of it? The only thing worse than a movie with two rapes is a foreign movie with two rapes.

No! Stop it! I hate reading about rape. I just want to see it. I don't need to read about it. Parenthetical, non-consensual sex in the closed caption. But you liked it though, Chelsea.

I really did. Did you see that movie? You recommended it. Hana? H-A-N-A? Yeah. Pronounce it however you want is it Hannah or Hannah

I think it's Hannah I think that these two movies are very similar it's Hannah this is the Hannah Montana concert film which was which which was which which one was Hannah

the movie with Tilda Swinton and which one was Hannah Montana the concert with Tilda Swinton. And which one was Hannah Montana, the concert movie? There's no way to answer that question. Bang, JK'd. But they're... They're both, I thought, similar. I loved Hannah. Is it beautiful?

Is Dragon Tattoo real beautiful? Yes. Great music. I was dancing, dancing during the raves. It's Trent Reznor again, right? Yeah. It's the Rez? It's just a lot of like

bong. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It's like being in an elevator at a W Hotel. Sharpshooter. That was very good. I just don't think enough of us have stayed in W Hotels.

They're pretty fancy. It was very motivational. It don't think enough of us have stayed in W hotels they're pretty fancy no it was it was very motivational it makes you want to kill people and like and fight and like kill off rapists

and shit Daniel Craig that's his name right he always looks like he's about to kill somebody his eyes are so he looks like he's about to kill

that pussy with his dick don't hate Pete Holmes are so... He looks like he's about to kill that pussy with his dick. Don't hate Pete Holmes. Anyway. What other movies can we talk about? Pete Holmes and I just saw The Artist. Yeah, we saw The Artist just before.

Yeah, you guys went together? We went to see that. We went to a Fern film together. No ladies went with you? We wore miniskirts. Does it make it better if we were dressed as ladies? Miniskirts and ruffled tube tops. We saw a silent film, and everybody five minutes into that movie goes,

have I made a horrible mistake? You're just like, oh, no! But then it gets really good. But then you do want it to wrap up and then it wraps up i just saved you a lot of time that sounds like it sounds like a great experience it was good i enjoyed it i really liked it yeah it was a fun time about that do you think a little uh little sklarish on this breakdown it took me a second to think of a Sklar bit.

Chavavar. No? Drop, literally drop the mic. Damage. Damage. If I did my old shit, you wouldn't have been able to follow this. Drops the mic. Damage is it.

So, for the three of you out there. Not a big Sklar room I love the Sklar we are not in Sklar broken I saw I sat through an episode I sat through an episode of Entourage on Comedy Central

like commercials and everything just to watch the Sklar brothers because it was a great episode where they're brothers that work for Ari Gold. Yes. And they're having a disagreement about something and Ari keeps yelling at them to stop. Yeah, I remember that.

That was funny. Have you seen Hana Taraj? It's the mashup of... This whole time I've been writing a sketch called Benny Hana Solo where it's Han Solo and he cooks your dinner in front of you. Okay.

Just know that that's in the works. He uses a lightsaber to chop up the shrimp and stuff. Yeah, yeah, of course. And he flicks the shrimp into his pocket using that gun he has. All right. Chewies there. And then Billy Dee Williams brings you Sapphoras. I also would have accepted a Colt.45.

Okay. Keeping it pertinent to Benny Hanna, which would be a Sapporo. You son of a bitch. That was better. Pete, could you sit on the couch for a little bit? Yeah. That's like the penalty area. No, don't take your microphone.

Oh! Heaven. How weird would that have been? There was almost a chance where the three of you were going to sit on that couch. And then I'd sit in one of these tall chairs. That would have been weird, right? It's weird right now. I'm actually quite comfortable with it.

You're like tapping into Pete's childhood issues right now. You knew what I was like when you booked me! Like a huge toddler? Just a huge pouting baby. Alright, you can come back now. That was a good penalty period.

Yeah. People are happy to have you back. Yeah, you can't come back from a timeout happy. You gotta punish the person. Jeremy Kroll, go back to the couch. Jake, go back. I JK'd him again.

I'm trying to get... You're dead. You guys are all dead. You're all dead forever. Spoiler alert. What else have you seen? Nick Kroll, besides the artist, did you see something else recently? Are you retarded?

Are we going to let that go? I saw something right before Christmas. I don't remember. Oh, I saw Mission Impossible, but that might have been the last one I saw something right before Christmas I don't remember Oh I saw Mission Impossible But that might have been the last one I saw She didn't see the first 45 minutes of the show I will talk about again We were IMDb'ing a girl in

The Artist Who's just lovely It was in A Knight's Tale Which is one of my favorite movies I love A Knight's Tale Why? It's like a great sports underdog movie in A Knight's Tale, which is one of my favorite movies. I love A Knight's Tale. Why? It's like a great sports underdog movie.

It's a great, annoying, anachronistic music in a medieval knight's movie. Exactly. Heath Ledger, Paul Bettany, Alan Tudyk. Come on. Oh, you know I'm all about Tudyk. Yeah. Who else? It's a good movie rufus sewell is the bad guy oh sewell's in it you guys it's got some fucking sewell action in it i can't tell if you're joking you really do like totally serious i love that it's one of those movies

that if it's on tv i'm watching it start to finish. Like Bull Durham. Right, but the difference between those two is one is horrible. And one is an enduring classic. Don't shit on Sarandon and Tim Robbins like that. Yeah, I can't get into that night movie, but... Doesn't he get the Nike swoosh on his armor at one point? It's a bunch of stupid shit in there. He's like eating bubble tape, and he's like, ah, let's do this for the king.

Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah. Bubble tape. Oh, my droid's blowing up. Second droid joke. That movie's ridiculous. I only give it the, you know, a little respect because Heath Ledger wasn't in enough things before he passed. I understand.

So I'll tolerate that thing. It's like liking that, what was the last John Candy movie? You should know this. What is it? Wagon's Feast. Yeah, Beverly Hills Ninja was not John Candy. We're getting Canadian bacon over here. But thank you for playing. And she was ready to.

The Ninja won. We've been getting Canadian bacon, it seems to be. Canadian bacon, yeah. She was just going to say the Ninja won any time anybody brought a question to the crowd. What song? What's your favorite? What was Ralph Macchio's biggest movie again?

The Ninja One For what movie did Vanilla Ice do that promotional song for? Oh, The Ninja One Wait, what was your favorite Jane Austen movie? Probably Jane Eyre. I'm so glad I'm back from the couch.

Can I have a water, please? That would have been awkward if you didn't pay. Chelsea, your IMDb page... Oh, man. I had to check it out because IMDb. It said you were in something called twisted fortune i knew i actually knew you as as rachel the saucy saleswoman listen that is do you know victor bernardo yes i do the alb guy? That's not how I would describe him.

I mean, the very funny dude. I'd describe him as a mediocre comedian. Just kidding, Victress. Yeah, but he directed that movie, and I think it never came out, and I think that was his idea of a fun goof-a-mo. You're dead forever. You're dead forever. We all are.

Spoiler alert. One day you will die. There's a young woman over here. As soon as you said that about Pete, she just started shaking her head like, uh-uh. That is not right. I'm going to get that inside of me tonight.

You're going to be screaming tonight. God, are you loud during sex? No. Was she talking to you? I think so, right? Was that through me to you? I don't know. If that was to you, that was through me.

Yeah, that's fine. I think pretty much... Would you mind telling her that I Daniel Craig that shit? That I Daniel Craig that shit? He just goes, he looks at me and goes, Dago what? I thought you were like tell her I'll day go crack that shit.

I was like what T.I. song am I not familiar with? Day go crack it, crack it, day go crack it. Or he uses old Italian stereotype names. That'd be an awesome website Daniel Craigslist.

Casual encounters. That's from... Sitting on the subway, me with perfect abs. Yeah, chill. Sitting with the perfect abs. Yeah. Like they're in the seat next to him. But what is...

I'm looking for someone to come on my food. That's my favorite Craigslist post ever. That's a real one? Yeah. Casual encounters. Please skeeter on my rice. And you said it in the voice that I totally believed. Yes. I'm looking for someone to come on my rice. And you said it in the voice that I totally believe. Yes.

I'm looking for someone to come on my food. I understand that it's 420 and there's going to be snow. Please ejaculate on my Cocoa Krispies. My Cocoa Krispies. Patrick Stewart. Please come on my Cocoa Krispies. Patrick Stewart. Please come on my Cocoa Krispies. Holodeck. Ejaculate simulator.

Bowl of Cocoa Krispies. Engage. Take any car in the aisle and go. Isn't that him? Is that Ian McKellen? I don't know. I thought he said Dago. Do you guys want to hear my Alan Rickman? Oh yes, of course

Die Hard's the best Christmas movie He's got milk voice He's always got milk voice Like he's just drank milk and then decides to talk He's like Mr. McClane Alan Rickman stomach loan. Alan Rickman. That's what me and my buddy do.

All his lines in Harry Potter are like, going somewhere, Mr. Potter. So we always want to do like, brushing your teeth, Mr. Potter. Like, fucking yes. Get out of my bathroom. I'm brushing my... Going to bed, Mr. Potter. Get out of my bathroom. I'm brushing my... Going to bed, Mr. Potter. Get out of here!

Looking at my junk, Mr. Potter. I wasn't! Don't put it on my fucking face! I'm about to Dumbledore. Wanting to be skeetered, Mr. Potter. Harry Potter sounds like

the E-Trade baby. It's a wonderful opportunity. I'm very happy that we can work creatively. Are you under contract to only talk about it seriously? No. Under contract to not say anything negative about it.

You couldn't right now say those ads suck. You're like, I'm very pleased to be part of this campaign. I am very pleased to be part of that campaign. And I stand behind the quality of the ads. Look forward to the new ones coming out. I heard that Insider Trading Baby might be going to jail. Tiny little suit. Baby in a pinstripe suit

Stop pinstripe Because you pictured it You were delighted by your own joke He was so excited But seriously it's a wonderful opportunity It's a great creative team The guys over at Gray are wonderful Yep

Frowned upon an establishment Frowned upon? An establishment? Frowned upon? Yeah. So, Nick. Yeah? You were in a motion picture. It got a brief release. I didn't get a chance to see it.

We have the water coming in for you. Thank you so much. He's hydrated. Because I have Alan Rickman. Yes. I just had some heavy cream. Just doing your bit for you while you're drinking.

Hijacked. He nined it. Stole. Oh my god! Thank you everybody! I'm kidding, it's not over, but that could have been the end. That was the best thing I've ever fucking heard. That could have been the end, you're right. Oh my God, he nined it.

For those of you who stayed with this, congratulations for not turning it off. That's your reward. Sometimes it's worth it to put in some effort. Why did you say that with unbreaking eye contact to me? Going somewhere. Mr. Potter. Your bit of my bit is getting better. Stealing a bit.

Mr. Potter. Yes, I am. Feeling great about it. I would just like at one point in Harry Potter if he was like, Mr. McClane. You see Radcliffe like Pat and I and then just like keep going with the scene. Let him do it.

Let him do it. Let him do it. But Doug, we were talking about me. Yeah, a good old-fashioned orgy. Yes. Was, uh, you saw it? Or yougy. Yes. You saw it? Or you just... Huh?

You just approve of the premise. He thought one was about to happen. Yeah. See, you're in that, right? I am. And is it on DVD now? Yeah, it just came out on DVD. So do you encourage people to check it out?

I do. Is it fun? I think it's fun. You wrote a somewhat disparaging review of it on Twitter, if I remember correctly. What did I say? Do you remember? I don't. I just remember being like, oh, Doug's taking

a shot at the movie. Okay. Let's get awkward, y'all. No, I do. I think it's funny. It was a very generic shot because I hadn't seen it. Do you want me to find it? Yeah, no, I actually think it's a very funny, very sweet hadn't seen it. Do you want me to find it? Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah, no, I actually think it's a very funny,

very sweet... Chelsea's good on that phone. She's good on that phone. No, I am... I do think it's like a funny, sweet movie. It's got a really good cast. Jason Sudeikis,

Will Forte, Martin Starr, Lindsay Sloan, Lake Bell, Leslie Bibb, Dave Keckner I'll let you know when you get to somebody good Keep going

Nick Kroll Yay the best But yeah I think it's really funny It's kind of like the way I describe it If like If Apatow made the big chill If that makes sense And that's not lofty

Yeah cause if Apatow made the Big Chill, if that makes sense. And that's not lofty. Yeah, because if Apatow made The Big Chill, everyone would fuck! But yeah, it's funny. It's about a group of friends who have an orgy. Yeah. Just wanted to bring everybody down a little bit. How much of your junk do we have to see?

No, you did it. Yes, I did! A good old-fashioned orgy. Wish it was less old-fashioned, more didn't. Yes, I did. A good old-fashioned orgy. Wish it was less old-fashioned, more orgy. No problem with that. That's one of those sight unseen reviews that the people have come to love. I saw it.

I thought it was fantastic, Nick. Thank you. I want to see it, but I did hear there's not that much orgy in it. No, there's some skin, but it's more sweet than it is like a raunchy, raunchy movie. Oh, like a real sweet orgy? Yeah. Like a real tender orgy?

Yeah, real tender. It's like, what if regular people, not like open-robed, mustachioed people, wanted to have an orgy? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I think is a great premise. Yeah, it was fun. It's like a perfect video-on-demand movie or DVD. I feel like if I said that, you'd be like, fuck you, man.

Fuck you, man. That's a great movie. Wow. Interesting. You did that too then, just like Pete did. You got all weird and professional and quiet talking about the orgy movie. Interesting. You did that too then, just like Pete did. You got all weird and professional and quiet talking about the orgy movie. Yeah. How's Parks and Rec going?

You know, it's a great show. You know, there's just a wonderful ensemble cast. Good opportunity. Really wonderful writing team as well. I heard you guys are like a family. It is like a family, kind of. It's like really wonderful writing team as well. I heard you guys are like a family. It is like a family, kind of. It's like an assumed family. So, you know, we have a lot of fun.

You guys don't like how quiet I'm doing it? What's the problem? Too subtle. Too subtle. Too subtle. Bring Alan Rickman into it somehow and we'll wrap it up. We'll shout about droids. I've already done two.

I'm saving my last. Two more. You can shoehorn two more. You think I can shoehorn in two more? What are you doing here, Mr. Leslie Knope? Taking the bomb, Nick Kroll. That would be a great episode if Alan Rickman came in and took over. Watch that.

Yeah, he's good. Shall we play some games, you guys? Yeah. I feel like we can bring the energy down a little more before we get to that. Bring the energy down. Potter. Mr. Potter. Mr. Potter. Now it's just getting weird.

Let's play Build a Title. And I don't know if any of you are familiar with how to play so this will be especially exciting. Well, why don't you just explain it to the listeners at home. They know how it's played. The listeners at They know how it's played. The listeners at home

know how it's played. I get a suggestion of a movie title and then we'll start with Nick down there on the end. And you have to try to add another title to the first title

using the last word or syllable or the first word or syllable. Okay. What? So just like if it were like children of the corn. Oh, that's a tough one.

Wait, you use the word corn to make a new title? Yeah, right. Corn be concealing them kids? You have to use another real movie though, right? Yeah, you'd have to need another movie that begins with the word corn. Which I don't think there are a lot of those. The Big Chill is...

The word corn isn't anywhere in there. Oh, you have to think of another movie. But Big Chill, you'd add Big Chills Have Eyes. Oh, okay. Would be how you do that. Yeah. But that's not the subject at hand. I'll give you the title, Nick, and we'll see how we can proceed from there.

Someone named AtDeafLemonKid, whatever that means, suggested Smokey and the Bandit. Okay. So you need a movie that ends in smoke or Smokey... Smokey and the Bandit's good as it gets. No, I fucked that up. Yeah, but that was... Your attitude was fantastic.

You said it like we were wrong. Yeah. You were very positive about it I'm having a panic attack Me too I don't understand I don't understand No you'll see

You'll see when it gets to you You'll see When it gets to you You'll get it So you could Your instinct were right You could start with a movie That starts with the word it

Right That's what I was trying to do So Smokey and the band It Right That's what I was trying to do. So Smokey and the band, it... Right. I am currently blanking. You can't think of any movie that begins with the word it?

Oh, I can't. Will you guys not help? Can I ask... I mean, I appreciate that was in the Christmas spirit. Can I ask if this would be a correct answer? No, you don't have to worry about it yet. Smokey and the Bandit's a Wonderful Life. Is that right?

Yeah, you did that. Is that right? You did that. Which I came up with on my own. With a little help from some angels. Does anybody have a Klonopin? Okay, so we have Smokey and the Bandit's a Wonderful Life.

So now you need a movie, Pete, that begins with life or ends with smoke or smokey. Oh, Smokey and the Bandit's A Wonderful Life. So now you need a movie, Pete, that begins with life or ends with smoke or Smokey. Oh, Smokey and the Bandit's A Wonderful Life as we know it. Yeah. Thank you. Fantastic Katherine Heigl vehicle. Yeah. Co-starring our friends. Kumail.

Kumail and... Rob Hubel, Jessica St. Clair Andy Daly Aziz Ansari Aziz just popped on stage to say who's in that movie Amy write me some funny shit

Chelsea oh man that was just for me I was naked in a cornfield for a second I felt so exposed it was nothing like a joke not working

Smokey and the Bandit it's a wonderful life as we know it I felt so exposed. It was nothing like a joke not working. Smokey and the Bandit's a wonderful life as we know it. So you need a movie that starts with it. I can't do It's a Wonderful Life again. Or ends with Smoke or Smokey. Or ends with Smoke? Ends with Smoke, yeah. Because you can lead into it.

Oh no, this is a disaster. Smokey and the Bandit. It's a wonderful life as we know it. Oh no, this is a disaster. Smokey and the Bandit. So wonderful life as we know it. Don't help audience this time. I feel like you should. Just because I'm never going to think of anything right now. You can't think of any

movie that starts with the word it. Pete's trying to help her. Just saying it, though, isn't helpful, guys, because that just discontinues the game. That's interesting. Yes. Cheech and Chong. Yeah, that's a good point. No, I honestly can't think of.

You can say Up in Smokey and the Bandits A Wonderful Life as we know it That's what he's trying to say That's what she could do if we were playing a game Where you were competing against one another, Pete I want to help But honestly, can that be my answer?

Yeah, sure Cool Oh, I see, it ends when we can't do it anymore I'm just saying Let's pretend as we move forward into the next game to be more competitive with one another rather than just telling the next person what they could say. I thought you were going to say be more compelling, which is also a fair note. Be more compelling or competitive. Yeah. Be more compelling or competitive. So, okay, we have Up and Smokey and the Bandits,

A Wonderful Life, As We Know It. Back to Nick. Oh, you don't play? I could play, but I just saw. What is this game? It's disgusting. Oh, my God. He's furious at us.

When we can't do it, do I have to get it? In the green room, I was like, I'm going to suck at all these games. You're like it's fun. We have fun out there. You know just have fun. Now we're like in straight up the red zone or whatever that is. You should be wearing the Saw clown mask. And at the end I have to get a key out of Nick's

groin or something. And Chelsea's head is ripped open by some sort of mask. That's what's happening regardless. Up and smoky in the bandit's a wonderful life. As we know it.

As we know it. Somebody just congratulated you for just repeating what we already have. Oh, did we have Up and Smoke already? Yeah. Okay. Up and Smokey.

I got you. Thanks. Up and Smokey and the Bandit. It's a wonderful life. As we know, it's complicated. Oh, that was good. Some girl whispered it to me right next to me. Really?

I don't like this. I'm sitting next to the teacher. I don't like this. I don't like this cheating atmosphere. Wait a second. One of the other students told you to answer right in front of me. I didn't complain. That's true.

All right, Pete. What was it? Say it again. You did complain, actually. I mean, I complained, but you know, in a gentler way. That's true. All right, Pete. What was it? Say it again. You did complain, actually. I mean, I complained, but you know, in a gentler way. Up in smoke. You're cheating, teacher. Up in smoke is how it starts.

Yeah. Can't I just say up? Disney Pixar's up? You could say that, but it would not move the game forward in any way. It would transfer this anxiety to Chelsea. I'd be really impressed. It would transfer this anxiety to Chelsea. I'd be really impressed. Well, think of a movie that ends in the word up.

That's not necessarily just the word up. Why are you guys doing that? Stop yelling stuff from the audience. People just want to participate. I'm mad at everyone now. There's no one here that I'm happy with. There's got to be a movie called Stick Up, is there? Oh, that does seem like that would be a movie.

That has to be a movie. You have to know what the movie is. You have to... Oh, well, it's Robert Downey Jr. Ice Cube. Ice Cube. It's a delightful romp where Ice Cube is frustrated with Robert Downey Jr., who's a new cop to the force and has a coke problem.

And Ice Cube's like, God damn! There's this great scene where he's like, God damn! And Robert Downey's like, I'm sorry, I just have to do this. This is what I do, it's my thing, and I'm sorry, I have hot coffee. And then he goes, God damn! I like how your Ice Cube is Chris Tucker. Damn, damn! It's also Chappelle. And Aziz. And Aziz. Nail. Nail. It's also Chappelle. And Aziz.

And Aziz. They're all the same. Same voice. Either way, I don't understand a word that's coming out of your mouth. Chris Tucker. Stitch up, stick up, fuck up, dick up, shut up, eat up.

Oh, Gordon Ramsay's eat up oh Gordon Ramsay's eat up Gordon Ramsay's eat up in the air as we know it Disney's Pixar presents

The Incredibles Mission Impossible 4 brought to you by iPad Morgan Spurlock Super Jaime everybody go fuck yourself

yay is that it did I do it yay did I figure out the game you're the best player of build a title that we've ever had Is that it? Did I do it? Did I figure out the game? You're the best player of Build a Title that we've ever had. That was amazing.

Season four. We're having a lot of fun. Alright, so what do we really have? We have Up It, Smokey and the Band, It's a Wonderful Life. As we know it. As we know it. As we know it. It's complicated.

It's complicated. Ted. Oh, you could do Ed. It's complicated to Ed TV. Oh, it's complicated. TV. Oh, yeah. Are you playing now?

What the fuck is happening? I got one. Oh, I thought you just completely abandoned all sense fuck is happening? I got one. Oh, I thought you just completely abandoned all sense of... I got one. Now we're back. What did it start with? Because I think we know that that's a speed bump.

It started with Up and Smoke. Up and Smoke, Ian the Bandit, It's a Wonderful Life, As We Know It's Complicated, TV for Vendetta. Nice! I'm sort of single.

That just means not married, right? I can do that one. That one's super easy. How did it end? Jesus Christ. V for Vendetta. I have to do the whole thing, though. It starts with Up and Smoke.

Up and Smokey and the Bandits, A Wonderful Life As We Know It's Complicated. TV for Vendetta. Nightmare Before Christmas. Nightmare Before Christmas. TV for Vendetta. Nightmare Before Christmas. Nightmare Before Christmas. TV for Vendetta. Nightmare Before Christmas. You're my least favorite person.

Why? That ends with the word ah. This game is the Nightmare After Christmas. Nightmare. Boo! I knew you were coming at me. I knew you were coming at me. Nightmare on Elm me. Nightmare Report.

Nightmare on Elm Street. Love that movie. Did we finish? Yeah, that was a great game, you guys. You did a great job. It was perfect. I don't know what was wrong with that answer. It was at the Tim Borton exhibit.

Tim Borton? You are dead. You are all dead. of it. Tim Wharton? You are dead. You are all dead. Alright, let's play the Leonard Maltin game. That's what we're really... That's what everyone's really fired up about. And where you guys can really fuck it up. There's a guy with shorts on over there. That's awesome.

UPS driver? He has on shorts and half a sweatshirt. This guy's ready for any point of it. Yeah, it's only on one arm. He's got severe... He's got warmth in certain areas. And cold fronts in others. You're going to try to think of a medical condition,

and then you just bailed. He's got certain warm parts sort of thermia he's warming up well no he's got to keep his right arm warm because he's pitching tomorrow half a thermia is better right arm a thermia all right let's see your name tags you guys bring name tags oh look at that at that. That's a clever one. We got Venkman over here. A Ghostbusters reference. We got an Amelie reference right here from Kira.

Kiri. We got a Clockwork Orange thing over there with Doug Loves Movies. Jorge. Amy. Fred's friend is over there. Canada is here tonight. That'd be weird if somebody named you Canada. It'd be like they must know you're going to be a really fat, friendly baby.

So you guys go pick the name tag you want to play for. Just take it from them. Grab it from... Yeah, yeah, you guys. Just go ahead and take who you want to play for. You also, you get to make out with whoever you play for. So look out, ladies. There's a giant headed your way. They're all going over to this side of the room.

I don't know what's wrong with over there. They have perfectly good name tags. Oh, look at that. Nick picked one that's a... It's Legos that spell Amy. So nicely done. And you know, Chelsea knows how to appeal to me. She got the Tony the Tiger Frosted Flakes box.

Win or lose, I got a goddamn phone. I'm a John G. It's very smart. He gets to keep it, right? Nope. Is this a memento reference? Johnny wants that back. Yes?

I asked you two questions. Is it a memento? I'm going to pause now. Is it a memento? I'm going to pause now Is it a memento reference? You fucking Welcome to Earth You did it wrong both times You're the one who recognized the reference

I'm a John G Okay we're having fun Johnny G is a name in memento? It's the guy he's trying to kill Oh okay John G raped and murdered my wife That's your name also? Okay

So it's both yes Oh so I'm an asshole I am an asshole John G. Rafe and Murder My Life. That's your name also? So it's both yes. Oh, so I'm an asshole. I think we've established that over and over again. Oh, God. You are my friend. Does that have actual cereal in it? Yeah. Full tank.

Seriously, nothing gives you an energy boost like a handful of Frosted Flakes. Alright, so Chelsea's like a handful of Frosted Flakes. All right, so Chelsea's playing for Tony, Frosted Flakes. And Pete's playing for Johnny G on his iPhone. Johnny G. Whatever that phone is. And Nick Kroll is playing for Amy.

I'm hoping it's Amy Fisher. Well, you went over and got it from her. Did she look like Amy Fisher? Yeah. Yeah. All right, so maybe it is. I'm going to turn yours off to save battery. Maybe the Long Island Lolita is now the Burbank bitch.

Such a downgrade. Double downgrade. Alright. Here we go. Again, Chelsea, since you're new to all this. An idiot. No, I didn't say that. I just thought it. We'll start with

Nick down there on the end because he's played the game before and he knows how this works. Leonard Maltin game. We'll play with Nick down there on the end because he's played the game before and he knows how this works. Leonard Maltin game. We'll play the best possible first person to two points. I know you guys are all familiar with how this works, but if you think you know the answer, don't yell it out. It's all between these guys up here. Nick gets to pick a category. it's all between these guys up here.

Nick gets to pick a category. Nick, would you like from at King of Pancakes the number one movie the number one movie five years ago to this very day or a movie that has Weezer on the soundtrack some Weezer songs

on there. I'm going to be on the Weezer Cruise dot com. Doug, are you doing the Weezer Cruise on there. I'm going to be on the WeezerCruise.com Doug are you doing the WeezerCruise?.com or a movie with four letters in the title. An example would be Milk I'll do the

number one movie five years ago. Number one movie five years ago to this very day Leonard Maltin gives it three stars from 2006 he says about this movie movie five years ago to this very day. Leonard Maltin gives it three stars. From 2006, he says about this movie that it is... that the lead actor has a funny scene with a

woman. And he also says that the film has an imaginative story. And it's three stars from 2006. It was the number one movie five years ago today. And Leonard Maltin lists 13 names.

So now we start with Nick, and he says how many names he thinks he can get it in out of 13. 12 names. Reading from the bottom up. It's a good opening bit. Leaves Pete Holmes in an interesting... See, I know if I say anything unless Chelsea's going to make me name it, but Nick's going to hate me if I say anything.

Well, first of all, first of all, way to play into Chelsea and let her know what she should do. It's very strategic. You are stuck between a rock and a fucking hard place right now, my friend. Are you the hard place?

Okay. Which one of you is a rock and which one's a hard place? I'm going to say name it. Okay. We're all terrible at this game. You'll see. He gets 12 out of 13 names? If he gets it.

Or are we? Is that your strategy? You're amazing at it? In the green room, I was like, I don't know how to play this game. No, I really don't. I couldn't do it in 11, so you do it in 12. Alright, well, I would like to, if anyone is interested, I would like to bet $10,000

that Nick will be able to figure out what this is. That's a lot of pressure. if anyone is interested, I would like to bet $10,000 that Nick will be able to figure out what this is. That's a lot of pressure. You'd be a lot of stupid if you couldn't figure this out. You get 12 out of 13 names. Leonard gave it three stars.

It was the number one movie five years ago to this very day and your 12 names are Paul Rudd, Patrick Gallagher, as it was the number one movie five years ago to this very day and your twelve names are Paul Rudd Patrick Gallagher Kim Raver Steve Coogan

Owen Wilson Robin Williams Ricky Gervais Jake Cherry Bill Cobbs Mickey Rooney and Dick Van Dyke and Carla Gugino

I see everyone in the crowd being like obviously no idea you still have no idea is it Fish Called Wanda? It's Nick's turn to guess.

Okay, wait. It started with... Can you read it again one more time, Rudd? Carla Gugino. I'm thinking of the names that I... Let me help you out. Let me just narrow... He's closing his eyes.

Let me tell you the three names that should give this away to every listener and person in this audience. Steve Coogan, Owen Wilson, and Robin Williams. Oh, okay. Got it. What is it? It's 90 to be seen. That's correct.

Wouldn't have gotten it. I never would have gotten it. Never. Yeah, never. Would not have gotten it. Yeah. Is that smattering of golf applause? Because most people are really not impressed. it. Yeah. Is that smattering of golf applause? Because

because most people are really not impressed. I didn't I didn't all run in that movie. I didn't know Robin Williams in that movie.

I didn't either. Oh, that's hilarious. All right. So Nick Kroll has a point, everybody. Amy. Amy, you're on your way. Basically single. everybody Amy Amy you're on your way basically single

so much backstory I want the four letter one okay let me just tell you how a few things work around here like if Pete Holmes like little Pete Holmes came over for a playdate At your house

The mother would have been Exhausted by the end Of the playdate And I'd have sticky hands Can I have a peanut butter sandwich? My mom makes it better Where's your bathroom? You'd be doing horrible

Phony rants on peanut butter That was funny. Fuck all of you. They're just jealous you have a whole box of cereal in your lap. That's exciting. All right.

So you made Nick name it, right? Yeah. So we'll start with Chelsea this time. And then we'll go to you, Pete. I still have sticky hands. So Chelsea gets to pick a category.

It's crazy how terrible inside I feel. And this is just like a podcast that we're all doing. We're all friends. Why do you feel terrible inside? Because I'm so nervous to disappoint you. I see you as like a father figure. Oh, all right. I'll spank you. I see you as like a father figure. Oh, alright. I'll spank you.

I'm alright with that. I'm okay with that rule. Are we playing? Not even how the game works. You just don't blurt out answers, Pete. Oh, I'm sorry. But you do get a point. And a spanking.

Nothing. Later. Chelsea gets to pick. The listeners might be laughing. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I know that they're always on my side. Don't worry about these people so much. All right.

Look at him. You can't disappoint him. I didn't mean that to be insulting. What does your sweatshirt say? Yeah. What does that say? Centipede. Oh, Catalina Island.

No, it doesn't. It says Canadian Princess. He said Catalina Island. Yeah, I thought it said Canadian friends accurate. I thought it said... There's a point in your life where you wear stuff and you don't know what it says on it. That's just...

Yeah, he doesn't care anymore. Are you a Canadian princess? Who isn't? Okay, girls. Celine Dion. All right, you get to pick a category, Chelsea. Would you like IFC's most underrated comedies of all time? No, thank you.

At Inigo920 suggested Weezer, which is movies where one of the characters has asthma. Or, this is a fun category for anyone who's not great at the game. Perfect. It's called In Theaters Now. And that's movies that all you need to know really is what is playing in theaters now. Is this a trick? Okay.

Which one of those do you like? I'll do In Theaters Now. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for your support and warmth. People are very excited about your choice. Yeah, smattering of applause. Okay. This is from 2011. Leonard doesn't

give a rating to the movies that just came out. He just writes a really long review on his app. Not really long, but you know what I mean. And he says about this movie that it is kind of...

It has a shit pie in it. He says it's... He says it's on the nose, and he also says about this movie that I wish someone else, instead of the person who did make this movie, I wish someone else had tackled this material. Yeah.

People are doing like gospel. He lists 15 names. So how many names do you think you can get it in, Chelsea, out of 15? And since you're new to the game, let me help you out and say bid 15 names. Oh, really? Yeah. It's going to be off the beaten path? No, I'm just saying why even take a chance. Sure, sure. Yeah. 15 names. Oh, really? Yeah. It's going to be off the beaten path? No, I'm just saying, why even take a chance?

Sure, sure. Yeah. 15 names? Yeah. Say it, Chelsea. 15. Okay, she says 15. Now we go to Pete.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, are you going to do another amazing piece of strategy like you did on the last one? 14 names. We go to Nick. Nick. I'll name it an 11. What did you say? Are you saying the theme from Muppet Bay?

I'll name it an 11. Nick is chopped and screwed. It's for the black people. Alright, so Nick says 11, Chelsea. Okay, what do I do now? So you can either tell him to name it, or you can bid lower. 11 is a lot of names. Alright, I'll go 10.

Can I do that? Yeah, you can. Why not? I believe in myself. What happens if I lose? Who gives a shit? Well, Tony, for one. Alright, we go to Pete. Nine. Oh, he says nine. See, Chelsea?

You're out of the woods. Because this is what it's going to come down to right here. Nine. And what was the description again? It's in theaters now. And Leonard says about it that he thinks it's on the nose, that he wishes somebody else had made it. Well, oh, that's a good clue.

Yeah, and the year is now. And we're down to, you said nine? I'll do it in eight. I'll do it in eight. So, I mean, Pete said nine, Nick said eight. So what do you think, Chelsea? You want to make him name it? I'll say seven.

Okay. Because I want Tony to go home feeling like I do right now. I'm going to say go for it. Try it. Name it. Oh, shit. Are you upset? Are you disappointed, father?

In what? In that I'm doing this? No, this is an exciting game. How could I be disappointed? I was more disappointed. It's like pretty easily. What? All right, so I'm going to give you your seven names.

Your clues again are that someone else should have made it and that it's bullshit. Or no, that he thinks it's on the nose. And it's in theaters now. And your seven names are Celine Buckins. Cabbage Patch Madu. The acclaimed actor Scrabble Dick. Celine Buckins.

Don't confuse her. Celine Buckins. Don't confuse her with side names. That's a name? Celine Buckins. Sawgrass Teddy. Celine Buckins? So Confuser with side names. That's a name? Celine Buckins. Sawgrass Teddy. Celine Buckins is in it. Leonardo DiCaprio.

Caro. Oh. Caro. This is Tony. I'm sorry, boo-boo. I think Leonardo DiCaprio isn't built below the third or fourth character in anything he's ever been in. So just let me finish.

Okay. You don't have to comment on every name. I'm going to, though. Please don't make me murder you six times. Patrick Kennedy, Rainer Bach, Nicholas Breaux, Eddie Marzan, David Cross with a K.

She got excited. Oh, it's a chipmunk movie David Cross that was on the nose that's your seven names okay I know what it is oh okay what is it Hugo no

damn it I loved how positive you were I'm trying to keep it positive 2012 are we there yet? It's a movie called War Horse. Oh, that's what that horse was called? Buckets?

Yeah, the horse is played by Celine Buckets. Would have been more if it was Celine Dion. Canadian princess. Celine Buckets is a horse actress. Do you think Sarah Jessica Barker

when she heard about War Horse called her agent going, why didn't I? You know what? Jokes about her horse face are funny because she's pretty. For someone with a horse face. Let's just do that for the rest of the show. We were watching

that wine grape stomping video. In the green room. You know where the woman stomps grapes and then she falls and the guy's like uh, uh. We were watching that in the green room. We were watching over and over. Crying, laughing. Over and over.

Uh, uh. I can't breathe. Uh, uh. And Chelsea was like if I met her I would lose my shit if she was like I'm the wine lady like

that's her whole life now is that go ahead and give them their air that's what she said none of us will ever make a movie as funny as that video

no that with the sound off is funnier than anything I've ever done. I was making love to Wine Lady, and I think she faked her orgasm. I can't breathe. I think you think that when you knock the wind out of a lady that that's an orgasm. Yeah, you like that? You like that? You like being punched in the stomach?

Well, maybe you should see the girl with the dragon tattoo. Oh. Raping someone Mr. Pond Nine We got it all We got them all We've got them all

Alright what just happened iPad I got a point Pete Holmes has a point everybody I'm a point So Use an iPad Pete Holmes has a point Everybody I'm a John G And you made Chelsea name it I did Yeah so we'll start with

Nick Oh man I'm kicking ass We're gonna start with Nick now No you're not And he has a point also Yeah Yeah but I mean I don't have to play

We'll start with Nick And then we'll go to To Pete And then across to Chelsea Nick let's pick a category Would you like It's Danny McBride's and then we'll go to Pete and then across to Chelsea. Nick gets to pick a category. Would you like It's Danny McBride's birthday today.

Or it was. It's after midnight now. It is? Happy birthday, Dan. Danny McBride. There's no more of a buzzkill than that news. Cars are being quietly towed. Everybody take a moment to consider when you have to wake up in the morning.

Your cars are on fire. Nick, what category would you like? Danny McBride or at Conan the Barber suggested... So is that Danny McBride movies? Is that the suggestion? Yes. Okay. And then Conan the Barber suggested I Love

Movies! Which is movies that have an exclamation point in the title. Okay. And then also celebrating a birthday today, Ted Danson. TD? Yeah. So the films of Ted Danson is another option.

Which one would you like? Number three. Just because you said that, I'm going to go with number one. You want Danny McBride? Yeah. Okay. This Danny McBride movie is from 2009. Leonard Maltin gives it one and a half stars.

I could not disagree more with Leonard on this one. He says about this movie that it is... He says it's a proudly perverse comedy or a queasy drama. Yeah, Leonard couldn't even figure that out, which one it was. From 2009, one and a half stars, and Danny McBride is in there somewhere, but he lists 12 names.

How many names do you think you can get it in, Nick Kroll? 11. Good opening bid. We go to Pete Holmes. They're not necessarily Danny McBride vehicles Vehicles, it's a showbiz term, kid It means he's the lead I believe there's only been like approximately two of those

But I'm not going to narrow it down for you Danny McBride is in it Okay And it was a piece of shit according to this guy I could do it in nine Danny McBride is in it. Okay. And it was a piece of shit, according to this guy. I could do it in nine. Chelsea says do it in nine? Should I not?

This could be for the win. Tony's going to be awful disappointed. Oh, sorry. Sorry, Tony. She's not great. I've been trying... By the way, I've been over here trying to construct the right great joke for a while now. All right.

So Pete Holmes gets nine names out of 12. Okay. Do you want the clues again? No, I got it. Let me give them to you again. It's a movie. All right. Your nine names are Aziz Ansari, Danny McBride, Patton Oswalt, Matthew Yawn, John Yawn, Colette Wolf, Dan Bacardal, Celia Weston, and Michael Pena. I know.

Aziz is in it? A lot of people know. A lot of everyone but Pete Holmes knows. Well, I want to say, can I say final? Well, you have to say an answer. You have to pick one. 30 minutes or less? That's incorrect.

Incorrect. Can I say it? What is it, Nick? Observe and report. That's right. So I think we have a three-way tie up with this bitch. Oh, shit. I told you, Chelsea.

I told you you didn't need to know anything to win at this game Was that good? Uh yeah I'm more of a Paul Blart man myself I'm just kidding I haven't seen either of them Observing Report is And back me up on this if you agree

Very underrated It's a hilarious movie It's super dark but it's also very funny. I want to see it now. So everybody check that out. Okay, so, wow. Exciting. Chelsea's got a point.

Pete, she made, wait, what happened? She made Pete name it? So we start with Nick. Okay. Then we go to Pete from there. Making choices. We go to Nick, Pete, name it. Yep. So we start with Nick. Okay. Then we go to Pete from there. Making choices. We go to Nick. We go Nick, Pete, Chelsea. And decisions being strong.

All right. We got. Definitive. Weezer on the soundtrack. Four letter title or IFC's most underrated comedies of all time

Observe and report I don't get it That might have been one of them Let's do Weezer Weezer on the soundtrack No one ever picks that Oh it's Weezer on the soundtrack I thought that was the one with kids with

people with asthma. Okay, let's do that. Kids with asthma. We could do that. It's not kids with asthma. It's just someone in the movie has asthma. Now we know what Nick thinks about it. Are you having trouble breathing? My dick has oxygen in it.

My dick is spurting milk. Filled with milk? Yeah. How do you think I got this milk voice? Sucking your own dick, Mr. Rickman. All right, somebody in this movie, Nick Kroll, has asthma. Three stars from Leonard Maltin. That's about right.

I might give it three and a half. He says that this movie is overextended, but also refreshingly tough-minded. Overextended, refreshingly tough-minded. Overextended, refreshingly tough-minded. And he lists seven, eight names. Eight. Eight names. I'll name it eight. He says eight. We go to Pete Holmes.

This is your stupid category. I thought it was Goonie straight up, y'all. Yes, Sean Astin does have asthma in that movie, but... I was betting on that Goonies shit. That is not what it is. Goonies did not come out in 2006. What was it, 05? Is that when it came out?

Okay, Pete. Nick, just fucking do it, man. What? You're giving him all the names? I can't. Okay, no, no, no. You're right, you're right, you're right. I didn't say name it.

I said fucking do it. I meant suck my milk dick. I can name it in seven. All right, now you do it. I just should have taken the ridicule. I got a fucking movie with asthma. Okay, got it. All right, you get seven names.

I get seven names. Yeah. Go ahead. I think you have a shot at this. Okay. I think you do. Andre Lerouzibeth. Apologies to Amy, who Nick was playing for, because as

often happens in this game, the best player was playing for you, and you're not going to win. Yeah. That's right, Amy. It's coming down to this. It's coming down to this It's coming down to To Pete Holmes

And Chelsea Who are playing for Tony and John G Sigourney Weaver Johnny G I'm a John G Alright

It's not bad Not bad Joey Pants First try I'm not even gonna give you The clues again Okay Can you? No

What was it? It's a bit much Overextended Refreshingly tough minded I'm not even going to give you the clues again. Can you? No. What was it? It's a bit much. Overextended, refreshingly tough-minded. Okay. And from 2006, and somebody in it has asthma. Remember that song? I don't know who did it, but it was on the radio sometimes where they go,

I've got asthma. I've got asthma i've got asthma do you remember that who does it toy dolls i love that both of those facts sound fake not a song not a band he just supported you oh that was me and an audience member just made something up together that is awesome he had my back with the name of a band that had a song that I just made up. Okay, I'm really bad at this game, but here we go. Here we go. It's a little on the nose. Someone has asthma.

Russell Crowe, Beautiful Mind. Final answer. Go ahead. Simon Abkarian? Uh-huh. Abkarian? Doesn't matter. Nobody knows who it is.

That's Timmy Abkarian. Katarina Marino? Giancarlo Giannini. Nice pronunciation. Jeffrey Wright. Judi Dench. Mads Mikkelsen. And Eva Green.

So a Judi Dench movie where... That's all but one person that's in this movie. Oh, I know this shit. People in the audience know it. Nick Kroll knows it. He's the best player on this stage. Yes, he is. After me.

Me and Daniel Craig. 2006. Yeah, what do you think it is? Someone has asthma. Uh-huh. Judi Dench was in it. Shh, be quiet. No yelling, no helping.

What do you think it is? A gentleman in the audience said smoking the bandit. I'll share that with you because that couldn't be more wrong. Casino Royale. I don't know. I got nothing. Is that it? That is it. Fuck you all. Fuck everybody here. Fuck everyone forever. I'm the king. I'm the king. Did somebody over there say Simon Birch? Because that's an amazingly weird guess

for a James Bond movie. That is exhilarating. Now what gave it away to you? How did you figure it out? I literally was like Judy and Ed and I only could picture her going like, you fucked it up again, Mr. Bond. I also, for some stupid reason,

said Daniel Craig out loud. Yeah, I heard that. Oh, yeah, that's probably what it was. That's probably what it was. I heard that and ignored it, hoping that Pete didn't hear it. And he didn't have a look on his face like he heard it. Yeah, I have that look all the time.

I really blew it. It's my Mission Impossible 3 mask. That is a deep callback. That literally that joke happened yesterday. You're in the Bahamas right now. Yes. Mixed lamenting is lost. I was just looking at

that girl's face like, whoa, cool face. I think she was being sincere. I was. But most people thought you were doing a roast. Most people were wrong. We often are. So Pete Holmes is our winner, everybody. Alright! I did it.

You won for Johnny G. I'm a John G! Where's Johnny G? Come up here and get your prizes, Johnny G. You get your phone back for one. Yeah, and get your phone back. That's a prize in and of itself. Where is Johnny G, come up here and get your prizes, Johnny G. You get your phone back, for one. Yeah, and get your phone back. That's a prize in and of itself. Or is this a touch?

Where is Johnny G? Oh, he's coming. This is a phone, man. He's like, I'm coming. Do we give our thing back to our people? Well, let me see what Tony did. He didn't write a shithead on the back, did he? Did he write a shithead on there?

No. So we need a shithead from Tony. And here, take this bag right here, son. Son. Just take it, son. Here you go, John G. You got it? Good job. Congratulations, man. You won a lot of stuff.

Where's Tony at? You did say Daniel Craig. Here, Tony, write on your cereal here. Don't worry what I've gotten. I was going to say Gosford Park. I got a pen. Oh, he's got a pen. And then where's Amy at?

We've got to get Amy to contribute a shithead name also. Oh, she wrote it down on a piece of paper. How very helpful. Thank you so much. Tony's writing it on the cereal. Can we keep this cereal, Tony? Sure. Oh, thanks.

That's awesome. Who? That's Prosper Felix's anthrax. Is this a real person? Okay. All right. I'll try to pronounce it right. I hope that I do. Thank you, everybody, that came out tonight here at Flappers and

come to see comedy at Flappers in come to see come see comedy at Flappers in Burbank. They do lots of great shows with lots of friends of mine

and stuff. Have any of you guys performed here yet? No, but it's a good room. Yeah, right. It's nice. I've been here once or twice.

It's nice. I like it a lot. Flappers. You know, it's just a great opportunity to be able to come to a great comedy club

with great people and flapperscomedy.net I I believe,.com was taken. I'm just kidding. I don't know the website. Nick Kroll, do you got any plugs you want to get in before we go? Life and Time's Tim, animated show I'm on on HBO's

every Friday night, 9-10. Good show. And I do a monthly show at Largo the last Tuesday of the month oh okay golf applause and then Pete Holmes

what do you got going on on nerdist.com is you made it weird is my podcast that everybody on the stage was a guest on thank you very much thank you guys

that's so very nice of you that's all that's all I want to plug and my CD but that's all what's your CD called to plug And my CD But that's all What's your CD called? It's Impregnated with Wonder I just gave it to John G

I'm a John G Okay we're having a lot of fun Three times I did that John G just won a copy Of Impregnated with Wonder Yeah yeah And Chelsea Working on Parks and Rec

And what else is going on? Yeah watch that I'm at clubs and colleges All the time And look at my Twitter Chelsea V. Peretti. Thank you. Bye.

Yeah, she has a very funny Twitter, and it's P-E-R-E-T-T-I. That's right. One R and two Ts. Yeah, that's important. That's crucial. You get that other Peretti, and you're going to be in a world of hurt. The one that spells it wrong. And I'm going to be Sunday, January 18th.

I'm going to do a Douglas Movies taping. January 8th, I'm sorry. Sunday, January 8th, I'll be at the Palace Station in Vegas. And I'm going to do stand-up at the Improv in Miami on January 18th. Weezer Cruise, January 19th through 23rd. Douglas Movies taping at Sketch Fest in San Francisco on Sunday, January 29th. And you're going to do some Sketch Fest stuff? Yeah.

I'm there too. Go see all these guys at Sketch Fest and go to DougLovesMovies.com for all of my whereabouts and whatnot. And one more time, a round of applause for my guests. And for yourselves for coming out late on a Thursday night.

And, uh, oh, wow. I put the cereal down and it had the name on the back of it. I'm so unprofessional. Here we go. Here we go. Alright, Ryan... How do you say it?

McEurin. Ryan McEurin is a shithead. And the Duggars and their 19 kids and counting are a shithead. Political. Political. You can go ahead and play the... The Lord hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seats With 50 acid popcorn kernels in his teeth You can go ahead and play that.