Doug Loves Movies - Pete Holmes, Kumail Nanjiani, Brian Posehn, and Samm Levine Guest

Episode Date: June 14, 2013

Live from Stage 773 at the Chicago Just For Laughs festival, Doug welcomes Pete Holmes, Kumail Nanjiani, Brian Posehn, and Samm "The Ma'am" Levine to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats with 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies. Hey everybody! My name is Doug and I I love movies, and it shows. This is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you from some place in Chicago during some sort of festival on Friday, June 14th, to Oceans 13.

You guys bring name tags? Do we have some name tags in the audience? Oh, my. That is like... What are those tickets to all the shows you've seen? Movies. Movies. All the movies you've seen.

Not all of them in your life or just a year or two? Just since 05. Since 05. And it's framed. I love it. And then it's got Doug Loves Movies in there. Or your face, right? Yeah.

What's your name? Chris. Chris. All right. Well, good luck with that. There's a... That didn't sound sincere. Rachel has like a Price is Right name tag.

And there's a Home Alone up there. What's your name? Marv. Marv. Does it say Marv alone? Or Home Marv? A family colony with- Okay, I don't know.

That's already too much. It's already taking too long. We have a very tight timeframe here. We've got a, oh, if any of my guests enjoy Reese's Pieces, there's an E.T. with Reese's Pieces. You've got a name tag that's also a hat? Uh-huh. And what does it say?

The Doyle Tenenbaums. The Doyle Tenenbaums. The Doyle Tenenbaums. Because your name is Doyle? My last name. Last name. I would hope so. Yeah. My name is Doyle O'Flanagan.

Pleased to meet you. I'm a lady. What's on that piece of paper that you scribbled? Batman. Batman? I love the way you said it. Batman. It's Batman. Well, thank you to everybody

who brought name tags, and good luck being chosen tonight when I get my guests out here. Since last I spoke and you listened, I did some fun stand-up shows here in Chicago with pals like David Cross, Paul Tompkins, and Todd Glass. I say that because none of them are here today

for this show, and I know you guys are probably trying to think who the guests might be, and I'm sure you're still going to be excited about the team that I've assembled. From the corrections department, oh, I'm sorry, let me say that again. From the corrections I don't give a shit about department,

apparently Vin Diesel has been in every Fast Furious movie except for number two. Yeah, I don't care. And then, speaking of which, I'll be interrupting Too Fast, Too Furious at the Alamo Drafthouse Ritz location in Austin, Texas on Saturday, July 6th at 4.20.

Tickets are on sale soon or now. And now it's time for Tweet Relief, tweets about movies. At Kevin Sesha, S-E-C-C-I-A, tweeted, If you dump a box of flags and a Norman Rockwell painting into the Matrix sequel while whispering this is important, you have Man of Steel. I know, it was complicated. It was like a math problem. But trust me, as a tweet, it was pretty solid. And Los Angeles listeners, next Wednesday at the Landmark Theater on Pico

at the 740 showing of Kings of Summer, I will be doing a Q&A after the movie with cast members, which may include Nick Offerman, Megan Mullally, Alison Brie, Moises Arias, and or Nick Robinson. So, schedules permitting on that. Lots of fun

stuff in the prize bag. Let's get our guests out here. We gotta run a tight show tonight. Please welcome four of my I was gonna say best friends, but two of them I'm on the fence about. No, please welcome my friends Kumail Nanjiani,

Pete Holmes, Brian Posehn, and Sam the Mam Levine, a.k.a. Lil Wolverine. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Good going, Brian. Thank you Yeah Good going Brian Thank you Thank you

Thank you Where's the rest of the venue? It's a truncated venue Why are the walls so close to the stage? I think they just, you know, they have a lot of nice intimate theater shows in here, and then us. I'm very proud of all the 68 people that are here,

because traffic was kind of a bitch this time of night here in town. And are there any empty seats? Is everybody, is all the seats accounted for? Might be some people. That corner looks like we could get some seats in there. Yeah. Kumail, do you accounted for? Might be some people. That corner looked a lot like a lobby. We could get some seats in there. Yeah. Kumail, do you want to?

People are sitting there. Who's got the cordless? Oh, I do. Let me just, I'll go out there and check. You guys talk amongst yourselves. Just make sure. Hey, is anybody out here want to see this fucking show? Oh, no, Doug, you're still hooked up here.

Is anybody out here for nobody else? We're good? Doug is outside the venue right now. We're good. I don't even think he can hear us. For home listeners, Doug left. There's nobody else out there. Hey, Doug, so that you don't have to do another corrections department,

Vin Diesel is in the second Fast and the Furious movie. Oh, God. Very end of the credits. He's got a cameo at the end. Oh, so Tokyo Drift's the only one he's not in. I believe that is correct. That's the one. No, two he's not in at all, buddy.

Two is too fast. He makes an appearance at the end of Tokyo Drift to set up part four. I'm telling you, at the very end of two, at the very end of the credits, you see we're supposedly looking at Mexico and you see Diesel in the distance. Then why isn't he in Tokyo Drift? What are they setting up?

They were trying to set up a franchise like American Pie Presents. They were trying to set up Fast and Furious Presents, but it was such a disaster that they were like, we need our guys to get asses in seats. What is American Pie Presents?

Yeah. It's just a bunch of naked mile? It's just a bunch of... Naked mile. It's just a bunch of different people fucking pies. Yeah, they just ran with that and then put that

label on it. I gotta get the internet. They tried to do that at Van Wilder, didn't they? Wasn't there a Van Wilder presents Rise of Tide?

Yes. Yeah, that was Kumar. Yeah, it was Kumar. You were great in that, by the way. What's the thing? Don't laugh. Wow.

That means all of you are also racist. You're all racist. Kumail, were you also up for that job at the White House that he ended up doing? Were you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was up for Ben Kingsley in Iron Man also. They said I'd have to play Ben Kingsley playing...

Well, I don't want to. You're part Mandarin, aren't you? My dad's from Mandaria. Okay, so let's introduce everybody. That's Kumail Nanjiani, everybody. Hello. Yes. Recently, you guys haven't had a chance to hear it yet,

but he co-interrupted the last Benson interruption at Meltdown Comics in Los Angeles, and that'll be out sooner now in the comedy album section. Yeah, super fun. And you also appear in Kings of Summer. Briefly, yes. Yeah, good job. Thank you.

I was like, that's Kumail. That's no longer Kumail. It's my inner dialogue. You guys should see the movie. It's a really no longer Kumail. It's my inner dialogue. You guys should see the movie. It's a really, really good movie. It's good, yeah. And like I said, in L.A. next Wednesday, I'm going to do a Q&A after,

and I would invite you to join. But you have a very popular Wednesday night show called The Meltdown at Meltdown Comics. So if you're in L.A., it's going to be real Sophie's Choice. Doug, I did that. Pete Holmes, ladies and gentlemen. I did that Q&A.

And all of our friends are in that movie, so my first Q was, why aren't I in this movie? What was the A? It was really hard for me. He doesn't like me. Are you holding your head up with the microphone? What are you doing? Listen to how loud Sam's mic is.

Uh-oh. Now listen to how loud mine is. They're worried about me, is what I'm saying. Oh, you think they turn yours down on purpose? It's preemptive, Doug. No, no. I don't think so. I don't think they know you in the booth, Pete.

Yeah, that's the cockiest. No, I thought it was a Doug thing. My loud reputation precedes me. They know me and hate me. Have you guys heard Pete Holmes on Dining with Doug and Karen? A few people? Testify. It's insane, right?

He is so high, or not actually high, but concussed. I got a good old-fashioned American sugar high on your program. Yeah, it was amazing. It was a real treat. Oh, yeah, because you ate all those cookies and then went nuts. I ate... You're a child in most ways. It was a real treat. Oh yeah, because you ate all those cookies and then went nuts. You're a child in most ways.

It's delightful. I love a good sugar high. It's very nice and clean burning. Brian Posehn is here as well, everybody. I should tell you what's in the prize bag. He bought, he brought a very lovely poster for his new album. The album is called The Fartist.

And he laughed, you laughed at that, even though you know it already. He cracks you up every time. That's why I named it that. People have to say that. So I get to lighten it every time somebody has to say it. Like soon Conan O'Brien's going to have to say, get his new album, The Fartist. Oh, I love that. And so he's got a poster from that. And the poster, I'd to say it. Like soon Conan O'Brien's going to have to say, get his new album, The Fartist. Oh, I love that. And so he's got a poster from that.

And the poster, I'd unwrap it. Do you want to unwrap it and show them? It's just like the movie The Artist. Oh! Sam Levine, ladies and gentlemen. Sam Levine. Thank you very much. Who always brings a ton of stuff for the bag

He always brings amazing things Like you got some Mad Libs What? That's a two pack by the way Oh it's a two pack of Mad Libs It's all Mad Libs about dead rappers That's right This is

The fartest poster Just to be clear the laughter is for the, not the Tupac Mad Libs joke. It's a good poster. It is a great poster. And Sam also brought, for screening purposes only, copies of Nightmare on Elm Street, Sweeney Todd, Candyman, and Friday the 13th, the final chapter. Yeah! You know you want that shit. Wait, you got screeners?

Does that mean those movies thought they were going to get nominated for stuff? I asked him that the last time he was on. He did a show where it was talking heads talking about famous horror movies, and so he had to screen all of them. And Kumail brought a T-shirt that he picked up yesterday in the gifting suite.

No, I picked it up today, Doug. Oh, today in the gifting suite. No, I picked it up today, Doug. Oh, today in the gifting suite. But basically you're paying it forward. Yeah, it's for you guys. Look. Wow. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful shirt.

So you guys can have that. And Pete Holmes and I did a show together in Bloomington, Indiana, and they made a poster of a box, a bucket of chicken, because you know how Pete likes to keep it crispy. That's right. And then also a copy of Smug Life.

Oh, and also from the Bloomington Comedy Festival, a list of restaurants that participated and three $10 gift certificates. So if you want to do a road trip out to Bloomington, and go ahead and use those. They do have great restaurants in that town. They do. I love the town in general.

Featured, of course, in the movie Breaking Away. There's a huge ice cream rivalry in that town. There's like two ice cream places, and it has like torn that town apart. Baskin-Robbins. Yeah, everyone, the argument just keeps going. You scream, I scream. Yeah.

We all scream. We both scream. There's an ice cream, right? Is that true? Yeah, there's an old ice cream store that's been there for years and years, and then a new one came on. It has fun flavors like potato chips

and olive and dick or whatever, you know? So everyone likes the new one. And they taught everyone how to dance? Yeah. Perfect. Oh, I can't believe that came to a stop. I thought I'd have 20 minutes to kill over here. Olive and Dick can't be a real flavor.

No, Olive and Dick. Is it a guy named Dick? And a girl named Olive. There's mayonnaise and... Olive and Dick was the working title for Will and Grace, I believe. But we're here to talk about movies. Fellas, let's start with Sam down there.

Have you been to the movies lately? Not since I last appeared, but I did finally watch John Carpenter's The Thing, which I had never previously seen. That's good to catch up on that. Yeah. It's amazing. Have you seen Jaws yet? What the fuck? Wow.

What is wrong with you? I do not think those are in the same camp. They kind of are. Yes, they are. I don't know. The Thing is a classic. Let's go to the phones by round of applause. Honestly, who's seen The Thing in this room? All right.

Who's seen Jaws? All right. Sounds exactly the same. That was pretty easy. You proved your non-point. It was a two-to-one margin. It doesn't fucking matter. Anyway, I finally saw John Carpenter's The Thing,

and it's a great movie. There you go. Finally. Dicks. Finally. I think America was waitingpenter's The Thing, and it's a great movie. There you go. Finally. Finally. I think America was waiting. When's Sam Levine going to see The Thing? Apparently Poseidon's been waiting. I don't like being between this.

Are you going to club him and eat his bones? Not on air. I think that would be a great episode. You'd get a lot of downloads. That would be like taking the episode with you and Mark Maron up a notch. Yeah. Just one notch, though. You guys were that close to murdering each other.

Very, very close. I was just deflecting his attempts to murder me. It was all self-defense. I didn't... Oh, I'd like to go back and listen to that. Yeah. I don't know who fired the first shot, but it was glorious the whole time.

Well, I'll tell you, as soon as I got on stage, I sat down, and he came over, and he was like, move, I'm going to sit there. So I was like, alright. This is the vibe. And then it carried over. I love that you both wanted to be next to me. I also wanted to be next to you, and that's why

I feel left out. I'm over it. No, I asked Brian to do what he did to make it so you And that's why I feel left out I'm over here No I was I asked Brian to do what he did To make it so you had to sit far away from me Well It's true I've been That's why I

Jumped at it I'm over in the fucking kids table With Sammy Levine Wait a minute Wait a minute This is bullshit Wait a minute I want to be with the grown ups

Drinking wine and carving hands Yeah you You eat your ticket vendors I've never been this quiet Ask me if I've seen a movie This is bullshit. I want to be with the grown-ups drinking wine and carving hams. I've never been this quiet. Ask me if I've seen a movie. I don't like this game. Fuck this show. All right, that's our time. Thank you so much, Pete.

That's the joke I would have made if I was in the hot seat. This is the hot seat? Yes, the hot seat next to teacher. I'm over here Why don't you sit down? I'm in detention, that's why You're hot for next to teacher seat? I wish I was in next to teacher seat I'm in fucking no man's land

Brian, so have you seen any movies recently? You son of a bitch I don't like movies Alright, back to you, Pete Yeah I'll tell you what I haven't seen. What did you see? Did you watch something on the plane? No. I just

saw a movie. I swear to God, Kumail, I'm going to make a movie of me lighting you on fire. I'm trying to make it so we can seamlessly edit you out of this podcast. Oh, that is very funny. I can't be mad at you. That's really good.

I'm going to make it impossible. I'm going to talk over the whole show. Oh, we know. The whole time. Here's why I didn't see Star Trek. Oh, that's interesting. I've never had guests come on and give me reasons why they haven't seen movies. Well, I like it.

I'm a dynamic guest. Did you call it Star Trek? Star Trek? He kind of did. Star Trek. Wait, that's not what it's called? It's about a man who ran real fast and we thought we were teaching him, but he was teaching us.

Pretty sure that's radio. Whatever. To me, all movies are radio. Back to why I didn't see Star Trek. I don't care for Cuba Gooding Jr. He's not in it. Fuck, who was it?

No, but he was in radio. It was someone else. Who was radio? That was Zoe Saldana. No. Now I'm really confused. I can't remember radio for the life of me. Here's why I don't want to see Star Trek, Doug.

Did you see it? I did. I don't like Skyping. That's what those movies all come down to. I always buy a ticket, and I think they're going to reinvent it, and it's going to be spaceships shooting at each other, and it's always just fucking guys in colorful shirts

Skyping each other. Being like, are you going to shoot at my ship? And it's like, I'm not going to shoot at your ship if the embargo isn't... And then they shoot, and they're like... Fuck those movies. No Skyping in movies. You turned into Bill Cosby in there at some point.

Zip up your door. Too much Skyping in the movies. Not enough jello pudding. I don't care for it. Brian, what's your favorite Bill Cosby movie? Is it Ghost Dad or Leonard Part 6? Wait, was Bill Cosby movie? Is it Ghost Dad or Leonard Part 6? Wait, was Bill Cosby radio? I'm teaching you guys different lessons through my damn wit.

He played radio's grandfather. Two scenes that were cut. He played his grandfather ham radio. Okay, we're having fun. If I was in the hot seat, this would be a better show. Too early. Wait till they're really tired of me. We're not going to have time to get tired.

Hi. Hey, Brian, what'd you see? I fell asleep during Fast Furious 6. Twice. But that doesn't... That does not mean... Took two big naps. I woke up and they were having a hammer fight.

And I was like, what the fuck? Wow. How'd I miss that? I thought this was about cars. But you liked it though. Yeah. I mean, what you saw, you didn't fall asleep because you were offended or bored. You fell asleep because you were tired.

That's a weird reaction if you're offended to fall asleep. That's so offensive. I do it. If I think if a movie is making me angry, I'll just sit there and try to sleep for a while. That's how I got through Tree of Life. Really? No, I didn't even see it.

The Santa Claus really got my goat. Why? Because of all the Skyping? It's a valid point. Men on ships talking through video chat. Really? We're back to that now? How would you prefer they communicate with one other person? I don't know, with their fists and lasers? They do that too.

Not enough. All right. I keep waiting for them to be like, talk to your grandmother. And she's like, how does this work? See, if you give me a chance, I'll bring it home. But I'm over here in no man's land I'm reading the fucking book of Eli over here

Book of Eli? Yeah Why does it make any sense? Because I'm in post-apocalypse He's out in the middle of nowhere You like explaining his jokes You're his cliff notes The radio is a

What was the Book of Eli? It's about Denzel Washington. I mean, I know what the movie is. It's the Bible. It's a real fucking Bible. Spoiler. Oh, yeah. If you haven't seen it, you're welcome.

Just saved you two hours. I love that. You saved you two hours? Is that when you watch your music videos? I'm having a fun time without you guys. Was that you two? Yeah, you two hours. Was that a you watch your music videos? I'm having a fun time without you guys. Was that a YouTube joke? I missed that one. I can't even see, Doug. I feel like I'm doing

a different podcast. Maybe you should be. We're good friends. Max, take your high-fiving and sharing recipes. Thank're good friends. Max, take your high-fiving and sharing recipes. Right there. Okay. Thank you, Brian. Are you doing your podcast here too, Pete?

I am tomorrow. Tomorrow what time? The clapping was like slapping coconuts together in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. They were only clapping because they like tomorrow. Let's hear it for Saturday. The future. They hate the podcast. I love the future.

They're Saturday fans. Yeah. I am doing my podcast. It's at 7. Oh, Kumail's going to do it. It's at 7 tomorrow. He's going to co-host with me. Do you think you'll get a full theater

or one of these half-court situations? If you can't sell this theater out, this specific place, they just give you a bottle of whiskey and a handgun. They're like, time to hang it up. For those of you listening at home,

there's 10 people here. I can see everyone's face. I. I could see everyone's face. I bet I could remember everyone's name. Yeah. I think when they booked it, they thought, Doug probably is tired of that huge UCB theater in LA with a hundred people. Let's try to knock that in half. This kind of feels like UCB.

Make it more intimate. Get to know everybody. See all their name tags more clearly. Yeah. Love them all more dearly. Day by day. Sam, did you say you saw a movie? Yeah. Other than John Carpenter's The Thing.

Oh no, that's right. I'm sorry. Not in the last two days, no. I saw This Is The End. Great movie. That's an awesome movie. It's very entertaining. Yeah.

And it goes crazy. They do way more stuff than you think. No spoilers. It was much more violent than I expected it to be, much more scatological. Some ladies don't appreciate it as much as dudes do. That'll be a spoiler when I look up that word. Because dudes like shit a lot more.

Did I see you tweet? We love shit. Yeah, women don't really. They never buy a ticket. Like, I hope there's a lot of shit jokes. I find shit stinky. Nah, whatever, lady. Was that your Seth Rogen impression?

Whatever, lady. That's why I could only watch Slumdog Millionaire once because of the shit dunk. There's a big shit scene. Kumail, did you tweet that you should see... Speaking of Slumdog, Kumail, did you... I don't believe... I know, you started it.

Did you tweet that you should see This Is The End before you see Superman? I did, yeah. Because is Superman full of This Is The End spoilers? No, because I think Superman's going to do amazing no matter what. I think support a smaller movie like this is the end.

I haven't seen Superman yet, but I'm sure this is the end. It's like, it's awesome. And it's got, it's like really unique and it's got a point of view. Yeah, let's face it, no matter what they, you know, extra gloss or changes they slap on Superman,

it's a story we all already know. You're fucking A, Doug. I don't like Superman either. How are they going to fucking weave in kryptonite this time? That's the problem in every Superman movie. Everything's fine. He's invincible kryptonite. He eats a fucking hot dog and there's relish on it.

Hey, that was my joke. I said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's on Twitter. It's fine. that was my joke. I said that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's on Twitter. It's fine. You can have it. You did not. Yeah, I tweeted it.

Yeah, and if it was on Twitter, he did it quicker than you. Kumail, I was with you when we were talking about that. You did more than 140 characters. I said that. No, no, no. I did this, like, years ago. Like, this was the first Twitter. Really?

Because I said that to you recently, and we just laughed and laughed. Yeah, because it reminded me of my joke a year prior. Is that really true? No, I don't remember. Was it specifically relish on a hot dog? It was relish. It was kryptonite relish. Well, you know, that's the danger of being my friend.

So I've never stole a joke of his before. But I am from Pakistan, which is weird. Hey, name one Pakistan fact. Karachi is the capital? Nope. Karachi is the level of Call of Duty? Yes.

They speak Urdu? No, Karachi is that hot sauce with the chicken on it, right? You're from that delicious hot sauce, aren't you? I like you on pizza, on noodles, on anything. I'll steal your tweets any day. You're from that delicious hot sauce, aren't you? I like you on pizza, on noodles, on anything. I'll steal your tweets

any day. They're delicious. Who thirsts for justice? What are you doing? Oh, I'm getting ready. Have you seen a movie? Because I think we should, I should,

oh yeah. No, I haven't seen anything. But I did, I am, I have been trying to get people to wait a week to see Man of Steel because it's kind of a loosely organized boycott because the visual effects artists aren't getting paid what they should get paid and they're not getting thanked in thank you speeches by Ang Lee for Life of Pi. Yeah, that movie didn't have any special effects in it. It was like wall-to-wall special effects and he didn't mention

them when he won Best Director. So, wait a week to see Man of Steel is what I'm telling people. You're right. We always, why do all superhero movies start with the Spider-Man? I've seen Uncle Ben die so many fucking times. I don't need to see that guy die

anymore. Yeah, it's weird. I don't need to see that guy die anymore. Yeah, it's weird. I enjoy a good Uncle Ben dying. You like the most recent Amazing Spider-Man? The one with the social network guy? Mm-hmm. No. I didn't like it.

Oh, okay. Yeah. But he jerked off to the Uncle Ben dying part. He just went into theaters like multiplexes. I can't come unless there's a wise old man who took in a superhero boy and then is killed unjustly. And a theater full of people going, what the fuck are you doing?

He needs that too. I need that. I need the shame. As you can imagine, he's very loud when he's doing it too. I come loudly. Yeah! Why do you scream, Uncle Ben? Take control, Douglas. doing it too. Yeah. I come loudly. Yeah! And everywhere. Why do you scream

Uncle Ben? Take control, Douglas. Take control of your podcast. And then my web fluid gets everywhere. I have no regrets.

All right. Are you done, Pete? Oh, like that was just me. We're like the two trolls in The Hobbit. We both got frozen by the sun. What? Switch seats with Sam. Never.

Right now. Do it. Okay. No. What are you trying to grab a mic from me? I'll fucking eat you. I was trying to give you the louder mic. I was trying to give you the loud microphone, Pete.

We're having a good time. We are. We're having fun. We're all friends. Hey, Pete, switch seats with that guy in the audience. Oh, come on, everybody. Why do I have to sit next to Sam now? I just wanted to be able to see Sam.

He was behind the cast of Jack and the Beanstalk. I meant Giant Killer. What was the most... Giant Slayer? Jack and the Giant Slayer. Did you see that movie because it had the word Slayer in it, Brian? No. I'm not that dumb.

But he can sit on my lap like he's Salacious Crumb. Oh. I just called myself Jabba the Hutt, so it's meaner to me. Yeah, it is. But it is a joke about how small Sam is. Yeah, I'm a short guy. And I'm a bike. Wait, is that the name of that little guy that Jabba hangs out with?

Salacious Crumb, yeah. Yeah, all right, good ref. Going to pocket that one. Oh, you're going Chrome, yeah. Yeah, all right. Good ref. Gonna pocket that one. Oh, you're gonna hang on to that one? Yeah. You're gonna impress all the Star Wars geeks

by suddenly whipping that one out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I call that a sweet Dennis Leary. I'll write it down for you, idiot. I think you meant

Dennis Miller. No, because Dennis Leary is in the ref. Oh, God. Why did I walk into that? I'm made of regrets. I'm glad someone did, because that needed to be explained. Probably still does.

We are really a motley crew. We. Let's play some games. Yay! And to do that, we need to have each of you select a name tag let's play some games. Yay! Yay! And to do that, we need to have each of you select a name tag from the audience.

All right. While you do that, we'll be right back. We're back. Who are you playing for, Kumail? I am playing for Elster. Yep. Elster.

Let me see that. Let me get a good shot of that. All right. Is this your first name, Elster? It's my last name. But the only one that had E and T in right. Is this your first name, Elster? My last name. But the only one that had E and T in it. So you really wanted to go E.T., so you were like, okay, that works. Okay.

Brian? She just slapped her name on a book. I grabbed it because he took the free candy that I was going to eat. You can have the candy. You can have the candy, Brian. I don't like peanut butter. Can you lay it out? You pick that and you don't even like peanut butter?

No, I don't like it. They're trying to suck up to you by having candy and you pick something you're not even going to. I think this is gross. Here, you can have it. Why don't you switch name tags? You want to switch name tags? No. You really like that book?

Does he get to keep the book? Or do you want it back? It's not even her book. It's that dude's book. And what's the name on it? Erica. It's 1001 Erica. It's not even a play on words.

It was called 1001 Nights at the Movies, I believe. And now it's 1001 Erica. I walked closer to figure out what the fuck it was and then went, nah, I guess I'll just take it anyway. They put a lot of effort in yours. Yeah, this is a good one. It might have a thing in it. This took years. Does it have a shithead in it? Somewhere? On the back? Yeah, there's a shithead on the back.

Okay, cool. Don't reveal your shitheads. Sam? Pete still doesn't understand your shitheads. Sam? Pete still doesn't understand the shithead thing. He's been on the show a dozen times. Sam, what are you playing for? I'm playing for Chris. Chris made this pretty awesome frame deal here

where it's got a parody of your little icon for the Doug Loves movies, and then he's collected, I don't know, there's got to be three or four dozen movie ticket stubs in here. He says it's every movie he's seen in the last eight years. Really?

Yeah, since 2005. He didn't make it? Oh, shit. But there's some good stuff in here. Wife or girlfriend? Girlfriend. Tired of being the sidekick. So she didn't have time to make a good name tag

because she was working so hard on this one for him. What the fuck is Big Tit Zombie? Yeah. How did I miss that one? to be in the sidekick. So she didn't have time to make a good name tag because she was working so hard on this one for him. Oh, yeah. What the fuck is Big Tit Zombie? Yeah. How did I miss that one? Can I Netflix that? Big Tit Zombie?

Yeah. He really went and saw that. Snake on a Plane. I think that's a movie he made. It may not be Snake on a Plane. Hey, Sam, don't look down at that

to cheat during the Leonard Maltin game. Looking for possible titles. Because Pete's stuck with just one title down there. What do you got, Pete? That was a sad movie. I got Home Alone with Macaulay Culkin. He wants me to play for him.

And it says, but with Marv. Somebody's heckling me. It's fucking Marv. Get it right. You're Marv? Yeah, we already talked about it earlier, so with Marv. Somebody's heckling me. It's fucking Marv. Get it right. You're Marv? Yeah, we already talked about it earlier, so that's why everybody knows. That it's Marv? Mm-hmm.

I wasn't listening. So you're playing for Marv? I'm going to play for Marvin. All right. Let's do it. We're going to jump right into the Leonard Maltin game and then play other games if time is permitting, because I think this might take a while. I know Sam could bring it down in just a couple of rounds, but you know how it is when there's four players.

You get shut out easily. Yeah, you get boxed out very easily. Yeah, yeah, and you don't like that. Nobody does, but... I think you dislike it the most. Yeah, I do. So this should be a two-person game, and you and I have discussed that, but four people, it's great. Four people, it's fabulous. Let's do it.

What's wrong with three people? If I... We've discussed this. I don't want to drag. It's just, it's simple math. You can figure it out. Oh, shit. Wow. No, it's fucking bullshit. It's not that you don't want to discuss it. You don't want to explain it again to this... It's, okay. So let's say I know a movie and I can go negative three

on it and the guy next to me has no idea, but he's like, I can go negative three on it. And the guy next to me has, has, has no idea, but he's like, I'll go negative 10. It's like, that should be me. He could do that to fuck with you, but most people don't.

Right. Most people don't, but it just happened to me at the last show. And I happened to get lucky that, uh, I think people just hit stop on this podcast. I didn't want to explain it. You guys insisted. Okay.

Story checks out. Yeah, it's true. I did. I did make him explain it. You guys insisted. No. Okay. Story checks out. Yeah. It's true. I did make him explain it. That is what happened. But mostly just because I don't agree with his explanation. Look at Kumail being the sidekick. A real salacious crumb. Sweet Dennis Leary.

Woo! Woo! Yeah! Sweet Dennis Leary. And I'm all the way in butt fuck. Can I? I had to send that joke by telegram. Can I push him off the stage entirely? I can't get any further away from us. Us.

You're not us. We're falling apart. I'm trying to make this work. We're falling apart. Why can't we make this work? All right. So Sam was our

last winner on this panel, I believe, in a previous show. Most recent champion. That sounds right. I'd argue. All right. Feels right.

Yeah. So let's start with Sam, go to Brian, then Kumail, and then probably just back to Sam. And we'll just let Pete sit on the end going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ref.

Larry. That is a deep, deep cut. I know. But you can all picture the poster with his leg up in Christmas. No, I actually can't. I can, yeah. You were probably in Karachi. That's correct.

Who was in that with him? Don't answer, Sam. In Dennis Leary's The Ref? First of all, that's not what it was called. Well, he's not in the film per se, but there's a little part at the end that Vin Diesel is in at the end. A lot of people don't know that, but he's a little part at the end that Vin Diesel is in at the end. A lot of people

don't know that, but he is in that. Vinny D. They're trying to set up the ref franchise with that scene at the end. The ref presents. Oh, boy.

He's called the ref because he's trying to rob them, but he ends up being their marriage counselor. He's called the ref because he's trying to rob them, but he ends up being their marriage counselor. It's great. Check it out. Dennis. It really is a good movie.

Don't... Is it? It is. It's all right. It's very enjoyable. It's all right. No, it's good. It's overrated.

I don't know. And also, nobody knows it exists. Yeah. It's overrated, and... What are you doing? What I like about... Are you about to stomp on E.T.? No, no.

That looks like pre-me. Like E.T. Looks like someone didn't want E.T. Pizza. This E.T. is a little pinker than normal. Yeah. A lot of times they're brown leather, but for some reason this is a plush pink one.

It's definitely got like a penis body. This one does. Right? definitely got like a penis body. This one does. Right? That's what our penis is. Who's with me, guys? Right? Two blue eyes. Extends from the neck.

Mine doesn't have hands, but the same face. Glowing. Gets excited when it sees Drew Barrymore. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Glowing finger. Yeah. You got your categories, Doug? Yes, sir. Great. I Barrymore? Yeah, totally. Glowing finger. You got your category stuck?

Yes, sir. I don't blame you, sir. That is the guy I'm playing for and he wants out. Show's only going to be an hour and 15 minutes. Let's see how many people we can walk. Jesus. You get to pick... You get to pick Sam between Today is the birthday of noted asshole Donald Trump.

He's made appearances as himself in several movies. Of course he has. So that's one of the categories. He's a fucking asshole. I think he's been in like 23 movies or something like that. If you can't think of any, Pete, first of all, you're not deciding which category. So by saying that out loud,

I'd pick that category if I were Sam. What if I was just being real sly like a fox? Oh, what are the odds that would happen? Like a retarded fox. A big, dumb, retarded, loud fox. Which is what Donald Trump's hair looks like.

And we're back. Pick that one. At Mike underscore Drury, D-R-U-R-Y, suggested super rhymey. And that's movies that have a rhyming title. Oh. Yeah. Like that song, movie Swimming with... Sw. Like that song, movie, Swimming with... Swimming?

Was that a movie? Swimming with Shrimming. Or Win-Win. Win-Win is good. Yep. You know, of course, that I would prefer you not to give examples during this part of the process. Your third option, Sam Is according to Or submitted by At eataduck

The category is Chicks with dicks Welcome back, sir Speaking of which He's got a big old beard If I were a chick with a dick I'd grow a beard To throw people off

Chicks with dicks I think the dick is already doing that. Throwing people off. Well, it's in your pants. You can't walk around with it out. But the chicks with dicks category is Richard Gere romantic comedies. Because it's chicks with dick. Dick, yeah.

Richard Gere. I gotcha. His friends call him dick. Yeah. Let's do the rhyming titles. Everyone seemed to enjoy that. And I hope it's win-win. It's fun. Would you like a rhyming title from 1985, 1999, 2002,

or 2011? 2011 is definitely win-win. How about 99? Okay. Bold. Yeah. This movie from 1999 got two and a half stars

from Mr. Malton. Radio. Radio schmadyo. Radio schmadyo. He says that the movie is about a young man We're hot so far He also says

We were learning more From him than him from us He also calls it Cute enough It's cute enough It's cute enough That's such a dick thing to say And he says that

Two people in this movie Are wonderful as The parents So there's a pair of parents that are wonderful in this movie. Ed Harris and the team are like mom and dad. So you do remember this movie. You said you didn't remember it. Or radio.

You said Ed Harris. Yeah, but who played radio? Cuba Gooding. So I was right. Yeah, but you earlier said you didn't remember this movie called Radio. What the fuck, guys? You've never done one with us. No, I have not.

Seven names, Sam. All right. Seven names. Smart opening bid. We go to Brian. Six. Kumail. I'll go five.

You know. I do know. It's a number. I don't want to embarrass you. I want everyone to get along. But I know if I say four, he's going to say name it. So I'm going to say name it because I don't want to be embarrassed. We'll find a way to embarrass you.

I'm going to say name it. Just play like a man. All right, let's do five. I didn't want to go up to the plate and try to swing because it'll be embarrassing. And also, I might get a point if he doesn't get it. Yeah, no, it's good strategy. I made that Superman relish joke on Graham Elwood's podcast, too.

Brian is really rooting for Kumail as is probably everyone. Even people that are waiting to listen to this podcast are rooting for Kumail right now. I am rooting for Kumail on this. Two and a half stars. It's about a young man and there are parents in it who are wonderful and

it's cute enough. And your five names are Rex Lynn. Never heard of him or her. I think... It's a man. He's great. I think he's the... I think he usually plays gay dudes and he's on

Suburgatory. You're definitely wrong. What's that guy's name? You're right. That's not him. I don't know. Jennifer Lewis is in this. What's that guy's name? You're right. That's not him. Lenny Bonito? I don't know. Jennifer Lewis is in this. And so if this helps you, she spells Jennifer with just one N.

Can I just say that Sam's role in all of this is Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World? It's a man and he's great. While he's over the fence and we're just acting a fool. Pretty sweet Denny Lear. Denny Lear. Pretty good Denny Lear. Denny Lear. Pretty good Denny Lear. Sweet, bro. The only way someone would get that joke

is if The Ref is their favorite movie. And even then they'd be like, what? Oh, okay. Past and future guest Dave Foley is in this movie. The Follinator. Mm-hmm.

Sissy Spacek? Hmm. Oh, God. Ah, son of a bitch. And, no, she's a nice lady. And... Ah. And Christopher Walken is your fifth out of seven names.

In the movie, guess it, Kumail. It's got to rhyme. This is not helping. I want the help. Why are you doing Jay Moore? I am so bad at this game. I've seen so many movies. I watch movies all the time.

I can't even think of one that rhymes. So it's... 99. You said win-win earlier. Blabyrinth, labyrinth. You earlier. Blabyrinth. Labyrinth. You're blabyrinth right now. Any idea, Camille?

Sam Levine knows it. Are you happy to tell us what it is when you fail? Oh, God. Oh, good guess. With George Burns and John Denver. No, that's not it. That doesn't rhyme.

I'm just trying to think of a rhyming movie. So the parents have to be... I'm sorry, I'm going to be so quick about this. So the parents have to be Sissy Spacek and Christopher Walken. And Pete just did Christopher Walken. I just recapped the entire show. Use the force. He would have been

great in Star Wars. Yeah. Put on this helmet. You won't be able to see, but, you know, swing around and see what happens.

I'm pretty sure Kevin Spacey did the Chris Walken auditioning for Star Wars bit on SNL. He did? A couple years ago. It was pretty famous. Shame on you. You're a fucking thief.

You steal Kumail's stuff. You steal the Chris Walken bit from Spacey. I don't know what you're talking about. I've never stolen a joke in my life. You're like the Carlos Mencia of podcasts. That's a weird title to have. It's not one you want. You probably stole it from somebody.

I'm on your side, Pete. You give up? Yeah, I give up. It's somewhat obscure. Sam Levine knows it. Tell us what it is. Blast from the Past. It's correct with Alicia Silverstone and Brendan Fraser.

Brendan Fraser, whatever. If you said Brendan Fraser, I would have been like, oh, Blast from the Past. Well, that's how the game works is you tend to not get

to hear that name that really puts it over the top. Pete Holmes has a point, everybody. Pete's got a point. What's the deal with the campaign?

It's getting chilly in hell. Yeah. I've won before. Pete is halfway to win. Yeahel? It's getting chilly in hell. Yeah. I've won before. Pete is halfway to win. Yeah, you have won before. Pete stole a point from me. Sorry, Camel. No, it was a good strategy. It's my only strategy. So that means we're going to start with

Sam. No, you're going to start with Brian and then come back to me. Yes. Did he come up with this game? No, no, but he pays attention and knows what's going on. I did. He helps me through. What?

We did. Yeah, yeah, Brian and I and Sarah Silverman used to sit around and play this with the old Leonard Maltin book where we just opened to a page and just pick one. You forgot a ton of weed also. Yeah, there was a lot of weed involved. I think we all knew that was involved. Okay, Brian, would you like at Crumptown, C-R-O-M-P town, Crumptown, suggested this isn't the end,

and that's movies that have a scene after the credits have rolled. With Vin Diesel. And then at Wayne Adam suggested, oh no, I'm going to skip that one. I'm going to hold that one for another time. At Tell Ad Nam That's a weird name. Tell A-D-N-A-M

suggested Marky Marksman and that's movies where Mark Wahlberg shoots someone. And then at ZA underscore Shojo Gamer, S-H-O-J-O Gamer, suggested Silent Jay and that's Kevin Smith movies where Jay Mewes does not appear.

And by Kevin Smith movies, I mean any movie that Kevin Smith is in that Jay Mewes is not in with him. So it doesn't have to be one that he directed? Or can it be one he directed he's not in? It's any movie that has Kevin Smith in it that does

not have Jason Mews. You should have said that. I'll take Marky Marksman. Okay. Mark Wahlberg shoots at least one person in this movie that got two stars from the year 2008. He says this movie has plenty of gore, and he also says the unrated version runs 103 minutes.

And just so you're clear, that is an extra three minutes over the rated version. And Leonard lists 12 names. How many names do you think you can get it in, Brian Posehn?

When does The Fartist come out? Next Tuesday. Nice. Nice. Ten. Ten names. next Tuesday nice ten ten names Sam nine names Pete don't do

name that movie with him because he knows every movie no I won't you're smart I can do it I think Kumail thinks he knows it

And I'm afraid he does I am very bad at this game Me too But I'm thinking what if I do like a bold move And say I can name it With zero names And then I just guess it And everyone goes boo

Isn't that more fun? Isn't that more fun? Isn't that more... No? The fucking heckler in the front row. No, no, no, don't do that. Play the game. Say a number.

All right. Are you having a stroke? Jesus Christ. You can say zero if you want. Don't let him tell you what to bid. Four names. Four? Four names. Four?

Four names. All right. So Cabal will say, name that movie Pete, and then I'll name four names, and Pete won't name it, and you'll get a point. Name that movie Pete. I don't want to hear the names.

Max Payne. That's correct. Suck it! Suck my dick! Suck my dick! Suck my dick! Suck my dick! This one's going out to all the fans

that believed from the beginning. Since 1998 to 1999. Great. And now I don't want that candy. That's the only way for me to not want candy. Why did you have to go and fuck Brian's candy? Oh, man. I think that's the help.

Hey, that was more Doug. Why were you telling me to suck it? That was Doug's strategy. I'm just so happy. Tell Doug, do that whole thing again. Oh, you telling me to suck it? That was Doug's strategy. I'm just so happy. Tell Doug, do that whole thing again. Oh, you would have done something different? I don't know what I would have done. I was going to go with the only movie I could think of,

because you said shooting. The only movie I could think of was Shooter. Yeah. So I was just going to say Shooter, or I was going to say The Departed. Camille, the reason I thought you knew it was because that's a video game movie. That's why I was going to say Zero Names.

I'm playing the game. Yeah, but I've never seen that movie. You're like a big video game guy. No one saw that movie. I saw some of it last night. There's angels. It was on TNT or something. There's magic in it.

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. I've seen a second of it, and there's angels in it. Things slow down Matrix style, but Mark Wahlberg will go like this. No one's shooting at him. He's not dodging anything. Then he comes back up and shoots somebody.

It's just all show-offy weird moves. He's just making coffee like that. That's like your Beowulf bit. Do your Beowulf bit. I don't remember my Beowulf bit. Anyway, have you guys seen this movie Beowulf? Or I'll just do it for you. Do you really know it well enough to do it?

Have you guys seen Beowulf? Oh, God. It's like 3D, but there's like a lot of things in the movie that don't like need to be 3D, that they're just excited about the technology. So they'll be like, I'm going to put down this cup of coffee on your face! A lot of you think

it's racist, but it's just how he sounds to me. That's pretty terrible. Yeah. No, he does it every time I'm with him. He does that accent.

And if people don't know him or us, they think it's racist. Yeah. Because it's racist. Yeah, I know both of you and it's racist. It feels racist.

It's totally not racist. The listeners at home can't tell which is which, so they're like, it's fine, no one write him an email. Pretty sure they can tell. Pretty sure they can. They can't, and we should just dance and dance. He's going to be just like Marin was when he got Wizard of Oz in negative three. He is going to hold it over your head from now on.

Yeah, I mean, that was crazy. That was very impressive. It was very lucky. Oh? Is that the sound of a gauntlet being thrown down? People are going to think it's just me saying that. They're like, I think Kumail has a conversation with himself.

No, because that sounded like an Irish guy a little bit. Oh, you've thrown down the gauntlet, are you, lassie? That was Scottish. Who's a lassie? Lassie? Pete, where's your Marv Home Alone guy? Let's give him the prizes. Come down here and get your

prizes, Marv. Marv! Marv! Oh, wait. This asshole won, huh? It's over. I won. It's not over over. We got a little time left. That's a rarity.

Were you going to hug me? He wasn't going to hug. There was no hug vibe from Marv. He definitely went like that. Either he's fronting or trying to hug me. Here you go, Marv. Here's your poster. And I'll give you the bag full of stuff.

Make sure you watch those horror movies I put in there. Yeah, watch them all. Especially Friday the 13th, the final chapter. Is that really what it's called? No. There is a final chapter in there, though, right? Oh, is that the one I put in there? I think so.

Maybe. I forget which one. I just grabbed a handful. I have like 30 of those. I just grabbed like four of them. Brian should know which one was the final chapter. That was not the final chapter. Yeah. No, there's plenty more after that. Brian should know which one was the final chapter. That was not the final chapter. Yeah.

No, there's plenty more after that. They're doing another one now. Really? Yeah, they're going to do it. Who's he going to fight? Wait, the Jackie Earl Haley one, they're doing a sequel to that, or no? No, that's Nightmare on Elm Street. Yeah.

Oh, you're right. I'm sorry. That's what I thought. We were talking. Yeah. Hang on, everybody. Sam Levine was wrong. Let's put a pin in that one

Do you guys want to play another round of Leonard Maltin just for fun? Or you have other games, right? I do have other games too Well we could pick a game But I kind of want to see Pete struggle with a Leonard Maltin game After that triumphant victory If I win again, I'm going to burn this goddamn theater down. Wait, your show

is here tomorrow. I'm going to come back tomorrow. But if he burns it down, then he'll have a bigger space probably. Yeah, he can fit more people in.

Do a standing room thing out in the ruins. This is the only space I can think of that's a better performance space if you burn it down. It's very small, Doug.

Just to be clear to the theater listening to this podcast later, that was Kumail saying that. What are you talking about? That's how you think I sound. Oh God, Emily. Oh God, Emily. Oh, God, Emily.

The theater is going to take it in stride that we're calling it small. I mean, look at how it's working with Sam Levine. There it is. Anyone who didn't see that joke coming from the beginning of that sentence. How about, does anyone see this coming? Let's play some more of the game. Yay. Yay.

about. Does anyone see this coming? Let's play some more of the game. Yay! But since Kumail challenged Pete, we'll start with Sam and go to Bryle. What happened? I don't know. You challenged him, right?

Whose phone's ringing? Audience member? You don't have to leave. No, they do have to leave if they want to take the call. It was Dave Rath the whole time. It was Dave Rath from the beginning. Nobody saw it. He's even taking the call.

He took it. Just go into that area backstage. Or outside. He actually is taking the call. I think he's talking to Patton Oswalt. It's Patton. It's important. Oh, okay. Could you bring the phone to me?

Can we have Patton say something to everybody? He's shushing you. He's shushing us. Well, he's trying to talk to Patton. Oh, he hung up. All right. Let's go. Let's play another round.

Yeah, give me some categories, brah. All right. Let's do this. Wow, I didn't think of either of us as the types who would throw around the word brah. Sam, how does it feel that you lost tonight? I lose the game all the time. Oh, do you? Yeah, and I'm fine with it.

I just only get upset when the gameplay is not clear. Even when he plays it at home in front of the mirror with his shirt off in chicken blood. That's accurate.

Tweaking his nipples. That's accurate. His tiny, tiny nipples. Oh, my God. Listen, I have really small nipples. I have the nipples of a much smaller man.

I have, like, baby nipples. I have the nipples of a much smaller man. I have like baby nipples. I used to call mine dime nipples because you could literally fit a dime over... This is when I was a kid. I don't want to be gross. Why were you... How bored were you? Mine is still dime size, I think.

What creepy neighbor is like, you want to play dime nipples? Come into my basement, you preposterously small boy. Just let yourself in through the mail slot. I'm laughing as him. I'm your Uncle Joey Dimes. Just remember, Joey Ten Cents.

I'm going to keep you in this lunchbox. All right. Your category options, Sam, are... Of the characters that need redemption, I'm rooting for you. Oh category options, Sam, are... Of the characters that need redemption, I'm rooting for you. Oh, thanks, pal. Yeah, you're welcome.

Your category options are... Yes. At Delster, D-E-L-S-T-E-R, two, suggested Sweet Home Chicago, and that's movies

with a car chase in Chicago. Oh. Yeah. Or, we can play Two Thumbs Down, and that's movies with a car chase in Chicago. Oh. Yeah. Or we can play Two Thumbs Down, and that's movies that the great Chicago film critic Roger Ebert gave less than two stars. There's quite a lot of movies in that category.

Yeah, yeah. Or Werner Herzog, which is the category that's movies that have a colon in the title, because we know our friend Werner Herzog loves movies with a colon in the title. Because we know our friend Warner Herzog loves movies with a colon in the title. Indeed he does. He made Bad Lieutenant 2, Port of Call, Orleans. And every time I say that title, somebody writes to me on Twitter and corrects me. I say something wrong.

I think it's Port of Call, New Orleans. New Orleans, yeah. But I forgot to... I used to call it Port of Call and not say New Orleans. Yeah. I don't even think it's 2. People lost their minds. There's no two.

Yeah, it's Bad Lieutenant, colon, Port of Call, New Orleans. Yeah. Look at how much fun he's having. There's a dash between Port of Call and New Orleans, too. So there's two. There's a colon and a dash. My favorite movie with a colon in it. Can I say it?

Well, it might give away what I've chosen, but go ahead. It's ballistic colon X versus sever. That's a messed up one. Because it's two characters we've never heard of. And they're presenting it like, finally, X and sever

in the same room. Who the fuck are these people? And why are they going ballistic? Ballistic colon X versus sever. I'm a sever man. I've literally forgotten the first two categories. Oh, I thought we were just picking that one. Roger Ebert

gave it two stars or less, and Car Chase in Chicago. We'll do Werner Herzog, movies with a colon. Two out of three categories were Chicago-based, and you went with Werner Herzog. Yep. Alright, here we go. The year isog. Yep. Yep. Alright, here we go. The year is 1982.

Okay. Three stars from Mr. Maltin. Some, including myself, might go higher. Wow. He calls this movie a bit hokey and pretentious at times. Finally bringing together X and Sever.

Times. Finally bringing together X and Sever. And he also, Leonard, says that this movie was originally released without the two in the title, what we were just talking about, going straight to the colon. You turned into Bill Cosby there, too. Without the two in the title. Yeah, so

that's the other clue, Sam. And he lists 11 names? 12. 12 names. Fuck. Come on. I feel like I know, but I'm not confident enough, so I will have to bid a number. You said there's 12?

Mm-hmm. I will say nine. Okay, Brian. Remember, this is for nothing. Without the two in the title. 1982 for X7. X versus?

I loved it. That was an A-plus joke. X versus seven. I don't mind. I still don't get it, but I really want to like it. Seven Sever sounds similar. Yeah. Oh.

Lucky Number Seven, you remember that movie? Yeah. That's a dynamite title. Yeah. I'll go... You know what? Four. What, am I going to win again? Four.

It would be very exciting if you did win again, Pete. But do you want to win the honest way? No, no, no. Don't let him talk to you. He's literally an imp on your shoulder. Wow. I don't know it, though, so this is the right play. But just say Max Payne again.

If you say that every time... Wait, is that how this works? Why do I feel like we're doing a ventriloquist dummy routine? Just say Max Payne again. You've had your finger in my asshole since we sat down. You should be on his lap.

You're the dummy. That is a great idea. A little. You're the dummy. That is a great idea. A little guy with a giant dummy. Yeah, you'd have to have a six foot tall dummy. Like that. I'm going to say name it, Kumail. Alright, you get four names.

I was rooting for you, Sam, but I can't have you trapped. I feel good about your chances. I feel real good about his chances, Pete. Really? Yeah. Better not be that exorcist ever, Sam. And you better throw your mic down and try to have sex with that E.T. doll and Pete Holmes when you win. If you're right, I will happily bend over and let you fuck me with that E.T. doll.

Are you implying I want to do that? This is not my goal today. Your four names are? I'm so bad at this game. I psych myself out. Well, this is fun, because look at Sam and watch him know what the title is as soon as I start saying it.

I want to see it in his eyes. At least four names in, he'll know it, but he might know it sooner. Paul Winfield. Nope. Merritt Buttrick. Buttrick? She's got a great butt trick.

The gentleman did have an unfortunate name and also did commit suicide. I can't blame him. It's a tough name. Listen, take that out of the podcast. I was trying to say Lay off Because he committed suicide

That was Kumail I doubled down on it No What? I just Hey guys I just came from the bathroom What did I miss?

Do you think like The Butt Trick family Listens to this podcast And this is really Going to bum them out Bum them out Is that a Play on words?

Oh god The Butt Trick family He's the butt of jokes tonight Oh B.B. Besch Was in this movie Is that a play on words? Oh, God. He's the butt of jokes tonight. B.B. Besh was in this movie. B.B.? B.B. And Kirstie Alley. Oh. Sam's still squinting over there.

Sounds like. Oh, son of a bitch. Oh, fuck. I know it, too. God damn it. Oh, God. Kumail, you have seven minutes. Fuck. Alright.

Let's go through and do the plugs. Pete, what do you got to plug? My podcast is called You Made It Weird, and my website, PeteHolmes.com, and my special is called Nice Try, The Devil. You have a comma in your title. I do. I love a good comma. Slows you down.

I think you're thinking of coma. And I just, I wish. I like that so much. I would love to just roll you in on a gurney and you just sleep through the whole show. I really enjoy being here, Doug. Thank you. It's a fun time. Love to have you.

Oh, since you won tonight, are you available on Tuesday night back at UCB in LA to play again? Maybe. Returning winner? Yeah, maybe. Okay, we'll see. We'll work it out later. Sam? Yeah, buddy.

Just saying hi. No, do you have anything you want to plug? For the eight of you who watched it the first time around, do no harm. Yes, buddy. Just saying hi. No, do you have anything you want to plug? For the eight of you who watched it the first time around, do no harm. Yes, please. The medical show that I appeared on will be airing the prime time slot Saturday nights, 10 p.m. NBC,

starting Saturday, June 29. Don't miss it. The ad campaign should be like, give it a twirl. Give it a try, losers and babysitters. Virgins, watch this show.

Is that the one where the guy becomes a different guy? Yep. Also known as Dr. Facehands. Dr. Facehands. To Paul Jenkins.

Dr. Facehands. Don't laugh. The Facehand guy killed himself. Brian? Oh, I have an album and DVD coming out. Fartist. It's called The Fartist. And if you can't wait, you can watch it on Netflix.

But you should wait and spend money on it. Is it a silent? I've got Deadpool. I'm currently writing Deadpool. Comics, how many in are you? Ten came out and now you can get the first six in a trade paperback.

And Nerd Poker is my podcast. And you'll be running around probably at Comic Con. People can run into you there and get you signed or something. No, I know. You move slowly through the room, but I just meant... Yeah.

Kumail? Hey, what's up? We need an answer and your plugs. Oh, God. You can do them in either order. I will plug July 20th my... Hey, guys, I'm doing plugs. Right, Brian?

They weren't quiet for mine, but whatever. That's respect. What were you guys talking about off mic? I had the same pair of jeans as he does. Okay. Same size and everything. It's really fucked up. I'm sure they look great on you.

I wear them when I want to look like the mushroom man. You guys, for that long, were talking about how you had that pair of jeans? Yeah. Okay. I can name those jeans in two legs. They're comfortable. I'd rather see Sam in your jeans.

Yeah. It would look like he lost a shit ton of weight. Something went wrong! Oh yeah, it's like a machine. He comes out of a machine, like Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Yeah. It would look like he lost a shit ton of weight. Yeah. Something went wrong. Oh, yeah. It's like a machine. He comes out of a machine like Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Stefan or Kel.

There you go. That's a Chicago reference. Pretty good Dennis Leary, bro. A nice Chicago Leary. Thank you. Great Dennis Leary. July 20th. I'm up with that one.

My standard special comes out called Beta Male on Comedy Central it's gonna be album and DVD and what's your website? your podcast

is called Indoor Kids oh yeah Indoor Kids the Indoor Kids video game podcast on the Nerdist Network my Twitter is at Kumail

N-K-U-M-A-I-L-N isn't Max Payne a video game? Yeah, and we could have topics like that and others on the Indoor Kids, on the Nerdist Network. I got shows coming up in Philadelphia, New Orleans, Oklahoma City, San Francisco, and Minneapolis. All my dates are at Douglovesmovies.com.

All right. And let me also gather the shitheads. Do you have shitheads on the back of your name tags? I have to guess, right? I know, I know. I'm trying to make the most exciting part happen last.

Oh, God. Just pull the, isn't there a post-it on the back? Oh, yeah. What was the category you were in, Kumail? What's the category

of your thing? Here, come get this so we don't destroy it. Colons in the title. Oh, colons in the title. All right. You need the shithead? Yeah, I need the shithead

off of the back of your... It's funny, we're going from colons the shithead? Yeah, I need the shithead off of the back of your... It's funny, we're going from colons to shitheads. Name tag. What do you think the answer is, Kumail? I honestly don't know. I just don't know. I'm looking and I'm looking and there's nothing in there.

I'm trying to find it and it makes me feel anxiety. I'm looking and I'm looking and there's nothing in there. I'm trying to find it and it makes me feel anxiety. I'm panicking. Oh my god, I just want to get the fuck out of here. You guys can't see this listening, but they're doing the Billy Crystal Robin Williams thing from Comic Relief.

Where he stands behind the mail. Sam, it's all been done, man. Oh my god, Sam, just shut the fuck up. I wish you'd kill yourself like my nemesis, Mrs. Buttrick. Mrs. Buttrick. I've seen all of her adult films. It was a third time callback. I know. Buttrick. I'm not saying we were stealing I've seen all of her adult films. It was a third time callback.

I know. I guess that kind of pointing out is frowned upon in this establishment. I like that a lot. I didn't know if you knew. That was a tribute to Pete's commercial where he's a baby.

Thank you, Sam. As opposed to real life where he's a baby. You're more mature in those commercials than you are in real life. That's a baby. Thank you, Sam. As opposed to real life, where he's a baby. You're more mature in those commercials than you are in real life. That's about right. What was it you were singing when you came in tonight?

In the back? Yeah, when you walked in. Call me, maybe. You wouldn't stop making that same noise. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. That? Yeah.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Yeah. Yeah, you wouldn't stop doing that. And we were also singing, Here's my number, so crystal Pepsi. That Carly Rae Jepsen is such a sellout. Thanks, you guys, for being here.

It's been fun. Kumail, what do you think the movie is? I think it is The Jewel of Denial. Well, it was, in my opinion, the jewel of the series. Yeah. Perhaps even to this day. Yeah. Because the rest of the names are Nichelle Nichols, George Takei, Walter Koenig, James

Duhigg, Ricardo Montalban, DeForest Kelly, Bumberfuck, Jumbersnatch. What? Skyping shit. Yes, it's called Skype 2, The Wrath of Khan. Star Trek 2. So who would have gotten the point that time? Pete! You are unstoppable.

You are the train that we need to call Denzel Washington. Look, either I can sit next to you and be real funny and have a fun time or be over here and fucking clean up. The choice is yours. Wait, so if you were sitting next to me, you wouldn't have done as well at the game and you also would have shut up? No, I would have talked a lot more. Oh, then this worked out perfectly.

How is it possible to talk more than that? No, that was not... You haven't heard Dining with Doug and Karen. It's amazing. He says all the things I'm supposed to say in that. You were so high on sugar cookies at the end. Those were my favorite podcasts ever. All right.

So thanks, you guys. Let's hear it for everybody. Yeah! Let's hear it for the 68 people in Chicago who jumped on the ticket sales and got in here. I'll try to come back as soon as possible. But thanks again to Pete Holmes,

Brian Poussaint, Sam the Man Levine, a.k.a. Little Wolverine, and Kumail Nanjiani. Little Wolverine is great. I don't even know which order to put these in, but I'm going to try. Yeah, I don't know. This is a rough one. Yeezus?

Okay, maybe I'll hold that one. If you guys are already laughing at Yeezus. Wait, what's Yeezus? I don't know, but I'm going to say it. What? It's a Kanye thing? His new album is called Yeezus? Okay.

Steve Jobs is a shithead? Oh, that's just good. Yeah. Kind of an interesting one. And the Boston Bruins is a shithead? Wow. All right. Pandering.

And Yeezus' sperm is a shithead. Now it's time for the Buster Brothers of T.I. pandering, and Yeezus' sperm is a shit head.