Doug Loves Movies - Rachel Feinstein, Dustin Ybarra, and Chris Cubas Guest

Episode Date: June 17, 2013

Live from Hyenas Comedy Club in Dallas, TX, Doug welcomes comedians Rachel Feinstein, Dustin Ybarra, and Chris Cubas to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey everybody, Producer Ryan here. There were some technical issues during the recording of this episode, so we do apologize for the poor audio quality, but please try to enjoy the show. I love movies. Hey, everybody. Hey! That's never happened before. A whole audience yelling, hey, back at me. It's great to be back here at Hyena's, and they ran out and bought an extra microphone because there's a miscommunication. I have three guests, and then there's me.

And they had three mics, so they went out and got a new one. So, I'm hoping that it works. Also, is it me or is there like a strange... Does it sound like we're in a multiplex

and Independence Day is playing next door? Anyway, my name is Doug Benson. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Also, I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you from the aforementioned Hyena's Comedy Club

at Mockingbird Station in Dallas, Texas on Saturday, June 15th to Ocean's 13th at 420... ish. Let me see your name tags. Oh, dude, I love movies too. That doesn't, is your name dude? Sam?

You should put your name on there somewhere. Oh, it is? What is that? Oh, I saw that today on Twitter. It's the Incredible. The Able. Instead of the Incredibles, you just slapped a post-it with your name. Which is, what's your name?

Able? As in Cain and Abel? What kind of fucked up? I also saw El Mariachi, Michelle Mariachi, on the internet today. Her boyfriend made that for her. So don't give her credit for that. Wow, there's lots of good ones. There's a giant softball, Jordan style.

There's a box of peanut butter Captain Crunch, which I would completely fuck that up. If I got to pick a name tag, that's the one I would choose, to be honest with you. Oh, someone has not only a... It's not R2-D2. What's that one called? Yeah.

It's another... It's R2-D2. Oh, my God. You nerds, shut up for two seconds. It's like a room full of Sam Levines. She doesn't know the name of it, but just5d4 they have such catchy names those droids really it's really hard for them to have sex because it's weird to yell those numbers out oh r5d4 oh uh well thank you there's a blinking one over there. Well, thank you guys so much for bringing so many terrific name tags.

Is that Ryan Gosling? Okay, I don't care for him. He is too handsome and talented for my taste. But it's nice and air-conditioned in here. That's exciting. Because it's a hot one, Dallas. I know you know because you live here. Since last I spoke

and you listened, I am still recovering from yesterday's taping in Chicago with Brian Posehn, Pete Holmes, Kumail Nanjiani, and Lil Wolverine. The four of them should be in a movie together and it would be called The Irascibles.

Like The Expendables but more ornery. As if that's possible. Today's panel is going to be much more docile and I'm excited about that. And it's, in my opinion, a more attractive panel.

Maybe there's like two... It just seems a little echoey and poppy on my microphone if you could if there's any way to fix that if there isn't then I'll just I'll just fucking I'll do the whole show Bane style let me read the next line of my script

as Bane Philadelphia next weekend Doug loves movies taping is sold out as Bane. Philadelphia! Next weekend's Doug Loves Movies taping is sold out! Still making weird noises, but I will be doing a stand-up show

at Helium in Philadelphia next Saturday at 4.20 and we will play the Leonard Mullen game at the end, so you can come to that if you want. Is it getting worse? Is that what's happening? Let's see what else do I want to tell you guys?

Oh my boycott, my one week boycott of Man of Steel doesn't seem to have made much of a dent. It's making a shit ton of money but at least I gave it a shot trying to support special effects artists and you know just perhaps Super Jaime should not take on Superman.

And Minneapolis, July 12th, Varsity Theater, Douglas Movies, douglasmovies.com for all of my tour dates. Prize bag is chock full of stuff today. It's a very, very, very packed prize bag. I will tell you about the stuff I brought, and then I'm going to tell you about the stuff the guests brought when they get out here.

I have a copy of a motion picture called Manborg. Yeah, that has come highly recommended to me. I haven't seen it yet, but I am going to check it out for sure. A T-shirt from, I think the company's called Threadless, I think is the name of it. And it's, uh, it's Abraham Lincoln punching a dinosaur in the face. It's pretty, uh, it's a pretty spectacular shirt. And, uh, there's another shirt in here. I was in Bloomington, Indiana, and there's a cookie store there called Baked. And then on the front it says,

support your local economy, get baked. So that's a neat shirt that I generally don't wear, something like that, because of law enforcement when I'm traveling around. A buddy of mine named Mike James made a documentary called Open Mike Night After the Apocalypse. And here's the description on the back.

A feature-length documentary that tells the story of three independent filmmakers who invited seven indie rock bands from Los Angeles and their biggest fans out to the edge of the Mojave Desert to film a one-of-a-kind musical and spiritual experience. Yeah. And it's on Blu-ray, which I do not have.

I know. I'm so lame. I don't have a Blu-ray player, so I can't watch it, so I might as well give it away. And Mike James is also one of the guys from Five Second Films, those fun movies at fivessecondfilms.com that I've appeared in a bunch of them.

And I brought a copy of Smug Life. Let's get the guests out here, you guys. Please give a big, warm welcome to Chris Cubis, Dustin Ibarra, and Rachel Feinstein. Thank you, guys. Now Dustin's microphone has a button on it that they told me you've got to press first. Okay, yeah. That was freaking me out too.

He told me, he's like, if you get the middle one, you've got to press a button. And I'm like, oh, I don't want to deal with that. I didn't think he was going to be able to manage it at all. I had no faith. That was incredible. It's a complicated thing.

But everybody sounds pretty good so far. But let's start with Rachel Feinstein is here, everybody. Hey, guys. She was nice enough to bring a copy of her comedy CD called Thug Tears. That's right. And look at the cover of this thing. And then look at the cover of my... This is just... You know, we didn't plan this with each other at all.

Oh, my God. I didn't even know that. But mine's a total rap thing, too, and it's called Smug Life. And, uh, I don't know about yours, Rachel, but mine, Walmart puts it in the rap section. So I am moving no units. Oh, shit. Yeah. And, uh, and you're playing here at, uh, Hyena's in Dallas this weekend.

Yes, yeah. Uh, tonight, two more shows, right? Two more shows. So people aren't going to hear this in. Yes, yeah. Tonight, two more shows, right? Two more shows. So people aren't going to hear this in time to come down, but check her out next time she comes to town or elsewhere. Please.

Yeah. And Chris Cubis is here, everybody. Hello. Hello. Oh, look at those. Austin Comedy Phenom, I like to call you. I'll take Phenom. Phenom, sure. Austin comedy phenom I like to call you I'll take phenom

I see disappointed faces that don't know who I am because I'm not from Dallas at least some of them thought you were Reggie Watts which means they're more disappointed it's not helping I hear he gets a tremendous amount of pussy in Austin a lot of Reggie Watts' spillover ass goes to him. The first time Reggie Watts loves...

I can't beatbox or nothing. I can't follow up. Reggie Watts loves edibles and drinkables when it comes to marijuana. He doesn't like to smoke it. And the first time I met Chris, or maybe I had met him before and i was just too high to remember but what i thought the first time was that i met him i thought he was reggie and i ran up to him and i put a tincture in his drink without even asking him if he wanted it absolutely did it was at south by and i was like thanks doug i gotta go back to work so that was a great bartending shift for me that night. I loved it.

And Dustin Ibarra is here. Am I pronouncing that right? Yes, Dustin Ibarra. Nice. Yeah, it's me. It was my good fortune that we haven't met before, but you're playing over at the Hyenas in Fort Worth this weekend. Yeah, yeah.

And you were nice enough to agree to come over here and do this. That was funny, dude. We worked together before. Where? Like a whole week. Someone had to have been here that week where we worked together. You remember that? Yeah, I don't leave an impression at all

not a good one or a bad one so that's nice you were living here yeah I used to live here yeah yeah so that was a few years ago yeah it was a few years back

in my defense and also I know how it is it's like yeah you did some sets or you because I always bring

my own opener. Yeah, no, we hung out. We went places. Where did we go? CD shop. No, we worked together the whole week, but we didn't go anywhere. Did you guys eat?

No, that's what it was. We smoked together and just chilled. I remember you were really funny. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah. Now that I see you in front of the hyena with the microphone, it's all coming together. Yeah, right? Okay, sweet.

We met, too. Do you remember that or no? Yeah, I do. We met at, I believe, in Miami. Yes, at South Beach Comedy Festival. I was hosting a showcase of hot comics. I think they even called it that. They did. Vaguely embarrassing title.

Yeah, and I was just pacing around backstage, Feinstein, Feinstein. Because I don't know why, does anyone call themselves Feinstein? I guess some people do. There's a famous sculptor named Rachel Feinstein who I always get mixed up with and I once got a call from Vogue saying they wanted to cover me in their fashion issue and I got real excited. Turns out it was the wrong Rachel Feinstein, who I always get mixed up with. And I once got a call from Vogue saying they wanted to cover me in their fashion

issue, and I got real excited. Turns out it was the wrong Rachel Feinstein. Me? I shop at Forever 21! And they were like, no, we think you got class! And then there was a very soft apology phone call. It was painful. I told some people, and I had to untell

them. Yeah. That's sad. It is. There is a sadness to that story. I don't tell anybody anything about anything showbiz wise because everything falls through. Yes. I have friends and family that live here. I didn't tell them about this show.

What if they didn't find that fourth microphone? It wouldn't have happened. And Chris brought... I do the opposite. I tell people I'm in stuff all the time because then I can just go, oh, yeah, I booked this part in Transformers 4. It's going to be great.

And then, ah, it just didn't work out. You know how it is. But things are looking good. I'm landing all these roles. Cutting room floor. It's just a business. Yeah. You goddamn liar.

You brought some interesting gifts, though, for the bag. I'm sure you just kind of assumed that Dustin wouldn't have gotten the message that that's part of the thing. You bring something to give away. Yeah, man. I feel like an ass about that.

Randy told me today. I told Randy to tell you. Randy was like, you're going to be on the podcast today. I'm like, okay, so we're going to ass about that. Randy told me today. I told Randy to tell you. Randy was like, you're going to be on the podcast today. And I'm like, okay, so we're going to talk about movies and shit. But I didn't know to bring stuff. Just feel awful. I feel like you're going to be great at the Leonard Maltin game. Great at understanding it.

But seriously, one of my best friends is Sarah Silverman and she was just on the show last week and she still doesn't get how it works. And she used to play it with me all the time. We invented it together and she doesn't get it. So, you know. I planned a series of fun-loving expressions

for when I get things wrong. So that's making me feel a little bit better. Yeah, that's what's great about doing it. I just have a lot of wacky, like you do the math expressions after I get a wrong answer. Chris brought a... I'm going to start with this other one.

Because it's falling apart. VHS. Does anybody have a VHS player? He brought... This is crazy. It's called Home Safe starring Martin Short. He's pretty young there,

but he was still like a comedian who did wacky things, but this looks very sincere. This VHS covers childproofing, first aid, choking, CPR, cuts, cuts slash scrapes. That's funny. Slash.

Burns, falls, fevers, and bites. And apparently kidnapping fat children. That child is about to cry. Yeah, he's got like a fat kid on his arm. Any second. And it's not that old. Like how much money did he owe

the IRS where he was like, yeah, I'll do whatever. I took a first aid course in high school just film it maybe he's using the kid to get himself out of back taxes or some sort of zany plot like that what's happening yeah i don't know maybe he's just really uh into like maybe they let him like bite the kids and then talk about how how to take care of it if one one of those kids were Danny Glover, it'd be sad, but no. Don't peer luck.

That was lame. What does that mean? Can you guys remember that movie Peer Luck with Danny Glover and Martin Shore? I reached for that one. In my head, if you guys could see the wheels, it was like Martin Shore equals Danny Glover. Ah, here you go.

That's a deep cut for a room of pot smokers. It's like, Dusty, you need input now. Danny Glover! Ah, fuck. I'm sorry. Not everybody here today smokes pot, Chris. Some just like movies. Or love movies. That diagram is essentially an eclipse in this room.

It's very much two circles on top of each other. And you also brought another VHS that has the best title, and neither one of us knows what it is, but it's called There Goes a Motorcycle. I love it! I don't know! I just love the idea that, in my head,

it's just like a shot of traffic and silence. And then, oh, there goes a motorcycle, David. Oh, there goes a nickel. The one on the cover is going through like it's kind of looks like it's going through the cover of the, like it's breaking through the paper on the front of the. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost through the paper on the front of the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe that's why it's called There Goes a Motorcycle. Now I get it.

It's for ages three to eight. So no one who wins tonight is allowed to watch this. It's like kiddie porn, but when I said I mean it's porn for children. It's porn for little three-year-old boys to watch motorcycles go by. They like the vroom noise.

It helps them fall asleep. So all of that could be somebody's when we get to that portion of the show today. So it's a good prize bag. It's an especially good prize bag to invite your friends over and get high and watch and wear all these things. You could have a viewing party fashion show.

I always like to ask all the guests if they've been to the cinema lately and talk about that. Rachel, have you seen any movies lately? It could be something you watch at home or on a plane or something. I watched Spring Breakers recently.

It was just like a lot of it was kind of like watching barely legal porn. Just a lot of close up of under ass and creative new ass angles. Is there any nakedness in that? It was just like basically they were just being it's like every parent's worst fear that your kid just goes to school and just becomes this unstoppable godless whore and and and then they it was i don't know it was supposed to be really artsy but it was

just them whoring like the kind of level of whoring that's like every parent's worst fear like where the girl's like next to a dick taking thumbs up pictures, encouraging her own whoring, just having the time to just stop and be like, this is a great idea. It really is a movie for men who don't have daughters. Then you're in the

clear. You could sit there and watch it, but if you have a daughter, it would be horrifying to watch that movie. Yeah, there's not a straight man that doesn't have a semi the entire time at at least i got one now just listening to the description the description is pretty sexy new ass angles that's amazing i knew that movie was gonna be a tease though because they showed a bunch of hot chicks and you knew none of them were gonna get naked but they were all like oh we're about to but you're not. You see the boobs of a lot of extras and the director's wife. Yes.

The director's wife is one of the four lead girls, and so she's naked. Oh, okay. Because, you know, he probably talked her into it when he was hiring her. You got to wait after the credits for the good shit. It's like Iron Man. Then Vanessa Hudgens is there with her boobs. They're like, ah, see what you waited for. They just like, they whore for like a week at a time.

And then they like call their moms in between. They're like, mom, college is so great. Everything is really random. I spend all of my time on my hands and knees. It's so random. Yeah, and then they do this weird looping thing in the movie where then two seconds later, everything is so random. I was on my hands.

Like they repeat all the lines over and over again. So it's really hard to jerk off to. That's a bad dialogue will kill a boner so quickly. Such a boner killer. You couldn't have said something else. Yeah, and James Franco with grills isn't really getting me going either. White dreads. It's not a good look.

But he gives one of his more committed performances. I believed him more as that than I did as a great and powerful Oz. I like to think of Spring Breakers as like a sequel to Spider-Man. You know, like that's where Oz's son went. When she got fat. Listen, you own Oscorp. What are you going to do? I'm going to get Spring Break!

I just watched it for Gucci Mane. I've always thought he was a true artist and I wanted to see what he brought to the table. And I was not disappointed. But I also saw Small Time Crooks, which I watched on the old movie at home. Yeah, it's a Woody Allen movie. I like movies where, I've always thought movies are funny where people are pretending to have class that don't,

or like breaking into the classy people somehow. I don't know, it's always funny to me. I also like it when people get kicked out of some place and keep trying to come back in through a variety of entrances. For some reason, that's always funny to me. Someone being told specifically, you've got to leave. No, seriously.

My ex knows all about that. I just like that expression. I just want to say to people, I was trying to have sex with this girl, but she kicked me out of one place, so I tried all the other entrances. She was like, not the ear.

Dustin, what have you seen at home or at the movies lately? At home, I saw the old Superman yesterday, because they were playing that, I guess, to pump you up. Oh, you were revving up for the new Superman?

Yeah, I was. Which old Superman? The one where he spins the world, you know, back in time and he saves Lois Lane. Spoiler alert, sorry. That kind of ruined that franchise when Superman could just fly around the world and turn time back.

He could pretty much do that for every emergency from now on. Like, oh, there's a cat in that tree. Let me just fly around a few times and get that cat back where it belongs. Superman's that kid that always wins. Like, no, you didn't get me. Oh, I can fly now. Like, damn it.

No, you can't, Superman. This is a... You can't, actually. You can't fly. You can't fly. Oh, I know one of his bigger things. Pretend it's the Flash. Fuck.

Does that old one hold up? Like, is it entertaining? No, dude. I don't... Man, it's The Flash. Fuck. Does that old one hold up? Like, is it entertaining? No, dude. I don't, man. It's kind of like, I don't know. It's a great movie, but it's like,

I guess back in the day you couldn't see corniness that well, you know? I guess. But you know at the time, it's like I'm looking and I'm like, this is a great movie.

This made a bunch of money. And I'm like, whoa, I don't, like, people were into this, you know? I wonder if they're going to look back at like, like Christopher Nolan's Dark dark night or something is it gonna be corny like you know that he's not gonna take lois lane up in the air and then she's gonna read a tone poem about about

what it's like to be held by superman in the sky and then he let her go what a dick why did he do that i was watching and he's like holding her and then he's like but. What a dick. Why did he do that? I was watching and he's like holding her and then he's like, but like, oh, so you slipped. It's like really Superman and she's,

wait, I missed that. He just deposited her somewhere. No, no, let's go over and then he catches her again. Yeah,

just to show her like, yeah, look, I'm fucking Superman. don't fuck with me. You better not write that article. I will come down to the Daily Planet, pick you

up, and drop you. Oh, he was showing off then. That's what he was doing. He had a couple tricks up his sleeve. But it's not like he wasn't going to bang her anyway. He's like, I'm fucking Superman. Oh, no, but I can also save you. Guess what? He could look through

everybody's dress and just go home and jerk off. He doesn't actually need to date anyone. You're right. He had all the tittage just at his... Yeah, wow. You're thinking about that. You got stuck there. I am.

No, because I remember as a kid, that would have been the shit, dude. Yeah. Even now. Yeah, that remains a constant, I think. I'm never going yeah I don't think Apple's ever gonna have a great enough product to trump uh seeing through clothes you haven't tried google goggles yet the new google goggles that's a good feature oh everyone downloadable content you gotta wait but I don't want to wear something because then chicks will know I'm looking at them with the google glasses they're like what the fuck is this? They know already, Dustin.

Look at you. I'm undressing her. But the glasses, then it's really creepy. What's your ethnic background, Dustin? Why? It's just interesting. Am I in trouble? Oh, I got to go, guys.

Nah. He's trying to get to the bottom of your cocktail problems. Why do you want to see boobs? What is that? It's Mexican. Oh, okay bottom of your cocktail of problems. Why do you want to see Barra? What is that? It's Mexican. Oh, okay. It's pronounced Ibarra. But I say Ibarra, and people trip up on it.

I'm not one of those dudes that trips up on my name. People are like, Ibarra. I'm like, okay, thank you. That was one, though, that I wasn't worried about mispronouncing it because it doesn't seem like there's any other options. It just seems like the Y should be pronounced E, right? If there was a Z in there, then you'd be done. Like, people would be like, why borrow?

Yeah, they do. But it's like, I suck at Spanish. My dad was a Mexican one and he took off. So I have no, like, other cultural shit, you know? So I... He basically left me with being Mexican and then took the fuck off. Like, hey, guess what? You're Mexican.

See you later, buddy. So now, like, shit. So long, you filthy Mexican. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I'm out. Didn't expect my Mexican kid to be Mexican. Yeah, dude.

So he took off and left me with being Mexican. But you'll always have the dream act or whatever. Yeah, you know. You got to stay, right? I want to stay. That's my, that's what he's, that's what his problem is.

It's Father's Day. Not yet. Not till midnight. I do a countdown. Oh, okay. Midnight's when it's so good. They're going to play some soft piano music

under that monologue. Oh, man. Oh, that's a good idea. We've never scored the sadder passages of the show. That sad Hulk walking away. Try to get some John Williams in there or something. Chris, have you been to the movies? I saw The Place Beyond the Pines.

Dostling, sleepy movie. I fell asleep. I didn't fall asleep. It's just when it was... There's so many endings. It's very long. That movie ends like five times. It's like the Lord of the Rings.

That movie just keeps having endings. And then they do a weird thing. It's not a spoiler, but that movie takes place over like 15, 20 years or whatever. And they prosthetically age Eva Mendes. They give her wrinkles and gray hair. She looks like a Puerto Rican witch. But then they don't do that to anyone else in the movie.

They cut Bradley Cooper's hair. That's all they do. So now she's just this weird, out-of-place cryptkeeper in the middle of this movie. It's odd. Women don't age well. Yeah. Ryan Gosling's still going to live like a. Yeah, that's a lesson, ladies. In like 30 years.

And then it's weird that Rachel said small-time crooks because I've been doing this thing at home where I'm trying to fill in gaps in my movie. I've watched a lot of movies, but there's some that I should have seen and I haven't seen. I've been living this lie for so long. Up until like a month ago, I'd only ever seen like three woody allen movies uh

and this guy over here is this this white man that's why i've been doing it i've been trying to infiltrate you can't infiltrate white conversations without woody allen knowledge so i just lie i'm like oh you love annie hall mckay i love that scene but annie is in the hall or whatever. I don't know what the movie's about. So I've been lying my whole life. I'd only seen, like, small-time crooks. I saw Hannah and her sisters when I was 12.

Didn't really catch me at 12 years old. And, like, maybe deconstructing Harry. So now I've been, like, going back and watching all these awesome Woody. I'm trying to think of, like, I bet you there's been, like, maybe 10 black people watching all these awesome Woody Allen movies. I'm trying to think of like, I bet you there's been maybe 10 black people in the history of Woody Allen movies. In the movies. So there's nothing for you

to necessarily relate to when you were younger. Well, I'm a person. I can still relate to... Wait a second. Oh, jeez. Breaking news. I'm bringing down the race issues, man.

This just in. I'm a person. He is a person, you guys. He is a person you guys he is a person that needs to be taught safety by Martin Short just like everybody else so I watched Broadway Danny Rose recently it was awesome and I watched

uh Bananas for the first time like maybe two weeks ago it was amazing I'm in this weird spot where now I'm trying to be like experiencing this thing for the first time with a whole room of people who've been there 20 years ago no one wants to talk about these movies with me so i'm just like well also you picked a filmmaker who the you know the world is sort of soured on because of his personal exploits and like the fact that like in manhattan he dated a 17 yearold and then in real life he followed through and did the same thing,

but decided to just go ahead and pick from his own family. So there's a lot of people that just are disgusted with him. Not like the later years Michael Jackson catalog either, but Thriller's still great. I'm going to put Thriller on. It's before the problems.

You separate the art from the artist or something. I don't know how that works. Yeah, I guess that's important to do. If you fuck kids, I guess. Yeah, that's an important thing for your canon. It's a good roll of thumb, man. You're like the bad boy of this podcast.

Yeah. I thought Joe Benson was the bad boy of his own podcast, but maybe not. Maybe it's you. You don't play by the rules. Oh, are these drinks for us? Oh my God, she's standing here patiently with a bunch of not. Maybe it's you. You don't play by the rules. Oh, are these drinks for us? I play by my own rules. Oh my God, she's standing here patiently with a bunch of drinks. Thank you so much.

I assume this is vodka for me. And then beer is for everybody else. Oh, a customer bought those for us. Before he found out I didn't know any Woody Allen films, he wants his drink back. Now he's so furious

and so disgusted with you. Is that what you guys wanted? Perfect. That's what I was already drinking. Oh, okay. Like they knew. All right. Rachel?

I'm happy. Okay, she's happy with that. Thanks, dude. Do you have a name tag? No? Interesting. Because one of them might have picked you now that you applied them with liquor.

Nobody's ever tried that before. Now every one of my shows, everyone's going to get shit-faced. Scribble some shit on that napkin real quick. I'm not picky. It's fine. Don't do that to the people that spend 10 minutes Photoshopping.

I will. don't do that to the people that spend 10 minutes photoshopping it takes longer than that right I don't know I don't know how to do it so I'm jealous where are we at how's it going oh we're doing great yeah we are Doug

yeah we are I want you to get back to me on those woody allen movies i will i i will never i don't think there's a single woody allen movie maybe interior is that really boring drama but like there's no woody allen movie that i would uh do a movie interruption of you know where i sit and try to mock it because you know they're all pretty fast paced and shit's going on and although match point might be fun because that was just a thriller or whatever. It wasn't particularly funny. But Chris is going to be joining me in,

I should say, in Austin, Texas, if any of you guys want to make a road trip. The first weekend of July, the 6th and 7th, I'm doing three movie interruptions at the Alamo Drafthouse Ritz in downtown Austin. It's going to be Too Fast, Too Furious. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And then Hulk, the one that was just called Hulk. Yeah. And Terminator 3 Rise of the Machines. And the idea is those were all movies that were out and having varying degrees of success in the summer 10 years ago.

It's like 10-year anniversary screenings that we honor them by fucking with them. And Chris is going to join in on at least one of those. What's that? Don't say which one. It's a surprise. Never mind. It's a secret. Okay.

I'm sure these people are like, oh, no, I was going to go to the one that guy I've never heard of was on. Can't wait. I bought tickets. Yeah, I was texting you and I fucked up which movie was which, so I don't even know which one you're doing. But it should be a lot of fun. And how long is the drive to Austin from here? You just did it, Chris.

Three hours, two and a half, if you drive like an idiot. Do you hit some... How long is the drive to Austin from here? You just did it, Chris. Three hours, two and a half if you drive like an idiot. Do you hit some weird traffic? We hit some weird construction or something. I don't know what it was, but it was by a check stop. It was all backed up. It might have just been people getting kolaches. I don't know.

Do you smoke whenever you drive back and forth from here to Austin? What are you talking about? No way, bro. Well, I try to get it in as much as I can before I hit that Travis County line because I'm scared of the cops on the other side of it, so I just eat all of it as I can and coast on the rest of the way. We look like such

potheads, too. It's such a risk, man. Ridiculous. I got busted last time I was here and they brought out the dog on me, which they didn't even need the fucking dog. I don't know why they did that shit. As soon as the dog got there, he looked at me. Oh, I got this motherfucker. His red rocket came out.

The dog's like, I've got eyes. Yeah. Take a breather, nose. German shepherd, man. Rest up, olfactory senses. We're going all eyeballs on this one. My name's McGruff.

You got a promotion probably. You got me, dude. So, yeah, that's why I don't smoke in Texas. Whenever I'm at the airport, while I'm driving. I'm scared of the rest of the state. Austin's fine, but the rest of the state. Austin's like a little haven. That's where all the potheads go. Let us in, please.

They don't have to ask. You can just come. We don't really turn anybody away. There's even a special booth you can go to to blow weed in Rick Perry's face. That's why that governor's mansion burned down like three years ago. Somebody threw too many joints at it and it burned the fuck down.

Oh man, that'd be the best way to start a fire. But I'm curious, Dustin, it doesn't have anything to do with movies, but why did you get busted here? Because it was at a checkpoint and the dog, they brought out the dog and they saw me

and I got busted. The dog went crazy? Like it started barking? Yeah, it was funny because we were pulling up and he just got all excited and shit. And then we pulled over and luckily I didn't have any weed on me,

but I had a pipe and the cop, the dog goes straight to the pipe, you know. And the cop's like, you know what this is? Which is like, yeah, dude, I know what it is. It's a dummy. Then he's like, get out of my town. He's like, do you have any more weed on you? I'm like, no. He's like, okay, get out of here.

But I did. I told him. And me and my buddy, we were doing the comic strip in El Paso. And we were driving back, and we pulled over like two miles after that checkpoint. And it was probably not, you know, it was dangerous, but fuck it, I guess. Don't you hate when you look back at things in the pie head while you're talking like, oh man, I shouldn't have done that. That was probably not a good idea.

I like that you're, uh, that you appear in the movie Hop. Yeah, I was in it. That's pretty cool that you know, a known drug user like yourself. I don't think I'm known. You are now. Let's calm down. No one knows me, bro.

What did you do in Hop? Because I missed that one. He doesn't remember you. He has no idea. I was Cody the mailroom guy. And I had a scene with Chelsea Handler. And basically I come in and they're like, this is Cody, our mailroom guy.

He's getting promoted. I'm like, oh, hey, what's up, mister? I do something silly, you know? And then that's the end of my scene. See, he has no idea. I went in and I did something silly. Well, I could do the whole thing, you know? Hey, oh, hey, what's up, Mr.

Banks? Oh, yeah. I can't do the whole thing. I can't. I can't. the whole thing i can't i can't oh my god i but i was in it and you know a crazy story about that i went with my buddies to see it and um we went in and we just went up to my part in the movie and then got our money back it was so expensive what'd you say you said you didn't like it i I said, we gotta go. We had prior engagements,

and luckily, they put me, it was towards the beginning, so I was like, oh, yes. Get blown out. I don't want to watch, because we're the only, we're adult men, and we're watching the movie Hop.

This wasn't an animated movie? I don't even know. No, it was part animated and part. Russell Brand is the voice of the Easter Bunny. Yeah, yeah. He's wild, man. He's like, I'll put some eggs in you. Yeah.

Yeah, it was pretty awesome. But I just like the idea of families watching Hop, and when you come on and you're seen, the dogs go crazy. Well, now's the part of the show where I say, let the games begin. Oh! Got some amazing name tags here in Dallas. You guys really turned it out.

There's a gentleman with what looks like his work badge on a laminate on the lanyard. The lady knows. So pick your name tags, and we'll be right back. All right, we're back. Let me see who you guys are playing for. That's the part where I sneakily slip in a commercial. I always like to make a vine of this part.

Rachel, who are you playing for? Oh, you picked the Ryan Gosling thing? Yeah, her name is Rona, and she's got this Ryan Gosling image, and then she's feeding him cereal. It seems very unstable, and I like it. She's clearly obsessed with him, and she's not very unstable and I like it. She's clearly obsessed with him and she's not well and I like it.

There's just a lot of hearts around him and she fantasizes about feeding Ryan Gosling. Have you seen all over the internet, there's people take footage of Ryan Gosling turning away in movies and they add a spoon with cereal in it

and it's Ryan Gosling refusing cereal. There's like a whole bunch of them. So that's what that's a reference to. Oh, I didn't know that. I support an unstable collage. I like that level of insanity. Justin has the huge poster that says

dude, I love movies too that was made by a guy named Sam but he didn't put that on there anywhere. Oh, it's on there. It's on there, really love movies too, that was made by a guy named Sam, but he didn't put that on there anywhere. Oh, it's on there. It's on there, really small. Oh, okay. Dude, that is very humble of you, Sam, to go with a 10-point font on that.

Yeah, you know, it's big. Yeah, it's too big. Put it down. Yeah. We got to see what Chris has. What's your name is down here? It's a... Miss who says that this... I love...

I'm not going to read it, stupid. I was messing with you. We've already been through this. For the listeners, she keeps yelling, don't read this shit. What's your name? Darcy. Okay, Darcy.

See, it says Dar-2 on there. Oh, roller derby? I can tell. Oh, man. Why is it so dirty? I like that it's all soil. It should be. Yeah, she roller derbied all over that thing. Well, it says the

Dar-2 unit has a bad motivator and cookies. Your roller derby name is DARTU D2. That's fun. And then what's the name of your roller derby team? The Trauma Queens from Denton. Is there any other kind of person in Denton? That's just a random slam on a place I've never

been. I thought it might work. I thought people here might like to rag on Denton. Here, I didn't shoot it. Yeah, hold it up for me. I didn't get it from my vine. That's so important. Boom!

Alright, that's gonna be a great vine, you guys. From my vine. That's so important. Boom! All right. That's going to be a great vine, you guys. You just throw it on the floor. That's why it's got all that dirt on it. People are just constantly walking on it. Oh. That was so sad. But that was smart Star Wars plus cookies

You're smart Nailed it That's gonna get picked So listeners If you're ever coming to a show Keep that in mind The softball The Jordan softball thing

People don't You know my guests don't get it So they don't They don't jump on guests don't get it, so they don't jump on that. Oh, I get it, but Jordan's not here. All right, Chris. I'm not going to take a copycat softball. Don't you have Woody Allen movies to watch? All right.

First game we're going to play, an audience favorite that I like to call How Much Did This Shit Make? All of you are going to guess. This is an easy one. You don't really need to know how to play. Dustin, do you watch Price is Right? Yes. It's just like Price is Right, but totally

different. I'm going to name a movie. I'm going to name a movie, and then you guys are all going to guess how much you think it made at the domestic box office in its entire run according to boxofficemojo.com. And I picked a movie

yesterday that takes place in Chicago because that's where I was, but we didn't get around to playing this game because of Pete Holmes. You know Pete, Rachel? Yes, I do. That's what you just said speaks volumes. No comment.

You gotta love that giant weirdo. So the movie that I had picked from Chicago that I personally don't care for is called What Women Want, starring Mel Gibson, as a man who suddenly has ESP, you know, the ability to read women's minds and then he hardly gets laid at all. So it's very unrealistic.

He goes after one woman. Like, what's that about? You should take that all over the world. Oh, two different women. There's a guy whose girlfriend made him watch that shit. Oh, two different women? Somebody over here is a big women watch fan. There's a guy whose girlfriend made him watch that shit. Oh, nobody made him watch anything.

He's a... What? No, he just hates Jews. Watch out, Rachel. This is Texas. I don't feel safe. Am I allowed to say that? I don't feel safe. Am I allowed to say that? I don't feel safe.

It is a scary environment when Mel Gibson fans are around. He does not look like a Mel Gibson fan. He looks real amped up in a way that doesn't make me feel good. You look like Bill Gibson. He's a little red and he doesn't look like he's coming from... He looks like a Riggs fan, you know? Not Mel Gibson, but Riggs. He's the kind of guy that'll punch you in your fucking face if his team loses.

Just give you a nice square punch in your jaw. That guy or Mel? That guy. square punch in your jaw. That guy or Mel? That guy. How come you know so much about what women want? The movie, not the...

Oh, okay. Good memory. I watched it a bunch. Yeah. My mom loves that movie and I was raised by a single mom so i had to watch all that shit first wives club like yeah mexican dads don't like this movie you would have never seen it if he stayed in your life i know what are you doing me

no wait is it mom's like Mel Gibson I think my mom also has like a sassy thing for Mel Gibson she likes to talk about it and it's really

embarrassing she always goes she goes I know he doesn't care for the Jews but I don't mind his buns and she thinks

that's like it's really uncomfortable for everyone she does not mind his buns I don't mind if I do

that's like her rock star thing she likes to say it's just reallyfortable for everyone. She does not mind his buns. I don't mind if I do. That's like her rock star thing she likes to say. It's just really uncomfortable for everyone. Yeah, buns. Nobody talks about buns anymore. No, no one says that word. It's so jarring whenever she says it. Oh, man.

Nice buns. My dad is a thing for Bruce Willis. In a weird... I don't know if it sounds weird but like he wouldn't watch Sixth Sense cause he knows he dies in it and he's just like not interested but he'll watch some of his other films cause he wasn't paying attention

so it'll actually surprise him exactly has your dad always wanted to queer off with Bruce Willis or is this like a new thing kinda yeah like kinda always like it was a new thing it was kind of yeah like kind of always like after like it was a diehard it was too much diehard like too much like slow but why are you putting on the slow-mo when he's taking his shirt off I'm just trying to watch the action sequences I'm not clear what's happening right now. I thought you said Bruce Willis didn't watch Sixth Sense because he knew he died.

Oh, no. My dad didn't watch Sixth Sense. The twist was spoiled for your dad, so he blew it off. That's what you're saying. No, he doesn't want to watch a movie where Bruce Willis dies in it. It has nothing to do with the truth being revealed. He loves Bruce Willis that much that he can't watch a movie where Bruce Willis dies in it. It has nothing to do with the truth being revealed. He loves Bruce Willis that much that he can't watch a movie when he does that. Well, he seems alive through most of it.

Yeah. Except for that scene where he goes to the automatic paper towel dispenser. And nothing. He's just standing there for ten minutes. It's in the deleted scenes. All right. We'll start with you, Rachel. How much do you think what women want made?

Can we start with Reggie Watts? Okay. He's not here, Rachel. Yes, he is. Go with it. I'm trying to get you laid, man. Let me see if I can get him on the phone. Reggie,

what do you think? God damn it. I'm gonna say $39 million. That's because it was an old movie. It's because I needed a number. I really have no

idea how money works. Rachel, should I go to Dustin or you? Go to Dustin. I'll close. I'll be the closer. You pick. What'd you pick? He said $39,000.

Okay, I'm going to pick $38,999,000. Because you want virtually no chance of being correct? I thought you said price is right, man. Yeah, price is right. because you want virtually no chance of being correct. I thought you said price is right, man. Yeah, price is right. You don't want to go over. $1, $1. I'm sorry.

Too late. I'm sorry. White women want made $1. That's my final bid, Bob. All right, Rachel, this is yours for the taking. This one's for Kevin Costner's buns. $70 million. $70 million.

That's right. I says it. Who said $20 million? You did? $20 million? $21, she says in the audience. Well, Rachel's our winner For this game because The movie was extremely

Popular with a lot of Moms Mexican or otherwise 182.8 Million dollars Yeah and at that time So now that's like a 300 or 400 million Dollar movie

That is nuts Ryan Gosling it looks like now Yeah, and at that time. So now that's like a $300 or $400 million movie. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was huge. That is nuts. Wow. Ryan Gosling, it looks like now he's making nibbles towards the cereal. He's starting to lick the side of the spoon, and you're going to make love to him in short time. Speaking of Kevin Costner.

He looks more and more aroused. I'm just saying, after I got that answer right, he started to look really aroused. He's going for you. I'm gently petting him. It's right he started to look really aroused he's going for you I'm gently petting him it's not cause your boobs are rested on him that's not why

he's aroused it's cause you got the answer right it may be because my cans are resting on his head I'm not sure might be because

he's motorboating me but he looks happy I met that dude one time man Ryan Gosling is fucking cool, dude. Man. So fucking cool, man.

I love so many things about that. I love that you came in so late. Like, we brought him up so long ago, but that was the moment. I didn't want to seem like a jerk. Like, hey, guess what? I met him, bitch. I didn't want things about that. I love that you came in so late. Like, we brought him up so long ago, but that was the moment. Because I didn't want to seem like a jerk. Like, hey, guess what? I met him, bitch. You know, I didn't want to, like, come in.

Like, I met him, you guys. But I did, and it was pretty nice. I'm going to put that. I don't want to. I'm a humble guy still, so I'm a regular dude. But I've met Ryan Gosling. Are you crazy stupid in love with him? Not crazy stupid, but he was with Eva Mendez, too.

And I was with this girl, and we were in the lobby of this hotel. And it was just us. And I was just like, hey, you guys into swinging? And he started laughing. He liked it. Oh, now I remember working with you. It all comes back. I didn't have anyone then, though, so it would have been weird.

But Eva Mendez didn't laugh, but he did. It was pretty cool. Yeah, that's the difference between them she didn't recognize your uh mexican-ness she not she uh she has not seen hop i don't know what her problem is where's my phone oh uh what did you do in uh and over? Oh, I was a tower master. I said some stuff. I did something silly. That's how you describe all of your performances.

I did something silly. I had my shirt off. That was kooky, right? That's becoming my thing, I'm noticing, in all my projects. Did you have your shirt off in We Bought a Zoo? Because that's inappropriate in front I'm noticing in all my projects. Did you have your shirt off in We Bought a Zoo? Because that's inappropriate in front of that little girl.

Not that one. And by little girl, I mean Scarlett Johansson. I did it in that one, but it would have been a great improv. You know, I should have done that.

What did you do in We Bought a Zoo? Did you come in and go, what did you guys do to buy a zoo? Something silly. I came in, there was a water bucket.

No, I did do something silly. Fuck. Oh my, you guys remember that shit? zoo? Let me get something silly. I came in. There was a water bucket. No, I did do something silly. Fuck. Oh, my. You guys remember that shit? Oh, this is funny. Oh. You're just now noticing that you're not hired for serious roles? I went in.

This is, oh, my God. I forgot about this. You had to, like, it was like one of those montage scenes where we're, like, fixing up the place, and, like, there's this water fountain I was fixing, and I went over, and I put my screwdriver down, then water hits me in the face. And I was like... That was water drowning.

Yeah. All right, we're starting this game with Rachel, and then we'll move down to Dustin and then Chris. And it's called ABCD's Nuts. And since we're at Mockingbird Station, it's right outside the club here at Hyena's, so it's very convenient if you're thinking about visiting. If you come to an early show

like this, you can catch a train out of here. And let's go ahead and spell it. That's how this game works. I tell you a letter as we spell Mockingbird Station, and when the letter gets to you, you name any movie that begins with that letter. Keep in mind

that movies that start with the word the begin with the letter T. And I'm very strict on that. If your letter is E, you can't go exorcist. And I will give you a few seconds to name a movie. And if you match the movie that I've already written down on this piece of paper, you win the game and it's mercifully over.

And if my brain like weirdly freezes and I can't think of anything, then what happens? Then you are out. But it doesn't matter. Because that happens to me sometimes. The sound system is aggravated that you would ask such a question. Now it's definitely going to happen. Yeah, but it's okay.

You still get back in for the Leonard Maltin game, and that's where the shit really goes down. Okay. Your letter is M. Any movie that begins with the letter M. Miami Heat. Bam, bam. It's that easy. But is that correct?

That's the basketball team. Is that a movie? I thought they did a movie about them, too. Oh, it's the name of a basketball team? I thought they did a movie about them too. Oh, it's the name of a basketball team. I thought I saw a movie about them too though. No. I'm sure there's like a direct video thing called Miami Heat. It's just too good of a title to walk away from.

Okay, I'm sorry. Mermaid. Mermaid. I'll go with mermaid. Mermaid. Mermaids? Mermaids. I think it's Merm-aids.

Okay. Is the correct title. It's about a sheriff plays a lady named Merm. Who has AIDS. And she's the scourge of the county. I went with Murder on the Orient Express. Oh. To stick with the train theme, Mockingbird Station.

I was in that play in high school. There's a play called Murder on the Orient Express? There was, yes. Or did your fancy drama teacher just adapt the book? Perhaps she did. I don't know. But anyway, I was a star one day a long time ago. Did you get murdered?

I don't remember what happened. Or were you Hercule Perrault? Did some guy have to pretend to be French and have a fancy mustache to twirl? All I remember really was my outfit, and I remember doing the bow, and a lot of sweating and fear. I don't think it was really that amazing of a performance, but my parents were proud.

Everyone else was kind of grossed out. You're sure it wasn't, and then there were none? Because I think that was a play. I have no idea. Okay. Neither does anyone else in this room, so what's happening right now? I'm sure it wasn't and then there were none because I think that was a play. I have no idea. Neither does anyone else in this room as to what's happening right now. Dustin, your letter is O. I'm going to go with the movie Othello.

That has an O on it, right? Yeah. You guys are looking at me like I'm fucked up, isn't it? There's probably been several movie versions of Othello, and then there was the one with the all-black cast. It was just called O. Oh. Yeah. I wasn't talking about that one.

It was two hours of O faces. Okay, so I went with O Brother, Where Art Thou? That's so much better. Because that has a train in it. Your letter is C, Chris. Catwoman. I believe someone ran a train on Halle Berry at some point. Best guess I could make.

Nobody runs a train on her in that movie. She's too busy eating sushi and sleeping on a shelf. And I went with Choo Choo in the Philly flash which is a real title and and but choo-choo isn't spelled like a train it's spelled To you, Rachel, the letter's K. Let's see here. Just for Dustin, you can think ahead. Your letter is probably going to be I. Okay. If you want to be thinking about it ahead of time. It's one of the strategies of the game.

I'm just going to make things up now. I knew this was going to happen. I. Knight Slayer. He was a great man. I knew this was going to happen. All right. NightSlayer. He was a great man. He slayed all kinds of knights. Wait a second.

Okay, that makes sense. I thought you meant a guy that slays people at night. And that would, of course, be an N word. It makes sense, but it's not a word. I'm sorry that I just said the N word, Chris. Yeah, NightSlayer is our word, Doug. I don't know what you're talking about. Also, is that a movie? Night Slay each other.

I said I was going to make movies up. No, we're not making up movies. But it's not just Night's Tale. It's a Night's Tale. And don't try to help her. I kind of like Night Slay. There's a lot of night movies, but Night Slayer isn't one of them. I said I was going to make one up.

Okay, but that's not how the game is played. All right. I said I'm going to cheat. Think of it. Rachel's out. Rachel's out. I get competitive. So sorry, Dustin, you have to come up with a K word.

Oh, are you serious? You've got to competitive. So sorry, Dustin. You have to come up with a K word. Oh, are you serious? You've got to be shitting me, man. That whole time they were arguing, I was like, please keep arguing. All I could think was I was going to make up like into something because that sounds like something. So K now? Okay. They yelled like nine answers already. Yeah, you still get K, K, K, K. Okay. K, K, K. Yeah, you still get K, K, K.

Okay. Oh. Hey, hey. Hey, Edward and KKK, Doug, both. That's what we're yelling. It's a comedy show. All right. Okay.

Okay. Kindergarten cop. Kindergarten cop. Yes. Yes. That's your favorite, right? It's not a tumor. No.

I actually blurted out half of the title That I picked, I picked King Kong From Because in the 1930s one He fucks up the L train I think Arnold did that in Kindergarten Cop too I think the same thing happened He just grabs a train and throws it to the ground.

I is your letter, Chris. In the heat of the night. Classic. 48. I went with Ice Station Zebra. Awesome. There it's over there now. Back to Dustin.

We need a... Again, apologies, but Dustin, we need an end title from you. Let's do, you know, let's just do fucking. Yeah, let's just do it. Let's just do it. Never ending story. Never ending story. Oh, man.

I went with Next Stop Wonderland. Or Next Stop Greenwich Village. They're yelling it's a the. I don't know. Oh, the never ending story? You're right. Oh, you know what? Man, you guys are dicks, dude.

You guys saw my struggle and you're just like, all right, let's do it. No, they applauded you when they thought you succeeded. They did. Then they took a moment and decided to have my back. Because I'm too high to know that there was a the on Never Ending Story. I just was just sitting here thinking about that big dog. Damn it. That big flying dog.

Okay. So all we need for you, Chris, is a G word and you win. Good luck, Chuck with the movie. That was terrible. That movie, there's definitely a train pulled in that movie. You can't be disqualified for

that, saying that. For naming a terrible movie? No. Damn it. Yeah, the quality of the movie does not come into it unfortunately if it had i would have lost a cat woman i'm pretty sure that one was great i had gone with uh going places and then to spell out the rest of the title i went with uh back to the future three because there's a train in it invincible because it's set in philadelphia where i'm playing next weekend at Helium Comedy Club. Runaway Train is the R.

D is Dr. Zhivago. S is Silverstreak. T is the Darjeeling Limited. A is A Hard Day's Night with the Beatles because they ride in a train in it. T is Throw Mama from the Train. I is Inner Space which takes place in San Francisco, where I'll be July 10th at the Punchline. Once Upon a Time in the West is the O,

that has a train in it, and North by Northwest has a train in it. And Chris won that game, everybody. All right. Woo! Rachel, Dustin, if you thought those games were difficult, now it's really about to, now shit's about to go down.

Because we're going to play a Leonard Maltin game. We start with you, Chris, because you won. And that might give Rachel and Dustin a chance to figure out what the fuck's going on. Perfect. I don't know, but Night Slayer was a fantastic film. Night Slayer is going to be made now, I'm sure. That motherfucker slayed

so many nights, it was ridiculous. And then afterwards, he just fucking partied all night long. I don't know, but he was the truth. Keep going. I'm sorry. I love when Rachel drops hip-hop know, but he was the truth. Keep going. I'm sorry. I love when Rachel drops hip-hop terms. The best.

He's the truth. Big fan of Gucci Mane. I love Gucci Mane. So Chris gets to pick a category, and then we'll go to Rachel after Chris, and then hopefully Dustin will figure this out. You know that's not going to happen. Okay, let's do it. I'm so glad Dustin's here.

I can do it. He makes me feel so much better about myself. Thank you. Thank you. No, I mean, I feel like we can share in this together. We can. Okay, wait. How do I play this game?

Now I want to win. Come on. You just might. Okay. You know, you don't have to be the best to win. You just have to be the person that says the right thing at the right time. We will start with Chris. He will pick a category, and then I will read some clues

to determine what movie we're talking about, including the year and what Leonard Maltin thought of the movie. And then from there, Chris will then say, after I tell him how many actors are in the movie, he will say, I can name that movie in,

and he'll name a number of actors. And keep in mind, we're reading from the bottom of the cast list up according to Leonard Maltin's listing of the cast members and then we bid until somebody tells somebody

else to name that movie. I'm sorry. I just got a text from Sarah Silverman saying you home?, wanna get lunch? If by home you mean Dallas Then yes Okay, so Chris, you get to pick between the following categories

At Wayne Adam Who's possibly here There you are Suggested North Dallas 40 And that's movies that have malt liquor in them. I'm not saying that's a gimme for you, Chris, but you might, I don't know, you and Rachel probably are most aware

of when malt liquor appears in a film. At ZA underscore Shojo Gamer suggested Silent J. Kevin Smith is in a movie, but J is not there. Kevin Smith appears in the film, but J Muse is not around.

I have some ideas for them all the time. Whatever. Everyone's ready for them I can't stop thinking of K movies either this is gonna like this is gonna haunt me

my entire life I'm just gonna wake up in the middle of the night like Knott's Landing you fucking moron also that's a TV show TV program alright

now it's time for me to take my own life that's Knott's a movie this is getting sadder and sadder I started out my own life. That's not a movie. This is getting sadder and sadder. I started out, I had so much confidence and sass. I'm really falling apart.

Yeah, me too. Thank you. Your third category, Chris. Yes. And feel free to walk away with this game as quickly as possible. Especially for whatever her name is. Darcy. Yay!

At Delster2 suggested, D-E-L-S-T-E-R-2 suggested Sweet Home Chicago because I was in Chicago yesterday. This is movies that have a car chase in Chicago. Which one of those do you like? Don't say answers in the audience. to have a car chase in Chicago. Which one of those do you like?

Don't say answers in the audience. Don't pre-guess. I'm going to go Silent Jay. Okay. You can pick between a movie that had

Kevin Smith but not Jay Mewes from 2007 or 2007. Who? Yeah, I'm an idiot. And there were two different movies in 2007 where that happened, so I'll just pick

one. Fair enough. Three stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie. That throws it off. That's a mean thing to say. Kevin Smith is in it, and Leonard says about this movie that wow

all of these clues give it away oh credibility gives way to preposterous action scenes towards the end but it is still it is still fun to watch, he says.

That might have been too good of a clue based on Chris strutting around the stage that the listeners cannot hear. And Leonard lists ten names. How many names do you think you can get it in? Chris Cubis. I've been waiting to say this for a long time. Let's say negative one name. Now I got to explain this shit. Sorry.

Rachel. sorry Rachel by negative one names he means that he can not only name the title of this movie he can also name the top billed performer in the movie so you can either go negative two which would mean you have to name the movie and name the top two

people as listed by Leonard Malden or say to Chris name that movie and you know just hope and pray that he's he's got the wrong movie in mind name that movie because he seems pretty confident I'll say name that movie alright Chris Bruce Willis

live free or die hard that is correct I'm trying to make this dramatic Chris is going to walk away with this game today That is correct. Yeah! Wow. Who was... I'm trying to make this dramatic. Chris is going to walk away with this game today. Who was... I'm trying to make it as exciting as possible. Was number two Oliphant or Justin Long?

What are you, Sam Levine? I was trying to be Fat Wolverine today. That's what I'm going for. I don't know, but... Bunch of inside references. You gotta listen. Chris Backslash. You're like Santa Wolverine.

Instead of Claus Candy Canes. He gives all the children knives. Yeah, Justin Long was second and Timothy Oliphant was third. Show off. But good job. That baseball shitty movie with the, what was it? I'm not going to

say what the other one was. I'm going to keep this category in play and someone else will have to suffer through that. Some other contestants will have to suffer. So Chris has a point, and that means we're going to start with Dustin gets to pick

a category, and then we'll go to Rachel. And Dustin, would you like one of these three categories? Four weddings and a funeral, that's Frank Sinatra movies, because he had four wives and now he's dead. Okay.

Or he's not going to pick that. The Dark Knightly that's movies where Keira Knightly kills someone. Yeah. Or Glenn

so close and that's movies where Glenn Close was nominated but did not win an Oscar. Yeah. Or Glenn So Close. And that's movies where Glenn Close was nominated but did not win an Oscar. Narrows it down to about six or seven, I think. Which one of those would you like to play, Dustin? Let me do the second one. Keira Knightley. Yes.

Okay, Keira Knightley kills someone in this movie from 2004. Two and a half stars from Leonard Moulton. This is a U.S.-British-Irish co-production. Dude, I think I know what this is, man. You think so? Okay, well, hang on a second. When I say how many names, you could say zero names, and then Rachel's going to have to deal with that.

Does his negative one count? That's the last round. This is a fresh, clean slate. Okay. The unrated director's cut runs 138 minutes, which is probably about 137 minutes longer

than I would want to watch this particular movie. And Leonard lists 10 names. Once again, how many names do you think you need? Dustin Ibarra. Zero. He says zero.

So Rachel's in kind of a similar position again, but at least it's not for the win because we played at two points. So unless she thinks she knows what it is and can go into negative names, she has to say... Name that movie. Yeah. What's it

called, Dustin? Domino. The Domino? Rachel just got a point because it's called King Arthur. What? No, what? Fuck, they even did that again? The U.S. name was Night Slayer, so maybe you know it under that.

Oh, okay. Damn, man. See, I thought that category was going to be like Dark Knight and shit. I was like, Batman, I can do that. He slayed so many knights. He slayed the bejesus out of knights.

Shit. The Night Slayer is just a really really fucking fucked up drunk guy. I'm the Night Slayer. Yeah bro. And nobody named him that. It just says that

on his license plate. How is it spelled? Is it like K and then T? Is it Cunt Slayer or Night Slayer?

I can't tell what the license plate says. It was cuntslayer. He slayed. K, N, T, S. He slayed through. I've seen cuntslayer. It's pretty great. I asked for Knott's Landing and they put Knott's Slayer.

I'm a big fan of nighttime soaps. All right. So this means that... Can we go back to the malt liquor question? It might come back around at this rate. I feel really confident when I think about that. Who was left out of that one? Dustin was left out of that one, so Dustin gets to pick, and then...

Oh, I'm sorry, Chris? Chris gets to pick, and then we'll go to rachel because we switched the order around uh chris would you like which one of these categories would you like uh the at at steve underscore melvin suggested the past and the curious and that's movies with sexually ambiguous historical figures. And at mean Laquifa suggested Last week, Zach Galifianakis laughed for a solid five minutes at that.

He could not stop laughing. Hook him to lunch. The category is Hook a Brother Up, which is movies where a black person is fishing. And Mike underscore Drury, D-R-U-R-Y, suggested Super Rhymey. You know, it's a play on Super Hymey. Super Rhymey, and that's movies where the title rhymes. Like, the words in the title rhyme with each other. Which one of those would you like, Chris?

Let's do it. Mean Laquifa. Hook a brother up. Let's do it. Mean Laquifa. Hook a brother up. Let's do it. I can only think of one movie where a black person fishes. 1997 is the year. It's gotta be. Leonard Maltin calls the movie a bomb.

Sure. He says it's an embarrassing... I'm strutting! He's saying it's an embarrassing waste of talent and this film really smells. And he lists seven. Sit the fuck down. He names.

He names seven names. How many names, Chris? I'm going to say zero. Okay. I'm going to say zero. Okay. And you know, if you go on to win today with a zero or lower bid, you will be in the

Tournament of Championships. Some guy over there yelled, no! Don't let him in! He's not one of us! But I think you're right. I think I've said recently that you've got to get into negative names to get in. Can you go negative one? I already did negative one.

Oh, earlier. The last guy. So all you've got to do is win today and you'll be in. I'm trying. All right, good. That's been settled. That was a close one. All right, so you say zero?

I say zero. All right, so you say zero? I say zero. All right, Rachel, this is another situation where you would just have to hope, I would imagine. Do you think you know what it is? Obviously, I have no idea. We've established that. So if you ask him to name it, hopefully he won't know it. Let's see which flags have gone fishing recently. Name that movie.

What's it called, Chris? Gone Fishing. How do you spell the second word? Yes, yes. Yes. This fucked up... How do you spell it? Extra rules.

Or how do you pronounce it? Pronounce it correctly. Gone Fishing. That's correct. Is it? Is it? it i'm gonna show off is it danny glover or pesci that's number one that's why i didn't go negative that's not showing off like no i just couldn't i couldn't remember that's saying i don't know fair enough the opposite of show but which one would you guess you guess? Who would get top billing in the world we live in? I would say Pesci.

Yeah, that little piece of shit. Danny Glover was sitting around going, I'm going to star this. I'm too old to fish with that guy. So Chris is our winner and an entrant in the Tournament of Championships. Congratulations, Sam. So what do you think, Dustin? Have you figured it out yet? Yeah, man.

I think you'd be good. We'll have you back on sometime now that you know how to do it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Thank you. That would be great. Gone fishing. That was on sometime now that you know how to do it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Thank you. That would be great. Gone fishing.

That was good. Now, you were playing for Sam. I need him to tell me a shithead. You wrote it down on a little post-it. Very good. What? And Rachel, does there's shit down on the back of yours? On the back of your Ryan Gosling eating cereal?

So just hand that to me. There we go. And do you want this back, whoever made this? Oh, she wants it back. Oh, she wants it back. She sleeps with it. She needs to hang on to that. She holds it.

What? Oh, it's your roommate's book? In quotes. Oh, you're going to give it to her. Okay, here you go. I know how to throw a book. It didn't get hurt. Settle down.

Wait, what does this say? Oh, weird. This is the weirdest shithead I've ever read. But let me thank the guests first. Let's hear it for all of my guests. Chris Cubis. Dustin Ibarra. Make sure you check out

Rent the Movie Hop and just watch the first ten minutes until he comes in. We'll do some silly shit. And get the fuck out. Are you going to be in Hop 2? They must be making Hop 2. Yeah, that'll be the one that goes straight to DVD and I'm a star. The person that no one cares about.

Hey, remember this guy? He's a star now. He's also going to be a night slaver. Night slaver. I like that. I kind of like that even better now. Night slaver's a way of living. I just like Night Slave.

He's going to be in Night Slave 4. It's time to get nasty. Finally, the Night Slave movies get nasty. Night Slayer. And Rachel Feinstein. Feinstein, everybody. Let me get a picture of you guys real quick. Oh, that's beautiful.

Thank you so much for being here. And, you know, I'll come hang out in the lobby if you guys want, you know, pictures and stuff or yell at me for things that were incorrect in today's show. The corrections department will be right out there. And thank you. Dallas, you never disappoint me. Thank corrections department will be right out there. And thank you. Dallas, you never disappoint me. Thank you so much for coming out.

As always, the goddamn cottonwood in my car is a shithead. Okay. Cottonwood in my car is a shithead. Okay, thanks for bringing the local reference by. And the Alamo is a shithead? Is that it? It's because I said I was Mexican, right? You racist bastard.

Where's that end theme? Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies