Doug Loves Movies - Randy and Jason Sklar, Amy Miller and "Mark Wahlberg" guest

Episode Date: March 26, 2017

Live from the Helium Comedy Club in Portland, Doug welcomes Randy Sklar, Jason Sklar, Amy Miller and "Mark Wahlberg" to the show. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Today's episode is brought to you in part by Two Dope Queens, a podcast from WNYC Studios with Jessica Williams and Phoebe Robinson. I'll let them tell you about it. I'm Jessica Williams. And I'm Phoebe Robinson. And we're back this spring with an all new season of our hit podcast, Two Dope Queens from WNYC Studios. This season, you'll hear from Jon Hamm, Carrie Brownstein, Tig Notaro, Gabrielle Union, and many, many more. Listen to the new season of Two Dope Queens

first on Spotify. Sounds great. Go listen to that after you listen to this. Enjoy the show. Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds with 50 azopop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see

Cause Doug loves movies Hey, hey, hey, everybody. My name is Doug, and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Coming to you once again from one of my favorite homes away from home, it's Helium Gassy Comedy Club in Portland, Oregon! Yeah! Oh, this is going to be a fun one. There's a giant Doug face voodoo donut on the stage already.

And I don't know if it's suitable for display, but I'm going to try. Hopefully it won't fall over. Let's see how it'll do if I just set it on its side like this. Oh! Oh, no! Okay, it's okay. My face is fine. Only one of the roaches fell on the floor.

It's supposed to be a big ol' fat roach. Okay. People are much more impressed by the face. Ooh, that's good. Mix them up. You all know which roach was on the floor. Because this shit's going in the prize bag today. It's too big of a donut to throw at an audience member. Although, you know what, I take that back. The winner today gets to chuck that giant donut into the crowd.

That's a prize. That's going to make my guests extra competitive. Remind me to tell them when they get out here but don't remind me with your mouths that's my favorite when i forget to do something in the show and people in the front row will just be like kind of pointing like at the prize bag or you know they'll just be gesturing but they don't interrupt the show by talking it's like it's awesome just sit here giving you tips on how to be an audience at my show and my show alone I'm sure that it's Saturday March 25th and I hadn't said that yet 2017 let me see those name tags I knew there were some good ones

I already posted some on Twitter and Instagram that 10 things I caved about you putting my face on Heath Ledger's is a serious crime but then also did you really make Sam Levine like a girl on that poster? Sam the ma'am? I love it.

Great job. Becky and the Weest? Who are those people? You're Becky? And who's Weest? Diane Weest? You've replaced the Beast with actress Diane Wiest. I want to see that!

I want to see that so bad. It's like, it's so funny on the last, you can put him down now, on the last, I started launching a story realizing that you're going to have your arms up for a while. I like how slowly some people put it down now. And the last, I started launching a story realizing that you're going to have your arms up for a while. I like how slowly some people put it down, though.

Don't forget mine. You know, I'm not going to, I don't get a pick. And the listeners don't get a pick. But, on the last show,

we were talking about a commercial on TV with sad droids and Sarah McLachlan music. And somebody made it already, and I retweeted it. And so now my next request is to intercut footage of Emma Watson with Diane Weiss. Tale as old as time Beauty and the Beast

Holy fuck. Doug plugs. It's a stand-up show tomorrow that is sold out here at Helium. Yeah, we're gonna turn up the gas. If you're coming back, I'll just give you this tip right now. Bring back your awesome name tags because most or all of the name tags that show up tomorrow are going to play. You're going to get a taste of what it's like to be on stage playing Last Man Stanton. Los Angeles, Douglas

Movies is back at Meltdown Comics this Tuesday night, March 28th at 9 o'clock. We're at the Gramercy Theater in New York City for two nights, April 2 and 3. I just booked an awesome person

on one of those dates. And I'm doing... So you gotta come to both, New York. And I'm doing stand-up at the Improv in San Jose on Wednesday April 12th for all my dates deets and links go to Douglovesmovies.com

that's Douglovesmovies.com now who among you listens to Dougloves minis with any kind of regularity alright why did I ask that question oh because I also want to know, have you rated

and reviewed it? Because that is huge in the world of podcasting, rating and reviewing. All you gotta do is click on a few things and write a few words, and then I read all the comments that I get on the Doug Loves Minis iTunes page on the podcast

Doug Loves Minis. So say something to me and I'll read it and then respond to it. It's interactive. It's like virtual reality. It's just like having a conversation with me. The prize bag today is a nice bag. This is the last one I have of these.

But it's from, I think, the people at True TV made this bag. And it just says on it, another fucking bag. Which will be a big hit here in Portland. Walking around with that. Because you guys, you have fun here. We got a

Doug Loves Movies t-shirt. We got a copy of Promotional Tool, my last album. We've got a gift card, $10 gift card for iTunes so you can buy premium episodes of Doug Loves Movies or whatever you want. Maybe the Trolls soundtrack. Maybe the Trolls soundtrack. I can't get over how Graham Elwood loves that Justin Timberlake song so much.

It's a good song, but Jesus. Okay. It's like, what is Doug talking about? A button that says Bikini Trill. Is that a thing? Peacemaker Pipe. Another cool button that I got commemorating the 311 cruise. And a dude gave me this right outside this club

and said I wanna put this in the prize bag. It's a Portland, Oregon Bureau of Police evidence bag. So yeah, all of that is going in the bag, plus the stuff brought by my guests who I'm going to bring out right now. Please give a big, warm welcome to Randy Sklar, Jason Sklar,

Amy Miller, and Mark Wahlberg. It is for me. I just got to say it. I got to say it right out of the gate. This crowd loves Burger King. Yeah, yeah, that's clear. And everyone associated with it. Clear, very clear.

It's a Burger King town. Yeah, right? Let's meet you guys individually, starting with Amy Miller is back, everybody. Hi, everybody. Former Portland, Oregon comedy phenom, now tearing it up in Los Angeles. Is that what I'm doing? Traveling all over the place.

Yeah, I do that. You were just in New York City, I think. Oh, the Big Apple. Yeah. I do that. You were just in New York City, I think. Oh, the Big Apple. Yeah. That's the one. I sure was. Telling jokes. Yeah. Good for you. Crying sometimes too. Yeah? It's not all fun, right?

No. You're a little weary of all the traveling. What was that tweet you tweeted today? Oh, my areolas have been very itchy. Yeah, somehow that has to do with travel. I think I'm dehydrated. You know, hotel

air vents and airplanes and things just start to itch. Is that normal? You ever had an itchy areola? Maybe I just get so high. I probably don't even notice I need to itch. I should try that.

Yeah, but I'm just itchy in general. I have allergies and stuff, so I don't know. More sensitive flowers. Right. Just blowing around all over the country. Flapping in the wind. Keeping the areolas greased. Yeah, that's what you got to do, right?

You just got to grease them up a little? I think I needed more water intake, lotion, and maybe just like a break from clothes for like 48 hours. Let's start now. Let's fucking get into it. You go first. It's never too early. You guys, the Sklar brothers

are here. Yay! You guys, the Sklar brothers are here. Yay. Hello, Randy. Let's talk to you. Let's treat you like individuals. Let's do it. For once.

Even though you're both dressed for the same lumberjack show. Yeah, we are. We're going to be auditioning to become the mascot for the Portland Timbers. Portland Jewy. Portland Jewy. Two people in the back. That's right. That's fine.

His real name, Portland Joey. But that's all right. We're good. Now, I think you guys have two things you want to plug. So, Randy, start us off and plug one of them. We have a new podcast. It's called Dumb People Town, and it's co-hosted with our friend Daniel Van Kirk, which is, we're very excited on Feral Audio.

Doug will join us on that. Oh, I'll do that for sure. Later this month. And we love that. And we have two more shows here tonight, here at the- Did you just do both of the plugs? Yeah. Oh, I thought-

Is that typical? Yeah. Jason just gets nothing? You know, I thought you were just talking to me. Yeah, that's our new thing. I said do one of the two plugs. Jay's the new teller. That's right.

Randy's the pen. I'm the teller. I'm not going to... Oh, shit. Oh, no, you ruined it. You already ruined it. You ruined it already. Like if a safe dropped on his foot during the show,

don't you think the teller would say something? I think he would say something. He'd break character finally. He would, and then he'd have to change his name to Told. He's a horrible racist, though, so they don't want him talking at all. That's why he doesn't talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because normally the show would just be him yelling the N-word a lot.

After every joke, nigga, please. We're like, oh, hey, hey're like oh hey hey hey hey it's like magic when he doesn't drop that you know what i mean it's magical how he keeps it to himself yeah that explains that big goddamn smile on his face always smiling that's right you know he's a happy little racist all right's right. All right, you guys. Anything else to add, Jason? I did want you to speak individually. No, we're good.

Just so people get used to your different voices. Yeah, they're very different voices. Which one of you has won more often on At Midnight? Because you can't ever both win at the same time. I've won more than you. I think so, yeah. I've destroyed Jay. What is that? Is that just like a key difference between the two of you that you're just better on a buzzer?

It's kind of like the movie Gattaca. Jay is slowly dying. Yeah, yeah. And I'm just Like what do your wives say? Which one of you is better on the buzzer? I don't know if I'm better on the buzzer. I apologize for that one. Oh yeah. I just was right there. I had to touch it.

Tap it. I'm better at Gash Tag Wars. Oh, okay. Ooh, that brought it down. I am. There's just a lot to put together with that. I know.

You know, joke. Yeah. I bet you there's a good percentage of people here that are not viewers of At Midnight because they have to work the next day. Yeah. They have to own a TV. And it's on at 11.30.

Hey, did you watch At Midnight at 11.30? Well, there's no way to record it or anything like that. No, that's true. I think people binge watch it on the weekends. And speaking of binge watching... Mark Wahlberg is here! How you guys doing, you donkot? What's up, Doc?

Oh, it's just great to have you back in the Pacific Northwest. Because the last time, if my memory recalls correctly... That's not a phrase, by the way. If my memory recalls correctly, it's not a phrase. If my mind is thinking rightly... Okay, okay. That's not a phrase, by the way. If my memory recalls correctly, it's not a phrase. If my mind is thinking rightly. Okay, okay. That's it. You had the pleasure of doing this show

in a hot theater here in town. And by that, I don't mean popular. I mean, it was very warm that day. Fuck yeah, dude. What? Yeah, no, we fucking burned it out. Yeah, and it had a balcony and you went all the way

up into the balcony to look for name tags. Yeah, I'm just trying to make normal people feel good. And Deepwater Horizon was the first time since then I've seen you so, you know, out of breath.

Really? Yeah, you came back from the balcony. I thought you might pass out or something. Well, I mean, to be fair, I climbed the fucking wall to get up there. That's true. You didn't from the balcony. I thought you might pass out or something. Well, I mean, to be fair, I climbed the fucking wall to get up there. That's true.

You didn't use the stairs. And what brings you back to Portland? What are you doing? Dude, I'm just here in town. I heard the sun was out the other day, and then it went away. And I was like, you know what? People need something more than that to be happy about. So I just fucking showed up.

I've been going around waving to people. Great. Yeah. You're like, your Portland's little spring break comes to them. Dude, I stood out front of like a cancer treatment center and I told people going in, I'm like, you just saw me, you already had your make-a-wish. Well, that seems a little crazy.

A little fucking nice? That's exactly what it is. Okay. Seems maybe... A lot of them said thank you. Oh. Nice. Yeah, what do you say?

I mean, some people are very shocked into saying nothing. Fucking A, Tom. They just quietly got in their cars and started sobbing. We call that a Donnie. Actually, we don't

because that infers the person owns their own goddamn car. That'd be fun to drive Uber and just drive around crying all day and never explain it to any of the passengers. Just at the end saying, give me five stars!

Uber wet. I love that. That's a nice touch. Alright, we got a great panel and great panels bring great things for the gift bag we'll start with the sclars what do you got for us randy uh we got oh jay's gonna go first just because we thought we just fucked that up. All right, so. We have our DVD, CD, Netflix special signed. Yes. Very good. Drop that in the bag. You signed it?

Did you guess the name of who's going to win it? No. That's fun. I didn't guess that. I'll do it for you. Kevin Hart is in that because he's in everything. That's right. Kevin Hart makes an appearance in our special.

Yeah. I heard that there was mention of Diane Wiest, and we brought a Wiest mode shirt. Yeah. Yeah. I heard that there was mention of Diane Wiest and we brought a Wiest mode shirt. Yeah, yeah. Because, yeah. So I was, for sports fans, Doug, let me explain this for you and for people who don't understand sports. So there was a guy who played football

for the Seattle Seahawks named Marshawn Lynch, who was a running back, and he used to, they call it, when he would run over people, they say he went beast mode. He went all beast mode. So I explained this to my kids, and when they saw it, they're like, what is that? I said, well, there's an actress, her name is Diane Wiest, and she plays like a fragile sort of passive aggressive character really well in a lot of movies. And when she starts to get really fragile

and passive-aggressive, she goes into weast mode. That's all I got. And she will weast on fools. She will weast the shit out of fools. So we made this T-shirt, and we have one for whoever's ready. That goes into the old bag right there, too.

So much weast. There's too much weast in my diet. It's almost like a weast infection up here. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, this doesn't seem like a right transition. Amy, what did you... Speaking of...

I don't have that. It's not caused by travel. Her problems are all upstairs. Above the waist, for sure. I brought my album Solid Gold on vinyl. Gold vinyl. Nice. It's got like a little dog penis on it.

That's nice. I didn't sign it because I'm not famous. I'm no Sklar. No. We didn't have to agree that quickly. No. Jesus. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Our areolas are well lubed. Yeah. We're good. For the record, she said I'm not famous, then pointed out that the Sklar level was the person on stage. That's right. Yeah. So we're good. For the record, she said I'm not famous, then pointed out that the Sklar level was the person on stage. That's right. True.

She has realistic goals, Mark. Fair enough. I hope that remark doesn't leave emotional Sklars. It's going to leave some Sklar tissue. I'll just say that right now. It's going to leave some sclar tissue. I'll just say that right now. I also brought this pillowcase with a portrait of me on it.

It says I'm sleeping with Amy Miller. That's lovely. You can give that to your, put it on your dog bed or I don't know. You can have sex on it if you want. You can, it could be like the movie Bad Boys. You can put like a bunch of cokes in there and just bash someone's face in. Yes, lots of options. Oh, sorry. This is the second time a guest

has brought a pillowcase with their face on it. I was probably the other one. Okay, the third time then, because Michael Sheen brought a pillow with his face on it, but it was a full pillow, like it wasn't just the case, his face on the pillow. God damn it, Sheen. Well, I don't have that kind of money.

I can't provide the pillows. That's Sheen kind of money right there. Full pillow. Probably fucking memory foam. Do you know who Michael Sheen is, Mark? Michael Sheen? Yeah. Fucking A, dude.

I met him doing your show. We hugged each other for 45 seconds in one episode. He's a good dude. I love that little fucker. All right. I can't believe he's an Estevez. He's a British Estevez, yeah? So, do you get that, Mark?

What's that? That joke he just made? About estevez's yeah i don't fucking talk about that family and i hate emilio why do you hate emilio i don't want to fucking get it yeah you said you didn't want to talk about it but i thought i could trick you look i've lost out on a role one time in my life and it was only because he used his fucking dad to put him in it. I was going to be in Young Guns 2. I told him, I was like, I don't care that he was in Young Guns 1. Put me in fucking Young Guns 2.

Would you break for the prize pack? Do you want Amy's stuff? Do you want this stuff? Yeah, sure. All right, dude. This is legit. You know what I mean? I fucking come, I come correct, and I come hard.

I do know that. Thank you, Amy. Too much coming. That makes you an American. USA. Check it out. Action figure, taxi driver. Whoa.

They love it. Does it come with a mirror? No, it comes with two little guns, though. Oh, nice. This, you don't understand. Travis Bickle was very formative for me growing up. I bet. This dude knew how to start a

fucking fight. And I learned by watching him. So now I'm giving a little bit back. That's interesting. You both have famous scenes of looking yourself in the mirror and talking to yourself. Fucking A, dude. Yeah. Who's the big star?

The two of you and Jake LaMotta. Those are the three. Yeah. This is a fucking great little thing. Donnie's going to be heartbroken when he realizes it's not in his room anymore. I'm going to pass that down. So you're just taking stuff from Donnie and giving it be heartbroken when he realizes it's not in his room anymore. I'm going to pass that down. So you're just taking stuff from Donnie and giving it for the prize bag. It's funny to go in there and see what he has left and then realize, oh, something. It's really a nice item.

I'm not going to lie. What's great is that the picture here, he's got hair and then the action figure, mohawk. He's got the mohawk. That's right. Does that say lift in the corner of that taxi cab? It should say lift everywhere in life. No.

Thank you. And then on the back, you know, just a little quick refresher. You're talking to me. You're talking to me. Well, I'm the only one. Taxi driver.

All right. So Mark. Nailed it. Got it. Mark has a point. Negative point for Amy. What? What else you got, Mark?

That's it. Oh. Wait, no, hold on. I got one other thing. I thought you might. I'm here. You're welcome. Okay.

You may be throwing that brace. How about a hug from Mark Wahlberg to the winner? I'll tell you what. Whoever wins today, and you can do as many push-ups as me after the show, will call one person in your phone, and I will tell them to go fuck themselves. We're going to do the push-up thing like out in the street?

The push-up thing was a joke. We will call someone and straighten their fucking life out. If it's your grandma, I'll say it twice. She can't hear. I get it. That's right. Twice just right in a row? Yeah.

Go fuck yourself, go fuck yourself, grandma? Yeah. Once I go once, I can go again just like that. That is true. Impressive. Why don't you just go ahead and say that while everybody's quiet. Just say the twice with grandma at the end, and then people with the podcast,

they can just steal that piece of audio if they want to use it on their grandma. Okay, ready? Look good, feel good. You look good. You feel good. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself, grandma. Good.

Two different versions. Yeah, it actually... He gave you options. Leave in some of the applause, too. Like grandma has to hear that you did it for an audience. Or that other people approve that fuck you. They're like, yep, she deserved it. Yep.

That grandma's a fucking monster. So that's in the prize bag. Yes. All that stuff. Plus, a little something for you guys. On the stage today already when when I came out here, was a Doug Benson donut that's gigantic. It's got a facsimile of my face on it.

The green eyes are a nice touch. And whichever one of you wins today is going to get to chuck this giant donut into the crowd. Wow. Box and all? into the crowd Wow box and all might just it might be less messy if you do it box and all but I don't know I just hand it to somebody in the front row but you do what you want it is a big donut this is a freak it's hard to how big do you think this donut is more about three months of cardio yeah that's right I knew you'd know exactly how big it was.

Oh, yeah. You're very good at noticing those things. That's about a 34K right there. Yeah. Well, quick question before we get to the games, though. We'll start on the other end with Mark. Last motion picture you saw. Logan. With your eyeballs. I went and saw fucking logan yeah you

know what i fucking liked it dude are you saying fucking in every sentence about logan because they say fucking in every sentence of logan oh my god they do right they sweat it's like being told like it's like he's born anew like it's so interesting that Wolverine for years only said fuck once or twice, and now he says it constantly. All the time, yeah. It's like everything he has to do to help Jean-Luc Picard is him just like, fuck this, fuck that, fuck this old fucking man. He's like, fuck you too.

Was that fucking good or what, dude? That's my Jean-Luc. It's good. That's a really good impression. Fuck yeah, dude. I've been fucking working on it. I knew I could fucking do it, too. That's right.

Can you do it again, but put grandma at the end? Yeah. Fuck you, grandma. There we go. Right? Pretty good, Mark. Dude, I could probably do some fucking ADR for that guy. But I liked it.

I liked it a lot. And I liked the guy from Idiot Abroad in it. I thought he was good. Stephen Merchant? I don't know. He was just that guy. I think... No. Was that the same dude from Powder? No. No, that's not. Alright.

Well, you've said enough. Everybody loves Logan. Yeah, I liked it a lot. Good for you. It is good for me. Yeah. Amy? The last movie I watched? You watched movies on planes? Yes, I watched it on a plane.

How'd you know? Because you said you were traveling a lot. Oh, so much, Doug. Remember the whole itchy, remember the words that are printed in our brains? Yep, scratching my tits and watching The Accountant. Finally saw it. Hey, that's what I do when I watch.

That's what I do when I talk to my accountant. How much do I owe? Chocolates gun together. I watched The Accountant and it was fine. Right? It was just fine. It's perfectly okay. He's not good in it.

He's, I don't think, ever met anyone on the autism spectrum. And kills people. Yeah. And that's fine. I'm a sucker for like a twist

even though it's very obvious. That would be a better name for it. Spectrum Assassin. He just looks super tired all the time i turned that movie down that movie would have made 10 more million dollars if they called his spectrum assassin because it would have sounded exciting the accountant a lot of people already just went what no thanks yeah i don't want to watch a numbers cruncher i want a bone cruncher. Sorry, Amy. It's okay. Oh, my areolas.

We want a pitcher, not a titty itcher. He plays it as though people on the autism spectrum are very sleepy all the time. And then I don't know why Anna Kendrick has to be like, I'm a fucking idiot, even though I'm a mathematician. In every movie, who's a ditzy math genius? Why does she always have to be like, I'm a fucking idiot even though I'm a mathematician. In every movie, like, who's like a ditzy math genius? Why does she always have to be dumb? She's dumb? She's like a spacey

in that movie. She's just surprised that the spectrum accountant turns out to be an assassin. That's a lot to take in. No, she's surprised from the first second she enters that movie. She's surprised about everything. She's a lot to take in. No, she's surprised from the first second she enters that movie. She's surprised about everything. She's a stupid math genius. Which would have been a great name for the movie.

Stupid math genius. That's a fucking great movie. She plays a really smart troll in the movie of the same name. It was just fine. Okay. Jason, have you seen any movies lately? No. You're busy, the kids and whatnot? Yeah, I think there was an animated movie

I saw recently. I can't remember what it was. Ooh, let's try to figure it out. What kind of animal was in it? Yeah, I can't. What's the biggest kid movie? Don't ask the audience because they will tell you.

Oh, shit. Shark Tale. Did you see the biggest kid movie? Don't ask the audience, because they will tell you. Oh, shit. Shark Tale. Did you see the Lego Batman movie? I saw Lego Batman. I saw Lego Batman, yes. That's what I saw. Oh, okay, great. That's good.

That movie, yes, I loved it. Who was your favorite villain in that? I think I liked the Joker. Yeah, I had to pick one. Yeah, the Joker was very popular. Zach Galifianakis. Gags. It was good.

He was funny. It was great. I loved it. I actually love that movie, to be honest. It's fun. I'll watch every Lego movie. I think they're great. I loved it.

I thought it was really funny and a lot of great moments. So I was going to say that. But Deepwater Horizon is the other live action one I've seen. Fucking A. You were great. I cried. I swear to God. Just to water. I cried so hard on the plane. At what great. I cried. I swear to God, just to water,

cried so hard on the plane. At what point? Because there's no way to spoil that movie. We know how it ended. Just, I felt so bad for BP. No.

It's like, how could they know? They had so much invested. They had so much invested. How could they know? They gotta fucking rebuild this whole thing. And they're,

they have to live with knowing they're responsible. Dude, are you for real? Yeah. Oh, what? No. Kate Hudson was great. I loved it. I was 100% sitting on a plane, watching on a tiny screen, just bawling my eyes out.

It was beautiful. I loved it. You're welcome. Thank you. Sounds like it might have been about other stuff. Oh, yeah. My wife left me that day. Yeah, you're a sucker for movies

where someone Skypes with their hot wife. Oh, just hot country wife who just gets it. Yeah, I loved it. I really did love it because it felt to me, I just, I loved all the characters. I loved the quick back and forth banter everyone had as they were walking around the rig. I loved all of it.

I bought into all, every element of that movie. And let me just say the tears were lubricating your aerial. They were. I just opened my shirt. That's a good tip. Keep some wet. Randy? I saw the first three quarters of,

or the first really half, two thirds of the movie, Arrival, and I was like, I get it. That's it. And I just didn't need to see the end of it, and I figured there's probably not going to be a twist. Yeah, but what about the soundtrack? I love the soundtrack. That's my favorite part of that song.

I just figured, you know, they're not going to teach me anything I don't already know. Come on, feel it, feel it. Oh, wait, oh. Yeah, yeah. Speaking of smart lady mathematicians, though, Amy, did you see Amy Adams in that? I sure did. Yeah. How did she do? she was asking me that

because we have the same first name but how'd she do with the lady mathematician role fine she doesn't she's got big eyes but she's like breathing a lot like her mouth's always open she's a mouth breather. She seems like she has sleep apnea. I don't understand it. She was fine. That movie was also fine. Yeah, I actually like that movie. The last movie I saw on a plane was the Linklater movie.

Oh, Everything is Awesome? Yeah, Everything is Awesome. No. Everybody Wants Some. Everybody Wants Some. I loved it. Everybody wants some. Everybody wants some. I loved it. I loved it. It took me a little while to get into it, but I mean, when they were driving and doing

the Sugar Hill Gang, I was like, watching it, I'm like, these guys are what, 27, 29 year old actors? There's no fucking way. They had to fucking learn that. They had to not only learn it, but internalize it in a way that just was amazing. Just like three white dudes and one black dude had to internalize it in a way that just was amazing just like three white dudes and one black dude had to internalize the sugar hill gang in a way that i mean i feel like portland you guys understand this this is one thing i love about portland the such a diverse diverse

city of white people yeah you have every type of white person every type of white person here all different kinds. So many. So many different hair colors. That's right. So many different types of beards. Yeah. You find out how many shades of black there are in clothing.

Yeah, you do. That was unfortunate. Yeah. But anyway, I actually really love that movie. And beards. Beards, every beard. All right. What's the last one you saw, Doug?

Great question. I'm trying to watch. I'm still, I think I'm like five or six movies away now from having seen everything that got nominated for an Academy Award this past year. And I don't think I'm going to make it, though, because I haven't seen that OJ thing yet, and it's eight hours long. It so good documentary holy shit yeah yeah but

got nominated for Best Documentary it's the best few that I haven't seen yet but I don't know when I could set aside eight hours you need to it's really unbelievable tell me so he gets off I don't mean to spoil it. But I finally caught up with this 13 Hours, The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi. Ooh, how was that? They kill a lot of people in Benghazi. Like, I always hear about the number of us that died in Benghazi, and they took a lot of them out

in the story. So at least in that sense, it was educational. Like, that's what I I do is I watch Michael Bay movies more to be taught something than anything else. I don't really care for the special effects or the frenetic action. I'm there to learn.

And I've learned so much about Transformers over the years that when he turned his eye on Benghazi I was like, this is going to be exactly what happened. He literally transformed that story into something that we could all enjoy. No, but it was, speaking of welling up, though,

they get John Krasinski in there, who we all love from The Office, and I keep waiting for him at some point when he's scared that he's going to die in Benghazi to look at the camera and make a face like, all right, what do you want? a face like, what do you want? I'm scared. What do you want? They should just

shout at all these people. And then they put the guy that he had the rivalry with over Pam, Pam's ex, he's in the fucking movie too and they're buddies, so I really kept waiting for a look to the camera about can you believe what's going on here? Or at least a straight ahead interview moment

where they just say something quippy. But he's a good actor and he misses his wife and kids. He finds out he's going to have, this isn't a spoiler, it's early on. He finds out that his, I'm talking about spoilers from a movie, it's over a year old. From an event that happened.

Well, I don't know know they show the real life people at the end but they always look vastly different from the hollywood actors but uh but anyway he's a good actor so him being sad about uh oh his wife is pregnant so he's got two girls and third girl on the way and he's in benghazi you know and everybody there thought they were gonna die so of course it's moving in the end so i i dare say it's in my top three i'm gonna say top two michael bay movies number one being number one is pain and gain because i'll tell you the real answer when mark's not on the show but when he's here what nothing yeah the rock was great in that are you fucking kidding me right oh sorry Oh, sorry. Yeah, The Rock's amazing. Are you fucking shitting me?

That dude is a glorified background actor. Wait a minute. Come on. The Rock? Oh, okay, yeah, okay. You guys keep loving gravel. Did you see Moana? I did see Moana.

I bet Mark. Oh, yeah. No, I did not see that Moana. Is he good in it? Exactly. He's good in everything. Oh, yeah. No, I did not see that moment. Is he good in it? Exactly. He's good in everything. He is not. The only thing he's good in is his grave.

Oh. Jesus. Wow. Jesus. Wow, that one came from deep within. Do you want him to be dead? It's the rock. I didn't say dead.

He could just go in there and dig his way out, give him something to do. That's right. It's a rock. He is so strong, he could probably push his way out. That's right. It's a rock. He is so strong he could probably push his way out. Sure. Well, he's a rock. He should be underground. Oh, wow. Is that where rocks should be?

Yeah, a lot of rocks are underground. There are a ton of fucking rocks underground. Okay, Mark and Amy, hang on for a second because I'm going to play a quick game with the Sklar brothers. We're going to play a quick round of movie review challenge. I as well have seen Moana. And what we're going to do is just take turns like we're a triple act.

Oh, yeah. Saying two or three words, four words, you know, just the shortest sentences you can of things you know about or thought about Moana. All at the same time? No, we take turns, but you don't have time to think. You just have to blurt out the next thing when it's your turn. So I'll start it off. Okay? The Rock's tattoos

move and talk. Lin-Manuel Miranda does great songs. Oh, I was going to say animated Hamilton. Songs are overrated. Musicals that my kids can sing. Rock has a shark head for a second. It's got a weird chicken in it. Hawaiian allegory.

Jason is out. No. I got it. Wait, I got it. No, I'm not. Jay, you better get there. Jason is out of the game. I got it. Wait, I got it. No, I'm not. Jay, you better get there. Jason is out of the game. I got it.

Women be sailing. Jason is back in the game. All right, that's enough. It is time for Bert to turn the show off Because I'm going to say Let the games I can't even do it right now Let the games begin Let the games begin Oh shit

We got a lot of name tags It's crazy Portland always shows up. Something's making a flapping noise back there that's very unsettling. Not the last thing you want to hear before you die. All of my guests are already in the audience. We'll be back after these messages.

Today's episode is brought to you in part by our pals at Loot Crate. On a quest for epic gear, housewares, and collectibles, Loot Crate offers a wide range of pop culture items for less than $20 a month. Whether you're shopping for the geek in your life or the geek within, Loot Crate is the best surprise you can expect. Every month there's a different theme featuring new exclusive items that you can't find anywhere else. This month Loot Crate is going primal! Answer the call of the wild and unleash the beasts of some of pop culture's most ferocious franchises with

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back to the show all right right, we're back. It's Becky and the Weast. Oh, yeah, right. Becky and the Weast did not get chosen. What did get chosen? Starting with this lovely hat. Do you have a microphone? That's a hat, man.

It is a hat. Somebody, this person made this and sent me a picture of it and said, guess what this is? And I wrote back, I don't know. That is not a guess. You're right. Is that from the set of Beetlejuice? So what's it supposed to be? Did he tell you? It's what? The House on Haunted Hillary.

The House on Haunted Hillary. So there's a movie called House on Haunted Hill, and it has a pink house with me and the Scolars standing in front of it? Yes. I have not seen that movie. What? Oh, there's fangs that come with it. Do they give you fresh ones?

No. These are not fresh. Those are used fangs? These are used. They're recycled. It's Portland. Yeah. For the listener at home, the most involved fucking sign is happening on stage right now.

I know. It's a house hat. Yeah. This is everything. This is how I imagine I'll look when I'm buried. You look like a cosplaying werewolf at the Kentucky Derby. You do. You do.

Boom. And your date is Ashley Judd. Thank you. I can't believe you put those fangs right in your mouth. I know. Well, you have children, so. They're actually edibles. Doug just shuddered at the thought.

All right, so good job, Hillary. Love that. This is what I have to say about this hat. Four more years. Oh, I thought you were going to put it on the ground. I was going to be really hard to resist stomping on it. You mean like our country did? Yeah.

Not happy about it Yeah Not happy about it Not happy about it Yeah, only 47% did 10 things I caved about you is what you chose I chose that because it's fun to look at There's a picture of Doug that looks like If Doug fucked Dave Grohl Thank you

That's how happy I'd be? I like that you're just saying if. If Doug fucked Dave Grohl and then got sick like Doug Henning. Can I get a jacket coat? Everyone is so... You guys are on there too, Jason. Yeah, we're on. Everyone's so thin and anorexic.

Yeah, there's a really thin Jeff Tate. Yeah, Jeff Tate is so thin. If Jeff Tate was that thin, everyone would be fucking worried. Jeff Tate in Dallas Buyers Club? If you saw Jeff Tate like that, you'd be like, congratulations,

you got, what movie are you like losing all this weight for? Or, yeah. No, this is great. I loved it. And I auditioned for this movie, and I got a call back, and I didn't get it. No, this is great. I loved it. And I auditioned for this movie and I got a call back and I didn't get it. Yeah, did not get it. Did you get it? Wait, why the fuck didn't I audition for that?

Because I was in auditions back in the day when you weren't and it was Thomas Lennon got it. Was there ever a part where you both auditioned and one of you got it and the other didn't? Yeah. Why does that happen? I mean, it just happened in the movie The House on the Haunted Hillary.

Yeah. Oh, you got cast because the hat fit you better? Yeah. If the hat fits, you must acquit. That is the best part of the OJ documentary. You'll see it. If the hat fits, you must acquit yourself to the role yeah that's happened a couple

times yeah look it happens it's all good I know I've seen you guys things separately but it's interesting that you'd go up against each other and that someone would make a choice we don't love to do that we do not love to do that but when it happens you know it's again like Gattaca one of us will die eventually yeah one of us rises

you ever pull a switcheroo? No. You know, one of us gets the role and the other one just comes in and does the job? Yes. And then the one who originally got it gets paid for it. So the other guy works and then doesn't. Yeah.

Who does that affect? I think he should just try to die at the same time. Yeah. Yeah, that'll happen. Tonight. Who wants to have that conversation the rest of your life? Yeah, it's true. I'm the one that survived.

I'm the survivor. Yeah, because I really think being the survivor would be worse. Yeah. Aw. Yeah, we'll go to the tender moments. We don't mind. This show has... Today's episode is brought to you by Tender Greens.

It must suck to get sad when you think about your brother dying. Yeah. It is. It's an extra burden. It is, Mark. So, Amy, you got a big one. Yes, clearly not for me. I would love to pick a poster one day with my face on it, but got a big one. Yes, clearly not for me. I would love to pick a poster one day with my face on it, but it's never happened.

We always surprise everybody with your appearance. That's true. Yeah. Maybe we should. People figured out the Sklars are going to be here because they're performing here this weekend. Doug, you can talk me through it later. They figured out that Mark was going to be here because we can't shake him. He just shows up all the time.

But I'm here with you tomorrow. That's true. I talked it up. That's a surprise I was saving. Maybe someone would make a poster with my... You did it? Yeah, you're on that one, stupid. What if I cry?

For the listener at home, Amy is tearing up. Do you want to trade the one you picked for the one that's got your face on it? No, it's okay. Are you coming back tomorrow? He said no, no, don't worry about it. Are you coming to the comedy show tomorrow? Guy who made Amy's face on the poster? I will if you've got tickets.

Oh, that's how this works. Oh, it's sold out. Tweet at me. I'll put you on the list. I can do that, right? It's full. I don't know what the list means. You know what? Fuck that. Tweet at me. I'll put you on the fucking list. Whoa.

At Mark Wahlberg? Yeah. Okay, go ahead and do that. Everybody do that. Everybody tweet at Mark Wahlberg? Yeah. Okay, go ahead and do that. Make sure everybody do that. Everybody tweet at Mark Wahlberg. It's underscore. B-E-R-G. At G Vibration. The list.

So I'm playing for Denny. Say Denny thing. Yep. It's a boom box with pictures of the Sklars on it. And I love that guy dressed all the way up, like John Cusack. He's got a trench coat. A little creepy. But looks great. He held it up.

One of my favorite movies. So, good luck, Denny. I never win. I guess that's why you don't put my face on a poster. You obviously haven't played against me yet. Couldn't get Daniel Day Lewis's name for an hour. I just love that there's a cassette tape in there.

We went to a record store in Portland today and they were selling tons of CDs. I'm like, are we already fucking past cassettes? Tapes are back. We're past cassettes now and it's back to CDs. That's ridiculous. CDs are cool again. All right.

Just an observation. Is it funnier if I say it with the tea? We're fucking fast teams. We're not on CDs. What the fuck? Did you guys see that flapping thing back there that was making all that noise? Yeah, I told that guy to stop it.

What? What was it, though? He just had little fucking clapper things that they give to kids who don't know how to stop. Yeah. My kids. Wait, if you took it away from them, they to stop. Yeah. My kids. Well, if you took it away from them, they might stop.

Yeah. Oh, dude, there was like a goddamn EuroLeague soccer tournament happening back there. It was just making as much noise as possible. So who did you end up selecting then? I went with the Italian Joss. Joss Whedon is sitting in the back. No, it was a cool lady, and she made this.

Oh, her name's Jocelyn? Yes. Okay. Nice. And there's like money attached to it, I guess. Why? Yeah, there's different things. Well, you know, because it's about a heist.

Gold coins. You remember your movie, The Italian Job? Not really. No. It was like a, they told me that like, basically it's just a really long commercial

for Mini Cooper. That's right. It was. There's a lot of Mini Cooper action in there. It was most def that. Yeah. Even Charlize Theron

fits in a Mini Cooper. I did not know that. I thought she'd be too big for it. Tall lady. Watch out. She came with a pair of sunglasses

that I'm going to put on. Oh, okay. Nice. Those are going to look great on you. These are going to look great on the podcast. Wow. That's real. These are official Empire swag sunglasses.

Yeah. From the TV show Empire. Yeah. Really? Yeah. From the TV show Empire. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Shit just got real. You ever seen Empire, Mark? The John Leguizamo movie from 2001?

No. No, Empire, it's a Fox show that they shooted in Portland, and it's about a record company. Empire Records? No. No, that's... Empire of the Sun? That's the Rory Cochran movie from back in the day. Yeah, that was Empire Records.

Let's play some games. Let's get down to this. We got 39 minutes to accomplish this. And then there'll be a little break. 7.30, first show for the Sklar brothers tonight here at Helium. Come on.

What time is your late show tonight? Late show's at 10. I think there's still... 10! There's a handful of tickets available for the first show. There's a Trump's handful of tickets available for the late show. So that's a smaller... It's much smaller.

A smaller... No, actually, first show sold out. Late show, there's still our tickets. All right, anyway. All right, so yeah, but you could go... You know, there's lots of things. All right. Anyway. All right. So, yeah, but you could go. There's lots of things to do. You could go downstairs and buy a bike. You could ride a recumbent unicycle around the southeast.

Yeah, that's right. It's very Portland to do that. I don't know if the listeners know this. I don't know if I've mentioned this on the podcast before. Probably have. There's now a dispensary in the same building as Helium Comedy Club. Nice. The name of which I've forgotten, of course, because dispensary names are so vague.

What is it? Pharma. Pharma. There you go. And it is, all the weed is pharma to table. I will say that about it here. Pharma with three R's. No, I don't know.

What? Pharma? Pharma. Pharma. So none of the weed know. What? Farva? Farga. So none of the weird. Fargo. None of the weirdest. Season three, coming to Netflix.

Can't wait. Love that show, Fargo. But this is Doug Loves Movies. Not Doug Loves Shows on Netflix. If you start that, I'll fucking come on that show too. Okay. We could literally,

let's do seven episodes just on Legion. You watch Legion? Fucking A, bro. I saw the first episode. Who was underwhelmed by the first episode? Anybody? Or did everybody just love it? Who was overwhelmed by the first episode?

It's intense, right? Yeah, it's real fucking intense. But I couldn't get into it in the first episode. Should I stick with it? Yeah, you did. Dude, Jean Smart alone. I called her up the other day. She's great.

I'm like, what movie do you want to be in? She's like, please. I hung up the phone. We're making it fucking happen. Wow. Oh, jeez. Are you going to make love to her in the movie? Jean Smart?

Yeah. I'm going to be honest. When I look at her, I think it's just fucking. That girl doesn't make love She's fucked Oh okay Yeah yeah Alright wow

I really appreciate Your directness And so does Gene So does Gene Right everybody does She's fucking awesome Love Jean Smart Yeah

She was great on The Oblongs with us Yeah Right That's right Yeah she was on that The Oblongs with us. Yeah. Right, that's right. Yeah, she was on that show. Thank you. I was going to say 24, but you were on that also. No, I was going to say... You were going to say an animated show that got canceled after one

season? That's so bizarre, Doug. 16 years ago. I was going to say Designing Women. We were on that with her. We both played Meshach Taylor. Yes. They subbed us out. We could only work four hours at a time.

Would you make love with any of the designing women or just fuck? I would definitely have sex again with Delta Burke. With love, though. Passion in your heart? No. If I'm not sweating, why are we doing this? It's got to be a workout.

Having sex with Delta Burke is like an 11K. Am I right? How many reps do you do when you're making love? Do you have it worked out? That's a great... I never thought of that. Because I could definitely do some dumbbell routines while I'm working out

now you're fucking dumbbells that's what oh snap I mean I've definitely curled dumbbells with my deck that's there's no how would you grip it I don't know Doug how would you grip sorry to question answer is both hands I don't know, Doug. How would you grip it?

That's a good point. Sorry to question. The answer is both hands. Sorry. Yep. Doug's like doing his taxes over here. What is going on? I'm just staring at the name of the first game. I'm just claiming two more dependents. Just waiting for a chance.

I'm so close to saying Donnie, Donnie. Because that's the safe word on the show, Donnie. Yeah, that's good, good. Oh, and if you, you know, if you just run into him publicly, you guys, Mark Wahlberg's nickname is Otter. Yeah. So yeah, if you see him anywhere just go up to him and go, hey Otter.

He loves it. I do fucking love it. You'll probably get a high five out of it. Be the hardest high five you've ever had. Hard high five. The first game we're going to play is called Purple Rain Man. And here's how this game, people love it. As you could tell just from the title of it, Purple Rain Man is a mashup of two popular movie titles.

That movie, of course, would star Prince and Dustin Hoffman. I'm going to give you the third billed people of a movie mashup title, then second billed, then first billed. Guess as often as you like. First person to get the right title wins. All right. often as you like, first person to get the right title wins. In this movie mashup title, in third

billing are Rosemary DeWitt and Anna Friel. No guesses expected. Second billing, this is where it gets interesting, Emma Stone and Danny McBride. La La Land of the Lost.

That is correct, Mark Wahlberg. Wow. That is right, Mark Wahlberg. That's good. All right. Did you say Joyce DeWitt? What? Did you say Joyce DeWitt? Did you say Joyce DeWitt? You didn't say Joyce DeWitt. Did you say Joyce DeWitt?

I said Rosemary DeWitt. She plays Ryan Gosling, who's the lead in La La Land. She plays his sister. And then, of course, Will Ferrell plays Danny McBride's sister in Land of the Lost. Also, it's funny that Emma Stone and Danny McBride actually did co-star in Aloha. Oh. I thought somebody might guess that.

And then I thought, no, they won't. I think a lot of things when I'm writing this shit down. Mark gets to go first in our next game. Let's do this. Why do you have to act like that? Because I was born this way. Nature over nurture. Okay.

There was a chance we were only going to have one Sklar today. Yes. But just a chance. You worked it out. going to have one Sklar today? Yes. So, but just a chance, you know. He worked it out. But, so this next game has only three rounds and a tiebreaker because I thought I'd have three guests. Okay.

So, none of what I'm saying matters to anyone. Let's proceed. Let me just real quick. Okay, that's just an edit point. All right, so. Then I'll forget to tell anyone about Let's play Ron Bennington's Adjusted for Inflation Bureau game Not as popular as Purple Rain Man

Apparently Or there's just a general fatigue Oh, we gotta hear this game explained again? Alright, here's what happens. We start with Mark. We'll work our way down to Amy and the Sklars. And what we're doing is

I'll name an actor and you just guess the first person has the advantage. We'll shift who goes first each round. But basically you guess what movies you think that actor, you name one movie that might be in that actor's top three box office domestic of all time according to box office mojo

and adjusted for inflation. So basically you just name a movie you could think of that's popular featuring that actor and hope for the best. We'll start with you, Mark Wahlberg. You caught quite a break here because the first actor we're going to play is Mark Wahlberg.

Oh, great. Okay. What did you guess? Jeff Goldblum. No. You know a lot about him? Jurassic Park. That's all you know about him or the first thing? I know that he was a fucking badass back when looks didn't matter.

Yeah. That's true. That's right. All right. Mark Wahlberg, the films of Mark Wahlberg. Which one of your movies has made the most money? Man, this is fucking good. Three points for if you guessed the number one.

Okay. Two points for two and one point for three. No points if you whiff it. Everyone gets a guess. Everyone gets one guess. We had a lot of star power in The Perfect Storm. Planet of the Apes did really fucking good opening weekend. Stop! Nobody saw Four Brothers. I wasn't

the reason people were seeing I Heart Huckabees. You don't have to go through the whole filmography. Please stop! Three Kings did really good on release. I need it. Nobody saw Renaissance Man. Pick one.

Ted. Okay. Amy. Name a Mark Wahlberg movie you think might be in his top three. No help from the audience. List them like I did. Three Kings. Three Kings.

Great movie. Great movie. Three Kings. He said it Yeah yeah yeah Before and then I said it Jason Transformers 17

Or whatever one he was in Alright That's his answer Here's where you get Settle down Mark Here's where you get Into trouble on this show You gotta give the exact title

So pick something else That you know the actual title of Like Ted 2 or something Can I just mention His Ted talk He did a Ted talk? He did a Ted talk? Did he just talk to a bear the whole time?

He did. Just advice for one stuffed animal? That's right. All right, I'll do Ted too, I guess. I don't fucking care. I didn't, sorry to push you into that answer. No, you pushed me. You pushed me. Yeah.

Boogie Nights. You're going. I was not. Adjusted for inflation. I know. Maybe. Yeah, maybe. There was a adjusted for inflation maybe yeah maybe there was a lot of inflation in that movie

she's right alright well first round nobody gets a point yeah you all missed coming in at number three Transformers Age of Extinction no chance to know that number two Planet of the Apes.

Ooh. The Tim Burton reboot. And then number one, despite Mark feeling otherwise, The Perfect Storm. Oh. Yeah. Seems like he would have known. I mean, the conditions for that movie being successful, they all sort of came together. They really did.

It really came together. It was just one of those moments where it felt like a It was like a really good opportunity to succeed. I don't know what that meant. Oh, I know. It was the finest hours. Didn't that movie just look like Perfect Storm 2? Totally. Fine stars. Okay.

It wasn't for everybody. Next round. Exciting. Start with you, Amy. Oh, fuck. Yeah. The films of John C. Reilly, the great John C. Reilly.

Love that dude. Step Brothers. Okay. Wreck-It Ralph. All right. Smart. That was smart. Kid shit, yo.

Kid shit. King Kong. Did you just say kid shit, yo? Kid shit, yo. Kid shit. He's a cool dad. I am.

That movie's too Kong's Call of the Alliance too recent and also you said it wrong. So give me another one. Magnolia. Yeah, all those P.T. Anderson movies really rake in the dough

when you really finally count up the numbers. Mark? Can I just hear real quick What everybody just said We had Step Brothers Wreck-It Ralph Magnolia Magnolia Man

You X-Nayed Kong Skull Can I change my name? Or no What? To what? Talladega Nights The full title The Well I guess You can't change it Can I change my name? Or no. What? To what? Talladega Nights. The full title.

Well, I guess you can't change it. The Legend of Bobby Ricky? Oh, so close. Ricky Bobby? Okay, can I say it now since that's the movie I was going to fucking say? What do you want to say? I was going to say Talladega Nights, The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. You can have it.

Okay, you guys can both have it because it's not in his top three. Good. Damn. He said he was going to say it. He didn't say it. Number three, Sing. I guess he's one of the voices in that thing. Kid shit.

Yeah. Number two, makes a lot of sense, because it's Mark Wahlberg's number one, The Perfect Storm. Wow. Jesus. Again, just the conditions. Yeah. And then people in the audience are going crazy over this because it's kind of obvious,

but not. It's real Guardians of the Galaxy. Wow. Yeah. Huge movie, of course. And he has a role in it. Yeah. Supporting role. Mm-hmm role I take it all if I can

well that didn't I didn't mean that all right I will take it all no points for anyone yeah it's still this is exciting we're really gonna need that tiebreaker probably you you wanted us to pick your signs none of us are gonna win

no one's gonna get somebody on the going to need that tiebreaker probably. You wanted us to pick your signs. None of us are going to win. No one's going to pick for yourself. We've got to get somebody on the board. Okay. Here we go. Jason. And Jason gets to go first this time. Great. George Clooney. George Clooney. Was he in a PT? Jason gets to go first. George Clooney. Jason gets to go first. George Clooney.

Don't help. Don't help him, audience. Ocean's 41. Ocean's 12. I don't know okay all right oceans 13 okay mark are you this for real yes this is real first of all the fact that you're fucking with these squire brothers like this no i know the answer is perfect storm i know that uh i know that and it's obviously siriana that's what I fucking meant. I'm going to go Perfect Storm official.

Lock it in. Amy? Ocean's Eleven. I hope it is. All right. Coming in at number four, I wrote this down just because it's interesting. Out of all George Clooney's movies, his fourth biggest grossing movie is Batman and Robin. Wow. Oh, no. Wow. Can't biggest grossing movie is Batman and Robin. Wow.

Oh, no. Wow. Can't get rid of it. On name alone. Yeah. But coming in at number three and giving Amy one point, it's Ocean's Eleven.

Yes! I'm on the board, Denny. Yeah, yeah. Number two, Gravity. Gravity. I forgot, Gravity. Gravity. I forgot he was in that. There were so many characters. Which of the three was he?

I know. Was he Ed Harris? Was he Space? He was uncredited. Was he Terra Firma? Did she kiss him at the end? And number one, The Perfect Storm.

Wow. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it the second I stopped talking. Yeah. That gives three points to Mark Wahlberg. And that means he wins that game. We don't have to use the tiebreaker,

but I'm going to anyway. Yeah. Starting with Randy. The Perfect Storm. What? Sorry. Name a movie about a storm. The actor's name is Diane Lane.

Oh, fuck. You have to do it. For the listener at home, this is really happening. I'm going to say the perfect storm. I discovered this recently as a way to play this game that's so fun for me and the audience and sucks for the guests. Yeah. Because they're just laughing at you.

And I deserve all of it. We're dumb as shit. I feel stupider than when I put the hat on. I literally am the teeth. And the teeth. What do you got there, Mark? Superman. Full title?

Man of Steel. Full title? Oh, wait. What? I'll go. Okay. Full title? Oh, wait. What? Okay. Which one? Yep. I mean, it's either that or Unfaithful. He says Man of Steel. Amy?

I have nothing for Diane Lane. Story of my life. So sorry, everybody. Not even Must Love Dogs? That was mine, asshole. Oh, sorry. I never seen that movie. I do love dogs, though.

You must love them. What about You have to. What about Nights in Rodanthe? What about Under the Tuscan Sun? I know she's been in movies.

It's just hard on the spot. It is hard on the spot. The lights are on. It's hard. The Cotton spot. It is hard on the spot. The lights are on. It's hard. The Cotton Club. Oh, yeah. Pick one. Amy, can I tell you something?

Yes. Tell me anything. I believe in you. Thank you so much. Can I see your abs? My abs, she means. Wow. There's like 10 of them.

It's crazy. I had 10 of them It's crazy I had two of them put in last week He had a rib removed Sir Amy just say Pass then or whatever She was not in a movie called Pass No She was so good in Straight Outta Compton

What do you got Jason? I'll do Most Loved Dogs I know that's wrong I was saying all movies that didn't make the top Yeah that's why I said it Alright coming in at number four Because it's interesting The Perfect Storm

Ran So mean The perfect storm. Ran. So mean. So mean. You guys are all mean. But weren't we all hoping that Mark would have fallen into that? Wouldn't that have been funny if he'd have said it that time? I'm a survivor, Doug. You know, I can't help it that it went your way.

Coming in number three, Man of Steel. So that gives Mark another point. Doug, are we the worst people ever to play this game? Oh, no. Not even close. Okay. All right. You're saying answers.

So we can't even. You can't even be that. We're failing at being the worst. Thank you. You're like 25 minutes away from even getting close to heish level. Yeah. Wait, so you're saying you have a love-heish relationship with her? That's right.

More of a heish-heish. Ten things I heish about you. She was delivering all her answers in tongues. That was the problem. It was a real H-crime. Coming in at number two, Batman versus Superman, Dawn of Justice. And Diane Lane's number one.

You saw it, dads. Inside Out. Oh, shit. She's the voice in Inside Out. She's the voice of just all of Inside Out. Yep. She's especially good as anger. Yeah.

And a lot of people think that's Louis Black. So that means that Mark Wahlberg won that game, everybody. Wow. Woo-hoo. Good job. But yeah, that's how I'm going to do that game from now on. Yeah, just... It's just there's one tile that just keeps coming up

and wait and see if people figure it out or not. That's right. They won't. So mean. They won't. So mean. In the worst. Yeah, the audience the other night laughed so hard at somebody.

I forget which show I did it in. But anyway. Another edit point. Yep. Let's play Last Man Stanton. Now this is where I get an audience member suggests the name of an actor or actress. And I play along. We all take turns naming movies that that actor or actress. And I play along. We all take turns naming movies that,

that actor actress is in. Let's switch the order around. So we'll start with Mark and then go to me and then Randy. And you guys each have a lifeline though. You can go to your person whose name tag you chose. Got it. You can go to them once. Once.

Yeah. I recommend going to them early. Yeah. Because they're going to be just as stumped as you if you go to them late, I feel. But, you know, play it how you want. Yep. Nobody listens to me. Which is your cross to bear, Doug.

Yeah. And then there's a dude on Twitter. I think it's a dude that I picked for giving us a suggestion for this game because I don't want to know in advance.

And the person's name is Nice Marmot 42. Where are you? Yeah, right there. Nice Marmot? I can't believe there were 41 ahead of you with that.

So many Nice Marmots in the world. I'll be Nice Marmot? I can't believe there were 41 ahead of you. So many Nice Marmots in the world. I'll be Nice Marmot 39. No one's going to fucking have that. Someone's got it. Is Nice Marmot, is that like the dude reference? Yeah, okay. I wasn't going to say that because I want to say this. I just also, I saw that on my Twitter and I also saw this on my Twitter. Josh Gondelman, a comedian, he tweeted,

I can't tell whether I'm psyched that The Big Lebowski holds up so well or mad I haven't grown or changed since high school. It's a great, he's so funny. It's a funny joke, but my response to that is that movie's so fucking great that it doesn't matter how old you are or when you see it. It's so good.

I'm not cheating. It's the best of everything. Do you know that there's a place in Portland called the Big Lagralski where you get a growler of beer? I'm not making a joke right now. You should get a growler of white Russian. It's real. Big. All right.

They do comedy shows there. Is there a stripper pole in there? Not yet. Okay. Because that's what I love about Portland is you don't have to be a strip club to have a pole. We were talking to our stripper last night at Denny's. Unreal. She.

Unreal. You took her out after the show? No. She worked there. She worked there. They got to see her moon over my ass. Flap jacks. Flap jacks. No, she worked there. She worked there. They got to see her moon over my ass. Hey-ho. Flap Jacks.

Flap Jacks, a-flyin'. Just put a bunch of comedians on stage and bring up Denny's and just watch them race to the references. Rudy, fresh and fruity. I love it. All right, so Nice Marmot 42, what do you got for us? What actor or actress are we going to play today to decide the winner of all this stuff

and who gets to throw a big, fat Doug Benson donut into the crowd? No, you really just went, uh, like you're thinking about it right now. Like you didn't, you told me in your tweet, you thought about it, you were going to think about it in the car. That was a fake. Okay. And so you came up with,

I mean, this is good because I, you know, we got to wrap the show up anyway. Sure. So we're going with Glenn Close, starting with Mark Wahlberg. Any Glenn Close movie.

What do you got, Joss? He's going right to the lifeline. I like that. It'll trigger a lot of ideas in all of our heads, I'm sure. Joss, do you have anything? Jocelyn? Yeah, what do you got? Fatal Attraction. That's a great one. Never heard of it.

Who was she in that? Get that one. She was the bunny rabbit that got murdered by the by the bunny lady yeah yeah she killed a bunny i can't believe her career snapped back after killing a bunny it's just amazing that's not cool dude oh it's my turn um i'm gonna go to my lifeline no i'm gonna oh, this is one that if anybody wants to go back and watch a crazy ass movie that also probably holds up the world according to Garth. Just watch it. Amazing.

Love that. John Lithgow paving the way for fucking transparent. Unreal. Right? Wasn't he so good in that? I read that book as a child. I don't think I was supposed to be reading it as a child. No, no, no.

In Christian school. No, no. Yeah, and it just makes you want to never get blown in a car. Yeah. No, it doesn't. That was the only scene that didn't hold up for me. When he's driving home the babysitter. The babysitter is like, well, I guess you're 16 and I'm married and all the kids are fine.

I guess we got to hook up over by this tree. I is like, well, I guess you're 16 and I'm married and all the kids are fine. I guess we gotta hook up over by this tree. I was like, what the fuck? I'm gonna say Guardians of the Galaxy. Okay. President of the world. I'm gonna say The Big Chill. Sorry.

Slow down, you guys. Oh, shit. I'm gonna say The Big Chill. Good job. I think this. Yeah. I'm going to say The Big Show. Good job. I think this is right. Amy? 101 Dalmatians. Uh-huh. Nice.

Oh, yeah. What? They're clapping because I got one. That makes me feel sad. She did it. Nice. Mark? 102 Dalmatians.

That's right. That is correct. She made the code, guys. She made the code. And that is even the full title. Wow. Yeah. Can you believe it?

Yeah. I'm going to go with Dangerous Liaisons. Wow. Dangerous Liaisons. I'm going to go with The Natural. Oh, yeah. The danger rule is your hole. I'm going to go with the natural. Oh, yeah. The fucking natch. Yeah, the natch.

Natch it up. Take it up a natch. Natch, I will. I am going to go with a movie that totally holds up, did not get enough love, Robert Altman movie. And she's genius. This might be my favorite role she's ever done. Cookie's Fortune.

Yeah. Unbelievable movie. Great movie. Not enough people are clapping because not enough people have seen it. It's so, so good. Her and Julianne Moore. It's brilliant. Just watch it.

It's one of Robert Altman's best. Why'd you say you were bad at this game? I'm bad at it. Now you're giving a full synopsis of a movie. That's the only movie I know. Yeah, that was a real good one. Thank you. I'm in trouble I think because there's a few

I could see them in my head but I can't think of the right name for it but Amy do you have anything I'm going to go to Denny Denny not Denny's oh yeah you guys looked excited I was like strippers

Denny anything the films of Glenn Close Glenn Close you can say it now. Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas. Do you want to go with that, Amy?

Do you think she was in a film called Michael Douglas? You don't know? No, he gives up. See, that's why I said go to him early. I don't say it, but the guy who made the only poster with my face, do you know one? Don't. Fuck. You can't. No. Oh, does he know one? You can't cherry pick the crowd for... I told him not to say it.

I'm just curious to see if... Oh, you just want to know if you did the right thing. All of my life decisions are wrong every time, and it's confirmed. You're right. You're right about being wrong about everything. Okay, so you got nothing. No, he's got nothing. Alright, um... Why? Stop. Okay. So you got nothing. No. He's got nothing. All right.

No, stop. Why? Stop. No. Shut up. We're really trying to play this game. Are you high?

Air Force One. Because I hate it when that's somebody's excuse. She's like, why Air Force One? Yeah, get the fuck out of my plane. Was she in that?

I don't think that's what he said. Get the fuck out of my plane Get off my plane Did Harrison Ford yell that at himself As he was crashing a plane? That's right As he was going down

As he was going down to Santa Monica Yeah, Penmar Golf Course Get me off my plane Chewie, take over Alright, so I'm going to accept that answer But please no more yelling out of answers And I don't feel good about it Because I don't like people who yell Chewie, take over. All right, so I'm going to accept that answer, but please no more yelling out of answers. And I don't feel good about it

because I don't like people who yell. Right, well, that's what happens. You were fishing through the crowd for answers. No, I wasn't, Doug. Trolling. Do you got another synopsis for us? Jay? No. I do not. No synopsis for us? Jay? No.

I do not. No synopsis. Did you use your lifeline yet? No. Oh, going the wrong way? It's Wahlberg. It's Wahlberg. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Yeah. Mark, you ready? Is he sleeping? Oh. I don't fucking sleep. All right. You don't sleep at all? You don't sleep at all?

I sleep when I go to bed. That's it. Okay. Wow. That makes a lot of sense. The only one. The three of you are horrible at this show. Okay, go ahead.

Oh, you feel pretty bad that you're about to lose, don't you? Yeah, I'm going to let one of them do it. I'm out. Wow. Wow. Go ahead. I'm out. Wow. Ooh. Whoa. Wow. Go ahead. What a patriot.

Dramatic exit. Stay. She was in a movie that I saw. I had started writing some reviews in different places, so I got to go to a press screening of a movie that she was in where they showed the reels accidentally out of order, and there was only like two or three of us watching the movie, but we all just thought it had a

terrible weird story structure and didn't notice that the reels were out of order and so I'll never forget that movie and I finally figured out the name of it because it's terrible and it's called Moxie. Oh. They have a lot of Moxie to mix those things up. She plays the title character.

Okay. So there you go. I have a crazy one and I hope this one will count. Okay. Tarzan. Now. Full title. Oh, fuck. Because she

Yes, right? Exactly. She had to replace the voice of Andy McDowell in Tarzan colon more words. Don't say them. It is how I'm going to win this game. Hold on. Tarzan. I don't know why

in my head I am Tarzan. Jason, it's your turn. Tarzan, Prince of Thieves. I deserve to stay in the game for that title. Tarzan, King of theieves. I deserve to stay in the game for that title. Tarzan, King of the Jungle. I don't know. No, sorry.

Jason? I don't know that answer. Do you have a different one? Well, I do, but I want to just, I think I do, but I don't know if it's right. Why don't you read us your thesis on the movie before you say the title?

Wow. Hey, Mark, you were a producer of Entourage, and you had these guys on the show. They were hilarious on Entourage. Fucking great, dude. Yeah, that's why we brought them back. Thank you. They were so good. The two of them just fighting each other while Piven pretended that he knew what was happening

in the scene. Yeah, that was great. I dare say funniest episode of the show is when you guys are kind of fighting each other. Thank you. Thank you, Doug. Thank you. That's so nice. He dared say it. All right. Do you know much, dude. Thank you. That's so nice. He dared say it.

Do you know? I'm just asking over there in this. No? You got nothing? He's got nothing. All right. Pull out the big gun. Okay.

I think I might be getting the name of this movie wrong. Perfect. Well, that didn't hurt me at all. Oh, okay. It's a bunch of vignettes. And what I remember of the scene that she did was she was sitting with she was kidding when she said

describe the movie Dakota Fanning no I'm trying to talk about it so I can get the name of it right out at a cemetery and it turns out that she wasn't there like it was Dakota Fanning talking to the accused I think it's 13 conversations

and I could be wrong you're like a third grader giving an oral presentation and that is why that is the movie she is in applaud if you think that he's talking about a real thing I am talking about a real thing

no I mean if that title's right you think that title's right no okay you're out it's actually 13 Conversations Prince of Thieves. I'm looking at it. I mean, can we look it up and just see? No, no. Amy. That's not

wrong. How is she still in this shit? Judge Jug has decided. Decided. Oh. Decision. I've been saying correct answers. Okay, go ahead. She's still in it to win it. She's still getting people shouting out the answers. I'm about to take her down. Hey, hey. Air Force One. Settle down, take her down. Hey, hey. Air Force One. Settle down, mean sklar.

Yeah. You take whatever answer you want from the crowd. Hey, you guys didn't know Amy was a ventriloquist and pretended to be a guy in the audience yelling at me? Yeah, that's right. I'm going to say Little Women. Okay. Full title, to say Little Women. Okay. Full title, Prince of Thieves.

There's a lot of women in that. It can't be. My turn. She wasn't in it. Yeah. My turn. Tarzan, The Legend of Greystoke. Oh, my God.

Did I get it wrong? Yeah. Okay. I'm out. Oh. Oh, shit. Amy wins. No way.

I want to look up. Yes, I win. I'm looking it up. It No way. I want to look up. I'm looking it up. It's not The Legend of Greystoke. Amy, you win. It's not called The Legend of Greystoke? Greystoke, The Legend of Tarzan. God damn it. You got to know when to stoke your gray and when not to.

You got to know when to stoke your gray and when not to. You got to know when to sand your char. That's what threw me off is him saying it the other way. Oh, shit. All right. So look up that 13 conversations thing. It's called 13 conversations about one thing. Yeah, there you go. Full title.

Which ironically is what Jason's been doing the entire time. Yeah. 13 conversations about losing. All right, so the person that Amy was playing for, come get your prize bag. It's actually one bag this time. Oh, yes. Who knew?

Danny! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's over here. Oh, okay. He's in a black trench coat. Be careful, everybody.

That's right. Do you want your boom box back? Hold it up above your head. And just let everybody know. There you everybody. That's right. Do you want your boombox back? Hold it up above your head. And just let everybody know. There you go. Try and win her back right now. Try and win her back. There you go. She's it. You did it.

In your eyes. Yeah, Seattle. By the way, does Amy not know what a trench coat is? That's a sport coat. That's a fucking blazer. He had another coat on over it. Sure he did. That's a blazer.

Sure he did. Oh, now the scars are mad. Where's the shithead on this house, Hillary? Inside. Oh, my God. Okay. What an ordeal. What does it say?

Don't say it. I'm not reading it. Okay. I learned my lesson. All right. Let's put it. I'll do it like that. No, that'll work. Yeah. That's cool. All right. Let's put it Okay I can't You want me to hold it I'll do it like that No that'll work

Yeah That's cool Alright let's do some Some plugs real quick Promote yourself Sklar Brothers Come see them tonight 9.30 show time

Still has a few seats available I believe it's a 10 o'clock show time Seats still available Right but Come here at 9.30 Get here at 9.30ish Get here at 9.30ish There's still a few

A handful of seats available for that And then listen to our new podcast Dumb People Town that we co-host with Dan Van Kirk And like Doug says Rate, review, subscribe All that stuff, thank you so much I think that's pretty good Once again I took care of all of Jason's plugs

Yeah Dumb People Town Dumb People Town, a guy yelling it. Thank you. Dumb People Town. A guy yelling it out. Thank you. Theme song. He called it out. Probably shouldn't yell it out

anywhere else. Seems like you're just insulting everyone around you. And line of Udo Donuts. Dumb People Town! Is he talking to us? Amy Miller, we'll see you tomorrow at my stand-up show. But what else you got going on?

Go to killrockstars.com if you want to buy my album Solid Gold. There's vinyl, CDs, digital, pillowcases. And follow me on Twitter, Amy Miller. And then the weekend of April 15th, I'll be at the Punchline in San Francisco if you want to come yeah awesome we should mention Kansas City

oh yeah sorry I did remember one thing is it May 10th 11th 11th through the 13th we're going to be in Kansas City

at the Improv our first time ever in Kansas City so come out to that please the Sklar brothers in 13 conversations about one thing.

Which is our plugs. Amy. Oh, man. There's that giant donut for you. I don't know you can hold. I think. Oh, my God. Oh, Amy.

Throw it? Well. Well. I feel so bad for this guy. Put your hands up if you're ready to receive it. Wow. And then, so just make sure you don't hit anybody that's not wanting it. That guy over there seems pretty into it.

It's going to hit someone who doesn't want it. Here, do this guy over here. You can get it to him, right? This is not going to end well. Oh. Sorry, Helium. Why does another guy just jump up and knock everything off of the table? I have a strong arm. What happened?

How has there not... The donut is intact and I destroyed the table. Right. How is there not a donut shop slash strip club in Portland called... Do you want to throw a roach at everybody? Holes and holes. Holes and holes are donut

touch the girls. All the way up. All the way up. All the way up. All the way up. All right. Oh. Hit the roof. I was trying to go back here.

I'm sorry. Jay threw it like there was a... Whoa! It's coming back. Coming in hot. Oh. Back out there. Throw it back.

Jay threw it like there was a balcony in hot. Oh, back out there. Throw it back. Jay threw it like there was a balcony in here. Does anyone need triage? Are we all right? We're good. We're good. We're good. I think I lost a few sprinkles. I had a kentacolia.

You guys are going to be doing your act in a bunch of donut mess on the stage tonight. Like every night. Yeah, right? Yeah. Do you care that Glenn Close was not in Little Women and I just made it up? What's that? Nothing. It's good work.

She was in 13 Conversations, which is the short way of saying 13 Conversations about one thing. That's what they called it around the set. They actually called it 13 convos. They also called Fatal Attraction Little Women, so... We're good. Yeah, no, sometimes my decisions are arbitrary, but...

Thank you. You deserved it. And Mark Wahlberg, what's the next motion picture coming out for you? Do you got another one coming out soon? Yep, Transformers, back at it again. Oh, that's right. Oh, you're doing only sequels from now on, right? For that one, yeah, because then we also just start,

next month we start production on Daddy's Home 2. Daddy's Home 2, yeah. We just opened our newest location of Wahlburgers, right there next to the Flamingo on the Las Vegas Strip. So go in there, get the Thanksgiving burger. That's my favorite one. Wahlburg season seven will be coming out January 17th of next year. You going to do another Patriots day?

God, I hope not. What if it's about the New England Patriots? Oh, that? Yeah. Oh, fuck, yeah. Fourth quarter, eat shit. That's what it's for. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Full quarter, eat shit. That's what it's for. Wow. Wow. Wow. Full title. Full title. All right. Full title, Prince of Thieves. National Lampoon's fourth quarter. Yeah.

All right. Thank you to all of my guests. Thank you. Mark Wahlberg, Amy Miller, Jason, and Randy Sklar. Thanks, you guys. So awesome. Leave that there. I spent all that time

placing the name tags so I could just read them at the end. Jason picks it up and puts it back. Doug Loves Movies is back in Austin, Texas on Saturday, April 29th at 420.

I'll see some of you tomorrow. And as always, this is tough. Defunding the NEA is a shithead. All bosses that are assholes, which is all of them, are shitheads. And Bill Gates is a shithead. Once again, today's episode is brought to you in part by Two Dope Queens,

a podcast from WNYC Studios with Jessica Williams and Phoebe Robinson. Here they are again. I'm Jessica Williams. And I'm Phoebe Robinson. And we're back this spring with an all new season of our hit podcast, 2 Dope Queens from WNYC Studios. It's comedy. It's conversations with your fave celebs. It's me and Jess getting

real about our lives. Plus, y'all, this season you'll hear from Jon Hamm, Carrie Brownstein, Tig Notaro, Gabrielle Union, and many, many more. Ooh, my pits are sweating just thinking about it. Cool down, girl. Get that anti-persp. Listen to the new season of Tudor Queens first on Spotify.

No more DLM for today, so go give them a listen, why don't you? Bye-bye. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. why don't you? Bye-bye.