Doug Loves Movies - Rental Car II

Episode Date: October 1, 2011

Graham Elwood joins Doug in a rental car for a chat about movies and a round of Build-A-Title.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seeds with 50 acid popper kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug Loves Movies! Hey everybody, my name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies, coming to you once again from a rental car on Sunday, October 2nd, 2 Oceans 11, driving from Louisville, Kentucky to Lexington, Kentucky. Since last we spoke, well last time I spoke while you just sat there, or ran on a treadmill, or whatever it is you do while you listen to this stuff. Since then, a hot time was had by all at the Ventura Harbor Comedy Club in Ventura, California. Jordan with the baseball, that's where he lives out in those parts.

If you want to visit him, he works at the Buena Lanes Bowling Facility in Ventura. He was there, hot off of his win, finally, last week, thanks to Sam the Man Levine. Graham Elwood was there in Ventura, and he's also driving this car. Please welcome. Hello. My guest, Graham Elwood. What kind of rental car are we in today, Graham Elwood? We're in a weirdo crossover.

This is a Mazda. It's called the A5 Sport. And it's kind of a SUV minivan-y thing. Yeah, it's... It's fine. It's all right. It's fine. It's not...

Yeah. It's fine. Yeah, it's... We're not going to get any endorsement deals from Mazda. Talking about how fucking fine their car is. In Ventura, you beat a dude named Shoe, whose name tag was an actual shoe. You beat him with Spider-Man in the Kill Em Defoe category. Actually, it's pronounced Spider-Man. Spider-Man, and then, uh, that's an old Jordan Brady bit he used to talk about. Oh, really? Spider-Man, and then that's an old Jordan Brady bit.

He used to talk about Spider-Man. Spider-Man. I just saw. What was I watching? Somebody went, bow-chicka-bow. Oh, it was in It's Kind of a Funny Story. I was watching that yesterday at HBO, and somebody went, bow-chicka-bow-bow. And Jordan Brady invented that, saying that in association with I'm going to go have sex with somebody.

Because he had this bit about the music in porn and how it's like, that blows my mind that he coined that. Anyway, Jordan Brady, director of I Am Comic, by the way, in the Janine Garofalo category, happy birthday

Jane Ann, you lost to a dude named Mike on the film Ratatouille. That's right. Which is tricky. You always get tripped up by animation. Animation mix because there's always this, like, Janine Garofalo and then it was, like, Brad Garrett. I was like, what movie have they ever been?

Like, I can't picture them. And voices throw me. I'm a visual person. Yeah, you are. Yesterday at the 420 show that we did, stand-up... We just got passed by another Mazda A5 Sport, so now, Doug, you can get a good idea what it looks like, how stupid we look. It's a weird-looking car.

Yeah, again, Mazda probably won't be calling. Sorry, guys. About, yeah. Better luck on the next rental. probably won't be calling. Sorry, guys. About, yeah. Better luck on the next rental. So yesterday we did a 420 stand-up show in Louisville at the Improv, and a dude with a football that had Paul written on it,

a football, if you will. Football. He got Coal Miner's daughter in negative two names that was impressive he fucking stomped your ass when someone is that strong I give it to them

because there was no there was nothing you could do you couldn't go negative three I had no idea because you thought it might be I thought it might be Tender Mercy Tender Mercy

but then in the description you're like oh it's kind of based on real and I was like shit Tender Mercy is not and I was like scrambling Tender Mercy is also you know several years later I think yeah T and I was like, shit, Tender Mercies is not, and I was like scrambling. Tender Mercies is also several years

later, I think. Yeah, Tender Mercies was like 83 or 84. Co-Miner's Daughter was 80. Yeah. So anyway, you, the listener, can have a chance to play Leonard Mullen game against Graham Elwood at the Neptune Theater in Seattle on Friday, October 28th, the San Francisco

Punchline on October 29th at 420, and the Sacramento Punchline on October 30th at 420. Since it'll be Halloween weekend, be sure to wear a costume. Yeah, dress up as your favorite movie character or movie character with your name, and you'll have a better chance of being chosen. Right, Graham? Yes. The more creative the costume, the better chance you have.

Yeah, and since Graham is going to be doing the picking, I'll help you out and say that he really likes people to wear his Palm Strike shirt to the show, and he also likes any kind of references to martial arts in your name tag or your costume. Yes, if you dress like someone from 13 Assassins and truly shave your head the way Samurais did back in feudal Japan.

Alright, don't do that, seriously. That's ridiculous. Also, I'm just going to think that you're from that Tom Cruise movie when I see you. Because I still haven't seen 13 Assassins. Oh, it's so good. Yeah, I've got to see 1 through 12 Assassins first. I'm making a joke and a Mazda.

Have you seen anything lately, Graham? You know, I've been very busy with other comedy film nerd related stuff. We just announced we're going to have a book coming out next spring. So Chris and I and all the other nerd writers are very busy with that. So honestly, admittedly, I'm a little behind in my movie going-ness. Isn't it great how having to write a book about movies

is keeping you from seeing movies? Well, I guess, you know, in all fairness, what I've been doing is I just finished watching the documentary, I just finished writing a chapter on documentaries, so I have been watching a lot of movies,

nothing current, so I've seen... Oh, I just meant, what have you seen lately? Oh, okay, great. Then Afghan Star is an amazing documentary about a American Idol-type show

in Afghanistan where singing and dancing were outlawed by the Taliban. So now, you know, there was, and there's, there was like two women in the finals and this one woman like shakes her shoulders from side to side. And it's like an outrage, like she's out there dancing like some whore. And it's, it's, it's an amazing film talking. Wait, this is the remake of Footloose? Yeah. This is the remake of Footloose that they shot in Kabul. And Kevin Bacon's in it, so it's really good.

No, it's an excellent documentary, Afghan Star. And then I've also watched a bunch of Westerns. I just watched Jeremiah Johnson, which is a great Robert Redford movie. And Sidney Pollack directed it in the 70s. That shit holds up? Yeah, yeah, there's some... I didn't like it when I was a kid. Well, there's some music stuff that's like, you know,

it's a very 70s soundtrack with like, Jeremiah Johnson lived in the mountains. Oh, my God. You can get past that. There's some good... How much of it's in the snow? Is there a lot of snowy parts? A lot of snow.

They shot it, of course, Robert Redford shot it all in Utah. That's when he fell in love with Sundance and started all that Sundance crap, right? I think that might have been Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, but I don't know. I think, I'm sure it had something to do with it. Yeah, I mean, the name Sundance came from Sundance Kid, but I think that, because they didn't shoot Butch Cassidy in Utah did they

they shot some of it in Utah he's got a lifelong love of Utah basically Electric Horseman which is another great western

he goes to Utah what that's a great western yeah man he's a cowboy with a little electric suit on and Jane Fonda bitching at him

the whole movie it's a western I categorize that as a western because he's out there on a horse how many shootouts are there With the little electric suit on and Jane Fonda bitching at him the whole movie? It's a Western. You definitely, I categorize that as a Western. Because he's out there on a horse. How many shootouts are there? There's a lot. He has a great one with John Saxon. A corporate shootout?

Of course, you know, we flew out to Louisville on Friday. And that was the day before the end of the month so the magazine in front of you on United promised Mr. Popper's Penguins as being the movie but as often happens they switched the magazines going into the weekend but didn't

switch the movies yet so they showed Something Borrowed again and I watched a little bit of it again just because it's stupefying. I cannot believe how terrible it is. It's amazing to me. I think, is it just because I'm a man? Would a woman watch it and go, well, it's not great, but it's cute or whatever?

We have a lot of female fans at Comedy Film Nerds, and there was a whole thing on our message boards, by women mostly, about how many romantic comedies they hate and find insulting and and there's only a handful of them that they really resonate with it's so awful now i've seen almost all of it and i and and basically the arc of the story is that these these girlfriends are best friends even though they have nothing in common really because one is just a complete crazy person played by kate hudson and the other one's like a nice normal girl and why why their friends never make sense but then also just how just all the like taking each other you know sleeping with

each other's husbands and all that kind of stuff. But it's just like, it's amazing. They keep going to the Hamptons for these stupid weekends that are just like mix-up-y. I have to say, John Krasinski kind of saves it, makes it watchable for me, just because he spends a lot of his time saying, what is wrong with you bitches? Like, this is stupid. Like the Batman scene where he's like just going, fucking, why are you, what's happening?

You know, you two are in love and then you're going to marry the other girl? What the fuck? But it's, you know, Shakespeare, it's not. But it's funny, the timing, because, you know, now I've got this thing where I'm saying to people that, or not to people, but on the podcast, that Kate Hudson hasn't made a good movie since Almost Famous. And then Almost Famous just came out on, uh, Blu-ray, I guess, so Entertainment Weekly reviewed it, and basically says the same thing, like it says, it actually, they say out loud, they go, uh, you know, they say it's a, ever since 2003's How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Kate Hudson has become synonymous with a certain brand of cloying,

lightweight romantic comedy that always seems to be playing in coach at 30,000 feet. Oh, my God. In coach, that's a funny way to phrase it, because, you know, I was in first one time when I had to sit through it. But anyway, it makes you wish you had a parachute. Humble brag, maybe? But then it lists, Alex and Emma,

late divorce, raising Helen, fool's gold, my best friend's girl, bride wars, something borrowed. She makes all these crappy movies. And then the one that people keep pointing to

is Skeleton Key, they say is good. But I never saw Skeleton Key because those American versions of Japanese horror movies are never good. I didn't even like The Ring. Her and Katherine Heigl should have a fucking shitty rom-com cage match. It's true.

They both had one good movie that was their first movie that made them a viable movie performer. And then, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Maybe Skeleton Key. C then, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Maybe Skeletony Key. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. All right, so that's settled. We don't need to talk about that anymore. Kate Hudson, make a good movie. It's not like she's a bad actress.

She's a good actress. Both her and Katherine Heigl are good actresses. Go make some good stuff. Yeah, stop being assholes. I saw The Dead. Speaking of people who are not assholes, be like Helen Mirren. Yeah, stop being an asshole. I saw The Debt. Speaking of people who are not assholes, be like Helen Mirren. Oh, my God. She makes an occasional bad movie, but for the most part, she's a great actress that makes good choices.

I didn't need to see her topless in that Calendar Girls movie, but I also didn't need to see Patton Oswalt in that movie. He was in there. I also didn't need to see Patton Oswalt in that movie. And he was in there. Yeah. But even when she makes a movie, it's usually like it just demographically doesn't resonate with me. You know what I mean? Like, my mom and her friends loved Callender Girls.

So great. That's what that demographic is for. You know what I mean? Like, Callender doesn't make just one unlikable character after another. She doesn't do that. Well, that's the thing about Kate Hudson. She seems to be getting more and more unlikable character after another. She doesn't do that. Well, that's the thing about Kate Hudson. She seems to be getting more and more unlikable. Like, almost like... Because her role in Something Wrong

is kind of a character part, in a way. Because the character's so much more annoying than she probably was in some of those other romantic comedies, but... If someone did a really smart, sharp comedy and Kate Hudson came in playing that character briefly, it would be hilarious. I think if it was like sort of a, she knew it was, they were sort of winking at the audience like, hey, it's Kate Hudson doing the thing she always does. I think if you did that correctly, it could be funny.

But when it's the co-star, I don't want to watch that ever. Yeah, get it out of my face. God damn it. What are you doing? Stop teabagging me with your bad movies. Oh my god. Since there's just the two of us in the car, that means we play Build a Title.

Yes. Although one dude on Twitter suggested that we pick up a hitchhiker and play the Leonard Malton game. What was his playlist? Yeah, so keep your eyes out for Rutger Hauer. Yeah.

I hear he's good at the Leonard Malton game. Good at the Leonard Malton game. God, he would be awful. He'd be the next coming of Michael Rooker. I think... I'm guessing. I'm guessing a guy like Rutger Hauer doesn't remember the names of his co-stars. I bet you he remembers everything.

I bet you Rutger Hauer... Really? You think Rutger Hauer doesn't remember the names of his co-stars. I bet you he remembers everything. I bet you Rutger Hauer... Really? You think Rutger Hauer's a name genius? Yeah, I think that German brain of his is going to have everything remembered and ready to go. Alright. Let's try to get him on the show.

See what happens. We've got to hook up for Rutger Hauer. Let us know. Oh, yeah. Oh, since we're in Kentucky, I should say, you know, one of my favorite movies on television, of course, is Justified, starring Timothy Olyphant. Great TV show. But, you know, people are always asking me, who's your next John Lithgow? Who do you really want to get on the show? I would love to have Timothy Olyphant on Doug Lolas movies because i i know he's super into sports like he he like sometimes would uh he used to do

like sports on a radio station in in la just for the fun of it but uh i bet you he's also really knows his movies and i think he's mostly made some smart choices in his career, so I would love to talk to that guy. But so let's play, I decided to pick a movie that is set in Kentucky for this round of Build a Title. Alrighty. And I decided on a horror comedy classic that was shot entirely in California, but it's supposed to be Kentucky. shot entirely in California, but it's supposed to be Kentucky, uh, stars Clue Gulliger, who, uh, or Gulliger, you can pronounce it any way, several different ways, uh, he is often in the front row at the, uh, New Beverly when they show any kind of movie where there's

going to be, like, a cute, or maybe he only goes to Edgar Wright things, like, I've seen him at, when I saw the, they had a double bill of the driver, and I think it was Warriors, and they had Walter Hill there, and Bruce Dern, and they spoke, and Clue Gulliger was in the front row. And then Clue Gulliger was at the midnight screening of Scott Pilgrim. the midnight screening of Scott Pilgrim. Ooh. That I got to go with Edgar to that and do, like, a Q&A with him and a bunch of the cast members.

Super fun. And New Beverly in L.A. is going to show Scott Pilgrim at midnight one Friday or Saturday each month, I think. That's awesome. And any time that me or Edgar are around, we're going to show up there and try to get some other people to show up. We played, after the movie was over,

like 3 in the morning, we played Leonard Maltin game with audience members. And Edgar had a bad night. He got shut out. Two different people beat him. As we go in to build the title here, I got to... The thing that...

When we played in Bloomington, which, by the way, was a great show. Oh, I think you're going to say what I was about to say, maybe. The Hunter-minator? That's nonsense. That's like, then I could just pick a movie that starts with, I could have said Hunter Rollerball. It has to be the word. Oh, no, no, no.

No, you're absolutely wrong, and I can't believe... I'm going to have to throw away this episode of the podcast. It's been so good so far. But I don't want to have this argument on the podcast, because I have this argument on occasion with listeners. And, no, Terminator, that was amazing. That was perfect. There's another example of...

Amazing is overselling it but another another example was um uh uh what was it uh something that ended in uh jing and then i added jingle all the way to it but that's if it's got but it's got to be the it's got to sound right like a lot of people try to do like contagionion You know A movie that starts with the word one One and only They try to go Contagion One and only

And that's like No that's Now you're changing the sound of it But What was illegitimate On the Bloomington thing That I thought you were going to bring up Is that

I pushed through Night is a Lonely Hunter As a movie And that is not a movie That is in fact not a movie I was thinking of The Heart is a lonely hunter as a movie and that is not a movie that is in fact not a movie uh i was thinking of the heart is a lonely hunter all right and i just i just jammed it through and nobody nobody questioned it the night is a lonely hunter is not a movie and it's not like when you said case closed on the last uh car one or or no was it bloomington when you said case closed

where that you got lucky and that turned out to be an actual movie there somebody should actually car one or no, was it Bloomington when you said Case Closed? Where you got lucky and that turned out to be an actual movie? Somebody should actually make something called Night as a Lonely Hunter because that is a good title. I just knew there was no way of all the shitty movies that have been made there wasn't a Case Closed starring Rutger Hauer. Yeah, so

anyway so that's an interesting ongoing debate that I've been having with people about Build a Title. Because also when you play it on Twitter, then it's about the spelling of the words and not about the pronunciation. So it's all very confusing, but hopefully people that listen all the time are on board. And again, I'm sorry that we have to throw out this episode. I'm going to set my iPhone on fire. And yes, this is being recorded on an iPhone in a moving car.

And it's pretty, I've got to say iPhone, at least that's one thing they're doing pretty good, is the microphone in there. So anybody could have a podcast on their phone if they want. Oh, I wanted to thank real quick everybody at Monroe County Martial Arts because I sparred with them right before we recorded the show in Bloomington. I was fighting there, it was great. Oh, no wonder we had such a good show. Yeah, that's because I needed to spar, I got to fight. It was great. Oh, no wonder we had such a good show. Yeah, that's because I needed a spar.

I got to fight, and I felt good. So if anyone wants to fight in Bloomington, Indiana, go to Monroe County Martial Arts. I actually wrote it down so I wouldn't forget. The people that showed up at the Scott Pilgrim taping, there was taping, screening at the New Beverly. Chris Evans was there, future guest Chris Evans, by the way. Jason Schwartzman, didn't get to ask him to ever be a guest.

Brie Larson, Brian Lee O'Malley, and Michael Bacall, who are the creator of the comic and the co-writer of the movie. And then, of course, Edgar Wright. I wanted to tell a quick story we were Edgar and oh and did I say Michael Cera was there yeah Michael Cera was there too and Michael Cera and Edgar and I were walking down Beverly Boulevard after the Q&A and there was a bunch of you know huge lights in the middle of the street. They were filming something. And as we were walking along, some AD or somebody stopped us and said, hey, can you guys go around the block? We're filming right here. And Edgar goes, what are you filming? And

the guy says, The Closer, you know, the TV show The Closer. And Michael Cera looks at the guy and goes, my friend Kira works on that. And the guy just stared at him like, what? And then we just walked away. But it was so funny. Like, I'm sure the guy had no idea that was Michael Cera. But it was just such a funny thing to say, my friend Kira works on that.

Like, some dork would say that to the AD that's trying to get you to walk around the block. Yeah, and it's like... He doesn't give a shit. No way. Like, he's going to go, oh, okay, well then just around the block. Yeah, and it's like... He doesn't give a shit. No way. Like, he's going to go, oh, okay, well then just walk... Yeah, walk wherever you want, or, you know. But it wasn't even saying, like,

I want to get in there, or I want to... He was just kind of, like, acting like, oh, what a coincidence. My friend Kira's working on the... Yeah, that TV series that she's the star of. All right, so the movie I chose, starring Clue Gulliger, back to that, is Return of the Living Dead. So you can come up with a movie to start a softgram that ends with the word return, or ret.

And begins, or begins with the word dead. Return of the word dead. Return of the living dead pool. Wow. You really want to get this thing finished right away. All right. We're 32 miles from Lexington, buddy. We got to wrap it up. Pool.

Pool. See, like, I can't go pools gold. Nor would I want to Because Kate Hudson's Got enough play on this Um Pool Her movie was

Pool's gold That's what I'm saying You can't You can't just change The way things are pronounced Um Or spelled Yeah

Pool I don't think there's any movie That starts with pool I mean there might be if we look it up. I know. Pool of gold. Pool. You do know one that starts with pool? Oh, yeah.

Okay, good. Then I'll go on the other end, and I will say, no deposit, no return of the living dead pool. Wait, what is that movie, No Deposit? It's an old Disney movie. No Deposit, No Return, No Deposit? It's an old Disney movie called No Deposit, No Return. No Deposit, No Return of the Dead Pool Boy. Oh, nice.

Who's in Pool Boy? Oh, God, isn't that a Spade movie or somebody like that? Is there a movie about that? Yeah, that was Pizza Boy, wasn't it? What, Pool Boy? That was something about pizza. Yeah. Yeah, so Pool Boy, you're just guessing is the name of the movie?

No, I know it's a movie. It came out, I believe, in the late 80s. All right, I'm going to look it up. Oh, challenge. Yeah. I'm totally challenging that one. I bet you're right, but I just don't know. I want to know what it is.

I want to know what? I need confirmation, because you know accuracy is my thing. Let's go. Movies. Come on, IMDb. Help an IMDb out. I have an international movie database. Internet.

Ah, you lose. What? Pool Boys is a movie. Ah, you lose. What? Pool Boys is a movie. Okay, Pool Boys. Yeah, you can't do it that way now that I just told you. I mean, we can keep going if you want. Let's keep going. For laughs.

But you lose. I lose. You're the big loser. Okay. Okay, I'll go Doctor, No Deposit, No Return to the Living Dead, Cool Boys. Doctor. No, so Doctor and Boys. Yeah.

Boys of Brazil. Woo! I'll go with just Brazil. I gave you that layup you can't do that you're not adding anything it's all about building it's like Fraggle Rock boy

I know there's gotta be something that ends in doctor I just have to think of it Boy, I know there's got to be something that ends in doctor. I just have to think of it. Paging Mr. Doctor. Hello, Doctor. Oh, my doctor. Steam Carpet Doctor.

Yeah, they made the Rug Doctor movie. They made that movie. Oh, man. I think I'm going to have to... I think I'm going to have to give. Brazil isn't the first word of any movie, I don't think. Brazil. Brazil. Brazilian wax. Brazil isn't the first word of any movie, I don't think. Brazil. Brazilian.

Brazilian Wax. It's the movie. That's got to be a movie. Brazilian Wax movie. People are screaming at their whatever device they're listening to this on. Some movie that ends in doctor. Oh, yeah. There's a million of them.

I can't think of any. A million? I think of them. That end in doctor. Oh, yeah. There's a million of them. I can't think of any. A million? I think of a million. That end in doctor? Yes. All right. Well, do you have, so you don't have an answer to either end?

Doctor, um... Okay. Well, there's a, I think there's a Brazilian movie called Brasil, uh, Me Amor, which is Brazil, my love. Yeah, that's great. Brazilian movies.

They don't count. That's a good way to go. Alright, yeah, I think we're done, but I'm going to plug in Doctor and see what happens with Doctor on the IMDb. Because IMDb...

Come on, movies. Doctor! Yeah, of course, Dr. Zhivago comes up. Dr. Doolittle. But I see nothing that ends in doctor. There's a lot of things. There's several things called doctor. Nothing that ends in doctor.

So it's safe to say we're done. Wait, isn't there the doctor? Yeah, but you can't add the. Nothing. No movie has The. So we took the The's and the A's out. Because it was The Return of the Living Dead. We took that The out of there. The Deadpool.

See what I'm saying? The's would ruin it. There's a lot of thugs It's just like It's just like when they listed Movies in alphabetical order You just Forget about the word thug

Alright well that was Doctor No Deposit No Return Of the Living Deadpool Boys of Brazil Exciting Yeah

Put that on a marquee And smoke it Do you got any plugs Graham? Yeah our podcast comedy film nerds you can go to GrahamElwood.com and get my twitter handle facebook

and download my feature documentary that I directed Laughganistan which is a pay what you think is fair download and all my tour dates and everything else fantastic I'll be at Helium Comedy Club Tuesday and Wednesday, October 4th and 5th Two Oceans 11.

Jay, one-inch punch Hollingsworth and Sean can take a one-inch punch. Jordan will be there. Those shows are at 8 o'clock and then I'm going to tape a Doug Loves Movies at 10 o'clock on Wednesday, October 5th at Helium in Portland.

I'll have three surprise guests on that show. And as always, Kate Hudson movies are a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies