Doug Loves Movies - Rental Car VII

Episode Date: December 13, 2011

Doug and Graham drive to West Palm Beach, Florida and squeeze in a game of Build-A-Title once they arrive at their hotel.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, green and baby sticky seats With itsy-atsy popcorn kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody! Zip it! Hey everybody! My name is Doug and and I love movies.

This is the unedited. Doug loves movies. Unedited and unproduced. We're coming to you from, what kind of car is this, Graham Elwood? Doug, we are on a Nissan Altima. Oh, my. It's a good ride. These are great cars.

I like Nissans. It's comfortable. Plenty of trunk space. Okay, that's these are great cars i like nissan's it's comfortable plenty of trunk space okay that's not an ad but uh seriously if you're if you're with nissan or know any nissan people uh you know it's time to give us advertise on the podcast or give us free cars yeah whatever or um yeah i could use a new car my My car's kind of stupid. My car's a little... Oh, man. I can't believe we just said that. Because anybody that stepped up with a car, we would talk about it on the podcast. And, you know, there's a little drop-off in the rental car episodes. Only about 450 people listen.

But... But those 450, man... So excited. They're so... They're dedicated. They'll listen to two guys talking in a car. Where was I? Oh, we're driving from Fort Lauderdale, Florida to West Palm Beach, Florida

on Tuesday, December 13th, 2 Oceans 11. It's starting to rain. It's very romantic. I feel like handjobs are in the future. Yep. What? It's going to be I feel like handjobs are in the future. Yep. What? It's going to be a handjob highway. Oh, man.

I got a nice new when I'm following you call back when I say that I took my jacket off. And then I say, I just said, jacket off. Blow it up. That's good. They went crazy. It was an applause break. It's good business. Yeah, great crowd last night at the Improv in Fort Lauderdale slash Hollywood,

Seminole, Indian Casino, Grounds, Alligator Land. Hard rock. Hard rock. It's hard rocking. It's, I don't know, call me old fashioned, but I like a hotel where you're just, it's always rock music playing when you're walking around. Yeah.

Never any other fucking shit, just rock music. Underwater at the pool at the Hard Rock, they had the music pumped in. That's fantastic. I'm never going to leave that pool. Rock and roll. Now that I know that. First person that Graham chose to play against last night, shut him down. Fuck that. Yeah, you picked Brian because night, shut him down. Fuck that.

Yeah, you picked Brian because of his Brian King poster. Good poster. Really good poster. It had featured me as a baby Simba and as a warthog Pumbaa. So I played two roles in that poster. And I was the role of one of the younger lions, I think? Hey, tweet a good picture of that at me, dude who made it, Brian, and hopefully you, it's kind of a leap to think that you listen to the rental

car episodes and have a Twitter account. Those two things are about a 50-50 shot on each, right? Yeah. So anyway, well, yeah, I don't know. Noises. noises so yeah so brian tweet that to me and i'll retweet it because it's it is a pretty impressive name tag and graham finally picked the right one for once whoa and then conflict uh conflict um the category that he selected Was Obama Which is movies with a black president And uh Whoa What's happening?

Oh no Don't Let's not have any driving problems Drive got nominated For a lot of stuff By the By the uh Critics Choice Awards

Yeah yeah And congratulations to Patton Oswalt For the Critics' Choice Awards today. We're still there. Yeah, yeah. And congratulations to Patton Oswalt for the Critics' Choice Award nomination. One step closer to Oscar, Patton. Wow. I want to have an Oscar winner on my show. So what happened? So the category, oh, that category was submitted by, I should give credit in case it doesn't come up on another episode, by at Modern Day Icarus. Nice.

Yeah. So, what does that mean? That that tweeter flew too close to the sun? Yep. Is that the right one? Is that Icarus? I don't know. The guy with the wings that flies too close to the sun and they melt?

I don't remember. All right. that fly so close to the sun and they melt? I don't remember. All right, well, there's correction number one for Matt Belknap to jump in and act all smart about because I'll tell him to put it in there. Just because he has the internet. I got to make a little note to do that

because I'll totally forget. I'll have modern-day Icarus, question mark? What is that? What is Icarus? In Greek mythology Icarus was the son of Daedalus who built wings of feathers and wax. When Icarus stole the wings to escape from Crete he flew too close to the sun melting the wax and causing him to plummet to his death. The clues from Leonard Maltin's review were exciting yarn and see I'm doing this Graham so that like the listeners can kind of play along they can see if they know what it is

the clues were exciting yarn and seems a bit of a flyweight for the role he says that about a performer in the film did I say what sex the performer was in the clue Graham do you remember I think you did it

okay so she is a bit of a flyway for the role she's playing in this particular movie. That is an exciting yarn submitted by Modern Day Icarus. He submitted the category Obama, which is a movie with a black president. 1998.

And then Brian jumped right to zero names right out of the giz-eight out of 17. 17 names, he went right to zero. And then Graham went negative one and said with some confidence, he didn't hesitate. That's probably where you got screwed up.

It's kind of like Simon Says, where you know what to do. You just fucking jump the gun a little bit. Because it was, you said Deep Impact featured Morgan Freeman as the president. President. And then I said, okay, so that's your guess? And then you turned it around. It was really funny how you were like, no, no, no.

I was just saying that. I'm just talking through it. And I was just booing you for that move. And then you did have another chance to fix it, and you didn't remember Robert Duvall. I did. He popped into my mind, but I was like, is he a lead? And I said no, and then I got confused with Armageddon, I was like no it's Bruce Willis Bruce Willis was in Armageddon which was the

dumber of the two asteroid movies well so at the merch table Brian later said so it's funny that that happened because Brian later said oh and your guest was Bruce Willis yeah I said Bruce Willis and you went no it's Robert Duvall who was the lead

well Brian later said to me at the merch table that he thought it was Armageddon. That he thought it was Armageddon and Bruce Willis. And so he would have lost if you'd have just let him dangle. But he seemed confident. And I don't think Armageddon has a black president. No. Thank you, Fort Lauderdale. Speaking of merch table, because I just stand there and say hi to everybody

Thank you for the McGriddles The Golden Oreos Which we just ate Oh so good for a car drive Get some cookies for the car drive They go great with Taco Bell Oh we had Taco Bell I had the flat steak thing

And it was a nightmare It's going to give me nightmares. I'm going to go get some quinoa pasta. You're going to want to have a separate room tonight, buddy. Yeah. Like we share rooms. No bump beds. Listen, I want to save some money. We're going to start sleeping in the same room. Good for you, pal. God damn it. Weirdo. That's the best thing about not being in a band. Did you used to do gigs with buddies, though, where you'd have to share a room to save money? I have.

Yeah, yeah. I have. What's happened? We shared a room once, maybe. Yeah, in New York, Pennsylvania. Oh, because that was kind of a huge room, but it still felt like we were at camp or something. That we were like, yeah. It was gay of a huge room, but it still felt like we were, like, at camp or something. That we were like, yeah. It was gay like camp.

Oh, brownies. People brought brownies. Some, er, bitch. And a penguin. Somebody gave me a penguin. But I want to say thanks for all that stuff. But also, please don't bring me stuff. Like, if you buy a ticket to our show, that's awesome, and it's, you know,

cherry on top if you buy, if you buy Grams, the t-shirt or CD. And if you buy one of my, like, $2 episodes on the internet. I gotta give a thank you to at JustDP who brought gifts

to, for myself and the co-hosts I gotta give a thank you to JessDP who brought gifts to for myself and the co-host of my show Comedy Film Nerds Chris Mancini she brought gifts for both of us which was very cool I got a Batman bobblehead doll it's fucking awesome cause I love Batman Batman what's her name? JessDP

yeah yeah yeah with the Batman tattoo on her back the most amazing Batman tattoo ever that I tweeted yeah it's uh you know it's NFSW no NS NSFW

NSFW not safe for work yeah cause you get some butt crack in there. Yeah. All right. So we're already at, it was a nice brief drive. Yeah. Uh, that Taco Bell really made the time fly. Wow. So much fun. Uh, so we're, we're pulling up on the, um, uh, the hotel that where we're staying at in beautiful West Palm Beach. It's not unlike Fort Lauderdale, kind of partly cloudy.

These clouds keep kind of floating in front of the sun, so it comes and goes. But it's a lovely 75, 76 degrees outside the car. It's great weather. Inside the car, it's... We've got... This will make a lot of people jealous. We've got air conditioning on in the vehicle we're driving in right now. That's how warm it is. So, suck on that

everywhere that's not Florida. Isn't it fucking cold everywhere right now? It is cold everywhere. LA's fucking cold. LA's really cold right now. Anyway, I'm not here to make people jealous. I'm here to say things like the sanitize me contest is coming to an end uh you know two minutes or less i thought is what

i asked for some people have gone longer than two minutes i love some of the ones that are just a minute you know or 45 seconds you know especially if it's teaser-y or you know i just want to say that i appreciate everything you guys are submitting but that like one of the things i was sort of looking for and got i think in abundance was just sort of like um playing with the genre of a movie trailer and with this you know that's what silly information I gave out about the documentary. And so I like the ones that really play like trailers. A lot of them just play like scenes from if that movie happened. And I like the ones with the quick cutting and there's some really funny graphics with things that Leonard Maltin says.

And several people took advantage of the State of Denver thing. They mentioned that at some point in there. So that's always worth bonus points when you suck up to me with my own past mistakes. So anyway, thank you everybody for submitting those things. I didn't mean to get all sentimental there on you. So this is probably going to plop later tonight when after matt belknap puts the correction in there for maybe i was right about it chris yeah yeah but i'll be picking my favorite around between december 15th and 20th i'll try to look at all of them

oh don't try to campaign too hard for like if you if you have nothing to do with them and you see them all or a bunch of them and you like one and you tell me about it that's awesome but like getting your friends to all right and say this is the best one this is the best one it's just like after a while you just get the feeling that you know somebody's just really super popular and it's awesome they have all that support but uh it's so far it hasn't been the best one people that say that yeah i don't know maybe i like the more humble approach but uh nonetheless excellent job everyone um now graham yes i'm going to go ahead and confirm this right now for the people that listen to the rental car shows.

You are going to participate in the 12 Guests of Christmas again this year? Yes, I will. Alright. So you heard that. And you could probably put it together like a couple weeks ago I mentioned to a few other people that they're going to be back for that. You know one-fourth of the guests, I think,

at this point. Bam. Yeah. So the one that I pick as the winner, the person who's considered the filmmaker, the auteur, the person who did the most to make that trailer happen, that person, one way or another, will get to appear on an episode of Douglas' movie as a guest. Nice.

With two other guests. Sweet. We'll either have to work it. They may want to come out to L.A. anyway as a guest. Nice. With two other guests. Sweet. You know, we'll either have to work at, you know, they may want to come out to L.A. anyway for a vacation or something. Or, like, we, you know, we may, there may be a club near them that we can just come and do it in their town. Sweet. Yeah. That's a cool place.

That's what I say. Yeah, you know, I think people will like it. I think so, too. We had that, you know, a couple years there, we had an auction to be a guest on the show to raise money for the L.A. Food Bank. And both times to be a guest on the show sold for, like, well over $1,000. That's so great, man. Yeah. So you'd for well over $1,000. That's so great, man. So you'd be winning a $1,000 prize. But you've got to see some of these

trailers, Graham. They're really quite creative. Some of them are like horror movies, which is an interesting choice. Most are not for emetophobes. If you do not like watching people vomit, then don't click on

the Santa Size Me trailers, because every single one of them, a guy in a Santa suit throws up at some point. It's kind of, I'm kind of regretting setting up that particular premise, because, you know, if I made one, I'd have Santa throw up in it. So they're all on YouTube, if you just tape in Santa size me and yeah, impartial people are the ones I want to hear from that just don't know anybody that made any of these things just you know, back up my instincts on this. January 8th, I'm going to be at the Palace Station with I'm going to keep these guests a secret, but I'm very excited about, you know, it's in Vegas, so you might know some of my associations in Vegas.

And so it's going to be a great show. It's going to be at the Palace Station on January 8th. We're going to tape Doug Lowe's movies. And then January 14th, I'm going to do a stand-up at the Sacramento Punchline. And January 14th, I'm doing a stand-up at the Sacramento Punchline. The 15th, I'm doing Benson Interruption. And the 16th, I'm doing Douglas Movies.

And this is crazy. On the first two dates of those three, we will play the Leonard Maltin game. of those three, we will play the Leonard Maltin game, and the person from the audience who does best at it will win a seat in the Douglass movies of all days, where it should be Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Your podcast is all about civil rights. It is. I'll tell you right now, you know I'm going to have a black person on the panel. I'm not, you know...

I'm not afraid. And he won't have to sit in the back of the show. That'll be hilarious. Let's set up the chairs so that there's one, there's like a back row, and we tell him to go sit there and say,

Happy Martin Luther King Day. That's so awesome. Oh, please. N-word please. I can't even say, I can't even say nigga please. It just doesn't feel right. But you just did. I just said it really as timidly as possible.

So what else do I have to say here? Holy shit. I had said it really as timidly as possible. Okay. So what else do I have to say here? Holy shit, I had so much to tell you guys. Now we're just, this is a rental car in a parking lot. Yeah, we've arrived at the hotel. So we're good. Oh, I have to announce that joining me on the Weezer Cruise, January 19th through 23rd, from Miami to Cozumel. Two of my guests on the Douglas Movies taping will be Miss Nikki Glaser and Mr. Graham Elwood.

Yeah! So go to WeezerCruise.com to sign up to go on the cruise, because Graham Elwood's going to be on the cruise. It's ridiculous. Ask anyone who went on the 311 cruise how much fun they had with this asshole. There was fun,

there was giggling. Who was there with his wife and this time will not be with his wife. As now I am divorced it's going to be a lot of fun. Yeah,

it's going to be good. Okay, now it's time for tweet relief, where I read a movie-related tweet that I received recently from at Dill268. That person wrote, Last night I rented Higher Learning thinking it was how high.

Ended up watching Deep Blue Sea. Hashtag Red Man to Rappaport. Yeah. That's what I call lose, lose, lose. Higher learning, how high, or Deep Blue Sea? Which one of those is your favorite out of those three? Higher learning? This was Treat Relief.

This is bad. End of segment. This is bad. Treat Relief. Okay, now I've got to go on Twitter. Should we just make this to be continued for tomorrow's drive, or do you want to finish this up now? We're at...

It's been 19 minutes. 18 minutes. Well, we could do it tomorrow. I mean, whatever you want to do. We still have to... We still haven't done Build a Title, buddy. We've got a lot more... I know, that's what I'm saying.

We're like, is that a good cliffhanger? Or should we start some Build a Title, and then bail and go check into this luxurious hotel? People are going to tweet us between when it drops, like if it drops today. No, I'm going to pull the tweets up right now, suggestions for the titles, and we're going to do it, I think the last time I played with you, you know where you can't think at all. It's just you got to go right away and we just make it speed rounds and best two out of three is the winner.

UCB style, don't they? Yeah, but I want to get the suggestions instead of normally, I used to pick a movie myself and think of something that's a good build a title-title title, but I'm just leaving it up to them so that I'm going into a completely cold with you. That's why I changed it to this style.

And it's speed round because I would be aggravated listening to this, just listening to people think. It's not, you know what I mean? Like, I think that's why why like uh people grew tired of deal or no deal there's just a lot of watching the contestant fucking think it over yeah that's not fun to watch no gameplay watch somebody think horse race yeah let's go fucking deal or no deal that would be fucking fun if deal or no deal they'd lose so much money probably, but... If they just made everybody go fast. Dude, that's the...

In game show... Pick the next briefcase. Bang. Let's go, let's go. So you still have the hot girls. Yeah. But you're moving it along. You want this or this?

Pick. Go. Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you fucked up. You could have got a million. That was in the briefcase. You got $47.

Next contestant. Deal or $47. Next contestant. Deal or no deal? Sklabam. Sklabam. All right. This has gone off the rails. Let me just look at my Twitter feed, because if we continue tomorrow, then I'd have to scroll all the way back to now to be fair,

because I just asked these folks, so they should be the first ones I see. They really should. They really got to be fair in these things. That's all I try to do is be fair. And stupid. I try to be stupid also. Fair and stupid, that's his slogan. Doug loves movies, boop, boop, boop. Thank God we finally have a new theme song.

Fair and stupid, Doug loves movies. Listen to him talk, bing, bang, bong. There it is. We don't even have to re-record it. We can just pull it right off of this podcast. Build a title. We're good to go.

Okay, so Tim is smart. Tim is smart. He's suggesting what he's saying is Mortal Kombat. Ooh, good. So, what do you got? Ends with Mortal, begins with Kombat. Ooh, good. So, what do you got?

Ends with mortal, begins with combat. Immortals. You can't add that S in there. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Start it off, buddy. Mortal Kombat. Something mortal.

Mortal. Something mortal. Prime mortal. Combat something. Combat man! Combat man, you son of a bitch! Of the house! Begins with house or ends with mortal.

Mortal combat man of the house. House party! Party! A girl, party girl. Mortal Kombat man of the house. House party. Party. Girl. Party girl. Mortal Kombat man of the house. Party girl. Interrupted.

Oh, no. I've been in this trap before. Interrupt. To Ed. Ed TV. To Ed TV. I knew it. Mortal Kombat, man of the house, party girl, interrupted TV.

Can I use the, what is it, television? Can I do television quest? No. It's TV. Oh, it is? Yeah, so. V for Vendetta. Bang.

See, I knew you could do it. Bang, bang, bang. You dumb asshole it You dumb asshole I don't know why lately I've really grown attached to the word asshole I like using it all of a sudden You're attached to assholes Okay

I'm gonna go Um Vendetta Uh Armageddon, uh, Vendetta, uh. Tick, tick, tick, tick. Somebody's going to, yeah, time's up, time's up. You win.

Somebody's going to have something for that. Do you have something for that? No. Vendetta, Tahoe, Tommy, Tommy, then Tommy. That's stupid. Ta-tas. Don't even try it. Okay, so that's a point for Graham.

Bam! Graham gets that point. And now I go to my Twitter account and find another name. Do you want to just do two more? Can we get through this? Yeah, we can do this. Let's not break it up. We're on a roll now.

It's hot. Hot streak. It's hot in this car. Oh. Crack a window and get me a bowl of water come on treat me like a baby you give your babies a bowl of water that's if you leave the baby in the car you got to crack a window and have a bowl of water in there don't leave anything don't leave this has been a public service message don't leave anything in the car why anything. This has been a public service message. Don't leave anything in the car. Why not a saucer of milk for your baby? In a hot car, you're ridiculous.

I would definitely... It would curdle. I want my baby to have cottage cheese. It would, yeah. It would be so gross. All right, I've got to go to the Twitter account again. Go to the Twitter. Pick this shit out.

Pick it. Here we go. I'm just kind of looking at random. I said Tim is smart is the guy who submitted that last one, right? Tim is smart. Okay, we have randomhero91. And I'm looking at these at random, you guys, so don't think it's supposed to be in some sort of order.

Randomhero19 says, Kiss, kiss, bang, bang. Um, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you got? I already got one on one end. Well, I started the last one. Oh, you want me to start it?

Yeah. Okay. We're going to figure that out. I guess that's how it works, I guess. Wouldn't you just go back and forth? Or the guy who wins it starts the next one? Yeah, I don't know if the winner should get it or if the guy who lost, because he's down a point.

I don't know which way to go on that. All right, you want me to start it then? Yeah, I don't care. First kiss. Is that a thing, you want me to start it then? Yeah, I don't care. First kiss. Is that a thing really? Yeah. Okay. Uh, first kiss bang, bang

the drum slowly. Oh, nice. Bang the drum slowly. That's a good thing. Slowly. Lee. Um, slowly, Lee. slowly slowly slowly slowly slowly Legals. Slow legal eagles.

Oh, I'm unbelievable. Legal eagles. Yeah, that works. You are unbelievable. Slow legal eagles. Go. Something, something first. Don't lose, come in first. Um, me first.

Something first. I think first. Uh, oh. Oh. First. I think you got me. There's got to be something with the first in the title. You know what I mean? Like a street address or something.

Johnny first. That's it. That's what I'm trying to think of is Johnny first. All right, Graham, you took it down in two. You are the winner. And, uh... Oh, did I say RandoHero19? Yes.

Okay, good, good. I won't give credit where credit's due. Thanks to everybody that sent stuff in. Thanks, guys. If you're sitting around the next time we do it, uh... You know, we'll do it again. Finger bang yourself. What?

I had a new game that I wanted to try on this episode, but I'll save that for, maybe we'll do another one tomorrow. Yeah. More plugs? Any plugs at all?

Yeah. Just go to GrahamElwood.com and get the podcast Comedy Film Nerds. Download my documentary Laughganistan. I pay what you think is fair download. Tour dates can get the podcast, Comedy Film Nerds, download my documentary, Laughganistan, pay what you think is fair download, tour dates, and all the other business.

Go to CineFamily.org if you want to get backslash fundraiser for info on their telethon on Saturday, December 17th in which I'll be doing a mini movie interruption show. And come see me and play the Leonard Maltin game

against Graham Elwood at the Irvine Improv in Irvine, California. Sorry, Texas. December 26th. That's when we'll be in Irvine, Graham. Yep. And then kind of an annual thing now, we do the night after Christmas

yeah, it's fun people need something to do in Irvine the night after Christmas people drive in from Tustin I'll be at the San Francisco Punchline December 27th to 28th four shows, we're going to try to do four different sets I don't know why

it's just something I decided to do and it might be terrible. And I'll be taping a Doug Loves Movies at Flappers in Burbank on Thursday, December 29th at 10pm. Just so you know, I'm not in those shows in San Francisco. Some people have asked me.

Just so you know, I will not be there. Yeah, he is not going to be there. So just blow those shows off. They're dumb. If I'm not there, So just blow those shows off. They're dumb. Yeah, that's going to be stupid shows. Pointless. Let me give you the dates again so you can just write down your calendar. Don't go, don't leave the house.

December 27th and 28th at the, I think it's called San Francisco Punchline. But I can't, you can't hold me to that. Thank you, Graham. As always... Boy. Oh, Jerry Sandusky's lawyer is a shithead? Yeah. Bam. Nailed.

Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies