Doug Loves Movies - Rental Car XXIII

Episode Date: May 19, 2013

From a rental car driving to Boston, Doug shares the audio of Graham Elwood taking on audience members in the Leonard Maltin Game at the Fete Ballroom in Providence, RI.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug loves movies! Hey everybody! Jesus, I didn't mean to yell. I was trying to start off with some energy. My name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Coming to you from... what kind of rental car is this, Graham? Doug, we're in a 2013 Nissan Versa.

And I gotta say, the old Versas, I did not like the new one. They just smoothed it out a little bit. So now you feel visa about Versa? It's Sunday, May 19th, 2 Oceans 13. My guests and drivers, Graham Elwood, welcome. And he played a game of Leonard Moulton against audience members last night at the FET in Providence, Rhode Island. The Boba Fett. Boba Fett.

And we'll play the better than average quality audio from that show at the end of this mini bone. Bone. Graham, let's get all your plugs in now. Let's just get them out of the way. People can hit the fast forward button for the next 25 seconds. Go. All right. You can get all my-forward button for the next 25 seconds. Go. All right. You can get all my tour dates at GrahamElwood.com.

Also listen to Comedy Film Nerds. I will be headlining the improv in Hollywood, California, July 13th. Also, Chris Mancini and myself will be in Barstow July 12th. Again, all those tour dates at ComedyFilmWords.com. And the Los Angeles Podcast Festival October 4th through 6th, which we'll have Doug Benson and many, many others. Go to LAPodFest.com. What the Fuck will also be there. The What the Fuck podcast.

Mark Maron will be there. He couldn't do it last year. This year he's going to do it. Todd Glass is going to be there. Greg Fitzsimmons, Aisha Tyler. Pretty much almost all L.A.-based podcasts are going to be represented. A lot of, yes. Death Squad will be in the house.

Death Squad will be there. Walking the Room. Walking the Room. Not all the shows from last year, but a lot of them. Go to the website. Go to the website. Go to the website. Check it out. We're adding new shows all the time, and the hotel rooms are going quick. I just had a great idea, Graham. What's that? You're going out and doing lots of headlining dates. Yes. That people can check out at your site. But what you should do, because there's probably a lot of, uh, you know, movie podcast fans coming to your stand-up shows now because of our podcast.

You should do the thing about the, you know, the DirecTV, TiVo, whatever listings. Do that bit that you do. And then say to the audience, who here thinks they have a good one? and then say to the audience, who here thinks they have a good one? And two or three people raise their hands, and you get them up on stage and have them each say theirs, and then have the audience vote, and the person, you know, the most popular one, you give a copy of your CD and a Palm Strike shirt. You goddamn stoner marketing genius.

I mean, maybe we should have done this off the podcast. No! No! This is where it was born, folks, in a Nissan Versus somewhere driving through downtown Providence. It was born in darkness. I was born in the Nissan Versus. Okay, so anyway, we're driving to Boston to do a sold-out show at the Brighton

Music Hall. Very excited about this gig. Tomorrow, Graham is heading back to L.A., so anyone coming to Doug Loves Movies tomorrow night in New York City, do not bother to bring gluten-free name tags. Just send me those. I'm pretty sure gluten is not

a concern of the four great guests that I find up for this particular taping. Schedules permitting, as always. Even though I didn't say who they are, I'm still warning you that one of them might not show up. Right. Send the gluten-free treats to P.O. Box 5069, Santa Monica, California, 90409. You'll eat any gluten-free thing somebody sends to you?

If it's like a package thing that I've seen before at a Whole Foods, then yeah. Okay, but if they just make it themselves, throw it in a box. Then that's, you know. If it fits, it ships. Put your gluten-free titties in a box. What else, what else, what else? Oh, but you can try to suck up to Graham with your gluten-free nonsense to get picked to play the Leonard Maltin game at our shows next Saturday, May 25th

at Sidesplitters in Knoxville, Tennessee. Sunday, May 26th at Zaney's in Asheville. Hello. And both of those are at 420. And big news Graham starting with the next app Douglas Movies will be partially sponsored by Hulu Plus

so please people who listen to these mini apps go ahead and do me a favor go to DouglasMovies.com click on the green Hulu Plus square and you can get two free weeks of instant watch TV and movies with Hulu Plus. But if you just go there, then I get credit for the fact that you went there,

and that's how advertising works these days, is you have to prove that people are actually... I'm going to do that. I've tested Hulu a little bit. I like it. I've never done the Hulu Plus, and I'm going to do the two free weeks thing through Douglas Movies. You're the best. Come on now.

And the worst. What? Have you seen any movies lately, Graham? Oh, yes, I have. Such as? Not going to tell you. Memory test? No, I think we talked about Gatsby.

I saw Gatsby on the road. I'm waiting to see Star Trek this weekend. We are starting to do spoiler extra bonus episodes of Comedy Film Rants. But I saw a great Gatsby and, you know, fancy. Yeah, I do know. But not, you know. I think the biggest problem, I don't blame Baz Luhrmann. I blame that that book is just too hard to translate to movies. And the further we get away from that era, the harder it is.

Right, it just sounds like the things they're saying and doing are so ridiculous. And I get that it's of a certain time or whatever, but then you add Jay-Z music and Baz Luhrmann's direction, and so much of it is modern that the things that aren't modern stand out as even more not modern. Yeah, yeah. You know? It's really bizarre,

but I am going to see it again when I interrupt it someday at CineFamily, and I'll try to figure out more what the hell's going on with that movie, because I really do like everybody involved, and I was genuinely psyched to see it. For a straight man, I was pretty happy about it. And then I was disappointed.

And of course you know that the new Star Trek was born into darkness. Let's not stand on ceremony, Commander Pike. Now it's time for Tweet Relief. Tweets about movies. At Bumby, B-U-M-B-I-E, Bumby tweeted, finally saw Lincoln, wanted Bilbo to yell, I'm going on an adventure while running

to the White House with that note. This has been Tweet Relief, tweets about Bilbos. I don't know, Bilbo tweet. That's not something Bane or Lincoln would say. I'm going on an adventure. Bane would never go on an adventure. Let's have a holiday into madness.

Oh, the spring break. Any whoozle. Please enjoy last night's Leonard Maltin game. And remember, with regards to name tags, if you build it, we will come on it. What? Wait, no, that's not. That's not what I said. Did you catch Kanye West on SNL last night?

No, I did not. I got, you know, as you know, Graham, I got super baked outside the club with fans. What? And then we went into that weird, I don't know what it's called, but that bar that's in the back of a lingerie store. It's a tiny lingerie store with a bar. It's basically a bar that has a tiny lingerie store in front. And then when I got home, SNL was still on.

And by home, I mean a hotel room. And Kanye West was rapping away, dropping n-bombs like nobody's business and then said the lyric i came on your hampton blouse and i came in your hampton mouth which i assume he means kardashian what's her name kim kardashian but like you could say you came on a blouse and in somebody's mouth on television i don't care how late it is that seemed inappropriate wow but i guess you could say that now or since he was rapping and talking fast i had a lot of white people tweet to me today because i tweeted about it a lot of white people tweeted me i didn't know what he was saying all right good job white people. But anyway, what I meant was,

if name tags come to the show, we will play games. One specific one that you're about to hear now. Let's do this, Providence.

Let's play the Leonard Maltin game. Let me tell you what's in the prize bag. Here, can you, Graham, just pull the items out and I'll describe them as you pull them out. It'd be funny if there was like a tarantula in there or something. We've got a shirt from the lovely folks at Normal. Our good friends at Normal. It's a beautiful shirt. And you can wear it if you win tonight. And then we've got a copy of my album, Smug Life. Which, by the way, Walmart's put this in the rap section.

Because I'm like joking around like it's a rap album. And they're like, that's where it goes. So it's not selling a lot and then and then we also have in the bag a $10 iTunes gift card that you can use to buy premium episodes of my podcast

and Graham's podcast and there's going to be a new Comedy Film Nerds one on there for two bucks soon with me and Kevin Pollak yeah we just recorded this in Los Angeles There's a lot of fun

We do a summer movie preview Chris Mancini and Kevin Pollack and myself all talk about which movies we're excited to see this summer, and then Doug comes out and we play our nice round of Leonard Paul, so check that out Like we're about to do right now with one of you Can we see your name tags? Oh, very nice!

Oh, Doug, I'll also throw a copy of my CD for a dance party in the prize bag. These are the wordiest name tags I've ever seen. This gentleman has one that says, to whom it may concern, please pick my friend Kevin or I'll have to hear about it in the entire drive home or you could be mean and pick me to spite him. Jesus.

Love, Devin Decker. Fucking manifesto this one. Yeah, and what's Kevin's little name tag? What is that? Kpax. Kpax. Kpax! Wow.

Can you put your face over Kevin Spacey's face? Yep. Kevin Spacey's facey? That's awesome. Then we got a giant The Madness of King George of the Jungle side. And then an amazing looking Avengers. It's got my face and Leonard Maltin. TJ Miller's and mine and Pete Holmes.

That's pretty fucking awesome. Yeah, that's a labyrinth one. And yeah, there's lots of people brought them. So yeah, you just have a cookie. Good job, you guys. Oh, it's a gluten-free cookie. Gluten-free cookie for you, Graham. He's like, I'm not giving it to you unless you bring me on stage, Ronnie.

You should do it all for the cookie. Put your Limp Bizkit in his mouth. No, you did not. Because these are awesome. Alright, who do you want to play against, Graham? That Avengers one is amazing, dude. Alright, let's get the Avengers one. How does he get up here?

You're right up to just crawl up like a weirdo. You can do it, you can do it. Look at that. See that? That's how it's done. Perfect. You're practically like an Avenger. You can do it. Look at that. See that? That's how it's done. You're practically liking Avengers. Stay right here, my friend. I'm Hulk. You're the Hulk? Okay. Nice.

Finally Hulk has a white face. He's the Hulk. Oh, sweet. Hey, buddy. Very good poster. You should do it. You made Pete Holmes a girl. Not just any girl. Black Widow. Black Widow.

Yeah, that's nice. Steve Avengers. Steve Avengers. Because his name is Steve. Steve Avengers. His last name is Ender. Yeah. Do you, uh, let's talk to him for a second.

Do you think he'd be good at this game? I think he'd be easy. You don't have to touch it. When he puts it near your mouth, don't touch it. I think I'll be alright. That's what he said. I listen to DLM enough. Oh, he listens to DLM.

He knows how to give things. Little Stevie Flip Flops is ready to fucking take this. Now dance! I don't know why I got yelled at in the dance. Steven said he's a greenbelt. Guys are heckling each other, the fucking manifesto guy's telling them to dance. Dance, you cocksucker!

I'll write a longer one if you don't. Hold your name tag! This is the cease code I'm talking about. Hold your name tag! We usually tell people to hold their names out the entire time. Don't put your name tag down. Hold it up. Don't be an asshole. Fucking, you made the thing. Hold it up. From three hours, I made this goddamn

name tag full of magnets. Hold the fucking thing up, for the love of God. Your grandfather, God rest his soul, would have held the goddamn thing. He worked 40 years in that factory and it closed down. Now it's an empty goddamn lot. You hold up the fucking side.

Okay, we're good. Thanks. All right, Steve-enger, you get to pick a category. This is just between Steve-engers and Graham. So if you think you know it in the audience, please don't yell out. But first we pick a category. Tina Fey celebrated a birthday today.

So the films of Tina Fey. Or In Theaters Now, that's motion pictures that are playing in theaters now. Or, for your third option, this one's been we've gone through it a bunch of times, nobody ever picks it, but maybe you will.

Dolphin Lundgren. And that's movies that has a dolphin, Dolph Lundgren, or both. Which one of those do you like? Steve Avengers? I'd love to go with Dolph Lundgren. I'm going to go with Tina Fey.

Stevie Flip Flops. He's been studying. He goes Tina Fey. The year is 2009, Steve Avengers. Two stars from Leonard for this movie that he says is set in a hypothetical world. That might be too good of a clue. And he also says one of the stars of the movie co-wrote and co-directed the movie.

And did I say it was 2009? Two stars from Leonard. And the second category again is Tina Fey's. Tina Fey is in this movie. And Leonard lists about 15 names? 15, yeah. The guy in the audience was questioning my about. He wants it to be very specific. 11.

11 names, he says. That is a very good opening bit, I think. Eight. Five. Woo! Shit just got exciting in Providence, Rhode Island. It was such a sleepy little town until this happened. I'm not so sleepy.

It's a little one-horse town. It's a great town. Like, if you go down the street over here, there's several places where you can get a taco. Most towns don't have a just every restaurant's Mexican for several blocks. Yeah, it's cash for gold and tacos.

There's a Chinese place that just says for rent on it. There's a smoke shop out of there. Yeah, there's a smoke shop. That's a good point, Steve Andrews. Speak when spoken to. You lose your goddamn manners you get on stage all of a sudden you're an asshole.

Sorry mom. Alright. Five names? That's what he says. Name that. He says to name it. Do you need the clues again? Ghost Avengers. Ghost Avengers. Ghost Avengers. Avengers Ghost Avengers

Go! Do you need the clues again? Now this is where I have to say Stop it Do you need the clues again? You can give them I can give them? Absolutely

Alright, I didn't want to I'm just asking if you need them Okay Your five names are Jason Bateman Edward Edward Norton, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Christopher Guest, and John Hodgman. Yeah, Steve! John Hodgman, of course, a past and future guest on this show.

Not the movie I thought it was going to be. Oh. What else is Tina Fey in that might have had all those people in it? And get ready with your name tags, because we're going to get somebody else up here. The Avengers lets us all down. Steve Avengers. I can't think.

I was going to go with Beer League. Tina Fey is in Beer League? She plays the secretary at the gym. Oh! Wow. It's almost like you know too much. Not this movie, though. Yeah, you don't know this movie.

That is, the person that I mentioned that co-wrote and co-directed is a gentleman by the name of Ricky Gervais. And the motion picture's called The Invention of Lying. Some people knew it. Thanks a lot, Steve Ventures. I'm going to have to ask you to go back to your seat,

but leave that here. I'll say that as a shithead at the end because I see a robot on the back. Very clever of you. How about Stevie Ventures? Stevie Ventures! Go, Steve Ventures! Go, Steve Ender! Go, Steve Ender! Go, Steve Ender!

Go, Steve Ender! Go! No, he means go out of the building. And pack your shit. We don't have losers in here, you fucking asshole. Get out. Listeners are going to be like, why is Graham so mean to this? No, this is equal there.

This is East Coast love. All right, pick somebody else, Graham. All so mean to this? No, this is equal there. This is East Coast love. All right, pick somebody else, Graham. All right, gluten-free cookie, get on up here. Cheap, that's cheap. I don't like when Graham picks the gluten-free stuff. But, you know. It gives me super power. It's your decision.

He's got, what is it, a Chinese Star Wars shirt? Nice. Awesome. And what's your name tag? What is that? Josh Shank. Josh Shank Redemption. Josh Shank Redemption.

It's his face next to Morgan Freeman's. That's a great movie. And they're about to have prison sex. You're about to get your Shawshank. Only guilty man is Chaucer. All right, Josh. You get to pick a category. Would you like Baby Got Back?

That's movies where a missing baby is returned. Would you like The Dark Knightly? That's films where Keira Knightly kills someone. Or would you like, oh, this is a fun one, A Bug's Life, and that's movies that feature flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers? A Bug's Life!

Flea! Flea! Do A Bug's Life. Yeah! A Bug's Life! The movies of flea, ladies and gentlemen, the movies of flea. People usually stay away from that category

But you're a bold player, Josh Two and a half stars From Leonard for this movie from 1991 That he calls uniquely distinctive And he also says That it gets bogged down In a long, dreadfully conceived Part of the movie.

From which it never fully recovers. 1991. Says it has many potent scenes, though, and that the lead performer is excellent. And, like I said, 1991. And Leonard lists seven, nine names exactly. Thank you, John. You're welcome,

Derek. Oh, Decker. Devin Decker. Decker was a replicant. Thank you. It was spelled slightly differently. How many names do you think you can get it in, Josh?

Nine. You're adding a name. Okay, that's excellent. There's eight names. He wants it at nine. No, it was nine. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.

All right, well, then I go nine. No, no, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I go ten. That's what I call the Nick-thune. Um, I will go with six.

Hmm. Six out of nine. Do you think he can do it, Josh, or can you go lower? Maybe. Whoa, slippery slope, Joshua. Get him, get him, Josh, that grins an asshole. I feel good aboutery slope, Joshua. Get him! Get him, Josh! That kid's an asshole. I feel good about your chances, Josh. Like, do you really know what movies Flea was in, man?

Yep, I know most of them. Okay. This one had Udo Kier. Oh, right. Tom Troop. Tom and Gator. Grace Zabriskie. Flea. Rodney Harvey

and William Rickert R-I-C-H-E-R-T Billy Ricks? Those remaining three names would have probably been really helpful That's why I went ten I was trying to get it right. All right.

What do you think it is, Graham? 1991 Flea. Two and a half stars. Give me the clues again, please. Uniquely distinctive. Gets bogged down in a long, dreadfully conceived part of the movie

from which it never fully recovers. Many potent scenes, though. Lead performer is excellent. And you don't know the answer. So Josh is going to take home that prize bag. Josh is Cool World.

Was Flea in Cool World? Brad Pitt? Kim Basinger, right? I don't know if he was that one scene, him and Bill Ricketts. The remaining names are James Russo, Keanu Reeves, and River Phoenix, and it was called My Own Private Idaho. Josh, you win! Nice job!

Thank you for letting me go, buddy. Come by the merchant while I give you my CD. Thanks a lot, dude. That was excellent. Very job! Nice job. Thank you for having me. Here you go, buddy. Hey, come by the merch stand while I give you my CD. Thanks a lot, dude. That was excellent. That was very good. Nice work. He did it. And then he fell off the stage on his head

and that was over. That was it. Thanks again to Graham Elwood. Thank you so much, Graham! Let's hear it for Graham Elwood. He's gonna go set up his swap meet. And if you have any meat, bring it by there. He might trade you.

I don't know what that means. But I really appreciate the number of name tags that came out. And like we do on Doug Lo's movies, when someone loses, like unfortunately happened with Steve Avengers, they have on the back of their name tag someone that I will call a shithead on their behalf. And he wrote something down on the back of this giant poster, so I'm going to say it right now. As always, the 2004 New England Patriots is a shit now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie, eyes of gold his viewing prowess makes him cocky

there's no room in his heart for you cause Doug loves movies