Doug Loves Movies - Rental Car XXVI

Episode Date: August 9, 2013

From a rental car in Oregon, Doug shares the audio of Graham Elwood taking on audience members in the Leonard Maltin Game the previous night at the Grand Theater in Salem.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug loves movies! a Chevy Cruze, a fine little four-door sedan from the good people at Chevrolet who are not paying us for this, and they should. We've gotten like two in a row on this car. Yeah, we've been cruising it up. All right, we're driving from Salem, Oregon to PDX on Friday, August 9th, 2 Oceans 13. My guest and driver is Graham Elwood. Go ahead and do your plugs now. My guest and driver is Graham Elwood.

Go ahead and do your plugs now. Well, the main thing I want to plug is that Doug Loves Movies and Dining with Doug and Karen will be at the Los Angeles Podcast Festival, along with probably close to 40 shows this year. We had 24 last year. It is October 4th through the 6th. It is in Santa Monica, California. You can get tickets., discounted hotel rooms. Most discounted hotel rooms are going quick because they're almost out of them. So go to lapodfest.com for all of your podcast information.

Of course, all my tour dates and my podcasts and everything are at grahamelwood.com. And there's a few other hotels in the area that would probably be good. So don't not come if you can't stay in the one hotel yeah the the the hotel where the thing is obviously if you stay there it's a lot of fun but there's a million hotels it's right in santa monica that are within walking distance uh to the hotel or if you're you know like i always say if you're coming from far away make it a big vacation and come out to southern california for like a week or whatever and go to Disneyland and all that stuff. Yeah, you're always saying that. I'm always saying that.

Anytime you go, hi, Graham, I go, come out for a whole vacation. We want to see you longer. Last night we did a stand-up show at the Grand Theater in Salem. Had a blast. Man, that was so fun. Salem had a blast. Man, that was so fun. And, you know, a lot of last-minute walk-up ticket sales,

which I guess is sort of consistent with Salem from what we were told. It was great. That theater was a blast. The fans were fun. That's a cool little downtown area. I loved it. Yeah, they were telling me we're up against, like, the state fair and stuff. And it was a good turnout. Thank you to everybody who came,

and I'll share the audio of Graham playing the Leonard Maltin game versus audience members at the end of this shorty. Saturday, Graham and I will be doing stand-up at the Comedy on State Club in Madison, Wisconsin at 420. Sunday, Stuglow's Movies taping there is sold the fuck out. Sorry, bitches. club in Madison, Wisconsin at 420. Sunday's Douglas Movies taping there is sold the fuck out. Sorry, bitches. So don't even...

Yeah. Might be a couple seats left. Next Tuesday, August 13th, I'll be doing stand-up at the Tempe Improv with a special guest who is not Graham. Where are you going to be

next week, Graham? Next week, I will be headlining the improv at Harvey's in South Lake Tahoe, and Chris Mancini will be the feature act. at Harvey's in South Lake Tahoe, and Chris Mancini will be the feature act. So come check out some film nerdery if you're up by the lake. Oh, and I'm also headlining Zany's in Rosemont August 21st through the 24th.

All right. On Wednesday, August 14th, we'll be doing a taping of Doug Lo's movies at the aforementioned Tempe Improv. And August 17th and 18th, I'm interrupting movies at the Alamo Drafthouse in Kansas City, Missouri. Graham, which of these movies do you think has sold the most tickets so far? I'm going to be interrupting Bad Boys 2, Laura Croft 2, Tomb Raider, Circle of Life, or whatever it's called. Or Jason vs. Freddy. Probably Jason vs. Freddy. Ah, Bad Boys 2 is walking away with it so far. Yeah, a lot more tickets sold for that.

But seats are available for all three. Go to DouglasMovies.com for links and deets. You want to play some Build-A-Title, Graham? Oh, I love Build-A-Title. People have said I don't play Build a Title enough on the live shows, and I tend to skip it when somebody new is on the panel, because it's a hard game to explain. Gee, maybe someone will make a really long card full of rules.

Oh, it's just... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. So somebody suggested on Twitter, and I agree, that a good starter title would be Two Guns, because you can... Lots of movies end in number two, and there's a few that begin with the word guns. All right. Am I starting? Yeah, you are. Guns of Neverone. in with the word guns. Alright. Am I starting? Yeah, you are. Guns of Navarone. Oh, you son of a gun.

Son of a gun. Of Navarone. I was, uh, I was gonna say, if I got to it before you, I was gonna say gun-stoppable. What? Yeah. That would have been pretty clever. But guns of Navarone is inaccurate

So I will add to that I will make it two guns of Navarone Only you Navarone only you So you need something that begins with a U or ends with a 2 Short Circuit 2 You weirdo Short Circuit That's weirdo Short Circuit

That's like the Godfather 2 It didn't have a colon and some other Like you know back in business Or uh Yeah Let me look it up No you're gonna be disqualified Disqualified

You're out You're done Get out of the cruise I'm just curious Disqualified. Disqualified. You're out. You're out. You're done. Get out of the cruise. I'm just curious. I think that might have been before they did those, before they did the, put those crazy long, well, I guess there's always been subtitles. Shut up and look it up. Jesus.

God, not enough. Oh, my God. I can't believe I'm listening to this. Did you make a rule card? Shut up and look it up Jesus Oh my god Can't believe I'm listening to this Short circuit 2 Straight up Short circuit 2 So it qualifies Alright I don't know what that is

That's John Malkovich from Rounders Oh I thought that might be that But I don't know what that is, but... That's John Malkovich from Rounders. Oh, I thought that might be that, but I wasn't sure. Don't splash the pot. In my club, I will splash the pot whenever the fuck I want. What were you doing, Arnold Schwarzenegger? Ask Matt Damon. The line you said is actually Matt Damon's line. He says, don't splash the pot.

Yeah, he says it just like that. He goes, hey, Teddy, don't splash the pot. And then John Malkovich goes, in my club I will splash the pot whenever. And he starts splashing his chips all over the place. Right, but didn't it start where he told someone not to splash the pot, and then he did it himself and then...

No. Whatever. It's a stupid movie. Oh, come on. Take out the relationship stuff. That movie's great. All the card-playing scenes. Take out the fact that, uh...

Uh... That John Malkovich's character is supposedly the... one of the greatest heads up poker players and he has a tell as incredibly revealing

as suddenly twisting the top off of Oreo and eating the icing out pretty lame pretty lame well it's just cause you're a fucking

die hard card player but that yeah yeah that movie about cards is inaccurate about cards that inaccurate about cards. That John Turturro stuff? Come on. That scene where they're

in Atlantic City and Ed Norton goes, keep grinding it out, Kanish. That's noble work. And Ed Norton is such a tool in that movie and he never changes. Yeah, he's quite tool-y. It's a good film. Alright.

If you want to see a movie where one guy fucks up the other guy's life repeatedly and he's never going to stop and the guy should just get away from him, it's Pope of Greenwich Village. Oh, that's a great film. That's fucking insane. Okay, so I'm going to go with Short Circuit, Two Guns Have Never, Only You, Only Live Twice.

Which is like, which is like YOLO, but it's YOLT. So it's Short, say it all again? Short Circuit, Two Guns Have Never, Only You, Only Live Twice. Ice Pirates. Short circuit two guns have never only lived mice. Ice pirates. Oh, nice. Ice pirates. I'm back. Of the Caribbean.

I'll go with, what is it, At World's End was one of them. Oh, you fuckball. Yeah, would you want me to go Pearl? Pearl might have really fucked you up. Yeah, really would have. Yeah, and just a little easier, maybe. So you got something that ends in short, which is your fault that we have to come up with that. And something that, oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, you just thought of something. Yeah, you son of a bitch. And so what is it? End. End.

End. World's End. Yeah, World's End. Not to be confused with The World's End, the great new Edgar Wright movie opening August 23rd. The World's end of days. Yeah. And then

I'm going to... What do you got? You got something for short? You little crafty fuckbong! No, I do have something for short, but I'm going to save it for the win because I'm going to go, right here, I'm going to go Days of Wine and Roses. Oh, nice.

Yeah, so you need something that begins with roses or ends with short. Yeah. Yeah, you're boned. It's over. It's over. Short circuit, two guns of never only, you only live. Twice pirates of the Caribbean at world's end of days of wine and roses. Roses.

Can't believe people like this. This is a fun game. This is another thing about this game. Ends in short, short, and begins with a rose, es, es, rose, es, es. The cohorts. The cohorts. It's perfect. It's perfect.

cohorts. It's perfect. Um, the, uh, let's see. Uh, I know there's a shorts one out there. You fuck. Three seconds. Five seconds. Um, visualize it. Short 2. Jersey Shore. A Rose. S. Rose. Is there an Ezra Pound? Rose. Easy money. Okay.

You're out. Rose. Rose. Escape from New York. All of unbelievable. Oh. Escape from New York. All, I'm unbelievable. Oh. Escape from New York. All right, I'll give you that one.

Yes. I'll just go New York, New York. You cocksucker. All right. New York, back to you. Short circuit, two guns have never only you only live twice. Pirates of the Caribbean at world's end of days of wine and rosescape from New York, New York. I thought of a New York movie.

So at least one exists. Oh, I thought of another one. Fuck. When you fail to do this, I'm going to put a title on each end just to rub it in. Rub it in? Serendipity, because it takes place in New York. No, I'm just kidding. New York. No, I'm just kidding. New York, um...

New... New... New York, I love you. What's that? I'm starring Sissy Spacek. What? And a very young Tom Berringer. What are you talking about?

There's P.S. I Love You with Hilary Swank. Right. And a very young Kathy Bates. She's great. You're out. You're busy driving. This is a complicated drive. Up to five. Straight highway.

We're passing Newburgh. Exit 278. Champong State Park. I don't think you pronounced that right. Champong? I don't think there's an N in there. Yeah, there was an N in there. It was like C-H-A-M-P-E-O-G.

Champ-Ball. Champ-Ball. Champ-Ball. Alright, stall tactic. Oh, New York. New Yorkers for life. You could have done New York Stories. You could have done New York Minute.

God damn it. I knew there was a billion there. Yeah, I'm going to do New York Minute. And then for Ensign, short North Shore Circuit. Oh! Yeah, it's a surf thing and you still didn't think of it. So North Shore Circuit two guns have never only

you only live twice pirates of the Caribbean at world's end of days of war and roses, wine and roses escape from New York New York minute, it's a pretty good one, we did good, speaking of movies, greatest movie ever rolled, video on demand, which all cable systems have it, even ones that don't have CBS, iTunes, both of those are places you can get Greatest Movie Ever Rolled on

August 15th. If you listen to all of this episode right here in this car with me and Graham, you're going to love this movie. Yeah. I was at the Fish concert at the Hollywood Bowl, and there was this couple sitting next to me, my friend, and she goes, oh, you're in Greatest Movie Ever Rolled. I love that. Crazy. Nuts. That's a first.

And I go, oh, cool. She goes, yeah, I love it. You're hilarious. It's a great movie. And then I said, oh, do you want a photo? She goes, no, I'm good. I can't be seen getting a photograph with such a square at a fish concert. I know.

You're the worst. Why are you here? My next movie interruption at CineFamily in L.A. is going to be Now You See Me on August 19th at 7.30. CineFamily.org. And I guess we should throw to last night's super fun throwdown between you and audience members at the Grand Theater in Salem. And, you know, as is often the case in a big, beautiful theater like that, the sound is a little echoey, so enjoy. Hey, Salem Morgan, how we doing?

We got a prize, man. I don't know what it's holding in his hands. Oh, my room key from the hotel last night in Portland. That's worthless. A copy of a DVD of The Regular Show from the Cartoon Network. I'm going to bring that to the

mix. A copy of Gameway Doug, my current CD. I really love this band. I don't have a mic. this, Grant. I don't have a mic. Oh, okay. And that was when we see you. Grant Rowland, what are you going to throw in the front of that?

I'll throw in a copy of my CD, Pulp Struck Dance Party. Pulp Struck Dance Party. Oh, wait. Oh, also a copy of Smug Life, available in the rap section of Walmart. Because they're stupid! Alright. There it all is. This is a microphone-free gram.

It's really flipping me out. Like right now, I'd just be waiting for you to finish Summer Riff to get into picking a contestant, but you're... Oh! Wait for the whistling! Really fun stair work.

Oh, the extra lights came on. It's a professional view. And the promoter is found by a shirt. He's sitting in the middle of the aisle, in case there's a fire, you want to make sure there's some guests. So you think it's over, but it's not over. It's like one of those dreams where you wish you'd smoked weed before you went to bed. Oh my God. Such an idiot.

That was singing in the rain. Okay, what? Yeah, it was. Yeah, that was singing in the rain. All right, any requests? Get off stage. Oh, no, he's not. What's happening?

He's not. Oh, people are singing along. Wow, I didn't know there was anyone here more horrible than you. But you've been having fun turning the lights on and off and making me think like I've got my glaucoma is back. You know, I take medications for my glaucoma. I take it very seriously. But can we bring the house outside and see some people who are on name tags tonight? Oh, here we go. Just got some folks holding up their phone.

There's a DVD over there. It's probably got something cleverly written on it. And some other signs. Got some of the smaller signs. There's a big one over there. I really can't see shit. The Bram's in the crowd. He's going to pick somebody.

If this were a longer episode of the show, we'd go to the workshop and set things up for a brand new day of work together. And we'll get any time for Christ's sake. So I'd love would be cool. Anyone that feels too, you can take my hand to the fuckin' baby cave. It's over in there. Smell the rum and see what the baby can do.

That guy's all good with the baby cave. What, you got a whole guy coming over here? Half a guy? Oh, okay. All right, all right. You seem... You seem complete enough to me. Yep.

Nice. And me and Jennifer love you, Ed. Okay. Two hours. Here. All right, so you... Just say your name, guys. My wife... Oh, yeah you were, what screen your name in? My wife, oh yeah, it's just the hands off.

My wife asked me how to print it out, she said English or Chinese, I said, yeah, Chinese, right, so she did. But explain to Jennifer what you were an extra to do. I was an extra on my solo last summer, and yeah, eight hours of her screaming in my ear for five seconds on screen. Nice, Zach. Love those movies and comedy numbers. And Jennifer LePew.

And your names in Chinese. And our names in Chinese. That's Zach and Graham. That looks more Korean. No. It's a very thorough interview, Graham. Good job. Thank you.

Really, you threw that guy some little curveballs. Oh, gotcha journalism going on out there. You gotta hold it. Yeah, you gotta hold it. I've already forgotten what his name is. Zach? Okay, Zach. You think you're good at playing this game, Zach?

Uh, half the time. Half the time, huh? That's all we need because that's more than never at all. That's more than Graham. You feel Graham wins half the time? Only on 12 Gets of Christmas. Alright. That's when it fucking counts!

I play when it fucking counts the rest of the time I'm an entertainer! I play when it fucking counts. The rest of the time, I'm an entertainer. So, wait, what are you today? Today, I'm an entertainer. Okay, Kermit. It's not easy being green. You know how they... Oh, yeah, sure, I'll whistle rainbow connection.

No, you won't. You're raping that song. That song is crying for help. For your whistle. Oh. That song is crying for help. It's really your worst song. Oh, God. It's the worst thing that's ever happened.

Yeah, I'm talking worse than the cubs. That was fucked up. Okay. Okay. This is just between what's his name and what's his phone number. It's just between Zach and Graham, so if you think you know the answer

at any point, please don't share that information. You guys seem like a polite crowd with a couple of lunatics. I think we just spotted one of them. It's like bird hunting. Watch them. I'm sorry, watch them.

Bird hunting. Which category would you like, Zach? Would you like This Isn't the End? That's movies that have a scene after the end credits. Or would you like, Zach? Would you like This Isn't the End? That's movies that have a scene after the end credits. Or would you like Hook? That's movies that have prostitution, fishing, or both.

God bless you. Some of the audience is allergic to that category. Or, You Have My my permission to diet. And that's movies where an actor lost or gained weight for a role. Which one of those would you like to play? You have my permission to diet. Here, let's give him a microphone. Zach is selected.

You have my permission to diet. Nice voice, Zach. We'll just do that to the both of us. Hold it up there. Thank you so much. All right, I want to look. Don't look at it. God, this is like every sexual encounter I've ever had. Just put it in the, I don't want to walk the park Not again

Someday we'll find it A rainbow, a connection To lovers and dreamers And we'll Give it, give it Give it, come on, give it Alright The year...

Oh, this isn't awkward. The year is 2009. Yeah, Leonard gives this movie three stars. He says that it is... He says it's a true-life saga. he says the true life saga and he says that the score for this movie is delightfully puckish.

And he lists 19 names. Alright, Zach, what's the one you want to give it? 19? 17. 17. I'm going to go with 14. Whoa.

Oh. Oh, Zachary. Hey. Hey. Nice. Bring them off. Thank you, Greg. Thanks for tossing me the conch.

How many names does he get? Eight. Eight names. All right. Here's your eight names. Dick Smothers. Tom Smothers. Yeah. Patton Oswalt, Scott Adsit, Bob Zaney, Candy Clark, Eddie Jameson, and Rusty Schwimmer. Are your eight names.

Wow is right. Those are our eight names? Wow. Wow is right. Those are our eight names. We were all in this 2009 motion picture that got three stars from Leonard, and he says that it's got a delightfully punkish score, and that he said some other thing. True Life Saga. What is your answer, Graham? and that he said some other thing. True life saga. What is your answer, Graham?

Green is the color. It's a... Fuck. Got a real stickler in the crowd that thinks your answer was fuck. Incorrect answer. Nope. I mean, Trebek wouldn't give you the points if you said that.

No, that's a Rex 500 dick. Why are Vanna and Pat Sajak still a thing? I don't know, she doesn't even do anything now. It's all electronic. She doesn't even flip anything. She just touches, it's like touchscreen. What an asshole. Total assholes.

What's the answer? I know this is not it, man. 2009, we lost a lot of weight in 2009. 2009, we lost a lot of weight in 2009. Time zone. Okay, all right. The answer is Man on the Moon. Okay, no, that's not it.

And it was gained or lost weight. In this case, it was judgmented by the name of Matt Damon, and the movie was called The Informant. Oh, fuck. Matt Damon, and the movie was called The Informant. Oh, fuck. Matt Damon, he didn't gain that much weight. He did gain weight for the role. Oh, that's bullshit. It should be like a fucking raging bull kind of switcheroo,

like he put on 100 pounds. Matt Damon goes from being completely ripped to looking like decent, and that's a big, big weight gain. Just a lot of movies that have the Smothers Brothers, Pat Nozzle, and Bob Zaney in them. Yeah. Narrowed it down pretty much to the one movie, I'm pretty sure.

But I didn't see it. But congratulations, Zach's our winner. Zach wins for doing that. Thanks for coming to the show. Watch his death and he's down. And one more time, everybody, for Bram Elwood. Oh, whistling. More whistling. As always, whistling is a shithead.