Doug Loves Movies - Ron Funches, Bert Kreischer, Debra DiGiovanni, and Dustin Ybarra Guest

Episode Date: August 5, 2014

Doug welcomes gigglers Ron Funches, Bert Kreischer, Debra DiGiovanni, and Dustin Ybarra to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming baby cities. He's with 50 as a popper, her hair's in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see. Because Doug loves movies. Hey everybody, my name is Doug and I love movies. This is Doug Loves Movies. Where's my paper? Why isn't it in here?

Oh no, that'd be crazy if I had to do a whole... Hello. That'd be nuts if I had to do a whole show without my piece of paper. I could probably do it. I had to do a whole show without my piece of paper. I could probably do it. Coming to you from the UCB Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday, August 5th, 2014, Wolf of Wall Street fight,

Terminator 2, Judgment Day of the Deadman, Walking Tall, The President's Men, and Blackfisher, Kate, Ralph, and Doug, Day Afternoon, Delight, Sleep, Perfect, Murder, My Death Wish, Three Amigos, Gus, World's End of Watch, Men Don't Leaving, Las Vegas, Food, La Jingle, all the Wayne's World's end of Watchmen don't leaving Las Vegas. Food, law, jingle, all the

Wayne's World's Fastest Indian. Woo! Thank you, Montreal, Ann Arbor, Travis City, Madison, and Rosemont. That was a great run that I just went on. This weekend, I'll be at the Improv in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, doing stand-up on Saturday at 4.20

and Doug Loves Movies on Sunday, also at 4.20. And Houston, Texas, I'll be at the Improv this Monday, August 11th, 8 o'clock, I believe. All of my dates are at DougLovesMovies.com. From the corrections department, Cedar Rapids is in Iowa, not Michigan. Speaking of Michigan, I saw 12 films at the Traverse City Film

Festival out of over 200 that they played there. And I liked most of them. It was a really strong batting average up there. And you'll probably hear more from me about all these movies in the next few months or even a year or so as they all sort of

trickle out into the marketplace i saw la gran familia espaniola 1971 five to seven palo alto the past the hunt sister wild canaries fading gigolo calvary and life of crime and of course the Benson Movie Interruption. The Benson Movie Interruption of Roadhouse. Yeah, that was super duper fun. Next fest I'm attending is the Portland International Film Festival in Portland, Oregon.

I'll be there August 28th and 29th doing a Douglas Movies and a screening of Greatest Movie Ever Rolled. Prize bag, you guys. Let's get into it. Lots of fun items including a Doug Loves Movies t-shirt

and a copy of Gateway Doug 2 Forced Fun and that thing and of course a couple hot dogs from Pops. Pops hot dogs in there. Always gets a laugh. And of course a couple hot dogs from Pops. Pops hot dogs in there. Always gets a laugh. I don't necessarily know why.

Some alcohol. So is anyone under 21 out here today? Alright, so be honest if you, you know, don't take that if you win today. Did you bring a name tag? Okay, so you're out of the running anyway. Oh, this is fun. Somebody made me a Douglas Movies movies lighter that's really fancy so i put that in there and also uh this thing's kind

of cool it's got a chain so you can hang around your neck and you open it up and it's just a tiny little uh grinder yeah i don't know where i got that or who gave it to me, but I just don't think I'll ever reach a point where I would want to walk around with this hanging around my neck. But somebody else might enjoy it. I put together kind of a special panel today, and I'll explain more what's so special about it once I get them all out here.

Please give a big, warm UCB welcome to returning winner Dustin Ibarra, along with Debra DiGiovanni, Bert Kreischer, and Ron Funches. Bert picked up his microphone first, but is remarkably restrained right now. What do you think, panel? What do you think the four of you have in common that I thought would be a really fun show for the... Size? The people.

Is it? No, Deb, it's not size. We can all run the four-minute mile. Movie reference! I'm fucking out, bitches! Incorrect. Dustin, do you have a guess? I don't know.

We're all sweating a lot. Big sweaters. The sweatiest group of guests ever. Ron, what do you think it is? I think it's because we're all good gigglers. Big sweaters. Big sweaters. First answer. Sweatiest group of guests ever. Ron, what do you think it is? I think it's because we're all good gigglers. Oh! That's right.

It's the top gigglers episode. You guys all laugh like there's no tomorrow. And I love it. And I don't want to put any extra pressure on you to laugh tonight. Or to try to stifle your laugh. Just be natural. But just know that at the end of the night, we're going to vote. And the audience is going to decide who the best laugher is. Oh, shit.

I got a new laugh. Oh, I thought Ricky Ricardo just wandered in. So let's run down the table here. Dustin Ibarra is back, you guys. He cannot lose. He's a Leonard Maltin game phenom. It's crazy, dude. Yeah, man. I don't know how it happens. I'maltz game phenom. It's crazy, dude. Yeah, man.

I don't know how it happens. I'm not even that good at stuff, you know? Movies or a lot of other things either. You sound like a 13-year-old talking to a stepfather. I'm not even that good at stuff. Yeah, I'm like... You'll love me, Rick, okay? Oh, man.

I wish my stepdad smoked weed. That'd be fucking awesome, man. Growing? Oh, man, I wish my stepdad smoked weed. That'd be fucking awesome, man. I'd be growing up better, man. So what'd you bring for the prize, Meg? It's an interesting combo of gifts that you brought. It is an interesting combo. It is the movie Flight with

a little bottle of champagne. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because it's about something I love to do, which is drinking on the job and operating heavy machinery. You can reenact my favorite scene from that movie when the little bottle of

vodka is sitting there on the table and they just hold on it for a while and you're like, why are they just showing that bottle of vodka? And then all of a sudden, he grabs it. You're like, why are they just showing that bottle of vodka? And then all of a sudden, he grabs it. You're like, oh shit, it's on. So, that's a very thoughtful gift, and again, if you're under 21, please don't win tonight.

And our buddy Bert Kreischer's back, you guys. Bert Kreischer's here. This podcast is always a learning adventure for me, as I usually say something and get tweeted aggressively the next day on how you're never supposed to say that out loud. Do you recall what it was the last time?

I barely can remember. Fat chicks. Just hashtag. I know, that's why I didn't want to bring it up, assholes. Oh, fuck. Start it, Doug. Make it happen. I brought a book, Doug.

Yeah, I'm holding it in my hand. It's called Life of the Party, Stories of a Perpetual Man-Child. Yep. So who is this about? It's about me, Doug. Oh, okay. Yeah, I wrote it all about me. Is this one of them YA novels

I don't even know what that means young adult I think this kind of sums up the duality of Bert and his comedy is that the two people that wrote about him

on the back are Mark Maron and Mick Foley I'm right in between there yeah yeah somewhere with my shirt off. It's a good book. It talks about I got involved with the Russian Mafia and thought Will Smith wanted to

fuck me and how I met Whitney Houston after my daughter broke her jaw. That's kind of happened to everyone though. Don't forget, laugh into your microphones, you guys. I want to give you points. So yeah, so get Bert's book, everybody. And it's going in the prize bag. Oh, I'm sweating.

He was nice enough to bring me a copy as well, so I'll read it and let you guys know. I'm going to do a little book review. Oh, I'll take it. Or I'll do a read this, not that. I'll compare your book to Catcher in the Rye. I thought that was about baseball when I was in high school.

I read the whole fucking thing. It's like, when's he get on the team? Foul mouth kid better be able to pitch. It's not the dumbest guess, Bert. You don't have to... I didn't understand airplane, what was the name of the pilot? What was the thing? Flight.

Until you said about the drunk, and I went, oh, the Denzel Washington movie. Say, look, some of us were in that sweet spot in Hollywood where we just figured out at the very end of the movie, he's a ghost! I don't know what just happened. Sixth Sense. No, I understand. Not that just happened. Six cents. No, I understand.

Not that that was a movie reference. I don't know what it had to do with anything that preceded it. Deborah DiGiovanni is here, you guys. Oh, wow. Debbie D. True. Who I just had the pleasure of running into and enjoying some joints with at the Montreal Just for Laughs. Yes, absolutely.

What a delightful festival. A delightful festival. There was no place where someone said, don't smoke that here. No, no, no, yeah. To me, ever. I did notice that you had a little bit like looking over your shoulder. I'm like, no, Canada, they don't care. They really don't care.

Go to Canada, everybody. They don't care. Yeah, go to Canada. About anything. About anything. At all. You really can. There were cops everywhere, and they didn't seem to be talking to anybody. No anything. At all. You really can.

There were cops everywhere and they didn't seem to be talking to anybody. No, not at all. They were just hanging out. They're high. They don't care. They hang out and watch. Yeah.

Good for them. Good for them. And what'd you bring for the prize bag? Oh, I brought an old DVD of mine. Just mainly because I cannot fucking give them away.

So there you go. That's it right there. Look at that. Single, awkward female. Yeah. It's you on a bench with a nice couple with a nice i didn't even name it my people named it how's that they were like we have the perfect one single awkward female it's you i'm like thanks whose idea was it

for you to have a mic in your hand even though you're sitting on a bench in the park i swear to god i'm not joking they put that in later because they were like what do people think it's a romantic comedy i'm like i don't fucking think so i think it's a romantic comedy? I'm like, I don't fucking think so. I think it's going to be, yeah. That's me. That's my thing. That's my thing. Romantic comedies

all the time, 24-7. If somebody thinks it's a romantic comedy and buys it or rents it or whatever, then the joke's on them. Yeah, exactly.

You don't need to prove that it's not. Anti-romance. Yeah. I shouldn't be so proud of that, but anyway. And Ron Funches is here, youance. Yeah. I shouldn't be so proud of that, but anyway. And Ron Funches is here, you guys. Yeah. Yeah.

Champion of At Midnight. Yeah, my mortal enemy over there. And also you just found, I don't know how recently you found out, but the show you're on, Undateable, got picked up. Yay! For more eps on NBC. Bing, bing, bing. Do you know when the return date's going to be, or is it mid-season or whatever? I don't know at all. I think we're going to start in January, but I don't know when it's going to be out.

But it just makes me happy because I was out of money. You spent your Undateable Season 1 money? Yeah. I invested in myself. Oh. I said, I bet there'll be a Season 2. You thirsty? It turned out to be a good...

Yeah, I am thirsty. I also thought that there would be more talking. No. It's kind of... It's getting on my nerves a little bit how polite you're being tonight, Bert.

I'm not... I'm not... I'm not... Is that a word? I've jacked off to a... Oh, man. It's like, in college, I went through this phone sex period of my

life. This was back before the internet, when you needed a connection. You had to call down to fucking Trinidad and listen to something. The girl sounded just like, Ron! As I'm listening to him talk, I can hear just, like, he sounds preoccupied, like he's doing his nails,

but he's on the phone, like, what you wearing? Deb and I are sweating our dicks off down here. True, totally got it. Oh, my God. Sucking your dick. Ron brought a nice V-neck

available t-shirt I promised people I'd mail them out If they watched the show But then I was like I don't like going to the post office So now Here's one of those shirts Well you know if you don't like going to the post office

You should try stamps.com. They're no longer a sponsor of the show. I mean, they may come back, so I'm not going to say anything good or bad. I feel neutral about that. Yeah, yeah. But man, you know, Harry's, definitely, if you guys ever want to,

if you're ever in the need to shave, go with harrys.com. I love it. I use it all the time. What have you guys seen lately? Have you been to the movies? You see anything, Dustin? I saw The Killing Room on TV the other day.

That was insane, man. Have you guys seen that? That was like nuts, dude. What is it? It's called The Killing Room. Uh-huh, we got that. And it's about, you know what? It's based on some real shit that happened over like in russia or something they had these like political prisoners and they like put them in a room and they're like let's just keep them awake

for a long ass time and they went crazy and you know crazy shit happened i don't want to reveal a lot, but people stayed up, you know? They were awake. I was awake. They didn't use any cocaine. They had this fog that they sent into the room, and it made everyone like, oh, I can't sleep, you know? So I don't know. It was pretty cool. Nick Cannon was in it, you know?

Oh, God. I was like, oh, Nick Cannon. All right, I'll watch. I was flipping through like, nah, fuck it, Nick Cannon. I love this dude. All right. Come on, who doesn't love Nick Cannon? I think a lot of people.

I think. Bert, what about you? I don't know. I've watched a lot of movies on planes. I saw one the other day that made me cry pretty hard. I cry a lot on planes. Can I guess?

Please. Captain America, the Winter Soldier? No. No, no, no, but I did see Wolverine or at least all, or not the, you know, the latest one.

The guy, the guy that was a sexually accused of sexually assaulting that dude, Bryan Singer. The director, sure. He was accused of it.

I followed that case pretty aggressively. Why? Because I subscribe to Variety.com and so, that was the update they sent every week, and I kind of followed it,

and then I was like, I want to see his movie. It's actually a really good movie, and I'm not looking for my book. But what about, has he been exonerated yet? He's been 100% exonerated, and the lawyers said,

and I was like, good for him, but not enough news was generated, this isn't funny, about his being exonerated. So this poor guy got slammed by the press, and then everyone dropped their charges. Are you worried because you heard

I threw somebody off the show recently? No. Just calm down, Bert. It's going to be okay. It was a good movie. It was a really good movie. Yeah. It was about time travel

and I like anything time travel. Oh, the X-Men thing? Yeah, it was all about time travel. Yeah, sure. I mean, it was, yeah, they used time travel in it. Yeah. It wasn't about time travel. Yeah, sure. I dig that. I mean, it was, yeah, they used time travel in it. Yeah. Yeah.

It wasn't about time travel. They don't explain it. I mean, it was more about time travel than it was X-Men, I think. I think those were all X-Men doing the time traveling. I think, agree to disagree. I see it as a time travel movie. You see it as a superhero guy thing. How about that scene where Quick Change runs around?

Oh, yeah! He's got that punk rock purple hair that girls have when they're like 15, and he's like It was pretty badass. I don't remember that part at all. I understand that's how they pitched it in the room. He goes Hey, Deb, you seen any good movies?

Deb, yeah, let's go to Deb. The X-Men, I saw X-Men, and then I saw Spider-Man 2, which I did not like at all, right? Nobody likes it. That was so, and I will watch Emma and Andrew, because we're on first name basis, I will watch them kiss for hours. If that would have been a separate movie,

I'd fucking tuck right into that. But this, no, I thought it was bad. was bad i mean can i believe i'm gonna say this so i thought the dialogue was disappointing but i did i thought the dialogue was really in an action movie but it's true yeah and i also saw non-stop in the theaters oh my god i'm so sorry guys but i did and it was That was February or something? Yeah, I know. I watch a lot of old, because I'm a poor, cheap woman. I get it. Ron, what have you seen?

Well, Doug, you know I'm pretty ignorant when it comes to movies, but I knew I was coming here. So I watched Grand Budapest Hotel, which was good. I liked it. It's fun, right? The film movie is pretty. It looks like a picture book. But they also, like, you know, typical Wes Anderson movies are pretty, you know, there's not a lot of swearing.

But suddenly in Grand Budapest, people use F-bombs left and right. But it's a nice balance between the hoity-toity-ness. That Ralph Fiennes should be that's like a best actor nomination right there I think. He's so funny in that movie. I don't know who that is. He's the main guy.

He's the top guy. He's the guy running around with his lobby boy. You'll be my lobby boy. Okay. You'll be my lobby boy. Okay. I saw Guardians of the Galaxy. Oh, okay.

You've been going crazy with the movies, but you would have seen that anyway, right? Yeah, I would have saw that anyway. That's fun, right? It was really fun. I like it. I hope that there's a medical marijuana dispensary that starts selling, like, Groot, because then I don't want to smoke. I'll be like, ooh, I'm smoking that Groot, you know? Right, you take a big hit, and then you just go,

I am Groot. I'm so Groot right now. On that Groot right now. That would be fun. Yeah. Vin Diesel's a real tough gig for him to come in and say those three words. But good for him. That was Vin Diesel?

Mm-hmm. Oh. Did you see it? No, no, I thought it was that professional wrestler. No, he's in it. The Rock? Vin Diesel's the voice of Groot, the big thing that looks like a tree branch. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was a pro wrestler, and I was like, oh, that's good for him. Some guy wrote to me on Twitter today, Bradley Cooper's the voice of the raccoon? That raccoon didn't sound anything like Bradley Cooper.

I wrote back, acting. They didn't hire him to necessarily sound like Bradley Cooper. They lied to us. They put Bradley Cooper as fucking Paul Reubens, man. Wait, does everyone say raccoon

or do you guys say raccoon? Oh my gosh. Seriously, wait. Let's figure this out. Raccoon. Fucking raccoon. Ron. Raccoon. I thought it was going to be better.

No, I'm raccoon. I think it was gonna be bad no I'm raccoon no I think it's really weird that there's still a place called Coon Rapids like a city like a whole city

oh there's a lot of terrible jokes to make why is that like no but like why'd they name it is it like racist

and shit that'd be kinda crazy for a whole city right like what are you talking about I think it was just a happy accident name it? Like racist and shit? That'd be kind of crazy for a whole city, right? Like, what are you talking about? I think it was just a happy accident. Probably actually named after raccoons.

Yeah, I was like, what do you mean? And then later they were like, hey, but racists can have fun with it too. We play that game on the road sometimes, me and my crew. We'll play, how did they get the name of the city? So like, hypothetically saying, you go, oh my God, look at all these raccoons going down the rapids. Let's call it Coon Rapids. And so we do it with, this is not going to be as funny as I thought it was in my head.

Like, oh my God, look at all these mini sodas. We should call this Minnesota. You not the hoe. You not the hoe. Idaho. Okay. All right. That's what we'll call it. You not the hoe You not the hoe I the hoe Okay Alright that's what we'll call it I like

The Coon Rapids If it sounds like They were like Let's just make An all black water park Where everyone just sits And looks at the slides They're taking a bath

On sunscreen Oh no They're taking a bath on sunscreen. Oh, no. I just keep seeing that promo for the Cat Williams special on HBO where he's really mad at black women for not getting in the pool. He's really angry about it. It's hilarious. All right, you guys. We've got to get this thing moving. It's time for me, you guys. We gotta get this thing moving.

It's time for me to say, let the games begin. I saw that movie today. Some folks brought... What movie is that? The one with that... Whatever. The Black League Justice or something. Overlord Justice. You made that up.

Dark Knight Rises or whatever. Yeah, that's exactly what it's called. It's weird when people add or whatever to the accurate title. We've got some name tags here in the audience, I presume. There's some. I know it's very hot outside, so people are probably like,

I don't want to stand on the street with a name tag. But there are some out there. Look, there's Groot right there, but it says, I am Justin. That's awesome. So everybody go pick a name tag, and while you do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. We're back, and Bert just

threw a door opening into a young man with crutches in his hand. I'm so sorry, man. He's covered. I'm sorry, radio. Did you take an intake? I'm sorry again for that comment, but I just had to.

Radio didn't have crutches, though, right? I thought he was disabled. Brain crutches. Yeah, brain crutches. He's got that friendly radio look where he's like, I just want to help, coach. I think this is the part where they get mad at you on Twitter. I think it's now.

I'm just saying. I can't tell who's sweating more, me or you. It's starting to blend in now. I feel like I'm sweating onto your sweat. Our DNA is being combined here. Something terrible is going to happen. Anyway. All right, let's make a fine of everybody and who you're playing for.

Tell us who you're playing for, Dustin. Ah, crazy stupid Mike. Huh? I haven't seen this, but I'd like to. Ryan Gosling. Hey, he's fucking cool. I'm playing for the magician Scott.

Mason Scott. Fuck, I can't read. Mackin Scott. God damn it. I'm dyslexic, everybody. It's not cool to laugh. I couldn't read. Mack and Scott. God damn it. I'm dyslexic, everybody. It's not cool to laugh. I couldn't make a Vine because I forgot to

post a Vine that I already made. And so it's already sitting in there and I gotta post it. The other night, I was just in a parking lot spinning around with my camera out just saying, I'm drunk over and over again.

It was pretty spectacular so I don't want to skip that one. There are people your age running hedge funds. And you're spinning in a parking lot. I'm drunk. I think he wins.

Yeah. So Deb picked the I am Groot picture, which is awesome. I'm playing for Justin. So now I feel really bad. I'm not making him mine today. It's beautiful. Look at that.

And Ron went with, it said, beginners. It's Meganers. Meganers. Meganers, yeah. I like it. It sounds like Megan and niggers together.

It does. God, I wish I had picked that one. Wow, I don't think anybody comes here with a name tag thinking it's going to bring out the N word. I think she knew what she was doing. I think she knew what she was doing. Oh my God. The sweatier you get, the better laugh gets. Have you noticed?

It's getting louder. Never mind. Keep going. Can I bite my tongue more in this place than Helen Keller when she was three? Oh, too soon? Seriously, yeah. God damn it. Lighten up. They're not listening, everybody. God damn it, lighten up.

They're not listening, everybody. Was three a big tongue-biting year for her? I didn't get the specifics. I was taking a fucking Hail Mary pass that everyone would think was funny because it was a reference. Right. Let me just sit here and sweat. As references go, Helen Keller is kind of hard to beat. That movie was like a kind of defining moment in my life.

The Miracle Worker, I referenced that a lot. Oh, because that's when you finally learned how to say water? That's the water herself. That's a lot from it. So tonight I have kind of a special plan for you guys. First of all, we're going to decide,

we're going to determine who gets to go first in the game that we're going to play. And of course, to do that, we're back in Los Angeles and our friend Mark Wahlberg is in town. Do you guys want to do some fucking lines or what, bro? Let's fucking do some lines. Get them up. Fuck it up. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

I'm going to give you a fucking hickey. Oh. Fucking hickey. That's some real aggressive audience hand slapping going on there. How are you guys doing? You doing good? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh. Why do you have... Why are you guys doing? You doing good? Oh my god. Oh my god. Why are you so fired up, Mark? What's going on with you? I heard people were fucking sweating, so I came to do it. There's a new sign by my pool that says you can't get in the pool if you have active diarrhea.

It's the only kind there is, bro. Is it straight up diarrhea? Doesn't that say it all? Like, does it really have to be active? Nothing. Everything's about me active. I don't have lazy diarrhea. It's like, let's do this. All right, so let's do this. Do you want to do some fucking lines or what, dude?

Yeah, you guys, he's going to say a line from a motion picture and the first person who knows... Is it a Mark Wahlberg movie? No, we ran out of those. He's got a lot of them. There's two types of movies. There's Mark Wahlberg's movies and there's movies Mark Wahlberg should have been in.

Hey, before I do this, guess what I'm doing, Doc? What? I'm going to do a fucking show right here at this fucking theater. You're going to do your own show at UCB? Oh my God. Here's the deal. They were like,

you know what? You do enough community service in the neighborhood for some shit we don't need to get into right now. Thursday, August 21st, 7 o'clock, on this fucking stage,

we're doing the Wahlberg solution. I'm going to be sorting out all the fucking current event topics, like how great Transformers was, what movie I'm going to be in, Gaza. We're going to get into all of it, guys. Oh, man. It's going to be me and my celebrity friends. I did this up at fucking Bridgetown.

Now I'm going to do it here because I want to change some fucking lives. It's like five fucking dollars. Donnie can afford five fucking dollars. All right, let's do some fucking lines, okay's like five fucking dollars. Donnie can afford five fucking dollars. All right, let's do some fucking lines, okay? Let's do lines. All right, just tell them a line from the movie or act it out, I should say. What?

That's like the ugliest hat I've ever seen in my life. Well, you buy that hat, you get a free bowl of soup. It looks good on you, though. It's my hair, they can't see it. Oh, it's Caddyshack. It is fucking Caddyshack. Damn, son! Oh, damn it! We started this!

That was the best acting I've ever seen in my life! I swear to God. I love this game. I was like, man, yeah, this guy is kooky. I've got kooky hair. This is really, like, good. I didn't know. I didn't know we were playing. I thought it was just a slam against you.

Dude, I need to have that shit in auditions. You know what I'm saying? Fuck. Look at that. Damn. Damn. That's fun. Oh, fuck.

I love this game, Doug. You like winning. Oh, man. Go. I got to be fired up. All right. So, Bert, that means you get to go first in the game we're going to play to determine who in the audience wins the prize bag.

And, you know, as everybody can tell from the clock on the wall or on their wrist, you know, we don't have a lot of time left. But I also think this will take a little while, so it's going to be good. What? I don't think that doesn't make any sense thanks lord of the rules I'm just saying

I think it's gonna fill the next 12 minutes perfectly we're gonna play Last Man Stanton yeah and that's where we get

from an audience member we'll suggest a movie actor or actress or director and that you've played this Ron and then we go through

and just take turns naming movies that that person did or was in until when you can't think of one, you're out. Oh, okay. We'll start with Bert and then we'll go to Deb and Ron and I'll play two for fun.

But if I win, whoever comes in second that's who will win the prize bag. And then we'll go to you, Dustin, because you look the most confused by this. I am. Oh, man. Here we go, you know. It's like, you know, I'm confused a lot. Let's do it. Jordan, have you ever suggested one for this?

You have already? Joe, have you suggested one before? Give us somebody you'd like us to play. Who? We've done Wahlberg before. Julianne Moore. Julianne Moore. Oh, okay. Alright. God damn it. So this show's gonna end early. That's perfect.

Do fairy tale theaters count? Do what? Nothing. No, they don't count. Okay, am I ready? Do I go first? Yeah, just any movie that Julianne Moore is in.

Any one random that's on the top of my head. Well, let's go with Boogie Nights. Yeah, good one. All right. Got nominated for an Oscar for that one.

Ooh, Jurassic Park. Wait a minute, it's not your turn! What? Yeah, it's not your turn first of all. I thought you said you were going straight to me.

No, it's coming to you after Deb and Ron and me. Oh, shit, okay. Yeah, it's not your turn, first of all. No, it's coming to you after Deb and Ron and me. Oh, shit. Okay. Sorry about that. Oh, man. I'm going to go with Jurassic Park, the second one. Damn it.

All right, you guys, you're both killing me right now. Because that's not what it's called. The Lost World. Oh, man, damn it. The Lost World. See, you dragged me right into it, man. Like, ah. Yeah, Deb, do you want to answer again?

Yes, it's the Lost World, Jurassic Park. That's the only one I had, too. I love it, too. Do you know any, Ron? You know who she is, right? No. She's that red-headed lady. She was a porn star on Boogie Nights and she was

helping Vince Vaughn take care of the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park. Two. Still doesn't wrinkle, pal. She has red hair, though. Usually, right? She's almost always got red hair, especially when she's got no

pants on in one particular film. Very clear that she's a redhead. Okay. I'm going to say then Friday after next.

That's correct. Alright, Justin. I mean, Dustin. We've known each other forever. You know, Julianne Moore movie. I want to say she played Eminem's mom, but I know she didn't. But they're in that same area,

so let me think. God dang it. Eminem's mom, but I know she didn't. They're in that same area, so let me think. God dang it. Good call, Joe, on the Julianne Moore. Damn, I don't I really think that I might not have this right now.

I thought the Leonard Maltz game would be too difficult for you. Oh, shit! Crazy stupid! God damn it! I knew it! Oh, my God, dude! I'm like, I'm just meant to win! Fucking asshole! Just everything that happens is like... I am looking at the...

Oh! Oh! Yes! Yes! I'm like blessed right now. Oh! In my head, I'm thinking, I just felt different. I know, it's so funny, because I was like blessed right now. Dude. In my head, I'm thinking, is this felt different? I know, it's so funny because I was like,

look, I peeped down, I'm like, I know Julianne Moore, that's what I need right now. And I'm like, oh shit. Okay. Damn. All right, what's it called again? I was so nervous too, dude.

Oh, thank you guys for giving me this, man. What's it called? Crazy stupid. No, no, no, no. No, thank you guys for giving me this, man. What's it called? Crazy Stupid... No, no, no, no. I know what it is. I know it's Crazy Stupid Love. That would have sucked

right there. Crazy Stupid Mike? Crazy Stupid Mike. That was a great move. Oh, man. Come on, Mike. Let's do this. Is it back to Bert for the win? Well, I... I guarantee you, I got the sleeper.

Okay. Ready? Oh, wait. Did I say one? No, you didn't say one. Oh, shit. Oh, if you take my fucking one, I will lose my shit.

Oh, this is fun. No, I'll just say the one that I was just referencing, Shortcuts. Oh, good. She has no pants I was just referencing, Shortcuts. Good. She has no pants on in a scene in Shortcuts, and you could see her red bush. You ready for this? Yes, sir. Stay.

Okay. He thought everyone was going to be blown away by that. The movie I saw the cover to all the time, it's like a white blur running. And it's Stay. Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't even confirm that. Was she in the thing? She was in something called Safe, I think.

That's the fucking name of the movie. Ah! Yes. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Yes. I have one. See you're out. Yes. Yes.

And I'm going to say this and you're going to be so upset. Deb, it's your turn. We're all so upset and should be ashamed of ourselves. The Big Lebowski. Shit, that was my turn. Guys.

Right? I hope you win with that, Ron. I win. Go. All right, Ron. Has this helped you at all To think of another one Not at all But I'll say That she was in a

I can't even think of movies right now I don't even know the names of movies Mission Impossible That's correct She really was in it wasn't she I don't even know the names of movies. Mission Impossible. That's correct. She really was in it, wasn't she? Was she in that movie? Yeah, yeah.

Like at the end, Tom Cruise pulls his face off and it's her. I remember. She's got to be in a Tom Cruise movie. Yeah. I will go with... How about... a Tom Cruise movie. Yeah. I will go with how about Nine Months. Oh, yeah. Wow.

Is she in Nine Months? Yeah. She played the title role. Good luck, though. Of uterus. I'm just looking and hoping a TV Yeah, it's too bad you don't have two

name tags in front of you. But anything else from that lady? You know, there was a Oh, nothing. Fuck. No, nothing's here.

Okay, Dustin's out. No act of God on that one. Alright. Yeah. Magnolia! Magnolia says Debra. Ooh, I'm on fire Okay, Dustin's out. No act of God on that one. All right. Yeah. Magnolia. Magnolia says Debra. Ooh, I'm on fire. Literally and figuratively. Oh, dang it. Ron. Wait, how come Ron's still guessing?

I've gotten them right so far. Yeah, he's been right every time, and you were wrong. Wait, he's really right? Yeah. Motherfucker. You're going to spend more time on IMDb. IMDb. That's good.

I like that. That's good. Oh yeah, that's good. I think if I have an infectious laughter show again, I should probably do it in the winter because it's too fucking hot for all this laughter. We're having too much fun in this heat. What do you got, Ron?

Magnolia 2. Electric Boogie Loot. And people don't know that one. That's just silly. You're out. So I will say, how about... Sounded like the mic went in your uterus, Douglas. Oh, wait.

We haven't said it yet. Safe. We haven't said it out loud. But no, I'll do another one. I'll do another one. Let me do another one. She was in a movie. Oh, she was in a...

I'll give you guys a hint. Oh. Oh. Was it called Far From Heaven? Yes. All right. Yes. Golf clap.

That's so polite, right? Nice golf clap there. I have one. I have one. Chloe. Yes. I don't know how I'm doing that. I'm doing it.

Okay, let's go. Julianne. Julianne Moore. Oh. Julianne. Julianne Moore. Oh. Oh. Shit. What the fuck was it? That movie where she...

Walk us through it. She has an affair with some younger dude. Oh. Oh. Do they get into trains? Because that's Sliding Doors. It's got lots of other characters in it, though. That's not the main focus of the movie. Are there any Muppets?

There might have been some Muppets in there. But shit, I'm blanking on a lot of... She's got a lot more titles than this. Oh, goddammit! Hand that rocks a cradle! No, that's... She is! She is in it! She's the best friend

of Rebecca De Mornay! I'm so old! Yes! You got another one, Deb? Oh, fuck yeah. Why am I helping you? Okay, it was the one with... She's a lawyer. And she hooks up with Pierce Brosnan, who is also a lawyer.

Legal eagles. And that, and it is called Love Court or something. No, no, that's not it. It's, what is it? Coach Judy. Okay, one second. Let's just have a moment. What does Groot think? okay one second let's just have a moment um what does groot think uh help her groot say something

he played like the saucy young kid who's like dad i don't know you're not gonna tell me what to do yeah i gotta get laid you know yep yep yep yep i remember that i gotta get laid, you know? Yep, yep, yep, yep. I remember that. Gotta get laid. Okay, let's see one second. Oh, God, it's... So hard. No, yeah. I think I might be done. I don't think I have another one either.

Oh, do I get half a point for knowing that she was in love with Pierce? I mean, you're definitely... Justin, a.k.a. Groot, is definitely going to win the prize bag. Yes! Because you've lasted the longest. Oh, yeah, hooray! So then... So pressure's off.

But just one more. Was she in one of those ones with all the girls? I'm sure she was. Precious. prize bag because you've lasted the long so then pressures off but just okay was she in one of those ones with I'm sure she was precious she was a precious no she was a precious kids all right see you later Don John was the one

I was trying to think of. She ends up with what's his name? Just fucking winning shit here, people. What was the one that I was talking about, Mark Wilford? It's easy to play from backstage. Come out and do that. I dropped knowledge. I looked it up.

Alright, so Justin gets the prize bag. Here you go, Justin. You've never won one before, have you? What's happening? You're giving shit back? I'm giving shit to the person that I got to choose. To the person you chose. Oh, dude, that's pretty nice, man.

I'm giving this to the person you chose. And you're stuck with mine. Justin is instituting some sort of consolation prize. You did that. That's nice. No, no, yeah, thank you, thank you. I love that he's keeping my book. I fucking want to cuddle with you.

I swear to God, if I could put my sweaty body on yours. He's going to fuck cuddle you you want anything else you DM me on fucking face whatever that thing is let's fuddle you wanna fuddle after the show with Burt I wanna hold you down and run a tickle train on you just me and Ron and Deb

holding you down like it's old school and then we start giggling over your giggle and then you're like it's too school. And then we start giggling over your giggle, and then you're like, it's too much. I think I'm going to cum. Apologies to Put Your Hands Together. Not because we're going over, but just because they have to follow this. It's more appropriate right now.

Yeah, and let me see the rest of your name tags. Probably have shitheads on the back, so we'll read those. We don't need yours, Deb, because you won. This one's on a cute little... Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, your check.

Wait. Is it on the back of the check? No, it's not. It's not. So, check person, can you come down here and give me a shithead for at the end?

You don't have to write it on the check. You can just write it on this piece of paper. Oh, Dustin's got one that looks elaborate. Oh, yeah. I saw it. Are you the check. You can just write it on this piece of paper. Dustin's got one that looks elaborate. Oh, yeah, I saw it. Are you the check guy?

Here you go, dude. Just write down who you want me to call the shit. Here, this is for your chick. It's like a small. Unless you're into that. Unless you want to Bethany it. What? I don't know what that means.

Bethany put on her child's underwear and was like, look how skinny I am. All right, you guys. Real important part of the show here right now. I'm going to name each of my guests. Get my Uber, Ray. And I want the audience. You're on a whirlwind tour right now, right?

Yeah, I'm flying over to Nerdist. Some guy that works with you texted me yesterday and said, is it okay if Bert rolls through at about 7.30? And I wrote back, you fucking asshole. No, it's very polite to your friend that you have texting people about stuff. Dude, we're not getting into this. I called you. I told you it was from last week.

I love you, Douglas. If I had a corporation, let me do Getting Doug with High, I don't know if you've ever listened. That's my favorite fucking podcast. I listen to that all the time. And I've got to be honest with you, I love when you bring on guys that don't normally smoke because I love watching them spiral and go into giggle fits

and then anxiety rushes. When Jim Jeffries coughed himself into anxiety attack, it may have been my favorite moment ever, and I sat down off the treadmill and I just listened. Fucking Brad and Eddie Ift are two of my... I wish I could do it. But I don't do drugs. All right, I'm going to name each of our guests today,

and everybody applaud. Try to applaud for just one, because we want to decide who has the most infectious laugh on this panel. And then we'll be like a competition. I'll bring you back with Pete Holmes and Jeff Garland.

And who else were they saying? Some people think Ricky Lindholm has a cute laugh. And there was somebody else. Oh, of course, Seth Rogen and his laugh. It'd be fun to get him involved. All right, so Dustin Ibarra, everybody. Yeah.

All right, laugh. Thank you. It's big, your laugh. No. No, Bert. I was so happy we got through the whole thing without your shirt coming off. Fucking sweating so bad.

Alright, Bert Kreischer, everybody. Good laugh. That was pretty good. You should clap because I'm not going to take my shirt off. So that's... Oh no! And it happens! Deb DiGiovanni, everybody.

Oh, bad laugh. I think I know where this is headed. Oh no! And it happens! Deb DiGiovanni, everybody. I think I know where this is headed. Who is the person that gets the dateless shirt? Undateable? Dateless. Oh, McGinner's gets it. Here you go. Yeah, oh, Jesus.

Jesus Christ. It was a close one. Alright right and finally ron funches i think we need to have a clap off between bird and ron let's do one more time burt kreischer hold on hold on hold on we should do a shirtless no no that was yours ron punches okay ron wins No, that was yours. Ron Funches. Okay, Ron wins. Thank you, Ron. I love you guys very much. Yes. Bert, do you have anything to plug into the microphone for us? Yes, I do. My book.

Buy my book at BertBertBert.com. You can buy it at a bookstore. It's called Life of the Party. It's a great book. I fucking wrote it. I didn't have a ghostwriter. I love you very much with all my heart. And listen to my podcast. Hey, yeah. Ron and I were texting about getting them on. I'd love to have all these guys on.

Hot-blooded. Burt Kreischer, everybody. Thank you for coming, Burt. Dustin, what do you got coming up, man? I'm going to be at Hyena's Dallas like August.

Fuck, the last weekend and Sunday, you know? So I'll be there. And if you go to college over there, I'm at Sunday. You know? So I'll be there. And if you go to college over there I'm at UNT. You know?

University of North Texas. And Battle Creek on CBS. Check it out. Coming out later on. So it'll be badass. You on a bunch of

episodes of that show? I've done two so far. We're on a second. So I don't know. I'm on like three so far and then we'll see what happens. Okay. Alright. done two so far. We're on a second, so I don't know. I'm on like three so far and then we'll see what happens.

Okay, all right. But that's awesome that you're on there. Deb, what do you got coming up? Literally nothing. No, seriously, nothing. I go back to Canada.

If you want to all come with me to Canada, that's great. Yeah, please, we need you. Follow me on Twitter, Debra DiGiovanni. That's nice. You got shows up there

in Canada? I do, yeah. I'm touring all the time do aren't you on a popular TV program there yes I'm on a couple little shows video on trial match game

I also do this stupid little web series called cute boy of the week so you can check that out and we literally just talk about cute boys every week I'm available

there are so many of them guys Bert is available to talk about cute boys don't get me started on One Direction. Ron Funches Undateable comes back someday.

Yeah, at some point. What else you got going on? I'm on Chelsea Lately tomorrow. And I'm going to be in Rosemont and Zany's next week. I played there last night. Had a wonderful time. I'll be in Minneapolis doing stand-up

and Douglas movies August 14 and 15. Oh in Minneapolis doing stand-up and Douglas movies August 14 and 15. Oh, actually, the stand-up sold out, so good job, Doug. Yeah, that's why I didn't mention mine. Good job mentioning it.

Yeah, why bring up the things that are sold out already? Oh, I'm in New York next week. It's not sold out at all. I mean, my show this Thursday

at the Improv in D.C. I haven't brought it up because it's sold out, so why get into it? But thanks again to all of you guys. Let's hear it for everybody. We went long by about seven minutes.

Alright, well you guys didn't really have to leave, but okay. As always, Lana Chapman is a shithead. The Los Angeles Department of Water and Power is a shithead. And people who say they prefer real books over e-books because of the feeling they get from flipping the physical pages are a shithead. Now it's time we're done to watch another cocky eyes of gold

his viewing prowess makes him cocky there's no room in his heart for you because Doug loves movies