Doug Loves Movies - Rory Scovel, Geoff Tate, and Kumail Nanjiani Guest

Episode Date: March 11, 2014

Doug welcomes comedians Rory Scovel, Geoff Tate, and Kumail Nanjiani to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, skinny babies, sticky seats with 50 azepam or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies. Hey everybody, my name is Doug, and I love movies! This is Doug Loves Movies! Who was that guy at the end there? Coming to you from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in Los Angeles on Tuesday, March 11th. Oh, happy 311 Day, everybody.

2014 Wolf of Wall Street fight. Terminator 2. Judgment Day of the Dead Man Walking Tall. The President's Men in Black Fish. Gotta get black fish in there. I had a great time on the Parahoy Cruise. Thanks to Paramore, Sixth Man, Norwegian Cruise Line,

Tegan and Sarah, and all the other bands, and all the people on the cruise. Did you guys know Tegan and Sarah, and all the other bands and all the people on the cruise. Did you guys know Tegan and Sarah are lesbians? Found out the hard way in the casino last night. Washi washi, Los Angeles.

Next Tuesday, Getty, Doug with High, live at Largo on La Cienega. Discount code GETDUG gets you in for $20 at Largo-LA.com. Athens, Georgia, see me and Jonah Ray at the Slingshot Fest Comedy Night on Saturday, March 22nd. And we're doing the Doug Loves Movies on Sunday, March 23rd at the Punchline in Atlanta.

Cheap Drills is in theaters in Los Angeles and elsewhere Friday and is on VOD now. Hashtag not an ad. The prize bag tonight has, I just did At Midnight last week, so of course you get some delicious fresh cookies from the people at Deluscious Cookies and Milk. There's no milk in here. And a At Midnight t-shirt. And also you will get a copy of Gateway Doug and a Douglas Movies t-shirt

and a couple other things that we'll talk about in a second. Please give a big warm welcome to returning game winner Kumail Nanjiani and Rory Scovel and Jeff Tate. Thank you. You have the single best gift that anyone's ever brought to this show. I'm going to start

taking bets backstage who's going to speak when no one's ever brought to this show. I'm going to start taking bets backstage who's going to speak when no one's even been spoken to yet of the panelists. And of course my money would have been on you tonight. Yeah, we were just sitting here quietly. Everyone was staring at me. It was really awkward.

I had to say something, right guys? But if it was really awkward maybe Doug, right, guys? But if it was really... No. If it was really awkward, maybe Doug, are you okay? Would be like a thing to say. Okay. If you really thought there was an awkward pause there,

because I was just about to speak when you started speaking. You can take all of this out. You're the god of the edit. You also ask for that every week. You want stuff taken out of the show. Yeah. That's the gold. If we took out what you wanted stuff taken out of the show. Yeah. That's the gold. If we took out what you wanted to take out of the Marc Maron episode,

it would just be me talking for a while and then the end theme. Yeah. And DC Pearson interrupting nothing. Yeah, he got... Was he caught? No, it was... He just felt really awkward about it, I think. Yeah.

All right. I thought... Oh, yeah, and Megan was there, too. really awkward about it, I think. Yeah. All right. I thought... Oh, yeah, and Megan was there, too. Megan Nerger. Yes. You made two guests feel awkward. But Rory Scovel is here, everybody. Yes.

And he's got a look that I'm excited about. Yeah. A coat and tie, but fun coat and tie, like kind of a Chris Hardwick version of a coat and tie. Yeah. Yes. Are you trying to look like Chris Hardwick? Yeah.

You're like, you want an empire? Things are going great for him. Yeah. He is crushing it from every... It's a successful look. Yeah. So I'm like, you know what? It starts with dressing for the job you want.

Which is Chris Hardwick. I'm starting geekist. Are you going to push him out of that? Geekist industries Geekist Geekist down melt Geekist geek melt Yeah I think

Let's take some of this out What'd you bring for the prize bag Rory? Well I brought A karaoke system. Completely unused. It comes with 300 songs. You can plug your phone into it. I only know that

given the picture on the box. I've never used it. It's unused. And I just got tired of bringing my goddamn CD. You guys don't give a shit about it. Well, in case they want to sponsor Doug Lowe's movies, it's made by Karaoke USA. So, yeah, let's keep karaoke American.

Yeah. Keep it where it belongs. Whatever karaoke means. USA. USA. USA. Can you put your CD in there and then do karaoke to your stand-up?

Ooh. That would be a great combo. That might be something we try at Geekist. Yeah. Sounds like you're already pitching me ideas. Yeah.

Yeah. And Kumail Nanjiani's here, of course, everybody. Hello. And Kumail Nanjiani's here, of course, everybody. He brought an Indoor Kids t-shirt, which is, of course, based on his hugely popular podcast. Cannot sing with it, just a heads up. You can if you get a man and a woman.

It's on Nerdist, which is the original geekist. I'm fine with that. I know my place. The winner tonight doesn't have to do shirt laundry for three days. Or go to a karaoke outdoors his house. You heard me. You know what?

Leave that in. That's why you're an indoor kid. Outdoors his house. Leave that in. And also to karaoke too on this machine. Jeff Tate is here, everybody. He brought a copy of his CD, I Got Potential. Formerly, I Got Issues. For a minute.

Until I was like, that's not the name of it. Yeah, they made a mistake. Yeah. You can do karaoke to it. The last three tracks are from Quadrophenia. I feel like what is happening? I got issues, just got so mad.

Like, yeah, so I got issues for a second and I changed it and the person's like, what the fuck? That's the guy who thought it was called that. Is everybody okay? What is he doing? He left and now it's like, what the fuck? That's the guy who thought it was called that. Is everybody okay? What is he doing? He left and now it's y'all's part. It was like a slow Looney Tunes gag. Somebody's chair just completely broke.

I don't even know if I have an obvious solution for this, but I'd like to try. Rory is putting his karaoke machine for people to sit on. There's plenty of... There's a couple of seats over there. We really don't have to worry about it.

Yeah, I don't think it's your job. It's a short show. Standing isn't too bad. I'd like it known that it did work. You're having... You're having second thoughts about giving that baby up, aren't you? Ah, it's pricey. eBay that. You're having second thoughts about giving that baby up, aren't you? Pricey, eBay that. You're going to make some money.

Now, Jeff, have you been to the movies lately to see something that's absolutely tremendous garbage that, in my opinion, that you loved? Because that's what happens when we talk about movies. You love a lot of movies. I saw The bag man today what oh the bag man is here he's here he's wearing a shirt that says batman on it so that's gross what nothing don't talk to the audience he might have thought leave them out of it yeah what is Bag Man? It's a movie with John Cusack and he's a hitman

who's trapped in a hotel. They've combined two John Cusack genres into one movie. Hitman, trapped in a hotel, now it's the same movie finally. He really does do a lot of movies. What was that room number

that he was trapped in? 1407, right? 1408 was that one. Oh, you trapped in? 1407, right? That one? 1408 was that one. Oh, you were in the room next door. Prequel. You saw the prequel through it.

Nothing was happening in that room. Could you imagine? Pretty boring. No one even checked in ever. I could just hear John Cusack.

Is that John Cusack? They're just constantly calling the desk making noise complaints. Yeah. I think there's a movie happening next door. Is that what happens in that one? At the end, I think.

And then he was trapped in a hotel in Identity also. And he was a hitman in a bunch of other movies. Yeah, gross point playing. I also saw Non-Stop. That's something that you would think is garbage. That I had fun. I don't know. You know, Liam Neeson usually makes that stuff pretty watchable.

Nonstop is great if you imagine that was the flight he took to save his daughter in Taken. He's like, I haven't even gotten started yet. I'm just going to the mission. Enough. Enough with all this garbage. That's how he talks too because it's PG-13. Everyone please sit!

Be more polite! PG-13, I forgot about that. I'm just going to wait and see that one on a plane I think. It might not show that one on a plane. Where do they draw the line? Can there be a plane crash in a movie on a plane?

Or does it have to be plane crash free? I saw Air Force One on a plane. So that's pretty intense, yeah. It was intense, but I knew I wasn't on that plane. I was like, oh, this is a movie, so I'll be okay. You were jealous of the leg room the entire time. I mean, they've got a hostage situation, but also look at how they can stretch out.

Yeah. Yeah, even being a hostage is still more comfortable than some of the flights I've been on. You can take that part out. Who would you prefer, Jeff Tate, to save your plane if there's some sort of issue with it where the person who's trying to save everyone is being framed for what's happening? Would you rather have it be Liam Neeson or Jodie Foster? Because I believe that was the same movie.

Those are my choices? Just those two? Did you see Panic Plane? Panic Plane. Panic Plane. Is that what it is? Great. She's being framed for something?

Great work. That's where Kristen Stewart learned in that movie how to be sullen for the rest of her life. That is right. She's still trapped in that panic room. She never got out. No, she didn't. I think Liam Neeson.

If I really have to choose. That was a dumb question. You should also know that he means the Liam Neeson characters that he plays but Jodie Foster is the actual actress

in this scenario trying to save you. So Jodie Foster's playing herself when I'm trapped on a plane? She's just Jodie Foster. What have you seen lately, Rory? I just watched Rush on a plane.

Oh, that's good. And I loved it. Probably because it was on a plane. Oh, that's good. And I loved it. Probably because it was on a plane, you think? Maybe, but I really thought it was a great movie. I really enjoyed it. I thought it was really well done. I just, I sympathize more with the guy that was supposed to be the asshole.

Yeah, yeah. Right? Isn't that guy, his performance is amazing. Yeah. He was great. Alright, moving on. I liked both guys. I liked both characters. I loved the story and I loved the ending. That's like my first review.

This is the first movie I've ever seen. Fisher Price said that he just kids out of review movies. What is this? Is this home video footage? Is this my dad? No.

This is somebody else. This is not a home movie. This seems to be a budget involved. Thor is here? Yeah, the billboards and stuff for it, I thought it looked stupid

and then people said to watch it, so I did. And I liked it. So if you're listening out there, you haven't given Rush a spin, go for it. Is that the Bicycle Messenger

movie? No, that's Maximum Rush. Premium Rush. Yeah, it's a different form of Rush. It's a different level of Rush. Full-blown Rush. They all sound like they're named after different types of gasoline you can get in your car. Premium. What is it?

Premium, right? Is the one? Yes, that's where you're... That's the only one. That's where the reference is at. That's the only one. No movies are called regular. Regular Rush. Diesel Rush. Super Regular Rush.

E-85. For those in Iowa. Kumail, real quick. You've been to the cinema lately. I know you've been super busy. You've got a new show coming up on HBO. You'll see the billboards all over town. It's exciting.

It is exciting. I didn't watch a movie recently, but I did see... Can we talk about True Detective? We don't talk about that. That's a TV show. Haven't... Have not... Have not yet, so... Isn't it all done? It is all done. It's so great show. Haven't, have not, have not yet, so.

Isn't it all done? It is all done. It's so great. So let me ask you this, the final episode, satisfying? Yes. I saw it too.

We're just saying if it's good or bad, that's not a spoiler. That does make me, that does inspire me to get that far or not. If you say it's bad, I might never, ever watch it.

Well, he said it's good. It's really good. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, you're right. I was shocked that the killer was...

No! Take it out, Doug. No, it's really great. Totally worth it. Makes total sense. Love it. Love it. But that's sort of

the cool thing about it is it's the eight episodes is kind of... It's just a whole... It's like a really long movie. You could just binge it and really get into it. Binge it and then purge it. I don't know what the purge part means.

Purge 2 is already coming out soon. Will you go see Purge 2, Jeff? Yeah, you will. Do you like Purge 1? I haven't seen it. Do you think I'll be lost? Purge 2, Jeff? Yeah. Yeah, you will. Seriously. Do you like Purge 1? I haven't seen it, but... Do you think I'll be lost? Purge 2 already looks better. Purge 2 looks like what Purge 1

should have been. Yeah, yeah. Purge 1 was just kind of like, let's practice Purge. Do you guys want to dress up like scared suburbanites? I think they learned that that's the dumbest angle of the whole premise. The worst one. I think they were like, you know what? We actually set ourselves up for a pretty cool movie

and we fucked it up. And people still went because the idea was so cool. And then the one that came out after it that was a similar premise that was better called You're Next, nobody wanted to see because they'd been burned by the purge and they were like, no more of this premise for us. Burned by the purge.

That's a theory, I guess. Purge 2 comes out and then you're also next. I still next what you did last summer. Last nexting. Still next. Next harder. You're nextest. Well, if you're always next, it's never your turn.

So that's a pretty good spot to be yeah whose bit is that leaves the show I think that was a oh what the fuck was his name Gallagher not the watermelon smash one Jack Gallagher used to have a bit about being first and how great that felt

or maybe it was Seinfeld or Brian Regan what what are some other comedians we've heard of great that felt. Or maybe it was Seinfeld. Or Brian Regan. What? What are some other comedians we've heard of? I will name them all. What's different about Purge 2? Is it a different kind of setting? Well, Purge

1, they made the mistake of making it sound like the entire United States would be running amok with crime, and then it all takes place in a house. What's his name? Ethan Hawke. And he's a... He develops alarm systems. So isn't

that crazy? That's like when a guy who works at FedEx ended up on an island. Cast away! Cast away! That's the reference. I thought it was Premium Rush. Isn't he like a bike messenger or something? Two Day Rush.

I saw a broken down FedEx semi-truck and I thought it was like a straight to video Castaway sequel. Look at the guy in the truck. He's like, oh, I fucking live here now. Cars driving by all the time. Why would anyone stop? People still won't help him.

Let the games begin. It is time, gentlemen. Yeah, we're going to play the Leonard Moulton game. But to do that, you guys need to pick people in the audience that you would like to play for. And we have a delightful array of name tags today. Very exciting. Where's Jordan? Does anyone have a suit on?

Not here tonight? I want that thing. All right, while they do that, we'll do this. We'll be right back. All right. We're back. Who are you playing for, Jeff? Chantel.

Now, is this... It's a bunch of beads and coins. And some hair. Two strands of hair on each side I mean, it could not be creepier Did Chantel just celebrate Those are my best hairs Did Chantel just celebrate

Mardi Gras Fat Tuesday? Is that what happened? I'm pretty sure we all just celebrated Mardi Gras, Doug I skipped it this year Yeah? Yeah Well, what happens is This was far away And I always picked the shittiest name tags. Well, what happens is this was far away

and I always picked the shittiest name tags and I wanted to pick something that was really good and then I said I want that one and then I got closer

and I was like I fucked up again. Like, you're too close to it. If I was 40 yards away you'd be like good name tag. Is that the Mona Lisa? Nope. Nope.

Nope. That's just Chantel's hair. Why is your hair in this? There's so much of your hair around. You keep... But you guys are calling out this hair like that's what drew me to it. I didn't know.

What kind of clue for you? Maybe she had to make that name tag in a rush. You're next. She was right. Who are you playing for, Rory? Show me down here so I can find it. I am playing for

Jason, Friday the 13th tag Show me down here so I can find it. I am playing for Jason. Friday the 13th tag paper. Construction paper. It's really well done, I will say. It's nice. There's no hair attached. Looks like he sat down, thought about it. This is what I was trying to avoid,

and it still happens. Who are you playing for, Camille? I'm playing for... It says Charlie Chaplin in The Great Dick Taylor. I assume his name is Taylor. My favorite part is that he put a picture of himself with the Hitler mustache on. Bold choice, Taylor. Oh, he colored the Hitler mustache in, too.

It's not a Photoshop job. No, no. Yours and my people really phoned it in. There's no fucking hair either. All right, Kumail, you get to go first. Okay. Good luck to everybody. I know there's a lot on the line tonight.

This karaoke machine is... It really has raised the stakes. Seems quite... It's probably the best item we've had in a while. It's stolen. Let's have fun. Hey, you guys want to do some lines or what? Now, Mark, I told you, like,

after each round of the Leonard Maltin game, you know we haven't started yet, right? No. Who, me? I've been a thief since I had baby teeth. Who, me? The Italian job. It is the Italian job.

Wow. Yeah! Alright, I was gonna let Kumail go first, but now Jeff gets to go first. I didn't even know. I thought he was just talking. He did too. I was trying to put it together. I was like, that's not... Doug didn't set you up for that. I just thought it was a conversation.

Turns out there was a winning answer. Well, they told us what the game was before we came out here, Kamau. Oh, shit. I guess I was next. Go rush yourself. This is non-stop. Spiraling out into callbacks.

Yeah. You'll get the next one. You're next with the answer. All right, Jeff is going to go first, then Kumail, then Rory, and Jeff gets to pick a category between the following options. Would you like...

It's Terrence Howard celebrating a birthday today. Yeah. I mean, I assume he is. Maybe he blows it off. Maybe he's a Jehovah's Witness. Maybe he's like me and Mardi Gras. Maybe he's just, fuck it.

The films of Terrence Howard. Or, a drinking buddy suggested the YOLO virus, and that's movies where an actor who has played James Bond dies. The you-only-live-once virus, I guess. And at John Nee Utah,

and Nee is spelled K-N-E-E, suggested RoboCop Out, and this is fun for you and me. We discuss this. PG-13 remakes of R-rated movies. Which should never happen.

You're taking out the best part when you knock it down to a PG-13. Let's do Robocop again, but not so violent this time. Let's make it acceptable for kids. Is that how the new one is? It's PG-13? Yeah, so there's lots of violence, but there's no bloodshed.

It's all just... It is great. I didn't see it. You liked it. I really liked it. It gave me quite a rush. Aw. Aw, everyone got sad.

You pretended to like that movie just to get into that rush thing? No, I did like that movie. I genuinely liked it. Oof. I didn't care for it. We'll find out about that movie. I genuinely liked it. I didn't care for it. We'll find out about that later. Jeff, which category? I think I'll take the YOLO virus. Okay.

So somebody who played James Bond then in one of these movies dies. 1987 or 2007? 2007. You got it. Two stars. Hey, can someone let that cat out?

Wow. That cat's trying to say rush. The cat who's heavily invested in this game. Two stars from 2007 and Leonard says that this movie is disappointing. who's heavily invested in this game. Two stars from 2007, and Leonard says that this movie is disappointing.

And this movie let him down, personally. And it was supposed to pick him up at the airport. Oh, okay. And he says that, um... Oh, extreme overlength. He complains of extreme

over length. And I'll even tell you it's 120 minutes long. That's not that long. Nope. That's extreme. That's extreme over length. This was over length to Leonard. And he lists 16 names.

Yeah, 16 names. How many names can you get in, Jeff Tate? I'll say 16. Thank you. Smart player. Is it me? I'll say 14 names. I'll say 13 names.

12. Hmm. Oh. I'll say 10 names. This is like Battle of the Average Players. Average. Name it. How many?

10. Okay, here you go. You want the clues again? Yeah. It's over length and disappointing him personally. He didn't say the personally part, but he did say it's disappointing. Two stars. And the category was somebody who plays James Bond dies in this.

And your ten names are David Threffle? Threltle? You don't have to pronounce it correctly. Until you get to four. I don't, yeah. The first couple. Lucy Punch? Oh, know her. I mean, I know who she is.

Stuart Wilson? Kenneth Cranham? Or Cranham, probably. Let's go with Cranham? Or Cranham, probably. Let's go with Cranham. The only Cranham to go to college. Bill Nighy was in this movie? The science guy?

Mm-mm. He would have said that, Kumail. He would have said that. Bill Nighy, the science guy. Martin Freeman? Paul Freeman. So that's interesting, the Freeman guy. Martin Freeman, Paul Freeman. So that's interesting, the Freeman brothers. Oh, yeah. They only work together.

Olivia Coleman. Okay. Rafe Spall. And Edward Woodward. I think that's nine. I said ten. I might have given you ten, which would be perfect. That's ten, yeah.

That was ten. That's ten. Yeah, that was definitely ten. Okay, name them. Name the ten people. Here we go. The Freeman Brothers got him ham. Yeah, his name was.

Crunch, Punchbowl was in there. Yeah, Punchbowl. Jason Grandslam was in there. Ice Cream Sandwich Jackson was in there. Yeah, Punchbowl. Jason Grand Slam was in there. Ice Cream Sandwich Jackson was in there. Oh, God. I know. It's got to be a movie. It seems British.

It does. So it's got to be a movie with Pierce Brosnan. And I'm trying to think what movie he died in in 2007. Taylor of Panama. I know it. That's a better guess than I thought you were going to come up with. I'm so disappointed. In what? In that I didn't go negative

two. Oh, because you really flashed on it? No, I know it. The fucking two stars. He's so wrong. No, I know. Tell us what it is. It's Hot Fuzz. Yeah. It is. Hey everybody, producer Ryan here. Doug is now fully aware that Timothy Dalton

did not die at the end of Hot Fuzz and regrets the error. Thanks. Back to the show. Oh, Timothy Dalton is it? Yeah, so it feels like Leonard Maltin watched it and just didn't understand it. That's fucking shit. I shouldn't know. It just wasn't for him. Like, it took... Guys, understand it. That's fucking shit. I shouldn't know. It just wasn't for him. Like, it took... Guys, come on.

It was disappointing and... Over length. It was over length, extremely. No, it did the same. It was spoofing action movies, so it did what dumb action movies do

and went a little too far. I thought it was great. It was fucking perfect. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just... No, he did a great job. I can't believe you guys

would badmouth Martin like this. Two stars. I thought it was a movie where maybe... He didn't get Scott Pilgrim either. Like, he was a great job. I can't believe you guys would bad mouth Martin like this. Two stars. I thought it was a movie where maybe... He didn't get Scott Pilgrim either. Like he was two and a half for that. I said two stars and too long. I thought it was a movie where Pierce Brosnan got cancer or something and just died of natural causes and it was all sad shit.

I didn't know it was going to be fun. Well, Rory has a point and we are going to start once again with you, Jeff and then go to Rory I'm very disappointed in myself That's okay I've seen that movie many times

That's alright I just Don't worry about it Mark, don't sneak up on my guests like that How you guys doing? I don't know if he's saying hello. Is this... Yeah.

The Departed! All of them. I bet he said that in all of them. I don't think he's done it yet. I really think it's The Departed. I think he was just saying hi. I don't think he gets how this works. Is this look...

Is the look he's giving us also part of the movie? The look's free. The departed. There's no charge. Jimmy was the kind of guy rooted for the bad guys in movies. Jimmy, he was the kind of guy

that rooted for the bad guys in movies. Fucking, uh... No, that is part of the conversation. The fighter. Jimmy was the kind of guy that wrote for the bad guys. That's from one of your movies? Pain and Gain. What's that?

That's from one of your movies? What you're saying? It's from a Mark Wahlberg movie? It's a movie that I would have fucking destroyed. Oh, so this is from all movies then? That we're supposed to guess? You're saying a sentence from any movie and we have to know.

Maybe I'm saying a sentence about Jimmy who liked to cheer for the bad guys in movies. Who played Jimmy? Who played Jimmy? Maybe that'll help. Can I tell you a secret about Jimmy? Yeah, who played... He's the kind of guy that cheered for the bad guys.

That actually does help that time. That did narrow it down a little bit for me. Voss. Four brothers? I got a big fucking Voss problem. Does Judy Dench say that line? No. The fucking role I should have done fucking says that.

Jimmy. Because she'd call James Bond Jimmy, right? Jimmy was the kind of guy who cheered for the bad dudes in movies. He would never watch a movie, though. He's so busy. James Bond? Yeah. He doesn't watch movies.

Does anybody here think they know it? He would watch it on his watch. You fucking know it. Somebody out there knows it. Somebody know it? Jimmy was the type of guy... It's fun that you started with the most obscure quote

that you could possibly... It's also, yeah, there's no hint except that he's seen the most obscure quote that you could possibly... It's also, yeah, there's no hint except that he's seen the movie. I just thought it'd be more like, you know... You want to do some more lines? It is not fucking Ransom. Fuck that fucking movie.

Is it Payback? It is not Payback. That's a good movie. Do you not like Ransom because your brother's in it? Because you like Ransom because Donnie got cast? The only good thing about that is it got Donnie a fucking check. Alright, so everybody gives up. What's the fucking answer? I want you to take this. I want you to hide this from me.

I knew right then I should have hid it. Some girls would have been scared. Some girls would have said this isn't for me. Fear! Fear! I just gave you so many fucking lines today. I'm not good at this! I think Rory means he's afraid of you. He's just seeing fear.

He's just shouting out his main emotion. What do you do? I'm in waste management. The minute work. Three games? Are you fucking kidding me? Good fellas? It is good fellas.

Okay, get out of here. Get the... God damn it. You don't know lines from fucking good fellas. Take your expensive water out of there, too. I let Ray Liotta do that

fucking role. All right, get out of here. By the way, yelling fear at an assailant is probably the best self-defense. If someone's mugging you and you just yell, fear!

They're going to run away. You're a crazy person. Mind games. Mind games. Fear! I heard you're supposed to say that you have cancer. Whenever I... Don't, I have cancer.

Oh, really? Yeah, because it dehumanizes you in a way that they weren't expecting. It's out of nowhere. And then they're going to just be like, sorry, man. What if you start laughing while you say it? That's not going to work. Kick him in the ding dong.

Jeff, you were saying? You should just try to mug them before they mug you. And then the whole thing gets confused. Maybe that's how most mugs happen. And they call them mugs now, not muggings. Yeah, yeah. Preemptive mugs.

If I see a homeless guy about to ask me for money, I ask him for money, and then it stops the whole thing. If a guy locks eyes and you know it, you just go, hey, man, you got a dollar? Then he just goes, no. And then he doesn't ask you for money because he knows you don't have any because you just asked.

You know, when I see that happening, I look at him, I go, you got a dollar? And they go, no. And then I hand him a dollar and I go, no, you do. And then you ask for it again. And then I ask for it again. I need that to be because I'm going to do that bit again. The next guy, see? All right.

Pick a category, Jeff, between at John on the Base suggested dangly bits, and that's movies where Thomas Lennon has one scene. The old one scene and out. Or would you like In Theaters Now, which can only exist as a category for a few more weeks because the Leonard Maltin app isn't refreshing anymore. Wait, what happened? Did he quit? No. Well, there was a business

they had trouble deciding how to move forward. The terms. Oh. Yeah, so if you bought the app, it'll still exist in your phone. You can still look up lots and lots of movies, but it just won't have Leonard's updates and new reviews added to it.

It's just dead for now. But he's trying to get a new one going, which I think he should just put a Leonard Maltin game in the app. It should just be part of it, you know? It's all because of that degenerate picture. What? I tried so hard to get it. I'm going to leave that out there. I tried so hard to get it.

I'm going to leave that out there. I tried so hard. I have nothing else. The perfect storm. Yes. All right. You and me both, Camille. We have no idea what's happening right now.

Hasty infection suggested getting Doug, and that's movies that have the word high in the title which one of those do you like Jeff? The Dangly Bits okay you feel like you know all the Dangly Bits would you like a Dangly Bit from 2010 or 2011? 2010

okay this Dangly Bit occurred in a film that got two stars from Leonard. He says that this movie is a funny idea, and he also says that one performer's a standout, but the others struggle. And he lists... Ten names?

Ten names. Negative one. From names. Negative one. Negative one, says Jeff Tate. So we go to Rory. No, it's me. No, I swear it's Rory. Negative one, huh?

Yeah. Some kind of superstar? You gotta go negative superstar? You gotta go negative two. You gotta do it. Why? Because it's what America wants. You know it. You both know it.

So then don't make him name it. Say negative two. Hey, shut up. If you say name it to him, he's gonna name it. This is a name it to him, he's going to name it. This is a trick and then you're going to tell me to name it. Let me take that again. I'm trapped. There's no way out of this.

There's no points for me in this. No, Rory, if you tell me to name it and I get it right, we're tied. If you tell me to name it and I get it wrong, you win. Oh, that sucks. What are you saying? You're saying Kumail doesn't have a leg to stand on. Yeah, you tell me to name it, I get it wrong, you win. Oh, that sucks. What are you saying? You're saying Kumail doesn't have a leg to stand on. Yeah, you tell me to name it, 50-50, you win.

No, no, no. If you say negative two and I get you to name it, all the words he said also apply. Yeah. Do it, have more fun, live your life. But Kumail gets the points. I won't say name it.

Listen, I feel like Kumail has enough going for won't I won't say name it listen I feel like Kumail has enough going for him all I have is the chance to go negative one on this movie I don't have a TV show coming out

you know what he's got two TV shows coming out three maybe probably four name it no yes

yes name it you just lost buddy you've never been there for me I've always been there I know but it sounded right to say at the time is it Hot Tub Time Machine with John Cusack correct

did you know it did you know it yeah who gives a shit you would have said negative to it I would have said name it and then I would have gotten name it, and then I would have gotten the point. Yeah, and then Rory would have just sat there for ten minutes trying to think of it. But either way, someone else would have gotten the point.

Yeah, but that way I would have gotten the point. Yeah, I put that together. I'm not a fucking moron. But I wanted the point. Thanks, Rory. I can't make it on a couple of high-altitude fucks once or twice a year. Alive. Fear! I swear to God, you keep fucking yelling at me,

I'm gonna come down there. More fear. That's way more fear. Air Force One. Passenger 57. Are you in this one? I can't make it on a couple of high-altitude fucks once or twice a year. I can't make it on a couple of high altitude fucks once or twice a year. I can't make it on a couple of high altitude fucks.

Next on the list. I'm going to tell you guys a secret. You ready? Hold on. I'm going to answer until I open it up to the audience. And also, where were you when I did? I turned down a fuck. I turned this fucking roll down.

Oh, it's not even a movie you're in? I turned this fucking roll down. Or is that a line from the movie? I thought you turned them all down. Boogie Nights. Do you regret turning it down? No, there's no fucking way I would have done that. But they fucking made those people do?

I'm not fucking doing that. Oh, so they... A lie! I can't do this. There was a gentleman that always thinks it's up in the air. It is not up in the air. K2. Remember that movie?

What's that? Cliffhanger. That's the movie with Paul Walker and the dogs? Yes. Is it the snow dogs? No, it's not fucking snow dogs. You think he's fucking talking to some dogs? Listen, you dogs, I can't fuck you like this

once or twice a year. Or you're going with mountains and I'm going with plains. That's what it's. I can't do this. A couple of high altitude fucks once or twice a year. Oh, are there any movies from Denver?

That's a pretty high altitude. Fuck. Ski Patrol. No, it's not fucking Ski Patrol. That is a classic. Ski Patrol 2. All right,

we got a hand raised or was that what happened? It is Brokeback Mountain. Brokeback Mountain. Nice job, audience member. I think I'll have'll do it on screen. Okay, get out of here. I'll see you later, okay?

I'm glad you weren't in Brokeback Mountain. Hey, Doug, I like your coat. Thanks, dude. I thought that was nice. I thought he ended on a nice note. He did. That's what he does to people. That's how he hooks you.

He gets in your head, yeah. What just happened? I got a hot tub time machine. Jeff got it. You're on the board. Kumail is bringing up the rear with no points. You know, Kumail, maybe this worked out to your advantage

because you get to go first now. Okay. And then we go to Rory. Would you like Breakfast at Tiffany? That's a movie where a diamond is swallowed. I think I did this one last time. We did this one last week. Okay, good.

Let's get rid of it. Walter Mitty. Walter Matthau wears mittens. We did that one for sure. No, we didn't do it. I mentioned it, but we didn't play it. No, we did do it because the answer was... Okay, you know what?

Let's do this. What was the answer? Okay, you picked that one? All Okay, you picked that one? Alright, you picked that one? The year is 1983. Nope. Two stars from Leonard. You picked it. You picked it. Fear! Fear!

No, what are my other options, Doug? He says this movie has likable stars and that they do their best. And it's two stars from Leonard and like I said 1983 is the year and seven

names. You get seven names total. How many names can you name it in Kumail? Because you got greedy and wanted the category that you thought the answer was grumpy old men. Well, that's it for me. Or grumpier old men.

That's the... It's a shame they didn't get around to grumpiest. You know what? I will guess it. It's six names. Oh, that's an interesting bid, because I feel like I know Rory well enough to know what's about to happen. Don't give him hints. You can't tell him what to do. No, Doug's right. He does know me well enough. I know what's going to happen right now. Get it back to me.

Get it back to me. I know it. Yeah, that's what's going to happen. God damn it. I know it. Oh, okay. Well, let me try to get you to win. Yeah. That's exactly why would do that Alright, Kumail Kumail, to create a three-way tie When I name these six names Whoa, whoa, whoa, cheating, cheating Phone out, phone is out Automatic win

Why is your phone out? For no reason This isn't It's out for no reason Here here while you read me the names I have to text somebody super important I am doobie.com just make Siri come up Camille I just got your fucking text thanks bro your six names are John Goodman, Anne Petoniak, Kristen Weigard,

James Wainwright, Jerry Reed, and Robin Williams. I wasn't even in the country at that time. I really wasn't. Sounds like a likely excuse. This movie had an international release. Does that help? I don't know. I like that one massage parlor that gives you an international release. Does that help? I don't know. I like that one massage

probably gives you an international release. Yep, around the world. Any ideas, Kubel? Yeah, I love that you assume we saw this at three years old. Because we were here. No, but at least

you had a shot at it. I didn't have a shot at it. Fear. Let me go with... I'm gonna go Good Morning Vietnam! That's a great guess, because Walter Matthau, of course, was the top-billed character.

Walter Matthau played Vietnam. Yes. Popeye. It's called The Survivors no correct that's correct but you of course

don't get the point because Kumail failed to name it and that means that Rory's our winner how did you know The Survivors

I saw it I saw it I've seen that movie several times. It's really funny. It's like looking in a mirror. I'm a big fan of Walter Matthau. Only it's not. Fear.

I thought maybe this time you'd come out with fear. It's like looking in a mirror. But only it's not. I turned this fucking roll down too and that crazy ass dude played it. Is it Snow White? Oh! It's like looking in a mirror. That crazy ass dude played it? It's like looking in? Oh. It's like looking in a mirror. A crazy ass dude played it?

It's like looking in a mirror. It's like looking in a mirror. Rockstar. Only it's not. No, he's in Rockstar. I am a fucking Rockstar. This is a movie he turned down. Oh, goddamn.

He crushed it in Rockstar. Yeah. It's like looking in a mirror, only it's not. He really did. He really did. I already have difficulty when it's movies you're in.

And now it's just anything goes, quotes. What? Now it's movies you're in. And now it's just anything goes quotes. What? Now it's narrowed down to every movie. I thought he'd do easier ones. That's what I thought. You want to just fucking gimme's? Yes, I do. You know, it's fun to get it over with quickly.

I mean, part of the fun of the game is getting it over with quickly. Wait, do you not remember any lines from your movies? No, he's done all that. He's been on doing this for several weeks. I'll catch your fucking shark. I'll catch your fucking shark. Jaws. Yeah, way to fucking go.

The other one was face off. Go fuck yourself. Oh, that's right. I remember that scene Yeah, Jaws, when they go get the shark Nope It's when John Travolta shows up at the prison And Nicolas Cage has those magnetic boots on

It's like looking in a mirror Alright, Jason, come get your prizes Congratulations, you got the karaoke machine You can have a cookie and karaoke party. Yes. Wear three shirts. Looks like you could use some shirts on your legs.

Later, Mark. Oh, I hope he comes back next week. I hope he's not pissed off or anything. He puts a wig on and everybody thinks it's really Mark Wahlberg. It's a fun game. Jeff, I don't think even negative one person believes that it's actually Mark Wahlberg.

How great would it be if one person did, though? I could... The two hair... The two hair pieces. Hey, Mark. Stay the fuck out. Walking quietly around the room is not helping the podcast.

I just love that what has happened with this podcast is that you now can't get rid of Mark Wahlberg. Oh, that's fantastic. I just saw you come out and be like, E.T. phone home and then we'd guess and then we'd be out of here

To be fair, that one is a little too easy Full title E.T. the extraterrestrial E.T. extraterrestrial The extraterrestrial No, no, no, no, that's what Doug wants me to say This is a trap. And his adventures on Earth.

All right, so... Spielberg doesn't even remember the full title. We need shitheads from Chantel and from Taylor, because I don't think either of them put them on the back of their name tags. Did they? There's not a shithead on the back of this? This doesn't have one on it, Kumail. You just showed it to me

like you thought it did. Chantel slowly approaches the stage. Here you go, Chantel. To reclaim her hairs. Yes. To grab them. Chantel,

was it a decision to put the hair on there? No? Because they are like symmetrically on each side. It just means that she had her face so close to it

to get it exactly perfect. Leave her alone. She's on her way to a Beetlejuice party. That sounds like a fun... Who? Really? Oh, okay. I was going to say, there's got to be more to it than that.

Okay, nice. Good job. Any plugs, guys? We gotta get going. Apologies to Put Your Hands Together. T-shirts are now available at douglovesirts.com Rory, what do you got coming up? I'm gonna be at the Dallas Comedy Festival on Tuesday

the 18th, and then in Denver at the Oriental Theater with Chris Fairbanks on Tuesday the 18th and then in Denver at the Oriental Theater with Chris Fairbanks on Friday the 21st. Alright, that theater is racist. I wouldn't go there. Well, that's what material I do now. You can't call them Oriental anymore.

You can call it the Chinaman Theater or Kumail, sorry to be racist as I lead Kinaman Theater or... Kumail, sorry to be racist as I lead into you, but... It's okay, I'm not that kind of Asian. I am at the Ching Chong Theater at... Oh, there must be a double booking, I guess. I mean, it's so fucking random, but that's where I am. And the...

Okay, shouldn't say that one. On the 4th and 5th of April, I am at the South Beach Comedy Festival in Miami doing the Meltdown at 8 p.m., and it's going to be great. Delightful. So come to that on April 6th, is the premiere ofdown at 8 p.m. and it's gonna be great. Delightful. So come back on April 6th is the premiere

of Silicon Valley on HBO. Yeah. So much going on. Jeff. Hi. Hi. I'm Jeff Tate.

I'm Jeff Tate. I've got potential. I'm in Columbus. I love that you all have to look at a device to come up with this shit. Well, I've just... Okay. March 31st, to look at a device to come up with this shit March 31st Columbus, Ohio April 1st

Cincinnati April 2nd Cleveland April 1st that's a gag show that's not really happening no it is so don't go to that

you guys so don't go to that racist theater Rory's in or Jeff Tate's April 1st show and I'm going to be doing a I think that draws more attention to it, right?

I like it. Yeah, right? I did make up the show. It isn't real. It's anti-plugs. When you hear the commercial in this episode, it's like, Squarespace, it's stupid.

I'm not going to say that. I'll be doing stand-up at Zany's in Rosemont, Illinois on Monday, March 24th. And as always, thanks to my guests. Thanks, everybody. Yeah, give it up for them. Rory, can you come back

next week? Or two weeks? I think in two weeks. We'll see everybody in two weeks. And as always, the Yellow King is shithead. And Michael Shannon in Premium Rush is is shithead and Michael Shannon in Premium Rush is a shithead.