Doug Loves Movies - Rory Scovel, Matt Mira, and Adam Burke Guest

Episode Date: February 17, 2013

Live from Zanies Comedy Club in Rosemont, IL, Doug welcomes comedians Rory Scovel, Matt Mira, and Adam Burke to the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, squeaky babies, sticky seats With 50 azipop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see But Doug loves movies Hey, everybody. My name is Doug. And I love movies. Yeah, this is Doug Loves Movies coming to you from Zany's Comedy Club in Rosemont, Illinois on Sunday, February 17th. Right?

Two Oceans. You're laughing at me like I wrote it down wrong. Two Oceans 13! Motherfuckers It's great to be here in a mini mall Next to a Toby Keith's I love this fucking place Wouldn't that be awesome

If there's all that ice awesome if there's like There's all that ice skating out there There's a skating rink and it's all families And lovely And then you look up and the restaurant's called I love this fucking place Toby Keith's I love this fucking place Everybody needs a fucking place

I dreamed a dream of days everybody needs a fucking place. I dreamed a dream of days... Okay, so... Since I last spoke and you listened, I went to Traverse City, Michigan, on purpose for the Winter Comedy Festival put together by Jeff Garlin and Michael Moore, who I got to hear say my D-ad in person. He's like, are you the one with that podcast? That's not what

he sounds like. And I had the most fun you could possibly have while freezing and so much fun I might even endure it again next year I will endure so thank you Traversity which is like diversity but if it was mostly white people the tiny plane today from Traverse City to Chicago was filled with uh Comedy Fest

participants like Robert Wool, Neil Brennan, and Pete Holmes and it was uh it was scary because I think I would have gotten like third or fourth billing in the story about that plane going down fucking R-less in the story about that plane going down. Fucking Arliss. The S's are dollar signs. This has been another installment of Plane Droppers. Austin, Texas.

DLM taping Thursday, February 21st at 5 at 5 30 at cap city comedy club now it is time for watch this not that audience edition this is where i ask two audience members to name a movie that they enjoy a personal favorite i'm going to start with this gentleman right here because he's got reservations for Toby Keith's I love this fucking place

so it's probably gonna be a pretty kick-ass movie what movie do you enjoy sir? Troy Troy? If you had to have sex with a movie star, which one would you have sex with? A male one.

Just say Troy. But it took place in Troy. He didn play Troy right yeah right I am a valiant knight my name is Troy all right this dude looks like he'll have a good one for me what's the movie you enjoy breaking to 2, Electric Boogaloo. Breaking 2, Electric Boogaloo. Usually it's hard for me to decide which one I like better because people say such great films. And this time my challenge

is between two movies I doubt I watched all the way through once. I think I saw Troy in the theaters, and there's that one part where he does that crazy jump and turn and stabs a guy, and it's pretty awesome. Right? Am I thinking of that right movie?

And Electric Boogaloo, of course, there's that part where the guy jumps and does a spin and then doesn't stab anyone. So watch Troy not breaking two electric boogaloo. This has been Watch This Not That Dumb Movies Edition.

Who directed Troy? Do you know him? Was it Wolfgang Peterson? Feels like, yeah, feels like a WP joint. Just talking about it. I sort of lost interest in that guy as a director. Because all of his movies are just special effects that's coming at somebody.

Wow, that shit got real serious. It got smartest man in the world quiet in here but i'm not gonna yell at you guys like he does because that's he's so funny at that and while i was at the uh the traverse city winter comedy festival i got to see a movie called bitter buddha and it's a documentary about comedian eddie pepitone and yeah a few people here know who he is but not enough people know who he is so check it out it's in theaters

in 12 cities I'm sure Chicago will be one and then it'll also be available on demand now it's time for tweet relief tweets about movies at Stephen Falk like Peter Falk if if Peter Falk's first name was Stephen with a ph not a v Stephen Falk he's very funnyalk's first name was Steven, with a P-H, not a V. Steven Falk, he's very funny. You should follow him. He's a very funny writer. But he tweeted, I tried watching Battleship, but it was too painfully evocative of playing the board game as a kid

with my late father. My late father. I kind of fucked that one up. My late father. But yeah, that was a good one. This has been Tweet Relief Tweets About Movies. I think that's all the business. Let's go into the prize bag.

First of all, contributed by... What is it? Does it say it on here somewhere? It's on the front. For Doug Lo's Movies prize bag from Mooster Records. And what's in here? I can see like a lighter. Records. Records by who?

Teenage Weirdo. Pool Party. And what else? The Home Records and City Mouse. That sounds good. That's a new Pixar project. Yeah.

And there's Mooster Mania, too. So a whole bunch of stuff from Mooster Records. So thanks for bringing that. You tweeted me about it, and I wrote back, I'd rather you didn't. No, thanks, dude. I appreciate it. I'm saying that because I don't want to encourage people to bring down the entire library of items from wherever they work. But while I was at the festival,

they gave me lots of nice things, including this beautiful bag here. I should turn around so you can see. It says Traverse City Music Festival, and it's orange, and one guy in the audience is going, ooh. And so from Morsels in Traverse City uh little uh little brownies and cookie chocolate things and then i also got a uh a nor chino mild salami and it's like in this bag thing

and i'm just like yeah here you go have a salami and i guess because it's so cold up there they don't need to worry about refrigerating it but it says after opening refrigerate it so i think it's still good so good luck with that the winner today isn't winner's not the right word necessarily uh from cherry republic they're crazy about the cherries up there in traverse city so i got some dark chocolate covered cherry berries those sound those sound delicious enough for me to get rid of because i don't want i don't want to eat all this stuff. I mean, some of it looks delicious, but I got eating problems. I eat too much as it is.

This is from American Spoon, and it's pumpkin seed salsa. Yeah, that sounds like the best worst thing to ever exist. thing to ever exist because i'll eat anything with pumpkin in it and and rarely anything with salsa in it so it doesn't work out so great for me and then this is crazy they gave me this when i checked into my hotel from we love pie the grand traverse pie company This is just like in a box. It's a fucking big old chunky piece of cherry pie. This was in my luggage today, being tossed around by Mike and Stu down at the O'Hare Delta baggage claim. And oh, they gave me this movie that looks really weird

that I don't want to watch called frozen stupid and it starts Joey Albright and earned the late or an earnest Borg 9 and they look like they look like they're ice fishermen and then we got a bunch of CDs we got CDs from a couple of the performers you're gonna see tonight plus I brought three from my collection I brought unbalanced load and potty mouth and smug life and I was managed to get a couple of my friends to come in from out of town and another friend who lives here in Chicago to to join us today and I'd like you guys to give a big warm welcome please to Adam Burke, Matt Myra, and Rory Scoville.

Here they are. Everybody's mics seem to need a little bit more heat in them. They're all pretty soft or off. We were even here early enough to do a sound check, but we were just sitting in the green room watching The Taste. Guess who picked that? Who thinks Ludo looks like me? People tweet me that all the time, and he was on one of my many other podcasts,

Dining with Doug and Karen, and I didn't see the resemblance up close and in person. But then watching it on TV, he looks like if, what did I say? Indian guy from Broken Lizard, Jay Chandrasekhar. If he and Ludo had a baby, that would be me. I'm staring at the, is the recording still going? I just want a thumbs up from the booth just to make sure that it's still going. Thumbs up, great.

Okay, good. Yeah, we don't want to miss any of what I was just saying. That was some solid stuff. I fucking love that stuff, Toby Keith. I've been to the Toby Keith's at the beautiful

Harrah's in Las Vegas I said beautiful, I didn't mean it Is that the flagship I love this fucking place, Toby Keith's? That was his first love It's the most American Is that really the full title of the restaurant?

Yeah Toby Keith's, I love this bar and grill Oh yeah, I'm sorry I was truncating it and adding an F-bomb Yeah It is. I love this. Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I was truncating it and adding an F-bomb. It's called Toby Keith's, you don't mix it up. It's called Punch-Up. Oh, I love this shit.

Toby Keith's Bar and Grill. I fucking eat the shit out of this. Toby Keith's. But it is really awkward that it's Toby Keith's I Love This Bar and Grill. It's a crazy name. Everything tastes like veiled racism. You won't see the black beans with the pinto beans. They don't allow it there.

And I'll stop. All right, that's Matt Meyer, everybody. Let's hear it for him flying flying all the way out on some sort of on a red eye. It no I six a.m. This morning. Okay, well, that's it wasn't too bad up at four a.m. To get here. Yeah, but it's four a.m. Your time guys. So I got up much earlier, which is two a.m. Your time to be here for you. Yeah, and then tomorrow gave you such a warm round of applause and then you go into and I did

it for you. Asshole. I did it for you. Wait a second. Wait, you came from L. A. I came from. I shot two shows yesterday, then flew in from L. A. I don't think you did the times right. You said you got up at four, but that was two o'clock. Their time is this hold the fuck up a. It was 6 a.m.

It was 6 a.m. their time. Guys, I got up. Wait a second. I'm not in Hawaii. The weather outside really threw me. I smelled sulfur. I was like, active volcano, cool. Hawaii is wonderful.

Chicago's only volcano. What, sir? Yeah, this could be Hawaii, right? You ever been to Hawaii? It's not fun. Yeah, fuck Noah's right. But Harrah's is beautiful. You're mixed up. Have you seen

the fake plants in there? It's gorgeous. All right. Since Rory Scoville never heard the don't speak until spoken to rule, let's say hi to him next. Hi, Rory. You were in town dropping a Lincoln Log. Yeah, I was Lincoln Logging at Lincoln Lodge. Lincoln Lodge.

Lincoln Lodge. You performed there Friday and Saturday. Yep. And then I convinced you to stay in town for an extra day. Yep. And here we are. Oh, and your contribution to the prize bag is a copy of your CD called Dilation. Force it on people.

Get it in their hands. You may know Rory from the Sacramento episode of this podcast, where we didn't talk about it that day on the podcast, because the guy was actually there that hosted the thing. We were on Good Day Sacramento that morning, and normally morning TV is not a good fit for me, or probably for Rory, or any comedian, really. Any comedian.

Now what is it you do? Yeah. What kind of act can we expect from you tonight? I don't know, a bunch of fuck jokes? Yeah. I talk about fucking a lot. What can our 7 a.m. viewers expect to hear from you? They're not coming.

They're not coming to the show. They're not up. Unless they're still doing rails. Yeah. Yeah, they're doing rails watching Good Morning Sacramento. Talk about what kind of fucking bitch you're going to do tonight.

Yeah. I just want to see it laugh! Doing rails. I want to watch a speech that's funny! I can see the words! I see the words! I see the words! But so the guy that does the Like the movie reviews and stuff

On Good Day Sack He Toby Keith's Good Day fucking Sacramento Toby Keith He's diversifying He's in TV now That dude has a sideshow

His name is Marcus Allen dude has a sideshow. His name is Marcus Allen. He has a show called Market the Movies, and it's on The Reels channel. And he said to Rory and I, hey, will you do a cameo on my other show when we're done interviewing you here on Good Day Sack? And we were both like, okay. Don't know what you're talking about,

but you're going to do another TV show while we're still here? It's also 8 in the morning. We're like, all right, do we have to? What is this? How do we get out of this? So he goes, just go stand behind that door and we'll put in a doorbell effect. And then... Right then we both went,

oh, shit. God damn it. Ah, fuck. I didn't know. Doorbell effect. And the doorbell effect they put in it. Comedy, you guys. Bing bong.

Someone's at the door. America, this is you. Hong, hong. You know he's probably listening right now. No, I don't think so. No, he doesn't. Well, if you are, Mark, it was Doug who forced me to say this stuff about you. He didn't seem that familiar with how the game worked,

because he came to the taping, and we picked name tags, and we all had our name tags. The guests all had their name tags. And then he ran up to this woman that he knew in the front row and was pointing crazily to her, like, pick her, pick her, after the selection process was done. So anyway, this guy... I also think he doesn't know the game

because he kept calling you Doug Loves Movies. Well, that's what I was going to say. He didn't even say Doug Benson. That's what I wanted to say, though. You're Doug Loves Movies. You got to the punchline. I know, I wanted it. I wanted it before you got to it.

You're a little less high than me, so you wanted it more. But it's even funnier when you say both of our names because when we walk through the door, he goes, hey everybody, it's Rory Koval

and Doug Loves Movies. And we were still on board. We had still yet to eject either one of us neither one of us said you mispronounce you don't know our names yes then we have this awkward conversation with him and then i'm watching i'm just flipping around in a hotel room in san francisco like a few weeks later and i come up upon real's channel and it's his show and i'm just watching it, and he's reviewing a movie with some girl on a couch, and then you hear a doorbell.

Oh, shit. And he gets up and walks over and does this whole thing with us. So now it's on two shows that he's called us the wrong names. And so I just wanted to bring it up just because it's been driving me crazy. Well, if anyone's seen it, now you know.

We didn't write that. Yeah. I thought you actually guys just had dropped by. Yeah. The whole illusion for me. Oh, hey. You got a whole film crew in your house? Hey.

It's my buddy Doug, LM. LM. I should legally have my last name changed to Loves Movies. It's French. Douglas Moises. Douglas Moises. Loves Movies. Like Toby Keith did with his last name.

His last name is now Loves Movies. Yeah, he changed it, right? Yeah. Doug Benson's Doug Loves Movies This Place. Who's the headliner tonight? Doug Loves Movies. That is true today, actually. And that's our third guest, of course, is

Adam Burke, everybody. He is also here. And very funny, Chicago comic, first time on this show, but you did appear on one of the, I forget which number, but Benson Interruption from Chicago. You did that. Do you think you'll, these guys are both self-professed, shitty Leonard Maltin game players.

So how do you think you'll stack up? I think I'll probably win. Oh, okay. I love that. I mean, for the sake of the listener, I love that. It's the only time I've been the most confident person in a group. Well, maybe you can't win because Rory and I just came up with a word to defend ourselves. It's called an alliance.

Yeah. On the next The Taste. Let's make food together and fuck with their food. What if we only make one spoon? Yeah. It's not all ABC reality shows. Get it correct. It should be. There's celebrity

diving coming. I'm not kidding. They're going to put Louis Anderson on a three-story diving board. Here's the thing, though. What you just said, a lot of people are like, I'd like to see that. No, this is coming from a place of joy.

I'm not upset. Oh, good. Who else do they have on their mat? They got Precious. They've got... That might have been LT. That's all it is. How many late night shows are now going to cut together

that footage of Louis Anderson jumping off with scenes from Impossible? Would you watch it if it was the bodies of dead celebrities being pushed off a diving board? I'm already going to watch it, but yes. I think they got Ernest Borgnine as committed. Well, that's just buoyant. It would just stay up.

I just pictured Calista Flockhart on it, and I honestly pictured her jumping off and like a leaf just like delicately settling on top of the water. Or it's the equivalent of dropping a katana blade in the water. Callista just caught some air and went over the wall.

She's a flying squirrel. She's gone. On the next Ally McSquirrel. Oh, I got some texts coming in. Ali McSquirrel. I just want to address that really quickly. The animated Ali McBeal. This time the dancing baby is better looking than it was before.

Remember the dancing baby? I don't think a lot of us watched that show. That was my main problem was the baby wasn't realistic enough. That's why they need a reboot. Can we have a reboot of Ali McSquid? I was like, I understand we're in the early stages of CG, but this baby could look better. That dancing baby is Pete Holmes.

That dancing baby grew up to be the E-Trade baby. He's got slow growth disease. Slowest growth. He's got slow growth disease. Slowest growth. He's got sloth. Oh, my God. That's one of the seven deadly sins if you like having your head in a box, Gwyneth Paltrow movie reference.

And spoiler alert, yes. It's not a huge spoiler alert. Some people think it might be William Shatner's head in the box. You're referencing a movie award sketch from the mid-90s. Wasn't worried no one would get it. How are we doing on time? Okay, here we go.

Real quickly, let's just go down the line. Rory, have you been to this cinema lately? No, but... Next, Matt. Okay. I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger's Opus, The Last Stand. Oh, you did. You sacrificed

and did it so we don't have to. Yeah, I did that for all of us. Let me tell you guys, it's terrible in the best kind of way, but in the middle, it uh terrible in the best kind of way but in the middle it's terrible in the worst kind of way so there's two action scenes there's two action situations that happen in it where you're like okay that was worth my sixteen dollars that's how much movies are in los angeles uh and one of them is i'm gonna explain it to you because you're not going to see it. At one point,

there's a guy shooting at his friends on top of a building. They're in a small town. It's on Main Street in a small town. He's shooting at his friends? He's shooting at his friends. Already uninteresting. There's a guy. There's a bad guy

who works for the drug lord that's driving across the border. Oh, shooting it on Schwarzenegger's friends. Shooting it on Schwarzenegger's friends. Okay, Julius. The guy's shooting at his friends. It's like, too many pronouns. I understand.

Okay. By the way, you're quoting directly from the script, so this is how it's... No. My dialogue is much better. So this guy's shooting. You're like, oh, my God. What's Schwartzenegger going to do?

He's got to stop him. He's at the top of the building. They're very close to the edge. So he jumps, tackles him off of the building as they're falling three stories. He shoots him in the head. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

And then they fall onto a school bus. Social commentary. You always gotta have something to catch the fall. Right, and it's a school bus. It's a softer landing. They immediately play school bus by Johnny Knoxville. What a horrific field trip that turned out to be.

There's a point in this movie where you're watching Forrest Whitaker deliver dialogue and you just feel bad for him for having to deliver dialogue. So the plot of the movie is there's a guy, a drug lord, who escapes the federal custody. Did I say what have you seen lately or what can you describe in its entirety you need to know the premise of this doug isn't this in this show called doug guy the guy doug retells movies the drug lord the big drug cartel guy from

mexico escapes federal custody and drives driving for the border in a stolen corvette zr one okay but there's a scene of dialogue where I have a good you know, we all already pictured it to be this the scene of dialogue. Forrest Whitaker says to all the federal agents. He's a good race car driver. He used to race under a pseudonym in South America.

I saw him next scene. You're welcome. He flew all the way here to tell you guys that a lot of people clearly loved it. He's I'm going to fucking ruin the last Well, a lot of people clearly loved it. You needed to know. He's on the I'm gonna fucking ruin the last stand tour. Yeah.

Toby Keith. It's like Schwarzenegger in the park. He goes like, let me tell you about my movie. It's the last stand. I swear to God, this is the last stand. I promise. It's sad that it. I swear to God, this is the last stand. I promise. It's sad that it made like $6. Like essentially, I got a $10 refund. You paid $16.

I got a $10 refund when I left. I heard that if you see it in D-Box, the chair gently lifts you up and shows you where the door is. D-Box, the chair gently lifts you up and shows you where the door is. Here are the other options today. I've got D-Box on the brain because

I was over at the movie co here in this mall today and I saw side effects, which is you know, it's a prescription for boredom. I didn't really like side effects which is uh you know it's a d-box it's a prescription it's a prescription for boredom i think it's uh i didn't really like side effects but i know it wasn't in d-box but um i went you

know over to the just they have a display thing where you can watch the trailer for die hard uh good day to die hard and you're sitting in the d-box chair so it shows you what it's like with the trailer and then i immediately went over and bought tickets for us to see it later tonight. Because I was just like, the only way I can stay awake through this movie is if the chair shakes the entire time. That's more of a wake-up alarm clock than it is. Here, here's a good action scene.

Get up. Dialogue, dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. Action! Wake up, there's action. I kicked over your drink, I'm sorry. That's all right. Get up, Bruce is running. What are you drinking, Adam?

We'll get another one for you. Sure, it was empty, but now it was full of whiskey. Sure. I kicked over an empty glass? That's a great trick. Finish your drink, and then... Put it on the floor. Yeah.

Point it somewhere. Next to a bouncing man. Oh my god! Whoopsies! and then put it on the floor. Yeah. Pointed someone next to a bouncing man. Oh my God. I owe you a drink. Whoops. Rory. I'll get you three. Can't believe I didn't see that.

All right. So can we get a, what was it? You wanted a whiskey? Sure. Whiskey and Coke. Whiskey and Coke. I don't really want a beer Can I get a dose of that, Keith? It's too filling, if I'm going to go experience Toby Keith I didn't spill mine, but I will If that means I'll get another one I want to have something to throw up

In the D-box seats Do you want to see Die Hard Or live Die Hard? I don't want to live it. So what have you seen, Adam? I saw Zero Dark Thirty. Yeah. Basically, it was very similar to the scene he just described from last band.

That's weird, though, to cheer Zero Dark Thirty like that. That's like if we said, oh, I saw United 43. Yeah. Woo! I saw... Well, cause and effect. It's in this list. Woo!

Extremely loud, incredibly close. Yeah! They're not saying woo. They're saying Jews. That's what they're saying. Oh, okay. Thank you very much. That makes sense.

Thank you. She's got an arm full of drinks. Is that how it works here? You just load them up in your arm like a... You got to kick them over. That makes sense. Thank you. She's got an arm full of drinks. Is that how it works here? You just load them up in your arm like a... You got to kick them over. Like a toddler. Holy shit. Did you see Zero Dark Third?

Did you like it? I thought it was, first of all, you know, obviously some of the suspense was gone because I, you know, I read. Did you yell that at the New York Times? Spoiler alert! No, but I don't know. I just didn't find

it. I think it's well done, I guess, and I think Jessica Chastain is good, but I just think that it's, for me, it just wasn't that compelling. Did you feel like a reverse Osama bin Laden, like at the end you were expecting to be blown away? If you watch it in the D-Box. I was scared about

where that was going. I'm still not totally comfortable with it. But, yeah, I don't know. I saw it early on, but it already had gotten out that it was the greatest thing ever made. So I just thought it was kind of long.

Which is kind of how they all are. I think every big Christmas movie except for Parental Guidance was two hours and 45 minutes long. And if they could figure out a way to keep hitting Billy Crystal in the nuts, that would have been... Did you see Parental Guidance? I did not, but it's about

a buck forty. I love that we're referring to Zero Dark Thirty as a big Christmas movie. This holiday season. I meant more like award season movies. All super crazy long. Well, thank you guys

for coming and it's time for me to say let the games begin. My Lincoln impression gets better all the time. Because he says that in Lincoln. I want to get the votes. Let the games begin. And gentlemen, this is kind of different.

I'm not going to wait until Leonard Maltin. I'm going to get it over with now. Let's pick some name tags. All right. Let's do it right now. So I don't know how many games we're going to have time to play because you guys, these are insane. Yeah.

This is awesome. Hey, Rory, make a vine of this real quick. Oh my God. Everyone go back. Everyone put your thing down. Put them down for a second. We're going to make a vine of them all suddenly appearing. Vine is the new app.

Okay, okay. So get a shot of us, maybe. Start it off like... Okay, so we'll just kind of put this together. Okay, we got... Doug! Adam! Matt! All right, use okay, should I see you? Yeah, oh yeah, shoot me zero dark thirty Okay, now we'll do the name tags.

Wow. Rosemont! Everybody yell, too. Everybody yell. Ah! I didn't say stop! All right. All right, we got it.

We got it. We got it. Okay, now post it right now. This is a sold out show. Everybody that didn't get in will get to see that. Just go grab it from them. Go get it from them. Give me those.

Give me them Anne Hathaway titties. Give me them Anne Hathaway titties. If I had a band, it would be called Anne Hathaway Titties. Yes. I've seen that one before. Who gave him that? Hi.

Oh, you got the Batman soundtrack? I got the Batman soundtrack. Suck. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Can we just, can we point out Let's stop making noises and describe it.

Can we point out the different levels of work that have gone into this one? The Auntie Anne Anne Hathaway's breast with pretzel container. And this one, the last Temptation of Christ poster, where someone has just white-outed the tea. So it is now the last temptation

of Chris. Yeah! Oh, Doug, I'm so sorry. Was that a kettle of wine and soda? Yeah, I kicked over my kettle of wine and soda. Can I please get another free one? It's gonna be hilarious.

Alright, so that's Annie that you're playing for there? Apparently. Auntie Annie. But that's another thing. We should have put that in the Vine. Did you post your Vine? It's posted. Oh, that's awesome. Who are you playing for, Rory?

Courtney, Batman soundtrack. Courtney, Batman soundtrack Courtney, Batman soundtrack That's her full name, she's related to Toby Keith You should And then she taped on, she wrote on there You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts Yeah But you gotta say it like Michael Keaton

That was Michael Keaton asking him Basinger She wanted to get peanuts Let's get nuts. Let's get nuts. That was the audition. They're like, you got it, Mike. You got it, bro. You're in. You want to get pretzels? Let's get

Annie's. Let's go to eight. You want Christ? Let's get Jesus. You want Chris? Chris, I guess. How the hell are you so fat? I really thought he was looking at You want Chris? Chris, I guess. Okay, last temptation of Chris. I really thought he was looking at an audience member

and trying to say, how the hell are you so fat? I was like, Matt! Oh, thank you so much. That'd be the kettle one calling the pot black. Hey-oh, this holiday season. Oh, shit is right, sir. I don't even know why I just...

You are my favorite audience member. Oh, shit. So we're saving these for the Litter Bunker game? Yeah. No, we're for all the games. Whoever ultimately wins at the end is going to win for Chris

or for Annie or for... Courtney! Courtney! Court! I'm is going to win for Chris or for Annie or for Courtney. Courtney. Court. I'm just going to call her. She immediately hates that I, she's like, well, we're not going to win. Court. I got you.

I got your back, girl. Court, court, court, court, court, court. Court is adjourned. Matt, Annie. Okay. Ann. Ann. Matt, Annie, okay. Ann. Ann, I'm sorry, Jesus. Ann. Oh my God.

Did you get kicked out of that Broadway show because you kept yelling that? Ann. Little orphan Annie. Ann. Ann. It's a hard knock like Ann. it's a hard knock like Adam is playing for Christ.

You pretty much play for Christ every day, don't you? Chris. Chris. Chris Christ make you want to jump. That's the Christian rap version of crisscross. Christ cross. They wear their pants upside down. Christ cross.

Make you want to jump, jump into the baptism pool. I'm mad that's not real. Well, somebody will make it real. Give it an hour. Christ cross. You'd be surprised if it becomes real. I said people should make it real. Give it an hour. You'd be surprised if it becomes real. I said people should bring name tags to my show and now look at it.

It's really fun. Poor guy's going to walk back to the parking lot with a Nintendo. It did not have its Nintendoed results. No, don't boo that. That was beautiful. Puns are worse when they're mean, right?

You don't want to be slammed by a pun. It's like, oh, worst form of humor and an insult at the same time. God damn you. Oh, I'd watch celebrity pun slams. That's coming like that's coming. Well, you got the taste, the diving pun slams. Perfect.

Finally, a show that speaks to me. Let's play. How much does this shit make? All right. Yeah, it's my favorite of the games, by the way. That's why I like to play it when you're on the show, because you really rise to the occasion. Oh, that's cheap. Jesus. No, I just...

Matt didn't even come into it. I just said that. It's true. I felt like playing it because I want to talk about how much was made by the late great John Hughes. You know, he made most of his movies in and around Chicago. And I would like you guys to guess

without going over how much was made by the at the domestic box office, according to Box Office Mojo, by the classic film Baby's Day Out. In which a small baby, at one point, takes a Bic lighter and lights Joe Mantegna's genitals on fire. This is the movie for whom Home Alone was too cerebral for people.

Yeah, that eight-year-old kid was too smart. I'd watch this if it were younger. If it were an infant. What if we did Baby Geniuses, but without so many babies? Yeah. Or geniuses. And Joe Mantegna. A movie called Regular Baby.

So, Adam, Burke, how much do you think that motion picture made? Does the year make that much of a difference? I mean, it kind of does. What year was it? Does anybody know? 96, I think.

Okay, that was a little too quick. That was a little too fast. 1996, September. Whatever. I'm not sure. Was it 98, someone's saying? Oh, wow. I just went way over. Why did I enjoy that as a 13-year-old? Because it's ridiculous.

It's an insane movie. It really is. I mean, the baby should be dead. If you watch it, you're like, well, come on. Isn't it climbing around a skyscraper? Yes. It's bad. Babies shouldn't watch it.

That baby's a bad role model. That baby would crawl across the street without looking both ways. So how much do you think it made, Adam? During its whole run, right? Domestic run. $91 million. Jesus Christ. You heard me say it without going over, right?

Adam's the one who's like, I'll be great at the games. This is all strategic. Matt? I had a number pop in my head, and it's $72 million is the number that popped in my head. Okay, interesting. I kind of like the direction that Adam's going.

I'm going to go with $500 trillion. No, Rory, you're including Blu-ray sales. Oh, sorry. It was a shame Rory never got up on stage on The Price is Right, but he kept guessing in the millions. It's a toaster. 17 million. Is it Gucci?

Is it a Gucci toaster? And would that cost that much money? You'd push it that far? I don't know. Gucci to me is just... If it's got Gucci on it, it costs millions of dollars. Is it a Gucci toaster made of the skin of the Gucci's? 17 million.

I'm going to go with 65... I'm sorry? Verbal attack. 65 million. It was 16.8. You all lose. I'm not even joking. What?

It was not a big hit. I said 16.5. What did you hear? 16.5 million. Oh, I heard 65 million. Oh, shit. All right, well, technically I won.

I also heard your first bid of 530 billion. That's okay. We're just warming up. That's kind of fun that nobody won. Yeah. For nobody. Let's see if nobody can win this next game.

It'll be like your claim to fame that you did 90 minutes of games and nobody won anything. Ooh. Ooh. I do like somebody's got games and nobody won anything. Ooh. I do like that. Somebody's got to win these chocolate-covered cherry berries. I hope it's Anne! Anne! She growls. Anne!

And what can I get you guys to drink? Gasoline! Ann! You're embarrassing me in front of my parents! Here's someone at the table! Ann! Ann, calm down! Ann, I asked you to meet my dad,

and I want you to be nice. Get your gasoline in front. I'm sorry, Dad. Since Rory got the closest, while also going over, we'll start with him and then work our way back through Matt and then to Adam.

And all you gotta do is name the first movie that comes into your head that begins with the next letter that i say and we're going to spell out rosemont because i saw it on a water tower outside and uh the first letter matt i mean uh rory is R for Rory. R, what do you think? I'm going to go with Rosewood. Oh, what was that? That was like a... Really racial, bad, bad. Was that an Oprah Winfrey joint?

Yeah. No, it wasn't. That was Beloved. What was Rosewood? I don't know. I just know it was a movie. John Singleton? John Singleton, if I'm remembering correctly.

Does the fact that you thought that was an Oprah joint make you racist? Hey, I narrowed it down to something within that race. Was the next word color? Because that's not okay. That's why I didn't say it.

I did. I did, because I knew people wanted it. I knew people were didn't say it. I did. I did because I knew people wanted it. I knew people were like, say it. No, I'm trying to not say those things. And I picked, my choice for R is Risky Business, which was filmed in Chicago, or took place in Chicago. Okay, so the letter O to Matt. O.

That's right. Again, what do I say? It had a black guy in it. So it was the teen version of Othello. Yeah, it was. Julian Stiles was in that. Is that not correct? Right, but who was Othello?

It was Oprah. Mekhi Pfeiffer! Mekhi Pfeiffer, who cracks me up every time he's name-checked in M&M's whenever I hear that rap where he mentions Mekhi Pfeiffer. Well, he's no Mekhi Pfeiffer, as we know. Yeah, yeah.

So his acting probably won't be good. That's what the song's about, you guys. He was good in that one movie. I'm going to do a category of people that were good in one movie and then got out of the business because it's him and Howard Stern. It's true. Both made one decent movie. Zap Rooter.

Who? Oh, Zap Rooter. Zap Rooter. Zap Rooter. I bet you there's other Zap Rooter films. Maybe when they get together for family reunions, they're like, let's watch all the Zapruder films. Why dwell on that one? But they're always watching it going, it's missing something.

Yeah, frame 135. Holy shit. Anyway, I said Ordinary People, which was filmed in Chicago. That's good. That's good. Oh, I didn't realize that was the other part of the game. It might be. I'm just saying.

I think all these films were filmed where what this mall used to be before they tore all those houses down. This was houses? Probably. But they had to live near the airport. This can't have been the McAllister home, right? This was it.

The car from Ferris Bueller landed right in that corner over there. It's a good thing there isn't an F in Rosemont. So, S is your letter. There's not? Madam. Slipstream. Slipstream? No, I went with 16 Candles, which is filmed in Chicago.

E to you, Rory. E.T. Not filmed in Chicago. That's what the media tells you. Also, I'm going to need the full title. Extra-terrestrial. E-T Extra-terrestrial. No.

Is that not true? And his friends. Adventures. Adventures. On Earth. Earth. With. his friends adventures through on earth with pieces and

D. Wallace Stone Toby Keith wrote this movie. Mother. I went with eight men out because it was filmed in Chicago. Matt, your letter is M. All right, I'm going to go with the Gerard Depardieu classic, My Father the Hero.

That's a good one. Even the first word was correct. I went with My Best Friend's Wedding. Oh, okay. Filmed in Chicago. Chicago. God. O to you, Adam. Can't think of anything that's filmed in Chicago. God. O to you, Adam.

Can't think of anything that's filmed in Chicago. Ordinary people. Nicely done. I'm not above doing that for laughs and for a potential match, but I went with Only the Lonely starring John Candy and filmed in Chicago. N, Rory. Pretty sure this was filmed in Chicago. National Treasure.

Yes. It's a beautiful city. You should be proud of yourselves. It is a national treasure. So. I went with Nothing in Common. It takes place in Chicago. Kind of relevant to what I guessed, anyways.

Directed by Gary Marshall and filmed in Los Angeles. And there's a scene in the movie where Tom Hanks is giving a tour group to a bunch of young people of the ad agency or wherever the fuck he works. And he has like a nervous breakdown in front of us because I'm one of them. Whoa. Doug loves cameos. It's not a cameo. It was drudgery. It was extra work.

Yeah, it's your biggest cameo outside of that Sacramento film review show. Oh my God, it's right at him. It's Rory Koval and Doug knows Tom Hanks. They just popped in to say hi. There's a doorbell sound for no reason.

Bing bong! T. Pretty sure you can't prove me wrong on this. Probably took place over Chicago. Terminal velocity. That's true. You can't prove that. I went with The Dark Knight because it was filmed in Chicago. That's true. You can't prove that.

I went with the Dark Knight because it was filmed in Chicago. Wait, I thought we weren't allowed to use the in that. You can only use the when you get to the letter T. Oh, I gotcha. Let's get nuts! Let's get nuts!

I'm the Dark Knight! You want to get nuts? Let's get Clark's nuts! Local reference! Nicely done. Was there a time after that where Michael Keaton was like, Hey, did you know all the things in your apartment are bulletproof? Yeah, I did, actually. I did wonder that.

He was like, hmm, this will stop a bullet. Yeah, it was a little silver tray. Who's ever grabbed a tray and been like, I'm confident. And he put it in his pocket on one side. Batman is known to shoot in a very specific, I mean the Joker, shoots in a very specific spot.

Listen, we can't all be Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future 3. I mean, if you're the Joker, if you're the Joker and you're killing a guy to his face, wouldn't you shoot him right in the face? Yes. Or in the leg, at least. What if that's where he put it?

What if the Joker shot him in the leg and he's like, ah, it doesn't matter. Put a thing there. He's like, why did you even think he'd shoot you in the leg? I don't know. Just got lucky, I guess. You want to get nuts? Ha!

He put the tray right down the middle of his pants. You want to get nuts? You're not going to get nuts. He put the tray right down the middle of his pants. You want to get nuts? You're not going to get nuts. You can't get nuts. Let's play build a title. Let's give that a try. We're two games in. Don't have a winner.

You have a loser. We do have a loser. It's the audience. We're sitting through this. Not because you guys are... No, no, no. Matt hates you guys. Matt hates you guys. Matt hates you guys.

No, Rory. No, no, no. Matt hates you guys. Rory, I don't. No, no, no. You said it. I love this audience. Who wants candy?

Yeah. There you go. You love this audience, Toby Keith? Is this how I win people over? But it doesn't go for... It's not American Idol. It doesn't go to a vote at the end of it. Oh, if it did.

There's at least a few people thinking right now I could be outside skating. I could be getting pictures of where the Ferris Bueller car is. Yeah, I could be outside watching the snot freeze to my face. Hawaii. Okay, we'll start with you, Adam. And AwesomeDave80 on Twitter suggested, because it's President's Day tomorrow,

that we play as the starter title, All the President's Men. Then a few other people suggested it too, so don't write to me on Twitter and yell at me because he got to it first. Because he's Awesome Dave. And he's 80. That's probably the first suggestion I've gotten from an 80-year-old. Because that's the only thing that could mean, right?

How did he come to follow you? I don't know what this is. This Doug Loves Movies guy looks fine. Oh, you know what? You know why he's on there? Because he's a senior Twittizen. And honestly, he loves those kind of jokes. Those are right in his wheelhouse.

I am a Twittizen. Is he also a warlock? Is he a warlock? Oh, my God. I am a Twittizen. And, and in here. Is he a warlock? Oh, my God. Rory's building a callback mountain. Let's play callback Jenga with Rory's Koval. I'd be crushing it right now if that was a game. You're so good at this, Koval.

All the President's Men, Adam. Walking Tall, The President's Men. Nice. Buford T. Pusser. Ah, shit. Did you also just remember how this game goes? I also just remembered how it goes, and I also just remembered I'm so fucking bad at it. Courtney, I'm so sorry, girl.

It doesn't matter uh matt what are you gonna do to that walking tall the president's men walking tall the president's men's true no hey i got it i got it walking tall the president's Manchurian candidate. I'm going to say it even though it's an A. We're not going to accept it. I was going to say something else. What I was going to say was you should go on Jeopardy because Alex loves

take backs. I'm just kidding. Second chances. It's like what is I'm just joking, Alex. Come on. What is I buzzed in too early. Give me another second. I like if you don't stop talking, you haven't given an answer.

Walking tall, the president's man. Man. Man toast. The refresh maker. Frosh maca. All right. You got three seconds, Matt. Mentos, the refresh maker. Froshmaka.

All right, you got three seconds, Matt. The president's been at work. Ah, shit. I would have predicted men in black, but that's cool. Well, I mean, I don't see race, so. Men in black, Ope and Oprah joint. What does that mean? You never watched NASCAR?

No, I just don't. You don't see race? I don't. Alien race. Alien race. Human race. I don't see any of it. We're all just creatures, man.

I can't watch the Olympics. It's just nothing. I don't like race. I don't like races because I have weight issues. That's me talking, not you. Rory, walking tall to presidents, Mentos. So now, and I want to apologize to all the listeners.

Something that starts with work or ends with walking. And do I have to say the whole title? I'll say it for you. Don't worry about it. It's not a memory game. Okay, so let's sort of make sort of a weird anagram here. Let's go with dead man walking.

Yeah, that works. Dead man walking all the president's men at work. And if you think about it, that's a true sentence. It really is. And in no way an anagram. Well, I mean,

you took the first letter. For a second I thought an anagram was a true sentence. Never mind. I would always go to confession. I'd be like, here's some anagrams. Hope you're excited. All right, Adam. Hope you're Hope you're excited Alright Adam Need to end with dead or begin with work

What was it Dead man walking Tall the president's men at work Work So what he said Dead man walking Tall the president's men Working girl Yeah there you go Wow He said, dead man walking, tall, the president's man, working girl.

Yeah, there you go. Ready? Hang on, everybody. That sounded like Tiger Woods just sank a putt. Yeah, it did. In front of a racist crowd. It was very polite. Wait, I got it.

Dead man walking, tall, the president's men at working girl six. Yeah. I'm sorry that I know that it's a Spike Lee movie. That makes me racist. Evil dead man walking. All the president's men. That is simple addition much enthusiasm for a simple addition. An obvious one.

You're so excited that he can do it at all. I only, the fact that I'm still in it right now. I've won. I've already won. A touch of evil dead man walking. Tall, the president's man of working girl sex.

Bullshit. Wait, does yours have to end with A? No, because Canadian movies don't count. No, it has to. It ends with touch. We dropped the A's and the V's in this game. Oh, really? Just to keep things confusing. Wait, so

we gotta drop the V's. Nothing ends in V. What's at the top and the bottom? Huh? What's at the top? Touch and six. Touch. Ends in touch. Begins at six.

So show us where on this doll you were touched when you were six. I'm gonna have to go with six or seven samurai. Remember that real the unsure cut I'm never good with numbers. I'm more of an image guy. There's some samurai. Matt's out. Who's next?

Is it me? A bunch of samurai. Is it on Rory? Can I say 16 candles? Yes. You have a national treasure here. In a beautiful city. It's very beautiful.

Very historic. I just didn't want to be obvious and continue in the game. I've only gone with the obvious ones. Adam's in a tough spot. I can't think of anything that ends in touch or begins with candles. Yeah, I might be fine. Valentine's Day?

Yeah. I don't even think that makes sense. I don't even think that makes sense what I said. It took me forever to feel when they came to that ad that goes, every kiss begins with K. I was like, what does that have to do with anything? I didn't know that the company was called K. I just thought it was like Diamond Place. Every kiss begins with K, and then an I followed by two S's.

Yeah. The director's cut. And every kiss, like you got to give jewelry to get kissed? What the fuck is a handjob going to cost? Oh, man. Some dead animal on her shoulders? You know who I bet's tough at giving it up? Anne!

Some poor... I want a diamond! Dead animals thrown off a high dive this fall on NBC. Thanks, ABC. Do you have anything, Adam? I don't think so. All right. Does any of the audience have anything?

Midas touch. You didn't go back to me. I've heard the phrase, and I was like, that's not a movie. Did I win? If Adam can't do it, I win. I don't have to go another time? Oh, let's do it that way. I just realized I'm shooting myself in the foot. If you can't do it another time, then Adam wins.

Go. What's the Midas touch, though? I just realized I'm shooting myself in the foot. If you can't do another time, then Adam wins. Go. Oh, no. Why have you done this? What's the Midas touch, though? See, you just made up a phrase. Was that Richard Burton? This can't be a movie you're working on. Was it?

Yeah. You don't know who Richard Burton is. Richard Burton was in Midas something. I don't think it was Midas touch. All right, fine. You do. What? Easy A. He said no Canadian films. I don't think it was my this touch. All right, fine. You do what easy a I said no Canadian films.

Is that what you're about to say? I'm so sorry. I just stole two punch lines tonight. Were you seriously about to say that to that's your final tally to I've only got to you jump in a lot when someone's about to say like I don't hit it on the head.

Why do you why do you strike me as the person who's built her own box for I feel like I don't hit it on the head. Why do you strike me as the person who's built her own box for the Emma Stone box set? What? Sorry. Innocent touch. Thank you. All right, first of all. What's that about?

It's got to be a Lifetime movie of some kind. Lifetime movies. First of all, is there such a thing? And secondly, as an innocent touch? One would hope so. Oh, I see what you mean. Like if you're touching a child or something. Or, I don't know, a car?

Why do you think it's called an innocent touch? It's got to be about something awful. You know what? You know, Safe Haven is not about how things are just chill the whole time. Things aren't great in the haven. No one is safe. No one is haven. We took that the wrong way.

I didn't. I took it. I thought it was great. Safe havens. Fantastic. What? Well, it's a happy. You did just see the last stand.

So comparatively, yeah, it's an Oscar. Listen, he used to race under a suit on him. I saw, I saw you pretty good. Yeah, I saw him. I saw,

I wish the next line was who gives a fuck. Tony, we got to fucking save these people. That guy sees race, you know? Yeah, so he does. I get it

racing. We lost the crowd. That's my fault. Let me get him back. Here we go. Here we are. All right, you're going to run out of some points. All right, Rory, you get to go

first. Shit, I'm out already. Is this the is this the Leonard Martin game? Yeah, and then we'll get to go first. Ah, shit, I'm out already. Is this the Leonard Maltin game? Yeah, and then we'll go to Matt, and then we'll go to Adam. Okay. And you get to pick a category, Rory. Yes. Category. Category.

I do that one for the 80-year-olds. Your Twittizens love that one. Category, Rory, get in here! This guy's crushing! Police Academy 8 Twittizen. My handle is Twittizen Kane! Bringing it back to movies. I saw that in theaters.

Okay. Bringing it back to movies. I saw that in theaters. Okay, so Rory gets to pick a category. And they make me laugh every time I say it. You get to pick between, at Nick Chinchilla, suggested Bart the Bear. And that's motion pictures that feature Bart the Bear. And that's basically, if a bear is in a movie, it's probably Bart the Bear. And that's motion pictures that feature Bart the Bear. And that's basically, if a bear is in a movie, it's probably Bart the Bear. So he's got a handful of credits under his bear belt. And celebrating a birthday today

is a past and future guest on Douglas Movies, Jerry O'Connell. So the films of J.O.C. Or, I thought of this one today, I was very proud of myself. Bruno Mars. That's movies where Bruce Willis is in space. Man.

Which one of those would you like to play? What was the second one? Jerry O'Connell, do you know him? Yeah. Yeah, films he's been in. Let's do'Connell. Do you know him? Yeah. Yeah. Let's do, uh... Films he's been in. Let's do the Bears.

Bear movies. Let's do the Bears. All right. Bad News Bear. To the audience's obvious disdain. He was not in Bad News Bears, I'll tell you that right now.

Or Bad News Bears and Breaking Training. Or Bad News Bears Go to Japan. Why do you think those are my only guesses? Or Bad News Bears Richard Linklater version.

Oh, never mind. Would you like a movie with Bart the Baron from 2004 or 2007? 2007. Let's keep it close. Let's keep it tight. Are you about to cut my hair? It would not freak out.

Let's keep it close and tight. Be quiet, Doug LM. Three and a half stars from Leonard Maltin for this movie from 2007. He says about the movie that it is about a recent college graduate. He also says that it is based on a non-fiction bestseller and that it has wonderful vignettes and expert performances yeah i really

gave you a lot of clues thanks lenny that none of them help and there are 11 names you want to focus on the vignettes how many names yeah the word vignettes really, it's really important. How many names do you think you can get it in, Rory? I think I could name it in, what did you say? In 98. 98. This guy has no confidence in you. He thinks I need to know who put the- And also thinks we have a copy of the film and can look at all the, and that there were 98 speaking roles in the film i need

to know who set up the craft food table to know um i'm gonna say nine names so zero names oh matt so adam you know you can go in the negative area or you can hope that Matt is wrong. Bullshit. And ask him to name it. Matt, name that movie.

Into the Wild. That's correct. John Krakauer wrote the book. Yeah, yeah. And it had music by Eddie Vedder. And if we'd had a meager, all it would take was a meager two names to get to Zach Galifianakis. Where is Bruno? What's the name of the bear?

Bart the Bear. Is Bart one of the bears? Bears in space. Oh, no. Bart wasn't one of the listed cast members, no. But he was in the film. And then the other film, if you'd have gone with 2004, would be

Without a Paddle. I would have got that. I would have got that one. Oh yeah, that's what everybody says about everything. Winter Malt would have been said, don't go to this. No vignettes. You will feel like you're in shit creek. So Matt is not only on the board.

Yeah, I did it. But if you win the whole game today, you will be in the running. You'll be in the next tournament of championships. You got to have that. Wait, how do you get to be in that? You got to have that at Meltdown? You have to get a movie right in zero or less names. And you have to also win the game that day.

So it's hard to do. I can't believe I even thought, I was like, how can I get in? Like it's a make a wish thing? Obviously I'm not getting in. Like what do I gotta do? What do I do? Just pick something out of a hat? Do I just

buy a couple of squares like at the Super Bowl party I go to? Who challenged who there? Matt was challenged by Adam, so we'll start with you again, Rory. Hey, great. Real great. Are you eating those pretzels off of her boobs? They're from Ann!

Can I get another dose of this? Are you actually an aunt, Ann? I'm sorry. Is that false, the auntie part Are you actually an aunt, Ann? Is that false, the auntie part? You are an aunt, okay It's true She was a lot more timid on that one I am an aunt I'm an aunt I'm an aunt

If you say Annie, she fucking hulks out It's like saying cleaning lady. Or cleaning woman. Shit. All right. No bonus points, Adam, for that. So we're going to start with Rory and then go to Adam. And you get to pick again, Rory.

Would you like In Theaters Now? That's movies that are in theaters now. Or Plaque History Month. That's movies that have one or more dentists in them. Rory's entertaining the crowd with physical beer drinking humor. He talked into his mic. Quit talking into your beer. Talk into your microphone.

I'm out of the podcast now. You just boned yourself out. He's having his shift drink and he'll be back in a few minutes. Trying to distract the audience from realizing I don't know any of them. Can you say them again? I'm sorry, listeners, with your

tweets and your who-hazels. So we got In Theaters Now, that's movies in theaters now, or Plague History Month Dentists, or or Dentists, yeah, a movie with dentists in it. And not Rudolph

the Red-Nosed Reindeer, that was television, and he wasn't a dentist yet. He just wanted to be a dentist. He was creepy. He was serial killer. I want to be a dentist. I want to be a dentist. Do you talk about anything else while you're cleaning your rifle? I want to be a dentist.

If I'm not a dentist, people are going to pay. Ann, was that your brother? Ann. My brother was the elf. I'm going to be a serial killer, and I'll leave a tooth under the pillow of everyone I kill, if I'm not a dentist. If I'm a dentist, I'll be fine. I'll be nice. I'll be totally nice elf dentist.

I'll even have dinner parties. That's what dentists do. I'll even invite over the Keeblers. Even though I hate them. Wouldn't you hate to be getting your teeth? And their cavity-making cookies. Wouldn't you hate to be getting your teeth done by a dentist who's like, you know, I got into the business by hanging out with a deer

and a crazy old man with a beard. Mountain man. We fought a monster. You know, this joke didn't go well. Let's move on. What's the... Where's the parachute button? You still...

You get a pass for the touching candles Valentine's Day joke. Yeah. Yeah. That's all I had tonight. And your third category takes ten minutes to tell them the categories. And your third category takes ten minutes to tell them the categories. Tango Unchained. And that's movies

where Sylvester Stallone gets out of prison. That's brilliant. That's brilliant. There's also a bit of a clue in that one, too. I know, and I still don't know it. Oh, did he get out of prison in Tango and Cash? That's all that movie's about. All right, I'll go with that one, and I'll go with zero names.

Tango and Cash. I'm going to the championships! Even if that all worked, even if that was all true, you'd be tied with Matt right now. But none of it is reality. We are all dumber from having heard. Because I'm not...

Sometimes I'll slip in something like that, but Tango is in the category title, so I'm not going Sometimes I'll slip in something like that, but Tango is in the category title, so I'm not going to be that obvious. So it's another movie where I believe Sylvester Stallone gets out of prison. I'm going to go with In Theaters Now, Mix It Up, Keep It Topical, Keep It Tight, Keep It Right. Now, are you going to change categories again

when you're wrong? Yes. Yes. Yes, I am. That's an interesting way to narrow it down. Bears in space. This motion picture is in theaters now, so the year is 2013. And he says that the lead performers in this movie are likable.

Oh, I know it. in this movie are likable. Oh, I know it. And he also says that they probably deserve a better movie than this. It's the last stand. And Leonard got annoyed by this movie.

Yeah, you flat out said it. I find he's getting more annoyed by movies. I know I am. You see a lot of them. There's no clue. The only clue is that it's in theaters. And all those other things I just said. But I mean, those weren't even things.

Rory, the cast is likable. How many stars? The cast is likable. No stars because it's a brand new movie, so he just writes an extra long review. And he names nine names it's in theaters now so I'm drunk I'm gonna go with nine names think about what fucking what might be in theaters now. I'm thinking about it and I realize I don't know. Okay, nine names. Adam, what do you say? I'll go seven names.

Matt? I'm going to say five. I'm going to say five names. Oh, Rory. Yeah, it's on me because Matt fucking crushes with zero names. I'm going to ping pong it back to you, you piece of shit. What happened to the guy from before who the crowd liked? Fuck this place! This city's shit! What happened to the guy from before who the crowd liked?

He turned. Fuck this place. This city. This city's shit. As soon as it wasn't Tango and Cash. It was Tango and Cash. I love it. But four names.

Whoa. Rory name. Hey, no, it's you, Adam. Do it, Adam. Adam, don't do it. Adam, come on it's you, Adam. Do it, Adam. Adam, don't do it. Adam, come on. Do you want to have fun or do you want to end it? Here's the thing.

I know that you're out of candy, so you can't even bribe me. Wait, you have a badge? Oh, am I? Doritos! Am I, Adam? You want to get nuts, Adam? Oh, fuck. Wait, wait, wait.

Does it work? Oh, it's dead. I was so excited I was going to put the Batman symbol on the wall. Hold it up. We'll work together. Here we go. I didn't know this thing could run out of juice so quickly. I have like 30 at home.

Okay, good. I'll take another one. That would have been great. How did you get 30 of them? Legendary gave bags of them to Meltdown. Oh, okay. There you go. All right, so what's happening? I did not steal them.

Hey, hey, hey, what's happening? Hey. Rory's about to name it. Korg, shut up. We got this. Four names. Korg, Korg. Adam, are you saying name it?

Matt is on the board with one. And this will put one of you guys within striking distance if uh rory doesn't get this and adam adam will be on the board okay so your clues are uh irrelevant and unimportant to you and your four names are robert patr i don't know what that means i think that might be a typo p Is someone's last name really P-A-T-E-R? So let's say it might be Robert Patrick. I know what he's done. It's a big might be.

I know what he's doing. It's a big might be. It's either a guy named Robert Paterer, or it's Robert Patrick. Is it a foreign film? And then the next name is John Cho. Oh, Jesus. And then the next name is Morris Chestnut.

Okay. And then Genesis Rodriguez. Oh, yeah. Those are your four names. If Genesis is in it, then I know totally. Those are your four names. It's that Phil Hartman documentary. What a horrible mistake right there.

Lackable cast. Annoying to Leonard, though. He was annoyed by it. some other thing. I forget what else I said. Those are the first four billings? Doesn't matter. Or those are the last four?

Bottom four. Final four? You're going to get this someday. No, you know I'm not. You know I'll never get this. Is your brain just too busy thinking of jokes to put it together? How much pressure it is to be up here? Why am I standing?

Give us a good joke about this. I'm putting more pressure on myself look right here jesus uh so those are your four names but here's the thing you got a tremendous guessing opportunity here because all you gotta do is name a movie that's in theaters now right now how many can you even think of probably only two or three. So pick one, say it out loud, and bring the house down. Okay, because I know Last Stand

is in theaters. Because I love this fucking guest, Toby Keith. Robert Patrick's in it. That doesn't, that doesn't matter one way or the other.

I know. Forget about the four names the clues are why did i even get them clues are okay because you're a shitty bidder i know that uh so just name a movie that's in theaters now like did you see Like a poster or a billboard or an advertisement. Die hard. Die hard. Die hard. What's the actual title?

Die hard. Die hard. A good day to die hard. That's incorrect. It's identity thief. I can't hear losing. The number one, the number, the top grossing movie of this year

is Identity Thief. 36 million. At 70 some million. It's 36. 70-ish. It's closer to 70 now. Did you see it, Doug? You're more of a numbers guy than a titles guy, because Identity Thief would have come in handy. Actually, Identity Thief has already made $300 trillion.

What's that? So what's happening? So it's one to one to zero? You told him to name it? Yeah, I did. Okay, so Adam's got a point. Matt's got a point. And as always, Rory does not have a point. I won the last time I was on this thing

No no no I meant when you speak there's no reason Oh I'll agree with that I will concede that We are terrific up here I'm out of snacks People were audibly disappointed That TJ Miller and Pete Holmes and Jeff Garlin aren't here. And I think you guys have more than made up for that.

Ah. Yeah. Ah! Ah! Denver! Yeah. Rosemont! Yeah!

Laser! Ah! Laser. Laser. Somebody's at the delivery door. Let me see who it is. Thank you very much. What's your name? Malin. You guys give it up for Malin. She said yeah, like she didn't want to even discuss it with you.

I don't know. It's however you want to say it, Koval. I seriously think she was like, Melissa, did you say Malin? Yeah, whatever. Get the fuck. I don't give a shit. Get the fuck away from me. It's your Funyuns.

Yeah, she's shit. She's a lot of Funyuns. She hated me instantly. What flavor are those? These are Flamin' Hot. I prefer the hot. Can you hear me? People wooed that.

I can't believe they didn't bring you nuts. Stand up. Stand up. And start to take your hoodie off. See what happens. With this on? It doesn't matter. Wait, why? Just do it. Just start to take your hoodie off. See what happens. With this on? It doesn't matter. Wait, why?

Just do it. Just start to take your clothes off. I mean, do you realize how weird this is? There's some weird thing. I try it sometimes in comedy clubs. As soon as you start to take some clothes off, women do that. No.

I'm not kidding. Look, look, look. What if 30 of these just Women are so deprived Of weird man nudity Like they don't go to strip clubs So when they're in a comedy club And you start to take off your hoodie If the four of us stripped

They would have so much weird man nudity Oh my god Did you guys see Doug Douglas movies? It was like watching the half Monty too much Monty. How did you how did you know what I named my penis too much Monty? All right, so who's

more like who's too much Monty comma in there. It's one to one to one to one is that okay i'm full monty it was it was a story of a couple that eats too much i'm full monty shut up and i pull monty we're going to the show tonight i I swear to God, anybody calls me Annie, I'm going to fucking claw their eyes. All right, we're going to start with Matt and then go to Adam.

We've got two minutes left. There comes a point where we're just doing this for us. Yeah. And that point was 90 minutes ago. Yeah. We're like 45 minutes ago. We. We're like, I laughed like 45 minutes ago. We just have two minutes, so let's finish this exciting game. I mean, we'll go long if we have to, if we have a three-way tie,

because that's too exciting. Let's finish this exciting game. You said it so. All right, let's finish this incredibly amazing game right now. Here we go. Real nail-biter. You have the Funyuns in your hand, so you're going to be the most interesting. I'm going to wait until it's my turn

to talk. That's the equivalent of the conch. You have the Funyuns, so the whole audience is like, is this going to come at me? Lord of the Rings? Lord of the Rings? Lord of the Rings was about a kid named Funyuns.

Every time, I'm always piggy. I'm always piggy. Shut the fuck up. You get to... That was Rory. You get to pick... Sometimes our voices sound similar. I want to make sure people know that I wasn't that mean. We're going to start with Matt. We're going to start with Matt.

We're going to start with Matt. Go. Give us the categories. Give us the categories. This means you still pay attention, even though we're not starting with you. Cool, cool. Matt, would you like a Dom and Dommer?

That's serial killer movies. Okay. Or would you like martial art films? And that's the films of Gary or Penny Marshall. Or back to our buddy Jerry O'Connell. I'm going to go with the films of J.O.C. I'm going to go with the Marshall.

Okay, this is a movie directed by either Penny or Gary Marshall. Two stars for this movie from by either Penny or Gary Marshall. Two stars for this movie from Leonard? Probably not correct, though, because they just make four-star movies. I might disagree with Len a little bit about this one. I might go up to like two and a half. He says that the movie has scattershot gags,

and that it has cameos, including Demi Moore and Janine Turner, who both at that time in 1982 were on the Soap General Hospital. Okay. And Leonard lists 13 names. And Rory's already giving up. From a distance. How many out of 14 do you need? I'm going to say conservative guess.

I'm going to go 10. Okay. I'm going to need 10. Yeah, talk us through it. Adam? Is it from 82? Mm-hmm. I'm acting like that helps. I'll do eight.

Okay. Rory. Out of how many names? 14. Name it. Name it. Rory wants we all know what's going to happen. If I say a number

82 directed by one of the marshals, someone of the Marshalls someone from the Marshall clan two stars from Leonard he says it's got scattershot gags and that Demi Moore and Janine Turner

were on General Hospital but appeared in cameos in this movie and your how many names? eight eight names are

Crystal Bernard Ted McGinley, Titos Vandis, Saul Rubinick, Taylor Negron, Michael Richards, Pamela Reed, and Dabney Coleman.

Those are your eight names. I hate it when I hear the audience go, I know it! I was the audience go I know it I was like I don't You guys walking out Yeah That guy started out the show Oh shit and now he's like oh shit

I gotta go Fuck this movie Maybe he's gotta take a shit I It's a tough one I'll admit Adam But do you have a guess this movie. Maybe he's got to take a shit. It's a tough one, I'll admit, Adam, but do you have a guess? Yeah, I know this is wrong. Nine to five. Yeah, Gary Marshall

did not direct that, nor did Penny Marshall direct that. May I venture a guess? Please. Is it Jumpin' Jack Flash? No. Can I make a guess? It's not Batman. Well, you got the point, Rory. We've got a three-way tie.

War Games! And no, War Games was directed by the late, great John Badham. John Badham directed War Games. No, Gary Ann Pinney, Marshall. They worked on it together. No, this was a comedy that also featured Hector Elizondo

because he's in every Gary Marshall movie. Is it? And Harry Dean Stanton, Sean Young, and Michael McKean. And it's called... Can I guess what it's about? Yes. Is it about him being told he's going to die, and then he goes and dab any...

Wait, he's not even the lead in it. No, no, no. Never mind. Why would he get six billing and be the lead of the movie? The general hospital thing was a pretty huge clue, because it was Gary Marshall's first directorial effort and it was called Young Doctors in Love. Young Doctors in...

I was still guessing. It was called Young Doctors. Young Doctors in Love. It was called Young Doctors. Young Doctors. Rory's attention span didn't last a four-word title. The only thing I locked into was Dabney Coleman. Young Doctors in Love, we've got

a three way tie! And we were over by three minutes. So I don't know if that scared you guys at all. You okay Doug? That did scare me a little bit. A little bit.

So Rory challenged Adam, so we'll start with Matt, and then go to Rory. Matt, pick between Bruno Mars, that's Bruce Willis in space. Yeah. The film's a Penny Marshall. Or Plaque History Month, that's movies that have a dentist in them. Or Veggie Tales, and that's movies where someone is in a coma. Good category.

VeggieTales it is, everybody. Okay, VeggieTales. Now, I have to ask you, and please answer honestly, did you hear the last episode of the show that we did from UCB? No. Okay. With Gillian Jacobs and D.C. Pearson and David Huntsberger. I subscribe.

People in the audience may have heard that one already. And so I already said this answer, but these three contestants do not know. This is ballsy, throwing this out here in a room of people that know the answer to this. Yeah, yeah. And they're all a little drunk now. If I say yes, I did hear the answer, can Adam go after Matt? You know, Rory,

I don't know if you noticed, but you were on the show once with a guy who questioned every move of the game, and it really irritated me. Yeah. And you gave that guy a hundred bucks. I'm not doing well, Doug. Most annoying get surprise.

No, we got to wrap this up. And I didn't understand your question at all. Me neither. I'll take the clue. Me neither. Doug, a clue, please. All right, Matt. And then we go to...

To Rory. It's Rory. My name's Rory. Three and a half stars from Leonard for this movie that has someone in a coma at some point. From 2003. He calls this movie...

He says it's a dizzying array of pop culture influences and he also says that it that the climactic scene is a knockout and he lists

no pre-guessing 12 names I'm going to need all 12 Doug okay that's fair Rory what are you doing down there Rory is actually in a coma he didn't understand the rules I thought it was Rory is actually in a coma.

He didn't understand the rules. I thought it was like who could be in a coma. Eleven. Okay, Adam. Zero. Oh, for fuck's sake. Name that movie, you son of a bitch. What's it called?

Exact title, please. It's called Kill Bill Part One. Oh. Those were released in volumes, motherfucker! When do you ever get to say that? Those were released in volumes, motherfucker! When do you ever get to say that? It was worth flying to Chicago to get to say that. All right, so yeah, it's Kill Bill Volume 1, so Matt is our winner. Tournament of Champions, here I come!

Oh, the listeners are going to, they're going to love you. Like they're going to have like Sam Levine love for you. I wasn't. Now we have a new shittiest winner. That was awesome. Okay.

So Matt was playing for Ann. Oh my God. Coming in your bag of stuff, Ann. That was awesome. Okay, so Matt was playing for Anne! Oh, my God, Anne! Coming in your bag of stuff, Anne! Congratulations. You're not a pirate! Do you need that back? I can't exactly check this at the gate.

But this has been up on stage before, right? Yeah, once before. Did you win that time? No. No, okay. So you win that time? No. Okay. So you came back and you took what was yours. Please don't bring that back again. Now it's blessed.

Because I will be back. I want to do more shows here. And I appreciate everybody that's here. And I don't appreciate the bitching about why don't you actually come to Chicago because it's fucking cold in Chicago

and from the airport to the hotel shuttle to... Yeah, but from like the first week of May to the second week of May, it's awesome here. Yeah.

That's why John Hughes made so many movies here, didn't you? It's a national treasure in my book. Welcome to Callback Mountain. Tours at 3, 5, and 7. Let me see if your Jesus Christ thing has a shithead written on the back.

Where did it go? He folded it up. I saw him folding it up. What did you do with it? As he was losing to me. Did you eat it? Oh, yeah. He crumpled it up into a ball.

Yeah, and I threw it at him. Interesting strategy. Yeah. Oh, and look. R He crumpled it up into a ball. Yeah, and I threw it at him. Interesting strategy. Yeah. Oh, and look. Rory crumpled that album into a ball. Ah! He ate it. I ate Batman.

Does it have a shithead on the back? Is there one inside? No, look. Nothing on the back. I could just say something from the back. It does say bat dance. I could just be like, Vicky waiting as a shithead. Bat dance as a shithead.

Well, that's true. So could you come up here and we'll get a shithead from you, Courtney? Courtney, I'm sorry. Look, I'm not good at the game, Courtney. I don't know what I'm doing. They make me do this show.

Court, Court, don't worry about him. For the listeners at home, court is waiting openly. There you go. Just write down that piece of paper, not over that other shithead, but just anyone you want me to call a shithead. I know it's a tough decision.

That's why a lot of people make it ahead of time. A lot of people make it ahead of time. That's why we were partners tonight, Courtney. You guys share a brain. There you go. There's your thing back. Your Batman. Anything you guys want to plug real quick before we go?

Rory, you going to be around doing stand-up shows? Bloomington, Indiana In two weeks at the Comedy Attic Come on down, have fun It's a good Christian show He does this thing where he goes on And pretends to be a Christian comic For like the first five minutes of his act And he did that in front of me

And I was in the back going, this guy, my crowd is not, they do not want to see someone pretending to be a Christian comic. I thought they would all be high and be like, this is crazy. And instead they're like, this guy's for real. When I stopped doing it, I was like, calm down. I'm not really

like, where's Doug? So if you're listening Sacramento Go fuck yourself That is the worst impression of a stoner Where's Doug? Well Annie was here tonight I want to suck on another spliff

I'm too full Monty I'm Pete Holmes Yeah Laser Matt what do you got going on? Oh, Monty. I'm Pete Holmes. Yeah. Yeah. Laser. Matt, what do you got going on? March 15th. Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Come out if you're near it. Dr. Grins. What's going to happen there? What's the show? The Alive Nerdist podcast. Oh, nice. Yeah. That's a fun place to go to.

Yeah. And a different time of year. And Adam, people could see you all over Chicago. Yeah, yeah. What's your favorite jam in Chicago? You play the Zanies. Strawberry. Yeah, yeah, but Timmy O'Toole's downtown is here.

Oh, Timmy O'Toole's. Yeah, yeah. Very nice. Well, thank you guys once again for coming out. And every time I have to fly through O'Hare, I'm going to do a show here. If Zanies will let me.

And I'll try to make it into Chicago, too. I owe Chicago a podcast. But I just love the lifestyle in Displains so much. And I love walking over to Rosemont from Displains.

It's really an interesting walk because everybody drives by going, why is someone walking? What the fuck? Thank you to Zany's and thanks for listening. And as always, bat dance is a shithead.

Yeah, that's what she came up with. Oh, words I just heard a minute ago. Courtney and I are getting married tonight. We're going to Vegas tonight, girl. Fuck yeah, bat dance. Shithead. Ruined the whole film, I thought. You know, the Bible says a lot about bat dance.

Oh, look how many people are laughing. Sacramento, do you hear that? Is he ready with the closing theme? I believe he is. Thumbs up? Yeah, thumbs up. Okay, right after I say this shithead, hit that closing theme, and then everybody bat dance. Please, if you know it,

do it. Anyone who likes the Boondock Saints is a shithead. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Rise up, world, his view and prowess makes him foggy. There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves movies!