Doug Loves Movies - Sarah Silverman and Harris Wittels Guest

Episode Date: September 28, 2008

Doug is joined by Sarah Silverman and writer/comedian Harris Wittels.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers screaming baby sticky seeds With 50 acid pop or kernels in his teeth There's still not one that he won't see Cause Doug loves movies Hey everybody. I had some trouble with that curtain there. It's tricky, there's like a part you have to walk through in the middle of it, and I couldn't find it. Welcome to I Love Movies, as always, being recorded live at the UCB Theater in Los Angeles before Comedy Death Ray.

Tonight is Andy Daly's record release party as part of Comedy Death Ray. Very excited about that. That's very cool. He's a funny man. His CD is called Nine Sweaters, I believe, and you can get it at astrecords.com starting, I believe, today. So by the time this podcast is available for your ears to enjoy, it will be out and you should check it out.

All right. It doesn't really have anything to do with movies, but I just want to say that I found the silver lining in McCain becoming president. You know how every year they pardon turkeys around Thanksgiving, like the president has to pardon some turkeys and they let him go?

With McCain in the White House, he can pardon his own turkey neck. I know, that's so stupid. But it makes me laugh. And then I say it out loud in front of people. But let's talk movies. Let's get our guests out here. Exciting show. I'm thrilled to have these two people here tonight. The first gentleman, you may not be entirely familiar with, but if you've watched the Sarah Silverman

program, you've probably laughed at some of his bon mots that have been thrown into the script because he's a writer on that show and he's a very funny comedian in his own right. Let's hear it for Harris Whittles, everybody. Harris Whittles is here. What I like to call the true star of the Sarah Silverman program. You can sit in that one right there. There you go. That's your chair.

And our other guest is Sarah Silverman. Yay! Yay! All right. Did you hear how loud they clapped for me after she came out? Oh, the applause kept going for you, essentially. She never even got her moment, really. And you guys can take these out of the stands

if you prefer. I like to hold it, the microphone, but you could just lean into it real good, Sarah, when you say hello to everybody. Hi, everybody. Nice. Is this audio or also video? It's just audio.

So, thanks for dressing up. I got dolled up. You got dolled up for no reason. No, it's just for people to listen to while they're on the treadmill or on a long flight. Oh, have fun. Have fun.

Or when they have no life whatsoever. I do vocal exercises. It's the audio dolled up. Me, me, me, me. You do sound pretty tonight. Thank you. You sound gorgeous. I'm kidding.

She looks good and you sound good. You sound gorgeous. She looks good and you sound good. You're a perfect team. How did you find Harris to be a writer on your show? Well, Doug, I was at Largo and Flanagan said, you should really watch this.

I do really good accents. You should really watch this kid, Harris Whittles is really good That was oh my god That was You could tell that it was Irish Yeah Scottish maybe

But you know An acting teacher of mine In high school said To talk Irish You have to sound like You have a hot pepperoni In your mouth And then he pulled out

His hot pepperoni. So I watched him and he was so funny. He was so funny. And then I asked him if he had written anything. And he showed me a sample of something he had written. And it was wonderful. And I said, you know what? Was it like a limerick or something? What had he written?

It was a play he had written with his... A play? Hendershaw. That's adorable. You know, it was a fun sketch play, not like a play. Hendershaw, sketch troupe. Not like a real play. And really great and fun and different.

All the words that make me my asshole clench. So you brought him on board and it's been a great thing ever since. Yes, yes. He goes out on the road with you sometimes, opens up for you. Mm-hmm. Nice. Hot pepperoni! Me opening for her

That's a And then the euphemism That's weird Spread your legs Harris Sarah's coming I want Just out of courtesy I imagined sex with you

And you were spreading You were spreading. You were spreading. You were opening. It's common courtesy. When you're friends with someone, you should imagine what sex will be like with them. You know, just work it out in your head and then move on with your life. Well, Sarah, you were right. Balloons.

Movies. Let's talk movies. You guys seen any lately? In the theaters or just like Netflix? However you want to do it. However you roll. I've only seen movies on planes lately. I haven't seen anything in a motion picture theater except for, of course, the best movie of all time,

Dark Knight. Which I am continually encouraging people to continue to see because they keep saying it's not going to beat Titanic in the all-time box office because it's only...

Dark Knight's at like $502 million right now and Titanic makes $600 million. I say we can get that $100 million more for Dark Knight. It's still in theaters. Yeah, what do you say?

Let's do it. Is it still that long? Yeah, it is. It's still about two and a half hours long. I loved it. I loved it. I say it could have fine-tuned it and gotten 20 minutes out of that.

Yeah, but when have you ever seen a movie that's longer than two hours that you thought couldn't use a few cuts? Magnolia. Yeah, that's a good example. Which you hated and I loved. No, I loved it. Lots of people we know hated it. A lot of people that we usually agree with hated it. It really divided people. It's kind of a weird movie, but that's sort of what appeals to me about it. That's a pretty rare example. Boogie Nights also was, I think it deserved its length. Never boring.

Yeah. It deserved its length. They all snicker because he pulls out his giant cock. Boogie Nights, deserving of its length. Spoiler alert! But, yeah, most movies, you know, are too long.

There's always something that could be cut. But what have you seen lately, Harris? I guess Tropic Thunder was the last theater experience that I had. Did you like that? I loved it. It's a classic comedy. Yeah, it's good stuff. It's in the books. It's a classic comedy. Yeah, it's good stuff. It's in the books. It's a great movie.

I like how America and the world responded to it and threw a lot of money at it and are enjoying it. But if someone else that's less bankable tries to make a movie about making a movie, they'll go, oh, that doesn't work. People don't like that. It's too inside. Because it's a very inside movie, and yet people are loving it, so who gives a shit?

People are also calling it racist, though, apparently. Well, no, they're more mad about the retarded thing. I talked about this at length in a previous show. Oh, let's not go there. There's more uproar about the retarded slams than the racism. None of the uproar

by retarded people. No, that's my point. My point that I've already made is that the movie's rated R and most retarded people are under 18, so they're not even gonna see it. I should just tell that joke

in every episode of this show. If it's still getting last, why not? But you have seen no motion pictures in the theater? I want to see Tropic Thunder, but no... Everyone's already seen it. I can't get anybody to go see it with me. Even you saw it. I'd see that again.

I'd see it again. But, oh, okay. Let's make a date date I would love that it's well under two hours though I think let's buy tickets for Dark Knight and then sneak into Tropic Thunder kill the two birds

yeah I don't mind giving Tropic Thunder more money let's pick something shitty to buy tickets wait buy tickets you were right you had a solid plan and I got more money, let's pick something shitty to buy tickets. Wait, buy tickets? You were right. You had a solid plan and I got it. I ruined your plan. But that was,

I remember around the time Malcolm X came out, the Spike Lee version. Joint. Was it just called X or Malcolm X? Yeah, X. When that came out, some other shitbird movie came out the same weekend and made more money. And Spike Lee said, America's racist.

They all bought tickets for the other movie and then snuck into mine. Like, what kind of fucking racist is so excited about Malcolm X but at the same time does not want the numbers to go up in the box office? I'm dying to see it just to see what they're up to.

But I'm going to pretend to buy a ticket for Basic Instinct or whatever the other movie was at the time. It was kind of a weird claim. I ain't giving my money to no nigger

but I love biopics. That's my struggle. You totally saved that with the second half of that sentence. For a brief time there, I was like, wow, finally we're going to have to cut something from the podcast. I was doing a character. Oh, that was a character? Yeah, I do a lot of accents.

Do an Irish guy that says that. I ain't going to, I'm not going to go out to a movie with a hot pepperoni. Hot pepper in my mouth. Oh my God, that sounded so Irish. I've never been good

at accents and I feel like tonight I'm great at it. Yeah, I don't know. Tonight's tonight. Maybe you should try a few more. I watched a movie

right before you picked me up. You did? Cram Sesh. I saw Ever After by Drew Barrymore. I think it was maybe one of her first producing things.

Possibly, yeah. And it was kind of awful and kind of awesome. I was like, this is dumb. And then I kept watching it. Who's the handsome dude in it? I remember when you called and you said, come down. And I was like, can you come up?

You wanted me to watch the rest of Ever After? It was wrapping up. I just wanted to see. Wanted to make sure it ends happily. But Drew Barrymore. Because I forgot to put that word in the title. That's what they say at the very end. We're supposed to live happily

ever after. And she goes, who told you that? And then he goes, I don't know. Wink. How many times do they say the N word in that movie? Well, she, I can't,

I love her. I don't know if she's a good actress or not or what. She's just so likable, and I like watching her, and she seems so nice, and... But it is interesting that, like, she would decide, I want to do a movie, and I'm going to produce it, and I'm going to have a British accent

that's a little bit different in every scene. And I'm not... Yeah, she wanted to make it interesting for the viewer, like... But then I was like, that's ballsy, that's bold, and she's like giving herself a challenge, and then I was sitting by myself going like, I'm owned by no one. Like, I just wanted to see if I could do it, but I can't really do it either. But I'm not working, I'm noting around a movie Where I talk like a You know A foreigner

Right A foreigner Well who's the dude In that movie Do you know? Dude Gray Scott Dude Gray?

Yeah He was supposed to be Wolverine in the X-Men movies But then he got like Then he was in Ever After Some sort of Yeah

That was his Consolation prize Let me see what Leonard Maltin has to say in Ever After? Yeah, that was his consolation prize. Let me see what Leonard Maltin has to say about Ever After. As long as I've got my Len Maltin book standing by. You guys talk amongst yourselves. I saw that thing that movie Helen Hunt directed. I saw that on the plane coming back from... What's that?

Coming back from hell. It's called you'll meet eventually and then she comes yeah it's all about a woman I don't want to give too much away but she does have an orgasm

at the end of the movie that really is what it's about? it's not really about orgasms but it's about a woman kind of like she wants to have a baby really bad, and she's got a stupid husband played by Matthew Broderick, and I know I'm making it sound great, but it was a good, plain movie. I was able to watch the whole thing,

even though there was a fat guy in the seat next to me. Which movie does Matthew Broderick... Is it Election when he... Oh, you're thinking about Inspector Gadget. Is that the movie where he runs home and washes his balls? Yeah, in Election, he has to wash his balls after an affair because, you know, that's the first thing that happens when you walk in the door.

Your wife sniffs your balls. Or the dog sniffs your balls and gives her the heads up. He was washing... No. He was washing his balls... Hey, Harris! He was washing his balls because he was about to have sex. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You gotta wash them up beforehand, right? Am I wrong that he washed them with, like, a school, yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta wash them up beforehand, right? Am I wrong that he washed them with, like, a school, like, with those brown paper towels from school? No, I think he was in a hotel room when he did that. That was you when you were 13. And you got your first blowjob. Because those leave you smelling, like,

the paper towels, and it's pretty gross. That's one of my favorite... Election is absolutely one of my favorite movies ever. It's perfect. It's got the tone that's consistent throughout. It doesn't get boring at the end.

It's only 90 minutes. Are you reading Leonard Maltin's review? Yeah, I'm just reading what he said about it pretending that was me. No, I'm looking at Ever After, 122 minutes. You know, you don't think movies are too long

when you're taking a shower or getting ready during them, right? You didn't watch every minute of it. I was... Doing things. It was on. Yeah. I was working at my computer. That's the best way to watch it. And he gives it three stars. Wow. Out of how many?

Out of 72. I said it. Nice laugh. But yeah, he liked it. You're right. Duke Ray. Duke Ray. What a stupid name.

Doug with Ray at the end of it. Dugrae. Like if you married Jonah Ray. If I married Jonah Ray, my name would be Dugrae. I love it. Richard O'Brien was in it. He played Flim Flam in Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Oh my god! What was his name? Flim Flap? Yes! He buys Drew Barrymore in Rocky Horror Picture Show. Oh my god! What was his name? Flip Flap? Yes! He buys Drew Barrymore. Ching Chong? What's his name in that? Angelica Houston sells Drew Barrymore to him. Really? And he's all creepy and weird? What's his name?

The guy with the greasy blonde hair. Yeah, the guy that sings Time Warp or whatever. Right? Duke Ray not. Also, if you married Macy Gray, it'd be DeGray. I would rather marry Jonah Ray than Macy Gray. That's why I hired Harris, because he knows the quality stuff to mind jokes to stick with.

The stuff to stick with to like stick with. The stuff to stick with and really work on. There was humor in how late after we talked about it that I brought it up. Yeah, but in your mind you're like, whoa, there's something there. Macy Gray! Go on, Doug.

Oh, I was just saying, I think it's probably about time that we play some Leonard Maltin game as long as I got the book out. I'm here with two people who know their movies. We used to play this when we were just children. Yeah. You, me, and Brian.

Brian Posehn and Sarah and I would sit around and play this game that we sort of invented together. I'm trying to find a movie that would be good to do for you guys. Picking out something special just for you. Okay, here we go.

See if either of you know this. Don't try to help them from the audience. Don't look, Sarah. I didn't see anything, but I don't want to. John Polito. Anna Nicole Smith. Skyscraper?

Naked Gun 33 and 30 No and maybe 33 and 30 Two no's, two no's It's not a naked gun? It's not a naked gun Steve Buscemi Who you just worked with in a picture

Yeah, you should know this What is she in? Didn't you sit around with him on the set discussing every movie? Yes, He's awesome. Yeah, I think he seems like a very nice guy. Very grounded. Oh my god. He's so awesome. He's the nicest

first of all awesome actor. So nice and totally like silly. Yeah, well that's why he's like in every Adam Sandler movie playing a dumb little part because he loves Adam and he loves acting silly. He, well that's why he's in every Adam Sandler movie playing a dumb little part because he loves Adam and he loves acting silly. He's so cool.

He told a funny story. May I? Yeah. He didn't even know it was a funny story and I was laughing, crying, laughing because he was talking about how he went incognito to

do research on this thing where he played like a paparazzo. So he went with paparazzi people. Right. So to be incognito, like you put tissue paper in my cheeks to, you know, make it bulk out a little. And then I put, I wore a cape. Maybe not, because I stuffed, he stuffed his shirt with a pillow and he wore a beret. He stuffed his shirt with a pillow and he wore a beret. Why would you go incognito

as the most affected? Yeah, wouldn't people just be like, hey, isn't that fat Steve Buscemi? That's what he said. He was like, ugh, Steve Buscemi's in like a weird costume. That's better than, isn't that Steve Buscemi in a baseball hat?

No. I think so. He dressed up as like a crazy eccentric to not be noticed. Or like a, what do you call it, guardian angel. He's awesome. Oh my God, he's so cool. Nobel Winningham. Willingham, sorry.

What was the one right before that? That's what it says here. I always thought it was Winningham. Buscemi was the one before that. Tell a story about each one of these people. Peter Gallagher. Shorter than you'd think in person. That's my story about him.

But salt of the earth. Nice guy. Super sweet guy. But short. Joe Grafasi. Bruce Campbell. What the fuck? I was in a party once with Bruce Campbell

and he was wearing sandals and it was like December. Can I tell you, Peter Gallagher once... What did he do? What did Peter Gallagher do? He once protected me from...

Dustin Hoffman. Noble Winningham. What did Peter Gallagher do? He once protected me from... Steve Buscemi? Dustin Hoffman. Noble Winningham. Or Willingham. Dustin Hoffman was giving you a hard time about something? No, he doesn't even know who I am or anything, but I was hired to roast him,

and nobody told him, apparently. And he was very angry. And I stood to him like this and he looked at me with his wife like this. And I'm like sticking to the material. Sarah's face was very displeased. Let's keep going. I'm sorry. I thought that'd be

a good story. The long version is good, but I know we're playing a game here. It's alright. Jim True. John Mahoney. be a good story. No, the long version is good, but I know we're playing a game here, so. I apologize. It's all right. Jim True. John Mahoney.

Frasier? Frasier the movie. You got it. Oh, my God. Otherwise known as X-Men 3. She's got it. Oh, no, I don't. Anna Nicole Smith

throws the whole thing off. Maybe she's a smaller part. She had a tiny part and it was also, I believe they got her to act in it. She's not being herself. She's just being sexy and a secretary or some shit. Okay. Oh, I didn't say the year. It was 1994.

Okay. Charles Durning. I was 10. Did I? Paul Newman It just gets confusing There's so many people in this movie Wait a minute Is Mary Tantonio Banderas

Is she in it? Is Melanie Griffith in it? No What did you think it was? Milk money Yeah Milk money Melanie Griffith in it? Yeah. No. What did you think it was? Oh, Milk Money. That thing where she, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Milk Money.

Okay, Jennifer Jason Leigh. Oh my God, wait. Can we just stop for a second? This must be... Take your time. How many names are left? One. Rush.

We're down to the stars. Rush with Jason Patrick. No. These are all character actors that all have capacity to be kind of silly. It must be a What's-His-Face movie. Who? He died. He wears a cowboy hat.

Lindsay Lohan wrote a sorry movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Cindy Pollock. No. Robert Altman. Robert Altman. He wore a cowboy hat? That's how you describe Robert Altman? Starting with huge stoner. Is he?

Oh, my God, he was the hugest. And he said that directing movies is 98% casting So like That's why his movies are all just people running around Ab-libbing and some are great and some suck Because he just hires a bunch of actors And then lets them do whatever they want Alright

Here's the last name It stars from 1994 Stars Tim Robbins And has all those other people in it. But the best clues, considering these are people that made this movie use the same actors frequently, the best clues

are Steve Buscemi and John Pulido. Because they've both been in several of these movies by these guys. These two guys that make movies. Coen. Tim Robbins starred in What by Joel Egan.

People in the audience are losing their minds. I think that's the fun part of, like, people, when I skip Leonard Maltin, people, like, listen to the podcast and then complain to me about it. I think it's fun to listen to because most people get these two or three names in. It's fun to listen to us

fump her around and not be able to figure it out. Do a lot of people here know it? By clapping? Obviously, they love movies. That's why they're here. It's one of the few movie titles where... It's one of the few movie titles where... You think they're huge Doug Benson fans? It's one of the few movie titles

It's one of the few titles where you don't have to change it when you make a porn version. You don't have to do anything to it. Everyone's in on the joke, but us, Harris. This is pretty fun. I like this. We're not going to have time for any more. Say it!

Say it! Say it! Huckleberry! I don't know. It's like the, yeah, see? Oh, Hudsucker Proxy. Yes! I would change that if it was a porn name. I really would. What would you change it to?

Mudsucker. Hudsucker. Mudsucker. Hudfucker Proxy. Mudsucker. Here, do you want to do one? Okay. Do one for us. Mudsucker. Hudsuck by... Mudsucker. Hudfucker. Mudsucker. Here, do you want to do one? Okay. Do one for us.

Pick one out. We've got just a couple minutes left. We'll talk some more. Harris, you got anything you want to plug? Any upcoming things happening? Smiley Face, the Anna Faris movie. I'm plugging that. I have nothing to do with it.

Are you really applauding that? People are into it. I was shitting on it. I thought you could tell by my tone. I just saw it. Did you see it? I Netflixed it because I enjoy stoner comedies. I do too, right? I do. Some of them. Somebody said House Funny was good. Oh, I haven't seen that. I just know in this she eats 12

pot cupcakes accidentally and goes on a journey. Like, you wouldn't just pass out in a corner. Right. Like, who eats too much pot? Anything. And then an adventure starts. That's my least favorite thing about pot movies,

like the Harold Kumar things, is I don't like movies where people are frustrated because they can't get pot. Because first of all, you shouldn't be that frustrated. Right. And then second of all, you should get some. Why do I have to watch fucking two hours of you running around pulling your hair out? Well, she was trying to get more cupcakes.

They were her roommate's cupcakes, so that was her stress. Oh, she liked them so much she wanted more? No, because he was going to be really pissed off that they were gone. He left them in the fridge. Wow. Yeah. I can't believe this didn left them in the fridge. Wow. Yeah. I can't believe this didn't play in theaters.

I know. I can't believe... I also don't like that whole cutesy, like, every movie that's about pot, the title can't just say this movie is about pot.

It always has to be like... A wink? Pineapple Express is probably the cleverest one in that that's the name of the strain. Right, right, right. But Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.

I think most stoners didn't see it until DVD because it just seems like it's about two dudes going out for a meal. Which you don't necessarily have to be high to want to do that. Did you find one yet, Sarah? We're out of time. I can't remember what I was looking for. Just pick one.

I can't remember what I was looking for. Now I'm just turning pages. I'm sorry. Just pick a movie. Something from, it's gotta be the 90s or the 1000s or the 80s. Or the 70s. Baby Whittles has to know. Yeah, we don't want to go back too far. But say the names fast, too, once you

find one, because we really are out of time. Fuck! I should have given the book to Harris. All right. Is 1995? Perfect. Do it.

I'll tell you I've never seen this, but I still feel like I could maybe get it. Okay. Oh, there's a big... This is good. Adam Baldwin. Adam Baldwin. Adam Baldwin. Yes, not related. To anyone.

My bodyguard. Yes, my bodyguard. Was it really my bodyguard? No, he's from 95. Don't yell out titles. He still holds up to it. He's very handsome. Alicia Goranson. He's on Chuck now.

Alicia Goranson. He's on Chuck now. Or Alicia Goranson. Alicia Goranson. Mikelty Williamson. Mikkelty Williamson. Is that how you say it? How'd you know? Mikkelty, yeah. He's the guy that got in trouble for beating up a wife or something.

He played the shrimp guy in Forrest Gump. Oh, he's very good. He's a good actor. Rip Torn. Also a good actor. Everybody likes Rip Torn. Funny first names in this cast. Esther Roll.

Oh. Florida from good times. Derek O'Connor. Don't know him. This is going to be hard. I'm going to keep going. Dermot Mulrooney. Uh-huh.

Melinda Dillon. Lauren Dean. All right. Now let's get to the meat of this, Claire Danes, Maria Celedonio, oh yeah, her, Holland Taylor, Jonathan Sheck, Kate Capshaw, you know, a lot of women in this, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lois Smith. Alfre Woodard. Jesus. Samantha Mathis. Gene Simmons. I hate my choice.

Kate Nelligan. Holy crap. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Is it Prince of Tides? No! We might turn a corner with this. Maya Angelou.

Why would we... We turned a bad corner. The Great Anne Bancroft. Is that what it is? Yeah. Why are you doing that when I asked you not to? Because they don't give a fuck. They're sitting with their arms folded,

looking at us like we're assholes. That's how to make an American quilt. Some people cannot contain themselves. They won't be a part of it. I make it a point to not see the gayest movies ever made. I felt so much pressure. Winona Ryder's the last name, right? I don't know.

Once you got to Winona Ryder, I would have known it, I think. But thank you, audience member, for ruining what was a very exciting game. I know. I hate that. Let's hear it for my guest, Harris Whittles and Sarah Silverman. Thank you. We're done. We've got to go.

Sorry, everybody. Had to make an American pro. As always, Willem Dafoe and the person that yelled out that title is a shithead. Why is Willem Dafoe a shithead? Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. Eyes of gold, his viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you.

Because Doug loves movies.