Doug Loves Movies - Sarah Silverman Guests

Episode Date: November 26, 2006

Doug sits down with comedian and actress Sarah Silverman to discuss 'Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny,' as well as her work in 'School of Rock,' 'Jesus Is Magic,' and as host of the Independent Spirit Awards.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seeds with 50 azepop or kernels in his teeth. There's still not one that he won't see, cause Doug loves movies! Oh shit. Hey everybody! Welcome to I Love Movies with Doug Benson. That's me. I'm Doug Benson. And it's nice to see a nice audience here at the UCB Theater. That was the theme song by Hard and Firm. Very funny musical act. Check them out live if you ever get a chance. UCB Theater does a lot of great shows. Go to UCBTheater.com. Go to UCBTheaterdetailsformore.com.

But don't do it right now. Enjoy this show first. I want to have an opening remark here before I bring out my guest. The Borat movie is off the chain or the hook or whatever you put things on. People love it, and it's huge. And I have to admit something to you guys. I saw Borat on the Ali G show numerous times talking about Kazakhstan, and I always thought

Borat from Kazakhstan was like Balki from Mipos. I had no idea that Kazakhstan is a real place. And it turns out it is, and they're not happy. And some of the I guess some of the people from the village in Kazakhstan are suing over the movie, but that's just because they want money for food.

But some other people that are suing, some of the other characters in the movie are suing because they didn't know they were characters in a movie. They thought they were characters in something that's not a movie, but there were cameras there, and they were being interviewed. I don't know what they thought it was going to be, but the frat guys are really upset. And I decided what I'm going to do is I'm going to sue Borat and the movie for not putting me in it.

Because that would be huge for me if I was in the Borat movie. And they're fucking with my livelihood by not humiliating me in it. Alright, that's my, those are my opening comments. You know my guest today as a gifted stand-up comic and actress who has a new series debuting someday on Comedy Central

and has appeared in many great movies and TV shows including Mr. Show, Seinfeld, and Sarah Silverman Jesus is Magic in which she plays the title role. Please welcome Jesus, everybody. Jesus is here. Hi, Jesus. Sarah Silverman, a.k.a.

I brought a sweater in case I get cold. All right. Here, just talk right into this. I get cold. So far, the people listening to the podcast haven't heard anything. I get cowled, and I brought a sweater. All right. Just in case. Try to get podcast haven't heard anything. I get cowled, and I brought a sweater. All right. Just in case.

Try to get a little tighter on it. On this? Yeah, kind of like how I'm doing it. You can pull it out if you want. Nah. Okay. I like that. We've done shows where two people are sitting like that, and I've been told it looks awkward.

So try to rearrange it. What should I do with this? This is just, now it's just set decoration. The tiny mic stand. Okay. Oh yeah, you can work on your, whatever that muscle's called. I need to. Alright.

Movies. That's what we're here to talk about. You love them? Big S. I love them. You like them. And I like them. You're a fan. What have you seen lately? Have you been to the cinema lately? I know you and I tried to go the other day, but traffic was a problem. I've seen three movies, actually.

I've seen three movies lately. I usually never... What are they? We saw The Prestige. That's right. The Prestige. But you haven't seen The Illusionist, right? No.

Is that better? Well, what I would like is... I thought that Edward Norton was the best magician. And The Prestige was the best movie. So I wish Edward Norton could be cut into The Prestige. Oh. And make one awesome movie. Instead of two movies I didn't care for that much.

What's The Illusionist? The Illusionist. What's the basic idea there? The idea there is that he... Is it old-timey, like, prestige? It's same old-timey shit. Like, it's amazing how similar they are. Do they refer to the end of the illusion as the prestige?

No, they don't know that expression in the illusionist. They just go, what's the end part of that? And he goes, it's called the ta-da. And he gets really mad about it. I don't need your sarcasm. It's more of a, Illusionist is more of a romance between Edward Norton and Paul Giamatti.

Really? No, Paul Giamatti plays a police inspector who's trying to shut down his crazy illusions because they're the work of the devil. Because his illusions are like, he makes dead people appear. So it's not really magic as much as it is like,

you know, a guy who can make dead people appear. Wait. Devil work. At least answer it. Somebody's getting a phone call.

Shut that shit down. We can't get the rights to that song. It's going to cost us money. Hey, isn't one of the, um, rings? It doesn't matter. No one cares Is this your first day It's going to cost us money. Hey, isn't one of the rings... It doesn't matter.

No one cares who it is. Is this your first day with your new phone? Just turn it off. Yeah, it's all right. It happens. Yeah, we all do it by accident. You think you've already turned the ringer off, and then you forget that you did,

and you flick the switch, and you're turning it on. I've done that before. Yeah, absolutely. I keep mine on... Oh, hang on. I'm getting a call. It's vibrating right now.

It's weird timing, isn't it? It's weirder that you're answering it. I'm not. I'm just turning it off. Because it might cause some sort of weird frequency sound on the thing. Like my radio in my car gets all weird when a call comes in. That's a great story.

Can I just say quickly though that there's a ring tone that is is it supposed to be the theme to regis and kelly because it goes do do do do do do do do do do do oh yeah that does kind of sound like it but it's not that's not yeah it's exactly it's like in in a spy movie when it goes ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding like like it's slightly different. It's not really the James Bond theme. But that's the James Bond theme

in Nintendo 64's original 007. That's what it sounds like? That's the last time I changed up a couple of the notes just like Vanilla Ice did. Stop singing songs

we can't get the rights to. Oh, sorry. Stop yelling at me, Doug. We're here to talk about movies, not sing the theme songs. Okay, and? I saw Borat twice. Really? Why two times? Wouldn't you?

I probably will now that you mention it. And I saw Tenacious D Pick of Destiny Yay You went to the premiere of Tenacious D Pick of Destiny And what have you got for us? Anything juicy? It's fantastic It's so good

It's going to be out and a huge hit by the time this podcast airs in a few weeks It's so good and I made the mistake of getting too too too high. And it's a premiere so I just walked across the street because I was at

Jimmy's thing and all of a sudden it was like click click click click click and that picture was like hey and it's not like they use any of that or anything. But then I did like a thousand interviews, and I was just like, your hair is so soft. Who'd you say that to, Billy Bush? They're not going to use it for... I don't know, I think it was like Access Hollywood.

I was like, your hair is so soft. What an idiot. What a a loser that's not cool you forgot to not get high before being interviewed yes you forgot you didn't think there'd be a red carpet at a tenacious d premiere you know i knew there would but i was too high to go oh i'm not gonna do it's first of all, I sound like a... I sound like a... Sarah Silverman? Just to say, oh, and then I had to do interviews. But really, I didn't, and they're not going to use any.

The only way they would use any is if they were like, Sarah Silverman's on drugs. You know what I mean? But it's not like there aren't a thousand people of soundbites they would use before. And I talked to everyone way too long to the point where it's usually like, oh, could we get this person for a second? It was like,

okay, they want to go to the next person. I'm still talking. It's embarrassing. It's almost as embarrassing as this right now. Almost. We'll cut this out. Oh, yeah. We do a lot with the editing on this. Really? Yeah, it's up to the individual

listener. I'm sorry. I hope everybody's safe. They can stop it or move it forward or whatever. Once they download it, they can do whatever they want with it. I hate what I hate this last 10 minutes. A lot of people will only need to hear 30 seconds of you talking. Shit. Before they let it rip. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Doug.

That's alright. This is fantastic. I'm glad that you liked the Tenacious D movie. I loved it. Any, do you want a cameo in it? All new music. Do you have a cameo in it? No. Why not?

You know, I just, I was just like, you guys, you know what? Fly on your own. No, they didn't ask me. So. But it was directed by. Liam Lynch. Who directed Jesus is Magic. You owe me a Coke.

And it's so good. It's all new songs. Immediately catchy. Like, immediately you love them. And it's like that combination of so funny and the music is so beautiful. It's great. Awesome. Two thumbs up?

Yeah. Way up. Up your ass. What about, are you going to see Deja Vu? What about, are you going to see Deja Vu? What about Babel? I'll tell you why I'm not going to see Deja Vu. I don't understand those black movies.

I just don't. It's just, they're not made for me. It's just the one black fellow. And then a bunch of white people. And he's got deja vu because he's black. Somebody says,

go pick up that garbage. And he goes, deja vu. You know why it's called Deja Vu? Why? It's the name of his character's daughter. Really? Yeah. Black people, weird names.

And Babel, same thing. They make such stupid, weird names. Why can't they just name their kids Kevin? Why are they named after products in the pharmacy aisle? Oh, shit. Classic. Babbel, your thoughts? I didn't see it.

Are you gonna? Because it looks like work to me. The story's out of order, so You have to, the story's out of order, so you have to figure out what's happening and then it's all depressing shit. I want to say that I want to see it. But I don't think I'm going to see it, because I feel

like it will be sad, and I know if I see it, I'll be so glad I saw it. But it takes me a while to get to those Schindler's List-y movies. Although that ended up being pretty funny. It's too easy. What about

classic motion pictures? I always like to talk to the guests about their favorites of all time. And no porn. Do you actually have a favorite porn? No. No. Just any actors you like? There's a porn producer that I like.

His name is... Just from when I used to look at porn online a long time ago. And you'd click on it and download it. Do you have credits on the online porn? Well, no, it's not credits. It's who it's by that you click on. And this guy named Scumbag Steve, I liked his work.

Scumbag Steve. Because he's very amateur and dirty. But let's not talk about... I don't know why I'm not as into porn anymore. Because you're, you know, you've got a regular fella. Yeah, I guess.

Anyway, I guess I'm growing up. Yeah, maybe. Where's Papa? I saw like a year ago which is from like the 60s or 70s. Yeah, I'd say maybe 70s. Loved it. George Segal. George Segal.

Ruth Gordon. Ruth Gordon is, I love her so much. Even funnier than she was in the orangutan movies? I'm not even going to dignify that. But it was like Harold and Maude was another great one that she was in. Yeah. She had a couple great ones. She's unbelievable.

I mean, she really was like a genius actress. And she wrote, what's that lawyer movie with the, what's her face, Hepburn and Spencer Tracy? She wrote that? Yeah. What's it called? Shit. Lawyer movie. No. She wrote that? Yeah What's it called? Uh, shit Lawyer movie No, it's called

Not His Girl Friday And what's her face is in it She has a great opening scene, Judy Holiday Hmm It's called Are you going to transport through time like Hero? Alright, well, it might come to me later on. Doesn't matter.

Ruth Gordon. Or I'll look it up later for anybody that's driving him crazy. Where's Papa is so fucking funny. It's so not dated comedically. It's so, it's like there is a... Gorilla suits are always funny. Ron Lieberman? Liebman. Ron Lieberman? Liebman.

Ron Liebman. The one from Norma Rae? Mm-hmm. Is in it, and I've never seen him be funny. There's a gang rape scene in Central Park of a woman. Right. That's funny. Wow.

I mean, it's really A crazy movie And What's his face Carl Reiner directed it Maybe his first And we're running late No we're doing good

Really Yeah I just I need to know what time it is Alright I should put a little clock on the table It's kind of weird That I always have to look at my phone Movies of all time

Crimes and Misdemeanors That one's come up In a previous show. I love Ordinary People. Goodfellas. The scene where he finds out that his friend died, killed herself. Tears me up every time. Spoiler alert.

I love that movie. You know, that's the thing about Babel. Although, I don't know why everyone says it's amazing that I don't feel like seeing it. There's some movies I just don't. But if I do see it, then I'm glad I saw it or something. But Ordinary People is a classic depressing, heartbreaking kind of movie. But it's one of those movies that wherever it is on cable, at whatever point, I have to watch it. It's so good. It's just, it's so good.

I find most actors, their first movie is awesome, and then they're allowed to make a lot more that aren't as awesome. Like with Robert Redford, that first one out of the gate was amazing. Oh, my God. And then Milagro, Beanfield War, I could live without. I don't know. I mean, an actual Beanfield War is fun to be a part of, but watching it on screen is no good.

I'm adorable. You really are. So you're hosting the Independent Spirit Awards again. Yes. Next year. You're writing for it for me? I am. Yep. Just me and you. Alright, we'll do it. We'll make it happen. I've already scribbled down a few

ideas. Really? Yeah, I've got a Little Miss Sunshine joke that's going to knock your dick in the dirt. What is it? I'm not going to say it here because then it's ruined for your show. For your thing. It's got to all seem like it came from you. That's what I try to do.

I just watch you come up with jokes and then take some of the credit. That's not true. You gave me some classics last year. That was fun. Serious classics. So why are you doing it again? Just because they asked you to?

Or, I mean, obviously they asked you to, but they asked you like the second it was over. They were so thrilled that you did such a great job. They were like, thank God we don't have to look at John Waters anymore. Oh, come on. He's so campy. No, he's awesome, but I we don't have to look at John Waters anymore. Oh, come on. He's so campy. No, he's awesome, but I just can't look at that mustache. Is it penciled in or is it real?

This is real. His is like, I don't know. His is Clark Gable-esque. If Clark Gable was a weird gay dude from Pittsburgh. He has that mustache that the guy from Baltimore. Natasha and the short guy. This is like doing an interview with my mother or something. I know.

What's that movie where there's people in it and things happen? Do you remember that one, honey? I should have had a coffee or something. My dad today told me, I think Room 62 is in trouble. I'm like, you mean Studio 60? And yes, it is. I think Room 222. Yeah.

School of Rock, you played Ned Schneebly's girlfriend. And I only bring that up because I love saying Ned Schneebly. Yeah, that's a good name. Funniest movie name ever. Was that your favorite movie to be in? What's your favorite of all the movies you've appeared in? Obviously, maybe Jesus is Magic would be

the best one, because it's all you. It's all me all the time. But ones that's just you're not all in it. I had a lot of fun making School of Rock, and School of Rock is an instant classic movie, if I dare say. Please. But in terms of my role in it, it was pretty straightforward, boring bitch.

It wasn't like, wow, I really stretched my wings. I'm a bitch in my movie, too, and in my show that's coming up, but it's a layered bitch. There's a bitch in my movie, too, and in my show that's coming up, but it's a layered bitch. It's not like just the bitch that makes this person able to do this in the movie. You know what I mean? Yeah, because it's kind of like, what's her problem? Jack Black is awesome. I know.

Why does she have to go and cause all this trouble and stand around? There's no turn. There was a little more. It got cut out, but of course it got cut out, but it wasn't needed. You know what I mean? It was like, I'm glad to be a part of it, but it wasn't like, wow, I'm not going to put it on my reel or anything. Like, wow, she can really be a bitch for no reason. Just put a scene of him teaching the kids on your reel. Yeah.

And be like, I was in it, too. Yeah. It's pretty good, isn't it? The poster with my name. I'm totally a part of it. What the hell were you doing in Rent? What happened there? She's in Rent, you guys. I'm not lying.

People don't even believe it when they hear it. They're like, Sarah Silverman was in Rent? I like to fancy myself a singer, but I'm not like a real singer. And I sang two songs for the audition. This is before they ended up getting the original cast.

And then I was offered the only non-singing role. And then I was at the gym before it came out and some hoity-toity guy was like, I saw a screening of Rent and you're the funniest thing in it.

And I was like, walking on air so excited that I was the funniest thing in it. And then I saw it because I'd never seen the play or anything. And it turns out it's an AIDS drama. It turns out. Yeah.

That took a little bit of wind out of my stomach. Wait, what two songs did you sing for your audition? Didn't they have AIDS and drama in the words, in the lyrics? No, it was the... Oh, the cow over the moon thing? No, the cow over the moon thing? The cow over the moon thing. Oh, that's the worst part. I hate that part.

I know, but she's so great. Yeah, she's awesome. I do love her. All right. Well, yeah, I told you I saw a screening of that movie right before it opened. It was packed with a bunch of rent heads. And they actually applauded a little bit when your name was in the opening credits and gasped audibly when you actually appeared on screen.

It's not an impression. They were very excited to see you. That's so nice, but I know what it is. It's not like I didn't pull off a great performance, not even a good performance. It's just like a nothing part. I mean, it's whatever. And I think what it is is it's just like a nothing part i mean it's whatever and um i think what it is is it's so heartbreaking and sad and aids-y that when they see me they know oh we won't there'll be a little

less aids for a minute just for like a relief like oh this is gonna be a little less a guy singing about living in santa fe well that's the is, so I had never seen the movie before, and I love musicals, but I also was like, I went with a friend of mine. We split a pot cookie or whatever, and we were just going to rip on it back and forth. And I don't know if it was the pot cookie or the story or, I mean, the performance. I mean, Jesse Martin and the other guy who plays the late Angel. Angel, yeah, yeah. Oh, other guy who plays the late Angel. I'm sobbing, sobbing.

I mean, the tears will not stop coming down. And I'm embarrassed in front of my friend. And I'm trying to look over. And finally, I look over. And he's like, we're both crying. It was beautiful. But the only bad parts are the opening song is terrible. Because it's like, we got to pay the rent. because it's like, we gotta pay the rent. And it's like, are you serious?

It's a little bit like, well, why do you not have to pay the rent? Like, why do you think you're so fucking special? Also, it's like, if you're going to open with a song that says, I gotta pay the rent, don't call the show Rent. It's just like, it's too like... Rent, rent, rent, rent. Yeah, they sing it over and over again. Rent, and that's the name of the show And then the Santa Fe song is terrible

It's like a bad 80s video It looks like a karaoke video, that sequence I don't remember how it goes And then the most insulting bad song And then everything else is excellent I think, I loved it You loved Rant You saw that play like 80 times. Anyway. I saw it

80 times. No! We have fun. Is the song that he's like, I've got to get one good song and then Mimi's almost dead and then they're like, listen to this boy's song or whatever and then he sings the song and it's

the worst song ever written. It has no hook. It is not catchy. It's like, your eyes. It's romantic. It's awful. It's such a bad song.

I wish that Jonathan Larson could be alive for me to tell him how unacceptable that song is. Is that his name? I can't believe his name I remember. Adam's Rib. Thank you very much. Wow.

Right under the gun. That was good timing. Thank you. I don't want to leave. You don't have to. We're going to stick around for a couple more minutes. But I don't want Wayne to come out. Well, first of all, that's next week's episode. We taped two at a time, but we run them one week later. Ouch, I'm sorry.

So now people are going to be like, they have to wait a whole week to hear Wayne. But I was kidding. I thought we were going to be together. I'm sorry. That's all right. Next week's going to be good. Let's keep going. Next week's show is going to be awesome.

Can I make one other point that doesn't have to do with movies that that just reminded me of? Sure. When people who have Macs turn on their computer. That noise? It's that exact same thing as, it's been seven hours and 15. It always reminds me of at the end of every HBO show when it goes, and there's static, and then it goes off. Oh, you see the glass.

I don't even see the glass. My favorite Sarah Silverman movie character is Raving Bitch in Way of the Gun. A couple people applauding. You guys, seriously, rent Way of the Gun. A couple people applauding. You guys, seriously, rent Way of the Gun from Netflix or whatever. Watch the first five minutes

and as soon as the credits start, put it back in the envelope and mail it back. Maybe even include a post-it saying the rest of it's worthless, but Sarah's awesome. No, I liked it a lot. Well, you liked the whole movie

and I had some problems with it, but your sequence at the beginning is so fucking awesome and it totally sets up like it's a completely different movie starts to happen after you're done you know but it is a great great sequence i love it what's the one thing that you yell that you made up you call him like a dick or a... Gay uncle? Gay uncle's pretty good. But you call him something else.

It's like really like super dirty thing to say. A baby fucker? That's it. You came up with that, didn't you? No, I came up with a lot of it. I mean, on the page it was like two sentences. I improvised like this much, and then I went to see the movie and he kept the whole thing in like I was so it was so nice

he knew gold when he saw it no Christopher McCrory and that was the first movie he directed but he wrote usual suspects he wrote Kaiser Soze and Baby Fucker those are the two most memorable Fontanella is the

soft part of a baby's head He gave me that Fontanella fucking Baby fucker See what I mean You gotta see this movie You gotta see it So anyway

But I thought he did An amazing job Way of the gun With Ryan Phillippe And Benicio Del Toro Yeah Soon to be Che

Rivera Is he? Che Whatever Whatevs It's time to play Leonard Maltin Oh my god

And Leonard Maltin game Is something that Sarah and I Have actually We actually play together Quite frequently When we're just sitting around Supposedly doing something else

Trying to get work done And essentially the idea Of Leonard Maltin If you don't know Those of you that are here Or listening essentially the idea of Leonard Maltin, if you don't know, those of you that are here or listening, is we take the Leonard Maltin movie book and list off the cast name from the bottom and the other person has to try and guess it before it gets to the giveaway names.

Like if it was the producers, the giveaway names would be Mel Brooks and... I mean... I don't know if... Sarah Mostel and Gene Wilder, or Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane. Do you have a good one? I have one. We've never talked about this movie.

1989. 89, okay, that's acceptable. Should we start with the number of stars? I don't care what Len thought of it, honestly. All right. His taste is in his mouth. Here we go. Give me the year.

89. Got it. Okay. I'll give it to myself. Anthony LaPaglia is the last name. Is the last name on the list. Oh, wow. I'm going to go with Betsy's Wedding.

No. Shit. Charles... He was in that, you know. ...McCoffin? McCoggin? Okay, I don't know him. Tammy Grimes.

Tammy Grimes. Who is that? She does lots of voiceovers, because her voice is like, I'm Tammy Grimes. Michael Schofling? That's kind of like a dude. Schofling?

Oh, wait a second. He's the guy that... He was in two movies, so this is He's the guy that He was in two movies So this is probably one of them He was in Molly Ringwald's Sixteen Candles He was the hunky guy

In Sixteen Candles Oh And then he did like This other movie That you're talking about But you don't know what it is And then he vanished Steve Buscemi

Because he was in The Illusionist What? Steve Buscemi Buscemi Wow Okay There's still a lot more names to go Wow This is a tough one Steve Buscemi Because he was in The Illusionist What? Steve Buscemi Buscemi Wow Okay There's still a lot

More names to go Wow this is A tough one Betty Comden I like it Betty Comden Mercedes Rule Okay

Wow Never a good thing It's never a good thing When Mercedes Rule Is involved She was in Wow I like her Okay I loved

Don't give it away Madeline Potter I don't know who that is Nick Corey Mary Beth Hurt Wow this is a tough one We've got one How many names are left?

Three Okay Really? Chris Sarandon Whoa, whoa, whoa Does anyone have an idea of the idea? Someone, don't yell it out if you know it But Chris Sarandon

I know, I know The voice of Jack Skellington I know that much about him Alright, give me another name Adam Coleman Howard. What? He second-billed Adam Coleman Howard?

Maybe you don't know this movie. I saw this movie a bunch of times. For some reason, I loved this movie. All right, who's the star? Leonard Maltin did not. Who's the star of it? Bernadette Peters. Oh, Slaves of New York. I never saw it. Iadette Peters. Oh, oh, oh. Slaves of

New York. I never saw it. Never saw it. I'm sorry. But that was fun, though. Is that all we get to do? Yeah, we're kind of out of time. I thought I was going to get one, to guess one. Alright, I'll give you one. Really? Yeah. Here we go. 1972. Michael Caine and Laurence Olivier.

The only two people in it. It's called Sleuth. They're remaking it with Michael Caine and Jude Law, as it turns out. Here, I'll give you a real one. Really? Yeah. The listeners are going to be like,

I don't care that this one's going long. This is so much fun listening to her. Yeah, they are. It's a good one. It's a good episode. I'm proud of it. It's probably going to go on my best of at the end of the year. No, it won't. These short clips, there were some good moments.

Okay. You know what I was going to do when I thought of one and I was like, ooh, I've got one? Yeah? Next Stop Wonderland. That would have been a good one. Really? I think I might have gotten it. That would have been a good one. Really? Yeah, I mean, I think I might have gotten it. I would have gotten to it when you got to what's her name. You look like a guy in it.

I do? A little bit. All right, if you say so. Who's from New Hampshire? Sorry I'm having such a hard time finding a good one for you. What's his name? But I'm going to get a really good one. All right, here we go.

You ready? 1990. Grease 2. Sarah Silverman, ladies and gentlemen. That's our show. The Sarah Silverman program will be on Comedy Central

someday. April 1st. April 1st. Did you say someday? Yeah. Why'd you look at me? Because you think it won't... No, I think it'll be on... You think it won't be April 1st?

No, I think it will, but April 1st is kind of a weird, you know, for a comedy network to tell you your show's debuting on April 1st. Did you... She just licked the microphone, ladies and gentlemen,

and now she has to lick a piece of paper to get rid of it, which I should tell you what I did with a piece of paper to get rid of it. Which I should tell you what I did with this piece of paper before you did that. I'm going to puke.

Do you know what's on microphones? If you haven't, other comedians, if you haven't... At comedy clubs? Already, listeners, go to

handheldcomedy.com, which should be where you are right now, listeners. At the very least. And sign up for the Laugh Bank. Smoke.

It's our version of a frequent flyer program. The Laugh Bank. But you don't actually go anywhere. Dried semen. Until next time, this is Doug Benson saying, I've got the perfect role for you in the movie inside my head. Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. He hides a gold, he's his viewing prowess makes him cocky

There's no room in his heart for you Cause Doug loves movies