Doug Loves Movies - Scott Aukerman, Dana Gould, and Michael Ian Black Guest

Episode Date: January 17, 2010

On this special SF Sketchfest edition of I Love Movies, Doug welcomes his friends Scott Aukerman, Dana Gould and Michael Ian Black to the program. Recorded live at The Punchline in San Francisco, January 16th, 2010.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Doug hates candy wrappers, screaming babies, sticky seats with 50 heads and poppers, and his teeth are still not warm, that he won't scream, because Doug loves to read! Yay! Oh, you guys are so nice coming out at 5 o'clock. Some people in the standby line and the regular line. Regular line people got here early, too, but standby line had people here since 3.30. It's 5 o'clock in the afternoon, which is 40 minutes after 4.20.

So, uh, I'm doing pretty good here in San Francisco. They draw it on the wall behind me so that I know where I am. That's a rider in my contract when I perform in clubs. I'm like, draw the city's landmarks on the wall behind me so that I can glance at it and know where I am. Have you guys taken the trolley car that goes up the side of the pyramid building?

It goes right up the side of that thing. That is fucking hairy. You get up to the top, you shoot off, and you crash into the Tanner house. Everywhere we look, there's a trolley car murdering our bodies. All right. I don't remember how that song goes. This is I Love Movies. I may have mentioned that already. We're at the Sketch Fest in San Francisco,

otherwise known as San Francisco Sketch Fest. And I applaud if you guys have been to or are going to more than one event at Sketch Fest this year. Awesome. Very cool. There's lots of great stuff

going on. I can't wait to see Conan tomorrow and hear everything that he has to say about what's been going on in his life lately. Like, what's his home life like? You know, we know about all the other stuff. Conan had to postpone, but I'm sure he'll do it at a later date,

but as everybody knows, I am Team Coco. And, yeah, you know you all are, too. Like, I wrote on Twitter, hey, I'm Team Coco. Don't watch Jay Leno when he takes the Tonight Show back. And I thought, who's following me on Twitter that watches Jay Leno on the Tonight Show? Feet on desk. My job is done.

I forget if there's any other special announcements I'm supposed to make at the beginning of the show, other than this is a co-podcast. You guys are treated to, I'm sure there's people here that listen to both podcasts, I Love Movies and Comedy Death Ray, and so

the gentleman that hosts Comedy Death Ray, Scott Aukerman, good friend of mine, he is going to be doing his podcast immediately after this one podcast double header so yeah, hopefully hopefully along the way we'll call this some sort of cliffhanger or something that'll make people

have to listen to the other one like if anybody's about to reveal something really juicy we'll say stop, let's say it in Scott's show and then people will have to listen to both so let me bring the guests up to the stage the theme is funny comics who are friends of mine that were at sketch fest and available to come out here and do this and they are Scott Aukerman, Dana Gould, and Michael Ian Black, everybody.

Gentlemen. Hello. Yeah, that's how Dana Gould, Scott and I were talking about how anytime we call him on the cell phone, the first thing Dana says is, I don't know who this is. I don't know who you are. And then you go, it's Doug. And then he's like, you're going to have to be more specific.

And it's weird. Is this Doug Trumbull, director of Lightstorm? Oh, the cinematographer that directed one movie? Yeah, very nice. I do love movies, you guys. I have to reach over. Okay, that's nice. Linger.

Linger over Mr. Black. Curious, curious. And we're walking. Why did you become a comedian? Why aren't you in fashion? Because Mr. Black is so... Or a villain. Why aren't you a villain?

No pressure. You don so... Or a villain. Why aren't you a villain? You don't... No pressure. You don't have to answer that. I didn't mean to throw a... I wasn't ready for personal questions. I read the New York Times. We don't know he's not a villain. No, you don't. That's a good point.

Being a comedian would be a perfect cover for a villain. Or a villiton. Which is a villain made of gelatin. It's the jello master. Scott Aukerman, say something so that the listeners get activated. I have not said one word yet. This is too many people on stage. You think so?

No. Hi, Doug. Thanks for having me on. Who the fuck is that? Oh, it's the waitress. People are ordering drinks. We're in a comedy club. We're in a comedy club where the seven-drink minimum is going to be enforced.

You're not leaving here not fucked up, you guys. It's 5 p.m. on Saturday. The regular crowd. Thank you. Another joke would be... They had theirs. Let's hear yours.

It's 5pm on a Saturday. This is normally when Dave Chappelle ends the Friday night 11pm show. Bam! Local reference. Holy shit. He does do a long show. Would any of you guys ever do a long show? Like just sit there and talk for seven hours? This is the longest show I've done.

Then you're tired of it already. We do all-nighters sometimes. We've done shows till eight in the morning. Right, but with lots of comics. Yeah, yeah. Not just the one dude sitting there smoking a cigarette and saying, I can smoke because I'm the one dude that everybody's here to to see that's when I go to work at that other club sleepy mcpillows this is Danny Gould calling by the way

people keep coming to sleepy mcpillows and laying down and falling asleep we can't get them to order a drink. There's no laughs. This is ridiculous. Are they dreaming of comedy? Scott looked like he was going to say something. I was going to tag it up. Yeah, I rescind. Do you recuse yourself from the end of that joke?

Yes, sir. Belay that tag. Scott, do people hang out until late in the morning at your shows? Yeah, no one leaves. That's great. What's wrong with them?? Yeah, no one leaves. It's great. What's wrong with them?

I don't know. There's always that feeling that you're going to miss the thing that everybody talks about. I feel like by 4.30 that thing has already happened. Whatever that thing was going to be happened. Then you go into, you pass 4.30, then you get into my amazing stamina. People feel proud of themselves for sitting through a fucking show all night for no reason.

That was the Dave Chappelle day. I did four hours. I did five hours. It has nothing to do with why you're a comedian. It's like, I'm the musician with the shiniest trumpet. Who holds that record, by the way? He does also have... It's Dave Chappelle.

It's the shiniest trumpet. It was Herb Alpert And then he heard about it And he opened up A trumpet shining stand At the Laugh Factory I'm pretty sure Managed to make it unfunny

Trumpet is a euphemism right? Absolutely In that case I might have the shiniest trumpet Is trumpet shining stand Isn't that that PBS show Hosted by Ringo Starr? Alright that's Shiny Trumpet Station Ringo Starr? All right.

That's Shining Time Station. Let's talk about movies. All right, right, right. You know that because you have children? I have children, which is why I don't do shows until 8 p.m. And your children love those shows where it's just like a train that smiles and goes down the track? They go through a period where they like that, and then they move on. The funny thing about Shining Time Station was the original voice of Mr. Conductor was

George Carlin. So it was funny to hear the train and the same voice. Fuck you! The train with the seven words you can't say on television were the seven stops along the route. Next stop, cunt. Motherfucker next.

My kids went right from watching Thomas to watching The Wire That's a reasonable transition That's edumacational that show The Wire George Carlin was the voice of the train and the wire too Yes he was

We're gonna go to Omar's Weird Thank you the wire too. Yes he was. We're going to go to Omar's. Weird. Thank you. Making fun of a dead man with Rick Moranis' impression of him. For what it's worth

I don't think that was a very good impression of Omar at all. I can do a good impression of Omar. Listeners he did something with his

face. I haven't. I'm one of those people I something with his face I haven't I'm one of those people I'm so excited Because I haven't seen A single episode of The Wire And so I get to just Fucking get crazy

And watch them all Back to back to back Someday They're better than a movie They're in my queue What? They're better than a movie You might change the name

Of the podcast No I know Well that's the thing I honestly think It's like Battlestar Galactica In low income housing Yeah It's really awesome

But I think a lot of TV is better than movies To be honest I call bullshit Doug I call bullshit If somebody hasn't seen It's Complicated Oh god As soon as I heard the title I was like oh well if it's complicated

Don't count me in I want something simple like Avatar. How did this movie get classified as a comedy? It's complicated. It got the R rating just because some characters smoke pot and have a good time.

Yeah, it's because children saw Steve Martin and thought it was a mummy remake. Ooh, too soon. Fat Baldwin, though, is... He's hilarious. He is so great in everything that I give that movie a passing grade

just because he's one of the stars of it. And because... I think I brought this up on another podcast. And because Meryl Streep says the line, I like a lot of semen

at one point. Yeah, she does. You're right. That was so weird. She was forced to say that at gunpoint, by the way. Gunpoint is also a euphemism, right? Yeah. Someone pointed a shiny trumpet at her.

Yeah. Full of semen. She was like, I like a lot of it, so bring on the tuba. A shiny trumpet full of semen. The Dizzy Gillespie story, available now by HarperCollins. So this podcast is about movies, and we've touched on a few, but let's go deeper. We're out of time, Doug. Let's go deeper, gentlemen.

Let's go deeper. Anybody could jump in. What have you seen lately Michael Ian Black MIB well it's screener season it is so if you're in the unions

I'm doing the same thing in the showbiz unions you get sent all the DVDs from the previous year of films that they think might be award worthy

and you get to catch up so I've caught up on It's Complicated was one that I just saw and I probably would have liked it better had I known that they weren't considering it for awards. Oh, if it was just a movie.

If they had just sent it out and said, here's a movie, I might have thought, all right, well, that's not terrible. But the fact that they sent it out thinking, well, this could be the best picture of the year made me think, that's a horrible, horrible movie. Do the Oscars still give out the nicest kitchen award?

She's trying to build a better kitchen than the gorgeous one that she has currently. Only they'd shot that kitchen in 3D. I walked out of my own house watching the screen, or if it's complicated, I went to the movies to get away from it. Let's get out of here What about like Precious

Precious to me has been sitting in my home Like a loaded gun This is not going to be a good day When I pop in Precious I've had the same exact thing It's literally sitting in my home If you can get Precious To go right into Big Mama Goes to Jail And convince yourself it's the home. It's work. If you can get Precious to go right into

Big Mama Goes to Jail and convince yourself it's the same movie, it's fantastic. It's the same character in both movies. That guy can do anything. That's my favorite

mashup of the year. Such a good mashup. I've also got The Hurt Locker, same exact thing. I've got Precious and The Hurt Locker. Oh, Hurt Locker I saw

in the cinema and that's my that's what I call the number one movie of the year yeah me too it's fantastic and it's not a downer either it's not a downer

but if it's at home it is still pretty intense well if it's a choice between watching the Hurt Locker or HGTV which is what we usually watch I'll probably watch HGTV

whatever's on HGTV whatever's on TV it's the same show on HGTV every single half hour. And it's wonderful. What have you seen lately, Dana? I think the two best movies this year

that I saw were Up and Up in the Air. Hmm. So you're like fixated on a word. Oh my god, someone disagrees. I think it's funny that they might both be nominated for best picture And if I were opening the envelope If I were Warren Beatty or whoever they get

Probably Warren Beatty Judy Dench maybe I would open it up and go The winner is up In the air Psych That would be so fun You liked Up in the Air that much?

No, I enjoyed it. Oh, okay. Everything else I hated. Well, that's the thing. It was not... It's a bad year to suddenly nominate... It doesn't not suck. That's the big review.

But there's suddenly a nominee... No, it doesn't suck. Ten movies are nominated for Best Picture this year. It's like the base level of what a movie should be. You know what I mean? That's how I felt about it. It didn't... I walked out of the theater going,

that movie never called me stupid. You didn't stay for the whole credits, did you? Sometimes you watch a movie right in the middle of it. That dude's singing. Yeah, yeah. Open the air! Whenever a guy in a movie rides an explosion,

I say, go fuck myself! What? Well, George Clooney rides an explosion of emotion. Meryl Streep rides an explosion of semen. I think if I could say... It's a geyser, in fairness. It's a geyser. I don't want to spoil up in the air for anybody

like the trailers and the commercials do, but it's always weird to me. I don't want to spoil up in the air for anybody like the trailers and the commercials do, but it's just like, it's always weird to me. I guess a movie has to do it that way, but it just feels like it's a little too, his whole change of heart seems a little too easy. He's met millions of people over the years that have said, oh, you just travel around and are a total douchebag.

That's probably not a good life. And then finally, when we're watching him in the movie, he goes, oh, you just travel around and are a total douchebag. That's probably not a good life. And then finally, when we're watching him in the movie, he goes, oh, yeah, these people are right. What if the movie were just about the times that he didn't change? That's what I'm saying. Why did he need to change? That's my problem

with the movie, is he doesn't need to change. I already said we were spoiling it. But he doesn't, really. That's the point. Oh, he doesn't, really. He just becomes self-aware of his own shittiness. What happens is he tries to change, he gets dick punched for it. He gets a brutal sidewalk cock slapping and gets right back on board.

But then he still kind of acts like he's changed. Like he should be like, well, now I'm fucking double not changed because of this dick punch that I got. Double plus not changed from Mick married over here. I'm going to fucking go nuts now. I'm routing all my flights through Utah. Right.

Watch me sit now. I'm going to fuck a lot of ladies who aren't caffeinated. All right. Scott? What was the... Can I interrupt one second? I don't know.

Please. Ask me. When I said... Well, ask the lady who said, No! When I said up in the air. Yeah, what was your problem with him? What's your problem, lady?

Or weird dude? Or five-year-old? Are you the voice of Bart Simpson? Can I ride the spaceship? I think I heard a little bit. Why don't you like it? It just wasn't... I just thought it wasn't that good of a movie.

Up or up in the air? Up in the air. Which one? Which one? Up in the air. Up in the air. Did you see Up? Then shut up.

Shut up. That's what the headline's gonna say if it gets upset and doesn't win. It's gonna say, shut up out. Right. Up, out, shut out. Did you like Up? I liked the montage at the beginning. The montage at the beginning is a motherfucker.

The montage at the beginning of Up can go to hell. It is so goddamn depressing. I had to go outside, find a guy with weed, do some negotiating. By the time I got back in there, there was a dog and a thing. I don't know what the fuck was happening. Outside of the montage, nothing else touched you from that movie? Yeah.

Are you just too hip for your own good? Do you no longer enjoy life? I can't believe she just went up. No, no, no. We're talking about Precious again. Dana, what touched you when you went up, though, aside from the first 20 minutes?

I feel like that movie is getting a lot of... I thought the mean dog with the crazy voice was hilarious. I love the image of the guy's inability to let go of his old life. I like that an old man can do Bruce Willis-style activity. I like the concept. Fucking hanging from a rope for 20 minutes.

I like the whole concept. I can barely walk, but my fingers are still strong! What an unrealistic cartoon. You know... The dogs flying the airplanes didn't throw you. It was the tensile strength of his fingers. That's like Tom Kenny. Tom Kenny's old joke would be,

he'd go to anything like that and yell, fake. Yeah. I get a movie I always reference. In Planet of the Apes, somebody once said, where's the water pressure tanks for the hoses? Right. I just think that... Maybe I'll ask the talking gorilla.

What is your review of Planet of the Apes, by the way? It's one of my favorite reviews of any movie. Gorillas dressed like Fonzie chasing Moses dressed like Tarzan. Greatest movie of all time. I like the first five minutes. Then I grew a goatee and put on some cargo shorts. Slamming cargo shorts. Don't make me slam cargo shorts.

What have you seen, Scott? I think the best movies of the year are... That's interesting. Michael. What are the best ones? Probably Transformers 2 and Old Dogs. I knew there was a reason I cut you off. I'm an intuitive host.

Old Dogs is fucking crazy. Did you see it? I did not see it. It's fucking amazing. Like, it'll change your life. It will make you redefine, like, oh, wait, is this entertainment? Like, what am I... I go into a darkened room and I watch something? Like, what is happening?

It's fucking amazing. I'm waiting for a Wild Hogs Old Dogs Double Bill. What would that be called? Wild Hogs Old Dogs. You know, I'll just fucking... I wash that with my pants off. Invite some children over. What are your kids doing, guys?

What are they up to? The inclusion of the, I didn't see the film, but I like the inclusion of the guy being cuddled by the gorilla on the poster. Because it's one of the only laughs in the movie.

It's also, it's like, that thing's in the movie. Put it on the poster. I don't know what this movie's about. Some of the two guys babysitting a guy It's also, it's like, that thing's in the movie. Put it on the poster. Well, I don't know what this movie's about. Is it about two guys babysitting a guy who's owned by a gorilla? What more do you need to know?

If you were five, and I believe you were at one point, wouldn't you have wanted to see that movie because it was a gorilla holding a dude? Yeah, at five, yes. So why is it in your top two? Because you're seven times five thank you very much um i just i was it was like one of the craziest movies i've ever seen it was like i

love cloudy with a chance of meatballs but it was like 20 times that like the most insane choices like like it's a world where fucking jetpacks exist and no one blinks an eye. They're just like, yeah, Rob Williams is like, can I borrow that jetpack? And they're like, sure thing. And he just straps it on. Everyone's like, okay, yeah, that's what happens. It's fucking crazy.

It's a world where the zoo is closed at three in the afternoon. It's like, I love whatever fucking parallel universe it is. It's closed because they're filming. They had to close it down to film there,

so they might as well put that in the script. Not only is it closed, but they're having a birthday party on an island in the middle of it that you can't get to

because all the boats have broken. It's like, I love it. Netflix is going to go, why on Sunday, January, whatever tomorrow is, did everybody want to rent

this movie? Dude, you have to get high and watch it. It is amazing. Everyone wants to see it now, right? It's crazy. It is fucking amazing. Get high and just go like, what? Is this like Earth 23? What is happening? Oh, I should just quickly mention, because I want to mention this on every podcast

until I can make it happen. This year, I want John Lithgow to be on my podcast. Oh, yeah. Because he was one of the living stars from the movie 2010. Yes. And I want to talk to him about how, you know, how 2010 matches up to...

From that movie? Yes. Well, how many times did you see it? Once, but I remember this distinctly. Okay. This is Dana Gould. This is John Lithgow

looking at Jupiter at the end of 2010. It's melting! I'm going to assume that was a good impression. That was the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. That's what that was.

At the end of 2010 when Jupiter implodes Ark. That's what that was. At the end of 2010, when Jupiter implodes upon itself and a bunch of monoliths begin to spin out of it. I'm sleeping! But that's awesome. Yeah, so I want to get him on the show. So if anybody has access to John Lithgow, please make it happen.

A very underrated movie this year, also dictated by the fact that, like you, most of the times I go to the movies,, please make it happen. A very underrated movie this year, also dictated by the fact that, like you, most of the times I go to the movies it's with my kids. Coraline. I love Coraline. Great movie. It's fantastic. I heard it was especially amazing in 3D. I heard the 3D was particularly

good. You can buy the Blu-ray in 3D. They give you glasses and everything. Wow! Wow, so I got... Will it work if I don't have a Blu-ray machine? Or any interest in seeing Coraline? Those are great questions. Let me write to the manufacturer. We're having a hard time targeting this demographic.

What, the people that don't want to come to the movie specifically? It's all four quadrants. I love it. I'll tell you what I actually loved, and I know a lot of people didn't, was A Serious Man, the Coen Brothers movie. That was fantastic. Isn't that great?

People are over the moon about that movie. That's better than Up in the Air, actually. A lot of my friends who, well, in fairness, most of them are members of the Klan, did not like that movie. The Klan of the Cave Bear? Different Klan. It's a movie, for those of you who haven't seen it, about Jewish life in the 70s? Late 60s, early 70s.

Late 70s, early 93s. And I'm Jewish myself and didn't want to see it it's not now it doesn't take place now I'm not Jewish and I enjoyed it completely I'm sure there were jokes I missed even though it was set in the

whatever you say Dana Goldstein Dana Gold changed it for self-business Goldbergman Steinman I think even though it was set in the 50s or the 60s I think it transcends that

because it tells you that Jews are disgusting in any age let's be clear that was Scott Aukerman host of Comedy Death Radio coming up right after this what kind of name is Aukerman yeah Comedy Death Radio. Coming up right after this.

What kind of name is Aukermann? Yeah. Spoken like a true German. Excuse me, my tall, blonde, blue-eyed friend. What kind of name is Aukermann? He's not a Jew. He's Jewish. Best performance for vermin in a movie this year.

Serious man. Speaking of which, Inglourious Bastards. Yes! Also excellent. Number two. Excellent film. Number two. It's my number two. And it's only my number two because Hurt Locker is number one because it's like, there's

nothing I would change about Hurt Locker. And Inglourious Bastards is number two because there's a lot of stuff I would change about. But it's still so overpoweringly good. It's amazing. That's part of what fascinates me about Quentin Tarantino now, is that he's willing to piss me off for extended periods of time in every movie that he makes. He won't make something that from beginning to end I go, okay, I'm fine, that was really well done.

There's always something that makes me go, what the fuck is that doing in there? It amazes me that you take it so personally. Yeah. Why is Quentin doing this to me? Why is he doing this to me? Why is he making an audio commentary? I've heard the expression, you know, enough that you listen to

three hours of him saying, you know, in front of everything he says. You know, you don't have to watch the audio commentary. You can just go to the movie and they don't have that on. Well, of course I don't have to watch the audio commentary. If you want to get technical. I don't have to listen to it either, but I'm fascinated by those because they're such a... Especially, have you ever listened to a Michael Bay commentary?

Surprisingly, no. His movies are great and they were well received when he does his commentary. Everything he did was like oh, that worked out perfectly I've never watched a Michael Bay movie with a commentary on because I know at one point I'm going to be dying and I'm going to be on the deathbed thinking of all

the time I threw away in my life and I don't want like, oh like all those fucking Michael Bay commentaries. Get me that time back. District 9 I really enjoyed. Oh, District 9 was good. I liked the first five minutes, but then it totally sold out.

Who is that character? That's my extrapolation of the ultimate version of that probably very intelligent, reasonable woman in the back you've been extrapolated bitch I've taken her

I've extrapolated made her into a one dimensional caricature and now I'm making fun of that I love it. So my apologies to the person.

No, no. She's taking it great. He's really cool with it. You are my enemy. Doug, you said you didn't see Precious? I have not. I have yet to pull that trigger. Based on the novel Pushed by Sapphire, of course.

Yeah, well, that's the other thing. I won't see it in the theater because I can't talk that long when buying a ticket. I like one for Precious based on the novel Pushed by Sapphire. And then the woman in the counter invariably, what? Do you remember, Doug, how, I believe it was we had this game when we used to see movies of you would just say one word in the title. Yeah, you always try to make them

have to think about what they're doing because they never do when they're selling tickets to movies. So say it was cloudy with a chance of meatballs, you would say I like to take it for a whiz. Chance. And watch them go, okay, chance. And watch them go, okay, chance. Oh yeah,

okay. And usually 90% of the time you would get your ticket. So if you were going to go see Taken, for example, yes, which word would you choose? Microphone down. I'd like a ticket please

Oh well played Well played I still can't get over And I probably already brought this I probably already brought this up On a previous podcast But in the trailer for Taken That movie is awesome

It's really It's crazy great And Liam Neeson Now that his nice Wonderful wife Has passed away He's only gonna be more like that in all of his movies from now on.

He's just going to be in movies where he kicks fucking ass. It's going to be amazing. You probably don't know this, but my wife has died. So I'm now going to follow you to another country and somehow miraculously find you in that country. It might take three or four hours.

But then, despite your... It will be a busy afternoon when I come and find you. I will use my bullet-dodging abilities to kill you with my shoe. And I won't be happy when I find you because I will have skipped my nap that day. So,

taken in the trailer, I just love that the girl, he goes, get under the bed, and the girl crawls under the bed, and he goes, okay, now you're going to be taken. It's like, really? Let her be comfortable. Come on! Why did I get her under the bed to be taken?

Why don't I just wait and be taken? Let her sit in a nice, easy chair or something. Sit in the corner of the room. Cry to yourself. Because you're about to be taken. Instead it's like he thinks he's giving her a chance. Get her to the bed. Oh, great idea, dad. You're going to be taken.

Why am I to the bed? Why did you tell me to go to the open door? Because then you wouldn't be taken. Whose side are you on? Shit, you're right. That was not one of my special skills. I've been trained to support the premise of this movie. Okay, so it's time to play the Leonard Maltin game.

Oh my god. Now, there's an occasional detractor to the Leonard Maltin game. There's an occasional person that writes to me, I don't like your stupid games. So if you're here tonight, applaud if you do not like the Leonard Maltin game. That's the point I'm trying to make. Defeating silence. That's what I'm trying to say.

The people that are the diehard fans, they like it, and I'm going to keep doing it, and don't... Don't tell me not to! don't tell me not to. If you tell me not to, the next words out of my mouth are, okay, get under the bed. All right, so let's get some, I've got to move around a little bit here. Hopefully I'm not attached to this thing. All right, good. Here we go.

Let's get some, Scott and Dana and Michael be playing for some people in the crowd. It's always people up close that got here early. Would you like somebody to play for you? Please. Alright, what's your name? Delaney. Delaney, alright. You know what? I'm going to move on to someone who has a real name.

I have to play for her. Delaney, do you mind if Dana plays for you? No, go ahead. You know why? Dana's going to play for her. Delaney, do you mind if Dana plays for you? No, go ahead. You know why? No, go ahead. Oh, Dana Delaney, I like that. Who supposedly only wipes her ass with wet naps.

Interesting little factoid about Dana Delaney. I love that. That was the tech person's one request does no one drop that mic? And only that one. Don't drop that microphone, whatever you do. I'll do it. That's the Radio Shack non-dropper.

What's your name, dude? John. John, I saw you outside in the line early and appreciate you coming out. And who would you like to play for you? Michael Ian Black. You got it. All right, sorry, Scott.

Guy has no confidence in you. And rightfully so. And let's have this lady with the tea cake. Doug, I hope you're kidding when you say that. She has a shirt on that says tea cake bake shop. So pardon me if I'm distracted. I broke a lot of wheat. What's your name?

Anna. Anna, and you, so Scott's going to play for you, I'm sorry. Sorry, so Scott's playing for Anna. If Scott wins, he'll receive a dozen fancy cakes. Dana, Dana is playing,

I mean, Mr. Burns is playing for, for Delaney. Don't cross her. And Michael is playing for Delaney. Don't cross her. And Michael is playing for John. People say I smoke a lot of weed. All right, but I won't remember again, so you guys keep track of that shit. I've got to go to the Leonard Maltin app on my phone,

and I will proceed to tell you that the theme for today's Leonard Maltin game is motion pictures that take place in San Francisco. I know how to suck up to a specific audience. And there are quite a few. I can only think of inner space. Please! I beg of you not to name movies! That was good, though. That wasn't one that...

Do you think it takes place in San Francisco because of that one scene where Dennis Quaid is running around with a sheet around his waist on a very hilly street? Yeah. Yeah, because I don't remember... Because it's in San Francisco, that hilly street. Yeah.

Unless it was the Detroit Transamerica Pyramid in North Beach. But most San Francisco-based movies have a chase scene, and Innerspace didn't really have a scene of cars flying off of the... I get how the chase scene is. Oh, Meg Ryan.

Then again, so did Russell Crowe and Dennis Quaid. Meet me in the attic! I would so drop this mic again if I was told not to. All right. Let's start with Michael who is playing for... John. I was going to know it.

All right, Michael. On this particular... Let's pick a year and we'll decide which movie we're going to play. What do you prefer? 1982, 1978, or 1995? Five or six?

It's five. Go with the 90s. Okay, so 95. This is a motion picture from 1995. Thank you, Leonard Maldonab, for working in this bombshell of a club. Did I ever mention we're at the Punchline in San Francisco? I don't think I did. Yay!

I do not think I did. All right, so Leonard Maltin gave this movie two stars. And I'll give you a clue from the review. I'll give you a clue from the review. The movie includes an exciting SF car chase. And there are... Let's see here. Oh, mother fuck.

Movie artwork? I don't want to see that. That's unnecessary, Leonard. Who needs to see the artwork to decide? Just the description would be nice. Oh, the app is totally flipping out on me. If this is a movie with artwork, I definitely know what it is.

A lot of movies come out without posters, so you narrowed it down. All right, here we go. That's the clue, is that it's got a chase scene in it. And then the year is 1995. Takes place in San Francisco, and there are 12 names. How many names do you think you can get it in? 12. Michael Ian Black. He bits 12 names. Let's go to Dana Gould. How many names do you think you can get it in? 12. Michael Ian Black.

He bits 12 names. Let's go to Dana Gould. How many names do you think you can get in? Names of actors in the movie or names of... Yes, you've been on the show before and you've done quite well at this game. And we checked with you beforehand. Do you know how to play this?

I was conflating names with words. I'll go with four. Wow. See? Pretends to not know how it's played makes an evil bid. Scott Aukerman, you could win by telling him to name it.

You could do it in zero? Scott Aukerman could do it in zero names. So if Scott fails to do it in zero names, then Michael will win the point. It doesn't sound fair, but it is. What's that movie, Scott? Jade.

That's what it is! Holy shitfucker cockballs! Okay. Holy shitfucker cockballs. No names. Can you believe this bullshit? If I were you guys, I'd walk off the stage right now. I don't know. I'm impressed by him and depressed by him at the same time. That movie, of course, was directed by William Friedkin

and starred David Caruso. He played a character that was like, he wanted to solve crimes, but he's also a complete douchebag about it. And somebody must have watched Jade and went, let's make that a TV series. Linda Fiorentina was in it. Chaz Palminteri michael bain

richard creta kevin tige would have been the first name that guy's a great character actor he was awesome in roadhouse it's too soon yeah you know who's not good in Roadhouse? That guy who died a couple months ago That guy sucked Alright, here we go We have to do a movie about a bouncer The story must be told It can't just be a TV show It's gotta be up there on a big screen

Guys, be nice Okay, so Who got the point that time? Michael got the point, so we'll start with Dana Wait, why does Michael got the point that time? Michael got the point, so we'll start with Dana Wait, why does Michael get the point? Because you're a dick for knowing the answer You got it right This is a fucking crazy game

You got it right, well that's why I asked That's why I asked Alex Trebek doesn't ask because he knows I ask because you might have to help me out Alright, so Scott got the point. Michael is first. Here's your choices.

Because he's next in line. You don't get to go first because you got a point. You got to give the other dog a chance. What? He started. It was his turn. I started. Then it went to you.

You said four names. Then it went to you. I haven't done it yet. No, then he won. You said four names. Yes. Then he got it in zero. Yes. Now we're back over here. No.

Have you ever played this game before? You guys are obsessed with making this right. The prizes aren't that good. By your rules, it could always be Mike's turn We could be in a Mobius loop of Michael Ian Black Yeah yeah this thing is rigged Dana Also a euphemism Alright we'll start with Dana

I don't know why we're starting with Dana I'll go back I'll go back and look at the tape I don't know why we have to start with Dana We're not starting we've already started I know. It goes to this thing. That guy is so adamant about how my game is played.

I'm going to make him the host. He's furious about the Leno-Conan thing, too. He just has a sense of right and wrong. What's going on with those guys? Oh, yeah. Right and wrong. Okay. So, so Dana. Why Dana?

Now how did I become the Jay Leno of this game? I want everything. Yeah, if he's a regular guy, give me everything you have. Jesus. You greedy bastard. But, you know, in life now, I ask myself But you know in life now I ask myself You know WW

J J L D What would Jay Leno do? Oh I'll just take What I want Okay

WWJLT What would Jay Leno take? I'd love to order the JLT Sometime By the way Dana do you want a movie From 92 78 Jay Leno take. I'd love to order the JLT sometime, by the way. Dana, do you want a movie from 92, 78, or 83? I'll take 78.

I bet I know it already. Here we go. Oh, you do? All right. This movie got two and a half stars from Mr. Len Maltin. It takes place in San Francisco, as we've mentioned. And Leonard calls it Hitchcock Plagiarism Detract.

Yeah. If I ever meet Leonard Maltin, that's my first question. The fuck does that mean? Is he just doing a tone poem? He says a bunch of things and then he goes, and Hitchcock plagiarism detract.

Okay. That's an old macaroni and cheese flavor. I'm often detracted by plagiarism, especially when Hitchcock's involved. And there are... I can do it no names. Twelve names. And you say zero names. See? That's why I wanted to start with him. 12 names And you say zero names Right See that's why

I wanted Shane to start with him Alright No you can say zero Zero names Alright name it Dressed to Kill Oh That's an interesting guess

Especially considering It didn't take place In San Francisco Did it? Dressed to Kill? Is it the same director? I think they were in New York It's not Brian De Palma

No No then I'm wrong And I don't know if De Palma ever did a movie at San Francisco. Does anybody else know? Oh, Scarface. Scarface? So who gets the point then if he didn't get it? Yeah, don't look around, guy who's telling me how to do it.

They both get to guess, but it's the other point. They both get to guess? We've never done that before. Do you guys have a guess, either of you? I have no guess. No, they don't have a guess. We're through the looking glass, people! I think no one gets the point, right? Well, what you could do... You should get the point. I get the point, because I'm not going to get any fucking guess.

I'm taking the round with the ironfield. Dan Delaney's going to ruin everything. Does anybody in the audience know it? What is it? Foul play is right. anybody in the audience know it? What is it? Foul play. Foul play is right. Dude in the audience knew it. Foul play? Foul play, yeah.

They had that great chase scene where they're trying to save the Pope from getting assassinated during the opera. What does he mean by... What does he mean... Kojak Bang Bang. What was the last word

in the description? That's probably the worst part of that fucking movie. Detract? Yeah, detract. Meaning... It was a detract like like the whole time you're watching like god damn it i'm detract because this is just like a hitchcock movie like he thought it was too much like vertigo i guess what is it does it work because they have the same they show the same shot of the san francisco

bridge but i thought you know that guy colin guy Colin Higgins that made the movie, I thought he was interesting. He did 9 to 5. What a way to make a living. Harold and Maude. Harold and Maude was his first movie. And that was when Chevy Chase was like, he did it. He went to movie star with that one movie.

He was really great in that. All right. And Dudley Moore. We can blame Dudley Moore We can blame that movie We can blame that movie on Dudley Moore Too soon Clubfoot I'm still reeling From the casual dropping of the word detract

Yeah I'll talk to Leonard about that When we have a sit down That's going to be question number one Radiohead just released their detract And it was so good, you guys. I gave them $3,000 for it. It was pay what you want.

Okay, now it's Michael's turn. No, it's my turn. We're starting with Scott now. We're starting with Scott. Michael and Scott each have a point. First person to two wins. I want 92. You got it.

And I'm going to guess it in zero names because I have to go pee before my show. The Rock. The Rock was 1996 because that was another one I was going to do. It was 1992, buddy. I mean, I said that like that was the answer.

No, it's not The Rock. It's 1992. I picked a movie that takes place in San Francisco in 1992 called 1992. Nobody saw it. It's in my brain. No, it was... The answer was Basic Instinct.

Was in 1992. We could have played. Oh, well, I guess so. I'll happily take the point without playing. You're still going to play. No, that's the thing. Now, whichever one of you gets this next one, you'll win. That's the movie we're really looking at. Because'll happily take the point without playing. You're still going to play. No, that's the thing. Now, whichever one of you gets this next one, you'll win. That's the movie we're really into.

Because we've got to wrap this up. Sharon Stone has a flat black. Who's Scott playing for? Sorry, lady. I'll still take some tea cakes. Prepare to warm your fancy cakes. Okay, so which one of you wants to start it off? Because I don't know where we're at. It's on me. Okay, so which one do you want us to start it off? Because I don't know where we're at.

It's on me. Okay, it's on you. 72 or 93? 72. 72. I know it. I know it. Dana thinks he knows it,

but Michael's first. Good. No, I'm kidding. I don't know. This is from 1972. Is it still with the car chase? It's in San Francisco, so of course there's probably a car chase

and Leonard says let me pick out something that's a good clue but not a great clue he calls the lead actress in the movie impish

that was a horrible clue I can't wait till you guys hear what this movie is the lead actress is impish. Okay, she's kind of impish. What do you mean, how many stars?

Good question. How many stars? Three stars. You get mad at the audience member, but when it's a guest, it's only fair. And there are... ten names. Eleven names. There's eleven names.

It's hard to add them up fast I only get one bid Well you could start the bidding Dana seems like he already knows it And there's eleven There's eleven? No he just did this Eleven names yeah I can name it in fourteen

I will add names Because I know this movie so well I can give you I can give you the extra names Three words See he's being clever Saying three words from the title. No, go ahead. Because it's a three-word title.

That's not what I thought it was. Oh, good. I thought it was completely fucked up. Okay, let me give you guys another clue. First one who knows it, blurt it out. All right, here we go. Look for John Biner. Jesus.

When don't I? And Randy Quaid. The Lion King 2. At the hotel banquet. There's a scene with a hotel banquet featuring John Biner. Oh! And Randy Quaid. What's up, Doc? That's right! Dana Gould takes it. Isn't that funny

that he calls Barbra Streisand impish? Oh, she's so fucking impish in that movie. She's totally like a magical dwarf. And not a mule-faced so-and-so. Mule-faced so-and-so. Dana Gould, everybody. Congratulations, Dana.

Scott Ackerman is here. Tune in to the Scott Ackerman Comedy Death Ray podcast. Who was our winner? Who was Dana playing for? Dana was playing for Delaney, of course. Dana Delaney, you were so good on China Beach. Why can't you just wipe your butt with dry paper?

You win Doug Benson, Unbalanced Load, available on Comedy Central Records. You win Doug Benson, Professional Humoridian, available on AST Records. You win the motion Professional Humoridian, available at AST Records. You win the motion picture Super Jaime, available wherever CDs are sold. And you win a two-trunk-to-dweet shirt. It's an extra large, so you sleep in it because you're a sexy young lady. And thank you very much, Delaina. And thank you, Delaina.

Change your name to Delaina. It's easier for me to say. That's what I didn't cause everybody to be late. Oh, it's Delaina. Change your name to Delaina. It's easier for me to say. That's what I cause everybody to be late. Oh, it's Delaina again. We can't leave. And Mike Lee and Black, everybody. Dana Gould, Mike Lee and Black. Thank you, everybody. Scott Aukerman.

And really quick, really quick, really quick. Since you came in third place, you get to pick who the shithead is, so whisper it to me. Who the shithead is. Who? That's not nice. And as always, Michael Ian Black is a shithead.

What? What? Now it's time for Doug to watch another talkie. He's a bold, he's viewing prowess makes him cocky. There's no room in his heart for you. Because Doug loves boobies. Let's hear it for Doug Benson!